Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm: Trouble in Hairadise

Episode Date: June 9, 2018

Ashley continues to grow her villainy on this week's Southern Charm while Shep limps around, Cam has her kid and Craig visits his life coach. Enjoy! This week's bonus is about Newsies the mus...ical and terrible endings to great TV shows. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live is coming to San Francisco, Phoenix, Irvine, DC, and has added second shows in Atlanta and Philadelphia! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends
Starting point is 00:00:27 That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends We'll see you there I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. Pristie, wow, her dee, dow, her dee. Tellie Barlow, and she goes Barlow, we go high low. Megan Berg, he can't have a burger without the Berg. Jessayon, okay. Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Andrea, get your ducks in a roll blaze! Susie, going to the Tobin! Back in the Slayer Taylor! Denise still, crazy after all these years! Havanaquilo Weber! And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Heligrant, Vegrant Master! Give them hell, Miss Noel! the incredible edible Matthews sisters, and Lizzie Drucker, a fun mother f-
Starting point is 00:01:51 We love you guys! Hello and welcome to watch what crap ends, the podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on yo bros. I'm Ronnie Keram, I'm also from the Rosepricks Bachelor podcast which comes out on Mondays and here I am with the gorgeous Talented co-hosting BF Mr. Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. Hey, what's going on? Well happy gay pride weekend, Ben happy gay pride weekend here in Los Angeles. What are you gonna do to celebrate? I'm gonna be gay I'm gonna be gay.
Starting point is 00:02:25 I'm gonna be so, so gay. I don't know, I live in West Hollywood, so usually I just have to go outside to watch the parade. So I usually stand out there with a bunch of neighbors. And then, I don't know, drink. I mean, what else? Right. What else is there really?
Starting point is 00:02:42 Yeah, that's a good, you know, what what can you really do? I Think I'm gonna celebrate gay pride by recording the watcher crap its podcast Yeah, well there we go. That is gay as it can be yeah, we're covering Southern charm and you know That's a bravo gay day. So there you go. Yeah, exactly Why don't you tell people once you show a little bit for everyone? Okay quick, so quick, so We are leaving in a couple weeks for everyone. Okay, quick, so quick, so we are leaving in a couple of weeks for our live shows for this month. We're going to Phoenix to do Real Housewives
Starting point is 00:03:09 of New York City. And then we are going on to San Francisco for their gay pride weekend to cover Southern charm on gay pride. So get your bets there. We're gonna have a Southern charm themed night. So dress accordingly. Also our shirt of the month is what's the matter? What's going on? What's happening? And you can get that over at watch at crappens.com as well. And let's think that's it, man. Yeah, I mean, that's all the good stuff. Today we're talking Southern Charm. We have the crappens mail bag. It's just going to be like one big exciting. Why did you hear that?
Starting point is 00:03:46 Yeah, what's happening? Um, I don't know. It looks like there's some sort of like press conference happening. Wait, is that Kristen Dodie coming to the podium to address the press for? Hi, press. Hi. First of all, I want to say it seriously. Oh.
Starting point is 00:04:03 So I was looking at my friends' Britney's fingers and like, you know, like I was wondering who ate the ranch, you know, from the Dorito shell Taco Bell, Bell Bell Taco Bell. And I was looking for evidence and I saw something shocking. Any questions? Yes. Question here from Stasi News Network. Oh, Stasi, what? Um, so did like, Jack's and Brittany actually get engaged AF?
Starting point is 00:04:32 Oh, wait a room with the headlines, Stasi, Jesus, okay, I'd like to announce Stasi AF to the press conference stand. Just take it, Stasi, you want to do everything anyway? Look. Guess what? You thought I was reporter. Guess what? I'm actually breaking the news AF who does that who does that? So like Brittany and Jacks They went Neptune's net in Malibu and you know what they caught engagement fever because Jack's keep Brittany a dumb ring AF Yeah, I have a question.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Question in the front row to go in the hooter shirt. I have a question. How come this ring was gotten by a coupon from the same person who does all the other bravo rings? In downtown Moz Angeles, what the heck ain't I worth more? May I interrupt this press conference to answer that question? I just want to say that Rob can forge his own rings in seven minutes or less. I've timed him. Um, I would like to take the press conference stand.
Starting point is 00:05:37 Okay. We are no longer calling this an engagement. We are now using the term pump engagement. You can now become pump gauged at our fine restaurant, sex unique restaurant, or pump where you can get a pump teeny, a pump taco, or a pump goat cheese pump bowl. Thank you. In the spirit of being a mentor to these young people as they grow on from being waiters and bartenders, just like we gave Tom and Tom Tom Tom, we're going to give Jackson Brittany their own restaurant called sexy, unique, engagement or sue.
Starting point is 00:06:18 I'd like to announce, bro, that this baby will be born into our dried ice machine. This will be the first baby that comes out smoking dude I would like to also add that there will be a special fridge ready with Tom Tom that will have pacifiers So feel free to get your baby push first at the Tom Tom fridge with the one bottles Hey, I have something to say Shut up jacks! You've done enough or I just take the good press and shut up! Baba, do I get to say something to press conference too? I'm convenient and errative, you said enough,
Starting point is 00:06:54 stop making out with people that look somewhat like me. Okay? All right, all right. To celebrate this engagement, I've come up with a special remix. It's called Wiggy Wiggy Engagement. It goes like this, Hey, go girl, I put a ring on your finger cause you gotta have faith in me though I had faith in her.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Get a girl, I had sex with faith. I'm talking about Jax now, that's what I'm doing. I didn't have sex with Jax. Lawler. I just wanted to announce that to celebrate this baby, I will be singing at the baby shower a song called yeah baby fuck baby fuck baby pussy baby
Starting point is 00:07:29 thank you um that was actually originally my song and I gave it to Lawler and then she said that I had a tone deaf and then she started singing it so it's like fine enjoy that um I'm gonna come out with good as gold Part 2. Yeah. Good. Good as engagements. I like that. Wow, so congratulations, Britt and Jacks. What amazing news. I can't believe it. I'm shocked.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Yeah, I would really like to underscore. I cannot believe it. It is so shocking. This is amazing news. I am so excited for humanity. Cannot wait until you have a baby. Yeah, so glad you got engaged at Neptune's net. Now, OK, so, okay, for real.
Starting point is 00:08:26 So Brittany and Jack's got engaged. It was announced on Instagram and her caption was something along the lines of like, we're engaged, what a wonderful way to start season saving. I was like, oh man, the cynic in me, it's like, it feels weird that she is already excited for her storyline.
Starting point is 00:08:50 I mean, I get it, I get it. But the fact that she has a season seven storyline is up there with her engagement. Well, I just really respect her because I feel like her whole arc in this show so far has been to get a discount. I mean, she got discount boobs from Jacks. He got a discount diamond ring from the Bravo Ring people. I mean, basically the girls just like a really like high class group on getter.
Starting point is 00:09:17 And I've got to give credit to somebody like that. You go girl. Yeah, I mean, I think I believe she used the hashtag love wins, which I think is the exact opposite of what's happening here. I don't see love winning here in any sort of form. Maybe that's a discount code for the discount ring guy. Yeah, maybe I could be wrong. I don't know if she said hashtag love wins.
Starting point is 00:09:39 I don't want to I don't want to put hashtags in her mouth. And then Jack's he posted a photo today of of him in Brittany hugging at Neptune's net, which by the way is delicious restaurant, but they're hugging and you just see all the camera crew around them. And I just was thinking, this is this I hate just something to be to suddenly become this person when we are part of this machine. But like, here, like, they're especially, he is documenting this moment of their life and like making sure everyone sees that it's on TV. You know, like, like, there were camera people here
Starting point is 00:10:15 and it's being put on social media. I don't know, like, there's part of me that's... It's hard for me to feel romantic when your wedding announcement comes with a hashtag to the jeweler who gave you this count. Sorry, I'm sorry, okay. I just can't do that. It's like we got married. I made her ring out of a Val pack. Yeah, and then the thing is I think everyone was there for the engagement party. There were some sort of, I don't know where they were, but but Kristen to be self-y of like the whole gang and they're like,
Starting point is 00:10:40 yay! And was she know was there, and Kristen's caption was something like, oh, my best friend is marrying my best friend again, seriously? I was like, you know, we just watched an entire season of you guys actively trying to sabotage this relationship. And now everyone's like, cheers, these fuckers, I love them. I love them. I'll bet you didn't fly your mom in for that one, honey. Yeah. Well, you know what fly your mom in for that one. Honey. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:06 Well, you know what? Let's let's look at the positive. They announced a marriage before a baby, which I mean I think that's a huge step. So you know what guys? Good for you. And to all those people who thought they were secretly already engaged You know the past like a few months. Like is that a ring? I see is that a ring? I see We all should have known better that they were never going to propose not on camera engaged, you know, the past like a few months, like, is that a ring? Is that a ring? I see we all should have known better that they were never going to propose not on camera. We're never getting engaged, not on camera. Okay, they are not. They are not modest people. Yeah, it's the cynic of NS says those are assholes, but the reality TV fans in the state, those people care about their jobs. And that means they care about S, their audience. So you know what hugs.
Starting point is 00:11:45 Thank you. Congrats. I'm not wait to see this blossom dry out die like one of the flowers in in pump. I can't wait. I can't wait. And until then, I'll just have that that terrifying image of Jack smiling directly into the camera. And I'm not sure it's a smile of joy or a smile of victory or just a smile
Starting point is 00:12:08 Pure evil. I don't know what it is, but it has penetrated me and I'm having nightmares. I Know everybody's like measuring his pupils Full on nightmares, but I would like to say you know on the other hand, this means that Ricky said no. So You don't know plot twist. I'm glad that honestly, I'm glad that like when Bernie asked for a rock He didn't actually give her a raky rock on a band. We're just a ticket to our rock Yeah, he could he might have Do you probably could have done that Okay, so let's move on to some Southern John
Starting point is 00:12:51 God bless God bless speaking of somebody who won't be getting a ring discount or otherwise Let's move on to Southern China. Yeah, you know what you'll you know what Ashley is gonna be getting a Sad sandwich from Jimmy John's you know what Ashley is going to be getting a sad sandwich from Jimmy John's. That's what she's got. Really, really long sandwiches. A long, sad sandwich. The metaphor for their relationship, but we'll get to that. We'll get there. We'll get there. So we open. We're still in Hilton Hayet. Uh-huh. And Austin's outside on the phone with Victoria, and Austin's outside on the phone with Victoria, his new girlfriend, and his mouth is now moving like 20,000 miles a minute, which is hilarious.
Starting point is 00:13:31 His chin is fully doing like full circles. It's just like, it's rotating. He's like doing that thing you do to loosen up your jaw. It's just fully. It's like he's constantly eating spaghetti in his mind. Spaghetti. Sp mind. Speedy. Mental spaghetti. Yes, he's got mental spaghetti eating going on. And he's not eating it in a nice way.
Starting point is 00:13:54 It's not everyone eats speed at the same way. He's eating it the way I eat it, which is like goes in your mouth, but then there's like parts that trickle down and you're like, and then it slips and slides, and then it's like a mess. It's like a metadler. Yeah, he actually does eat some pasta later in this episode, and it's disturbing. I think that's where it got in my brain. I was like, oh my God, that's what he's doing.
Starting point is 00:14:14 He's trying to get the pasta in his mouth mentally. Yeah. He's practicing with real pasta, but then when he doesn't have real pasta, it's practice with his... It's getting his... He's getting his pelican lip to catch those errand strands of spaghetti.
Starting point is 00:14:28 And I get it because I'm a very bad post-eater. Some people put their fork in the spaghetti or the fettuccine or whatever and they come up with this fork. This is perfect. It looks almost like a beehive of spaghetti, perfectly coiled around. They just pop it in their mouth. Me, I'm like, whoop.
Starting point is 00:14:43 And it's like the thing, I bring it up to my mouth and that spaghetti is still like circling around and it was like whips around and gets spaghetti sauce on my face or my shirt. I feel awesome. I'm like a duck trying to catch a fish with spaghetti and looks disgusting. It's flat. It's slopping everywhere. Look, I'm a rigatoni person. Okay. I'm an orcati or a cat. These are my favorite. I'm a rigcati orcati is my favorite. I'm regatoni for the win large tubes. Wait, rigat oh yeah large tubes. I enjoy a short pasta. I always thought I enjoyed penne but then I was like nope you're too thick. I really enjoy the bigger pasta rigatoni which is actually thinner even though it's bigger. There you go guys take that, take
Starting point is 00:15:21 that through the weekend, okay. Yeah, take that well You know what the penny is mighter than the sword Little play on words that has nothing to do with anything like that's like isn't that so Whitty pertaining to Austin's mouth. Well, it's such a chef thing to say Gorsh and we'll get to him but right now Austin's on phone with Victoria, who is freaking out because they're two-day relationship. Well, they're owned by an Instagram story that she saw with Chelsea, you know, kissing his shoulder while they were cold on a boat. Which is true. I mean, I would like to see that as a girlfriend either. Well, I think it's this is all been colored by the fact that Victoria has been slaving over some soup for the past two days.
Starting point is 00:16:06 And she's gone this far and she's like, wait, I am making the soup for a guy who still has his ex girlfriend kissing his shoulder. I don't think so. I know. I just heard the the garbage just goes looking on while she was dumping that soup. Thank you. Fuck you! I cannot deal with this jealousy. You cannot be acting like this. And you just hear the garbage just both the potatoes being like, spewing all over the place. No Caldo Verde for you.
Starting point is 00:16:35 So much for the gaspacho, Austin. So Craig is like, um, Craig is like, um, uh, Craig is like, well, if anybody in the hot tub, I'm sorry. We had Tom, Tom Soundivall on hearing on the news conference earlier. And so totally fucked up my, um, my brain. Um, well, Tom would be like, oh, does anyone the hot tub? And Craig is like, um, does anyone the not up? Even though he can like see with his eyeballs. Yeah, it's totally different. I'm sorry Craig, there is actually a ghost in there right now. Oh my bad. So inside, they, and they show Ashley, she's just sitting on a stool, whatever, just like doing her
Starting point is 00:17:16 hair flipping like, what about flow? What about flow? What about flow? You know, flipping it back and Catherine goes, um, I want to go. And then there we goes anywhere. Let's go anywhere anywhere here. And Ashley's like, um, Whitney, you want to come on? Why don't we go to the hot tub, Whitney? And he goes, why don't you get in there with your new friends? Whitney was not happy.
Starting point is 00:17:46 Nonmother. It's when he was not happy. No mother. And Ashley's hair is now just insane. It's like Ashley's hair is now just showing her soul. It's just all over the place. It's dried out. It's completely insane. Yeah, it's threatening to like not come back to her. She's like, maybe I don't want to deeper frizz. Her hair has just done an entire season of the hair version of glow on that floor.
Starting point is 00:18:08 The hair version of glow. Her hair is just trying to protect her, you know. Her hair, I thought the hair version of glow was glow. This is girl hair fighting, rolling around with each other. Just, her hair already has, it's like, This is girl hair fighting rolling around with each other. Just... Her hair already has like a gay cold audience. Her hair, there's like a movie about our hair, where like half of her hair is on one side of a girl's jail and the other half's on the other half of a girl's jail and they get into knife fights.
Starting point is 00:18:42 Yeah, but only hair likes it. Only other hair likes it. Only everyone's like, what is this movie? And the other hair is like, you don't know this movie. Thanks for supporting women's hair. Oh my God, there is gay pride alert. There is a lady in my lady, I mean, a man with a full on parasol walk, sashing by my building right now. is a there is a lady and by lady, I mean, a man with a full on parisal walk sashing by my building right now work, girl, work.
Starting point is 00:19:09 She is living it. I was like, I heard you guys talking about that hair movie that I love. Her hair is bringing her there. That's the name of the movie. Her hair is bringing her there. Yeah, Ashley Jacobs hair story. Yes, it's almost like there's like, I mean, I guess there is a gay convention in town, you know, being gay pride and all, but I was driving
Starting point is 00:19:30 home from your house yesterday. And I was passing sound of sound, a monica and La Brea, which is, you know, like the junction of hell is like where the target is. It's just, it's just the worst, the worst intersection in Hollywood. So I'm sitting there at the red light. And I was like, girl, all the donut time hookers are out. It's like everybody just got it together for this one weekend.
Starting point is 00:19:56 And we're like, everyone. Let's just make all the money we can, girl. I was like, every corner, I mean, good Lord, there were three of them in front of Jersey Mike. So like you guys aim higher. Aim higher. At least go to Jimmy John's. I also would like to point out that while you were telling that story, um, outside my window, two little birds were harassing a crow in the sky. There's like a crow just trying to like fly and these two little birds are like Passing it like get out of here. This is not your neighborhood. I was like wow
Starting point is 00:20:29 Everything is just a metaphor for this show at all times Okay, so listen here gay birds and ladies hair stay inside Okay, yeah, like I will not have any of that that bird gay bashing okay like that crow that crow This is the weekend for that crow. Okay, that crow is just trying to live its life no I think the little gay birds are standing up to the big bully crow finally cuz this gay front cuz those crows are fuckers man they they attacked the little birds I feel like crow's are misunderstood oh my god I think the funniest thing are crows like the way crows caught is like the funniest thing I feel like they're just like
Starting point is 00:21:04 these like the nerds of the sky they're like It was like shut up. They're like seen up. They're like Shut up you stupid bears Yeah, everyone else like what a beautiful gristle good shit up you crow. I know they're like hey Let's have a death story that will make the star the crow Yeah, I think this was a gay crow. Okay. So speaking of gay pride, let's have a talk with Austin and Chelsea. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:37 So Austin's like, well, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I just talked with Victoria on the phone. She poured out the soup. So it's a real tough time for me. And she's just, you know, she saw this picture on the story of like you kissing my shoulders, and kissing your shoulder. What, you barely even have shoulders. So, so then she's basically like, you know,
Starting point is 00:22:03 I don't wanna be like, yeah, to choose our friendship over someone you're dating But it is kind of that way. I'm like you just said last episode You don't want to ever be that person to do that and you're literally doing it now Well, she's kind of all over the place, but in her defense I think she's saying that Victoria is making it that way That's right. You know, you can be friends with someone without cuddling with them on a boat and like, you know I don't know Do you are too touchy? I got that your friends is to I thought it was benign to you
Starting point is 00:22:28 I'm just trying to think from the new girls point of view just because we're gonna be stuck with this ass for a while You know, yeah, and question. Where's Peyton did did like they're just decided like okay We put her in a you like some sort of like avatar unicorn costume humiliated her on TV And now we're just gonna, like, send her back to California. What happened to that girl? Like, no. I think they finally realized Avatar has an extremely high budget. I just don't know why we're all of a sudden getting a Victoria and not Peyton. Yeah, that is pretty weird, but maybe Peyton was just like, you know, I'm not shooting unless I have like 3D butterflies kind of flying around me at all.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Yeah, and Scorney Weaver. Yeah. I would like Scorney Weaver on this shoot, please. I will push around the dumpling card if I have to. Yes, I'm bringing working girl onto this. I'm going to do this in the office. This is intersectionality. This is one of those shows.
Starting point is 00:23:23 It seems like Whitney just goes to bars and is like, I have to show on TV and just fills up a bus full of girls and just let some audition. I mean, yeah, I think we're coming gone girls on this show. Then I'm gonna be on this show. Where's Eliza Limehouse? Where is she? Exactly. Thank you guys. Sifliss is serious. is she exactly thank you guys if list is serious the only thing that is because it's gay fried and those billboards are everywhere okay I'm sorry we keep talking about gay is fun yeah I was gonna try to make it serious about commitment. So, um, so what's Austin gonna do? He doesn't know. Okay, great. So the next, now is the next morning. And everyone's packing up to leave Hilton head.
Starting point is 00:24:14 And, um, Catherine wakes up and there's like a bag of marshmallows under her bed. And there's like chocolate on the sheets and on her face. I don't know what sort of night she had but I'm jealous. That's my kind of girl right there. She's like, I eat when I sleep, I have an issue. Which is me. You know, I've woken up with the churro on my back that happened after a craft and slide show here in West Rowe on the back. Yeah, don't you remember? I was like, where did I get a churro? I don't even know where they sell churros that late at night, but I woke up with half a churro on my back.
Starting point is 00:24:49 So yeah, that's my kind of girl. Did you notice they showed Ashley's eyes pop open and she's just staring at Thomas immediately. It's like, even with her eyes closed, she's staring at Thomas. I know. Well, she was also, she was like in makeup and his, once again, his hair was slick down. So I'm like, okay, so you guys are already woke up. That's fine. That's fine. Maybe that's the only time they can be classy. Like when they're asleep. Something just takes over. It's like, I guess I'll comb my hair now because he wasn't coming yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. Catherine eats in her sleep and they actually pay dress up in their sleep. Yeah, the rest of us become monsters in our sleep, but the monsters become like decent people who groom.
Starting point is 00:25:29 I know they're bad. Exactly. He turns his hair into count Dracula's. So Whitney shows up, speaking of count Dracula, Whitney's, oh god, the sky is smoking across. I've got so much to look at outside this window. It's too much. That guy. Anyway, so what you show is up fully dressed. I think it must be like seven in the morning. He's like, let's get the fuck out of here. He is so ready to leave Hilton head. And again, he's wearing his like jean jacket and black t-shirt and dark jeans, like sticking out like a sore thumb.
Starting point is 00:25:58 He's like Craig. Didn't you hear mother? Craig. Mother want to out of bed. Craig. Get out of bed. Craig's like, whoa, he wakes up and he just starts rubbing his chest with his like shark tooth necklace.
Starting point is 00:26:11 And we think that's hot bro. Can we go? Yeah. So Craig comes downstairs. Apparently he has found a shirt because he was having an issue last week. And then he ran out of clothing after 24 hours when he did find a shirt, but his pants were falling down and showing his weiner and there's a lot of your drawers up. Your peckers are coming. Hi Chelsea. Yeah. Craig's like, whoa, I had a dream.
Starting point is 00:26:37 I had a girlfriend still. Are we together again? And he only's just like going through an international mail catalog on the couch. And she just rolls her eyes and shakes her head. and he's like, damn, that's depressing. She's like, main nom, main nom. So, so bunch of the guys leave and then Chelsea tells the girls she wants to drive by of where she's live over in Bluffton or whatever it's called.
Starting point is 00:27:06 So they all leave. And then T-Raven Ashley, they get up out of bed, they get dressed, whatever, and they leave their room. And I don't know if he knows this, but the camera just like lingered on their unmade bed as if to sort of remind us, these two people are animals. They don't even make their bed, they just leave. And the thing is I was like,
Starting point is 00:27:24 do I make my bed when I stay in an air or a hotel like who makes their bed? I don't that's one time I actually got with them I was like yeah okay I I don't know I actually don't know what I do well I'm not a messy sleeper I don't thrash or anything so when I get out of bed it looks pretty much the same as when I got into it. Yeah, I don't make my bed at home. I'm certainly not making it somewhere I'm paying for. Yeah. So Ashley's like, I'm ready to get out of here. If I seem anxious, it's because I just want to go home. Did we get our stuff back from Austin? I won't leave without our aftershave and socks, Thomas.
Starting point is 00:27:59 I'm not going to leave without the aftershave, Thomas. I won't. I can't. I shall. What the fuck is wrong with this girl? I'm not gonna leave it without the aftershame, Thomas. Whoa, I can't, I shan't. What the fuck is wrong with this girl? Like when does the Coke wear off? You guys have the best Coke wear here from, okay? Where we're free.
Starting point is 00:28:14 You get like 20 minutes of being awake and then it's like three days of feeling like a shit and wanting to kill yourself, okay? I know, send me a number. And to her credit, she has put her hair up because it's just such a mess But I'm just shocked it didn't just turn to a giant hot air balloon Just like this big ball of hair just like growing and growing and growing like James the giant peach the missing after shave anger
Starting point is 00:28:34 Just fuels her hop balloon honey my old spice He's trying to stand up for his man. He's like all stand He's curious and so he's trying to stand up for his man. He's like all stand all Stood like it's after shave go home. You're rich. You have like good a CV fucking ass I got so mad at this but then I love that Ashley is still like I'm gonna make drama over you know old spice and Then of course no one's there because they've all just left them there and she's like oh my gosh Everyone's gone seriously everyone Seriously This cast I know they're wonderful
Starting point is 00:29:19 So now chef goes to his mom's house and Helen had and he I guess he just was away for five months or not a way, but maybe in a different house. So he comes in and open the fridge and he goes, gosh, this is really bare mom, gosh mom. It's like a fully stocked fridge. Yeah. So what are you doing? That's shepherd. And then so we get the, you know, obviously, and that we get in every episode with chef since the shows began. I just don't know if I'm conventional. I don't know if I want to settle down, Garge. Maybe I'm just not going to settle down.
Starting point is 00:29:53 Like, oh, do something. Get job, I don't care. Play a video game. Like, honestly, I don't want to hear any more about you not settling down. God, meet my friend Mario and go on his Odyssey with him, sir. I'm sick of you talking about how much nothing you're going to do forever. Jesus Christ, who cares?
Starting point is 00:30:12 So then this is an intercut with Chelsea driving around her old neighborhood. And she's like, yeah, we used to live here. We didn't know how bad it really was. We were kids, you know, and I guess I guess it was supposed to be like a really poor decrepit neighborhood because it was like an auto shop Here's something like that because she's like we didn't know how bad it was and then they cut to ship and his mom's house Me like I want to get a French bulldog mommy, you know, I guess they were trying to do a like poor rich Jack's position thing happening there. I guess, but you know, she's like this
Starting point is 00:30:41 We didn't know how bad we had it and I just thinking, that's like my goal house on Zillow. Like I feel like I put a heart next to that house 50,000 times and it's $3 million. Well, when they finally, when she finally got to her house, it was like, wait, this is supposed to be like, we didn't know how bad we had it. I think this is a beautiful piece of property right here. But maybe she was talking about after she got, I think I kicked out of the house. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:31:04 But then we go later, yeah, that her, they got the divorce and they didn't get divorced, but he died. And since they weren't married, they lost everything and they had to move into a deep legs. Yeah, I'm just bummer. So, uh, Chef is still, we're now saying Chef regressing. He's like making some sort of grilled cheese sandwich with American cheese, which I support in a toaster oven with his mom and just like talking about Catherine and saying how she's really come a long way. And he's like, gosh, I see a lot of good in Catherine. I like seeing good in people.
Starting point is 00:31:36 Gars. Yeah. I'm such a good person mom. Gars. She's like, I know shepherds. And he's like, I know your mad sometimes because I get angry, but I'm trying to make my fuse longer mom, Garge. And she's like, well, when you're alone, it's easy to be selfish with your time.
Starting point is 00:31:51 No one's going to call you out. Yes, that's why selfish people stay alone. Okay, do I have to defend my goddamn lifestyle every time I watch a show? Well, what I thought was interesting was Chef saying that he's working on having a longer fuse because he gets so angry. And I mean, we've seen him get angry on this show, but it makes me wonder what we're not seeing on camera because honestly, on camera, he's been more or less like happy-go-lucky, pretty calm, sometimes I'll get irritated, but he's not someone that I would think, oh, he has a short fuse. Maybe Thomas Ravinnell, as evidenced by the ferry ride last week, but for him saying he has a short fuse,
Starting point is 00:32:28 I really wonder what's not making it to air. Yeah, me too, because he's shept, you know? Shep. Of course, of course you know, you lost a ride with the broken nose and then he's like, who was a glass door, harsh? Maybe it was like punching the face at a bar. I remember that time Craig got more votes than him for Kelsey Valorini? Yeah, who is not, yeah, who is now like a legitimate country star? That was like the most angry I've ever seen, shop. He's like, Oh, He's like, Oh, He's like, Oh, He's like, He's like regular incredible Hulk yeah even when Craig punched him in the knee he wasn't like mad
Starting point is 00:33:09 he was just like that's probably where the meniscus issue came from actually way to go Craig that would be fitting but it's very meniscus yeah he fucked with Craig enough that Craig just ruined his knee for life so um Chelsea's looking at her old house and once again she's turned to cry and, uh, Naomi is so bored. She just looks at, Chelsea goes, you okay? She goes, what is going on in Catholicos? I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:33:43 I'm gonna get in the car and she's like, like guys. It's just like it was a great weekend Let's end it with my stepdad to die. Okay, I'll do it. I was like my mom raised kids alone It's like oh no, this is so sad and they're like body got his foot stuck in the train tracks got run over Oh I don't know I was trying to my head. I was so from? I don't know. I was trying to fall. I was so excited. I was like, that movie sounds great. I was like, I don't remember if his name was buddy or not, but I'm just imagining that her childhood was basically fried green tomatoes.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Yeah, right. She's just gonna crash into someone in the market. You marked a parking lot. And then my mom was saying, I'm older and I got more insurance. Hey, there one time our cleaning lady, she made some real funky food. They call me towanda. That would be funny if Chelsea just suddenly like gets angry and turns into Toanda because she's so nice she's like well she's so fine I knew everything well maybe I just can't be with my because I'm just gonna be But if she was just like fuck you on to wander
Starting point is 00:34:57 I haven't seen that movie in so long is that what Kathy base called herself when you got mad. Yeah, she turned into Wanda Chelsea is totally, I said to Wanda side. I'm to Wanda. And there's a low honor of her salon. There are a couple of bachelor, not references, but there's some terminology thrown around in here. And it just makes me cringe because I really like Chelsea, you know, yeah, she's like, I don't know my walls are up as due to my
Starting point is 00:35:26 step dad passing, but my mama told me to my walls up. Come on. And then later Craig's like, it's hard to me to me. It was a classic reality TV tropes. Actually, Chelsea was doing a little bit of Bethany and Ramona with that. She's like, my walls are up. Bethany and Ramona with that because she's like, my walls are up. My mother always said you want to be able to support yourself because you don't want to rely on another man to do it. Whoa, this is crazy. My mom's just one time. This woman Geraldine Park and Smith. She was like, your stepfather, don't I was like, I know she's like, get to that
Starting point is 00:35:58 duplex. I was like, we did. That's why I'm starting. That's why I'm starting a new product line called skinny hair. I made it nice. She's just going through everyone. Hey, hey Naomi, be cool. Don't be on to. I'll brand them my rhythm.
Starting point is 00:36:23 Why food? Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us?
Starting point is 00:36:46 We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:37:20 You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder yeah So back home Chelsea's like Oh, good to go And then Craig is making like a vision board or something which is hilarious It's like an old-fashioned collage from first grade He just has a giant piece of black construction paper which is funny because I meant he went to the arts and craft store. And then he's just like cutting out things from a magazine. It was, it was borderline a ransom letter, but it was, it was just sort of disparate words and images sort of with a lot of negative space on this collage. It shows kind of psychopathic, like there
Starting point is 00:38:01 was one thing that says puppy eyes and then there's all these pictures of guys covering their face which if you ever watch lifetime new movies when people don't have faces that's a sign of abuse thank you Sally Field for letting me in on that yeah so I was very disturbed by this whole thing yeah but he was very proud of it he's like oh cool Austin's over working on his own crafts hanging all of his do-shaps properly. I'm like, oh my god How many baseball caps does one man need in his life? Okay as many baseball caps as he has dreams Beer dreams. Yeah, one cap for every rotation of his mouth. Mm-hmm So then Catherine picks up chef to take him to the hospital to get his miniskus gars.
Starting point is 00:38:47 I'm getting my gars miniskus fixed. Yeah. Yeah. And so they're driving over to the hospital and in the car they're talking about. The weekend stuff and Catherine says that she texted to you, Raven said that it's probably not a good idea to have asked you around the kids and he sent back and Mojito. It was like, okay. Um, I just like how she talks because she's kind of talking like this. And then like making it this whirlwind romance that editors are like trying to piece together
Starting point is 00:39:17 this like romantic stuff between Catherine and chef. And it's just so cute because she's saying he sent the emoji that says That the thumbs up or is that like the circle with the three fingers I like such a meaty vegetable. I always tell people I don't like eggplant. Why do you keep sending them to me Cooper? Hahaha. Um, and so of course it's a shap scene, so the obligatory question. What's up with you and your love life? And he's like, oh, gosh, you know, you meet people, but I'm still waiting for that. And she goes, that electric factor.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Hahaha. That's exactly how electricity starts. You just whittle two pieces of wood together and there's electricity. You can do it. It's electric. Benjamin Franklin's like, yes. Yes. Did you just make Benjamin Franklin gay? Yeah, because he was just snapping. That's how he fatholized Oh, he's like yeah, and he's holding up a key at the same time. Yeah, I'm gonna unlock the door
Starting point is 00:40:36 I was flying Betches hi George Washington who wants to go fly a kite batch Batches, hi, George Washington. Who wants to go fly a kite batch? Gay pride, we should be thinking Benjamin Franklin and gay people, because you know, L.A. has like an underground world of just gay guys snapping to keep all our lights on. It's like, yeah!
Starting point is 00:40:55 Yeah! It's like it sounds like a ring storm. You know that exercise that people do? Oh, yes. I think it's louder. Oh, Good time. Oh church camp. So three hours later, ship comes out of the the the clinic or wherever he is. And he's in a wheelchair with like a gown on and a thing on his head, like a hair not a hair nap, but you know,
Starting point is 00:41:23 the thing the shower cap thing and a juice box. And he's a hair nap, but the thing, the shower cap thing, and a juice box. And he's like, gosh, isn't this funny? I was like, we know this is not how you're actually discharged from a medical pre. Like, it's so stuff. No, he's like, gosh, thanks so much. I'll recommend this lovely facility to my gosh, Franz, gosh. Yeah, they'll like, just get out of here, sir. Cars thanks so much. I'll recommend this lovely facility to my guards fans cars
Starting point is 00:41:46 Yeah, they'll like just get out of here, sir You got your free me now get out So Austin is over at five lows a place that Los Angeles would never be named Like the scariest restaurant name of Los Angeles Los Angeles. God, murder you. Yeah, that would not fly well. I mean, this restaurant here called, it's all about the bread. And I'm like, how did you even open in Los Angeles?
Starting point is 00:42:12 No kidding. How have people not burnt this restaurant to the ground yet? You stand for everything we've started against in this town. I'm surprised there's not been moral outrage on next door. People would be like, I'm very concerned. There's a restaurant called It's All About The Bread. And you know what? It's actually not all about the bread.
Starting point is 00:42:29 And this really offends me. I'm going to contact Congressman Kevin Liu. That is kind of how next door works. It is. Yeah, there's probably something like that right now. I'll look. So Austin, five lives, he's like pick a border for Austin. And so he's like, well, since me and
Starting point is 00:42:53 Victoria have spoken, we've texted and the situation is escalated. I've never dealt with this level of jealousy before. And so he goes over and Victoria, we see a clip of Victoria like, I want your loyalty and to know that I could trust you. I was like, honey, I just don't understand why you're going to date somebody that just dated one of your friends and is still hanging out in a friend group with one of your friends and then get mad like exactly exactly so so he's at his epic torreous house and first of all this house first of all she has a
Starting point is 00:43:31 pull-on house which is impressive it also looks exactly like Chelsea's house that's the other thing don't complain when you have the exact same house Chelsea all right yeah single white single white house female yeah the only way you can tell is not Chelsea's house is because there are a million dream catchers everywhere. Like the coast is a dream catcher, the lamp is a dream catcher, like the couch is a giant dream catcher, like dream catchers everywhere.
Starting point is 00:43:52 Yeah, at some point you're just a dream sucker. You just take a board to catch up other people's dreams. Yeah, so yeah, so he's trying to explain the situation with Chelsea and everything and she's just, she's like, well, some of her actions don't align with what she says. Do you feel like that's a proper body language for two people that used to date or a proper body language that's respectful to me?
Starting point is 00:44:18 It's like, it was fine. They were on a boat, they were cold, they were huddling. So how about you're the friend dating her ex-boyfriend. So, like you want to talk about Girl Code with me. And also, the people on this show, why are the, it's this show I'm telling you, the women always just blame the other women. I mean, they're like Vanderpun rules.
Starting point is 00:44:35 Like it's never the guys fault. It's always the woman that they're blaming. Yeah, what happened to all the, like the female impairment at the top of the season? Like what happened to JD and Elizabeth? I want to get back to that. We just like forgotten about that. I want I want an update on that. Oh good. I'll throw you. And Victoria what about you taking back Austin after he dumped you to go to Chelsea and then when Chelsea was like he came back to you and you take him back and then now you're
Starting point is 00:44:58 mad at him. No he already he already said what his intentions were when he dumped you the first time. So you know what? No, trade him in for a new dream catcher. That's what I say. Yes, and also he came he tweeted something a couple weeks ago Like going off on Chelsea, and I think I mentioned it on this show Like oh, I guess we're great friends the way you And Shepels are cars. I don't take anything seriously the people say on TV. It's a TV show and fresh. It's more important cars But I'm guessing that Austin was you know Now that I'm seeing this episode the victory is like
Starting point is 00:45:39 Also Austin really hasn't done anything to you bad on the show I know I give him way too much shit It's like for the amount of shit that he's done on the show. Really he's been like a raging amount of nothing. He doesn't do anything. He's generally nice. He's generally nice and bored of. But I have this suspicion about him and it's always bothered me and it's coming to fruition in this show.
Starting point is 00:45:57 Cause did you notice or this episode? Cause did you notice in one of his diary room sessions he's talking with Mayor Hands. Thomas Mayor hands. He's running up for a while. His little mayor. They're getting very big and Thomas. He I don't like it. Well, he's he is a pretty big celebrity at least with the local bars, you know, as being a former beer vendor. So, um, yeah, so so basically Austin's,
Starting point is 00:46:23 he's sort of defending Chelsea because he says like listen I don't think it wasn't anything like she's she's Chelsea's not a very romantic girl and she was like oh all right defender to the death defender to the death settle down sell down Victoria yeah um she's already on my nerves this one yeah yeah she's like she was clinging to you every romantic and he's like well I mean she's like, she was clinging to you. Edmunds romantic. And he's like, well, I mean, she's not really a romantic girl. So and it was freezing out. It was freezing out. Yeah. And he goes, I will, I want to stay friends with her. So of course I'm defending her because she didn't do anything wrong. You know, I don't want to throw it at the walls. And she goes, I'm not a wolf. I'm not a
Starting point is 00:47:00 wolf. Does a wolf make soup? I don't think so. Does a wolf catch dreams and eat them for dinner? I made you a soup that had little meatballs that were supposed to look like meteors, okay? Well, she did say... Remember this? Yes. So she did say something like, I'm like reading mid-sentence, I'm like... She did sayence. I'm like, oh. Uh, she just say something that was weird. She said, so what about that comment on the post about sneaking into your room in the middle of the night? I didn't know what that was.
Starting point is 00:47:33 I didn't either. And they didn't show it. And it's like, God, social media is such a bitch. So that was pretty much that. But I'm curious now what the comment was. So if anybody knows, please feel free to tell us on Instagram Facebook, etc I also wondered exactly how mad she really was because part of me kind of felt like she was making
Starting point is 00:47:52 Having an argument with him just to sort of have a scene because she was like smiling You know she didn't seem like she there was something that felt a little inauthentic about this whole thing Well, I think she already had this fight like 20 times, but now it's just doing it on camera. Yeah, that's probably what it was. Yeah. So it's like, well, I will recreate it, but it will not be with bowls of soup.
Starting point is 00:48:14 Please stand here in the shadow of the dream catcher. OK. Now eat those noodles awkwardly and look like you idiot on TV. OK. Yeah, enjoy your UFO that comes with no broth, because I poured out the soup part. It's just a UFO on a plate.
Starting point is 00:48:30 A little pasta UFO. So Cameron is now being called, step is calling Cameron, while he recovers on the couch. And he's spelled her name wrong on the phone. And people online are like, oh my god, what an idiot. Which I mean, that's kind of true. But considering yesterday, we were talking about how Durrinda has Luana's name as
Starting point is 00:48:47 Landy Lee Shep's Super-Z. Yeah, but Shep is like secretly in academic and so he should know better, you know. You can't watch Ken Burns in Miss Bill Cameron's name. Sorry. So I got really mad here because Shep is just sitting there with his meniscus. He's like, gosh, I just put a nice pack on.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Hey, what's going on? She's like, well, you know, I feel like I got hit by here because chef is just sitting there with his meniscus. He's like, gosh, I just put a nice back on. Hey, what's going on? She's like, well, you know, I feel like I got hit by a match. Rock, but you know, at least I got a baby out of it. It's like, oh, by the way, I had a baby. I'm like, we have been watching episode after episode of scenes of camera and sitting on balls, eating goldfish, stirring out into nothing. Like, when is this baby going to come? When's this baby coming?
Starting point is 00:49:23 And then, and then all of a sudden they're like, oh, by the way, I had the baby. Like, wait, wait, what? Jason, it's her husband's fault. I know. Like, I get it. Like, maybe the baby can get it. Well, meaning that like, maybe the baby came when they weren't shooting or for a variety of things. But like, give us a little more. This is our one chance to see Cameron half of motion. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:46 I mean, I don't care about the baby or shit in the table or any of that. I don't need to see any of that. But I want to see Cameron cry. We've been waiting years. Yeah, years since like 2001, when real world San Diego, okay, years. Yep. And she's like, well, at least you didn't come out ugly Funny so next is life coach time Craig Craig's vision board turns out to be a personal portrait
Starting point is 00:50:19 Oh my god, I love this. Well, what's up? The what's her name again though? I miss her name the life coach. I don't know. I just call her like melody. I feel like let's name her melody. Okay. I'll go with melody. I don't think that's right. I just kept writing her. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:32 I was writing out of counselor or lady, but I feel like melody. I remember when she was on last time I had her name, but I forgot it. So yeah. So Craig shows up. And last time she was really sweet. She was like, oh, hey, you know, I see a very winning, winsome personality. He's like, what does that mean?
Starting point is 00:50:49 She's like, uh, but you're intelligent, even though you don't know what winsome means. And you're nice. And I think you have a huge amount of future. But this time, she's like, okay, I've buttered him up. Got my first check. Now let's take him down. So as you said, he comes in with his collage, which
Starting point is 00:51:06 is actually a self-portrait of Craig and his world. And it's hilarious. A, it's black. But I guess we can read into that however we want. I was like, you're like the widest person I've ever seen. But it's also a construction paper and I'm building myself like construction. It's flat because I really like to do crunches and over eating us for swabs. And you won't see faces on here because I don't really see myself as a face. I don't really see myself as a face. I think he meant brain. So there's all sorts of random things on there. Like, it says things like, born to dare.
Starting point is 00:51:55 Or there's like a ship, which maybe you supposed to represent ship, I don't know. And then there's something that's just like, give really the power of influence. What are these random things? I'm an influencer, so. She's like, um, so turns out you have holes in this and nothing's really working together
Starting point is 00:52:22 and you're not really self-directed about. And he's like, that's why I came to you so, like, currently, because currently, I have an amazing opportunity to design a pillow for this petricious clothing line. I mean, things are really turning around for old Craig. Ah, sort of a mega-breakout break out opportunity like I can make a pillow and I could put literally anything I want on it and I just it's a lot. I was kind of thinking about putting this this ship, putting it on there as well.
Starting point is 00:52:56 What do you think of just a man's face covered by something? I don't want this pillow to be about my face. I was thinking about maybe having a guy whose face is covered with a pillow, but I guess I have to then come up with a design for that pillow inside the original pillow. I love it when he said, when the reason why he didn't put any way cut off everyone's faces or had everyone's faces hidden, he said, I don't like to look at faces. I like to look at personality. This is a photo.
Starting point is 00:53:29 You just cut out the personality. The face is what you need for the personality. Otherwise, it's just a guy. Literally, there's a guy holding a lamp without a head and a guy with eggs without a head. What, where is the personality here? Yeah, you're basically just like a beheading people Okay, you're a psycho killer like you're a you're a serial killer
Starting point is 00:53:50 So went on Facebook was like is Greg a serial killer and I hadn't watched the episode yet And I was like where does that come from and then as I watched it I thought where does that come from but now that we're talking about it. He's like no one has a head I don't think he has the drive I Think he's like well actually just eat a bowl of cereal killer. He does not have like, I can't even, I can't even commit to killing a bowl of cereal. Like, I just leave the rest killer. I attack you on your shan. I don't go for faces. I don't like faces. He, he also, one thing says, it means a lot.
Starting point is 00:54:41 It just says that on there, like in one section, it means a lot. And she's just looking at him and then they show face. She's like, this is something. Why was this easier last episode when I was wearing a Christmas tree runner is now fit? I guess I was just distracted by that strange hole in the wall at his place, but now that he's in he's on my purple giant purple chair, I'm starting to see the errors of his ways. She is like rubbing her temples.
Starting point is 00:55:09 And she's like, oh God, oh God. This is the one that's going to break me, isn't it? It's going to break me. Oh, Melody, what did you do to yourself? Melody, why? Yeah, she's basically a bear commercial. So Craig, then they show a clip of Craig on the phone and Patricia's probably just like just do it already Just get some sad scene
Starting point is 00:55:34 And he cuts back and he's like I'm just terrified then I'll keep fantasizing of the perfect pillow and never do anything And she's like that's called bullshitting yourself Pello and never do anything and she's like, um, that's called bullshit in yourself. Basically you're scared to jump in so you sabotage yourself and you have great ideas and you don't follow through it just means, wow, I'm just not to follow through, guys, there's my excuse. Yeah, um, I also want to point out that when there was a flashback to Patricia and she's like, so where we got, where are we with this Pello the most rudimentary piece of so and you could do where are we with that? And he's like, I'm just having a hard time designing something for someone else. Like such an archie to pillow our cheese.
Starting point is 00:56:15 I can't conform to these things that I can't be put into a box. Those are little that's literally what pillows are shaped like. Those are literally what pillows are shaped like. Like a head. So he said, sir, I can convince a lot of people like whatever I want. Like I can manipulate a ton. I'm a great liar. She's like, okay, well, why are you laughing? Lion.
Starting point is 00:56:40 He's like, I'm a great liar. Like for instance, do you know that I'm actually running for a mayor of Charleston? She's like, no, you're lying. It's like a very obvious lie. No, that's not your, because I'm a great liar. That in and of itself is a lie. You are a liar. You're not a great liar.
Starting point is 00:57:00 My name is David. No, it's not. No, it's not. I know your name. You already tell me. Damn it. I have a degree in astronomy from Harvard College. Now see it's not even called Harvard College. I'm a girl. I have a vagina.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Guess what? I actually secretly do love faces. That guy who's holding the eggs doesn't have a face. It's Dom Deloise. No, I don't believe that. So he's like proud of himself and he's like, it comes natural to be lying and then the Jurassic World dinosaur runs on the screen. But what is with the place in the this ad?
Starting point is 00:57:47 The dinosaurs like kill me now. Honestly, bring the asteroid back. I cannot listen to this. Yeah, the dinosaur just kind of looks up a Craig and runs away again. The dinosaurs like I can lie better than you, bitch. I can't with this. Look at me. I'm extinct.
Starting point is 00:58:04 Quotes air. You couldn't see my air quotes. It was a dinosaur doing air quotes with his little claws You know two rex's are really made for air quotes. I think that's what those hands are for like wow You look like you can really run away from me to rex air quote Yeah, they're definitely the bitchiest dinosaur in oh, yeah, you're having great weekend. They're like girl We are going to the Abby and afterwards we're gonna find it. Go. Okay girl Mariah comes on I love dream lover Dream lover come rescue me
Starting point is 00:58:54 Oh my god, it's doing a dip. Oh my god. I'm gonna ask us. Oh, Wow, wow, oh my god. The two X is trying to the two X's like we're not having a ball right now T. R. X my house So she goes now next time we talk you're gonna tell me why you are a mr. Light dance, okay? And he's like I don't like being vulnerable Like okay, are you trying to fuck this lady Craig? Why are you talking like you're on the bachelor? Just be quiet, okay? Get your shirt together, get a job.
Starting point is 00:59:27 I think is what she needs to say. Get a job. Exactly. And are you saying that you actually do like being vulnerable because you just said that you are a great liar and you like to lie all the time and that you are a liar? Well, I believe. Melody's like just gonna find a new job after this.
Starting point is 00:59:40 She's like, I'm in this career, so if I'm done with this career. Next time we see Melody, she's going to be sitting in a library somewhere like doing the, I'll never tell with her finger. She's just broken. The count. Oh, harmony, harmony. Please go into the front. She's like, no, it's never going to find out who I really was. Because my name was Melody. Not harmony. She's going to change her, she's going to change her name. She's gonna walk out of her office and her limp will go away and she's like, my, it was Harmony all along. But I like when she goes, you know what, you keep setting yourself up for negative attention. You're not very nice to yourself at all. And I like that because,
Starting point is 01:00:20 I mean, I like how all of a sudden I'm very serious about this, about Craig's diagnosis, because he, you know, season after season, he does some ridiculous thing and then everyone comes down on him and I always defend the people who come down on him being like, you know, Craig is sort of like a fucker and everyone just gets frustrated and they yell at him, then he's like, I'm just trying to be me and I feel like, I feel like melody really nailed it on the head, which is like, yeah, you can lie. But like, why are you doing that? You're just bringing negative attention to yourself. And this is why people are coming down on you.
Starting point is 01:00:49 I was like, thank you, Melody. Thank you for speaking my truth to the liar. Sorry, I had to get that out. I totally just listened to you. Lied. Lied. You can keep this collage. Well, why are you walking out with it because I lied?
Starting point is 01:01:07 So, uh, next up, it's time for St. Swerthay party. So, Catherine's over helping the kids get ready. And then over at Thomas's house, Thomas comes down the stairs and Ashley's like, Oh, reading a paper. I can't believe we still read these papers. I just read it on my phone. Oh, is that what you're wearing to the party? You're going to the party? Looking forward to going to the party. I'm not in my seat. So, I'm just saying.
Starting point is 01:01:34 To get Ashley, you're the new paper's upside down. OK. You're reading the funnies and you're reading them upside down. She's like, why do they call it peanuts? I don't see any peanuts. Also, Thomas is sure, clearly she picked that one out. It was like this brown shirt with like cowboy texture. I was like, no.
Starting point is 01:01:52 She gets, she's like, okay, we'll have fun at the party. So I'm just gonna stay in today and relax. I'm just gonna stay in relax. I mean, my hair won't, it can't relax. It's physically unkable, but I'll relax by reading bright part and just hanging out here. And he's like, what's wrong? She's like, well, you know, I really don't feel that because last week, Trick or Troll, am I like physical self because the emotional harm that was caused,
Starting point is 01:02:14 I was like, by you, you fucking psycho. Yeah, everyone was actually being, they were tolerating you in a friendly way. Like, you were the one who actively was making yourself, you know, the pariah and then you, and then you got mad about being the priors and then you yelled at Catherine. You're the crazy one crazy face. Yes, crazy face.
Starting point is 01:02:35 So Thomas is like, well, was it worth it going after Catherine? Yeah. And she's like, I went after her because I was protecting you. You're what I'm fighting for. Why do you, what are you protecting Thomas Ravanel from? He has a bridge and like generations upon generations of money, he has his protection. Yeah, if you're gonna protect anybody,
Starting point is 01:02:55 protect the rest of us and get him a cup. So we don't have to stare at that goddamn moose knuckle every week. Yeah, why don't you protect your hair, get some VO5? So she's like, well, I wanted to go to this party to show I'm not a threat and then she sent me that Texas and I was Hateful and aggressive and the kids aren't safe around me. I heard me and I'm at The victim of course you pop off on her and say that she's a bad mother and then you see the kids more than her and yada yada Yada and now you're now you're the victim here because the mom of these children is like,
Starting point is 01:03:28 you know what, fuck you, you can't be around my kids. And now you're the victim, relax, relax. Actually, Thomas is funny because we're saying relax because we're saying it with like gay sats but Thomas is sitting there and he's like, all right, don't fight, just chill, just chill, just bring it down. Which also bothered me because I
Starting point is 01:03:45 thought it was so fucking condescending. I mean she's crazy but he's kind of sending us like these two people really deserve each other. Well and also he's getting her all worked up. I mean all this does she's heard about Catherine comes from him. It's not like she was just making it up. Although now that we know her I wouldn't be surprised if she was but it's not like he's something that's not player in all this. Exactly. And she's like that's really hurt me and he goes too bad. And he's kind of got like smiling at her as she goes crazy, which is so Thomas. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:11 That's why I didn't like her saying him saying over and over again throughout this until episode, you just need to relax, you need to relax. When he's the one like playing my like it's part of his mind game, which I don't like. Yeah. Yeah, everybody's like, oh my god, give her time and see if I'm stuck up for Catherine. No, he didn't. He's just trying to guess like this girl, because Catherine's my god, give her time and see if I'm stuck up for Catherine. No, he didn't He's just trying to gaslight this girl cuz calculus might here give him time. Okay, never trust Thomas people never trust Thomas Okay, so he's like, well my kids will be in my life ever
Starting point is 01:04:35 I was thinking as I was planning the water fountain in center square called the Ravon out of fountain of water Square called the Ravana fountain of water Bipole actually up there. I need someone not critical or jealous or Saco Really well, it's not that she doesn't want you so she doesn't want you to be with anybody else She doesn't want you but she doesn't want you to be with me And basically in my mind she's just Cartman now from South Park South Park. And that's why I've given her his voice. She's stupid Cartman from South Park, just being an asshole. I've been in a lifetime movie.
Starting point is 01:05:13 Because she's like, I want to be anywhere you're at. I love you. I want to be near you. And so, and Thomas is like, well, you don't really want me in Nierabe. You just sort of want to keep tabs on Catherine. She's like, well, I'm not dealing with the normal person here. I'm dealing with dark doesn't evil Okay, stop stop referring to your stylist like that. Okay, it's not nice And she's like at the end of the day. I've got you and I'm not letting you go You're not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere
Starting point is 01:05:44 And he's like what I thought you said you were going to Santa Barbara for a week and check You're not going anywhere. I'm going anywhere. Either. And he's like, well, I thought you said you were going to Santa Bob for a week and check. I don't feel healthy. And he's like, well, it'll be good to have some space. And she's like, you see her eyes just start freaking out. What? She's like, that means I have to try harder.
Starting point is 01:05:59 I have to try harder. Can I have your hand? He goes, wow. See, you have an expectation. I'm gonna hold your hand. Wow. Don't get upset if I don't. Just chill.
Starting point is 01:06:11 I was like, I was like, just give her your damn hand at this point, you know? And because now it's like a power play and shows now she's devastated. She's like, well, obviously she's really sweet to you. Pretending to your hand. And it was gonna feel even sweeter because I can be holding your hand.
Starting point is 01:06:24 And my big hand's be on your hand. And it would be like hand moment, like a hand sandwich, you, pertaining to your hand, and it was gonna feel even sweeter because I can be holding your hand, and my big hand's be on your hand, and it would be like, hand moment, like a hand sandwich, you know, like your hand between my hands, but now you lost that, you lost that now. He's like, y'all, you're just a little intense there. Reduce that a little,
Starting point is 01:06:37 reduce it a little, then, then, today, and she's like, I am done, I'm done talking about coffee, peace, I'm done. And he's like, is that a command?'m done talking about Catherine Payne! I'm done! And he's like, is that a command? Well, because she goes, stop talking about her. Like, well, you're the one who actually kind of brought it up, okay? And we'll let it go!
Starting point is 01:06:53 Yeah. She's like, what's important here? It's in this room! And I'm not gonna let that get the best of me, Thomas! What's going on just in this room? What's some shitty furniture? Yeah, uh, uh, ain't you, honey. He even got you your own newspaper so you wouldn't fuck with his. Did you notice they had two different newspapers? I did. He's like, don't get to hear the hands on my newspaper. Hers is the penny saver. She's like, oh my god, someone's selling a lawnmower. The news these days. So, so now we go to St. Berthie Party, a play garden, which is a place I will never step in my entire life.
Starting point is 01:07:32 I'm so happy to announce. I know. She's like, welcome to hell. Blair. But I have to respect, you know, like this is like a normal kids party. You know, we always can not complain, but we always are making fun of how over the top these parties are. And this was just a normal two-year-old kids party. There were just at some sort of like trip all-plates. Yeah, it's just like- It's a lot of Patreon days, so I've been to plenty of them. I need to have them.
Starting point is 01:07:56 Yeah, yeah. So I was like- Like go in there and like a full-body suit, like I'm an ET, you know? Hidious. Yeah. So basically the friends, you know, everyone's friends are, you know, your adult friends are kids parties. Everyone's like, mm-hmm. Great. Bate. Are there rubber gloves around?
Starting point is 01:08:18 Because this place is disgusting. When do we get cocktails? Everyone's pretty much just there. And just like watching and sort of playing with the kids and they're like, where's Craig? And I'm like, oh, I'm at home because she's still like spying on him and we cut to Craig with his roommate trying to wrap a present and to try to figure it's like, what sort of tape you used to wrap a child's present is like, doctape, electrical tape, like, what should we use? As roommates like me to tell because I don't have a face. I think I use it by my tape on my sub portrait.
Starting point is 01:08:52 So the room it's like the fact that we're wrapping presents means we're adults is shit. Like no, it means you're like older than 11. I mean, come on. That's a very low bar. No. And then Austin's like, which is what's like? We're as pregnant as boyfriend. And it's like, well, there you guys are. Well, let's both wear flannels and jeans. And let's both look exactly the same as being like most mold. Like, let's all eat fucking spaghetti in our imagination as we talk. Shut up, Austin. Have a seat. This is Austin who looks like every mannequin out of, you know, REI, okay.
Starting point is 01:09:33 No kidding. I was gonna say Abercrombie, but then I immediately it was like, do not give him that credit. It's like LLB or REI or what's that? You won't know. or what's that you won't know. Dicks. No, no, it's like I'm blanking on its name. It's like a northeastern kind of place where you go and get hiking stuff. It's like RBI. It's not North Face, but you could get North Face stuff there. It's, oh, it's killing me now.
Starting point is 01:10:05 Oh, no, that's a great, that's a garden. No, I've got to do it because now that not listeners are like, I'm not. They're yelling and they're and I have to. There is during wheels being beaten right now. Camping, camping store, it kills me. I used to really enjoy going to such a gay pride conversation. We're like, what? Starts. There's a sharp. Oh my god. Oh my? There's a sharp eye. Oh my god. I'm like, there's a cook a lot.
Starting point is 01:10:27 Oh my god. It's killing me. Why is it not showing up? Oh my god. Well, it's like, we'll just pretend it's only I want to talk about Rii But it's not just Rii. So Craig's like, is Thomas here? Did he bring the psycho? Oh, hey, by the way, I got your kid a keyboard so she could just scream in the out. Captain Take. Thanks. the way I got your kid a keyboard so she could just scream in the out. Catherine, thank you. Of course, Craig is that person. EMS is what I meant. Eastern mountain sports. Oh, good.
Starting point is 01:10:55 Felt good. Felt good to me too. Anyway, yeah, for me that you got completion, you know, retroactive burn on Austin, you look like you're from EMS. There we go, it works. I'm crazy. I'm crazy medical services. Oh, gosh, I know them.
Starting point is 01:11:11 They did a great job with my meniscus. Craig. Emergency meniscus services. Or as I, or flash forward, emergency meniscus soup, gosh. Yeah, so Craig got that key thing. We'll just think, so that way she can just sit and it so that way she can just sit in the yellow. Yeah, she can just sit there and scream.
Starting point is 01:11:28 So Catherine and Thomas are getting along and Thomas is like, wow, I am so proud of Catherine and she's like, yeah, he has a new respect for me now and sees me as an adult. I'm like, maybe he's just like trying to be nice because he's at that point where he's even got blue lips now. Like, I don't even believe that he's just trying to be nice because he's at that point where he's even got blue lips now. I don't even believe that he's real. At some point, someone's going to just have to reach inside him and see if there's a battery there. Also, why is Thomas now the one, the arbiter of truth in the situation, the ex-Fellon who is busted on cocaine charges, and suddenly he is the one who gets to talk about
Starting point is 01:12:05 who is like, muchaw on, and doing well with a lot. That was a good judgment. I was like, you don't get to be a authority on this, although he's actually right. She's doing a lot better. Yeah, but it's like you're not going to get to forgive you, ass. So I just love ranting it and then just like totally pulling it back.
Starting point is 01:12:25 That's my favorite. This show does it to you, you know, it's like, oh my god, the villains being nice for a second. What do you do? You know, let's just all forget he's a fucking villain. Okay. You know what my favorite part was in this party was that like out of nowhere, Craig was Craig's face was suddenly like a cat.
Starting point is 01:12:41 Like one moment he's just like Craig like, oh, hey dude, what's going on? Here's a keyboard. And the next thing you know, he's like, cat. Like one moment he's just like Craig like oh hey dude what's going on here's a keyboard and the next thing you know he's like meh oh like where did mr. mistophiles come from. Faceless, faceless, faceless, faceless, I see myself as a cat. Melody's like wow, goddammit, cats are selfish after inherently selfish you truly are a liar because you are not a cat you're a human being i'm sure you're the one who pooped in my cat litter box no liar Craig why are why is your face painted like a cat see See you failed the test that man. You were looking at my face
Starting point is 01:13:27 And I'm more about but I'm not just a face So next up we have Catherine and chef she comes to check on them. I mean basically Cameron's busy She's like I'm not me. I'm awesome. I'm a vagina someone else go over there Make sure feel bad for making chicken noodle soup. It's his only meal option. Oh, you're so right. They're like, yeah, Catherine has, Catherine is basically doing, she's substituting it, subbing in for Cameron in this entire episode. She's like, she is.
Starting point is 01:13:52 She's like, well, I just got back from my scene from Gwyn's. I guess they're not gonna show that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, cause she did just come in from Gwyn's with some soup. Gwyn's has everything. So, she's like, in from Gwen's with some soup. Gwen's has everything, so Shep is like, gosh, that's a hot look. You know, Catherine, she's got something.
Starting point is 01:14:10 She's got a, she's gonna say, gosh about her. She's a gosh fatale. She's like, I think it's the sleeves. Oh, by the way, I do have to point out that Catherine totally got some paint on her big white puppy sleeve at the party I'm like Catherine. Why are you wearing white to this children's party? You should be in jeans and like a t-shirt. This is like paint central. Why?
Starting point is 01:14:33 Yeah, she's on a puffy sleeve, a puffy sleeve Journey, okay? Oh, we do is at this point you just support the puffy sleeve journey, you know I know but you cannot bring a puffy sleeve to a child's birthday party. Okay, it's just like asking for trouble. It's just like that's the even getting the cake, it's getting the paint, it's gonna get in the poop, it's gonna get in everything. It was all worth it. So chef, chef's like gorsh, like eating soup, but it's not open, however, that's possible.
Starting point is 01:15:00 And, uh, Catherine, I think Catherine spoke for every woman who's every dated chef when she goes, I just consider him a friend who eats with his mouth open, but your head does go to that space. Like, why can't we just make it work? I'll tell you why, you can't make it work, because she brings him over some soup and he heats it up on the stove top in a saucepan.
Starting point is 01:15:23 And then he gets that like a weird old, weird bowl that's not really like a serving bowl, but it's not really eating bowl. And he pours the soup into it and he just pours with the tippy top and he's like, Oh, gosh, oh, no, I like ship. You should know when to stop pointing the soup. This is the inherent problem. That's why it's not gonna work out.
Starting point is 01:15:38 He doesn't know when to stop pointing the soup. Yeah, basically your puffy slews home that for work in this relationship. They'll be cupped. They'll be they'll be stopping up all the soup you're spills It's like oh once they start pouring out of a saucepan. I just can't stop The rush He's like Catherine's a joy to be around I was like okay. She's like hiding her head behind a pillow Craig
Starting point is 01:16:03 And then he's like hiding her head behind a pillow Craig and then he like that's it Then she up does basically what I do every single time, but she just digs into that soup He's like, oh I can't wait to have this. I'm gonna take a big old ladle full and I'll think oh Garsh it's so hot Garsh anti-garsh, oh Bicylicious She's like oh my god When his camera nothing bad rest Oh, my, so, Licious. She's like, oh my god. When is Cameron off of bed rest? Cameron's at home with ice on her Garstina.
Starting point is 01:16:33 My gosh, Gina. Thank you for fitting. Thank you for filling in. So Ashley and Thomas are next. Oh. I got burned! Jimmy Johns. Okay. I have things to say about this right off the bat, Ronnid. Can you just indulge me here for a moment? Please, please. First of all, so I recently had Jimmy Johns for the first time, because everyone's like, oh my god, Jimmy Johns is so good.
Starting point is 01:17:00 I got all the law. You know, like you got to do Jimmy Johns. So, Jimmy Johns opened up here in LA, and I was like, oh, Jimmy Johns. I I'm excited about this I put on the South love Jimmy John's it's like a thing like Jim Jones So I got like a sandwich. I don't remember what sandwich it was it was like the most like boring per se sandwich of all time I'm like what is half why is this sandwich that why is Why are people obsessed with Jimmy Jones? So the fact that she brought Jimmy Jones over I was like Well congrats on being the first person to ever describe Jimmy John's as prosy. I know Jimmy John's from all that scandal about killing the wild animals in Africa, like going game hunting and bringing home big lions and stuff that he wasn't supposed to be killing
Starting point is 01:17:46 Well, that's not good either Yeah, that's what I thought you were gonna say you totally surprised me. Oh, no, no, no I'm more concerned about the quality of the sandwich now some people were like Then you got a truck because I think I did rant on this before people like then you got to try some of their other sandwiches Which I'm open to but I just have to say The fact that fact that she marched with Jimmy John sandwiches, I was like, and on top of that, I was a double ugh, because you know she was trying to ingratiate herself into the Southern
Starting point is 01:18:12 lifestyle. She's like, look, I'm in California, but I know that in the South, people like Jimmy John. So here, Jimmy John's. She's dragging an African lion behind her. She would. And she gets Tom as the saddest sandwich of all time. Did you see that sandwich? It was like yellow cheese on the longest piece of white bread I've ever seen. It was like a giant hoagie, but it was just bread and then like four slices of salami and then some cheese. It was so thin, it was such a thin sandwich. Have you noticed that the men on this show eat like babies? They eat like children. Every man on this show eats like a fucking child, okay?
Starting point is 01:18:49 Although I did have some goldfish with my sandwich today, so I get it. But it was a homemade sandwich. It's different. Ben-Benz. I am really, I'm on like a 10 today. I don't know what's happening. I'm sorry to everyone. No, don't be sorry This is the best part ever The lion's hand went just kidding. Okay, so Thomas is like won a cocktail and she's like at least it's not just Catherine He's offering cocktails to like it 11 in the morning or whatever So she's like We get the best one yet? Tell me all the best part of the thing, man. Was I thought of?
Starting point is 01:19:27 Oh, God, when he said what she said was I thought of and he just went, oh, and shrugged. Yeah. So she just gets me and her and me and her not taking the hint from the previous upside down newspaper scene. So she's like, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, and he's like, I don't a cap for you. She's gonna help me. And he's like, I don't think she really appreciates your presence. She has feelings of not wanting to let me go.
Starting point is 01:19:59 Shut up. Yeah, the stud that you are with your, with your, with your, your Peppie La Pue, French, at least why don't you learn angry French like Naomi? Okay, how about that? Yeah, he's like, you're not angry enough. Let me Rau, you're a little bit. Yeah, no, sorry, no, you're in different family. You want a relationship when you have these kids, you're living in a fantasy world. Says Ashley who like already sees herself having a tiara and like like ruling over the Ravenel plantations and bridges. Okay, like talk about fantasy worlds, this bitch, this bitch, fantasy world. She's just carrying around one of those little baskets you throw your change in when you go for the bridge.
Starting point is 01:20:32 It hurts fantasy world, her hair is like flat and contained. I'm just gonna go after that hair every single time. It's like when in doubt, just go for the hair. The low hanging fruit, low hanging hair. So she's going off and he's like, um, you need to know that I will always have a soft, meh hand for Catherine. And if you disrespect Catherine, you disrespecting me, my kids and the bridge that we travel over. It's like, I feel thatpected. And you're like, uh, yeah, a little emotionally charged, uh, which is again, now it's him being like, you know, like you're crazy, you're crazy.
Starting point is 01:21:12 You know, it's of course just going to rile her up more. But what does she feel disrespected about, by the way? What is she disrespected about? Is she not going to discount a twins? Is that what it is? You know, twins is like someone keeps bashing in our front store window. I'm not sure. We do see a lot of change on the floor when it's over. Confusing, eh? Did word get over to Chicas? Is she not that she borrowed from there too?
Starting point is 01:21:37 Yeah, I can't imagine why she's emotionally charged. She's like, well, I don't think she appreciates your presence. She has feelings of not wanting to let me go. Why are you so mad? Why so you're you're certainly now you're very certainly emotionally charged Don't put words in my mouth. Don't put words in fact don't really put anything in my mouth Unless it's your unless you're peeing because honestly like I'm gonna die at For instance the other night that's who I am okay Like I'm the same with you and I am with everybody okay I it's not just her and then he show him like staying out dancing yeah the night of some ladies and
Starting point is 01:22:11 she's like I mean 10 30 11 30 12 30 132 232 25 23 15 like what is that really that's a 2 oxygen existence. That's a 230, 330, 330, 530, 630, 730, 830, 530. It's like she's oxygening off a Jimmy John sandwich. What the hell is going on here? And he's like, well, I locked up below it out with my friends. And she's like, oh, yeah, the first guy doesn't want to come home to me. I'll tell you that much.
Starting point is 01:22:44 I make a girl and you're bad. Wouldn't want to come home to me. I'll tell you that much. I make a girl in your bed. Would you rather go home to your friend Austin? Why don't you go home with Austin? And share her. Oh my God, this girl get her out of my face. Get her out of my face. I'm having a... I don't know.
Starting point is 01:22:59 I think we need her though, because every show needs a villain, you know, and she is just a fabulous villain because she is just so horrifically awful. I mean, I'm a negative. She makes Kurola to feel like Lisa Vanderpump the savior of dogs And Kurola forever. So Yeah, so she's like you don't want to come. You're the first man that doesn't want to come home to me since the left man. So then Tom's like, well, why do you want to go back to California to hang out with your friends? Well, yeah, well, that's what I'm doing. Well, she's like, you're looking forward to it, aren't you? I'm like, well, I am now. I I am now. Well you'll be better for it when you come
Starting point is 01:23:46 back and she's like if I do come back if I do I mean I'm coming back obviously I'm coming back I'm back please please take me back you're buying me a ticket back right you're buying me a ticket back right I'll get here relax as I promise I promise with an awful woman. I just like to end this Episodes race Also, it oh it hit me that when chef said I hate her that that's so from real housewives of Miami And I love that he brought that back. I I I Oh
Starting point is 01:24:26 God never forget dr. Karen Sierra's mother. Oh good. So good. Benny lies me All right, so before I have a full on coughing attack. Let's segue over to the crap in male bag shall we? Hey, there's that dinosaur we're talking about. Alright. Alright, let's, let's, let's, let's, where's my crap and mailbag? I had it all up here. Okay, here we go. Crappens mailbag. Ronnie, watch the telephone with the crap and mailbag as before we get into it. The crap and mailbag is where you send us mail and then we read it and answer it.
Starting point is 01:25:06 If you want to do that go over to patreon.com. This week's bonus episode by the way for the picture on people is all about bad endings to TV shows. It's probably only for real man and what is a real man and lots of other randos shit we talked about on a Monday morning. Yeah, we went really all over the map with that one. We were like, we really, we started out, like we started off with me being like, it's bravo problematic and then ended talking to like, I don't know, A-Team or something.
Starting point is 01:25:36 Oki, doki. Crapids male bag, Oliver. I love Oliver. I believe I ran into Oliver at Sprouts once. He says Oliver Haskins says, which baritone housewife makes it into your dream show choir? Luan? Can you believe a girl is I'm in a choir? Candy? Say, now, I look like the showtune or Teddy. I'm Teddy singing. He wrote all those things down. I was reading this. So which baritone between Luan, Candy, and Teddy? And I'm
Starting point is 01:26:07 just going to say honorarily, I think Kristen also should be in there even though she's not just in like a chorus. You're like she's doing Beethoven She's doing oh to fucking joy Joy it's a joy is time because I have a cabaret show I'm trying to think of some choir songs. They all can be choir songs. They all can be choir songs. But I'm a good Christian boy and I should have some choir songs. How about are you ready for a miracle? Ready as I can be. Are you ready for a miracle? Ready as I can be are you ready ready ready ready seriously seriously are you seriously for a miracle? I'm Teddy What was that I am Teddy
Starting point is 01:27:25 I'm Teddy. I'm Teddy. I'm Teddy. I'm Teddy. What is that? I'm Teddy singing hallelujah. Oh, oh. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. I'm back from rehab. Hallelujah. And I invented Skinny Girls after all.
Starting point is 01:27:34 Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. I'm going to Girls after all. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, I'm gonna kill you all. Thank you. Three, two, one, chorus song, chorus song. It's a song with a chorus and I'm in the choir.
Starting point is 01:27:57 Hit it, Teddy. Um, okay. I mean, I don't really know the song, but I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it, take it, take it. Three, two, one chorus song. Chorus song. That's me and that's Teddy and the Wanderling of Do-Wat, but they sound the same. So it's not like one person. Sing their song. Chorus song. Sit down. You're rocking the boat. That's not a chorus song. Yeah, it's not from the choir, Lohan.
Starting point is 01:28:20 Um, sit down. Sit down. Sit down. I'm rocking the boat. Okay, release the monob boat. I'll take it. Okay, what else is in that bag, me? Okay, oh, we didn't even do candy. Can't go to go, no, no, rock in the boat. Candy is too good to be in the actual choir. Yeah, she can actually sing. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:40 I know we have other baritones I can't remember them because I feel like in every show that we do, there's someone who we make speak like Robin a Robin Thank you. I knew there's someone Robin's like why are you singing a choir? She just walks off Just dang That little rascal from Boston with her hot husband who likes playboard games also. This comes out the Boston baby mama.
Starting point is 01:29:09 This goes out the Boston baby mama. Fantasia also sang choir. You see how the whole class together. I know. She says, I hope this is the most recent mail bag. It is. You made it. She goes, Ramona's insta stories have been hilarious lately.
Starting point is 01:29:24 Could you guys narrate a Ramona instance instance story it can be made up or one of her recent posts examples have been working out at the gym while staring directly at camera driving down the street etc. thanks guys well that's if there was ever a assignment that we could take on it's fabricating a Ramona singer insta story that when we're she is working out at the gym. She's using that row weight thing to where you she's like quent like her butts out. She's like scrunched down and she's just pulling that row.
Starting point is 01:29:55 And she's just giving those model Ramona model crazy eyes to the camera and staring directly at you while you watch her. She's like, I at you while you watch her. She's like, I, I, work out in every season in your boots, whatever you want. Okay? I don't even think we need to make up an inshistoric, as our regular insistories are so funny. Like she had one where she was like, oh my god. I'm in Hampton's right now. Look, I can see ducks.
Starting point is 01:30:40 So many ducks. Just ducks everywhere. Hi, duck. Hi, duck. Duck so many ducks ducks everywhere high duck The ducks are like running around from her like they're running away from her she's chasing the ducks Meanwhile, she's trying to write on the picture, but she doesn't know what she's doing So it's just like little green dots everywhere all over the video. I mean Oh my goodness. No, she she actually has a Probably the best Instagram stories about well. Well, actually, well,
Starting point is 01:31:07 Caroline Fleming's are also amazingly indulgent, which I love Caroline Fleming's like, I'm here doing yoga with a wonderful woman. Half a wonderful time. Sweet it. Like what? What if Ramona was just doing one of Caroline Fleming's? C.B. like, I'm trying to lick it a good Caroline Fleming right now. Wait, I'm going to Caroline Fleming. Now I'm pulling it up.
Starting point is 01:31:37 I'm in it. Oh, Jackson, Brittany, all these photos, all these photos, disgusting. I can't. She's like, I fell in love with the way you touch me without using your hands. Hey? I'm pulling her. I was okay. Feeding a soul's and a heart with Hashtag Yoga, okay?
Starting point is 01:31:58 On the rooftop with Saisalins and Hashtag Magul and Montgomery. Here's one of me in Ben Harpis and Alusia Spank, okay? Organic milk and white chocolate, hot, perfecting ingredients, hashtag Maluna OG Marty. What's with her not putting as many captions? She's got a lot of pictures these days with that captions. Come on, Fleming, The best part is your caption. She's like, enjoying a last year. I was Hillside Beach Club. Difficult not to fall in love with the flag with the moon on it.
Starting point is 01:32:33 Thank you so much for having us. Hot, hot, to seek our adeerium. Pray, pray, Hillside Beach Club. Turkey. I love Turkey. You know, some people think Turkey is just thanksgiving, but guess what for me It's for lunch, but don't add any bread onto it because it's turkey like it doesn't need that. Okay Whoa, here's another update from Ramona, Fleming Thank the Lord for friendships one of life's greatest gifts Prey emoji Prey emoji, especially after last night Sarah and I really needed the pampering at the wellness clinic at Harrods. We got the IV combo vitamin drip and PRP facial with at Dr.
Starting point is 01:33:13 Mauwali and at the elixir clinic. Couldn't recommend both Hoya pamper yourself with one of your best friends and feel even better XXX or you have to do is go to one of the most expensive department stores in the entire world, okay? We moved like 19 plants around to make sure it was okay. Okay. This is Herod's. Okay, go to Herod's. There's a comment under one of them that says
Starting point is 01:33:37 W-A-U-U-U, which is like her. Wow. Okay. Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh, wait. I'm just doing this one of regular Carolina's plumbing. I can Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh wait.
Starting point is 01:33:46 Oh I'm just doing this on a regular Carolina Flaming. I can't do this to service. You're going to play this Instagram anymore. But this is now segueing into Clear the Flam. I'm very sure. I'll play the theme song because why not? A really quick one. Because it's too fun.
Starting point is 01:33:59 Oh, I don't have it ready. Sorry. Okay. Clear the Flam. Clear the. Clear the It's Caroline Fleming stand she's oh she's by the water and you know those like double you know those like Those Sheds things that are sort of like beds you know those like beds that you can like lay out on but they're really but they sort of are like sheds as well
Starting point is 01:34:27 They have like a chair back. Yeah, but she's standing on one Nearing umbrella. She's you know, she's somewhere. She's somewhere called Shethia. I don't know where does FETH. Why why why E it's some place, you know, glamours of course and she goes that prediction was rain dot dot dot dot and the sun shone on us all day cry emoji so lucky for leaf clover emoji heavenly places is hot hashtag half term hashtag holiday hashtag turkey hashtag turkey hashtag tucky oh I love her alright everybody thank you so much for listening we will be back Monday probably hungover as
Starting point is 01:35:18 Hale so just be prepared for that everybody enjoyed probably weekend wherever you are if it is even probably weekend yet where you are, and if not celebrate ours, we buy the hell from you know. Yeah, and you know, of course go buy tickets for San Fran and Feinix, those are this month. If you're taking shirts over at watchupcraftens.com. We will talk to you next time. Bye everyone!
Starting point is 01:35:57 Hey Prime members, you can listen to WatcherCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Freefree with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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