Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm: Every Dog Has Its Wedding Day

Episode Date: August 6, 2022

After Shep's dog defiles Patricia's virginal pooch Peaches, canine nuptials are set into motion on Southern Charm. Meanwhile, Craig draws a line in the sand with Naomie, and Venita makes up with Olivia.Hey! This is Crappens on Demand, which means you can watch us here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/70118964?pr=trueSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. We have made it to Friday,

unless you're listening to this on Monday, in which case, remember Friday, it was so fun. Anyway, joining me today is the wonderful and hilarious, Mr. Ronnie Carram. Hi, Ronnie, how are you? Hello, Ben, how are you doing? Good, I'm in the St. Clives this yesterday, and you're just in a party over there.

I decided, well, I was out of T-shirts, and I was like, I could put on another, I could put on a polo shirt, which kind of feels like sad, and would it be very Southern Charm, but I was like, you know, I have this Hawaiian shirt that's been lurking in the corner of my closet, and I don't really get to wear it. And I was like, I am going to wear a Hawaiian shirt

for crap is on demand. I just had this moment. I was like, why am I not good enough for a pattern? Am I not entitled to have a pattern moment? And so I decided to be a good one. You are entitled. May I be the first to say, you go girl? You go.

Thank you. You go with your bad self. Thank you. Thank you very much. I actually really enjoy this actually I really enjoy this I really enjoy this shirt. I should wear it more But I also don't want to look I feel like it's a it's a you have to like thread the needle when you wear a Hawaiian shirt like you got like because it can go wrong like you have to have the right occasion the right vibe

So we're gonna just we're doing like a little this is it. Yeah, this is it on the man. This is So we're gonna just we're doing like a little bit of this. Yeah, this is it. This is it. This is it. This is the day you carefully chose. This is the day I said you know what? It's gonna be a wine shirt day. So Ricky go Ricky go Ricky go Ricky. By the way, this is a long way to infer that this is actually a crap is on demand episode. So go to patreon.com slash water crap ends. And if you support us at the crap is on demand level, you get to see this beautiful Hawaiian shirt in action. You get to you actually get to watch us do the podcast, not just listen, you'll also get access to our weekly bonus episode. We uh, ranted slightly raved, but mainly ranted about big brother this week, which was just feels great every time we do it. We also, we also made fun of something else. I forgot, there was something else we made fun of that was like really good. Don't remember what it is, just go listen, but um, you get that with Patreon and of course Discord, etc.

So that is all the news. But now we just have sudden charm before we get right into the weekend. Are you ready? Ron? Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh,

buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, b previously a Southern charm, what if Naomi and I went to lunch and then Paige being like, now hanging out with one on one with an X is inappropriate unless of course you live in a house with them for an entire summer and sleep within five feet of them, which is totally fine. And it's Craig lays down the rules for their future. This is why I'm going through all of this for this one line.

As Craig and Naomi lay down the rules for their future, the Nita is coming to grips with her awkward presence. Who wrote that line? That's so rude. Naomi was like, can I just write a line, guys? She's so awkward. I love that Naomi's just burning people now. She shows up to burn people in the previously seen the gusse.

Seriously. So, we open with the answer to the question, which is, what does it look like when the cast is in term makes their bed? And that's when you know this show is officially over that everybody's making their bed. I mean, they've had shows shut putting on a pillowcase. The show was toast. Okay, put some peanut butter on it and get it down my throat. It's toast. But yeah, Venita's making her bed. My note was, this is where we start wondering if there's anybody in the casting

office because this is the beginning of the show. If Anita makes her bed and tells her dog, hi, do you want to make the bed? And then Naomi makes her bed and then Shep puts a pillow in a pillowcase and Marcy folds some baby clothes. Now who the fuck is Marcy and why the fuck do I have to care about her having a baby or a old baby clothes? How the fucking hell? Okay shows test. It's a lot. I mean, you know, for a show where people make their beds and don't lie in them, there's a lot of bed making happening on a set. Chris up in avocado and turn and serve it to a woke ass liberal. All right. This is toast.

That sounds delicious, by the way. I know because you're a woke ass liberal. That sounds delicious, by the way. I know. Because you're a woke-ass liberal. That's why. You're like, delicious. It's like Pavlov's dog, you know? I just say avocado toast and you've got like five, five lib cards.

Won't say the bad words, okay? Five lib cards at your door. Hey, if being a liberal means I also get to enjoy avocado toast, sign me up. I was on Peloton yesterday speaking of, okay. So I was on Peloton, yes, I was speaking of, okay. So I was on Peloton and I was like doing a race. I mean, you're just adding to your, you're just adding to your lib card. I don't, I don't, listen, that's okay.

I don't care. Like what, I'm not gonna be what I'm not. Okay, but I was doing some Peloton and I was taking a class with Christine Derrick-Hole. She's the one who often spirals. And I noticed that the number one, like the person who is like number one on the leaderboard, I actually took a picture of it

because I thought it was so funny. This person taking Christine Derrickall's class and Christine is all about like, it's not about where you are on the leaderboard. It's that you showed up. It's that you are on the leaderboard. And she sings show tunes and all this and that. Number one, and when you are on Peloton,

you can have a little hashtag. You know, like there's a hashtag watcher crappens, by the way. Number one was hashtag Dems are corrupt. I was like, what are you doing in this Christine Derrick whole class? You overachieving liberal hater? Well, I'll tell you what they're not doing. They're not planning on having avocado toast later.

We can tell you that is the first and he's not having avocado toast. You gotta make sure your legs are strong. The next time you go to the Capitol, okay? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I guess that was very funny. Oh, God, oh, geez. Oh, God, damn it.

From Scott Bakker. So I'll have a bad back and I had to turn on the fan and I had to use this pen to reach it. No, no. Okay, so opening shit, opening shit. And also, yes, you know what, where you are on the leaderboard, of course it fucking matters. Of course it fucking does. And everyone who says age is just a number, it's a number that describes how fucking old

you are. It's a descriptor, okay? And if you're last on the leaderboard, get your ass in gear and make a fucking effort and stop telling me it doesn't matter. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't have a fucking leaderboard, Domonico or whatever your name is.

Duh, Duh, Duh. Chris Darrickle. Darrickle. Chrisine Darrickle, who did a yo-yo ma ride, which I still don't even understand how that works, but she did one. I'm telling you. Are you so cookie? I'm so'm telling you, she is so cool.

Mara. Yeah, she is so kooky. And you can tell, like, and she has all the Peloton riders have, like, all the Peloton riders have, like, these little tag lines that they sign off with, like, you know, like, Emma Lovewell is something like,

live well, be well, or something like that, and it's like, you know, be your best, who you are, and hers is like, do better, be better, be it, see better, think better, and then you will be better. I'm like, Christine, can you have your tagline, please? Have a seat, Derekl. But the best part about Christina, that you're always gonna get some good little fair music.

Like, you're, like, she's, like, for all this shit, I talk about Christine Derrickl, like, she will put on some Joan Osborn, she will give you a little ceramic lock lid, so I will always come back to her. Okay, I didn't mean to set you in a Derrickal spiral for Christ's sake. Okay, come back to the five and done,

Vanity Dean, Vanity Dean. We have a very important show to cover. Marcy is holding Baby Cloth. This lady who's still chain smoking three cartons of cigarettes a day is holding some baby clothes. I need to see how it's going. So it's just Marcy is holding baby clothes. This lady who's still chain smoking three cartons of cigarettes a day is folding some baby clothes I need to see how it's going. So it's just Marcy alone and she's like, I can't believe I'm having a little girl She's gonna be like screaming and crying and I just want a party And then we see Leva with her child who's like she's like taking care of her son

And he's like sucking his thumb basically everyone's like taking care of shit They're they're like cleaning something they're folding something and then it cuts to Austin just rolling out the street I was like of course Austin's the one person not actually bettering his environment right now My other Catherine or Austin will be making their bed this up I know they're gonna make him always come up for them. Yeah So he's and we'll be making their bad dissent. I know. They're gonna make an obvious game stuff for them. Yeah. So he's got, he arrives at the mail, at the mail place. Oh, do you have my mail? A little bit.

He arrives at the mail place and he's obviously just taking one of those ubers in a minivan with the electric doors that close because he can't figure out what to do with the doors. Do I touch it? Do I not touch it? And then everybody else at him. And it first says, yeah, first I was like, what is he doing? And I was like, oh, it's a mini vamp Uber where you just stuck.

Do not judge the door. But the door is closing like this. It's like, like really, really slowly. And you just want to help the door. I did that the other day in a store where I think it was like, you know, when they, you know, when they, you know, like it's one thing if you just know it's automatic doors, but I opened the door

and the door was like, and I was like, oh, okay. And I was like, is that an automatic door opening or is it not so then I was like, tried to, the then the door was open, so then I was like trying to close it. The door was like, no, no, you will not close me because I'm automatic, but at that point, I had already committed to closing the door

and I felt like I was on display like Melissa Gorgas, so I was like really, so I was like, but at that point, I had already committed to closing the door, and I felt like I was on display, like Melissa Gorgas. So I was like, really pulling this door to close. I was like, no, you will close for me. My mask will in on his pants on this door. And I looked like an idiot. Well, so did Austin. So you've got that in common. So he's getting a manny petty,

or I guess just a petty petty with a petty petty. Oh, that's a place I'm going to open petty petty. Just come here and talk shit. I'm sorry. Shut off your feet. So, um, the petty Tom, petty, petty. I'm a man. It's just Tom, petty, being petty. Well, you know,

or your petty is your nail tech. So, Katherine and Austin getting a pedicure together and Austin's very, he's one of those guys. He's like, I'm a guy, I'm getting a pedicure. Okay, it's just me, it's a guy, me getting a pedicure. It's a girl's day. Me, me, a guy getting a pedicure. He highlights this about six times. He's like, the girls need to gab.

The girls need to gab. I'm a girl. I'm a guy, but I'm in a girl place. So I'm a guy like a girl. I'm a poetry. Yeah, I'm a girl today. So we're gonna have some champagne because it was girl gab day.

Are you kidding? You have a fucking beer with Tam Jareen in it. Okay. Let's stop acting like you're like the rock. Okay, on the mask. Is the rock considered very masculine? I'm assuming so. I mean, this name is the rock. Sure. masculine. I'm assuming so I mean this name is the rot sure sure

He well. Yeah, I think sure So well either way I like that Austin is so in that they doesn't even understand the concept of a chair massager Catherine has to be like arm pick up the remote and then press that button Press it and then see how it feels. He's like whoa His craze is insane right now. My chair's a lot. I don't know, chairs could do this. This is insane.

Just two girls and chairs moving. Whoa. So today's episode has been sponsored by the Color Peach. Okay. Or salmon. I don't know what you would call it. I'll go with salmon. Because there's like salmon walls and

salmon, you know, Catherine's wearing a salmon outfit and she wants salmon male color to match her outfit Can someone please call Catherine and tell her that's what color her Tanner should be everything is And except Catherine's face is like a paper bag But you could tell that while she was getting her spray tan. She was like thinking, she was like putting her finger on the middle of her chin and going, erm, because there's just no big white spot in the center of her chin. I love that Katherine can never consistently shade herself. She really, she really can't. So Austin says that he's always had a soft spot for Catherine. He goes, I mean, look, I did win drama king

in high school. Catherine is certainly dramatic as well. I'm like, well, you also drove over someone's yard on a race to get home from the cross practice. So yeah, you are a drama king. That has nothing to do with it. So she asked him if he's good, are you gonna get color on your nails?

And he's like, no, not Greg. And then it gets to Craig at his home office. And he's got like one or two nails that have nail polish on it. And he's just like looking over designs and he's mumbling to himself because, work smarter, not harder. Oh, that printing out paper. Do you work as smart?

I like that he, I like his working smart. He prints out like a pattern and then he cuts it with like child scissors, you know? I'm just like kind of cuts it really slowly. So he gets a call from Naomi and he's, he looks at the phone, he's like, oh my god, why is she calling me? Oh, and starts doing his fake, fake is burp his weird awkward burp

They still don't know what that is like oh So she's like hi What are you doing Craig he's like just doing mood boards for a spring collection Can't wait to find the perfect pillows to walk this one wait to find the perfect pillows to walk this one. K. K. We're smarter, not harder. K.

K. K. So Naomi's like, she basically says that she had like a really strange reaction at Olivia's party and needs to pick Craig's brain about it and wants to get coffee and he's like, uh, and then it says two weeks ago, it's page thing, like hanging out with an ex while you're dating someone, he's inappropriate, almost as inappropriate as going to Zara and paying full price when you know very well,

it should be 30% off. Why are you gonna pick through Craig's brain? Craig's brain is like a flea market at 3.30 PM on a Sunday, it's picked through. Okay. It's time. What are you expecting to find there? Yeah, I mean, she basically just wants correct

to confront the situation, because she knows she can't. So then Naomi is like, well, you know, it's bad because like, it's about Catherine and I just feel like you're the best person to advise me on this right now. He's like, is it bad enough that we have to like, meet and like, talk about it? Like can we talk on the phone?

You know, like gossip, gossipossip smarter not harder, right? She's like ask rag and he says well, okay, but like if it's serious enough that you have to tell me and person Okay, she's like well, I don't want to bother you if you're like busy or whatever and he's like I mean I guess it's just coffee. It's not like we're gonna go get our nails done or anything like that. Come back to Austin and Katherine getting their nails done.

And Austin's like, Catherine, I'm a blonde guy. So I really like this look on you. I really like it on you. I'm a blonde guy. Yeah, that's what. Yeah, and then she's like, um, how's everything with Olivia? He's like, I haven't spoken to her since her party.

Okay, it just bothered me that even after I talked to her, she decided to invite my ex to her party. What, what, it's sane right now. I will not be with someone who wants to pursue a relationship with my ex, okay? I'm not crazy, right? I'm not in fame, right, medicine. And she's like, no, you're not crazy.

And she tells us, yeah, sometimes off since a petty bitch and she starts laughing. So he's getting paraffin wax on his feet. Wait, he's first wax. What is paraffin wax? It's like, it's basically, it's lovely, but I think it's usually an add-on, by the way. But they basically like melt this sort of like,

they put this wax on you, it's like this warm wax that coats your hand and then they put it in a bag. You know, you got like little plastic mittens, little waxy plastic mittens for like, you know, two minutes and they take it off and it takes off, it feels nice and smooth. It's, you know, I don't know if it's effective

but it's like a fun experience to go through. My feet are basically Legos. Like, I don't even know how they stay on. I don't know how they just haven't become infected with it. I just ignore them. I'm like, you're big and ugly, so I'm just gonna be like, I just pretend they're not there. I was about to say, I forget,

are you a man-y-peddy guy or are you? No, no. No, I don't wanna subject anybody to that. It's why I don't date. I don't want to subject anybody to that. It's why I don't date. I don't need to subject anybody to what they're going to get. Listen, people deal with much worse. It's like, let's mail text. I mean, it's, it's public protection.

Okay. And it's the same reason I don't get pedicures. No one needs, there's no amount of money in the world that is would justify someone going through that experience. I'm telling you, now, it's a Vietnam. Okay, then see the Vietnam of my feet are like the decal Delta. I feel like that's a rebellion. Documentary about it.

My feet are like the helicopter trying to evacuate the last Americans from the embassy in 1975. You are sunlight and time. Soon miss I got now. Okay. Oh my god. And so Austin's like, whoa, this is like, how wax is like a Rodic?

This is like a Rodic wax! And Catherine's like, that means you might be kinky if you like the wax. And he's like, I'm not kinky, I'm a man. Like, I don't want to be hit, like with an object. I'm barely drinking champagne because it's a squirrel's day. It's gross, man. Yeah, I don't like pain.

Pain doesn't turn me on. I'm like, well, that's unfortunate because you seem to inflict a lot of it emotionally. So Kathy, I'm like, right, I write Kathy. Kathy. Kathy. Kathy. That's like a whole different person, is it? I think if she was Kathy, she'd be like, oh my god, try the paraphernalist.

You've got to do it. You might get this port on your pre-pre. Am I right? It's like a totally different character. She's just bringing brownies everywhere. I'm a brownies. So, Katherine likes light paddles. So then Austin is like, he tells us something,

we don't really need to be told like we already figured out. He goes, I'm as vanilla as it comes. It's like, yeah, you look like a butcher. You're not vanilla. You're not even vanilla. Vanilla has flavor, okay? You're just a corn, you look like a birch. You're not vanilla. You're not even vanilla. Vanilla has flavor, okay? You're just corn. You're like corn syrup.

Corn syrup. Cream. Cream. That's been put into an ice cream machine. He's like, every guy talks himself up. It's always just like three or four positions and then you're finishing move. Like my finishing move is the same as my beginning move.

Anybody else? Lie there. Slide there. The flood, whatever happens needs to need to happen and wait for the snack afterwards. The literal staff, not the sexual staff. I'm always waiting for the snack afterwards in any situation. Like, it'll be the snack after this podcast. That's really all I'm thinking about. So that's what gets me day to day. There's like my tent poles that get me through life. Like you just have to go to work on a wautuit. There's a snack after gotta get a manicure.

Don't want to. There's a snack after. Yeah, okay. Well, maybe I'll get you to do a petty with me and I'll give you a snack after. No. So, um, I'll give you a... Katie, because Rol is gonna kick your booty.

Now, when she hears that you will do not want to get a Paddy cure. She's gonna come over. She's like, Ronnie, I'm here with a tub Celebrity beef you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions.

What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums?

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. So, Olivia, oh, so now we go to Olivia's house where we alert where we get it's actually a very special moment. It's the first time that Olivia's ever used a fly swatter. And I say this because I don't think she's ever used one before. She's like, no, I'm like, Olivia, Olivia, you're not playing press your luck. Okay. Olivia, Olivia is still kind of new on the show and I haven't been that nice to Olivia I think she's a ding dong you know and useless pretty much so far but

You know and I know people get like really worked up. It's like whose fault is it? Vanita's really you know, how can you talk to a living like that? You guys are getting so fucking worked up over Southern charm a But just in my own defense, okay? I know I'm a judgmental horrible human being, but it does lead to good places. And I feel like this episode proves me right in so many ways because this is how Olivia flots the fly.

Oh, swats a fly. She stands there with the fly swatter and then just goes like this. And just swing some fly swatter around. She doesn't, doesn't it? Any flat surfaces, and she makes a little girl like, I'm a girl, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly,

I'm just a girl. The girl is a ding dong, okay? How could you stick up for somebody like that, a Merca? She has no strategy behind her fly swather. She's just sort of just hitting things randomly. I think her idea is like, well, if I hit enough things all the time, eventually the fly is gonna get in its little way.

She is so privileged she's waiting for the fly to just fly into it. I agree. And her mom is just standing there and she goes, oh well, Olivia, it looks like she ran from you. That's all. The fly ran. Yeah, I mean, first of all, by the way, flies don't run for you. It's literally in their name They fly away from me

It's an insect named after what it does Yes, bunny she got it. Did you just see the skill you raised your child with fucking bunny? you're child with fucking money. Ugh. Well, how you just ran? And so Olivia's like, um, so Craig brought this to our party and then we put it in the cooler. So I still have it. It's like, Sean handy.

Like, want some? Like, well, I'm like, and she's like, how will that be so sweet? We should have it in my mouth since your dance not how I'll pale. I love Olivia explaining the backstory on the champagne about like how it was put into a cooler and now it's out of the cooler like, Oh, okay. Olivia, your mom knows she didn't give you enough allowance to go by champagne.

Okay. She doesn't need to know where anything else other than you didn't pay for it. Yeah. So was Austin having a good time at the party. And she said, well, we didn't have the best ending, because people were saying he's more tense, like when Madison was around, but yeah, he is mom. I think that he's just very sensitive and sweet,

and you just don't usually hear that the woman is being the you know the whatever the PCI you know what I'm saying Well, it just seems like wherever he goes she has to be like right there Like if you invited her I know what you talking about you invited her to your party And now you're gonna like shame her for being there like she's obsessed with fucking Austin. Are you kidding? Yeah, and so Robin is like Well, you think she'd be happy with her husband to buy and Olivia's like yeah, it's weird that she's like engaged And this is still like a thing. I'm like you guys don't understand. She's only engaged to piss off Austin by the way like real though. That's right

She's engaged to a Mormon. She doesn't have to have sex with that lives in a different state Okay, let's not pretend that she's she plays the long game, okay None of love. This is like she's like, oh, I'm gonna show Austin I will do whatever it takes to make him feel like shit. You don't mean marrying some Mormon non sex person can feel like shit, you don't mean marrying some more mean, non sex person. Yeah. And she's in the mom's like, well, I wonder what her thing outside with half the side of your back. I wonder if your husband would know that you're getting drunk in the daytime again, bunny. Don't make me call your husband with outside our champagne.

You know that was taken from Austin's parents' fridge in Starlet. Or wherever they were last week. Yeah, there's still like eggs salad on it. So then the dog tries to jump on the counter and like, it's like a kayak. It's like a kayak. I'm like, wow, this lady is all about misnaming animals. Get off the chair, Nick Mepo. So Austin is...

Austin's... Oh, Austin is his pedicure. I feel so bad for the tech. She's the longest pedicure of my life. He's telling Montana the nail tech. He's like, Montana. Don't make me fall in love with you. Don't make me fall in love with you Montana.'t make me fall in love with you, Montana.

So he's now they're talking about Caleb and Catherine's like, in my guy, something is off. Like, um, talking to Naomi at the party. That was like a lot. It was like super disrespectful. Hold on, let me out. Hold on. Let me put my finger in the spot. I've marked with a white pale circle. I'm really hurt. It's nothing good. It's bad. So now we see a Caleb flashback where he's telling Katherine. Yeah, Naomi was calling you names. Like, get the fuck out of here, Caleb. OK, they show the footage again. OK, you are ridiculous.

OK, I'm sorry. I was rooting for you. We all were rooting for you. You're being ridiculous now. The fact that he left the party and doubled down on this is crazy. Like he's making it even worse. So yeah, she was calling you names and Catherine's like,

yeah, but it's your job to shut it down. Not just talk, like you're a good guy. And your job is also to make sure that I have the newest iPhone without a crack screen as you are an Apple specialist. And my iPhone has a crack screen. What the fuck are we doing in this relationship? I forgot that he was an Apple specialist.

That's so perfect. Of course he is. You just have that look. I feel like you'd be very friendly coming up to you and like a blue t-shirt. You'd be like, hey, can I help you today? I think I can help you with. You know what, yeah, my computer's broken. I'll be like, we can see you in five days.

Okay, you're like, fuck you! You just came up to me smiling! Five days. I know, I'll be like, hey can I help you or you understand anything? I'm like, yeah, I'd like to look at the new iPad. I'm like, okay hold on one second, he walks over to his coworker. That person just cursed me the fuck out. I think we have to get enough of this. Okay, hold on one second. He walks over to his coworker that person just cursed me the fuck out

Sir, we've put your name in the iCloud you are no longer about you're no longer a lot to purchase from Apple So Catherine's like yeah, I mean like I would be more aware of what I'm doing if I was him. I mean loyal Hmm, okay, so then be more aware of what I'm doing. If I was him, I'm in loyal. Hello. Okay. So then Austin's like, if you think something is off, then something is off. It's insane right now. I'm like, that's the advice I want to give every woman who crosses Austin's path. If you like to get off. It's not kidding.

Look at Austin suddenly believing in women's intuition. I know. Like suddenly. Suddenly. Suddenly.. I know. Like suddenly. Suddenly. Suddenly. So Levis House. Wow, this is a great Levis scene. So for everybody who's like, why is Levis here?

What is she doing? Is she really just here to set up her spin off or is she ever going to contribute something to the season? Here it is, guys. Stretching. She's stretching. She's stretching. It's really a stretch.

So, yeah, Lova's getting her trainer Bjorn is kind of massaging her, but he's also standing on, he's leaning on a pole. It sort of looks like he's trying to, he looks like a gondolier, but his gondol is not going anywhere. He's stepping on the passenger.

Yeah. He's also, I have to say, this is my kind of, like if I was gonna be in misuse, I would be this kind because it looks like the least effort, path of, like least effort that you have to make his misuse, because he just like put the stick on you and then his foot, like he takes his foot and he just kind of pushes here.

I know. Muscle is like, look there, there is that good. Like that, you're good, okay. This is good. So it's $500, Thanks. So love us like oh, motherfucker. And then her son walks in so she has to stop cursing and then she tells us About how she's trying to be more present so she's like not like cleaning the house as much and not trying to cook as much Because she just wants to be there and she's letting things slide at the restaurant with things that you wouldn't normally let slide Which is probably the setup right there because the next season will be like The standard thing which is

This restaurant has fallen into shambles because I've been reading a book about essentialism But now I'm here to clean it up and we're gonna get people into order and here's your new manager Yeah, she says that she's reading a book on essentialism. That's a thing. I didn't know that was a thing That means just doing the essentials. I don't know, that was a thing. That means just doing the essentials. I mean, I was raised that that was bad. I'm really bad. The inner, I'm really into inessentialism. That's like kind of my vibe. The belief that nothing is essential. I like it. The belief that I just should do the things that are inessential and put off the things that are essential. Okay, listen, essentialism. a belief that things have a set of characteristics

with which make them what they are and that the task of science and philosophy is their discovery and expression. The doctrine that essence is prior to existence. You know what? You have time to read that. Clean your fucking kitchen. Okay. That's what I say.

As you say, wow, this really describes Southern charm, doesn't it? So they just are what they are. They just are what they are. Okay. I'm leaving Legos on the floor from now on. I'm even having Legos or a child. I'm just going to start doing it. I'm like, I'm a senseless bitch. That's what I'm going to order at Starbucks.

Can I get a name please? I'm a senseless bitch. I'm a coffee for a senseless bitch So Kessera Kessera is um so anyway, so her kid doesn't go see Psyll nine Anyway now we go over to Venita and I'm sorry I have a very important note to get in for that scene Hold on let me get to it. That was fucking pointless Venita, okay, let's go toita scene. Now it's time for Vanita. So, uh, Vanita is there. Her mom comes over by and, um, by has to get for

Charles. And of course, Charles doesn't even partake in it, which is so rude of Charles, because it was an adorable. No, it's not rude because I knew you were going to think that I was going to have to stand up for Charles. Okay. He was not being rude. He wanted the pets, he wanted the love more. Like he was more excited for the contact than he was, the 20 he'll have later. Right now he wants to focus on you.

Oh, that's a great perspective, Ronnie. Yeah, he's a sweet guy. I was watching him. Yeah. So also I have to say I love Vi already because she is wearing a turban that matches her shirt. That is my kind of girl. She's like, I've got my purple turban that matches her shirt. That is my kind of girl. She's like, I've got my purple turban and matching shirt outfit.

I'm ready to go. I was like, yes. Yeah, I liked Vi. And honestly, I did not like the grief or the grievances that Vinnie put her mother through because I did not think that was fair at all, but we'll get to that. So we'll get through one. Yeah. So she's talking about how she can get invited to this party and everything.

And she didn't want to be like the Garden Party all over again, and we get a flashback of Olivia saying, you are not gonna cancel Culture Me, which is funny, because then the only one who actually canceled anyone was the Olivia de Vadida. But didn't get the invite to of the garden party. Sorry. So Venita's her feelings are her and she feels like really embarrassed about everything. And her mom's like, yeah, it's all over your face, you know, and you've got to talk about things,

but you have to do it when you're rational. You can't talk about things in the heat of anger because then you say things you don't mean. Like, remember that time in the mall and you were like, what are your turbans always have to match? Idiot. And you know, I never recovered from that. It was like monochromatic is my vibe, okay? You can't still vibe without vibe. So then Venita's like, well mom, I get that from you,

which is so like a drug commercial in the 80s. Like I knew that from you dad. And she's like, you didn't show me how to handle things because you hit stuff that happened with you in your dad a lot. I'm like, wait a minute. Are we now angry that our parents didn't fight in front of us?

Yeah, that's awesome. I've been blaming my parents for the wrong shit. I'll tell you that. I was like, this isn't gonna work. Now, I'm a fan of Anita. I know a lot of people in the audience have really not gonna work. Now, I'm a fan of Anita. I know a lot of people in the audience have really not been happy with her. I'm a fan of hers, but this was bullshit.

I'm sorry. We are not, we're not gonna now start saying that the issue is that you didn't damage me enough. Okay. Like, I'm sorry. You did not get to endure the trauma of like having your parents like argue and the relationship crumble in front of your eyes, okay?

But I think it's probably for the best. Now one can say that she did teach her how to deal with conflict in the best way because it's like there's someone who's wrong to you that badly, like you don't fight with them or make it this whole thing. You've just done with them and erased them from your life. You know, that's how I like to deal with it. So I'm on team Vi, but it does go deeper than that.

Because we find out that Venita's parents, so basically she went to school one day and she came home and then her dad was gone and that's it. And then nobody tells her anything. You know, she's like, he's gone. That's it. So that's not cool. You know, that's not cool. But she basically is like, That's it. So that's not cool, you know? No, that's not cool, but she basically is like, like her, her issue that she says is, like she says, I don't have the insight that my friends have, like they got to see their parents argue and figure it out.

I'm like, I don't know, like watch Judge Judy or something. I just feel like, I just feel like, the most common thing is like, I mean, watch Top Chef, okay, everyone on Top Chef is like growing up in my household. There was a lot of fighting and cooking save me. Like everyone, their biggest complaint is that there's, there's so much fighting in their household that has tortured from them.

And now she's like, there just wasn't enough fighting. I don't know, I have a hard time getting behind that. I feel like- So you're suggesting that Vinita get a bacon tattoo in a heroin addiction? It's basically what you're suggesting. Iita get a bacon tattoo and heroin addiction is basically what you're Suggested I'm saying that's what would have happened had she had she could have been a shit Honestly, she could have been the star of the bear had she just merely have her parents are just argued a little bit more

Well, I mean look I get what she's saying like you have to explain to the kid what's going on But yeah her argument is like I didn't learn conflict resolution because I didn't see you resolve a conflict. I just saw you avoid a conflict. And now I don't know how to resolve a blah, blah, blah, which I get, but at the same time, like your mom's coming over to be nice to you. And you're like, it's your fault, mother. That I was uninvited to Olivia's

because of how you handled things with dad. Yeah, I just felt like that's what it was. It was like the, you know, obviously kids always blame their parents. But I just felt like this was like, I just felt like that's what it was. It was like the, you know, obviously, kids always blame their parents. But I just felt like this was like, I still do it in my old stretch. Yeah. I'm an old person. I don't care when they're dead.

I'll still blame them. I have no shame, okay? It's how I was raised and guess who they blame? Well, my dad not so much, but my mother still blames her parents. That is the circle of life. Yeah. Listen, I think it's a fair thing to be like, we never talk about things in my

household. So I'm like uncomfortable in conflict. I understand that. But to be like, I wish you guys had argued more. That way I would understand what do an argument. I don't know. I feel like that's like a stretch personally. I don't know. Well, her mom tells her her mom don't at me, bro. You know, it's all your don't at me, bro attitude growing up She makes the point that Well, the mom makes the point. She's like listen I saw a lot of people in my family and my friend group go through really horrible stuff and conflict And I saw how they dealt with it and they dealt with it with screaming and yelling and you know fighting And we need to go and what did you learn from that?

And she goes, not to do it. Yeah. She's like, it's a terrible way to deal with it. And also, you know, first like I understand how Vanita would, I understand what, like we're making jokes, but I understand where she's coming from. I understand how that would be hurtful.

But then at the same time, I feel like if the mom was like, you know, your fucking father, he's a cheater and this and that, then that is, that would be hurtful. But then at the same time, I feel like if the mom was like, you know, you're fucking father. He's a cheater. And that's that is that would be construed later as you turned me against dad. Yeah. That one told me all of this bad stuff about dad. So that's this is a no win. I mean, I think I think ultimately at the end of the day, like there's going to be emotional

shrapnel from this situation no matter what with this dad who's living a double life. So unfortunately for Vinita, she's gonna get something no matter what. And I personally think, as not as like a hotdog, but I sort of feel like it's probably better off that this was the version of her emotional trauma, as opposed to having to be like a little girl or a tween having to see like the vicious stuff, you know?

So that's something kind of like Vinita, you're, I feel like you're kind of lucky personally, but I don't know, it's Friday. I'm giving hot takes left and right. What can I say? I'll get a lot of DMs be like, Ben, you don't understand, you know? Well, I say if you're going to be pissed off at your parents, I support that, blame them for everything,

but choose the right parent to blame because your dad is the one who cheated and left. So I think he should be the one getting yelled at and not the sweet lady in a matching turbine to her shirt giving a toy to Charles. Yeah. Yes. Who brings a toy for your dog. So the mom's like, listen, I just wanted to protect you from the pitfalls.

And maybe that wasn't good because I can see, you know, you didn't learn to have adversity. And I'll do my best. You know, there's no book on how to raise children. Okay, there are books on how to raise children, but they're very long and they take, they have like handbooks. And they just talk a lot of times with them. And it's just, it's not.

So now we go to shop with little Craig. Beave, beave, Little Craig. So he walks up to Patricia's and Patricia's gotten Little Craig, a little squeaky champagne toy and she promises that he will not be able to shred that. It's unshreddable. It's like Whitney on a guitar, unshreddable.

He will be able to shred it though. My dad calls him the French terrorist. Shred dead redemption. G in Bruce Willis. No. Shred headed step trial, right? So Patricia's like, so we see the new Butler coming. And he's like, hello, would you like something? And she's like, how love you met Randy, the temp. And she's like, what is that?

He's like an old-fashioned, so. Wrong. Well, it's an old-fashioned sir. Wrong. An old-fashioned sir. Finally, little crag. Could you go to finishing school quicker than that? Where's the buzzer I instructed you to wear

in the front of your uniform underpants, Randy? Ha, ha, ha. Basically, we had a science experiment. We mixed kupa with Martin Sheen and got Randy. I hope you enjoy him. Yeah. He does have a Martin scene, like a bleach blonde Martin Sheen thing going on.

It's like, this is what happened to Emilio Estevez. We finally figured it out. Could you imagine Emilio Estevez is your butler? So put on the buzz of Randy. Permissions, here comes one right now. So Shep's like his Randy good, he's like Randy he's fine. Nothing can compare to Michael though, but it's nice to have someone fresh to put through training.

Here's your old fashioned. Wrong! Ah! This balls over. Electrashock training. If you ever want to have little baby Randy's passing around or derves, you'll learn how to say, sir. Well, let me tell you about little Craig when he was here last weekend. Peaches was involved in a, let me do my hand flare, violation of sorts. In Dogpalence I would say, oh a roll in the hay, so to speak, it was almost like Little

Craig was the architect of his own demise. And on cue, Little Craig runs off to see his girlfriend Peaches, and she's behind a little doggy door. And he's like, get back here. You don't want to know, Mr. And she's like, oh, he can see Peaches. The damage he's done. And she tells us that little Craig mounted is too strong of a word.

He's solely Peaches reputation. I think that little Craig has to do the honorable thing. I would like to have a wedding and shoppers like, oh, oh, making honest doggy out of her. You think I'm kidding. I don't see anyone in this room getting married anytime soon. So this is the closest thing I got. Someone's got to have a lifeline to your fund. Might as well be me and mine.

So, Shep is like, well, so let's give you the wedding. You so deeply deserve, gosh. So she's like, well, I don't want to preempt anything if you're going to have enough, you're kind of wedding. I've little bells ringing in your ears, and he's like, no, no, Taylor's not the kind of pressure girl to do something like that to me and she's not pregnant yet. So why would I marry her unless she trapped me into it by not wearing anything, or anything to cover my spermage is so off from invading her personal ovary space? You cut Taylor showing up in like a wedding gown at Marseys. I'm like, oh, this old thing, I just saw this lying around. But literally the only person who cares about

Marseys and it's because she's got a life form about to be, you know, Taylor's like, hi. Yeah. So Taylor is there, I guess, is Taylor a nurse or like a physical therapist or something? She's in scrubs or doctor. I don't think she's a doctor, but not to be disrespected. She's in scrubs, she's with scrubs. Yeah, I don't know. She wants scrubs. She actually is like, actually, I want scrubs. Scrub is the guy that can hang out with me.

So, I'm just gonna bastardize candy bursts like I see. So anyway, she's with Marcy, and Marcy's like, can you believe it? Five weeks till the baby arrives. And I want to cry. You did the room. It's so pink and it is. It's like the room is pink, the crib is pink, the light bulbs are pink,

the Marcy's in pink, everything that Marcy has gotten for the baby is pink. Okay. I mean, I know that now is probably not time for a lecture on gender identities. And all of that. And so I'll save that because I'm not really that type anyway. But I'm starting to kind of see the point of that. I'm like, wow, this is really, this is really putting something on a baby. Yeah. Can the baby like anything other than pink? I mean, Jesus Christ, what are you going to give her? Like dish towels for her birthday and like a fucking bottle of Don dish soap.

I mean, let the woman live for Christ's sake. It's a very, it's like a, it's like a very pale, it's like it almost like a filter. It was a lot, it was like, it's like cherry blossom pink. It was the light reflects off of it. So their faces are pink and the pink room. It's just like a weird creepy, it's a press-on movie or something. I don't know.

It's a press-on pink. It also lacks imagination, just like the easiest thing to go for. Like, fine, you know what? Like if you're excited about pink for your daughter, I mean, I also'm like, guys, we don't have to do the obvious thing of pink and blue, but like if you want to,

it's not a hill I'm going to die on don't have to like do the obvious thing of like pink and blue But like if you want to it's like I'm it's not a hill. I'm I'm going to die. I'm but we have creativity like You got a pink but you can also have other colors to like not everything has to be pink How about like something like a little like a giraffe on it? How about that? Can we get a giraffe a baby giraffe? Is everything have to be pink florals? Marcy? Yeah, it's creepy. I don't like it so Of course, you know, they're there to talk about babies, you know, so Taylor's like, I want to cry. Just so pink. And she's like, yeah, I'm doing five weeks. I'm going to have baby. And Taylor's like, I like it. I think I'm ready for this. Like, I see this. Really? You want to see the clothes? I got, look at them. Pink. It's all pink on the time. Until her says in my perfect world, I would get married 30 31, start having kids by 32, 33, start damaging the kids at the

emotional trauma around 34 35. And Marcy's like, yeah, well, this is what she's going to wear coming home from the hospital. This is going to surprise you. It's pink. And Taylor's like, I just get giddy about seeing the little cute little clothes and outfits and the stroller and chefs clock might not be ticking, but mine is. Chef is the alarm clock after a blackout, just flashing 12. Just flashing 12 and that's it.

I feel like chefs clock already ticked down and some bomb already exploded somewhere and she's and that's it. I feel like chef's clock already ticked down and some bomb already exploded somewhere and she's just still dating it, you know. But she's dating the spent bomb. I think chef is just a Salvador Dali photo painting. It's just like a melted clock on the side of a bed. But it's just like it's just melting off the edge of a thing. It's real, isn't he?

Back with Sheppin Pat. He's like, I think I might be in the clearest for his wedding, Skull. And she's like, don't kid yourself. And he's like, yeah, I know every girl wants to give married. And they all like pink. And Patricia's like, wow, every Southern girl, anyway. How long have you been together? Two years.

Well, if I hadn't gotten a proposal in four months, I want to wash my hands of you. How many times will she be able to get married, get divorced if she gets every man that much time? I mean, she'll be lucky to make it to a third husband at the rate she's going. Shell. Taylor made the mistake of being acquiescent. Okay, Chef, you can put your boner down. I know you like hearing me say that big word. So Chef is happy to continue to add infinitum on his terms.

Oh my God, it's through my pants. What are you trying to do to me? Chef, Chef, you know, sometimes we say adult words. Okay. So anyway, he's happy to continue at Infiniteim, and I say give him an ultimatum, that was very close. To my god.

I've got a vocabuboner, or two big words and a rhyme. That's right, you're welcome. Bravo TV, I did for the first time ever on this network, Ram at Infiniteim with ultimatum. Although don't quite rhyme, but they rhyme close enough on this show. I had a pond about the Ken Burns Vietnam documentary.

I'm gonna spooge up this couch real good. So sounds like Whitney and me are on the George Clooney Warren Beatty track. Which would be what happened. Warren Bady married to, I mean, I think they're both coupled up. I don't know what you two are talking about. I mean, I know that they waited until like the gonorrhea

had taken place in their throats or whatever, but I'm not sure they're the best example. Does this mean that chef is gonna show up wearing all yellow and an apple watch with a fixation from Madonna? gonna show up wearing all yellow and an apple watch with a fixation from Madonna. Lots of very specific joke from circa 1990 everyone. So um, chef, oh yeah, so yeah, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Also, I don't really see him on the George Clooney track either, because I just don't see chef settling down with someone who is like,

don't see Shep settling down with someone who is like, like this very accomplished academic. I know. Right? I mean, Shep. Okay. George Clooney may have not had a wife or a baby at your age, but he was on like his 80th job. You know what I mean? You can't just compare yourself to people who would work in general. Yeah. Okay. So then Whitney's like, I don't want to hurt threats. You know, I don't want to say to myself, why didn't I have fun in my 20s, 30s and 40s and 50s and 60s, 70s. Just want to have fun for this, my life mother. Clive, wait, and then pick up the dog, you're still the butt live. Listen, that one's saying you can't have fun in your 70s.

Bzzz. Ow! That's right, Randy, try and learn something while you're in the kitchen. Oh, this is more dangerous than the whole Jimin trail. Now we go over to Naomi at a coffee shop and we see Naomi ordering drinks. And so, you know, obviously we always watch in every Bravo show with him ordering something but it's really funny when Naomi does it because she's like, oh, hi.

I'll order a chai and they're like, oh, I'm so sorry. We're out of chai. Oh, yeah, it says it out of char, I'm such an idiot. I'm such a stupid idiot. I'm garbage. But I feel like it's so Charleston that she didn't just order a chai. She's like, hi, I'll have a Foxy Chai.

I didn't have the Foxy Chai. It's a Foxy Chai. And so then Craig is, I think Craig calls, well, Craig calls and he orders. He wants her to order something for him or whatever. And he's like, I'll have a chai. And she's orders, he wants her to order something for him or whatever and he's like, I'll have a child. Yeah, they're out of child and the barista, she does that thing, which is like the smile frowns. I'm sorry man, our child.

But I guess I'll have some hot tea then. So he arrives and he's looking all around and he's doing his like, He's looking all around and he's doing his like, oh, I know. He's weird hiccup, blow out thing. Like he's all nervous and looking around. Like he's being followed. He's like, good morning. He's like, why are you grumpy? Cause I just, I'm not.

I'm just, it's morning. I'm just like waking up and then he like takes his tea and he just like, swigs his tea and he's like, ah, that's hot. Oh my God, it's a crack. She's like, wow, you have a better manicure than me, Craig. So did you have Fennel Olivia's party? And he's like, I mean, I guess it was fun.

I mean, what about Catherine? What do you want to talk about? She's like, well, like during the party, Caleb came up to me and he like started going off about Catherine and he was like seeing some not nice things, Craig. And it's like flashback of Caleb talking shit about Catherine to Naomi and so Naomi is like, so I like learned like to never talk like I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry with other people. That's what I learned from our relationship because like I did that and then the tool probably did that about me so it's like Carmen's a bitch right so like

that's what I'm here to talk about right Craig is like Craig won't look at her he hasn't looked at her one time he just keeps like looking around you know seeing if anyone's watching and she's like Craig is making me like really uncomfortable I mean he's jittery she's like, Craig is making me like really uncomfortable. I mean, he's jittery. He's looking over his shoulder. No eye contact. Like, who's, who's coming?

You know, he's acting like he's part of a sting operation. He really is. He's acting like there are snipers on rooftops all around. Just like monitoring his moves. Like waiting for like a metal suitcase to be dropped at his feet. Yeah. So he's a guy.

I don't know why she couldn't tell me this over the phone. Like, why did we have to have coffee to tell me Caleb is talking shit? Like, I'm in the middle of a rectangle cutout right now. She's like, Craig gets a TV show. We have to shoot the scene. So she's like, so anyway, so anyway, he's talking shit about her and like, just I'm giving you this information because I think you know What to do with the best because you'll probably like mess it up a little bit and then Catherine will be mad at you So no, no, have all of it Just pretend this information is about her knife and like Catherine is a wall

Stick it in her and see what happens. He's like all right Well, I gotta go pick up a page from the airport. I kind of hope she doesn't smell me on you She's like, oh page really that's so fun like let's do a night out. He goes I think like one day maybe I'm not serious. So you like I want to have fun like have a drink like it's gonna be great. Um, I Don't Well, I think like maybe someday in the future. I don't know like somewhere out there. I don't know But like yeah, I know like I like, like, but like, I have like a path that's like taking me some lace and like, at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And that's all you

can say for the life of the poor. You're my ex girlfriend. And it's not like appropriate to hang out. So it's like, um, you're kidding, right? So Craig says, I mean, I think that page is being like, really understanding, even though she doesn't understand it because she like lives in New York and like in New York, you don't want it to your axis. And if you do, you don't hang out with your axis. And also like, so she's been like patient, especially

because like I hooked up with Naomi, when Paige and I were all figuring out our stuff. So anyway, cool, bye. I'm like with Naomi. When Paige and I were all figuring out our stuff. So anyway, cool. Bye. I'm sorry, but you know that Paige wants to be best friends with Naomi, right? Paige and Naomi would be the best friends. They are. They will be so great together.

I want that friendship. Let us have that. Let us have Paige and Naomi. They would sit together. Well, they would probably get one to, they would just do the summer house. They could sit in the bed together, be like, oh my god. Did you see what she was wearing? Yeah, I mean, it was ridiculous. But look at me. I'm like a garbage person. Oh my god. Me too. Totally. I'm a garbage person. Like I'll drink like

chie when it's not iced. It's nuts. Oh my god. Me too. Yeah, I feel like the page just needs to date Craig for one more year until that relationship is like, oh my god, you will never believe what Craig did today. Oh, I would totally believe that. Lay it on me. And they just bitch about Craig together for the rest of their lives. It would be so great. I would love that.

So anyway, so Naomi's basically like, um, I, if I thought we weren't on the same page, I would not have asked Craig to copy. I'm not a weirdo. I'm not trying to get Craig if he has a girlfriend. That's not who I am. And if Paige and Craig feel awkward, that's on them, not me. Sorry, not sorry about the child. So then we go to Olivia calling Leva.

She's in the car and she's like, um, what are you doing? I'm like, um, just over here at work. We're public. Thank God I have the lower leg strength that will not let my son tip me over. So that's how I'm doing. You know, just doing what's essential. It's my religion now. Well, what are you care? What are you doing? And Olivia gets her first ever. Well, I'm just in your neck of the woods. I would stop by. She's going to meet Venita. So love us.

Oh, awesome. Heal it up. You know, I love non-relationships that heal. That's amazing. You should heal with that person that you had never met before two weeks ago. You guys should really talk it out. Yeah. So, so Vanita is telling us because they're meeting at a coffee shop, and he is like, well, with my parents, all I've ever seen is avoidance when it comes to confident issues. So, I'm going to try to work through this, etc. So, she's still sort of blame me

on her parents. So, Vanita says she's going to step step it up and let me tell you, Vanita, again, like wanna be on your side here. You don't try and work things out by inviting someone to a fucking smooth, vegetable smoothie shop. I mean, what is this? This isn't even like, you can't even get a croissant here.

This is all like straight up healthy shit. You guys are supposed to go to Happy Hour. Don't you remember your plans from last week? I mean, I remember. I mean, she said she likes Happy Hour so you bring her to fucking celery juice now. It's not gonna work True, although Olivia did spend a few years in LA, so it might be more effective than you think so So anyway, so they like they just have to make small talk and you just like how was the party? You know and Olivia's like, hey, this game is awkward. And then Olivia's drink arrives. Olivia got ordered the

Popeyes punch, which is very Olivia. I don't know why it's Olivia, but I just imagine her be like, um, I think I'll have the Popeyes punch, please. I just feel like she'd squeeze open the can of spinach and then just like, when she's slinging it back, it would just go all down her face. I mean after I've seen her work that fly swatter I just can't like I can't even trust her with a pop by spinach swallow. So they do the like when it's like well you and I had a rocky start so I want to be able to lay it all on the table and Olivia's like I think that you have a false perception of who I am and you throughout assumptions that I was like really thrown off by. Whoa, are you trying to swap flies?

Just working on my craft. She's like, yeah, but like when you walked away, I mean, that just felt dismissive. Yeah, because she was dismissing the art, she was walking away because she wasn't going to have the argument. It was dismissive. Yeah. There wasn't a feeling. I don't think it was really bad to walk away in that situation. Listen, it's either fight or walk away, right?

Yeah. So Olivia's like, well, okay, I can see how walking away could like be perceived as dismissive, but like I needed time to cool off. Yeah, I felt myself getting heated and I knew nothing's gonna get resolved in this moment. And so, if it needed us like, well, I apologize for coming at you hot because it wasn't necessary. So, they decide they're gonna have a clean slate. And once they decide that, now they have awkward things to talk to. Now they just are like, so, what do we talk about? Okay. Hey, out of curiosity, so with all that smoke and heat, why did you still invite Madison to your party? And she's like, oh, well, Madison and I are fine. And the producer

said I should invite her. And then all of a sudden, like, Austin gave me a whole year full about it. And she's like, yeah, but like, I hear one thing. And then I hear the other. And so now I'm just going to ask you, are you two dating? And she's like, well, I mean, I don't know dating. We have had tochos while he cried about medicine for three hours. So there was that. I think he wiped a bugger on my elbow skin.

Does that even make any sense? But he was wiping his nose and then he grabbed my weenis, which is a skin right here on your elbow. I don't know, I left him, it was cresting, and I don't wanna blame him if it's something he didn't do, but I think he did it. Any of that makes sense? They just like, so do you think Madison knows that?

And she goes, why does it matter? And she goes, well, a part of her still feels like she's entitled to know what's going on. It's not worth it. Like, she's engaged and she doesn't have to worry about that now, but like she does. I guess who else doesn't have to worry about it. You, why are you talking about this?

Why is this your discussion? What Madison feels about Austin? Like, this is a mess. It was a little odd to go. It was odd to go from clean slate to let's be gossipy together. I was like, this feels strange. I don't know what you talk about after you go from clean slate to let's be gossipy together. I was like, this feels strange. I don't know what you talk about after you declare a clean slate. What are your hobbies?

Yeah. So tell me what you do in LA. What do you do? Like, why is, why is it? What is your friend? What did my, does my friend deserve what you're doing with her boyfriend? It's like, what? What do you?

Yeah, it was weird. Wrong wrong road. Yeah, it was strange. But in the end of the Levy gets a bad espresso shot and they laugh. So now we go to Caleb's mom's house, Debbie. And he comes in and she's like, well, what are you drinking? He's like, I want brown, he's like, I want brown stuff. So he wants to have like crown and coke. And she's like, hold on, I got a, I got a coke in here. I got a coke hold on one second And she's just like she's just like then the rest of the scene is just like her in the fridge But isn't this the every mom scene where you go to your mom's house Do you have a diet coke? I'm sure I do. I'm sure I do

We always have one in there for when you come over Eddie would you find the guy coke? No, it's on the second shelf I Eddie would you find the guy? No, it's on the second shelf. I told you that to a parent like That's my Having like it's no behind behind the lettuce. No, would you listen to me behind the lettuce behind there? No, okay? Well, then maybe it's okay. Maybe it's downstairs go to the outside garage Go to the go to the garage refrigerator I don't need I don't need it. It don't need it. I don't need it. It'd be easier if I just did it.

It would be easier if I just did it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm telling you that I do everything in this fucking house. So you can't get a diet coke. I mean, it's there though. It's there though. Don't worry about it. And then my dad will come back with a thing.

Okay, he'll say, okay. We don't have a diet coke. We have orange juice. It's like, well, that's not even close to being the same. At my house, it's, no, no, that's a Coke zero. He doesn't like that. It's a different kind of fake sugar. The diet coke, come on, Annie, come on.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. So, but I've just started breaking my own diet coke. And then they're like, why would you bring a diet coke? Why would you do that? That's rude to just assume that we're not gonna have diet coke, it's like we don't take care of our guests. I'm like, why would you bring a diet coke? Why would you do that? That's rude to just assume that we're not going to have diet coaks like we don't take care of our guests. Like, okay, you know what? I'm trying to keep my parents together. That's what I'm doing. See, this is what you're missing out on. You're getting audience about. So does, okay,

do you really need this in your life? So this is what you should have asked her. This is what you should have asked her after you guys made up. You should have said, Olivia, do you have a diet code to be? Yeah. So Debbie is in that fridge looking for this soda and Caleb's like, it's fine. I'll just have I'll just have this on the rocks. It's fine. It's fine. So they finally like sit down and she's like, well, what's wrong with you? What's going on? You, because he's like, I'm tired. She's like, well, what's, like, well, what's that thing on your shoes? A tag is like, yeah, it's a tag. It's the style.

It's the drip. It's like a luggage tag. You kids, you kids and your styles. Okay. And the mom's like, that's ridiculous. Okay. I'm going back a little bit to go. Yeah.

So they start talking about Catherine. And he's like, well, it's just that we went through stuff recently, you know, because like there's this girl named Naomi and her in Catherine like they dislike each other. And then we got to talking and then it just kind of bit me in the ass, you know, mom. So details missing there. Yeah, some minor stuff. And I then we see three days ago, Katherine was telling him, I'm just hurt by you because this was embarrassing, and that's on you, and I don't know how to move forward. You know.

And then she like serves like five wet meatballs. So then Caleb is like, I just don't want to be in relationship with someone that I'm thinking negatively about. So Debbie's like, probably the six times she's heard this. She's like, okay, here's, just make a list. If you can think about more things, you just like about the damn person, then you like about the damn person. It's just not going to work out, baby. Okay, we have to go over this. I have many more have to explain this to you. I mean, you're an, you're allegedly a genius at the Genius Bar.

Figure this out. Yeah. So then we go to Craig's house. Did you know that Olivia's last name is Flowers? I did not know that. Did not? I don't know why that made me giggle, but I was like, of course your name is fucking old.

Of course you're like an Ashley Madison print. Is that what I mean? Actually, Madison, the flower dresses, you make the flower dress. Madison's like the cheating. The cheating like a Kristen takeman's husbands. I think you used to make those flowery dresses. No, lastly Yes, Laura Ashley dresses. Okay. Yes, of course you're a Laura Ashley Took a while to get there, but it still was funny Why did you watch? I'll find that cook in a second. Did you watch watch what happens live afterwards? Is that why I know did you I watched the first five minutes where it was like I Forget it was it was like, I forgot what it was, it was like she,

what's, she doesn't like hair picks and she, and often thinks that her dog's nipple is a dick. It was something like that. And- She doesn't like the word racism and she loves asus basism. It's Catherine and Olivia from Southern John. Andy asked Catherine like oh so now that you've seen that scene from last week like uh what do you think about like what Caleb said she's like um they're both crazy but

then he didn't like follow up with like uh but, but didn't that make you, he didn't do any kind of, uh, questions like, but doesn't that like, he talks so much to the back, bat Naomi, do you change your opinion about Naomi? But I guess I'll say that for probably the reason when he'll try to have a mending moment. He does not watch this show. Okay. He does not, he doesn't have a follow up question because he doesn't, what did he do this mod where he's like, while she talks, he leans

back in his chair and his one ankle is crossed over his knee and he's like leaning back in the chair and you can tell he's staring like one eye is staring get an exit sign and the other's like, why isn't there an exit sign on that door? And he's not listening at all. He's just like, there were two like super hot bartenders in basically like, like, vest, like, shirtless with only like a little vest on. So he probably was just looking at that as would I, by the way. So, um, it was, they were good looking. So anyway, um, so Caleb, uh, so, oh, it's over.

That seems over. They really were good looking. You got, I'm like, huh, no, I didn't, I got lost in my notes. So now we I'm like, no, I got lost in my notes. So now we go to Craig's house. I got lost in my notes. I did. So he's like, if I had a kitchen, I'd make you breakfast, but instead we'll order something. Isn't that cute?

And Paige is like, huh, huh, huh, thank you. God that is literally falling in love with someone's potential right there, but you're never supposed to do. Wow, if I had a kitchen, if I had a spaceship, we'd be in space right now. If I had a horse, we could ride it together into the sunset, isn't that cute? And he's like, get a kitchen.

Finish your fucking kitchen, I'm about back. Finish your kitchen. So he's like, do you want some coffee? I've got like a curing, so I can make coffee. Do you want something maple flavored? She's like, maple flavor. Ugh, she can split about vanilla or apple cider flavor. Or kill me, why don't you just kill me in my face?

What about mint? Or... Oh my god, peppermint. Just bleed me out. Oh my god, treat me like a law, slip me, slip my throat and just bleed me out. Oh my God, treat me like a law, slip me, slip my throat and just bleed me out. Why don't you disgusting? I've got a coffee here.

It says it tastes like french fries. You want french fries coffee? Is that something to do with it? Oh my God, I just got impaled through my, my old to my brain, like I'm dead now. I'm literally dead. Could you just have regular coffee? Craig, if you know anything about me, I hate mint.

Just do normal. So, um, uh, they, he, they basically, I guess his house is under renovation. And so everything's on these, it's just like a mess in there. And page, of course, is already like planning her future nostalgia. She's like, I feel like there's like a time when we're going to be like, remember when we had the kitchen in the living room, like, isn't this moment so cute in the future? This is such a cute moment for us in the future And he's like wow that page is comfortable here when the house is like this. It's like an incredible sign

He's like, what's going outside? Wow, this is really good coffee. Wow, she's such a cheerleader I just want a girl who can support me when I press a button on a machine and get for the beverage that comes out a little bit later. Yeah, because you know, like, I don't normally do hot beverages. She's, what are you talking about, Craig? You drink hot tea every night. He's like, yeah, but that's before bed. So that doesn't count in ever. When I say never, you know what I mean? You know, I'm like, ice, so maybe I'll get an ice coffee maker. Is that a thing? She's like, Mal.

Okay, it gets called putting ice in your coffee. Your ice cream maker and your ice coffee maker, it's your hands reaching into the freezer. Actually, it's so hard though, it really is hard. They have things that you can buy that you freeze and then you pour the coffee over this cup and I guess it freezes the coffee. I bought those little gel ice cubes or filled with something,

they're like plastic ice cubes that are filled with something and I froze those and I was like, yeah, then I'm gonna put those into a shaker and then I'm gonna shake that up. And then I'll have non-watered down iced coffee, but it just made it like lukewarm. Well, listen, let me tell you something. First of all, there are cold brew things where you can,

but those are more about like, that you can steep. It makes it easier to steep. All you do, something that makes it in a minute. Okay, here's what I do. Okay, first of all, make your coffee really strong. I don't mind getting like a little water down, but so here's my glass. This is a crap is on demand exclusive right now

because I just did this an hour ago. I'm just telling you, if you tell me that you make coffee and you put it over ice, I'm gonna be pissed if that's what this story is. But go ahead. Well, you were saying you were having an issue that your ice is luke, that your coffee is lukewarm when you do it, right?

You said your coffee is lukewarm and watered down, okay? Well, I can't help you. So my solution is you make your coffee is lukewarm when you do it, right? You said your coffee is lukewarm and watered down, okay? Well, I can't help you. So my solution is you make your coffee stronger so that when it gets watered down and gets to normal. And what a lot of times when I ask people, when I say just put the coffee over ice, they put the ice like here, like it's soda, okay? The ice has to go all the way to the top

of whatever you're doing. It has to go all the way to the top. You pour the coffee in, the coffee's gonna melt the water, but then it eventually gets normal. But if you do a normal amount of ice that you would for soda, like basically the bottom half or bottom third, you're not gonna get, it's not gonna be cold enough

and you get that weird lukewarm. But if you put the ice all the way there to be top. No, I was putting the frozen, it's not ice, it's like plastic ice cubes. Well, that's for you. You know what I mean? Well, there's a lot of different ways. I drink ice coffee, so normally I just pour it over ice and just deal with the water down

coffee. So this week I was like, I'm figuring this shit out and I've been trying to find the perfect way. Now, I'm just going back to my old way, which is brewing it before I go to bed in the morning it's room temperature, pour it over ice. You're done. Okay, that's what I'm going to have to deal with it. It's morning, it's room temperature, pour it over ice, you're done. Okay, that's what we're gonna have to do with it. It's 2022, it's not 2050.

We don't have a convenient way to do it yet. Well, why don't you put, how much, did you fill your class all the way up to the top with your plastic cubes? Yeah, but they don't, the reason that it chill so much with regular cubes is because that water integrates into the, but these, I just, I think I have to do two shakers, in the chill so much with regular cubes is because that water integrates into the, but

these you, I just, I think I have to do two shakers. Like pour it over one shaker of ice, shake it, then pour the lukewarm over another shaker of the fake ice and shake it and then pour it over. But it's just, that's a lot of work. And then I have like a little strainer that I'm strained, I clean the ice in the strainer. And so now I've got this weird strainer of fake ice next to my sink and it just feels like it's too, it feels like you're making too much effort for something that should be enjoyable. You know, make your coffee stronger, make your coffee stronger.

Well, I do have, I'm gonna start getting those cafe bustello pods because that's some crack that comes out. Oh, I guess that's the thing. If you have, if you're doing the pod system, you can't, you can't control the strength as much, right? Because it's like a set amount. And they have this new one that they call an ice coffee breathing and it has a coffee and then it has a pitcher. But then you just pour ice in the pitcher

so it's not really brewing. It's just putting water in your, I was putting ice in the coffee. It's like a core. Oh yeah. I mean, I know what you're saying. Anyway, listen, I'm sympathetic to what you're saying. I'm just saying that like, for right now,

I think just a stronger brew. Yeah, it is what it is. It's the Pope of ice. Yeah. You know what else I don't like? Like electrical poles outside with like, how the electricity runs. But you know what, we need electricity.

And right now that's as far as we've gotten. So guess what, the future's not yet. Just keep waiting. Okay. Yeah. Maybe I can make a quick ice coffee that doesn't taste like water've gotten. So guess what, the future's not yet. Just keep waiting, okay. Maybe I can make a quick ice coffee that doesn't taste like water by the time I'm like, maybe put a glass of chiller or something like that. You know, what if I like an ice cream machine?

Would that be weird if you put your, you're probably would not be good to put like boiling hot coffee into an ice cream machine. Probably just come with blue lips. So my gosh. So anyway, they're talking like, oh my God, we're gonna have all these memories of drinking, you trying to kill me with maple coffee.

That's gonna be amazing. And he's like, yeah, I'm gonna have a grill. And over there, it's gonna be where our kids are playing. She's like, oh my God. And you should put speakers all over us. We kept like party hard. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And so, she's basically saying that he's already thinking about, like, I want to have a big family with three or four kids, and then that's what I'm renovating my house with that vision of mine, because work smarter, not harder, am I right? So anyway, we're not engaged yet, but I think I found my person Yeah, so wow look at us. We're gonna be sitting here at 80 years old on these rocking chip these are actually real rocking chairs Wow Wow, they're real but

Wow Supposed to those fake rocking chairs you're used to in the city New York City does not have real rocking chairs, okay? The only place you can get real rocking chairs, apparently, is Craig's house and the Charlotte airport. So. Oh my God, yeah. They've got a lot of them there.

So, the guy called Rocking Chair, Aitri, oh my God. There's like that hallway with just like rocking chairs. So. You've never had Burger King until you've had it in a rocking chair. It's that Burger King next to a Panda Express and troll it.

So we've been to that airport a lot. So now we go over to Patricia's house and for some reason they decided to end this episode with this very strange quote unquote cliffhanger. So the Erica the party planner comes over and Patricia's like, I want to have a dog wedding. She's like, okay, cool.

So who is she up marrying? No, like an actual not metaphorical dog. Oh my god, she's in a big wedding. She's talking like she wants Patricia to die on this. You know those voices, like I think it's like a specific Southern lady voice anybody racing the South knows this Means like fuck you bitch. Yeah, I've always hated you. I'm gonna poison all of your guests Yeah, so it's gonna so it's be 25 people might be the only

wedding. I throw so listen, if if Whitney ever gets married, I have the wedding all planned out. Okay, medieval cathedral floors from Paris, Valentino doing the mother of the groom dress, shock buzzer on the new butler here. Let's try that one out right now Never gets old. Oh Randy Will Efficient who is gonna This is gonna be wild to can't wait to hear what you say well This is gonna be wild. I can't wait to hear what you say.

Well, both of the dogs go to the same vet, Dr. Burger. So I'm helping Dr. Burger, I'll do it. Yeah. Bringing in a new cast member to be the official. I'm surprised. I'm surprised this wasn't a moment of like, well, we're gonna have, we're gonna dig out Thomas Ravanale

to give us when two dogs come together. They have a little dog and the election was stolen. Thank you very much. So do you want us to pass champagne? So can you do it in coupes, not little gay people, please? Not that kind, but the coupe glasses. She goes, oh sure, we can do those things from the 50s, those 50s keeps actually there from the 20s.

God, have I made a mistake? What am I doing with this idiot? I can hear you. Sorry, I thought that was my inside voice. Bzz, ow! I told you to tell me to use my inside voice, Randy. Eusteless. Now I want to steal Magnolia cake in the shape

of an armadilla, and I want you to do it this week. And they're like, ah, this week, a party for 25 people. I have to do that in one week. 25 people in your backyard. I mean, the venue's already been figured out. And you already have a butler. So you sort of have a staff. I gotta figure this out in one week, 25 people in your backyard. I mean, the venue's already been figured out. And you already have a butler. So you sort of have a staff. I got to figure this out in one week.

Oh my God. Yeah, Erica's like, oh my God, it's taken me six years to realize that there are sweaters with sort of glitter in them and big pink stripes. I've just figured that out now. I cannot possibly get this done in a week. And then it says, 2B continued. So I guess it was like a tongue and cheek,

2B continued, I'm not sure. But I guess next week we'll see if this doggy wedding works out, all right. Looks like it will. One hopes. I mean. And praise. So that brings us to the end of the Watchdog Robbins.

That is the end. Thank you everyone for listening and for watching. We'll be back next week with a whole new slate of recaps, so we will catch you there, have a wonderful, safe, lovely, and relaxing weekend. Bye everyone. Watch what crap ends would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.

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