Watch What Crappens - RHUGT: Crossed Off The Phuket List
Episode Date: March 25, 2023Heather Gay and Meredith Marks join us for our very first live show in Salt Lake City before we dive into our recap of the Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip season 3 premiere! We're coveri...ng everything from Heather trying to knock Leah off the wagon to Marysol's stomach ache.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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What happens
What
crap
What
What
What
Happens when there's so what if Hello and welcome to Watcher Crapins!
A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.
I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me soon is Mr. Ronnie. Today we are talking about Real Housewives,
Ultimate Girls Trip, Season 3, episode one,
and we're gonna be doing it live in Salt Lake City,
and of course live recordings sometimes have their issues.
This one is actually totally fine,
except the record button did not start right at the beginning.
So it just sort of starts kind of right in the middle
of our opening pattern.
Not a big deal, we basically are just talking about,
like, whoa, cool, we're across the street from the jazz.
The Utah jazz, that is.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who came out to our show,
thanks for our special guest, don't want to run to surprise,
so just have to listen to you, who comes.
And without further ado, here we go.
Here I am, mid-sentsentence already talking about things.
Cross the street from where the Utah Jazz perform. Or play I should say.
We've said just for jazz so many times. Yes. We left a very dirty Uber. It's like
half-lobs, half-lobs dog when we saw the jazz. Things are happening in that arena right now,
and you don't want to know about them,
but some people are getting very good tickets.
Okay, so obviously we have to say,
we've never been here, right?
So we only know stereotypes and the insanity
that is the show, Real Housewives Assault, like City.
Right.
One of the best housewives shows.
One of the best, right?
One of the best.
So we don't really know what to expect, right?
I'm like, can I say fuck?
Like, what am I gonna do?
Like, yeah.
Can we say fuck?
Can we drink?
What are we gonna do?
Well, let me tell you, we got off the plane
and it was like Mission Return Day.
That's what I'm calling it.
I don't know what it's called.
Missionary is coming home.
But it's like Return Day for missions.
I mean, there were girls just like,
ah!
Because their boyfriend came back from,
is it two years?
My dad says missions are two years.
Two years.
My dad's good.
My dad is a good one for Eddie.
So two years, and I have to admit,
every guy was so cute, first of all.
Do they work you out on missions?
Like, are you doing push-ups in Africa?
Second, all I could think was, this is so sweet.
Did you guys give each other hand jobs on missions?
Please, I need to know.
It was so lovely, because we walked through these
those glass doors.
I mean, here all this screaming, we saw flags.
And we're like, guys, thank you so much.
Of course, we're like, no, pick it.
Thank you. No, no, no, no,. Of course, we're like, no picking. Thank you.
No, no, no, no, please, please.
We're just podcasters.
But it's like such a stark difference between like,
I feel like when I go when I fly places,
I feel like when I arrive places,
there's definitely no banners and there's no tears.
Maybe I'll have like my mom being like, oh, hello.
Not me. My last time I went to Austin before I lived there my family was like an hour and a half to pick me up
Like my response is like go back
Go back
So obviously there's a lot going on in the world a Biscandoval so
Scandival we are in full scandival season right now a A lot's going on. The reunion apparently got super
bloody yesterday, which was really fun.
It's crazy.
I've been loving the internet posting every terrible
picture of Recal that they can find.
People are such assholes, and I love it.
It's crazy.
I mean, all the pictures of, no, I, you know what?
I don't care what an asshole you are.
I will call you by your chosen name. I'm just that kind of a person okay I will respect that
I'm so she still rekeld to me until she identifies differently she is a
rekeld to me so people are assholes and I love it because every time they
show rekeld she's a model you guys okay well I mean I don't know what she
models for she says she's a model you guys Okay, well, I mean, I don't know what she models for she says she's a mom
She's pretty enough to get away with saying that she's a model and
Yeah, you know she looks gorgeous, but every picture of her is this I know
It's like they're waiting on their knees to get an upward shot of her
You know, they're like you have something in your teeth or a cow and she's like
They're just like waiting for a fly to fly into her throat.
So she's like,
I got it!
Got Raquel!
Got Raquel.
But another piece of news that came out of that was Raquel
supposedly brought on to the reunion stage legal papers
to give Toshina.
Yeah.
And because you know,
apparently,
Shishu found out the news after watch what happens that
Raquel had cheated with Tom Sandevol and punched her in the face
Yeah, can you believe that?
So they brought some papers as props or whatever for this whole thing and how many people how many black-eye storylines
Are we gonna have this year on Brock? How many black eyes do we have to go through?
I mean, she's got to endure. It's like first it's watching
Look these here is television zone Heather gay
I know a few thing about Black Guys. Come on in.
Heather Gay from Televisions Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
and the Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip.
Hi, welcome.
Hi, I had to turn up for the Salt Lake City.
Yeah.
I so love that you're here.
Thank you so much for being here.
I'm a fan.
I have tickets.
I'm here for the show.
We are so grateful. And so appreciative that you have tickets. I'm here for the show.
We are so grateful.
And so appreciative that you came here
because we probably are going to be a little mean to you tonight.
I'm ready for it.
I signed up for this.
Bring it on.
I can take it.
I promise.
I live through the black eye.
I live through a SWAT team at Beauty Lab and Laser.
Yes.
This is nothing.
I can handle this, for sure.
You live through your choir.
Lisa Barlow's audition.
You live through Anci Harrington and Whitney's audition
for your choir.
True, true.
I did.
I want this.
When the things go marching in.
Oh, sorry.
I started doing Lisa Barlow doing Angie Harrington. Sorry. That was erroneous. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, me, lucky enough to meet in person. We're awful fucking human beings. We know you're an actual
person and we know you now in real life, but you're a cartoon on the TV. So we're not
abusing you. I understand. I can differentiate. And if it's funny, anything flies, honestly.
OK.
So I have a question.
So you said on Girls Trip, you said that you're like a fan.
You're a fan of all these shows, et cetera.
So what can you say what shows you were like the biggest
fan of before you joined the Bravo universe?
Yeah, I was for sure an avid housewives watcher.
But I loved all the shows, you know,
Vanderprenner rules and I loved family karma.
I loved love deck.
I loved everything.
So I just was such, I mean, I have processed my entire life
through reality television.
Oh, sister.
And so it's the way I've lived vicariously.
It was kind of how I like lived another life
and saw how other people lived.
And so I never in a million years dream that
Housewives would come to Salt Lake City or that I would even be housewife adjacent. So yeah, it's like a dream come true
But also a horrible nightmare. Oh good wonderful
I hate that that's showbiz kid that's showbiz
Well, you know the black guy thing. I know happen to you
You're probably sick to death if not answering that question, Heather.
Yes.
You know, a lot of that brings up legal questions, and I feel like we really shouldn't be asking
you unless we have a lawyer here.
Wow, I would want to answer all the questions, but I do have to defer to legal accounts.
I was free.
Hello, Mrs. Marithmar.
Thanks, I'm a friend of mine.
I'm a friend this time, Wayne. Mrs. Marriss. Hello, Mrs. Marriss. Thank you.
I'm a friend.
This top about the black eye is inappropriate.
Bruxy says I'm junction.
I told you, but for all, there can be absolutely no discussion.
I might be able to help with this.
Oh my goodness.
It's another housewife.
Meritith Marks, welcome.
Meritith Marks, you hold my microphone because you're special.
Look how beautiful these ladies are.
I told them you look like your filters don't they? That's amazing. I really didn't
think you guys would look like this. I thought you would you face tune such a bitch it's like everywhere
like hey bitch it's me face tune you know. Do you want to tell like everyone on Instagram that
criticizes me that actually do look okay in person. Yeah, she's looking at my God.
Stunning, and I'm not just saying that because she's right here.
I'm the opposite.
You can only get me looking this guy on porn hood.
That's where I say.
So how's it going?
Tell us, I want to know about how assault like city got started,
because we started talking to you about casting.
Normally, there's one they told me to talk right into this thing. Sorry, I'll get close. How assault like city got started because we started talking to you about casting normally
There's one they told me to talk right into this thing. Sorry. I'll get deeper when I get closer. Yeah
Romantic podcast
So how did casting start for that because normally there's one housewife right that they build around who was that was it Lisa?
We both think it was us
It was actually a little bit different because I got a group text with Lisa from a mutual friend of ours asking us to talk to some producers, but they had actually also already been in
conversations with Mary Cosby for a very long time. I don't even think it was for Housewives.
I don't know. Mary Cosby, they could be interviewing Mary Cosby every a very long time. I don't even think it was four housewives. I don't know.
Mary Cosby, they could be interviewing Mary Cosby
every day for literally everything.
I would have brought everything.
It's like, hey, we're showing golden girls' regrets.
You want to audition?
To leave you with the GTV, please.
But then both Lisa and I both recommended Heather,
because we love her.
Oh. Wait, and we had done business together and had a few
scissor kick moments and so we thought what better.
No, we did.
We have been doing things that Sundance and so they both
recommended me and I had the business that like saw a lot
of housewife potential people that were potential
castmates so that kind of got the ball rolling.
Well, yeah, your business sees potential housewives people. You're the Botox lady in the town.
You're the Botox lady in town.
I mean, your business sees so much cast potential. There's even Homeland Security that shows
up there.
Yes, FBI SWAT teams. We get it all.
We get everything. It's the hottest spot.
Life is short by the lips.
I know.
That's your motto.
I'm actually, I'm really sad because we flew in today
flying out tomorrow morning.
And like if we'd have been able to come in a day before,
you know I would have been going to Beauty Lab, Beauty Lab
and Laser.
Beauty Lab and Laser.
And you are always welcome in your comp.
We want to get you some bro tops.
Oh, yeah, bro tops.
We want to go a little mini lip plunt, whatever you need.
Whatever I need.
Well, look, I've already been going.
So thank you for keeping your ben's.
Ron, even going for years.
He's been going for years.
He's been going for years.
I literally ate an avocado to look this signy today.
So I want to ask you something simple.
When you guys are out drunk and you bench,
what do you eat when you're done?
K-so loaded fries from Del Taco.
Yeah.
It's my absolute good one.
I love it.
And I love a meatball Deltaco. Yeah. That's a good one. And I love it.
And I love a meatball sub, too.
Yeah.
I'm not a great late night eater.
I'm not.
But you're not eat late at night?
Not often.
Good for you.
Not often, but once a while, Seth will take us like through the dry throat and an out.
Okay.
And then whether you just judge it, whether you just like doubt it.
No, then I'll get something.
I'm not eating that thing. Then I'll get something. But I'm eating that I'm like I'm here to find it. I'm very picky. I don't I don't I don't know I admire that a lot of options late night
Meredith by the way you admire that you admire that she doesn't she said she's a bad
Night night. I'm a good late night either. Yeah, I do what the body asks of me to be replenished
Well, I vibe with that body ass. I'll feel sick if I replenish it that moment.
That's the point.
By the way, that's it.
You can eat what you want and barf it up later.
Do I have to show you people how to do everything
your real housewives?
A sick housewives.
Meredith, one of my favorite little moments
in the past season was when you and two family members
sliced a lemon together.
Dead.
Have you ever done it with just two?
You know, I don't even know how to explain.
That moment to be totally honest.
We're the most awkward moment ever.
It will be best.
And then also your white bean salad.
So we started talking. we made a running joke.
I made it today.
Good joke.
That's what I used to do.
It is delicious.
It is the most delicious salad, honestly.
I could eat it by the spoonful I love it.
We made a running joke about cannellini beans
because of that.
We talked about cannellini beans every day for like two weeks.
And when it came time for the crappies
our yearly award show, we literally invited
Linda Cardellini to come home.
We did.
We're like, you're not going to get this joke, Linda,
but you're a running joke from a housewives
sketch that we do.
So we had this joke about a white being salad.
Do you think you could come to our show?
Linda Cardellini did not show up at the crack of this.
I took Linda Cartelini to be a responder.
Oh, fuck, Linda Cartelini, am I right?
Well, oh, no, I guess either way.
Well, I was like, Linda Cartelini is literally dead to me.
All right.
Hey, do we give a shout out to your husband who's also here
today?
Oh my god
So sexy sexy man
We may have to report some knockoff Canal Street Brooks Marks tracksuits in the crowd
some knock-off Canal Street Brooksmarks tracksuits in the crowd. Oh, yes.
Those are actually really good, too.
I saw this hot girl in the elevator,
and they showed me that.
That is not just some safety pin on Brooksmarks.
And those are worn. They wear these around town.
Actually, you can get arrested for that.
We've got a lawyer right here.
Yeah.
She knows about the IP.
All right, so we'll let you down.
I just want to say, Heather is in the show that we are making fun of today.
So we get to Trash Talk so we figure it's only fair to have a Heather response segment
of the show.
We're going to give Heather a wireless mic to sit with in the audience.
And we will be able to directly ask Heather anything
and Heather, you can chime in as well.
And I might say I don't recall and I don't
want to talk about it.
What?
I'm a man for.
You trust me.
You'll want to answer overtaking the answers I come up with.
I mean, I always defer to my lawyer too.
Alright well Meredith Marx, other gay.
Thank you very much for being here.
Thank you so much for coming up here.
Everyone give a huge round of applause to Heather and Meredith.
And then yes, thank you so much.
Look at them, beautiful and Ronnie too, also beautiful.
That was so fun for us.
Oh my God, I want to look like that.
What do I need to do?
Both of them.
Both of them most into wine.
Okay, so let's get to it.
Welcome to Real Housewives Ultimate Cootrap Thailand!
Please recognize my, I'm looking so good right now that my iPad doesn't even know who I
am anymore.
Your iPad is like, I've decided to shake Meredith Marks instead now.
She looks so good that my iPad broke up with me.
OK, so have you guys had a chance to watch real housewives
ultimate girls shoot a panel?
You watch it.
That's fucking crazy.
It's really an episode.
It's really an episode, right?
It's really an episode, right?
It's really an episode, right?
It's really an episode, right?
It's really an episode, right?
It's really an episode, right?
It's really an episode, right?
It's really an episode, right?
It's really an episode, right?
It's really an episode, right? It's really an episode, right? It's really an episode, right? It's really an episode, right? It they seem long to you too? I don't mean long in a boring way,
I mean long in a, I'm still typing way. It's been three hours, how long is this? And then it's just
can't, it's going downstairs and upstairs and I've got three pages of notes. I know me too. And most
of them say, yes, yes. I find that I become ten times as gay when I'm recapping girls trip because it's just like so cool to see everyone together. I'm like, yeah!
Well, they're all kind of gay icons too, so we just sort of get gayer as we watch it, you know?
Plus we also have to welcome a new gay icon Pepsi, right?
Love Pepsi
All right, well now I have to give the snow-opening speech about Pepsi.
Now listen, this show takes place in
Thailand, I'm not going to try and do any
offensive accent or whatever, okay?
But we can't do Pepsi like, well,
hello, I'm Pepsi.
Hello, I'm welcome to the...
We were thinking of giving him an Irish
bread.
I know, we thought that'd be fun just to have Pepsi talk like Daisy from below
Dexaling, huh?
Well, I'm Pepsi. Welcome to your room.
I can't believe you're here,
Thailand.
Welcome, Whitney.
We've got some other fucking elephants for you to pit.
I do.
That was sort of veering into Dorit and I kind of like that.
Boys.
Yeah.
Because we love Pepsi.
We don't want to be a Pepsi.
We don't want to be a Pepsi.
But we also don't want to be like,
Hi, I'm Pepsi because that's reserved for Whitney.
Yeah, we don't want a whitewash Pepsi.
We don't want a race Pepsi, but we also don't want to be offensive to Pepsi.
So we're just going to try to navigate this as best as possible.
So feel free to boo-ass if we're being an actress.
We're being inappropriate. It's not meant to be.
You be the judge. I'd rather you tell me to my face than on Instagram.
Yeah, guys.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Okay, so this episode is called,
We're in time at bitches.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
And Porsche is the narrator of this.
We guess Porsche, I'm guessing who quit,
Tinsley Quit, Tinsley was supposed to be on the show.
If only there were someone that we just had on stage
that we could have asked who was supposed to be on the show.
I know.
I'm like, what do you eat late at night?
Meanwhile, there's like all this
so I could have been asking.
She does have a mic so we'll ask her in a little while.
But Tinsley Quit, so Portia came instead
of another New York person.
So Portia, since she's the only Atlanta person,
it's like the narrator.
And so we're getting like the,
Oh, I'm just fine, Portia.
I'm just Portia having done, I'm a fan, I'm Portia having fun.
She's like, I haven't been on TV in so long.
So Portia, I saw you on TV just a few months ago
on your little family reunion.
Portia family matters.
Yes.
Yes.
One of the messiest ass spin-offs I've ever seen on Broadway.
You seen it?
I was watching a, they showed a clip on here
and it's Portia going, they're a clip on here, and it was Porsche going,
they're in my family!
They're all my family!
They're like, they're all holding her down.
So go, I'm out of my family!
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I'm going to say something scandalous, Ronnie.
Go on.
Plants are meat.
And not only are they meat, they're delicious,
especially if they're from impossible foods.
They taste like beef.
Exactly.
Impossible is making meat history this summer.
Yeah, they are.
Summer of impossible.
I am so excited to be spending time, cooking my summer foods, all that good stuff, and guess what?
We can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean, it's gonna be a great summer for
impossible foods. Impossible beef is made from plants and 19 grams of protein per serving,
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Then we move into the Salt Lake City ladies
who are gonna, this is our first Salt Lake City girls trip
appearance and it's Heather and Whitney
So Heather calls Whitney and she's like what are you doing right now?
Whitney's like I'm packing my suitcase in a hidden bar in the basement. It's a sin. Tell everyone
Oh, no, there's chocolate syrup on my suitcase
My suitcase just lost its job.
I'm trying to find somebody to get my suitcase off of the rolls of the church.
One more I have to do, I already bought in a way.
So Heather is like, well I'm packing, if it has a designer level, it's going in the bag.
So there we go.
So then we have Whitney, she's saying how like, she's saying how Heather lied about knowing a rumor about Lisa and
it literally broke everything.
We were at a game for the jazz and then Heather said, Heather heard Angie say that Lisa gossles jizz for jazz but then she denied it and now I look
stupid.
Oh poor Whitney looks so stupid before too but bless her heart.
Whitney and Heather are very excited because as Heather mentioned she's like we've never
left the Mormon belt and like literally on Salt Lake City
I don't think they've ever not flown south west somewhere. Yeah
The first year they ain't gonna spend money on your ass. It doesn't even housewives
You know, they're like here's a ketchup factory in Oklahoma
Here's a hobby lobby off of routine
But then Gen saw you know kept everybody like literally angled to the to the state
So they finally get to go, I don't even
think they know how to do it.
When he's like, what's Thailand?
Do they sell ties there?
Is that an Arizona?
Is that Ben's warehouse?
So, then we got a, you know, that Whitney is not even
even eating no Thai restaurant.
Can you imagine me?
What's this? Is this peanut butter? You know that Whitney is not even needing no tie restaurant. Can you imagine me?
What's this?
Is this peanut butter?
Okay, so...
Spanking Justin with her pad tie.
It's flopping on it.
So now we go to New York City where Leah is showing off her designer Crocs were mom bunny.
Good news everybody. Leah are still fucking miserable.
My God!
I'm proud of her for being as miserable sober as she was drunk.
That is saying something.
Yeah.
So, she's like, hey, mom, do you know how much these are worth?
And mom's like, I don't know.
50?
Higher, mom. 75?. 50? Higher, mom.
75?
Mom, fuck higher, mom.
76?
Fucking more on mom.
400 dollars, Jesus.
I never liked you anyway.
It's like, mom.
Mom, these are Balantiyaga Crocs, mom.
I was like, how long ago was this film?
I don't need your child porn crocs, you freak.
I'm fucking Balantiyaga crocs out of my face.
Too soon, too soon, ma'am.
Okay.
Yeah.
So then, she's like, well, they look no different than the ones in Dwayne Reed.
That's the difference between flying into New York and versus Salt Lake cities.
Salt Lake City, you get banners and people crying in New York, well, you know, look no different than Dwayne Reed.
So then we see the Fatale Mac girls just that,
just that la and Candace.
Happy birthday to you.
So you make me want to drive back, drive back.
So these two are acting like they like each other to start it off.
Yeah.
They're like, oh my god, you're so beat.
Oh my god, my face is so beat.
This is amazing.
Oh my god, your husband make me feel uncomfortable.
No, don't room ma.
And then, Port says like, oh, if I'm going to tell you about them,
I need a whole other show.
So then we see their greatest hits fighting.
And my personal favorite is Candice going,
remain seated.
Remain seated with your greens.
Where's your dressing?
Have you ever heard a salad fight?
I don't think I've ever heard that.
But tell me, because a real innovator was salad fights.
Yes.
They really like to go to that space.
Tell me, because it's the healthiest fighting city of all the housewives.
So when we go over to Alexia and Mary Sol,
and Mary Sol's like, so have you seen pictures of the house?
So it looks like a bottle of gray goose.
I'm gonna drink it right now. I'm in Alka, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, no, I haven't seen the photos. It's like, did you scroll down, Alexia?
How did you get so much?
I only got an email that said Pepsi, Alexia.
That's it.
Where is it?
I'm not gonna take this.
I'm not gonna take this.
Restant got the Pepsi factory of Thailand?
Mm-hmm.
So Mary's like, oh, Pepsi, is that me in the pictures?
There's a master bedroom on the top third floor
and that's gonna be art.
We even have swiveves longer than any of them.
And I've been an Applebee's busboy longer
than any living Applebee's.
I don't count when you're fired, lady, okay?
You got your job back.
You don't get to just keep the busboy title, okay?
Also Marisol's a friend of, right?
There, I'm not letting Marisol get like shit. I don't care if this is a different show. And I don't care if she's a friend of, right? There. I'm not letting Mary Sal get like shit.
I don't care if this is a different show.
And I don't care if she's a proud alcoholic,
which normally I would root for.
So Lexi is like, oh well, you know,
I watched Salt Lake City since the beginning,
and I feel like Heather and Whitney both of them.
I feel like I like them and Jazzella like,
and Mary Sal's like, yeah, I'm wearing a good time
and good weather, you know,
because Whitney and Heather get along so well, right?
Yeah.
She goes, oh my God, are you already drinking?
She goes, no, it's water, just getting more.
I love to drink.
I drink.
So then we get to the Gen Shaw that all.
I feel like the Gen Shaw stuff is like, once you're in jail, I don't care anymore, you know,
it's like it's over.
It was all about to lead up.
It's like Christmas Day versus Christmas season, right?
It's like it was so fun when it was happening.
I'm like, oh my God, what's happening, Gen Shaw?
Is she going to jail the police here?
What's happening to Gen Shaw?
And now she's gone and she's writing her Instagram posts.
Well, Sharif is, you know, Sharif is not writing those posts.
But Sharif is writing her posts for and they're like,
Everything that I've learned has come into prison
and take responsibility for what I've done.
I walked a long death row and I said,
What about what I've been through?
It's literally three Instagram slides.
Yeah, they're just swaddle.
I literally can't.
It's over.
Like, Lifetime did a part two of the Jody area story.
I'm like, she's in jail.
What do I care what Jody area is doing in jail?
We'll wind it back to her stabbing the boy from beheading the boy from shooting him ten
times. I don't want to see her eat cookies in jail. The fuck wind it back to her stabbing the boyfriend, beheading the boyfriend, shooting him 10 times.
I don't want to see her eat cookies in jail.
The fuck is wrong with you, lifetime?
So Heather's like, right before this trip,
I was in New York, pre-helping Jen,
prepare for trial, and then totally on.
Good job, by the way, Heather.
Good job with that one.
No, that worked out great.
Mm-hmm.
Sorry. No, she's just like in, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, people who could beat the New York federal court system.
Parah Abla and Ispanio, O Prima, O credit card numero.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Like, is that Jen?
So then we finally get the opening.
This is the weirdest opening.
Okay, so the first girl's trip we got,
welcome to the island, baby.
That's the best one.
Ba ba ba ba ba ba.
That was the best opening, right?
That was the best girl strip opening.
Yeah, I was like, lyrics, it was shot.
It was like colorful.
Okay, and then the next one, oh, that was that weird derinza one.
It's like, it's like Brian Cox is just coming to going,
fuck off, you're like, whoa.
Yeah.
And then this one just goes,
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.
Wait, hold on. That sounds like Orange County the way I'm doing it. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun It's like I expect a clown to appear from under this table and kill me.
I made a Halloween mix of that theme song and nobody could tell the difference.
Really, I was so offended.
I was like, I worked on this for a week.
So now the women are arriving at the airport to fly to Thailand.
Whitney's there, bless her heart.
She is so confused with this non-Southwest experience.
Wait a second. What is a boarding group? How does that work?
I want to be A5. How do I do it?
I really didn't ever get any attention until I was a C.
Wait me, get on the fucking plane.
So they fly over and of course marry so I was like, yeah, well I'm going to go fuck
I'm a shamp thing.
And Porsche's like, oh my god that's going to be so fine, have something to drink.
Porsche, you're going to be over this in 10 minutes.
Yeah.
And Alexa is trying to figure out where she's like, oh well so we're going to p over this in 10 minutes. Yeah. And Alexia is trying to figure out where she's like,
oh, well, so we're going to Pouquet, P.K.?
P.K. Kim's Lee?
That's right.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Welcome to my country.
It's P.K.
Bye.
So we get Alexia coming out of the airport first.
Alexia is such a mess.
OK, so her first season back on Miami, everyone's like,
oh, my God, Alexia, she's going through so much. Like Alexia is such a mess. Okay, so her first season back on Mami, everyone's like, oh my God, I love Alexia, she's going through so much.
Like Alexia's an amazing person.
And this year everyone was like, Alexia's fucking evil.
You know, and that's what I love the most about housewives,
the turns, you know.
Yeah.
So she comes out and she goes, oh my God, here we are finally.
God, it's so hot.
Why do I got, and she's talking to some random lady
standing outside of the airport with a bicycle, it? And she's talking to some random lady standing outside
of the airport with a bicycle, okay?
This lady's like on a bicycle.
I don't know what she's doing at the airport.
I don't know if she's giving rides.
I mean, I don't know what she's doing,
but she's just on a bicycle.
And she's like, what am I doing here so hot?
Not from Miami, it's hot too.
Why would I come here?
I could've stayed in Miami.
Could've stayed in Miami.
Why even bother Thailand?
You're like, well, please move away from the lady on the bike. Okay. It's hot too. Why would I come here? I could have stayed in Miami. Could have stayed in Miami. Why even bother Thailand? You look well.
Please move away from the lady on the bike.
Okay.
When is like, wow, Arizona's beautiful.
And they say it's a desert.
So the vams pick the ladies up.
Okay.
And they're all coming in different little groups or whatever.
So Chizellas, the more we're gonna have
so much fun, girls' shape.
You know, everyone's doing that sort of thing
and then it cuts to Whitney.
God, oh, God.
First of all, the producers on this show
are evil people.
They are.
They are.
You don't just let Whitney out.
My God.
Who does that?
You don't just open the door of a car
and say, Whitney, just good luck, Whitney.
Yeah, just, I mean, I feel like they dropped her off
at the driveway, and then she just wandered off
in a different path.
She's like, filla-i, filla-i, filla-i, filla-i,
filla-i. They didn't even give her a real camera man to help her to ask.
They were like, do this on the phone cam.
So she's walking around like, hi, I'm in Thailand.
It's going to be so amazing.
There's like one party that's like chickens walking by.
Excuse me, Mr. Do you know how to get to Villa Eye?
Bless her heart. And I don't know.
That chicken now can pull dance, it's amazing.
The chicken's like, I have a pole in my basement.
I don't know how these women didn't have a fit when they saw this place.
You don't just get driven to the place, okay?
They drop you off, the vans are like,
okay, get out now, and then it's the lady on a bike.
She's like, get out of my van.
So they get out.
They get out, and then it's a hill literally this steep.
It's a 90 degree hill, a hill, for housewives to climb up.
Hello! How did nobody, I wouldn't do that.
Housewives don't do slopes.
And this was a textured slope.
It looked like it had some sort of like bricky thing or whatever.
So it was very dangerous.
For those who could figure out to actually walk up the driveway,
it was very dangerous.
But Whitney is like, I'm not doing this healing journey today.
I'm in Thailand.
I feel like I can't find villa.
I, maybe she's just saying,
Ville all this time.
So we meet Pepsi, who is the best
by far house manager.
The best, the best, the best butler
that we've seen on these shows.
Because remember the last one at Durinda's house,
he was like some extra that they got.
They put on Crazeless.
Like somebody to do something at Durinda's
and so he just showed up.
And then they were like playing with him
and like ripped off his shirt.
And then when that aired, he was all over it.
Like I'm giving interviews about the pain I suffered
at having my shirt ripped.
I thought he peps he's not gonna do that.
He's like, do it, take my shirt.
Take my shirt ladies on here for your relationship And she's like, do it, take my shirt. Take my shirt, ladies, I'm here for your pleasure.
It's me, Pepsi.
It's me, Pepsi.
I'm Ta, and I speak English.
And it's not like I have a real accent,
but we call it English.
He's so cute.
He's like, so the one who teach me English is a movie.
And he goes, I just watch movie five times
until I learned English.
Look, I am your father.
It's an interesting choice.
He's amazing.
And it's so bold to not be named Coke.
You know when you go to a restaurant,
and you're like, can I have a diet Coke?
And they're like, is a Pepsi okay?
Like apologetically, Pepsi is gonna bring pride back to Pepsi products
He will by the way another regret I have is that I have enough time to see one of the crazy Utah soda places
Right what's that what's a Utah soda place?
No, don't don't don't the people of Utah love soda like I have I mean I mean we should have known
I mean Lisa Barlow, you know, she's like can I touch that dark coke
But apparently there's places where you go you just get like crazy soda soda. Delicious. You put like soda
you put like whipped cream and and popcorn and
Fudge this just sounds like I live in room at like two in the morning
Yeah, there we go.
Oh, soda plate.
You all get laid there?
He's gotten laid at the soda place.
Not a one.
I'm ashamed.
How is this a crap that's audience?
Is that soda, delicious?
No, you're in Thailand.
Hmm.
So, Whitney is cut to Whitney like, at a McDonald's, okay?
Is this a villa?
Is this villa I?
Villa I?
Thank you.
Thank you.
If you're like bowing back at people, they're like trying to hand their quarter pounders.
Ma'am, you're at the Cambodian border.
So Alexia gets there and Pepsi has made them all these beautiful drinks and Alexia is
like, oh, hello everybody, good to see you.
What is this special cool late?
Does it have alcohol?
I'm not drinking that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no my show. I absolutely love Candice, especially when she lets me talk about how her husband sexually
harassed me by talking to me once.
Love Candice.
Love Candice.
Just don't be alone in a room with her husband.
Nah.
You'll feel very uncomfortable.
So, just as like, you know, it's funny doing these because we can tell what shows you guys watch.
You know what I mean?
I was like, who's this out?
What the husband do?
Okay, good.
Oh, look. See you listen.
I gotta add.
Ronnie lives for a boo.
Okay.
So at some time, we might just say words,
like, I don't know, like Tom Sandivall.
Yeah.
There we go.
It feels good.
It feels great.
My dream is to be stoned.
I mean, there's so many ways to die.
I figured I'm going to go in like a really dumb way,
like sticking my finger in a light sock.
Like I'm the person who uses a fork to get something up.
I'm that dumbass out of the toaster, you know?
You're like that.
I'm putting aluminum into the microwave.
Yeah. Like I figure I'm gonna die like that, but God, I would just love a good old-fashioned
stoning. Like shame, you know?
Yeah.
Mmm, karma. What a delicious way to go.
So anyway, welcome. So, um, Jizelle is looking forward to meeting Heather because they're
both single and half girls.
Which, funnelo.
You know.
And she goes, yeah, and she drinks latte in a fun girl way.
Ah.
But Whitney, she likes to do the splits.
She drinks all the time.
But it's in a fun girl way.
I'm like, wow, you're just slut-shaming Whitney already with a smile out of your face I like to think of someone doing splits in a non fun girl way. It's like till disswintin just or well Kyle Richards definitely does in a non fun way
She tries bless her heart bless her heart
So I I kid you not my next note Whitney walking up a hill
So, uh, I, I, I kid you not. My next note, Whitney walking up a hill.
Villa, I, Villa, I.
It's not an exaggeration.
This is literally like every two seconds.
Villa, I, she's like in New York City now.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
That's what Whitney just all over the fucking map, you know?
So, um, Whitney is literally about to collapse outside,
and finally Whitney sees, she's picked the right hill
Say, oh am I supposed to go up this? Who planned this trip?
So Pepsi sees her and he's like, you can do it Whitney
Whitney can you hear my accent? I learned everything by watching far and away come on
And Alexie is like, oh, I think that's that girl with me because that voice just made
a bird crash into the window.
So, someone get with me.
So there's, people are still arriving.
Okay, there's a whole other van.
There's Portia, Marisol, and Lear in a van.
And Marisol's stomach hurts.
Oh, God, I drink so much.
My stomach hurts.
God, I'm hilarious.
You know what they said?
If you want to be back on Bravo, talk about having a stomach
ache.
So, Porsche's telling her, like, look,
if your stomach hurts from drinking mixed drinks,
what you should do is drink straight alcohol.
Yeah, that's what everyone does, right?
Porsche, who has ordered from craft services bottles of Henny to be shipped to Thailand,
put this hilarious, and Mary's soul is like,
Oh, why do you want me to be drunk, Corn Show?
Because Mary's soul is fun with a drink.
I'm not gonna lie, my personality is inside this bottle.
And it's off-brand and very cheap.
Please switch.
Please at least find a gray goose.
You know what I mean?
I could get behind that.
Commissars, here comes one right now. episode members of the writers room and I unpacked moments from season two, sharing juicy details you can only hear from us.
Stream and just like that season two, starting June 22nd on Max, and listen to end just like
that, the writers room on Max or wherever you get your podcasts.
So Whitney finally makes her way through the doorway and just goes like, oh hi, it's
nice to meet you.
Finally, please stop bull dancing on me.
And when he's like, this is so fun.
I'm like, fan-girling.
This is so weird.
Who would have ever thought we'd meet here in Denver, Colorado?
I'd like to try on your finest ties, please.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
So, to selfs, like, with me, I want to wait for Heather before we talk about the Gen
Shove at all. So Whitney's like, wow, I'm really, I'm kind of afraid to see Candace only
because I was in an interview and then they asked me who my favorite, my least
favorite housewife was and I was like the one who didn't back me up on Lisa Barlow, guzzling jizz for jazz tickets.
And also Candice, she's a bitch too, so I don't like her either.
I hope she doesn't read that interview in the Penny Saver.
Have you ever read a Whitney interview?
I've never read a Whitney interview.
What maybe you have, you're in her city,
like, is there like local interviews about?
never read a Whitney interview. What maybe you have, you're in her city.
Like, is there like local interviews about?
Oh, my God.
Whitney's giving interviews.
Like how we just come here.
We're just with a bag of garbage.
Whitney's going up to inanimate objects.
She's going to the Dave and Buster's
and talking to the ski ball machine.
And then she said, she didn't remember the rumor.
I mean.
Aren't you going to say anything? Okay, 30 seconds.
30 seconds later, Chuck E. Cheese comes alive.
He's like, please don't tell me this story again.
So Whitney's like, I have so many questions for Heather about Gen Shaw too.
I do too.
She better get here.
So all of these ladies are wearing their fake brand shirts.
OK?
You know, none of these are it.
They're all like Gucci off-centered.
It's like Gucci.
It's like Gucci, but then there's a dot on my eye.
There's like a pen in it.
Guckier, you know?
Yeah.
So then they have four to go, right?
So we go to the fun van Leo San
Yeah, so Leo's like so is there anyone that you guys are looking forward to meeting
Marisol is like, I'm leaning forward to meeting have there are no she drinks and doesn't have stomach aches
That is confirmed.
Good time, girl.
Good time, girl.
Good time, girl.
Good time, girl.
She's in the sky.
Does Mary Soul watch these shows?
Because she's like, oh, what am I going to like is alcohol?
And can I get me a drunk?
That's not what I'm lia's just like, you know.
And lia.
I wasted my balance yaga crocs on this drunk bitch.
No, she's gonna be so triggered.
And Leah's saying she's like, oh yeah,
like I actually know Jizelle
because like we did like project runway together.
And also I did like Bravo chat room.
And she said like, oh I should hook up with Jack Nicholson
and it kind of like broke the internet.
I'm like, what?
Yeah, I don't.
What, I don't seem to remember,
was that on the same magazine that Whitney was in?
But the best is that Porsche is with her,
and that was Porsche's show.
And she goes, yeah, I was also on Bravo Chat Room.
And Porsche goes, you were?
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
And then Porsche is like, did he DM you?
He just said, I wish.
Like Jack Nicholson DMing.
Jack Nicholson is not watching the Bravo chat room first of all.
He's with the rest of America, doing anything else.
He actually has basketball tickets.
I'm excited.
Kind of makes you wonder how I got those.
I know, just for Lakers you wonder how I got those. I know.
Just for Lakers.
It doesn't have to say.
Just for Jack, she said.
Just for Jack.
Now that's worth it.
There we go.
There we go.
I like the polite golf plop-lobs.
For just, yeah, it's very good.
Very good.
Just for Jack, a little iteration there.
We appreciate that.
Everyone is really so polite here.
So Heather, Heather finally comes.
And she's hugging Pepsi and stuff.
And Chizelle immediately just starts stirring,
because that's what Chizelle does.
She's like, oh, so Heather, so you and Whitney, your cousins,
I was at working.
And Whitney's like, well, we were at France before we found out.
We were cousin.
Don't ever do a 23 me by the way.
Hey, you're going to find out you're related to Whitney.
Okay.
Have you ever seen one of those that looks good?
So you find a parent?
Is it ever one that you want?
I've never seen a story where somebody's been like, oh my God, I found my mom and look
at her and she's great.
It's always like, I found my mom and the mom's like,
hang.
You want to eat a little more?
Hang, you're seeing something at this fat fuck, a snack?
That's my real mom.
Is anyone here related to Whitney, by the way?
Everyone is.
I am.
Everyone is.
Yes.
Right here.
Up there.
We have a cousin up in the rafters.
Oh, we're getting to you.
Heather has her say, you just give me one moment.
Let me get here.
So Heather comes in, joking.
Like, God, it's Carmen San Diego's here.
So look at her.
So Heather's like, I'm just hoping these women are going
to know that I'm their biggest fan.
And I hope they're gonna forgive that,
you know, that I bring the glam factor down,
and I'm just gonna make up for it with jokes and jokes,
and lots of jokes that will totally land with these women.
It's gonna land, they're all gonna land.
They're totally gonna land,
everyone's gonna get all of them.
Heather, this is a time for a Heather segment.
Heather, what the fuck are you wearing in your diary room? You look like the golden girls' couch
made into like a dinner roll-up.
What are you doing?
Yeah, because that's what I was going for.
I'm a golden girls' fan,
and I was paying homage to my sisters.
Oh, you guys.
All right, we accept that.
We accept that answer.
Also, I didn't have time to prep,
and they wanted tropical colors,
and I don't have like, I'm not like glam ready.
And so I'm just trying to throw stuff together that will get me.
Heather, but that's like the top of curtains.
The top, that's like the top of curtains.
It was a Dries van Noten bubble top.
And I could have done something better.
But that's what you got.
You do well the rest of the time.
You do what I still got paid.
That's the answer.
There we go. It's like I got paid. That's the answer.
There we go.
It's like I got paid.
Should I make you head back?
Should I make that check?
I wish we had a segment like this where we could just
actually ask you guys through the entire recap.
I know.
I feel like I'm on like a British talk show right now.
I feel like they're always doing that.
There's always a celebrity up the side.
So Heather saying, oh, Whitney gets a pass on this one.
Oh, because everyone wants to ask Jen Shaw questions.
So Heather, it says something that will never haunt her surely.
She goes, I ride for Jen for sure, okay?
And I am processing it the way she processed a lot of checks.
It's happening and it's happening quickly.
And Canvas is like, she told you she was innocent though, right?
She goes, oh, yeah, she told me she was innocent for like, year, like a full year.
Okay, she swore on her family's lives, you guys.
When people swore on their family's lives, they are fucking lying to you.
Okay, they're lying to you.
When someone swears on their family's lives, they don't believe to you, okay? They're lying to you. When someone swears on their family's life,
they don't believe in the Lord.
I'm telling you that right now.
Like who's gonna come and get me?
Like what are you gonna do?
Jackson's just on what's what happens live,
swearing on his baby.
Did he?
Does that.
Swearing at your baby.
Not on your baby.
So, baby, a little fucker, you stuck the life out of me.
So, just like, but you knew she was lying, right?
Like all of America, right?
And I was like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, the truth is, we were texting,
but we haven't had a real conversation yet.
So, I don't really know.
I don't know.
I don't know. Yeah, I don't know why she suddenly
changed her mind.
And Alexi is like, oh, you know why she changed her mind?
I'll tell you why she changed her mind.
30 years.
That's why she changed her mind.
Watch cocaine cowboys on Netflix.
That's why.
When you're facing 30 years in a second,
you're like, oh my god, in a second,
I'm believing the 14, and I'm telling my wife
to marry a gay rich man.
Wait for me.
I love, say what you will about Alexia, but I love when she puts up her finger. And she's like, oh, yeah to 14, and I'm telling my wife to marry a gay rich man. Wait for me. I love, say what you will about Alexia,
but I love when she puts up her finger.
And she's like, oh yeah, well, let me tell you something.
Call 911.
So Heather's like, well, yeah, the truth is we've been talking.
So she's like, she tells us, she calls me right
when she walked into the courtroom and said,
I don't want you to be blind.
Thanks, Jen.
You don't want me to be blindsided, right?
I just filmed all these scenes in New York City
looking like a Jackass.
She's like, I don't want you to be blindsided in five minutes.
So I'm going to do it now.
Yeah.
So would you at least give me the aunt,
let me look shocked when you do it.
So then she made it so you don't even
get to look shocked that she's guilty.
I mean, that was pretty shitty.
So when he's like, Jen is a master manoppa leader.
It's very easy for her to lie on Padana Fakata.
Can I take that from the top?
She drives the tiny car, and I'm the little dog.
the tiny car and I'm the little dog. No one ever gets bored walk.
She has body odor because she got bein' a railroad.
So Heather is saying that-
I mean, Jen did go to jail, so.
Heather is like, I just cried with her on the phone,
and they're basically peppering her with questions, right?
But she was lying, was she lying?
Was she lying?
Yes, she was fucking lying.
Do you watch the show?
No.
How else are you going to get Jen Shaw's scenes
if somebody doesn't film with her, okay?
And so, Lex is like, oh, what?
Were you friends with her before the show?
And Heather is like, yes, what are you friends with her like before the show and Heather's like yes
And I ride for her hard I still do I still do and everyone's like
Guys she's right there right there you guys geez
Jesus you guys are so mean saying these things. Can I say something? Yeah defense I
flew to Thailand like two days after she put I had I was packing and like
Hadn't read anything yet. So I was still just like how could you not read it? You're in all of it
Don't you have a good learn I was fine international first class, but I mean
That's the best out you're always gonna get me with a nine dot paid comment.
What was it?
Um, guitar airlines or something?
It was fabulous.
Guitar airlines.
Great music.
The jammas, the whole thing.
So I wasn't looking online and I didn't really see anything of it.
I'm just saying that was very fresh.
Yeah, but Heather, you were friends with Jen Shaw.
Okay, even on that trip to New York, your friend Seth up there was like, so
You guys, let me pass the mic to Seth.
Everybody's asked.
I love this.
Have you guys asked,
Jen if she's guilty and has anyone felt Whitney's boobs in real life?
What do they feel?
South wet say you, sir.
Does he really have the mic on him?
This is dangerous.
This is dangerous.
This is, we're in dangerous territory, okay?
Yes.
But everyone put your camera phones away.
Please.
This is Meredith's worst fucking nightmare.
Wow.
We never had a discussion either way.
If we'd be talking on the Grap in show.
Meredith's worst nightmare is Bruxy
not being a adorable little toddler anymore.
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
It's OK. It's OK.
You don't have to answer. You're still hot.
He is, by the way. Yeah. They're all answer, you're still hot. He is, by the way.
Yeah.
They're all hot.
They're all hot.
They're all hot.
They're all hot.
Okay.
So, uh, anyway, so then, um...
So, they're talking about this.
Yeah, I'm sick of it.
She's a javit.
So, Heather's trying to throw it on to Whitney.
Because they're all asking Heather.
And Heather's like, uh, Whitney, any questions?
Yeah.
Where's Kara Bukoffee?
So the producer asks Heather, hey, how do you feel about not
being able to put your bags down before the questioning starts?
And she's like, I expected it.
And honestly, I'm just glad that someone
thinks I have something to say.
I get that. So then we hear it.
It's so funny.
It's like you're worried about what you're going to talk about at lunch.
You're like, my best friend was just arrested and sent to prison for 10 years or whatever.
And I said, you're good.
So cute.
So Marisol and Alexia walk is and Leah too. It's like a lot of commotion, a lot of hub, nothing could possibly go wrong in the scene.
Nothing.
Leah, I mean, Leah is just so happy and Heather is so secure.
This is gonna go great.
This will be great.
So Heather's like, oh, hey, Leah, oh my God, like, God, how are you gonna do this?
How are you gonna say, sober here?
She goes, I feel obligated to support you, Leah.
I feel obligated and Leah goes,
what are you kidding?
I mean, stop.
And she's like, no, I'm art, she's like, listen,
I'm already getting grilled,
but I support you in your sobriety.
And Leah's like, oh, you're getting grilled about Gen-Sah.
And she goes, yeah, because I'm involved too.
Do you wanna talk to me about it?
Any questions for me?
Do you wanna sit a lunch together?
I'll tell you all about it.
Well, you're probably someone who's been manipulated
by a narcissist who doesn't have $400 crocs.
I can't leave.
I'll tell you all.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave.
I can't leave. I can't leave. I can's like, well, bingo, I mean, I guess every great
relationship I've had in my life is when I've been manipulated by an
narcissist, the most fun I've had, the best sex I've had, the best chicken meatballs
I've had.
How many easy target?
Why change it?
You've got to love it.
So Pepsi's like, ladies, attention, please. Let's go do a tour
So he's like first. This is the spirit house and Lee is like, oh, yeah, I love that place
That's where we locked her in that when she just can't fucking stop. Hey, you better quiet back it up
You better back it up my spirit. I better get the fuck away from my spirit. You know what? I cooked. I cleaned.
I made it nice for the spirits.
You better back that up.
You better find someone leading in my spirit room.
It's ludicat.
I'm going to rip you in the mask.
I'm going to rip you in the mask.
Clip, clip, clip, clip.
Clip, clip, clip.
If I hear the fucking chainsy Mortimer, it's here on this vacation.
So the Spirit House is actually very nice and lovely.
And everyone's making offerings.
It's like a real cool thing.
They just bear it staying in that house?
I don't know what I'm going to go to your Spirit House.
So they start making their offerings.
And Pepsi is like, okay, I'm going
to show you how to pray, okay? Every morning we offer flour and some food. I'm like, can
I marry you? That's all I want in life. If I found a man that like literally showed up
in my bed every morning with flour, I would fall over dad. It's like dream come true.
So just like, please Lord, I can put water in it. My spit will make it bread.
Just give it to me.
Bread's, bread, spit bread.
So, Jacelle's like, it's hard to get these words out sometimes.
You know, I understand Whitney.
So, Jacelle's like, please Lord, allow us to have fun
and get down to some nitty gritty drama if we need it.
And the Marisol's like, hey, I'm gonna call Mary J. Blige for no more drama.
See, Mary J. Blige is an R&B singer from 2009, he's a D-thin, a lot of songs.
One of them was called no more drama, so I thought if I use it here, you get it.
I'm been around the block a few times.
The oldest house I'm here.
And how it goes.
Ooh, snap.
Girl.
So, Whitney is like, I'm praying for our families, lip gloss, protect us from drama,
Jizel. Like, she gives a drama, Jizzel.
Like she gives a look to Jizzel
because Jizzel was like, are you cousins?
Where are you from? What about you?
You know, asking the questions.
By the way, is anyone else surprised
that she doesn't say Jizzel?
Jizzel.
Jizzel.
I'm on a real healing journey with Jizzel Bryant.
Jizzel.
And I feel like Jizzel and I could be real family someday.
So Jizzil's like, oh, looking at me, Whitney,
you've been a housewife for two seasons,
and aren't you fighting with your cousin?
So if anyone needs to zip it about drama,
it might be you and me.
So Alexia is speaking in Spanish to Mary soul,
and it's something simple, like,
oh my god, isn't it hot here?
I told that weird lady on the bike.
It's so hot here.
Why is it so hot?
Why did I come for Miami?
How does she know about Mary J. Bludge?
But they put the screen in black and white,
and so, Jizelle's face all pissed off,
and it says, what Jizelle hears.
It's like, that Jizelle really likes to stir the pot. Jizelle's face all pissed off and it says, what Jizelle hears. It's like, that Jizelle really likes to stir the pot.
Jizelle's a slut.
So, Jizelle's like, okay, yeah, I have a rule.
No Spanish.
It's like, oh,
but that.
So,
Jizelle's like,
I have a rule for Jizelle, I make my own rules.
That's the 4011, Mary J. Blanche.
So they are going to go get dressed because Whitney is hosting their lunch, which God, God
help them.
They assigned rooms this time,
so there wouldn't be fights.
Yeah.
And we could see that the real shady bitch
in this house is Pepsi.
Yeah, OK.
Yeah.
No one is sat here, then fucking Pepsi.
Pepsi is doing great work here.
It's so nice to see a host of this show that watches the shows.
Yeah, because they have this enormous villa.
We see it from the outside.
It's like five stories high, glass windows everywhere.
And it's like, I think he actually
had watch Potomac because he's like,
I want to try what they did with Shreece.
So let's put Leah in a closet.
She's like Harry Potter, before he goes off to be magic.
He's like living under the empty stairs, you know?
And they made it worse because they showed everyone else's room
and they're literally like wrap around balcony.
So he's like, here's a bathtub on an elevator
in the middle of the... with a fountain, you know?
Yeah, and so they put Leigh into this,
literally a room that has no windows.
I'm not convinced it's really a zone for a bedroom.
Zone. I'm sure.
I'm not convinced it's really a zone for a bedroom. Zoned.
I'm sure.
Hey.
So, yeah, it's not summer house.
Wait.
So Leah just goes into each room and each one gets bigger and more magical.
It's like the Frank Sinatra fountain in one, you know, it's like a magic honor string.
Would have like a fountain or would have...
Oh, fuck.
Talking about La La last night, her fountain.
Okay, so sorry.
I'm sorry. Lala was the one who started it.
As in, she drinks from soda fountains
because she's from Utah and she loves soda.
Yeah, you want to see a soda shop?
I'll show you a soda shop, spits.
Scan white and wild and and here, bitches.
Fucking law-laws, so gross.
I'm sorry, sometimes these notes all blend together.
Okay, so every room is getting better and better,
and then it gets to lias.
It's like, burr burr.
Yeah.
It's like the tie version of sad horns.
It's like, dong, dong.
It's like a sweet dong.
It's like a photo mat.
Yeah.
You know, remember, photo mats?
Think about it.
So Lee is like, my room is definitely different than everyone else's.
Why did I get the worst room? Is it because my show is in airing right now? Who would do this? Who did this?
Probably a producer who watched your show knew you'd go absolutely bad.
Should crazy for a hell of a small confined space. Were these rooms divvied up by audience vote on what
what happens live?
Hey, we want you to vote on who gets the best room in Thailand.
Who should live like Mary Potter when he was being abused?
The secret word is confinement.
Wow. So then we go to Mary Sol and Alexi The secret word is confinement!
So then we go to Mary Sol and Alexia in their room and Mary Sol's like, oh my god, I'm so
nauseous, I feel terrible.
We don't have time for people to feel bad.
They're like, listen, this is our chance to go from Peacock to Bravo, okay?
You better show up at lunch.
She's like, did you drink some water?
And it's a long pause.
And Mary so I was like, I don't drink water.
It's not my jam.
They ask her what other liquid she drinks and she's like, coffee.
That is water.
I'm like, this is fun and carefree when you're stomachs falling at your button time.
Okay?
So then, you know what's fun?
Getting drunk.
What's not fun to watch?
Consequences, okay?
I'm not here to watch your consequences.
So then Leo walks up to Pepsi,
and she's like,
Pepsi, why do you hate me?
You gave me the worst room.
I mean, it's fine, it's totally fine.
Which is, Leah speak for,
you fucking asshole.
I have a clothing line. Put me in a room with a window. which is, Leah speak for, you fucking asshole.
I have a clothing line, put me in a room with a window.
I mean, you know what you'd be getting?
Luke.
I am your father.
He's like, it's a trap.
So, I asked Pepsi why he hates me.
And he says, he doesn't hate you. He says, yeah, I said, why'd you give me the worst room?
Like, what did I do to offend you?
Emily, Pepsi goes down to the staff and he goes,
oh, Leah's complained that she has the worst room.
Oh, really?
Is that so?
I gave her the broom closet to fucking hate you.
Oh, you gave her B for?
Oh, that was good Pepsi.
High five.
What?
I would honestly, I'm just in to see all the shit the staff is talking about these people behind the scenes.
That's all I care about.
So, Leah, I have no view.
I don't want to pull a Ramona about it.
You are Ramona.
You are Ramona before, you are the before Ramona. That's why Ramona triggers are Ramona before you are the before Ramona.
You know, that's why Ramona triggers you so much. All of our mothers do it. I
complain about my mother. I'm named Rondo for a reason. She's a Ronda without a
NL. We're the same. Martini swiveling. Bjuts. Okay. You're Ramona. So then, Jacelle
goes over to Porsche's room and they kind kind of key key for a moment and stuff,
and they're talking, and Porsche is talking,
they're talking about Candace and everything,
and Porsche is saying that, you know,
like, Candace seems fun, like,
why is everyone online saying Candace and I aren't
gonna get along, like, what could possibly happen?
Everyone gets along with Candace.
Yeah.
Maybe it's because you went on your after show
and took the ladies side who beat up Candace
on her season.
That might be it.
Of course, it's like, I take Monique's side.
That might be why Candace doesn't like you very much.
I can't even believe that you brought that up, Ronnie.
How could you?
The things that I've gone through when I was driving back to that season. It was a lot
So then Leigh and Whitney are talking about how she and Heather just sweep everything under the rug
Which by the way is called manners
So thanks for doing that. Yeah
Is it Mormonism and what news for? A lot of things you think are more
Buddhism are literally everybody. Okay. We're all shamed. We're just
shamed under different brands. Yeah. Okay. So Whitney is like, we
had a real. Oh, that girl's really trauma stuff there. Yeah. So
Whitney was like, when he's like, we had a really hard season, you know, all the gen stuff, you know,
and I started talking about how Lisa Barlow gave sexual favors for basketball tickets
and then Heather wouldn't back me up on the fact that she was giving blow jobs for basketball
games.
It was a hard season.
It's like, yeah.
Like, it's crazy. Like, she's like, yeah, like it's crazy.
Like, show back up, Jen, but I don't get the same loyalty.
You don't have the same fun story lines, okay?
You have to be interesting enough to like,
leach onto or nobody's gonna leak.
You could walk into a pool of leaches
and come out completely bare a skinned, okay?
So even leaches aren't gonna get on you.
No, I mean, I love
a leechy martini. So Candace is warning them that Chisel will say or do whatever she
needs to get a good rating. So I'm not going to stay mad at someone dedicated to chaos.
She's dedicated to chaos. That's called being a housewife, ma'am. That is the employee
of the year. That's your job. That is your job.
I would have to have that woman the employee of the year frame.
You know, like here it is.
Put it above Pepsi's bed.
So yeah, so then, Jorzele and Porosha are talking.
And they think that like they can sense that there's some beef
between the cousins.
They want to kind of suss it out and everything.
And Porosha's like, what?
Like, we're early at our first launch,
and you're already ready to go in.
We don't even know their last names yet.
Where are their last names?
What are they?
And just I was like, uh, had the...
Perfect plan.
And when he used to.
They're like, uh-huh.
So then, um, um, a monkey's eating, which I always love.
I love the little shots on girls' trip.
It always reminds you where you are, you know?
Cause it's like the same housewife stuff going on,
but then a monkey's eating.
Or it's like the same stuff going on,
but then you have like elephant poop on you.
Or like a two-can, yeah.
So they all, so now Heather and Giselle and Porsche
sit down on like a sofa waiting for this,
we're like three hours into this episode
and they still haven't gone to lunch yet, you know?
Not our episode, they're episode, okay?
So they're sitting down and Heather's like,
here we are, three alphas, just three popular girls.
Here we are.
Oh yeah, here we are friends.
Just to prove we're all together,
like everybody to sign my cast.
Hey, are you guys taking geometry? I hate geometry. Just to prove we're all together, like everybody to here comes Leah. Hey guys, let's get Leah drunk
They're like he's gonna be so fine. I'm harsh as like
I don't think that she dreams
She has no but that's the challenge
She stopped drinking so now we're gonna get her to drink.
It's not gonna be easy, guys.
This is hilarious.
Okay, blood packed.
Okay, sisters forever.
Sisters forever.
Housewives is a very funny show.
Filled with people with not much of a sense of humor,
and that's kind of why it's funny, you know?
But they're like, what?
No, they're not like what.
They're like, oh, we see fresh meat.
She's all like, oh, perfect.
Something I can throw to the bull.
Wow.
She's out, goes, wait, but is that rude?
Yes, Chazelle.
So Leah comes in and she, how are you guys rooms?
Do you guys have windows? I don't.
She's a ghost.
So wait, do you have a sick room? Do you have a sick room? Like, why is everybody so happier?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't fucking tell right now. So everybody have a sick room besides me?
Hey, uh, Leah! That rhymes are!
If you drink this week with that big deal,
she's like, they would ruin my life.
Oh, okay, because right before you got here,
Heather said, let's get Leah to drink.
And I was like, that would be rude.
That would be rude.
Ha ha ha ha.
Heather's like, no, I just, I thought it'd be fun
because you could throw, where's the popular girls?
And you're like at our table now.
So like, it's what you do to get in the group a little bit.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, I misspoke, so we're not gonna drink.
We'll just do a couple of lines of coke off a hooker's ass
together.
It's funny.
It's funny.
Pepsi's getting Tiki to Orchus from outside.
And Leah goes, I was a major drug addict and alcoholic
and Heather goes, I know, I read your book.
And I'll explain.
If you sign it for me, I've got the hard cover right here.
Sign it for me.
Heather could have gone away with it up to this point.
Because that's going to be like, oh, yeah.
Well, no, I only know it from the TV show.
It's like, oh, yeah, I read your book.
I know everything you're going through.
Love your coin.
Congratulations.
Emily, it's like, wait, you read my book.
First of all, literally, I've never heard anybody say those words.
I know.
Oh, you're the sale that we had.
And second of all, that's basically like you coming up to me
and being like, kill yourself.
And at Heather has the best guilty reaction.
I mean, anyway, it wasn't like that.
It wasn't.
I mean, it was just like Pepsi was there.
He was getting a Pepsi.
It was like everything.
And like, I don't know, like so delicious
is a big thing from.
So it's like, it was, it was, it was,
it was, no more drama like Mary J. Blasis.
God.
And Emily was working at her. No more drama like Mary G. Blasas. God.
And Emily was working out. And the Lord.
She went and just like hid behind the curtains
and was like, you know what?
I can actually wear this in my own home.
So, Jacelle's like, yeah, you know, so Leah's like, yeah, that's not funny.
You don't make jokes about getting someone to read that, which obviously, like duh.
So, Jacelle's like, well, Leah, I just wanted to check in because, you know,
she did try to get you drunk, you know?
But, you know, we're checking in, right?
And so Heather's still over there giggling,
and Heather's like, what the fuck,
you're gonna throw me under the bus like that?
I mean, this is housewives, trade crafts 101,
I just got thrown under the bus.
This is amazing.
She's like, just out, make that angry face. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha mini-calculing jokes right themselves I'm sure for many people and they're all
they're all good lia's talking to portion to zel now she's like that was really
odd right are you talking about you being in this cast yes I agree yeah so
lia's like let's just eat because we're waiting for Mary so Mary so does
even fucking eat so that was really weird how she came from me right about drinking
and just like a little you know I know that was really weird how she came from me right about drinking and just was like a little,
you know, I know that she read your book.
She read your book that makes it even worse.
I mean, I can't believe she read my book and then said that.
It's like literally about drug addiction.
I mean, I'm like, well, great advertisement on the platform,
there, Leah.
Heather wants me to relapse on this trip
for her own entertainment.
You didn't have a good for a season.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, so, uh, Candace, that's terrible.
And I'm just kidding.
Okay, everyone was like, oh, dear you!
I'm kidding.
It was good.
It was good, though.
The Tiki torches, you know.
I mean, when they showed, honestly,
who else was not sort of like a heartworm
when they showed the flashback of Lea throwing a ravioli at Ramona? That's what I'm saying, honestly, who else was not sort of like heart-worn when they showed the flashback of Leah throwing a ravioli at Ramona?
That's what I'm saying, like,
because it shows like that would be terrible, wouldn't it?
And then it's heard, like, naked in the pool with Sonia
and Tinsley, you know, and that one,
and they're like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
in Ramona's house throwing a teaky torch,
throwing a ravioli at Ramona.
I get, oh my God, those were the good times.
And it's like, burp.
Are you trying to make us rape for this woman or not?
You people are cruel on Bravo.
So Whitney's like, Heather always makes jokes.
But what she doesn't realize is that her jokes,
they're hurt, she doesn't remember them.
And the next thing you know, she's like, I don't remember,
because that's what happens
when this thin veil air gets in dread. Heather is like a giant toddler because when she does
something to offend someone, she doesn't remember it. But when your toddler does something funny,
you've asked, so they keep doing it. Toddler behavior. Hmm.
She says that like as the sickest burn you've ever heard.
I love when Ever Whitney does a burn.
She like slow motion like there's a wind machine
in her hair at the camera.
She's like, yeah.
Last time I checked, Toddler behavior
was making a sick sweatsuit.
That's what a toddler does.
Toddler's design fashion shows some fashion.
Toddler's appreciate a good white bean salad.
Toddlers can take a joke, but not a peek of a vagina. Please, Capricorn.
So they're all gathering for lunch still.
Okay, we're going to be here all night.
You guys know that, right?
So, Dizel comes in.
She's like, yes, Miami.
And Mary still's like, so sorry, I have to apologize.
My stomach's not gray, but it's time to rally.
I'm in a...
That's her new tagline in case you didn't hear.
Hi, my stomach's not great, but I'm gonna rally.
So, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, Portia goes, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
she's like, I bet you're coming from me.
Already?
I was just planning with you about how to come for everybody else.
You can't do this to me on the first meal.
So she's like, no, I'm not coming for you.
We're already going after Heather's.
Let's just follow that train.
You've been around the longest.
You've been able to build your brand, whatever you're.
Seven million followers, seven million, seven million in wine.
I just actually got another Finstest, so I could refall you again.
We're friends, Alphas.
Alphasquad.
Hey.
Tag me.
So, uh, Porsche, like, oh, she wants to have sex with me.
So, which is hell, it's like, well, you've been able to build your brand off this platform
and how do you feel the whole fame game? And your brand, because your brand is wonderful,
all your brand. What brand does Porsche have? I looked at age.
There, she's got the hair, the hair clips. Sheets. Sheets, there's Porsche sheets. You're right.
I'm so sorry guys, I forgot about her sheets. The best thing she ever branded and gave up
were the hot dogs.
Those are the best.
I know that wasn't hers,
but I will never look at a hot dog the same.
That first episode when she was dating the hot dog entrepreneur,
I mean, I can't.
Dennis, remember?
Oh my God.
I'm working a hot dog place now.
I was like, yes, 7 million followers.
Killin' it, killin' it.
I love hot dogs.
I love hot dogs so much.
So, you know, we're kind of like sisters, poor show.
So, Leah's like, I mean, it really pisses me off.
Like, at least you're thankful,
because like, girls leave the show,
and they're like, fuck the show,
and like, they drag the show.
But like, the show literally gave me Balenciaga Crocs so.
I feel like that was Leah going after Heather Thompson in a weird way right?
Did anyone else pick up on that?
Think about that.
Go home tonight.
You'll be like hmm.
You know Heather's watching Peacock like oh I'm glad I paid $9.99 a month for this.
HALA. HALA.
I was successful you step off the curb if you're gonna speak to me in this manner.
Young lady. Don't make me get gangster on your butt.
Okay. That's right. I worked in the proximity of P Diddy so I can say these words.
So they're talking about being housewives and ata's like, I don't regret being a housewife
at all.
And then they start playing clown music, which is great.
And then Lea's like, but I had a bad season, guys.
It was hard.
And she's like, well, are you guys coming back?
Is New York coming back?
She goes, no idea.
I mean, they haven't said anything.
And Portia goes, don't worry about it.
Just do something else.
What?
What's she going to do?
She's leoned.
I mean, she's something jogging seats already.
But what are you going to hire Leigh at a cell?
Well, she could always fall off the wagon.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You see, that's unforgivable.
I'm kidding. Then meant it. Then meant it. No, I just no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You see, that's unforgivable. I'm kidding.
Then meant it, then meant it.
No, I just, who, guys, it was such a joke.
It was like, oh, guys.
It was a moment.
It was in the moment.
It was like me and Jacelle Borschau were just like friends.
We're friends now.
So we joke around.
And on a context, that just sounds like the world's moving.
I would never, I would never.
So, she's always like, okay, well Heather,
I have a question.
We talked, you talked about your relationship with Whitney
and then we see a clip of Heather going,
she's no longer a little buddy.
And she's always like, but you all seem to be great.
And Candace is like, yeah, you're all holding hands
and stuff.
So they're like, is there an issue or not?
And then we get my favorite sound effect.
Buh.
Ha.
Ha.
Love that fucking thing.
Every time it happens, I'm like, yeah!
It's just a great, understated way to highlight a moment in a scene.
You know? It's like a little...
Oh.
It's almost as good as the...
No, it's different. That's what it's about to get exciting.
It's like, oh yeah, we should get Lee into drinking it.
Oh, it's...
But this one is like, I just asked you a difficult question.
So Heather's like, oh my god, I'm like, hello Linda Traff. I mean, you might have told me you were recording
while we were talking as friends.
I mean, yeah, I'm like Monica Lewinsky out here
with Seaman on my blue dress.
I mean, what the, I mean, how many, who are you?
Kenneth Star, what is this?
White, white, white water gate or whatever that was called? Am I right? Anyone else have any really
topical references I can make for this moment? So, Heather's like listen, there's residual issues
because we broke up. We were in love and then we broke up. And when he was like, yeah, because when we started season three,
we all hated Lisa Barlow.
And Leah Gus, oh, so it was like season 13 for me.
No, because that was your season two, Leah.
Be quiet.
Stay over there.
You've had your, you've had your,
boom.
Hey, there were a lot of rumors going around about Lisa
that I started.
And in a moment, my drunk ass in lingerie got the rumors out here in Scottsdale.
And in a moment, I needed Heather to validate, just for jazz.
And she didn't.
She didn't do it.
She threw me through a window.
And I fell ten stories and I landed on a parade float.
Thank God it was near day because it was the Rose Parade.
And it was me, Whitney Rose, as a float that I've been launching.
Riding, right, poisha?
Wink.
So, um, yeah, then they show the clip of that launcher ape party
in that fucking terrible rental house.
You guys really need to get better with the actions gots.
I know. I hope in season four you guys can get out of the
boat. I was like, it's Robert Goulet here? Who is he was he was he was oh it was
rent to give this house just get to Mexico that's all I want just
for a border so but they're in their lingerie fighting and Whitney's
like I have a and then Heather just like throws her off and she
fought against the Venetian blinds the Venetian blinds like
he's a good one so she's like yeah and then she pushed me into the blinds.
What's the charity event for the scene impaired?
No, the blinds on the windows.
That's a scary.
It makes Heather slightly more terrible.
But she did say that she wanted to get Leah drunk.
Does everybody remember that?
Go for that.
So Heather's like, okay, is it time for me to cry?
Because I think I can really turn this ship around right now. Okay, listen. Listen. Everybody remember that? Go for that. So Heather's like, okay, is it time for me to cry?
Because I think I can really turn this ship around right now, okay?
Listen, listen, we're cousins, okay?
And then you chose a TV show over me, okay?
And you used me as a saccharin, official lamb.
And then that was a compromise of character, all for TV.
All for TV, All for TV, me.
Sweet, Heather Gay, America, sweetheart.
It's like, oh yeah, you know what, I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
Yeah, I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
Because you chose a troll.
Because that's true.
That's fucked up too.
I'm going to agree with Heather.
Because if you did it for a TV moment,
then I agree with Heather.
Now, if the spotlight is always on you because you were a bonus star, that's one thing.
But if you're just doing things for a TV show, that's very different. Okay, I agree with Heather. And so Port says like, well, if you're gonna fuck with me,
don't say it's just for a show and Heather's like, I didn't think you would ever
fuck me over
for a TV show and you did, you did!
Stop, stop holding me back!
There's nobody there.
She's like, horrifying.
Don't hold me back.
Horrifying.
And I want to support Leanna, her sobriety right now.
Turn it around.
Turn it around.
She goes, I know it's Mormons, we believe a lot of crazy shit,
but this rumor is just
too dumb, too damaging for me to show up for that.
My integrity as a gossiper is a state care.
Thank you.
Hey, hey, wait, stop.
Heather cares more about looking good on the show and having her hands clean.
That's why she's always washing her hands in the bathroom.
Well, congratulations, clean handser.
Yeah, that was like Heather, took a grenade,
and then took a pin out of it, and then handed it to me.
And then some lady was like, do you have a pin?
And Heather was like, Whitney has it now.
And then nothing ever got signed.
Can we start over?
I love, this is classic Whitney, to be like,
she pulled a pen out of the grenade
and gave it to me and then walked away.
Like, well, what else would you do with a grenade?
Throw it Whitney.
Throw all the fucking grenade with me. How does she play hot potato? She's like, like, well, what else will you do with a grenade? Throw it, Whitney. Throw it. Throw the fucking grenade with me.
How does she play hot potato?
She's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, pass the potato.
Pass it along, Whitney.
Someone gives you a grenade.
Get rid of it.
I hear there are surprises on the land.
Just keep stepping around until we run from the land mines.
You fucking moron.
OK.
That's why we shouldn't just generally bring people
into the war community.
You know, you've got to have standards.
You get whitties in there, just holding grenades.
I, oh yeah.
So she's like, I'm'm gonna own what I did, because I did not do that for the show.
Now, get somebody over to take me off the Mormon rules.
Sure.
Build a bar in a broom closet in my basement.
Sure.
Get spanked with chocolate by a... Oh!
Sure!
Fill in the blank.
I just had a moment where I was like, I don't need to come for Justin right now.
This is bad enough.
So, uh...
It's already happened.
Um, don't kick him only down.
Wait till he's employed again.
Then rip him apart, rip him to shreds.
He sells grenades now.
Call me when you've got your insurance back, am I right kids?
Alright, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, listen, we have to pace ourselves. We still haven't even gotten to dinner yet. So basically, now they have to,
they have like an hour before.
They were at the table so long that Pepsi's like,
okay, ladies, you have an hour before dinner.
So they go, they're room.
Wouldn't he's taking a picture of this sunset?
Wow, what a beautiful sunset.
And what beautiful eyes it has.
And look at that nose.
Whitney, you're using the wrong side of your camera.
Oh.
That was the inside of my ear.
So you're taking a picture like this.
Houston is so beautiful this time of year.
Let's do it.
I'm doing it all night.
All night.
So, basically, they're all getting ready to go and stuff. Pepsi sits for his first interview.
And so the producer is like,
so, tell me your first impression of the ladies.
And he's like, well, with me.
Beautiful, kind.
Really stupid.
Alright.
Does that all funny lady? Oh, she says this. Pepsi, Pepsi, funny lady, all she says is,
Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi.
Porsche. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow,, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, he gets slimes and he's like, woo, woo.
Heather's like a princess, a princess who tried to give me heroin.
That's, that's interesting.
Alexia's like a rabbit,
a rabbit who never stops and keeps trying to call 911.
And he goes,
Leah,
calm,
but she's got a secret in her.
Broom.
So yeah, he goes through all of them,
and now it's time for Dutters.
Now they're putting on shoes and stuff,
and everyone's waiting for Candace.
Candace just in the mirror,
just doing her makeup.
So they all decided to get into the van.
Candace, she's literally in the mirror, just doing her makeup. So they all decided to get into the van. She's literally in the mirror like,
drop back, drop back,
I'm gonna drop back, drop back.
I'm gonna drop back,
in real life,
in real life, in real life.
The whole time, that's all she does.
Every time you see Candace,
she presses play on her phone.
It's like,
I'm gonna drop back,
drop back, drop back. So everyone's getting their
vans and Jacelle is like, okay, we're just gonna leave her, which I thought was gonna
become a huge crazy drama and I was a little disappointed that it didn't because that's
a classic housewives thing, right?
Leave someone behind that come back raging into the restaurant, you know, little sad,
little disappointed in Candace on that front, you know.
Yeah, so in the other van, Alexi is like, well,
uh, Jacelle, Alexi asked a lot of questions,
and I don't know if you found that from her and how there goes.
Yeah.
I don't know if you've been here, but yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a lot of questions.
I tried to start a click with her, it wasn't good.
So Alexi is like, and I was like, who's on the stand?
Yeah, who's on the stand?
Who's on the stand?
She's like a lawyer.
OK, and I wanted to be a lawyer. I don't like a lawyer. Okay, and I wanted to be a lawyer.
I don't know if you heard this, but I wanted to be a lawyer.
We could have a law firm called Bryant and Ebola.
Okay, and we can prosecute things.
Like, who's not a star?
Okay.
Who's a Russian prostitute?
Okay.
I'm just saying potential cases.
Okay.
Oh, well, you know Peter, we find you not guilty.
Oh.
Oh. Mam, you are not the judge.
Please sit down.
So Whitney and Leigh and Chisel and Porsche are on one bus.
And Leigh is like, when I first got here,
Heather was like, how are you going to stay
so for this week?
Like, I want to support you.
So, and Chisel is like, right, that's crazy.
And Porsche goes, that's just nasty.
So another all ready to come for Heather.
And then in the other van, Heather's like,
she's like of all the people,
you're the one who's gonna try and get me drunk,
you shady ass bitch.
And Alex, he's like, oh poor Fable.
And Heather's like, I mean,
but I think it's okay, I think we're good now.
I apologize.
I think everything's fine.
Yeah, totally.
Leah's totally chill about things,
doesn't hold onto grudges. She'd be totally fine. Totally fine. Yeah, totally. Leah's totally chill about things, doesn't hold onto grudges, she'll be totally fine.
Totally fine.
Yeah, Leah, the great smoother oval.
So what it means, like, yeah, I don't know what's going on with Heather, and Leah's like,
the show is changing her, and fame is changing her.
That's not good.
And she's not that famous. What are you talking about?
Ha ha ha ha.
And then when he goes, do you know, do you know what the first thing she said to Portia
was?
Villa, I.
Oh, no, that was me.
That was me, that was me.
She said, you have seven million followers.
I want a room with you.
I love you.
I know how to get tickets to the jazz.
And Heather goes,
you have seven million?
I want a room with you.
That's more than California's.
I don't know.
I was like, is that the population?
Or the followers of like the California State Instagram?
I live that Heather's just checking up on states.
Like, how many states am I beating?
I know.
I actually didn't think it was that bad.
And I'm not just saying that because Heather's here.
I don't think it's crazy.
I just crack in a joke.
She's like, OK, you know what I mean.
It's like that, though.
Right?
You're not like that.
If anyone here has 500,000 followers,
see me afterwards.
We'll become friends. So Leah's like, oh, hell no. Oh,000 followers. See me afterwards. We'll become friends.
So Leah is like, oh, hell no.
Oh, hell no.
She's only about followers.
And when he's like, yeah, I've seen a big change with Heather.
I don't know what's going on in her life.
I know she surpassed me in followers.
And so now she wants nothing to do with me.
Whitney, why are you holding that boot? She told me to hold it.
You don't have to hold everything that Heather gives you Whitney. Yeah, but you know what?
Like the only time she'll be with me now is one more in event that's like bad weather
that she can get publicity. What events are you being invited to
as bad weather?
Heracans?
Like, what are you talking about?
Like, they're a rainstorm that you're doing events for.
Jeez, you'll get a parents' fees for anything now a days.
So they finally got the restaurant.
And Jacelle's actually, I think, quietly trying to turn
everyone against Candace.
Because she's like, everyone, be ready.
Candace is a little miffed. So everyone be really nice to her she's in a bad mood
watch out for Candace uh everyone be careful
and Candace just comes in like
dry bang dry make me one
I know I arrived separately but I'll go drive back with you ladies. Oh, I know.
I'm bothered.
So, and I love Candace has learned how to be so unbothered
until she's just ready to be bothered by nothing, you know.
She's like having a great time and then later she's like,
I'm then it ruined by life.
What, like, sorry.
So, but we'll get to that.
So, Marisol and Alexia is like,
are you gonna have to enter?
Are you gonna have to enter? But it's in Spanish Spanish? Right? And so then again, it puts black and
white on Jacelle's face. It says translation. Translation Jacelle. Can you
believe what Jacelle said earlier? What a bitch. She really is a slut. I thought so
before and now it's confirmed. Jesus lot. So let's see. else like listen please we're not gonna do that
We are not gonna do that you need to speak English don't speak Spanish and Lexi is like
But why not we're from Miami. We speak Spanish. We don't realize we're doing it
She goes I don't want to feel left out and so God forbid you hear everything Marisol pan has to say about something
She's like, oh, me is someone else.
Oh, me is someone else.
So anyways, I can't just rejoin some in everything and they're ordering food
and Marisol talks again in Spanish and everything.
And she's always, once again, is hearing like,
slot, slot, slot, face,, slot face, off the Bravo soon. So she's like, she's
basically what it gets down to is that her, uh,
well, this is a good reason to be a fan of it, because I was like,
fuck off to tell you don't just tell people not to speak their
native tongue, like who the fuck does, you know, I was like on
that old train. And then Candace is like, I love y'all spanglish.
You know, I have a Spanglish drive back.
Do you want me to send you the link?
So, Candace is like, I love it.
Talk about me in Spanish.
And then later when we watch a show,
I can see the subtitles and see what you were talking about,
talking about behind my back, you know.
Yeah.
So, just like, okay, listen, this is the problem.
My children know Spanish.
And I don't.
Yes. My sister is like, and I don't.
Yes.
My sister is thinking,
hey, mama, stupid aputa.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Such a thing.
Oh, mama, poor, poor, mama,
where is your father?
Where is my restaurant?
Mama, nothing.
Papa restaurant, mama, nothing.
Puta, mazrie. Paparra sonante, mama nada. Putamari.
All right, it's time for a game.
Everyone's favorite thing.
This game is called Impression Session.
And I would like everyone to think
they're the worst impression of the day
and they're the best impression of the day.
It's not even...
She doesn't even try to be subtle anymore. She just shows up to work and punches it.
You know?
So Candice is like, wow, you know, Jizelle really
knows how to rally the troops and create a space
for fun and games.
So I'm going to choose to believe in this moment.
She's foolish.
She's trying to start some shit right now.
I'm not going to even lie.
Yeah.
So Jizelle says that her initially,
her best impression is actually Leah,
because she and Leah did project runway together.
Oh my God, you guys weren't judges on project runway.
I know. Why are we talking about this,
like you guys filmed bridge over river quiet together?
Oh my God.
They worked on project runway together,
she went back in the day.
They're literally acting like they walked in the Versace fashion show at the Oscars, you know.
So she loves Leah, okay.
And then all of a sudden the food arrives and then she's like, okay, now it's time for my
worst.
Well, Heather, well, when you came in, I like that you talked shit about Gen Chas, sort
of not really, but felt like you could work on that.
But then it turns out that you had a moment with Leah.
And I felt like you and Leah had a moment that was not
resolved.
So do you guys want to fight now?
Because we should probably be doing some fighting on this
show a little bit, huh?
Then the waiter hands the appetizer tray.
Like it puts it in front of Leah and then he goes,
ugh. And I take it away. It's uncooked? That's definitely how Leah takes out. hands the appetizer trade like it puts it in front of Leah and then goes
And I take it away. That's definitely how Leah takes up it like I fuck you for that But I was so excited for Heather and Whitney that they got their first non-shark hudori meal
I was on Bravo
Congratulations. What did you guys do and you got to a fork and they were a restaurant with forks in eyes? What did you do?
It was terrifying.
So Lee is like, well, what everyone's missing is like when I first got to the house, you
were like, oh my God, you're sober and I want to support you.
Are you going to deny it?
Are you going to deny it?
She says, I said that to you.
Hey, was that me?
Was that me who said that I'm pretty sure wasn't me?
I only just got here about 10 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything like that.
What about the only Serena?
What?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Oh, I said Kim was near death. I don't know. Oh god. No, I don't think so. I don't think so.
No, I don't remember that.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Carson! Carson! No, I don't remember that. No. No, I don't remember that. Kursal!
Kursal!
So there's like, I literally don't remember saying that to you, Leah.
Leah's like, well, Whitney said they were going to say that and you forgot.
That's what she said.
She said, that was funny.
We forgot that part.
Whitney goes, look, when you confront her, she's going to say she doesn't remember.
I was like, oh no, she's not shut up with him.
And then others like, I said that.
Did I?
Doesn't sound like me.
Doesn't sound like me. Don't think so.
So then others like, okay, if you want to make this a big deal.
And he's like, you can't say I want to support you and then say,
let's get Leah to drink.
Because those are two totally different things so which one is it?
Is Walter here? Someone help me.
An icon and a legend. Yeah, I'd like to dedicate this show to Walter.
Walter. Where are you, sir?
Poor Walter. So Heather's like you, sir? Poor Walter.
So Heather's like, look, I'm not going to undermine you.
I'm going to 100% support you, because we're
in the cool kids' clique.
OK?
It's totally cool.
It was just enough.
And it's just making everyone feel good.
Hey, everyone, let's all take a shot
and congratulate Leon her sobriety.
Yeah. All drink toBriety. Yeah.
I'll drink with that.
Listen, yeah, and then Porsche is like,
by the way, don't take this wrong,
but you're definitely a fan, right?
And it's like, definitely, 100%.
Yeah, I've been live streaming this whole thing, guys.
And Porsche is like,
Sometimes when you meet people,
you like to watch on TV, sometimes people make mistakes.
Forgive her, she's just a fan.
I was like, oh my God.
Didn't Porsche stop?
It's rude anyway, but it's really rude
coming from Real Housewives of Atlanta
because they've literally had the fight where Nini's like,
you guys are just fans, you know?
So that's a really good just coming back.
Yeah, the Twitter fans.
And Porsche is like, oh, it's okay fan, you know
Can we get a rope? Okay, just stand behind this rope
So it is like I'm like secure now for my sobriety whereas like she said something stupid and I'm not gonna hold our
On this one thing I want to get to know her and then hold it against her, you know
So then just I was like, okay well, that was solved way too easily.
So someone else is gonna have to be tortured tonight
who else wants to go.
And we go, all right, I'll go.
The one who doesn't wanna hold anything
against anybody, Heather is definitely the worst, fuck her.
But the best was someone who I thought,
she's gonna be bitch, she's gonna be a real bitch.
And then she kind of surprised me and Porsche,
so I guess Porsche's the bitch.
I mean, Porsche's the least bit,
but you know what I mean, fuck this.
Porsche's like a mad guy.
I'm not gonna get it.
So, I had, there's like, guys, I feel like, you know,
how sweds are not dumb?
When there's like a pile up, you better get on the pile,
or you're gonna be the next one piled
onto okay haven't you ever seen a trip of ours in a sprinter van for crying out loud?
Which is true because that's exactly what happens. Candace is like Heather I thought you would be
dry and stupid and lame and have terrible hair and be gross but you're kind of fine. And others like, thanks, thanks.
And porcars like, hey, there isn't my worst.
I just know she's just misunderstood.
I just like Heather to have to go through a metal detector
before she's left back in the house,
because fans can be scary.
You understand them, but they can be scary.
And Heather's like, they're basically all throwing themselves
off the boat because Decell does the bike.
Yeah.
So she's starting off the worst.
So then Mary says, well, my best is Porsche,
because we had a blast on the plane.
And I said, I'm going to drink.
And then Porsche is saying, you should have a drink.
So that's my sister for life.
I'm in in Giselle.
I mean, I was an urge when you said that you got mad about our Spanish.
I mean, you made a comment and I was always like,
and this is where we get the whole thing about the daughters and everything.
So you still apologize, which is pretty cool.
And then Alex says, oh, well, I learned you like to ask a lot of questions,
you know, like law firm, Alexi and Giselle. And Alexi and Frankie. And I feel like we need someone
like that on my show. Okay, because I feel like on my show where I'm the star,
and Marisol just comes around. I feel like on my show, we don't have enough questions,
and like we're going to learn a lot from you, we're going to learn about questions for you.
So like, I think that's pretty. So I think that's pretty cool.
I think that's pretty cool.
And Candace is like, mm-hmm.
Candace will tell you, do ladies on our show say that all the time?
And I would say to them, if you want to know something about me just ask, because Alexi
is like, I think you're only trying to ask us questions because you don't want to talk
about yourself.
That's why you ask us.
Which is valid, right?
But listen, if you don't have something to say,
I mean, what is Jacelle gonna say?
Hey, Jacelle, what's up?
Nothing really, me.
Yeah, Jamal.
I'm with you at the home goods.
Like, what do you want me to say, you know?
So, then Candace says, well, you know,
Jacelle answers and then sort of beat around the bushway.
And Jacelle's like, well, I don't cry, like Candace.
And she has like, what are you talking about?
I don't think because you're in the ice queen.
You're in ice queen.
I don't know what you're talking about.
So Lexi is like, we're all different, OK?
We all have a different style.
Like, look at me.
Miami, look at you.
I don't even know where you are.
Like, who are you?
What are you right now?
Why are you in such a hot place?
My turn.
I didn't think I was going to like Candace.
I totally misjudged you.
Please never read the penny saver.
I feel like you're a pleasant surprise.
So what was it about me that you didn't see?
She's like, well, basically, when
I aired with Ashley Darby, like she had a baby, and then it was like,
he was shaming her for being a mother.
Which is true.
That's toddler behavior.
Toddler.
And then we see the clip of Candace going,
you brought your wide-bodied ass in here,
and started drama, and then you ran away
with your breast milk.
I was like,
I'm in a pot.
I was shaming, but that was some fun shaming.
I don't know if it's that or the salad shame.
I do like that. Look at you with your greens.
And Candice is like, you know, I'm on my mom journey
and what I went through for the last two months was really hard.
And I don't feel like they give you a pass to be a shitty
because you are a mom.
And I feel like Ashley would weaponize that because she,
like, because I wasn't a natural mom, and I'm a bonus mom.
And she felt like Ashley was using all this shit against her.
And that's why she was mean to Ashley.
That's what she says.
Ashley did not do that.
Did she? No. See, they might Ashley did not do that. Did she?
No. She did not use it as a weapon. Did she? Maybe I'm sure it's just being classic Ashley messy, but I don't think she's being above and beyond like that. Well actually it's always messy,
but I don't think she's messy in the way like you suck because I have a baby and you know I have a baby.
Yeah. She did. Yeah. Um, so it was too long to go. The DVR has been erased. I'm like I know
I remember actually having a baby and I remember it asking for milk as much as possible
Why why why why why I've heard of a local place called the soda stream victory
Have you ever put breast milk into a dog at cake?
Wow, wow.
So, Forch is like, well, you know,
there was something else happening back then.
Candice grew and Candice says,
when? When did I grow?
And Forch says, let me finish.
If you let me finish the sentence,
and you can hear what I say.
And she's like, OK.
And she goes, when Candice grew, she was in those shoes.
She really pictured herself wanting a kid.
And Candice says, no, that's not what happened.
No, no.
She's like, I'm not finished.
And it's not happened.
But we'll go ahead and say it.
Well, I feel like as a viewer, but not a fan.
Not a fan.
Not a fan.
As a viewer.
You're not going to rip me.
Heather, stay over there.
You're still here.
Heather, calm down.
OK. I'll sign that t-shirt later.
I thought it was relatable thing to say,
like when you were saying those ignorant things actually,
but she didn't realize how it had landed.
And kind of it's like, oh, I knew how it landed.
No, I was proud of being really terrible to her.
Candace is actually being handed in out.
She just thinks that Porsche is coming for her,
and she doesn't take the out.
It's like, Candace, this is your time to be like,
no, of course.
And now I'm embracing being a mother.
And look at me.
I'm Candace.
Candace a mother.
And future I'll have a baby.
Because that's where, of course, this is all going.
When Candace does, it's gonna be the most beautiful thing
that I've ever had.
It's like us.
Listen to how much shit we talk about babies.
The second I have one, I have a fish,
and I'm like, look at this fish.
Like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, LinkedIn.
Please take a look at my fish. Baby, gorgeous.
That's pictures of a fish with a sign that says,
three days, five days, seven days, filler eye.
So, so porous, so basically,
can't it's being like given this out to us,
sort of be like, you know what, like repair your reputation
and she's like, no, I said it to be mean because she was being mean.
And then Porsche goes, oh well then you're just mean it's fuck then.
And everyone's like, don't, don't, don't.
And Lea's like, I mean eight housewives in a foreign country.
What could go wrong?
Who knows? I mean, eight housewives in a foreign country. What could go wrong?
Who knows?
So then we see the coming next time. Oh, that's, I was like, this is the end, right?
Okay, so then we see four days later
and then we just see just how it going.
By suspect, by suspect.
And Canvas is like, by green, by salad greens.
I don't even know what kind of dressing you're using
on your salad greens.
Green, green.
And Heather's like, I mean, I don't know how I got the black guy.
I just, you know, I could have been spiders.
I could have fallen off of a boat.
I don't know what happened.
And then Leah just on the floor like, I'm dying.
I'm'm dying. I'm
literally dying. My stomach still hurts on day six. There will
not be any more Spanish. No more drama, Mary Jane. And that
brings us to the end of real housewives of Salt Lake City.
Thank you all for being here. Thank you to Heather Meredith and Seth for joining us.
And thank you all you top for coming to our first Utah show.
Have a great night everyone.
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