Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm: How The Tables Have Turned

Episode Date: September 30, 2022

On the season finale of Southern Charm, Craig invites the cast to a Winter Wonderland Christmas party where everyone gets to join together and celebrate friendship... except for Naomie and Leva, who are banished to the human wasteland that is THE OTHER TABLE.This episode is available on Crappens on Demand here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/72695351?pr=trueSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What happens What What Kids, what happens when this all happens? You're not crap. It's for what you don't want to do. Kids, what happens when this all happens? Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today here on Crappens's on Demand, our video feature. Mr. Ronnie Caram, hi Ronnie, how are you? Sir, hi. Hi. It's, we are doing a lot of Crappin's on Demand this week because we had so many episodes and we did not have time to do a bonus episode this week, so we figured we would, we give the Beverly Hills

Crappin's on Demand to the bonus people who did an extra Crappin's on Demand for the Crappin's on Demand people bonus people. We didn't extra crap is on demand for the crap is on demand people. So we just want to make sure all our Patreon people know they are loved. And we, you know, when we do things like miss a bonus episode, we do do it lightly. But by the way, happy national podcasting day or podcast day, Ronnie, happy national podcast. What's our national podcast day, man?

It's our day. This is if Hallmark had a card, we would have received them by now, but they don't. But a rude-maxing card only about podcasters. Yeah. Yeah, and so, I was kind of thinking, I'm like little, this is like right now in prompt you thinking,

so I'm probably going to omit people, but I want to give a shout out to some of our podcast friends because I feel like the spirit of national podcast day is spreading the love and everyone should subscribe to these other podcasts because I have felt that one of the reasons why we have been able to grow our podcast so much is because the generosity of other podcasts, you know, like being able to guest on other podcasts, people coming on to our podcasts, people re-gramming us, people recommending us, you know, all the podcasts,

we all really do lift each other up. So I'm just like, you know, so I want to give a shout out. I did it on Twitter, Michelle Collins, midnight snack. We love Michelle to judge you girls, reality gaze, the lady gang who we just did a show with. That was really fun a few months ago. Past present, my friend Neil, past present, Danny Pellegrino, everything iconic. I'm really like, I'm really bad at making lists on the fly.

So I'm hoping I'm KC Okay, KC Ryan Bailey Laura. Of course yes with See I have trouble like thinking names on the spot. So Ryan Bailey from I was gonna say everything iconic that's Danny Let's see Lars and Carrie from the Sex You Be podcast. Now I feel bad because my tweet actually literally admitted like half of these podcasts. I'm so sorry friends, but yeah, you know, I mentioned really briefly the reality is was started by actually two of our listeners

who came together and started their own podcast. We love hearing when that happens that so go go check out them subscribe to them Well, maybe we'll think of some Oral we do super sole podcast love you Oprah. We'll start love you guys Just actually have a morbid our friends at morbid by the way a big shout out to morbid because Alaina of morbid she just wrote a book and it is number two on the New York Times vessel. It's good. I'm reading it. It's really good. It is called Butcher in the Red. So go by that. It's a serial killer book, of course, because what else would it be? It's Alaina. So go listen to that. It's or go. I guess you can listen to it. I don't know. I'm reading it like actual, the pages. Okay. Well, I'm aiggle. So go check that out and I think that's it also on Saturday news

To everybody in Charleston that effing hurricanes coming your way today is we record this so Hope you're okay over there. Hope Florida's recovering okay. And cheese the world's nets right now. So the world's To everybody, okay, except you should So the world loves to everybody. Okay, except you ship, except ship. So let's get into Southern China. The world is not like people have lost their homes, but more importantly, it's national podcast today, guys. That's well, that's the world.

I mean, right now there's bad news every day. Like, what are you gonna do? You know, you mix into bad with the good, and you sit back and you just take them both. Good, right? Go to the morrow, which is another day full of shit to deal with. Thanks for coming by for your daily dose of positivity. Exactly.

And just before we dive into this season finale recap of Southern Charm, I did mention crap is not demand. You probably know this already, but in case this is your first time ever listening to this podcast, because it might be you go to patreon.com slash watch or crap and then if you support on the crap percent to band level, you can not just listen to us record these very words that you're hearing but you can actually also watch us which is always lots of fun lots of you know actually sometimes for me I always put up the video before I put up the audio so you get us you get to hear it slightly faster any who that is the news. Let's talk some gosh southern charm season finale.

Garsh. While some of us were having fun at St. Simon's. We should just have Naomi narrate all of our announcements at the beginning. Previous, the original podcast day and Eric gone day. Garbage people got onto microphones and said garbage things. This won't garbage wind blew around. Yeah, so it's Naomi.

Naomi, her mood is not improving. I'll say that. It doesn't improve from the beginning narration part of this episode till the end of this episode. Okay. Naomi, just basically this whole season has been, why does Naomi have a constant headache? This is it. This is the orange and story of Naomi's headache that will never go away. Yeah, and this episode does come with a trigger warning. As in, you've been warmed up and triggered. Okay. So, so just now, I will be ramping

later this episode. Yeah. Okay. I'm excited to see what just what did it was at the taxi down napkin fold. I Think it's gonna I think it'll be pretty obvious what what triggers me, but you know, it's fine seating charts Getting close God, okay, so we start with Christmas music and we're so-and-down staff that Christmas and Craig is talking to a staff And they're all like sitting around like, I don't know, like a meeting when you were a little kid, like you all went to the library and had to sit around

for like a meeting of so-so-so-it-the-teachers in the middle. It's like a class of library. It's like a substitute teacher. Yeah, and you're like, who's that? It's not our teacher. It's like Craig is obviously not over there. They're like, no one was actually sitting on pillows.

Hey, that's a merchandise. If you got room, if you got room, as I was gonna say, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean, but that doesn't apply. If you got time to sit, you got time to not sit on a pillow. If you got time to scream, you got time to wear cream. Because he's like, I'm excited for Christmas time. I love Christmas. I was like, then why are you in white and cream? Why are you mixing white and cream? You look like clean snow on the bottom and dirty snow on the top.

I like dressing up like a mini marshmallow and hot cocoa. So, which I feel like you would actually say to page, like, hey, page, I'm like a mini marshmallow right now. Frank, that is so cute. That's like a dormal. Like, literally every girl loves that. That's what Paige says a lot. She tells us what all girls like or don't like. Literally, I mean, girl would love that.

Literally, every girl would hate that. Literally, every girl would be mad at that. And then she would have like a moment where she would be like astounded by her, her, her, her lot in life. She's like, if you told me nine months ago, I'd be in Charleston and I'd be dating a guy who'd rest up like in Minimar Shmo, I'd be like, I don't believe now. But here I am. Yeah. So then we go over to Marcy who's had her baby. And now nobody knows who she is. She's in the storage of the Kites me, Marcy!

You know, like I'm sorry? Marcy! Me, Marz! Mmm, no. I'm pregnant! Oh, Marcy, come on in, Marz. Lookin' great. She's like, ah, I want a buy-edge rest. I haven't felt sexy in so long, so I want to go sexy tonight.

So here's what I want to, I want sequins and I want to go sexy tonight. So here's what I want, Tuts. I want sequins, and I want lots of feathers on the shoulders. Sexy! Yeah. I want to dress like I'm about to win a lifetime achievement award at the Country Grammys, I like. I want to dress like I'm the guest of honor on, This is your life in 1987. Go do guest of honor on this is your life in 1987 go do it surprise this is your life

You're pregnant So then Vinina who finally has another friend to show on the show Tati is With her friend and they're talking about her nipples Getting in address and Vinita's like well you said to show up and her friends like, I said show up, not show out. But the hell put those things away. Yeah. And then, Chef is choosing a Tuxedo in like one of the many Tuxedo stores. I feel like Charleston has the highest Tuxedo store per capita in the entire United States

based on the show. Like, how many Tuxedo stores they go with? There's like so many Tuxedo stores in that one street. And they're really are. I could never live in that place. And it's a beautiful place, you know, we went there and it's a really, really pretty city and they've got a lot of great food and bars and stuff.

But the people who are suits and they get dressed, I mean, I just can't do that. I don't even know the suits, not any kind. I mean, if somebody dies tomorrow, you're getting my old Navy. My old Navy Texas, Texas, Tuxedo, Jean Jacket. Yeah, we're my month costume.

I'm sick. What you look like, you're like, I'm like, oh wow, this is a very religious ceremony. So I'll just sit with like a little cereal on the back going, don't. And don't. Shep, Shep is Austin's drawing on a Tuxedo jacket also. And he's like,

Shep, I'm gonna wear this to the golf course. And Shep is like, oh, you look, gosh, you look like Roger Federer in Wimbledon. I feel like Roger Federer isn't named enough in references. So congrats Roger. He's like, yes, made it. He said, my home like made it. And then he realizes in reference to Austin, and he's like, oh,

damn it. Why do I have to make cost to watch a federal cars? So then we go to Leva. Cast where Leva is she's at home. Guessy, she with? Not her child. There's only one other cast member. It could be her dog, Lucy. Yeah. Great job. She's actually shooting a cast vacation right now. Even if she's getting out of the kitchen. They went back to Frank Lloyd Wright's house. It's just like the whole cast and a toddler.

So she has anxiety because she's hanging pictures in her office. And it's on like the third floor, which is really hard because she's had a breath because she's hanging pictures in her office and it's on like the third floor, which is really hard because she's got a breath because she's in her 40s. This is like a lot. Okay, you're fired to go. Just go. So she facetimes with Olivia, Annelovia is just like wanting to know like like how are you like why didn't you go on the trip and she's like I just I don't just, I don't have the energy. I just want to be home with my kid or my dog and some sort of cupcake recipe.

That's all I really could do. And some sort of chore to do cookies or hanging pictures. It's gotta be some kind of a chore. Love it can't just be on her couch, you know? No. And so love is like, well, we got this moody tornado named Craig at dinner and left us like, oh yeah, Naomi said he was like really mean and then she was like, balling and everything.

Olivia said, yeah, he definitely snapped. So love us like, well, yeah, yet another reason why I didn't want to be there because things giving, like, they're really hurt my feelings like for Naomi, the way Craig was shooting her. And like, when he goes off on Naomi, I'm innately going to be protective, which is why I chose not to go on this trip

and make sure Naomi had no one to back her up. Yeah, it's like a home security system that's just tired of worrying all the time. It's like, hey, we got Rob, but wrong with you, I'm just so sick of being worried about you, okay? I turned myself off. So Libby is like I see

your side I really do but like are you gonna go into winter wonderland because I have a fun time and I just want to have a fun time in the debt that like I don't even think that's possible with this grow yeah she's just like I just want to go in there and like she says like I want to dip dip in these I think she means like go in and then leave she says, I want to dip in, I think she means like, go in and then leave. So then, I have Craig. Yeah, but that's Craig apparently, which I didn't know because someone told me his tongue thing. His dip, who's always doing his like, dip.

And I guess I remember that because we spotted the circular thing in his back pocket of his jeans, but that's gross. You're too hot to get. Disgusting. I'm sorry. Although I will say we do see a lot of Craig flashbacks in this episode because this is the episode that's like, oh my God, Craig is Oprah now. It's not crazy.

Like he couldn't even buy towels. I now look at him. He's Oprah. Who's your stedman, Craig? But we see all the clips of Craig when he was younger. And I think this is the first time I've ever said this, but God, Coke, but it looks good on you. I mean, your face has really filled out.

It looks great. Yeah. No, he is definitely Coke, but it looks good on you. I mean, your face is really filled out. It looks great. Yeah, no, he's definitely like, he looks better than he ever has. Yeah. So, so now, you see him lighting a fireplace. I think he's got one of those like logs. It looks like a basically a sausage roll, but you light it on fire.

And so he's like, yeah, a titty roll kind of like it in a yellow package and it's a dura flame. Yeah, it's a dura flame. Thank you, see you on the, yeah, a titty roll kind of like it in a yellow package and it's a Duraflame. Yeah, it's a Duraflame. You see? I'm a my own. Yeah, he's got a Duraflame and he's so proud of himself for lighting it on fire. You know how men have that pride of like, hey, who's gonna start the fire? I'll start the fire. No, I know how to start the fire. And there's like this little thing they do about starting a log on fire. Yeah, does that but it's with a durif lame He's like so proud of getting that thing lit And page like this is so count is so count and Craig is like I got your favorite things and

Discount are we burning discounts now? Oh, I didn't realize they sold cheese balls at Zara now, okay so I didn't realize they sold cheese balls at Zara now. Okay. So, it's because Craig has like a cheese ball, just like on a platter. And Paige has never had a cheese ball before. So she's like, wow, I've been fucking up not having cheese balls. This is crazy. I never thought I'd be the girl who'd be in Charlton,

even cheese balls. So he's like, let me show you the backups of the party. And he shows her this plan of the party. And she's like, oh, I love those trees, every girl would. And then he's like green. And he's like, green triangles on a piece of paper, by the way, it was like a very basic Microsoft paint, like, like, schematic.

And there was like a series of like seven green triangles. And she's like, oh, I don't have to turn you into the change in the crank. That's what we're like gonna bring it all together. And he tells us, I've always loved Christmas. And I'm always dreamed of having a company big enough to have a Christmas party. I love that, I love that dream for Craig.

I can imagine it's a little kid at like his dad's office party. Like, I'm gonna have an office party one day. You just why he doesn't dream about the job or anything. Just the office party part. Also, I think I'm getting to the point where I'm gonna need Christians to stop saying, I've always loved Christmas. I feel like it's okay.

You don't need that. Like, I'm not coming from a resentment as being a Jewish person. I'm just saying like, it's not a, it's not a bombshell revelation. Like, I don't need that. I'm not coming from a resentment as being a George, but I'm just saying, it's not a bombshell revelation. I don't need to be convinced. Christmas is wonderful. It's a super fun time of year.

I just feel like it's the same thing when chefs say, my culinary point of view, fresh ingredients and cooking with love. It's like, well, yes, obviously, obviously. I think you at this point, you're the only one. You know what I've always loved? Fire. It's toys. Yeah, it's like, I think you at this point you only know what I've always left fire Yeah, it's like I feel like it's not like it's not shedding light on it. It's not it's not a it's not a major Thing to reveal like I've always loved Christmas Congratulations congratulations, so does pretty much all the planet like I'm Jewish. I love Christmas. Okay. Yeah, like it prints it

He doesn't love it announced when you hate it. That is the more Not that's why Scrooge has his own like series of films. Yeah, he hates Christmas Or the grids like those people are famous who cares about fucking George Bailey Well, even he didn't love Christmas so much he was about to jump off a bridge during it So seriously he almost ruined everyone's Christmas when he did that. Yeah. Thank God he had a psychotic episode and saw an angel. Yeah, the people who are the people who say, like, I've always loved Christmas. Those are hallmarked channel people. Yeah. No one wants to sit with them. They would totally be at the kids' table at this party. I'm not dissing someone's love of Christmas.

I'm just saying when people announce it, like it's this fascinating character, like a part of their personality, I feel like almost everyone loves Christmas. Yeah. So, Pey does like, Clutchden, are you doing the seating chart? And he's like, no, everyone's big enough now

to choose for themselves. They're not a bunch of children. And she's like, well, I just could as control in chaos because like, you don't want Olivia to sit next to Madison. You don't want me sitting next to anybody who would pay full retail price. You don't want, he's like, I can't deal with this. All right, we're old enough to deal with that.

Yeah. Says the guy who actually wants a poppin' the biggest meltdown. So then she's like, I can't invite Naomi. And he's like, I don't want to. I don't want to. I love Christmas. And she's like, well, I think it'll be bigger. It'll be the bigger person if you invite Naomi.

And I think you not inviting her is like a bit harsh and makes you look petty which you are but people don't need to see that is sort of like when you buy something at half-off they don't need to know it's half-off you can say you paid full price you know I'm saying and so I like that this is bookended this whole season is bookended by Naomi being forced invited to parties right yeah because wasn't that the first party to it's like people you donended by Naomi being forced and vided to parties, right? Yeah. Cause wasn't that the first party to like people who don't like Naomi being forced to invite Naomi. What was the first one?

That was, was that Catherine's birthday party? Yeah. I was Catherine's birthday party. I think Catherine was a cast member. Yeah. And she's like, I would like to extend the invitation to come to my birthday party. And then she came. She's like, I fucking ate that bitch.

Why was she looking at me like that? So we start with that and we end with that. So Craig's like, well, she wants to come find, I just don't want to interact with her anymore. Also, Craig is just basically be a little remote controlled car controlled by page at this point. She controls him this entire episode.

He will invite Naomi. I will invite Naomi. Fight with Naomi. I'm gonna fight with him. Fight with Lava. She's time. I'm gonna fight with love and I get out. He's like, I just I just want this gala, which by the way, it's funny. That's a gala. I just want this gala to be a happy and like a celebration and like not dealing with shit from my past. I'm like, well, but it's also like half this party is, hey, remember how you guys were so mean to me? Look at me now. Like it's all about the past, in fact.

So some pages. You have to invite Naomi to the party that you're trying to impress Naomi with, you know? Yeah. I think that's actually what Paige really wants to do. It's like what you gave up. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

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feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So we go over to Patricia's house. And, you know, there's a lot of weird things in there. It's like a lot of little dirty stuffed animals sitting on a table on a flamingo running, like a Santa flamingo running.

And Naomi comes over in a crop top as one does to Patricia's house. I mean, I would like to give Naomi credit. That's a lot of gum chimp to show up at Patricia's house in the crop top. I just don't think that I would have the nurse to do that, even though that's how most of my clothes fit now. I mean, Patricia's house is kind of like a temple for excessive fabric, right?

I mean, the caftain is the exact opposite of a prop stop. So it is a bold move. fabric, right? I mean, the caftain is the exact opposite of a prop stop. So it is a bold move. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, so she arrives and they're immediately start talking about sham bongs and caviar. And Patricia is like, well, a friend of mine gave me sham bongs. I never heard of sham bongs. It's what I used to call a coop.

But get that sham bong out of here. That little fruity shambong turns out it's an actual piece of glassware. Who travels with that shambong in my ride? I'm never high on champagne, but maybe I would be with the shambong. How much money are you getting to say shambong? I know.

Shambong got a lot of publicity. Please stop saying Shambang. Like at this point, I'm uncomfortable with the word Shambang. Shambang. Shambang. Shambang. Shambang.

I hear it everywhere. It's like, come on, maybe have a nut to do that. Shambang. Shambang. Shambang. Shambang. Shambang. Shambang.

Shambang. That was my attempt to do ShakaCon. I feel for you. After all these years, I've never bothered to learn that rap, so every time I try to do a parody of it, it never makes sense, really? I know. I know. It was a fool for thinking I could even take on Shaka-Kon. I'm every Shambon. It's all in me.

Shambon in the Shambon, baby. Doin' the Shambon, Lee. Ain't no Shambon. Eat me, fat. I believe the Shambles are off you Joe Shambung well and let them shambung the way I won't try to hit those guys Sorry, I mean, you know, I was about to hit those notes.

Sorry, you know, I forgot to apologize that when I had my microphone staff on the Beverly Hills episode, it created a stretch of extremely loud and annoying static for the listeners. And I went back and I lowered the volume on that. So I apologize for hurting everyone's ears with that. And I also apologize for somehow topping it just now with my shock of cottonation. A lot of apologies. There could be anything worse than loud static. It's me seeing shocker. God. If I could be part of your shambon. Also, I've been apologizes for Disney casting a shambon as the new little mermaid. I got a really upset out there.

People, listen, mermaids are not real. Okay, if a mermaid is a shambon, that's fine. Everyone needs to chill out. Okay, so Madison and what's your button, Sneo? We hear both over there too, and the shambon. And everyone's squealing at each other. And, cause their girls, girls, my thing, my Patricia.

Also, they talk to Miss Patricia, like she's, on her final deathbed, like they always come in like, I miss Patricia. So, like Jesus, okay, she's here to get wasted with you. Like, not to have you read to her place on other piano But it's all calmed down So they talk about Whitney's haircut because he's the the Butler of course And so then they start doing some shambon shambon shambon shambon shambon shambon goes the trolley

Go go go shamb, you know what they say. Go go go, Shambon, you'll make it someday. Put your shirt and Shambon. Okay, so they do Shambon's and then Whitney dips his little cracker thing right into the caviar bowl. And now Whitney, I've never seen anyone do that. Winnie. There's like, you didn't like it was salsa. I was sorry.

I do have to say that when they were doing the shambangs, when he goes, mother, just Christ, I can't look. All the indigenties I've suffered because of my mother. And this has got to be a top five. Quiet. Whitney and put the shambang in your face. All right. Okay.

Bottoms up. although with this thing, who knows which one's the bottom, which one's the top? It's like Studio 54, 1992. Am I right? Cheers. Just to think I used to be doing kelk with cold powder. And now here I am doing shambons with crop top and hair girl.

So then Craig calls me on me. Yeah, Craig calls me on me. And he's like, what's up? So what's up? Just going over final things for the winter, Gala. And I want to let you know I would love to have you come. I'm sorry. The way I said those things, I should never elevate or raise my voice to anyone, especially you. No woman, literally no woman would like that.

Yeah, perfect. Good job. Good job. Thank you. Also, I can't believe I've been sleeping on cheese balls. These are wonderful. Why don't they have these in New York? Do people know about these? Can you get them half off somewhere? Yeah. Reading my page. Do you need to sound like you're being held by terrorists and you're asking for a ransom? Come on, Greg. And then Naomi is like, fuck your olive branch. I'm going to hit you in the head with it right now.

Because she's like, this is a combo we've had before. So like, I feel like you're going to do it again. And like, I don't really want to put myself in that position. And he's like, oh, okay really wanna put myself in that position. He's like, oh, okay, I just wanted to clear the, I just wanted to clear the air then. Don't care at all. Don't, oh, don't my not nervous about this at all.

It's like my phone's burping. So she hangs up and then Patricia goes slides down onto the floor, which I've like, we've never seen. And she's like, go go ahead don't mind me You know I would if I were you I would go and when your friends are gonna be there and who I think the Champagne finally hit it reminds me of 1987 being on the set of cheers and having an intimate moment with Ted Danston after we enjoyed some of those beverages

behind that bar. It's really, you know, we got a new store. I just got shambon. So Madison's like, well, this has been a little lady, Teddy. Well, I don't know. I prefer shit face.

I'm like, uh-huh. So then we go over to Page and Craig, who are checking out the Gala space. And he's like, oh my God, it's my first winter Gala. It looks so good. Yeah, so good. Like literally this is like a whole-ed row wedding. It's like, did they rent out like a high school gym?

What was that space they were in? It was like huge in cavernous. And like a hot, like a ceiling school gym. What was that space they were in? It was like huge and cavernous. Like a ceiling so hot, you couldn't even see the ceiling. It was such a big empty, cold space. Yeah. It really was. And it was a foundation. It was like the David Jenkins foundation for boys missing the front teeth or something like that. Yeah. So we meet Amanda, his business partner. I don't think we've met Amanda because what's, didn't we have like another lady that worked with him before? She's like, Craig, do your pillow.

Seems like whatever Reagan forget her name, but it was something like that. That was a different person. I don't know if we've met Amanda before. We might have, you know, there's, at this point, there's so many sort of like faces that kind of come in and out of this show, but yeah, we met Amanda, the party planner,

and she's like showing off like, okay, so there's like a photo booth. We got two bars, we got napkins. Oh my God, I love that the napkins are like little tuxedo jackets. That's like so cute. I already am liking and subscribing to your napkins. Yeah, it's like a tuxedo.

It's like, the theme is beautiful. Yeah, it's like a take a seat out. It's like the theme is beautiful. Yeah, the theme is Christmas Craig. Okay. I love Christmas. I've always loved it. And so, Amanda's like, okay, so all you really need to do for this entire party since I've done all of this stuff, okay, including the pillows that are over there, the heavier name on them.

Well, that's kind of funny, but I'm not better Um, all you really need to do is the seating chart and he's like no, we're not doing just eating chart We're very mature group of people She's like, are you sure you don't want to do a seating chart? Oh, no, because if it was like an event that people like don't know each other But like you know, I didn't tell people not to, not to say where they want to say it. You know what I mean? Okay, really? You don't think that's going to cause any drama? It will the people who have a seating chart. Okay, Craig. How does anybody work

with Craig? How? That's all because you know this is all he does. He watched in the office like, square pillows. Again, I want to make one that's like Oblong Tingle I want a T-Shade pillow can we do T-Shade pillows? He doesn't want to do the seating chart cuz he doesn't want to actually have to do a piece of work like yeah I mean, let's be honest like he was made Like clearly he's got a whole team Like I think Craig is like how about this we do a pillow in the flamingo on it and then they execute

You know, he may so some pillows, but it seems like he's got a team that's executing. He sort of says as much So I feel like When given an actual task to do he's like no, I don't they can find out where they want to sit Yeah, and so She's like well, it's longest tonight's peaceful because I I mean we worked really hard on this right Craig and he's like it will be peaceful Have you have you seen this so this is not gonna be peaceful so then we go over to Shep's house course my 902 dodo

Gorshree so we're a chef's house and he's with Taylor and he's still doing his best. Oh, I'm a good boyfriend everybody. Hey, Tate! Fucking idiot. I said that word my head. God damn fucking idiot. Hey, crackin' God damn idiot. Tate!

And she has like her dress for tonight and she's like, she's like, well I got some chicken collets for the dress. They're called boob pads to help fill it out. And he goes, oh, gosh, hitty bitty, titty committee, you're my right, T. She's like, thanks, thanks, chef, thanks. Thanks so much. He's got a blue suit.

I'd like to congratulate him on having a blue suit without like happy smiley faces all over it. I think this is one of the more tuned down things you've seen from shop and she's like, wow babe, that's really sharp. And he's like, why don't we go talk outside? What a beautiful day for me and my titty-itty bitty-titty-titty. Fuckin' idiot. Fuckin' hey, I just checked the weather.

Uh, the temperature is outside. You can't do fucking idiot. Okay. Well, the good news is your boobs are so small we don't have to worry about it being too cold outside. If you know what I'm saying, gosh. So, chef is like, listen, I want to talk to you about how gosh happy I am and we're happy. And I'm happy that we're happy. And I'm generally happy. And I think you're happy too, especially when I yell at happy and I'm genuinely happy and I think you're happy too especially when I yell at you so there's some things I need to work on and we've talked about it

but I want you to be there with me while I do that what I'm saying is stop everything in your life while I pretend to work on myself gosh and she's like well I will be there to love and encourage you all the way through all of this personal growth. And he's like, how the hell that means a world to me. And meanwhile, the music's like playing this tinkly piano. It reminds me of like one of those hypnosis tapes from the 90s that are like, I don't want to cigarette, or a snickers bar. All I want is the joy of family. You know, it's like, bring, bing, bing, bing. And he's like, yeah, put down that fanbong and then draw your family. You know, it's like, bring, bing, bing, and he's like, I'm not that bad.

And then draw your family. I don't want to do coke with cold porter anymore off of the bar at Cheers. All I really want to do is make a happy family and positive changes in the world. Bling, bling, bling, bling, I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately.

Quite a gathering to grow. I get off my head no see tape. He's like, shotgun is like, not on the same episode that I'm on. You're gonna be on episode later, Gavin. She's like, I do not open for Gavin DeGroge on your podcast. He's like, I didn't mean to work, I mean, it really does.

And I just feel really positive about you being in my life. I mean, wow, where are we going to go? I don't know. Where are we going? Who knows? But I want to go there together. And that's why I want to get down on one knee, which I won't because let's face it. My knees are made out of cream cheese. And I want to say, Taylor, and she's like goping, she's like, oh my God, there it comes. He's going to propose to me. I want you to quit your job and come and come travel the world with me. And she's like, what's

it? Well, you know, and he tells us traveling is the ultimate parameter of a relationship. Bill Murray made his speech here in Charleston. He said, if you love somebody, travel to places that are hard to get to, hard to get back to. And then if you do get back together, when you get to the airport, ask her to marry you. I'm like, or go to the mall. That's also a pretty good barometer too. Just try that out. Or like, I remember 30 Rock, that 30 Rock episode, go to IKEA. If you can survive IKEA, you will be fine. You don't have to go to Myanmar to figure this out. Also, can I just point out,

one of the happiest looking people I've ever seen. It's not Bill Murray, okay? Okay. But, if anybody even seen the man smile, okay. I think we all know the key to a successful relationship is to start up your own real estate agency and then wear hats all over TV.

26 years, Calamaricio. Oh, and he's just such a gross. He's such gross high phrases it to, because he's like, you know, everything happening here right now, this tiny balcony, that dead plant, you gave me that I couldn't really keep alive. It's all my dream and you're the star of my dream. It's like, wow, I cast you in my dream. Now, don't you want to do exactly what I, it's just so gross. Yeah. So he's like, I'm going to take,

like, 20,000, did he say $20,000? $30,000. Oh, 30. So I'm going to take $30,000 and vote it in a joint account. And me and you can travel the world until we run out of money. I was like, $30,000, where are you staying? The big six. Okay. So we've done it two weeks. What the hell kind of cheap ass travel is that? And he's like, I know it's scary, but I think we could benefit from an adventure because basically you never know who you'll find

on Ryan in a different country. So she's like, she's like, well, if he wants me to uproot my life and put all my eggs in one basket, Taylor! Sorry, I'm not allowed to say eggs anymore. It gives me nothing to lean on except for him and I don't know how to feel.

There's a lot to unpack here. And he's like, you should really think about it, Taylor. Me, cheap hotels, places you've never been to and don't know how to leave. Doesn't it sound fun? She's like, uh, so then by the way, if your metaphors are clashing, that's a bad sign. If he's telling you pack up so we can go and you're saying there's a lot to unpack, you're not on the same wavelength.

Yeah, right. So now we go to Vinita with her dog, Charles, you know, and no one cares. It's like, she's about to lose. No one's putting on makeup. So this is like the who cares part. And Austin is blow drying his hair, which I'm now obsessed with,

he's Austin blow drying his hair scenes, because you really do see how important it is to him. The way he looks at it, and getting it perfect and just staring at himself before he leaves, I love that insecurity about him and I cannot wait to see him go bald. Please, Lord, I love him off for Christmas. I've always loved Christmas. And he's wearing boxers that have a little tuxedo shirt on the dick. And he's like, wow, these make my dick look huge.

And thankfully we cut away right then and there. And then more makeup, more makeup. And now I really didn't think that I have to say. I was like was Danny DeVito invited to the Oscars? Like, who's that? Um, so then we see Taylor covering a pimple and she's like, where's your pimple? She's like, right here, chap. And he's like, Taylor, her the only one that sees these things. You don't really have a pimple. You're even gaslighting pimples. Stop. Just stop.

I mean, while Catherine, for the first time in life, five episodes she returns and she's like, okay, I need to figure out my look for tonight. She like reaches for like the spackle. She's like, okay, bring it. It's just like a bucket and a shovel. Okay, I'm ready to put this foundation on. It's called Take the Cake.

I like the name of that one. So then we go over to page and Craig and she like, see, I'm like, my dress and it's like this white pretty dress and it's got this cut out from like above where a muffin top would be if she had one. I'm like, probably down to like mid-thigh or something on the side. And it's, I mean, God, can you imagine looking like that? It looks like you see her body moving. It looks like a little doll. I was like, wow. What's that like?

What's it like to go to it? Like even fill up gas looking like that. I wonder what that would be like. I'm like, hi, hi, everybody. I'm just getting some unleaded over here. Anybody off like Christmas? Anybody else? Greg's like, you look like Cindy Luhu, but like a hot Cindy Luhu

because I love Christmas. She's like yeah. Could we like children, characters, less at Christmas? That would be great. Every woman would love that. Yeah, great. So where at Craig's winter, winter, the end party now, and they're walking in giggling and she goes, Craig, look at this. You did all of this. He's like, we did it. She's, uh, you did it, Craig. You did it. And he goes, you're right. Because at the end of the day, it's my vision. No, sir. No, you didn't do shit and you know you didn't do shit for this party. He's like, I've done all of this. Meanwhile, we're going to see the eight employees sitting there. Now, look, it's normal that people have a company, but Craig, Paige, stop driving Craig this hard. You know what I mean? He actually said

we, and then you changed it to you. Don't turn him into a total monster. Well, also, I just find for him to say it's, it's my vision.'s my vision and it's like holiday decorations. I think it's the one that's Christmas. I'm a Christmas. I also like that when they were walking up to the venue, he's like, page, you look so pretty. And then he walked into a branch. He's like, Oh, my hair.

It was looking so good too. So then he's, so then he's like, tells us because he's looking at his, his party set up. He goes, my mind is like processing a lot right now. For instance, tin foil. Have you ever heard of it? It's a thing. God, my mind is still trying to wrap my head around it. Anyway, does it really keep anything fresh? Because I think like the Eric can get around it or under it. I just don't really get it.

It's but like seeing this, seeing this, this party, it's kind of like the scene at the end of your movie where your life flashes between your eyes, not, not before your eyes, or in front of your eyes, but between your eyes. And hopefully I'm not dying. And I have all these images going through my mind right now. I don't think every movie has, I just like that, I like that like every movie that Craig Watches has someone like right before it ends, someone like be like, my life. And they just like flashbacked everything in their eyes. That's why everyone at the end of a death scene in a movie has like a

sinus problem. They all reach for their sinus. Like, oh, so Craig, we see the scenes that are flashing before his eyes. And they only like, I can't take you seriously without sewing machine. And Patricia saying like, well, when you do a pillow, you should work on the odd a little bit more and make sure it doesn't look like clip art. Craig, Cameron laughing in his face. Naomi being like, you sit home and you sew. What's wrong with my soul?

Hey. So he's like, yeah, a lot of people named Naomi who dad is sewing down south are going to be in this room tonight. And I'm sure it's a little bit fun to say like, fuck you. You didn't believe me again, Naomi. What's wrong with my sewing now? The ad So that everyone starts to arrive. Lots of people we've got

Shep and Taylor. We got Jerry Craig's partner, Vanita, Tati, Leva, and then Marcy and John show up. And then Craig is like, wow, Marcy had a child seven days ago, and Marcy goes, actually it was two weeks ago. I was pregnant two weeks ago. And then Olivia is going to pick up Austin and Sushie calls him and he's like,

Oh, I was dreams of you. Bigger me up. Stay right now. You coming over on the call? I love how modest his dreams are. This explains a lot about Austin. Why he doesn't really do anything with his life because his biggest dream is a little be a picking him up in a car.

A hot-o-dove driver. Yeah. So, basically, she's like, my bra's made out of duct tape. He's like, what? Because it's a low, it's a plunging neckline. He's, oh, hey, did you bring in an overnight bag or what? Because till Robin, you ain't coming home tonight and sin. My penis is dressed formally under these pants.

We just see Robin standing in a window petting a little dog like, you better have her back by 10 pm, but she want your laughter. And children have fun. So then I'm back at more people are arriving and then chef is like, oh gosh, Marcy, how's Edy? Oh, she's a sweet baby. Wow, she's just like, she's just like the sweetest baby. I'm like, again, this goes up there with the I love Christmas

because I'm yet to meet a parent that's like, oh God. My new baby's, my two week old baby who's just there like, love what a fucking idiot what a bitch am I right Of course it's one of my favorite people and I won't name her but when she had a baby I was like how's the baby she's just oh my god this fucking sucks no one talks about how much this fucking sucks This is horrible. They don't even look at you she said Like you stay up all night and they don't even look at you because their eyes don't focus really right. So there's nothing like you're did turning and you're feeding your baby and it's

looking right past you. Like it's not even paying attention. It's like you're my favorite forever, ma'am. So then let's see Madison's heckin' finita, you know, she looks gorgeous Madison and A lot of Marcy talk a lot of hair for this part. Yes a lot of Southern hair and then Austin and Olivia finally get there And Olivia goes to say hi to people and Austin goes right up to Marcy goes oh my god You look amazing are your boobs. I mean your boobs are those because of just yeah because that like baby milk They're like filled with baby milk and he goes wow it's really hard to keep my eyes up here my eyes are up my eyes are in your eyes to promise Always charming really really living up to the name of the show, you know This is charming is when Hannibal or when Jody Foster is walking through

This is charming is when Hannibal or when Jody Foster is walking through you know death row to see Hannibal Lecter and someone just like flicks Spooge at her face. It's very charming Austin very charming. Yeah, and but I would I can't imagine awesome You like So then so then chef is talking to Madison and Patricia's like so gosh I heard you all got drunk last night and And Patricia's like, I was shit face to be honest. Put a sham bomb in my ear by accident. Those things are hard to work. So then chef is with Patricia Whitney and Madison. And he's like, oh, that was the part you just did.

Sorry. So then Austin and Craig are talking about how Craig should be so proud and Craig's like, yeah, I know. And you know what I love? Christmas Craig, I know, goddamn. But if ever there was a crow eating moment for everybody else, this is it. This is it.

Why do you want me crow? We have like a steak and chicken, but why do you want to crow? No, Craig, it's a metaphor. He crow if you want, I'm not gonna tell of adult what to do. I just saw a crow between my eyes. So then Naomi and Gwen's show up together.

And Naomi's like, I'm walking into enemy territory medicine. Like Craig hates me. And Craig, so she's basically like, I'm going to come to this thing regardless. And Craig's like, I have to laugh to myself because Naomi thought leaving a lot of so was the biggest clown idea in the world. And here she is walking into my company's Christmas party. I was like, well, you know, who's not walking into your company's Christmas party? All those people that were sitting on the pillows at the beginning of the episode, by the way.

Where are your employees? Those pillows are the ones that are giving away his guests. They're like, don't be lonely, buddy, these are but tarnished pillows. So, not fresh, not fresh pillows. So Naomi's like, thanks for having me cry. And he's like, yeah, well, sorry for disinviding you. And she's like, it's like giving like a dirty look

and looking away from him. I mean, come on, make some kind of an effort. Yeah, I mean, I mean, she knows what's going on here. And I'm top of that, she says, I'm coming because I'm not gonna let Craig push me out of a friend group that I'm already in. She's like, you're not gonna to kick me out of this show. You know, I'm not going to be smiling, be nice because I'm so happy to be invited.

I'm, I'm being like, you know, I am in this group. Okay. And you can deal with me. So now Olivia and Taylor are talking and they're getting pictures and Madison's watching them and she's like, hmm, they might be ever there for, they might be have. Oh no, they're watching Madison take pictures. Like, yeah, I don't know if we're going to be able to take pictures. She might be over there for they might be over oh no they're watching Madison take pictures like yeah I don't know if we're gonna be able to take pictures she might be over there for a while of course Madison's like making a full us weekly shoot out of it she's like yes now let's

see one like we just jumped but we're really happy about it hey let's make one like we just fan cornering our stock it boom for it come on hold on hold on one second now. Let's go on Amazon live. Okay. Hey Amazon live We are here at a Christmas party and I have to say that any X's that are here at this party with me They all suck not name and names. Okay, Merry Christmas y'all Yeah, if you need some Christmas suggestions for your children, I'd suggest a pogo sticks They're much more fun to ride than Austin. Okay, my Christmas everybody. So then Patricia goes up to Marcy and she goes, so my God,

did you have a baby? Look at you two weeks ago. I was pregnant. It's just a little Marcy showing baby the baby photo over and over and over again this episode. Yeah, so Naomi be lines to the bar to get a drink. And Vinita's like, okay, it's Naomi's here. I'm going to go talk to Naomi. So she goes to talk to her and she's like, hey, happy you came.

And she's like, yeah, happy you came. And she says, yeah, real dodgy there. Anyway, and she turns back to the guy that she was talking to at the bar. And he's like, she's like, no, wait, finished because I've reaped the story is so good. Go ahead, Roger. And he's like, yeah, and then mom, like then she found that she had to get back surgery.

So now mom's stuck with back surgery. Have you ever wiped your mom's butt before and she's like, okay, yeah, I'm still gonna pretend, you know, I'm just gonna walk over here. I've been need this, like, sorry to interrupt, but are we okay? She's, we're good. And then the video's like, all right.

And then, Naomi just like, Naomi goes, um, okay. And then just walks away. It was so cold. I was like, Naomi goes, um, okay. And then just walks away. It was so cold. I was like, Naomi, are you seriously still like raking Venita over the colds over that steepened moment for real? That's crazy.

So then, Venita goes over to Tati and she's like, oh, I think Naomi's avoiding me. And Tati's like, well, you got a puller. You have to pull her, otherwise, it's just going to get worse. So then we go, we see an oyster and we hear Austin's like, oh, is this a Rob Bar bitch? It's like, well now it's a Rob Bar plus alive a bitch actually. No one does oysters.

You don't want to serve open oysters around that mouth for sure. Yeah. So Madison's talking to Paige and she, oh, Hi, did you actually have with the party payments, Matt? She has a mouth, not really. So then Catherine arrives with a guy and she's got this huge billowy train behind her. And they played the theme song to like, And Craig goes, who's the monk? Oh, it's Catherine. And so she comes in like her cape is willowing behind her and then she just exhales a huge plume of vape.

Yeah. So now, now Leva and Craig and Venita and Amanda, the party plan, they're all talking and Craig starts saying like, yeah, I mean, I like took years off of my party planner's life because my ideas are impulsive And I know they're gonna work and love us like well ideas are the easy part like you know that right? Like anyone can have ideas and he's like, oh, I know. That's why I have my team. That does this. It's just like Just like okay. Yeah, well well, look, you know what? I can't even matter, you Craig, because I love Amanda so much.

I love has this thing that she loves this party planner. So she's like, she's just a person. She says, like, I be lined right to the Persian. Oh, that's what it was. Yeah, they're like Persian sisters. And so, yeah, she's being an asshole. Like, who does that at someone's company party? Listen, we're doing a behind this back.

My one goes to somebody's party and is like, Oh, yeah, thank God to the people who actually do things. It's your company cracks. Like fuck off, Leva. Like you haven't left your kitchen this whole, I mean, this whole season. So then Catherine's looking at baby pictures with Marcy and then she goes,

Yeah, it's like so crazy because they're like so dependent on you. And Catherine's like, So then we go to Sheep and Whitney and Craig talking and Craig's like, Wow, this is like the best I've ever seen you dress a shop like. And it also goes, yeah, you're close fit. Nuts, it snuts right now. And they're clean and they're ironed. And the buttons are buttoned to the right slots

on the shirt this time. So you don't have that thing or one side's longer than the other, Shep. Of course, yeah. I love the standards of Shep's clothes. And so then Marcy then goes up to Taylor and Marcy's like, so, I heard you and Shep are gonna travel around, which is so,

like, Marsy is such a, I don't wanna say Shepp enabler, but like, she's there to enforce Shepp's plan. Right. She's one of the blue ladies in the handmaid's tale. She's one of the blue women, the women in the blue dresses. That's what she is. I don't know what that means. She's one of the wives. I already know that it's correct. Well, they're like the red coats who, the ladies who are the handmaids. Like, they have to have the babies.

And then the blue coats are the wives. And they're the ones that keep the handmaids in line, you know, and like work against their own best interests. That's Marcy. She should have worn a blue fucking dress. Yeah. That's 100. Like, it felt like one of those movies where there's like the evil cousin or sister

or something who just is like, so you're going on, that if you want to be part of this family, you go on the trip with Shea. You have a walking round like, look at my baby. I mean, now that I've said blue dress, I will never see that. God, you're good, me. So then she's like, yes, you guys are going traveling

and she's like, well, I mean, we talked about it, but I have a life here, you know, like I have a mortgage to pay for. She's, oh, you can rent it. You can rent it. Shut up, Marcie. I don't know. Not everybody wants to be on the fun begging their mother for a fucking, you know, baby stroller.

Right. Like this is, I mean, and we all see where this is going to go. Of course, Taylor is going to go traveling with Shepp. And we all know that they break up. So you're just, my heart is already kind of breaking for her. Like you're about to give up so much for this guy and it's not going to work out. Like don't do this. You're just going to be like a roundup in the Shepp system and spit out.

Well, luckily she's a nurse, right? I know. That's what I was talking about. So if you're going to take a right? I know, that's what I was thinking. That's what I was thinking. If you're going to take a break from a job, that's the one to do it because they're really understaffed, you know. So luckily, nurses are always in demand. Well, not luckily, but luckily for her. Luckily for humanity.

Luckily for humanity that we have enough issues that we always need nurses. Yeah. So, Chef tells, Chef's talking about it with the guys. And he's like, yeah, I just want Taylor to quit her job and come travel with me. And Craig says, but if she quits her job, there's no end to Ben and say, then you control everything. And Whitney says, it's a false step.

It means it's a false step. She got me. And Chef's like, it's a quay step, it's a quay step! One small step for man, one giant step for garish kind! So then, now, and another part of this party, Vanita is sitting in a chair and Naomi walks by so Vanita is like, hey, can we talk? She's like, you were someone I care about, so let's cut the shit.

If you think I'm being someone's pet, be like, listen, V, just like, just like, tell me. I mean, Naomi's like, can we talk about this another time? And Venita's like, well, will we actually, will we actually talk about it? And Naomi's like, probably not actually, because yeah, probably not. I mean, we've known each other a long time, but I realize there's not a deep

friendship there. I'm like, Naomi, you like, she's such a shit head. It's so savage. So many of this is going as Venita is sitting. So she pulled Naomi while she was walking by and Naomi's just standing in front of her. So already the power dynamics like in a conversation are just so shitty, right? Like, it just so shitty right. Like I can't even see in his empty seat and talk to me, you know. Yeah, this is, this is not cool.

Now look, I get that she doesn't like that Venita gets on this show and then in Naomi's mind, it's like, oh, now you're standing up for Craig when you know what Craig has done to me. But you can say that and have that out without being like this. I mean, this is just gross. And I don't think that what Vinita said last week was really the biggest crime against humanity. When she said, well, he was hurt.

You have to acknowledge that he was hurt. That is not like the mo, like, yeah, I understand how it maybe felt disloyal in that moment in Naomi, but like when cooler heads prevail, she should realize it's really not that big of a deal. And like, it's not worth throwing out what was said. I don't think it's what was said. It's that she, she's sitting there being buddy,

buddy with Craig online and then suddenly standing up for Craig. You know, I don't think it's really what she said. I think it's just like, oh, okay. Now I see. Now you're just gonna be with Craig because now you're gonna be on this show. So it's more important for you to be with the popular kid than be with the girl on the out.

So he's trying to attack at every party. So you're just going to jump ship and be on his side now instead of my side. So I think it's like a lot deeper than that, but she could have just been told her that exactly. I was like, I think what you say is true, but I think it's also like if you have a friendship that's pretty Has pretty lengthy even if it is sort of surface there I feel like you can still talk about it and yeah, like this is how I felt and this is how you made me feel And I just kind of like just hung around to dry

I don't know. I thought it was like I'm a big Naomi fan, but I thought this is this was like really it felt cruel and so This was like really, it felt cruel. And so, you agree. And Vinnie is like, so are you trying for the deep friendship or not? And he's like, well, when I was in like a very uncomfortable position, like what did you do?

Nothing. You don't care about me, you only care about yourself. That's just how I feel. I was like, so, I don't think that Vinnie was caring about herself in that moment. Like say what you will,

everything that you just said Ronnie was true, but I don't think it was a was caring about herself in that moment. Like say what you will, everything that you just said, Ronnie was true, but I don't think it was a moment of like only caring about myself. She was just like having a nice time. Yeah, and she's like, I'm just being honest with you. I mean, Venita's like, well, don't shut me down though. I mean, come on, don't just shut me down. And she goes, enough, that's enough of this. And Venita says, oh, you're going to walk away because you don't want to hear what I

have to say. And Naomi tells us, I'm not friends with people that I don't trust. So yeah, this is like a friendship defining moment. Because Vinita's like, well, as my friend, just well, right now we're not friends. And so then she walks away. And it's like, and then that's the moment.

I was talking about Latcha last week, but like broke my heart, singer and the previews for Vinita just like stands up and it just starts crying. And she's like, I need to go. I was like, Venita, like I felt so bad for Venita in that moment. It was so like my heart broke for her. So then people are taking pictures, another part to the party and Madison's like, what do you have both hands and Catherine's like, that buff band and Catherine's like, he's gay. And I like that it's Charleston, so you have to say that like, cancer on,

like it's a cancer. You know, like an old movie. Was that movie that they had to whisper cancer? Took place in Brooklyn. Nevermind, move past, move, but they were like, he has cancer. It's like he's too short. That's a weekday, okay.

He's too short. That's a weekday. Okay, he's gay. Catholic goes, he's gay. And Madison goes, oh, those are the best. So, like it's a new set of shoes. But Trisha's like, well, we have to go. We're just here for cocktails. Unfortunately, no one called Santa Shambon. So we're going to be one called Santa Shambon.

So we're going to be leaving now. Shambon, everybody. Shambon. Patricia's like the drama's about to start. So I'm going to get on out of here before people start dropping the F bombs. By the way, it's been like three months of watching YouTube TV. Every commercial break is no more F bombs. That's the they always show that promo per se. The whole season boiled down to that. So page and Craig wanted to sit down at the table

because it's now it's time to move to the table. And the moment we've been waiting for, the moment we knew was gonna cause chaos because it's been alluded to all episode long. And it's a Southern party. You cannot have no seating chart, right? So, he's like, uh-oh, someone claimed to center seats and that's where you wanted to sit.

Maybe we should have had a seating chart. Done. And everyone's like, is there a sign seating? Gorsh, is there a sign seating? Are there play cards? Where's the seating? Where's everyone's like asking for it? Is there a sign seating?

Gosh, he even does it from the parking lot. Is there a sun seating? Wow, is that Thomas Ravino outside of asking about it? So if I were you, I would have had a sun seating. Oh my God, JD. JD. Who are sun seating? Oh my god JD JD who are Sun seating So basically there's no sign seating so there's chaos and people are like sitting down and moving around and then Craig is like Okay boys on that side and then girls sit across from your dates on this side Like good luck gay guy and Craig is getting all all stressed out. Like he's got that string of hair in his face. And he's starting to sweat like Greg does. And he's standing up. And

he's like, you sit there, you sit there. And then you come sit there. And then you come sit there. And then you go to the dark. He's starting to like slowly lose it. And he doesn't give Naomi a seat in all of that. And so it's a big long table. We should make a big long table. And there's two big long table. There's two big long tables. Yeah, there's like right next to each other, but there's, you know, a gap between them. So he seats everybody at his table that he likes, right? And so Naomi doesn't get one. And she's like, um, Craig, are there like seats? And he goes, uh, not if you're single. I guess you guys have to sit at the other table. What the hell? This was so rude.

I don't know. Look, it's a party and, you know, like the rational, my mind says, it's a party and sometimes you don't get to sit with who you want. I get that. But this was like to have the whole cast and then you have Naomi and Leva had to sit

at this big long table with with winds. Winds is already sitting at the table. Winds is like, I know my lot in life. She only took a seat. And she looks so depressed, dude. Doesn't like winds always look so sad. She's like sitting there all along there.

I cannot believe I have to sit here. She's like, I thought things would be better for me after I went on to below deck. I thought I was going to be a star. And they're sitting, I mean, look, he should have made an L table, right? Or four tables that are all in a big square or something, you know, like, smaller tables that way, it's like smaller tables. But yeah, this is shitty because the table there at isn't full. It's like three quarters of a table empty.

So it really is like, okay, all the single people go over there. And on top of that, I mean, like John and Marcy got a seat at the big table and not like Leva and Naomi, and say what you want about Leva, about how she had a bad attitude or whatever, coming into this, or both of them, but like it's fucked up. It's really fucked up.

And they are like, so Naomi is like, well, this is so annoying. And Craig goes, well, you didn't have to come, which is so rude to be like, you're so lucky to be at this party. So you'll have to sit wherever, like, but you don't get to sit with us. So rude. Okay. And she's like, well, thanks for making me feel awkward. And he's like, I can only do so much.

And then she basically, I think, I really says, it's like, I'll invite you to my party, but you can't sit with us, like how immature that feels. Even if, to be fair, it wasn't totally intentional, because it was like everyone could sit down wherever they wanted, but Craig really didn't, like, went out of his way to make sure that table was full and they had to sit

somewhere else. He's just such a dick too like are there seats? Not if you're single. I mean what the fuck dude? So there we have that I thought you were joking. I didn't hear that he said that that's awful. He's saying like all the couples and what he meant was like He's saying like all the couples and what he meant was like, because he said even you said across from your date. So all the boys sit on this side and all the girls sit on this side. So when I came to her, she's like, no, because you don't, who do you have to sit across from right? So he's such an asshole. So they sit there and poor Gwen.

I love this because they're being so mean, like just looking right past Gwen. And they're like, I can't believe we can't sit over there. This is ridiculous. And they're giving really dirty looks. Like they're not, I can't believe we can't sit over there. This is ridiculous. And they're giving really dirty looks. Like they're not hiding it at all. And love is saying, well, I want to sit at least with Amanda and Jerry, like, cause I don't know how they put up with Craig. Honestly, like, why am I even friends with these people?

So fucking toxic. So all level wants to do is go sit talk Craig, right? Yeah. She does. And Craig sees him and he's like, they're having his, his he fits over there. And she goes, you sure having hissy fits over there. And Chip goes, you shot a darn seeding chart! And goes, no I shouldn't, we're all adults!

It says, I've got to win to most childish. He goes, this is my party. And I'm gonna have fun if I want to, it's not even I'm gonna cry if I want, I'm gonna have fun if I want to. And if you two are trying to keep me, like, and you two are trying to keep me from having fun, but it's fine, they can sit by themselves.

Shit happens. It's actually so ungracious as a host. Like it is actually so, like, it is, oh, it makes me so mad. In case you can't tell, this is where my triggers are gonna hit right now. Yeah, geez. And he's saying, well, if I made a seating chart

and put them over there, that would be a dick move. But listen, they could have sat themselves, right? So now here's where I kind of break off. Because listen, I am single always constantly and I'm always going to weddings and stuff like that. So I'm always in this position, you know, and normally I'm assigned to this position, which he's right, is more offensive.

But I go have fun with whoever I'm with. Like I don't sit there and stew about it, like where I'm sat. I mean, Levin Naomi are friends, and they're both supposedly friends with Gwen. So why don't they just laugh with Gwen and go sit by the other employees or whatever and make the most of it instead of being little assholes, because they just sit there and stare daggers the whole time. Like, well, making it like, because they just sit there and stare daggers the whole time. Well, I will say that. I will say that. I will say that.

I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that.

I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that.

I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. like it sucks, but you should, you know, but you are still with your friends, you should be able to have fun. But then as the episode goes on, we see that entire group laughing and joking and doing toast to each other. And then you know, like those are all your friends. And then the three of you are basically in this corner of the table not being part of it. And I was like,

I think the reason why I got so upset watching it is because I've definitely been in that position before and it's in those moments, you're faced with your lack of gravitational pull. And you're right, you should be able to make fun and talk with other people, but the truth is that this means that Naomi and Leva, they're the only ones out of the group

who have to, like, they can't be totally themselves now. Now they have to be talking to people they don't really know and making conversation. They can't just have the ease of just being with their friends just like shooting this shit and having a great time. And this reminds me of, I don't think I, I'm trying to remember if I told this story or not. I feel like maybe I told it when we had that big debate about the smokers on the low deck sailing out one time. But I don't think I told the story because I didn't tell the story,

but I decided I'm finally gonna tell the story. Are you okay with a story time moment? Go for it, man. Okay, because it's gonna sound, it's gonna sound like a little classic banal name drop, you're whatever. But I, back like 20 years ago, I used to be friends with Ben Mackenzie, who was Ryan on the OSE. And so the reason why I'm bringing this up is because he had a birthday party.

And it was his first birthday party, like the O.C. had premiered. So he now was like famous and all the cast was there. It was this whole thing. And after the birthday party, we went to the standard hotel. You just have like a diner in it. And there were like these three big banquets in the back of the diner. So afterwards, everyone went to the, everyone went to the, to the diner. And so the first group of people,

the first group of people, they went, they like, they filled up one banquet. And then I was at another banquet. And then, and everyone was just like hanging out, talking, having a good time, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm drunk. And then Ben, Ben, he came in sort of later and he came in with like three or four people and he sat down at the third banket. And I just remember everyone standing up and

getting out of my banket and the other banket and squeezing into Ben's banket. And they were, if they couldn't fit in it there are people with half a butt cheek off the edge of it. People standing up standing over and hanging off the ceiling fans like little Gremlins. Yeah, and like I get it because he's like famous. He's like newly famous. Yeah, they're the kisses at first day party, but I wound up sitting my booth. I was like, I'm not going to do that.

Like that's just like, it's kind of like not my vibe to do that, I just feel like it's so like superficial. And I just remember sitting there and it was just me and Rachel Belson's publicist. And the two of us in this big-ass booth, and just the two of us, and then everyone else was cramming in on Ben's booth. And I remember, it felt like really humiliating.

It felt like, wow, like all these people are so superficial. I know this is totally different than the Southern Charm situation, but I remember thinking in that moment, like, gosh, I can't believe that no one is thinking, like, oh, we, what we're doing is kind of shitty. Like we should kind of like go back and sit, like, like, maybe we should sit with those people.

We just fully left them in the middle of the conversation, you know? And I kind of watching this thing happen on Southern Charm, I kind of felt like where their hurt was coming from was not just that they were left out, but that no one in that table thought, you know what, I'm gonna go sit with them also, you know? And I'm not saying I'm deeply traumatized by that one story. I just always thought that was a crazy thing and so Hollywood. But like that's a story where I'm like,

I understand that feeling of being like two people at a big-ass empty table, well, everyone else is somewhere else at the party just having fun and no one even cares. So that's- But people wanna be around fun people. So if they're sitting over there at their own table, giving dirty looks to everybody and rolling their eyes,

who's gonna be like, hey, come over here and talk for a minute, pull up a chair? You know, because that's what people I feel like would do if you look like you're having fun. But who wants to call over a bunch of eye rolling pissed off people who really, you can see why they're over there? I mean, Leva doesn't come to group events because she hates them all. And all she does is talk about how much she hates them why they're over there. I mean, Leva doesn't come to group events because she hates them all.

And all she does is talk about how much she hates them. They're so toxic and she doesn't want to hang out with them. And then Craig goes up to Naomi and she's just rolling her eyes at him and being like, whatever Craig, when he just divided her beyond their fight. So like, I get that it's also a season finale party and not just his party, so that's like another element of it.

But I'm saying he's wrong, but they're not helping basically. They should have teamed up with the employees at the other table and had a party and made it look like they're taking a good. They should have. They could have still had fun and they don't need to have the other people to have fun and they have each other and they can also have fun. But I understood, I felt like I really understood why they were so frustrated because I've definitely been in that situation where I've been like and it's not just it was not just been McKenzie's birthday party

I just bring up that story because it was so ridiculous to me. It was so so crazy ridiculous that that happened. But I've definitely been in that situation where like, you know, everyone sits down and the big table fills up and then you're like with two people at some random next table next to it and like and I was not giving Snotty eyes at those moments and still sucks. It just always sucks to be in that position. Well, that's where we are at this party. So Olivia, so now Madison starts piping up, right? Because the girls are pissed and everybody's noticing their pissed. Because the girls are pissed and everybody's noticing their pissed. And then Madison goes, Well, I don't think life even got to me, and I went to a wonderland, not slutty, ho. I mean, why should dress like that?

Like a slutty ho. I'll say, what the hell? I'll talk to you. What are you talking about? You're in a crop-trop dress yourself, ma'am. I know. I don't rid of this come from. And then Olivia's like, she's like,

I don't like this mean girl energy. And it's like, she's like, I don't like this mean girl energy. And I think after just drugs like, really? Get used to it, be honest. What do you think you are right now? You moved from LA to be on this show. So let's stop with the fake piety. And so even though I agree with Olivia Madison's and asshole, I'm so mean.

So she's like, oh my god, let's do a blessing. Even though I really don't believe in just kidding. Don't tell your parents. I said that. Tavyr was going to travel the world with me. Okay. Rub a dub dub. Thanks for the crowd.

Ken Burns. Yay. Ken Burns. Thank. I just want to God. Thank you all for the friends, specifically the friends at this table and only this table for this beautiful party I could not think of better people to share a giant table with and anyone who's not this table Well, maybe that's just Scott's plan. Hey man

So Naomi and love are like like they're they're on men is like so then Shaps like me this food make us happy to the new years and then after the new years We're not probably being a big eight motel and Guam with Taylor. So Love us like this is like the dinner from Actually, we've heard the dinner is actually going very smoothly It's only just hellish for her, but that's right.

It's just those two with their eye rollies. And so Craig's like, I have a speech. Like, my one and a thing, people for the Christmas past and from Christmas present and from the Christmas future. Thank you for cheering Amanda coming into my life. You're why I'm a brand. And, Chef, you always said I'm an idiot for this job, but thank you, because I wouldn't have been motivated,

had you not called me an idiot. So thanks for being here. God, I love sharing this with you guys. Chef's like, you're welcome. And then Levin, Naomi just like, still mad. And it's like more cheers. And Chef goes, her rump, her rump, her rump. So then, so now Naomi gets up to go get a drink

and Leva's like, she really wants to like talk with Amanda and Jerry. And I don't understand the seating arrangement or Amanda and Jerry at the other end of their long ass table is that what it is not allowed to sit with them. No, so this is what I'm saying. They're at a table with other people, but they're soircestering themselves

to the end of the table and being bitchy about it, instead of going to the employee side of the table and mixing with them. But now, the now lever does do that, by the way. So to be fair, like, lev is now like, I'm gonna go talk with it. But not to have fun to talk shit about crap. Well, that is fun.

What are you talking about? That isn't party. I mean, that is the fun. That is the fun. Like this, I know this is a lot of opinions about this party and seating arrangement, but Craig could kind of call it. I mean, love it just comes in to spread toxicity everywhere. And he's like, fuck her, you know? Most others Craig does that. Craig spreads toxicity.

He gave an insincere invitation to people and did not make them feel welcome. So So then so basically so Leva goes over to talk to a man. She wants to talk to Amanda and Jerry and then meanwhile Taylor's a big flon fight. Yeah, I got to say to her the fly Guess what ship guess what this dessert is Crembroula That's a flaw. There's no Crembruleee. That's a flaw. This is not Crembrule.

It's a flaw. And John's like, it's a Crembrule. It's a Crembrule. No, it's a flaw. And John goes, it's all custard, at the end of the day. It's all custard, which is why I'm having a very happy life with a woman who was pregnant. And you see, finish it.

John's like, Texas. Taylor, maybe if you traveled with me, you'd understand the difference between Flaw and Craig Belaik Yeah, this was not a cranberry like Shups right so Leva is talking to the team as she's like kneeling between their seats, you know And she's like I mean a Craig it's out of line and I just don't function that way and that's why I'm upset about it because he's out of line and Amanda's like well why don't you sit with us just sit here it's like no no no I don't want to do it because no please sit here and it's like

it's like no that's not the point I don't want to sit with you I want to sit at the other table that this would make me happy either be hot no no she was she was just doing faux modesty like no I couldn't possibly ever. And then, like, as soon as Amanda, like, twitches to move out of the way, she's like, get out of the way, bitch, I'm taking over the seat. But, and by the way, I just want to say, despite everything I just said,

I did think it was pretty inappropriate for Leva to go to Craig's team and be like, Craig is out of life. It was inappropriate. I'm just saying, encounter to what you said before, about like, you know, you make, you know, in that situation You go and you talk to other people. I was like, well, that is what she's doing. She is talking to the other people so to be an asshole. So then

Page goes Craig levy sitting with your team So the remote control she works that little remote control and Craig's like infuriated, you know, so he's like He turns around in his chair and he's like Amanda, you don't have to talk to her. She's acting like a child. And Leva, you can leave if you want because you're acting like a child. And this is about me and my team, but you have to ruin it

because you're making it all about you. And Paige is like, I told them to do that. Paige's face is like, feels like the eyebrow. She's like a puckered face and like an eyebrow. She's like, yeah, bitch, that's right, bitch, get out of your bitch. And love us like, did I act childish? He goes, yeah, cause you threw a bunch of hissy fits. Now I'm sorry, love it did not throw a bunch of hissy fits.

She was like, this is annoying. With her eyes. With her eyes, but Craig is the one actually throwing a hissy fit. So love us like, well, because you are so rude, somebody didn't teach you how to talk to people and Leva basically says, like, bro, you're not Elon Musk, okay, let's keep it fucking real.

A person who has blood, sweat, and tears, tied up in a business isn't screaming at their business galo, okay, you look like a fucking asshole. And so, she's like, I mean, you went zero to a hundred crag and he goes, everyone at this table and she's standing up now, by the way, because she's starting to leave. And she's like, yeah, everyone at this table saw you go zero to 100 and he goes, why are you in here still at a party? You don't want to be at.

And she's like, yeah, well, I was talking to these people because I have a business on a street with these people. Okay, the people who actually run your business, not you, you clown. Now I'm gonna go talk shit about you with the heads of Chase Bank America, who also are on the mat street, okay? But then also notably Naomi is at the bar and she sees this and she goes,

oh, Leva, and I'm like, you know, for someone who just literally throughout your whole friendship with Venita because you felt like she said to Venita that she was mad or she at least told us she was mad because while Craig was yelling at her Venita did not come to her like to defend her and here Craig is yelling at Leva and Naomi is watching and going back to her drink. I was like, mm-hmm. That feels hypocritical to me. I think she's like, oh God, their love goes making you see and at the fucking season from alley. Like, of course she is. So Paige goes, oh, that was extremely rude, extremely rude.

And Craig's like, yeah, I'll have security support you out or you can just go, go home, go. And she's like, God, I'm going. What do you want me to run loser? And goes, Jesus Christ, what an embarrassing way to go out. He's like, that was fun yelling after her. God, the classiest fucking people. This show has the classiest gas I have to say.

Every one of them. Jesus. I think that Craig is way too comfortable yelling at women. I mean, it happens, it's happened like five episodes in a row. It feels like. And then page is like, it's so rude five episodes in a row it feels like. And then page is like, and you know, it's so rude. And this is Christmas, Craig loves Christmas. You love Christmas, don't you?

I love Christmas, don't die. You don't have to say the last part. I don't have to say the last part. Okay, just stop, just stop. All right, cheese ball, cheese ball. And Madison's like, yeah, go, I love that. So you just go, yeah, it is time to go. It's being time to go.

It's like, what happened with Madison and Lava? Why not on the editing room floor? Everything was sort of weirdly edited here because Olivia is like, you're such a bitch, but we don't see her say it. We just hear her and then it cuts to her. And then Madison goes, well, okay. And then Olivia stands up and is like, good talking to you. And then like gives her the finger.

I was like, what's your key? What is this? So now, fight that they added in. talking to you and then like gives her the finger I was like check you do what is so now fight that they added in at least we get a finished arc because now Austin can be in love with Olivia because he's calling her girl her as her his ex girlfriend a bitch right which is all we really wanted with so much a bitch about Madison with yeah so we're a man of tech so then Olivia Olivia and Naomi go outside to check in on Leva and Naomi's like, Leva, do you need someone?

She's like, I'm done. Okay, I'm just gonna stand. You buy. Yeah, Leva does that thing where she storms out of a party but has to wait for an Uber and it's super awkward. She just has to, she's just left there to pace back and forth on the sidewalk like, okay, I am leaving. Well, soon.

Nope, don't talk to me. Don't talk to me anybody. I am gone. Just pretend I'm gone. Okay. Sidewalk. No, make a left. Make a, I see you making a right.

Make a, oh god, I'm gonna be here another fucking 10 minutes. Everyone's staring at me. I get out of here. You go home. I've already left the party, Craig. I'm waiting for the Uber. So now 10 minutes later, Austin finally treats Olivia like a girlfriend because she called Madison Abitch.

And then Whitney is singing into the mic. He's like, silent night. Oh, hold this a word in that. So hilarious. Shops like, why can't we just get him, all get along? I mean, maybe this is the end. I don't know. You know, I'm telling Taylor, let's get the fuck out of the country, Taylor. And then it says, Ben, three months later.

And it's a Shep and Taylor at the airport. And Shep is like, we've been planning this trip for a few months now. And it says, Shep convinced Taylor to travel the world with him. And yes, she quit her job. I'm all on the course. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Did we really think Taylor was going to actually have an independent thought in this process?

No, of course not. I'm, so she quit and then we see their Instagram travel log where he's like, Oh, here we are in airport. This is amazing. And then it comes up on the screen. But when they returned to Charleston, there was trouble in paradise. He refused to quit. Good thing he never deactivated. Raya. They put up his raya profile. Yeah. So next week we have the big, uh, the big part, one of the reunion with 24 people sitting on those sofas should be fun.

big part one of the reunion with 24 people sitting on those sofas should be fun. Looking forward to it. Yeah, that was good. That was another fun time. Another Southern charm ends with a chaotic winter party. It's like the other right. It is. And then we'll have winter house right around the corner in just a few weeks. So anyway, y'all, thank you so much for being here, for listening, and for watching.

We'll catch you on the next episode. Have a wonderful weekend, and don't forget winter is crappin'ing is on Monday. And so, as take a seat. So if you are a house-to-drag and fan, go subscribe to Winter's crappin'ing and get your recap early. Bye everyone.

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