Watch What Crappens - RHOSLC: You Flocked With the Wrong Girl

Episode Date: November 26, 2020

Jen has a fit when Meredith goes to Mary's church on Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, and Meredith's son's ruffles are feathered when he claims to have been exposed to a vagina. This week's premium bonus is another dip into Emily in Paris. Find it at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens*We're doing a 12 part series on Stitcher Premium called Dwell Hello all about HGTV's House Hunters. Sign up to Stitcher Premium at https://www.stitcher.com/premium using discount code CRAPPENS.**We designed lots of new face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. But when people lose their hands, they can't squat. How things work this so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins! The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on ye-o-brabs! I'm Ronnie, Ronnie Carrom, and that has been Madelker over there on the other end of this year line.

How BAN? Hi, how are you? Eh, how are you? Oh, you know, just living, living the life, living the life. I literally just got a notification from my ring phone saying that someone's boots have been stolen. So that's what today is all about. So on boots. Oh, yeah, there was a raw package robbery in my neighborhood. And it was like some sweet looking little old lady stealing packages off people's

Do I make a lot of disrespect? Yeah Well, I'll tell you where that wouldn't happen a good place like Salt Lake City Surely not you'd be excommunicated for the rest of your life and have to buy an Adam Lambert wig and just live your life out in shame Packet stealing shame. That's right. That's right. That would not be allowed. So today is Salt Lake City Day and we are lucky because it's also Thanksgiving week and we get to have this Friday off because Bravo put real housewives of Salt Lake City on

demand a little bit early. So it was a gift from the Bravo God. So thank you, Turkeys. I know. Thank you, Bravo, for letting us have a day off. Thank you. Yes, we are actually recording this on a Monday. Something else we recorded today was a really fun interview with Marge and Lexi from Real Housewives of New Jersey. They're fabulous. So go check out their podcast. Caviar dreams and tuna fish budget. Thank you didn't want to mess it up So caviar tuna fish budget in four Caviar dreams on a tuna fish budget, so go listen to that. That's a really long fun talk Love those girls. So thanks for having us on there go support them support other women

Yeah, and Today we are on to real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Let's just do it, shall we, Bian? Yeah. It opens up with, you know, we're really into the musical cues on this show. A lot of like fake choir sounds in the background. This week's fake choir sounded like the children's

chorus from Mad Max, you know? Like, we don't need another hero. It was like that. Mad Max, you know, like, it was like that, but instead of all going, like mixing with rock, loving. Yeah, so exciting. And then we wind up with Lisa in her car with her family. And I was listening to Lisa's voice because last week, you were like, notice that Lisa throws an A into a lot of things. And I was like, really?

And then she's like, John, I need a diet cow. I'm so badly. She does. She sounds like the first act of my fair lady when a lives and do little still cockney and selling flowers on the street. You know, she's not refined yet. That's kind of, it's like Valley girl, but also kind of cock me.

It's really weird. Yeah, it's like a little, it's got some like long, it's got some long Island, but it also has some like strange, strange emphasis on her syllables. So she's like, Henry, for real, like for real, you have to work on your 10 commandments, okay? Okay, Henry, just give me two, give me two commandments. Yeah, and her personality. She's one of those people who's like, you know what? My personality is? Diet Coke. I love Diet Coke. Like, I can have like,

fast-day Diet Coke to die, and that's my personality. All right, I love Diet Coke. I need a Diet Coke. Not for real. Yeah, so, uh, by the way, my friend Neil is obsessed with that coke and he's listening and I know that right now He's feeling some sort of way so Neil sorry me. I we love you. I've won't you listen to Neil's podcast? Well, Neil also has other things about his personality. He's loaded. He's hot He has a really good podcast. So you know, you have other things besides just that coke It's just that other people who are like, you know, you know what kind of just Diet Coke. It's just, you know those people who are like, you know what kind of person I am? The kind of person who loves us T.

I love us T. Hey, can I get my steak? That's me, I'm here, I love us T. You know, those people who build an entire personality on liking a beverage. Okay, Lisa, we're daddy, you're a Diet Coke person. So, Henry, actually, you know what's funny funny is that Neil is an expert about Mormonism. So he, there you go.

So it's perfect. We'll have mom maybe sometime. Well, it's like being a fucking heroin addict, you know, in the Mormon world, drinking all that caffeine. Well, he's not a Mormon himself. He just studies them. He's a historian. Born. Like we said, millions of times, we know that Mormonism on the show becomes a Mormon porn. Okay. Mormon porn. He's a historian. Porn. Like we said, millions of times, we know that Mormonism on the show becomes a Mormon porn.

Mormon porn. It's a thing. So Henry is, Henry the little kid is trying to recite the commandments and he's like, thou shalt not smoke, thou shalt not do anything bad. And she's like, well, what's bad? Looking at porn. I was like, damn.

It's like, yeah, definitely styroi. I didn't even know what porn was until I was, I don't know. Dude, could you imagine the things kids see right now, like with, with iPads and cell phones in their hand at two years old? My good. Like they know, you know, you don't even have to have the talk anymore. You need a VPN now. That's what you need.

Yeah, exactly. So then we go over to Meredith and Brooks, um, and they're doing, they're doing some sort of treatment with their body and, uh, like getting, like, burning, burning fat cells and killing fat cells and stuff and Brooks is like, Brooks is her son, by the way, he's like, this is the most exercise I've done for the past five months. And Meredith goes, that's wonderful, Brooks. done for the past five months. And Meredith goes, that's wonderful, Barox. And then we go over to Whitney and her friend who are at

Marie's quote unquote and TEEX and quote unquote oddities and quote unquote. I'm looking to have an quote unquote event here quote unquote get it wink wink. And he is like an event. This look, the guy looks like someone who wrote a penny far thing to work. He's like an event this this look the guy looks like someone who like wrote a penny far thing to work He's like an event at an antique store. He's like very Sam Elliott Elliott Like he's like his Sam Elliott is like his fashion icon, right? Yeah, he's very like

Well, I would I would talk with my mouth more open But it's only built for a copper pipe to go in there from you smoke things out of like okay steam fun Goldie. So when he's like, yes, at an antique store, and then he goes, well, what kind of event were you talking about? And she's like, something a little wet, not so dry, please. And he's like, well, you know that during prohibition,

it is a dry, kind unquote dry country right quote unquote It's like yeah, it's like so let's go inside and he opens a secret bookshelf and haha it's been a bar this whole time And when he's gonna be having a party for 30 people there for some reason I don't know what and she just she loves a good theme. So this theme is strippers, but from the 20s. Meaty backzitted strippers from the 90s going back to the 20s and kind of the 70s. Yeah, if you want to see a honey baked ham on a pole, that's what this party is all about. That's what this party's all about. So snowing.

Heather isn't her. Hi. No, it's my note. It's my big note for the next thing. It's like, no, we are at Heather's house and she has bought not one, not two, but five tiny range rovers because you can't just have one baby shower is Utah. Of course course you have five fucking people pregnant at the exact same time in your office Heather. Of course you do. Yes. So Heather is there with not Dr. Dre, her business partner, just Dre. And Brady, who's

also Dre's husband and Dre sees, I guess, all these, these like little range rivers and she goes, aren't they? So beauty lab, sub beauty lab, SBL, sub beauty lab. It's so beauty lab. And how there's like, you know, I don't know if it's something in the water at beauty lab, but they're all pregnant at the same time. Five emperors and guess what?

They're all having boys. Because they live in a place where I guess that matters. Yeah, I know. I don't like still a huge thing. I would be so depressed. If I found out I was very mad Max Mad Max fury rode this time. Who else will carry on the beauty of my employees name. So I like the idea that Heather might be like the bad guy and Fury Road like she just has her employees like just there to be mothers. Yeah, she just has them stand there until she's ready to like pour water out of a bucket to their throat. So then we see a close up on some golden shoes with red laces getting out of a car and the person who always gets that treatment is none other than Jen because that's how she starts every scene as a close up on her feet. I love the producers, like guess what, Jen is always wearing fucking crazy shoes.

Okay, I want to camera down by every car door opening. We're getting set. Jen shoes are stars. Yeah, exactly. And Jen, of course, it's like, you know, five feet of slush, and she's in these strappy shoes. And so she has her aunt, Lua, helping her, because she's always got to have someone helping her.

I mean, at some point, someone's got to stand up to him and be like, you know what? You chose the shoes. You walk through the slush. I'm not doing this. Oh, and let's see. So she comes in. I just wrote, she's insane. That's all I really wrote.

Yeah. So she's like, walk me through this. Walk me through it, Heather. And Heather's like, well, everybody's going to bring a baby picture because we have to guess like who the person is in the picture, okay? And everyone has to wear white at this baby shower because it's symbolic, okay?

I want these young moms. I don't want them focusing on perfection. It's about love. I'm like, why is it about perfection? What are you talking about? You make one mistake. You make one mistake and it's stained. Or you eat one wrong thing

and it's showing off all your bad curves Right literally the color of perfection Yeah, so then Heather's like well a Mormon prophet said there's no work a woman can do outside the home That'll be equal to what a mother does inside the home raising her children and we're successful based on how well we raise our children How well we love our husband and how often we cry ourselves to sleep. Yeah, um, um, um, Sarah Mormon Prophet did say that, but, you know, I'd like to introduce him to, you know,

whoever is trying to cure cancer right now outside their home, not stuck there with the damn kids, okay? Yeah, a lot of men say a lot of things. Outside the home can be so important that she can get an ant to do the shit inside the home too, Heather. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But she's basically trying to describe that, this is the social code that they adhere to and what they're judged on.

Sort of set up a scene later in the episode for her. Her friend Angie comes over and she's like, don't you think that's just like the perfect size? I don't know what she was talking about, but she thought something was the perfect size. Well, I'll tell you this much. Angie is definitely a very good friend because she gets a lot of discounts at the beauty lab. This woman's face, I'm like, what are they going to play on your face for the baby shower? Jesus Christ, woman. You look like you look like something that pops out

when you crash a car. OK. Calm down. You're a very pretty lady. Calm down with the fills. So Heather's, Heather's like, well, look at it. Let me show you baby picks. None of my babies have eyebrows.

Georgia was turning sex and wanted a rock star bunny party and just like, why is this beautiful picture not framed? And she's like, because our life was shut down, Jen. Our life was shut. That my husband left me. Aaron from Aaron's framing won't call me back. The whole world shifted. No more frames. You know that, you know, that commercial he went to Jared. He went to Jared and Jared said goodbye. Okay. My world has shifted. I've not been welcome into a framing store since my husband left me. I literally stand near someone committing a crime just so I can get framed and they still won't do that to me. I pretended I was going blind just so I could look at frames and they said get out of this lens crafters, ma'am.

I intentionally jump in front of cameras so I can say look I'm in the frame. I'm in the frame. And they will not take the picture, but that may be for a variety of different reasons. I told Roger Rabbit I know who framed you. He won't even call me back. My life has been gone in. frame you, he won't even call me back. My life has been gone in. I literally have to refer to that movie by Mormon code as who did something to Roger Rabbit. I'm not even allowed to say the word, the F word.

So, um, Jen's like, so when you got divorced, why did you feel like you were worthless because other people made you feel bad? And she said, Oh, I was born to do is have a family. And it was taken away from me. I didn't choose him because he was the love of my life. I chose him because he was Mormon. He was Mormon. He was a Mormon boss. By the way, Jen's asking these questions as if she wasn't Mormon her whole life until she met her husband like she knows She knows me. Yeah, she's just moving along the story and Heather tells us I really resented him for leaving me because My whole life I curtailed my natural instincts for him and now he's saying he's giving up on me Yeah, she's like she's like like she wants to achieve her family and marriage and children and she's giving up on me. Yeah, she's like, she's like, like she wants to achieve her family and marriage

in children and she's giving up a lot. And this is her first divorce in four generations of her family, not a single pioneer got divorced. And at this point, I was expecting her to start singing landslide. She's like, love and love changes

cause I build my life around you. And chance like, listen, that's just a label. I love Jesus because I build my life around you. And Chant's like, listen, that's just a label. Marriage, it means nothing. It's like, it means everything. My heart is more man. And Chant's like, well, so what are you supposed to do? Just stay married even when you're not happy.

And she's a hundred million percent. A hundred million percent. If you do an EKG on me, you know what you'd find, a covered wagon, that's what my heart does. It makes covered wagons on EKGs. Okay, 100 million percent you stayed together. Did you ever looked at two covered wagons and said, wow, if those were both tilting, they'd make a heart. That's what I do. My heart is broken. Did you ever take the cover off of a wagon then you just have a wagon enjoy getting

rained on you would never do that 100 million percent you keep it together so producers like so have you ever been in love and she's like oh I don't know like maybe when I was 15 and he didn't even love me back so otherwise no not really and she's then she's telling us that she has three daughters and she doesn't want to put that same pressure on her and Jen's like That's why you need to set example if you stayed then you would teach them to just stay married Exactly She's like thank you Jen you're finally speaking some sense like no, no, no, I don't mean it like that. They'll be robots Mormon robots. Thank God and Jen's like listen

You're taking these steps so your daughters don't have to later down the line. I'm like, wow, we're really sticking with this pioneer thing. Now Heather is like the pioneer of divorce. Yeah, exactly. So now we go over to Meredith's house and she's wearing some sort of like white blazer with like weird pink panels on it and like a tie.

And she goes, time, time, time for cocktails. And then she turns on her blender, but it has no tops. Of course, everything goes exploding out of it. I'm like, lady, what are you doing? Why do you not have a top on your blender? But of course, I don't have to say it because we have her gay son, Brooks,

who comes in and goes, are you a moron? He's like, I don't want to job a fat. Where's Latasia? Yeah, so this kids a fucking monster by the way. He is terrible. I thought he was like dry and drool and gay and like, but just like funny and I was like, yes, have a have a gay son on here who's just like, fuck all these adults, but I was like, yes, have a, have a, have a gay son on here

who's just like, fuck all these adults. But I'm like, oh, no, he's just terrible. So she's like, well, when something's gone, I don't love having the cats home because it's like, I feel like part of my family's here. I'm like, you know what you feel like that? Because part of your family's there, Meredith. Yeah.

Also because your son talks to you, the way your husband talks to you, which is disrespectfully. So maybe that's why you enjoy it? I don't know. Yeah. I get a real sense of darkness with the son and the mom and this and the husband and the mom. I just feel very bad. Suddenly, I feel very bad for Meredith.

Because I was like, oh, Meredith is just taking time to warm up. And now I'm like, no, Meredith is afraid of fucking talk, okay? Yeah. So Brooks is like, do we have a, like a mop? And I'm not talking about you, mother. Although if you'd want to interpret that way, I'm totally down for it because that's so tragic. And her daughter is there too.

She's like, classic mom. Eh. And Meredith is like, well, my daughter Chloe is like, it's like her first year away because she's 18. And I just feel so fortunate that she wants to spend time with me. Because there's no one I'd rather spend time with than Brooks. Yeah. So then Jen comes over and she's like, oh my goodness, my children. Oh my god, Brooks, I'm giving you a big,

my sweet little babies and Chloe and Chloe. Oh, and so it's actually like really sweet. She's like, clearly Jen is like the family friend and she's been over a million times. She loves these kids. So she's like, I want a margarita, Emerith is like, well, I made them in the blender, but I didn't put the lid on.

That's because you're a moron mother. A moron. Yeah, that's what's called idiot and Meredith retas. So, uh, then Jen gives us some of her sadness. She's like, you know, at the shot at the shot, ski shell, you know, it's like our, our shell is a really big deal, but it's like not fun to be there by yourself, you know,

cause it's a big empty place and you're there alone and you're thinking to yourself, where's my husband? He's not here. Why does he love basketball more than me and my children are gone and I just have my empty house. So I come over here instead. Yeah. And Brooks is like, are you excited for that 20s party?

And she's like, oh my god, my outfit. I'm gonna be like an old Hollywood madam. I don't wanna be a basic bitch, 20s flapper. Like some of the girls are gonna be. So here's the thing. Sharif has like some coaches, whatever things. So we're gonna do a sleepover party Saturday. Okay, Facials, high kicks.

I'm gonna do high kicks. And Chloe, the daughter's like, like, shoes? She's no. I mean, a high kick, like with your legs. I would do one, but you'd see my vagina. Kicks, like this. Kicks, and she like, Facials, the back of the couch, yeah.

She turns away to sort that way. The kids don't see it You know and she's like kicking and she says going grinder grinder grinder Which makes me wonder what part of the conversation was cut out? And so Brooks is like staring and he's like I'm feeling really Comfortable her the jyna it's in my face I'm comfortable. Her vagina? It's in my face.

Okay, settle down, Rachel Maddow. Okay, you are fine. Okay, like it's, he's just like very, he's like, settle down, Rachel Maddow. He sort of looks like Rachel Maddow, or Ellie Krieger from the Food Network. Ellie Krieger. You know, so two beautiful women, by the way. It just took me a minute. Now I'm not ever gonna not see that. Thanks a lot, jerk. So then Ellie Krieger is like,

I'm beyond shocked that my mom is around someone that doing that in front of her children. Actually, you're 21, so now you're an adult. Also, it's like, it's fine. Also, you're talking about a fucking adult in your mother's house. Shut the fuck up, okay? This isn't even your house anymore. Go back to school. Exactly, I mean, like I just,

I mean, I get, in some ways I get it because I don't want anyone, like I don't wanna see vagina or penis some ways I get it because I don't want anyone, like, I don't wanna see vagina or penis or butt. Sometimes, like, I don't, if someone's like doing that like in my face, I'm not sure if I necessarily wanna see it, but there was like an element of shaming about it that he, the way he was saying it, where I'm like,

hmm, I'm picking up on some shaming, and we do not shame vaginas. Well, she wasn't even showing her vagina. He's been ridiculous. So Meredith is like, my children are gonna go to a best buy now. And a chance with her shame should do. Yeah, Jen goes, even though you birth these children

out of your vagina, they're my children. And Bricks goes, grouse, we're leaving. Grouse. We have to get a best buy. There's a yellow tag event. So yeah, so Jen has no idea that she's royally pissed off Brooks and he's disgusted and he's going to start a campaign against her.

So now we go to back to Lisa with her son who is 15 and is about to start learning how to drive. Oh God, here we go. Driving scene with your 16 year old. So not even, not even 16, 15. Yeah, yeah, 15. So she's like, oh my God, these kids are almost like their brunters for 18 years and then they can't wait to battle on you.

In business, I can handle anything. I'm a great problem, soaw there. But in cars, I just need a Diet Cock. So they drive and drive to a 7-Eleven and she's like, okay, now, cook up me a Diet Cock. Easy on the ass. Yeah. Yeah. That's the whole scene is her trying to give a Diet Cock. That really is. She's like giving him advice. Well, she's praying. She's like, dear father in heaven, don't let us hit anyone or anything or a bottle of Vita tequila. And don't let anyone hit us unless it is a bottle of Vita tequila,

which we'll happily accept, because it's the one of a tequila in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. That got me a dot cock. Got me a dot cock. Easy eyes with lemon. So then we can get in. And the sun, by the way, there's also an awkward moment with the sun. They're talking about like, like, backing out and he goes, well, I have a strong pull-out

game. And she's like, all right, let's focus on the diet, Coke. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's come. Celebrity beef. You never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife

And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon.

Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. So then we go to table X and Mary arrives like kind of jiggling in and these huge heels and the usual like strange like fringy pink outfit. So it's some sort of like there's usually some sort of like kelp equality about what she's wearing. It always feels like there's like seaweed hanging off of something.

Yeah, she does like the sea theme. Also, this whole cast is really into feather and fur and mixing them. Like at some point, I think it's Jen who comes in later wearing like a feather coat over a fur dress over a feather, you know, how many animals had to die for those one scene guys. Yeah, well, Jen was wearing a yellow, they called her Tweety, Heather's like, Hey, Tweety, Tweety, but had there's like, hey, Tweety, Tweety, but she's wearing like a yellow fur thing

in two different scenes. Last, the first episode, Meredith was wearing a, like a monster's ink, a pink monster's ink jacket, and then last episode, Lisa was wearing the same one. Maybe it was Meredith, I don't know, but there's like a lot of like big, furry, like Yeti, like colorful yet, like gay Yeti jackets that are happening in this cast. Yeah. So they're giving it a meridus. So Mary and Meredith. So they order cod. Mary's like Neil.

She's like, I bought the cod and Meredith's like, you don't want to share. You want to get your own thing. Now, all right, I guess I'll get my own cod. The marriage is for the same thing. But I like when someone's like, no, I will not share your fucking food. I'm getting my own food. I fucked my step-grandfather for this money. I'm getting my own. This is such a merit of thing to happen, because you know she went home and she was like,

well, guess what? I tried to share a cod with Mary, but guess what? I had to get my own cod. There we were, two women eating her own cods at a restaurant. And Brooks is probably like, she's going down, mother. I couldn't approve. Are you there?

A cod, it's made Brooks. So, Samaritath is like, she's talking about, I'm sorry, Mary is talking about, she's going through a thing with her son, Robert, because they've always been inseparable, but now he's turned 17 and met a girl, and he's like an adult and not giving mother the attention that she used to have.

Yeah, and he's still the love of my life, but I'm not the love of his, and this gets crazier as it goes, it gets like creepier as it goes. And so Meredith is like, Mom, look, it's really normal for them to disconnect. Like yesterday, Brooks said, Mom, you're fucking moron. And then he went to Best Buy, you know?

So I totally got it. And Mary was like, how did you do three kids? And she's like, you know, look. Oh, she, Mary said, I had a- She laughed like Sharon Stone for her. She laughed like, thank you for this award. I'm like, she just asked you how you know, look. Oh, she, Mary said that. She laughs like Sharon Stone for us. She laughs like, thank you for this award. I'm like, she just asked you how you did three kids. Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much. This award is dedicated to all the kinds that had to die for this dinner or two to be specific, because I couldn't share mine. What were you asking? You know, like, well, I've never been able to connect with those people who just say, oh, my life is so perfect. Like, it didn't happen like well, I've never been able to like connect with those people who just say all my life is so perfect

Didn't happen like that, right? And Mary's like, oh, yeah, that's happiness. I mean come on. You've been married 20 years I know your happiness isn't isn't really come on come on And they start laughing like oh Marriage right like we're unhappy. Yeah, I mean you can't be be happy, Meredith. Look at the obvious sadness in your face. It's clear. And Meredith is like, and then you throw a child into the mix and you're focused on them.

And it's easy man to have the communication with your husband. And Mary's like, yeah, I mean, you just get that space where you grow apart. Robert Senior is in love with his son. And I'm like the helicopter mom. And so eventually we just kind of became partners instead of, like, truly married.

She's like, I don't like a friendship. No, like a partnership. I wouldn't even put friend in there. Um, and so, but she's like, but, you know, I have to make the marriage work because it was a range. So I have to make it work. I'm like, you don't, you literally do not have to make it work. It was an arranged marriage.

You can, you can leave Robert's senior. It's okay. Yeah, you literally do not have to make it work. It was an arranged marriage. You can leave Robert's senior. It's okay. Yeah, you don't like the flowers? Get new flowers, okay? Who cares if somebody arranged that? Big Mo Watter. Were you supposed to go to a restaurant? You can change your reservation.

Okay, change it. So she's, Meredith is like, not an option, huh? Okay, so then Mary tells us her story. She's like, yeah, her's her monologue. She says, I always say that I have beauty in all my mess, but the reality is I married to my grandmother's second husband, which is my step-grandfather. Now, she made it very clear that she wanted me to be the one

to take her place in the church, and so I inherited everything, homes, businesses, the church, and him. Yeah. And she goes, now, it was weird, okay? But I did it because I trusted my grandfather, business is the church and him. Yeah. And she goes, now, it was weird, okay? But I did it because I trusted my grandfather and I'm just so glad I did it.

Like, oh, yeah. I trusted her grandmother and she's like, I'm so glad, I'm so glad I did it. And she goes, I believe if something knocks you down, you just get back up again. It's a side of drink, a soda drink, a whiskey drink, whatever it is, I get back up. That's not what they were talking about.

Like, that song was not about step-grandfather fucking. Okay, it just wasn't. It really isn't. You can't just rework it to be about anything. So now it's like, now it goes even crazier, because at this point, it's already crazy everything that she's gone through. I haven't even thought about her mom.

I actually assumed that her mom was out of the picture like maybe had died or something, but then she said that she disconnected from her mom at 19 and she said that she got married to Robert Sr. at 22 and split the church up and her mom had a fit. And her mom had a fit and I'm thinking, oh, she had a fit because this is totally crazy that her daughter is marrying her stepfather right and she goes no my mom had a fit because you know she wanted the church

and she wanted you know to marry Robert senior. Oh my God she felt like she deserved it all and him and the producer. Did you have the set did you have sex the first night after your wedding and she she's like, oh God, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was on my period. And of course that period, I made it last two weeks. And then it started getting awkward like you still on your period. And then I started to pray and seek higher help. And then it really worked out. It worked out so much.

It couldn't have been better. It's like, what? It's come on. Because this whole time I thought they were saying like, yeah, okay, it's weird. It's a step grandfather, but it was just a business arrangement kind of thing to keep the church. And then to just think this old dude's like waiting for this 20 year old, like to stop having her period, I can't. And at the mom is like jealous that she doesn't get to fuck her stepfather. And I can't. And at the mom is like jealous that she doesn't get to fuck her stepfather.

Oh my God. So she's like, yeah, well, I had to make up my mind to just detox the people who are not beneficial to my life. Well, okay, so people who aren't beneficial, you're gonna just force them into AA? Who does that? It's not nice. And Meredith is like, well, you know what?

There are good people out there and that's when you have to seek out. And of course, she's like, I mean, I didn't marry one of them, but you know, theoretically, I could have sought one out. I even marry one of them, have them, or anything else, but I've seen them on TV. Oh, look at this lady who brought my God.

You're a good person, glad I see you out. Thank you. Thank you. So Mary just started talking about our church and Meredith is interested in it. And she basically Mary says that when your dad are going to be coming to the church this weekend or something. So Meredith is like, I want to come see and it's just another. I'll just tell the kids I'm going to best by.

That seems to be the excuse these days. So then we're back at Meredith and Brooks at her house. And she's like, I'm going to make some walk of mulling because we have like a gazillion of accountiles. And he's like, I'm going to make my almond milk because I've had my almonds marinating. Yeah, my almond's marinating in water for like five days. He's like mad at the marination process. I'm like, Just get some silk.

I'm in breeze. So then he, so now he tells us he's like, when Chloe read and I found out about our parents separation, I took the semester off from school to support my mom and whatever she's dealing with with my dad and to work on my clothing line. Okay.

And to be on the real house labs, your real fucking supportive over there kid. He's like, as much as she has friends coming in and out or visitors staying, no one can keep her grounded as I can. Watch this, mom, give me your finger. Buh-uh, bro! That was an electric socket.

Stupid. No. So he's like, well, mother, I'm sure you can tell that Chloe and I were very uncomfortable the night Jen was here. I'm like, um, could she? I don't know. Like what made you uncomfortable, right? So she's like, yeah, um, yeah, that was kind of a surprise for me.

I'm sorry if you guys were uncomfortable. And then he like just starts slamming on the blender, the Vitamix, which is a very Vitamix heavy episode. Okay, it is. This is like, this is the second Vitamix scene. And he has the cover on it. He's like, see, mother, this is how you blend things more on. He's like, well, we were all uncomfortable, mother.

Like the way, like that's crazy how that happened. Like, she can act as she wants, just not in your house. That was uncalled for. And Meredith is like looking down, cutting avocados, not making eye contact, just hoping it was made me feel weird. And he's like, I don't want Chloe to have to experience that either. Chloe and I had to see parts of that woman that we never need to see again.

And she's like, well, I understand, but she wants to have a sleep over. Well, that's not happening. It's like, you don't get to tell your mom what she's doing. You also like, yes, it's like, it is weird to see the private parts of someone that you know. That's like an elder to you. I agree that is a weird thing. But also, I don't know, I think that he is ridiculous right now. This is ridiculous. He's acting all puritanical.

Like now he's so offended. The someone would act like that around his end But she wasn't but the thing is that she wasn't being that she had she had she wasn't like Giving him a lap dance and like no She made an effort to try to be like actually modest about it. Yeah, he's being a little prick because he wants to be like a housewife Okay, go get your own show, Brooks. This is not it Now I know people aren't gonna like that because online people are like,

oh my God, here's an iconic. Well, he is like very funny, but like this is a weird one because it's like it's straddling between like shaming a woman's genitalia versus also like trying to like the fact that she was being very extra. And so like, where do you like, how do you grapple those two things? Like you shouldn't shame her just like, like her, like someone online was comparing it to

PK leering at Erica James, you know, like upper pants and being like, oh, she wasn't wearing underwear. And it's like that thing of like, you know what? Like, don't shame the woman because she wasn't wearing underwear or whatever. And she is being very extra. And I can, I can, I definitely think like that extraness could have been super annoying and be like, oh, she's so annoying. But like, but there is like a little bit of slut shaming going on that that people are

not appreciating. So Brooks is like, well, it's Chloe's last night. And let's be honest, you're the CEO of Meredith Marx. You'll never have time for a sleepover in your life anyway. And she just keeps looking down like, okay, honey. I'm like, oh my god, do you take this shit from every man in your life, get rid of these losers, divorce your son, and your husband. And Chloe,

too, she starts this shit. So then we go to my mind. I mean, I think if it's, if it's, if it's Chloe's last night, and she's like going back off to school, I think like lead with that, lead with like, actually mom, could we have family night because it's Chloe's last night. I want to have family night and our family is currently falling apart. That's okay. I. I support that, but like, not like, you're gonna meet the, you're like, CEO of Meredith Marx, even though no one knows what that is, and you're never gonna have a sleepover again.

I'm like, okay. Okay. So then we go over to Mary and her husband, grandpa, her husband, Pa, and she's like, I told you how to start the stove. Why can't you start it? Men don't like instructions. Okay, you don't need to hire someone to fix a stove. I taught you how to fix it. And so he kind of walks off and she just turns on every single burner. She's like, see? Yeah. Yeah. And they're talking about Robert Jr. who is like, he's at school

but he's not learning anything because he's apparently only going to the school because the girlfriend goes there. I don't know how that happened. I don't know how a child gets to choose a school like that. But they're saying that he's really spoiled. Robert's senior is spoiled too. He's like, well, who's spoiling me if I'm spoiled? Huh?

Yeah. I'm this whole thing. So now her son, she's jealous that the son has a girlfriend, so she's gonna make him go to boarding school. I mean, really? Some of my friends. Well, she's jealous, but she also thinks he's not learning anything or something, or I don't know.

Nothing really matters. Nothing really matters because he has a girlfriend. The something is so fucking weird. So, um, she's like, well, he needs boarding school, so he can choose a college because his brain is distracted with this infatuation or love or whatever it is. Like, so you're not gonna let the kid have his first love?

Or what the hell? Says a woman who's like married to her step-grandfather. And then she even says, she's like, you know, you know, for me, when I got married to Robert Senior, I had to get to know him. And then once I did, I really felt like, wow, my grandmother really nailed it. Literally, she literally nailed it. This is what I pick.

Yeah, she literally nailed it. She had already nailed it. But then after Robert Jr. was born, she drifted into being a mom and he drifted into being Robert Sr. I'm like, that sounds like it was probably then never a relationship that worked, because it never seemed like it got off She had to spend time getting to like like find his good sides And then you had a baby and then drifted apart like it sounds like you guys just never quite

You she's trying to make it sound like he's wonderful and I'm like it sounds like it's not great Yeah, so they call the Sun and and she's like listen after school You can do whatever you want, okay? But are you even learning at this school because I think you're learning bad habits like falling in love Who does that as a teenager? I mean do you want to go to boarding school? Come on. I can find a co-ed one and he's just like oh He's just like, oh. He's like, like, here, okay, so here's a way to not teach your kid bad habits. Don't send them to boarding school in Los Angeles.

That's the worst idea of all. Yeah, and so he's like, I don't think that's necessary and then the grandpa hits the blender. What is with the blender? On this show, he's been blending. He's been having trouble digesting solid in Utah. It's passive aggressive blending. It's like happening from all angles.

So yeah, he wants to go to a regular school. I mean, he's like, huh, yeah, huh? What? Yeah, and he's like, well, I don't want to go to boarding school because I can't be without my girlfriend. And she's like, oh, this is exactly what I'm talking about. And he's like, or you? She's like, oh, right.

You're going to a boarding school. Bye. So then Whitney and her dad are going to Mary's church. Yeah. It's been 10 years since both of them have gone to church. And apparently Whitney's dad has only in the past year recognized that he needed help. So he's in the process of considering going to a sober living and everything. And so she just wants him to feel love in the past year recognized that he needed help. So he's in the process of considering going to a sober living and everything. And so she just wants him to feel love in the church.

So she goes up there, she meets up with Meredith and Meredith's friend, Jeff, in the front pew. And Mary comes in and she just talks about how she felt like she was in training before her grandma left. And then she took over the church because it felt like the right thing to do, you know. Oh, this is the way she tells this story. She's like, okay, so my grandmother said everything that I didn't have I want you to have. And when she passed, no one really knew what to do and I was just sitting there in church one day and I thought I'm doing this. I felt something pulling me So I got up and I did it and it came across like very all about Eve like her mom was planning on taking over this church Grandmother just passes and Mary sees her chance and just gets up there and goes for it

And I was like wow you really went for that brass ring Mary. You got a hand. Yeah, I'm not really sure that I would understand that Brass ring, but you grabbed it, girl. I'm not sure I believe anything Mary says, by the way. Like, everything, I'm like, I mean, after she said that she had, she was in the hospital for a month getting odor glands removed, I'm like, I'm not totally sure what she says really is the truth, but this is what we have so far. So, yeah, Mary is basically, it's a whole like

scene of like rapturous joy and religion, et cetera. She does a lot of things and she jumps up and yells a lot while she is preaching. And it makes what she's saying sound kind of normal. She's like, let God be God. People are like, yes, it's like let God be God. I was like, yes, it's like, let God be God. I was like, has God, like, in your coffee cup. It's like, yes, I will do that. Wait, why am I doing that? It's like, is there like a movement for God to get a different haircut? Like what's been happening with God, the God feels insecure right now. So she's, and she's, but she's preaching and she's saying to Whitney's dad, he knows your problem.

And I said, if he leads you to it, he'll lead you through it. He's that kind of God. He's that kind of God. And it was actually kind of really nice. Because Whitney's dad was obviously very touched. She's crying. And he's been through some hardship and everything. And Whitney was saying that this is like the first time

she's seen her dad feel love and acceptance in like many, many years. So, you know, there was actually like surprisingly heartwarming. Really? For me, I was, I was, I was rolling. I was on low-lerskates going around the ring. I was like, what is this?

It's so crazy. It's so crazy. She's so crazy. She is I did. She's so crazy. She is crazy, but I don't know. I felt bad for the guy in his bad wig and like, he was like just crying and I'm not. I felt like I just, listen, let God be God, Ronnie. Okay, let God be God.

For crying out loud, okay. Um, lead him to it. He'll lead you through it. That's what God does. Just hang in there. That's God right there. That little kitty You see just hanging there. That is God. So, um, yeah, it is nice because it does like crying and stuff But then I was also uncomfortable. I was like, oh So, uh, Whitney's like, this has changed everything. It's totally worth it for my dad. I was like poor guy Okay, so then Jen has a makeup team

and she's got the full squad. Like she's doubled the glam squad the glam squad from other housewives shows. She's got like 10 people there. Yeah, and she's like, she has the Shah squad and she's telling them, they're all like, they're all like, there's like six hands on her face. It's like that movie Brazil.

And she's like, every time I'm talking about the dress, I have my makeup on and I want to cry, but I can't cry. And then the gay goes, you should hire like a professional cryer. So when you have to cry, thank you cry for you. Yeah. And she tells us, this is the Shaw Squad.

This is not amateur hour, okay? We're testing out my outfit for tomorrow. So they're doing like a dress rehearsal for the next day. Yeah, and then like one of the assistants, like the second assistant comes by with like a tray with berries in line. I'm in a shot for her. And it's just like all very sad.

Like it's clearly a woman who has to buy her friends. And because she's like, my team is not just employees. It's lonely when Shreve has gone a lot. And that's why I guess I lean on them, you know? I'm like, I rely on them to fill that role as my family. Like she's no Erica Jane, where Erica's like, oh yeah, I'm best friends with the team. She's like, I literally pay people to be my family. Yeah, it works.

So she's like, well guys, guess what, Shasquad? Meredith and I plan to have a sleepover after the party and then crystal the seconds to say, she goes, yeah, I feel like you mentioned that. And she goes, well guess what? Meredith canceled. She said, hey Jen, I need to cancel the sleepover because Chloe wants to spend more time with me after the party. I can't believe that Meredith can't cancel the sleepover because Chloe's here, her time with me after the party. I can't believe that Meredith can't sleep over because Chloe's here.

Her child, her daughter doesn't even live here. It's her last night she can leave because of that stupid. I just want real people who are going to reciprocate. Like it's her daughter. She's allowed to cancel plans for her daughter. What is reciprocate? I mean, what are you talking about? You invited her to a thing she can't come.

Like you want her to throw a sleepover for you? Come on, be quiet, Jen. I also love that she's talking about like how she wants people who would reciprocate the love loyalty and respect I would give them. As she's surrounded by people she literally is paying for like affection. Like, are we supposed to believe that like the moment one of them

is like in pain that she is going to be? Is she going to be doing their makeup? That's my question. Yeah. So I guess the money has the reciprocation. So then Meredith is... No, Heather. Is this Heather? At Ember, we're at Ember for Heather's baby shower.

This is the baby shower. We're done Meredith, but it's Heather. So she's... her guy has gotten together her baby picture wall or whatever. And she's like, did you figure out which baby was me? It's like I was the one with a covered wagon behind it. Damn it. So then the so the five employees come in. These are the five pregnant girls. There's like if you said hey What do you think the names would be for five women who work at a, at like a beauty spot in Utah? These would then be them Whitney, Brynn, Sam, Roxy and Jill.

Oh, Roxy's trouble. I can tell you that. Roxy is a little bit of a, that was a surprise that there was a Roxy. I'm not gonna lie. I thought that that might have been like an Amy. I'm not gonna lie, I thought that might have been like an Amy. Oh, she's like, they are gonna pop out perfect, garbure babies and be perfect little Instagram ladies. That's what they think, but guess what? That's not what's gonna happen. And this party, everybody being in all white and then five pregnant ladies, all in white,

following each other into the room, it really is like big love territory, you know? Yeah, I've been watching a lot of content about Colts and this felt very culty. I just felt like I haven't seen mid-Summer, but it felt like this is was a scene from it. Just like. Yeah, that was a good one. Yeah, maybe I'll watch it someday. I don't like scary movies, but it seems so ridiculous that I might make an exception for it. Yeah, I'm this pretty ridiculous and wonderful. I love that kind of a movie So all the ladies are posing with their tiny little cars and

K grass to that quiz and Heather's like, we're trying not to cry and we were horrified that you're pregnant so young But at least you're not divorced for another couple of years. What's out for that one girl? not divorced for another couple of years. Watch out for that one, girl. We got you a bunch of motorized covered wagons, whereas we call them Range Rovers. Enjoy. So then, Heather, they do this, you know,

they have to shoot their scenes. So Heather and the other housewives, like, leave to do a scene. And they leave the rest of the group, like everyone who's there for the actual baby shower are there doing these activities, but because it's being shot on Bravo, they clearly can't be playing any music.

So they just have this, you just keep on seeing this kind of like soulless play time with these adults where they're like, I don't know what they're doing there. They're tossing balls, whatever, but it's like silent in this place. It just felt depressing. Yeah, lot of balloons and pink bong balls. The girls go over to talk and Jim's like I'm so excited for the roaring 20s party and Whitney's like, yeah, I'm excited. We all haven't been together in a while

It has been a while since we have all seen each other and Jim's like, yeah since the ski day. Let's have a cheer Yeah, there's like cheers to skiing. I'm like, people, it was last week. They've got to be better things to cheer towards. So Whitney is like, she's saying how she's going into this party with like a clean slate for Lisa. And she really means it. And it's like, but is Lisa invited to the party?

And she's like, yes, I invited Lisa to the party. We're gonna have a wonderful time. And... Clean slate. Clean slate. It's real we'll be coming to. And so, Jen is like, I have a question. Is Mary Crosby, or Mary Crosby coming to the party?

Oh, Lord, have mercy. She is. Oh, Lord. And Whitney's like, I like Mary. Heather's like, do you have a clean slate with Mary? Come on, John. She's like, clean slate, dirty slate. I don't care, bitch. You're a relevant.

She was like clearly trying to earn her spot on the cast. Yeah. This was like during the time when they had 16 women who were getting sizzle reels. And they're like, hmm, who should we pick? So she's like, dirty slate, I don't care. She's a bitch. I hate her. Yeah she's decided that she's gonna still be mad now about hospital smell. Yeah she's back and she's not only gonna be mad. She's gonna be furious. So Heather's like oh my god how are we back here again? Mary apologized. How is this still kicking?

And she's like you know what? I will be your friend ride or die. You can call me, but do not attack my family. She admitted it. She confessed. She said it smells like hospital smell. She had a trigger with her odor glands, Jen. I don't you listening to her very real story. So Whitney is like, do you know why I love the church? Because I took my father, who's in drug rehab to Mary's church with Meredith and the community of people there were so supportive. For the first time, her dad, that love.

And Jen's like, wait, are you telling me that Meredith went to Mary's church? That was her takeaway. I love that that was her takeaway. When she was talking about her dad, he was struggling with pain killers. And for the first time in 10 years has felt love and it was an emotional experience. And they cried and he felt Jesus and he's on the road to recover. But Meredith was there. Yeah. And Heather's like, well, I want to be

respective, whatever that means. And James Lines, next in line, on a list. It's James Lines. No, Meredith wants to play like Switzerland. And she's like, well, everyone needs a Switzerland friend. I mean, it's my favorite country in jenkos. Then you're not a real friend. How about you're not a real friend

for making some forcing someone out of Switzerland, which is a lovely place with chocolate and clocks. And it's like, I hate that because there are people who act so extra. And then, like, then you're forced to, like, take a side. If you don't take a side, if you're just, like, I don't want to be a part of this, I like you both, you guys be more mature. You're the one who gets attacked. You're the one who winds up actually, like, the two people will wind up like making up. And then you as Switzerland, who was actually trying to stay

out of it or trying to like facilitate mature conversation, you're the one who gets burned. When it was their own dumb behavior that gets dragged you into something. So I support Switzerland. Yeah. And their watch is. So Jim's like, well, I get why Whitney went to Mary's church her dad's going through a lot But for Meredith to go she knows what's going on between Mary and I I mean this is a Personal dig with me and I am curious Yeah She goes she goes hey Listen hey Meredith you cannot go be friends with her and then be friends with me

I'm not saying choose. I'm just saying tell me. I'm like no, you cannot go be friends with her and then be friends with me. I'm not saying choose. I'm just saying, tell me. I'm like, no, you're saying choose. Tell me what you've chosen. Okay. Tell me how you'd like to choose to move forward. And Whitney's like, in my mind, there are no sides to choose. And just like, well, really, if you like Mary and you really like me, then you don't

think there's a conflict. Bitch. Vote. That. Bitch, vote. That's like, okay, you got the job already, come down. So now we go back to Lisa's house, and she's picking out her outfit for the 20s party and she goes, well, I don't know, I don't know why to do. I'm not very much in the 20s, but I could do the 70s. And there's like, it's not 70s love.

I was like, that's like saying like, I don't know. I don't know if I like, I don't know if I could do a great Gatsby theme, but you know what I do love? I love the Food Network. I love clouds. So then Justin Whitney's husband is like, wow, that dress is conservative, honey. She's like, I don't think women had boom jobs out in the 20s, okay?

And he's like, what are you smoking in that cigarette holder? She's like, maybe something legal, maybe something, not legal. Rebel, I'm a rebel. Rebel. So then we are back, Jen's with her squad again and she like comes out the doors because they're all waiting there For to see her final look and she steps out these doors and everyone's like Yaaaasssss, yaaaasssss, yaaaasssss Were we contractually obligated to give three yasses or four?

Yaaaasssss Just be careful. I love those with the door gaze. They're just sitting right by the door and they're just like yes They're applauding her like he yeah, but there is one who was blurred out So he clearly had a falling out. Yeah, he's like I do not approve of my face being here during the yass segment All right, yeah, as she goes well, you know if you all didn't clap you'd be fired anyway Ha just kidding not really and then she she walks around talking to everybody like Hello darling Just kidding not really and then she she walks around talking to everybody like So Whitney is like it's funny because she actually had more life in character than she did out of character because out of character She my name's Whitney and I've been excommunicated from the church

But then when she was like in character as a flapper, she's like, hey, how are you? What a great time. I'm like, where's this Whitney coming from? Yeah, this Whitney's ironed. Also Whitney's quarantine look. We have to discuss this. So most of the show so far, we've seen Whitney with a cute little bob

or whatever it would be called. And she's like cute, cute Whitney. And then like there was an interview with her that was clearly a pick up from some time in March. And her hair is enormous and her eyebrows are so arched. I mean, she looked like, she looked like divine. It was crazy. I was like, what happened to Whitney and quarantine?

Yeah, quarantine is really showing us who has learned to do stuff by themselves at home. Who's learned to comb their own hair? So she sees Meredith and Lisa come in. She's like, well, I mean, she really knows how to rock the bell bottoms, but it's 20s, not 70s. And they're like the guy's strippers or whatever, swinging around the poles. And Heather's like, well, who said, oh, Heather, Heather's like grossed out by the strippers.

She's like, that's too much of all the Brooks is like, I know, right? And I'm not even at the party. Mom faced Tommy so I could be totally a fat dead. So, um, so then Lisa's like, here's, there's a thing with wetnay. She's definitely in love with a strap or a pole. How was this 19 20s? I was bringing the documents and they were bringing the depression.

So then we see like a cowboy stripper on a pole, which I don't know how that relates to the 20s. Maybe that's reflective of who was living in Utah at the time. I don't know. So then Jen and her gay arrive. She has a gay who's there solely to hold her train at this party. There's just one guy like that's his life holding her train. And she's mad because she thinks that Meredith is being so shady.

Yeah, she's like, so I had a couple drinks before I came tonight. And so Mary, Mary and Meredith are talking and they're all like old buds, because they went to dinner and church, so they're like totally bonded now. And Mary's like, oh my God, I love that time in the Meredith. It's like, ah, swanning is jolary. And everyone's having a great time.

But then Jen says, I want to give her the benefit of the doubt that first thing I see It's her in the corner with Mary fucking crabs me. Oh, yeah fucking kidding me. It's like sticking on knife in my heart Please have another cocktail Next week Jen screams and throws drinks on people Get wait for it. Well, that was a delight. A really ridiculous romp. So fun, loving SLC.

Yeah, me too. Everybody, thank you so much. Have a great holiday weekend. We are very thankful for you, our little turkeys. Thank you for giving us such a great life and supporting us. And we will be back Monday with real housewives of Potomac

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