Watch What Crappens - Shahs: Unhappy Shah-lentines Day! w Guests Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard

Episode Date: August 11, 2018

Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard (Dumb Gay Politics, The People's Couch) join Ronnie on Ben's last day off to giggle about Shahs of Sunset and getting homesick for LA rubber faces. Enjoy! This week's bonus episode is about our trip to the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***Limited Edition Garsh! tees only on sale through August at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to West Palm Beach, Atlanta and Denver! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Heligrant, the Grant Master. Give them hell, Miss Noel. the incredible edible Matthews sisters, and Lizzie Drucker, a fun mother f- We love you guys! Hello and welcome to a very special edition of Quachup Crappens, it is a Friday which means it's Shaws Day, and I finally got my friends Julie and Brandy from Dumb Gapolitics on this show again. I've really missed you guys. Welcome Brandy and Julie from Dumb Gapolitics. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. So you hear me? Hi.

Yeah. So we're kind of messy friends. Like we're all there for each other's mess. And today is no different. Brandy is a, or I'm sorry, Julie is about to hop on a plane to go to his stand-up her, her, her Louanne Cabaret act all over the country boys. That's right. Yes. Say love being the party. Speak say love. So money can't buy her class. That's for sure. Well, Lord knows we've tried her. Lord knows who you've tried buying class. That's right. Thank you so much. Julie is actually in the airport today. So she's going to be muting in and out of the airport and then Randy's at home and I'm at home. So we both have little dogs. So it's just going to be a super professed episode.

Lots of dog barking, representing the dogs and Shaw's. Yes, I'll put my dog in the freezer just so we can cover all the dishes. That's a good idea he'll put my dog in the freezer just so we can like cover all the dishes. That's a good idea. I just locked them in the bedroom. The freezer is better. One can go in the microwave. There's dogs in the airport to a K a people. So what have you guys been doing? People online are always like, they're people of catch. Is anybody listening? What the hell?

We've been spending our days talking shit about bravo and doing our podcast dumb gay politics that's what are you loving your podcast how's that not making you fucking crazy talking about politics we live in the craziest time how are you dealing with that I think it's driving us crazy yeah I think we've turned a visually crazy probably I would definitely say we've turned to corner I feel I feel like you guys aren't super angry when I see you, you know, we're always have I mean I guess because it's always like on party nights or whatever, but you seem like you're not losing your mind. I feel like I'd be punching babies if I had to deal with that. Well, we we developed a severe drinking and drug problem

to cope. And then we have a Patreon where we can just talk about anything. So that is like, we talk about politics for an hour, and we spend the week learning about politics, and then we have an hour of the Patreon where we get to talk about the Kardashians, and like, being on a cleanse and shitting constantly, things like that. Yeah, it's like, it's you like diarrhea. You'll love the Patreon.

So we have twin Patreon. Ben loves to talk about poop. He does? Oh yeah, Ben will tell you any anytime he's pooped or is about to poop or wants to poop. It's like his favorite thing. It's like a dad. You know how dads are like, well got a poo. Yeah, it's the only thing we all have in common really. That we all poop. Yeah. Everybody boo. Oh, thank you. Sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah Sometimes Oh, yeah, farting I gotta add that to the list of the things everybody does Everybody hasn't commented well normally I and boogers don't forget boogers I don't think I guess a lot of everybody doesn't like hearing about farting in

Buggers, but we like farting. It's probably a disgusting thing to talk about, but we are on Shaws. So it was good, Ronnie. It was good. We haven't been watching Brow. We didn't watch any Bravo shows last season, but we, this year we watched the first of New York. And we watched the first episode of a lot of these. And we've watched these first episode of a lot of these, and we watched these first two in God.

I mean, I gotta say, I think I miss Shaw's the most. Yeah, I was definitely feeling a spilling in for him. Wow, I missed these manicured eyebrows and all these liposuction to people. Mike even got Botox. Mike did not have Botox the last time we were watching Shaws Mike. Yeah, Mike went crazy He started getting Botox and fillers and you know There's something they're more LA though because you know and I like on TV

You see a lot of people looking better from all this stuff this this cast looks actually worse the more that they do They look more terrifying and it's funny They like that. It's a selling point for them. Like they like when somebody looks like hard to look at or something. Yeah they went and they want to be like uh they think Ursula the sea witch is beautiful from the little mermaid and I'm not saying she's not but she is scary. She is scary looking you know it's just a look it's a look somebody's going for. Yeah for and for, and it's a purse. I think Mike got his eyebrows tattooed on as well.

Mike has a full on Sephora thing going on, where he's wearing like a ton of makeup now. He's wearing like really heavy eyeshadow and drawn on Chola Browse. Like he's got the full on thing going on. It's too bad. I used to think he was hot. I really did.

I think he's still hot, but he's hot in that plaza kind of way. Which you know that place Which is like the Hispanic drag queens on LaBrea? That kind of away. He's hot in a drag king kind of a way But that's more fun to just watch dance. Yeah Julie. There's drag there's drag kings over there. I found a birthday spot for Julie All right, so let's open up with this shot's episode. We're still in Big Bear. And you know, as happens when this cast parties anywhere, Resid just takes a hose and starts hosing down the countertop.

He starts cleaning and he's always the one rolling the ham and shit. I'm like, God, he's the dad of the group. I don and shit. I'm like, God, he's the dad of the group. I don't know, I never noticed that before. He's definitely the dad. He lets the walk around and act like he's like, I did this for the group. And if he wasn't for me, nothing would be happening. And these parties are happening because of me, bitches.

So help let's get down on your knees and let's do this. And then it's just like, okay, all right, all right. I'm on pictures, get out of bed, it's safe. He's so... And he's so... Talk about hashtag me too. Reson is one of those gay guys who loves to fucking be like, look at those titties.

I'm gonna squeeze those titties. Oh, he always like sexualizes them and inappropriate flirts with them and grabs and ropes them. He's constantly cropping MJ. Constantly cropping MJ. And I mean, and anybody wants all of them for sure. I mean, I guess they're all like that. They kind of that's their sense of humor I guess, but it never stops. Well, he's worse than the Me Too guys because he does it

and he also, he's like one of Harvey Weinstein's assistants that are like, yeah, of course, like we took the girls to the rooms and then we would wait outside and pretend nothing happened. He's like the one that like feeds the monster. Like he feeds the hippos, you know? Well, he's right. I think he's the one waiting for the gay chump. He's like, there's gonna be girls, but eventually there'll be a gay one,

and I'm getting keen. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm always trying to figure out how many dudes that Reza has blown before he lets them on the show. Because you know, he's like the gay keeper of the show. Yeah, I always, I'm always wondering anytime his, what's his husband boyfriend's name? Adam. Oh, Adam. Every time he's seen his with Adam, I just sit and picture like, how many guys he's had sex with that week, Brezza. I mean, I think that's why Shervin has terrified eyes

because he like had to pass the gate, you know? Oh, please. He wanted to. Like, shit. That's what I think. God. His girlfriend lives in Canada or wherever, like, come on, Shervin. I might be hung over, but even I see through that bullshit.

My girlfriend lives in Canada. Australia, I think, right? Australia. Yeah. Even better. He picked the farthest. They're not even on the same day. So anything, he can just go, oh, you know what?

She's tomorrow. So she hasn't even heard this yet. I mean Like she'll never hear this Yeah, ever and no one will ever go find out because you have to like fly for 700 hours to get there Yeah, you know what they're just like forget it. We're not even gonna deal with his fake girlfriend because it's gonna cost the show too much money So the brother and the sister wake up in like twin beds, which you know, they just jumped into those other beds because the cameraman came in. You

think you were in this one bed. Do you think that their biological brother and sister? Are they like, yeah, they're bio. But they weren't raised together. Right. Oh, so they actually fell in love later after the family blend. Yes,

they're not as bad you guys. It's not as bad. It's not even really like incest. It's only gross when you've like seen each other as children. You know, that's like what makes it gross. And so many brothers and sisters do it as children, and that's what's discussed. But comment. And if I had had a brother or a sister, I would have made love to both of them. So I can't judge. That's why I was jealous siblings. Because I was like I don't have anyone to finger me and make love to me at night. Well I'd like to publicly announce I never had sex with my sister.

Julie, that's Julie's turn. Yeah I was gonna say, you know, I as well never made love to my brother. You know, I don't know, those romantic kind of like dinners we all had to get on. I was missing the moves. I was always I've never been put just can't read the signs. All those romantic wait watchers dinners we have in my house after senior league meetings. Yeah, in the fighting, in the fighting, in the jealousy, and they're like, why does my brother get a blue room? And I have to pay for him. I hope he fucks me tonight.

I bet. You know how it is. There, I actually have a salmon-colored room, so I got it. I totally felt gender labels at a very... I did do it. I did do it. My room was full pink. I came home in seventh grade.

She fucking did my mom. We My room was full pink. I came home in seventh grade. She's like my mom read my entire room pink and then with balloons and flowers and I wanted to die. She's balloon She means balloon curtains. Yes balloon curtains. Oh, and it's funny to me that that was like that was like the most devastating thing that could happen to a person. Well, my mom got like she was it was the 80s and she got all into like new interior design stuff. So she had my room textured like this guy came in with a broom and wall texture and made like lying textures on my wall and then painted it salmon. So I'm with you. So what did he do? He like how did he make that he put like some kind of like coating on the wall and put a broom through it? Yeah, like not cement, but whatever you do to cover walls,

I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, like dry wall maybe. Yeah, like plaster I guess. And yeah, so it was like a pink prison, it was great. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Within, it was thin broom bars. That's pretty funny. So what do you guys think of this new guy, Nima?

Because he's telling his sister and they're both wearing long sleeve sweaters in bed which I mean I'm not buying it I think they were naked and just picked up some clothes but he's like well I didn't know if it was Nima or Mona and which one was which I'm like is that Mona and she's Nima or what? Hey ever I never figured it out. This one is Mona. The girl is Mona or Mnima. The girl is Mona and the boy is Nima. Mona Nima sounds like one name really too. It does, yeah.

So, um... Mona Nima, like when they're in love, they could be Mima. Wait, would it be Mima? Yeah. Yeah, Mima. Mima. Moma. I was pretty much into them being naked from the waist down, yes.

Yeah, me too. Um, but you know also proud of them because like why I go by society's rules, you guys. Yeah, I mean, it was exactly. Yeah, you just can't impregnate that's the only thing. Yeah, so he's trying to make us believe because he's been really pushing this like, look at me, I'm just like a shaw. I cheat on my girlfriend on national TV and brag about it. Which I think that he's really like a nice nerdy guy and he's just trying to pretend to be a horrible person to be on this show.

That's my theory. So you think the girlfriend is a plant? I think the girlfriend is real, but he didn't even do anything with Gigi because she didn't kiss him. And then he's just trying to make it like, oh my god, I can't believe I thought about kissing that other girl I'm such a bad boy Because on this show you have to be a horrible person, you know, so I think he's just trying to fit in Well, I know that in the preview for the next episode It showed them hiking when he like reveals and that and it was this that that Location was take the they showed a picture of them when they said oh

Neema's girlfriend and they showed a picture and it was from that hiking scene oh good yeah like someone took it on their iPhone from a later yeah it wasn't like a thing from dinner oh yeah cuz well he yeah he's making it sound like they've been together forever yeah okay so then res Gigi comes down stairs and everybody's kind of gathering around. And Mike's like, Gigi is still wasted and she goes, you guys, I'm completely plagiarized by your cologne, Sherman. I'm plagiarized. Oh my god.

Well, she played it off well. I was like, I don't know how she's going to get out of this. And then she just sort of said, yeah, I'm cheated. And I was like, well, okay. I'm gonna go out a little. I played it off a little bit. Well, but then she had to go directly and fucking throw shade at her sadies. And that's always fun. I love when they fight two of them.

Yeah, I do too. And they're not really even fighting about anything. I mean, I guess MJ did tell her she makes terrible life decisions, but she does, you know, but it's coming from MJ who's marrying Tommy who's like the sweetest guy ever, but she's acting like she's marrying. I don't know. She's acting like Kate, uh, wait, not Kate Middleton. She's old. She's acting like she's making Markle, I think MJ. I don't know. I guess that really offended Gigi, but I didn't get it because she seemed to admit that she needed to like stop doing relationships and she just wanted to do contracts and companionship or whatever. So I don't know why she, I guess she can say it but nobody else can. And clearly that guy is insane, the ex. Yes. Oh my God. He

isn't saying, but so is Gigi, you know, she's always stabbing people. And Gigi had her last season where she was really pretending to be a good person. And so now she's like, fuck that. I'm going to kick anybody's ass who comes near me, you know. I was surprised not one of them warned, uh, Mona, Nima,em mona about how she is uh... homicidal and has an anger management issue like they were like oh they did i didn't have a resume like she will go you she will take out your guts and she will feed them to us and will eat them you know he was like she's terrifying so be careful

and he's like oh i can handle her bro that was at the very beginning before he even knew he was crushing, right? Yeah, because I think they just cast him to come, you know, fuck Gigi for a while. Right. Well, they might have should have warmed him again because he doesn't realize he's going to get stabbed in his sleeve. He'll be stabbed standing up, like not even sleeping, she'll, and it'll be like with a plastic knife. So that's like before everybody leaves I have a very special announcement I will have the pleasure of being the man of honor at M. G's wedding

Shhh, hey who cares be that's not a shock and see who cares again. Okay. What does anybody care? This is gonna be a whole season of him like I have an announcement It's gonna be a season of parties and announcements that you could hold to your auntie for sure. And then Gigi really slams him by going so how do you feel about having a made of honor that's had his dick inside of you. And then MJ is like whoa. I thought it was a pretty funny joke personally. Yeah, I did too, especially that Ressa's had his penis

inside of a vagina. I mean, who didn't want to hear that? I also just, you know, it's really important. It's really important that when somebody but now it's just a wedding party that I'm a part of it. Like the amount of fence taken to not being in the wedding party was a little extra. It was a little extra.

It was a little extra, it was a little crazy. No, that's so fucking annoying. And Gigi, you know, after she makes that joke, of course, Reza's response is, Tiddy, you've got such big Tiddy's. But then MJ gets all mad and she's like, do you know what, Kornessa? Do you need to be in my bridal party? Do you want to be in the bridal party or not? She goes, do you even need to be invited to the wedding? I love that. That was like a... It's a different city, not like she was giving goldness on money.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, doing her a favor for inviting her to the wedding. But that's how brides are. They're like, oh my god, you better stay on the straightener if you want to be in my wedding. Do you know what a humongous pain in the ass it is being in someone's wedding? It sucks. Awful.

And I'm going to go ahead and add on going. I'm with Gigi, I fucking hate weddings, and I don't care. They said that. That's called, I'm being so woke about weddings, like honestly. Well, like you're, I'm doing you a favor, OK? This is a year of my time. It's a million parties for you.

It's thousands of dollars. It's a million parties for you. It's thousands of dollars. It's a million gifts. It's 19 outfits. I've got a fuck one of your ugly cousins. Right. It's a huge thing. You're not doing me a favor by having me as a bride to me. And you know MJ is going to be the worst bride, Zilla, ever. So, and it's so clear. A delight. Because you can't just take her to Vegas. It's going to be like after buffet. She's gonna be the most expensive bride ever. I mean, there isn't anyone I want to watch get married more than her and I hate that storyline on these fucking shows like Vanderpump and shit like I'm not into the whole I'm gonna watch you do your wedding all year, but with her I mean I honestly I could watch her do anything with I can stare at her ass. I can stare at her boobs. I can stare at her outfit. I can stare at her hair

Like we mean really like love fucking MJ forever and this version of MJ is great because she really does think she's like a millionaire wife now Like she's walking around in totally different style clothes like in a scene I think it's coming up soon, but she she's walking around in this like long beige duster type thing from Chico's and she's wearing like these big rich lady sunglasses and she's telling destiny, well, you know, you can find it too. You know, you just have to have the property and their pictures. Yeah, she's like some like sage, you know, she knows how to land a guy.

When they show, oh yeah, I don't think we're there yet because now she's right now she's just gonna work out sit before she does all of her buffet and i think right now she's working out with crag is just like his style of training is like i believe in you come out of the hell you're doing it you're every woman i can't believe fucking crag got in another bravo show and we can't believe fucking Craig got in another bravo show and we can't I mean even decenies from freaking people's couch. I'm like this is like now become a show of other bravo shows Well, you should have been person. Damn it, dude. You should have been person or gay

Well, they're letting Persian people that don't speak farcy on now. So we're gonna try and pass Julie off. Yeah, I'm gonna come back and say that I'm like long lost, little off shoot cousins that he's the fucking bathroom. And then it's gonna be great. I believe in you, girl. You can do it. You're every man. Right. You're every person. But the name Shalom is already taken, and that's the one I would want you to have.

Yeah, I mean, they've had a Shalom, so whatever. Yeah. I'm afraid. So MJ is like really positive, and she's like, now these days, I'm putting myself first. I was like, um, hi, I've watched your show for seven years, and you've always basically put yourself first. I'm good for you.

But does she look, does she look like she's lost anyway? Or was that the absolute first workout that had happened? I mean, it got her into a tighter pair of spanks. So I say go for it, you know, that's like baby steps kind of thing. I just look at a little work done. I'm not. Yeah. Yeah. I think she looks cute too. And I definitely think she has a little bit like a little work done. I'm not. Yeah, I think she looks good here too. And I definitely think she has a little body sculpting done. You know, I think so. Right.

And I'm good with it. I love that she is just a big girl and she's not going to starve herself to death to be on TV because that's like basically all of our dreams, you know. Yeah, I mean, that was Aussas, um, like Banner to hold, but I'm actually thrilled I haven't had to lay any eyes on Asa so far yet. Oh, you will. And she'll be selling caftans when you have to watch her. She's still hawking the fucking caftans? Yeah, she still has her store in Venice.

Is she on the show or is she just a side shoot this time? No, she's just a side shoot. She got kicked off, I think. Because she won't show her baby or her husband. And side shoot this time. No, she's just a side shoot. She got kicked off, I think. Because she won't show her baby or her husband. And she lives in Venice. It's like you can't win with that one, you know? Although Destiny lives in Venice. Oh, she does?

Yeah. Well, she hasn't had a husband or a baby. So, you know, she has time to catch up. They'll make her move and she will. Yeah, I can't believe she hasn't already. Who wants to drive that far to shoot? I know they used to shoot in her place for people's couch and this house she just walked the she walks out of in this episode or the last one looks different. So I was like, damn, did even desks any move? Yeah, I guess they all got a resist here

because they've all got new places. Yeah, they definitely got resist. And I'm just wondering what does she do, but are renting a house in the hill? Like, yeah, she got a house in the hills now that's the next scene she comes home like the the woman of the house so she comes to the house she's got this house in the hills and Vita is out there with Tommy and these are my two favorite characters on the show Vita and Tommy maybe they'll get married that would be a twist if MJ bomb ended up getting married to what Tommy is. I mean, it makes sense. They're already talking like a couple.

Tommy's outside with her going, Hey, Theta, you know what? I want you to be involved in this wedding. And I know the person's like sugar. I'm like, so do ants and humans. Sugar is very important for wedding Tommy. Sugar is what goes good in marriage, Tommy. What is sweeter than sugar? Tommy. What is sweeter than sugar? Tommy. Not much. And, and J's like now they like each other.

Awesome. And then we see a clip of Vita. Vita cooking chicken with Tommy and she's like, no, did you wash your hand, Mr. Tommy June? Okay, let us take Corsey baking together. No, I don't wash my hands. He does. I hate it. I stick my hands to a book crack and then it makes he doesn't really seem like a hand washer if I'm being honest. He's like a George Foreman girl. He just puts the chicken between his butt cheeks and wait, Tol gets I don't mind I don't care. Just look at the important things you know what I mean? Come on we're just going to do it right? MJ.

I'm J. He's the chicken. J. Do you think Reza fixed up her house or Jeff Lewis? Um, Reza. I think that there's probably like some war, like some Jeff Lewis warring going on because there are two queens on Bravo with like real estate license. Yeah, so I Are designing licenses or whatever. So I'm guessing that they don't cross. I don't know But they didn't talk about it at all. They only talked about you know him doing Mike, so I don't know

But it looked good her her house look good. Yeah, it looked pretty good and then look at mics So I'm guessing that resident didn't have much to do with it. Right. I felt like it kind of looked like Jeff Lewis vibe, but they're not mentioning it and I don't think he does it unless it gets mentioned. So yeah, yeah, you know his ass will be there if he if he did it. Everything needs to be gray.

This picture is hideous. Get rid of this furniture. Clear the old woman. clear the old woman clear the old woman so next up we have drag queen shoes hanging from electric lines which I like that this show shows that part of LA oh my god panda panda panda okay that's all I'm saying so they're at Jack's wholesale candy and they're really working with destiny to try and make Destiny happen this year. And I like that because I like Destiny.

She seems like a nice girl. Is she a nice girl in real life? Or is she an absolute biage? She's 100% so fucking nice. Absolutely like one of like the coolest people like period when you meet socially. She is so nice. And you know what? It's nice to see someone who doesn't have any lips on there. It's too much lips.

I'm like, I appreciate that your top lip isn't fucking assaulting me. Yeah, isn't that weird when you see that on TV? There's a girl on Southern Charm, named Chelsea. And she's going into her third season. She hasn't had lip injections yet. And I'm proud. Like, I feel really proud when people like keep

their boobs or their lips. Has everyone else on Southern charm gotten their lips done? No just on reality TV it's just like it really sticks out when somebody doesn't get worked on now. Yeah it does it really does and it does especially does on Shaws because I'm pretty sure there isn't one single person on there. I don't even at this point I think even Tommy's gotten something does. There isn't one single person on there. I don't even at this point. I think even Tommy's gotten something done hasn't gotten this lipstick. No, but he lost he didn't lose a lot of weight and he lost the mustache and I can say I think that's a mistake I agree If anyone's gonna do any interior designing it should be on that mustache Leave an anonymous comment. I'm gonna leave an anonymous comment on as well. I'm going to leave an anonymous comment.

I'm going to leave an anonymous comment on as well because I need him to know. I'm going to rush and troll his fucking socials and let him get his mustache back. It really is, and I'm not a facial hair person at all. However, he is the poster child for he needs that mustache. It transforms his entire like bot like everything. Yeah, it really does. He looks he if he's literally right now looks like an evil like like a Middle Eastern Queen from like the 12 months. Like he he really looks looks like a Pharaoh lady. He looks like a lady Pharaoh. And even though it's a mustache, he looks like Saddam who's saying we're still

into it. You know, I mean Saddam is hot. Way better. Way better. Way better. Way better. Way better. Yeah. Nobody needs a lady Pharaoh fucking up their life. No. We can get down with like up. I hate fuck with Saddam, but we can't. I'm ery magic witch from the old and days from the Middle East. No, no, no, no. I don't need her for crying for power. Sure. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap. Celebrity beef. You never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife.

And I'm Sydney Battle. and we're the host of Wonder 's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up any time soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.

So Destiny is shopping for candy for this Valentine's Day party she's having for MJ. And this is where MJ is acting all fancy because she's engaged now. And she's telling Destiny, well, look, and you're gonna really need to update your Tinder pictures and be sludder. I mean, do you think that Tommy fell for my personality? And then she'd show a clip of MJ in a thong

with her butt like shaking at the camera? I tell you, wait, can I just say that? That was the fucking funniest thing I've seen in three days. I had to pause the TV. I couldn't stop laughing. They wrote MJ's actual Tinder photo. She's been in the car. You don't even see her face. She's bending over the car in the white skinny and we all saw that picture in Us Weekly. Me and Julie, we probably ripped it out because we were so obsessed with that photo shoot. It was just Us Weekly.

That's how bad Assa was. And Us Weekly doesn't just put any reality TV in there. They put the whole photo shoot. She's it by the beach. Titties out. It's the Kim Kardashian bathing suit. She copied the Kim Kardashian bathing suit. Yes.

Then you, as a Tinder photo, one without even her face, bent over like she's in penthouse. I was like, this show, the sadness I felt that it wasn't still in penthouse. I was like this show, the sadness I felt that it wasn't still in my life. I was like, this is why my life has no meaning now. It's back now, Bjot. So she walks through this candy store like she's like a rich lady now because she got Tommy, which is so cute, but I mean, come on. Hey, nobody thought that was last. Nobody thought it was last, you know, love love sort

of the ages. Yeah, I want to Tommy. I mean a cleaner when like the watch is itself in a Kim Kardashian bathing suit and bend over a car. And yeah, I find one right. Yeah, good. You know how to care for that would be because he even he was so into her ass and tits and face that they were they were like sensual holding in a pool and while she was wearing a wig that was floating around in the water and I was like what's happening with that wig? Have you seen that? So next we go over to Mike's new house and he's like last year I was renting a bachelor pad

and it was strictly for fun but now I own a home like the tiger I am. I took it down to the studs like my life. Mike is trying to do all this like poetic speaking and it's just really not working because he mixes it in with all this like aggro, like mansplainy. You know, just like... Sarah, I talk? Yes, Sarah, I talk. Thank you. Basically, he sounds like zits on the back. So thank you. And long balls. Long loose balls. So Resa is help. He goes, this house represents the Mike who's ready to be a husband and a father one day. And this house is a mess. They're shit everywhere. There's just gross. And then Reza comes over and he's like, what's up all me brother, brah?

Here's David Ronnie, that is fucking hilarious. So he comes over and he's mad because he's been the project manager of this house and it's still a complete mess. And he's like, this bridge is wrong. I have put hundreds of hours into this. And I am starting to get irritated. Okay, so now we've got Resa. He's going to be yelling about people. He's going to be yelling at people about this wedding.

And now a fridge. Like, he is coming for Jeff Lewis. You're right. He's going to be hard. When he walks over to the bar and goes, is the bar finished? And I'm like, well, based on the fact that there's no countertop on it and there's liquor sitting on like it looks like cardboard. I don't think so. I'm not I didn't even look anywhere near finish at all to me was I missing something. loser get the stuff together I shall be back later to yell at you and call you a loser on national TV and Mike's like well that was fine great and he when why and it was a little curious that

resa became drenched in sweat from head to toe and Mike wasn't even a drop I was like I don't necessarily think it's hot in there I think he took four out of alls before he walked in to do that scene yeah this is definitely the show that Coke built. Because exactly. That looked attached to familiar. I mean, not for nothing.

I know, and I'm not judging, but like being able to go to work. You know what I mean? Exactly. He's like, I do not have any idea why my shirt is swimming through. And then everyone's forced through this whole show whole show you know they're always wiping their nose and then fighting over the dumbest thing so yeah because Mike didn't even have to eat all of that funny that not all of that like what their nose is and stuff because they eat so much food like I mean that's a

coke head you know I'm saying yeah when you can still when you can do coke and then still eat that that's what I'm saying. The amount of food they eat is the same. Like, it, I know I miss, we miss that too though. Julien and I were obsessed with, when they go over each other's houses and all the food they put out, just for like one scene.

Yeah. Yeah, there's always like threads and cheeses and crackers and the food should, oh, it's a uja. And it's a food, it's a uja. It's a uja. And we're gonna have fufa. And 2002, Dom. Well, it's a mocha and it's a mocha and we're going to have so far. And 2002, Dom. Well, what's the occasion? Yeah, it's two o'clock on a Thursday and we're shooting. I'm an

announcement. I got a new love bracelet. That's what it is. So next up is Destiny with Gigi and Gigi has to walk and she's like, this is so unalea of me so they go to like look at Tinder at some bar and bond with this new girl Mona and at the same time the guys are having a good night it's our bro ham! oh I love guy night guys going out we don't need to cruise man you guys doing guys night

what's so funny they look for fucking girl and that's what girls is no good girl we're doing. It is guys night. I shall leave I haven't met home. Like, uh, okay, you're a real bra. That's how you have to do it. Mike goes, so what kind of wine you got and the way it's like, love or where? And he goes, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like set up Mike, you don't know about wine. So basically Nima comes and they're all giving Nima shit. And I'd like this cast because they don't let it become a storyline for the whole year. Both, both the men and the women are in different places talking about how the brother and sister are basically fucking. Yeah. So good.

Right to their faces. And Nima's like, whoa, I'm going gonna have to have a scene where I tell my girlfriend that I almost kiss Gigi. I mean, number one, she's my sister's best friend. Number two, she lives with me. Number three, she runs three of my companies. And number four, these people are sociopaths. I wanted to say, and number five, I'm on the TV. Yeah, exactly. Number five. I'm gay and number six. You'll see it on TV. There. Yeah. Thank God she really just runs my companies and is a friend and agreed to fake be my girlfriend for the scene. Yeah. That we're shooting next year. And he's trying so hard to be a bra and the guys are like whatever.

So Neem is telling them, well, I just never wanted to go straight from wife to girlfriend. This is my problem. I'm just fucked up bro. And Mike goes, you know why? Because we're men, okay? We're men. Yeah.

So I've got to do men to go out, talk about fucking kids, fucking rompos. They must have sex every, every hour of every day. It's just because they're men. Do you come by and cream cheese roll? Lips and fucking women, bro. Yellow rice and pussy. We're man.

We're man. So let's see GG calls and she's like, ha ha ha ha. Like she's face timing them with her with her boobs in the face time thing. Well, that reiterated for me why I don't do face time. Because Mona Nima never looked uglier than when he was at that angle of face. I'm like, you're going to lose GG in one second if you don't put the phone at a better angle. Yeah, angles are very important. I like when people call their kids on these says on FaceTime

and they're doing the space selfie like they're trying to look out for their kids. It's so awkward. Exactly. They're like, Mommy's beautiful, right honey? In the airport right now, there's like 10 people talking on FaceTime without headphones. I'm like talking like a loud lunatic but like there's a lot of that going on right here. I can tell you. L.A. Well we come back to L.A. from any other town. I'm like thank God rubber faces and horribly horrible people talking on speaker phone. So happy to come. You're like it's home. Oh my God. What I were where me and you there were somewhere recently and it was like it was and then we got back and I was like fake lips. As far as the eye could see I was

like Jesus has everyone got a lip injections in this entire city. Yeah you don't realize it until you spent a little time away and it's like oh my God thank God I'm back. So MJ and Vita go to top doctors, which you know is legit, because it's called top doctors. And the doctor has, even the doctor has a crazy face. He has like the crazy Botox injectable face. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's not a, you know, fertilization doctor,

if he's not doing plastic surgery in fillers every second. Yeah, and he's got bad news He has frozen MJ's embryos and her dog and has actually impregnated the frozen dog I mean did she freeze 47 year old eggs and thinks that's gonna pan out I mean I want it to I really feel for her sake But she might need to go get gold nests as eggs. Yeah, it's like leaving your leftovers on the counter for like a month and then being like, oh, I should freeze those.

Yeah, I mean, come on. And then she's gonna put them into her 48 year old body. I'm like, okay, now that you're gonna use these, you know, half freeze-burn eggs, you might as well get a surrogate. Freeze-burn eggs? Yeah. You might want to get a surrogate for those. The doctor is like,

MJ has done such a great job with her eggs, okay? We've got genetically sound embryos for the future. And Vita's like, ping-pong? Will this baby play ping-pong? Okay. Is there any expiration date on this egg? No need to rush him, You need like no rush. The only thing we're working against is her turning 50.

I'm only working against biology. Okay, we're only working against biology, medical, medicine, reality and time. General nature, general nature. But no rush, but no rush. Other than that, there's no rush. And if they're gonna be great, your baby's gonna come out totally totally good. The only person standing at the goal box is father time guys. I think we can make this.

My can register go to a plant place to basically look at plants that they're gonna get cheaper at a Persian store later. I want to know where the cheap Persian store is too. I'm thrilled. I know where the Persian candy store is. I want to know where the cheap Persian store is, too. I'm thrilled I know where the Persian candy store is. I'm like, where the fuck do they get all this huge gaudy decorations? I want some. And I'm like, oh, that's where I'll be heading out. Yeah, just go to Jacks. So they're in the plant place.

And then Mike, Mike pretends he knows everything. Like, before it was, oh, the wine? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know this wine. I know this one. And now he goes, oh, this is the succulent. Exactly. Like, you're talking to the plants okay oh wait we open the door oh yeah the door the door the door the door open yeah door open yeah I knew that all right cool cool cool cool gonna walk on the floor yeah before yeah the floor. And then Reza's like, this represents money.

And Mike says, I wanted more trees than in the front. And I was like, what? I was like, this guy is totally a trumper. He meant avocado trees and Reza goes, you just want free guacamole. And he's like, yeah, Chipotle, bro. And then Chipotle spent $10,000 into the job. Yes, because they're poisoning people on accident like every other month. So basically at this plant place,

Reza is talking to Mike about how Mike has dumped Mona like they were in some real relationship. And now he's found this new chick Morgan, who is basically some 25 year old anime looking, you know, Renta Ho. Did you think is more attractive Morgan or Mona? Mona by far what do you think? Um I don't know I thought that little like plumped up girl looked kind of cute and sweet I don't know. Something bothered me about Mona she seems like like

bitchy and fake or something I don't know. Well yeah that's who you marry I mean. Oh. I'm looking for like a wife. Okay, for my, because he's like ready to wife up. Yeah, yeah, but I get, yeah, I guess you do have to get the person that's bitching and fake and can ignore all your affairs. Yeah, and make money, like have a job and stuff, you know. And Ressa's like, well, he wants to police his mother, but he wants children, but he wants to date children with big titties and puffed up lips.

At some point, he has to say, Mom, I like homes. Don't forget weaves, weaves down to their, like, backtats or whatever, they're tramp stamp. Yeah, they're tramp stamp. Oh, yeah, the hair down to the tramp stamp. So next up is the big finale of the episode MJ's Valentine's Party. We're shocker. She's going to get married, guys. So she shows up at her classiest like lace up the side's dress. Yeah, I don't know why she just wear that Elizabeth Hurley like like safety pin dress from 1992 with you, Grant. Oh, yeah. They come into the party and Vita goes, you look so good. I love your dress. And they're like, what? Who are you? You know who's taking

Stolen Rita from us so She comes out with her big announcement and she's like guys. I am formally announcing my run For vice president of the Garden Store. I'm like, who needs a party to announce this shit? Okay, she's like, I'm getting married on April 21st and my oldest friend in a Versace Greece finale jacket. Reza is gonna be my pride's mate. And by the way, don't hijack my holiday for your wedding announcement. Like my friend had like her her bridal shower on like Labor Day one year and I was like

Dog, there's like the Sunday before it was like the Sunday where you there's all parties And I'm like now I gotta go to a bridal party and buy somebody fucking lingerie. Yeah, is this don't hijack a holiday Luanne dailess up. Yeah, sip your. Christmas wedding. It's like other Jesus Mary and Joseph. The wise men are like Jesus Christ. Now we've got to drag our asses across the desert to bring some baby fucking gifts. Rasha, son of wedding you guys. Rasha, son of wedding. Okay, so Vita sees a drag queen and she's like this is man Part of me that you are man Adam who has decided to suddenly like be a really dramatic cast member this year for whatever reason is like what

For seven years and she gets her glam squad to be her bridesmaid. I am a fan. I mean, he yells, he yells at her on the stage from the audience. Excuse me. Excuse me. What about me? Excuse me. People just turned around.

Thought I was yelling at them. Not you. No, I'm not trying to get anywhere. I'm just actually trying to get her attention. I'm doing a hilarious to get her attention. I'm doing a hilarious interview podcast right now. Okay. Who'd you say that to? I mean, Leakap. Who have five people that are looking at me. Hi, how are you? Good. I don't know about hilarious on our part, but Ronnie's really pulling it through for us. No, this is my favorite thing. I'm here to let you know none of that's hilarious.

This is a very challenging connection podcast. It's a pretty good show right now. I'm going over and I don't know. Hopefully people can't see the real me right now. This is a very watch out crap. We've actually done podcast from the airport before. This is actually not our first time in this video. Okay.

Good. You know, we're a classy bitch. Every time you're on this podcast, it sounds like we're in a co-carn. Like we've never done it where it sounds really professional together. I know. And everybody's going to be like, never have them on again. That one idiot was losing her voice, the lesbians in the airport, just save it.

And I've got like, as my gasping over here, because I'm like cracking up with cigarettes. Okay, so Adam's on mad. He's like, excuse me, but about me. Ah! And then Gigi has been ready to kick somebody's ass the whole time, and she's like, what about me? You know I talk to this bitch every day day talking about her dad, keeping her motivated. So Adam's

like, that's leave. They end up going to the little bar outside or whatever. And Craig comes up and he's like, hi guys, believe in you, hugs. Can I have a hug? They did not leave. They were at Beecher's madhouse in the Roosevelt and they literally walked to the smoking area. I'm like, well, that's not leaving. You're just leaving the room. So you're just, come on, you guys.

Let's go outside. Damn. We're walking 10 feet away. Don't follow us. Yeah. Come on, shut up. We got to the on, shut it. I'm gonna smoke. He's in the smoking section.

Yeah, I'll show you, MJ. I'll show you. So they're all pissed off and like getting worked up to fight, you know. I like I like the Shervin fake straight handling like dominating a fir. He's gonna like take her like a man like, Gigi, come on, like he's on, like he's basically on, you know, Jersey Shore type vibe, but it's the two guys. Yeah, cause Gigi had a breakdown,

because first she's having a breakdown with Adam outside, and then, Resa comes up to Adam and he's like, Honey, when one of us benefits from something, we both benefit from somebody. Oh my god. And he's like, I didn't want to tell you, but I basically told MJ, I can't have Adam in the wedding because he's getting on my damn nerve. Yeah, because that's so Reza and Adam goes, well, you know what, it's really offensive that she didn't mention anything to me. You didn't

mention anything to me. How am I supposed to feel? He probably didn't, I've told MJ not to have him in the bridal party so that he wouldn't come to the bachelor's shit. So Reza after causing all this shit with MJ comes outside to Gigi and he's like, he's like, well, you know, Adam hurts because he loves hard and Gigi's like, well,

here's a question. Would you be okay with Adam's made of honor being someone he fucked? And then they start cracking up because like, Rosa and MJ possibly hooking up his teenagers is hilarious. Well, she said at the beginning too, she was like, oh, isn't it funny that you want your bride, man, or whatever?

It hasn't stick inside you. Yeah, that's why they're fighting. You know, because MJ is all upset, you know, and she's like, do you want me to call Tommy right now? Like, that's the big threat. Do you want me to call Tommy right now? So Adam's like, you tell me to get over it, you're walking down the aisle with somebody you used to fuck. And they're trying to make this big deal out of it. And Residus laughs, right? So, Residus, like, let's get them back,

which they've already planned this because they've invited Shalom's ex-wife to this party already. No, did they invite her to blow up the spot or are they trying to say she's actually like one of their friends? They're saying that she's one of their friends, but of course they're inviting her to the party just to get it GG. Like, why else would they invite her? You know, we've never seen her well I've never seen some of that glam squad either and I was thrilled about that I was like you know keep your glam squad in the makeup room That's Craig and Brandon how dare you are they on the show usually yeah Craig is her friend

He's like always in the background at parties and stuff well Craig is her trainer. Oh But I think that's who they were saying was the glam squad. I think Brandon because Brandon's his husband and he's like the hair and makeup guy. Yeah, the hair and makeup guy is the glam squad. Do you usually always see him? We don't see him as much. It's usually just Craig but Craig and Brandon are married. They were on newlyweds together. So that's who they're referring to as the glam squad. So, Res is like, I have a speech to make as the man of honor at MJ's wedding. Sorry Adam, sorry, Golnessa.

And she's like, that's fucked up, man. That's fucked up. We're fucking fucking, I want to make an announcement. We have got someone here that was once married to Salon. And they're on the stage that like the little people dance on at Beecher's Madhouse. Like that's where a little person prints comes out and does Prince karaoke. Just write where you're standing and he'll probably do it later for the Valentine's. I don't know.

Just making the stakes. The stakes are so high to them. Like, like, this with the wedding party. And just I have it. That's what you make. Next up, we will be tossing mics across the bar. Gigi loses it. And she starts doing that thing where she's just like, I'm mad. And she throws a glass on the ground and breaks it, which is so Gigi. it and she starts doing that thing where she's just like, I'm mad and she throws a glass on the ground and breaks it, which is so Gigi. And then she starts bumping into all of the walls while Shervin tries to like keep whole liver. He's like, come on Gigi, you're better than this. And she's like crashing into the walls on the on the way out.

Yeah, that was the Jersey Shore, Shore part. It was like, Polly D and the situation. And he's going to hold you back from the fight. I was like, Shervin, he's gonna hold you back from the fight. I was like, servant. He's so manly. Yeah. So Resin and Gigi both come talk to her at different times and are basically like, why are you so mad?

And you've basically got a hand at to this show for bringing it like this in episode two, like they're read every year they come out to ruin each other's lives and they get better at it every single year. And they really get better at what they excel at is keeping the drama minutia rather than you know like Luanne ending up in rehab and nearly dying on a boat or whatever. It's like it's better just to keep the minutia. Because this is one of those shows where the fights are little but people could die at any second

hard to take. Yeah, so I was so excited with the the stakes just the high at the wedding party because then that but it's so dramatic and I'm so invested. Yeah, I normally wouldn't care about that but all of a sudden I'm like, oh god, I wonder if Adam will get in the wedding party. I know maybe Craig will offend them. Craig should step up his game, I know maybe Craig will offend them. Craig should step up his game Get them get made on as a full cast member and Adam can go in the wedding But yet still be just a friend. Well Craig will never do that because he's too nice. He'll be like guess what? You're mean, but I love you. Come on my time like he's so sweet and also he's not purge so he can't do it Well, yeah, that's true. Well, girls, this brings us to the end of a wonderful, wonderful airport hour of lots of practice.

I'm a sort of apologize to everyone for the difficulties. No, look, it's worth it to be able to talk to you guys again. I love you. I love you in real life. I love you on here. Thank you for being my friends. Thank you for being good little co-workers. Thank you for ratcheting up your show for us.

And I want all your millions of fans to know that am I good for Katie who's listening and she's probably going to text me right now and be like, um, that connection and the way you were banging that mic around, did you know that Katie? Fuck and deal with it. So I just want them to know that on our podcast, Dumb Gapolitics, we use mics and try not to, it's the content that's ratchet. Found a site. Well, where can people find you? So dumb gay politics, you can subscribe on any platform.

So go subscribe and also, where can they find you on social? I'm at the Brandy Howard on Twitter. And I'm at Mr. Julie Goldman on Twitter. And then where are you playing this weekend? Julie And Wyoming at Wyoming Pride campground or something. Oh, oh, Wyoming rendezvous and it's like a gang that's being like camping thing I go. Oh my god. Which I just so you know, I will not be camping Well, if anybody wants to go see Julie,

Nancy Chants, the YNK Pride rendezvous campground. When's your next live show? Our next ones are we have two in Atlanta at the end of the month, on my birthday, August 25th, and then we have one right before that in West Palm Beach. And then in September, we are in Denver. So go get your tickets for that at watchwetcrapants.com. And until next week, then we'll be back next week, everybody. So, sigh, sigh some relief, because I know I did.

I sure love you. Love you guys. Love you guys. Love you, Ron. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. And Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts.

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