Watch What Crappens - RHOSLC: Tub Bad, So Sad

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season 4 premiere has arrived, and it is... AMAZING.  We lose our minds for this ridiculous and ridiculously hilarious episode.Watch the recap here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/88882999See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What Kids what happens when they're so out of rabbits So for you, I'm crap It's for when you don't lose your mind Kids what happens when they're so much in rabbits Hello and welcome to Watch Your Crappins, a podcast about all their crap on Brava that we just love to talk about I'm Ben Mandelker joining me today is the one and only Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Well, hello, Benoons. How are you feeling today, my little COVID, man? You know, I am, I'm enduring a pretty vicious sore throat

right now, but I'm hoping to get some packs of it. I have to get my official positive diagnosis. Fingers crossed, it'll happen during the recap. I took a PCR test yesterday, so we're gonna see, this will be very exciting for our podcast today. So I'm hoping this this worth what is vicious, almost as vicious as the words that are slung around on the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season premiere, season four that we watched. How are you doing? Well, I hope that Pax Lovett is as healing as a new season of Salt Lake City is to my soul.

Truly. I'm doing great. Last night we did crappy hour, which was technically a fucking disaster. Yeah, because this is watch it crapens and that's how we were We've been, we're trying all these new things and like testing different things and so we were doing all these tests while we did it. So we sure laughed, we sure had a really good time with you guys. So thank you for always being so patient with us and so supportive. I mean, what a fun time. We talked about Carl O'Linsey's breakup.

So hopefully we'll have that up. We do have some decent audio from it at least. So hopefully I'll be able to edit that up into an episode, like a little half hour extra for the week. But otherwise today I had to take my car in to get serviced and they give you a loner car, which is very exciting to me. Because I love to drive a new kind of car.

Like I don't care. It's like I love to go test drive. I'll go every place and test drive and see if they can talk me into it. So that's like my thing. So I got this on a car, it smells like Matt Lacka there. I literally smell like the old, whatever old man that that car has been marinating in, I smell like,

I think he died in the car. I think he died of choking on I think he died in the car. I think he died of choking on spice, old spice in the car. Oh no. And then evaporated into the seats and then I sat on it and now I smell like that. Now you take it on his soul. Take it on his essence. You're like a horror movie. Yeah, well, it probably smells like that in this room too because I'm stinky. And so I have my window open. So if there's a little fountain outside, so if people are hearing a little shhh in the background, that's a little water fountain outside.

So just pretend it's... Come on, dude. The whole audience is like, why do I have to pee right now? Why do I have to pee? Just use it to relax yourself. So anyway, yeah, so we did do crappy hour last night, which was a lot of fun despite various technical issues. And we are also on video at this moment.

You can catch our videos by going to patreon.com slash watch for crap and those are available there at the crap is on demand level. They eventually do wind up on YouTube, but for right now, but they always start off on patreon. And that's basically it. So let's dive into this season premiere, which I absolutely love. To me, this was like, I enjoyed last season.

There are a lot of people that did not. I enjoyed last season of Salt Lake City, but to me, this premiere picked up spiritually and like, totally were season two left off. This was to me, such a great season premiere. It was so campy, it was so ridiculous. It was so over the top and like I was laughing out loud so many times during this episode. It is truly like you said it was exactly what I needed. It was so funny and there couldn't really be anything gay or right them being a huge housewives fan.

I was traveling home. I was traveling from Palm Springs to Los Angeles to go see Beyonce, which I mean those are two pretty gay things, like going to Palm Springs, then traveling on the Flix bus is pretty gay to LA to see Beyonce. It's like the gayest pilgrimage, and I was taking notes on that whole bus right over of this show, literally, LOL. I had the gaiest time watching this shit. I was cracking up the fact that they put Bible verses in it. I mean, I think we should just start at the beginning

because there's so much going on. I don't even know that we need to encapsulate it. No, we don't. I just had to give. I just had to say I'm so excited. I'm so deeply excited by it. So it opens up. We see some really strong.

But isn't that nice? Isn't it like being in a marriage where you're like, oh my god, I can still get a bone or occasionally. It is, but it's not to say like I become a hater of the housewives or anything. I still obviously love doing what we do. We sit here and crack up every day, you know? But there are times where, especially with the fandom,

I look at comments of comments and so you know Even right now like with us. We've got in lantern. We've got New York two things We're about to say highly and you know, it's not like this sucks now But there is a feeling of like oh my god, you know, it's our marriage ending like is this the beginning of the year? It's because I got a muffin top like what should I do? Should I like to have an affair? Should I start watching another channel? Like, as TLC is still available? What's happening? And then this show comes on and I'm like, yeah, I can still get a blown air. We're going to be together another 10 years, prepared the time and time anniversary kids.

Yeah, I was feeling that way too. I was by the way, for some reason, my skin is super orange on the camera today. I don't know why. I look like someone who, I look like someone who's like a season two cast member of Summer House who's just like attacked by Prif. I don't know why it's doing this. But I was like that too, because I was like, God, I kind of felt bad after recording New York and Atlantic.

I felt like God, I was just so down on these shows. I feel like it's like that's, I felt shitty about that. And I was like, you know what, am I out of step with what, like what it's like to watch housewives shows? Like am I, am I now becoming a crusty, a crusty old man who's like,

this is how I like my shows and that's the way it's gonna be and like the moment has moved and changed and I am not adapting. But then Salt Lake City comes around and I'm like, no, no, this is how it's done. And I'm right. This is how it's done.

Period. Period. Period. This is how it's supposed to be done. Period. They got it right. They got it. So we start with some stormy weather.

And then all of a sudden we see that we're in Bermuda, and it's May 10th, 2023, and there's a camera on the floor. And it's like, it's, they're not really shooting or something, but we see like someone's feet, you know, it's like cameras are sort of like literally down at the moment. But we say guy in Bermuda shorts in like the cameras on the ground. And we see a guy in Bermuda shorts because they're like, oh, don't worry, don't worry. Housewives, the camerasermuda. The cameras on the ground. And we see a guy in Bermuda shorts because they're like, oh, don't worry, don't worry. Housewives, the cameras are down.

They're on the ground. Surely we're not recording you, which still on these shows nobody has learned that they're still recording you. That's what I mean. You know what I mean. And so we also get the CSI typing on the screen, which I love, and they use that effect.

Because this show does it all the time. I'd be like, tt-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do And it's also the community theater of Housewives. So they will use any free trick in the back. Or Fox. OK, so yes, they'll use a free, that's what I'm saying, like the final cut title generator. It's like literally like the CSI straight from the final cut, which I love either the eye movie or whatever.

These titles are native to final cut. So I think we should use them. Should be like Starwipes. The check of board transition. Yeah. So, yeah, the camera's on the ground, and we hear Heather, we hear Heather Gay's black eye saying, hey, did you find out? Are you kidding me right now? Just shout out the fuck up.

I'm like trembling. I'm like trembling. I cannot believe it. How could she do this to us? And then the producers, of course, they're listening in. They go barging in with the cameras. They act like they are escaping someone from a heart attack. They go barge into that room and Heather's like, you guys know, no, seriously, no, no, no.

And then we hear her voice go, how did we fall for it? I don't know who to trust anymore, more, more, more. I am freaking out. And then we get the dramatic, Trixi, Modern Clack will choir coming in, and they're doing like, really dramatic. This was CSI music, like, I don't know how to explain it, but it's like, he, hee hee hee hee hee ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho like there is no other real housewives theme song that is as like campy and over the top

as the Salt Lake City one, because you look at like, I mean, Orange County has the horror movie, which now has the most sick remix, like I literally every single time, tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt and other ones are sort of like jazzy, but this one's like, jinnin'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in'in I would like the thing that the music for this show is me coming out of the birth canal. Like, I'm just like, really, this is it. You just see me like, I can't believe she could do this to us. So, whatever lines are in this.

I can't believe it was her that whole time. I don't know who to trust. So then we have this amazing, ridiculous intro thing where it's like, it's like cross walking. And so you have Whitney walking across the street all like fully glammed up and she's walking across the street, street slowly. And we just hear her voice saying, it is not an enemy that tunts me, me, me, me.

And she walks across slowly, but then as she crossed the street, as she peaked, it's like super slow, most I just have to set this. Whitney, slow motion, full Marilyn Monroe in front of a temple and a bus. And then it just like slows as they pass the camera slow she's wearing pink fur terrible plastic extensions I mean these are terrible these

are worse than like nativity scene Jesus cradle hay like these are bad and sunglasses and then it sets on the screen Psalm 55 so she's done some bibles us. It is not an enemy that times me. Instead, it is you. And then Heather passes her in the crosswalk and as they pass each other, go slow-mo again. And Heather is in a limo and she's looking out the window at Whitney. Like, ew, Whitney's using Psalms. Gross!, worst Bible chapter ever. And then she completes the Psalm by saying, my equal, my companion, my close friend. And she has her son glasses on.

It's like they're like assassins in some sort of like political spy thriller, you know? So then we go, but then you're like, oh my God, I'm like, this is already amazing. I'm already like, I was watching this on an airplane and I was already like losing my mind. And then the go, but then you're like, oh my God, I'm like, this is already amazing. I'm already like, I was watching this on an airplane, I was already like losing my mind. And then the next one, the next one, the next one,

the next one, the next one, the next one, the next one. They're going crazy. And they're walking on like a very standard city street, but there's like, but the real fun, there's flyers. And so then we cut to even better, we cut to Angie, Angie Kaye, who has graduated full-time status.

And she is walking this enormous poodle, and she's wearing fur, and she's wearing fur, and this whole look, and she's walking by a row of bird scooters. And she's... A silver suit, a floor-length fur, a stupid giant poodle, Okay. That's dyed pink. There's like an office max in the background.

She's actually walking down the shons of the day. Okay, so then this is also where it killed me because then we see that they're at the mall. Okay, they're at an outdoor mall. They're just they're doing this whole slow motion and then behind them is like shoe palace. Yeah. And so then she starts reading her songs. Like put no trust in a 7.5 just in case anybody's following along at home. Okay. I don't even know there was a Micah. Is that a book of Mormon thing? But it's Micah. 7.5 put no trust in a neighbor, have no confidence in a friend.

And as she walks by, then we can see Meredith Marx sitting at a generic outdoor public fountain. You know, like not like a nice one. This is not like the Spanish fountain, this, or whatever it's called, whatever. It's not like the fountain room. This is just like some civic planning, like a generic square thing.

And she's sitting there reading like a newspaper or something like that And she's got like a big her big faux feather fur kind of thing and she got giant sunglasses on and she's in pants and she puts it down Garn the doors of your mouth from her and please don't be mean to my toddler and please don't be mean to my toddler. God, the doors of your mouth from her. What the fuck does that mean? Guard the door, you know the Bible just needs to be rewritten in plain English. Like, are you just trying to say,

don't trust the bitch? Can you just say that? Because guard the doors of your mouth from her. What is she gonna come into my mouth? What's she gonna do in my mouth? She's not like my dental assistant. Like, what are you saying, God? Tell me Joseph Smith, what are you saying? Oh, I'm saying yes. Don't give away those Utah jastic. It's so easily. God, you're mouth from her. So then we see Lisa Barlow walking

in silver and right for all so also and she's wearing pink sunglasses And I just bought the sunglasses and Palm Springs that was my backpack here because I was shown to you guys Because seriously I do and then Lisa Barlow's like And she's walking in front of a store called blue lemon and and then Which I don't know why I was just like funny to me. I don't know what blue lemon is. Is that like blue lemon? of a store called Blue Lemon. And then, whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo which I don't know why that was just like funny to me. I don't know what Blue Lemon is.

Is that like Blue Lemon? Is I'm not sure. But. Blue Lemon, throw it out. You know, lemons are tricky. You never know when a lemon's bad. Sometimes they turn into little rocks and then sometimes you pick them up

and they're blue on the bottom. Maybe that's what it meant. I don't know, it's all biblical, it's confusing. It is very confusing. So then we have the new girl Monica who... Peter, five, eight. She goes, she goes, because I'm sorry, I just burped into the microphone, I have rude.

So Lisa says, your enemy, the devil, and then she goes, crowds, I can't even do her voice because my entire voice area is all fucked up right now, but she's like, crowds around, oh looking for someone to devour. Oh. Oh. And by the way, she says this,

as she says this, as she very slowly passes desert books. I'm bad. I'm like literally bad. I was like waiting for them to like, someone to have a sloma walk out of a jambajus. It was just where is the synabon? Like you guys are really leaving out all the best stories. Especially like who doesn't want to synabon with the little Psalms. Right.

So then Heather's voiceover is Proverbs 9.19.5. She's like, he who freets out lies shall not escape. I was like, oh my God, Proverbs 19.5, the first escape room. This is biblical. And then we see a close-up of a cross on top of a church. And Heather says, you're not going to be able to talk your way out of this. And then everyone's yelling at each other and clips, clips, clips. And then Meredith, Bobbleheading, goes, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And then Bob's, it's replaced by a crucifix and then wolves come behind and roll a stone from behind a cave and out comes Jesus. I was like, yes, this is the opening we've been waiting for. It is literally so good. I don't even know how to, like I don't even know how to even express how good it is. So we're raised, Ben and I, we are raised in two different religions, right? Ben is Jewish, I was raised aboard again, Christian. But we still have the same first book in common, which is the Old Testament or Ben has been caused at the only fucking book I ever had to read because you all had to make it so difficult

with your extra 80-challenge. I'm not into these rules. But one thing both of us, both of our religions have in common is that we are always waiting for him to come, right, the Son of God. We think the Christians think, well, everybody knows us. I'm explaining like fundamental religion, but Christians believe Jesus is going to come back because he's already been here. Jewish people are just waiting for Jesus in the first place, right?

Okay. So at least that's how I am sure. Sure. Sure. I just was watching this and I was like, Jesus is about to walk out of shoe palace. Like this is how good this is. Like all these thousands of years, everybody's been waiting. And here comes Jesus. Just like, I'm here, bitches. And no one's going gonna fuck with Meredith Marx's bathtub. Got it! This was, it was so great.

So now we go four months earlier, it's snowing and intern that they put up on the mic in the post-production booth so we hear this is could the could the choir give us some news music it's like this is KSL news radio reporting back from Port Park City from Sundance which is back again finally in 2023 signing. I'm Fran Brather. This is Dre signing off from KSL. It's like, Dre, wait a minute. Dre just does every job. Yeah, there's Dre.

Heather's like, listen, I got you a Range Rover. You're gonna play a radio announcer today. That's it. Tomorrow you're gonna be the choir director of the gay bear choir. So please, like, oh, Sundance is back and you're doing so good baby. You're doing so good. It's like wait coach Shaw This is what you're doing now Doing the news

So Lisa Barlow is doing her Sundance things like okay you guys we have already managed to change the space of our Let's start dropping tables moving saving carpet carpet, carpet, carpet, lighting, lighting. Window, window, wind, fries at the window, fries up at the window. I'm the queen of Sundance. Yeah, there's a reason they call me Sundance queen. Not many people can throw these huge parties on such a small timeline and execute them to perfection like I do. I'm like...

86th of Cher. Left of Cher's and 80th. Let to perfection like I do. I'm like... 86th of Cher. Left of Cher's and 86th of Cher's. Left of the High Boys. Left of the 7080 Air Conditioner and 36th of J-Lo. I just wanted to say J-Lo, a quinoa of Sundance. Yeah, I'll be gone a lot of High Boys. 86th of Cher's and give me more High Boys. Commissions.

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Enjoy over my dead body, gone hunting on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of over my dead body early and add free on Wondry Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondry.com slash plus. So it seems like I've been doing sundowns for a part 10 years and how sighting done, how sighting done. I was like, are you calling it house lighting and a wing stop? I don't think we call it house lighting here. I think that's just called the lights.

Yeah, she's like, okay, well, now that I've really spift up this subway sandwich shop, I'm going to go and get into a car with John. So she gets in the car with John. She's like, oh my gosh, today's been insane. Last night, it was like nice to get in by two, but like honestly, this morning I thought I had an easy morning, but literally there's like so much going on. Oh, and by the way, Henry has a birthday party next Saturday. Oh, and I think I heard this thing with like me and it's hard with this thing with me and Sundance because I just feel like Harble. I feel like I'm like missing my kids kids. Oh hold on. I got a text. Oh, I got a group on. Oh, you know what's hard Is that in Sundance? You can't always have time to use your group on some. Oh, I got something from living social and still around

Oh, something from Henry. He's in the hospital. Oh, I got a group on wow I'm for a job. It's just sitting there like Like he's trying to answer every single thing in this kind of thing. John, do you have to think about the chairs that I eighty-sacks? Did you? I did, sax, sax, sax, sax. And John's just like uh

Oh yeah, oh my kids are leaving. I'm so bad. My kids are leaving. This is jock, same year here. And I want to be a survive person. And I know this time, I know I want to cry. Wait, hold on. John, open the window. I have to be surprised. I know this time. I know I want to cry. Wait hold on John open the window. I have to cry Hold on I got an email. I got an email. Oh wait a second. It's been it's been so John's like well

Listen, we'll always have them and but he's ready to fly the coop Yeah, but with him just telling you three weeks ago that he decided to go on a mission instead of college And I'm like I'm not gonna see it for like two years. Oh, hold on one second, I got a text message. Okay. Okay. All right, it's great. It's an offer.

It's an offer, two for one at Wendy's tomorrow. It's an offer, John. I've had a month ago, Jack and I got into at home because I wanted to see two essays for school that he was up behind to and he sits down next to me and then he just starts, huh? Hold on, because someone up in the window, huh? Okay, I got it out.

He told me that he wants to go on a mission. He said, Mom, I'm going on a mission and I said instead of Taco Bell and he said no mom not mission tortillas mission A mission is devoting two years of your life Deserving others and finding Diet Coke in all different communities of the world and teaching people about Jesus Christ and Taco Bell So drive to give you up two years of his life Tell everyone but himself oh two years of his life. Top everyone, but himself.

Uh, uh. Oh, okay, okay. First of all, I love that Lisa Barlow is sobbing that her child actually wants to go serve the religion that she's raised him in. Like Lisa joined that religion for contacts to sell tequila too. She's like, who, who has an untapped market?

Mormons don't drink, let's bring Tiki, let's see the Mormons. Like that was her brilliant idea to go in. Sell booze to people who don't drink face. It's actually quite brilliant. It's like Lisa Barlow starring in Snowfall in Utah, bringing crack to the streets, okay? So I support that. But then she actually has to put her children

through the Mormon Rigamarole, and now her kid is actually wanting to go on mission. But he doesn't really want to go on mission because he cares about religion either. That kid's a douchebag. Do you remember last year when he was like, I want to get a fucking white lotus car. What are those cars called?

That are like a million dollars. A lotus, yeah? Oh, I've heard of a white lotus car when you honk its horn and goes, ah! I love it. Oh, I love it. I'm like a billionaire already cuz I fresh wealth So now he just thinks he's gonna go get asked all over wherever they do their mission. So listen as long according to porn happens Listen as long as there's a supercuts. I'm down for his mission. Okay, let's okay Let's be happy to stop normalizing teenage boy Puffy bangs, okay, so it's still going it's never gonna end

It's never going to end so It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right?

It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right? It's still going, right?

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Her tears just immediately drop. Oh my God. That's pretty funny. So then we go to John. Well, John's like, because the scene keeps going because John's like, well, Lisa, I keep reminding you, wherever you when you were 17? In college, in New York City, at the limelight. And she's like, yeah, you weren't hanging out with your parents,

you were begging for your parents to hang out with you. And she's like, yeah, but the hardest part, is that like Jack hit this from us? And like, I'm like, why don't you tell us and he literally said, because you and Dad are different from me. And I'm like, I've been raising you to love God and Christ your whole life. Like, how are we different? And he's like, I'm just not like you and dad are different from me and I'm like I've been raising you to love God and Christ your whole life Like how are we different and he's like I'm just not like you and dad and it hurts it hurts

It hurts so much how does that go hold on one second oh My God diet coke six packs on sale at shop right $35 for two hundred of them, but going to shop right. I love that this kid is playing holier than that with them and gilting them. He's like, you guys are sinners, you just don't understand. You little fuck, listen here, you little fuck, okay? You don't wanna go to college

because your parents just handed you a business that you didn't earn at two young of an age, Fudge College, we all remember Fudge College, honestly. This is just your get out of going to college card. We all know it. You have no plans to go to college. You're gonna sit there and suck up that fresh wolf money. And now you're gonna try and guilt your parents

because they're godless. I have to hand it to you. You're a lot smarter than you look. You're a lot smarter than your bangs lead me to believe you are, well played child. She's gonna come out with a bang. Lisa's a lot smarter than your bangs lead me to believe who you are. Well played child. She's gonna come out with it. Lisa's gonna come out with the bangs and she's gonna be like, see where exactly I like Jack. We're not different. I mean you did my bad mom. Am I not present enough? How did I miss this?

You didn't miss it. He told you last year he doesn't want to go to college. You said no. So now he's making up some other bullshit. You didn't miss it. He told you last year he doesn't want to go to college. You said no So now he's making up some other bullshit. You didn't miss it. He's playing you girl and he's playing you very well Meanwhile, she doesn't care. It's like bloop. Oh my god. I got a comment on my sub sack about how coke zero is just a lie I did really all about that cook kind of son-dad Yeah, so now we go now we go to Heather and she's shoveling snow in front of her new, enormous house, which looks sort of like a public building. It sort of looks like a town library, but it's her house.

And she's like, I feel like that's how houses in neighborhood in Salt Lake City look. They just all look like, am I going to a dinner party? Am I gonna go be converted to a religion or am I going to take a check out of Wells Fargo? Am I going to my friend's house for a coffee? Or am I about to hear a lecture about the history of this neighborhood

from a little lady? So, it's like, yeah, I'm like model home. So yeah, there's like, I've been living in the same house since I moved to Utah 20 years ago. It's the house I raised my kids in. It's the house I lived in with my husband. It's the house where I became a good time girl and even after the divorce I stayed there so it would be consistent with my kids and wouldn't disturb their lives.

But now that I've released my book and the book has made the New York Times best-star list, I'm rich! I'm fucking rich so I'm'm gonna move into a library and call it my home. She also opened that second beauty lab, and let me tell you something that's not ever going out of style. Putting shit into your face. Yeah, okay. Talk about the new crack.

Talk about bringing crack to Salt Lake City. I mean, we've got two drug dealers on this show. We've got Lisa Barlow bringing booze to the Mormons, and we've got Heather bringing face crack to older white ladies in SLC, you know? Or, you know, the gays as well. I'm never stopping. I can't believe we didn't go there.

We never stopped. How do we not go to Beauty Lab when we went to Salt Lake City? That was such a mistake of ours. How do we not figure that out? Because we were there for like one second. We were there for a second. We were there for a second. We landed that morning. You know, we landed like one second. We were there for a second. We were there for a second. We landed that morning.

We landed like 1 p.m. and then our show is at like a sound check was at like at 6 p.m. So we didn't have time, but yeah. We're out the next morning. So, but we will next time. Damn it. Sure will. So she talks about her second beauty lab

and it's been a transformative year and she's gonna venture out. She's gonna be brave. She's gonna start a new life so she bought a new house. Right down the block from her other house. Yes. So Meredith drives up. You want the honk, I'm right here Meredith.

Drive my new 2023 White Lombos. So she's like, I mean, are you seriously doing the shoveling right now? And there's like, yeah, here's a shovel and some merits are like, wow, this sounds like a lot of fun I tell you. I'm wild and wacky. Most of us are snow-loom-o-serm-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom looks absolutely amazing. I mean, she looks like a child now. She is reverse aging. I mean, wow. I don't know.

Listen, I've never seen work back then. Because it doesn't look like work either. She doesn't have crazy face. No, but she really looks sensational. How does she do that? Who is she murdering? I know. I know they're stem cells.

And can I get some? Can you pass it over? Wow, she really looks great. So she goes, so Meredith is like, what I think she's doing, I'm sorry to interrupt you. No, I just came up with a theory. I think she's slowly eating away her underarms. I think she's like laying in bed

and I think she like reaches for her underarm skin and she just takes like small bites out of it and then that whatever that flesh is regenerates because her face is always gorgeous and we've never seen her arms like I think this is four seasons and we've never seen her arms. She's always in big giant feathers. I think she's eating her underarm skin. She probably has flabby anti-arms that she eats a little bit of every night to stay young. So it's like out with the vampire facial and with the zombie zombie. Yes, right. Yeah, zombie rejuvenation. I love it. Why not?

So Meredith is like she's trying to shovel but she's kind of hacking at the snow with her shovel and she's like, oh, I actually enjoy an ice pick and this isn't that different. It's a great way to get a brush now. And the producer is like, the producer is like, how often do you use an ice pick? And she's, and then Heather goes, does Seth Marx know, Meredith Marx, a weapon of choice, is an ice pick? Basic, basic instinct, which I wasn't allowed to watch. My husband would allow me to watch it.

Hold on, I'm a sack in the tank now. I want me on cross my wings from the cross my- Wait a minute, is that a feather boa between your wings? We're family. Is that a- I'm really into father. Is that a white bean salad on there? That's my family's favorite.

So I married this one. Marith is like, wow, you are my first New York Times best seller friend. Congratulations. I also befriended Lala Kent from Van Opomprules, but unfortunately she's not a New York Times best seller. Just kidding, I don't know the bitch. So then Heather's like, well, I guess I'm officially

a hobnobber then. I'm like, no, Heather, you're the one that's, no, you're the one that gets hobnob too. You know, you don't have to be a hobnob. She has such a inferiority complex. Well, I think it's like, I don't believe that it's really, and I think it's like a superior, I think it's mixed with superiority. It's like in I don't believe that it's really, and I think it's like a superior, I think it's mixed with superiority.

It's like in superior, superior, I don't know what you would call it. How would you mix those two things together? Is it like false humility? Maybe. Because at one minute, she's like, oh, people love my book. They're all reading my book, you know? And then the next minute, she's like,

I'm just so lucky that I even got a tie-brother. I can't believe they would let a girl who's been bullied like me get a tie-printer. Yeah, so she talks about how it was well received, but it got back last from the church. And she goes, you know, I didn't write a book called Bad Mormon and put my face on it without anticipating follow, but in addition to that, I'm under scrutiny because I've been friends with someone who went to prison. I had an unexplainable black eye. I wore something crazy on my girls' trip interview segments. I've learned that hate is always going to come, but right now I'm just trying to

block out the haters and for the first time in my life live authentically in a public library. Do you need 20s or 5s? I can do either. I can really do either. My sister was Fargo in town. Um, so this whole like blowback because you've been friends with someone who went to prison, your whole religion follows somebody who went to prison. Joseph Smith, guess how I know that? Because there were 97 shows about Mormonism last year that came out all around the same time. I know all about you religion, all right.

I know all about Joseph Smith and his little trips to prison for wanting multiple wives because he got bored at home. All right. So then we're just like, I'm good. So what are you up to, girl? And how they're like, well, I just see what it means. I'm like, oh, the first month, I'm holding on a second. Let me do a little arm stretch.

Are there feathers coming out of your armpits? I'm really into father or still. Hold on a second. Do you have anything to eat, hold on. Oh my God. So I was like, yeah, it's the first time we've spoken anything, and my mouth was like, wow. So now we go one day earlier.

One day, literally, don't even have to talk about what's happening in this stupid show. They just thought it was too marative to laugh a lot, and I'll be happy. So a day earlier Heather goes, obviously everyone had a tough year, but I think no doubt it was toughest for us. We had the most collateral damage, and when he just tears at her, do I have to describe what collateral means? I can think I can see a blank fear. Do I have to put my house up for this loan again?

Is this because- It's my cousin. It's my cousin. It's my cousin hide with me. Did you break my collateral DVD? No, I- I didn't, I didn't even know you had that on DVD. It's a great movie, but I'm surprised you still have a DVD of it. Well, honestly, I don't know what you're saying.

And Heather's like, what I'm saying is we lost our relationships somewhere along the line, and I just want to move forward on a path, being friends. And Whitney to say, well, honesty, it's going to be hard for me to trust you that you really want to be my friend. We just really need to try to show each other Mine. That one gave me mine. So Heather, Heather thought they just let Whitney try. Don't like let Whitney talk more. Let's just see if she can finish the sentence.

Cause Whitney does talk a lot more in this one. And she actually sounds slightly different this season. Yeah, she does. So, um, so Heather thought it was like she'd, Heather felt like it was, went more positively than she thought it would. And now she wants to have an event with everyone. So she, they can see everyone face to face and have a spirit of friendship and fresh start. And like, Mimosas, in America, is like, well, my muscles are positive. Brunches, pants, and if I like where this is going, can I bring an angspick and Heather's like,

I just want to embrace positive experiences that build trust because I want to feel safe around Whitney again and Meredith is like, well I hear you because I don't either, I don't feel safe around her either now and she has really gotten under what's left of my skin Donk Then we get this weird sound effect that just goes donk

And how there's like more than usual you mean? It's like I mean she's in the price And she sings a whole thing about me about me and how me and Seth Taking a bath is crazy and filled with bacteria or DNA or whatever she's talking about. There's like what? She goes, yeah, about a week and a half ago. Wait, hold on. Could you have Drey do that new, that news music? Drey, do the news music again. About a week and half a row when they did an interview with New York Post and she said, you won't see me slipping into the bathtub as a wild rose beauty prefers making dinner

for her man and doing the sewing. And she actually doesn't imitation of Whitman. And it's so good and she's like and then she says it creeps me out To get in the bubble bath with someone else like to me a bath is for me Finding an article she wants read about how much DNA is in a bathtub Let the record show. I would like to ask the good people of the drawing, how much DNA do you think is in our hot tub?

Because my bathtub is cleaned by my housekeeper every single day. That's right, my housekeeper wakes up, cleans that bathtub, goes to sleep, wakes up again, and cleans the bathtub. That's all she does. She's on staff just to clean the bathtub. Does she drain and clean that hot tub? That she invites 85 people to wrangle only? It's like saying, I'm dirty and creepy and it's offensive.

So Heather's smiling, because we can't tell. So we don't know, like, is this just supposed to be hilarious because it is, right? So then the music's like, tss. Well, really? Am I dirty? Tss. And then there's still smiling and she's like,

wait, I'm confused. Does she think this is funny or is she mad? Tss. Of course she's mad. This is Meredith Marks. So Meredith is like, it's been ongoing for years, where Whitney makes nasty little takes at me

and I'm just kind of tired of it. I'm so tired, it doesn't even wash off in the bath. Ha, ha, ha. Nor does Seth's toe juice or his butt juice that gets on my toe and the bath, which is completely not creepier gross at all. Seth, a little ting on my toe. So what?

Call the New York Post about it, why don't you? I have simple rules for getting through life. Don't come after my bathtub. Does she not know me? You don't come after my marriage. You don't come after my bathtub. I mean, the only thing left, she don't think she left out was my children.

So I think we all see the hierarchy. Marriage, bathtub, children. And she's just about to hit number three, I'm sure. Munchy's gonna call my toddler fat in the bathtub, playing a banter with my two clothes, husband. I mean, what more can she come after? Commershues, here comes one right now. So now we go to Park City. And we're back with Meredith Marks. Now she's in her store and she's with her employee Jamie and they're looking at some

jewelry and they're sort of doting over it and then we see someone approaching and we just hear a voice, a very familiar voice saying, Jen smelled like hospital, hospital, hospital hospital hospital You can go little girl little girl little girl your kids need nutrients nutrients nutrients When I did the your kids needs nutrients Literal death. I almost had a heart attack I forgot about that which she totally told Lisa Farlow off for eating only junk food and not giving her kids nutrients.

I was so delighted that they did not waste any time bringing Mary Cosby back onto the show. They did not tease it out several episodes. They got her in the second proper scene before full-fledged cast members. It just got, I have never been so happy. I know Mary Cosby has done some terrible, terrible things, but honestly, I'm here for reality TV and I'm here to see if I could

just keep on getting the terrible people. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You're getting fucking lying. Yeah, okay, yeah. So Mary, I was cracking up at that, and then it just cuts to Mary, still making about as much sense as Mary ever did.

She's like, you better buckle up. Cause here I am. She is. No bumpy ride. No, it's gonna, we're gonna go fastest season. She just got to forget. She's like, you better buckle up. Cause here I am. And then in the most merry cosby way,

she can't even get into the store. She's like, trying to open the door. Why is it closed? And then she's like, hurls herself in. She like, she's the hands of the door open and like, stumbles into the store. She's that could have left a mark. Have someone fix that door.

Well, what if you walk up and I want to run thing? What is going on with you, Merry God? It just felt like a hell. All the work I had to put in to that door. I was a lot of work. Thought I'd just put into the door to open it. I was like, you know what it was? I was out for two. It was the door of the incline curve.

What's the bathtub chasing you? Bath tub's a Reable right now. I don't know if you've heard the mouse, Dre. Well over the past year, I've been in touch with Mary, and it was important to me that she understood that I am there for her In a way that Whitney Rose is not there for my bathtub. And Mary's like, yeah, I pretty much cut everyone out off except for Meredith, but I just put it this way, the difference was good.

Yeah. Lunch, and now we go to lunch. So Mary's just like babbling because every time Meredith tries to talk, Mary will start talking, but then Mary doesn't ever stop. So you said like, so how's it meant? Well, you know,

and then I went to a bookstore, and that was really neat, because it was, oh, Sanger, it meant? Well, you know, and then I went to a bookstore and that was really neat because it was, oh, singer, son's doing well. You know, books are great. You know what I love milkshakes. Milkshakes are always good except vanilla. I don't like vanilla milkshake. I don't really, so how's your house been?

Forks, I'm really understood forks. Like who decided that they need five little pointy things on them? Why don't they need four little pointy things? And your cousin made, she's doing well. Yeah, you know, and like, soup. Why wouldn't they just make it solid? Like who would play?

That's so funny, so how's your church? I love tile, you know? Like if I could have carpet or I could have tile, I would definitely clean your bathtub. Smiling, I love smiling. Smiling's very important, but I'm not gonna smile with the devil and she's the devil. that's just it. You heard me. Do you use ice picks?

So, you know, Robert seniors do it. Mary's eating with an ice pick. She's just like putting her salad in her. So, Mary's getting the update on everyone and she says that Robert Senior is doing good and Robert Junior is doing good. And she says, yeah, so Robert Junior has a girlfriend and everyone's telling me that it's his wife, but we have to figure that one out. I'm like, you don't know. Well, don't you live in the same house? The producer says, haven't you asked him?

And she goes, I haven't had a chance. And they say, but don't you live in the same house? Merge is shrugs. She's like buckle up. So they order. And then she tells us that Robert Senior just got back from Vegas. She's like, he was there for six months.

Yeah, quite a time. It was good. Yeah. And then she says, how's your family your family doing and Meres, well, fans are very, very busy. Brooks is on his ABC, which is exciting. And Chloe's just learning how to put, you know, the stack of the rings like a bigger and bigger.

She's learning how to put the big ones on the bottom and the little ones on the top. It's exciting. Oh, we're all good. It's like, you know, on, but on the front, things have been very interesting. Oh, Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss a thing about him anymore and she says she's guilty and she's gonna serve her time and now everyone can start moving forward to stop leaving comments at Meredith's Marks. She used to it for a criminal who robbed my grandma. Oh that's just healing prize, that's just how it

goes. That's a scam. The scab that you should cover up before you go into a bathtub which is very sanitary and everybody knows it. And then it got to Meredith in one of her new interview looks, which is her in like a blazer, but it's a blazer made of fur. And she's like, well, I have not spoken to Jennifer Shaw since she went to prison. And she's like, well, have you tried contacting her? She's like, I mean, she's in prison. Like, what do you want me to do? She's in prison, like what do you want me to do? And she's literally never going to be seen from in society ever again.

I mean, where is she inside burier? I don't know. Like, you know, they do have phone calls. You can't send letters to people in prison. I don't... How does one write letters? I'm not sure how to do this. I just am so busy cleaning my bathtub. It's a lawyer. I have no idea. What happens when people go to prison? I mean, I did look at them and there was something about a considerable visit that I would have had to show my arms. And I said, no thing.

Well, it's like, you know, if you look at the stars up in the sky and you say, well, the universe is out there, but what holds the universe? What's on the, what is containing the universe? It's on the yet? What is containing the universe? It's like that's what I'm, that's jail. What, I mean, how do you even, what I haven't even talked to it? How do you speak to someone in jail? It's like you can't even conceive of it, they're gone.

So Mary's like, well, I believe in karma. Yeah, you get what you deserve. That's also justice. I mean, karma, I guess karma is justice, it's like spiritual justice, but this is like literal justice, you know? And Mary is like, well, I'm interested to see what it's like with Jen God because she was the big elephant in her home.

And now that she's gone, fshoo, there's peanuts stuffed on the table. People aren't just, this room smells like circus stuff. Peanuts with their nose. That's nice. And those are trying to fly away with their ears. It's great. So that'll be fine.

I'm not gonna go in any parties where people are just like sitting a giant butt on like a tiny little fizz hat. And then getting peanuts from at their face because people are clapping and thinking, they're so great. No more elephants in this room. Meredith goes, hey, so I noticed that you're not eating. Do you not like your salad?

Meredith goes, it's spicy. I don't do spicy. Whenever I do spicy, it comes that spicy the other end. I'm chachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachach It's like a very generic sad salad. It doesn't sound pleasant at all, buzzer! So now one of my favorite moments of the entire episode is we cut to a place called the Cliff Dining Pub and Angie Kay. She has such an extra look. She is approaching this restaurant. This big-ass parking lot, like I'm surprised it doesn't share a lot of things that are very important to her. I'm sure that's why she's here.

I'm sure that's why she's here. I'm sure that's why she's here. I'm sure that's why she's here. I'm sure that's why she's here. I'm sure that's why she's here. I'm sure that's why she's here. NGK, she has such an extra look. She is approaching this restaurant, this big ass parking lot. Like I'm surprised it doesn't share like space with like a best buy. And she shows up and she has these enormous red sunglasses and oversized coat.

She has a giant pink pussy bow. Like this entire like look and she's walking into a strip mall and I looked up I looked up where I was so abused by how like this look compared to where she was I was like I have to see where the hell this restaurant is I looked up this restaurant the cliff dining pub is in a strip mall it's next next to a place called Cactus and Tropicals Garden Center and it's across the street from a Walmart, the Walmart neighborhood market. And she's walking in like she's going to a movie premiere. So she comes in and she's like, and then we see someone in white shoes and pants coming up and closing a car door. And then we get the detective, ha ha ha ha, ding ding ha ha ha ha ha.

Look, the 80s detective music. And then we hear, Hi, baby. I'm just the new girl. I believe her exact words were, Oh, buh, babe. What the hell, that was so, oh, buh, babe. Oh, buh, babe.

Oh, buh, babe. Look at your glasses cuz Angie K is still wearing her red glasses and These glasses need windshield wipers. They're so big that's a big my glasses are It's good to see you you're out you're out on the town. No no babies, huh? And she's like yeah, don't get used to this. We're out on the town, no babies, huh? And she's like, yeah, don't get used to this. We're out of sweats just for you. Oh, bye bye. So being friends with Jen Shaw introduced me to things that I would never have known or been around like the legal system, the difference between federal and

state charges and Monica. Ding, ding, ding, three, four, four, four, four, five. What did the sound effects people doing in this episode? We've got a ding slide, a whistle, and a shing

from Top Chef all at the same time. Well, we met each other a few years ago through Jen, and since we're both picking up the pieces of a destroyed friendship, we figured let's do it together. Like the way we'd pick up the pieces of a broken plate after you say, oh my babe. Oh my babe. Hi.

How are you? How are you? Hi. How are you? It's Barlow coming in. I'm Monica, because, oh hi, yeah. We've seen each other before. How about yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo The Monica I'm back had blonde hair and fair skin and honestly as she wearing the wetness protection program or a police lineup, I would not be about to pick her off. So the backs where Monica is that she changed her hair color.

So Monica tells us and then we get Boston over highs. It's like, so Monica says, so yeah, like Jen had fired her assistant and I stepped into help her and like one night, like Jen asked me, do you want to be rich? Do you want to make $600,000 a year? Like all you have to do is put this and this and this and this in your name and I remember being like so weird out like, wait, why? It was like bizarre and I have a friend in the Secret Service, so I called him up.

And I said, have you seen red, white, and royal blue? Is that actually possible? Did any of this stuff could happen? And he said, no. And I said, okay, and also this Gen-Chaw stuff, what should I do about it? And he said, get the fuck away from Gen-Chaw. She's going to prison and she was arrested

two months later. And like, this is how I became a witness with the federal government in her trial. Okay. Great. So So you're telling me that the real housewives of Salt Lake City production ass went out and hired a witness in the gym. I fell out of my chair and discussed the commercial. I was like wow. They hired a federal witness in the Zen shot trial that used to be one of her interns and made her dress up in a Barbie princess pink satin poof dress for her confetti. Oh my God. That is a party city confessional dress. That was. Yeah. I almost had a hard attack watching watching this well played show so well funny so

So then so and just so and just putting her bag on a chair next to Monica because it's bad luck to put it on the floor And she was I was telling Lisa I saw it in New York and they're only six of them made and I was like I have to have this at least it goes Oh, which one did you have to have? Well, there's six of them keep up at least a bar low come on six bags at that one. It's from Fendi. It's from Fendi. It's from Fendi. It looks like it was made out of that dog that she was pretending to walk in front of the desert bucks. Oh God. So they're gonna go to purse. Oh my God. I win my it's only commit federal crimes for that purse. I would give up diet coke for that purse. Just kidding. So anyway, I die. Oh my god and you got that chain toe. It's a it's man kiss now. It's I got the diet coke cover by Fendi.

There were only 12 made and I got like all 12 but unfortunately I had already drank one of the diet coaks. So there's just like a deadly little mix in there now. I feel kinda bad. So yeah, I'm so sorry everyone. And she's like, she's like, well, I was like, I need to have this as it keepsake for my daughter and the waiter standing there by the way and just glaring at this bag.

Like I can't believe that you came into the cliff dining pub with that hideous piece of accessory. So leaves the horse of course is like, hi, can I get a cocktail and then a Vita cocktail? Thanks. She clearly brings the Vita ahead of time to all these places they're about to shoot, right? Yeah, of course Lisa is so rude.

She goes anywhere. She's like, I talk about, I'm on a, like, Taco crunched a frame and a Vita tequila. Thank you, a Vita cocktail. That would be great. What does a Vita cocktail anyway? I know, but she's trying to make it seem like it's a thing. And it's not a thing.

And how is Angie not thinking like, oh my God, you know, I want to, I can't wait till my cats are old enough to go to college. I can't wait for that. She's like, like, child needs a fendi in the future. She needs to remember that I'm not that one of sex. So Lisa keeps her glasses on and orders her diet coke. And Lisa's like, hi, okay, you know what I bought? You know what I love?

Sashinachas. And it's a dance. Can you just say Sashinachas? Sushi nachos. What is going on in this, what is, God, I love this show. They're in a st- I think with like fried wonton skins

with some poke on top. Right, but it's just still so funny. They dress up like they are going to the most chic establishment and they're going to a place across the street from the Walmart neighborhood market ordering sushi nachos with their one in six fenders. By the way, they probably look the same as the people in that Walmart because you

know you forget how tacky these people are. I mean, Angie is like sitting there bragging about her stupid fendi one in six bag and then we see her from behind and she's wearing a bright pink scarf around her that says Versace Versace Versace Versace Versace Versace, Versace, Versace, Versace. It's like just such a, it's so gross. It's like a walking canal street of just all the knockoffs that they have, you know?

It's so good. It's delicious. So then they order some black and salmon, the rest of them do, and then Angie's like, Monica's a little younger. I said, I could be your mom. I'm like, I said, you could not know. Cause Monica's 38, and Lisa's like, Monica's a little younger. I said, I could be your mom. And Monica's like, you could not know. Cause Monica's 38.

And Lisa's like, no, we could not be her mom. She's not even going on a mission behind our backs. She's like, surely if she was gonna bring Jesus to Africa, she would tell him, man. Brian Monica. So Monica's like, I'm in about four years into my marriage. I found myself in what one might call, um, an entanglement. Hey, it resulted in devoiced, and then another wedding,

because we got divorced, and then we got remarried, and now we're getting divorced again. What is totally normal, guys, is totally normal, guys. By the way, I have kids to my daughters or senior. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Unless it's like, uh-huh! Oh, no, my daughters are senior. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Senior who decides that they want to follow a religious path that you set them on behind your back So Monica goes as a single mom raising four girls on my own I never have any any me time like you see like this is so nice

I like look so put together in this five dollar outfit, but like no bitch I'm usually my Christmas jammies down. I'll eat my milk at 10 o'clock because guess what we're out and I forgot Ms. GME's down aisle eight, my milk at 10 o'clock, because guess what, we're out, and I forgot. Wait. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Did she say she has four children? She doesn't have four children. She has four children, five, six, 12, and 17. Whoa, my goodness, that's a lot. Yeah, I'm surprised. So, they are Monica's like, I'm actually in this being a conkel, delicious. And then she's like, yes'm actually there's been a cocktail, it's delicious. And then she's like, yes, let's support the Fida plan.

Okay, this is one of six Vida cocktails. Monica's like, you guys are like the best taste over there, I love it. Look at you, you're like a little twins, you're drinking a Vida cocktail, you've got long bone hair, you both kill the dog, the burpers, it's not, it's it, that's it, that's it. Yeah, well I've known Angie a long time.

Like, I started at Lunatic, I think 15 years ago, we were both 86ing some small tables and getting in some high boys. And she says, you know, when she told me that she's video, I was like, oh my gosh, I never see Monica because I would talk to occasionally on the phone, I remember. And then Monica says that basically Lisa would call up Jen and Jen would get sick and tired

of listening to Lisa talk on and on and on. So she'd hand the phone to Monica and have Monica, uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. And Lisa had no idea that she was talking to a whole different person. So funny. And we can, we just say we know housewives like this. Yes.

We both have this housewife in our life. Multiple versions of them, but you just put them on and just like, they just keep going. You could hand the phone off to whoever you want. You could put the phone on a literal public bus and they would never know the difference. No.

So Lisa's like, yeah. So that's funny how we used to talk on the phone. She's like, yeah. And you know, I love culture. Yeah, the girl I know and you know the one thing I'm obsessed right now anything Maritime Yeah, she never sheds to vodka Maritime is like boats and ships like really anywhere that serves to be the cocktail. Yeah, she's fucking notes my hudogun Yeah, I love yawning so She goes I like to be on Super Yots.

I was like, are you trying to pitch yourself to be on Blow Deck? Is this what's happening? So when she said anything married time, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm obsessed with right now? Anything married time? Well, I honestly liked when she said, I love culture. I grew up in New York.

So, I said that Angie is saying how she's gonna teach, uh, Lisa how to cook. And Lisa's like, I've never even made eggs. Never in my life have I made eggs. And she talks about how John is like an amazing cook and everything. And Monica's like, fans like him, privilege because like, I like have to cook. Like you're so lucky. Just, well, the thing is, John is, we've been like you're so lucky. Just, well the thing is, John is we've been married like 19 years

and we're going on 20 this year and he said he's gonna make me an egg for every year. Don't we've been married? I'm gonna have such egg parts, but you know what, we're gonna celebrate. We got the South Cowson Braga. It's like so modern, you would die. It's like if Maritime was an airplane. It's like if maritime was an airplane. It's like if airplanes were maritime

But it's a house. I'm so into it It has some anchor. It's a driveway and then into it She's talking about as as Lisa's talking about like they're Upcoming on a verse when you're up the music. It's like really sad Monica's like, it's like so crazy hearing them, like portrayed these like, perfect lives, because we've all heard things about each other, thanks to Jen, so I'm like trying to walk this fine line of being open-minded and non-judgemental, even though all their dark secrets are very heavy

on my mind. It's like lifetime music, like this creepy, like, ding-ding-ding, evil Monica Monica look at Monica pretending to be nice put Monica's like Oh, look at all these people pretending to be friends when I know the real information and count ways to tell everybody what's really happening And then they do those, cheers to being a person. Cheers to being a threesome. And God only knows what Jen has told these people. My God.

Yes. So now we see some beautiful elk, love the elk. This is like the equivalent of the deer and Potomac. And then we see the, we go to the Lake House restaurant in bar. And I like that it says, change required. I thought that was so funny. See this one, the leases in prison Barr. And I like that it says, Chains Required. I thought that was so funny. Seeing this now, one of the leads is in prison now. So yeah, the Lake House restaurant,

Heather's Fresh Start Party. And Heather's working with Gracie, the party coordinator, and of course Dre, and you know, she loves the location, you can see the mountains in the snow. And she's just hoping that they can mend and start fresh with everyone. And she's saying how that she has this plan for the girls.

She's like, it'll be a fun plan, like a little bit of aggression. We can get there our aggression out, et cetera. And Drey's like, oh, well, nothing says fresh starts. Like an activity filled with aggression. Yeah, that's funny Drake. Can you go fill up those coolers? Thanks.

And then we see what the aggression is going to be. It's a snowball delivery. And Heather's like, my plan is balls, big, big balls. And so that's people start arriving. They're going to throw snowballs at each other. So then we see another Mary, some crazy face blonde lady, Mary A. Look crazy like blonde lady, Mary A. Look crazy face blonde lady and she does.

She also looks like she's out of the Barbie movie. She's wearing like a bright silver puffer ski thing with pink rainbow. The cow has. I wrote the only thing crazier than this jumpsuit is her face. It's all crazy. It's all made by the same Barbie Puffer company.

I'm not sure what's happening, but I think we're gonna like her. This lady was wild. So then Mary shows up, a Meredith shows up with Mary, and when he's like, oh my God, Mary Cosby in the line, flash in the skin.

Now, Mary Cosby in the milkshake. Now hold on. I'm gonna get it Mary Cosby in the salad So we're losing daylight with me. We got to get this shot in with me. Okay. So Heather and Mary hug and when you're like, is this real? Is this really Mary Cosby? Is this a hologram? Did Heather roofie me? And by the way, those were all very sincere questions,

I believe. I don't think that was rhetorical or funny. I think she really thought there was a hologram and that she was roofied. And on this show, that's all possible. Yeah. Heather roofied her only to torture her with a Mary Cosby hall. I just remembered what that I would buy. I just remembered there was a Mary Hallogram in my life

Hi Mary Mary's like, oh, hi. How are you? And then three the three brunettes come and Lisa's like, hi, oh my god, Hanukkah. I'm so excited for you to meet everybody. Hold on a second. Could hold on. Just someone move over. I'm gonna continue the same conversation with someone else's here. Just like all times, right, Monica? So Andy's like, I'd like to say thank you for the invite, but Lisa was the one who invited me here? But this gift is for you. Anyways, Heather. I'm like, oh, I didn't realize that Heather and Angie K had a beef. So Heather says, classic Lisa, I tell her she can invite a friend and she brings the one friend that's bred the worst rumors about me last time we were together. I don't know eight months ago, it's Angie casing.

Guess what? Everyone is saying that maybe her and Heather were together in the room doing scissor and she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was, she was just, she was just, she was just, she was, she was just, she was, she was, she was just, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was that they were just gonna be like, okay, you tried. You know, good audition, but you tried. But nope, not this show. They're like, gosh, she was terrible the first season. Let's keep hiring her. Surely it'll be hilarious. I enjoyed NGK last season.

I think that she did, she was, got more and more desperate as the season went along, but I enjoyed her. So I was very happy that she got, she got picked up for the next season. I am happy now. I, when I saw that she was picked up, I was like, oh, no. Why would you? Another tryhard is just going to make stuff up.

But now that I see it, I'm like, hilarious. Yes. Like, listen, I appreciate when someone put some effort in. And she's trying very, very hard. So Heather says her thing, and then we see that. and then Heather's like, but I did say fresh start So I mean it and I am a best seller now, so I'm gonna forge ahead So then Monica and Heather are doing crazy nice to me. You voices Monica's like, oh my god nice to me And Heather's like, oh my god nice to meet you

Nice to meet you nice to meet you And Monica says to be completely honest to my nice to me you nice to me you. And Monica says to be completely honest, Jen never said anything nice about Heather. She also never said anything nice, but anyone ever. So like everything I came out of her mouth was bullshit. So I'm just going to like make my own assumptions about Heather. I'm like, okay.

So they, they head outside and then Angie goes, why did she say this? She goes, oh, They head outside and then Angie goes Why did she say this she goes oh la Why did she say this oh la Surfing up banana bread Why did she say that I don't remember the context and out of context it makes no sense oh Annada bread She's at a party what I wrote Angie oh la bread delivery. I was like what the fuck does this mean?

That's what we hold in the opening credits, right? It's a snowflake what Who put the ape she's just like throwing down a banana She's just like throwing down a banana. Who else here got up? Who else here got up and not a bread for this season? What? It's not our prop. So Lisa goes over to Marish, like, Hi Mara. And hugs her.

And she goes, Oh my god, holy shit, Mary Cosplay. This is a Mary Cosbycat. This is Mary Cosplay. This is a totally Mary Cos. You know what This is Mary Cots, this is totally Mary Cots. You know what? Mary and I didn't really live things bad, but the last text message I got from Mary. The last text message I got from Mary was very nice. So she picked up her letters to start to read again.

Lisa, you're the biggest idiot. Wush, Lisa, you're a black widow. Wush, you're the biggest liar in Utah. You'll kill people with your nasty tequila. You remind me of a witch, your evil person. You're not interesting. You're a horrible human being. I would say no, he did not leave things on a good note.

And that they just kept doing the foxings, whew, in between each text. You're a black widow. You're the biggest liar in YouTube. You remind me of a witch. You'll kill people. your nasty tequila. You remind me of a witch that I once knew. So Mary's like, good seeing you. I'm moved she goes, but you know, I do really feel good seeing Lisa right now. I mean, I do.

I like her jacket. So then later, the other crazy face Mary, pop champagne and Heather's like, okay guys, gather around for a quick announcement. Quick announcement, okay. Somehow I broke my leg today. Between the time that the banana bread was served and now I've broken my leg., have no idea how I've been.

I don't want to talk about it. But what if you knows? What if you know? Don't want to, we all know what happened. It was very embarrassing. I don't know what happened. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what I'm saying.

It's my like, my like a severed. I don't know what happened. It's funny. It's funny. Such as, what do you know I got together? And we decided to make a fresh start. And I want to feel This way with all of you and we all had a really hard year Jen went to prison and we were trolled relentlessly online and our relationships are fractured and the one thing

We shares that we all went through it together. So what I'm trying to say is let's just blame Jen for everything and we can move forward as friends How about that? Cheers and we can move forward with his friends. How about that? Cheers. Summer is like, oh, Heather, hey, Heather, Heather, Heather. I wanted to ask you about something. So how are you doing without Jen? And she's like, um, actually, I'm surprisingly fine.

Do you still have a strong connection with Jen? Talk. She's like, the lady in prison. She's like, no, I think that that was projected a lot by other people. She was, but you guys, oh, I think that that was projected a lot by other people. But you guys... Oh, it was projected that you had a strong connect literally. It was not projected, stop that.

I know. You projected it. It's like the movie, like, it's like the guy who's running the projector at the movie house being like, goonies, yeah, right. Someone's projecting here. It's you, sir. You literally breathed right down. You're pretty good. So it's you, sir. You literally breathed right on Gune. Don't play me for it.

Yeah, and it's okay. We all want to see Gune's. So she doesn't. Yeah, he doesn't. Baby Ruth. Baby Ruth. Baby Ruth. Remember, chunk.

Oh yeah. Chunk bonds with the guy who lives in the cave because the guy in the cave loves baby. That's right. I haven't seen that moving in a very, very long time. But I'm sure if you watch the goonies, there's probably some sort of parallel to this show or to like real househouse of Orange County. Like it's Mickey Gunvalson down there. So Mickey Gunvalson's like the...

Mickey Meyer throw Mama from the train. Yeah. That lady from throw Mama from the train. So yeah, there's like... She's like, there was always a connection and that's what made it so difficult to have clarity or any boundaries And I I just I fell so deep in it and if I stopped for one second I couldn't catch my breath because she was just a lot and where he goes well But you knew what you were walking into and you accepted it and you liked that a lot and you enjoyed the ride

I mean how do you feel now now that she's actually gone because I feel like a weight Has lifted because honestly I I wasn't that invested in her How do you feel now? Now that she's actually gone. Because I feel like a weight has lifted. Because honestly, I wasn't that invested in her, but yet I have a weight that's lifted. So yeah, it's great. I know, she can't really make up for mine. She's like, no, we don't really have an action. That was totally projected.

She was so deep inside my soul, it was hard to let her go. And then once down I put, once I put down the Jen Srange and untied the rubber band for my arm, like it totally didn't bother me. And I thought, I miss her, where is she? Where is she? To get it together over there. Someone needs to hit the head there in the head

with the snowball. She's fritzing out. Yeah, she basically says that like, she just felt like she couldn't be honest with Jen because of everything that Jen had going on and the stakes were so high with what Jen was going on with Jen that she didn't feel like it was proper to talk about their friendship or boundaries, whatever.

And, you know, and now that, but now that Jen is in prison, she's like, I feel like I can shut the door on it and move on. And I love they're all acting like, Jen is literally dead. Like she's never gonna come back when she's probably gonna be out in like two years.

Let's be honest. They hardly gave her any time. I mean, they were making everybody think, oh my God, Jen's going to prison for 20 years at the minimum. And then the judge is like, shame on you for what you've done to old people. You better go to prison for two months. You bad girl. You bad, bad girl. I think what her term is like six or seven years. I think six or seven years. She's gonna be out early, I'm sure.

Yeah, she'll be out. She will be back on this show. And those of you thinking, Provo would never, of course they would. And they are going to. They already have. They'll be here. They already have real ass with New Jersey. So, um, oh yeah, but Jen's way worse.

I mean, Teresa just signs some documents, is did it, and like, can't what the little farts is Jen literally is We don't need to get it to that so Lisa though. We just cut to Lisa and Whitney talking to some random lady at least yes Brooks and Henry and your son all need to get together Luciana's amazing I don't even know who Luciana is like all all the random phrases that they put into this episode, I love Maritime.

I love culture from New York. Yeah, I got the banana bread. It's like, it's like surrealism. So Meredith pulls Lisa aside for talk, I think is what I wrote. I think the bus was bumpy at this part, because what I actually wrote was, Meredith and Tenoppelis Lisa like side for talk. So Meredith is like, whoa, Lisa, hi, it's me, Meredith,

I just wanted to point your side, because I feel like we truly need to find a resolution and the girl, but I met his mat, gone well, find a resolution in the group and it has not gone well For us, man, you know, and I'd like to set up set us up first like fast rather than We had a team. I'm sorry. I'm at failure and maybe we can sit down fresh on the wolf and not in a group and have a Conversation about since it actually smelled good on extra living men and bad shampoo for literal wolves. Okay, what are you thinking, she's like, well, how about we go on like a hike or a walk next week. She's, that's making up and she goes, I did not see this coming,

but let's be honest, I knew she messed me. I would miss me too. So just remember that jack. Also, you got Lisa to agree to exercise. That's not easy. But by the way, I'm also, I love that Meredith's like, I'm not buying your stupid ass lunch so we can meet in a public park.

But Meredith is smart because we've said for many years now, the rule of Housewives Feuds is you have a season building up to the feud, you have a season in the feud, and those are all great. But then if it goes on further than that, then it becomes like, ugh, boring, stupid, we don't care anymore. And Meredith is smart, she's not living in that feud for too long. She said, I'm gonna, okay, I've been angry at her, I've got to like fix this in order for the show to move forward. Yes, and also Heather's doing that. Heather's doing a good job of that this season too.

She's like, okay, so remember all that stuff I said last year, fresh starts, no balls, reset, friends with everybody. You know, they're all doing the traditional act change in housewives. I was like, okay, let's start over so we can start some meetings here. People are getting bored. Yep, although Heather and Whitney's, they had to, Heather and Whitney, their feud was only one season. The lead up to the feud was only one season,

but I guess because they had girls tripped, that sort of counts as like the second season. So Heather is now sitting. And that wasn't that trip just like getting stuck on, wasn't that season kind of like getting stuck on a really bad overseas trip with people. Yes. You don't necessarily like all those like oh my god can I just go home at some point. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a lot. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a lot. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long. It's been a long. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long. It's been a long time. It's been a long. It's been a long time. It's been a long. It's been a long time. It's been a long. It's been a long time. It's been a long. It's been a long. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long. It's been a long. It's been a long. It's been a long. It's been a long. It's been a long trip. No. So Heather is setting up Smoors, and Lisa's like, the two things I can't say

more than anything are burnt things. Burnt toast sketches me out. So another insight into Lisa Barlow's personality, which is why she only goes to places where things are microwaved. Yes. Talk about Heather is like, oh no, Lisa doesn't like burn things.

Get it away. Ha ha, her friends Lisa isn't as hilarious how we're all such good friends right now. It's in this recent fun. And Whitney goes, okay, wait, who here has read the book? And they're like, oh, the book of Mormon, Sir Joseph Smith, what an author. He was like the Danielle Steel of his time.

No, the book the Heather wrote. And it was just quiet, like, wow, crickets. And Angie goes, well, if I read books, I fall asleep sitting up and I can't do that because I've got banana bread baking in the oven at all times. So it's only one of six banana breads that has ever been left in Madhavan. I shaped this banana bread to look like a fendi purse, one of six. So I'm walking my dog inside this banana bread path. I'm doing my two dogs banana

and bread. Banana and bread should hang out with Luciano. It's got a lot of fun. I love Luciano. I love Luciano. It does our books just pass as far as I'm slowly. So the producer's like, did you read Heather's book with me? And she goes, yeah, no. I can't even make it through an ingredients list of Whitney Rose Moisturizer.

So Lisa is like, have a reminder in the book and I think I'll just say that you're who I want to be sitting next to at a dinner party. There's nothing small town about Lisa. She's big city energy. Yeah, because I was raised in New York and I love culture. Yeah. Do you talk about how big cities we don't go up to subway windows and just lift our shirts to go, want to have a good time, I'm a girl. A good time, girls, yeah.

And Heather tells us, yeah, I'm not really surprised that no one's right at. Not really readers. So then Whitney comes over to Meredith and Heather. And Heather's like, would you stand with me, but this is the bartender side. I mean, you're welcome to bartender if you want to with me. And Whitney's like,

but we bartend together, we're cousins. And she's like, we were a buzzing cousins. And Whitney says, it's because of all the substances they did, but it's legal now, or something like, they'll just start joking and Heather goes, oh yes, it's like this is, when did special K become legal? Ha ha ha ha, and when he goes,

I would die, I would have a heart attack if I were on special K. That's why I don't allow Justin to buy it for breakfast. I would need those, you know, there's two different ones. I've snorted 3D pebbles, but only because it was our anniversary. I would never do special. Okay. What am I?

Stupid. So Justin has a brother who died when he snorted the raisins. What's this one with the raisins? The raisins. There raisins are very generous. Okay, so Whitney said, I would have a heart attack. The man is like, wow, you like them anyway. Now I do special things. You know what you listen to, I have fun for you.

Well, that's funny that you can joke about special things. The truth is that you said, I was on special came and don't think I were got it. And I was like what? And I was like what's the a clip of the reunion and he's saying okay well you guys said Meredith had a build problem and Lisa's like no John John had said that when we weren't the Zion's that she was on something with Heather like Ketamin or something like that. And Meredith is like wow we cut back Emeritus is like, wow, I'm been fine now.

I think, you know, we're the world of the rumor. But that's irrelevant. I was like, I had totally forgotten about that Katamayne thing. It was so off-handed, among so many other things. And Emeritus bring it back. And when he's like, I was not I did not start a special K rumor I just went to the grocery store is that so wrong What is Meredith even talking about right now out of nowhere?

I'm being accused of being the one you start the rumor of Meredith doing catamene I was the first time I heard that was in New York and Lisa said it right before she tried to walk across the stage But then fell into that really cold pool of water that was for some reason in the middle of the reunion stage Isn't that the reunion where they had like the water in between they had like a moat? I think so So Meredith's like well You know how I'm like The press about me and you,

love doesn't come out me. And when he's like, Quay, pause, and if it was one instant and it ended there, if I'm out, be one thing. And then they start playing like, Jill's salsa music? Well, Meredith is just going off all with me.

It's like, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha when he goes, you know I'll own it if I say it. And I've never said that you've done ketamine, which I'm like I can't believe they're fighting about ketamine. America's winning. I don't believe you own the things that you say. I don't believe even on the hot tub in your backyard. We left New York and I thought we were in neutral, in a neutral peaceful zone. And the next thing I'm seeing is that I'm like dirty and gross and creepy Because I take math possibly high on ketamine That was just a funny joke, Meredith No, and what's that did? It was a ding on my mind

It was a ding on my mouth It was a ding on my toddler It's a ding on my bathtub I paid good money for low. Well, I didn't because I'm renting, but the whoever bought this house, whoever built this house, paid good money to install that bathtub.

And I do not take those comments lightly. And Whitney, God bless her, who has, I don't know if everybody knows, but in real life, Whitney has a new job working at drag brunch in Salt Lake City. And you can tell this season because those queens are now in the confessionals with her and I would just like to say in advance thank you drag queens for everything you're giving Whitney Rose because you are turning

her into the housewife that she has been destined to become this whole time she goes. I would never assume that Meredith has a dirty house. I don't even know where you're living at right now. I don't know what vacation rental you're staying at. I'm not sure. I didn't have to say it. You can just hear it from behind the camera. You didn't even call on one staff's nice work, wouldn't it?

Thank you for believing in me. We're here. That's how HVO so about drag queens going to small towns. Yes, we're here. Yeah, it's called we're here. We're here. And we have pancakes. So that we see four houses on screen because Meredith has rented every single season of this of the show. So when he's like, I assume she wrapped everything in plastic. So she got her deposit back at the end of the lease.

My breath goes, my bathtub is clean. Maybe yours isn't. And she goes, my bathtub, my, uh-huh, my bathtub, it's very clean. That's her little response. It's very clean. She's OK. Meredith, I take baths all the time,

but I prefer to take my baths alone. Why are you judging me for wanting to take a bath alone? It is my right to prefer to take a bath alone. It's not about them, it's that they sit in a bath to clean together. And to me, that's weird. It was a shady joke just shady Like a drag queen. It's a man in a dress with a wig on kind of a joke It was a side of pancakes. It was a bottomless mimosa kind of a joke I'm just like really you know what it really entertains me that wit me so shady now

It feels like toddler appropriation I'm just gonna say it right now. So now you can just take whatever you want, twist it however you want, and don't take accountability for just saying it's a shady joke. Okay, got it. Okay, did I make shady jokes when you got naked with your husband and painted each other and say, oh, I wonder if she's getting bacteria in her vagina. Did I say that? When he's like, Excuse me, hold on. Sorry, I'm just organizing a March and Washington for people who have a right. Take a bath by themselves.

Meredith. And I love that we actually get a bacteria in her vagina. It's so Whitney's like, Meredith, I know that you won't get in a bathtub that's not immaculate. You created a dinner on your bathtub. I'm so sorry that that offended you. What I do need to get off my chest is I need to trust that you're gonna let this go and not hold a pancake. No, wait me. Um, um, seal.

No, wait me. What do you hold? Um, Bible. Grudge with me. You're not gonna hold a grudge. Put it together in post. I don't hold a grudge. You say I hold a grudge, and I don't hold grudges with me.

In fact, you always say that I hold grudges. I remember two years ago, you said I held a grudge, and I told you I don't hold grudges. And then last year, we went to the reunion and you said, hey, grudge, face, and I said, I don't hold grudges. And in furthermore, in season one, now that I think about it, you also,

you said you enjoy fudge, but I'm pretty sure that was your code of saying grudge. I remember when we were at Topgolf and we just wanted to get a drink and you secures me holding grudge and listen, you are going to pay for that for the rest of your God damn lives and there it is you accuse me of holding grudge. Well, what do we need to promise each other to take a step forward and come back here because and because we don't't wanna lose brain cells over this and we'll see if your brain saves your,

it's hilarious that you think you actually have any in there Whitney, but that was funny, she just goes, I'll save your brain cells when we get that. Yeah, because this is like a stupid conversation. Okay, we'll just save the brain cells when we use the same thing if your brain cells gone for bad you you the brain cell are too With me. Okay. Well, I feel weird moving forward because I don't know if I can trust you So what do you want with this

Conversation well I guess what do you want with this conversation? Well, I guess I want to do. She's like, do you want to have a season long fight? Well, I guess I'll see how things unfold and decide what I do and do not do. Right now, I'm digesting it all. That's a metaphor if you're trying to find my plate. I don't have a plate in my hands, Whitney.

I understand that. I know what you're about to say, but you can't digest without eating food. It wasn't matter for Whitney. I am never going to live down that creepy bathtub. Meredith came to my house and toilet-papered me, which is why I'm dressed like a desecrated tree. Look why is Whitney dressed in a mommy dress? She looks like someone lit up like up group of kids just came and toilet-papered her ass. She's like, she'll be bringing this up five years from now. I mean, it's

always something. So now it's time for snowballs and Heather makes a little speech about how is your last chance to get out of your anger and resentment and all that stuff. Leave it on the field. So they all. Mary's like, no,, Marry's inside. And by the way, I totally support her on this. Marry's like, there's no, they are not paying me to do that I'm not doing this. So all the ladies go out in the snow and line up and Heather's like, this is a fresh powder you have, take out your resentment or anger.

And then there's the guys like, when I blow with all you can throw snowballs, however you want, whatever you want want no questions asked Sorry, COVID-Gov and then back back Sorry, then everyone does my fun recap. Yeah, Ben. This is this is better. This is how I want to go though I do want to guys talk if I actually go on every recap. This is the one to go on. Oh my goodness I want to die in the middle of a wait me there could not be by the way Oh my goodness. I want to die in the middle of a weight-free. There could not be, by the way,

there could not be anything more challenging than doing Lisa Barlow voice while you have COVID. I'm just gonna say that right now. I am dying. You know what I was hoping would actually help you during this recap? The murder of Mark. And Bobble, just let you shake it out of your mouth.

Meredith Marx is hard because I got the sore throat. So Meredith Marx gets to activate the sore throat and Lisa Marlowe activates the COVID just So these snowballs Have I will do the rest of it Okay, there's nothing left you just talk about the snowball fight. I'm gonna smile Yeah, so this uh, they're frozen snowballs and's like, what are these like from a convenience store? Like, what did they have? Carrying that on top?

I mean, are they pink? That's the only snowballs I like. Got it because they're kind of fast food. You know what I'm talking about? Stubboss? Because I only junk food. It's my thing. And then, um, they're pelting each other with ice, basically.

And they have like, there are so many people who I wanna see friends of that are just making faces like fuck this lady for inviting me out here to do this. And now they're playing Tim Burton music, playing lightly. And then Lisa Barlow gets hit in the head and it's on. It's Snowball Mayhem. And the Trixi Monoclackle Choirs playing super dramatic music and Whitney Peltz, Lisa and Meredith

and then Whitney's like, we just wiped that crowd's away. I felt better already. And then, Mary's just watching, she's like, well, looks like they're having fun, I guess. And then Monica's like, yep, hi, yay, bitch, oh, pop, babe.

And then she tackles, and then she tackles, and she nangies goes, My hair! And then there's like, it's like Lord of the Flies, which is also a book they probably haven't read, because they don't read. And then the music stops, and Angie says again, My hair! My God, coming the season, fighting well dressed up like pirates.

It is, I got it. Literally perfection from beginning to end. I just, this is what I want. This is what I want out of a real house I've shown. I want ridiculousness, I want campiness, I want delusion, I want, I just, you know, see, and this, by the way, this goes to show, I don't mind a petty fight. We just talk about this the other day.

I don't like Meredith and Whitney fighting over a bathtub. That's hilarious to me. But it has to be done in a way where it's just like, oh, like a total, I just, I don't know, it has to just, campiness, delusion. I want all those things. Oh yeah, and whatever they did, highly enjoyable. Really great.

Welcome back you guys. This is also crazy. This is a time in history where we've got four housewives. So we've got Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Orange County, and what's the other one? Isn't there another one? New York.

We just do. New York. Four housewives on. Plus Miami's still on at the same time. Technically. Yeah. Probably showing five housewives at one time. That's insane. It was really crazy. So, wow. Everybody's watching them all. Everybody, thank you so much for being with us today. It was really fun. We'll be back next week. We did miss below deck this week. It was, we needed a day off for Labor Day, just like everybody else. That's what we chose to act. But it will be back in all of its two episode

glory next week. Yes. Well, I think that next week is going to be, I think next week is the season finale of Down Under. By the way, the guys alive. The guys alive. Thank God. And yesterday's recap, I was joking. Like if he died, Ben said, we're not even gonna know the cliffhanger, did the guest die. And I said, I don't care if he died. Like, what do I care? I'm not watching the show, I don't know that fucking guy.

So what if he died? I was going on and on. And then of course today I was driving in that old Matt Lux smelly car. And I was like, what if, what if, yeah, this could have been that guy's car. And he died and left it to the dealerships, you know? Like, terrible karma.

Thank God he didn't die. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't look bad. Yeah. You see, that's the kind of person I am. Ha ha ha. Bye everybody. Bye.

Oh, it's me to send the ending credits. Bye everyone! Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors! Know your worth with Jason Kurt! Ain't no thing like Allison King! Ashley Savoni, she don't take nobelone! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela! Itip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. Kristen the Piston Anderson.

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