Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm: Cocky Mountain Lie

Episode Date: July 19, 2019

The Southern Charm gang heads to Colorado for a classic Craig breakdown and a Whitney denial. Enjoy! To hear this week's premium bonus breakdown of this week's Southern Charm NOLA, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Season One Camille" "Demoted to Friend Of" and "Resting Honnay Face!" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Cleveland, Baltimore, Charlotte, Nashville, Carrboro, Richmond, Ft. Lauderdale, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, Ft Lauderdale, Atlanta and NYC! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Watch what I've been doing. Kids, what happens, what happens? So what happens, what happens? Kids, what happens? It's for what new children have. Kids, what happens, what happens? So much that happens. I'm Ronny Care, I'm also on the Roseprix Bachelor roast, and here I am with my GOOGES! And talented co-host and bestie, Mr. Ben Mandelker, of the Real House field research and go to the south. I'm in Virginia right now. How are you liking the over there? It is hot and humid. I just saw my very first ever Harris teeter,

which was exciting. I was like, what's a Harris teeter? And I saw it look like it was a pharmacy type thing. So that was exciting. I just got by the way, this is not very southern, this is more European. I just got myself a strupe waffle McFlurry from McDonald's. Oh, how are your teeth feeling? Wonderful, it is delicious. And I realized it was actually the first time I ever got myself a McFlurry. So it was like a lot of things are happening like Virginia.

Wow, life is changing down here for me. Well, I can't believe you got that on Southern Charm Day right after matured Naomi about diabetes. I know I was trying to push matured out of my head. I was like, no, matured, you were not allowed to scold me for my McFlurry right now. That is not right. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me I will never do better than my tool. Yes. But I also felt like I was doing some advanced research because I had a layover in the Charlotte airport. And it's so funny because just in like what, like eight weeks, we're going to be doing,

we'll be in Virginia and North Carolina all over again. Well, what the hell? Okay. So let's get on that live show. So next week is going to be a really fun week for us. We're going to Cleveland, and Baltimore and Cleveland. We're gonna do the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Final reunion and then in Pittsburgh that one sold out. We're doing Real Housewives of New York and then in Baltimore Still tickets. We're gonna be doing

Southern John which is gonna be a great episode to do live that episode looks lit Kids say what it looks lit. Well, looks lit. It's the kids thing. It looks lit. Whoa. Yeah. Then here is the schedule starting in September. We're going to Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta, and Atlanta, Carbrow, Richmond, Fort Lauderdale,

Indianapolis, Chicago, Chicago, New York, New York, St. Louis, Philadelphia, Philadelphia, and Seattle, Washington. So go get your tickets for all those at watchupcrapins.com. You can also find links to our shirts, merch, stuff like that. We've got three different shirts up. We've got a demoted to friend of shirt, and we've got a season one cameo shirt,

and a resting ha-na-ing face shirt. So go get those. And that's also where you'll find links to crap and zon demand over on patreon. And we do two videos a week. This week we did Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the other one we did this week. The Lodiac Mad I think. Yeah. So you can find those over on our patreon and our discord server. That's like a private server for all of the Patreon double little chat room stats to go over there.

And I think that's pretty much it for that today. Yeah. And you know, I was going to say, you know, I complained earlier that when we talked about our demoted to friend of T-shirt that, you know, you could have been saying in honor of Miss Vicki Gunnelson, well, now we can say in honor of Miss Curie Duber, it's been demoted to Friend of Andalus. Oh yeah. So look, we've already solved that problem. In honor of Curie Dubor, demoted to Friend of. So there you go everybody, go support those people. Yeah. So here we are with Southern Charm, Rachel of the Lava, original Vava. with southern charm. Reginald, play the original play.

Hosted by Lisa at the pump. I would just like to say at the beginning of this bop-up duop, previously, Lisa and the pump was betrayed. So the episode opens up, I think really as appropriately as it ever could, which is chef walking around a vacant lot waving to Cameron from afar. I was like, that's pretty much a visual metaphor of his life, right? Yes, that's inner voice and empty lot with some tires in the yard.

Just like some scra- craggie grass and pebbles and mud and weird pests and perhaps a gator, you know, and you just walk around it. Hey, listen, there's no better land to build on than a marsh slash swamp, okay? That's what I say. If you're looking for a new land to build your home on, make sure that it's covered in water and mud. Okay. Yeah.

You know, as we all know, marsh lands make for the best foundations for very large buildings. Yeah, sounds like a great plan. The editors really fucked me on this one, because I, they started with this music. And I was like, okay, it's a Chelsea scene. It's like Chelsea petting her dog, because that is Chelsea theme music. Whenever, whenever it sounds like cousins are fucking in the woods and like the raping Ned Bayley, okay, that's Chelsea music. But yeah, I mean, it was chef. Chef going on a walk about they call it that the Charleston walk about was when you veer off the highway and walk near the marsh and get ticks.

Guitar dingles, chef in the marsh tires in the yard. That's my first note for this scene. So basically, chef bought this lot of land. He had been talking about it on a previous episode. He bought 3.5 acres for 900,000, which I don't know if that's a good deal or not, but he's really proud of it. And Cameron, of course, she comes to check out the lot of land because she's a busy body and she loves checking up what what Shep is doing. And of course, she's like, I would never invest in this land ever. And she's like do you know what flood land this is she's asking all these questions to try and stump him she's like yeah what's the buildable area? I said buildable that's right. Okay what flood land is this in?

Oh God you got you. Whatever you know I've read the Zillow ad. Okay. Yeah, I only had to get rid of one ancient indigenous people, graveyard, a build here should be fine. Garsh. It's like, it's sort of out of the way, but you can go to dinner downtown at 18 minutes, possibly with the Native American ghost. There was an old cat that was buried here, and I got rid of it. And ever since then, big crack keeps coming over to my house, looking all sweaty and strange. I don't know that this is going to work out for chef. Being 18 minutes from downtown, we've been in that Charleston traffic.

It is no joke, okay? Yeah. And Shep has used to walking right outside his door and just finding free Poussaisais wherever he is. And that's not going to happen in the marsh, sir. Yeah, it's also annoying to have to drive 18 minutes with no traffic just to get a dinner. Yeah, also I'm reading this book right now called Where the Craw Dad Seeing. Because it's literature and I'm an extremely intelligent person and it's about this little girl Who grows up all alone in the marsh and so it's all about marshland and she's like the marsh girl and they all make fun of her and Torture her and stuff. So that's all I can think of you know He's thinking you know, I'm gonna have a mansion and I'm like you live in a marsh marsh girl

I'm reading it's funny. I started reading a a book called where did you go Bernadette? Have you read that? No, but I've been asking that question and then someone was like she's on Hulu, she's on some ballet show and I was like oh thank god Bernadette's back. So the reason why I got it is because we were in the airport on one of our trips recently and this book was on the thing and on the shelf. And I was like, you know, I don't read anymore. This is terrible.

I need to read a book. And first of all, it's written by a woman who was a writer on a TV show that I was like a PA for years and years ago. So I was like, oh my god, Maria's simple. And then second of all, it's now being adapted into a major motion picture with Cape Lanshet and Cape Lanshet was on the cover. I was like, this is a sign, I have to get this. It's called, where are you going,

Bernadette with Cape Lanshet, and someone I used to work for, I was like, I'm getting it. So I'm gonna get a book and then I find out it's gonna be made into a movie. It makes me so mad. I'm like, I just read this book. I could have saved myself the time. Now I have to sit through this again.

Now this is making me so excited to see Cape Lanshets version because it's basically a woman. It's, it's, I'm only a hundred pages in, but like it's more or less about a woman named Bernadette who lives in Seattle and she hates it. And like every like ten pages or so, she has this like, Ronnie Caram's dollar rant about Seattle that I'm like, well, I'm reading them like I have to send to Serrani. Like Ronnie has to read this because she'll be like, what's the deal with all these intersections in the cell? I'm like, this is so Ronnie. Okay, I'll look at it. That sounds good. I need a new book like that because I'd love those, you know, cranky old lady. Delora's lateburned. She's keep landch head aged. Oh, I just mean like cranky lady. Maybe I maybe I specify because I don't mean to mean to Francis McDorma, either. Okay. No, I

know. I mean, it's that. It's anyways. It's burning that he's like, oh, what's up with Seattle? Why do people keep asking about burned that? Gosh, no one cares about her. She's white trash. So they start gossiping, which is whatever he leads to on these shows. And he's like, whoa, Colorado, huh? I hear there's hot springs, but I can't go, I can't go skiing, because I tore my ACL riding a mechanical, whoa, gosh! And then we see the clips of that and by the way and right before speaking of his knee right before that when they're looking around

the lot Kim goes there's a gayer and he's like oh he starts to run away and he goes my knee my knee and it wasn't a gator it was just Ashley sitting on a monster truck tire like it was jump feed. Jump feed. It was Ashley's son, telling me. It's Ashley recreating the poster for wild things, just coming out of the water slowly. It's a game in a fedora from Hobby Lobby.

The water just streaming off the sides of the fedora, like a little waterfall. So obvious. It's like a little waterfall. So, openess. It's like a frog on top of her head. Okay. So, it's frogger. Frogger. This is this is the origin story to frogger. This is why frogger is trying to get over across that road. So desperately, it's like, I was on Ashley, I need to get out of here. So then we covered to Naomi and Mitchell, and possibly the most in raging scene I've sat through

on Southern Charmin a long time and this is following an Ashley episode. So there you go, Mitchell. Thanks a lot. Thanks for triggering me, Mitchell. The tool, the tool. I'm like, I've been trying. I've been, I'm trying real hard because you know, like we full disclosure we met Mitchell. Okay, we met, we met Mitchell. We had, we, we, we, we, like, I thought he was like super nice, you know like we full disclosure we met Mitchell okay we met we met Mitchell we had we we we we like I thought he was like super nice you know but Mitchell this is not the we've Mitchell this is not your medium material okay don't come on TV it's not translating there's some triggers for us okay and one of our biggest triggers is when men on bravo tell women what they shouldn't shouldn't eat.

Okay. And like I'm talking about Mike Shuhead on Shaza Sunset telling MJ she's not allowed to have a chocolate croissant. Okay. We remember these things. Okay. I'm a tool. So like you may be thinking these things, think them and keep them inside.

Okay. Because sometimes the lady needs to eat. And by saving your widowspeak because you still have five o'clock shadow of your widow speak so stop it okay there's nothing wrong with the widow speak I had one Eddie Munster had one it's fine okay be proud of your widow speak and stop diabetes shaming people yes because basically Niamhem the tool go to um I work hard for this diabetes dammit you're not gonna take it away from me it's like the thing is as we know as diabetes we know these things are diabetes I mean I'm, you're not gonna take it away from me. It's like the thing is, we know it's diabetes. We know these things are diabetes.

I mean, I'm telling you, I am literally, I, my body is shaking from the struplothal mix that I had 30 minutes ago, okay. My body is shaking just from hearing struplothal, okay. I hear a struplothal mix flurry and my whole body started eating itself. It was like, mm-hmm.

Yeah, like it's, like we know, we know. and my whole body started eating itself. It was like, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, like it's like, we know. We know. We don't need to be reminded, Mitchell. Okay. That's what we're saying. Good. So they show up to get breakfast together and they're both wearing matching camel trench coats, which is really good. Look, they're both really fancy inspector gadgets

this morning. And she's like, yeah, wow, you copied every single part of my outfit. Wow. And they have that kind of lilythcrain way of talking to each other. It's just like being kind of rude to kind of start getting each other. Yeah, they're like, yeah, they're sarcastic or whatever. Which, look, I'm a sarcastic person. Guess what? It leads to throwing vases during your real fight. I'm just warning you right now. That's what it turns into. I'm never sarcastic person guess what it leads to throwing vases during a real fight I'm just warning you right now. That's what it turns into I'm never gonna have flowers again because I know what's gonna happen If I ever get another sarcastic person to date vases thrown

Is this true is this a true story you had a vase fight? I Did have a I got some matter through a vase one time which I'm embarrassed to admit because that's disgusting And I'm not that kind of person. I'm not very violent. I'm more matter through a vase one time, which I'm embarrassed to admit, because that's disgusting, and I'm not that kind of person. I'm not very violent. I'm more of a sit, I'm more of a sit in kind of a protester. If I'm mad, I'm more of a passive aggressive Southern lady, you know, where I'll just sit down and be angry until someone figures out why. I like to think of myself like a sitting puzzle,

like a, like a poppazon chair, you know, like how is that thing staying on the base? It's so angry. But yeah, I know you're so shady. You know why you're so shady? Because years ago when Matt Woodfield was on the show, he told a story about how he got kicked out of the app because he threw a drink at someone and we laughed and laughed and laughed at him. And you never once said, well, that's okay. I went through a vase. Well, that's different. Trying to drink is that someone's that's someone's sustenance. I would never do.

I would never throw any food. I would never throw calories of another person. This is just a vase. And I just felt like very war of the roses because those sarcastic fights can turn into really mean horrible fights. Yeah. Before you know what you're lying under a chandelier with Kathleen, Kathleen Turner dying. Because my mother one of you could just talk it out. You know what the truth is that sarcasm. Sarcasm is like it's it's a low form of comedy. So there. Fuck off.

It was that sarcastic. See what it just led to? We just wrote that. Meanwhile we're like sarcastic every single day on this show Okay, so she's like I'm gonna have an egg sandwich and he's like oh, I don't eat carbs And so like well, but look there's rice cakes and he's like that is diabetes and saran wrap don't do it Yeah, but I want it. He's like no put it down. I was like, okay, you're, I'm done with you. Yeah, he was definitely not being a yes and person at the Delhi. He was definitely being like no, but he was like,

that's diabetes, high blood pressure, diabetes, diabetes, high blood pressure. I was like, Matool, I mean, just let her have a ho-ho, okay, just it's fine. She'll spend a little more time on the treadmill tonight. Yeah, so I felt the whole country just turn on Matool. just let her have a ho ho, okay? Just it's fine. Should we spend a little more time on the treadmill tonight? Yeah. So I felt the whole country just turned on the tool. So I feel like we should be nice to the tool because you know, the country's probably like picketing outside his medical practice right now, or the hospital or whatever.

Yeah, exactly. I was like, when the tools are doing that, I was like, uh oh, you have just lost the audience. And so now they sit down with their food, and Naomi's talking about going to Aliasa's and skeet shooting and tools like, oh, did you hit the clay pigeon? And she's like, yeah.

And he just like, it sort of look like girlfriend. I don't think so. Yeah, he looks at her like she's a Rice Krispies treat. He's like, woo. Yeah, exactly. He's like she's a Rice Krispie street. He's like, yeah, exactly. He's like, um, diabetes in the air. He's not like that. Like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Um, so yeah, he's not into it.

And she's like, I talked to Cameron yesterday, and he's like, ah, like rolls his eyes again at her. Yeah. And he's like, you know what? I just don't understand people who gossip that much or feed off drama. Ehh. said he's like, you know what? I just don't understand people who gossip that much or feed off drama. Ehh! And she's like, people say that.

I do too. I'm sorry, I hate that. I hate that. I mean, yes, gossip is not a virtuous thing, but like, I guess, I just feel like, like, I just, I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't understand people that don't understand people

that gossip that much. Yeah, like what do you want to talk about? Would you rather talk about the news? Is that more fun for you? No. And also good luck living in the South because guess what the South is built on? Other people's work.

But also gossip, okay? Yeah, gossip. Exactly. So then Naomi's like, Matool has literally never talked badly about anyone and he was up to such a high standard, but sometimes I just want to talk shit. Yeah, and also he did just say a bad thing about people. It was generalized, but it was still a bad thing.

He's talking shit about people talking shit, which is talking shit, so boom. Yeah, so then he's like, well, she's like, my main point in all of this is I'm not going on the trip. So I'm like the girlfriend of the year because I respect your opinions. And he's like, um, no, honey, that's like a normal relationship. Congratulations. Welcome. We're an adult relationship. It's crazy over here. I'm like, you know what, my tool, I think you should just say thanks. I just say thanks. Okay. No need to like shame her like, you know, just say thank you. Okay. Yeah, thank you for putting your job in jeopardy for me. Like thank you for putting your job in jeopardy that you already had before you met me

for me because this but not going down a cast trip is putting your job in jeopardy for you and that's fucking ridiculous. You should have been like, this is your job, go and be, if Craig gives you any trouble, call me and I'll send someone to kill him. Okay, that's what you say to be supportive. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, again, I actually like my tool. And I'm not even just saying that just from again, because we met him and there's some sort of bias there, but I actually, I've liked him this season, but I do think it was, I thought it was a pretty haughty conversation.

Yeah, this was not a good scene for my tool. So then we go over to Craig's, I'm a literature look, whoa, ow, archaic. So I just put his screensaver on the TV LOL. He's like, look, it's isolated. What was it? It's that look, it's ice layers. It's that Apple That Apple TV screen saver. You know where it's like now it's Iceland now It's Greenland and you're like why is everything on here so gorgeous, you know, and then you look around your house and it's crap

Craig probably thinks he has a private feed from the iMac's corporation. Look, it's amazing. I can watch iMac's movies without having to go to iMac's theaters. Look. I'm Fishing Press. He doesn't have a screen saver. It's just all of Naomi's Instagram feed. He probably, you know, because before Apple TV's had that like beautiful, those beautiful sort of like landscape things with a slow moving drone. Everyone's Apple TV was pretty much just photos, right? It was either like photos of like polar bears or like your personal thing. And I would think that it would have been pictures

of him and Naomi. I went to a friend's house and every single photo on their Apple TV screen saver was my friend and his boyfriend kissing. I was like, oh, gross. I have never seen such an obnoxious display. Like over and over and over again, just kissing here. Oh, here we are. And here we are. And here we are. And we're kissing in every single photo. I'm like, you're really making it, subjecting us to this screen saver right the TV it's the polar bear every time it's a fucking polar bear and it's that's a trigger to me So I'm like stop that shame stop die beady shaving me. I'm like standing there with a rice crispy street

Yeah, yeah exactly and by the way, and where are you where are you burning dead or whatever it's called The whole thing is that they're going to Antarctica on a family trip. And she's upset because the whole of there's not going to be there. Look at all these full circles, everybody. I really think I'm back to Bernadette. So anyway, it's a work Craig's house. The reason why he's, quote unquote, cleaning up, aka, moving three pillows around, is because his friend Jerry is coming over. And Jerry is a friend from college.

They went to school together and they've been friends for 12 years. So Jerry is basically Craig's mature who comes over because Jerry is just like the tool is to make a Craig's Naomi. Because he's like, what are you doing Craig? That's stupid Craig. Oh, you're not even a Craig. I'm like, oh my God, you guys are both living parallel lives. You know, she's getting it down to the breakfast shop and you're getting it in your own home. But this guy's also like Whitney.

I mean, the truth is that Craig obviously gravitates towards people like Whitney and Chef who are just like a little bit more self-possessed and just, you know, just like treat him like shit. Like that's who he is drawn to, right? Because this guy comes in and Craig is like, look, Jerry, I wanna show you how different, how far I've come since the fraternity house.

And Jerry's like, oh, it still looks like a fraternity house, Craig, but. Yeah, it's like his your TV big enough. Ah. Yeah. Craig's like, um, so Jerry is really great. And he, um, he has his own sports agency and DC and like You know like when I thought of where I'd be at 31 that's like where Jerry is so I don't know

So I'm gonna kill him and steal his life He's like down. He's like trying to knock him out with some with a fucking axe like a misery So Jerry's like wow you're even still living with mini Craig. It's like you never left the frat house Craig Stupid he's like you want some water. He's like yeah, I'm like a glass of stupid. Oh, it's delivered already. Hi Craig I am not surprised that jury has his own like sports agency because he seems like every awful sports agent in Jerry McGuire, right? Because they're sitting around in a living room and Sean, the roommate's like, so Craig is still doing the vampire stuff. I wake up at like what I am and he's sewing his pillows and Jerry's like, is he bullshitting or is he serious? You're making pillows? I'm gonna send a quarterback now and Craig's like well like so last year when no No, me and I broke up I started to so cuz like I had no outlet for my rage

So I started sewing pillows like that pillow right next to you. That's my pillow and then he spills a drink all over the table Sure, it's like oh Possibly you said a pillow you can't even keep your drink up right Oh, oh, oh, I'm supposed to believe you said a pillow. You can't even keep your drink up right now. Yeah, I'm crazy. Idiot. Yeah, it was, I mean, it was a hilarious moment because it was so Craig, of course.

You would spill his drink while trying to present his pillows. But the fact that like, Jerry is like, like, in Jerry's mind, you cannot sew a pillow if you're, if you happen to spill a drink. It's hilarious. But the, the funniest part is that Craig is drink, it's hilarious. But to me, the funniest part is that Craig is like, oh no, and he goes to find paper towels and Sam is just looking and he's like, why is remote still in the spill?

He's laughing that Craig's instinct is not to take the electrical equipment out of the liquid. Well, and you wanna stick up for Craig because he's Craig, you know, and he's like a little dried out puppy that you just want to help. But yeah, then Craig's just staring at the remote control. And Jerry is like, are you going to clean that up? Maybe she goes to the paper towels, Craig, and he's like, oh, yeah, all right.

So then Sean's like, well, I've heard someone on Facebook said that Sean has the twin voice of Craig, which is kind of hilarious because it's true. And I never noticed that. But thank you Facebook, think Facebook commenter because that shit's hilarious. So Sean's like, yeah, well I've heard enough about his sewing. Like, you know, he's always had his inner seam stress. And he's like, oh yeah, that's the I remember in college. Craig

sewing all the time. I mean, come on, didn't even sew this beyond. Is he just sewing this? I like that, like that Jerry is just like unable to process the notion that Craig could do something as simple as sew two squares of fabric together and stuff them, you know. So Craig is like, Craig's after he cleans up the spill, Craig starts to give a tour of all his pillows and he like pulls up one that says Penelope and has a little pocket and he's like, so if you name your baby Penelope, you just put the tooth right in here. And he's like, who's Penelope and he goes the baby that we and Naomi never had. Somewhere Penelope and Madison Marie Parks, Valata are playing up in. It's not even baby heaven. It's like baby,

like theoretical purgatory or something. He's like, well, I talked about pillows and people started asking me for pillows. So like right now we have over a hundred orders. Like you still have the same order amount that you had the first time you talked about this, people started asking me for a pillow. So, but right now we have over a hundred orders. Like you still have the same order amount that you had the first time you talked about this, which in your time is probably like two months ago. Yeah, exactly.

And then he's like, well, I mean, how do I fill these orders? What can I do? I'm like, how about you start sewing? Okay, do five pillows in one day, which I think is probably doable. It's a square. It's a square crack. It's a rectangle.

Even if you do two pillows a day, so that's 50 days, that's like six weeks, you can do it. That's the most conservative. You can do it. Okay, that is a conservative estimate. At five pillows a day, that's going to be 20 days, that's like two and a half, three weeks. Okay, correct. You can do it. So Craig's like, well you're a business guy so like I just wanted your opinion on it and stuff and you're just like, okay, look my honest opinion, take yourself out of the sewing process, Craig.

Okay, remove yourself. What do you want pillows stained with iced tea all over the place? No one's gonna buy that Craig. Here's how to have a successful business with Craig without Craig. All right. I was watching Shark Tank last night and I'm just imagining Craig walking with his pillows to face that Barbara Corcoran and you know Mr. Wonderful and Mark Cuban and just getting shot down. I think Barbara Corcoran would feel bad for him and give him some very nice but condescending advice I don't know cuz sometimes on start tank those they'll take stuff that is like the most obvious thing in the world like diet pills Like I remember one time a lady was like oh my god these pills make you not hungry and they were like oh my god

That's brilliant that is brilliant. Here's a million dollars I'm gonna put the hell so they probably would be like oh my god something rectangular filled with fluff That you can relax on the couch with that is totally worth it. Let's call them relaxers Pillos. No, no, that doesn't sing it doesn't sing Lay downers How about hmm they remind me of like taking a sleeping pill and you lie in the me go, oh, what's called them? Hellos. Head rocks.

Last on Uncharted Tank, all five sharks, like we're battling to fund Edible glassware, these two women has these like cups that were like you like were You could eat them like they were like I Don't know they're made of some weird gelatin thing and like you drink out of them and then you can eat them I was like this looks awful. I never ever want to have an edible cup ever unless it's like I don't mind like our cone That's like been that has like chocolate in it and you put coffee in that, that's okay, but I do not want to be able to eat my cups. Okay, and they were battling over it. So who knows, maybe they would like Craig's pillows.

Yeah, you never know. So he's like, but if I get other people to do it, that takes away the handmade part. And he's like, dude, they'll still be handmade just someone else's hands, okay? Idiot! My sister knows all the online resellers eBay she knows Mrs.

I'm trying to think Harris Teter Steinmark and by the way the Harris Teter I saw it was right next to Steinmark so it's like Harris Deeter so Craig's like how do I prove that I'm serious to you first of all get your feet off the table Craig okay so Jerry's like, how do I prove that I'm serious to you? First of all, get your feet off the table, Craig. Okay, so Jerry's like, first make three designs. Take the butter knife out of the wall. What'd you say? So take the butter knife out of the wall.

Yeah, stop stabbing walls, Craig. That's the first step. So Jerry's like, first make three designs. Tell me the price, new pin. Craig's like, all right, I'm not gonna start it. Like, I'm nervous, but like, I'm excited, but like, also, like, I'm terrified. And they're like, just do it.

You idiot. Look at that. Craig. I'm like, you know what's a good way to show how serious you are? Why don't you sew the hundred orders that have been sitting there, okay? It's time for commercial. It's time for a Cra-in-scommercial."

Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin

and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.

So let's go over and have an awkward lunch with Kathy, Kathy, with Kathy and Whitney. With all Kathy. Thank you, Kathy. Thank you, Kathy. So it's Catherine, Whitney, and Kathy, the cartoon. Kathy's just in there going, so I was told I couldn't eat this rice, crispy street, act. So I was told I couldn't eat this rice Kris we street act Yeah, Kathy and Matool that's a great comic so so Catherine when you're getting lunch And when he's a cat that Kathy was really self-confident until she dated McCool Matool, and then she became Kathy What if Kathy has a baby with Thomas Ravennell also That would be interesting

Maybe with Thomas Ravinnell also. That would be interesting. Oh God, oh God. I met this lovely lady. She's a Southern lady who always says, Ack, whenever she wants chocolate. You've never seen someone so unhappy in a break room to your metal calf. It's so, Catherine's like, hello stranger, How you doing and Whitney's like

How you been mother? He's wearing like a cap and sunglasses like he's running from the law or something Like Whitney who did you murder last night? Okay, like he is about to get into like a Madeline still wig So they just sit there and stare at each other for a while awkwardly and Order some drinks and Whitney's like so Things good you seem like a good place. So you take a shower I'm standing behind him with a knife because my mother made me sorry. She's skin's glowing. Can I touch it? Can I make it into a pillow?

Give me your skin. I want to wear it. I can't believe Whitney made Catherine skin pillow before I could do mine. He forgot the pillow for he forgot the pocket for the tooth. So, Patricia checks Catherine during this just like taught at like I guess she's asking about when they went to LA. They's asking about when they went to LA they're texting about when they went to LA last summer and Katherine's like, um, well, I went to coffee with Craig and Austin and We were talking about how we hooked up and I just want to know why you're denying that we hooked up and when he just gets All nervous. He just starts like doing the mother thing to us. It's like an empty copy. He's just like sipping from this cup that clearly has nothing in it

just to like cover his face. He's like, mother g calf, mother g calf, yeah. mother g calf. And then he's like, well, I mean, if it's like we have a different interpretation of events. So it's different interpretations. It's like, are you serious? You're lying. It would just be better for you to just say it happened and leave it and be done with it. And he's like, no. What the hell? What the hell?

And even Catherine's like, I've had people lie and say they've had sex with me, but I never had someone deny it. And then he doubles down. He's like, well, I mean, I'm flattered. I'm flattered. She goes, what? And she's like, I'm flattered, you know, that you would lie about me and stuff. And then the producer asks him, she's like, so you're denying it. You're denying having sex with Catherine. And he's like, well, I've said all I have to say on the matter. When my guts up and leaves, folds off and leaves the

interview. My, I was trying to figure out why would need would be denying this, especially since it's like that it's not the first time. And I, my conspiracy theory is he's afraid that since he's also the executive producer of the show, he's afraid that they could be a meat to thing. So he's just already just trying to cut off at the pass. Well, also, well, he's been here already subject Catherine and that's like allegedly could be alleged or alleged that that's how she off at the pass. Well, also, well, he already slept with Catherine, and that's like allegedly could be alleged, or alleged that that's how she got on the show. She said we found out in the first episode,

which we recapped in front of Ms. Patricia last year, that Whitney had hooked up with Catherine right at the start of the show. Remember, all her clothes were on the ground and stuff. And then she left Whitney and hooked up with started hooking up with Thomas. And that's just in the first episode of the show. So it's not like it's this huge secret.

So I don't think it was that. I think it was that he was, well, there's two things. First of all, we were around those parts that night. Okay. I'm not saying we witnessed anything, but maybe he was dating somebody. He might, that's my other theory that maybe there's a girl on the side. Yes. And Thomas is suing everybody at the moment. By the way, please don't sue us. Okay. We're not saying anything sweet, suitable. I hope. But maybe he doesn't want to get dragged

into court. I don't I don't really know what's up. But it's just stupid. It's just like, he looks like he's covering for something. Yeah, it's hilarious. And he's like, but it's also like amazing. Cause when when he's uncomfortable, it is Yeah, it's hilarious. And he's like, but it's also like amazing because when when he's uncomfortable, it is like the most hilarious thing to watch. I think because it reminds me of when I'm uncomfortable. So he's just sitting there and he's like, oh, our mother changed the subject mother.

She's the subject mother. He's like, well, looking forward to the trip. Should be fun. And just give that like awkward smile. Yeah, I'll have to shut up mother. Yeah, I'll wait, mother. Kill her, with me, kill her. Oh, mother. It's like in the naked gun when people, when they press the button and

Ricardo Montablan, possesses people. And you have like Priscilla Presley with an oozy, trying to kill Frank Trevin. So then we go over to Paul Paul's, which is the best name for a restaurant of all time. Are they just going to serve like ham sandwiches on wet bread and tang? Because I'm not I'm not up for that. I'm going to tell you.

I'd be in doubt. No one in my family has ever said, Hey, let's go have pop up cook as much. Nobody. Well, that makes sense. Then that awesome would take his parents there. So awesome bring. So Wendy Tom and Austin meet up and they're arriving and they sit down and Tom the dad is just starts laughing. He just already knows there's gonna be some bullshit coming his way. He's like oh

I'm already ready for this. What's new? He's already put a bag of cash under Craig's chair for the inevitable ask Yeah, so so Austin's like hey dad, do you want a beer? And he's like, yeah, I'll have a drop hop. I was like, very funny father. Very funny. He's like, well, actually, I did get some from the distributor.

You know, okay, my dad will do the golden indiscretion and I'll have a hotel rendezvous. I was like, okay, beer, enough. Enough, I know, me too. Crazy names, beer. Yeah, I'm like a little over, like, okay, beer, enough. Another crazy name's beer. Yeah, I'm like a little over. Like, you know, for a long time, it was indie bands were the ones with the most ridiculous names,

and they still do, but I've gotten used to it. But like beer, like hotel rendezvous, just relax. Okay. I'm really discresse in. I like that it's like, hey, I'll have a cheating on my wife in Pekip see and an emotional fair, please. That would be great. I thought it was actually called golden session, but whether it's golden session or golden

indiscretion, it's still ridiculous. Well, you never know. My hands just type at whatever they feel like when I'm typing notes on these. You know, I only mention it because if it was in fact called golden session, then you can move forward with your craft beer line called golden indiscretion. Yeah, you see it's the light version. Yeah. Either way, beer, you know, it shut up beer, shut up. I'm ready to send craft beers to shut up mountain, because honestly, I hate them. Yeah, I love craft. I love craft, but I don't like craft beers. But I don't like any beers.

You know, wait watchers, it's a sandwich in a glass, okay? I't like craft beers. But I don't like any beers. You know, wait watchers. It's a sandwich in a glass, okay? I'll never forget that that goes out to you. My wait watchers counselor when I was 12, Janelle. Yeah, Janelle. Well, but Janelle, I mean, here's the thing. Craft beer is so precious. I mean, and it'll, I'll just sort of take

to taste kind of fruity and the same. And every time you go to a bar, and it's like a craft beer bar. And so everything is like golden session pink telephone ballpoint pen you're like uh what so what is the ballpoint pen? Oh, it's sort of like dry, you know Imagine like a stellar ortoa. I'm like well then how about you just have stellar ortoa Yeah, that's good. That's my thought

Yeah, that's my thoughts. I'm like, I'm sitting in my head and I'm like, it's cool right now. I had a nice sick sip of fucking around on Starbucks. Well, well, you were talking about that. So the dad, he's telling his parents they're going to Colorado and he's like, part of the experience of going out West these days, it's like marijuana is legal. It's not crazy. I go to chef to come do. And his mouth is like saying the pledge of allegiance out West these days, it's like marijuana is legal. It's not crazy, I gotta shift to come do. And his mouth is like saying the pledge of allegiance,

while other words are coming out of his mouth, and it's just confusing to watch. Yeah, and the dad just goes, oh geez, he's like, all right, I can't see what's gonna happen. You're gonna get arrested and you're already just like planting your alibi that you thought it was legal, whatever you're about to do. It is funny living in a town where we just legal because going to you know going home to

Texas everyone's like marijuana. Could you give me some? Could you see me some bro? I'm like what do you want? Meth heads now with the hell it's weed okay it's like it's like smoking an aspirin. Yeah so the mom oh sorry go ahead. No no you. I was just going to get the hell out of this thing. Because Austin, Austin's mouth just makes me uncomfortable. And spoiler alert, if now that we've talked about triggers this much in the show, I have to give a trigger warning. We have to watch Austin eat twice in this episode. So you've been warned. Austin is not a telegenic eater. Okay. It's like, you know when Cookie Monster eats his cookies, and he's not really eating them because he's a puppet, so what happens, he chomps down from school everywhere.

That's how it's- It's like passing me on New York. It's like, look at me, I'm eating popcorn. I'm, the big thing is that basically Austin is putting together a meal in Colorado for the gang and he's hired a chef who's going to be cooking with THC and and Wendy would if Wendy were there she would partake. So that's the exciting news. So Cameron is packing everyone's packing and packing segments camera talking to our husband the phone and then um charlie aka charlie from charlie's angels yeah hello angels just want to make sure that you've got both the mothers taking care of the baby because god knows I'm not taking care of my fucking child

while you're at a town all right angels exactly and then uh Austin is drinking something from like a thermos, and then he is packing and he knocks over the thermos because he puts it down on like a shag rug, which is no stability for any sort of bottle. I mean, who puts down, who puts down like a, like a thermos or a bottle type thing on a shag rug. I mean, you got to be a crazy person to do that. So of course, it knocks over and goes, God, God, I mean Catherine is insane.

Go out of there, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and then Catherine is packing to like antics and oputes and Craig is calling Anna Hayward. He's like, hey, Anna Hayward, it's me, Craig. You remember me, Craig? I was calling to see if you know where my suitcases are, but I see him over there. I didn't know they were there. She's put him right by his nightstand, so he won't forget.

He's like, yeah, well. Hey, and I hate word, this is Craig calling. Have you seen my phone? And I hate word, I found the suitcases, but do you know where the nightstand went? Oh, there it is. Next to the suitcases but do you know where the night stand went up there it is next to the suitcases thanks think of everything and I'm like I'm a Heyward stone she's like oh I know hey Anna Heyward it's Craig again I found my phone I found luggage, but what I don't know is how to get out of this room. Do you know which wall the door is on?

Okay. Everywhere is a puzzle room for Craig. Yeah, everything's in the escape room. So then Shep gives little Craig to his friend and a little taco bundle of some sort. And then it's like 5 to 3 a.m. And everyone's arriving at the airport. So everyone, it seems like I felt bad actually because earlier way back at the top of the

show when they were talking about Colorado, Cameron said Madison was coming and for a moment I was like, oh my god, I'm so proud of Gwen. She finally made it onto the cast trip and then I realized, oh no, it's like other Madison. I said poor Gwen. No, Gwen can't leave Gwen. She's got Puffy sleeves to sell. Okay, that's the only way. I know she's got the same.

Gwen's is a full-time mission. You can't go to Colorado when Gwen's is open. But something's happened in Charleston. Ladies are walking around with regular unpuffed princess from Disney sleeves. We don't know what's going on. Oh no, it's like Strega No, when Strega No, and a leaves and all the pasta takes over the town, it's like Gwyn's leads, Gwyn's and then like sleep like regular sleep take over Charleston. So anyway, so they all are I hope you noticed this subtle thing is that everyone

like I mean, like a million people arrive and everyone arrived like 5 3 a.m. 5 3 a.m. 5 3 a.m. Then Craig arrived at 6 aam. I was like, you know, they were all just saying they're like, where is Craig? Where is Craig? The flight leaves in 10 minutes. He's like, oh, here I am. They're Kai Ron Shaming Craig. Yeah. They do that. They're pretty good with Kai Ron Shaming on the Southern term franchise. Yeah. They like make a lot of good time jokes. Yeah. they do. They made one. I don't know. There was a subtle one later today. I don't know if you know this, but we'll get to it. Settle. They're leaving a pot shop at 420. That's what it was. Yeah. Oh, okay. So

then we sports UCF should have given a spoiler alert on that. People are going to be like, damn it. I already knew this was going to happen. So they basically come Lime House shows up in a PJs with Dawn and Austin shows up in a literal Muppet sweater, which I love, cause you always say he looks just like Fossy Bear and he's wearing one of those Muppet sweaters. I wrote that exact same thing. It was like a fleece jacket, except it wasn't fleece.

It was like thicker than fleece. It was basically Muppet texture. It was like that Muppet. It was like that Muppet. It was like that Fossy Bear texture. Yeah, it was it was basically muppet texture it was like that matted faulty bear texture yeah he was like the closest like he is slowly becoming an actual muppet and you know what if we see him skiing in that thing with a little polls I mean it'll be like just perfect yeah and their music but it's really weird because then

they just show them arriving in Denver at the plane lands and it's this weird like casino morongo music. It's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, that theme song gets in my head all the time. If you guys don't live in Southern California, you probably don't know, but there's a casino called morongo and it's like the commercial comes in every five seconds like, boom, boom, boom don't hey do you like buffets don't don't don't don't casino morongo

I was like what is this music for Colorado so then uh Craig is just already a little bit to the baggage claim oh my god it's amazing well basically what happens first is that that Austin and Madison start hugging As if they didn't know they were on the same plane together, which is sort of odd So they're hugging and and everyone's just like watching them and everyone's just like disgusted like They're getting back together actually aren't they? Catherine's disgusted face was hilarious. Oh And so yeah, everyone's mad and he's like, hi, Madison, we

gonna have fun this weekend, like your hair and Chelsea's like, hey, oh, son, they making it up. And Madison's like, you're gonna carry my stuff. So then cameras like there, totally gonna bomb. Okay. Yeah, then we go. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. We had a little audio. Oh, I'm sorry. It's probably that a loft hotel connection. So I'll just T all over for this podcast. No, Craig, could you wipe up? Craig, maybe take the computer out of the T before you stare out at any longer. So the thing is this, they're going to be going to Steamboat, which is

like hours away. And so Whitney, you know, they're gonna be going to Steamboat, which is like hours away. And so Whitney, you know Whitney is like contemplating, you know, getting a little flight up there. And so he's like, well, I don't know if I want to be on the roof for seven hours, mother, and Craig just explodes. Because then shut up and go home then. Awwww. Yeah, get back on a plane and go to fucking Charles, then. He's like, what did you sure mind your own business? Dickhead, I'm sick of you. I can't take this fuck. It's fucking

Chelsea's like are you drunk? He's like what's that Chelsea? Are you drunk? I said he's like oh no, I was talking So will this aggression seems a bit much and he goes, I will never speak to you again. Never. I am dead serious. Everyone's like, what is happening? Like Craig is upset that Whitney wants to take a flight because he's like, Whitney is saying he wants to take a flight to a steamboat.

And I was like, yeah. And Craig has these ranges, you know, and just like, she's just like her eyes, we see a montage of Craig yelling and then it just comes back to her and she just her eyes just were bold and like, yeah, he's crazy. It's a crazy. She's like, we don't know where they come from. Oh really, you don't know when those were those come from. Well, my Mima dad, so let me give you some Mima advice, okay? You can have Coke for lunch, you can have Coke for dinner, do not have Coke for breakfast. really you don't know when those were those come from. Well, my me mod dad, so let me give you some me mod advice, okay? You can have coke for lunch, you can have coke for dinner,

do not have coke for breakfast. There's a answer. So she's like, God, Greg, it's cold free will. People want to, it's like in the Bible. That's what Jesus said to the people. He said, listen, Israelite, five you want to. We'll just walk through the desert.

Yeah. So Craig hops away. He's like, I'm sick of it. All you people are the worst, including that person who I'll never talk to you ever again in my life. So he goes off to the bus. And so they're all like, whoa, whatever. So he's sitting there sulking. And now the rest of the gang, they finally, you know,

make their way to the bus after a few moments. I'm like, oh my god, it's so cold outside. So they get into the bus and Craig is still sitting there. And in the worst place to solve, which is the front seat, which means everyone has to walk by you and make a comment. So he knows. He knows. He's like, took you guys forever to get on the fucking bus.

I'm like, they were waiting for their baggage Craig. What else do you, like, they get one of the hangout of baggage clings? You guys took fucking forever. I've got sky priority, so I got here first. So I'm like, okay, so now you're mad at them because they don't have sky priority. Like, what is your deal?

I know. You say I got sky priority, so I got, so I got on the bus first, so let's go. Chef is like, gosh, it smells like rich mahogany in here. Gosh, it's like being at winds. Oh, sorry, Madison from afar. And Cameron's like,

Whitney, let's sit up here next to Craig. What do you think of this? What do you think of this? Whitney, what do you think of this? Mother transfer. She's just fucking with Craig. Yeah, she is. She would take a, she would take a flash.

She would take a flash, she would stay here. Craig Craig's like go fly in your flight. I don't care I want to go to mound okay if you don't want to hang out with us. That's fine get on your This is what happens when you go to boarding school in your six and don't know how to have friends around like damn Just like a little fucking losers, alright? This is what happens when you've got $100 million. You bitch about a nice bus. And Chelsea's like, I just love having Whitney around, but recently it's not fun anymore. Chelsea's like, $100 million. I'm fucking the wrong race car driver.

Well, hopefully by the time he gets back from wherever he is in five years, he'll have earned a hundred million from now. So Cameron and Whitney are like, fuck this, you know, I'm not gonna be yelled at. And Cameron's like, I cannot enter a Craig. And so they get off the bus. And then Chelsea and Craig start fighting. And she's like, no, because they're mad, I just really disrespect. He's like Chelsea. Shut up.

Oh, I'm like, you shut the fuck up. I think Catherine, meanwhile, this is happening. Catherine gets on the bus and she's like seeing all this happening. And she's like, um, um, she's like in a high state of her arm. Yeah, she gets like when raised eyebrow all the way up to her hairline. She's like, um, um, and so literally, this is literally when everyone else knew

what I was saying was right and you got involved. What are you talking about Craig? I read about what? Like you're right. Like why are you so angry that they might take a flight instead? Why? He's mad that they're being snobs. We say our total snobbs, but you know he could have he's just being Craig

So he's like, you know what you need to do you need to take your pants for a vagina because you're a baby and a pussy right now Shut the fuck up and don't talk to people like that Like what ever Chelsea, I don't fucking care. You guys are idiots. And she goes, I've got a bigger dick than you do. And Danny's cracking up. And he goes, well, that's just weird. I mean, in general, I have this weird thing, where I don't really like when people say things like,

oh, you have a giant, or I've got a dick. Like, I think that plays into deep seated paradigms about men and women that is really unhealthy, but that being said, it was still really funny. Well, I mean, we're also watching Southern Charm. It's like watching Southern Charm and being like, you know, I really don't appreciate Chelsea spitting whenever she's in a parking lot.

You know, not that we see in her do that, but you know she does. Yeah, like I don't, in general, I do not like the association that if you're being weak or whiny, then you have a vagina, but if you're being strong and like acting appropriate, you have a penis, I don't like that. But if it has to happen,

then let it be funny like this. So he leaves, he's like, I'm leaving to then. Ah, that's cool. He's got a car instead. He was literally going to go out and buy a car just for the fun of us. He's like, I'm going to get a Toyota or a Yaris just just to have one. Like, okay, let's, okay, let's talk Craig out of it and prompt you car purchase. So, he's like, are you crazy?

He's got the size on. Okay, nevermind. I'm back on the bus. Back on the bus. Does anyone know where I can get a Chevrolet G.O. They don't sell those anymore. Oh, so cameras are based like Craig. Take a deep breath. Okay, take another deep breath. Wow. That breath really smells like Boone's farm.

Doesn't it? Okay, another deep breath. Okay. All right. And now I not getting some barrels and james. That's nice. All right, we feeling better now. Okay, let's get back on the bus. I've learned with the toddler, when they have a fit, you just pat him on the head and just tell him, everything is gonna be okay.

You're gonna be back at the hospital soon, and then you go attend the actual baby in the house. Yeah. Hmm. So they finally ultimately, they all get back on the bus and the camera gets on first and she is like everyone Just don't say anything don't chat. I see what you're about to do. You're your mid-garsh. Okay, just close that draw I have a question.

Am I allowed to say, um, yes, that is allowed. Um, it is allowed everyone. So awesome. It's like, our next step is the weed dispensary weed is legal here. Everybody. I don't know if you knew about that. So overly, then Craig's like, you know what this is like? It's like the first time that like you couldn't go into a liquor store, but then you could.

I bet that's what it's like the first time that like you couldn't go into a liquor store, but then you could I bet that's what it's like Yeah, and then someone asked Craig as he's ever partake and in weed and he's like no I mean, I'll look. I mean, it's illegal. I mean I'm an attorney and also like I make pillows So that's like really unprofessional for me to be near marijuana. I'm a attorney. I can't. I'm a pillow attorney. I'm like, everything you're saying, nothing is adding up. You're high all the time. You drove a butter knife through a wall and gave yourself a perm.

You maimed yourself with a butter knife. Yeah, the only reason you thought that the only reason you spilled that iced tea was because you thought that giant glass bomb was going to stop it from dropping before you had to put it away for shooting. Get out of here! I didn't realize attorneys couldn't smoke weed. He's like, he's gonna represent the Penelope pillow if she gets in trouble if I'm in prison. If I'm in a prison.

I also like that he says I'm in a attorney as if he has a thriving practice that could like all go down on flames. Like he has actually something to lose. a thriving practice that could all go down in flames. Like he has actually something to lose. So Catherine's hurt because she got her kids taken away over weed allegations, which is still insane to me. And no one's, everyone's like, let's just go get weed and cook it in the food.

It's like, hello. Yeah, exactly. And she's like, no one's even acknowledging it that this is like super uncomfortable for me and like also bad for me. It's sort of like shadows of the shades of the kind of slow-and-store line, if you think about it. But, oh, it's weird that we're talking about that

twice in a day. Yeah. So Cameron is actually very much like me. I think there's a reason why I've always really loved Cameron because we're essentially the same person. She's like, I want to smoke weed for my anxiety, but my anxiety is not letting me smoke weed for my anxiety. Hey, I'm like, I get that.

Yeah. So then they go into the weed store and Chelsea's like, Oh, which my bedroom's made about this. And they buy a bunch of weed. I'm on YouTube. They buy a bunch of weed. And basically, they just drive to the, I've got tons of notes here, but basically they get their weed and drive to the cabins.

Yeah, essentially. And so they stop, they have these two huge houses, only on the outside. And they walk in, and these houses look like they were built by MC Escher. It's like all strange angles. It's like German expressionism almost, like weird angles and exaggerated perspectives and everything. And I was like, how do such large houses on the outside

look so cramped and strange on the inside? I love a Northern Earth single cabin for the first time. Like, wow, it's like a heart. It's like a real big-angle cabin. Excuse me, don't even make that a Northern Earth thing. Okay, we like a heart. It's something you're making. I'm going to make that a Northerner thing. Okay, we have a cabin. Because we have a cabin. We have a pretty typical.

It's like a tip cabin. Those were strange cabins. I'm sorry, those were strangely angled cabins. I've been to many a cabin in my day. Many, many cabins. Hello. I'm sorry for cabin shaving you. I'm about to say, you can shame me for not

knowing about Harris- teeter, okay? But cabins in the north. I mean cabins are like a northern thing. I feel like. Oh, well, yeah, I guess you guys have the woods. Do you like I put you back on the cabin thing? I'm like, no, sir. Okay, I'll let you have the cabins. Look, I'm backing off. It was I think those were specifically oddly designed cabins. Um, yeah, I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's just different where I'm from. I think those were specifically oddly designed cabins. Yeah, I don't know, maybe it's just different from,

because I'm used to crazy angles and cabins there. Okay, we had a cabin fight. Guys, we're like, really, but those were like strange angles. Like those dear gays, we're going in all sorts of directions. So what else happens in here? So basically all the guys are gonna go out to dinner at a restaurant and so they're leaving for the restaurant and so there's this like,

to get into the cabin and out of it, there's like a deck and then it's our case down to the driveway. So Craig starts going down the stairs and he goes, these stairs are crazy. Oh my God, I'm like Craig, use the railing because he's not even holding the railing. are crazy. Oh my God, I'm like, Craig, use the railing because he's not even holding the railing. He's just like, whoa, I'm like,

there's a railing there for a reason. It will stabilize you. It won't be so crazy. I want to invent something that people can hold on to while they go downstairs. Barbara Cochrane's like, that's amazing. I call them holdings. No.

Something like, you know, like, you know, like when you're going down a staircase and you feel like you're like, you're just like, oh my god, this is, you feel like you're going to follow over so you're feeling like you're feeling all stirred up and you want a band that stirred feeling, you want like a band the stirred feeling I want to call it a holding things. I wish I could find something that rhymed with barista because that's what I am. So the guys drive over to dinner and Catherine and Madison take a hot tub together and Catherine's like I feel like an old woman. Like maybe because you're wearing a mini skirt into a hot tub

like you're at water or a royal base. Get a baking seat. I know Esther Williams. So yeah, so she's like, they're just talking about Austin and Madison. I like height him, but I also, but I couldn't, did you say I love relaxing with him? No, she said that.

I like height him, but I love him. It's evil. Oh, that's what I wrote in a way.. So then the guys you go to the restaurant and Craig is like, whoa, they have soup. Can't get enough soup. Okay. Now here's the thing which I thought was a little odd. Okay. He ordered ceviche. I'm like, hmm, like, it's nothing against Colorado seafood, but I feel like when you're up in the mountains in a landlock state in the middle of winter,

I just don't know if I'd get ceviche. I don't know, is that me? Yeah, order the soup. You were so excited about soup tea seconds ago, and they're all stoned as hell too. So you've got the ceviche in the fish she's walking fused. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So Austin's like, uh, uh,

Chef, let's look at these bottles together, bro. Do they have a cheating on my mom in the summer camp? It's like, no, that's not how winds are named Austin. All right, we're going to do right, Craig. Craig's like, always. So they're just don't and having fun together. Oh, yeah, because chef is like, gonna get some honey on your singer tonight. It's like, ew, chef's sauce.

It's like they sell that near here. Oh, the thing. I'm just thinking. From the people who brought you gold and indiscretion. So meanwhile, Madison's talking about how Austin is her third boyfriend ever. And her thing is that she is not trying to change Austin but she's also like not looking to come back to her house

and find two girls and bet again which is perfect because they gave the producers a chance to try out the video which we haven't seen in about like four episodes. So once again we got to see like God this is crazy. You're a crazy person right now. It's insane. Yeah, in case anybody needed to see Austin, String being Austin and his underwear grabbing his dick again. Here's your chance. Yes. You know, so then we go back to the restaurant and chef is like,

gosh, I just like saying Sharkootery. It's a little game I play. Just to fuck with everybody else on Bravo. Chocolate Rea... The one show that can pronounce her, Cougarie. So Craig's like, who invited Madison anyway? And they say Cameron did. And she's like, she definitely wants to hook up.

She wants to put some oil on your stick. She wants to put some... She wants to put a big spoon in your McFlurry's she wants to make your for breeze wet. She wants to add a little bit of water into your sponge that way it scrubs me or effectively she wants some boba in your tea. Carson so then we get the shot of Austin fucking smacking his food. Someone please tell these people how to eat with their mouth closed. Well, my other game that I like to play is not telling Austin to close his mouth all

he eats. Sharkootery just won't begin again. Well, steps just as bad, but actually no one is as bad as Austin. He eats like this. Yeah, it's like watching a reverse woodchipper. So the woodchips go in and come out somehow more fully formed. So logs come out of his mouth. Yeah, exactly.

So chef is based, I don't know, they're like talking about Madison and all that stuff. And Craig is like, I don't understand. They're like talking about Madison and all that stuff and Craig is like I don't understand how after months of telling Austin to stay away from Madison that now Shepp is telling him to hook up with her and she's like well, he's a Favorite port in the storm gosh The USS Gors is seeing winds and so it comes into the port and it's Madison He puts some boat in her port. That's what the port and it's Madison. He put some boat in a report. That's what's happening. And Craig's like, well, if you, like, this is just going to fuck up your own head, like, if I was a girl and I want it, and I wanted

to get out over it, like, hook it up, like, I wouldn't be with you because like, that would be harder to like get over being a girl, hooking up with guys who are like, hooking up and like, it's hard hard. Like shut up, Craig. Stop projecting. That was a really cute. Just case just made turn Craig. Turned a Craig. Yeah. You ever get hit in an accident. Use penalty. She'll make you feel better. 1-800 pillow attorney. 1,800 pillow attorney. Hi, I'm Craig Conover.

Has are you feeling down about your pillow? Well, then let me help. Your pillow doesn't have the fluff that it needs. You need to sue someone. Call me Craig Conover. Pillow days. Who can get what you're doing your pillow? So Liza calls Don at dinner. It's that. Hot Don. I mean, I think you're just going to come home late. So I'm going to go to sleep.

I didn't invite Ashley. Tell everybody not to hate me. And chefs look, whoa, it's shop. Are you trying to sex us? What are we wearing right now? Garsh. As like a porterhouse falls out of his mouth because he also is talking with food in his mouth Yeah, so then You think I don't miss those days like I'm at dinner with my friends like let me have some fun. I'm living my life near me Yeah Well like the reason why they're calling a dinner is because you probably aren't answering the simple text It's like hey, what's up when you're coming back or like when should, like, you

know, like, if you don't answer, then they're going to call. So, like, I'm still mad at Craig. I still am going to find a way to get him to turn this on, Craig. Yeah. So the guys return home after dinner and Craig and Austin go to the hot tub and of course Austin falls right in. He's like, oh, and, uh, yeah. like as graceful as you'd imagine, Austin would be getting into a hot tub. Yeah. It's like watching a stack of monopoly games fall into water, awkward and like things everywhere. Yeah, he's like a really incompetent game of Jenga, Austin.

He is. He's like a game of Jenga that's just falling in slow motion. Yeah. He's one block away from falling at all times. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah. So they're all in there and then, and then Catherine is back and they have like some sort

of like champagne water gun thing where like the champagne bottle is attached and you can just can squirt the champagne out at other people. It's like a weird thing and seems also waste also wasteful, and it seems like bad. So they're like squirting each other with it, and then Catherine has it, and Matt's like, okay, do me, do me, not in the eyes, not in the eyes. And Catherine's like, okay, and shoots it. Just like, basically the champagne just like jizzes

all on her eyes. She's got to say, not in the eyes, all seen. I don't know how to aim this, sorry girl. A Catherine is so that person in the 80s comedy where she like, she's like on the run with like a Mel Gibson police officer and then they're like the bad guys and they're like shoot the gun and she's like, I don't know how to use a gun, shoot the gun, she's like, okay. And then she like kills all the bad guys all once when he couldn't do in the first place.

She's like, wow. You know, yeah, I feel like it's not so down like bowling pins. Yeah. So Matt Austin's like, well, I guess it's time to go inside and Catherine's like, you're going to have sexy time right now. And then we get this like Austin try to be trying to be sexy and getting laid with Madison. And she's like, now, who's awful?

As he gets out, as they both get out of the hot tub, Katherine's like, well, she's more Jackson you dang. And so Madison's like, where you man with they say that I'm more Jackson you? He's like, no, it's true. You go to the gym like two times a day. That's crazy. It's like, nuts. Let's do it.

Let's do it. Like, no. Yeah, he's like, yeah, D-Robin flexed for me because they're in Rhodes in the kitchen. I'm like, this is like the worst corner I've ever seen. The D-Robin flexed for me. And then so then he starts to get there. Even that's a better name than drop-hop. D-Robin flexed for me. He really is. So then he starts flexing. It's like watching like the mascot from

Wienerschnitzel trying to like show off. So he's just like, he's trying to flex. I'm like, please make this scene stop. And he's like, he's like, oh, thank you for inviting yourself onto this trip. You're such an independent woman. She's like, isn't that why you like me? I'm like, oh, like this. Yeah, it's really, it's really hard to watch. Um, and that's pretty much it. She doesn't, she doesn't sleep at the Austin. She goes to bed and closes the door behind her. And I was like, yes, Madison.

I think she was waiting for a kiss. And he was like acting like he was going to go in for a kiss. It was weird because you couldn't tell if he was going to go in for a kiss or do that like mama bird thing and regurgitate some of the dinner and germ out. So I was like, is she about to get that sip you J back or are they gonna kiss? It's a mama bird that's just like shooting eating that worms at her children like The way he eats them. Oh, so that's the end of Southern charm everybody We will be doing this live next week to come see it. It's gonna be so much fun, okay? Yeah, it's gonna be great.

We're gonna be doing that in Baltimore. There are still tickets available. We're really excited. I haven't been to Baltimore in years. I'm really excited to go there and hopefully sneak in some crab if possible. So go to watchcraftpins.com to get tickets for that. And we are gonna be back later today

with Real Housewives of New York reunion part two recap. So stick around for that everyone. See you guys later! Bye! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. survey at 1dry.com slash survey.