Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm: No Love Lost

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

The case of Southern Charm heads to St. Simon for a vacay of sports, relaxation, and getting wasted. Along the way, everyone questions Shep's treatment of Taylor, and Shep... well... he just wants to win at tennis.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What happens What What Kids, what happens when they're so wild and rapids? You're not crap. It's for when you don't want to turn around. Kids, what happens when they're so much than rapids? Hello and welcome to Watcher Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo. We just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the wonderful and cheerful and lovely Mr. Ronny Karam. Hi, Ronnie, how are you? Well, hi, that was a lot to live up to. Well, it's not hard to live up to when you've already exceeded it, Ronnie. Wow, that's how everybody describes me. Lovely cheerful Ronny. Ronnie, you'll be very happy with this milestone

that happened to me today. I was playing your favorite game, Wordl. And for the first time ever, I failed. I got, I did not get it in six. And I was like, oh my god, it has finally happened. And I was like, Ronnie is just going to heal just cross his arms and say, well, this is what you get, Ben. You got to invest it in a stupid game.

And I came back and now you're feeling hurt. And I told you all along, you should have stopped. You should have stopped, you're all been. No, I would never say that to you. You know, you just, you just keep going on the dear basic self, your basic word, all. I'm a basic word, all. I played PlayStation, so I'm expected to be an idiot.

You know, I keep the expectations low. That's how I live. I might play to be an idiot. You know, like I keep the expectations low. That's how I live. I might play some PlayStation this weekend. I've been sort of in a post-belder ring kind of, like, chill zone, not been playing as many video games, but this weekend I might pick it back up again and get involved in some cyber worlds, et cetera. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna pick up again this weekend.

What's that? Craig Connovers coconut connection, collection coconut connection. Hi, can I speak what's a coconut? Can you pair me with the proper coconut? The coconut connection. You know, Craig has a new booze out. It's called rum haven and it's from sewing down south. So I guess he's Expanding his brand and he sent us boxes of this of thank you Craig So I wanted to say thank you, you know like seriously nice. It's a beautiful box. Okay Has rum as a picture of Craig in there explaining what it is. Let's toast to the coconut collection from run Haven Yeah, and then it has like a little kit has the rum that's made out of coconut water, okay? Well, with coconut water.

And then it's got like a little drink kit, she can make mix of drinks with like a little recipe in there. Has it coconut for Bina Cantol? It's a whole thing. It's half-board, it is half-board. So thank you. Go check out Craig's booze, because we haven't heard them mention it on the show,

but it's pretty cool that he did that. It's, so it's actually, I don't think it's Craig's booze because we haven't heard them mentioned it on the show, but it's pretty cool that he did that. So it's actually, I don't think it's Craig's booze, but I think Rum Haven is partnering with Craig and they've come out together with like a, it's like a whole thing. It's like a, I'm trying to describe the right way to put it. It's like called the coconut collection, like you said, but it comes with like a pill. Like you said, all these things, I think you sort of, I think the idea is that you sort of like create like your own little space.

Like the pillow and the coaster and the rum and then you just have like a nice moment. Is there a pillow in here? No, I don't want to look in here. I thought I've got a pillow. I thought I would have seen a pillow. Should I go out? I think of a box.

My box is upstairs, should I go get my box? No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, I didn't know know there's not a pillow in there But it maybe it comes with that collection or something, but What he gave us is from yeah, I guess it's a partnership with room Haven from sewing down south So go check it out everybody okay, and there's a mermaid on the cover of the box and it's a brown mermaid So everybody can get really upset about that You can't wait to read your comments about that,

everybody. Oh God. Well, either way. That's our one tweet about that. That was like, is anybody gonna get mad that the octopus wasn't cast with a purple person? I can't even engage with that. I can't even engage with that. But either way, thanks Craig. Thanks for sending us your cool collection.

I'm sorry I'm about to bash you for an hour now. I know about to say nice. But thanks for the podcast now. Turn it off. But genuine. thank you. genuine thank you. I agree. Congrats. No, thank you. Congrats. It is very cool. It is very cool. Yeah, because Craig is really, you know, I'm proud that Craig has really learned to work it.

I mean, Craig has learned to work it like a housewife. You know, you got to give credit to the guy because so many people come on and just waste this opportunity and Craig's like, fuck it. I'm selling every, you know, someone that shit. So good for you. Good for you, Craig. Now I was Nathan. I was going to tell you a little bit more about what it was in my box, but I then received an email from Craig saying that, you know, I'm not allowed to really talk about it or be around him since, you know, we're X's and it's just not right. It's not the right thing to do anymore. It's totally inappropriate.

He wins. We always, oh my God, just to have that one on my resume. He is cute, like I get it. Like I get it. But the thing that's frustrating with Craig is that he does sort of like the cute thing and he's hot and all that. And then he will just do something horrific,

like on this episode it just be like a total monster to someone I don't know where. Yeah. All right let's get into it Southern charm. This is episode 13 and season eight and it's called St. Simon says fight okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're going to say something. We're going to say something. We're going on. We're going on this season. Where's Catherine? Why don't they even mention Catherine? Like what is happening?

So is she just gone? Leva just decides not to go to work again. Is that allowed? What the fuck people? This surprising. I feel like Catherine is getting phased out a little bit. I think that, I think I said this on an earlier episode, but I think that her whole controversy last season was probably not a great look for Bravo or for the show.

And I think they are kind of like, let's not make her as much the center of the show as she used to be. So I think that's what's happening right now. And I don't understand Leva not going, especially, I mean, if she is to have this other Show Leva land or whatever. I mean it's weird that she's not going on the cash trips, but But also okay also okay in terms of like viewability watchability Oh, yeah, it's not even that you know, it's just like good work With the fuck like you come you get you come you get your spin off and then you're like, I'm too mature for these people.

Well then go home. Like, what do I have to watch you feed your baby then? You know, like you don't just get a free baby feeding scene. I am, I am getting a little tired of leva having scenes with small creatures in her kitchen, whether it's a baby or a dog. Yeah, because their husband's like, fuck this. I mean, to the point where I was like,

are they separated? Because I totally believe that going into this season. And really dispelling those rumors by only filming with your dog and your child, you know? And really not sure what to feed them. You know, for someone who spends that much time feeding small creatures, you really don't seem to know how to do it. Well, you don't know that your dog doesn't like the dog food or why?

I mean, come on. She also involves them too much in the process. You know, a real mom just puts the food down in front of the kid and says, eat, you know? Yes. Do you think I was asking for soaked water bread with my tuna fish, nasty ass tuna fish sandwich? No. Okay. I was not asked. I was not asked about mashed potatoes and peas,

and I certainly was not asked about succotash, which to this day, I will not eat succotash. Suffering succotash? What is succotash? That's like laminabins and corn, and there may be one other thing in it. It actually sounds like it should be good, but because like corn, I love corn. I will pretty much eat anything other thing in it. It actually sounds like it should be good, but because I corn, I love corn.

I will pretty much eat anything with corn in it. But I was born for corn. I was born for corn. Yeah, I was born for corn. But lime of beans, honestly. Maybe it was because this was frozen suck attached, so it really doesn't translate well. Or maybe, I got, like, maybe my mom didn't put enough

like salt or butter in it or maybe, you know, I got like maybe my mom didn't put enough like salt or butter in it or whatever, but I always felt it was just like those Lama beans, just like grainy and like bitter, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, to this day. I mean, I'm open to having a new Lama bean experience, you know, I'm an adult now. I might like Lama beans now, but honestly, like Lama beans, I think are probably the worst being there ever was. All right. Well, you're at ear for stay away from corn. Yes, Lyma beans know. Okay.

There's a recent. There's not a sewing down South Lyma bean collection. There's a reason why we like it. There's a reason why there's not a fun fun like rhyme with suck attached like born for corn. No one's ever like, you know,-tash like born for corn no one's ever like you know I thrash for sucka-tash I'm a sucker for sucka-tash yeah there I just did it okay everybody as Craig continued to bash me Whitney left it me up he's got promise yeah he's got the shine yeah they did like romantic style this time a little bit with the intro.

Now, he still doesn't care. Actually, whatever he likes me. And when Leva hosted the girls night, Taylor found her relationship back in the spotlight. I love her saying, the energy you spend on Shepp, you lose. I'm trying to figure out whether your dog likes hammer not Taylor it's just like a deer in a headlights that entire scene I just I really feel like I'm noticing her deer in headlights nature more and more every episode that goes by just sort of stairs Like she doesn't for anyone who ever really sees deer where they live like when you're driving and you almost die hitting a deer

And you see that look in the headlights that kind of terrified look you know That saying really makes a lot of sense when you say that for Taylor But Taylor it's like one of those people who puts a deer whistle on the front of their car Which is supposed to warn the deer which I feel like is the rest of this cast, they're all the deer whistle. And then Taylor just starts running after your car. Yeah. You're like, why are you chasing me? You're supposed to go away.

I've given you all of the horns. She's a horror movie deer. She's a horror movie deer, because for some reason in scary movies, deer act crazy. They always got like, they always like jump through windows and like, you know, which actually dear do do that There's always that convenience store. Dears. I feel like dear a deer loves going into a convenience store and just like knocking everything over and then running out

Like how many videos are there of that? I don't know what it is with deer You know, I think deer in general as a species need to get their shit together Okay, they have like two very simple tasks Don't go in the roads and Don't go in convenience stores and then't go in convenience stores. And then they can probably just like, you know, thrive. Well, she's not a hooligan deer. Okay, she's a tailor deer. She said, yeah, she's a bambi. Yeah, I assume. So she's the, yeah, she's the deer that like waits outside the convenience store to get shot. You know, while her friends are like going in

there and making a request, she's like, I'm just gonna stay out here, make sure my friends are okay and you're the one that goes to deer jail. No, the deer is shot. So then meanwhile over at past, so basically Craig was a disaster. And then I'm only saying that doing all of these previews just for this, because this is my favorite line in the whole song. I like that. And they just show him be like, sorry, no coconut collection for you, singer lady. The deer is like, can you go to that list again? It's as easy as the Mars and the bees and the one two three The deer is like can you go to that list again? It's as easy as what again. Oh

Okay, so now we see what everybody's doing in the morning guy Austin is reading spackle Instructions. Yeah, it's like uh, let's start Star before you use Yeah, he's like, uh, the star, the star before you use spp, fck. As someone who seems to generate a lot of like self-made spackle out of his mouth via his spit, I'm surprised that Austin's really struggling so much with this scene because you like, it's on the wall.

He's like, fuck, it's goddamn spackle. Oh, it's like wondering why the spackle's not setting. You can't spackle in the rain, sir. Does that spackle have a Tucker Carlson haircut? So Olivia over at Olivia's house or Olivia's on a boardwalk or something and she's like, come on dog And then she puts her foot in the water and she's like, uh, something attacked me. Uh, abort abort water and she's like, uh, something attacked me. Uh, a board, a board. Just you look in the water is just like, Jenna from season one,

like, like a ghostly body touching her. Like, and then the me. Bravo had on their Facebook the other day, whatever happened to Jenna from season one, let's find out. And I was like, who? Oh, it's on this. I don't think literally anybody has ever asked that. Why is that here in September of 2022? Oh, with her very modern haircut that she was really trying to push. Yeah, whatever happened to Jenna and that crazy old Jeff Bezos

guy she was dating. So then Craig, yeah, I don't follow you see because every time I see what's going on with Jenna now? I'm like my bush who who are you talking about? I just click you know scroll scroll on so Craig up Didn't you what I was gonna know I was gonna I was yeah it was Something about the most no, yeah, no I don't think we have no, did you know about that? Did you hear? No, no, no, no, I didn't know about

Jenna Bush. Is there something? I was going to say that she had dinner with Prince Charles the night before Queen Elizabeth died. And therefore, I'm going to say she killed Queen Elizabeth. Well, I wouldn't really be surprised in the modern world with that headline.

Nothing would surprise me at this point. Well, it could be like very much like a throwback to our Romeo and Julia conversation of last week where the queen sees Charles with Jenna Bush. And it's like, finally, my son has a wife. I approve of. I can go now. And I think, no, it was a misunderstanding, mom. So then Craig is opening some box. Very bad variation on Romeo and Juliet. I apologize.

Go on. You start. No, you go. You don't want to hear any more Jenna Bush, Queen Elizabeth fan pick. No, I've done You go now. You try this. I'm excited for my stove. That's correct. Craig is stove is a riot, but there's also some boxes and he like sort of like holds them up and shakes them and like calms them together. It's kind of like the opening of 2001 space, space Odyssey and then he's like, I don't know what to do with these. So we just put them down.

Yeah. Well, first, because I'm really excited to use this. I don't know what these are, which is so Craig. So he just puts them, because you know, Craig does not read instructions. So Craig is like me. He gets some IKEA furniture and then pulls out a screw gun. It just screws it all together however he wants. What man?

That's what men do. Yeah. That's a wild generalization, Ronnie. I don't think you should do that. So poor man, I take to generalize poor man. So then Taylor is wackily making the shop. They're like, oh my God, aren't we happy couple with shop? And she's putting a pillow back in a pillow case,

which I mean, chef, have you ever even dated anybody that's washed a pillow case? That's a real keeper right there, sorry. Know what you have? Yeah, seriously. And Taylor's like, Craig, what the hell? Because I guess the pillow's falling apart. Pillow case is falling apart after a wash.

So no, she just, yeah, she didn't delicately wash it. Oh, that was what it was. It wasn't on delegates. Well, that's on Taylor. That's on Taylor. So then Craig starts the FaceTime page. She's like, how are you now? And my forehead looks huge right now,

because it's just a forehead page. You know, Paige is like, you're supposed to say it's actually cute and petite, but okay. I know, we've got a lecture about that later. How dare you? And now everyone's going to say I have a huge forehead. But if you think that you can just like go around and say it's just a forehead, you are crazy.

You are a sadly mistake. Hey, I come in peace. Okay, was that supposed to be funny? No, I do Take me the ear later. God damn it Craig So Craig's talking about like showing off his kitchen. He's like well There's a cabinet that goes there and this is where the gas stove goes see Wait, what did you say? What did you say? Because everything she's saying is like, crank, that looks,

oh, it's like forehead. The sound, it's a sound of page breaking up over this hot connection is so perfect. It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 50% off. Oh, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, sour. My, I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I like your audio's messed up I'm gonna take you upstairs I'm gonna go up on my phone well I just passed where the gas stove was that was crazy okay now I'm upstairs now I'm on a computer can you see me I'm sitting on the computer wow wow that was quite a journey Craig thank you thanks for taking us on that wow your forehead really looks huge on this giant monitor, huh? Thank Craig. I'm not supposed to say that. So you just start trying to sell ad space on your forehead.

So he's like, so we had boys dinner and it was like a lot of fun until I was bed spilled red wine all over Patricia's like couch and like white carpet. And they're like, Craig, you need a sippy cup. Okay. And like, oh, and I got a text and someone said that they saw Shepp on Raya recently and took a screenshot of it. So those are my two concepts that I've linked together in my sentence. He just played it off because he was like, I don't even use technology like what?

And she's like, I'm new enough to download the app. Well, what would you do if you saw me on Raya? She's like, paint, I'm Hig-Crag. I would fight down there and burn to him in your new kitchen and in girlwood. I've even put in the gas stove yet. I would've been a waste of money. I'm saying.

He's like, please don saying, please don't. Please don't do that. So he's basically saying that, like, Taylor doesn't hold shut accountable for anything. Although one can make an argument that none of the guys on the show get held accountable for anything. But, you know. I know, and you're lucky you're with this page in about season one summer house page.

Because if you had been like, hey, guess what? My kitchen's still not done and I spilled wine all over Patricia's house and broke all of her furniture. Page would be like, ear eluser, ear the equivalent of a Wednesday night dinner. So bye. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasive And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling,

and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Chef, meanwhile, like, gosh, I've been thinking a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot about things that you're not happy about. And by the way, the whole raya thing, that like online thing,

you know, and Taylor's like you're a loser for being 40 years old and on a dating website. It's like, Taylor, that's not the point. It's not the point about whether he's on a dating, that he's a loser because he's on a dating website. Well, in a committed relationship with you, that's not open. I know, and I like Taylor, but you're the fucking loser

for being in a relationship with a 40-year-old on a website. Okay, ma'am. Okay, Shep being a loser is a given. Also, why do you let Shep talk to you like that? It's another scene that Shep lying down on the bed with his arm behind his head. It's like there's no body language that says fuck you more than that. You know, every time he's trying to be contrite, he's like just laying down, all casually.

You better get on your fucking knees, sir. Yeah, she doesn't give a voice. And she doesn't give him any grief about this riot business. What's wrong with her? Yeah, it's like wacky guys. Thumb you wacky, he's old. And she's like, come on, you know, there's not even a thing, Gars.

I'm off that motherfucker in Garsha. Oh, I almost said motherfucker. Okay, you know what? That mother, forget it. She goes, I know you're not really on there, Shab, come on. I just watched your pillowcases. I know, honey.

And he's like, gosh, I feel like Taylor and I are the focal point for everyone. I feel like I'm under a microscope. Like, please get off my back. I mean, this is the standard thing. You see, like, Jack says this, and anyone who's been like in these terrible relationships, they circle the wagons and they push everyone out and they say, oh, you guys are just scrutinizing us so much.

Well, there's a reason why you get scrutinized is because there's some inequity in your relationship that's really fucked up and everyone just wants to save a poor lady. Usually it's the lady. You want to save safer and get her an onto someone else better, but it's fucking insane. You're not being scrutinized, you're trying to fuck around to the national platform that was posted on another platform, you fucking douce. So then we go back to Craig and he's like, well, you know, she invited us on this trip to Georgia, which is like a sober's heart, because it's like, it's shab like trying to like control everything.

Well, in that case, I'm not gonna, I think he's just inviting people on a trip. I don't think it's, I'm gonna give this one to Shab. Okay, I don't think, pages like, just like, God, that's sad. That's sad, like we didn't find you on a group trip, like, ha can just like, God, that's sad. That's sad that you wouldn't let you on a group trip, like, how pathetic. What a sad existence that you would actually invite other people

to go to a trip together. Wow. So sad. Gross, Georgia, gross, timey forehead state. That's what we call it. 1% off, that's all you get there. So then, Chef's still lying on the bed with his arm behind his head. I don't know, this just makes me fucking crazy. It's like the relationship, talk version and band spreading.

It's a lying down version and band spreading. So he's like, you know, all this has gone the thinking tailor like Greg in Austin. You know, you get upset because we're always jetting off places So maybe we could go host a trip She's like oh great, so you can cheat on me when I'm in the facility Yeah It's gonna be great Well, and then it's like also like if she doesn't go on the trip if he cheats

It's like oh was wasn't my fault Taylor wasn't there to keep me on the straight narrow. So you don't like them? I'm traveling too much on guy's trips. Well, come with me on a guy's trip. Take her somewhere, okay? Yeah. Bermuda. There's a suggestion.

And then, like, little Craig is there, of course. And Taylor's like, I feel like Little Craig is the glue that keeps us together. I'm like, Little Craig is a dog that loves to run around in a marsh. Okay, if that's your glue, you got marsh stank gluing you together. That's what you've got going on.

Oh, so Whitney, well, actually Craig does kind of keep them together in a way, because Craig is a chef symbol that he's a good person, because remember when Chef got Craig, he's like, look at me, he's just a fun loving dog loving chef. And it's the same reason he got Taylor, you know? It's like all of his personality boosters, reputation boosters.

So Whitney is walking down the sidewalk with very learned swag, or swag, like swag, you know, Swagger. Is it swag? It's like a free gift from the Oscars. And swag is like, Swagger is like you have to step.

Yeah, he's got Swagger, Swagger. Swagger is like the thing you get for free. And then once you have that thing for free, you feel cool. So then you have Swagger. So he's walking with Shrag, Shragger, because he gets a lot for free. So he's walking like really stiffly and weirdly, trying to look like young and hip and it's hilarious.

Also, is he stippling on five o'clock shadow to make it look thicker? The guys look like they have stage five o'clock shadow. Like someone came back with a stipple and we're like, guess what? You're playing your uncle today. You know, um, when in doubt, I always refer to, I believe the true pioneers of like, what do you call it? Stiffler. Stiffler. Stiffler. Five-channel. Stiffle. The real pine yours is stippling. Joey Lawrence and Nicholas Cage. And sometimes Al Pacino. And when I look at them and then I look at Whitney,

I think this is Whitney's true or a five o'clock shadow. Yeah. Oh, you do? I think so. It's just such a straight line. It looks like Homer Simpson, five o'clock shadow. I'll have to go back and look, because to be honest, I didn't notice.

But I will go back and look and I may render a different judgment. It looks like Homer Simpson, five o'clock, shadow. I'll have to go back and look, because to be honest, I didn't notice, but I will go back and look and I may render a different judgment. But compared to a Joey Lawrence, if this is, you know, Joey Lawrence is like, though, like that to me is like the most. That, that is it right there. Well, that should just be used as a comparison

for everything, right? Joey Lawrence. Joey Lawrence. Oh, this man. Well, Joey Lawrence just be used as a comparison for everything, right? Joey Lawrence. Joey Lawrence is a man. Well, Joey Lawrence isn't. What a Joey Lawrence kitchen you've got. Joey Lawrence will be the standard by which we judge all aspects of the show going forward. Joey Lawrence.

This might forehead look big. Does Joey Lawrence's? It's no Joey Lawrence page. That's for sure. So he goes to a restaurant in the bar, Liddy's French because he's dating Frost Lady. And he's ordering his chateau chateau, he's like chateau chateau, please.

And the waiter's like, oh chateau chateau! Like, yes, waiter, love some some waiter, you know Heat coming it with that waiter's like idiot You know who knows how to pronounce it correctly Joey Lawrence You know he doesn't know no scale of Joey Lawrence to 10. How was that accent? Yeah, you know, Joey Lawrence ordering a fancy shampoo like wine in French is probably the most annoying thing. Okay, okay, this is how I imagine it goes. He's standing up, hey, I would like, I'm not even

gonna try to pronounce it, bro. I'm gonna have this one. Okay, this one, Shatto, Chovine, Chovin, I don't know, bro, you know which one I want. You just get it from me, okayauvin, Chauvin, I had a bro, you know which one I want. You just get it from me, okay? And I'll have an extra napkin in case any of that wine gets caught in my very real beard. Thank you. So Naomi comes in and she looks like she's heard Whitney's terrible accent. The look on her face is just like, and he's like, wow, you're beautiful. Wings your chaps, your buttless chaps.

And she's like, why do you call them buttless Whitney? They're called assless chaps. Oh. She's so mad. So then they're like just talking about wine. And when he talks about how his dad was an on a file and would take him to taste things And you know, he would not spit out the wine of the taste things and you'd get hammered dad would have to take him home

Naomi's like Like how do I say oh in French. Oh, that's right. It's oh I like how she orders a cheese because she really like brings the waiter his hope for humanity back, right? Because he comes back to the table like stupid fucking American can't put in a shovel. And she's like, we'll have some cheese. Let's try that. Come on, come on.

Yeah, come on. Oh, thank you. Good garlic, Miss Somales. She saved it. Yeah, there was, I mean, I think Bravo was leaning into Thank you. Good girl, I'm with Somalis. She saved it. Yeah, I think Bravo was leaning into French stuff right now to try to get real girlfriends and parents off the ground, because I also noticed in the previous leagues,

Naomi was like, something's went very well, and something's went very well. I was like, okay, all right, we're doing the French thing all over Bravo right now. Could you imagine if they only made Naomi French for that show? After all this time on the show, I feel like you're French now. But I was French just, no, no, you're really French now.

Okay. We gotta know, you're taking your character in a new direction, but it's, yeah, this is who I am. Well, unfortunately you're gonna have to change who you are. Sorry. So, the wine comes and Whitney's like, this is, this is why I meet your requirements. She's like, like, I don't really care about wine.

I mean, it's wearing asless chaps, so I appreciate that. Yeah. So let's talk about this, Raya thing, because like Leva sent me Shaps profile on Raya gross. And Whitney's like, whoa, I mean, you know, it's like any painting in her house, we don't know how that picture is. We don't know.

And she's like, it doesn't matter, Whitney, it only comes up if you're active on Raya He goes well, um, maybe this profile has been up for a while. She goes with me Whitney wait, let me say this in French. Oh, Whitney Whitney He's like whoa Joey Lawrence God Joey Lawrence comes in dress as a mind. He's like, man, huh?

So she's like, it was active when he was in Bermuda with me. They come on and he goes, well, she know that there were monogamous. She's like, yes, here's with this girl knows Jesus seatbelts. What was the other thing? Here's with this girl now. Jesus seatbelts. What was the other thing? Son's hand.

Son's screen. Yeah. Jesus seatbelts and sunscreen, okay. They were monogamous. And she tells us, God, it's amazing how these men just skirt around it. Yeah. No pun intended.

And Whitney says, in his defense, I mean, I know that he's been, you know, faithful for something What the best seven or eight months because Whitney they've been dating for years. That's like great. That's real great She goes she goes I think that's real scum of the earth behavior I'm not playing with that. It's real scum of the earth And he's like my view on my And he's like my view on my Amarion is One cannot rush richness

And he gives her a little squint and she's like wow Wow even the 50 year old model with stippled on fucking beard, you know hair is giving me this shit Thanks. Yeah, he's like, yeah, I mean mother Lady mother like you just don't know like like, you can't force the issue. Like, no one likes to be pressured. And when you do pressure, it freaks them out. And they go away. I'm like, she's like, um, so are you saying

you don't want me to go away? She's like, I can't tell. Are you trying to excuse Chef right now or is this a romantic gesture towards me? I can't really figure this one out. I know, right? Yes, Whitney, she's chomping at the bit to get married to you immediately.

So then Austin is on the car phone with Taylor. And this was one of those episodes where they just, nothing really happens until later, but there's just a lot of like, hey, I'm driving, what are you doing? Cleaning, what are you doing? Driving, maybe lot of like, hey, I'm driving. What are you doing? Cleaning. What are you doing? Driving.

Maybe we should like, go shop. Yeah. Maybe we should go shop. And then he drives around. And he's like, yeah, we're gonna go shop. Cause like, really like her. Cause like, you know, shopping. Like she cleans her car.

And she's like, yeah. He drives around. I really like it. Do something. Okay. What is cousin Marcy gonna have a monologue in this episode? What's happening over there? Yeah, they definitely are giving us a lot of the busy work that goes into our daily lives. Like, just even Craig going from the kitchen to upstairs to continuous conversation. I mean, I guess I know that's for continuity,

but it reminds me of I remember in high school, I wrote some sort of short story and that's for continuity, but it reminds me of, I remember in high school, I wrote some sort of short story and like the teacher read it or something. And I was like, you know, Ben, you don't have to have like scenes that start with someone, you know, like, oh, someone walks, someone approaches the building, they open the door, they walk inside, they meet the person, they start talking, you can just start in the scene,

you can just start writing the scene, you don't have to show them. I've always remembered that, like, you don't have. You can just start writing the scene. You don't have to show them. I always remember that. Like, you don't have to have, you don't have to tell us that they opened a door to get into the room. Like, just start in the room. That's funny. Well, speaking of writing,

I wish this was like a Robert Altman film where it's with me and what's her buns at dinner, you know, talking about MLB and cheating. And then it just splits off and we follow the French waiter who hates their guts. Yeah. And then he talks about the proper way to pronounce the wine and bitches about someone that we find out he's fucking that person. And then it splits off and it follows that person. You know anything. But this watching Austin drive around town prepping himself up for his I'm a good person now bullshit

that happens in this episode I can't. Yeah, this is definitely not a Robert Altman movie. Even though Robert Altman did a movie called Nashville, which is in this house, this is, there's a reason why Robert Altman never did a movie called Charleston. Yeah. So, Shep's, so let's go to Shep's house.

So Shep's like, Hey Greg, the dog's like hey Greg and the dogs like Hey, what are you doing come here and he just stays there? He's like I'm not coming over there. What are you gonna do another fucking puppy toss with me with your friends? You know if you imagine what that dog's been through living with chef. Hey guys Hot let's play my favorite game hot craggy. We'll just toss him around to see you can drop him first Let's play my favorite game. Hot Criggy! We'll just toss him around and see you can drop him first.

Harsh! Yeah, the dog's been through a lot. So now Shep says something that no one's ever said all season, hey bud, let's check it on Marcy. So, he facem's Marcy. Well, after eating fried chicken with his mouth open and then having fried chicken drips his chin. Sorry, just had to point that out.

Yeah, and so, face times of Marcy. And guess what? Marcy had her baby, and so FaceTime's a Marcy, and guess what? Marcy had her baby, and they didn't even give poor Marcy a scene to be like, I had a baby. They just like stuck it into a FaceTime call. So she now can go from pregnant to a God of Baby, because that's what her story's gonna be now. Be God having a baby, it's what her story is gonna be now be god having a baby's crazy

I got a baby I got a baby look we named it E.D. I was like well you know T some ice cream yeah I don't know if I'm just I mean just one briar she said she wants two more so I mean we gotta keep an eye out for Ben and Jerry she's so sweet. And you know, it's so funny. I named her E.D. But the doctor put her name down on the certificate is on pregnant, which is really weird. Said I wouldn't stop saying it when they brought me in.

It's like I've already faded her to her life. So, um, she's like, yeah, next is your turn. And then it just shows his foot, like, tapping like crazy. Yeah. It's a, his foot actually unhinges from his leg and calls the ground. You know, it's like it unscrews itself

because he's swirling it so much. So, she's like, yeah, I told Johnny's in trouble because I want three more. I highly recommend it to you. So, God, welcome to Vucking Marcy's Journey on this show. Now, welcome to the next four years of your life, everybody. So then Taylor goes to the clothing store to be Austin. It's called Half Moon Outfitters, which I'm assuming is its rebrand from its former name Everything beige, beige are us. Beech-based bitches.

When peace buys it for the spin-off. Yeah. Big foreheads, lots of beige. Doesn't really make sense. So Taylor. Taylor named it my goal. I named it my goal forehead, named my goal. My goal for head name store half forehead wins.

Gwyn's earth tone edition. Earth to go in's. Oh yeah, earth to go in's it's wins. You know, it's their spin off store where everything is in gray or slate. Yeah, so she goes into the store and Austin's like, looking for my friend, there she is, there she is. You know, trying to like, sting stick all of the funken t-shirts that he passes. I know, and he's like, this store is dangerous for me.

It's just all like tan and leisure. He's like, oh wow, look at this, fashions on every rack. And she's like, yeah, well, we're gonna be shrimping, we're gonna go golfing, we're gonna play tennis. I mean, there's gonna be so many different ways I can be called the fucking idiot on this trip. I'm so excited. What should I wear?

Yeah, I know. And she's like, she pulls out some like sweatpants and she's like, I wanna get these for a shop. And he's like, why are you shopping for him right now? And she's like, I was thinking Christmas gift, haven't you noticed? There's Christmas decorations everywhere around the city. He's like, oh!

Well, those are thirst drop pants. Yeah, yeah, for a special for Craig. He doesn't even wear underwear. Oh, it makes me so uncomfortable even see that. This is insane. God damn, commando. And she goes, I'll put him back, and he goes, no, take him to the front.

What are you doing, God? You know, I really like Taylor, and I wanted to have a guy who treats her with respect. I was like, you just pulled a cheque on her. You're God. Just get on. I got some self-respect. Keep the shorts that you want.

I'm like, you're yelling at her. I don't know. I'm not falling for this ostency, okay? A, it looks like Austin wants to repair his image after that disastrous winter house. And B, I think he's in love with Taylor because Taylor is exactly what he dreams of in life. Someone who will let him do whatever he wants

and is thin and blunt. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So he's like, let's try some slunking shoes. And she's like, oh, cool. Because if we go tripping, yeah, these are really cute. So then they sit down in this plunking section. And I was like, so, I guess since camera's not on the show anymore, I'll ask it. How is shepherd? And she's like, oh, well, I feel like he's built up a lot of walls, and it's just hard because I wake up and there's like wood all around me. And he's like climb out of the wall, cage I made for you,

and then I have to do that for 45 minutes. He's built up walls for her to stay inside. And she's like, yeah, he's really hard on himself. No, he's not. What has he ever been hard on himself? Ever, he's not hard on himself. And she says, well, yeah, I'm like, when I call him out, he thinks I'm attacking him.

And I'm like, whoa, bud, I'm trying to help. Now, could you maybe help and throw a rope over this wall? So I can look you in the eye. Yeah, and I was like, how many times have you done that? She goes, well, I mean, he said, he says, I want to work on that. Well, don't you know anything about Shep? He's never worked. Dan is his life.

God damn, Dan is life. Like, listen, I don't think this has anything to do with walls. Having walls is like, hey, I'm afraid to date a person because of how God damn heard I was the last one. Because my ex just got engaged on Amazon live and then said I was worthless. That's what having a wall is. Having a wall is being absolutely destroyed

by an insane ex who goes around and lies and breaks up JLo's marriages. Those are walls, okay? Yeah. He's like, that's not a wall. Do you even bachelor? Okay. I bet you hugging with your feet on the ground instead of jumping up and hugging his waist with

your legs like a really hot thigh belt. She's like, uh, it's like, okay, well, I guess you have a valid point. He's always sorry, you know, and he always says they didn't mean that, you know, and I would let everything go, but like we're getting more serious now. He's like, it's been two years! She's like, well, time will tell if he's really serious and really wants to work on it. Like, I see his heart and what an amazing human is. A lot of people don't see that.

He's just making all these faces and noises. And he's like listen, I've seen all sides Shep, okay, but sweet things just started in the morning. Like, you're no longer Shep's girlfriend. Like, Because somebody get closer to my face. I love you. I love you, okay.

And Taylor, the way he talks to you sometimes, breaks my fucking heart and breaks my heart. What are you doing? Why are you crying? I love you okay. I day there the way he talks to sometimes What are you doing? Why are you crying? When did you become this close with Taylor? Yeah? Why are you crying right now and can we please insert clips of him gaslighting like at least two women a month ago? Yes, I know like now Austin has his monologue Which is the same monologue, I think everyone has said to Sierra about Austin. He's like, I don't like it, I've been there. I'm not saying he's a terrible person

because I fucking love him. But like God damn Taylor, that was a soft God damn. It was a nice God damn. God damn Taylor, when he talks it to you, then he reels you back in. All that I want is that I don't want you to justify every single time. You make it seem like shepp can get away with murder. There's no consequence.

It breaks my heart. Shepp is lucky. It's a very lucky man. You are a catch of catches. That's why I want you to stand up for yourself and not that you don't, but you're such a sweetheart and just in summary, it's sane right now. It's insane right now.

Well, maybe I should just put these shorts back. No, don't put the shorts back, you fucking idiot. You're the same. You're the same card in a different deck. And also, I think because we just recap the winter house trailer with Austin yelling at Sierra Again, then I just I'm sorry. It's too close. It's too soon. I'm not buying any of this shit. So Taylor's like yeah Well, he definitely took care of my kindness knowing I'm just gonna run back and watch his pillows Gosh, I really should have used the delicate cycle

Something's gonna have to change here. And if it doesn't, I'm gonna have to walk away from Craig's pillows because I just don't wanna hurt him anymore. It's all my fault. I feel like the lack of this. The lack of a delicate cycle is actually a metaphorical explanation of what's going on wrong with their relationship.

There's no delicate with their relationship. There's no doubt it's like happening whatsoever. So now we got to love his house where she's trying to force some sort of ham-cented food on her dog and her dog doesn't want it and she gets a call from a face time from Naomi and Naomi's like, are you in a robe? I love this like I'm in PJs. Rob. The ass laughs. She's like, yeah, I'm very fancy. I'm in PJs today.

And so they're talking about this trip and love us like, well, I decided I'm not going to be an attendant because like, I just don't have to band with for the boys on a show about boys called Southern charm that I'm currently on. Yeah, she had like a very like healthy person's response of like I'm going to protect my mental state by not going on this trip, but it was not, unfortunately Bravo doesn't hire people with healthy response. I'm not here to watch fucking healthy people.

I wanted that, I just go stand in the home goods line and listen to those checkers talk to each other. Okay. It's not for healthy people, ma'am. No, it's not. Okay. And it's also, it's not for lazy moms either. I'd like to add as well.

But I think that leva, you gotta, like, it's actually about taking some of that mental shrapnel by being around these guys. That's what your duty is. Yeah. So I'm here for emotional diabetes. Okay, get on it. So, um, yeah, her base, her thing is that like they go on these trips, the guys fight and squabble at night and everyone gets dragged into it. It becomes a whole big mess. And then the next morning, the women are like exhausted from it and probably are fighting with each other

because of it. And the guys are just playing from it and probably are fighting with each other because of it and the guys just playing golf, like nothing happened. So it's pretty good reason why not to go on one of these group trips, except for the fact that it is your job. So go. Well, it's why when you quit doing drugs, you know, you can't still hang around your friends

who do drugs because of your like, oh my god, you're all psycho. You all have to be on drugs. It can't be half the cast, okay? It has to be the whole cast. Okay. It has to be the whole cast. Yeah. That's my advice to show. I do more drugs, Leva. Okay. Yeah. I got decent coke dealer and stop your bitch. So now we got to Olivia packing for this thing. And she's like, I don't know what to pack. And her mom's just staring like,

what are you active? He's gonna be these times we have Where do you gonna do honey? Don't tell daddy Shrimp being Golfing I'm a god you gonna take your spill munk and shoes You those are good Browkees some spill munk and shoes

And then we go to Vanita packing and awesome packing and Austin's like, he packs exactly how you'd expect him just like yelling now at his clothing. He shoots sock! She's a cool. You're a cool shoe. Such shoes. And then Shaft doing what you think he would do in a packing scene with someone he just promised to be more romantic with lies on the bed while Taylor packs all of his stuff Yeah, and barks out orders don't forget my churner shracker because I'm gonna kick everyone's ass

And then now people are showing up at Craig chefs house to get into their car to get in like the ubers and everything and Taylor's like they like a rock people are showing up and then they open up a chef's trunk and Taylor's like look how dirty your car is. I wish I was more organized. I'm not. I mean, maybe if you work less and organized more it would look better back there. Just saying.

And Olivia arrives with Gary her thirsty dad in a golf cart. He's like, wow, Austin! Austin's here! Hey, Austin! I've never seen you up so early in the morning, buddy! Well, I slept for 12 goddamn hours last night. Oh, really, what happened? You hit your head?

Oh, does he have a big forehead too? Because that will happen sometimes. It's a face time. Page space time's in. Let me see it. Why'd you say that? I'm a scale of Joey Lawrence to Big 4 Ed. That's a Matthew Lawrence at best.

So they split up cars. And one is going to be be chef with Austin and Olivia and he's telling them Oh wow it's only three hours away it's like killing the head kind of there's Spanish Moss beaches golf tennis douche bags fishing playing tennis golfing douchebags on beaches douchebags going oh Spanish moss it's how I grew up Yeah, it's how I grew up. Oh look we keep an eye out for not just the douchebags playing tennis But the douchebags yelling at their girlfriends and the douchebags having their girlfriends pack for them and the douche bags long on mattresses with their armpit out while their girlfriends

Ask them why they're on dating sites. It's how I grew up. Hope everyone brought their spulonking shoes colors. So then Craig is in the other car with is he with Naomi? No, Naomi. No, no, no. Craig is with Taylor. It's a killer and a blonde person. Yeah, Taylor and Vinyna and Craig just doing that thing where he doesn't stick his tongue all the way out like a Diana Jenkins. He puts the tip of his tongue behind the bottom row of his teeth and then like sticks out the middle of his tongue like he's got a tongue ring that he's playing with. But he doesn't, does he?

No, he just, he just like, that's what this episode is. I'm like, did Craig have a tongue ring? Why is he always playing with his tongue ring? He does? Yeah, he has an invisible tongue ring. So Craig's like, what does our lodging look like? And Taylor says there's houses and villas, et cetera, et cetera, which it's funny because

later on I don't see anything that looks anything remotely like a villa. I see an Airbnb and a condo like an apartment. But that's why they really built this up because it looks like rooms in a courtyard very odd. I know. They make it sound like they're going to a big whole estate like it's gonna be Frank Lloyd Wright part two, you know. It's not what it is. It's yeah. It is courtyard by Marriott is generous, I would say. So they take bets in Austin's car. They're like, hey, so what's the bet that she wakes up

with Whitney's room? And she's like, oh, yeah, Naomi, what did I say? No, you just said she, I just was clarifying. And Gays anyone thought it was, you know, a reference to Jenna from season one. God, I wonder what's happening with her. Oh, God. Well, I heard, last night I heard her, her ghost body is haunting the pure outside Olivia's house. Click if you want to find out what's happening with Jenna in relation to Hilton head.

Click if you want to see her reenact what lies beneath when Hilton head. I don't know what I'm talking about, go on. So they basically just take bats on like whether they're going to bone and chefs like all that on the other side, I guess they're not going to bone and Olivia's like, why would you do that? You just don't like making money. She is the person who says that about a bet. You know, I hate people who I hate people who talk like they're in a movie sometimes, you know, like that's something that I feel like

like she's like in a saloon, being like, oh yeah, you don't want to make, you know what? I'm gonna stop this my long, I don't think it's gonna be. You're just abandoning, you're abandoning, I don't, I feel like I have a lot of hot takes that are hot but useless takes today. And they're like, I'm like, I don't know if I stand behind my hot takes today, I'll like, I'm like, I don't know if I stand behind my hot takes today.

I'll say, I'm starting them up. I'm like sort of starting them up from like a half. I'm not really, my heart's not in some of these hot takes. I'm like, I think I'm just so used to being like, gotta fill the air. Okay, Ronnie just said something about this bet. I gotta have a hot take. Here's my hot take and I was like, I don't have a hot take about it. That's my hot take.

That's okay. Yeah. It's okay, not everything has to be hot. Nothing is happening. We don't need a hot take, okay? It's a take. I still stand behind my hot take that Jenna Bush guilt-gunless but though.

That was a good one. So then in the other car in Taylor and Craig's car, they're talking about pictures, like sex pics, dick pics. Sex pic and stuff. Yeah. And Craig's like, yeah, I'm a big sexster. But like, if you're a guy, you never send an unsolicited dick back about like, if you're a girl, like no one gets mad about that.

A Taylor's like, Craig is a sexual deviant. I'm like, yeah, like if you wife born with your girlfriend, like that's cool. And she's like, yeah, I don't even want to know what you have paid your him to. Yeah, like she gets horny when I scroll through over stock. Not gonna lie. Well, actually, she gets mad and then she gets,

then she gets horny. She's like, Craig, why are you looking at this shitty website? Oh my god, I'm hot. I'm hot right now for you. I've been trying to get her a lady boner by sending her website's featuring bangs. She won't call me back. Weird.

Olivia was like, the kinkiest thing I ever do is turn on Kathy, Tricoli, and Masterbait. And it's like, whoa, whoa. Oh, Vinnie does just like scrolling her phone on a burner account, double tapping her pictures, like these people are fucking losers. She's like, how do I get stuck here? So, on the other car, they're talking about tennis. And Olivia's like, shit, wanna play tennis so I can beach ass. And he's like, I have a really heavy top spin.

I feel like that's every guy I've ever dated. Like it's the top spin. You know, where were you? Oh, I just went out, we'll have to work with some friends. Okay, that's top spin right there And it's like um Shep is like gosh, I am not playing against Taylor on any activity for the rest of my natural born life And Olivia's like well, I I brought a dozen of my eggs

in case you do miss, behave. You fucking idiot! We see the clip. God damn it! We didn't drop you fucking idiot! And Olivia throwing the egg at him. And he goes, Well, we all do things we regret.

We're all felible people. Sorry, I'm not more organized. What am I in protozoa? Why am I in a No, we were fallible stop causing a quervass Did Joey Lawrence realize his hair would go so quickly no He is fallible. Hey Joey words give me a break. We're all fallible So Olivia's like yeah like it's just You know it No, I just want to show you Lawrence line Wow It's the predecessor to Garsh

So Olivia's like yeah, of course it's just like when you're moving forward like do you work on those things? Or do you not work on the Olivia's like that girl like that cool girl in the back chomping on those things? Or do you not work on that? And if you're like that girl, like that cool girl in the back, chomping on her gum, you know? Yeah, just work on a shop. Oh my God, that water attacked me. Yeah, saying things like, oh, so you want to lose money today? You want to make some money?

Yeah, I had cool banter around a bit. She's trying to act really cool, but you know all she hears on her head is, help your prattier, Spongebob, can she? Spongebob? She's so funny. She's so funny. She's salanted by Jenna at the pier.

So, and Robin, Jenna at her mom and Jenna are hot, she's got dual haunting going on. She's a real real mixed up. So It's anyway chef is like saying how we I don't always like you know I feel about Taylor. You know, you know what? I'm gonna say to her I kind of want her quit her job and Austin's like Chef that is so dumb that is how you get like complete control over her. He's like, yes, Garsh, that's exactly correct. I don't want control over her. I'm ordered to travel with

me. And Olivia tells us, that's a little presumptuous, does she even want to quit her job? Anyone asked her. I mean, that is why he would bring it up with her to discuss it, right? And Austin's like, well, Chad knows how much respect she does that. Like I have a jaw drop hearing that a jaw drop All right, my jaw drop right now and Says a lot for Austin considering how how active that jaw already is for its actual great drop. Yeah And it ships like a jaw drop. Whoa, you've got a charge drop and Austin's like I would never ask a woman to quit her job growing up in a household where my mother worked and her three sisters were the bread winners I mean if you ask the woman to quit her job, how are they gonna pay for their sons? Whatever job slash beer. they own right? I know I'm just gonna

say not to stand up for Shep because I'm not but you would never ask a woman to quit her job because you don't have wine okay. Well I know that yeah I was about to say Austin would never quit a job for his lover because he would have to have one on the first place. Uh, so chefs like every time I cross a state line, I cross my fingers and make a wish. Not so much like, you're not even listening, pal. I'm done with the pal. What sort of tradition is that? I feel like that's just something that like,

that fugitives do. Like, oh my god, I crossed a state line. I hope I'm safe now. So then it's arrivals at the air, like whatever courtyard Marriott AirBAB. By the way, by the way, that, that's what it, that thing, oh, when you cross the state line, you get to make a wish. Well, that's not fair because some people live in tri-state areas,

and they get to make wishes all the time. But then if you're like in Wyoming or Texas, Ronnie, this is for you. You don't get to make wishes all the time. But then if you're like in Wyoming, or Texas Ronnie, this is for you. You don't get to make your wishes very often. I don't like the wish privilege that Chef has. Wish privilege. Yeah, I don't make wishes. I make demands. All right, that's what a real boss bitch does.

Well, I drive over a good state line, I make a demand. Hey, get me some food. Hey New Mexico, I'm hungry bitch. Hey New Mexico, you got a hotel? Because I sure am staying the night. So then we get arrivals at this place. And Taylor's like, oh my god, Chef, I need to put on the odor the odor and it's my my armpit and goes, oh my god, that is bad I am a little concerned why is she embarked on a road trip without putting the odor on that's a little concerning

That's a heart take that was a hot take that was a full-throated hot take So then the boys go to the boys house, the girls go to the girls house, and the girls just open the fridge and see white claw. And they're like, yes, we hit the mother load. White clawed girls. Taylor's like, this is my version of sexting, which I would never do because I'm not a sexual deviant. So then Austin's like, all right boys, hold on to your nipples, cause they get onto a golf cart and drive off to there.

There's ad condo. So then Naomi arrives and she's like, oh my God, like this house doesn't even have a single assas chop on. Gross. Oh my guys, whoa, look at this room, daddy war bucks mister rock of fall, or war bucks, Mr. Rockethore, or cheese, Clark, like there's stains all over that carpet. What would you talk about?

This room's gross. Yeah, it really, Craig's like, why am I so turned on right now? Because all the porn you've been watching with Paige have been shot in this place. So let's see. So the guys are talking about tennis. I was thinking through my mind. Like, what's that for a moment? What else happens to this so Craig is episode of Southern Sharp. So the guys are looking at their play and they're

talking about tennis and Craig's like, guys like are the girls gonna play tennis because like if they're gonna play tennis then we should go to the hot tub and that beers And so begins the great debate tennis or hot tub and who's playing tennis and who's going to hot tub and is it gonna be all girls and boys Or is it gonna be girls and boys and if it's girls and boys then should they just play tennis or should they some of them go to the hot tub the great debate commences now Shops are playing mixed apples and Craig goes no, you're not gonna tell me what to do, okay? And Shep, come on, you haven't even been away from Taylor for like a year, except for the last boys trip.

And then the trip, like before I remember you, the obvious thing, but like, come on. Come on. Come on. And he goes, I'm not gonna do what you wanna do. So then Austin calls Olivia. And Olivia answers, Olivia's not gonna do what you wanna do. So then Austin calls Olivia. And Olivia answers, Olivia's like, who dad? And he goes, can you just say hello?

And so they like, that phone's on speaker and you just hear the guys bickering. Like, what are you up, I'm not gonna go, God damn tennis, I wanna play tennis. I don't wanna go to God damn hot tub. Let's go to the hot tub. You're scared because tennis is creating a crevice because you suck it Janice!

What a castle! Janice is the best way to see who is truly fallible. Hehehehe. I'll tell you it's not, can burns! Hehehehe. Have you ever seen Can Burns play tennis? It's amazing. A revelation. So Austin gets on the phone and he's like, so

What is the 10th situation? What is it? What is the tennis situation? She goes? We're gonna play it Who's playing tennis? I mean, are you trying to get out of playing tennis so you can go to the hot tub with Craig? Because like I totally know that's what you trying to get out of playing tennis so you can go to the hot tub with Craig because like I totally know that's what check out a Dale and I mean I think it would be fun to play tennis but like I'm not gonna be like don't go play tennis with your boyfriend either So that They just keep going back and forth because often it's like crack no, Craig is trying to get me to get out of tennis

and Craig's like, Chef, why don't you go play tennis? And, um, Chef is like, Don't put words in my mouth, Garsh! This is ridiculous! Garsh, Garsh! So they're gonna play tennis, my God. So then, um, at tennis, Craig sucks and they mock him.

And of course, Craig always has this monologue whenever he's trying something new on screen He's like I'm very competitive and like I'm a person who's just good at like lots of things Well kind of good at lots of things like basketball is the only sport Austin can beat me out and anything else I will destroy him crack lost Here's a god damn problem Craig. Here's the goddamn problem. Craig thinks he's the LeBron James of everything, but I played sports my whole life. So play on, play on.

You're looking at the goddamn Celine Dionutenus. Um, so they play. And... He's a bad singer, bro. I mean, he's a decent player, I I guess comparatively, but he's just terrible behavior Why so? Taylor 30 love and we're not law. I mean we're love get it if you want to keep love

You're gonna get above 30 you fucking idiot god damn it Oh, wait, will they say anywhere for me to lie down and put my arm behind my head because Taylor looks upset and she seems to like that, gosh He's like, well, it's hard for me to be on a seamstime team sometimes because I want to win Michael Jordan was the worst competitive guy ever, but he was the greatest of all time I'm like, well, but you're not the greatest of all time, so you're a worse competitive guy ever stuff well, but you're not the greatest of all time. So you're worst competitive guy ever stuff. There's no counterbalance. So yeah, I think that only works if you're like the greatest of all time. Wait, that's where against the world, Taylor, do you realize that Taylor, where against the world?

She's like, she just has the the racket of up to her face. Like, please, just someone throw a ball at my face so it counts as a hit. Please. And she plays so beautifully. Like you can tell she's been to ballet. You know, she's like, like, prants and like a little hit. And the tailor's doing like that angry mom thing at the net where he's like running in place. He's like, yeah, she's got stuffy grass, does it?

No one's gonna fuck with me. I'm running in place! I'm like a Von Lendel! Gaaaars! So, uh... Wimblegars. Wimblegars. The French over the French was.

I'm running in place, this part of it! I'm Roger Fedpper, that's what I am right now. Congratulations on retiring. You loser! See, that's someone who knows when to give up work. I'm Martina under a microscope. Me neither from Mars and women are from not Venus. Why I'm so jealous. So then they end up winning. They end up doing a lot better and Chef wins.

And he's a car, I just get so angry out there, but I'm not angry, Tater, even the way I call to a dumb hooker face. I'm just angry at the ball, guys. And Craig goes, oh yeah, angry and shabby in the same sense. Oh, here are the ones with an anger problem stupid face. John McRose at home being like, whoa, that guy needs to chill out. They agree a status player of all time.

Hey, I just got a phone call from Barbara Strison. She wants to date me. Andre, I guess you call back. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's what I get for curling my head drunk. And the arm is like, God, are you drunk? Just, no. So then, then I crags like, Austin. Austin, what are you doing? You think I can cure you? Blow dry my fucking hair and say it right now, Craig, for thinking that. for thinking that sick will stop then stop drying your hair yeah maybe you should finish drying

them okay you look really really nice really quick so let's talk so Jeppe wants to get out of the quarter job and I'm like don't do like you're gonna like take our only shred of dignity that she has. Shop. This is classic textbook control. Hmm. Hey, I don't think Shep understands the severity of what he's asking Taylor to do

because Taylor loses her independence with her job and that gives him so much power over her. It will lead to resentment. And some like if she's resentful, then he can't give her a tour. So the kitchen he hasn't finished yet. So in conclusion, he shouldn't do that. So then we go over to Shep's, Shep is with the ladies. And so Taylor is juggling and he goes, Oh, wow, Taylor, you can't juggle.

Can you throw soldiers so I can show you how it's really done. Okay, you fucking idiot. And then he just juggles. I'm like, man Taylor, why would you even try that? You know, I can juggle. No Taylor, you're just setting yourself up for failure. Yeah, it's, well it's also like the fact that he feels the need to like, want to perjuggling, you know.

Sad. Yeah, it is sad, but it's also like kind of hilarious because feels the need to like, one up her juggling, you know. He he he he he. Sad. Yeah, it is sad, but it's also like, kind of hilarious because he's just so him, you know. Really? You can juggle? We're like, I can juggle. Wow, you, you, you want the juggling the oranges

in the living room. One of you has more time to waste. Congratulations. It's you. We're all so chapped. We're all so chapped. We're all so chapped. This is the person who just never had a job. You know, I do respect people who can juggle

because I remember when I was a kid, I think for Hanaka, I got some sort of like juggling set. It was like three stuffed little panquins that you could like learn how to juggle with. And I could never do it. I would just like throw those things up in the air like all at once and try to catch them all at once and then when I try to do it like one of the time I just can't juggle guys. I'm putting that there. I'm just letting you right now

This is what a gay kid who was terrible at sports and was constantly hitting the face with balls Why would I do that to myself? You know that's my question No, I can't catch and I'm not throwing a ball at myself and that's what Juggling is. She's like, wow look, a ball's coming right at my... Ow! Why'd you throw the fucking ball? You never got a ball.

Why would you do that to yourself? I couldn't even juggle with one ball to throw something up into an arc shape and have it land in the other hand. That's not happening. If I throw it up into an arc shape, it's going like 20 feet to the right. You know what? No, I can't, I freeze. Like I have trauma or something.

Like childhood trauma over fucking balls, okay? Like people, you know how people are like, oh, hey, you can drive, here's the keys. And they throw you the keys, I freeze up. And they just, they always hit me in the chest and then fall to the ground. Yeah. And people are like, dude, come on.

I do, you can't catch keys. I'm like, no, why did you put me in the chest and then fall to the ground. Yeah, and people are like, dude, come on. I can't catch keys. I'm like, no, why would you put me in that situation? Why? Yeah, I do the thing where I then put my hand up, but then I squint my eyes. I'm like, I got to protect my eyes and I sort of look away. So of course, I'm sick because I'm not actually looking at it. I'm like, no, come on, come on, come on.

I can't, I'm gay. Well, we actually looking at someone. No, I can't. I'm gay. Well, we're quite a pair. Wow. Non-few catch and do those. No, no, no. The two people got playing mixed tennis. Not joking. Matt Wilson, this one out. Not, not. I could play tennis, but I cannot throw the ball to across. I can't throw balls. I can hit the ball, but I can't throw balls. I can hit the ball, but I can't like, I can't throw balls.

So when people are like, okay, you're a ball, and then they throw the tennis ball above the net for you to catch it, I'm like, yeah! I just freeze up. Why would you do that to me? I'm like, Mariah Carey throwing out that first pitch. It's like, ball goes three feet and lands it.

And then people are like wow Wow sad So they're all talking about going to this place called mullet bay and like hilarious. Oh my god It's called a mullet. Oh that is so funny So they all get over there and the guys come to pick them up and chefs like whoa guys I'm in the sorority house. I'm the fox in the hen house Yeah, and chef is like take us to mallet bay and step on it Ha, you know when they get to this restaurant like Like in the back. There's just Kyle from summer house pressed up against the window being like

Let me into mallet bay. I have a chance to make my joke again. I can wear the wig. I can do it. My personality bay. Snellety bay. So they get there and they start ordering it. Taylor goes, oh my god, Naomi, you know what I'm gonna get? I'm gonna get a dark and stormy.

And Naomi goes, wow. Wow. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Because Naomi is like so unimpressed by so many things around her at all times She's just like so aggressively bitchy about it so funny So then Olivia's like, um, hey Taylor. Did you know that oh wait? Shut did you know that your girlfriend likes mullets like Billy Ray Cyrus type mullets? And she's like, oh, yeah, I like baseball guys They have good butts in their generally good Christians who put stuff under their eyes to protect them from the sun. Or is I call it the devil's orb.

So Naomi is like, does she have a good butt? Because she says, based on players have a good butt. And she's like, he has a cute butt. But it's like, you know, he's definitely taking notes of Austin's butt. And he has like, because he's like, oh look, Austin's butt has gotten so big. And meanwhile, the waitresses come over and it's like, all right, Hans, who wants, who wants, or you want to put in some drinks? Han, and they're like talking about the butt. So Austin stands up and he's like showing his butt and the girls are like, oh my goodness. Look at that. Wow. And the waitresses like, hmm, less impressive. We've got baseball

players in here all the time. This is nothing. I don't see why you're so impressed about asses. I've got about eight of them sitting right here. Anybody gonna fucking order something? And she's just looking at them like with attitude, you know, like hello. And they just ignore her. Yeah. And he shows off his butt and steps like, yeah, he's called a very prodigious mind. You can barely see their crevass in it. The cheeks are so big. Oh, so they order and Craig is stuck there with Naomi, so he's just going to get shit face.

And they're all pretty wasted already when they show up. But Craig, Craig is like oh that yay girl which of course well fucking of course she will yeah and then um so so now the waitress leaves and Naomi is like um you guys have to be better about acknowledging waitresses because everyone's having their own conversations and it's probably making her uncomfortable and Craig goes um own conversations as probably making her uncomfortable and Craig goes, um, how many years did you serve? Cause I bartended for seven or eight years. Like how many did you do? Yeah, how long have you served? Did you work in bed on this ask? How long have you served in the army of food and bev? I'm like that he's talking about it

like he's a vet. He's like, how long have you served? What was your last to wear? When did you do KD K KP? Huh? Right? That's where I learned from Vietnam War. Cucumber troll! Did you work in Food and Bev? Cause I mean, look, I'm just asking. Did you work in Food and Bev? Cause I did. And she's like, um, sorry I didn't realize I had to submit my Food and Beverage resume

to suggest respecting the waitress. Also, she owns fucking restaurants in turn. I know. And you know this. You know, yeah, exactly. Also being a bartender is different than being a waiter, okay? Like, a waiter has to go around to get to other, I mean, bartenders have to tend to deal with other patrons as well.

But like, being a bartender is a different experience than a waiter. You can't just be like, oh, well, I work as a bartender, so I know. So Naomi's just like, I'm just saying that we should acknowledge her because clearly it's a big group and she goes and we did and we did fine well I wasn't talking to you Craig as per you guys God, uh, Mondia and Austin's like turning red, but like laughing, you know, I'm covering his mouth. He's like, oh my god. Everybody. This is great He's well when you sit when the rest is bound to happen this bound happen and Craig's like, yeah Well, when you make generalized statements, I'm gonna jump in because that's what you learn to do in food and bath so

Maybe take it to work. Yeah, okay. Okay, cuz like, you know, as someone who's like created every single sport and knows what he's talking about, like I'm not down a generalized statement, okay, I'm gonna jump in. And Austin's like, oh, Craig, she just had one thing, Craig, she challenged me on how we should act. She's never waited a table. And Taylor's like everybody who's uh think about baseball players. Crazy. I'm gonna go to the bar and Craig tells us Naomi's facial expressions and that tone I still relate to that bad last year of our relationship when I was telling her I was a lawyer and I wasn't and so she got mad at me. I related to that time Yeah, I related telling her to get me to telling me to get a job

Which is why I brag about jobs and really to her whenever she gets upset So he does the typical Craig as a real-house wife walk-off or he doesn't really walk off. He walks off 10 times a cent. He's like, I am walking off. Wait, there's a moat here. I don't know how to cross the moat. He's like, okay, I'm walking off.

It's like one of those bugs. You ever see that video of like the little bug on a piece of paper and you draw a line. And like the bug's walking and you draw a line with a pencil and the bug stops. Cause the bug's like, whoa. There's a crevice. like the bug's walking and you draw a line with a pencil and the bug stops because the bug's like whoa there's a crevice so the bug goes in different direction you draw another line and the bug's like uh oh gotta change directions and it just keeps on going around not realizing it can walk across the line at any time Craig you can do it.

So he goes up to the bar to like some tourists ladies and he's like hey you want to do some yeager shots. Let's do some shots. Yeah. Hey anybody here food and baths right? Right. So then Olivia is like God this group has more triggers than and Austin goes a trigger fish. She's like oh my God. We're locked with the triggers and they only just size and She's like, oh my God, relax with the triggers.

And Naomi just sighs. And she's like, you know, like, I don't really think the problem with me and Craig was me yelling at Craig or being mean to him. This is just how Craig is, you know? Which is true, because Craig would just show up to this being pissed off at Naomi for anything. Like, anything she says, he's willing to jump on.

Yeah, and he is, he's the one who has accused her of not being over him. And yet here he is complaining about being triggered from, like, their last year of their relationship. So I don't know who's over who the most. But I'm going to say I think Naomi's been forward more. Yeah. Naomi's pretending that she can stomach Whitney to be the narrator on this show.

What are you doing? So, you're yelling at Naomi. I'm still just pissed at Austin said trigger fish went when Olivia said this group has more triggers than like literally like a house full of guns or an army with a bunch of guns or just guns plural and he goes trigger fish. Spothered me. Spattered. Oh, so they only just size and Craig's like,

oh, I'm good. I'm good, because he's back already. He's like, I'm good, I'm good. You know what, we just didn't see eye to eye. That's it. I'm a food and bev eye and she's like, I don't even know what she has. Like you ever worked in a lens crafters

Hey, have you ever lens craftered? How long? So Whitney joins everyone goes Whitney Whitney Whitney What if I miss mothers and Austin is well Craig just yelled at Naomi and I made a great analogy to a trigger fish He's like oh, we did well. I'm sorry. I miss it Craig just yelled at Naomi and I made a great analogy to a trigger fish. And he's like, oh, he did it. Well, I'm sorry, I missed it. Sorry, miss it.

Yeah, and meanwhile, Craig has went, since he's come back to the table, he sits back down and takes his two pointing fingers and just starts massaging his nasal. Massaging his nostril. Like your nasal passages. Not even as fast as his whole nose. He's like massaging it. You know, like, wow, Craig subtle, subtle Greg. And then they keep talking about Craig leasing his temper and he's just

sitting there like massaging his, it's like trying to push it up, you know, it's like someone who just didn't want to take the time to credit card powder that shit. I'm like, what are you trying to like move the rock through your, go back there and prepare your coat properly. What you doing? So um so Austin turns the vanita goes hey vanita hey I didn't realize you were even here. Cool anyway did you know that Whitney is hung like a bull and she goes ew and then she laughs and just falls over in her chair. falls over in her chair. She falls right over in her chair. And it's nice in this one moment of or this one episode

to see her having fun with everybody, you know. Yeah, so there's more drinking and Craig wants to do a shot with Whitney and Chef, Chef is like, I don't know, gosh, I don't know why Craig is getting so wasted. And Craig does like four shots in a row. And now he's like in super mble mode and he's like, what? He looks at Naomi and he's like, what's up?

I thought everyone was happy. And she goes, everyone is happy. Oh, well, yeah, you're sitting there on the ground. Yeah, what's in your frown upside down? And then he just starts pinching his nasal passages. And she's like, oh my God. You know what would turn my frown upside down? I was like, oh no, don't do it.

Don't do it. And she's like, if Leva hadn't told me that you said mean things about me at Friendsgiving, why would you say that stuff about me Craig? And he goes, oh, whoa, we never happened. That's why. It never, my nose feels like it's trying Craig and he goes, uh, whoa, we have a never-abbon. That's why it never-abbon. My nose feels like it's trying to either hamburger

through a straw. I'm so you know, my- And then check- It did happen, Craig. Apparently it did happen. And then Austin really adds gasoline to the fire by saying, Craig, did you get a blackened chicken Caesar salad

and he goes, shut up, fine, yes, I don't fucking care. He's like, what's going on with your friend, blah, blah. And Taylor's like, um, well, Leva's not just gonna make something up. I mean, she's always watching out for people, always watching out for people. And Craig just gives his best look like, are you fucking kidding me? And he goes, he tells us, Leva knows damn well, everyone calls their acts as crazy.

I'm like, okay, so I guess I'll be another generalization that you can do that Naomi can't do. He goes, but don't run to that act and be like, hey, Craig thinks you're crazy. You do what everyone does is, you just order a chicken, and he's your salad, and that's the end of it, okay? And he's like, what have you heard?

She's, yeah, I'm conveying what I heard. He's like, well, I don't know, like if you didn't hear it, then why are you saying it? Seriously, and then he stands up, and he's like, move on with your fucking life. That's it. Move on with your life. That is fucking crazy. Stop bringing me into this. That is crazy. I'm walking off. I'm back. We just didn't see either. I just needed to walk it off for a minute. Where's my chicken? See those salads? I ate it because you didn't want it, Craig. Wait, it generalized.

How long have you worked in Food and Bev? Okay, well, I want you to answer me that before you ask me about black and chicken Caesar salad. I'm gonna make it in the episode in interesting way because it goes, Ba-ba-doo, whoa! Joey Lawrence. Wow.

I'm outta here. Joey Lawrence, trying to take over the theme song, that baddie, hey guys, that was a great episode. And that brings us to the end of Southern Cham. Yeah, thanks everyone for being here and for listening. And we'll catch you next week with a whole new slate of shows, just a reminder. We got winners crappening where we do house the dragon recaps. Go subscribe to that on whatever platform

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