Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm: A Taylor of Two Pities

Episode Date: September 15, 2023

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* Taylor rages back onto the Southern Charm scene to let Shep have it at Madison's Wedding Party. Will she get the justice she deserves, or just get covered in the poo Olivia hurls over her fence? This week's bonus episode is a catch up on Ben's covid and Ronnie's Palm Springs journeys, respectively. Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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who only listen to our Southern Charm recaps, first of all, welcome home. God damn it, it's good to see you guys again. Second of all, we're the fuck are you during the rest of the year? We're still here, stupid, come over and listen everything. I'm just in case you forgot, this is how we do things in these parts. Now we've made some changes, we are on video all the time now.

So if you would rather watch us, we are on Patreon, we have a crap and it's on demand thingy going on over there. And if you don't want that, you just want bonus episodes, that's also on Patreon. The videos are free on our YouTube a week after they're posted. But best way is fresh guys. Posted same time as audio, patreon.com. Thank you to all of our members there. Also, we do a live Instagram show now, Instagram Live. Everyone's, everyone can do it.

It's nothing exclusive. But we do ours every other Monday, first and third Monday of the month on Instagram live. It is coming up this coming Monday September the 18th, 5.30 PM Pacific time, 8.30 PM Eastern time. Just join us on Instagram. You never know who's gonna show up. We were told Miss Pat was in there one day. We didn't even know.

So maybe we'll try to make that happen at some point. But we're gonna try and get the audio good enough to release those as fresh new audio episodes every other week But until then get your asses over to Instagram live and hang out with us. Those are a great great time With us and all of you. So Let's get to the show. Do you have any announcements first of all, oh, go to Ben's, sub-stack? As Ben's been riding up a storm on his sub-stack. I'm not gonna get a sub-stack probably for 10 years until everybody stops doing them

and then all go to sub-stack. Oh, good. Good. Ben's doing that. Really good, MBD fanci is the name of it. Really good recipes and stuff. There's a chocolate cheesecake this week. And you sure did.

And let me tell you, he came back a much happier person. I'm I am coasting on that chocolate cheesecake high right now. It's so good. Oh, okay, let's I've been talking a lot, but I'm going to keep going because why not? So Southern charm came back. I have to congratulate this show. This show really made an effort. I have to say, I thought this show is okay last year, like it was fine.

You know, it's had a rough couple of years. Catherine wasn't showing up to work last year, which sucks because we like Catherine being on the show. She's no longer on the show because she didn't show up to work. Okay. She's not there anymore. That sucks. But this show did make an effort. They went out and they cast and it looks like they cast a bunch of debags.

And that's what this show thrives on. They also put something into Taylor's water. I don't know what they put in there, but Taylor's just a fucking different person now. I don't know who they put in there, but Taylor's just a fucking different person now. I don't know who she is. Yep. Mm-hmm. She is someone going through the emotional journey of a breakup. And she's a little raw at the moment, which is great for us. It's great for us. It's a car.

It's sad to watch it. It sounded one of those ways where you see tragedy videos on Twitter or whatever, and you're like, I know, but you were like standing at the tip of a cliff. You know what I mean? Like you feel sad. And you're like, I'm so sorry for your families and everything and also for myself

for having to watch that. But you like literally people told you to be careful. And you were still standing on the edge of that cliff. And the edge of this cliff. Listen, this show has a great record of kind of like reinventing itself. It doesn't really reinvent, but it always rebounds. Like they're, you know, after Thomas Ravenel,

after like, was this can this show kind of like, will it be the same show? And they just, they've found ways. People have, big people have left the show. And it just, it trundles along. It works, the show works, and I feel like it has its up seasons and its down seasons, and its down seasons are fine,

but its up seasons are really up, and this one looks like it could be an up season so far. It looks promising as an up season. You know, putting Madison again is full time, was a great move. We can already see that that's gonna be really good right from the very beginning. Yeah.

This show really needs a very strong Vickson character and she's gonna do it, you know? It looks like she's in full control. The new guys, we've got a new gay, brother we go. We've got a couple other douchebags who we haven't met yet in this first episode. But this episode is very typical in that this shows about douchebag guys fucking up. It's not hilarious And they always start the season the same way like wow

I'm such a victim and I can't believe this was done to me and I can't believe everybody's being mean to me after I was so victimized by these women Yeah, so the episode opens up believe everybody's being mean to me after I was so victimized by these women. Yeah, so the episode opens up. The producers are asking various cast members questions and the cast members are like standing in front of like blackness, like dark. It's like they're just against a black screen. It's so serious.

It's not even green screen. Yeah, it's like a really serious moment for these people. So the producers like Taylor, did you and Austin hook up, and then we see a headline that says, Southern Charms star, Austin Crowell hooked up with Taylor and Green, and then we see Austin with his parents, and he's like, huh, guys, there's something, something happened

with me and Taylor, some scene right now, some scene what happens. And his mom's doing that thing where she's like trying to do a crossword without her glasses. She's just like, what? And then we see another headline. Now the first headline was from Page Six, which was awesome.

This next headline is from C3i3b News Daily. I was like, wow, you guys are really dwindling already with your headline data. Yeah. Just keep putting up Page six over and over. And it's a producer, did Taylor in Austin have sex and then Olivia, who's like in a chain top with a black, black tube top, Olivia I'm still not sure about, I have to say. But she laughs and she goes, huh, is the sky blue?

And then we hear like, Papa do, like a question like, I don't know if the sky is blue. Papa do, it's like a shrug Papa do, like Papa do don't ask me questions. I don't know. And then we cut to Shep,

who's in a bright orange puffer with a plaid scarf over the puffer and a terrible striped shirt under the puffer. And he still hasn't come to Sierra probably in four years. And his face looks like a crinkle cut fry. As usual. And the shaving definition into his chin. I mean, Shep is a mess. He's doing that thing where he's trying to shave a shape. Oh, so he asked Austin. He's trying to shave a shape. Oh, so he asks Austin. He's like, gosh, if y'all hooked up, would you tell me?

And Austin goes, oh, define hook up, which is not an answer, probably someone wants to hear. And Seth tells us, gosh, I don't know. I haven't reckoned, you know what? I still just don't know what to make of any of that. And then we get at it. And Craig is talking to Austin now. And Craig's like, is this what happens when you muddy, this is what happens when you muddy the waters.

It will rear its ugly head at some point Austin. Ugly, like, muddy water, ugly head will rear its head. So Austin's like, I know how Charles it is. I mean, rumor mills, they spread like wildfire, right? Like a same, same right now rumor. Said wildfire. And we see Taylor, she's talking to us now. And she goes, don't believe anything you ever read

on the internet unless it was talking shit about shit. Fucking shit. Leave me out of the real relationship. You fucking bats. Oh, go come on some horse face Don't believe anything you've ever heard on the internet unless it's about shep stickin is dick and a whore So then we see more headlines southern charms Austin crow and Taylor and green thought about dating quote-unquote charms Austin, Crowell and Taylor and Green thought about dating quote unquote after they quote unquote made out says source.

Okay, who is the source? Because literally nobody cares. I've not heard about this until literally I'm going to say literally a lot today warning you. I've not heard about any of this until today. Nobody reported on this and nobody cares. I didn't even know Taylor and Green's name was Taylor and Green. I just know her as Taylor,

the lady who doesn't speak until she's calling someone a whore on Southern Trump. Yeah. So then I kind of like segues into the trailer and then we go to two months earlier. So there's more renovations happening in Craig's house and Craig and Paige are there and Craig's like, it's exciting because like every time we go downstairs,

there's like something new to look at. And Paige is like, it's exciting because like every time we go downstairs, there's like something new to look at. I'm just like, no, gross. It's like not the morning, low by. I love waking up to, which is funny, because usually you listen to a low by at night to go to sleep, but like I'm complicated. So don't we see, we see a clip of a bunch of stuff, right? Did you not see that part? That was like the trailer stuff, yeah. Where'd he talk about this? Well, because in the beginning, it's like new interview stuff,

and then it goes into stuff that's like a trailer, right? Yeah, like what's coming up on this season, because that's how Bravo is now. It's like we're starting with an affair, so even though this would not be an affair, and then we see everything. Bing, Bing, Bing. Okay. Yeah. Bravo is now. It's like we're starting with an affair, so even though this would not be an affair, and then we see everything, bang, bang, bang. Okay.

Yeah, so then we go to Gary. Gary, oh, sorry, Gary is Olivia's dad calling. He's like, Olivia, my favorite tenant. And she's like, your favorite tenant is out here picking up dog poop in the lawn. I don't know what to do with it. There's so much of it. I thought yard people will handle this Don't we have some pores to pick this up and then she picks up the poop and just flings it over the other side of her fence I'm like a nasty ass person. You know what? I stand by everything I've ever said about Olivia still hater

Who does that who fucking does that? I'm furious. Okay, and I'm a dog Yes for my dog poop is still all over the backyard. It's for nature to enjoy. You don't just throw that shit over offense literally. Who are you? Who raised you? And Gary do a better job next time with then Olivia. I mean, actually because they've had a really rough year.

So that sounds super shady. I just immediately felt guilty. No, I know you didn't hit me. I did not say anybody is like, how dare he's in the worst and usual. I did not mean that because her brother passes away at some point this year. So I didn't mean that, Gary.

I just meant tell your daughter to not shit over offense. Don't throw people over offense. That's fine. Cheese. So Austin's making an omelet and it's so sad. It's like the saddest I've ever seen Austin. Like he's just so alone and like, guys, why is everyone so mean to Austin? All he wants to do is make the perfect omelet.

And also the omelet looks very hard and terrible. And he's still a terrible person. It's like, bruh. He flips it over and it's brown and one side he goes, perfect. I was like, oh. So then Madison can go to sit on a chair outside on her front porch and then immediately spills. This is why I need a lid on every single drink thing I drink.

I am born for corn. I am not born for a non-lady drinks. My cups are like Austin's mucket math, flinging liquid everywhere open all the time. Jesus. Shut your goddamn lid, cup. So then we go over to Pat's house and we just see Whitney, who is just, my favorite turn of events is Whitney just being relegated to picking up dog shit. Speaking of someone who makes their children pick up their dog shit, thank you for doing that correctly, Patricia. So he is now cleaning up a P pad. And then

Randy, a tiny martin shim character in glasses, whizzes by. And he's like, Oh, excuse me. When he's like, Oh, sorry. And we find out that Randy is petrishes new butler. And petrishes nose keeps on running. She must be allergic to all the randy in this room, disgusting, keep them around just to mock him. And then we see Vanita putting a sweater on her dog, Charles, still trying to make Charles happen. And then Taylor is feeding, she's got a dog now named Penny. So, as a single person who just talks to my dog all day,

I get it. I am just kind of person. Guess who I don't want to watch on TV, me. Okay just talks to my dog all day, I get it. I am just kind of person. Guess who I don't want to watch on TV, me. Talking to my dog. I could watch myself on YouTube talking to Ben, but that's not the same thing. I don't know what he wants to see me talking to my dog. Stop with the people talking to their dogs.

It's making me sad about being single with the dog. So then we come back to Craig's house, which is still under construction, amazingly. And Craig is like, can you come down the staircase to the first four? Like, wow, these new stairs, stairs are so much nicer than they were before because before it was just kind of like a gippin hole into the basement because one time I tried to drop an anvil on the staircase to see if it would work like a slinky and it just made a hole down to the basement.

Hey, Paige, do you want a nice coffee? And she's like, yes, with your regular milk, I think you and I are the only people who still drink milk from a cow. I love milk. Listen, it's been a minute since I've seen Paige because she, you know, what has been five weeks since she's not been on TV, I'm brawler. Missed ya, I love that Paige is finally coming on TV. Like I'm making a fucking stand today and I don't give a fuck with anybody thinks. I'm standing up for cows milk. That's it.

She's like, sure, dairy milk. I'm doing it. She's like, well, as long as I'm gonna probably have to move to the South, I should start seeing things like, what's to deal with milk these days? It's like not even milk anymore. Yankees. You know what? I'll tell you what, my boyfriend. You can say whatever you want about my boyfriend, but I'll tell you what he's not doing, growing breasts from drinking soy milk, okay? Because he's not a soy boy. What if Paige just turned into a total, like, culture wars person?

So Craig is like, Craig's like, yeah, when me and Paige first are today, this house was in shambles, and I think this house is finally at the level where I can start looking to the future and me and Paige's relationship, which is basically a house that's clean now, but is built on channels. Oh, honey, Paige is so leaving you. I'm calling this one. I'm calling this

big Bravo one. Paige is leaving you. Okay. There's no way this is working. I've always suspected maybe like I know Paige is too good for Craig, but she seems to like it or there's something going on. But I thought maybe they're just going to ride this out for TV, but it's apparent after watching this episode, oh, she hates your guts. But like they talked about earlier in the week, maybe that's love. Like who knows? Yeah.

Well, especially in this scene because now they're looking at the unfinished pool and there's like a little sunshelf and Craig's like, uh, the sunshelf is my favorite part so far. That's for kids, right? Because it's pertaining. You literally spent $100,000 on this pool and didn't even know what your future was. Because you know she put that in there.

Because she's like, I'm again, and like bossing around like what's gonna go where, you know. And he's like, her arms are fully crossed. She's just so annoyed at Craig. She just hates his guts. It's so funny. And also, I love that she hates the construction people too. Like every time a construction person comes close, she's like,

Oh, Craig, let's go and sign a tear. She's like, I'll publish it by scene and go back to New York. Can we just finish this? Yeah. So he's like, are you ever going to go on a tub with me? And she's like, I don't like hot tubs. They breed bacteria. Have you ever watched my show?

I don't go in the hot tub. So does Craig. That's true. So does most of this cast. Yeah. So Craig's like, but it's our hot tub. And she's like, I'm subject to urinary tract infections. Now, she's in Karl White, Jeans.

And she's got one of like the big flowers on her shoulder. And I think it's cute because neither one of them are black. So this is her season where she's like, look, look at me making an effort. And Charles can do college. She's just standing there with her arms crossed, like fuck this place and fuck this beige and white I'm wearing. Fuck everyone. I hate that I'm wearing a, I hate that I'm wearing a flower. And it's 9 a.m.

So I think, Craig said, also we should like talk about outdoor furniture. Oh yeah, black and white. What? Yeah, no, black and white. Remember I said that? Like I wanted to be Palm Beach, Miami, black and white, no further questions please.

And he's like, but what about purple for like the Baltimore Ravens? Like when Bappy, because it's like a football team, it's like, but what about purple for like the Baltimore Ravens? Like when Bappy, because it's like a football team, it's like I'm from Delaware and it's like Baltimore and it's like it'd be like Ray Lewis, but like in cushion form, you know? I hate Ravens. I hate Ravenclaws. I mean, if we're going for anything, we're going for Slytherin. That's it. Black. Okay, you don't even get me white. We're only getting black. I want everything. This is a snake style house. I like you idiot. That's what you get for arguing with me. I hate Raven so much.

Like I won't even read the story of the Raven. Like at at Grille and Poe more like Edgar Allen Pid as in stupid. I'll workshop that. Greg's like the other night I came home and like it felt like a home for the first time and like I'm glad you're part of it. I figured out how to work from New York. And so I'd love for you to figure out how you could work from Charleston. Because part of my work is being grossed out by Charleston. So...

I make money from my personality and my personality hate you. And everything your town stands for. So... Oh. Okay, wait. I just thought of a way that we could make it I make money from my personality and my personality hate you and everything your town stands for so oh Okay, wait, I just thought of a way that we could make it so I could work from here How about we just tell the entire casting crew of Access Hollywood to move to Charleston and then I could do my job from here. Great looking forward to it I love that crags Crags like oh, I can work from I can work from New York. You can work here

You draw pictures of squares and send them to somebody else. Are you fucking kidding me with this? Yes, I know. Oh my goodness. So she's like, she's so over this. And she's really resisting going to Charleston. And he's like, but we've been dating for over a year and I've already put a hole in your wall, which I feel like is a sign of commitment and like we're kind of in the same spot and it's getting kind of

frustrating and she's like um We're actually not in the same spot because I'm actually like much much much much much further ahead of you in my life So yeah, we're not really in the same spot because when I started dating you We were on three television shows and now we're on two because we've been kicked off of the Winter Rhyme. So our relationship is basically very quickly. We're in like decade four of a normal relationship. So she's saying that she's not going to be able to come to Madison's upcoming party and she is going to come back on Saturday and he goes, what do you mean Saturday?

And she's like, I have a job. And he's like, oh, this will be the longest we've been apart and so long though. Like, I can't fly the meat you that much. And she's like, um, I did not ask you to come. Yeah. Um, have fun at that party that I, um, like have no good excuse not to go to except for the fact that I want to have a life and not to go to accept for the fact that I want to have a life and not spend it with people like Shep. Okay, bye, have fun. Yeah.

It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. Watch what crapens and winter is crappening of a funniest recap podcast. But if you want something more eerie, try the new podcast Ghost Story about my investigation into a murder suicide in my own family. Ghost aren't real, at least that's what I've always believed. Sure, odd things happen in my childhood bedroom, but ultimately I shrugged it all off. That is, until a couple of years ago, when I discovered that every subsequent argument of that house is convinced they've experienced something inexplicable too, including the

most recent inhabitant who says she was visited at night by the ghost of a faceless woman. It just so happens that the alleged ghost haunting my childhood room might just be my wife's great grandmother, who was murdered in the house next door by two gunshots to the face. Ghost Story, a podcast about family secrets, overwhelming coincidence, and the things that come back to haunt us. Follow Go Story wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on October 23rd, or you can binge early and add free on Wondery Plus the same day. Boom, we get a boom, and it's slow, clouding music, and we see Madison's new house, and she's got a cocktail in one hand, and she's stirring clear pasta in the other hand.

And Hudson's outside doing like a perfectly happy father and new new father and new sun scene Playing with water guns outside. It's just so fun and cute and adorable. I'm not buying one fucking second in this. Yep, Brett is, uh, Brett of course is really cute. He's got nice arms and everything. And Matt is just standing at the door with her cock mother. Yeah, I am. Sounds like my mother. He's cute. He has nice arms. Really anything else?

Nope, just those arms. That was my TV guide review. It's like 8 p.m. Brett, what is this show Brett? Cute nice arms. So, How are his knees use band? How many got of these? So, um, Madison's holding a cocktail on the window in the door, looking very like Southern. And I was like, wow, they're really going for it. You know, I've been a single

mom for seven years. And to see Hudson and Brett play together really means the world to him. You know, before Brett, I hadn't brought my guys around. Any guys around Hudson. The producers are like, but he brought Austin. I mean, I haven't brought man. I've only brought little boys who were strange. Like Austin.

Just very tall, tall little boys who can't close their mouths. And then we see two years ago, the reunion, Andy Gweng. Hey, what a day of advice. Just hunting, give you manners. And I'm like, well, he hates Austin. And Austin only really started trying to play house. When filming with Batto Stark, that's the God's Arms Truth. And Austin's just like, ah.

And then they show that clip of that. When they got ice cream at that place, I swear, if we ever go back to Charleston, I need to go that ice cream shack, because it looked so good. So Madison is saying it was like day and night when she met Brad, like, you know, for it like Hudson just loved it and felt like even though Hudson's dad is active in his life,

it feels Hudson's happy, they feel like he finally has a family, everyone's under one big roof. And so the boys come back inside come back inside and get Hudson one more time. I was like, I got you, got you. And Matt's like, you know, we married in Mexico in November of 2022. And Hudson was holding my veil and my rings and my car keys and know some little change I had in my pockets. Basically, I, I confused him for just a try. Trotting. He was holding my trotting.

You never know when you're gonna need that. He said you're good, son. You know that little thing you do when you check in, it goes, Jim, you have to like, swap it and normally attach your keys, mine had fallen out. So I'm just holding that too. Now, bridesmaid, she's him and Brett, and I took it, took everything in me,

and that's the ball on crime. I didn't, didn't even cry for really a little bit. Not even a little bit. Well, maybe on the inside, I was crying on the inside, but it was a small wedding, just family, because we were on a family. So, you know, I can celebrate friends. I can celebrate with friends later.

And she's telling Hudson. Oh my God, look at me. You don't eat like that in front of other people, do you? Chase, you look like Austin trying to give a speech. Brett is a chief firefighter and it's a great job, but it's in California because I don't know if you know, but you're not allowed to date someone in Charleston on this show anymore. So he's gone for about three days and home for about eight days and I just want to make sure every time Brett comes home, he feels like I've made it special. Okay. I'm like, okay, this is doomed because how many times do we see this?

It's every time it comes back, it's special time. So if there's an issue, can't bring it up because it's going to ruin the special time because we only have special time. And then it's just, yeah, it's just that. It's trouble. He's coming off in authentic to me. Now he doesn't do much in the show and he's not a TV star. So I get that he's not really used to this. Probably maybe he doesn't even want to do it. I can't imagine

dating somebody on a reality show and not wanting to be on one. That seems stupid. But Madison is extraordinarily hot and she also has the magic thing that guys seem to love the most, which is being petite and blonde. Okay. That's when guys love the most. It's like that's the, that's like how girls are like, oh my god, he's six foot four, and why awesome will always get late. You know, she has the same qualities as all, she's just hot and blonde, loads of people

love. But there's something like too perfect about him. I don't buy it. And also, what if she firefighters make that he can fly back and forth every week and, or every, every week and live in this gigantic house? What's happening here? It's probably a temporary housing situation for the show.

And then she goes back up to California. That's my, that's my guess. I know. Thank you. I mean, they didn't answer. And he gave me an answer. Yeah, so she's all impressed with herself because she's like trying to be like Martha Stewart now.

So now we go to Austin's house and Austin is making tea. He's like, yeah, we had double bagged us teeth. So he's like sitting there reading his tee box and he's like, this insane, this T-box. Ashwaganda, emceed, experiment, tranquility, peace, stupid, stupid. Actually, and I have to say, I take back what I said before, I loved Vanita and Taylor's solo doxines. They were a lot better than watching us in RET. Okay. So he's wearing a trot pop shirt,

which is still hilarious that that's happening. Is that still a thing? Where do they sell that? Have you ever seen that out in the wild? I haven't, but yeah, that's a little bit somewhere. Let's take someone, but still. So I just wrote loser. Okay, so he calls Craig and Austin's like,

quit! I can't, bro, I can't even show you this past weekend how bored I went. New York, zoom or whatever. The animals' shop was often south-napped. For going to that's like, two, two of my favorite friends right there. I mean, I can't even tell you this past weekend how bored I went. You were off Zoom or whatever they had. I was shepa's off in South Africa. And that's like, two of my favorite friends right there. And then everyone else, everyone else like married now. You're saying my name, you're saying.

Yeah, don't try to get any sympathy from us. Okay, like we're gay men. We're used to all our straight female friends getting married and having kids. Okay, so guess what? Get in the back of the line. No. Craig's like, um, so what are you running out of friends? Our circles are getting smaller and smaller. It's like, yeah, well, my friends having kids, I mean, what the hell?

And Craig's like, it's called structure. Structure is everything. Okay. Okay. You didn't even know what the tanning section was of your pool. Can we not? And that's literally a structure. Well, how about this for structure and marrying people? Madison called me and invited me to a wedding after party sort of deal, which has nothing to do with structure, but I was a weird segue. I need to get to it. So now we have 30 minutes ago, but I was a weird segue. I needed to get to it. Also now we have 30 minutes ago, Austin calls up Madison,

or Austin's talking about his phone, and he's like, oh, he's spoken to your husband about this insane, insane. And insane. And of course, that's what I'm calling. He was okay, good. Well, I just wanted to know that I wanted you to know that we would just love to have you there.

And I say that as a person who is on a television show and being forced at a Whitney point to make this fun call. Well, to be quite frank, it's pretty surreal than surprising to be invited to celebrate the relationship with someone I thought I was going to marry. Oh, Austin, I was never going to marry you. Okay. Thanks for getting me on TV. That would love being leave of your show. So he looks like, by the way,

Austin is dressed like shaky green, fountain and alley drunk after retirement. Like what is he dressed like? He's wearing some suit jacket thing that's way too big and it's like plaid or it's ruffled and then he's wearing some unironed sloppy ass printed shirt under. These guys look terrible this season.

Yeah, it's really bad. So Craig is like, it's weird that you're invited, but like, no, you are invited. I think it's weird to go. Isn't that funny? Isn't life crazy? It's like, when you find out that there's like a shelf in your pool and it's not for kids

It's for tanning like tanning but sitting but also in water like what is this world? Austin's like see there's so many moving parts on that belt and Craig's like yeah It's like Should you wear a white tux or a black socks? hilarious like and Austin goes I'm gonna wear all black You guys so now we get, okay, first of all, some props, costume department, if you're there, you're doing a great job

at showing what misery looks like because Austin and Chef both yikes. But to the music department, wow, we've got some bingers this season. So instead of like, meaning that like, in addition to the music department, wow, we've got some bingers of season. So instead, like, meaning that like, in addition to the normal, it's me. We've got, we've got new addition, we've got like 10 new addition. We've got brown music to the show.

Musical interleads a season. What'd you do do one for us? Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-b So Taylor and Olivia meet up with Rollerblades. They're gonna go Rollerblading, which was not what I was expecting. I feel like the only place I ever see people Rollerblading is by Venice Beach. So it's like we're to see someone wanting to Rollerblade on Southern Charm. Feels very like Real House of Orange County. So, you know what else feels like Orange County?

It's funny that you said that. What reminds me of Orange County as well as They're like Emily and Gina. They're kind of those new housewives that come nobody else really wants to talk to them But they're there anyway. They got cast and they're kind of the only ones who are friends with each other So they're gonna work really hard to be friends even though they're not really suited to be friends You know, but I'm okay with Taylor being on there because Taylor is right now like roiling with bitterness, which I think is hilarious. So I'm all for her getting a second season

or whatever season. Oh, I love your pain darling. I do. I mean, I'm fine with every, you know, at this point, it's the beginning of the first season or the, it's the first episode of the season. So I'm okay with everyone being there. Olivia gets on my nerves,

especially since the dog's shit, I'm trying to get over it. So they go do some rollerblading and Taylor's like, I need to do some squats, my butt's getting flat. Olivia's like, yeah, your butt is like super flat, I'm sure. Oh yeah, you know, it's funny because on all the past seasons I'm like, is that Taylor or Is that Kim Kardashian?

That big ass on Taylor? God, look at that fat ass on Taylor. Wow, she's got curves. What are you talking about just getting flat? It's so weird. So, have you ever grown up around, have you ever been around a baby if they're growing up? Like, I don't know if you had that.

I try not to. No. I didn't think so. I know it sounds like a weird question. I've heard of it as a concept, but it's not something I usually try to witness. Oh, there's this point where babies, like they start going,

bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, occasionally. And then they'll say something and you're like, oh my god, the baby said something and everyone's like taking pictures. And I think that was Taylor at the reunion where people are like Taylor talks. And now this is the part where they just keep talking and you're like, why are they still talking?

Yeah, she's also the part where a baby learns the word no and goes, no, no. That's basically also her season right now. So, why bad? I just, I don't mean like, why should Taylor talk? I'm just not used to it, you know? And I'm like, wow, she's talking

and then she's just going on and on kind of about the same thing as the episode goes on. And I'm like, oh wow. Remember when you didn't, remember when you didn't talk? I don't have problematic that sounds. I don't mean it in like a, you're a woman. You shouldn't speak, way. I just mean it in like you were silent for so long.

I just don't even know who you are right now kind of away. And I like it. I love the anchor. New Taylor, like I'm all about it. I'm all about her. I'm the new Taylor too. I love new chapter, Tate. Yeah, Tate, Tate.

So they're rollerblading and Taylor's like, I was just driving this way and there was a guy on a bike. A very attractive. I'm so into new guys, definitely don't still have feelings for Shepard whatsoever, into bicycle guy. Oh no, I just realized the bicycle guy was Shep. Damn it, damn it. He actually wasn't riding it,

but it was on the back of a pickup truck that was driving it. Poor Shep just doesn't really have much lower leg strength. And Olivia's like, yeah, it just don't mean the other day. I've never been single living here. Yeah, because you moved here to be on a TV show and have some fake relationship with that loser mup at Mount Austin. And so they're basically, they've really bonded because they've left

their two loser guys they were stuck with and they realize like life is better and they're sort of healing together I guess you could say. And so tailors like she is like a sister to me rad or die and you know that when someone says that in the first episode of a season it means they're gonna have a vicious fight over the course the next several weeks. So enjoy that everyone. Yeah, I'm not getting real friend vibes from either one of these people. They're just kind of like thrown into the same spot together.

And they're like, we are gonna make this work. And then so we see, you know, Taylor's like going on about how much she loves being single, which is a lie. We all know it's a lie. And we see a clip of Andy saying, do you feel like shep you to Taylor? And her going, yes, I'm the whore, I'm the hornet stuck around.

So it's nice to not worry about someone. I feel like I'm still catching my breath from shape. And she's... The break up with Austin, the break up with Austin, the break up with Sharp, that's what brought me into our pleasure together. I pretty much glued, I'd like pretty much glued to the hip at this point, like, we're like, navigate.

Does Olivia ever make actual words or are they just one long word? It's one long word. She's just looking for poop that she can fling over a fence somewhere she really blades by. So Taylor's like, she's just rollerblading to drop her dog shit all over the past. She's like, just have a bag out.

She's just dropping the bag out. She's full of sick flint. So Taylor's like, I was in love with Shep. I wanted to go full force not turning back. Let's get married. Let's have a family. Let's, you know, I'll stay home while you got drinking with the boys. Let's me worry about who you're cheating on. Let me hear some rumors about you cheating. Let me still hang out.

Oh my God, I couldn't wait for all that stuff. And I just, I still wanted to make things work. And he said, I will not change. I'm like, yeah, you also could have just watched the TV show. The TV show. You could have really saved yourself a lot of paid. I'm not victim blaming, but I'm just saying, in life sometimes there are tools for you. Yeah, like TV, you know. TV's a very powerful tool. So she's like, you know, it's hard for me to understand

his emotions and all that, because I felt like I was constantly fighting. And he just, he didn't want to fight for me. He didn't want to fight for me. I was like, you know, look, even if you didn't watch the TV show, okay? And even if this were just a normal thing, where this was the sign, when Shep actually told you,

I'm never gonna change. I'm gonna feel like this forever. And I'm never changing a fucking thing for you. 20 times, he said that. I saw him say, now does that make Shep less of a piece of shit? No, Shep is the hugeest piece of shit on this show. Like for somebody to out piece of shit, almost, at least come neck and neck with Thomas Ravanel on this show.

Shep is not. I know, that's so bad. It's really sad. Shep is a piece of shit. And if there were teams, I would be totally team Taylor. And I have to also remember that she's a lot younger than me. And I get it. You know, I've been in love with idiots too. But like, fucking shit.

Shepp literally told you what a fucking asshole he was. And that just goes to show you my angelic people when they tell you who they are believe them. Okay. When they tell you who they are, yeah, she's like, I just wanted to, yeah, I just wanted to get married and have a family and play games of egg toss without screaming. But I guess we can't do those things.

No, I just wanted a life full of toss and an egg being called fucking 88 in front of all my carine. Why are you crying? This is a party and the fact that nobody is rallying around you throwing you a party for this shit and you too. What are you fucking crying about over there Olivia? You were never even dating Austin. I don't even believe that bullshit. You two are the luckiest people to be away from their new musician They're not good losers. I'm not both way better than those idiots. So but obviously Taylor still is like a love of a chef and she is like very upset because she said that he didn't want to fight for it. And I'm like girl you're so lucky you didn't want to fight for it.

You're so lucky. So anyway, because it could go the other way where he's just manipulating her and trying to get her to stay so he can continue to torture her. And I actually think this is so much better for her because God, what a fucking loser. And this girl's nice. Like we have no evidence that this girl is anything but completely fucking lovely. So. Yeah. lovely. So yeah. Well, I have a feeling when you said like what you just said about like Shep, I feel like that's gonna happen this season. So now Shep meanwhile, he's driving with little Craig. He's like Craig, look, it's a lot of palms. We're home Craig. So there are coming back in the house because he's apparently been out of his house for months and months and months and months. So he says, like after Taylor and I broke up, I was a little broken, frankly.

I just wanted to travel, get out of Charleston, clear my head. Like you don't get to be the one who's broken in this situation. You are the breaker. Yeah, not only that, you know, you shouldn't be allowed to just go pick up your fucking dogs so you can shoot with somebody because that's some bullshit. You gave that dog to your parents, okay? Everybody knows it. And so you act and you're like, oh, I was just so, so depressed that I just gave a little crack to my parents

temporarily, not because I couldn't train them or raise them on my own. You fuck. How dare you do this to that dog? How dare you? So the dog is just looking around the house like, what the fuck is this place? And where is the person who takes care of me here? Because certainly it's not this guy. The only thing we have in common is that we both try to lick our balls Well, I went to Australia I'm gonna Austin you know Austin came and met me there We want to see who's mouth was bigger his or the Sydney Opera House He won so they you know we traveled and you

know when you're traveling it's like you're like a child child like Wonder Mint and I'm like a child anyway and then we see clips of them together and chef going wow you never know what the world holds right Austin and Austin being like whatever you want dear and come. So then he talks about how you went to South Africa by himself. And then he, we see a clip of him like, here I am at the top of a mountain mountain. I'm not going to be here for you in the long run. Please don't count on me. The mountain's like, please, please don't leave me. Chef, you have a trust for it.

It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So now, chef is back in his house alone. So he facemes his mom, Francis. And Francis is like, welcome home, honey. Glad he took that dog away. How, how many more hours before we have to retrieve it, because I know you can't take care of it.

He's like, I am home, you hobitch. Do you remember when they took home? So many days ago. When they tattletails on chef for being really mean to his mom, I will never, every time I say Francis, I'm like, you poor fucking thing. He's like, no, that's how we talk in our family.

Yeah, it's just what we do. So it's a little surreal, honestly, mom, because you know, I've been gone for so long, just you'll get used to it. And little Craig will, too. God, I've been that dog, it's so strange not having a mirror. It's weird, because he's never been in Charleston

where Taylor wasn't in his life. I'm like, I'm sure the dog is not like, the dog is not operating the same way that the humans are. So chef is like, the chef is like, Taylor has a new dog, Penny, and hopefully they can get together and be copacetic. And then maybe little Craig can just tell a little Penny, I'm not going to change. But you know what? I know she can't forgive me right away. Closed different people have different timelines. I've shut the fuck up, Chef. Also, the saddest part of all of this was,

you know that Taylor's really not over-shop? Well, first of all, because you can totally tell because she's acting like it. But also because she got another Frenchie. I noticed that. Literally not being able to let go is trying to get the twin dog of,

it's like trying to replace what she lost. Oh, yeah, I did read that. But we do cut to her petting our cute corgi on the rollerblading path because it's like they're basically around like a pond in the middle of the city. Yeah. Everyone's like, who the fuck are these people rollerblading around this pond right now? Throwing dog shit everywhere. And then she's like, oh my god, I love you dog. And then the dog walks away and she's like,

oh, she's leaving to just go piss on another hortry. That was it. Corgi, more like Horgi. So Olivia's like, wow, I just can't imagine Austin being at Madison's party. I mean, he's back from the land from down under. I bet he was down under. That was a joke. This girl stopped, here's back from the land from down under. I bet he was down under. That was a joke.

I can't. This girl stopped. Here's my note. What? This girl sucks still. So Olivia's like, yeah, I was just like, don't like, I mean, like as hard as it is, like until there's like, he's not a man of his word. It's what you're trying to say.

Yeah, because like, you know, he was just like always on me down. Like when we were like in New York, like everyone was telling me, trust that he loves you. And like, you all need to give like 100% and like to tell you all that he'd love me and then wanted to like lock it down. And then like I got to that point where like I trusted him to see that and then like,

he ripped it out from under you. So what you're trying to say? Yeah. Taylor does not want to listen to this girl going on and on. She's like, the reunion was a long time ago. Can we please stop acting like your relationship is the same as my long-term relationship? Exactly.

Taylor's like, I'm sorry, I'm the one who's more of the gaping moon right now. So, mind if I take back the floor? OK. So Olivia's like, following for Austin is the equivalent of going into a fun house. You see it, you're all excited, and you walk in and there's distorted images, and there's a clown walking by

and you get discombobulated and you want to vomit. I'm like, well, that is a fair description. That is, I think that's actually not just even dating Austin, I think that's just like watching Austin on TV too. So this, I like when Olivia tells us her story that she's, she's like, so then we go back to the reunion, we go back from New York and Austin keeps telling him to give him a chance and be the guy he knows he can be.

And then a week later, he says his feelings have changed. Of course. Which is, of course, Austin is so bachelor, you know, like, and I don't mean real, I mean the TV show where they're just like, you know, we do it for the season. And then we break up so we can be on Bachelor in Paradise. I don't know. Yep, that is totally a remember on Winterhouse. He was, you know, he comes in and then all of a sudden,

because Sierra's there and Sierra, like, he then all of a sudden is interested in Olivia, like a weird like, like, I'm not into you, I'm into Olivia now, so hot. So all of a sudden he's like really into Olivia. I mean, he's just so full of bullshit. She's full of bullshit too though. Like, she wasn't even living there.

She just moved there to be in this show and then to be on this show, she's dating Austin. I mean, I think this is kind of the weak link so far that I see on this show is that we're supposed to believe that those two ever had anything. They never had anything. I don't believe it.

So I don't like that fake mess. Now the Taylor and Shep stuff, that's real, you know? Yeah, so I think Taylor's probably like not loving loving that she has to sit here and have this conversation with this girl. Yeah, so now we've got a Venita's house where she's picking out a look for whatever she's doing and then she's face-telling her boyfriend. She's a boyfriend now named Manny and she's showing him a dress that she's going to wear to Madison's and she basically says that,

like basically she and Madison patched up all the issues that they had because those issues were so, they were so random, always like the Veneenig on it to her car and then like Madison saw her phone and saw that like Veneenig was talking shit about her and then Madison was like,

our friendship is over. So another fine again, they totally, they buried the hatchet. Yeah. And manly seems cute and nice. So another fine again. They totally buried the hatchet. Yeah. And a man who seems cute and nice. So that's good for her. That's good for her. I like Venetia.

But manny though, guess what guys? He's a musician. He travels all the time. It's a long distance relationship on Southern China again. Yeah. There you go. I didn't even notice that. Yeah.

Well listen, they got to piecemeal this shit together. Not everybody's just gonna move to Charleston No one wants to be the Charleston No one does Let's see Austin is driving up in a golf cart to This store, okay, and Ben and I have been to a store like this. It wasn't this one But we know these kind of stores in Charleston now, huh? Yeah, so there's a salesman there. His name is like Timothy Timothy Southern man

Tim Shaw owner of 390 man and a three-piece suit a pocket watch with a chain and Hands the chain and hand. Sockybirds. How many? This guy, if this guy was not out of like some old cartoon, I was like, I felt, I just was feel, he made me uncomfortable. It's cosplay, you know, I feel like

our Austin is cosplay. Like if you're gonna live there, you have to be willing to put on suits in the middle of the summer and 110 degrees to swap ass weather. And that's it. And it's gonna be sold to you by fucking guys like this. They're all over the place. He literally looks like he should have a pipe. He looks like a villain in an old-timey Southern movie. And he's like, well, I say, I say we're gonna top the fame, made it on the railroad tracks. And if I don't get my payment in the bank, we're gonna send the 325 train,

or should I say the 325, I'm not team train, right over the mat, the matum, Daisy Buckner. So Austin's like, that's my view of Southern movies, by the way. Yeah, it was pretty close. I mean, it was pretty good. I was like getting invested in what was gonna happen that day's he fucking. So Austin's like, I'm waiting awesome for him

and it's good where I shop in for a daytime. Ah, correct, I love it. Why can't you close your mouth, sir? I just, it is close. It's not. It is. Please get that neck tied for your mouth, sir. I'm, what I'm trying to do. I'm tying it. You don't tie ties for your mouth, sir. I'm, what, I'm trying it on.

I'm tying it. You don't tie ties with your mouth, sir. I do. Do you ever think clip on, ow, that was a clip on, ow, ow. Maybe it. So then Austin, he's like a picture of Errol Flynn. He's like, that looks a lot like me. And he's like, well, you know who that is.

Is it me? No, no. Why would I have a photo of you, you in Bissol? It's Errol Flynn, which also, I don, why would I have a photo of you in Bissol? It's Errol Flynn, which also, I don't know why I have a photo of. Well, Errol Flynn was at least hot and famous. So Austin goes, who's that? Which I'm so embarrassed for you. And we set his hair.

And he's like, oh, he's an actor, a guy. And Tim's like, he was known as the swash-bucken and pirate guy. And Austin's like, oh, I wish I had his hair. And his face, and his talent, and his money, and his job, and his worth, and his effort. I mean, literally, and his charisma, literally anything. So then Austin's reading. You're like the garbage pale version of Aeroflin.

Ask Aeroflin. That's what you what you are cannot believe you're even comparing yourself to aeroflin right now So then he looks up aeroflins bio on Wikipedia and he goes, whoa He was known for frequent partnerships with Olivia To have a lid and reputation for womanizing and hedonistic personal life We left a trail of destruction in his way. We're not gonna look at those parallels right now. So Austin's like, this man, this man is handsome. This man is my grandfather.

So they're trying on Jack, it's in Craig Comson. And now we get like a tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt So that they're basically picking out clothes for Madison's party and everything. And Austin's like, I don't know what I'm gonna wear in my own and I'm knocking over, think it. And Craig's like, yeah, I mean, we're basically picking out clothes for your ex-girlfriends wedding. He's like, that's what I'm saying. I'll be damned if I overthink this. I'm like, don't worry, Austin,

I don't think anyone will ever be concerned that you've overthought your fashion. Not something that has crossed our minds. And Shep's like, wow, I think this is a seminal moment for Madison and Austen. I mean, it was definitely a failed relationship, but yeah, here we are. I'm really dreading tomorrow, guys. And Craig's like, is this the first time you're seeing Taylor since Paige told me she only wants to have purple furniture outside.

And Chef is like, yeah, yeah, it's my first time seeing her, you know? And Craig's like, well, he's like, Chef says that he wants to be friends with Taylor, which is funny because I don't feel like that's really his call. It's not his call either. She's the one who's going gonna decide when you guys be friends. Well, yeah, but it's like, you broke up, so you can be friends. No, you traded her like absolute dog shit.

You don't get to just be with friends with someone that you've betrayed multiple times. Like, harsh, I just can't understand, but she won't have lunch with me. Cause you're a fucking piece of shit. Chap, that's why you deserve this, buddy. Chef, you treated Taylor like such a piece of dog shit that Olivia almost came in through her over-offence.

You can know what the joy of, you know what the joy of, that was funny, sorry, it caught me late. You know what the joy of chef is, Jimmy? I remember being younger and being shown a video in school of what it is to be biodegradable and a piece of trash that is biodegradable. And you just, it's a sped up video, obviously, over years and years, a time lapse video.

And you just get to watch it degrade over the years. And that's chef. Chef is like a walking trust fund version of that video. And for that, I have to say thank you nature. Thank you. Because nature takes out its own trash. Unless you put plastic in the trash. Well, that's true. Okay, let's not get into that. I did see another ocean movie with people making islands out of plastic, but you know what you want me to go all day? I do. So it's the he wants to be friends and Craig's like,

no, you can't be friends. It's not how it works. Like, she thought she was gonna marry you. And she's like, yeah, but like, how about people who actually did get married and then are friends after divorce? And Craig's like, yeah, but that's because there's usually kids involved.

I mean, you're an idealist and you're not a realist. Wow. You can't really put that one off. I know. And I love that Craig has this whole new ideal now because Paige told him last year. After he was like, what? I'm friends with Naomi. And she's like, no, that's not how it works. And if you ever break up with me, I'm done with you and you're never going to speak to me again. He's like, oh, that's how it works now. So he's like, uh, which by the way, kind of agree with for the most part. So Craig is like, oh, that's how it works now. So he's like, which by the way, kind of agree with for the most part. So Craig is like, Sheb has always tried to normalize being around your exes.

And last year, they wanted me to integrate Naomi back into my life like nothing happened. And that's just not how things work with Paige. A lot of those unresolved feelings resurface, like, listen, when was the last time you asked somebody somebody how long did you serve in food and bad? The worst part like she I invited her my party and then she actually wanted to come to my party like it was bullshit He can't be friends with X's no, it's so so Austin is like so Austin saying how he hasn't seen Olivia in a month and

He goes well according to Taylor if I want to make a work with Olivia and Craig's like, what do you mean make it work? Because I mean if I want to be friends with her, just like oh, so is that what you want to be friends with Olivia? Because like what's the upside of being friends with Olivia because we're still trying to find personality with her? Yeah, and Austin's like no, yeah, yeah, I mean listen, I'm fine for you, mine, I mean, listen, TBD, TBD. So Austin, another terrible outfit, and now he's doing his interviews in like a library at his parents' house.

I'm not sure it's happening, but literally, every shot of Austin is so sad, and I love it. I'm loving it. So Austin's like, I've not sure it's happening, but literally every shot of Austin is so sad and I love, I'm loving it. So Austin's like, I've asked myself so many times, what have I done? Wrong my relationships. And like, you know, it's been beating my brain through me and I'm the prop, it's you, you're the problem. I'm sorry, if you're not been told enough to really have you stand the problem, it's you.

You know Taylor Swift writes songs about people and I'm pretty sure she wrote that one song about the lyric is literally like, it's me. Yes, I'm the problem. That was about you, that was not about her. That was about you. It is literally you every single time. Okay. So Austin is like, I need to figure out like

why the relationships are the way they are. Like, like, you know, I don't want to be the guy who doesn't have a plus one. At a wedding, huh? I'm like, that's, like, why the relationships are the way they are. Like, like, you know, I don't wanna be the guy who doesn't have a plus one. At a wedding, huh? I'm like, that's, well, that's that path. That's the path they're going down. I guarantee his answer going down. And that's the path you wanna go down and stop pretending it's not the path you wanna go down.

You could be married 90 million times and stop pretending it's some broken little boy thing in you that no one understands you. So sick of that shit. Okay. You can have some fake in the world. Fuck the world. Who cares? I do it.

It's great. So now we see a Madison's in Glant. People are just like getting ready for this party. Everyone's like, I don't know if I'm too much kidding, but I could. That's the point. Go ahead. Who fucks the world?

Ronnie. So you don't even arrive. It doesn't even fit in a song. Everybody knows. Everyone knows. The point knows it's all I every wide knows. The point is it's not terrible to be single, just only if that's what you want, but stop wasting everybody's fucking time in the meantime.

You know it's also not terrible having wealthy friends like Brittany because Madison, her party is being held at her friend Brittany's house. So it's this big old house and so so Madison and Brett arrived. And there's a woman named Erica who is very shiny. Where it means her clothes are very shiny. And she's the event planner. I have to say, Erica does a pretty good job at this party. I am like very impressed. We see a lot of Bravo parties. We see a lot of really bad Bravo parties. But you know what? I think this one was it looked like a top two one. I mean, there was a guy walking around Shuck and Oy think this one was, it looked like a top two one. I mean, there was a guy walking around,

Shuck an Oysters, I was into it. Yeah, it was a very beautiful party. I would like to put in a request to the producers, could we please stop opening every season with a shot of Shep taking a shower? Like nobody wants to see Naked Shep. Could you please keep your low and less at this point?

That is they're just trolling us. It's literally every season they be this to us. This also has a very sad it's like a pianist there. He's not playing anything fun. Just really snooze like piano type cocktail music. But they catch him a lot. They get a lot of that pianist. He's got romantic fingers from what I hear. He's like, how you listen? You want to get me on that camera a little bit, I'll tickle those ovaries for you. Okay. So then we, Erica's showing her around. She's like, we did many petite cakes. And I did y'all's monogram on the bar. And those are the parties outside because we have a

martini bar. We've got an oyster shucker that walks around. I, okay, Erica did great work, but stop trying to act like it's a massive innovation that you put a monogram on a bar. You literally put some letters there. That one, you don't, no, no credit for that one, Erica. Yeah, Erica's really trying it. So then we get Brittany, who's just like

Shep's cousin from last year. It's like the new tri. It's like the new Marcy, don't you think? Yeah, except Britney's like, well, Marcy's probably very wealthy, but Britney just sort of like really seems wealthy. She's like, hi, welcome to my giant house that I own. You're all welcome here. I'm going to be the new Pat. How's everyone doing? She is very like, welcome to my entree to Southern charm. You know, I wonder if there's a lot of Brittany on the cutting room floor from this party. I bet. So Patricia's not going to be there

because she's not feeling well. So then we get a shot of her just going, wet night. Wet night. Yes, mother. Yes, mother. Go, mother. Go slap Randy. Yes, mother. Yes, mother. Go mother. Yes, mother. Go slap Randy. Yes, mother. So we cut back. And Erica's like, um, Madison saying, Well, he's gonna come back. Don't we get me our speed base? I'm on his coming. And Erica says, well, I got a thanks from Craig. So I guess that means he's coming. These manners. But that is so funny. Will you be attending the party of Madison and Brett? Yes or no?

Thanks. Thanks. Well, what about Olivia? Where from her? Well, Olivia just threw a bag of dog poo poo on Brittany's lawn. So I think that means she's coming. She has some odd friends. And then I stretched limousine pulls up, which is funny because I think it was very recently

that two of us were saying, do people drive stretched limousines anymore? Now it's always like stretch hummers, a stretch SUVs, whatever. But this is a full on old fashioned stretch limousine. And of course, it's Austin ship and Greg stepping out carrying a torch for stretch limous. Yeah. And then we get a shot of the shucker just walking past someone and he goes, hey, wanna shook that shell in my bucket?

It's like, oh, fucking weird out. Okay, just put some poop in the bucket. Can you take that? So the boys come in and they see the pianist and Chef goes, Hey, you know when he billy Joe? That's like, he just starts playing pressure. It's like, whoa, that's too intense. Why is he in a trench coat?

I mean, there's just so much about this. I liked his trench coat. It was like a plaid trench coat. I liked it. No. So Seth goes up to whoever, oh, to the new guy, to Brett, right? And he's like, hey, man, I'm sharp.

There's been a long time that I've been wanting to meet you. Whatever thoughts on Ken Burns and Vietnam in general. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And I said, say, hey, exist. He doesn't speak, but he exists. So then, uh, where's. He doesn't speak, but he exists. So then, I was just all around. Wow, wow, pretty cool. And Shep does a whole bunch of that slapping on the arm

kind of thing. So then, and Austin's trying to cut into say, like, hello, make his introductions, but Shep keeps on talking and Austin's being so awkward. He comes in and then he pauses and then goes back. That was great. Made him so shut up. It's like, I've been biting my nails a whole time.

Like, oh my God, I went on this trip and then, oh God, I'm trying to stop it. Anybody got any ideas? I'm Brett's just like, well, Brett has nothing to say to anybody ever. And she's like, but listen, Brett, you're a straight white guy, privileged, and I'm a straight white guy with privilege. Surely we've got something in common more than that.

What about nail biting? Brett's like, hmm. So Ben Austin finally cuts in and he's like, Hey, good to see you. Hey, man, I'm Austin. How are you? Hey, you know I'm Austin. How are you? Hey, you know what? Like, you could probably use me on your fire squad

because I just spat a lot on your face. Probably could be more useful on a tree. Am I right? Hey, I'll see you. Good to see you. So I brought you this gift, whatever you do. Do not shake the gift. And Madison goes, okay.

And we get that. And Austin's like, you know, because like, if it's ticking, that means Madison goes, are you saying this is a bomb? That is hilarious. I was just a celebratory congratulations. Yeah, so yeah, thanks for inviting me. Thank you. No shaking.

Hi, Fred. Don't shake it. That's so funny, Austin. Thank you so much for coming. Wow. He's here. Didn't make something. Shops like, oh my gosh, that was so awkward, yikes.

So then, Shep is cracking up and Austin tells us, I thought this guy was gonna be a great guy. I mean, the way Madison talks about him, oh my god, he's digging so big, so fucking hot, seriously? What does this guy have that I don't have? Literally everything. Look, stabs heroic features.

Personality faithfulness, decent hair, nice outfit, style, bearded, doesn't taste like grapefruit, and asks, did I already mention his haircut, decent haircut. Saves people for a living. Iron. He's got an iron.

He probably has a pretty decent Netflix queue. So... His Netflix queue isn't humiliating. It's, yeah, he's... All his saliva stays in his mouth. A comb. He's got a fucking comb, okay? Already he wins.

Yeah, he can heat up fish sticks without burning them. I don't know, what do you want? Like take on anything, really anything. So arrivals, arrivals, blah, blah. Craig comes up and says, hi to Madison. They talk about Mexico and Matt. She's like, Oh, yeah. And then after Mexico, we went to Singapore and Austin goes, Oh, yeah, you've always wanted to go there. Yeah, you brought up after she's all crazy

rich Asians. She's always wanted to go there. She said, Yeah, okay. That was so funny. You know, where I saw crazy rich Asians again, Singapore, Dubai, and Bali. Well, I love crazy rich Asians, because it's the close set I forget to crazy rich Austans. Am I right? So, you know, I was hoping they'd come out with a single called spitten or ostums, but I really somehow that just can't get mad. I really wanted to go to Bali because there are a lot of me of how my relationship with you, but then I realized it was Bali and not Bale. It was dyslexia, it'll get you every time.

You know how I left you, bollin, you know. You know, and Dubai, you know what I liked about that? It really represented all the ways I fed you, because I would do things and buy you things. It was like the last letter I wrote to you. Ew. Bye. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha. Okay, what other worlds did you want me to turn into Austin's relationship with me? Hey, penis, sing a power. He's here. Hey, Berlin. Hey, um, okay, Berlin, I wanted to go to Berlin because it was like the temperature of my vagina when I saw you.

Burr. Oh, it was so awesome. Wow, it was a long honeymoon. Wow, it was a long honeymoon that was extremely insulting to me. So, wow, okay. You made a lot of mood out of word play that was anti-Austin, great. Note that you did not go to Austin,

which would have been the easiest play. Unfortunately, you spelled your name wrongs that wouldn't have even really made sense. Come on, Madison, Jesus! You are literally the only person who puts aah into Austin, which makes sense because you're so selfish. Yeah. Um, okay, let's get on with this. So, um, she, so he's rich, right?

This guy's rich, so that's my question, I guess. I mean, I think he's wealthy. He's, I mean, he's good to sing a poor Dubai and Bali after a destination wedding in Mexico being a fire chief. I just don't believe it. Fire chief and like a petition. But you never know. Fire chief of California.

So that's something. Let's look him up right now. He's a fire chief in California. You know what? It's not my job to question. My job is just to relish Austin's awkwardness and jealousy. And if that's, I don't want to know where that money came from. I just want to live in how small it makes Austin.

Well, I can tell you this much. The fire chief of California, the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection, is Joe Tyler. Well, I think this guy is a fire chief in California, not of California. And Joe Tyler, what's his first name? Very well. A fire chief in California can make anywhere between 88,000 and 240,000 a year, according to indeed. So pretty good. Yeah, and they probably got some, they probably got some wedding kits. You know, yeah, I'm just, I don't know. I just want to know, I need to know how much he's worth.

I don't know why. It's just because he's so cute. He is really, really rich. He's good arms, good arms. So Vanita shows up and then Madison's talking about how like she really missed her friendship with Vanita and they squashed it and their friends again and Vanita's saying hi to Shep and saying how she didn't she's like I'm not going to go to Australia because I'm afraid of Australian bugs and Shep's

like their bugs. What? I didn't see one spider like tell me you are really wealthy and privileged without telling me that. Like you went to Australia and you stayed someplace that was so that was so clean that you didn't see one single bug there. Yeah, because you hear that about Australia from Americans a lot.

Like, oh my God, the bugs are so different there. I've heard that a million times. Of course, I do watch House Hunters International on the reg. So anyway, Austin, Hugs, Anita, Leva comes in and a fur coat, which the show always confuses me, is it ever, how does anybody own a fur coat there?

I mean, I get it morally, you're all disgusting as far as that stuff goes, but it's so hot there. It's like hot and cold because when they were rollerblading, that felt like a warm weather activity, but in the center of that pond was a Christmas tree, so it's like, it's a cold weather moment. And when we were there, it was definitely very cold. So yeah, the weather is a little inconsistent on the show. It was cold.

You have to fix that. When we were in Charleston, I remember, it was like, one day was warm, but one day was really cold. I had to buy a sweater. I bought a chunky sweater, a banana republic that day because it was cold. I felt like it was hot.

Maybe I don't know. It's weird. It was one of those days was like cold, like in the shade, it's so cold. I felt like it was hot. Maybe I don't know. It's weird. It was one of those days where it's cold, in the shade, it's freezing cold in the sun. It's like warm, it's annoying like that. But it was pretty cold there. Okay, so Leva didn't know Shep was back. And so she asked, she's like,

I know your, Leva does that thing where she's like talking to somebody, she no needs pity. So she's talking to them, but she's not looking at them at all. She's like looking around the room. She's like, so wow, Shepard's back in town. So when did you get back?

I know last year was a little bit rough for you, huh? Notice I said Shepard, that was for my girl, Cam. So he's like, yeah, well, it's been a rough past six months. I mean, traveling in luxury to exotic locales and seeing places that most people can't even afford to even get one-third of the way across the globe towards. It's been rough on me. And then Olivia and Taylor driving up and we get a ding and we see Rodrigo,

whose Austin's friend and Rodrigo is one of the new guys and he's like, is Olivia coming and I was like, I'm talking to her. I mean, she's like, I don't want to talk to you. So, and Rodrigo goes, well, it is a new day. Great, thanks for doing the promo for GMA. So, because that's what they always play that song. It's a new day and then they show Michael Strahan. So the girls are the

girls strutted to the party like yeah, we're not real friends because they say things like this. Wait for me, Thelma, my girl, my girl. Second, no, Thelma and Louise, that's never real. Also, people always forget how that movie ends. So, so, shep is telling Leva that he's like really worried about Taylor being there and Leva is like, well, so, shep is telling Leva that he's like really worried about Taylor being there and Leva is like, well, I think she's still in a space where she feels very betrayed and I, but I also think she wants to move on. So what I'm trying to say is I'm working really hard to make her an employee at Republic. God, she'd be so good on a sidewalk going.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, get in the horse. An employee at Republic God should be so good on a sidewalk going She would yeah, I was gonna say she will sell no tables. She will sell no model standing out there. So just pick or or Special on horse So the girls come in and chefs like freaking out and Austin's freaking out and they come You know it's like hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello Craig hello hello hello hello why am I the one that everyone keeps saying hi to because they can't say hi to anybody else You're standing in between two total douchebags So then

Shep is talking to Brett and he's like, oh, well, that's my ex. I don't really know how to say hello, and he's like, uh Just say hi. He's oh, oh, that's hard. How about I lead with this? Hey Taylor? I'm so really wealthy. How about you? Are you poor again now? No, that's probably not good And Taylor's like, well, I might take off this jacket because I don't want to shake my tail feather. And she takes off her jacket and she's all in black at a daytime cocktail party. And I just feel like Taylor needs help.

Like why is there no one helping Taylor? There's only Olivia. You know, I don't want Olivia. I want Taylor needs some real girlfriends right now. Taylor, Taylor honestly needs to not be on the show for her mental health. I'm so glad she is on the show, but like honestly, she should be in a different city

because shept did such a number on her and I feel generally bad for her. And I'm like, I want her, it's also so fresh to be honest. This is like, I feel like this is also raw and I just want her to have like some space and time to yield, but she's not and she's here and it's going to be a rough road for her I think. So Madison decides to lead a tow. She's like, Hey everyone, I just want to thank you all for coming today.

For those who were born and not born for corn, it's just an honor to have you all here. Bretton and I am like, we're just so lucky to have you here. Bret, you are my dream come true. You're someone who pays for your own meals. You have arms, you have a job. You keep your tongue in your mouth. It's just like, it's just something I never thought I could ever have. Brett, the first man that I've ever dated recently

who's owned a comb and the owner. So that's been fun. I could just cry thinking about it. I could. I'm out, but I could. It's then awesome as like, okay, and if I could say so, I'm just cry thinking about it. I could. I'm out, but I could. Then Austin was like, okay, and if I could say, so I'm just kidding everyone, and then she's like, no. Go.

Go ahead. Go ahead, Austin. I love this scene makes it. Austin's really not being as awkward as they're making it seem like he's being, and that's what's so funny. I love that she's gaslighting him into feeling even worse. You know what I'm saying?

No, I don't have it Austin. He's like, I was kidding. No, really, go into feeling even worse. You know, I said no, he's like I was kidding No, really go ahead. Do it make a solution do it. You can do it. Don't be a pussy make a speech about mate And he's like, okay, well Well cheers that to go Very profound Yeah, I could have cried. I could have just started bowing. Okay, we have some complimentary towels inside. If anyone needs to wipe themselves off after Austin's toast. Okay. Sorry, we should have distributed ponchos first. I'm sorry, but

the work I did not just flash from row that was Austin trying to speak. So. I'm sorry. We did recreate a scene from Ghostbusters with Slumber a bit too intensely there. So go on ahead. You the bathroom is open. So Taylor's talking to Brett and she's like, oh, hey, you guys having fun. You're going to love the gift I got you guys.

I got a lot of these after the breakup and she They unwrapped this huge like green cactus looking you know the ones that like have a little arm It's a huge dildo and Madison's like oh my god. What is this? What is this? I I've never seen one of these before in my life because I'm a good girl now and she says we have a I've never seen one of these before in my life because I'm a good girl now. And she says, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little, we ask for a little am I right? As in, what, where in the world is JD? Remember him on the show? Oh, Samadhi Sun's like, I have never used one of those.

Surprisingly, new Mormon husband. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like, yeah, right. Please. And so she walks off and she's not pleased with Taylor. But she knows enough not to mess with her right now because it is her party and Taylor is visibly a mess. Like there's obviously something wrong with her.

Yes. So then Olivia and Chef Cheers and Chef makes small talk, like how's Mom and Dad and she tells, she's like they moved to Houston so I'm King of the Castle now and he's a house party quick question Could you tell me how to approach Taylor? I'm lost. Oh, yeah, there are people lost by my house Yes, they are literally covered in my dog shit right now. It was so very Listen, okay, so you want to talk to Taylor? Okay, she's in a much better headspace, but don't do the whole hey

It was a fun chapter be at a good time I don't do that bullshit. He's like no, no, no, I'm not gonna do that and she's like right behind them So he's like, oh, okay, here we go. Hey Taylor. God wasn't that a fun chapter relationship. Damn it gosh I knew I'd do that And the encyclopedia that is my life you've been the best chapter And the encyclopedia that is my life, you've been the best chef. Oh dang it! Again. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

A tale of two shitties. So, chef is like- The Craig House page. Oh God, I can't stop talking to my books! Here's my friend, Kirk. He just cut himself. Oh God, Kirk review. Oh, oh God. So Austin's like Austin and Craig are watching this and they're cracking up right and Craig's like come on. Let's get a drink and I was like no, no, no, no, we got to watch from afar. Just stay back here.

We didn't go there. So then Chef and Taylor kind of half-hug and he does the you look great. It's like, um, thank you. And Olivia is telling Craig, uh, oh my god. Well, he's, Craig says, is he asking for advice? What is he doing with you? Did he ask you how to talk to us? Just, well, he wouldn't talking about the weather. So, God, Olivia, like, anything the live you have anything fun and snappy? I don't know. I'm oddly okay with the Olivia this season. I didn't like her last season, but I'm oddly okay with her. I kind of just like her just being like fuck off Greg. So chef is like, so you look great.

Thank you. What's been going on? Nothing. Europe. Oh, where in Europe? Did you see all the books? Ah, and she's like, well, we went to London for you. Damn it. Did you see me, the sorority girls from your chapter? God, wow! Well, we were in London in Paris. Oh, I love London just goes to show never judge a book by its cover Oh So wish you liked better Londoner Paris and she says London and he goes London Oh, cuz of the French language barrier, right? Just no, I just liked London better

Well, I mean you did hate the language barrier part when we weren't just no No, I didn't, chef. You were the one who was big in Spanish and France. I love how quickly this devolved over just like small talk. Oh, oh, suddenly you hate France for different merits than before. That's not fair. But also, it's like he's trying to pretend like he's such a good guy, just trying to make nice, make small talk, but he's demeaning her and being dismissive during his small talk. But he also, remember, you're up, you're such an idiot,

you couldn't even speak any of the languages, so is that why you can't handle London? Right. And then when she was like, um, fuck you, it's I just like London more than he gets defensive. Like, no, because this happened, he goes into like the, the tit for tat thing right away. So then, you hated it when we were on the trip,

I was paying for it. He's just so gross as fucking guy. So then Austin meanwhile is also having a terrible conversation in the Olivia. He's like, so, he just starts off, he just starts off terribly. He's like so. How have you been in the month of December

since I haven't spoken to you? It's like he's the person who walks out and his yard and steps on a rake and gets it right in the face. And yeah, and the movie's like, good. I don't know why he's trying to question him so we're in Christmas and so on. And he's like, okay, well, you could at least text me

that you chose not to and instead you decided to just like thumbs up me when I reached out to say, Hey, Merry Christmas. I was like, wow, wow, that really detailed loving text of, hey, Merry Christmas around Christmas to seem like a decent fucking person. You're lucky. Oh, you got what's a thumbs up, you fuck. But it is kind of hilariously cool just to get a thumbs up to like Merry Christmas. You know, if someone says Merry Christmas, you usually write back Merry Christmas, such just to get a thumbs up. I could like Merry Christmas. You know, if someone says Merry Christmas, you usually write back Merry Christmas such as to give a thumbs up, I support it.

I am not saying this is wrong. I love that Olivia just gave a thumbs up, but that is hilariously cold. So Olivia's like, she's like, well, it was the first time you reach out to me in a very long time and then Craig's watching. She's like, oh my God, Olivia's like not happy. She's literally taking a little poop bag and putting it in a ball. And I think she's going to like literally put it

in his mouth. This is great. Well, I didn't feel the need to respond. And Austin's like, she says, what do you need for me in this moment just to enjoy your day? What do you need? What do you need me to do? And it's like, nothing in this moment, she says, okay, then we can go our separate fucking ways, then. Did you know that dogs shit outside and nobody does anything about it? Goodbye.

Think on that one for a while. I was like, wait a second, how am I holding a bag of shit? God, she's smooth. We're giving her so much credit for even making all these examples of her hypothetically putting it holding a bag of shit? God, she's smooth. We're giving her so much credit for even making all these examples of her hypothetically putting it in a bag because she didn't even do that. No, she just not pulling it that way.

No, I had to put it in a bag honestly because there was no way really to proceed with the joke unless we cleaned it up a little bit because of our joke that she's having dog walking in and shitting on the ground. I can't have her like handing rough easy and putting on people's hands. I have to like, I have to clean it up.

I was like, let's give her some baggies. Let's give her some baggies. Right, I've done it the whole time. I just realized like she's not even that good of a person. Like no matter what you say in this recap about not hating Olivia, I support you, but I will never be okay with her after flinging that shit over the fence.

But I did like the, but I did like the way she kind of just like shut up awesome. She's like, what do you need to be happy? He's like, nothing's bad. She did. I was like, I definitely like her and more of a fuck you Austin place than a faking a relationship of Austin for sure. So Taylor in Shepherd talking still and he's like, she's like, well, I'm glad you're well.

And he goes, you two, good to see you. And so then, um, like, you that side hug, she's like, well, I'm glad you're well. And he goes, you two, good to see you. And so then, I'll make a hug. Did you do that side hug? Light back tap. Light back tap. Tap, tap. So then Austin's like, hey Taylor, how's that?

She goes, I don't know. So sheps it by himself on the on and so far. And he's like, gosh, that was very intense. I mean, her whole demeanor is different from when I've ever known her. I'm like, yeah, because you different from when I've ever known her. I'm like, yeah, because you guys have broken up. You knew her when you were together

and you fucked it up, Chef, and she's mad at you. So she has a different demeanor. That's funny how that works. We were mulliated her on national TV, shock her. Wow, I can't believe somebody would be upset, Chef. But of course he's doing is I'm just so depressed on the couch. Poor, poor fucking Chef. So he's like, so much of the thing she said So he's like, so much better than I said.

They were just derisive towards me. I'm educated, for a rite of, I don't know, I just feel responsible. And that makes me really sad. You are responsible. You are. You're not fucking sad. Get out of here.

If you were sad, you just wouldn't come back. You would just say gone. Yeah, you know. So now the 10th cut away of the pianist and Brett and Craig are standing by the bar, and Craig's like, wow, it says a lot that the least awkward conversation of the day were Austin and Madison and you, Brett, right?

And Brett's like, Brett's like, just like, Brett, like literally has zero personality and wants to speak to none of these people like he doesn't say it Does he say two things? I think he said one line the whole show so then Levin chef are talking and we it's cutting kind of back and forth So then we see Taylor talking to Rodrigo and Rodrigo's like so you guys talking

She goes yeah, and his whole conversation is about himself feeling better like I fuck so many people I cheated on you so many times, I'm just gonna make myself feel better about being nice to you, isn't that nice? And Austin standing there, like trying to turn away, but then coming back, but then going away, but then doing that, like I'm just so awkward. I didn't, I actually, I'm not defending Shep,

but I did not get, I actually did not get that vibe from the conversation. The vibe was just like, oh, we're at a party and it would be weird if we don't talk to each other. So we're gonna try to talk to you and I'm gonna try to be, we'll try to be a civil as best I can, but she's just so, she's so mad. But how many times does he try to be civil

when they're not in front of cameras? I think it's her point. It's like, oh, here we are. Shep has to come, act like, oh, wow. That's true. Well, that's true. It's my chef, you know, when he just fucking humiliated And Chef has to come, act like, oh, wow. That's true. Well, that was in me. It's my chef. You know, when he just fucking humiliated me all over the place

and didn't do shit, but travel the world and fuck more random horses. So then Chef is toasting to experiencing new things, taking chances, taking risks. Oh, I'm feeling sad because I feel like I heard Taylor. So then Taylor's like, she's like, I don't wanna play into it. I mean, you cheated me 10 fold and I knew some of it.

I don't know, some of you knew about all you man, all you stupid man from Southern Charm and Austin's like, what? What? I had no idea what you're talking about. I had no idea about any girl. That's insane right now. I'm like, oh shut up, you knew about all of it.

She's totally right. Of course she did. And Taylor'm like, I was shut up, you knew about all of it. She's totally right. Of course she did. And Taylor's like, oh, well, he fucked some random girl and he goes, I have no idea. Who? Who them? And she's like, he also fucked that girl in California. So it makes me think that our whole relationship,

he was cheating on me. Yeah. I mean, yeah, of course. And Austin's like, well, the thing that you're talking about never happen to My knowledge And she's like well, what about Craig calling you about me? What about that? And so then we see the clip of Andy saying chef you were caught trying to kiss one of levis employees

What's up with that and chef being like Craig can speak to that. I don't remember. I was drunk. So Taylor's telling us that Craig was basically sitting on information that he could have shared with her, but he didn't have the balls to come and tell her. And he just was sitting there with a, and now he's there at the party with a smile on his face. And he should wipe that smile, wipe that smile off the face before I wipe it off of you.

Like, and by the way, Craig can hear all this because Taylor's making sure that she's making a scene, right? She's saying all of this loudly so that everybody can hear this, which, you know, you go, go to a fucking way to go to an opening episode part and just riffing, shept down, you know? So I'm like, yes, I'm cringing,

because I'm like, oh God, she's like, she's not stable enough to be here, but the other side of me is like, kill him all. You know, give her a flame thrower. So Craig goes over to Chef and he's like, Chef, Taylor's over there yelling both of our names. Like Jesus Christ, let it fucking go. About what?

The whole trio, the whole thing, like I was the one who stopped, the whole Mia thing., I was the one who stopped, the whole Mia thing. Like, I was the one who stopped that, okay? I never laughed at it. And she was like, don't, don't, don't, don't bring that up and don't like feed my brain that she's like freaking out. And she goes, well, what do you want me to lie to you? I wouldn't be the first, the room be the first time.

So Taylor's like, I'm sorry, I found out multiple things while we were dating and he just doesn't even care. So now she's telling Craig like, ah, I was not Mr. Cheat Guy, you know me? I mean, yeah, I'm a weak man when it comes to other women. Garsh, but it wasn't like I was like, hey, she's gone. Come on over. Oh, actually I did do that like five or six times, so. But I didn't do that on camera.

Come on! And Taylor's like, I mean like with you and Olivia, it's not like you or six times, so. But I did anyway. Okay, I'm wrong. Come on. And Taylor's like, I mean, like with you and Olivia, it's not like you cheated on her multiple times. And I told her, Chef cheated on me multiple times. Austin didn't do that to you at least. Thelma. And Austin's like, okay, you can stop now. You can stop.

Shh. Okay, quatch. Indoor voices. Indoor voices. Yeah, make me look mad. Indoor and he make me look mad. Yeah, it's, indoor voices, indoor voices. Indoor and it makes me shabby. Yeah, that just makes me look bad here. And Craig is still going off. Like, she's over there saying,

I found out that he cheated on me so many times and he did this and I'm like, you're not even together anymore. And like if he did, like if he, if every event we go to, she's gonna be talking shit about how you cheated on her, I'm gonna be like, get over it. Like what?

Why don't you say we're not dating. I don't care anymore. I tried to be nice, but I don't owe you shit. That's right. I'm a cragg. Fucking classy ass craggie game. But also says cragg who's like, oh Taylor, just get over it. Says craggie, who was dumped by Naomi

and spent at least two seasons moping about it and then remoked about it last season. Okay, so I don't want to hear him talk about getting over shit. He had to be around her, started having a fucking fit about it, shut up, Craig. He was the original tailor, let's be honest, okay? So now they're passing out these little cakes and Olivia's talking about how her parents have moved to Austin, up to Houston and so she wants to throw a big part in everything and crack something, crack, it's like,

oh, that'll be by the way. So like, Paige has like no Charleston friends. So she wants to like, can I bring her over? So you guys can hang out because there's like a shelf on my pool and you can like sit on it. And it's like it's for kids, but kids you want a tan, I think. And Olivia's like, yeah, we're just talking about that.

Like, we don't even know her. And he's like, yeah, well, it's good no one's had a chance to hang out yet. So we cut back to Austin and he's like, uh, shepherd, can we get out of here please? Cause I'm gonna get Craig. I'll get Craig. You could just, it's just like you could tell,

like, oh, it's about to, it's about to go down. We feel it, we don't, we've been on the show long enough, it's time to get out of here. They have kept the women we've broken up with. You know, and they should know better right now. Like this show loves the fucking drama. They think they're gonna be able to just like break up with these girls and be able to move on.

No, they are going to get full season contracts. You fucking idiot. Welcome to karma. So Olivia's like, so Craig would page like us? I mean, would you want to even hang out? Yeah, I mean, are you open to socializing on beds? Like, would you want to spend like all day on a bed? Because I think that would be like a really good bonding opportunity for you guys. And let's see. So Craig, Austin's trying to get him to leave, right?

And he's like, well, I'm not a second. He's like, but time is on, time is on. And so Craig's like, well, now we decided 70% of the time we're gonna be here and 30% there, which they did not decide. No one said we saw. I don't think that's the truth. And Taylor's like, you know's like, well, obviously,

I missed our friendship and we're open to that, but I will say, it's an I will say, and I will say with a colon in the South, this is not gonna go well. From my perspective, the way that you approach our breakup, that was really shitty Craig. And when the breakup happened and we went our separate ways, I'm not even kidding you.

And Craig is like a tailor and she's like, I'm not, I'm not even best friends with Madison and she texted me and he's like, well, no one did anything but him and I'm the one who stopped it. She's like, but he texted me and she said, are you okay? And that's Madison, that is Satan's daughter. And he's like, Austin's just like, oh no. Oh, Jesus. I mean, then you called Austin the day after and laughed about, Chef trying to cheat on me. You laughed about it. No, Austin, did I ever laugh about Chef cheating on on Taylor? And yes, you did. Tell him, tell him Austin. He's like, he laughed at Shep's behavior. Yeah, because he's like a clown.

You laughed about it! And you know, Craig's like, oh shit. Should have left one awesome so we should leave. Yeah, and he's like, I don't want to raise my voice. And she said, but you thought it was hilarious, didn't you? And Madison's like, can we not do this here? This is a very classy rented hat. Are this a very classy borrowed house? This is a very classy borrowed house.

Okay, we got something borrowed and take or something blue and get the fuck out of here. And I got to see by the way, there's a waiter, the sick of waiter who's like there, and he's like, his eyes are going back and forth. You can see he's like, okay, Darren, you can do this. Memorize everything and tell your friends later. You can do this.

This will be you, will be the star of the group tonight. Come on, Memorize Darren. So Austin's like, I want to get out of here. That's why I want to leave when you say shit, when you linger shit happens. And Taylor's like, do you realize how shitty that is? I mean, we used to be friends, dude. Didn't the guys last year, well, at least Austin did,

told you would a piece of shit, what piece of shit was all year. Why are you acting like nobody? I mean, look, I'm still on her side, but I don't know about yelling at the guy's friends. piece of shit, what piece of shit was all year? Why are you acting like nobody? I mean, look, I'm still on her side, but I don't know about yelling at the guy's friends. Shit, this is one of those. Yeah, this is one of those.

You know, now Craig is acting like a piece of shit too right now, and I'm saying all of this before Craig starts publicly yelling at a woman at a party. So. Yeah, this is like, I don't know, I mean, I guess, I don't know, I don't know, I think it's a tricky thing when friends break up.

It's like, do you text the ex? Do you not text the ex? It depends on your relationship or whatever. I definitely was in a situation once when I was younger when I had a friend and he broke up with a school friend. And then she called up and was like, well, I hope that we can still hang out. And I literally told her, I was like, yeah,

but I don't think I can, because I think I'm on his side. So I said something like, I'm his friend. I'm not allowed to. And then she got so mad at me, which understandable. It's kind of big. But I also feel like actually in retrospect, kind of direct. But it was also one of those things

like I was friends with the guy first. And then I met you. I don't know what expectation there is here. It's gonna be tricky. Yeah. It can be tricky also because didn't Craig out. Chef last year about something else besides just the me a thing. They were at that. Remember when they went out of town to move Austin stuff out of his parents house,

his parents were moving or whatever. So they all went on a guy's trip to move the stuff out. And then they went out and Shep was at the bar talking to that girl and then Craig outed him for that. So I don't know that he went directly to Taylor, but I think he did out-shep to the group for that, right? Am I remembering right? It's, I really, I think so.

I mean, it's hard, because again, we don't know, I don't really know Craig and Taylor's relationship because maybe they did have a really shipper, they like talked and shared. And then it is kind of fucked up. And it just does, it also speaks, yeah, I can't tell. I can't tell if Craig is fucked up here or if Taylor is just like very raw and just kind of like lashing out it. Yeah, I think it's close to the shit.

I think it's part of that too, because there's not too, because you're not really using your rational mind. Like right now she's just like, fuck all of you. He's like that and you guys support him being like that. Which, I mean, just boiled down to that simple phrase. That's true. That's fair. That's true. But I do think though, like, actually, Craig is like,

your mad at Shep, you're yelling at me, but you're really mad at Shep. I think that's kind of true too. And so, so Craig is like, mad at shop. You're yelling at me, but you're really mad at shop. I think that's kind of true too. And so, so Craig is like, she's like, I don't care. We used to be good friends with you, and I haven't heard from you or talked to you after the whole break up, and you didn't even talk to me because you're my friend's girlfriend.

He's my friend. But that's like, he's a fucked up woman, human being. And he's like, so Olivia is like, uh. Okay. Come on, yeah. But that's a big deal. He's a fucked up homie, human being. And he's like, so Olivia is like, uh, okay. Come on Taylor. Come on Taylor. Come on. And Madison goes, go get her. For sure, she pulls another rubber dick out of her purse.

She, I don't even know if she really said that or if I just wrote it. Oh. Go on and get her. So Taylor is like, he cheated on me. And Craig is like, I can't tell you that. You're mad at him, not me. And she's just like, wait a minute, don't take me. There's a simple solution.

Just don't take me. Just, oh, and now he can just sit over there and laugh about it too. And Austin's like, oh, geez. And Craig says you're deflecting for the fact that she hurt you, not anyone else. Yeah, so she was like, sheap doesn't give a shit and it makes me hurt

that you don't give a shit. I think the only person who gave a shirt, the shit, the shit, I'm sure that I was hurt, was Austin and obviously Olivia too, because well, she doesn't really give shit. She sort of flings them over her fans. You know what I'm saying. And Craig is like,

Olivia, you're not getting it. She's just to say, Taylor, the only person that gives you shit about is Austin. No, he doesn't. And for you to believe that is just ridiculous. Austin's only interest in you is trying to get one up on shop. And I think that's been, they've had this thing going since day one, Austin will not treat you well either.

He will treat you like shit as well. Don't fall for that. I think what sort of bothers me, not bothers me, but makes me sad for Taylor is that she's expressing hurt and disappointment towards Craig, which I actually, whatever, whether it's inappropriate or not, who knows, I get it, I understand why she's hurt, but there's also an implication, I'm mad at you.

It's almost like she wants to still be friends with him or something, I'm mad at you and I's almost like she's like, like she wants to still be friends with him or something. Like, I'm mad at you and I'm expressing this because I miss her, she says I miss our friendship. And it's kind of like, but these guys are, like these guys are a boys club and they cover for each other just like we saw in Vanderpump rules.

And they, at the end of the day, their loyalty is only towards each other. And you, like, I just want her to seek friendship and support from just different people than these two, like rather than fighting for like recapturing what used to be with Craig, because it's never gonna, it's never gonna fulfill her the way she wants to be fulfilled. French boys. Yeah, so they're basically yelling at each other. She's like, he's a piece of shit.

And he's like, he don't even know what I did trying to stop him making out with that waitress and so he's like screw you And if he ever worked for me, he would have slept with that fucking girl. I should have let him and I was like Oh geez Craig Can Craig just have one season where he can like control himself and not start screaming at a woman? What the fuck dude? Yeah, so he leaves and start, as he leaves, Taylor goes, what about your girl cheating on you? And Madison's like, no, Tyler, you can't say that. Don't say that.

Don't say that. So now, did Paige cheat on Craig? No, I don't think so. I don't see that in Craig. Like, you're embarrassing yourself. Why not? I wouldn't believe it. I don't know.

I just wouldn't, I also wouldn't believe that Taylor would be the one to know. I don't know. That's true. Um, so Craig's like you're embarrassing yourself. Papadu, papadu, tuti. Ha. Don't we get like a shot of everyone's face?

It's like this is what. Craig's done. She's doing, that's what she's doing. That's what she's doing. That's what Olivia's thinking. And then Craig just walks down the drive alone. He's like, ow, as shit is flung at his head. And that brings us to the end of the show. Yeah.

And Tom, everybody. Thank you so much for being here, everyone. What a delight. So fun to have this show back with all its terrible men. We're looking forward to full season of making fun of them. Super fun show, we will be back next time guys, talk to you later. Bye. Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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