Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm NOLA and RHOP: Nightmare on Jeffsgiving

Episode Date: July 23, 2019

Jeff tries to throw a peaceful Friendsgiving on Southern Charm NOLA, but it's a turkey. Then, the Real Housewives of Potomac celebrate Monique's 3D baby pictures with talk of, guess...Michael...'s butt grab! Enjoy! To hear this week's premium bonus breakdown of the new Real Housewives of Dallas trailer, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Season One Camille" "Demoted to Friend Of" and "Resting Honnay Face!" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Cleveland, Baltimore, Charlotte, Nashville, Carrboro, Richmond, Ft. Lauderdale, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, Ft Lauderdale, Atlanta and NYC! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors. The Bay Area Betches! Betches!
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Starting point is 00:01:09 the bird. Just saying okay. Christy wow, where do you dourty? Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow we go high low. Here the Homer with Jeffrey Boomer. Hannah, God I love that banana. Anderson. And our super premium Patreon subscribers mean a kuchiku kuchiku Let's get racy with Miss Stacy Shannon out of a cannon Anthony the incredible edible Matthew Sisters Lulu Simon suit suit studio give them hell Miss Noel Kelly stump the stump master always ready for Nicole pass. One day your Rachel's in, and the next day your out. We're all in with Julia Conlin.
Starting point is 00:01:49 Yes we can with Howley, Carolyn and Ann. Nancy, Ceas and Desisto. We love you guys. I'm Ron Karen. You can also find me over on the Rosepricks bachelor at roast and here I am With my little friend and co host mr. Ben Madelker of the real housewares of kitchen island cartoon over on YouTube hot band Hey, what's going on nothing? What you doing happy Monday sucka? Happy Monday. I am just like here and I got I'm I'm ready I am ready to dive into Bravo another week of Bravo. It's big week for us actually huge week for us Yeah, it's huge cake. We're gonna be the 25th 26th and 27th. We're going to Cleveland to Pittsburgh and Baltimore
Starting point is 00:02:59 That's this week and Cleveland we're gonna be doing real house size of Beverly Hills reunion in Pittsburgh that's sold us or we're doing real housewives of New York and in Baltimore we're going to be doing Southern uh Southern charm yeah I was like wait a minute today Southern charm but that Southern charm more lens um yeah so we're going to be there so we'll see you guys soon here is a rundown of our live shows uh for the rest of the year. You guys ready? I'm just going to give them by city so we can go quickly. Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta, Carbureau, Richmond, Fort Lauderdale, Indianapolis, Chicago, NYC, St. Louis, Philadelphia, and Seattle. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 00:03:40 Seattle. Wow. Instead of Seattle. Whoa, whoa, Seattle. Wow. Yeah. So for those ticket links, just go over to watch what crappens.com. That's where you can find link store Patreon where you'll find our bonus episodes this week is real house wants to Dallas trailer and We've got a bunch of fun bonus episodes over there. That's also where you'll find our crappens on demand videos We do a couple of live videos every week, not live videos, but we record this episode on video, which you can find out for our crap and on demand.
Starting point is 00:04:13 You can find links to our shirts and merch right now. We've got, demoted to friend dev, season one cameo, and resting, honey, face, honey. So I think that's all for our little plugs at the beginning. Yeah, I feel really great about that. You did a great job.
Starting point is 00:04:32 I mean, the base of the big takeaway is there's only like three days left if you wanna come see us in Cleveland. So get off at Fanny and Sincumseus. Yeah, do it. Well. But so now today we are doing Southern charm new Orleans. Southern charm new Orleans. So good. This is this show just makes me hungry all the time.
Starting point is 00:04:50 All, you know, they just are constantly eating such amazing food. So I just I just I I want to go back to New Orleans so much so that I remember I was talking about doing that survey to find out if people would see us in New Orleans. I actually started writing it and I'm going to publish it after we're done recording this episode. So make sure your voice is heard because I just can't watch this show anymore. I'm watching Edole of that amazing food and just sit on the sidelines. I need to like just dive into it. Well, here's something that makes me not want to eat all these dogs, okay?
Starting point is 00:05:19 And I love a dog, but here's what I know about having a dog. They eat all your shit and then you feel like you're choking in the middle of the night on a hairball because you didn't vacuum enough or something Okay, yeah, and that's what I feel every time we go into regular Reese's house It's like 50,000 dogs. No one needs that many dogs, okay? You're like you're like those fucking quarters, you know where they lift boxes and they find like a flattened dog under something You know like you didn't even know your dog was missing. I mean granted it's usually a cat, but you know, you know, still the point remains. There are too many dogs in that house and that includes Reese. Yeah, I know kidding.
Starting point is 00:05:53 I know who's grown to better. The dogs are Reese. I know one can paint better. Oh, yeah. So yeah, so we open up, we actually got the full opening credits, which perhaps for the first time in the season, I'm not sure. I'm surprised the cast and the opening credits was the same. I thought maybe Kelsey might get an upgrade.
Starting point is 00:06:14 John Moody, I mean, I enjoy John Moody, but he doesn't really have a storyline, so it's weird that he's still a cast member. But yeah, that's just that is your update on the opening credits everyone. I'm glad everyone appreciated that How do you say that about John madey? His storyline is a velvet turtle neck, okay? The man is wearing a pink velvet turtle neck. That's enough for me You're right. I take it all back. I take it all back and obviously we had a major twist Which is that he made lamb today. So you know, I mean he really he does offer a lot to us Yeah, and he's like I'm a Renaissance man, but you know what?
Starting point is 00:06:47 That looks very chewy that lamb. Yeah, we will get to that. And I'm extremely happy. I had opinions. You know me, were you watching that be like, Oh, Ben is not going to be happy with this. Yeah, I was like, that's some chewy lamb right there. Yeah. So speaking of food, we then go over to Justin and Kelsey, who are meal prepping and Kelsey's like,
Starting point is 00:07:05 meal prepping takes a lot of work. I guess it's easier to meal prepped and to decide what to do last second for dinner, because that is when you order grab hub or etc. So what is the intro to your new YouTube channel? Shut up about your fucking meal prepped. I know. Kelsey garden over there. I mean, she's
Starting point is 00:07:26 a businessman with food network. Interesting is mine. Okay. Finger nails. That's my diet. Finger nails. It's easier than cooking meal prep. So take that, Kelsey. Meal breakfast so hard. Meamol, she's just putting salt and pepper on some chicken in a dish. So then we go over to Tameca, who's just ordered herself a giant pizza. You know, it's a little juxtaposition, if you will. But of course, only having one piece of it. Well, that's so this show, though, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:07:55 It's like, oh, Tameca's trying to be nice this year. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca Tameca I'm a totally different. Look at me. I'm totally nice. And then they insist on framing her as the villain.
Starting point is 00:08:04 They're like, look at this bitch eating a pizza. Well, everyone else is meal-praping. So well done guys. Also, I have to say, did you guys change the background suddenly on me because all every episode is episode seven and for six full episodes, there was a white car just passing to me because window over and over. And now there's no white car. What the hell? I feel like you guys are gaslighting me. Maybe, maybe they've been listening and they've been hearing your complaints. I once again forgot to look out for it but I'm glad I didn't because then I would've been like, Ronnie, there's no white car and you've been like, no, there was one and you would've gone crazy. I'll be like, hey, wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:08:38 You would've turned into Kelsey. There was a white car and I want you to appreciate what I see. Why are there so many gas sliding? Hey, wait a minute. Just don't white car there anymore. What the heck? Moving right along. There's a white car in the background. Oh my god. I love that song. So good. Oh my god. So we ultimately wind up with Jeff speaking of white cars. Jeff is driving around with Benny Poppins. Who we, I had forgotten about Benny Poppins, but Benny Poppins is like this personal chef,
Starting point is 00:09:10 sort of Butler dude who would help out. To make it out of friend last season, we have not seen really at all this season, and he was at her house, and it was like a whole thing. Like, oh my God, it's Benny Poppins. It's like a salarist. He's just like Benny Poppins. So it's like Benny Poppins, and he's like, he like cooks penguins, and it's like, wow, super colorful my god, it's Benny Poppins. It's like a Slayer. So he's just like he's just like Benny Poppins So it's like Benny Poppins and he's like he like cooks penguins and it's like wow
Starting point is 00:09:27 Supercalifrightful to get to be all poppins, you know what I'm saying? Yeah But this time he was with Jeff and I think he was acting different than he did last season right? Yes, he was but wasn't he like last season I remember him being like him being like, hello, I'm Bailey Popones. Welcome to Nore. We're cooking on the bar. Like he was very dramatic. Like in my mind, he had a feather boa and he was like on one of those like water mill boat things. It's like, you know, the circular like from the film show boat. Yeah, I thought he was like a sassy gay. My memory was like, he was a sassy gay. He was like, girl, I'm gonna make you a martini right now. And then this time around, he was like, hey, bra, let's go on, I'll get some Cornishans bra. I was like, what? And then on top of that, while they're driving, he's like all fidgety and he keeps touching
Starting point is 00:10:13 his lips. It was like he was going through his own strange butler version of transporting over there. I was like, are you seeing a baby on the top of the car right now, Benny? Yeah, he was. Benny was coming down from something. I don't know, maybe last, maybe last time, maybe he just doesn't know what to do without that imaginary feather by what that I picture him. Very. Yeah, he seemed like a little off the entire episode.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Like I, I mean, he, I was like, something's going on with Benny Poppins, and I feel like no one's even addressing it, but it has to be addressed. It's in his last name, Poppins. Maybe. It's like the mystery name, Poppins. Maybe. It's like the mystery that's already been solved for us. We're like, what is up with Benny?
Starting point is 00:10:50 God, it's almost like he's on... Popper. I'm still confusing. I'll just let it rest. It's almost like he's been stuck in a room watching hours and hours of Jack Benny while doing poppers. Nah, that's too easy. watching hours and hours of Jack Benny while doing Puppers. Nah, that's too easy.
Starting point is 00:11:07 It's Captain Leeds. Captain Leeds is the detective. Hey, I wanna know what's going on in this Butler. So Benny's like, we can go Latin, we can go Vietnamese. Cause Jeff is gonna do a friends giving night to really show Reagan, you know? Yeah. So he's gonna do friends giving
Starting point is 00:11:25 and he's like, I want it to be different. Jeff, it's the first time you're having Turkey. Okay, that's different enough. I don't, like if I invited people over for Thanksgiving, they'd be like, Ronnie's doing Thanksgiving, they'd all be taking those pills that you'd agress at or whatever you take, like to stop your stomach from exploding, you know?
Starting point is 00:11:42 From drawing, I mean. Yeah, it's already crazy enough I'd be making Thanksgiving. I don't need to be like, hey,? From drama, I mean. Yeah, it's already crazy enough I'd be making Thanksgiving. I don't need to be like, hey, it's Ronnie, I'm having Thanksgiving. And it's going to be Latin Vietnamese. Yeah, I think that as long as Jeff puts away his half ping pong table from the kitchen, it will be different enough. People will be like, oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:11:59 This is like Thanksgiving, but with a twist. And he's like, yeah, we could do Latin, we could do Vietnamese, we could do New Orleans, we could do, we could, we, how about we take some milk, they're just like pouring in a container and then poured everywhere, we could do out, we could do so many things, so many things right now. Yeah, pretty much.
Starting point is 00:12:13 So then we get a clip of Jeff inviting everybody and he's like, Timber, will you come check, oh my God, are you inviting Reagan? Are you inviting Reagan to Thanksgiving? Are you inviting Reagan to Thanksgiving? I mean, oh my God, are you gonna invite Reagan? Are you gonna invite Reagan? Are you gonna invite Reagan. You're gonna make apple torquies? You're gonna take your hand and make like an apple turkey. You're gonna draw a turkey with your hand.
Starting point is 00:12:29 I'm like, uh, come drops and apples. Um, what's what turkey's gonna be there? Like how many turkeys are gonna be there? Or like a little turkeys big turkeys? And Jeff's really getting over Reagan late because he's doing things like going into the grocery store going. This used to be our store. Oh my god. It's like the local grocery store. Okay. It's like this used to be the street that we drove down to go to work Because it's your street I know listen I understand like making romantic claims about this is the spot in the park where we used to sit and have picnics and proclaim our love But like when it's like this is our Albertans. I don't know. There's just like a romantic luster that seems to have been lost on me You're not allowed to romanticize a publics, okay?
Starting point is 00:13:07 I know. Oh, this is the canned good aisle that get Reagan and I would often go down and I try to get some beans and she's saying, no, don't Jeff, those aren't fresh. And I'd be like, why? Why? I want the beans and now I can get the beans. It's really annoying that Jeff would always try to get beans, but now when he's trying to get beans, I think it's so cute. Yeah, exactly. So Jeff and Benny Poppins are shopping and they're getting all this produce. It's like a really slow version of on top chef when they go, they terrorize every whole foods across the nation, screaming from aisle to aisle and throwing things into a basket. It's sort of like that, but just with the two of them.
Starting point is 00:13:45 Yeah, I can't figure out what he duck is. He just, he's just never been in the produce aisle before. He has been in that bean aisle the entire time. Like, what? Wait, vegetables are not in cans. So, um, so he and Benny are like shopping and he's like, Hey, have Benny, you ever run to a cornfield Did I say corn? I think I met a gravel quarry. He's been run to a gravel quarry. God. It's good
Starting point is 00:14:12 I hope no one makes me mad today because I'm not in the mood to go through a gravel Benny looks terrified in the whole. It's only a couple of cases. I'm having a weird my day over here. Director's commentary from Captain Lee. Well, I was called into the B.K. guest director for this episode. So I really wanted to keep in this corn field element because I wanted to show you just how scary Jeff could be.
Starting point is 00:14:34 Now, think of a corn field. It's sort of inherently scary. And I don't think of Jeff running through it. Pretty terrifying, right? Did you just shut your pants? Well, guess what? You better clean that up. When Jeff runs for a cornfield, it's really annoying, but when Reese does it, it's so cute
Starting point is 00:14:51 Oh my god, you're so on your way to divorce and just saying that Reagan you're not even in this scene Yeah, and it's all like to think about for the whole show So the best part of this whole show is this check out lady Yes, just like hey hey, look at me. I'm doing Thanksgiving. And it's the first time I'm ever doing it. And I want to do it my own way. And it's a new tradition.
Starting point is 00:15:10 She's like, oh, yeah, I remember you. And he's like, oh, yeah, hi. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, he's like, well, because somehow he only charges up $139, which is crazy. And so the clerk is like, well, you came to the right store. And then Benny Poppins goes, well, this is the second home away from home. And the clerk said,
Starting point is 00:15:28 oh, yeah, I recognize you. But there ain't no booze in your order this time. That's weird. God, what fired? Fire. I would fire you. I would get you fired. I would be like, can I speak to the manager, please? How's somebody? What if he's secretly drinking? You don't do that. You're like a shrink. Okay. Check out lady or a priest. I thought I was pretty amazing. So going through the grocery store, check out with a date and the check out lady being like, Oh, no, why scream this time, huh, fatty? It's like, fuck you. Can I have some privacy here?
Starting point is 00:16:04 Oh, yeah. So then we go over to Barion to Mika's house where Tamiya is doing the impossible. She's burning her tea. Still don't understand how she did that. Because you don't cook the tea bag, okay? Did she put the tea bag in the tunnel? Yeah, she cooked the tea bag. No, that's not right.
Starting point is 00:16:22 Yeah, that's why it's burning because probably there's a thread caught on par. Well, at first of all, it looked like a grungy little teakettle anyway. At first, I was like, oh, what a charming sort of antique teakettle. And then I was like, I don't know if I actually put mictinit, though. I think I'd keep it more decorative, you know? I know. It tastes like I stepped on the nail. It's like, wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:16:40 I hope you're going to get your shots, because that was a rusty ass teakettle. Yeah, it was, yeah, I was concerned, and then she makes the tea, and then she shows it to Barry when he walks in, she's like, it's supposed to be green tea. It's supposed to be green tea. Guess what, taste it, look, taste it, taste the lead, huh?
Starting point is 00:16:55 Taste the lead. Yeah, no kidding. It's like, I call this the rusty nail. Yeah, and he's like, it's black, and it tastes like chickery. I'm like, please do not drink anymore. That's please, please do not do this. So then they start talking about a speeding ticket
Starting point is 00:17:12 that's been left on the kitchen counter, which is such, or did it get sent to them? I don't know, but it was on the counter. That's so me. Like, I got a speeding ticket, mom. Yeah, just put it out that Exactly and then Barry's are talking about how he was once Arrested basically for fall under false pretenses that someone the cops thought he was someone else and then Barry was like
Starting point is 00:17:37 No, I'm not they thought he was a football player and he's like I'm not a football player And they're like well, why are you driving this fancy car and Barry made like a little sassy comment and guess what? He was hauled up to jail for like 13 hours. And even after his mom paid the bail, he still had to sit there for 10 hours, which is actually pretty horrifying. So then it's like sort of is talking about how hunter the son they need to have. Barry needs to have a conversation about, you know, like now that he can drive, you know, black man in America has to be careful with the police and to make us like, um, you need to tell this to your son and he's like, I will in my own time.
Starting point is 00:18:10 I'm like, um, can you please tell him like now because I'm anxious about it. Okay, I don't want to sit here and wait episode after episode while you drag your feet on this very important conversation. Yeah, that's every talk that Barry has with his son. He's like at some point. Yeah, I'll talk to that Barry has with his time. He's like at some point. I'll talk to him about sex at some point. It does seem to have a tendency to like not want to have these conversations. It's like, hey, uh, Barry, I need to have a conversation with Hunter about, like, not mixing bleach with ammonia. Could you like have that conversation with him? Uh, yeah, no,
Starting point is 00:18:40 I'll do it. Yeah, yeah, he's just about to go clean the bathroom right now. I'll tell him afterwards. Yeah, no, I'll do it. Yeah, yeah, he's just about to go clean the bathroom right now. I'll tell him afterwards So then we go over to the most exciting date night of all time Justin and Kelsey Wow, we meal prep I guess that was a waste of time Well, I'm sorry. I forgot to get my to-meek-a-voice sign It's like you pointed meal prepping you're just gonna go to dinner right after we filmed that scene I know like they literally we literally watched the meal prepping and then Justin's like, I'll have an lobster ravioli and she's like,
Starting point is 00:19:09 I'll have a frisky salad and a pepperoni pizza. I'm like, what diet is this on? Because I would like to be part of it. Yeah, no kidding. You guys look great. Please share your diet tips where I come out of that. Exactly, so Kelsey's like, do you know what I really want to do? I really
Starting point is 00:19:26 want to go whitewater rift. I want to go whitewater rifting like the river wild. Oh God, the river wild. Merrill Streep's greatest work. I love the river wild. I think that's a great movie. So yeah, I think Merrill Streep took a lot of shit for that movie and it was pretty good. Yeah, I believe her as a river guy. I mean, I believe her as everything. What can I say? So, um, so Justin's like, well, you wouldn't believe it, but I've actually gone, you know, what, what a rafting and I did. I hit the level five rapids. She goes, well, I do believe it because everything you've done has been to the extreme. And now I'm going to glare at you because there's actually some hidden meaning in what I said, but you have to figure it out.
Starting point is 00:20:08 And he's like, uh. Justin is such a dope. He's like, date mind is important. It's important for me to show Kelsey. I can focus on different things. Like, congratulations. You can focus on going out to dinner. Wow, there's a husband for my child.
Starting point is 00:20:26 Like are we really this hard up for a man in this world right now? He's like, look, I can focus on dinner. Let's have a baby. Yeah, I'm just gonna keep flaring my eyes until you realize that you can have a baby. To the extreme. So he's basically working, working, working, working. And she's like, but I want to get married. He's like, but I'm working. She's like, but can't you work and also we can have a baby?
Starting point is 00:20:52 He's like, well, well, baby. I didn't know what he's talking about. But I want to be a stay at home mother. He's like, wow, Jesus. I know. She's, yeah, she's basically just like, well, you know, like you spend all your time and work and you're doing things in your Professional life that you should be doing in your personal life. This is chaos that you have created He's like wow this marriage shock. It's really
Starting point is 00:21:16 Yeah That's just like Has everything going with the therapist are you going are you going to therapy yet? He's like well? I actually have a I have a meeting and she have you called the therapist He's like, well, I called that he hasn't called me back. She's been awake. I'm like, this is a great date night Go to therapy! Like, what is this? Yeah, you guys are killing me with your date, mate. Also, I have to say I'm not sure about this whole Justin
Starting point is 00:21:40 I know that he's a personal injury lawyer and listen the last person you want to ever rear end as a personal injury lawyer I don't know how much I'm buying because on his way to get shots He he's like I insist on driving to the doctor and then he keeps turning around He keeps like bending his neck and now and this he's talking about going whitewater rafting Like listen, you know, you're supposed to be building evidence towards your trial, okay? This is true about the best way. That's, that's true. That is actually very true. Although to be fair, it was Kelsey who, who suggested whitewater rafting, which as a nurse,
Starting point is 00:22:11 maybe you don't suggest that to your husband who has like a broken neck. So now she's like, so if I had a baby, where would that be like? And he's like, well, I see a lot of family help. But she's like, well, I don't want to have a kid and have someone else take care of him. I don't want to even leave the kids. I don't even like, I see a lot of family help. But she's like, well, I don't want to ever, I don't want to ever kidnap someone else to care of him. I don't want to even leave the kids. I don't even like, I don't want, I don't want, I don't want to leave the dog. It's like, Kelsey, if you want to be a state-of-home mom,
Starting point is 00:22:33 which I 100% support, I think that's a great thing, then, you know, I think that means that Justin's probably gonna have to work harder, right, single-income, right? Right, right? Yeah. I'm just like, right? Right? Yeah. I'm like, I hate when you work. I just wish you made more money.
Starting point is 00:22:48 It's like, wait a minute. I'm logic. Yeah, I'm like, it's like, I don't know if you can have it both ways, Kelsey. I just want to sit here for an hour and listen to you talk like Kelsey. It's my favorite thing to do now. Let's order.
Starting point is 00:23:04 Let's order dessert. I'll just like go through the entire date, how the rest of the date went. Yeah, this isn't the most romantic storyline I've ever seen. Some people you see these storylines and you're you're really rooting for that Bravo wedding, you know, and this one, and no, he's like, you know, I really love Kelsey, but we're just on different pages. So I need to talk to a shrink to see how I'm feeling about this. Like listen, either you want this for the rest of your life or you don't.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Stop wasting your time, jerk. Yeah, pretty much. So now we go speaking of being stuck with something for the rest of your life, potentially, we now go over to Raykent's house where there's like a nursery, which looks sort of like it's like a landing at a staircase that's been penned off and so we see that it's like the little under
Starting point is 00:23:50 the stairs thing that people have in their house like that they use for a little closet. Like what is that? Yeah it's like some weird architectural defect that they've now rebranded as a nursery. So there's like this giant pop art painting of Reagan on the wall. And then Reese just goes up with some acrylic paint and just starts painting like he's in like first grade art class. Oh, I'm just spelling the words. Oh my god. I just look at him like this is terrible. And we're tiny little dogs. Okay. And we're saying this. I know they're like we're we're a pack of 19 dogs and we're disgusted dogs, okay, and we're saying this. I know, they're like, we're a pack of 19 dogs and we're disgusted by you.
Starting point is 00:24:28 That's how this is. And he's like in nice pants and in Oxford and he's like doing this painting. So it's like, what are you really planning? What are you doing here, sir? Like, and if you were really planning to make something nice, you wouldn't be in your nice clothes. You'd be in dirty clothes
Starting point is 00:24:41 because you're gonna sit there and really work at it. But he's just sort of does something, just throws it up there. And of of course Reagan walks in and is like what is that? which you know of course she's gonna find cute in a obnoxious way yeah which he totally does I don't know why but I just find it cute and he's such a fuck up ha ha ha I'm like oh my god this girl is so filled with regret.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Yeah, there's nowhere to waddle. You know what I mean? It's like, there's nowhere to waddle baby. She's so scared of marrying this guy, but hey, you know, Regan gets married like the good old American way. Like they get annoying, just start dating and they went downtown.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Yeah, at least she gets a free horse out of it. And she, I mean, like the painting doesn't even make sense. Okay, there's like a son, there's a tree, there's like a dollar sign next to tree, which is like, which might confirm my thought that Rhys probably thinks that money does grow on trees, I don't know. And then there's a cat, there's an image of a cat,
Starting point is 00:25:39 and the cat is saying, nay, nay, which is what a horse should be saying. And on top of that, he misspelled nay. He spells it anyway. And then mommy, and then there's like mommy understands, like nothing makes sense about this. It's like mortifying. Yeah, it really is. And it's hilarious watching Reagan trends mile through it, you know, I'd like to write a thank you letter to Botox because she cannot, like I wish I could really see what her face looks like after all that you know Because she's got to be horrified. Oh my god, you're the biggest pain of the ass. Ha
Starting point is 00:26:14 Ha I can't believe she didn't just grab that fucking painting of herself off the wall and just run out the door That's what I would have done. Yeah a long time ago a long time ago and and she's like is this supposed to be us He's like yeah, those are your boobs coming out of your dress He's like I love those things He said then they're gonna put together the crib and he's like so there's like no map Like I would have put it together with a map. Oh my God. I'll be internet. So she's like, well, I've made a very important decision.
Starting point is 00:26:53 I'm not going to tell Jeff for a prank, Matt. This is not the right time to start lying, okay? Yeah, that's not the line that you draw. Okay, because there's like, are you just going to walk around with giant like grocery bags for the next nine months in front of you? You can't say our Jessica Parker this. He'd be like, wait a minute, those are from our store. Like, there's no getting out of this store, okay? Yeah, like you don't have to tell, you don't have to like announce everything to Jeff in terms of like you're buying a new car or whatever, but if you're having a baby,
Starting point is 00:27:33 he's gonna find out. Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's no hiding that one. So she says, in six months, we're gonna be looking over this cram big other. And he's like, shit. My notes on this really make no sense. I'm sorry everyone. Then I have him saying, shut up, shut your fucking mouth. Why did he say that? Then I have him saying, Shut up, shut your fucking mouth. Why did he say that? Uh, I don't remember, but it seems like it's within character. She probably told him to like, you know, zip up his fly. Yeah, I think she was talking about feeling fat or something. And it's like, shut your mouth. They're gorgeous. I'm saying, I feel like a busted catabiscats.
Starting point is 00:28:00 Oh yeah, because they're stomach. Yeah, which, you know, welcome to waking up in my house. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownall,
Starting point is 00:28:32 we will be your resident not so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that will have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to,
Starting point is 00:28:58 I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondry app. Um, so we go over to John Moody's house and John is like announcing us. Now to us, he's like, well, people don't know about John Moody is that I love to cook. I'm like, well, you could love to cook, but can you actually cook well? That's a big difference. Yeah, that's the thing, you know, um, the Renaissance man, master of none. See, that's the thing, you know, the Renaissance man, master of none. See, that's me. I can't do multiple things either. What is that saying?
Starting point is 00:29:29 Jack of all trades master of none. Jack of all trades. Yeah. Jack of all trades. Maybe that's what you were writing. I wrote Why Getty. I don't know what that means. Jack's hungry.
Starting point is 00:29:41 The Jack's hungry. You're like, you're like, why? Getty, why? I'm asking about Getty Oil. So, you know, because it could happen. So, anyway, so John's like, this is the world's best lamb, but I already started cooking it so people don't know how to how I make it. I'm like, let me guess, salt, pepper, oil.
Starting point is 00:30:00 Yeah. Maybe rosemary? Well, it's called fire lamb, So I'm assuming that there is some, you know, cayenne pepper or something on there too. And then he's like, I've got a few ladies coming over too. And then we get a flashback to last season when he had that party and invited a bunch of strippers on mail on boys night and to me. It's like, oh my god, what would you do? You invited girls over? If you're gonna invite girls over, you invite me over's it you invite me ever you invite me ever you invite me ever you invite me ever you invite me ever so uh John is like he's continuing to prep his lamb and I don't know if you notice this but he was
Starting point is 00:30:34 seasoning by pouring the salt directly from the Morton's box of kosher salt he was just pouring it on top I'm like please like you know maybe I don maybe, I don't know, it was hard for me. It was hard for me because I'm more of a salt in the palm and then use my fingers and then aim with precision with fingers, et cetera, even if it's a lot of salt. The idea of shaking the salt directly from the box was making me really nervous. Yeah, well, it's a boy's night with very salty lamb.
Starting point is 00:31:01 There you go. Very, very, very salty lamb. And just up the occasion a little bit, Justin brought the hors d'oeuvres, AKA a wedge of cheese, perhaps from Jeff's supermarket and some crackers. Almost as fancy as Jennifer Aiden's, Kudite Platter that she brought to acts throwing
Starting point is 00:31:23 on Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yeah, were they out of sliced camelope and crackers and what else is on that thing? Are there any snacks around? Yeah, it's like a lunchables thing. I don't remember you ever being so horrified as you were by Jennifer Aiden's snack tray. I'm still mad because she was making a first impression. I was like, this is your first impression, really, this, the bare basic thing. I've also been traumatized because I once went to
Starting point is 00:31:50 Sinespia, so here in LA, there's this thing where they show movies in a graveyard. It doesn't really make sense, but it's this big thing that thousands of people show up too, and you picnic beforehand. And the first time I got invited to it, I went and it was like, be a potluck picnic and I made this whole fancy thing and then everyone else showed up with like Twitter Joe's
Starting point is 00:32:12 like, Cheez and Cracker things that you pulled the plastic off of and I was so mad that like no one put in any effort. And on top of that, it's like, you know, those trays are fine but they're like really not, like as Cheez and Crackers go, they're really nothing special. So I've been on the, those, those trays are fine, but they're like really not, like as cheese and crackers go, they're really nothing special. So I've, I've been on the receiving end of those trays and I do not appreciate it. So when Jennifer Aiden shows up at Hatchet
Starting point is 00:32:32 throwing, and this is her first big scene with the rest of the cast on a TV show that you're trying to be a part of, and that's how you, that's what your best foot forward. I will not approve, and I never will. Yeah. And this is how we deal with very difficult scenes on water at crap and Also, you know what man don't eat it a graveyard like how fucking rude is that? Well, I haven't like oh, I want to see naked gun at the graveyard And I had delicious cheese and crackers on someone's dead grandma. So thanks.
Starting point is 00:33:06 I never went back. I thought it was like, we were watching coming to America. It was coming to America and a great night. And you know what? It's like, you can't see sort of well, but like your back starts to hurt and then you're hungry. And I just was like, this is a terrible experience. I do not know what people line up for hours
Starting point is 00:33:26 to come and see the photos experience. I've never gone back since. I've just, yeah. Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of that either. It's like it's movies that you get for free at home. I've never been to a good movie there. The point is, people are eating straight salt from the board.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Yeah. So he makes terrible lamb chops. And then they talk about the talk that Barry has to have with this kid. And just living in America, Jesus Christ. I know. John Moody makes actually a pretty good metaphor, although I still feel like it could have been better.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Like he's like talking about, they're talking about the police. And he's like, you know, if you've got a basket of 18 snakes and two of the snakes are venomous and the other are good snakes, are you going to put your hand in the basket? I was like, honestly, even if it was 18 good snakes, I probably would have went up my head the best. Could we maybe go for like 18 apples on tour bad?
Starting point is 00:34:18 Like, I don't know. I think the snake thing was a little classic John Moody and then they start eating the lamb like cavemen. Yeah. And look they start eating the lamb like cave men. Yeah, and look, even some chewy lamb made me hungry. And I'm a vegetarian, okay? Yeah, I think that means I'm sticking to my diet because I was like, oh, dead things, yum. So let's go over to Jeff's house, the day of friends giving.
Starting point is 00:34:40 So Jeff is wearing a cooking scarf and I'm like, this can't be good. I know. The cooking scarf is also what keeps his emotions in. And so he they're like they're doing all this stuff with the Cornish hands. It was that a smoker. It looked like it was a smoker he had outside, right? I don't know because I was just confused how they still don't know what they're cooking, like what kind of meat they got. Just like look, it's a baby turkey. He's still insisting that it's a baby turkey.
Starting point is 00:35:06 Yeah, and Benny Poppins is like, no, it's not a baby turkey, not a baby turkey. So then they like light up this contraption which I assumed was a smoker. I don't know, there was like a fire on one side and racks on the other and they stuff all these cornish hens inside it and close it up. And then Jeff starts like pruning flowers from his hedges
Starting point is 00:35:26 and makes a table skate. It was actually pretty shocking. It was. It was really nice, but I like to think of our tiny bugs crawling all over the table. I know. I feel like you do like, do you have to like wash? If you do things like that, don't you
Starting point is 00:35:39 have to like wash the flowers to make sure there's no weird like dirt and bugs and things like that? Well, yeah, whenever you get stuff from outside, it's covered in nature, which is disgusting. Okay, it's like when you eat organic things and they're like, we just picked this. Like when you pass that farm on the way to Malibu and people are, Hey, you want some fresh strawberries? No, because they're covered in poop, okay?
Starting point is 00:35:56 I want my things completely soaked down and I want like, you know, terrible sprays all over them. That sounds good to me. Yeah, I agree. I actually would have been more impressed if Jeff had gone to Michael's and made a fake version of what he did because that would actually show more. Or...
Starting point is 00:36:16 Or the same someone for fitting fresh flowers on their table. We're like, you ain't disgusting! No, because if you went to Michael's, that shows it's actually more effort and it requires more skill. And if he had done that, then he would have truly shown that he had graduated from Reagan's school. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, the checkout, ladies.
Starting point is 00:36:35 Like, thanks for coming to Michael's again. God, no booze in every story time. It's like ornately decorated booze that has fake fall leaves on it. Just taped on to it. So their friends start arriving after Jeff explains his relationship with Benny Poppins because no one really understands why Benny Poppins is like the real Mary Poppins just keep showing up with different people playing her. Yeah, they're like, why is Poppins is like the real Mary Poppins just keeps showing up with like different people playing her. Yeah, they're like, why is there a junkie in the kitchen?
Starting point is 00:37:12 He's like, this isn't a man crush, okay? There's a difference between a man crush and a bromance because a man crush is a Wednesday street and a bromance is a relationship. This is a bromance. Like, you're paying him. So that's like a, a brohole man. Yeah, that's exactly right. So Pat and Ron, I don't know who Pat is. He looked like Jerry Seinfeld and a Fedora, but then Robin showed up. Uh, she's like, hello.
Starting point is 00:37:36 I just wrote Lisa Rene Duster. I think Pat was an Alisa Rene Duster. And I was like, wait, represent no luck Someone said that Robin sings the opening credits by the way someone on Twitter. Oh she does. I don't know We're gonna put that we're gonna start that rumor at the very least Robin can we get better fonts in the opening there my request is in because Robin also did the post production on it too Robin not did the post-production on it too. Robin, not all this stuff. She's so good at everything. Yeah, she has the dobi after effects. She's like, I will change that transition.
Starting point is 00:38:17 So, just like, wow, look at this, friends giving. You know, I don't need regaining my life. I just need my friends. I've just appointed them in the past. You know, I've gotten drunk, I've thrown things, I've run away. So it's really important for me to have a day where I don't throw plates and have a fit and run away. That most certainly will not happen today. It's friends giving. There's no reason for me to have any sort of emotional issues. And I'm sure all the plates will be firmly in place on the table with all the food on top of them.
Starting point is 00:38:46 Listen, I don't think anyone's showing up at your house when you have a piñata to celebrate one week of no drinking. Think that this is going to go well. OK, let's calm down. I thought the one was to be like, it's my first friend's giving. I didn't realize it was also like a sobriety checkpoint for him.
Starting point is 00:39:02 Yeah, he told milestone. He told Rachel. He's like, what? That's all that that's to celebrate one week of me not drinking. I was like, oh my God. He's like, I want everyone to see that I'm not some delinquent who runs off in the night. I'm just a delinquent who can run off in the middle of the evening. I can run in the day too, damn it. I could just run around the house. Turns out you don't need a gravel pit. So then John Moody shows up with a shirt basically full open, which I thought was a hilarious look
Starting point is 00:39:33 for a friend's giving. Also, I totally approve because he's got a great body and I'm always happy anytime a shirt is open. Yeah, so they start looking through Jeff's phone because he's dating on the apps and he's like, it's great because not only have to drive to New Orleans, I could just see if they're in my area. Well, I like that he looks at dating, like modern dating as someone who's just discovered postmates. Which, you know what, they are similar. Well, knowing Jeff, he probably would get the two confused. He's like, so, have I told you you have beautiful eyes? I'm just here to give you your Chipotle order. Yeah, he's like, yeah, God, I've been looking
Starting point is 00:40:09 for a single Wendy. I'm just like making love to a bag of Wendy's. The meanwhile, people are still showing up and I feel like it has to be addressed. Have you noticed at the front of the house looks a little like regardons? Like there are like these like, these crazy, I feel like vines and things. Something like a John Moody needs to work as John Moody Magic on the landscape
Starting point is 00:40:31 being the front there, right? Well, I was thinking this is really shitty of Reagan because now I'm looking back on the show and remember when this show first started they just moved to that house and she's like, oh look at look Look at this. I moved, I moved you hours away from downtown. Well, it's gotten the apartment downtown. Bye. It's like she bought him a jail to keep him in. She basically was like rockchester and stuck him in the attic. That's what I think. Little Jane ale reference. But basically, he's like, not only did she like send him off across the lake, I feel like I think he's across that lake, right?
Starting point is 00:41:06 Pontra chain, Pontra chain, Pontra, you know. Yeah, I get nervous every time they drive across that bridge. I know, me too. It's so long. I guess so. And I get scared too. I'm like, what happens if you like need to get off? You can't, you have to go all the way across.
Starting point is 00:41:22 But then, not only did she send them across the lake, but she's put them up in a house with all sorts of old lady, faux, like, Rococo furniture. So he has this whole house, everything has little golden flourishes everywhere. I think it's time for him to get a new house. He should get a cool modern, awesome house, and it should be closer to town. Yeah, agreed. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's like pretty jail. I don't like it. It is. It is like pretty jail.
Starting point is 00:41:54 So everybody starts showing up and let me see, to me, because like, oh my God, it's so weird to be in my best friend's house because I'm like, we're best friends. Like, like, Reagan, like, it's so weird to talk to Reagan because like, that's my best friend's house because I'm like her best friend like like Reagan like it's so weird I'm talking to Reagan because like that's my best friend like it's so weird being at her house with that or cuz it's like my best friend it's like welcome best friend like that's the math it's like welcome but like she's not here and I'm her best friend it's like totally weird yeah it's like when I went to shop right the other day I was like this is so weird this like my best friend shop right now it feels like it's Jeff shop right and like that's weird so to me cuz like uh what did you do? What did you do? Do you like make everything? Like seriously?
Starting point is 00:42:26 Like what is this? He's like, Benny helped me. Bro, man. Yeah. So this guy Doug shows up. We met Doug last week. I don't know if we'd met him before, maybe last season at some point, but Doug is like the mutual gay.
Starting point is 00:42:40 He is the one who's a Reagan's friend in college and then became Jeff's friend and then they joke that they share custody of him and so Doug is like is Jeff's first like his first time He's ever had like a close friend who's gay and that's like did this very sweet like bromance themselves so Doug shows up and You know so far so good with Doug. He's done a great job. He's he's arrived and he's kept his mouth shut So so far he's done a great job. He's he's arrived and he's kept his mouth shut. So so far he's had a killer episode. Yeah, consider this Jeff, the rest of us have more than one gay friend, so we've been through this a million times.
Starting point is 00:43:12 Welcome, welcome to your first gay friend Thanksgiving. He's like, hey, happy Thanksgiving. You did everything so great. God, you're looking so happy. Can we talk again so I can ruin your day? That would be great. Yeah. It's like, hi, I'm a gay on Bravo. So I'm going so I can ruin your day? Yeah. Yeah. Taco. It's like, hi, I'm a gay on Bravo. So I'm going to do something terrible to you right now. We talk here, Jeff. I need to have a
Starting point is 00:43:31 talk with you over there on the side, alright? So meanwhile, Reagan and Reese are just like sitting at a table preparing their wedding menu for like probably the umpteenth time. I'm like, I thought you guys already settled this and talking about like how she has to get some stuff fixed with her dress and Reese need some altercations with his tux. She's like, um, we not altercations alterations. God, you're so cute. I was normally get to a mad bed like, is it adorable how uneducated he is? It is so amazing to have another scene with you right in a row where you're talking about my boobs. Wow, I find this so charming, but only when it comes for you. So we go back to Jeff's house and I don't know if you picked up on this vibe, Ronnie,
Starting point is 00:44:17 but to me, the way the scene started was like every single gay porn. Just because the way Doug talks, Doug talks like a gay porn star trying to do read his lines before the sex part. And the fact that it was also this smaller gay guy with a football guy talking about some girl who wasn't in the scene and Doug's like, hey Jeff, I need to talk to you about something and I wasn't sure if that was the right time,
Starting point is 00:44:44 but I feel like I gotta tell you Jeff's like you can tell me what is it? I won't mind. I mean oh God, I don't know if I can say it Guys have secrets sometimes Jeff Guys have secrets and that is okay by the way your cable is fuzzy. Shall I try to fix it for you? Yeah, that would be awesome. Oh my god. I just build some gravy on my shirt. Guess we should probably go up to my room so I can change and you can tell me what's been on my mind? A few things have come out recently
Starting point is 00:45:21 Dun dun dun And I don't feel comfortable have come out recently. And I don't feel comfortable with you being out of that loop on it. Oh, I'm it. Now in the gay porn, that would normally be when someone, that's usually when we were transitioned with something like, here's something that I don't want you to be out of the loop on. And then Jeff would, you know, like take his head and put it down there. But since it's Bravo, we instead have Doug telling Jeff, um, Reagan's pregnant. So he's like, honestly, it has been a hush, hush thing. Your girlfriend's pregnant.
Starting point is 00:45:56 It's like, wait a minute. Your dick is in your hand. Oh, damn it. So Jeff is like, oh, oh, why do you have to tell that right now, man? Oh, don't you know, I'm an emotional wreck at all times and I was just barely keeping it together to serve the baby turkeys. I am sorry, man. This is tough.
Starting point is 00:46:21 And then he literally puts his head in his hands. It's like, what is this scene? Okay, it's the worst scene ever seen. Another one of you were hired. It was terrible because Jeff is like, do you know how many, well, Jeff is starting to spiral. And I believe that this is the first time he heard it because he was talking about, he's like, man, this room.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Do you know how many conversations we had in this room talking about kids? And then like what you said, Jeff is like, and so he puts his head in his hand like as his hand over his eyes he's sort of looking down and then he I think I forgot who had his hand in which but like maybe it was like that Jeff had his hand on Doug shoulder or vice versa and then Doug Jeff Doug puts his hand in his eyes like what are you what are you doing Doug? Why are you why is your hand in your eyes? No, Doug is like, this was so hard for me.
Starting point is 00:47:07 This was very difficult for me. Yeah, that was some weird, that was some weird acting. So Jeff goes upstairs to his room and of course, Tumika. Tumika is just a pissed off customer wherever she goes. Like, oh my god, are we supposed to sit down? Like, are we supposed to sit down? Like, where's the food?
Starting point is 00:47:23 Like, this is ridiculous. Like, where's our house? Like, we're just sitting here, like, seriously? Yeah. Paris, like, well, we figured if we sat down, the food would just start coming. That's so far. That's not really worked out. To me, it's just looking for a comment card.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Yeah. So, so, yes, everyone's getting really hungry. And Jeff is like, I want to, I want to run. I want to drive away, but I got to drive away but I got to face it you know and you know it's sad he's talked about how we fucked up the relationship and pushed Reagan away when he really wanted up babies etc so he is doing a classic Jeff Spiral. Yeah so then we go over to Regan and Reese and Reese is like wow you know what like we're gonna have oh no Reese is like since you had such a crazy audacious wedding in the first time
Starting point is 00:48:08 I want mine to be better than your first wedding. Oh my god. You're such a group zone I'm glad we're sitting down to go over and ask I'm like well. I'm glad for you Thanks, yeah, your tra You're a trapper keeper. You're a trapper keeper. Bluh, blah, blah, blah. You're a trapper keeper full of heart-busting recipes, she's saying. Do you, let's do pigs in a blanket, but instead of just regular little hot dogs,
Starting point is 00:48:34 let's do alligator steaks with cheese, blue cheese, and cream sauce. She's like, yeah, it's delicious. Regans like. I just wish my friends could see the way our families are. I mean, thatoss is like, sounds delicious. Regan's like, I just wish my friends could see the way our families are. I mean, that might change things. I just don't know why Tamica's upset. I really don't, and I'm like, really sad about it.
Starting point is 00:48:51 I just feel like I haven't had my friend through any of this. I'm like, she's upset because you kept this large chunk of your life away from her, and then just sprung it on her. And she feels like you guys don't have a real friendship anymore, that's why. And how would it be different being around your family? If your families are forcing you to shotgun wedding because they're too embarrassing, you got knocked up.
Starting point is 00:49:10 I mean, what do you expect is Michelle standing over there being like, this carpet smells like piss. All right, can we change this carpet out? It's like going to change everything, Reagan, really? Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, so Reagan's, she's just like, I just feel like Tomica's A-Wall. I'm like, well, you were the one who was A-Wall first,
Starting point is 00:49:31 which is what caused Tomica to go A-Wall. Yeah, and she's like, well, I just want people to be happy for me and I'm sick of people judging me. So I don't give a shit when people say any more. I'm like, yes, you do. The only reason you're telling anybody
Starting point is 00:49:43 is because you're on camera, okay? Nobody knew any of this until you were already shooting. Yeah. Exactly. And Reese is just like, you know, he's like, you got to like talk to her whatever. And then like, you know, you got to try, like do whatever you can. And if you can say in your heart that you tried, then you can walk away and enjoy life without Tamika. You know what I'm saying? Also, I just peed under this table. Yeah, we're gonna change out these rugs too, because it smells like piss in here. Wait, it's good, it's okay, what do you do that?
Starting point is 00:50:18 So then we go back and Jeff's like, God, thank God I'm not drinking. I totally would run away. And he's like, I just, you know what? I just like, thanks a lot, Doug, because now I have all this redness in my face, and I look crazy. I just wanted to go away. And Doug's like, I feel like a real shithead.
Starting point is 00:50:35 But I don't want my kid here. He's like, dude, get off my dick already. Jesus. Yeah, Doug. I don't know. I really didn't I did not respect that move by dog That was such a dick move. You guys hosting you know this guy's like a power kick of emotion Why would you tell that Jim right before he like? I don't know. It's just you shouldn't read Reagan do it I mean to me could do it. Yeah
Starting point is 00:51:01 Exactly, you know Why'd you have to make the gay look bad? Make Tameek do it. It probably was a plan hatched by Doug and Reagan. They're probably like, well, Tameek is probably going to tell, Tameek is probably going to tell Jeff and have a whole big scene out of it. So Reagan probably told Jeff, I'm told Doug to like, short circuit, Tameek has seen. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:19 So then let's see here. Dinner is about to be served in there doing this. Justin's making fun of how John Moody talks. So then let's see here. Dinner is about to be served in there doing this. Justin's making fun of how John Moody talks. And he's like, I'm a Moody duty. And he's like, what, because Moody talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. This is Marvel mouth.
Starting point is 00:51:36 He's like, I am a big, an easy and easy. And like, that means he baked some bread and ate some lamb and went for a jog today. He said you came to hoop and eat. They're like, what? So Jeff comes back and fixes his scarf for whatever. Yeah, and then they can all eat last. And so John, he's like, this is great.
Starting point is 00:51:58 This is like baked owls. And because you think the Cornish hens are baked owls, and the kairans like not baked owls. It's like definitely not baked owls and that kind of thing because you think it'd be a corner chens or baked owls and the carons like not baked owls It's like definitely not baked owls Yeah, believe it or not the owls were delicious like they like cuts back and like definitely not baked owls So Jeff sits at the table and he's like He just got that look on his face and everybody's quiet and so very it's like cheers to friends giving and everyone cheers and then Kelsey's like, ah, this is awkward.
Starting point is 00:52:33 And everyone's like, what the hell is wrong with Jeff? He's about to explode. Yeah, because like, um, Jeff is red. He's red right now. Like what happened? There's like tension. I want to know what's going on. Why's no one talking?
Starting point is 00:52:43 Well, it's not really for me to tell, but I found to know what's going on. Why's no one talking? What's no one talking? And Jeff is like, well, it's real, not really for me to tell, but I found out tonight that Reagan's pregnant, which is kind of great because he kind of blew up Reagan's spots everyone, even though most people already knew. I'm like, you know, you take that, you get that moment, Jeff, you were allowed that moment. You, you, you, you took it from Reagan. And I think you're allowed it. Yeah. And he's like, well, she didn't want kids with me. And that's a tough fucking pill to swallow. So sorry, and to me, Rachel is just eating.
Starting point is 00:53:12 This is why Rachel is the best across Bravo. She doesn't care. She'll just eat through anything. She's kind of rolling her eyes and eating. Like, where the hell is this guy been? And then to me, she has to put some salt on that wound. You know, she's like, um, so you're saying you didn't know because I like, I totally felt like you know, I mean, I mean, of course you've already knew this. Like, why are you pretending you didn't know?
Starting point is 00:53:31 Because like, totally you already knew this. So yeah. And Jeff was like, no, I did not know it. I mean, I, I'm like not talking to her very much. I had to hide the groceries from tonight because she was going to come over and get boots because she still gets boots. I had to hide the grocery. So she wouldn't find out about tonight that she wasn't even comes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh find out about tonight that she wasn't even cumts at all. And she was like, mm-hmm, you knew. Yeah, it's like, yeah, totally, yeah, you totally knew. And he's like, that she was pregnant.
Starting point is 00:53:52 I just pulled my eyes out. And then he flicks his plate up in the air and throws it across the room. And then it cuts to Rachel just like shrugging and eating. Yeah, she just like shrugs like, oh, that was something. And then just goes back to the food. And that was Southern Charm New Orleans everybody. Um, should we go move on to real house as a Potomac?
Starting point is 00:54:21 I'm sure you want to do it in the same recap, but do separate recaps. I think we can. We're only at 50 minutes for New Orleans. We're only at 50 minutes. No meaning It's like we didn't do like an hour and 10 right? Okay, so real housewives of Potomac real housewives of Potomac This is the mommy issue episode. Yeah, everybody is parental issues big mommy issue episode. I have to warn you. So I was actually sort of in the Potomac area. I was in the mid-Atlantic this weekend. I was in the Chesapeake area in Virginia.
Starting point is 00:54:55 And so I flew back super early on Sunday. And by the time I sat down to watch Potomac, I was a groggy, groggy podcaster. And so I actually found myself dozing off, not because of the show, but I dozed off like two or three times just because it was like, oh, I'm sitting on a couch and I'm stationary. And so when I dozed off, my brain does this thing where it like erases the past like hour of my life. So like I was writing notes, but you will definitely have to help me fill in
Starting point is 00:55:26 some of the blanks here because I like have like big memories. It was like a fever dream of this episode. Well, this show gets you addicted to juicy episodes like last week. Where's the hold down and a pregnant lady is like about to fight the you know the kid or whatever. And then we have an episode like this where everybody's just with their mom and you're like, oh, you guys can't do this to me. I know. Yeah, you can't give me a taste of that and then take me to Dorothy again.
Starting point is 00:55:54 So we open up with Candace writing down notes with her mom about like, here is what Dr. Cand wanted you to focus on. It's like, well, I you to focus on it's like well I want to focus on you not talking Ma'am to me. She's like that is not a goal for you mother So that's like another typical these two are never gonna get a long scene Yeah, exactly so Darcy's like okay. Well my goal is that I will not give too many too much advice and Candice goes
Starting point is 00:56:24 My goal is that I will not give too much advice and Candice goes, all right, and mom also agrees not to give any jabs. And Dorothy's like, okay, well, and you agree, that also, she goes, oh, you're the one who's the shade monster. I'm like, Candice, that was a jab. You can't call your mom a shade monster and not see that that's a jab. It's literally a jab. Yeah, and she goes, well, another thing is,
Starting point is 00:56:44 you're not my therapist. I don't try to be my therapist. And she's, well, I'll only try and do that when it's needed. That's a jab. I was like, no, it wasn't, Candace, you're such an idiot. It wasn't a jab. What you said was a jab, actually. Yeah, but Candace is an idiot, but Dorothy is the idiot who made that idiot.
Starting point is 00:57:01 So I have no, like, I don't care. So next. Yeah, exactly. is the idiot who made that idiot. So I have no, like I don't care. So next. So next is Karen. So great. Remember when I emailed you, when I say email, I mean write something down and then melt wax over it and stamp it with my case.
Starting point is 00:57:17 So now I'll know if somebody opened it and sent it by horse and that little buggy to you. Remember that? Yeah, right. Remember when I emailed you, what a fascinating new technology I can't believe they've just created this concept of email in 2019. What a strange thing. And as we all know, email is when you write, you take a piece of paper and you cut out the
Starting point is 00:57:36 letter E and put it in an envelope and mail it to someone. You know, email Ray? It's when I gave you that can, then you listened and then I had a string running from that can do another can and I said hi rain. Oh, you know email, that's when you sign up for a e-moo quarterly and they send you a little email blast, which of course, you know, is a feather in the mail from an e-moo. Do you know there's action e-moo on on the loose I think in North Carolina right now. Remember when I sent an emu to ram and I said I don't want to be buried I want to get
Starting point is 00:58:13 stuffed with you and we'll be stuffed together like an emu. Hey remember when I sent you an emu and you said I want this we let a loose in North Carolina and everyone's been loving it ever since Karen and Ray have these little short scenes and they make no sense like Remember when I emailed you to let you know that I don't want to be buried. I want to be stuffed with you So what the fuck kind of scene is this? Yeah, that was the entire by way that was a scene in its entirety and we never came back to it So then guys guess what Robin's doing I have a property I'm selling like oh yeah and then Monika's like with her with her kids in the car asking if they
Starting point is 00:58:54 want more siblings and they're like no so we finally land them we land on like Ashley she's at Oz and she's saying how she's like, she likes to work at Oz to keep her mind off of all the stress and life, which is funny because Oz just went out of business. So I guess maybe it's time to get into video games. Yeah, someone's opening a blockbuster soon. I know. So her new thing is that she's saying that because, you know, despite all the craziness with a scandal with Michael, that she and Michael are closer than ever because of it. Yeah, I mean, look, there's nothing to bring you closer than finding out you share a hobby with your husband. You both like boys, but yeah, they cannot lie. So Jizelle joins to just be as messy as possible.
Starting point is 00:59:41 You know, yes. So as she's like, we are closer than ever. And she's like, I'm highly concerned. Yeah. So now I'm glad you're happy. How was Michael? I thought he'd be here since this is his establishment. Because Michael is not allowed to shoot at this point. So just so, for those of you who didn't know, he got suspended from shooting.
Starting point is 01:00:01 So just, I'm so excited. He's so excited. He's like, I'm being like, where's your husband? Where's your husband? We're really happy, huh? Why isn't he on camera? Yeah, she being like, where's your husband? Where's your husband? Where you're at the huh? Why isn't he on camera? Yeah, she's like, well, I had my event for every huge beauty this past weekend and the number one question was, what matches my skin tone? The second question was, what's the deal with Ashley's husband? And I just didn't know what to say. I mean, I guess I could have said, I don't know, but I'm sure they're working through it and everything's
Starting point is 01:00:22 fine, but that's no fun. So what should I say about your husband who grips males asses for fun? Yeah, and Ashley, you know, too can play at that game because just else like being a fakey messy. So Ashley's like Oh, well everything's great because I am arguing so we have sex twice a day including today wink And so it's like the stab still of like who's gonna be fake or you know. Yeah and Jacelle's I mean Jacelle's craft is just like you know I was thinking about it. Are you okay with the butt squeezing because if you are then you know and Ash is like so the implication is that he did do it then. She's like well I mean that is why there's a court case and Ash is like well you
Starting point is 01:01:02 know the wording that's in the press you know, the wording that's in the press, you're repeating the wording that is in the press. And she's like, well, he did do that in the past, Ashley. She's like, that was different because I was his friend that he did that to in the past. It wasn't like it was a stranger that he didn't know. Yeah. Which is a good point, I guess.
Starting point is 01:01:18 Yeah, and she's like, well, I'm like, like, why would he ever do something like that? And she's like, well, that was my question. Which again, is like, implying that it actually happened right? Yeah she's like well look all I'm here for is you okay because look I just don't think it's right to put your hands on anybody a man a woman a boy a girl a purple person is Robin would say you know like if you're married and now she's like well it's honestly it's like not a big deal and just like oh so you're married and Ashley's like, well, it's honestly, it's like not a big deal.
Starting point is 01:01:46 And just like, oh, so you're cool with it. So again, trying to get Ashley to imply that it did happen is very funny. Yeah. Well, that's what you get if your friends with Jizal and Ashley takes it and stride for the most part. So then we go over to a doctor's office where Mooney, you know, Mooney has surprisingly not been on my nerves with her pregnancy, but she's writing it.
Starting point is 01:02:07 She's walking a tightrope between you and me. And, you know what, she may be falling off of it because now we have to sit and watch not only her get this 3D sonogram, but like she drags Karen and Candace just like this to get a sonogram. And like a, first of all, I think the 3D sonograms. No, I'm saying this because I am not a parent. So I'm sure if you're a parent, getting the 3D sonogram is like awesome and it's so cool and you're like, oh my God, that's my child. It's probably so special. To me, I think they're creepy. So I'm watching them,
Starting point is 01:02:39 like I do not understand this right here, you know. And then when we see the picture, it looks like Karen going like this. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Did that sonogram just ask for security? Did that sonogram just think a can attached to another can
Starting point is 01:02:57 was an email? Did that sonogram just try to fact something? Did that sonogram just has to get stuffed Hey, is that sonogram using a corded phone? So Monique starts to see now. She's like I love 3d pictures What is the scene? Okay, so She's I we'd love to do 3d reveal parties like oh, oh, I somehow missed that section, the hallmark store. I've got to go back to see if they have those cards.
Starting point is 01:03:30 Like, happy 3D reveal party. So Chris has his scene with Monique, which is every scene that Chris has after Monique is shot with the other lady. And he's like, on really upset, you were out there threatening to drag people while you were pregnant Now let me sit in this chair As he like fall student the first floor
Starting point is 01:03:52 Because it's just a giant Didn't support my weight. I'm not much aiming. I'm just saying he's a very large man He's the size of a small sky screen. Yeah, he's like, listen down there. I'm not happy that you're threatening to drag people. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So Karen and Candice come. Yeah, and of course the first thing Candice says is, I'm gonna try not to get emotional.
Starting point is 01:04:21 Oh, you know what? Stop that. And stop trying to fold up that, stop trying to fold up that hospital gown into a little square and blight your eyes with it. I know. She's like, well, you take a 3D of this squared up, the squared up tissue that I made. See what's inside of there. Look, the juice of the clown. That's a jab. That's a jab. She's like, hey, that baby just jabbed at me. So Chris immediately gets the hell out of there with the kids. He's like, time to go somewhere else away from these crazy ladies. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Starting point is 01:04:53 Well, the thing about Nick does it really pisses me off is she acts like she's doing everyone else a favor. Like every little thing she does, it's like when people get married and they're like, oh, you want to be invited to my wedding? It's like, oh gee, do I get to go spend hundreds of dollars on you and waste a weekend? Like, oh, wow, you're sure doing me a favor. Yeah. This is my 3D reveal. And you know, it's basically an olive branch for Candace.
Starting point is 01:05:15 I'm like, how's this an olive branch? By her lunch, don't make her watch her fucking 3D baby thing. I know, she's like, well, I invited Candace here to look in the toilet with me as we examine my morning sickness. It's basically an olive branch for her to see this part. Yeah, you're welcome. And then Karen is just trying to be so excited about everything. So, oh, thanks for, thanks for sharing. This is everything. Yes. It's a fucking baby picture. Can we all calm down? Yeah, exactly. And so, um, yeah. So Karen basically says that,
Starting point is 01:05:52 so they basically Monique and Candace after the big fight at the, at the rodeo, um, they buried the hatchet and they had nice texts. So everything is like fine. And Monique says that she just misses bubbly Candace. And Karen, based on her suggestion, that Candace's relationship with her mom is oozing over into her relationships, which is what everyone's been saying. But for some reason, Candace doesn't lose her shit this time.
Starting point is 01:06:16 Well, she says, when you came back in the apologize, I saw on your face that you were a real friend. I'm like, yeah, and you saw that no one else was there. And you don't have to shoot with somebody. So yeah, suck it up, Karen. This. Yeah, exactly. No, like we're just like sisters. And Candace is like, you know, I'm just still trying to figure out like what it's like to be like a wife and a daughter and business partner with my mother. And I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry. Oh, come on. It is so different. Having everything paid
Starting point is 01:06:44 for now that I'm married. Like, it's just weird. It feels different to cry. I'm like, oh, come on. It is so different having everything paid for now that I'm married. Like, it's just weird. It feels different to go wham. Okay, so let's go Apple picking, which is Ellen and her kids. Talk about Apple's falling way, way, way the hell far away from a tree. I know these daughters are like the best daughters on all of Bravo. I mean, like, we really are. We've never seen actually three better people on Bravo. Just whether they're daughters or not daughters, cast members full-time, part-time, guests on watch and happens. No one has been as good as Juzel's daughters.
Starting point is 01:07:16 I know. They're like the best human beings on Bravo. I'm like, what are you doing? Get away from the wicked witch. What are you doing here? So they're picking up moldy apples, which also feels metaphorical. What are you doing? Get away from the wicked witch. What are you doing here? So they're picking up moldy apples, which also feels metaphorical. And what we were talking earlier in the recap about how we would rather like things that are sprayed with pesticides and stuff,
Starting point is 01:07:37 that's what happens when you go to an apple farm. You're like, what the fuck is this? It's got holes on it. It's called a real apple. Okay. Yeah, exactly. So they're all they're apple picking. And then they sit down at a table or whatever, and just
Starting point is 01:07:51 all's like, so is everyone excited about the new house? Like it's going to be great because it's really going to let you guys create your own space. I'm like in five years when it's done, and they're off in college. Yeah, good point. So then she's like, oh god when it's done and they're off in college. Yeah, good point. So then they, she's like, oh God, it's so great being a good mother. And they're like, yeah, you're never there.
Starting point is 01:08:12 So you know, it'd be great if you came to a soccer game once in a while because you've missed every single one except the first one. She's like, oh, well, I thought they understood that I was out there building my businesses. Yeah. Yeah, you know, that's what, that's what tweens and teens understand the most. When their parents have less time for them because they're trying to earn money, they're famously tweens and teens
Starting point is 01:08:33 are really understanding about that stuff. Yeah, and she's like, what a thought they would be sensitive. And then Angel is all upset. She's like, you don't even like me. You only focus on the other girls. And she's like, that is not true. Put your name in again. What's your name again?
Starting point is 01:08:49 What's your name again? Which one are you again? So that they they raid her, they gave her, they gave her a run tomato score, but essentially, and Angel gives her a 75%. So Jizelle is now determined to, to, up her ratings with Angel. Yeah, she's basically the final season of Game of Thrones. She's like, I will fix the this. So who burned down
Starting point is 01:09:12 this upload, Jazeal? So she goes, she's telling her, what changes would you like me to make as a mother? And Grace goes, leave the house more. I was like, yes, I love these kids. I know. So now we go to Robin. Hi, I'm Robin. With Shirley, her hair stylist. And Robin's talking about being in the final stretch for her flip. The least interesting flip we've ever seen on Bravo.
Starting point is 01:09:38 And we've seen some dull flips, like Lisa Vanderpump's kitchen. We've seen some bad flips. And this is just like, oh, I can't wait to see how this shitty house went to us became a slightly less shitty house over the course of two seasons. Yes, and then something else is taking forever to rehab this one thing.
Starting point is 01:09:55 I'm like, no one's buying either your flip or this one flip, okay? She's like, one wants a baby girl, but I'm gonna put my foot down. If I have another baby, we should remarry. I'm just like, wow. But also like Robin, it's, it was frustrating.
Starting point is 01:10:12 It's for years, they're like, Robin, just admit you want to get back together. Like just get back together, just get back together and just like, no, no, no. And now she's like, well, if you want to have a baby, we'll have to remarry. I'm like, well, so you want it, you've wanted to get back together all this time.
Starting point is 01:10:24 Okay, just please be honest about it.'ll have to remarry. I'm like, well, you've wanted to get back together all this time. Okay, just please be honest about it. Yeah, and the hairstylist is like, okay, I'll get on one about that too, because I mean, come on. Like, if you're gonna, yeah, you should definitely get married. She goes, no, because I don't know if getting married
Starting point is 01:10:35 again is a deal breaker for him. Oh my God, you are pathetic. You are a bitch- She's a fucking pathetic, okay? You're worried that the guy guys gonna leave you. Oh my Yeah, she's like playing house is no longer working. I'm like you are literally playing house. You are doing a flip. Oh So then Ashley goes to therapy and as all people on bravo who go to therapy? She's like Yeah, I guess it's been a minute since I've seen you And they said the last time that she's gone to her was on camera. I know, it's 12 years ago.
Starting point is 01:11:09 So, uh, yeah, so she's talking about the Michael rumors and how she, when she found out about them, she froze and got lightheaded and she just, you know, she doesn't want people to see her as like sad and all like doesn't want people to see her whaling about whatever. I wrote down whaling. Was she whaling? This is when I started to fall asleep. I don't know, but this is I started to fall asleep to just I mean I wasn't, but you know, just figuratively because here we go. It's like Ashley's gonna try and change the narrative by having to find your you know find your missing parents. Which I actually thought was interesting. My fall asleep had nothing to do with what I thought was actually,
Starting point is 01:11:50 I thought it was, you know, like when you watch like Jack's go to therapy and he has like Jack's and Brittany, they have fake revelations. It's like whatever. I do feel like there was like, there was like some gripping TV actually happening, but at the same time it was very obviously gripping. You know, like the therapist was essentially like, so you know, like how you don't have a father. Do you feel like that maybe, do you see the parallels basically between you and Michael and actually it's like, oh, I'm like, oh, Ashley, I mean, come on now.
Starting point is 01:12:28 Yeah, do you think, do you think maybe your father not being in your life is why you're not upset that your husband grabs butts? I was like, I don't get this, okay? I just wrote down on board. That's what I wrote. So we differ on this scene. Well, I mean, I still liked it. And then I mean, it was sad.
Starting point is 01:12:43 I mean, she was like a like abandoned as like one year old. I'm not saying it's not sad. Yeah, I'm just, I just wrote on board. Yeah, so there's like a whole thing that Herapistite has actually like, imagine her youngest self and then old Ashley has to hug her inside and just crying. And she wants a hug and she just,
Starting point is 01:13:03 she just wants approval from her dad. She just wants to get in touch with her dad again That's where we leave off. Yeah, at which point we then cut to the phone the the atomic phone The scared atomic fun. Well, I'm like what is happening in this town? So now let's go on a date with Juzel. Let's go on a mommy daughter date with Juzel and Angel Yeah, so Juzel's giving Angel a little bit more extra attention since Angel gave her a bad review. She's like, so I just got you some chocolate milk. Do you did my review? Rating pick up on the tomato momatter? No, okay. Tomato meat. So let me try to spin this in a way that makes sense.
Starting point is 01:13:47 If not that I don't like you, it's just that you are so good. I don't have to worry about you. And therefore, I don't have to hug you or say your name ever. So therefore, because you're so good. Yeah, you're just good. So I don't have to pay attention to you. It's like the difference between buying a ficus and a succulent
Starting point is 01:14:06 Yeah, you know you water yourself So thanks do you suck it? Second let's don't take that much care right maybe I should say cactus You know what let's not even go down this path Ronny because I'm gonna have a lot of Water plants You know, you know that I've never kept a plant alive in my life I'm like I have no idea how plants work. My little cycling garden is like a daily source of stress for me. There's a lot of me like looking at the window just staring like, is it okay?
Starting point is 01:14:35 Should I water it now? How are you doing out there? Or just like wait a minute So Jacelle Basley says that Angel is a parent's dream Because she's smart. She's self-reliant and all that stuff, so she just sort of thought she didn't have to give her all that TLC, but of course she needs TLC because she's a kid. So Jacelle is like, okay, well, is there something that we can do together? We can do some sort of activity, and Jacelle goes, I hate leaving the house. Oh, a kid after my own heart. She's like, okay, well we could do mommy projects,
Starting point is 01:15:06 mommy and mommy daughter projects. How about building a second floor? That'd be great. You know what, I'm gonna let you do it all by yourself and then you'll get the biggest hug afterwards. So then we go over to Ashley with Sheila, her mom, who we haven't seen a lot of the season. And she has scrolled welcome on the front door.
Starting point is 01:15:28 I did not notice that. What I did notice was Ashley asking if the water was tap or not because tap water is like apparently bad for fertility so she can't have tap water. I'm like, Ashley, I support, like that's fine, drink whatever water you want. But like don't get mad at Candace then if Candace is like, you know me, I've got this argument that I've been saying, which is that like Ashley starts to talk, like, oh, I can't drink, does I can't drink that?
Starting point is 01:15:52 And then she's drinking coronas. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm not really sure that this tap water isn't gonna mix terribly with this tequila soda I brought my purse. Exactly. I mean, alcohol is literally poison.
Starting point is 01:16:04 I mean, it really is ultimately poison. This is delicious poison. It's what I learned from my 10th grade chemistry teacher, Mr. Johnson. It's actually poison. Whoa, whoa, whoa. David tried to poison me on our anniversary. Ah, ah.
Starting point is 01:16:21 Ah, here lies Shanna Bedore, killed by her husband who poisoned her with negative thoughts and infidelity. Oh, this is actually a sad scene. Damn you. Damn you so sad. This was a sad miss. This was a sad, this was like my heart was breaking for Ashley during the scene. And I'm going to make you talk about it. I was like, okay, go ahead, Ben. We're like, you do it. You do it. I want to use this on a Monday. Okay. I want some wig pulling. I want I want someone to make fun of a Karen wig. Okay. I know. Well, we did get a new wig from Ashley because obviously they shot some pickup shots. So they there were a bunch of interviews with Ashley, you know, while, you know, she just had her baby. So this is when she was pregnant and she had some crazy wig on. It was like crazy.
Starting point is 01:17:09 It was, it was a crazy, crazy wig. So you got a little like she took Katie's wig from last week and got it styled decently and then put that on. It looked like a, like a, I'm not even to go there. Well, speaking of Karen also had a crazy new wig. Did you see Karen short wig that she was well? Yeah, so that's her like Linda Dan O'Wig, but bond Short like I'm wearing a t-shirt dress It's like Lisa Vanderpumping Karen. Okay. The point is I actually wants to meet her dad and her mom's like oh geez And she's like well, I want to know why did dad leave? You know what was what went on with that?
Starting point is 01:17:45 And she's like, listen, your dad, just at first, he said he wanted to have a baby and then something changed in him. And, you know, we went our own ways. And then Ashley tells this heartbreaking story of how she found her dad on Facebook and reached out to him and said, hey, look, I just want to, you know, I'm not expecting anything from you.
Starting point is 01:18:05 I just want to have some kind of relationship with you. And then he blocked her. He blocked her. He blocked her. And then on top of that, like, and then she was like, well, you know, he's a loner, you know, he's just a loner. And Ashley, this is so sad. Ashley was like, but even loners feel something for their own offspring.
Starting point is 01:18:23 And so then the dad hasn't actually blocked Sheila from Facebook, although I'm sure she's blocked, she's blocked now. So Ashley's looking at her dad's profile. And you know, she sees pictures of the dad with his own family. It's just heartbreaking. Like, no one should have to feel that way.
Starting point is 01:18:37 No one should be meant to feel that way. And like, fuck this guy, that's not right. Like, man up, like whatever, like, you know, even if you have a family now, you know, like you, this is your daughter too. Yeah, this is depressing as fuck. I felt ashamed to be a man. Yeah, so now, so now ultimately, Ashes like, you know what?
Starting point is 01:18:56 I'm gonna go down there to wherever that is. And I'm gonna find him, I'm gonna try my best. And if, you know, if it doesn't, you know, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, I'll know I try my best. I'm like, I'm, I'm, to try my best and if you know if it doesn't you know if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out I'll know I try my best. I'm like I'm I'm you know what you have to do what you have to do Ashley But just know that the track record of people trying to get in touch with their strange relatives on Bravo is at 0% success Oh my god. I know. I'm still kind of traumatized by that Kenya scene. Oh, yeah Kenya, there's like I feel like there's a few others
Starting point is 01:19:25 It's this is not gonna go well. Yeah, it was really sad So then we go over to can this in the car with Chris and check did you cut your nails? He's like yes, cuz no you did not. I'm looking get your nails I'm like are you about to cry is she about to cry? Is this is that a jab or an emotional moment for her? I can't tell That was a jab or an emotional moment for her? I can't tell. That was a jab. Shut up, mother. Yeah. By the way, Candace looks like she's wearing a hefty bag with like little bedazzled elements on it. She looks crazy. Yeah. Candace has some crazy looks. Yeah. Uh, so she's like, well, that fight with Chris in front of the restaurant was totally embarrassing.
Starting point is 01:20:02 So I'm going to pretend to be nice to him. And he's like, okay, let's go have couples dinner, okay? You know, I hope you make, I hope you make up with your friends. I hope I'm glad you made it up with Monique because I know that she's a firecracker. She goes, yeah, she can't be a firecracker. And he goes, yeah, but I mean, if she's a firecracker, you're a nuke.
Starting point is 01:20:22 Yeah. So they show up at this restaurant because they're having dates, they're having dinner with the huckers and the sannmules. And I was really excited that like young Linda Fiorentina was their waitress. She's just sitting there like, what do you guys want to have? I like that Candace is dressing more like her personality because she's literally given herself pink eye. Like who wears pink under eyeliner this is the craziest thing I've ever seen yeah and then can this is like um I like to order a steak cooked somewhere between medium rare and medium well can you guys do that and Chris is like medium medium it's in my cookbook okay right
Starting point is 01:20:57 next to the case it is medium it's how this will be reviewed. It's, and Karen's like, look, I, I hope that, um, I hope that she can make up with her husband. I don't like seeing them fight. I, I don't want to see her all like, Jazelle, all dusty and divorced on an island by herself. So the Monique's are showing Ray the sonogram, the 3D sonogram, and he's like, oh, like, he's really trying very hard to carry. He's like, wow, your fax machine has great resolution. He's like, Karen, you didn't put on your wink for this picture. So now, Candace is talking about ultimately how she wants to get a new house with six or
Starting point is 01:21:43 seven bedrooms for family. And Chris is just like stress. He's just like you just staring into his plate like oh my fucking god. Well how we're gonna do this. She's a nightmare. Yeah, and Canvas is like well we're gonna need a new place but we're gonna need five or six rooms because of all the babies we're gonna have. And you know of course a room for my mother. Yeah, great. By the way, you don't need a room for your mother. I mean, it would be nice, but you don't need one. Yeah, but you can add an extra $200,000 on to your house.
Starting point is 01:22:11 You do not need one. Well, I like that she's still planning on her mother paying her rent. It's like, that's what she learned from going to therapy. It's just like, make sure that her mother is more respectful to her while she's getting her rent paid. It's like, oh my god. Yeah, and Karen's like, oh, girl, I was like you and we had brand-in. I said, we need four rooms and six tube TVs and three fax machines and two laser displays. Never needed any of them, except for the laser displayers.
Starting point is 01:22:34 Entertainment all day long. Hi, by mention how sexy we still are. We still do it all the time. Aging doesn't mean that you don't make love. Trust, honey. honey red look at this She takes in a waister and she's like Chris and Chris is very uncomfortable like us. Well the food is very tasty Awkward transition Doesn't always oysters go untouched. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:06 Yeah. And then he can't just start singing. Just eat it. Just eat it. Whatever. And Ray's like, you sing very well. Other people try to sing. I was like, ooh, look at Shady Ray.
Starting point is 01:23:17 Yeah, Shady, Shady Ray. So then, of course, they immediately turn the conversation to Ashley and Michael. And Monique, Monique's, you know, it's sort of defending Ashley saying that the scandal has brought. She's saying, Monique goes, speaking of non-singers, I saw Ashley. Yeah, sort of defense her. So yeah, she basically says that Ashley is claiming that Ashley and Michael are closer now because of the scandal.
Starting point is 01:23:47 And so, basically, and we learned that when the grouping happened, we knew it was at the Rainbow Party, but essentially they were all calling for Michael and they didn't know where he was and he was in the basement, which is where he grouped the cameraman, but there are no cameras, security cameras in the basement, so it wasn't actually caught. I'm like, why is he in the basement in the first place, by the way? Yeah, this whole thing is weird, but it's also like, I don't know. But it's just so gross that the campus is like, don't you have cameras in the basement? She's like, no. But certainly somebody saw it or heard something and Chris is like, will there house to be a witness?
Starting point is 01:24:25 And so they're like, where's the witness? Who witnessed it? Who is the witness? And I just like the thought of them going like door to door. Like, did you see this? I know, it's like a Michael Criden book. So Chris is the possible witness, the flaming gun, the flaming cookbook author, because he was called as a potential witness, because apparently it happened right in front of him. Essentially, the cameraman was right there and he was writing Chris's face, but Chris didn't actually see the group.
Starting point is 01:24:56 So he's a potential witness, but he's not a star witness, if it were as it were. Yeah. So was he in the basement? So confused. I don't understand what I don't understand what I think we need to understand what this basement actually is. Is it like a rack room or something? Like I don't understand why so many people run this basement. Yeah, and Chris still a big Chris still can't can't get past the original comment. He's like, well how many people heard him say the succulent sausage comment that is crazy. I'm like, keep up Chris.
Starting point is 01:25:23 Keep up. I know he's not talking about my sausage. Right? Right? Oh my goodness. I'm not pretty. I was about to say that Candace is like, you know what? Like with all the people there and all the cameras and all the camera phones, there has to be some footage of a group. I'm like, listen lady, we are on our phones a lot, but we are not as self-involved
Starting point is 01:25:49 as you are, and it's not like constantly selfie video time, all right? Like, it is possible that things could happen that we're not captured on video. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, that was a dig mother. That was a dig. And that brings us to the end. The real housewives of Potomac. Hey, I'm so then Charm N' Orlands. Well, what a Monday. What a Monday. What a Monday, fun day, everybody.
Starting point is 01:26:14 Thanks so much for being here with us. We will be back tomorrow with some below deck. And if you want the real housewives of Dallas, preview, or trailer recap, you can go find that on our Patreon starting Tuesday. Thanks for being here everybody, we will talk to you next time. Bye! Bye! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watercraft and add free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon
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