Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm: Low Country Crabs

Episode Date: December 19, 2020

Austen tries to stand up for himself against Miss Patricia in this week's Southern Charm, but he's too low country to get far. This week's bonus is a shot by shot breakdown of the Summer House season 5 trailer. Find it at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens*We're doing a 12 part series on Stitcher Premium called Dwell Hello all about HGTV's House Hunters. Sign up to Stitcher Premium at https://www.stitcher.com/premium using discount code CRAPPENS.**We designed lots of new face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, but people are really sorry. Kids, what happens? But there's so much that happens. Hello, and welcome to Watch What Happens. The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on YeoBravs. I'm Ronnie Carrum, and over there's the beautiful and talented and wonderful and thin.

Ben Madelker. Hello, Ben. Hi, how's it going? Good. How are you doing honey? Oh my god. I am so well Someone was really kind someone named Nancy, but I don't know who the Nancy is Nancy sent us some Christmas Ordinments one ornament is an ornament of bleach one is an ornament of toilet paper and one is an ornament of a face mask So thank you for these lovely Covid-inspired Christmas or how funny is an ornament of a face mask. So thank you for these lovely COVID inspired Christmas ornaments. How funny. You need to go to the post office to send me some stuff.

I know. I got to I now have actually a nice little care package that I can send you your way. It's not my fault. You bet. I know. But you know what? You're a band. You know what? If you're're gonna be stuck in COVID jail, how do we stuck in Texas, COVID jail?

There are a lot more carbs here than there are on the central list. Well, so I just bought myself a cake dome. So I have a box now from Amazon that's appropriate size to send you all your gifts. Oh, I have as many gifts that a cake dome box will fit. That's exciting to know. Well, guys, today is Southern Charm episode seven of season seven.

What an exciting time to be watching Southern Charm isn't it? Isn't it? God, I had a really weird reaction to this episode, because I think that the first time ever while watching Southern Charm, I kind of felt like all the guys were kind of hot today. And I was like, what's happening? This is weird. Like, I never find any of them attractive, but this one was like, they're all kind of felt like all the guys like kind of hot today. And I was like, what's happening? Is this is weird. Like I never find any of them attractive.

But this somehow is like, they're all kind of looking good. I'm like, even Austin, even Austin look good. I was like, what? Even Whitney? I was like, what? All of them. They're all looking good. I was like, you definitely need to get out more.

You definitely need to get out of your head. But also, I think what turned me back off, while Shap in general. But also looking at think what turned me back off, well, chap in general. But also looking at their reunion looks, they all are dressed like old men, like in the old days of the golf course. You know, it's like, where is suit jacket and some red pants? I haven't seen their reunion looks.

Are they doing an in-person reunion? Yeah, they're doing an in-person reunion. I think they shot it this week. And yeah, it's a lot of shaky green jackets. And I mean, the facings is pretty hot over there. I will say Austin has a lovely new haircut. So look, there's something nice. Okay, that's nice.

Listen, I'm not saying you have to co-sign. I'm saying it was just weird. It was weird that I was like finding attractive elements to all the guys across the board. It was very, very strange for me. I felt unsettled. Yeah, that is pretty unsettling. Okay, well, whenever you're about to get a boner for one of these guys, think of Shep

with eye burgers in his eyes and not combed hair and then a leopard shirt. Okay, look at that. Lepard print shirt. Done. Done and done. Yeah. Cause wow, so here we are, Southern at that. Muppert print shirt. Done. Done and done. Yeah. Cause wow.

So here we are, Southern Charm. Let's see, Greg is doing the opening again. Some of us might have been a little too carefree during COVID times, but here we are still alive. Yeah, they are alive and kicking. So yeah, so we get to see them all what they did last week, etc. It was nice because Trixi Monical didn't have to be too serious. She didn't have to do a

she didn't have to do like some ghostly version of her song. She could just do a normal Chipper one and then we dive into the show and it opens up with Michael the Butler feeding dogs and Leva with her son, like brushing teeth and everything and then Patricia saying, Michael, I'd like to have, could you bring up some food with the coffee? Thank you very much. And then shout, quagg, I got it, take old man pills, prostate pills, cholesterol pills, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g- And then we're back to Patricia getting her breakfast in bed. Oh, great. This looks wonderful. Thank you very much. You know, it's a very important year. And a lot has gone on this past year, 2020.

And this show is showing a lot of it. But one thing they're also really educating us all in is dental health for your children. Just a lot of children brushing their teeth in this episode. And I say, you know what? Good for you getting rid of gingerbread. It's thank you, Southern. Thank you.

And now we wind up in Austin's house and he's angry at his dishwasher. This is insane. This dishwasher right now. It's insane. It's insane. And then he realizes that he wasn't putting the soap in the dishwasher correctly. He wasn't putting the soap in correctly, which is so Southern Charm.

So Craig comes over and also is like, sit down man, I'm having a fruit snack. I got a beer for ya. Guess where I got this? Heras teeter. Heras teeter is not a cast member of Southern Charm, by the way, just wanted to give a PSA. It is actually a supermarket.

Rhinonite went into one in North Carolina, I believe. But it sounds like he sounds. Harris Teter does sound like like Harris Teter is like the name. Like the deputy mayor, right? Yeah. Or like, uh, well, why am I I keep forgetting his name this season, the gay? What's what's his name again, the gay? Cooper? Cooper. I feel like Cooper, his name should be Harris Tito, right? Like, oh, Harris Tito, he wants to be a fascinist and a Charleston, but we ran him out of town. Harris Tito. Harris Tito tried to come to my ball without a female as a guest, and I had to say, no,

Harris Tito. This is a homosexual ball celebrating heterosexual out. There's a heterosexual ball celebrating everything heterosexual. Are we going to flashback of Austin at Harris Tater saying, this is actually my beer. It's insane right now. This is my beer. You're actually checking out my beer right now in the cashier being like, please get the fuck out of my line. You're giving me COVID. like, please get the fuck out of my line. You're giving me COVID. Yeah, you're creepy. You know what?

That would be exciting, except that I just checked how to Pringle. So sorry. Sorry, the air to the Pringle's dynasty was just in here. So yeah, until you can get, until you can like invent a cheeto or above, you're nothing to me, okay? So now finish paying, thanks. Yeah, sir, you're nothing to me. Okay, sir. Now, finish paying, thanks.

Yeah, sir, you just bought our entire inventory of drop hops. I'm gonna charge you, what is that? Nine dollars for that six pack? Okay, great. We're sold out of drop hop. He's like, it felt so cool to walk into a grocery store that anyone can access. It's not one of those elitist grocery stores

or only the card carrying members can go to so Yeah, so he's just really upset because I'm disappointed that Madison doesn't see the strides that I've made You know she just gave up on me, you know, but I've been Harris Teter now. Okay. I'm an Harris Teter Look at me holding all these beers of my parents paid for it. Wow. You're real you're a real Real winner over there Austin. I was trying to say you're a real ma uh, real winner over there, Austin. I was just trying to say that you're a real maven. I was gonna say, but that's not the word. Even though, Kai? You're a real mogul, Kai?

So, Craig's like, yeah, I haven't even seen you, because we've been apart. And he's like, you found another quarantine buddy. What? You found two quarantine bodies. Yeah, but, you know what? Taylor is not happy with the shop because shop was treating her like she's disgusting. He wouldn't even talk to her, especially when he found out that her family didn't even have any wealth that went back three generations.

Wow. And Austin's like, wow, look at him now. It's his turn for relationship issues and Craig's like, dude, you can't root for your friend to have relationship issues. I'm just saying right now, what can I root for your friend to have relationship issues. I'm seeing right now. What can I root my friend to have Harris teeter issues? Because that's what I have. So then we go over to shop zooming with Taylor and he's like,

Oh gosh, girlfriend. I heard you're going for free. How are you feeling? You okay? You upset at me? Are you okay? I can talk to you now because you're not sick anymore. You lepreydient. And I was like, well, um, Get at me. Are you okay? I can talk to you now because you're not sick anymore. You leopard idiot.

And I was like, well, I just want to take a step back because I don't feel in the right head space because you were so insensitive to me. To get on TV, I had to go to someone else's house. So it sucks. I have a thyrus and it's scary and you ponder off on someone else He's like where else were you supposed to go?

gosh I tried all the leprechaunies were full up, so I had to send you to craigs Do you realize I had to spend my quarantine with a woman who did not close her mouth the entire time? Just like cut to Natalie like Just like cut to Natalie like Was actually really funny in the previous leaves Craig's like I got a relationship and they just cut to Natalie like Then we didn't see her the rest the episode like they they included that as if that was gonna be relevant to the episode and had nothing to do with anything Oh funny So she's like and you know that Taylor's full of it, and she's not going to stand up

to shut it all, because she's like, that is it, I have had it. And he goes, well, where was it? Where are you supposed to go? And she goes, you're right. And he goes, well, your last text was, your trash and fuck off. And you know what? That was her fault. She said, it's just that being away from you her

Maybe I'm handling it wrong. I don't know. I mean I've been single for a long ass time So I tend to be selfish. I am selfish. I am therapy taught me everything Yeah, he's like but now that we're out of the woods and by out of the woods You're not as disgusting as you were the other day because you don't have an illness it makes you disgusting lepper Oh, now I can be with you in person. I'm really looking forward to that. I'm just so happy because everything I heard about coronavirus is that it turns you into Janet from three's company,

but you're not her at all. Wow. This girl's an idiot for stainless shut. Okay, people show you who they are. You get sick and this man abandons you and goes to his mommy's house and then doesn't even speak to you. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, uh, yeah. So, uh, then awesome. We're back to Austin and

he's like, well, Craig, things have gone to shit with Madison. It's insane what she's doing to me right now. It's insane how things have gone to shit. And it's intercut with a scene of Madison going to Pat Toss. And she's like, well, well, look who's here. I love that color on you. Now, what's that shade called? No longer dating a poor person. Oh, I'm not as posed my boyfriend. Love that look on you.

Trisha is wearing some like Kiwi disease outbreak moomoo. I'm not sure what my boyfriend love that look on yeah, Trisha is wearing some like Kiwi disease outbreak moo moo I'm not sure what the hell this move is all the way up to her chin. She's like I'm not sure if she's like I'm not sure I'm not sure if this is a social visit. Oh, she's cutting my hair. So I'm just gonna wear a smock and see what happens so you know Michael opposite champagne and So you know Michael offers a champagne and Madison's wearing this big glitter diamond headband thing. You like the hate paint see too much Check there's never too much you can never be over educated or over-dressed

And that's what my good friend Oscar Wilde said Can I come into your house, please? I'm sorry. I't wear coat. And no, okay, I'll try calling you later, honey. Also something Oscar Wilde said. Another thing that Oscar Wilde family said, famously said, is I never shop at Harris Teter, only poor people shop there. Am I right? So I'm guessing that you're, I'm the person that you've seen. Just, yeah, some only cause Michael can't do a blow out. Oh, excuse me, my phone's ding dong and hello, it's level. Oh, is this Oscar Wilde? No, it's level.

Okay, level say something. Levels like, well, I just wanted to go over some stuff with you. I believe what you're trying to say as I was just in the neighborhood And yes, you can come over Come on Madison's having a cocktail 10 feet apart So uh, levus coming over and in the meantime Patricia's like so tell me what's going on poor people love And Madison's like well Austin came by the house and I finally put my foot down and I ended it for good. Really is this really what makes what makes this time different? Did you

stop getting a circular from Harris Tito? Well I expected him to want to be in the dough and provide I don't see him wanting to do that in any capacity at all. It is time also I had a date with someone else who's on the cast now So I have Lily bad to jump to you. I Just feel like I'm in my prime and I just don't I know I know Usen's just gonna have to wait someone else's time Um, I like that though. She's like let's be honest. I'm not gonna look like this forever. I'm in my prime So please wait someone else's time I am whole foods and he is Harris teeter if you know what I'm in my prime. So please write something else's time. I am Hope

Foods and he is Harris Teter if you know what I'm saying. I love that she's not gonna waste her hotness so much. She shouldn't. Don't waste your pretty good for you Madison. You shouldn't. So Patricia goes well what about that party with throwing on that island. It was supposed to be for his birthday. She's well not anymore. Well, this is like as the world turns child in addition. So about to ask a wild as the world turns as Harris T that buys us. As Harris T that tries to stretch beyond being a regional supermarket and fails.

Is that not catchy, if a tie to him? So back to Austin. He's like, you know, I mean, it's insane. Like, she has like these preconceived notions. Like, I mean, it took me to a while to get from, you know, nothing to... Harris teeter! Point A to Harris teeter. There's no credit given. I got him to Harris teeter. Ha ha ha. Point A to Harris teeter. There's no crack given.

I got him to Harris teeter, okay? Harris teeter. It's the bigly wiggly at the Harris teeter region. Craig's like, look what she's done to you, bro. Like she's made you think that it's your bad. Like you haven't done enough. And like you're thinking, if you only do good enough, she'll take you back.

Well, yeah, that's the truth. So. Yeah, but Craig also has a little bit of wisdom. He's like, you should be improving yourself for yourself, not for someone else, you know? I'm like, why is Craig dropping nuggets of wisdom? It's crazy, all these things that Naomi said to him are finally like soaking into his brain.

So Austin's like, you know, it's just like, you know, we're down this road. And like the moment you think it's chopped, the moment. So Austin's like, you know, it's just like, you know, we're down this road. And like the moment you think it's chopped, the moment you think it's like, it's like the equivalent of someone saying, this lane is closed at Harris-Teter, then a text coming and says, guess what, the express lane just opened, everything is going to be okay. I promise to hold your hand forever. It's insane right now. You're fall back. And if she wanted to be together, then you'd be together, you know, like if you don't do a hard stop, then it's going to be impossible. Yeah, but I can't do that. I can't. I can't. And you know what? No one can change my mind on that.

And then he just moves his, yeah, he just moves his mouth. I can't make the sound of his mouth moving, but I'm moving it a lot over here. Just see. the sound of his mouth moving, but I'm moving it a lot over here, just seeing that. So then Lava shows up at Patricia's and I love this social distancing because, because like Madison has to sitting like 10 feet away from Patricia, but then they put Lava right next to Madison. So it's like young people, you get the disease. Anyway, from Patricia, she's rich to a board. You two give it to each other as much as you want. Just don't get it on me.

My good friend Oscar Wilde said that. So Leva is talking about her struggles with owning a restaurant during the pandemic, like at one moment, open one moment, it's closed because, you know, one person test positive and it just creates chaos, et cetera. And then Michael comes out with, he has a caviar with cream fresh on potato crisps and he is like well cream fresh is a step up from sour cream which is rather pedestrian. It's kind of true. I mean no it's not. I just a lot of value judgment. I just a lot of value judgment. It's a lot of value judgment.

It's a lot of they'd have caviar on bleemies so we're doing it on potato champ. I'm sure you read it all and caviar Coordinary now So love is like okay, so we all know the trouble Catherine got into with the monkey emoji and Patricia just kind of waves her hair like there's a flying her face. Yeah Yes, yes, and Love is like it's funny because Catherine's been reaching out to me incessantly Oh, that's strange because no one ever hears from her

Another thing Oscar Wilde said, but that of course was referencing Dorothy Parker And love is says you know, I guess because it's the least I'm the least white person she knows Which I guess is offensive in itself and then she's saying like she's using like I didn't know I didn't know about I didn't know it was racist and she's saying it in this baby voice Just stop at the fucking baby voice Yeah, she's like I mean stop like you're not a kitten stuck in a tree and then we cut the Catherine just like stuck in a tree being like Yeah, yeah, Thomas or me. Oh, this is literally the person who like seasons ago just disappeared and nobody knew where she went and they thought she was dead and it turns out she and Craig couldn't find

their way back so they had to dig a hole in the beach to sleep. Yeah, this is literally a person who did get they they literally shot an entire episode in a tree last season They're literally shot they went into a tree and spent an episode in a tree last season So actually I could imagine her getting stuck. I can't get out of the tree No, so then we cut to Catherine and for some reason I don't know if they're trying a new bravo spin-off Meow! Meow! Don't go, meow!

So when we cut to Catherine, I don't know if they're trying to spin off her wet, but she gets like this 80s wacky detective music. It's like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, wink, wink, wink, ding, ding, ding, ding, I was like, what? It's called seed and no worm.

The reason why I say that is because I just went upstairs and my boyfriend bought bird seed, and it's called, it literally said in the packaging, seed and no worm. The reason why I say that is because I just went upstairs and my boyfriend bought bird seed, and it's called, it literally said in the packaging, seed and mealworm, which I was like, is that a USA show, seed and mealworm? Are you getting a bird? No, but don't want to get a bird feeder. So.

Oh, just for, oh, for that side birds? This bird's that side, why not? I don't know. I'm sharing this all. Indomitable details about birds. I love it. Why not? So, yeah, detective music.

So she's just going to Austin's house. And Craig and Austin just love her outfit. Whoa, it's like one of my favorite you've ever worn. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh my god. By the way, if Craig and Austin are giving you fashion props, it's time to reconsider your fashion. Yeah. So Austin's like, let's get shitbass. Yeah. So Catherine looks like she went to sleep in the dryer. Like, I don't know. She's been through a tumble. She

our knees are bruised. Her arms are bru bruised what the hell is happening with Catherine fell out of a tree I mean she lived that you're not here she got into a tree and couldn't get out so she don't help me out of the tree Like those walrus is an hour planet, you know, so oh That was when I was like oh I'm running probably cried at that part. I watched our planet last night guys so Catherine's like, uh, she's like, yeah, I talked to Leva, and you know, it was just like really hard because I had a difficult time telling my side of the story. I'm like, you don't have a side of the story, Catherine. That's why it's hard for you to tell it, because there is no side on your side. Yeah, she's like, you guys know

that I'm not that way, you know, who's like gay? No, that way. Okay, for love of the way. Not directly. So she's like, I am literally the furthest thing from racist ever. So like my basic train of thought is not that monkey to have anything to do with the black person, but apparently they do. Oh my God.

So she tells them and then love us said, if she doesn't work on her friendships then she's gonna lose them and say yeah and that's just so unfair because like I was actually reaching out to my friends it's like for once in my life I was blowing them up and then you know my last message to Danny was even are you ever gonna get back to me? Sorry y'all that's a tangent okay and then I got over her house and it hold on. This is about 10 minutes longer. And she flips on me, you guys. And I'm like,

I was the one that was texting you. I said, when can you send the fire department out here to get me out of this tree? And you never wrote back. And guys, she was acting real weird. She was like twitching guys. It was weird y'all which Like you agree with her on that one But she's always twitched That's true, but Danny looks like she's sitting on a dryer lately. I don't know why I'm obsessed with Tom Trying can you tell that I have a load in the laundry? Poor Danny so um

Yes, I got things like we have, uh, yes, I got there and was like, we have never had an issue. I'm like, literally the treehouse episode with the issue where Danny was like furious at you because you didn't call her back for like five weeks. I feel like you always have an issue with Danny. So the fact that she thought that she'd never had an issue with Danny just shows how lots of their relationship has been.

Yeah. And Craig's like, well, is she trying to like, distance herself from you? And Austin's like, yeah, is she trying to like distance herself from you? And Austin's like, yeah, because like, you're in a low place. So like, she shouldn't do that. She's like, well, I guess when people don't need you anymore, it's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, is that what it is? Oh, okay. I'm not sure. I think, I mean, maybe it's just the way that this has been shot and edited for years, but I think that you's just the way that this has been shot and edited for years,

but I think that you're definitely the winner in this relationship as far as like. I guess when people don't need you anymore, it's really interesting to see how quickly they are in a round, also when you're racist. You know, it's like, I guess when people don't need your racist monkey emoji, monkey emojis in their life, they are not around. So then back to Leva and let us like look am I into council culture and telling her jump off the Thomas Ravinelle bridge? No, but you know breathe read a book focus on yourself and Patricia because oh So you don't think she focuses on herself?

thinks he focuses on himself. Mm-hmm. And then Patricia's like, well, we've all protected her over the past couple of years, walked on eggshells because of a sobriety, we kept her away from tall trees, but lies about the camera and have come out. And all this emoji business that's all for me, and then she just like, waves her hand like, ugh. Yeah, she does like hand washing. Like, right.

This is what my good friend Judas wild said. Great, great, great, great grandfather, Laska. And so patricious. Oh, I actually, I think that was Pontius Pyle. Like never mind. Sorry Bible fans. I'm sure we fucked that one out. Well, that's, oh, no, that is neat testament.

Maybe I need to read a book. Read a book. Oh, the New Testament. Please, I don't wanna talk about her. I don't wanna talk with her. I don't wanna anything to do with her. And I don't wanna walk onto any tree as she's stuck up inside of.

I've had my fill put her inside Burya. Those monsters probably still eat caviar and bleeding. But I just don't imagine Catherine and the gulag trying to survive her way in the gulag. She goes, but the guy's codler so she's protected by them. I'll put it that way. Look, what are you saying exactly, ma'am? So love is like listen, Catherine apologized. And, you know, she's either gonna bomb or be a rising Phoenix.

So then Whitney and Pat are outside later. While Michael, they just show Michael cleaning. And then Michael cleaning get different part of the house. And then Michael picking up some dog poop or something. And Whitney's like, oh, shoot. These animals, they defecate, they urinate with impunity. I mean, this place is Greg Gardens.

Mother, I'll tell you what's not Greg Gardens. His hair, did he get highlights? He somehow got highlights in the middle of the pandemic. So, that was the thing, like they were being called hypocrites because they were still going out to get their hair down or whatever. Yeah, so it needs like, well, apparently apparently Austin and Craig just tested negative, which I guess is a positive thing.

Pun intended. Mother, did you like my pun mother? Thank you, think it's okay now, because at first I was gonna have a fancy dinner. I met with a guy and then it cut still guy going, we have escargot. Oh, you know we we have Flambé. Flambé Escargo Flambé. Now I just ordered some bacon from Costco and some A1 sauce.

I'm just gonna serve it to the boys, right? I mean, it's not that bad. At least I didn't shop at Harris Tito. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I mean, these are desperate times, but all that desperate. So Michael and I, you know, Michael and I both 200 years old. So I just thought casual by the pool, listen, these boys,

it's just important to be somewhere you can rinse them off and they can be freely, like maybe a low country type of a, maybe with crabs. Yeah, it's about time, boys. See the other type of crabs for once. So we're just gonna have a nice boy It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life, but come on Someday's parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast

from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.

We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So then we go to John Pringles house where his kids are bouncing off the walls and one

of his sons just throws down his iPad or whatever. He's like, hey, we're not, we do not rage quit in this house right now. This is my rule, just getting no rules. Rage quit all you want. Your mom's coming. We got at least pretend guys, can we just pretend for your mother that I have rules? They're like, no, you suck, you stupid.

So Heidi comes, because they have a deal where she can stay for five days during this summer. And she tries to high five and he's like, no, we're gonna hug. And she's clearly like, okay. So guess what? Heidi looks exactly like Madison. That's funny how that worked out.

Yeah. You know, that's the long lady. Yeah, he likes his type. So the kids are going crazy and they finally get away from them to go into the kitchen to cook a really healthy Southern meal. Giant slabs of bacon with crazy stuff. They're all over them. Bacon tomato turkey. Yeah, it's like BLT. It's like really fancy BLT's sandwich thing kind of.

So they just talk about like how hard it is being single parents, you know, and how one of them has the kids all the time. And then they don't see the kids ever because the other one has the kids. And then the mom starts crying. Yeah. And then she's like, have they been reading? He's like, hmm, they've been reading their Kindles, they've been reading Minecraft. Okay, we just play. So she's like, great, great.

And so then he's like, so we're gonna give them Cheetos. She's like, no, we're gonna give them fruit. I'm like, that's, I'm really glad you're giving them fruit with their like bacon loaded sandwiches. Yeah. So then we go over to shop. He's like, what look at me playing with great Hey Taylor, do you want a dark and stormy? I'm gonna give you the good stuff the nice rom

Then we're gonna mix with soda so or ginger beer all gosh. Oh, you got him, you know I respect chef's effort to look like a decent person. He's really baking an effort. I gotta look at me. Look, I've got a cute dog and a girlfriend now. Bars. I'm not falling for this for two seconds. I'm falling for it. I know I shouldn't be.

I know I shouldn't be. I understand. I understand you guys can all yell at me really want. I know I'm doing the wrong thing. And I know I'm going to eat these words when he's terribly again next season I hate this I hate that this is where I'm at But I also it's important for me to be transparent I have I'm I'm a podcaster and I have to express how I'm feeling and I'm I am falling for it

I can't help it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Everyone. I'll be back to hitting him next season Oh my god, but not at all not me. I'm sorry. That's just where I'm at I can't help it. Whoa, okay. Not me. I'm sorry, that's just where I'm at. I can't wait. Whoa, okay, let me get the night stuff where you deserve it. So look, honestly, because that's the best policy, I need to apologize, because I talked to my therapist for an hour,

and you know what, she's on your side. Yeah, my therapist said that like everything on my have said has been valid, but I can't say it that way. And I can't be so blunt because Alex being callous and I trivialize your feelings, Craig! And not everyone responds the same stimuli and your emotions are valid. But look, I have a cute dog. She's like, okay, I forgive you.

Let's just make it for three days. Although I do think that he is a piece of shit for treating her that way during coronavirus, that's for- What's all I mean? It's like you treat your like shit for two weeks and then he's like, look how fun and charming I am on camera. I look how nice I'm being now that you're not dirty and sick anymore.

And oh, I have my strength. Tell me the right words to say because I'm fucking emotionally incapable of doing anything of being a decent person Well, sometimes people do need to have the shrink teacher. You have what to say. That's part of growing That's pretty bad though. I mean, that's pretty bad that you treat your girlfriend like that and don't realize it's bad Yes, even though she's sobbing for two weeks You don't realize it's bad until a shrink tells you. I mean look good for you for getting help But I'm still not fucking dating you.

Like, what's gonna happen every... Not that he's asking, but I just mean a general, you know? Like, yeah, you can't live your life like that. I mean, I guess my thing is more just like, I'm just glad that it didn't become endless scenes of him blaming her for how he responded. You know, because that often happens on these shows. I don't know, I guess I'm just, I don't know.

I know everyone's just gonna yell at me. I'm just, I'm accepting it. Gosh, you're gonna be so blunt. I should have been so blunt on this podcast and people react to different stimuli when you're talking about sharp guards. Yeah, but he's also like, okay, he's not saying, I'm sorry I ignored you, I'm sorry I cut you off

and I'm sorry you were dick when you had COVID He's saying I was right. It's just how I said things so sometimes there is like Like there's one thing to say oh You know what you should probably do a probably a good idea is like you should probably quarantine with Craig You guys all have it versus like you go away from me go quarantine with Craig because you guys all have it versus like, ew, go away from me, go quarantine with Craig. Like that does actually make a difference.

But that being said, he should have, he should have like, talk to her. Talk to her, he should talk to her. You're being a bad boyfriend. You're being a psychologist. I am being a psychologist, I don't know what's going on. Just let me have it, okay? Just let me get through it.

I'm gonna throw it through it. Let me, I'm just gonna be a psychologist and at least I'm not a Raven alpologist right now. Okay, just a point. I'm not a rough boss. Lay off. Lay off, everyone. Yeah.

Okay. That's funny that you're worried that people are gonna be mad. They are going mad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ben, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. Get that. And then I'm gonna be like, I'm sorry.

And then I'm gonna think about it all weekend and my entire Christmas vacation is gonna be ruined. Just for having an opinion. Oh, so it's raining Like it is gonna be on your head soon. Yeah It's raining outside so Pat can't have her pool party the way she wanted But she's like well, what the hell it was supposed to be sunny today. I mean imagine being this discipline It's probably how Austin's parents feel. All right, let's just get it set up anyway. Wow, I feel like I'm in the produce section of Harris T. It with all their broken misters. So Michael's like, oh, this reminds me of London. She was in the Blitz.

in the blitz. So funny. Just like it's like World War II for her. So they're putting this paper down and he's like, well, what section do you want in your area? She's like the financial section. Because I know for sure it's going to go ignored by Austin. Right. The one section we can be assured that Austin will never show up in. No. So Austin and Craig

are driving or going to drive over in a golf cart together. And Craig's like, well, we're like the boys of summer. Like, I don't know what that means, but I want to do it. So you know what, let's get the golf cart and let's get lit. And Austin's like, well, I haven't seen any golf cart. Great. Austin's like, well, I haven't seen Pringles since he was like hitting on Madison. Like, you know what? He better not come up to me and be like, Hey, man, I heard you broke up. Can I go for her? He would never do that. He would just do it. He would just do it. So chef is driving with Pringle and chef is wearing a leopard print shirt. And I think a floral hat and he still hasn't come to his hair or clean the eye book is out of his eye.

So that's really stretching. Really stretching the ability of me being a shipologist right now. I'm not going to lie. I may have to take it all back. I may have to go back to being a shapater. I'm sorry. I'm going through things. So he's like, so I've seen Austin. Have you sure have you heard any chatter? I'm pretty much like, oh yeah, I saw Madison. I saw it at the batting cage. You know, since the bat, we were at the batting cage together. It was hot. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, I the bat, we were at the batting cage together. It was hot.

Yeah. And he's like, oh, she had nice thoughts. And, um, and then chap is based like, oh, you should bang her and try to nail into the coffin. Oh, so then with me, goes up to the hot bartender at the party and, um, doesn't actually hit on her at all. But I was like, okay, they've got a hot bartender here. How many of these guys are gonna try? How many? Yes. How many? And then, um, Chef and Pringle arrive and they see Whitney with this mustache

and Chef is like, oh, Pulse Raider. And I guarantee this will be the only time in the history of reality television that someone named Jack's P Schrader. Of course it's Chef. Of course Chef is gonna like name Jack Paul Schrader on Bravo TV. Hold on, I'm looking at Paul Schrader. Paul Joseph Schrader is an American screenwriter, director and film critic. He wrote or co-wrote screenplays for four Martin Scorsese films. He did his taxi driver. He's like a, Austria's like famous for his like very serious movies. And he does have a little mustache.

That's funny. I remember seeing some film of his in in college. I was called Miyama or something like that or it was like a very artsy. He's just like a very serious filmmaker. Very, very serious. Yeah. That's funny. He does.

God, Whitney does kind of look like this guy. It's just like crazy that like it's crazy that like, um, I like that, like, chef calls him Paul Schreider and they all laugh because they all know all the exactly what Paul Schreider looks like. I did not just laugh because I didn't know who it looked like. And I was like, of course, I didn't know what Paul Schreider looked like. I thought that I, in my mind, I always think that Paul Schreider looks like Paul Schaper. But I didn't know what Paul's written look like. I thought that I in my mind I always think that Paul's reader looks like Paul Schaefer. But I have no idea what Paul's reader looks like. So let's see, a bunch of elbow bumps and stuff while the guys show up.

And Pringles like, so, hey, what's your name, bartender? Patty, Pringle. Pringle, you might recognize me. My name is Pringle Tm, right? Yeah. Got a house in the battery. Oh, that reminds me. Is that house in the battery, your grandfather's? Um, so he's like, well, nice to meet you.

Talk to you later. For sure, for sure. Yeah, for sure, I'll talk to you later. She's like, great, can't wait. Can't wait to talk to you later while I'm working here and I've nowhere to go. And he's like, guys, that bartender's smoke. She's like, I can hear you. So, um, so then Craig goes and picks Austin up when Austin's got his drop off from house theater. And, uh, and basically, um, uh, Craig is, they're talking, Craig's talking to Austin that Patricia was not

for her at all, I guess about it. How bad doesn't like him, basically. And then we give a clip of Pat being like, yeah, I don't think that guy can be together that long. And Craig's like, I mean, did you do anything there? Like possibly, I don't know, get clip art for your pillows. Like, she's really mad, bro. I mean, I love her, but she's nasty

and like, you can't just tolerate that, getting a fight with Patricia in her own home. Do it, bro. Yeah. I was like, you know what, she's just an old age and she's bored as fuck. She's bored as fuck. I'm like, I think she's living her life.

She's just like totally manipulating you guys. Like that's fun. So they arrive and everyone's shotgun beer, shotgunting their beers and like throwing cans on the ground. I don't know what boys of summer is, but I'm going boys of summer. You know what's gonna really make Patricia like you, Austin? Littering.

Littering on her front steps, okay? Yeah, you know what's gonna really make Patricia like you Austin littering Literally on her front steps. Yeah, you know it's gonna really win her over Is when you show up at her historical estate and shotgun a beer And then throw the cam down right on her property. Yeah, I was like of course about the factory factory rip jeans The factory rip jeans So Austin's like whoa Pr, Pringle, haven't seen you, Pringle. Oh, mouth moving, mouth moving. And Pringle's like, yeah, with Austin, we're all work in progress, but I think we're okay. And Austin goes, that guy's an asshole.

Yeah. So Michael starts putting out the food and Patricia comes out to join. She's like, well, I put down newspaper everywhere. I put the Wall Street Journal financial section of my seat and I gave Craig and Austin some USA today cross-foot puzzles over there. Mmm. And Pringle, Pringle's like, well, Austin. Oh, dude, I saw you on home shopping. Wow!

You should change your name to Joan Rivers, man Let's see here Pat comes out. Yeah, that's right everybody and they're all oh miss Pat. Oh, you're so beautiful Wow, she's yeah, well, it's a nice place to be if you have to quarantine. You might notice, you're in a mansion. Anyway, here's the food and Madison sent over these fly. She said something about how these flies are born for corn, whatever that means. Oh yeah, because they're all over the corn. And so she goes to the bar, she's like, I guess I'll get a drink from the bar. The bartender's like, well, I have Austin's beer, she goes, do you have any other kind? She's like, I'll have that, whatever that is.

Like she doesn't even know. She just sees some sort of like can or bottle. And it's like, that looks, is that I don't know of that. I don't know if that's I don't know if that's be a salad dress and by all to either one instead of drop off. Yeah, so she shows them her trick to opening crab, which is horrifying, you know, get rid of the trap door, be headed, whip out its lungs, smash its liver, suck it. It's what I did to Oscar Wild wild after he betrayed me. Oh, she's a rugged individual. It's gorsh

And oscissus and it's eatable that way and when he goes Edible Austin Harris Tito and residents so All right, everyone so you can get drunk jumping the pool I don't want anyone to go on the house because it's sterile both from germs and emotions. So you can pee in the bushes and I don't care what you do today.

Go crazy, just stay away from me and keep that tripod on the other side of the lawn for crying out loud. Yeah, and, you know, like you also haven't had entertainment for a while, right? And she's like, no, not at all. And Craig's like, uh, so Miss Pat, did you lose any way to go, Vid? Not because you're older than us. I mean, actually, like, did you actually lose sight of them?

Did you get confused in this maze out here? There's no maze. It's a long, Craig, just because you see hedges. This not means's no maze. It's a long crack just because you see hedges does not mean the hedge maze The only people I know who even caught it was you guys Hey Pringle so I know you had a little play date with Madison I know you went to batting cages, but how does that compare to oversized Sundays? I think I have just won this tattat tatt

I want to hear this one. And she starts laughing like openly mocking Austin as he taught Supreme Gold. Yeah. It's Austin's like, it's like, well, I would never tell you not to be friends with her, but I will say something insane that at one point things were like just inappropriate. And if you and I want to continue our friendship that just started about three weeks ago, that means that Madison is off limits, romantically speaking. And, you know, we've recently had a split, but it's one of those things that I will always care for. She's off limits. Guy code, bro, bro, thing.

And Pringles like, oh, one thing here. So, you know, I was out of line. It checked me. And I'm not afraid to say you were right and I was wrong. So here it goes. You were right. I was wrong. You want to hug it out? Let's hug it out. Guy from the Home Shopping Network. My grandmother watches. Okay. And then he tells us 43 talking about guy code. It's fucking stupid. I mean, my god. Like, we're not going to date again. But I own her. Yeah, like Pringle is so funny because he basically like disarmed Austin. I'd be like, listen, you were right. And you know, like you checked me, you're cool. But he never said he never

agreed to the promise that Austin laid out where he's like, you're the friends with me or not. He never agreed to any of that. He's like, you check me man. Totally just like totally played Austin and like like at some of these weeks Pringle is a total snake and he is Totally predatory, but I have to admit I was amused by the way he played Austin Yeah, and Austin just keeps going and going and going He's like there's so many fish in the sea, but you know what not Madison And he's like so what's he gonna fish in the sea, but you know what, not Madison. And he's like, so what's he gonna do? Really, I'd love to see it.

So, Shep's like, so but all stand, what's up? Because like, no one in South Carolina thinks it's a good idea for you to date Madison. Yeah, and he's like, Shep, you're rubbing salt that you just bought from Harris' teeter into the wound for no reason right now, it's insane. And Craig's like, but the rhetoric I've heard,

and I'm supposed to go, she's like, what Craig spelled rhetoric? Just spelled it, Craig. And he's like, R-H-E-T-O-R-I-C. Oh. You just spelled rhetoric, Craig. It's not correct. Yeah, you know, I thought it was rhetoric.

No rhetoric, I think it depends on the context. Oh, really? I think Matt, I don't know. Yeah, I've always, I've, I mean, I've heard rhetoric obviously, but I've always said rhetoric, and I never do it as wrong. And I felt stupid. And I depressed pause, and then I never do it was wrong and I felt stupid and I depressed pause and then I googled how to pronounce rhetoric

and everything said, rhetoric, rhetoric. Well, because it's rhetorical, like rhetorical question, but like, you know, it's kind of like, yeah, I think it's like what you talk about rhetoric, like there's a lot of rhetoric, but I think, yeah, it reminds me of, you know, when someone wants to say industrial,

but like, you know, industry is industry, but industrial is industrial. And you know when someone starts off saying industrial, but then they just change it to industry, so they say, industry. And you're like, I know what were you meant to say, but you changed. That's like what happens in the rhetoric and rhetoric.

Oh, well, thank you, because I just felt stupid. So Patricia's like, well, I talked to Madison all the time. And she wants to be friends with you. So what's the problem? Well, she in her head can just be friends with Madison. Like, like, like, like she can be friends with Austin. And like not to be a dick, she is fine. I don't know. He's like, you are a dick. You're a total dick. You are a dick you are a dick though and he's like but yeah he can't be friends with her and he's like you know what Craig I don't want to have this conversation again okay do you make it sound like I'm just some pathetic fucking guy over here Craig alright now excuse me while I go back to Harris Tudor to brag to the cashiers that this is my beer, okay? I'm not pathetic. I do spag pringles like dude sounds like bitches night, all right?

It's getting the pool, all right? What do we have? Bunch of bitches? Yeah, we're in mixed company. So now it's pool time and they jump in and jump like, gosh, can you see my fatigle or was I tight dad bod? I'm doing improved. And so Austin goes over to Pat and he's like, oh, Miss Patricia, can I pour this for you? And he pours his beer into her glass. She's like, mm-hmm. And now begins the big stare down to see if she's ever going to drink it. I think he just sat there with her to see if she was ever gonna drink this.

Uh, thank you for calling me this Trapop. It's nice to have something to distract the flies away from my corn. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So he's talking to her and he's like, Whoa, Craig, Craig is just on another level with me. I just don't get it.

She's, ha, ha, ha. Why do you think that is poor person? Listen, you know, I never thought that the two of you are a match. I mean, you're not ready to be a stepfather. You're not ready to be a stepstool if you ask me. And so, you know, to do all that, I don't see that change. Am I not wrong? He's like, I don't know what to say. She chose to follow her heart and you can't tell someone not to follow their heart. She says, I did. And he says, I know.

And that's what I'm saying. That's wrong. And she's like, well, guess what? I don't think love trumps all. Yeah. You have to take all the things into consideration He's like, well, I just wish I was 10 years older and I had it all going on Well in life time is everything and needless to say You have terrible time

First you know for this whole thing of course course she's like being totally nosy. You know, it's not a fur-fucking business. And I don't think there would be any harm in him saying, with all due respect, you know, stand up my relationship. Like, obviously we're together, so leave me alone. But he's such a whist. Like, I couldn't believe that he actually stood up to her enough to say, yeah, that's wrong, which is what I'm saying, you know?

Right. But I think he's within his rights here. And I love that she just doesn't care anyway. She's like, well, you're still stupid. Well, I know. He may be within his rights, but she's not wrong. And so she, and so he's like, I know I'm good enough from Adamson. And you know, like, I feel bad because

has Patricia ever been in love Or is it always been about money? She's like I'm practical when I see something don't like it's like She has her hand-watching thing again. I love that she's doing like the spiritual or the rhetorical hand-watching Me and Reda Rikkel She's like, I mean, it's like I just imagine Patricia saying like, I don't know whether or not I've been in love but I have been in a mansion.

So, I'm a house, you're rental. I don't know if I've been in love but I do know that Oscar Wilde has been in me. Does that make any more sense to you poor person? These are the sort of questions you have to ask yourself while you're waiting in line at Harris Tito, I guess. Oh, so uh, basically, you know, she just kind of leaves it there and he's like, oh yeah, so that went great. So, Madison is meeting up with Craig the next day and it's at this park that Craig used to go to with no me. Oh no, I used to go here and she would yell at me about my song. You see what my dog is catching that frisbee? That's the first time no me called me a stupid fuck face and hit me on the head with knitting needles. She didn't even knit. You see that pine cone? That's the first place

that I told Naomi I passed the bar exam for the fourth time. Oh, so they started off mice, but she knows this is not for good reasons, you know. So he's like, well, you know, I'm happy with Natalie. So I'm not really sad about Don't Me anymore. Because like, I think Natalie, like maybe she's what does anyone have a clip we can roll? Yeah, you see you know, you know when you fall in love with someone you break up you think wow My ever gonna meet another girl whose name starts with n ends with e Guess what I went from no me to Natalie and I worked out. She's the one I made a date once but I just don't go that way.

There is a girl named Natalie that I'm keeping my back pocket of things that I work out with Natalie. I mean, I knew in maps one time, unfortunately, she worked at Harris Teter, so I knew that Patricia would never approve. Nancy, I like the name Nancy, but the C is a little strong at the end there. I don't know if it's quite as good as Naomi or Natalie.

So she's like, I wonder if I'm ever going to find the one. And he's like, well, there's steps to make that happen. You know, you've got to have a separation. She's, yeah, but I'll sense my best friend. Oh, gosh, she needs a new best friend. Yeah, she's like, he's the one that I call. And he's like, well, you have to like stop texting him because you're not in love with him.

And he's in love with you. I mean, are you in love with him? And she's, well, that's a hard one. He's like, no, it's not. My damn, Craig again, it's bringing wisdom. It's so weird. I'm better because every time you text him things like, I'm gonna hold your hand. It reignites the flame of hope. What?

Are you writing pillows right now? So she's like, wait, that's hard. She's like, no, I mean, if you can't definitely say you love him, then you're not in love with him. Like straight up, do you see him at the altar? And she's like, no, I mean, if you can't definitely say you love him, then you're not in love with him. Like straight up, do you see him at the altar? And she's like, no, let me go. That's why I'm coming to you. And he doesn't even know I'm here. So like, don't tell him, but I'm never got.

He goes, he says, I'm never gonna tell him about this. He'll never know. That will be the end now. Yeah, she's like, you have to walk away and not talk to him. It's the only way this will work. Okay, you go to, you go to Traitor Joe's, you go to Harris, Peter, and never, never at the twain you shall meet. Yeah.

And she just stares at him, you know, doesn't give him an answer. But I love that Patricia is acting like Madison is this like power attorney in Charleston and just needs to find someone with equal and it's like she's a, she's a lady with the hair salon, you know, I don't see the problem in her dating Austin, you know? And sending her from Austin to Pringle, I mean, what the fuck is Pringle doing? Well, listen, listen, even if you're a lady with a hair salon, you're still allowed to have

as much ambition as someone who has like a power attorney for sure, but it is funny because they do act about downing that she's a hair dress. I'm just saying, it's not like, she's not Bethany Frankl, you know? Like, like it does, like I don't get this since. She's not like, it's not, this is not like Miranda Priestly.

She's not walking into the office and people are like, she's like, that's what I mean. You know, like that, like, they don't seem like terribly unmatched, but then I saw on Twitter, Patricia tweeted, it's not about money, it's about ambition.

Yeah. And, yeah, I mean, I don't, the thing is I don't really know what her ambitions are. I know that she owns her salon, which is great. You don't have to have more ambition than that. Maybe it's just that she likes working and that she goes to work. And I guess maybe her ambition is, maybe ambition is not about the, in this case, it's not about making the money. It's about wanting to provide something for her family, for her son, and maybe get a nicer house and a nicer lifestyle. Maybe that's where the ambition is like what the ambition means in this. I don't know. I've already put too much thought into it. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's just, you know,

a guy's playing video games all the day, it's still parting, parting every night is not her cup of tea, but I get that, but I mean, that's who he was when you started dating him, so. I know that the end of the thing is, it may not be her cup of tea, but guess what, that cup of tea is being sold in a house, teeter right now.

Yeah, I can't believe I'm trying to come up with an argument on why to still date Austin. That's ridiculous. I don't even know who I am today, but it's okay. It's not like when you said you like to track it today, so things are really strange. You know, a haircut can change everything. I'm going to say that. Because they're like wonderful. They're like amazing. I kept on noticing that hair was like just beautiful. Yeah, it looked really cute. So anyway, who cares? Everybody, thank you so much for being with us this week.

We will be back Monday with some real housewives of Potomac reunion. If you're not watching it, I mean, just start because the reunions are gold on that show. A lot of stuff has happened outside the world of Potomac between since like a few days ago. So I'm sure we'll address some of that with Pastor Holy Hoa. Oh, Pastor Holy Hoa. But thanks so much for being with us guys. If you want videos,

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