Watch What Crappens - Southern Charm: Weenies Roasting

Episode Date: June 21, 2019

Shep and Whitney try to roast Craig on their boys camping trip, but only one will walk away with covered in weenie juice. To hear this week's bonus episode recapping the Project Runway Finale and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Martini Medicine" "Team LVP" and "DooooooRINDA!" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Cleveland, Baltimore, Charlotte, Nashville, Carrboro, Richmond, Ft. Lauderdale, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, Ft Lauderdale and NYC! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors. The Bay Area Betches! Betches!

Making the Slayer Taylor! Aaron McNickalis! She don't miss no trickle-ists. Hot dang! It's Jessica Dang! Lisa Wallent. Now that's what I call Wallentainment. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender!

Hava Negila Weber! Sarah Greenwood only uses her power for good. Jamie, she has no last name. Ashley Savoni, she don't take nobeloni! You don't touch the Nikki Morgan letters! Sip some scotch with Jessica Troch. What you talking about Willis, it's son of gillis. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird just saying okay crispy wow reading dowry Kelly Barlow when she goes Barlow we go high low here the Homer with Jeffrey Boomer Hannah God I love that banana Anderson and our super premium Patreon subscribers mean a kuchikuchi Kuchikuchi! Let's get Racy with Miss Stacy. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. The incredible edible Matthews sisters. Lulu Simon.

Soon, soon studio. Give him hell, Miss Noel. Kelly Stump. The Stump Master. Always ready for Nicole Passa Ready. One day your Rachel's in. In the next eight, your out. We're all in with Julia

Conlon. Yes, we can with How me over on the Rose Pricks Bachelor roast. And as usual, here I am with my gorgeous co-host, the talented creator of the cartoon, the Real Housewares of Kitchen Island, you can find on L.U.T. Hi, Bane. Hi, what's going on? Oh my God, okay, everybody, brace yourself. It's an onslaught of live shows. We are going so many effing places. Okay, are you ready? You can do it. Go tomorrow. Guess what's going on sale? Chicago is not crazy. Well, it's gonna be amazing tickets are already going crazy for Chicago in our pre sales our Patreon pre sales So be sure to get that also if you're gonna be able to get tickets for carburet which is rally and then

Richmond and Fort Lauderdale can you believe it we're going to all those places in October? So go get your tickets for those and in Fort Lauderdale I think we're gonna have a very special Floridian join us which I haven't even told Ben yet So we're not gonna tell you until you guys get to the show. Well, I'm gonna tell Ben but not you guys so We're doing that and then let's see what else. We've got a second show in Philly that we added because the first one sold out really fast.

So thank you, Philadelphia. That's in December. So go get your tickets for the second show. We're doing a late show that night. And so, you know, those are always crazy because we're, you know, loopy by that time. So come to that. And then are you ready in July? We're going to Cleveland and Baltimore.

So get your tickets. That's the end of next month, everybody go. Some of fun. And then we're going to Charlotte, Nashville, Indianapolis, New York City, low ticket alert for that second show there. The first one sold out, St. Louis, and Seattle

everybody. Also you can go get merch. We've got three t-shirts right now for about two more weeks. We've got DORANDA, team LVP who's now disappeared off the face of the earth and Monteney, Madison, Michael. Those are all available for a limited time and we just added a discord server to our Patreon which is where you guys can talk and have fun. It's like a big chat room everybody's partying in there. And as usual we are doing our live streams which you can find videos of

at Crappensontamant. This week we did below deck med and we're going to do Real Housewives of New York. Those are super fun to do like little live shows on the video and those are all available at Patreon, Crappens on Demand as well as our bonus episode. This week was the project runway finale and next week we're gonna do a big brother cast rundown. So those of you into that. And I think that covers our plugs, A.B. You did you did such a good job, Ronnie. I'm so proud of you. Well, thanks. It's a a good job, Ronnie. I'm so proud of you. Oh, thanks. It's a lot to take in and thanks to everyone who listens

to that every day, but it's really important for us to get the word out because sometimes people just don't hear it. So you never know. You never know if David's going to tune in. Ha! I tune in every day waiting for him to call. Happy, I'm happy.

I'm finna who cares. Wow. I can't wait for Shannon to come back. But in the meantime, we have Southern Charm. Southern Charm, original flavor. Yeah, classic Southern Charm. This was a very special Southern Charm. You know why? Because we got a square dance remix of the theme song during the previously.

Did you notice that? Yeah, it was a great remix. I have to say all the music in this episode was really on point. I'm trying to see... let's get an RV and drive to Nashville. He's got promise, he's got some shine. I'm trying to be a fiddle in the background, but I'm not very good at it. I'm trying to be like a little like like now Doce Doe with Trixley Monaco. Doce Doe with a garsh and then Eliza Lyme has like if I die today I want good relationships everyone cuz I'm gonna start on a plane Time to change, don't you know, don't you know, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, we're like, ugh, just when we were afraid that, you know, once two, like two, two and a half of the big villains

if you include JD have been taken out of the show, like we're gonna need a new villain and then in comes Eliza, I almost said do little, but a lot, she is sort of Eliza do little as in she does little. As a privileged ass. Yeah, so she comes in just so heinous in that first episode. I was like, uh, see, like this show always finds the villain. And then she kind of just like drops out. And now

she's on a, I want to make nice with everyone tour. It's not right. Somebody's gone wrong here. Okay. Well, you know what's gone wrong is that she missed that plane that almost killed her. And now she's wants to live. Okay. So now she's's gonna be nice. Can you decide to be a better person after the season is over? I don't need you to have in your death experience right at the beginning of your television career, ma'am. Yeah, I feel like her awful side was actually killed by the final destination monster,

aka death, and she somehow survived, and that's not fair. Well, even if I want a destination monster, it doesn't want to go to a plantation. Final destination monster's like, um, it's 2019. Yeah, that's depressing as fuck. I'm not going there. Uh, yes. So unfortunately she has a new lease on life.

Very beautiful. And that doesn't mean I want her killed on a plane crash. It just means I wish that all of that near death stuff had happened maybe at a different time. You know, this is about me and my wants. Okay. Or I wish she weren't like capable of having perspective. So like that's very frustrating.

But also like part of me thinks that if she were in the mix with a gang a little bit more that maybe her office I would come out again, but she but all she's been doing is like hanging out in like Mount Erie lodge or whatever her plantations called and just like being with her shitty father who has affairs and you know petting old strum, strum the dog who hit love segregation, you know. Yeah, Jesus Christ is this show I mean really there's just so much Now my main note on this Watching it was like these girls are turning into real housewise girls. It's like the minute

They don't they decided that they're mad at someone Okay, Catherine made me mad so I'm just gonna say she's dead to me and then I'm gonna go on screen with the Liza and then bitch about Catherine like what the hell are you What the hell are you thinking? I know. It's, well, yeah. I don't like that, especially after we had girl power season. You know, it's like, okay, that's like, that's like a buddy up to her.

You know, I just don't think, I just think it's very convenient. Suddenly they're budding up to Eliza's a lime house when they're mad at Catherine. It's so real house-wise. Which also, I love real housewives. So, you know, I'm saying it, you complainy tone,

but that's just how I talk. You know what I mean? That's how I say I love you. I'm like, I love you. I was like ready to pile on with you, but then I was like, I don't know if I'm mad at it being like real housewives. I know.

I was like, what are you complaining about? You idiot, the inside of my voice is like, shut up, stupid. Also, what are you complaining about, you idiot, in my insides places? Like, shut up, stupid. Also, there have been some murmurs online, like, oh, that season's boring. So first of all, we're coming off the heels of like, a really intensely good season. And also, people have to remember,

this is kind of the way Southern term normally is. It's just that last season was so good because like, the combination of Ashley being a mega villain, Thomas just being a pig and like the prime of like or not the prime, but like when me too is really fresh in everyone's minds, it just sort of like energize everyone. And so now we're back to sort of a normal season, but this is like fairly standard Southern charm stuff. It's not like people just sort of doing, just being rich and listless.

Well, what they're missing is the misogynist. They're missing, well, we've got Shep, but Shep is, we need like an old misogynist who's like engrained into society and where it's really tight pants. And I'm nominate Eliza Limehouse's Russian limbaugh look-alike father. Yeah. You know, that

that misogynist fuck, you know, let's get him on there. Why do we hire Eliza? She's 10 years old. Get her father on there. Yeah, well, I think that we need I think maybe they're taking a season off. They're like, let's let's just like have a palette cleanser. Let's clear the flim as it were. And then um, and then next season will bring on a good old boy because you're right It does need like a Full on good old boy. Chepp is a go up good old boy

But he's not he's he's a little he's slightly more enlightened than like the standard good old boy He is he really is. I don't think so he's not mind at all. He's a fucking caveman He's just like knows big words because he is Well, well, he is a caveman who knows big words, but I mean he's educated, but he's not mind Well, there are a lot of good old boys were educated and not enlightened. I just think that I think that chef I don't think chef is like He is a significant improvement over someone like Thomas Raveninell. At least so far, I mean, you never know. Here I am. I'm saying this the next season, it's like, oh,

Shepa Kusah, this is on his way. He's on his way. He's on his way, Shepa. I have a shepa. He's on his way over that ratchet and albridge of life. The Shep Bridge. He's gonna have a Shep Bridge. Like there's the rainbow bridge where your dead pets go to.

And then there's the Ravinell bridge where southern douche bags go over, you know. It's like by the time they're at the end their nuts are down to their knees and they're in tight white pants and this ain't Well listen we went to that restaurant halls and we saw a lot of potential Thomas Ravonel replacements that were there in Charleston a lot So there's a lot of pickings to be hadll replacements that were there in Charleston. Oh, lot. So there's a lot of pickings to be had. Yeah, so we believe in you. Okay, so let's start this recap.

We open with a close up of a sign that says Art Mecca of Charleston. Now look, if you have to put art mecca on your sign, you're not it. Okay, just saying that right now. Yeah, it's like calling yourself cool. Most popular podcaster of 2019. That's gonna be my new t-shirt Me while it does say that like I think on our website the wildly popular watcher crappens website

Well, maybe it's a quote from somebody else, okay, we're putting entertainment weekly. How dare you? Well, it's one thing to like have it in on your website It's another to have it in your actual name like best Bravo podcast. Oh, yeah, which I think we do. Okay, so Art Mecca of Charleston. The point is Danny Solder painting. She sold a painting. Reminds me of like, did you ever watch uh afternoon cartoons after school and there'd be these uh course I don't know I don't know if you're watching well I don't know if you're watching like a Lane's Tritch videos so uh no back then we didn't have you too but okay I was stuck with after school I would just revoice everything in a Lane's Tritch voice yeah but

there would always be commercials at least in New York for like starving artists Emporiums or whatever Did you ever get those there in El Paso? No, we had a lot of Viva El Paso and Mike the junior league is having a Christmas fair Well in New York it was always like calm down to Like the convention center and it's the starving artist in Poryeum come find art and it's all just like landscapes, you know, and of course as a kid I didn't even understand what starving artists meant. I would always literally be like why doesn't someone feed the artist and I'm not even joking. I'm like why are they starving? But I feel like that's what that's what

poor Danie reminds me of. Like she just in one of these starving artists things and someone's like here I'll pay $10 for your painting. Yeah. Or girl. She probably sold like $5,000 worth. I'm like, she sold 10, $10. Yeah, she's not starving, all right. She's gonna hate us.

So then we count, who, Danny? Yeah, she's giving a stink face right now. She's like trying to laugh to like roll with the punches, but secretly she's like, but it kind of hurts. Yeah, out. But in real life, you know, she's a talented artist. Like, what do you do with that? You know, like I have no, I can't do anything with you,

Danny, you need to fuck somebody inappropriate. She did a shot. She did a something extremely bitchy. What'd you do in this episode? So you come through eventually, you know, it's like I'm psychic Okay, so Danny's selling a paint by the way, we're in like second two of this week. I literally second two So now that they've moved New York and we're not recording two in a day. It's like, oh, yeah, let's just take five hours

Hey, what do you think of a new strip waffle flavor of Blizzard? Oh, I haven't heard about that of blizzards. Oh, I haven't heard about that. Okay, so Danny sells a painting and then Chelsea is putting like flea medication or something on her dog and Catherine's getting spray tanned. And Craig is fluffing pillows and eating old popcorn off the table.

Now, who do you have most in common with those people? Obviously, I have the most in common with Craig. Craig, unfortunately. Definitely. I'm a big hunter of like lost peanut eminems in the couch. Like some people look for change, but if I get really hungry on a diet, I'm certain, because I know that there's at least

a woman there, so I get to Craig. I'm definitely the person who, if I have people over, and then like, it's one in the morning, and I say, I'm too tired, I'm gonna clean this up in the morning, and then I go out to clean up and then I'm like I wonder if this chip is still good and I eat it and Like that is me. I wanted to make fun of Craig, but the truth is I am Craig I can't So then we go over to the show starts the real show starts with Patricia and Mike,

Mike, Michael's driving Patricia and we just see her saying, uh, when is man home and I looked in the fridge for lunch and we have nothing but plant based gluten free, free three hug and animal batten left wing liberal nonsense food. He has a fake bacon in there called woke. What is that? There's also a hot in there that says rena. I don't even understand what that's doing in there. So she so Michael takes her tooth in McDonald's drive through and she's burger with no tomato.

And McDonald's is like, um, no tomato comes with it. I was like, Oh, wow. Wow. McDonald's certainly has a lot to say today. Well, I'm glad that they did because when we did the preview and they showed the scene, that's what I said. I was like, if you go there every day and that's our regular thing, you should know that there is not a tomato.

And then you said, but there's ketchup and that is tomato. So you see the sauce on the fight. Yeah. Oh, I did say that. Yeah, so this is my sauce. Michael says that. Yeah, but yeah,

they didn't show this in the preview, but he's like, you don't put ketchup on it. And they're like, okay, so you're saying you don't want ketchup. And he's like, no, because that's a tomato. And I was like, oh, bitch,'re saying you don't want catch up and he's like, no, because that's a tomato. And I was like, oh, bitch, you made, I love a bitch, you made. He's like the Southern version of flow from like the Jefferson's.

There's also like, you could have also just said, no catch up or tomato, please, which would have just like solved all of this. We're just said no catch up. You know, what he got to be fancy. Just say, Jesus Christ. So then they park in McDonald's and he goes to the back and like does white tablecloth service for her in the back. Yeah, because she has like a like a little like American Airlines pull down tray back there. So he puts out a white tablecloth and pours her glass of wine. So I said, so please.

and poor sir glass of wine. I said, a suit son, please. My hair is my three guilty pleasures. A McDonald's hamburger, a hot dog from Costco, and tacos from Taco Bell. I would prefer those things to two zonzons from hell. You know what? Like I loved that she gave a shout out to the Costco hot dog. That is so special. She goes in there and does like demonstrations at the Costco.

Yeah, she loves it. She does Instagram stories from there. I've seen them say, here we are, the Paris of the South Costco. I haven't been to Costco in forever and it makes me so sad. My membership has actually lapsed because, well, it is a little too far, although I was actually just galavanting all around Glendale yesterday, so I was near it. But, you know, the apartment that I moved into, it's like, it's got one of those, it's like a fancy fridge, but then it's also annoyingly not useful. So it's like, I got those French door situations. So you

have like this tall vertical freezer with like tiny little shelves, like narrow shelves. So it's hard to like stack things and same with the refrigerator part. So like, if I want to go to Costco and get a whole bunch of stuff, there's like not room because the fridge is not laid out. Like I like it with a freezer on top or on bottom and then a big old door. I hate the double door situation unless you get one of those like big, like truly fancy fridges.

So the point is this, I haven't really been able to go to Costco. So you feel like your fridge, like Patricia does about paper napkins She's like what are these? Like they're napkins. A paper napkin Maybe while she's eating this burger out of like you know tissue paper, you know, yeah So then we go over to

Cameron and Shep Cameron's coming over to Shep's house and she she's bought tacos from the 99th set, menu. Who is sponsoring this show? Yeah, who is? What kind of... Soaping and Nitrates, that's who? Yeah, heart disease. So Shep cleaned his house

because he's putting it up for a listing. Like how many times does this dude have to sell? I mean, because I don't feel like he's flipping anything. He's just building and selling. You know, I don't feel like he's flipping anything, he's just building and selling. You know, one thing I really can't stand on reality TV is when people move from house to house to house and make it a storyline like Bethany. Like, you can move, I don't care.

But I don't want to have to sit through the same drama every single time. Cause like, you're doing it to yourself. You could just also stay put. Yeah, just because he's rich and he doesn't have a job. Yeah it gives him something to do. Yeah Zillow is a powerful drug I'm telling you. You know if I was rich I'd move all the time because I'm on Zillow every day like that's my piece you know I'm like I'm gonna see what house prices are like. I know and because of you I'm now on Zillow because I never even really cared

and now but but now I'm like well let me see what Ron is like. Yeah. Oh my god. I want a house now But you know, I can't afford a house obviously, so I stay put but stupid chef just can move whenever he you know There's a lot of reasons to hate stuff this year. I'm just saying okay So he's like this is clean. He's like yeah, I had a clean to show it Gars, but I don't know if I'm putting the carpet before the horse as far as getting rid of it, but for really interested in someone else, I mean I have to put stuff in storage. You're not doing it anyway, okay? Yeah. You're just like a team of maids coming in there.

Yeah, exactly. And so he's now considering buying a lot across the street and building on it and shops like, ah, gosh, I believe Mark Twain said it by land because they ain't making more of it. Was that Mark Twain or was that the Vietnam War documentary? Garsh. Maybe that Sunsulu fellow said it or whatever. Maybe it was going close. Garsh. So she's like, well, just sell a furnish and you don't have to move stuff out. And he's like, but I like that cow that couch. It's been good to me.

She's like what if they took a black light to that couch which is horrifying. I think that should be a new Disney movie. Just like a new Pixar movie, you know, just a black light on Shep's couch. That's just how the Pixar, that's how, that's just how Pixar movie should start with that little lamp. It goes bouncing down, it bounces down and then looks down at Chef's couch. And then it illuminates a whole bunch of sperm doing a chorus line. Yeah, totally. There's only one sperm that can walk straight. They're all like drunk sad sperm.

They're doing a... They're doing a... What do you call that guy? What do you call those dances from the 40s, whatever? The overhead shots. the bus be Berkeley Bus be Berkeley just I'm just matching a lot of sperm just doing a whole big bus be Berkeley she's not a catch yeah Oh, they're doing an

Esther Williams Like the sperm just rising up in a tower out of the catches Yeah, and so she's like what if we take a black And he says, I haven't had as much sex on that couch as the other one. And she's like, gross, you have sex on the couch. I'm Cameron. And he's like, come on. You've never gotten so turned on before that you're,

like, naked as a dang newborn. And she's like, uh-huh. Like, she's trying to laugh, but he's so got her. And he says, so you're just like, let's go to bed and do it like our parents. And she keeps trying to laugh. But the thought of having sex anywhere else is like horrifying to her. You know, yeah. And I like it.

Yeah. I just like that. Shep doesn't want to sell the house furnished because he has so many memories on the couch and he's like, I don't want to get rid of the couch because I got so many memories. And his reasoning is not, I don't want to give this couch to someone else because I've had sex on it so much.

It's actually crusty. Yeah, it's like, it's about to walk itself out so I want to give it away. He's like, no, I have memories there. And I just thought you might have memories there, but how many people have walked away from that couch having no memory at all? Oh, that's the question.

Dark. Dark. Sorry. I'm not in a shop. What do you want for me? Well, so then after this pleasant bodenage about the house, finally, Kimmer's like, let's get back to what I do best, gossiping.

So, well, I heard that there was a big fight between Catherine and Danny. So, Shepp tells her about how Catherine and Danny fought at Craig's party and Shepp's like, gosh, I need to apologize. I called her a child, or as Mark Twing would say, those who have immaturity are those who have not. It's like this is why I'm not close to her.

I was like, no, it's not. It's because you took the side of the old fucking rapist for years and years and years until the old fucking rapist was finally caught and then you look like a fucking asshole. So you came on and tried to pretend that you were nice to Catherine and now the second that you have the second you have a chance to better behind her back. You're doing it camera. Okay. I see you. Yeah, I thought that was very funny. I, you know, after all of last season, it's like, I really judged her, you know, like prematurely, and now all of a sudden, she's like, yeah, well, this is why I keep her at arm's length, because, you know, if anyone gets close to her, they get thrown under the bus. I'm like, you get thrown under the bus. What does she even do? She didn't text you guys back

about a vacation. Like, can we just all calm down for a second? So he's like, of course, she's mad at me. She's like, well, Danny has been really good to her and by the way, she's showing it Becca of art. So... Garsh, I'll have to make a pilgrimage there. Get it? So, uh, Catherine, we're speaking of Catherine. We then... We then go over to her. You think I'm just not gonna make a makeup on so We go over to Catherine at her place and she is like putting out Fancy ass China and fancy ass silverware and we learned that she inherited from her late grandmother

Who always would put out China and left it for her so that way she would learn to cook and Make a nice home and she's like, well, I never really did that. So, um, and basically she's doing that wacky thing where she's putting delivery in China. Yeah. She is, but man, some people I'm like, I'm not buying this, but with Catherine, I buy it because she opens her trash. And she doesn't even know how to use the trash back. Okay. She just throws her trash loose into the fucking trash and then stomps it with her actual

shoes like her expensive shoes. I was like, well, and this was hard to watch because the little trash bin was in kind of like a slidey drawer thing. So like you slide open the drawer and the trash bin is there. So she was stomping down with her foot and this thing is dangling over. It's dangling over nothing. And she was a second away from just severing that entire drawer off the unit. And I was like, no, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that, Catherine. That was not that right now.

So then if that's not disturbing enough, we get the eyebrows of her new boyfriend. I mean, what does that guy highlight? Highlight. Does that guy have like a night job doing drag? Because those are some drag queen eyebrows where they're all the way almost shaving and then a little line is drawn in. I think that would be the best twist ever if he was like the best drag queen in Charleston. You know, I, I, I didn't notice that, but you know,

there's a certain, there's a certain manicured look that you might find in certain populations in New Jersey, for instance, that maybe that's no mosh too. So, like he, like sort of like Jersey Shore kind of vibe, but he comes in and he's, hey, let's go on. And he actually was surprisingly, he looked kind of, I think that he was like, he was more bashful than I was expecting.

I think he was like not totally comfortable being on TV if that makes sense. He was like, well, when someone has a dick pick online, I expect them to come and like, hey, yeah, it's like shy. I'm like, you're not shy. I've seen your dick. Yeah, he was a little shy. That's the word I was looking for. So Catherine saying like, um, when I first saw Joe, I was not attracted to him. No, not at all. I was like, I would rather date a lump on a lock. But then he started talking to me and I was like, we're sort of a little bit on the same wavelength sometimes. When he started talking to me, he was using his hands and I noticed he had a Rolex. So we're going to get married pretty much. And then she's trying to cut the flowers that he gave her. She doesn't have a vase.

So she wants to put him in a bowl and she takes like a fucking bagel knife or something. Yeah. And it starts cutting them right on the counter. Oh, I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm rooting for you. I, uh, I was, I wanted a a cringe but i've also been there so so you're the difference is i don't have a thousand dollars a month do not do that i've you know i talk about how

petty is for turning on someone for like being late or like being snotty i'll turn on you for cutting something on the counter like that i mean those are gorgeous counters girl yeah i use the cutting board okay i use board. But I hated using a knife. I was like, I'm ruining my knife. I'm ruining my knife. I'm ruining my knife, but I must cut the stem. So, um, so yeah, so they sit down, they, they're talking and they're trying to meet balls and

Catherine announces that she likes the meatballs that I'll have garden more. So there's that. And he's like, yeah, yeah, the breadsticks are good. Yeah, like the breadsticks. She's like, do you dip them in the dressing? And he's like, of course, we have so much in common. It's like, hey, you know, this, this garden here, this is a beautiful garden. Yeah, you know, and I'm not fighting about it.

And she's like, um, front end. I was like, yeah, it's a little jersey talk. It's kind of how you guys say, y'all, y'all. The entire thing is not like an awkward. You make the dress in yourself, hang. You make it from your garden. She's like, I poured it for the plastic container right into there.

And I think that's for creamer. And he's like, you didn't have to tell me that, huh? You could have just said, I made it. She's like, yeah, well, I don't know how many girls you've dated from around here. She's like, yeah, well, I don't know how many girls you've dated from around here. She's like, you're my first, like lucky you. I was like waiting for little text bubbles to pop up because the entire thing looked like an awkward episode

of blind date. I was like, where is Roger Lott? It was awkward. I don't know. I didn't, I'm glad that they did last. I'll just say that because I was like, no, no one can be that rich. Get him out of your house. Yeah, this was, this was, I'll just say that because I was like no no one can be that rich get them out of your house yeah this was this was I would not say the chemistry was

like pouring off the off the screen here no get get them out of the house get a cutting board and get some trash bags okay let's get your life in order I'm coming over there man it's time for commercial it's time for a crap and commercial raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident,

not so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone.

So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Oh. So no, we go to Craig and Austin and Sh and they're at a store and they're going to be shopping for supplies for their camping trip. And Craig finds a book.

He's like, look, how to eat in the woods. I mean, do we need a book for that? Just chew, chew, swallow, chew, chew, swallow. And Jeffrey, it's the cover of one like trapping, fishing, hunting, and trapping. It's like, I'm not trapping anything. I won't have my apartment there anymore. And Greg is like, is that a real cat? There's a cat doing the Blair Witch thing, like just facing a corner.

It's like sitting on top of a rack, but just like right in the corner staring at the corner. It's so creepy. Yeah. It was definitely a Blair Witch cat. And at first I was like stupid crag. You can't even tell a difference between a, like a real and a fake cat. And that's obviously a fake cat.

And it moved. I was like, oh, who's the crag now? Yeah. And Austin only wants a headlamp. That's like all he cares about. Yeah. Is he like, I mean, what is he like going into? Is he spulinking?

Like what's, what is he, does he ever, does he even know what's going on here? I don't know. He'll probably do like shadow puppet shows on a wall with his tongue just moving around. You know, it's like, look, my tongue is making a rabbit. My tongue is making the snake. So, yeah, so now Austin's talking about how he's had a rough couple of weeks. And he lost We thought was his best friend So it's like whatever Austin. I don't think anyone really cares about like your emotional state after you cheated on

Madison and by the way Surprising development. This is the first episode all season where they didn't try out the video I Know because instead guess what he did the entire time of the story He kept grabbing his dick like in that video. Did you notice that? I did not. He kept just like reaching it's like he can't keep his hand off his dick. He's like always reaching down and like pulling it like that. Really like unpleasant. Maybe he got like a boner seeing like all the headlamps elections. No, I kept rew to keep through winding it. I think the headlamps is like, oh yeah,

I can't wait to make a puppet show with that thing. Which head is it for? So yeah, then Austin gets a phone call from his original brewer, brewer, brewer, were, were, were. I think his name is Matt or something. And basically Matt was calling to say, can you get this inventory off my hands?

You're three cases of drop hop. You dumbass. So Austin's going to be picking it up to bring it to the woods. He's like, well, I only have three cases because it's like, oh, way too expensive to make. So I'm taking it to the woods with me. Yeah. Luzer. So then chef is, you know, chef has nothing going on in his life. So he has to talk about Catherine again. So he's like, gosh, I talked to Catherine after a little meltdown and I apologize for what I said. And I was just like, hmm, what did you call her? And he's like,

well, it was murmur, we'd see the clip of him going, she's a child. He's like, but it was murmur under my breath, so it doesn't count. If I can southern charm, that that's the biggest thing. I see. She's a child. I know. And meanwhile, there's like a woman working at the store who's just watching these guys so unimpressed.

Like you know that she's about to call up that barista at the coffee shop or shop order of vanilla latte and just trade notes. Yeah. It's like thank God for privileged moronic white guys. Coming into by their north face and their canoes that they'll never use, you know. Yeah, exactly. So, uh, what? Then we go over to see man. Oh, I thought you're impersonating the woman

working at that camping store. No, she just did thereby can use smirking at them like you fucking morons. We also should mention that Shep is really excited to get Austin of town's that way he can find some mountain babes gosh mountain babes Yeah, so I wrote Madison whisper Hick Respirate I wanted to try and remember head to her voice, but she has kind of a soft You know, I think she's like has her TV voice. Or she's like, look at me. I'm just so soft.

And then when she gets mad, she's like, I'm going to fucking kill you. Yeah, you know that that's true. It's like Paris Hilton. Paris and we'll speak all like until she gets mad. Yeah. But so yes. Oh, thank you. That's hot.

So, uh, so Chelsea and Madison are just like sitting there in the salon talking and they're talking about like the like all right and Chirps like and she's like I freaking out that child and it's a lot of responsibility because now I can't leave because I'm thinking to myself What about that child? Well, I'll bring that to Chirp and you know what? I'll gotta do it different. I just gotta do it different. It's like, yeah, well, I should do it too because there's more anxiety when I'm not around. I'll work six days a week.

And Chelsa's like, well, I'd work with the business partner because when you leave, that's one you can trust to put their heart and soul in too. Maybe you and I should do something together. Do you be open? Do you be open to the air? I'm like, I don't know. I put everything into this.

You know, everything I had. And now I'm 26. Like it's been two years. Oh, I love youth. It's like my whole life. She's talking about two years. Yeah, exactly. This was also, by the way, the backdoor pilot for a new show called

Chertalk with Madison and Chelsea. Illuminum Magnolias. Um, so I really want this to happen. And also, no one really cares about my opinion on this, but I have to put it out there anyway. Chelsea, love your Fedora. Love your mustard velvet Fedora. I've very rarely compliment a your Fedora. Love your mustard velvet Fedora. I've very rarely

compliment a fucking Fedora, but God you look so adorable, Chelsea. I like Chelsea. I loved it too. I was in fact at one point I paused it to do something and when I looked up I was like, that Chelsea is just a vision in black and yellow. She did. She looked great. I was like Chelsea looks absolutely amazing right now. Yeah and so Madison said, well this relationship would be more serious than marriage. I'll tell you about that. And Chelsea said, hey, it was also new food back there. Madison said, well, we might have this bad butt open before his beer is on the shelf. I'm like, you will literally build a second's channel before his beer is on the shelf. I'm like, you will literally build a second

channel before his beer is on the shelf. Yeah, you will literally come up with a new white rain before his beers are on the shelf. Okay, there will be fully functional and practical public transportation in Los Angeles before that beer is on the shelf. Humans will evolve to the point of being able to breathe underwater before the show. We will have underwater cities and cities on Mars before that beer is on the shelf. Totally. And she does this thing that's like the danger of any relationship on girls do this. And I learned this from Dr. Laura. It's a shine. He has so much potential. Oh, don't ever love a man for his potential, okay?

Yeah, and also don't mistake a boner for potential because I don't think Austin has much potential either. Oh, potential. Potentials, potentials a dream, okay? Don't do that. So Madison's annoyed because she's like, she's basically like I'll talk about chef and she's like chef fuck him. He said I was a white trash hair stylist and I don't know the I don't know the country club I grew up in was white trash, okay, but I pay my taxes and your parents pay yours You're a joke and Chelsea's like well shit gets way with shit like that. Cause he thinks he's on different level. And also just easily manipulated by them.

K. Yeah. And I was like, why wouldn't you shut that down? Why wouldn't you shut that down? I told my Austin. And she's like, well, he's manipulated. She goes, yeah, shit has Austin pussy whipped. It's like, I don't think you know what that means.

But I've been trying you so far on this cast. Yeah, yeah. I also always feel weird when if someone calls someone white trash and then their responses, yeah, I grew up in a country club. I'm like, is that supposed to make me root for you? I'm like, so you grew up around other people who call other people white trash. Got it. Yeah, congratulations.

So you're just another asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You should have just stopped it. I pay my taxes in your parents pay yours. Yes, yes, exactly. How about I'm the one who's actually had a job in my life and showers on a regular basis. Yeah. So then Austin is packing his trough pop crack crack is packing his fur robe On the RV and then crack this was my favorite musical part of it because they're like And then it gets to crack packing his fur robe and the music just goes and the music just goes, Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink. You guess that like wooden block, that tiki wooden block?

Yeah. He has a little percussion interlude. I love this show. So Nate, the RV driver, he shows up with this Winnebago, or whatever they call it. I think it's Winnebago, I'm not sure. So it's at Craig's house.

And then Michael drops off Whitney. Michael drops off Whitney at the RV. And Whitney of course arrives with his Louis Vuitton luggage With his camping gear in it which is hilarious So Whitney and then Austin shows up in a Jeep and he parks in Craig's driveway and then he like goes to grab like the Trap hop cooler out of the trunk and the trunk like Falls on Austin's head. He's like, God, I hate this car.

God. Yeah. That car hates you too, apparently. Because I get out of my ass. So then chef comes limping in because he tore my MCO, writing a mechanical bull. And then we get to see it when he's like, she's just Christ.

Like, I really don't pay myself enough to be here. Yeah. So they hit the road. They got eight hours to go to the campsite, even though Shep's like, I think it's only four hours. And they just start just like shooting this shit. We see Whitney talking about being like, his old bands that he used to be in.

And he's like, my first, my first band mother was Staples Gun. Yeah, I was brought in as a rhythm guitarist. I shredded like a motherfucker. Yeah, which was why I didn't see in the band because they wanted to more of a stapling capability and I was more of a shredder. My next band was Hot Glue Gun. It's great now. You should see me in an alligator clip. Let's great now. You should see me in alligator clip. Let's

grating that. I'm classically trained. I played in punk and heavy metal bands. I have the hair. I have a good. I was like the beaver of my day. Maybe you're familiar with my music from three-hole punch. I don't know. Kill Craig. Kill Craig. Wait, make sure my mother is just got here. Kill him. Just got here. At least make fun of him a lot. Make him almost cry.

All right, Mother, I'll see what I can do with this room. Did you just manchure in candidate with me? No, I bait some hotel them. His mother's in his mind. Oh, I thought that was man sure and can't I mean, I only saw the new man sure and candidate, which was way overlooked where my all street had an amazing ice ice eating scene. Do you remember that when you're at a table eating ice and she's like, you'll do what I say. Yeah, that was a good movie. Yeah, so then guess what Shep lost to talk about Catherine some more

So he's gonna talk to Danny about the Catherine incident. I was like the Catherine incident Is that like a new lend date in book? She said she's done with her they really need to work. And Austin, who I finally agreed with for once, is like, dude, she didn't wanna talk about it. She said she didn't wanna talk about it. Why doesn't she have the right to not talk about it? Jesus Christ. And he's like, but if someone who's your friend,

and they tell you to buzz off, that's a slap in the face, Gars. And slap grabbing your dick, Gars, right in front of my face. Yeah, and Craig's like, we all do that to each other. And he goes, yeah, but they're different, cause they're women. And women are sensitive, and it hurts them. You know, women are weak or creatures.

It's a guy that just should have one scene where he's not just a total fucking pig. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that was the worst thing that he said, because men and women do Overall, generalizing, which is always dangerous. They do seem to process things differently. I mean you I can't just act like that doesn't happen You know, it's it's true people process things differently, so I get it But yeah, when chef says that it always feels like a little icky Yeah, oh god, when chef says anything, it's a little icky Well, he's working in the gas station saying,

gosh, come again, have a nice day. And I'll be like, oh, fuck you. Fuck you. I'm not supporting the oil industry anymore. Yeah, I'm not sure you misogynist. You misogynist cracker. So, uh, chef is like, gosh, I'm going to get a dog named Craig that I can discipline. So I forgot he's still going to be doing that. So now we go over to Mount Erie Lodge, gosh, I'm going to get a dog named Craig that I can discipline. So I forgot he's still going to be doing that.

So now we go over to Mount Erie Lodge, uh, with AKA the Lime House plantation, where I was with the horses and guess what she's talking about? I treated death just turned, I turned her into Brittany and I'm not mad at it. Yeah. So I'm a film that she and death makes you live different. Now I want to leave this earth with peace and zero negativity. And without a TV job too, I'm assuming because no one needs you on here to be nice. Yeah, and I like how she wants zero negativity, but it's awesome by putting Naomi over because Naomi is like the negativity queen in the best possible way. She's like, oh, can I cheat you? I go like this. Aliza or as we say on French. Hey,

French hugs. So Naomi's like, well, you know, it's like so crazy that she keeps texting me. But, you know, I've Cameron said that she explained to Aliza that her behavior is inappropriate. So I guess I'll give her another chance And also I'm really mad at Catherine right now. So bring her on Yeah, so they so they show up with this I mean it's this beautiful like you know Estate and they're there and they're there are all these horses they get on the horses and Eliza's like look at the armadillos And I was like what and then they show an armadillo on the horses and the lions was like, look at the armadillos. And I was like, what? And then they show an armadillo scurrying away.

I was like, this is borderline amazing. I mean, just when you thought the fawn had become the unofficial nature mascot of Bravo, here comes an armadillo. And I'm like, well, where are we, St. Louis? Yeah. But, God, you're still hung up on your St. Louis armadillos. Long story short, when Ronnie and I went, St. Louis? But you're still hung up on your St. Louis armadillos. Long story short, when Ronnie and I went to the St. Louis last year, we were in the Uber

driving from the airport. And what, did I see? I think I saw a dead armadillo on the side of the road, right? And I was like, was that an armadillo? And the Uber driver was saying, yeah, armadillos get caught on the grills of trucks all the time. You know, they're dragged and it's really gross. And then you're like, how does that happen?

And then the driver gave us a long lesson about how armadillos hop. But no, but it was more like, I did not realize, I thought armadillos just sort of like lived in Texas or places where people had 10 gallon hats. And then like, all of a sudden, it's like, they read this armadillos in St. Louis. I was like, this shocked me. I had no idea.

And I did all the research and saw there was a whole migration of armadillos. I mean, I'm still a year later, my mind is blown. But do I need more than? So Eliza is talking about how she was in that plane crash and now she's gonna be nice and you know she really she really she was really under a microscope at Miss Paz and it wasn't really fair because everything she said or does or did that night was called out and it was judged way more than anybody else. I'm like no you were a fucking coke head prick okay you hung out with shit, you got coked up out of your mind and you acted like a fucking idiot. Don't try and blame everybody else for that.

Say I was an idiot, I'm sorry, I did coke with Shep. It's not like no one can understand that, you know? Also, another reason why I think Eliza is really gonna be, like, she is not living up to her potential as a villain, but she's still doing shitty things. Like, for instance, when she coined her own sort of, uh, her own sort of slang, and she's like, well, you know, I was supposed to go to the Bahamas, but I was running on Lime Time as usual. I'm like, no, Lime Time is not a thing. You don't get to do that. No one said, no one was in to,

no one said Lime Time was a thing. No one ever said that. You may have come up with it, but don't try to make limetime happen, bitch. Do not make limetime happen, okay? What I lame time, then limetime. So they're talking about cat. Well, Naomi is honest, you know, as usual. She's like, yeah, you were just really uncomfortable so you were probably over-confensating

and it came off, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's like, yeah, I don't know what that meant, but Cameron said, I, yeah, you were on our mecca of relationships. That's it. Do you know Eliza was probably so horrified to hear that Catherine was trusted. She's only because she thought it meant that Catherine would no longer be entitled to her trust. I was like, oh my God, I can't believe it. I can't believe an heirous no longer has her trust and we're still hanging out with her.

And Naomi says it makes me question. Has she really changed? Oh my God, you guys are really being bitches right now. Both of you look seriously. And Danny's like, I don't know. I don't know. What does she do? What did Catherine do? This is like being so mad. I'll tell you what. Listen, listen, I love Catherine. But if Catherine has a history of like never responding to text or unreliably responder or disappearing or showing up late over and over again, I think the friends are entitled to being annoyed. Being annoyed, yes, but making it into this, like, oh, let's go like, consort with the enemy and talk as much fucking shit about her as we can and saying she hasn't really changed.

I mean, it's too much for me. I can get being annoyed, but it's just like starting to go too far over a stupid fight. But then again, this is Bravo. So Danny's like, you know, she was so, oh no, Liza says that. She's like, well, I've known Harrison's Weaver. Real young. I mean, I knew Harry before she even met Thomas And you know, she was so sweet, but I know this because of my dad

You know, you're with someone that big charming personality and then before you know it you're over shadowed and you're over here like Hi, I'm here too and it's hard to be with someone like that because you're like Ain't lime house and ravin else you can't get bigger than that. I mean, those are the biggest names in town. And I just see it different because Microscopes. And I see what my dad's life did to us and what Thomas's life did to Catherine. It's unbearable, y'all.

He's like, oh my God, this girl really thinks she's like Miley Cyrus. I know, she's like, Dad and Thomas are definitely a top. She's like, dad and Thomas are definitely a top. I'm like, what type is that? Rich White used with like a life of privilege who treat women like shit. So yes, like a socialist racist assholes who were handed everything in life. Yeah, I feel really bad for you. Name their dog, strum. So anyway, so anyway, now we go back to the RV, which at this point probably smells like a combination of like dip and fart.

And so he says he's like smells great near men beer fart. So it reminds me of being on the tour bus for. He's for paperclip. He's back. He'll cry. Wait me. Now's your chance. Give me time, mother. Give me time. Oh, he he he. So the bro, they're all drinking Austin's beer because it's finally cooled down because earlier Austin tried to give one to chef and chef was like, is this cold?

Gosh, no. We like gave it back. So Austin's like drinking his own trop. I'll be like, guys, I'm going to be sloshed by the time we get to this campsite I hope we don't get into a tiff while I'm sloshed because that'll be awful. Wow my dick feels great right now so good So steps like well, don't worry Austin even though you messed even though you don't have Madison anymore Chelsea will probably still give you a hair discount. Not since a coach.

Geez. I'm still depressed, okay? Yeah, the infidelity kills a relationship like she did things to you that most of us on this bus would be like, fuck you. You're dead to me. And if you see Naomi, would you make her call Craig, please? Because he's really nice and wants her back? Yeah, I feel bad that she is still acting out from our

relationship ending by being in a totally stable relationship with a very attractive man who has a career in an advanced degree. That's just like I feel so bad for her. She's really spiraled. So they asked us to what's that we should also wait. By the way, we should also mention that before they started talking, we saw Craig trying to open a window and being unable to do it, he breaks the window and shockingly does not also break another tendon in his hand in the process. And then Whitney gets stuck in the bathroom. I'm like, wow, this is like this. The brain collective here is just like off the charts. Yeah. And then they can't open the door to get out of the thing.

God, later on, scam likely, why does scam likely always call during a podcast? It's the weirdest thing. You got a phone call? scam likely, that mother effort. Okay. So yeah, so they start asking Austin about the relationship. and Whitney's like, oh, so you're you're officially broken up officially no poking Sip poking and Austin's like no no back-flighting as we get and she's like don't open the door

Oh my god Open like that! Garch! Goget lead! Or as Mark Twain once said, go thine unto yourself because comedy is not meant for those who are those on the theater. So Whitney's like, I want to see Screenshot to those texts. And Austin's like, you don't get to say anything about anything until you admit that you fucked Catherine this summer, Whitney. And he's like, Oooooohhh! Yeah, this is Austin's big moment. anything about anything until you admit that you fucked Catherine this summer Whitney and he's like

Yeah, this is Austin's big moment. He thought he was really gonna like nail Whitney and Whitney just doesn't care So cam calls for wacky call with the boys And they're like, yeah, so you're rock whoa, gosh Yeah, yeah, he's yeah, she's, it's like the Spanish Inquisition in here. Gosh. So then over at Cam's house, she's one of those moms who puts her name, her baby's name and things and either frames them.

I mean, the name is everywhere. It's like there's a pillow with the baby's name. There's a framed Palmer, you know, like Palmer, in cursive frame. She's, you know, she's got to keep key changes. That's Palmer. Maybe it's so she can remember the kid's name. She's like, what's the name of that damn baby in my house again? Palmer, that's what it is. Hi, you know what? I'm so sick of calling this thing a chip on my shoulder. Because someone get me a key chain that says Palmer. She probably does it to remind Jason that he has a child.

So yeah, this just reminds you of a child. You should maybe come home at 6 p.m. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, she calls Jason and she's like, Oh, Jason, you know, I've got Nanny interview. I'm so nervous. What kind of question should I ask? And he's like, well, I guess we should know that she's good with dogs.

It's not for the dog, Jason. He's like, well, I guess we should know that she's good with dogs. It's not for the dog Jason. He's like, gotta go. So this woman named Barbara comes over for the Nanny interview. And she's from a place called Annie's Nannies, which makes me laugh, because it reminds me of wetzels pretzels and Sherries berries. So I was like, I don't know what it is. Something about rhyming companies make me laugh. Never Sherries berries. They were a very was like, I don't know what it is. Something about rhyming companies, it made me laugh.

Remember Sherry's Barriers, they were a very first sponsor either. They were delicious. Sherry's Barriers, Annie's Nannies, use your code, crap ins for $10 off your first horrifying day of healthcare. Annie's Nannies. Isn't there like a,

isn't there like a pretzel place called Annie's or a cookie place or something? Annie's? Yeah. There is? Yeah, there is. That's probably why. You're probably watching me now, though. My mind is starting to go to pretzels, so I don't need that because I am on it yet. So thank you for that.

I know. Can I tell you something? I mean, I hate to be that person who's like on keto and then always talks about keto, but I literally had a dream last night that I made a huge ham and cheese sandwich and right before I was about to eat, I could spend like 10 minutes making it and folding the ham so I had like a nice crinkle and stuff.

And right before I was about to eat it, I was like, fuck, this has bread, I can't eat this. Like I dreamt about having a sandwich. That was my dream. And then I didn't even have the sandwich. This is sad, this is why I fucking hate diets. Um, yeah, you're folding cam. I mean, have fun with your non compassionate food. So, yeah, I'm at low stakes dreams. Oh, so cam starts like pasturing the slidy or pelting the slidy with questions. You

now check what do you do? H is crawling up the what do you do? She's trying to crawl with the fire scape. What do you do? She climbs into the fire. What do you do if she's trying to drive the car? What do you do if Palmer grabs an ass and tries to stab you with it? What kind of, what kind of nightmares are you having over there? I know. Seriously. What do you do if Palmer gets reanimated as a doll named Chuckie? What do you do then? Have you seen the real world plan Diego say yes or no? name Chuckie. What do you do then? Have you seen the real world plan, Diego? Say yes or no. Um, so she's gonna get a nanny. Yay, and I kind of like this nanny. She's pretty cute. I like her too. Although I did not like having to sit through yet another nanny interview seen on Bravo, but you know, compared to vaginal rejuvenation and cryotherapy,

you know, I'll take it. Yeah, listen, I'm always about ignoring your children as much as possible. So I say good for you, sister. So trip night. So it's the trip at night. And you know, here we go with these guys and chefs like, how many girls did Craig invite? Oh, and so they pull up to the campsite and cracks like, well, it's badass. When he's like, how can a campsite be badass?

Kill hamson. By the way, you know that crack is probably sitting there. I actually invited seven girls, but I don't know if they can make it. Time will tell. I told them to bring their sewing machines. It's actually a pillow party. Our two. So the poor driver Nate has to show them how to get out of the thing because they can't get out of the already.

They don't know how to open the door. You not know how to open the door. So they're all excited and start setting up and they can't make a fire. No one knows how to make a fire. Craig literally puts wood in the fire and then gets a lighter and just thinks that's going to do it. Yeah. He likes a huge log.

Yeah, he just puts it in there. And then he's like, well, he doesn't, he also is not bought enough wood. He bought like three logs. So he's like, well, I'm going to go into the wood to find, to find some wood. I'm going to go in the woods to find wood. And then he is like, but first I'm gonna have a beer and he like pops open a beer and the cap just goes flying on the ground,

doesn't even pick it up. So you're welcome mother nature. And then he's like, I think Craig's like, I mean, Chef is like, gosh, this is disaster. You didn't get enough supplies. We need some newspaper. We need a million things because you didn't get enough supplies. We need some newspaper. We need a million things because you didn't get enough supplies.

I'm like, Chef, you're the one with like five trust funds. Why don't you order something off of postmates for once? Just get some wood. I know. Chef just sit here and does nothing. I mean, he has a joy on the L2 to be fair. Who cares? You got it from writing a fucking bowl in a bar, OK?

Yeah. It doesn't count. So Craig Craig and Austin go on a quest for wood and Craig's like, okay, this is what we need. Look when you see a stick pick it up. If you see a stick pick it up, which unfortunately has also been Craig's life mantra for about 20 years. And Austin's just excited. He gets to use his head lamp, you know. Yeah. Fortunately has also been Craig's life mantra for about 20 years. And also it's just excited he gets to use his head lamp, you know, and when he's like, dude, your, your combiner has stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid half.

Oh, they're looking at that. Mother. And then it went, Craig is like, oh, I touched a slug. This lug was like, oh, I touched a slug. This lug was like, oh, I touched a crack. The slug is like, I'm gonna have a party to get other people to touch that human for me because I don't want to do

it. So chef is like, she happened when you're just sitting at the fire watching watching from afar, Austin and Craig go foraging. And sheapp's like, gosh, those two jackals out there prowling around. Just prowls, jackals. Do you hear that, Winnie? I called them jackals. They're jackals, jackals.

His cast are such jackasses. And then Craig is drunk and he's just surly now. I love surly Craig drunk when he's not having any of it. You know, he's like, could you stop hating on everything for one second? You fucking asshole. And the driver's like, okay, I'm officially off now. Do you guys understand how to open the door if you need to get back in there? Great. Hi. And so now like now there is there is actually a fire in this pit. And the pit has like a little great over to cook things on and Chepp just loses it loses his mind. He's like oh Gosh we have to move the fire over we have to move the fire over because it's not under the cooking great and when he's like I just talked I talked to mother mother says just move the grade over no

It won't move. It's hooked on the side. Don't you get it? It is it's picked on the side because it's not supposed to be right over the fire because you're gonna burn your food You dope He's also just so exasperated by it. He's just like this Craig. You know, there's a crack so stupid Yeah, we put the fire there now we have to move the fire so then you imagine relying on him for anything in life gosh so then Whitney's like I'm a vegetarian so I'm not eating that shit then bring a fucking veggie burger Whitney Jesus Christ I know it's really not that hard, okay? It's called bring your own food.

Yeah, so they start fighting over who's going to cook the burgers, because now chef has moved the fire and he's like dropping the burgers on there. And at first you're on Craig's side, right? Because Craig is just like, he's the only one who's done any kind of prep for this trip or is like making any effort. But then Craig's like, Chef, stop. You just said I could cook the burgers. Relax, I'm gonna cook them.

And Chef's like, well, I think I've learned over the years that Craig kinda overestimates cooking skills, like especially over open gorsh. So Craig comes over and he's like, I'm doing it. And then he opens a packet of like salt, like a dobo or whatever. And just sloshing it all over everything.

Yeah, like he had an experience with the slug and now he just wants to salt everything. And it's just like, it is just like a shower of salt. And then of course, sheep and wouldn't he explode? And she's like, whoa, that's too much salt! That's a lot of sodium! Garsh, Garsh, Dr. Mario. I don't want blood pressure. Ant cancer. And Austin's like, whatever, you go call the farm and ask him if they use any pesticides on your corn, your wastes. Yeah. And Greg starts cursing out Whitney like, shut the fuck up Whitney,

you're such a fuck whatever Of course like it's so embarrassing to be associated with you guys Anyway got to go tend to my finger which I permanently ruined and trying to stick a butter knife through a wall When he's like what's wrong with him? I don't you love when the guys who weren't on the sports team sit and talk shit on the sidelines and chefs like, we've worn our sports teams. We wore our sports teams of our dad sponsor while you were cooking you do this. You do this jackal.

Look at that jackal. He's such a do this. Garsh. And then Craig goes, I was on the sports team too. I cooked after sports. And so many varsity letters. I have more varsity letters than any you. And then chef is like,

Garsie, you such my little brother. I was such a dick to him. I loved it. I just couldn't help it. It's kind of a funny moment because it's like, you know, he is. Chef is being very self aware at this moment, oddly enough, because he's like, I'm just, I can't help it. I have to be a dick to him. And self-aware at this moment oddly enough because he's like, I'm just, I can't help it. I have to be addicted to him. And yet he's not going to stop just

because he's self-aware. He is not going to stop, which I thought was actually hilarious. He's just wanting to do this. He's still hilarious. He's funny like a teenager, you know, but your brother is happily married and like making his own money. So I don't know really that you're on the winning end of this, but okay. So now Craig is looking, he's like, where's the corn? I have a varsity letter in corn finding. And when he's like, no, no, bro, this corn's my dinner.

You can't have it. It's my fucking dinner. And then Craig is like, then you can't have a burger. Then it's like, uh, Craig, I don't, I don't think you understand how this, like this logic is. He's having the corn because he doesn't want the burgers. You can't threaten him with not having the burger if he's going to have the corn. So then Austin starts getting mad for Craig. And he's like, I knew that they give other dudes shit, but I didn't know that this was the right roast of Craig carnivore. Like

this supposed to be about me healing. I'm like, it's chef and Whitney in the same place on a vacation with Craig. It is the correct roast. That's what happens when they go on vacation. They just break them over the coals and Craig's like, you guys baffle me. You baffle me. You're open. What else will you man? You know what else baffles me leaves.

Why do they fall? Word jumbles. Those baffles mate. Ships like. Can't say the victim tops on beers that you have to actually use an archaic device to get off instead of just twisting. Pine cones ice cream codes. Snow cones. Traffic cones. So Whitney, they're just cracking up at him and he's pissed like he's finally had it when he's like, come on, cook your cancer. Come on over

here and Craig just grabs a hot dog and he throws it at Whitney and the Whitney is like, dude, you got hot dogs, you saw my glasses. My worthy parkers. And you know, the thing is that like, they are such fuckers to Craig because of course they're like, they're poking and prodding and then shop is like, don't play the victim Craig. And Craig's like, you push and you push and you push and you push and you push and you push and you push and you push and you push of course save us fill it out I'm a I'm a varsity letter in being pushed so I get and

sounds like well we're here to give each other shit that's what we do we're by fire what are you supposed to do sit around and compliment each other like you would do. He's like, I'm going to bad, fuck off. So he like, by the goat marches into the RV and just texts. By the way, there are a huge number of people who sit around to fire and compliment each other. For some people, that's the benefit of going to a campsite is that they sit around and they bond

and say the things that they love about each other. Yeah, something close up to close. And don't forget that that also after Craig throws the plate at Whitney, Whitney's like, damn Craig, what's wrong with you as if they hadn't just been ridiculing him for like three hours straight. And then ship goes, be nice, be nice. Even though they've been the biggest dicks. So Austin hates them too. He's like, you guys are idiots. You're like the muppets in the balcony that just dog everything, you know, which is I know them personally. Yeah. Fuzzy. Fuzzy bear. Fuzzy bear finally speaks up against Waldoir Finn, Sadler, whatever the name is on. So they won't even help him put up a tent. So Austin just puts up his tent. He's

like, fuck you guys. And now he's like, no, I'm realizing that like this trip was supposed to help me get over Madison and they don't even care about that. I mean, these guys are assholes with friends like these. I don't even know if I, I don't know if I need friends. How's it go again? You need to step to at least help you finish that saying, you know? Yeah. Which is implying that he's going to now go back to Madison because he realizes that he's

been steered astray by a ship. Yes. And now this is going to be, a ship just manipulated him into being Madison. Yeah. The whole time. So, yeah. You know, not a lot happened, but I was actually really entertained by that campaign trip. I thought I was going to be like the most boring thing.

But watching, you know, a ship get petulant and Craig also just like be like adorably useless, really worked for me. And that brings us to the end of Southern Shore. Yes. Now, we have work before we go. Yeah, listen to Spotlight everybody. I thought you were about to end the episode. I was like, no, stop, stop, stop the presses. You guys, let's your Spotlight everybody. I thought you were about to end the episode.

I was like, no, stop, stop, stop the presses. You guys, listen to Spotlight's back. For those of you guys you don't know, listen to Spotlight is when we turn the podcast over to you and you get to tell us a little bit about yourself or what's on your mind, etc. It's on patreon.com slash watch or crap in. So without further ado. I almost forgot to play the theme song and couldn't let that pass. Today's comes from Rebecca Shaq who's given us many listener spotlights. We really appreciate that. And by the way, if you support us at the listener spotlight level or above,

definitely send in your spotlights. We put calls out for them on Patreon, sometimes we'll send messages. So don't overlook that. We don't want your donations and support to go for nothing. We really do want to hear from you. So here is Rebecca from Minnesota. Hi guys, Rebecca Shaq here, because I'm good at following directions and in honor of your upcoming trip to Minneapolis, I thought I'd give you a little listener spotlight. I haven't set one in recently because I feel like I'm the only person that does listener spotlight, but heck why not. Anyway, I think the last question Online on the dog case.

And I think I've come up with a new culprit that I don't think has been mentioned yet. And I think it's, yes, Mikey. Mikey's really the only one who's bringing it as far as I'm concerned. And he realizes the importance of a season line. Controversy. And he knows Erica James. concerned and he realizes the importance of a season line controversy and he knows Erica James obviously not going to get there with Pat the push Pat the

push so I don't know that's my take we'll see anyway can't wait to see you on Saturday it's gonna be super hot here. So sorry Ronnie But it should be a good time. See you soon. Bye. Oh Thanks for that I actually was sweating the last time when it was 60 degrees So you know what I think I'm just full of toxins and I earned every beat of sweat that comes out of me Yeah, I think that's a by the way Yeah, I think that's a, by the way, Rebecca, I think that is a very bold theory and I appreciate it because you never know.

You never know who might be doing these things and it's about time we put the focus on Mikey because you know, you're right. He could just be a loyal, a loyal servant to Erica. Who knows? Who knows? Yeah, I like that theory. And also, sorry for not playing your spotlight until now, after our Minneapolis shows, people are like,

wait, they're coming back to Minneapolis. Now we're back as soon as it to us before we went there. Everybody, thank you so much for being here. Go grab your live show ticket to your church, your bonus episode, your videos. We will be back tomorrow with Real Housewives of New York City. Bye, everyone. Bye everyone! Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. comm slash survey.