Watch What Crappens - RHUGT: Pardon the Interruption

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

Fallout from the Bailey-Q continues to tear apart Kenya and Cynthia on the third episode of The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. Meanwhile, Melissa and Teresa argue about old beefs, and an astrologer reveals some exciting details about everyone's past.Watch this recap with Crappens on Demand here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/59034562/Get tix to our live shows: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/10th-anniversary-hunky-dory-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is, watch what crap is, who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is

What happens Crab Kids, what happens when this all happens? You want crap? Oh, when you want me to crap? Kids, what happens when this all happens? Hello, and welcome to Watch Your Crappins. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

It's also on Peacock that we love to talk about apparently. I'm Ben Madelker, and joining me today is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Cara, am I Ronnie? Hi. Hi. Happy Thanksgiving Eve. How are you doing? Thank Turkey.

Happy birthday, Turkey. I'm good. I was just giving my pasty arm to everybody accidentally press the show yourself button early. Sorry, everybody. But yeah, I'm super happy to be here. We're about to go on vacation. So I'm super excited for that. I know.

I'm happy. It's the man. So I get to do this with my head a lot. I know. I know. Crap is on demand. We can watch us. You don't get to just listen to us.

Let me do things like this with our heads. This is like an exclusive content. If you're watching it. This is stuff that people just listening don't get to see is like me I had like a pendulum. I'm sure that sounded really fun for everyone listening to my voice come in and out by the mic So yes, this is gonna cry up patreon.com slash watcher crap ends to watch this you did two of these per week Don't forget please do not forget okay Don't forget to buy it tickets to see us live in 2022 for a 10 year anniversary

hunky-dory tour, okay, because everything is hunky-dory when it comes to seeing a live show. So go to watchwrapins.com, the entire schedule is there. We're not gonna like go crazy going through every city because there's a lot of them, but what we will say is that we have a huge amount of fun doing these shows and we love meeting you guys and we love meeting you guys and we love it when you guys all get to meet each other and it's been two years, gosh darn it. So like, let's all party.

Let's party together all next year. So go to watchcraft.com for tickets and in the meantime, whoa, we're talking Real Housewives Ultimate Girl's Trip, episode three. This show just continues to impress. Someone said, I don't remember who said it. I don't know if I read it or wherever it was. I'm sorry if we're getting bad credit,

but that this show is really, it's not about like, oh, let's put the Real Housewives together. It's, this is a show where it's like, hey, let's put reality stars. Did you say this Ronnie? This is about reality stars. Yeah. I'm so proud I'm being quoted by you.

You are being good. I realize as I started saying it, this is about Ronnie. This isn. I'm so proud I'm being quoted by you. You are being good. I realize as I started saying it, this is about, Ronnie, this isn't about like real housewives on a trip together. This is about reality stars who are on real housewives together being on a show, which is so meta and amazing. And I think it's actually oddly groundbreaking and so into it.

Yeah. So we open with the beach because they are okay. So it's birds, water, horses. There's horses on the beach and Cynthia, they're all going to go horseback riding in the water and Cynthia is like, how about the shortest oldest horse? And they all mount the horses and of course Cynthia is wearing a t-shirt that's too long to read. You know, she's got like so many a t-shirt that's too long to read. You know, she's got like so many words on it that it's like exhausting.

Like Cynthia instructions for how to how to play the value of your games. Yeah, a potato salad recipe. And Melissa's like, oh, dear Jesus, dear Jesus, as if she didn't just do this like two seasons ago on her show. And then they're just like riding a log and Melissa'm like, this is very luxuriating or luxurious. I don't know. But so then they're all on these, horse, the donkeys. And then Lou Ann's donkey just goes out to sea. Like everyone else is walking like parallel to the beach.

But Lou Ann's like, all right ladies, I got a gig at Atlantis. So here I go. See you on the flip side. Hello, King Dryden. No, I know. Luann who still hasn't learned to not just go off galloping on things, like she'll never learn.

It's like whoa, it's just like in the middle of the ocean somewhere. And she's like, where is she going out to the seas? And then you hear Teresa go, oh my god, that one's pooping. And I just wish they had a little caption under one of the horses that said, oh my god, that one's pooping. And I just wish they had a little caption under one of the horses that said, oh my god, that one's pooping and just cut to Ramona. Because you know that those horses

were not the only one pooping in that ocean. Yeah. Yeah, Teresa never actually articulated whether it was the horse or Ramona she was talking about, you know. Yeah. So yeah, she's like, oh my god, I feel pee, I feel hot, pee on my feet.

Stop living at me, Luang. When she's like, oh my god, I feel pee. I feel hot pee on my feet. Stop laughing at me, Louie. And the man's like, the more the more did you say? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We got them, y'all. Just in love with her. I love the trees, you know, acting like she's never had hot pee on her feet when she was married

to Joe Judeis for that many years, you know. Let's not, let's not act like we don't know what's inside that third envelope. She just opens it up like, shh. what's inside that third envelope just opens up like Envelope it's amazing envelope Roses is red what's this blue? I'm gonna pee on you. Oh my god And then our new favorite theme song Fever, fever, fever, fever, that's what's on the island, that's what's on the island. A fever, that's what's on the island, getting down and dancing hard.

I'm robbing a sickle, pooping on the ocean, horses, horses, donkeys in the ocean, fever, that's my terrible dance holiday game impersonation. Yeah, so then Kyle goes into the little diary room. She's like, oh my God, this may be my new favorite thing or doing interviews rolling out of bed. I mean, even have a coffee stand on my pajamas. It's not we do it in Beverly Hills in this sound. Normally I have to wait several hours before anyone wants to hear what I have to say,

but knowing that I could wake up and someone's listening to me, oh my God, it's amazing. And we see the wind looking at herself on the mirror like And then she turns to naturally walk out of the room and she almost runs into the camera person and she's like, um, when I walk up to you Back up very good. Good job. Okay, so part of my whole thing when I do the when I look at myself in the mirror First of all in my head. I'm reciting mirror mirror on the wall Who who's the fairest of the ball? That's not your call whatever that lyric is my so I do that Okay, and then when I walk you have to step back because we need to have a long shot so you can get all of my body Okay, from the top. Let's do this. All right here we go

Mir mirror on the wall. Who's got the most cliff? Oh, she's trying to sing on his own. Yeah, she could, she could sing everywhere. And she's like, and then money can't buy you. Glass. So, um, Kenya is like, she's on the phone with her lawyer. She's like actually in court.

She's in virtual court. And Kyle is, uh, she's telling Michael the Butler. She's like, oh my God, I am just so tired. I'm definitely on LA time. I am so on LA, Kyle, please stop. You're stop. I'm from Beverly Hills. Time works different there.

In this town. And then she's sitting outside with Melissa. I'm Melissa's like, wanna come sit with me? And she's like sitting outside with Melissa. I'm like, this is like, why don't you come sit with me? And she's like, oh my God, I'm so tired.

I mean, Beverly Hills time in my ride. And she's like, well, yesterday you drank from like 10 in the morning till the night, okay? You can grow with the best of them. Maybe that's why you tired. And then we see Cynthia on her, on doing her phone diet.

The only one they've clearly all been told, you have to do like, you know, like phone, like your little Cynthia cam thing. Everyone is, she's going to do it. So she's like, she's like, all right, stay three. And it's the day after the belly cue. And things are just, I hate all these bitches.

It's the hate all these bitches. Cynthia being so dramatic. And I love that she's pulling out her Cynthia cam in front of the camera man. I know. Like she's that obsessed with doing the diary room. She's doing it even while she's on the actual camera. Yeah. So, Kallum, Melissa, back to Kallum, Melissa talking. Kall's like, I just feel like Cynthia's upset with me and I feel bad. I don't like that whole like comparing looks thing. Melissa's like first of all I'm uncomfortable with that too Shut up the both of you

I know as if as if Melissa Gorka does not spend half for day working out all day long and you know like I just think it's so I'm out with workout videos or something on YouTube or something. Where she's like, oh my god, bobockin am. Yeah, it just feels very insincere. So she most of us like, I mean, well, you kept asking her if she was mad at you. I mean, what did she say? And she goes, well, she wasn't,

she was definitely annoyed by that 100%. Oh, but what do I know? I'm on L.A. time. So Cynthia, Cindy me while on her camera. She's like, I definitely have some very serious strong opinions about what happened last night on a little, a little disappointed, a little bit of a little bit of a drama time. She says she's very traumatized. Yeah. And she's like, I'm in my feelings a

little bit. So the wind comes in, she's like, hello, I love that yellow top on you. How are you? It's like, not great, not great the way I'm just like, can I get in your bed? So if you don't film the video. Now notice the way Cynthia walks backwards when I walk towards her. Okay, we always maintain a certain amount of space. So that way you can get a nice,

she get a nice wide shot of me and my body on her Cynthia cam, okay, take notes, take notes. So Cynthia tells us, oh, I've known Lou for years and she's European So she walks around smoking she's not European. She's I'll told you that I know Luanne told her that well as you know, I'm I'm from the European part of Berlin Connecticut Because it is called Berlin so therefore that makes it actually a small remote outpost of Europe inside of Connecticut It's very lucky very lucky to have been born there.

Oh, so she's like, well, I give Kyle a pass, you know, because I like Kyle and I respect everyone's opinions, but here's the thing, like I came on this trip to be friends with Kyle, you know, but I am friends with Kenya. So I hold them to do two different standards, okay? So she's really mad at Kenya, not that much at Kyle. So then we go back to Melissa and Kyle, and Melissa's like, I didn't wanna pick either, but you know what, I have to be honest with you.

I think she was already mad at that table, like something happened. I was like, what is this a table flipping moment? And I love that Melissa and Kyle, of course, our friends, because as we've mentioned, they're both the basics of the group. And they're also the ones that have to mention plot lines that other people have done

because they're the most entertaining things on their show that they had nothing to do with, right? They've also got that on it. And also that, like Melissa with these like bombshell revelations, I think she was mad at something else. Like, from the beginning, it's like, oh, is that because you notice that she was mad at something else from the beginning?

Like, it's like, it does this detective work. I mean, she might as well just be like taking over her Lynn thing pin on Carmen Sandiego with a giant like magnifying glass. Like, I think Carmen Sandiego is somewhere else guys. It's like really? So, Carol's like, I guess it was with Kenya. I guess she was mad at Kenya. She's like, but why would she be mad at Kenya? So, because she was late, like,

are you really this dumb? Like, come on. I knew you're just trying to move a scene along. But come on here. And she goes, well, she looked pissed off to me, like winning the detective contest for the day. And then we see the clip of who's the prettiest and Kyle being like, I don't like playing

who's the prettiest and Kenya saying, well, yeah, that's not fair. That's not fair. So then Cynthia is telling the way I said, I tried this trip plan, okay? It was very important to me that Kenya was comfortable. And I did my whole thing on the plate for her. You all remember with the ribbon,

you fell asleep during that part. Okay, that's fine. Well, I got a ribbon. And I was a little hurt that Kenya twirled into dinner, 45, maybe not really. I don't know, I lost a track of time. But she was a little hurt that Kenny Atorald entered in her 45, maybe not really. I don't know, I lost track of time, but she shows her ass right in and takes her time and fix herself a plate.

Okay, back rowing and goddamn cheese. We've been waiting graciously. You know who else wants to back rowing and goddamn cheese? I did, I did. Do I want to back rowing and cheese? I did, but I waited for my friend. Oh, you know, it's funny in Europe, we call it macaroni and chasé. Hmm.

You could take that one home with you. They're actually a scob ant. Pretty good. Pretty good. And then Luan's like, well, you know, and that's also the gracious thing to do. The gracious and elegant thing to do. You don't start eating before everyone's seated at the table. She goes, class. Money can't buy you class. So, money can't buy you class. Class. Those are reference to my song. You know my music. So, they know my music. So then the way in is like,

well, I think that's Cynthia. I was the expectations that Kenya absolutely can't deliver on. And it's ridiculous. And you know, you guys are besties and you can pull her aside and just tell her, I'm sure that will go very, very, very well, you know. And she's like, oh, we're definitely having a conversation because that's my friend. Well, she just keeps saying mac and cheese and friend.

Hello, friend. And she's like, act like my goddamn friend. So then Ramona works out doing back curls on the p on the patio and it's gonna be fucking funny I don't know why but I had to rewind it three times over Ramona just being like like she does it all the time But she just looks like she's doing it incorrectly. Yeah, that's actually probably also how she skis Whoa, why aren't I going faster? So um so then Cynthia sits at the table and Melissa's like, you and these outfits, oh my God,

you always come to the island ready and beautiful. Whoa, and Cynthia's like, yeah, fuck you bitch. Thank you. And she's like, thank you. And Teresa's like, oh my God, can I guess up the channel, so I'm like, ha ha ha.

Cynthia's pushing up a tino salad, even up breakfast, she's like, well, because you bitches didn't eat my potato salad last night. I'm gonna make you beat it today for breakfast. Okay. And the man comes out like, oh, potato salad for breakfast.

Don't worry. How elegant, opposite today. So then I love out. Six feet away, cameraman. Get too close. Thank you. So crowds like high-synthesia, how are you this morning? It's like, good. How are you? It's just good. And then it's just silent. And Kraus, like, um, actually,

I wanted to come to your room last night. But instead I stood by the palm tree, scratched my butt crack on it and told everybody here, man, it mean, but I didn't want to invade your space. So I just, if I upset you, then really I am sorry. And Cynthia's like, you've apologized a few times already, and I completely respect your point of view. And I said several times, this does not have to be mean, because I'm not a mean girl. And I changed the game several times during the night to make sure that everybody was comfortable. And basically, I reinvented the game. I reinvented the game to get the powerful conversations that were happening in the end.

And you did a great job. You did a great job. I love the way you changed those rules, the way I changed time zones, okay? And I just said, yes, thank you. And I just want to respect because it was my night. It was my night. I've reinvented the game. Oh my God. How long did it take you to come up with? Who's the prettiest?

I know. It's not the like, really in work. You're like the Beethoven of Hasbro. It's actually just like remade Seller's a Catan. Instead of bricks, we're now gonna have diamonds. Read of pre-made points. You have to collect pretty points from the people who are so pretty points. I'll do it you three pretty for one gorgeous So cows like oh I guess we're not over there still and then Cynthia They're doing that thing where they're both in the diary room. By the way, I just want yes I just want to point out that Kyle is sitting here being like I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry, but then in the confessional, well, I guess we're still not over this. I'm like, well, I'll see more Kyle returns dishonesty about how she really feels versus what she presents to Cynthia. True. But Cynthia is really milking this one. Like, this is a lot, this is a lot from Cynthia. I don't think we've ever seen this from Cynthia. We're sorry.

I apologize. Well, that's okay. It's not okay. And it's like a day later and she's still not letting the woman apologize. So she's like, well, I don't know that I accept her apology. I do know that I appreciate her apologizing and then back to crowd going, well, I thought my friends at Beverly Hills were dramatic. Well, I thought my friends at Beverly Hills were dramatic. I mean, in that town. In that time zone, which I'm still in actually, I don't know. I think that I love this side of Cynthia.

I'm sad that we did not see more of it on Atlanta. This like enraged, silently rageful, like grudgy person. Like, yes, I say yes. And I do think that like, you know, Cynthia's still pissed because it was her night and she like, she probably revved herself up in the morning and probably had phone calls with Mike and she's just like freshly mad again

and she had that conversation with Luanne and I think that she's allowed to have a moment where she's annoyed and I think that Kyle, I think it speaks more to Kyle's insensarity that she does this like faux apology but she actually still is clue like, wow, she's dramatic. She's dramatic. And she's really, I mean, now that you're talking me into it, because I'm very easily swayed.

Yeah. You know, Kyle basically was accusing Cynthia of not being a girl's girl, right? She's saying like, you're, you're looking down on women with this question. Like, it's disrespectful of women to say, who's the prettiest, right? So it's like she's accusing her of something bigger. It's like bigger than just changing a game, and she's standing by that part. She's saying, I'm sorry, but I just really don't like the whole

who's the prettiest thing, you know, insinuating that whoever does is just like not respecting women. It's just like Kyle needed to lead with, I'm really sorry because, like, ultimately, it was your night, and I wasn't needed to lead with, I'm really sorry because, like ultimately it was your night, and I wasn't respectful to your night, but she was instead doing the, I'm sorry, but I just think the prettiest thing is wrong,

whatever, you know. So she's doing like, I'm sorry you're upset, but your game was still wrong. And instead of saying like, you know what, I'm sorry because you had a simple question in the game and I let my own insecurities be affected by your question.

Exactly, you know, and then she's making Cynthia seem like the crazy one. Yeah. Which she might be, but still. So Kyle says, you know, Cynthia said, this is a girl's trip and we're supposed to have fun. Well, I'm having zero fun right now. So she's also making it seem like Cynthia is the main of all everyone's existence. So then Louanne says that she's sending good energy and vibes to kind of divorce proceedings

which are happening like upstairs. So Kenya comes to the table and she's like very sad and you know she just spumbed because she had to do court on YouTube where everyone can see very private discussions about like I made this much money, this much money, just stuff that she doesn't wanna really put out there but like people can now just like watch and comment on.

That's a mortifying, it's me. It's like 2021. Welcome to the modern. We're almost 2022 now. It's like you get divorced on YouTube. Welcome everybody. I don't need YouTube trolls, you know, commenting on my divorce proceeding.

I know. So then God, she really sucked at that testimony. A-D. Like, D. It's like, then she really sucked that testimony. Like, I then you see that it's like all the comments are just for me and Ronnie. It's like, Oh, yeah. Sorry. She twirls one more fucking time. So Cynthia says, well, I love Kenya, but I'm very mad at her right now. So the fact that she came down upset, well, it's like, now we're both upset. You didn't concern yourself about right now. So the fact that she came down upset, well, it's like, now we're both upset. You didn't concern yourself about my feelings.

So it's hard for me to concern myself about your feelings. Like, okay, but your feelings were about a game who's pretty as her feelings are about like, custody battles and divorce. Like, I think one's a little bit more pressing. Yeah. But now she's actually bummed because she has very valid feelings.

Cynthia has very valid feelings, but now she knows she can't be totally like you hurt my feelings because now Kenya has like bigger feelings right now that have to be respected. So that's probably making her feel even angrier. It's like, fuck it, you know. I also Kyle goes, oh my God, court on YouTube. Like that is such an invasion.

It's such an, like I would hate it if I had to go on the record on YouTube and talk about like how Mauricio and I pulled in like 10 million dollars last year. That's such an invasion. You know how it'd be the first one who would love to do a court proceeding on YouTube. You know that.

I mean, kind of all of them, right? Except can you smarter about contract negotiations? She's like, I have to give all this information to people that were not paying me. So. And the one's like, well, it's such a public forum. And. That's a both big MTV.

Commissions. Here comes one right now. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasive. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying

any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder-y-up. Yeah everyone's being nice to Kenya basically, but Kenya's upset so she gets up and Melissa's like, that's an invasion of privacy. So can you just walk off upset and Cynthia Eater potato salad all mad. And Kenya's like, you know, this is, this is meant the most to me in my life. And I'm losing it. Like anyone can hear they can hear everything. And Kyle's like, how long were you married? And she says, well,

you want to cover up the not magazine also for celebrating your 25th anniversary? Just wondering, maybe they could just take out the K and you could be on it. I do know the lady who runs it. The not. So Kenya's like, well, I'll be four years in June. And let's go, oh, I didn't even think it was that long.

I mean, I saw it on the internet. I saw what a sham marriage it was. I can't even believe you made it to four years. And Kenya's like, oh yeah, we've been separated for over a year. You have been separated for three years and six months. Okay, I don't know who you're trying to kid here. And Leigh Wands's like, oh my a different of salad. She's so pretty.

She's so pretty about it. She's like, potato salad. She's like, I've been separated from Mark. Our relationship fell apart and we only made it four years and the last year has been separate. Potato salad. Anyone? She goes, um, for breakfast?

No. And Cynthia. It gives us. Cynthia's like, gives her the glare. And Kim, you says, yeah, I have not dated. I've not had sex in over a year. And he's like, do you think he's thinking then? And she goes, yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Have you found cons in the dresser? And Kyle goes, people send my husband naked pictures all the time because I have a very, very hot husband and I've had him for 25 years. You might read about us on the Nat magazine. We're on the cover. Kyle has brought up Mauricio getting insta DMs in every episode now. This is like her new thing. Cause it reflects on her, right? Right. The more she talks about how he's in demand, the more it's like implication, but he's mine. Yeah. And Ken is like, do you guys get dick pics and treat us on a West app? I get more videos, right? And every time it goes off, I go, what's that? What's that? What's that? So then the way he goes, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

I forgot to ask about this. Potato salad. Okay, second question. So you had this party where you had a stripper, stripper guy of some sort of man who's a stripper What was his name again and Cindy and Kenya both are like below just Bullah, yes, blah, and actually the subtitles kept on saying bollum, bollum So I said, oh yes, you know, it's funny because someone sent me a video of his cap array and he was he had a cantaloupe and He puts a hole in like in the melon and then he fucks the melon and the melon explodes and I'm saying I'm gonna have to show it to you. I want to work something like that into my act. Maybe something with a bongo perhaps. I'm not sure Melan's had been sending my husband he am for years

have been sending my husband to the Am's for years. And Ramona's like, no, what? Not a proof, okay? But I don't like to talk about that. That's body parts, okay? It's about having class, Alex and Chor, okay? And once I like sluts into whatever you want to do, fine, but that's not me, gay. It's not me, gay. I love when Ramona's like arbitrary, prudishness kicks in. But Theresa Meanwhile has just watched the below video and she's like, Oh my god, I'm like, honey now, I gotta go have some phone sex, huh? I'm gonna say good, are you gonna use your toys? She's just, nah, I use my hands. And which by the way, Theresa is the worst promoter of all time.

You're selling sex toys, okay? You should say yes, I're selling sex toys, okay? You should say yes, I use my sex toys. I love them, button sets. Ah, I don't even know that, I use my hand. So, we'll start touching Melissa. Oh my goodness. So, try it, you like it.

So, now they're all getting dressed and Michael is in Luan's room, like showing her the itinerary for the day because she's like arranged a spa day or something and she's like, you know what I really want? Is it pedicure? Also, do you have any cantaloupes around? I don't know, sort of workshopping some things

that maybe you could help me out with, anything at all? G-weed wraps pedicures. And he's like, oh my gosh, do you see me turning in my toes? And she's just, no one's looking at your toes, honey. And he goes, oh yeah, it's all about my face, right? Just yeah, when you have a face like that, no one cares about your toes.

Ha, ha, ha. This guy is so thirsty, by the way. Did you see his stuff this week? He's, he got it, I don't know if he just got an Instagram, but he announced on Instagram, like everybody has so many questions for me. So ask me in my wife whatever you'd like to know. It's like nobody cares about my school.

It's my school. Okay. Yes. So then Luann's like, well, you know, what I like is that you can always tell when someone on a guy likes to flirt, then they see a flashback to yesterday. They're on the beach and he's like serving her

and they're speaking in French and they're saying they're having this conversation in French. So when he goes, oh, so why do you speak French? Because oh because I'm sexy. Oh, you're what? Sexy. Oh What what sexy what Then he just goes English because I'm sexy. That's why I speak French Yeah, Le Wann with her pretend French entry thing. I am married And Le Wann goes well, he's married. He's not dead man can flirt Yeah, Luanne with her pretend French entry thing. I am married and

Luanne goes well, he's married. He's not dead the man can flirt So then Kenya Kyle and Melissa are talking. Can you say okay? Where's the volleyball? I'm just yeah, I thought we was playing volleyball. Can you say? Um No one plays volleyball looking like you guys because they're like dressing glitter and they're all fabulous. They're like ready to go to Nikki Beach. So, so now they're like Kenya's like this is a volley, this is not a volley ball. This is the ball, they were playing volleyball. Like we're not going to a ball.

So Kenya's like, well I think that Cynthia's mad at me and Kaga's, I think that Cynthia's mad at me and Kaga's, oh, I think that she's mad at both of us actually. I think she's mad that, I don't know, my husband gets so many DMs from girls. It must be furious about that. Aw. Yeah, so they're bonding over that.

Melissa's like, can I be honest? I think she was upset that she came down late. And Kenya's like, well, the glam lady was 30 minutes late So that threw me off like okay So you were only planning on being half an hour late. Yes Yes exactly so can you as like well I think that it's more than that because Cynthia thinks that like you know We're all like kind of super clicky and Melissa goes why would that bother her as a which is by the way The full mean girl response, right?

To be like, why is it crazy? We just get along better. She knows why I would bother her. That's inherent in the name clicky in the word in the description of clicky. I'm Melissa's like, what are we in high school? Teresa and Cynthia getting along really well. And I find with that. Yeah, because Teresa hates your guts.

Like, why would she care? You really want to hang out with Teresa. So Melissa says, maybe she just feels like you're hers. And Ken is like, well, a lot of people have fought over me, honey. And so they all start laughing and Ken is grabbing her butt and stuff. And then Ramona comes in and runs like, you know what? John is going to teach us some volleyball. Guy.

And Melissa's like, oh, OK, that explains it. This is why the situation with the nipples. and it's gonna teach us some volleyball. everything and Ramona goes out to the beach like Hi guys, hey Albert, hi, I need to learn how to serve I mean not serve like a servant okay, I mean serve with the wall, okay Sorry, I meant to say mate, okay, you know what everybody he used to be a volleyball instructor. He's a trend set up Okay, you know what before he came along, it was just court ball. Guy. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, a rock before, well, just stepped out of rock holy moly. Yeah, she's like, no what? I'm playing the damsel under stress,

but I don't know how to surf. No what? That's basic. Here's a rock hard body and a nice smile. Yay. Rock hard body is like her thing now. This is like the third time she said, oh, let's face it.

Here's rock hard body. Okay, I need to learn some pointers. And I wanna know how to serve. I almost called up Diana from my house. Be like, how do you serve? Because you served me all the time. But she didn't take my call, okay? I mean, I used to play volleyball all the time, growing up.

So I feel like I'm pretty good at this point. Cut to the clip of the man hitting the volleyball and then smacking her in the face and her falling down. So do you guys think that Bolo could work with this volleyball? What do you guys think? It's not quite a candle, but I feel like it's in the same space. So they play and Ramona misses something. And Cynthia's like, well, Ramona's not here

for the volleyball, clearly. And she's like, yeah, it was the rock, okay, it was the rock. It was the rock. There's a rock and sand. The rock has a rock-hide body, okay, let's face it. And then Lwand's like super competitive She does that thing where she yells names that while she plays just good one Kyle Kyle Kyle Yes, John yes Kyle Kyle John Kyle Kyle back up camera man Kyle John Ramona

So they're done and the drinks come to someone brings them drinks and Roman is like, well, you know what? Spilt on the talk. Sorry, George, it's rock, guys. Um, and the man's like, I'm gonna build on a dog, okay? Oh god, those drinks look so good. And they don't even bring her like a virgin. I know.

Or just a what or anything, you know. Gee. So then they start talking about how it's Kyle's dinner tonight, it's Kyle's turn. And Cynthia asked her like, what's your dinner going to be Kyle? And she's like, well, it's going to be wine and an astrologer. She's also intuitive because in this town, I'm going to listen to like, well, and we're going to have a spa day, right? And Cynthia's like, well, I'm excited because I have tension. So maybe we should talk Kenya so we can relax and Kenya's like, oh, I'm good. So, it's another walking. Ramona, meanwhile, is over in the water,

galvancing with John, because let's face his rock-hard body and he likes to walk on rocks, okay? So Cynthia's like, so last night from our bailiq, there were like a couple things that really irritated me. I was, it was my last, I felt like last night was my night and I really, really knowing me that you walled in late with no apology, no sense of urgency and made yourself a, you made yourself a plate with non-Sintheabale, Petera salad, and I had the weighty's late for you and that was the first thing, and then from that point, there were these moments where you could have just been a little bit more supportive. No, she made herself a platet of macaroni and cheese. Like she gives a very upset about macaroni. Every time she says it, it's in all caps.

Like she's speaking in all caps. So she's like, you could be more supportive Kenya. And meanwhile Kenya's like washing her feet, ignoring her. And she's like, well, this ain't Cynthia. These girls aren't in our inner circle. And if someone says that they're not comfortable with something just even though I changed the game a million times and changed the rules. She's like, but I listen to you

but you just have to adapt Cynthia. She's like, and I did adapt. I did adapt. But then you got my little dog and so I changed it into the little car. No, it's not adapting. It's using a different monopoly piece. is using a different monopoly piece. Cynthia, okay. I changed it from Catan to Ticket to Ride. No, Cynthia. So she goes, I said, do not pass go and tell someone who's prettier than the other person.

It's like, no, Cynthia, you can't just change monopoly like that. I said, you can pass go before you go to jail. No, Cynthia, it's no. So, so she's like, I said I was irritated for you with the reasons that I said. She goes, listen, if Ramona singer walked in late, had you been sitting at the table on time,

the world would have come to an end, honey. And Kenya's like, well, you're making it seem like a pattern. Ramona has been showing a pattern of disrespects since before, you know, since we got here, right? So, she just like, well, Ramona's not my friend. You are my friend, but you just brought Ramona up. So, and Kenya's like, listen, we talked about it, and now you're getting turned up,

and she's like, I'm coming here as a friend. She goes, but I'm trying to explain something to you, and it seems like you want to have a fight. And then we get my favorite sound, the dramatic sequel's going. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Of course, I just, Ramona requiring some assistance in the waves so you're a monophered in the waves. So she's, I don't want to fight. Kenny is like, I'm just explaining to you that those girls were uncomfortable and that they don't have to feel the same way as you and that they didn't want to do that because yeah, but you were making faces and Kyle you and Kyle were making faces a lot of stuff. The energy was off. Well, Cynthia, this is the thing.

You know, Cynthia is always friends with like the most, like the villain, right? Cynthia is always the one who's friends with the villain. But then when the villain starts acting like a villain to them, she acts all surprised. Like you really thought you were going to be the one person that Kenya is going to apologize to and say, listen, I just respected you by coming in hour late. And then I sat there and didn't stand up for you in your game and like made funny faces of the car.

She's never going to admit to that. And you know that it's Kenya. But in the past, you've chosen to be on Kenya's side to like kind of use her as a shield or a weapon, just like you always do. And now that it's turning on you, you don't know how to deal with it. So in the book, Bonfire of the Vanities, there's a very famous passage that where someone talks about the favor bank.

I think it's called the favor bank. I'll just make it up. But this idea that you put favors into the bank, and then at some point you make your deposit because you need your favors back. And I feel like what you see with Cynthia and people like Heather Gay is that they put their favors into really terrible banks. Like banks that are gonna bust.

And so like Heather on Salt Lake City is talking about how she wants, she's basically putting favors into the Gen Shaw favor bank. And that's not gonna work out for her. And Cynthia put favors into the Kenya favor bank. And now she's ready for a deposit. She bases like, I've supported you in all these places. So now I'm ready for my, I'm ready to get a deposit. I would like you to do me the favor of supporting me and kind of like, oh, sorry, we don't have the funds in your account. We invested them somewhere. We spent those funds. Yeah, we can't just give, yeah, you don't give a poster board to people that don't make poster board You know what I mean like you can't give poster board to Kenya with her child on it and expect a poster board back Cuz Kenya is not gonna ever do that. Yeah, you got it like and that's why she gets that's why Cynthia gets frustrated because she

She's like she she's lined up all these time that she's been a wonderful friend to Kenya And now that she wants Kenya to be a good friend to her, Kenya fails, and then Cynthia then reflects on the fact, sorry, doesn't my mic, Cynthia reflects on the fact that she has put in all this time, all this goodwill, all this like friendship capital, and it was all for nothing. And that's probably what's really making her mad.

That's probably what's driving all of this frustration. Yeah, and Cynthia, I think it's totally in the right on this, but, you know, again, you like, you were fine. You're fine. When can you treat everybody else like shit? But the second it turns on you and nobody cares. That's how everyone else feels when you don't care when she treats them like shit. So don't mess with me. No, don't. So then she's like, well, I'm not sure what her goal was, but not only did she choose not to hear me. She Lord knows what she didn't receive it. She didn't receive it.

And that's for sure. I don't know, whatever. Yeah. I think Kenya says, you know, it's interesting because on my show, I'm usually the one that's being pushed out of the circle of friends, but like here I'm vibing with everyone. I finally feel like people can see me for who I really am. And they like me. And I think Cynthia is just jealous because she's not vibing with these women.

I'm like, I don't think, I think Cynthia's vibing with actually all of them. But I think it's probably Kenya who is like intoxicated with the idea of acceptance for the first time that she is totally just like leaving her friend in the dust. Yeah. So then Kyle and Melissa are doing wacky weight lifting

with her margaritas. And Melissa's like, okay, John, we'll see you at the house later. And when I go, can we do a bonfire? Cause Bench is sick, bonfire, the vanity's bad. I don't have a soap. I don't really know what a faked with banknotes. Now I'm gonna call it Benfire of the vanity. I don't even know what they're about to bend fire.

All right, whoa. Is that a book where you take a bunch of stuff in a bathroom and you light it on fire? Bonfire of the vanities. So, Lou Ann's like, well, did you guys have a nice walk on the beach? You guys fixed everything. Did you put in a salad?

Put in a salad, anyone? And since he's like, I did, I step what I needed to say. And Kyle's like, do you feel good too, Kenya? And Ken is like, yeah, she's just wiping through her phone. Because I don't have fun stuff. I don't do worry. I'll get my revenge later. So then back at the house, Melissa's

singing money can't buy you class to Luan. And Luan's just loving it. You know, she's like, oh my god, it's awesome. Like, whoa, no, no, no, no, that's to be to sing back, OK? No, this is just call, not call and response, OK? So then Teresa's taking pictures to Kenya

because I always have to take photos themselves. And Kyle, there's like this weird moment where Kyle's like, can I have some water? And Melissa's like, oh, you wanted water. I thought you wanted to go into the water. She's like, well, I wanna do both. I wanna go in the water and I wanna get some water. Why is this generating so much discussion?

Melissa's the most boring people in the world becoming the friends. It's like I've always talked about this like waiting tables. You know, the happiest people in the world are the boring couples. They just sit there and they have conversations like this. Did you want water? I thought you wanted to go in the water. Oh, I didn't want to go in the water, but I'm also thirsty for water. Oh, my God. That's funny because it sounded like you were saying I want to go in the water. Well, I do want to go in the water, but I also want water. Oh, my God. And you walk up to the table like just both you fucking died, you know, and they're like, we've been married 90 years. Love a good preposition discussion. You say in the water or in or app, whatever. So that is a Ramona impersonation.

It's like, what's a water? Should I get some water? Should I have some water? What water? She actually does a good Ramona. Kyle is actually a pretty good impersonation, impressionist. Like, over the years, she has done very good impressions of people. So then they all sit down at lunch and the man's like,

oh, Ramona, how are things with John? The guy who clearly is not interested in you, should we talk about that? How are things going, huh? She's like, well, you know what? I'm just a little cockatish right now. You know, I'm not in a rush for anything anymore. Everything in due time, okay? Like we're just friends and if it goes somewhere else, then if it does, it does, doesn't, if it doesn't, you know what? Because always having as a friend and I'm just, I'm at the new lady, okay? And Ken is like, do you have personal conversations?

And she's like, you know what? Just friends is what I said, so if we're one of these friends, we're gonna be friends. And Ken is like, oh, whatever, acting class is down the hall. Like she totally wants this guy, right? Yeah, so the one's like well maybe he's not coming after you because he likes him young and you says or maybe he likes him chocolate oh I don't understand what his snacking preferences have to do with the girls that he likes okay Here comes one right now.

So then Ramana's like, listen, can you, can't even keep a husband, alright? Like, let's face it, I was married for over 20 years. What was, can you marry for? Okay, like a, like a, like a hop, like a, what do you call it? It's a, a flippy, flop, like a, like a hop, like a pop, a super pop, hop, pop, a John's pizza, pop, hop, hop, hop, hot seconds. Good and safe. Whoa. Hot pockets.

Well, and Cynthia's like, Kyle, I have a question about the astrologer. Does she read the hands? Because Cynthia keeps asking Kyle all these questions, and I don't know if she's trying to be shady, but they never are. They're just normal questions. But Cynthia's asking Kyle all these questions. And I don't know if she's trying to be shady, but they never are. They're just normal questions. But since he's asking Kyle about all,

I think she's asking her to like, be like, well, I don't like reading hands or something. I don't know what it is, but it's weird that she keeps asking her. So, Kyle's like, well, it's from your birth chart. And she says, and I believe in it, 1 million percent, because once I had a psychic tell me that I was gonna be on a reality show,

most likely with my sister Kim, and then there would be light shining on me like this. And then in October, that's when our show premiered. So I had like really high hopes, and it makes for an interesting dinner party. Michael Kyle, you went to a concert agent. You would already shot, you would already shot a pilot for a reality show,

that homeless one, where you and your sister is drove around and went up to homeless people and told them to get their shit together and then put them in a shower and got them a scarf and then expected them to like suddenly be fixed. So maybe that's why you're psychic, thought you were going to be in a reality show. And as far as the lights going like this, it was probably like, Kathy blinking the lights to let that, you know, to let everybody know you're on your way up the drive and not to let you in. Or maybe it was just that hideous neon art in her foyer. Just making its way into her astrology chart. Yeah. So, um, yeah, Kyle basically like, well, I have high

hopes because the psychic always makes for an interesting dinner party and then we get a nice Allison new buff flashback, which I always appreciate like any time that they can bring her out, like why not? So, there are times that look kind of like steamboat willy at this point, isn't it? Like Mickey Mouse on that boat. It's like, it's all black and white.

Bada, bada, bada, bada. We have Al's and Du Boa to come back. I think she needs to get over herself and make an appearance, because I think like literally, everyone would die, would die. So now they're talking about different signs and like how people have this sign or stubborn or whatever. And Teresa's like, yeah, well, you know, I'm,

you know, I've definitely gotten softer, you know, I've gotten softer, they got no better way. Melissa said, huh, huh, huh. This is like, no, I've not gotten softer at all. She's like, we're not, we've got to be honest, tree, we're not going to lie. And Cynthia's like, we're not, we got to be honest three, we're not going to lie. And Cynthia's like, so what's it like being, you know, family and being on the show together? And Melissa's like, oh, we love each other. We have a lot of respect for each other. You know, we have a really good time, but a lot of times other people get involved and it messes everything up between us. And everyone is like true untrue. Okay. To reset. No idea if you were coming on to shout. That's it, it's true. Just say it's true.

Just say it's true. That's it. So Melissa, which by the way, thank you Ramona for asking this question because this scene here was actually very, very satisfying for me. So Melissa's like untrue, untrue, treat, treat, treat, treat,

she's like, I know, I didn't know. Which really to be fair, that could be applied to so many different things with interiors' like, I know, I didn't know. Which really to be fair, that could be applied to so many different things, but in Teresa's life, you know, like how to, you know, put blocks on top of each other or like, had a hundred only. I'm literally a... Like, I didn't know, I don't know.

I had a sick human. I didn't know. Um, so she's like, yeah, Melissa says the century, but Teresa is like, I remember the shrugs and she goes, okay, this my answer. And she's like, you didn't know that. And she goes, no, I didn't know until I got the phone call from Andy.

And Melissa says, yeah, so Andy called you and told you that I was testing for the show. She goes, now he called me and said your sister and law is DMing me that she wants to get on the show. And I'm like, I never DM him. That's what I'm telling you Teresa. Yeah. Well, that's what he said. So ask him about it. All right. He's out there somewhere. All right. Yeah. Somewhere out there. And then most of us know they inbox me to interview her and I and then you just hear, I don't know if you heard this in the background you hear Luanne explain to someone maybe to Teresa maybe everyone's goes oh inbox that's a DM that's a DM so so then Melissa goes yeah and by the way like to this day still right now they

inbox all my friends and she goes yeah but all my friends they get inbox two and when they do they tell me about it you know it's just yeah but like you and I were not friends we weren't speaking Teresa yeah which is why you got cast so it's drama music and Kyle's loving it Kyle's just like and Melissa's like we weren't speaking she's yeah but we was family we were still talking she just don't lie Teresa she goes I'm not lying And so Kyle says but were you and your brother speaking she goes to remember to tell you the truth I remember to walk in unless it was Matt cuz I didn't want to put them on the show And Melissa Melissa which is a lie and the Melissa cuz we never wanted to be on the show Which is I mean come on you were DMing Daniel

Stop trying to get your ass on that show. For years and we all know it. I don't know who the hell you people think you're talking to right now, but we all know. Don't worry. And Teresa is like, we never agree on this. She has a story. I have my story.

Like she's never gonna admit it, you know? And Melissa goes, well, when they called me to interview me, then they then told you that they were doing that. And then Melissa, well, why didn't you tell her, okay? Whoa, whoa, sorry, just stepped on a rock underneath my chair. Whoa, whoa. And Melissa's like, cause we weren't speaking, everybody goes, but it's a show, okay?

Ah! It's her fucking show. She starts a terrifying show. She's like, it's her fucking show. And then she's like squeals and slaps the table. She goes, she's her fucking she said it's her fucking show. She's like it's her fucking show And then she's like squeals and flops of tables to go she's the table flip right it's a show, okay? That's it. It's cool real housewives of the table flops, okay? She goes you know what like I didn't know like if we were gonna do it or not like of course We interviewed for the show and they wanted us and like you know It's a family show Caroline was on the show in Dina they wanted sister-in-laws

That's the only why we wish wanted to complete the creative vision for Bravo. That's all So like the Kyle is like I mean when they first asked me to join the show I was like trying to get a feeling about like what goes on with these shows So I was like also watching wigs being pulled off on Atlanta. So I was like, wait a minute. There's family members on New Jersey. Oh, good. I can humiliate Kim. So I was totally sold from that point on. And Melissa's like, oh, yeah, they really wanted us to sign.

And so they went to her and she said that she wouldn't sign if we did and she wouldn't film with us. And she's, I was like this, I don't want to fight with my family. All right. Because to me, family is everything. And look what happened. Look what family. All right. Because to me, family is everything and look what happened. Look what happened. I mean, yeah, families everything, but you weren't speaking to them. So exactly. She is.

She is. I don't like Teresa for being super pissed that Melissa was there, but they have the right to be on the damn show. Why not? Yeah, I don't blame Teresa for being pissed, but I also feel like Teresa is totally unwilling to ever like see her contributions to a situation of which she has many many many She's not innocent in any of this. So right and Melissa wants to act like she didn't totally hate Theresa's guts and scheme behind her back to get her ass on that show and then come on to fuck with Theresa What she totally did. I mean the Melissa who's here now is totally different than the Melissa that was on the first season. I mean, she was awful at first.

She was just terrible. Remember that she wrote that? But I was on her side. It's a stupid song about how famous she was when she, it was like her first season. On display. Yeah. What do you mean?

Do you remember that song? Do you remember that song, guys, if it didn't just come up on my iTunes shuffle? Like, yes. On display, on display. On display. Each and every day. Remember that song do you remember that song as if it didn't just come up on my iTunes shuffle like yes So then Teresa's like hey, you ever see that guy for the movie? You ever see that you know never go against the family and most well don't kill us, okay? You know what I like what's it? Don't put one in my bed. Okay So Teresa's like wait you didn't tell her you didn't tell her and

Melissa's like you're not listening and so Ramon's like you know what I asked him a question because I was bonding with that I didn't know it's start third world to guy Like a minute mistake. It's third world three and they like third world third world third world like world war Yeah, world war hot second guy World War. Yeah. World War Hot Second. Kai. And Teresa said, by the way, okay.

Oh no, I was gonna say that Teresa had said that, like the reason why she brought up the Godfather, she goes, you know, I wanted to show America what family is truly about, like sticking together and you don't go against family. I'm like, you literally showed that you were not sticking together and you're still not talking to Kathy. And so, like, what are you talking about? This is what family is all about. Also, that's not what happened to Godfather.

Okay, spoiler alert for anybody. Yeah, that's not really how that all worked out, right? So, the way I'm saying, well, they buried the hatchet, but I don't know how deep that hatchet was buried. No one's saying. Ha! Billy that in the show. Billy that in the show.

Can Bolo fuck a hatchet? Says it's like. Yeah, I don't really see any chemistry or compatibility. They're connected by family and that's it. Like they don't even like each other. So the way I was like, well let's get up now. Amalysis says, how long are we gonna talk about me being on this show? It's been 11 years. It's like killing a dead horse. Hey, that was in the godfather to

No, that wasn't godfather one. Huh? I said godfather one. You said godfather to yeah, I said god I didn't talk about any other okay So now they're all getting dressed up. Yeah, Coppa loves about show all right So now the girls are all getting they have to put, so Fiya Kapala is about to show, all right? So now the girls are all getting, they have to put on this like special underwear for spa day and so Luann is like getting changed. So Michael's holding up a towel to keep Luann decent

and she's like, oh, don't mind me getting naked right in front of my puttler. And this is so fun. And then she like drops the towel and she's over boobs like, oops, look at me married man And he's like oh my god, that's so funny. They're where I am so they're getting their massages and Cynthia's like really into it because she's getting her feet done. She's moaning and groaning and cause like What's happening over there

It's happening. She's so jealous of us getting these treatments. And then something happens. I don't know what's going on over there, but it sounds better than my situation. Maybe she's relaxed enough to forgive me. I mean, it Beverly Hills in my time zone. So then Lohan comes like walking, walking down this path. And she's like in her foils. They're all where they all have foil for part of the treatment.

And she's like in foil and a towel. And she has like lotion all over her body and stuff on her face. She literally looks like some sort of, you know, something out like the grudge or whatever. She's like, oh, oh, the foil, I can't, I can't. She just like rips the foil off. I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

So then Melissa and Trey talk and Melissa's like, are we fine? She goes, yeah, yeah, I mean, come on. She goes, I'm just checking because you're Adam. You're the man. You're the man. No Adam and Trey, so it's a word. I'm right. I'm right.

She's like, listen, if you stop fighting with me, I'm just going to leave. You can fight with yourself. Melissa says, yeah, I think the show really made us want to be together My best care thing we never would have seen each other without the show And Teresa's like, you know what? Joe's my only family so if I got to bite my tongue and over look something I will Which is her way of saying yeah, I still fucking hate her but I can put up with her

You know, it's now it's the evening and they're all, they all are heading out to dinner and everything. And Kyle is on the third in the Vans and Kyle is looking on the phone, of course, checking social media. And she's like, oh my God, look, there's something else on social media. Look, Ramona is currently terrorizing the other housewives. And she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Like, what? Good, I'm doing my job. And there's a picture of Ramona naked. And she goes just kidding. Like, wow. Yeah, no one cares. And Ramona naked and she goes just kidding like For a ha ha yeah no one cares and Ramona would be so proud of it anyway No, she has been walking around naked kind of so they get to the something villa and my mother when I

And The matredee guy or whatever's like oh my god Manage you are really that beautiful Five you could have an autograph please here. Joy enjoy this signing us forehead And Ramona is like you know what just take one picture You know what you just use one phone and they will all air drop it okay? Because I want to show that I've grown and I'm not going to be controlling with my phone pictures. See everybody, I'm a good person.

Ah! So this guy that she's bossing around, like, we'll take one photo, only one photo. He's like, by the way, I have the gentleman manager, so don't be bossing me. And everyone's like, whoa! I can't even say, yes, she's like, I was just about to say that to her.

I was like, you know he's not the help, just about to say that to her. I was like, you know, he's not the help, right? Thank you for reading her. That was a read. That was a read, Luann. I mean, Abbinne's at home taking notes in her notebook. Like, I will talk to Kenya about saying to help. When I meet Kenya at the Christmas party, I will get on her about that. And then the general manager, every time it takes a photo, he goes, why?

Mara. Okay. Say, why? Mara. I'm like, okay, sir. And then the general manager every time it takes a photo because why Okay, say why I'm like okay, sir and Can you say thank you for reading her why Mara? Like yeah, sorry, she can be bossy because I noticed So then the astrologer comes and she just looks like a damn lie Linda. I'm sorry, but you look like a damn liar. Okay, with your blue eyes shadow. You look like a damn liar.

It was like patty lapone playing Diane Vaughn first in Berg. And so she walks in and she also stole Luanne's turquoise statement. That was I was surprised Luanne did not make a comment about that. So I said she's in Luanne's turquoise statement. Yeah. So Melissa's like, when you walked in, you look like that beautiful cartoon character. I know the one with the blue eyes shadow. She has the Dalmatians. They're like, Cruella de Ville.

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, no. Who's the one with that gorgeous shock of white hair and all those beautiful tentacled arms and that purple skin Ursula. Yes, oh, she's gorgeous. You know, or maybe it's not even the Disney with that lady who's like in the bathtub, you know, singing about little girls, Mrs. Hanigan. It's a compliment.

What? It's a compliment. No, no, no. The one who's in the bathtub in that hotel with all the ghosts, but she's like, hang on, bathtub being glamorous. The ghost lady in the shining in room 231. No, no, no, no, no, you're right, you're right.

I'm not thinking of it. It's the guy. So the lady who kills the people that live on her street because they're just a bunch of shitty teammates. They burned her in a house. Freddie Krueger, it's a compliment. What's the sweet? Who is that gorgeous lady who shows up and she just loves just everyone and she just sort of eats them all up

and just like takes over the blob? Yes, gorgeous. And Kimi is like, um, that's shade. So Linda's like, I'm right. I'm just here to give you an essence of who you are. Okay. Melissa's like, I've never done astrology. Melissa's the one, there's always one in the group who's kind of defensive about being

read, you know, and Melissa's the one who's super defensive this time because she's likes Jesus a lot. So she's going to be super defensive. So she's like, yeah, I've never had astrology. She goes, well, yeah, tonight, honey. And so Melissa's like, ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, astrology. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh on a network that has given us many, many, many quacks, Lewis may be one of our quackiest quacks.

So she's like, okay, Kyle, okay. So here's the first thing in your past lives, you were more often than not a man. How about that? I've heard that, I've heard that, I've heard that. I've heard that. I've heard that. I've heard that. And you know, men deal with emotions differently. And you were a general in the past life. I've heard that. I've heard that. I've heard that. You were generally considered to be awful. That's what I mean to say. Yeah. I've not heard that. But a general and a

guy. I've heard that. I've heard that. that oh I was saying I had a general meeting at Warner Brothers. I totally did. Yes. I did do that. Yes. Thank you And the way I'm like and she's damn proud of being on an an-two And when I was like, you know what? I think he has shrub the jacquat it wrong because if anyone was a man it was the win Yay! And then they showed the clip of Ramona calling her a looman and And the bag goes, I'm tall baby baby. He says, yeah, like a man. And then Linda's like, all right, and Kenya, listen, we've got some wonderful information on you.

Okay, now that I know that you've had a rough life, you know what, being left by your mom, being a bandit is like you were. But it all made sense when I saw that not only in your past life, but in this life, you're supposed to be a shaman. Wow. That's so true. I always say she does remind me of toilet paper. No, not shaman. Shaman, okay. I like that she's just going with a man. She's like, you were a man and you were a shaman. Okay, I'm just going to keep saying man. Shaman, shaman.

And Ken was like, wow, really? Wow. I'm like, I'm not gonna go. Is that something you've thought about Kenya? Is that something you want to do? Kenya, as if Kenya, get him more. Wants to be a shaman. Yeah, Ken is like, no, not really.

And she goes, lady, please. To us. So she's like, you know, you had such a challenging childhood. Your mom abandoned you, but you know why? Because your mom is stuck in her past life. And in her past life, she had a child, you, but you were a boy. And she had a child with the king, but it was out of wedlock. So you were the heir to the throne. And everybody was trying to kill you. And so she protected you by saying you weren't alive. She just watched the Phantom Menace, didn't she?

Like, she just watched the first Star Wars movie with the Anakin. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And Ken is like, that sounds like a lifetime movie. Just most lives are like a lifetime movie, which is why it's now a channel, okay. And Ken is like, well, I might have been a cent of the bitch, but not a king.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha cent of the bitch, but not a king. And Luan, you were a queen, but you married it out. It was like you married a commoner. Sorry. You may remember I was I was a queen. So I don't I do not think I married a commoner. I'm pretty sure I married the maybe a Tommy tune type, something like that. You may want to consult the stars again I mean, there's called stars for a reason am I right? Mm-hmm. It's like you married down. It's like well now. I know that this is bullshit

So Melissa's like, I mean, there's no dentist in the room. There's no toilet bowl scrubbers and Linda's like Cynthia you were a visionary who was married to power. I'm just like, I'll take it. Did the powerful man I was married to ever tried to change one of my games? Nope, okay. Did the powerful man I was married to ever take my money and invest it in a club under an ether highway

and then come up with some sort of coffee brew? Okay. You were married to a man with a power curic machine. Okay. That was actually recently. That was actually recently. Teresa, you were a very seductive dancer. She's like, okay.

And Melissa's like, isn't that ironic? I was always accused of being an exotic dancer, but it was her and the past life. And Melissa was the princess of a small country. And Ramona, you were a queen and crowd like, Oh, good. Now it makes sense. And she was like, in the past life, the choice have to have the best bedroom. So then, um, so then, then the conversation switches, uh, because Linda's leaving right now, because Kenya's like the only real royalty in this room,

darling is a Countess in the former Miss USA. So then they're just joking about who everyone gets a crown and everything, and Luann says, ask, she asked Kenya when she won her page and everything, she's like, because you may not know this, but I actually won a page in Europe too, yes, it's called Lady Universe, Yes, that's right.

Lady Universe, they gave me a car and a watch and I also got one of those punch-out cards for Subway. Oh, this is wonderful. Wonderful. I won Miss Ford Chevy Monohatchee. I got a car. And, Ken, it's like, yeah, they gave me a car, a boat. Oh, really? Well, I got a car, a boat, and a hat. I got a car, a boat, and a hat. You know, it all opened so many opportunities up for me. Italy, not America. This was Europe, everybody. And Cynthia's like, well, actually, I was a judge from this universe in the Philippines.

And Kenny goes, yeah, I didn't win because I was the prettiest. She's like, well, it wasn't. It was, I was a judge. That's what I was. I was losing when I came out of my swimsuit. Sorry, was I, did I hear a voice somewhere? Sorry. I was losing when I came out of my swimsuit Sorry, was I did I hear a voice somewhere sorry? I was losing when I came out the swimsuit part and then I started winning when I started talking And when it goes well, it was the inner beauty guy And so he goes well kudos to you because when I was a judge, but Miss Universe is very different, very, very different though.

And I'm sure a lady universe or whatever, that thing was that you did at CVS was probably also very difficult, Luan. Okay, so we're talking about Miss Universe with Taiwan. And since it's like I literally tried to jump in there four times and my friend Kenya, who strolled in with macaroni and cheese talked over me and

They start numbering all the interruptions that Kenya did because Kenya is just obviously being a dick to Cynthia, right? But every time Cynthia talks it's like Kenya's being such a dick, but what's funny is that like Cynthia the more Cynthia gets interrupted the more Bumbastic she tries to get to capture their attention. So at some point she was like, I mean, how do you think it feels to judge you guys? Like as a judge, they sent us a, like as a judge, and then it was like escalates

and she goes, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do was to judge Miss Universe in the Philippines. It was the most difficult thing. I will always be traumatized by that of it. It's like, whoa, Cynthia. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, so Cynthia's like, well, I thought it was going to be us and them. I thought we were going to be Thelma Louise. And Kenya obviously has some plans with my macaroni and cheese friend.

Hmm. Who wasn't there another Thelma Louise situation on one of these bravo shows? Every single one. Every single one. Every season. And Rina and Rina and Erica were Thelma and Louise. Everyone calls themselves Lucy and Ethel or Thelma and Louise. On the show. And everyone always forgets how Thelma and Louise ends, unfortunately.

Right. And I don't think Ethel got her own spin off either. So housewives after dark don't. Don't don't don't. So kind of like Cynthia, Cynthia must have a party. And Cynthia's like, you know what? Sometimes you just gotta let in what's happening around you and people are dropping like,

five, goodbye. Yeah, yeah. And so they're like, they're drinking in Kyle FaceTime's Mauricio, who's with a very handsome friend. And she's like, honey, I need to know how to make a Margarita now Kyle. Kyle's been trying to make this like a part of her personality for a few seasons now.

Like I love a margarita. Like it doesn't matter where we go. I have to have a margarita. And she doesn't even know how to make one for crying out loud. It cannot be your signature drink if you can't make one. I'm sorry, Kyle. And it's also an easy drink to make. And we're gonna say, oh I know how to make a long a breath, okay.

And Kyle's like, listen to the Mexican please. And so she... Because Maria's just like, just makes it, who gives a shit? I don't know, one, one, one. Excuse me, let me get back to my dinner here. So throw shit in the glass, okay. So she's saying to Ramona,

everyone is so boring here. I just don't like boring people You know what we call people who go to bed and Beverly Hills X housewives Of course how ends the show with that Beverly Hills In this tone Really so good so good because The development of the Kenyan and Cynthia situation is like very real.

I feel like it's a, like everything that's going on there, what they are seeing in each other, and where this like impasse is where it's coming from is such a real thing, that even though yes, they're real housewives and it's all based around what's going on in their real housewives world, I feel like that's oddly universal, because I've definitely been in these situations before and I've seen these situations. So I'm really, like I'm really connecting with this show. Yeah, I'm excited to see episode four because everyone's like, oh my god, episode four, oh my god, episode four changed my life.

I know I'm excited about it, but we will have our episode four recap up next week. We'll have it next week because right now we're going on vacation. Okay, we're going on a real housewives podcast vacation right now with ourselves and Turkey. Well, all right, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. Have an amazing Thanksgiving. If you've already had Thanksgiving, have an amazing black Friday.

Friday had black Friday. Have an amazing lay on the couch. Have an amazing small business day Saturday and have amazing cyber Monday. And after that, you're on your own, okay? Hanaka. Thanks everyone for listening. We'll talk to you on the next episode.

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