Watch What Crappens - Shahs of Sunset: Luaus and Lies

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

The Shahs of Sunset gang tries to fight on their Hawaiian vacation, but Paulina's not very good at it yet. For the entire season of Netflix' Tiger King recaps with Crappens On Demand videos for epis 2-7, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. We covered all seven parts of Netflix' Tiger King on our Patreon feed, and have video recaps for six of those episodes on Crappens On Demand! **New merch! Isolate and BenRon 2020 Vote Hypocrat designs available at crappensmerch.com **Crappens Live has been postponed until our country is healthy again. Keep up with our live show calendar at at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Happiness, what? I've been looking for happiness. What? I've been looking for happiness. Kids, what? Happiness, what? There's so much that's happened. Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens.

The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on Yeo Bros. I'm Ronnie, and that's been over there happy in hi. How are you good? Happy Tuesday, honey Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the show everybody today is Shaws of Sunset Day But before we get into that go listen to our other shows. We've got them. I do a Bachelor podcast called Rose Pricks. We're right now we're covering both Listen to your heart and to hot to handle on Netflix and Ben has another show called Game Brain and he does a cartoon on YouTube called the Real Housewares of Kitchen Island

So go check those things out. We're also doing small business shutouts right now for all our Geraldine's out there with you know Moving it along in this crazy time. Oh, I'm gonna start right now. There is a business owned by Jill We love and it's called cuff daddy.com cuff CUFFF Not slash what's other hyphen? about slash what's other hyphen cuddady.com and online cuff link retailer. Okay, you know what? Go do it. Go get just some cuff links. CuffDaddy.com, okay? Sport Jill.

Yeah, I've got one we have, this is from actually Ellie who we met in New Orleans, wanted to give a shout out to her friend Suzie who is she has a place called Leah's Pralines and I remember because we partied with Suzie after our Nola show and we I was gonna try to go over to Leah's Pralines in between our little garden district tour and that crazy Ron she prayed we went to but we ran out of time. But anyway Leah's Pralines it's in the French Quarter, and it's a small, very old family-run business,

and Richard Simmons was a former employee. Well, Suzy, why did she tell us that way back when? We ate those praelines though, they were delicious. We ate praelines from there, they were so good. Yeah, so, and Suzy was wonderful. I mean, we were out late with Su and I and a whole gaggle of people we went to that dog and had a great time. So anyway, you can order from Leo's Pralines online. They're getting their shit together and we'll hopefully be able to send you Praylene soon. And I think we all could use a Praylene right now. So go help, go help Leah.

I'm not Leah, Susie Owl. And Leah, whoever Leah is, maybe Susie's mom. But anyway, Leah's Praylene's help them out, straight from Nola. Do it. And so today is Shaws of Sunset Day. Which thing, man? Well, fun.

I mean, I've really been enjoying this season. I can't believe the finale is this week They didn't even say that they didn't say like next week on the season finale of Shaza Sunset But the commercials that were on Bravo this week said it's gonna be the season finale. So look at that. Oh, okay Well, so the season finale is Adam being Adam Yeah, like I don't know if I want to let go of the rest of the morning. Yeah, let's do pottery like we're in ghost Yeah, you But yeah, I was entertained by this you know this episode

It's you know we're in Hawaii with a whole gang the show opens up with Everyone's sleeping in the morning and they're waking up and resas, you know, we're in Hawaii with a whole gang. The show opens up with everyone sleeping in the morning and they're waking up and Reza's, you know, fudzing in the kitchen and he's like, when Persians vacation and are selling out a lot of cash, we really don't like wasting a moment of time, except for destiny and we see destiny in bed. Also, I don't think that's like unique to Persians.

As usual, yes. Everything Reza says is like unique to Persians. As usual, yes. Everything Redsa says is nothing unique to Persians. You know, Persians? When Persians call it a grocery store? Normally, we like to buy groceries. Like, yeah, that's what people do. Brush your stuff. Yeah. When Persians shower, we like to use water. Like, hmm.

Pretty sure that's mostly universal. He's not saying anything really person, but he's wearing something really person. He's wearing, he's wearing this new interview jacket that is like, wow, I'm not really even sure. I'm not a brand queen. Okay, we all know I'm an old Navy queen. But man, Resa's, Resa's clothes, he looks like he's trying to be Mama D at this point. I need him in a power of me, Malwig. He looks like Mamadi from Dallas, this jacket. He's wearing that.

That would be very, very terrifying to see him in a, in a Mamadi power of me, Malwig. That would be horrifying. I do not give a dog's rip. So they all start putting like fake tattoos on each other and today the group is gonna be splitting up into two activities Some people are gonna go surfing or some people are gonna go to the beef farm and they're like who's gonna go to you know Which one and Resil starts going beef farm beef farm Which sort of sound like you saying beef arm which? Having Resil yell that was sort of disconcerting.

But also makes total sense. Yeah. So Mike's like, Parlina is gonna come to the beast with us. Well I would assume that she was going with you if you're going to the beast thing, then of course Parlina being your supportive girlfriend is going to also go to the beast thing right? And Parlina's like,

I want to go surfing. Yeah, surf. And Mike is saying this stuff of like things like, you know, because Paulina is so fucking awesome, she's helping me act like a camp counselor in Camp Hawaii. I'm like, like she watched you, like, put out a plate or something. I don't see what's happening here. Yeah, she did not do anything. And she's like, I'm willing to go surfing. And he says, you're coming to the beast. She's like, no, I'm willing to go surfing.

You're coming to the beast. That's it. You're coming. And MJ is like, yeah, I love Mike, but he's really controlling. And the, you know, the girls he's been with, like they just become subservient to him because they have to play by his rules. Yeah, and then we see a flashback of a producer sitting down with Andy at a reunion and saying,

um, we have a problem, and then basically Mike won't let Jessica come out to the reunion, and then we see Jessica backstage saying, like, I want to talk to these people, is Jessica? No, shut the fuck up Jessica. No, so that was that was Bassy Productions way of saying we agree with MJ and we've had this grudge for a few seasons now and we're happy to finally show this footage of the producer. And by the way that producer's name is Jen and I love her in real life. She's so great. And she's been on so many of these reunions like we've seen her on so many of these reunions and not even out But she's always the one who's on the reunion like

Some crazy shits going down back there Andy Danielle stop demands Asha's lounge next to you Yeah So MJ's like yeah, you know the Mike I know like he seems to be doing better But that doesn't mean the same controlling assholes not still there, okay, yeah, you know, the mic I know, like he seems to be doing better, but that doesn't mean the same controlling asshole is not still there, okay? Yeah.

And he's had 35 years of being an asshole, and I am being nice here, because I'm saying he's 35 and not 40. Okay. Right. So then MJ goes outside and facetimes with Tommy and Shams and everything, and she's like, has he changed?

Has anything happened? And he's like, yeah, he's smoking cigarettes now, huh? Yeah, look at him. I actually think about Tommy, like how he talks on FaceTime, he holds the phone all the way down below his boobs and it looks like way down. Like there's no,

what do they call that when you're like so into how you look? Like there's no vanity. Yeah, there's no vanity there. At all. Self-awareness, Moan might also say. Also, when he says that Shams is smoking now, I was like, I want to laugh, but I'm also not going to write this office a joke until I see for sure that Shams does not have a cigarette in his mouth,

because he's alone with Tommy. Anything could happen. Yeah, we've all seen the smoking toddler on YouTube. That's like, have you seen that? It's like the, it's been around forever. It's like a four year old or something. It's like this gigantic four year old just chain smoking and laughing his ass off.

Remember when we were kids that you could get like candy cigarettes? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. So, um, so then we have a sneak peek of what a nature show would look like if it were hosted with by a time, MJ and Tommy. And so, because MJ sees like this, this like brightly colored lizard.

And she's like, look, look, it's a lizard. And he goes, wow, looks like a leaf. But now it's gone. Amazing. That's, I'm just like imagining him like, all right, the other time, he needs a haircut. He's got a big guy, a lot of hair around his head. Oh wow He's sitting down. Oh, and this is zebra doesn't like that zebra and now the zebra's dead. Okay. There you go Yeah, it's like his reviews of children books

Goldie lots what a dumb bitch that girl was This fucking moon is so neat. How many times do people have to say good night to it? I mean alright already It's like not even going to sleep. You're the one going to sleep How many times do people have to say good night to it? I mean alright already. It's like not even going to sleep You're the one going to sleep. So MJ is asking him you know Have you heard from the lawyers because Ressa said that he's gonna drop all the charges So have you heard from them? He's like no I haven't heard shit all right Hey show me that that uh show me that leaf that does the guy go commercials again So she's like well, I'm gonna try to have an eye stay and not fight about this.

So wish me luck. I've got a, I've got a great thong. I'm ready to make it stay you. Yeah. So she hangs up and then we have this like very brief vignette of MJ. She went to take, she goes to take a shower, but I guess the shower is in one place and her changing areas in one place. And we see her walking sideways like a crab.

She's holding towels over her and she just is smiling very sheepishly at the camera. And she was like, go put some clothes on. And then she turns to go rescuit her away and we see that she's fully ass naked in the back. And we just was just funny image of her. The sheepish sideways walk that she had, what with a smile was hilarious. I mean, what's the difference?

Like, you're worried about showing your butt. Have you seen the rest of this episode, ma'am? Like, since when? So then, Gigi's like, guys, she's in the kitchen. She's like, guys, how is MJ going to surf with that outfit? I mean, what is that? And I mean, the same as she surfed in the kitchen. She's like, guys, how is MJ can to surf with that outfit? I mean, what is that? And I mean, the same as she surfing anything else, I guess, like, are

we shocked to the MJ dresses like this? I know, I was like trying to think of like, you know, like, at this point, after this many seasons, we've just come to accept that MJ can pretty much do anything in the thong and heels. Yeah, it does everything. Yeah, in the fog Everything in a thong and heels. So Paulina has decided that she is going to go serving after all. So that kind of kills this whole controlling storyline.

So I don't even know why it becomes a thing. But MJ is like, so Paulina, you're going to start, you're going to play with bees. You're not going to serve. And she's like, no, I'm going surfing. She goes, oh, finally, you're thinking clearly, finally. And then Paulina just turns around and looks directly into the camera. Is that spet kidding me right now?

I'm my birthday, my handshine. I like that MJ is like the authority on thinking clearly when she's wearing like this orange thong with sheer bell-bottom cover-ups. I'm not shaming her for being a curvy woman this orange thong with sheer bell bottom cover-ups. Like, the entire- I'm not- I'm not shaming her for being a curvy woman in a thong. I don't care about that. I care more about the strange sheer bell bottoms that were covering the whole thing. So, V- Bam with GG and the guys. GG's like, yeah.

I want to know what kind of kissers you guys are. Uh-huh. Yeah, this was some pattern that I really did, yeah. I want to know what kind of kissers you guys are. Oh. Yeah, this was some pattern that I really did not appreciate. Thank you producers for, for egging this one on. So they're like, so they're talking about kissing and kissing and then Mike's like, I want to see, I want to see Gigi and Nima kiss. I want to see you guys kiss, you guys are kiss.

And Nima's like, well, actually, this should actually be a game-changing moment because we have actually never kissed. We've had moments where it's been really, really close, but we never really quite were able to move the needle on this one. Gigi goes, do you even have lips? I'm sorry, but I don't, there's no chemistry here, and I'm really sick of them trying to peddle this shit to me, okay? Yeah, and how do you know it? No, no one is falling for it and I don't know why it was resurrected now at this point in the season.

So I've got palpitations. Oh yeah, we kissed. Now I've got palpitations. Yeah, cuz they share like a little smooch and he's like, wow, all I have to say is yeah, this is really exploding my brand right now. And you just like, mmm, had less teeth and more lips, that might have been helpful. So have you ever kissed, have you ever made out with a solar panel? That's how this kind of felt. And Mike is constantly in fifth grade. You know, he's like, no, don't come on. Slip, slip some tongue in. Come on, come on, kiss some more.

Hey, I want to see you kiss. Come on. Let's do it some more. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on. Anyone have five million dollars? Come on, come on. So the surfing group, of course, Destiny gets to surfing. And she's like, yeah, it's honey. Yeah. It's funny that she, for someone who says, yes, honey, so much that she gave up an opportunity to go play with bees. So she's like, um, one time my sister was doing a handstand by the pool and got stung by a bee. So I'd rather not deal with that sort of pain. Somebody go surfing.

I'm like, I thought there was going to be a story about how she had some sort of anaphylactic shock and had to go the ER. But oh, she just got stung. So that's why I'm not going to go to the bees. I hate to break it to you, Destiny, but I think that surfing is significantly more dangerous than being full than anything at the Beehive place. Yeah. What if what if the sharks bit your sisters arm off in a pool, you know, where would you go?

And you just go to the mall down like, what are you going to do? Okay. Yeah. I would have totally gone to the apiary She's just trying to bring her a sister in every episode because I think she's sensing that she's kind of fucked this whole season up Like I'm just gonna bring in my sister because she's way more likeable than me So I'm just gonna bring her up on every scene Yeah, her sister's probably like yeah, I did get stung enough when I was a kid

It made me a stronger person do you see these ER scrubs? Yeah, it's because of that B. So go to the fucking A-Biary. Yeah. So the sort of guy is teaching them how to do it. And I'm just like, okay, I want to learn. And she goes, I have to be careful. I've got sort of an aggressive thong. And he's like, yeah, notice that. And she's like, is it okay for me to do this

even though I just had a C-section? And he's like, sure, is it okay for me to do this even though I just had a C-section? He's like, uh, sure, sure. Why not? Like, okay, that didn't really feel like it was medically sound, but we'll go with it. Yeah. And then we just get a lot of clips of MJ Pulling Carthong out of a rass on a surfboard. Yeah, I was like just watching some, just like, those big, like, you know, those, just, it was like, it looked like watching a bunch of like, hands on a surfboard, just, just going through the like, you know, it looks like watching a bunch of like,

hands on a surfboard, just going through the surf, you know? And then we just see Destiny sitting on her surfboard and she's like, um, app Persians, you know, like when we go to Mechmoudi, like, you know, like a pool party, like we don't go in the pool, okay? And she's just like sitting there on a board with just hanging out, brushing her hair. Yeah, hanging out with all of you. I'm not speaking at all So then over at the bees. There's Joe the be guy and he's like the be Joseph

She's like I was a bee in a past life Yeah, she's like yeah, I saw a shaman last year and we weren't when we're in Vegas for a bachelor party And I used to like to sting people, but I don't wanna die anymore. I just wanna stay alive. He's like, okay, great. I'm not the craziest person here, and I am officially a B-Docent. So, thank you for relieving me of that. I mean, it's like, because the beast die, right?

That's what she's saying. The beast die. Don't they- don't they die? And he's like, yeah, they fucking them they die. He's like, oh my god. Ah, that's crazy. I would love to be a B, where it's like, all you do is like, yeah, they fucking them they buy. He's like, oh my god. That's crazy. I would love to be a B, where it's like all you do is like 10 to after a woman. And then the queen B leaves with all your sister Bs,

and then you're left in another hive. And then later on, the queen B writes you a letter, and you're like, I'm not going to read this queen B mother. So these guys just do whatever the queen B says, and then pay for her rent. Basically is what you're telling me Yeah, have the bees thought about changing their brand Do they want to do any sort of social influencing videos because we could really set that up for them

Yeah, so this queen bee. What are her instant numbers? Has this bee ever been to boots and bruise? So they have the choice between wearing wearing a full-on bodysuit or just a hat with some screening over it, some netting over it. And Gigi's like, oh, I don't need that shit. Just give me the hat. I was pretty impressed because I know it's probably safe,

but she was in a tank top and short shorts. I mean, she was about as exposed as could be, as could be, get it. Anyway, I was just like, wow, girl, you're gonna get stung, but she didn't. And mean with like, oh, I can't even pay attention. Caught Chee-cheeth over there looking delicious. Up, stop.

Yeah, nothing hotter than a chicken, a bee suit. Yeah, it's like a, wow, seeing that netting in front of her face and that oversized brim. Wow, I've got a boner and I just got stung in the boner and the bee died. So then back at the house, the surfing people are back. And MJ's like, I'll take a shot of Petron, even though I don't really like it.

So then Paulina and MJ are alone in the kitchen. And MJ is like, so Paulina, oh, remind me to tell you, God, I know how it feels to have such a strict husband. Like you and Mike, the way he talks to you is your husband. I mean, you're under a very strict regime with your husband. Should I call him your husband, your boyfriend? What are we calling him right now?

She's like, well, the first polling is like, are you talking about my ex-husband? She's like, no, no, no, like Mike. What does he? And she's like, my boyfriend. She's like, oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's funny. It takes me back to when I had a Persian boyfriend.

And I'm like, oh my god, I'm so glad. I have a white boy that I'm married to. So glad. Anyway, have fun with Mike. You do have about $5 million to recoup his investment, right? Great. Yeah. Do you know where, it's 10 o'clock.

Do you know where your black eye makes this? I hope you're not trying to eat any chocolate croissants in his presence. Am I right, everyone? Am I right? And servants just listening to all of the shaking you said, like, Jesus Christ, MJ. It's like you're back for five minutes.

Yeah. Classic Mairs. Classic Mairs. Listening to all of the shaking his head like Jesus Christ MJ It's like you're back for five minutes. Yeah Classic mares classic mares. Yeah, you're back five minutes and here you go And also this whole thing like I get if she was having this if she went to the bee farm and all of the stuff But pulling it did whatever she wanted to so this seemed like something that didn't really pan out Yeah, I mean, but Mike is controlling. He really is. And basically, it's one of these things where MJ is like, Mike is controlling and it's annoying. And I'm still upset that he wouldn't let me have that chocolate croissant in the limo a few years ago.

And, you know, but I don't, since I'm just in everyone's good graces, I don't want to start an argument and be like, you're controlling, especially because he was on my side a little bit So I'm just gonna subtly bring it up and see where it goes Bad move lady Bad move bad move. Yeah, goosh move. So back over with the B people So they're they're now they've now moved on to making a candle and I which was one of the most delightful Activies they've ever done on this show ever.

Like, we've had to see them do just the worst things ever. And finally, they're in a tropical paradise, pleasantly rolling up little candles, raises hairs and masks for once he's like, it just seemed like a nice time. And then Paulina gets a text. I'm sorry, Paulina sends a text to Mike. And he basically says MJ's fucking foul and now everything's ruined

Yeah, and he's like oh fucking MJ she thrives off antagonizing people. It's her drug to poke people and this This will not stand And he gets sick bad ass storms off the honey farm. It's like I don't want to fucking deal with honey right now Yeah, he says I don't want to taste the honey. I don't want to taste the fresh honey. I want to go home. I'm like, are you kidding me? I'm going to be I'm going to turn to jewels from summer house. Are you fucking kidding me?

You guys drove all the way out here and this asshole's going to make you leave because his girlfriend said to text and you're going to you're going to leave before even taste the fresh honey. What's the point of even going to a B farm if you don't get to taste the honey? I hope they taste that honey because I was uh, for you're yes. What? Really? Yes, how do you know? How do you go to a beef farm and not taste the honey? I think they were just like, this is boring. Let's go, let's go yell at MJ.

I would have, I would have had a fit. I would have had a fit. I would have said, no, it took us an hour and a half to drive over here around that big guys volcano in the middle of the island I want I want my honey and I want it out. I'm gonna have my god damn honey hold on. I'm trying to look for this Scene where he's looking at the phone because they show the phone and I want to read with the text says this is the thing that I'm most outraged about about the honey But you go ahead. I want to read this text, okay. Okay, I found it. Hold on to me. Zoom in here. Honey's on my mind.

What can I say? You were honey on my mind. Okay, I'm out. Honey, I'm out. Is that the lyric from Mariah? I was doing Mariah. I'm singing Willie Nelson. You're singing always on my mind.

So you were doing a weird L version of of Willie Nelson, but I was doing an authentic version of Mariah I'll sing I'll say I'll look up the lyrics and sing it while you okay I find the let's see can I read it can I read what it says it says I'm not I'm not Something I'm not something I'm surviving, but I Don't want to be out there around that something like that. I can't read the whole thing But she's such a whiny baby. My god. She's like I'm crying. I'm like crying. That's part of it You're crying Paulina really why didn't you just say he's not controlling it? It's none of your fucking business.

Like, why didn't you write a three-paragraph text crying to your boyfriend? Give me a fucking break. Exactly. It's time for commercial. It's time for raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.

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in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. But Rapin's commercial. So they, the, the B people come back to the house. And, and by the way, yes, I was trying to work in a work or man reference, but I just couldn't

do it. So, uh, it would be, it's bees! Bees! The bees! Anyway, so the bee people are back and so Paulina tells Mike about what happened. She's like, oh my worst. And we come into the house and then we're in the kitchen and she goes to me It reminded me of dating Persian men like uh and then I was like what the fuck oh and it does it and There Paulina's story of trauma. Yeah, so like MJ was definitely up to no good But Paulina just fully blows it up. She's like, so she says, I'm like, I'm so glad

I'm married to a white guy and then I'm off that stage where I'm dating Persian man that they're so controlling. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm like, MJ actually did not say really any of that. She didn't say anything about like that. There was a stage and she wasn't, I mean, she did say that Persian men can be for her controlling but technically she did say strict and she never said I'm so sorry you had to go through this like she literally never said that and I'm, it's hard to be in this position to defend MJ because

MJ was fully starting shit but Paulina fell for it and now is just blowing it up. Yeah and Ressa is like, Ressa goes to MJ and he's like, Maris, babe, can we talk? Because we are best friends again. Like, Palina is really upset. Like, something you said, like, really upset her or her or her or something to her. And MJ is like, oh, Jesus.

Yes, seriously. It's like how she can elast him, this fucking group. It's absolutely- Exactly. And it's just like The abam raya So MJ is like I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I Shitting joking about our men just like comparing how like Mike is such a terrible option for her How Mike is just like the worst in the group as we all voted, you know He's even worse than Resa, which says something. I thought we're just joking. I am shell shocked I know her big wide innocent eyes. She's like what?

So then Mike comes to the table and he's like there's a lot of shit talking just going on behind people's backs here My girlfriend's very upset. She's like, oh, but I love your girlfriend. I just can't imagine. What's he's upset? And he's like, then why did you say that you're sad she has to date me? Yeah. MJ is like, of course I didn't say that. Of course I didn't say that, which is like, LOL. Also, by the way, before dinner, and Mike is like storming to the table. And he's like, MJ needs to know, don't fuck with me, and don't fuck with my girl. I'm like, I understand you're being a good boyfriend right now, but you're also kind of talk like someone who's very strict.

Yeah, sorry. And you're also a total hypocrite, because you're about to, you attack everybody else's partner all the time. You attack Adam all the time, even though he deserves it. And you attack Nena later about his ex. Give me a break. Yeah.

So MJ explains herself. She's like, Mikey June, when I'm around you and when I hear the way a Persian guy is, it reminds me of when I was with a Persian guy and the way Persian men are. And I didn't say I had to be insulting or anything. I was just relaying to Paulina that when I dated a Persian man, it was truly the worst experience in my life.

And it was experience that apparently is universally shared with me and my mom. So just saying that, not insulting though. Oh, and Gigi's like, oh my God, I'm gonna get up and paste around this table because I'm so upset. I do not want to be involved, so I'm gonna paste to get all the attention to her not in the mail. Yeah, yeah, exactly. She's just storming around, you know.

And Mike is like, no, MJ, this is what you said. You're like, girl, I feel sorry for you, girl. I'm like, first of all, that's not, that's absolutely not what she said and not how she even sounds. And Russ is like, why would you say that at a table full of Persian men? My girl MJ, sometimes she says things she says,

like now she's your girl, please. So MJ is like, listen, I said Persian men are different from white men and that's a fact and Shervin goes, yeah, better. So MJ is like listen, I said person men are different from white men and that's a fact and Shervin goes yeah better And then MJ is like better. Why are you comparing the two people? The Sunlish is like trying to take a righteous stance, which is hilarious Also, by the way Mike in the middle of this goes if someone acts some way

I don't like I'm going to stop talking to them Mike again Not really doing a great job of dispelling reputation of being strict and controlling. Yeah, so Mike's like going off and she's like, MJ, you have to understand how you insert yourself. Like she's like way too much, you know. Like you're literally inserting yourself by accusing her of inserting herself.

Yes. So she's like, Mike's just stop engaging with this, stop engaging with this. And he's like, let's get this very clear. I'm opinionated, not controlling. Take a fucking back right now. Yeah, exactly. Listen, let's get this clear, OK?

I have bad real estate judgment, but I'm not controlling, okay? So then they start both trying to outvict him each other. She's like, then just don't invite me. If you just can't handle it, he's like, well, then I wanna invite you, but act right. She's like, you owe me an apology. And hopefully I'm open to hearing that apology and then she walks off.

And it's like a bunch of storm offs for nothing. But you know, at least they're working. Yeah, and then Destiny's like, well, Persons are a little bit controlling. Let's be honest. I was like, well, wait a stand up. Wait a stand up for MJ and this. And Ressa's like, I'm not controlling.

And Sherman goes, Adam just called to ask if he could fart. What do you mean if you're not controlling? Specifically, if he could fart on the neighbor playing monopoly in their drop straps? I was trying to do a rest of laugh. He was out that That look like So GGM Paulina go outside to talk because Paulina is just so upset and GGs, you know, just there for Paulina Totally not to turn somebody else against him. Yeah. So she's like, we were having so much fun before that happened. And Paulina is like, oh, am I a god? Yeah. And Gigi's just saying how MJ

can be so much fun. But then she can also pran your vulnerabilities and Yada Yada Yada. And then MJ, inside MJ's with Destiny and Reset, and she's just reiterating, like, I did not call him controlling. I said he was strict, and he did not let me have a chocolate croissant. And I will always remember that to this day. So that's all I said. So she goes outside while Gigi shit talking her and walks up right behind her. And right, well, she's just going, what credibility does she have? And she's like, oh, oh, hi, I'm Jay.

And she's like, um, hi, look, I'm really sorry, babe, that I said something to upset you. Like, when I said he was strict, I thought it was cute. Like, look, I mean, we haven't hung out much, but I just thought you're like easy. Can I sit down? Because like, I'm exhausted. I've been standing here for for two minutes now.

Listen, I say things that are harsh and true, but where but where was my intention? It was never from a bad place. It was only from a place where I wanted you to break up with Mike. That's all. Yeah. Well, I guess hearing that I was like, wait, what's going on? Like there's this drama between you and Raza, and I was like, am I next? I was like, you're the one starting the fucking drama. Oh my God. And MJ is like, talking to Paulina has really made me realize

that this person who I don't really know before she even met me, they just had so talk so much shit about me to her. It just made me realize that this person who I don't really know before she even met me, they just said, so, talked so much shit about me to her. It just made me realize that. I'm like, it took this conversation for you to realize that. That woman was alone in many rooms with Reza. She is fully tainted. Her perception of you is ruined. And probably this, it means a lot that you came out to explain yourself.

And then she gives her like that squint smile in a little nod, like a hostess at a trendy restaurant. Like, we don't have any tables for eight hours. So seriously. So now they're all hanging out in a hot tub and talking about how Paulina is learning what it's like to hang out with the group. It's a tough group because we all make fun of each other.

Yeah, and Destiny's like, MJ is shitty at times with her comments man. She said some really shitty things to me. And then they cut to this great example of MJ being horrible to Destiny and MJ is just going um you're pouring gasoline on the fire in this fight. It's like that's not really nasty but that's all you guys could come up with. So then Destiny is also in a new outfit. She's in like a kiss of the spider woman, full body lace jumpsuit that like goes all the way through to the gloves.

Yeah and they're just like hanging around and just talking MJ's savage basically. and it laced, jumpsuit that goes all the way through to the gloves. Yeah, and they're just like hanging around and just talking MJ's savage, basically. And so now it's nighttime, and there's gonna be a luau. And so they all sit down at this table, and my dick is like, okay, Destiny, you sit there? MJ, you sit over there, I'm like, not really not doing a good job of being easy-going are you? Yeah, oh

There's a big pig you know and rest is like this the food you and the food you school friend plan to luau What were they thinking who's gonna eat the mother fucking pig Bitch gotta eat a pig, but it's not gonna be the bitch, cause I lost 40 pounds and none of it was big. I don't fuck with the bitch swine! Um, Mike's, Mike goes, in rest's case, the other white meat is white Adam. The other white meat is Adam, sorry. And I'm just, so basically they start eating and probably is like, um, I'm on a thing,

can we wine? Very coming to this trip. My love plan for me. I love you, babe. I love you, my love. I love you, my love. I love you, my love. I want to thank you because 2018 mic is a pain in the ass.

And 2019 mic is a lot better. So you've really improved this brand. And I think we're ready to take it to market right now. I don't know if you've actually improved him or if my teeth are just seeing better now. But maybe he just looks better in the light that's reflected off my veneers. So Russ is like, thank you.

You made someone we loved better. And then like tears to Paulina. And then a cake comes out and she just does that like fake girl laughing like. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Are you going to thank me for this cake or? No, I'm not even gonna look at you. Sorry, we're gonna have a table available in about nine months. So. So, yeah. So then, like a fire dancer comes out and he does this whole thing, you know, like spinning

the fire and GG is stone. So she starts hiding behind the table and she's, you know, she's doing this whole thing about how she's so scared of the fire Etc etc I don't know GG acts I know that she smokes like a million times a day But she acts like somebody who's never smoked before every time she does she's like oh my god I'm so high. I'm terrified of that fire like weed from weed. Yeah

She's very much She's a little on these days whenever she does her stone thing for the past two seasons She's like a little like oh, I'm gonna be hilarious. I'm gonna be the funny stoner now. I'm like we all see through it So then Neema speaking go sing through it. Neema's like oh, God. I like her braids. Yeah yeah He goes through and he was like, oh, God, I like your braids. Yeah. Yeah. And Mike's like, hey, you guys should kiss again. You guys should kiss. Come on, kiss, kiss, kiss.

I demand that you kiss. I'm not strict, but I do demand that you kiss again. Come on. And Gigi's like, well, I am drunk enough, which is so flattering. You should write Valentine's fake cards. Yeah. And he's like, nah. And she's like, this is why you're single, bro.

And Mike's like, yeah, they call him the key smasher. What does that mean? I don't know. I'm a commentator. Sure. So, Russ, it's like, did you smash Erica? And Neema says, no, never, never. I'm going to get upset if this conversation

gets salty about Erica, all right? Because I didn't have family really growing up and show like when I give a woman like Family vibes like that's it. I have real trouble getting over that. I'm gonna get really really mad guys And Shervin's like yeah, but you pay her around you know I'm really sick of this brand identity that I pay her rent. I mean you have to know anything about it I girl saved me out of a divorce my lowest point and then I dumped her runny and canny don to know anything about it. That girl saved me out of a divorce. My lowest point. And then I dumped her, runny and canny. Don't know anything about her.

I'm gonna walk over here to this indoor couch. Yeah, he's like, I'm super upset, guys. Okay, me, ma. So then, Chichi goes in to talk to him and he's trying to like have an emotional scene where he's like, wow, you know, breaking up and then they're being mean to that girl, who I totally embarrassed on national television. And he's still and how is he paying her rent also?

Does she work for him? Like maybe I thought that she yeah, I thought that she also left the job that like or moved to Spain or something like that. Oh, she went for like a month or something, I think. Oh, maybe that's what it was. Yeah, she's like either way going and I'm not gonna be with you the way that you are And he's like okay sounds great Either way gg sees like a roach on the floor and then on the ceiling and she just like loses her mind Again though the lights are on and the doors are open so I don't know what else you could expect Yeah, this is a this is very gg I'm so oh my god those bugs have eyes So then they start flirting like yeah, we can totally bone she's like well, you know

He said I need a girl to understand that like y'all I like her, but I still am attracted to so many other women Yeah, and and then Gigi says something, well, you need to put my brain into Erica. I'm like, uh, I think it goes the other way around. I think he wants Erica's personality in your body, right? Is that he loves her, but he's attracted other women, you know? No, he wants the, he wants the brain of like, you can cheat on me, based on like we can have an open relationship or whatever.

Yeah. So she's like, you want your cake and your eat it too. And he goes, oh, are you the cake or the eat it too? I was like, oh, please. Yeah. And she goes, well, I'm always an option. I mean, if I'm in the mood, yeah, why not? And he goes, that's interesting.

Why is this so interesting? And then Pauline is like, um, oh, we have a ritual. We want to do. It's a ritual. It's a ritual So should they gather around the table and just for my birthday wish I feel like all of you have deep friendships But are afraid to meet honestly each other so I have some cards. We can write can how you feel And what you're scared to say about someone or something and they were just gonna burn it. I'm like, this is your birthday wish, really?

No, this is what a producer told you to say. And what about this group makes you think that they're uncomfortable telling each other what they think? Yeah. You just cried in the bathroom for three hours when someone told you what they thought. Exactly. Like what part about the producers airing the clip of Reza screaming? You're a little more excited because you had 10 abortions! In the case that they are afraid to say things to each other's faces. Yeah, so Reza is like, BAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH get everyone a slice of coconut cake, get the whole of the answer back here. We're still hoping you need him.

Bye. I'm sure he's right. He's right. So the first thing is that Nima is passive aggressive and Sherman is too buff and he needs to eat a salad. And then Paulina's reading these cards. So she's saying, I'm looking for the strength to be a volomile.

Have I been more volomile? I would have been better in all her people I love. And then it's like I don't like people who thrive and seeing others in pain. It's like so obviously go nuts about MJ. Yeah. And she's like, no, no, you can't I didn't say that that's not me And then there's one as like Sarah needs to clear out the skeletons in her closet. They're like Sarah who Sarah? Oh You're here, Sarah. I didn't even realize you're here all episode. She's like, yeah, I'm here. I'm gonna start crying now. They're like great

And now she's a huge victim with this arc-alley thing like one second. She's like he was a good boyfriend to me I don't know what everyone was complaining about And now she's like none of you know what I went through like I'm not gonna feel for you lady, okay get off the show and Then just it's like I didn't write that boy boy boy. I did not write that But I'm glad whoever did write that did because it was a great, really insightful question and it made Sarah feel really uncomfortable,

but I did not write that, I just wanna read it right. And so she's like, move closer to her desk and he moved closed or in Destiny's like, please don't make me do this. So she sits down next to her and she's like, you know what, I'm not really good with this stuff, like the scrying, but I hope you're okay. Please don't cry.

And so I was like, thank you. Thank you. Don't cry. I was like, thank you. Thank you. And Sarah goes, I feel like everyone here is on a hunt to like find the worst thing that we can exploit.

Like yep, did you see the other seven seasons? Yeah. That's exactly how this show operates. So then Resa is like, you know, the situation that MJ and I had was very hard for me, but I've had a conversation with every motherfucker here. And you know, like, you know, we're going to improve. And then they just started talking about how they're not

gonna have any more shit talking and no more back-sabbing. You know, all this stuff that they say every single season around this time. I know we canceled. So the next morning, Gigi and Neema are talking and he's like, are you wearing the same thing you wore yesterday? She's like, do you have any memory of last night because you were wasted? And he's like, so were you. She goes, I was not wasted and not wasted.

And then we get clips of Gigi walking around the house going, I'm wasted. Yeah. And then Gigi made it very clear last night that she was open to having sex. I mean, there was a, shall I say, a hot tub moment at which then we watch this prolonged recreation via paper dolls of Nima and Gonesa, basically like making out in her like

ripping him a little bit. Yeah and so this was a weird story. She's like okay well first of all we're in the hot tub and he was all the way back up against the chest. Okay. So insinuating like that's again. Yeah, like insinuating that he was getting a butthole massage or something. He goes to jets. I'm like, that's what they're there for. And then yeah, they go through this whole thing. And basically they make out she goes downtown to like

feel around what he's got. And then it stopped. Yeah, I need more than this. I'm like, we busted out paper dolls for this. And because Nila Basley said that she was too drunk and he didn't feel comfortable trying to have sex with her because, you know, consent, which I applaud. And then he goes, um,

Golnasa once told me that she gets any guy she wants. And it's nice to be the one. I mean, I feel like I've really elevated my brand. It's a big breakthrough moment for me. Move the needle, open the command now. You know what I'm saying? And then Reza and MJ are sitting on the grass together and he's like, it took so much, you know, it took us coming here to get back at each others, you know, on each other's lane or whatever. We have, we need to have each other's back from now on, MJ. And then he lies down on her lap.

This show is just grossing me out tonight. So yeah, and then they're talking about how they're like, they're on the right track and, you know, and MJ is like, we are on the right track. I just, my biggest fear is that you and Tommy can't be on the right track until you drop the charges. Like you said said you would so what's going on with that again it's like well now we're going to go home and I'm going to have a conversation with my attorney and then I'm going to go do some pottery with Adam because I'm sure that if anything happens

it will all be Adam's fault and none of it will be my fault, whatever's about to happen. MJ says, well, this is my hope. My hope is that we'll all be together in the pool in 2020. I wish we were like, don't know if that's going to work out either. Quite frankly, based on just other things going on. And she makes it very clear. She's like, I hope we still get to be friends, but only if you drop those charges. So drop those fucking charges. And then that's when we see next week, and Adam doing his pottery, like, um, I'm gonna stick with her, straining order. Yeah. Which yeah, I think resa is like, oh, see, didn't reso file those papers. Very confused. But also, I mean, Adam, it's in Adam's best interest to keep their training orders up to keep like a common enemy to Take the focus away from naked Jenga and all that stuff

Lord well, I guess next week it all comes to a head Ooh at naked Jenga So you guys, thank you so much for tuning in today. We will be back tomorrow with some Vanda Pumperos. And we have a big full slate all week. We got Real Housewives of New York and Beverly Hills and Summer House all coming up this week. So stay tuned.

There'll be some crap in on demand. Go to patreon.com slash watch what crap in. And if you sign up at the crap in on demand level, you can watch all of our streams, our live streams, our recorded streams, and all our bonus episodes, our Discord channel, you have access to the chats around. So it's a really good deal, and it's really fun, and we'll see you on the next episode.

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