Watch What Crappens - SouthernCharm: Beer and Loathing in Charleston

Episode Date: June 16, 2018

Love is sort of in the air on "Southern Charm." And if not love, then beer. The gang convenes to try Austen's unnamed brew, setting the stage for a confrontation between Chelsea and Victoria. Meanwhile, Shep and Kathryn continue to flirt -- they had sex FYI -- and Ashely finds herself struggling to hold onto that periwinkle hunk Thomas. Just grist for our mill. Come check out our recap! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Watch what crap is! Watch what crap is! Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is! Who happens? Who happens? And who cares what crap is! Who cares what crap is! Watch what crap is! I've got a lot of crap in my mind. I've been looking for crap in my mind. I've been looking for crap in my mind. I've been looking for crap in my mind. I've been looking for crap in my mind. I've been looking for crap in my mind.

I've been looking for crap in my mind. I've been looking for crap in my mind. I've been looking for crap in my mind. I've been looking for crap in my mind. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Our Crap in the Podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is just the lovely and wonderful beer-swilling family crest

given Ronnie Karam, what's going on Ronnie? Well hello, I'm not a beer swiller. I know, I know, I know, you're not a beer swiller. Thank you, but to the glass, it's disgusting. Everybody should stop drinking it. I love beer, I really do. But'm I'm like Craig I have very humble beer tastes like give me a bud light Give me give me a Stella. I don't need any craft beers. I really don't in fact I just like almost all of them not that I can't drink them I can drink them, but I just am like I

Like the big brands. what can I say? It's an area in my life where I'm not a stop. I can't break food in your beer, eh? I mean, I don't mind half a visein or like a blue moon that's more citrusy or whatever, but like when I go into a bar or a restaurant and all they have are craft beers, I'm like, oh, because it's like.

Craft beer, am I right? Well, it's just more like, I know what I wanna drink. I know the flavors that I want and I have to be like, oh, because it's like crap beer. I'm a right. Well, it's just more like I know what I want to drink. I know the flavors that I want. And I have to be like, oh, what is this one taste like? What is and they all have stupid names like like red wagon on a hill or Dixie's blue cow and you're like, what? Tire with some tape on it. Yeah, it's like you have to go through all of it. Then you got a little taster and it tastes good, but they don't taste quite really what I'm looking for because I'm looking for is like a Stella, you know, it's like a whole thing. Yeah, when Greg lifted up his bed light, I felt like that was a hug to you. It was a hug for you. It was like a TV hug for you. I felt a TV hug. So anyway, you guys, first of all, Ronnie has another podcast called Rose Pricks. You should check that out. It's all about the bachelor, bachelor at also in less than a week. We are going to be in Phoenix, Arizona, a very

first Arizona show. It's also going to be our last show in the Southwest for the year, I believe. So go check that out. Watch our crapens.com is where you get tickets for that. We're gonna be recapping the next episode of Real Housewives of New York, where apparently the women all go to a spa and then fight. So, we're gonna give it the Royal Crappens Treatment there in Phoenix, stand up live Thursday the 21st. It's going to be amazing.

I mean, I say that every single day, but I mean it the same. And then two days later San Francisco, I mean, Southern Charm, which is what we're here to talk about today. Next week, we're gonna be talking about it in San Francisco at the Great American Music Hall on the 23rd. It'll be gay pride weekend up there.

So we are announced, well, we are saying, if you're gonna come, come in gay Southern Charm themed garb. That's what we're saying. Whatever that means to you, that's fine. That's gonna be great. So watch our crap and dot com for that too. And then you can also go get your Wasamada, what's going on, what's happening, T-shirt,

which is available through the end of the month. Yeah, did it. But all that stuff is next week. All that stuff is next week. So like now, like if you have been dilly-dallying or like I don't know if I want to go whatever like the time is now because our Experience is that there's always a rush on tickets in the last week and people who are like, oh, I'll see if my schedules free like Don't wait just trust us because the last thing we want is to have to then you know Then people are like well can we get on the list whatever whatever, it's a whole thing, just get your tickets now.

Yeah. Yeah, intro. Southern Chum. Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da. Like, I love this episode for some reason. Every scene, it's like someone's doing their laundry and it's like, ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH just to make a presence that the idea? I'm going back to them. I'm going back to one arm, Dr. Puss.

You know what I mean? There's three armed Dr. Puss. I'm so sorry. Oh my God. That's why she's talking about. She's like, guess what? We're called three armed Dr. Puss. We know there's really only one arm.

And her name is Trixi Monical. OK, I'm going. I know. It was unrealistic enough as three armed rock to person. And she's like, I'm a one armed Dr. Puss. And they were like, Trixi Trixi. That's just ridiculous. She's like fun and I'll do it on my own. The origin story just gets more and more fleshed out every

week and it's becoming more and more fascinating. I love it. I'm sorry. So how do we open today? Let's see here. Chelsea's talking to her dog. Yeah, she's like, hey, buddy, you're going to my dinner tonight. And I was like, that is so sad. And then I looked over at Bueller and I was like, I said that to you every time I've loved the house. So I guess I'm really not going to be in the boys to judge a guy.

You know that Bueller secretly makes dinner and then eats it all before you come home and then it goes back to dog life. I mean, that would make a lot of sense. Yeah. I'm always missing a lot of food. I'm like, wait a minute. Who was in here? I would put a cabin that you know it's just me in my underwear. I'm like, I don't need to see ghost Ronnie coming in here and pinching out.

Lay me on the amp you Yeah, you never know. So then we also see Cameron feeding her baby and she's just like, well, we don't really see her feeding it. You just see her coming downstairs and then sitting on the couch. I'm like, oh, or actually, it's like washing things, whatever. I feel like I got hit by a truck.

Yeah, she doesn't talk like that at all, but it makes it more fun for me. Yeah. We see Catherine with St. Kenzie. They're eating cake outdoors, which is nice. She's like, you want to share with your sister? And you're like, no. We're dancing this little face. She's like, crap.

I know. Meanwhile, she already had a slice of cake. This is my problem, too, Kenzie, you'll never grow out of it. You'll always want someone else's cake. So then we get to Austin's apartment. Austin, you know, Austin hasn't done anything like Jack's, because Jack's is a horrible person. And Austin's not really horrible, just as highlights are. But Austin's always that guy is like, I'm going to take a shower.

Oh, it's like he's always getting dressed or taking a shower. Put it away, okay? I don't need to see that. I was gonna say that I- Don't be afraid to be ashamed of your nudity, okay? I'm not ashamed of your nudity or mine, but I'm not gonna make you look at mine. I'm just, I am proud of him that he seems to have advanced beyond his wall of gengham. I mean, and as a person who has a good amount of gengm, I say this with respect because it's not easy to get beyond the wall of gengm

But you know he was going for like a little sweater over a t-shirt situation Because I remember last year when he was like what to wear today and you open up his closet and it was all like balloon white gengm Like five different versions of it. So I'm like, okay, he's found a little sweater So his he like, okay, he's found a little sweater. So has he like expanded his fashion choices or has golf in general expanded their fashion choices? I don't know. Which came first. I golf will never do that.

So I'm allowed fit or the golf. Yeah, you know what? Like, here's a thing. Like golf has never, I don't even know how to formally in my rant today. I'm gonna say something about the shiny polo shirt. It's like, why? Why the shiny polo shirts? They only exist in golf. And by the way, if you're wearing a shiny polo shirt and you're not on a golf course, shame on you, you should change your shirt. Okay. And I'm not even a fashion gay, but I know that much. They really shouldn't even be shiny polo shirts. Why? Why do we need a shiny polo shirt? Is that to like...

That way, like the limiter will catch some other golfers. I know not to hit the ball at you or something. I don't know if like getting like you'll get shot by Dick Cheney if you're not wearing your soft-ocean helicopter. I mean, I'm just be wearing like orange, you know, holding jackets at this point. Well, sometimes I need to remind myself to focus on the positive when we do these things because it's just so easy to be negative.

So just to focus on the positive I want to say congratulations Austin you can even move your mouth nonstop while you're putting on a shirt. I don't know what he's doing. I think maybe he's doing dip which is what's causing that effect. I think he's growing one long hair in the middle of his lip that he's always trying to get off. Or it's more like a hair fell into his lip and he's trying to, oh it's not on his tongue maybe. You know like when a hair gets on your tongue you like, you like just can't, it's like just gets embedded in there

and you're like, damn hair off and you try all these different things. Maybe that's what he's going through. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try.

Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe I want to try. Maybe like the rest of this cast because we go over the Craig who's now got this humongous cast on his hand. It looks like a high-lie assessor, you know, like one of those baskets. You know in high-lie, you know, like the assessor is the basket you put on your hand, that you throw the ball and catch the ball within stuff. Oh, God, you know, so many fancy sports. Well, I mean, I just looked up, I just looked it up. I was like, because I wrote down, it looks like one of those high-lie things. One of those called, I don't want to sound stupid on the podcast

Sesta You know how the government's looking at all of our texts instead everyone's like oh my god Seriously, so snake two west if they're looking at yours like this guy just googled highlight Like there's a meeting and the there's a meeting in the FBI like what should we do? That's the fastest sport on earth He is a danger True if the highlight ball hits you you're done those guys come flying out of those baskets There will no longer be highlight rackets allowed through airport security, okay?

I can only imagine Craig I can only imagine Craig playing. I can only imagine Craig playing Highly. I think you just played the ball which is really roll out of his basket out of his Sesta. And I'm like, I feel compelled to say Sesta as much as possible. I'm like, I looked up this word. I'm going to implement it as much as possible. Craig just plays Lai Lai.

Or he plays... He's in H.R.G.H.L.A. not G.I.L.A. I've never seen a cast like this. I guess this is like a pinky hand. And then Austin is you know, bro, he's like bro, that's, growing out. He's like, bro, that's gnarly, woo, woo, woo, woo. And he's like, yeah, that's my cloud. And he's like gnarly, gnarly, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Gnarly, gnarly, gnarly, gnarly, gnarly,

gnarly, gnarly, gnarly. Great. It's like, yeah, well, when I tried to stab the butter knife into the wall, turns out I've broke, I ripped two tendons. So now I have this archaic device for the next five weeks I'm like that hardly looks archaic it looks very high tech maybe you mean arcane, but like It's like this is looks like actually like the height of medical technology right now I know we go back and look at the caves and the cavemen are like driving around in golf carts

I've got really fancy Look at all those archaic cavemen to know that she's Look at all those RKK men to know that she's... Because Craig like he like shows that he does like one thing and all these like lever's move. I mean it was honestly like Terminator. Oh, I was like wait. Oh yeah, this stupid RKK thing. And as any guy would ask when he looks at that thing is, can you master mate normally, bro?

And Craig's like, You don't need two hands, Austin. It feels like a different person, though. So it's pretty cool. So, so lefty Lucy. I do like that Craig is giving some serious buster blue vibes, you know. Like he really is. He's like, you don't need two hands. Wait, how do I open this car door? It was a loose seal. So, Austin, so we learned that Austin's gonna be having a big tasting party for his beer.

Um, and he's just gonna invite everyone, including Chelsea and Victoria, which will mean that this simmering hot love triangle that we are so invested in may come to a climactic moment. I know. I'm like, wow, your beer and these two women have a lot in common. You only have them because you're on the show. Where are we going to have a party? You went to taste your beer one time. You're like, I like grapefruit, okay? And then you picked it up. Like, I want a party. I just bought some shit from old name literally I did today. I say old name a lot. I literally was just

there. Really? Where's my party? I picked Steph out. What did you get? Well, I went to get white pants for a Southern charm show, but they didn't have white pants. Old Navy, who are you even? Like, who have you become?

You're right. I guess we, I'm sitting here being like, oh, we're doing gay Southern charm. I haven't even thought about what I'm gonna wear for gay Southern charm. I don't even know. You're right. I'm not just gonna wear regular Ronnie gay charm charm, which is old maybe you need something only

Maybe T-shirt because I couldn't find white pants. Oh, thanks. Well, I have some white pants, but they no longer fit So there I don't know where white pants with a huge camel toe like Thomas, but I couldn't find Ooh, I wonder what I should I don't ooh this is gonna be fun I don't even know where to get... The thing is, I don't know where to get Gays Southern Charm clothing. I mean, I have to really think about this. I just feel my impulse is to say go to the Beverly Center. That's I think where I'm gonna go. It was too expensive. It's too late to ask Patricia to FedExcess an extra extra large dog caftans. Come on Patricia! I know if we could both have Caff-Tans, that would make life easier.

Then we could just work Caff-Tans. I work Caff-Tans with like a scarf. That seems like a little extra, but you know what I actually might do? Maybe I might recreate Kupas, Bellhop's chic look. I don't know how to do that. Like a red, red top with like lots excessive buttons and then like, like pants I guess. We're never gonna finish this podcast. This is our Friday. We're in a very giggly mood today. I don't even know why. But I'm still laughing at Craig. I'm doing the Starbucks. I'm doing the Starbucks

Hot Scotch Challenge, which is basically Starbucks bingo and it's like So they're in the car and Craig is Craig just cracks me up watching him try to get comfortable wherever he is He's like pitting his arms behind his head in the car. Craig just calm down. Okay He's got this weird kind of 80-D thing it's like, well, it'd be a relaxing. Like, don't relax, you're in a car, you're in a weirdo. He's like, I can only be relaxed if I fully extend my arm, so I'm just going to roll down the window and think, am I here? Oh my god. He's like, I'm relaxing. Two more tendons.

He's like, I'm so relaxed. He starts stabbing the glove box. Like, what is Jesus? What is wrong with Craig? So they're talking about Victoria and stuff and Austin saying how she really lets her emotions get the best of her and that's like really frustrating to deal with. I'm like, you know what's frustrating? When you're making a soup for three days and then you see your man Me, you see a man you see a man on a ferry in Hilton head

Okay, while my by-a-dot biological clock is ticking like Oh Marissa Tome never leave us I don't know why I felt like taking it to the air. But you know, Austin spoiler alert everybody. Okay. Um, Austin has a new girlfriend that's not Victoria. So fuck this girl. What a hell. Not this new one, but Victoria. Fuck her. You deserve it. You earned it. Victoria. You a hole by the end of this episode. But um, he has a new girlfriend. And I think she's like four foot tall and my imagine in my imagination, she talks like this. How? Like kind of like a little tiny scene. But I don't know how she really talks,

but that's how she looks on Instagram. Okay. Hey. Maybe she's like that, like a high. Yeah, like a high. Oh. Oh. Well, I'm excited.

We'll keep tabs on that. So Naomi and Chelsea are at the beach, and Naomi's like, I'm putting it back on my foot because I can't deal with this Boot anymore. I'm like you know the only is why I notice the Boot is because you keep on mentioning it but So they go and they like sit down and They're talking and here's why I love Naomi and I think that she's the MVP of the season is because her pettiness is really at like

such a varsity level She's like She basically posted photos at the birthday party of Thomas and Catherine together and one of them, she even put a heart between them solely because she knows that Ashley watches her Instagram stories and she just wanted to piss her off. And she put a blue heart, which is even better.

Yeah, so hard that's hurting between them. And she's like, I know that Ashley watches my, watches my, what if she watched her stories? What an odd thing to do Ashley. She's like, I know the Ashley watches my, or watches my, what if she watched her stories? What an odd thing to do Ashley. She's like, Ashley watches my stories. And you know, I'm petty as thought. It was so great. Like, I feel like that shit I would do,

which is why I really appreciated it. Yeah, and she said also that the other day, Kinsey called Catherine Ashley, ooh, which is disturbing. But I know the feeling because I've just, like every time I'm mad, Isey called Catherine Ashley, whoo, which is disturbing, but I know the feeling because I've just, like every time I'm mad, I'm like, Ashley! Yeah. Yeah.

I'm just calling everything I hate Ashley now. Yeah, I was watching that crazy, that crazy press conference at the White House with Sarah Hockerby Sanders, and I was like, God, Ashley is so not compassionate. I was like oh wait. I mean Ashley furniture across America stores are getting like Egg'd to like what if we then all we're trying to do is sell affordable furniture To be like you actually furniture that has been a long time coming okay like Ashley

So offensive like that is one of the most offensive retail stores in the world That has been a long time coming, okay. Like Ashley Herczer is so offensive. Like that's one of the most offensive retail stores in the world. Or Jennifer Convertible. I feel like Ashley and Jennifer, the furniture stores are just off to the side being so. So Jennifer Snowden and Ashley, he went for Ashley's name. It's Jacob's. Great. So, but just like, well, I hope we don't have to deal with it much longer. I'm like, I like how they sort of like refer to Ashley like some plague that has descended

upon Charleston. I know. When the TV movie, this would be when they decide to murder her, you know, or like, let's get rid of that plague. So now they're talking about Austin and now, and now I mean, it's like's like well I think it's obvious that Chelsea still has feelings for him I'm like if that's true. This is truly the dullest love story of all time. Come on Remember that time I played figure Bayer samplers Remember that time I played figure Bayer samplers like anything happened in this relationship

Every time we're in target and you're like I think I want to kick cap I don't know if I want to pay for it and I was like listen listen Austin It's called an impulse section for a reason. I'll get it for you by my impulse. So I got him kick cat She's like are you gonna be bisexual now? No, it's just an impulse by So she name me it's like Stupid I also bought this highlight sister I don't know why they have it with the Kit Katz man. Please stand aside. Please stand aside here. Do you have a highlight? Listen

You're all step 20 feet away otherwise Austin gets a highlight ball right on his neck I know how to use this sister You're all step 20 feet away otherwise Austin gets a high lot ball right on his neck. I know how to use this sesta. No, Craig's trying to swatted away with a butter knife. Okay, so Naomi's like, so what is it going to take for you to get over Austin? She's like, no, no real hot girl. I'm like, that's how to get over anything. Like, that's how I'll get over to the shitty ending of last like 10 years ago. Okay, dating a hot guy.

That's what you got to do. That's what you got to do. lost like 10 years ago, okay? Dating a hot guy. That's what you gotta do. That's what you gotta do. So now Austin and Craig are approaching the brewery because this is crosscutting a little bit and Austin's getting nervous and Craig's like,

ah, there's nothing to be nervous about. It's just a beer and I was like, to me it's not just beer, to me it's not. You gotta love the pillow guy, telling the beer guy, What are you nervous about? Try pillows. You'll be chasing that high for years. So Austin comes in as every like

Kind of like pretending to be serious person does like in any class you take improv class art class Architecture well probably architecture you need it, but he's like I'm serious. Have a mulls. I have a Mosque. I have a Mosque. And it is closed by some. I like it's not just like I'm serious. I'm Mosque. You say it almost as if like it's sort of like that highlight moment. Like you guys

step back. I got a Mosque. That's the people with the Mosque back bike when they show up the class of the Mosque. They're like this is a 20 dollar notebook Back away And I'm wearing a fleece vest So you guys my core is warm my hands are cold. Let's rumble

So they get you know a little shot of beer and Austin's looking at the color and doing the full on you know He's so I'm Why is our commercial? You know when there's a serious but why is a commercial because there's always like the All the but why's our commercials are dumb and then there's one where it's like It was and we take heritage seriously and there's like a little guitar playing and a guy like golden hues of Of son are coming in. He's holding the beer up and there's like the horses in the background I'm like hey America and he's like yeah, he's holding the beer up and there's like the horses in the background. And he's like, hey, I'm in America. And he's like, yeah, that's a color. That's what he's doing. Yeah, pretty much.

He's like a sommelier, but he's tasting before he even drinks it because he's like, you're just tasting your gum. Yeah. Yeah. And of course he has like, here's the thing. I think the language all around beer consumption or beer tasting is so pretentious. I mean, it is around wine as well. I'm not gonna say it's like the only pretentious thing,

but I just think it's so hilarious that beer tasting can get so pretentious because Austin's like, well, right off the bat, I smell a citrus forward nose. I smell the grapefruit. Yeah, it's a good body, heavy texture, good shoes. I'm like, shut up. And the beer guys, like, are you still talking? And he's like, no, why? So Austin, yeah, it

definitely tastes a fruit in it. Hop doesn't really punch you in the nose, you know? So Craig's like, it's a skip. Yeah, like jump. So Craig's like, even I could drink it. And then Craig tries to get all smart. And he's like, it's a citrus, but like a lemon citrus to me. Like, which is also citrus, by the way. I thought it would be more of a red fruit, but I get more of a yellow fruit. It's woody. There's wood in it, kind of like earthy. He's just going through. Are you just seeing things?

He's like, I'm sort of getting like an archaic contraption taste from it. I've tasting floor and then wall and ceiling. Whoa, jammy. It's like jammy. Red fruit, yellow fruit, jammy. It's like jammy. Red fruit, yellow fruit, green fruit. Okay, Craig, you're looking at us traffic light.

I'm sort of tasting a don't walk. Don't walk. Okay, now you can walk. It's weird that starts with a don't walk, but then it finishes with a walk. Flora, or if he bends you in the nose, you know what I mean? He's like, I just like, but like, and so then he tells the guy, the beer guy. He's like, you know, like, I talk, but then I don't know if the things I say make sense. And the guy just looks at him like, I make beer for a living.

Okay. I was just imagining, I was just imagining Craig trying to pick up a beer glass with his little highlight hand. I just might try and be like Craig you know you have another hand, right? You can pick up the glass you have their hand. Oh, whoa is this made out of glass this cup? So archaic. I'm getting like a glass forward flavor. And I'm getting hints of high lie.

Mm. So the beer guys like, okay idiots, we can have it on location by Friday. I mean, it's just like Amazon Prime. Yeah. Just call up Amazon Prime, say great fruit beer. That's basically what he's doing. And then we see the glass and it's Thomas Brewery. And I'm like, this is guy owned everything.

He probably does. So now we go to Cameron's house and little Palmer is asleep and Cameron's cleaning her bottles and her mom shows up. And she like hi Cameron and Cameron's like I don't think I've ever heard you do a body impression and so Cameron's like this is my first I just took my first shower in two weeks my arm just look like a man. She's like, well, that's what happens. We have a baby, you know, yeah her mom's like Look me mom like these my hand in there these little like burpee napkins Yeah, and Cameron's like is that poop? Why are you giving me like shit staying napkins from the 30s? She's like no darlin. They're just old. Okay, so it's old poop. Old poop, yeah. Do you have you ever heard of like the babies RS? Okay? Have you ever heard

of Jack and Jill? Mother. Well, I like Bonnie because she has her trinket bag and she, you know, we've seen a flashback. She's like, well, you know, babies love these things. They love them. Like, do you? And Cameron's like, guess she has given me all the trinket bags and with their chocable parts. And so yeah, chocable parts aside, you know, I think Bonnie's onto something because, I mean, I remember when I was a kid, I'd be fascinated by like a spoon, you know? And I think, and she's why they work that shit.

Like, there's no reason to get them some giant whatever. Like just truly trinkets are the best. Yeah, my city used to go to pick and save back when it was pick and save, and not big lots, okay, people? I'm old. And she used to just get tons of cheap shit and keep it in her closet. And then we had to be really nice to sit to get it.

Yeah. That's the deal, the litter of trinkets. No, I would always have like little stupid wind up to it. You know where you like, you wind it up and then it's like for like all of like seven seconds it's like, like sort of like like I had a little bumblebee that would like Sort of hop up and down a little bit, you know, and I just Minded up again and do it like for an hour Yep, that's how that's how babies are, you know, yeah, I also know building blocks I know what I don't endorse those monitors like babies deserve their own privacy or they deserve their privacy to you

Okay, I don't like these monitors with video like let let the baby sleep, you know, that baby is going to grow up like Sandra Bullock in the net where she's like, people are following me. Everyone's like, you're crazy Sandra Bullock. And then it's like, she's not crazy. People are literally staring at you from the time you're born. I was going to say it was more of like a sliver moment and all that was missing was like in a nigma song in the background you know like was not song in that. the baby is like can I just relax in the bath tab and you be 40 starts playing.

I don't remember all the songs. Yeah I don't remember all the songs but I do remember that was one of the Baldwin brothers It was like the last time he was hot. Yeah, no offense Billy. I know Billy's like damn you at home right now listening to this sudden Charmere cat. Yeah, so camera is like we went to the lactation consult mom. It was coming everywhere. My god clear clear this scene Yeah, okay, I like when I like when her mom goes isn't it amazing the maternal instinct is kicks in and everything centers around her and Kim goes it does yes I'm well aware. Yeah so like don't worry it'll be back to you in any second now. Gosh it's time to go to a commercial. Oh crap.

Oh, Craig! Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownauer, we will be your resident not-so-expert-experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.

We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Um, so the next step, Catherine is getting a cappuccino.

And the music's like, BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT BADDOT B have him be has another cappuccino that's what life is that's what she's doing we're gonna praise her right now hit it pull. Trixie just discovered Adderall it's like all these years later she's like lost controller for nose and she's like oh my god Adderall so much better in cleaner. So then it's this like Glenn Miller orchestra playing and then Catherine's like just a cappuccino please. So then Craig shows up. He's like, wow, what an archaic beverage you have there. Yeah, she's like, real cheese. That looks amazing. He's like, what's up? And she's like, so I've been working at Gwins and it's really fun. So cool. She's like, that's your thing, your, your cast is like Edwin Sizzer hands.

I was like, yeah, that's so cute. Edward had like a little brother. Edward, yeah. Edwin R.K.A. cans. His hands, you never got his hands finished. They just kept putting Raic objects on them, and then all of a sudden his master died, and so then he went down to the town and gave Kathy big right haircut, but since his hands were archaic, you just wound up pushing

his hair around a lot. Edwin archaic hands. Edwin cut her knife at. Such a sad movie. This is like his talent is like putting butter on like 10 different bagels at the same time. Sorry, I'm just going to try to do the scores. So they talk about how Catherine's happy and he's happy and

everybody's happy. And then she's like, Thomas said my energy field changed totally. And then he read me on some poetry by something Kipling, I was like, well, that's a bad ass poem. I mean, Rudyard Kipling, I mean, famously known for his bad ass poetry. So then they're talking about Ashley and Craig's basically like,

well, she's been here a while now. So like if she wanted a job, job she would have had one by now. So I mean, like basically she just wants his money. Like, and they're just talking about the fact that she, it's like clear that she's using Thomas for Mjolta. She did not move to Charleston to get a job, to get herself on her own feet.

She's fully there for the money, you know? Yeah, and I love that Catherine so self-aware too, because she's like, she probably thinks she'll take care of everything. Well, so did I. And they show a clip of Thomas drunk, obviously drunk, being like, well, if y'all pregnant, you will have my full shit. You'll have an automatic ticket to the Ravenill Bridge going back in

fourth you'll never play a dime you will have an easy pass that has the family crest on it you'll have an easy pass on son your bogans vagina I swear it I swear it I swear I will build a second spy on the bridge and name it the Catherine spy and then the Ravino bridge will henceforth have two spies and they will be inspired by Rudyard Kipling if you know what I'm saying. What a badass but a one. So Catherine I, Catherine basically says that Thomas uses money as power

and he's probably been acting out on Ashley lately. And so she's basically like, he's super, super frugal but he'll spend his money just to basically get power. So if she's sort of acting in certain sort of way, he will then use his money to get her back under control, which is very- Yeah, everybody's basically just treating Thomas like, okay, we know he's satanic and this is how to deal with Satan.

You know, where some garlic, his Craig says, for him to send you a poem means that Ashley must be making fucking crazy right now, which is so true. It's pretty cool. It's like one of one of the John, I want the John is making me crazy, so I'll try and make the other of the John and make that the John a crazy. Yeah. So obvious. Yeah, no no it's it's very very obvious but I liked you know I mean Craig really he did nail it on on the head not that it

was a very hard do not give him a hammer okay oh let's trade that in for some got it on the nose I got so used to holding one archaic device I think I could hold another one and now I've ripped four more tendons in my elbow It's weird. So Craig's like he basically is like I feel like good. Well, I'm sorry Let me back up Karathron basically says and the beginning of the relationship he'll spend the money and then he'll stop and so Craig Is like I feel like Ashley is not the sort of person who's cool with you spending a lot of money and then like not spending a lot of money on you I'm like exactly and that's what I'm so excited to see. Yeah, it doesn't seem like stable stuff. I never really know what he's talking about,

but I really like him. Okay, so Thomas is over at the, where else would he be? Where else do you go when you've got a psychopath that you just want to get rid of? To the jewelry store, to buy us some jewelry. Yeah, exactly. He goes to the jewelry and he's like, I think I'm gonna brass briefly still waiting on a friend. I don't know why I felt like mentioning that. He said that.

Doesn't have anything to do with anything. But he is basically, he's now complaining about Ashley to us. He's like, there are things with Ashley, sometimes fine fall with she can be a bit controlling Like sometimes she's like I want to hold your hand and I'm like, why is that a command? Get you don't get to hold my hand Your only Thomas only Thomas can speak like this in and he's full on mayor hands by the way He's like giving a presentation to an entire convention center full of possible voters. He's like, at the end of the day, I need a partner

in the business called life. You know what I love when he breaks from his mayor hands for a second and does scary bear hands. He never knows that because he has, mayor hands his hands are clasped together and he sort of like shakes them, right? But then sometimes he does scary bear where he like separates them and does like two paws straight up. Just sort of, you just throws them in there sometimes. I love when he does that.

Well, then Whitney comes in and he's like, hello, mother. And the guy, it's like, okay, I get you work at at Jerry's you don't need to walk around with your like Your diamond That's what you lose to who's what you was he walked two feet from where he was you want to take us a whole contraption I'm mad and I like that you're unreasonably mad at me being unreasonably mad. Well, I felt like this guy, I mean, whatever, because this guy gets shamed right there because he's like, oh, this is pretty cool. Whitney, what's this? And when he's like, oh, mother, her mate, and my mother, I mean, actually the Queen Moles, the Queen's and Graver.

And then he goes, but I'm sure the Queen's Graver is nothing compared to this fine establishment, which is so shady. He isn't Thomas goes. The queen of England, is she still around? So then the guy, Whitney's like, oh, you want to look at this? Mother says it's okay. So he's like, okay.

So he puts down his like, spulunker thing. And he's like, hmm. All right. Well, I'll be back in the back. He never says anything about it. Yeah, he's like, okay. So Thomas, he's like, this. All right. Well, I'll be back in the back. He never says anything about it. Yeah, he's like, OK. So Thomas, he's like, this is spray painted, OK?

This is a spray painted twisty tie. Thomas is like, I personally need another family crest ring, because he can never have too much crests around. So I always get crest toothpaste. I'm like, every time I squeeze that toothpaste out, I'm waiting to see the Thomas Ravenel. Chris never comes. I've been making Chris out of Chris.

So he's like, I should get us matching rings. And when he's like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like a promise ring. A crest. Didn't you center packing last week? I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

he's like, doing man. It's like, yeah. And then they cut to what when he says something in an interview. I don't remember what, but he has he's wearing like a like a skinny tie, like a black tie, but it has a white skull right in the middle of it. The thing is that like, it's a white skull, but basically it looks like bird shit. It looks like some bird just flew into the studio, shed on his tie and flew out. Sideways, but basically looks like bird shit. Looks like some bird just flew into the studio, shout on his tongue and flew out.

Sideways, it's like green up. So Thomas is like, well, I may be having trouble with Ashley, but my family loves her. She's a hit. And someone said she's dropped dead gold. Just and we love her. She's bridge worthy. She is bridge worthy.

The reviews are in Ashley is a hint. Trab sister says she is drop dead gorgeous. She's grounded and we'd love her. So get your tickets now because Ashley is only playing for a few weeks more. I'm Max. Ashley and I are Max. They actually do show Ashley and I'm Max later. I'm going to get to that.

Oh, that was great. He's telling Whitney. I don't want to send a false signal. and I am actually, they actually do show Ashley and I am ex-later and we'll get to that. That was great. This is for you. So he tells Whitney, I don't want to say in the false signal. He's like, um, yeah, that's a false signal. This is a false signal. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, getting a family crest just for the fun of it and giving it to a girl, that's beyond false signal. That's like, that's bad. So speaking of false signals, let's watch Kathy encourage Craig at the sewing shop. Is that what her name was in the orgyle? Kathy, yeah, I remember it because it's like the cartoon Kathy. He's like, Hey Kathy, how you doing? She's like, she's like fabric fabric fabric. So it's like everything sucks. So Craig shows up at fashion fabrics and he's been working on some pillow samples for Patricia

because this is his big arc, designing a pillow. Yes, and she's like, what did you do Craig? I was like, I cut myself with the butter knife stabbing the wall. I know. I got a So Kathy's like, uh-huh. So what can I possibly do for you? And he's like, oh, I'm supposed to design a pillow for the mind. Ignore the shape. This is one of my designs. The software comes up with it. And then I just put my design into it. I'm like, so you're basically just

ordering pillows from Cafe Press. Look, I'm not above it. That's what we do. But come on. Yeah, exactly. So, so she looks at his first design. She goes, hmm, in this area, this would be too torsty. My little beat should be great, but Charleston South Carolina not so much. I was like, wow Miranda Priestly I love this. Why is no one ready Craig? So then so then Craig is like fortunate. I'm so fortunate to have Kathy in my life because like basically I can't make a decision so she designs it like that is Kathy gets some money from this Patricia Cortillo. Well then then he shows his next

idea which is a teal pillow with polka dots, a palm tree and like cartoon dogs and cats on it. It's actually really cute but she looks at at it and she goes, this is this is and he does not scream, Coochur. So really the the polka dots in the cartoon cat and dog don't know. So then he pulls out two vehicles with blue palm trees and she's like, that's it. I want to make a mind gaffing. Craig, I want to show you pine apples. She pulls out like a swath of all this pineapple fabric. This can go on the back He's like this is so earthy and citrus forward like blue citrus. I'm not a big So yeah, so there she's she gets him some fabric and and he's off on his journey so now we go to ship at a bowling alley and he walks in and he's like gosh, maniscus

I had to put on my knee brace so it takes his pants off and build the bowling alley It's like haha. I like to whenever ship goes in some more. They're like hey ship Yeah, it's like hey chief gosh Yeah, it's like hey chief gars Chief guys is like ah gars. I would probably get admonished by my doctor if you saw me bowling Gars I better take my pants off. I hope no one's looking gars to put on this little knee brace So then captain comes to see him and he's like oh yeah Strike Hi turkey gars he's like, oh yeah, a car strike. He's got a jerky garsh.

A devil's garsh. Sorry, I was inhaling. I was inhaling outside the screen door. And then I almost coughed myself to death. So they bowl and they're basically just talking, like they're trying to reek him, they're trying to do this Shepp and Catherine thing. I'm so sorry, but I'm out of stamping.

I will not approve this. Okay. Shuffle is that back with my arms crossed. I was like, no, he always gets thrown into some lazy, romantic subplot that the producers try to whip up at the end of the season. Like there was him in Landon where they forced Landon to tell him that she loved him, which I didn't actually ever believe that. I just thought it was just a super awkward moment. Now he's in the situation with Catherine. I think they did it with Cameron, you know. So he's talking about his

knee and how he's starting physical therapy and everything and And he's just basically saying how like with nurses like when someone nurses you you fall in love with them And then they show a flashback of Catherine bringing him soup. I'm like no, no, no, please let's not Florence night and gal this shit Okay, yeah, and then he's like well, I don't know gosh. Maybe I cut the cord too quickly Yeah, oh we have such good chemistry cut him being like, you're leading with the wrong foot, Garth? Just try it my way, one time, Garth. Such good things. And he's like, after Kenzie was born,

we kind of hooked up again. And since then, a few times, but it never went. And he was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, I'll wait, what? You were just saying that this was some ridiculous, ridiculous romantic story. Wait, no, you guys have been having sex? Cauter him. Cauter him? Says things in the soft voice. So you're like, oh, she's not really talking about much. I've been voting except for really what?

No, the set, we have good sex, whatever. He's cute and like wait wait excuse me He's like gosh and she's like so I could have a dream about you and he's like oh Guilty like he does this shrug like he hears this every day from the girl She's like and burns Vietnam documentary cuz I was so good He's like we were in this big house and there were all these women there and they were in love with you and fighting for you and I fell asleep. I was like, uh, that was his show. Yeah, you watch relationship. You watch relationship. But this one ends with him being at the door saying he's in love with her and he's like, Oh, guilty. Well, I guess I do love her, but Don't feel bad. I've had weird dreams before

She goes there's always hidden meanings in your dreams. That's not really a hidden meaning He just showed up and said he loved you. Yeah, just you may as well be unnoticed. Yeah, he just showed up and said he loved you. Yeah, just you basically watching. I'm not it. Yeah, so So now we go over to Austin's apartment where we get a special Splash of his pastiness as he changes from gets stress and stuff and his friend from college Alexandra comes over And she's like go this girl, have we met this girl before? She is so familiar. I think maybe we have, she looks exactly like this girl who I used to work in the library within college.

So I'm like, did I work in the library with you? But I don't think it's so familiar to me. So she's, you know, of course Austin, yeah, like he said, is in a towel again. And he's dressing with his mouth open again. Like it's this every scene that he's gonna be in. So basically she just gives him shit. Like, I can't believe you don't live on the street. You have an actual apartment.

And then they start talking about the girl. The girl drama. Yeah, and he's like, he's saying, oh, God, it's so easy being a guy, you know? Like with Victoria, she has like five face creams. yeah so that's pretty much that right so she Alexandra is very excited to meet Victoria and Chelsea at this beer party and and she's like now don't forget you were in love with Chelsea when you met her you said you were in love don't forget I'm like please stop trying to make this seem like an epic love story for us this is not like this is literally the the this is truly worse than any other romantic arc we've seen on

on this show like let's just we can we just like stop pushing this it's like well I did get a new notebook well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, Oh You ready yet. No, are you sure don't be rude don't be rude Let's go back to some more negative comments The camera is right in her eyes. Yeah, like she feels the whole screen with just her like kind of semi-cross-eyed trying to put on her makeup They are basically like this is a crazy bitch and we're gonna give her a crazy edit right now. We're just zooming in on her eyes. The way movies do on crazy people, because that's what she is.

Yeah, I'm Max Planet Crazy. So like, we cannot film any more of her water buffalo hair, okay? So he's like, well, I was hoping, cat LaFone, you know, would bring her back refreshed. But perhaps it's regressed huh? That's usually what California does, yes. Yeah, I don't know anybody, anybody coming from California that's more mature than when

they left. Yeah. No, no, it's a disaster state. Yes, and we speak as victims. Yes. And even if this state does get split into three, it will work for all three sections. Yes, exactly.

God damn it! God damn it! Let me evolve! Oh my God, okay. So now we get to the tasting and the bartender is Rob. And he's like, oh hey Austin, I can lie man, she did a bit. No, delicious beer.

Yeah. He said thanks, bro. Hey Austin I can lie man she did a bit of a delicious beer. Yeah He said thanks bro, and so he hasn't he hasn't actually named his beer So he's putting out little pieces of paper everywhere for basically suggestions wants people to write down words and Associations it's calling it Operation Austin's Hoppy place. I like just call that. That means at home all triggered I just call that. That means at home, all triggered. Your second there took me a second. I was like, well, is she getting into beer now? Yeah, it's called to get up. It's getting sneaker. Yeah. It's been a bit of a waste. Okay. The beer that never stops calling you and emailing you 30 times a day.

So I was like, Hey, there's a choc wall. Oh, okay. So people get to write on the choc wall when they get there. So back at Chelsea's house, she's with Addy, her roommate. Yeah, I was, yes. Oh, do I skip something? No, I didn't realize her name was Addy. I thought it was Mariah Carey. That's who she looks like.

She's like, Addy basis is like sitting there me like It's a sweet sweet Fantasy Oh Could you stop singing there for a second? I got a question I couldn't figure out who she looked like I thought it was the girl from Parks and Rack and now she's on Legion. Oh Audrey Plaza Yeah, it was Mariah Carey. It was like she looked like and yes. Good call. Yeah, it was Mariah Mariah and she was even like sitting like you you know, Mariah loves to recline, it's her own side. She was fully doing a Mariah right there. Yeah.

And she was giving some shade, dude. Yes. She's like, oh, this one look good. I don't really care about old snap mode, but I still won't look good. I got butterflies. She's like, yeah, I have an album called Butterfly. So.

Yeah. Welcome to 18 years ago. OK. Yeah.. Got a butterfly that never even had to be a caterpillar first. I was just born like this. Yeah, bitch. She's like, well, I'm sure you in awesome will recondul once we day. So she's like, have you talked to Victoria? And she's like, yes, she just wants your approval. That's all she needs. And she's like, yes, she just wants your approval. That's all she means and she's like, well, I haven't witnessed it yet I'll keep you up and hope my heart on a level is gonna happen and she's like, well for her to say the beer sucks Like, okay, Addie's my kind of girl She's like real talk though. Is Victoria harder than me? Is she?

And then Mariah Carey doesn't answer what the hell? and then Mariah Carey doesn't answer what the hell Mariah Carey's like I don't know her I have a vision of Victoria and it was all like I think to me. Anyway, were you gonna say by the way, what? Uh, I don't think I was gonna say anything. I think I was just you get caught on a Mariah Carey gust of wind. I think I was just trying to come up with a Mariah Carey pun on the fly. And I was like flailing and I was just like, I wouldn't have to Google it. I do have some red, uh, uh, uh,

what about red your Kipling poems for that? I guess I'm going to come up. This one's called the absent-minded beggar and it's the first one in the list, which I kind of liked because it's like an Ashley centric episode. Mm, yeah, I like that. Fitting. Um, so, uh, Austin, we're back at the party and Austin's family arrives. And of course, they all like the beer.

Um, and then Naomi and Wilson and Danny show up everyone sort of showing up JD comes in she's like wow ready to dance I'm awesome bro I think Austin sent a email to everybody on his like email invite was like does anybody want to come taste my great fruity citrusy deer because every single person is like wow citrus I still maintain the red yellow fruit situation it's citrus but it's lemon so Chelsea who's about to get told off for being too close to Austin comes in and Austin hugs her so much and she does Like straddle his waist like a lorette. Yeah, she's like she's fully off the ground like she is I'm like, you know, okay you guys are are great friends, but given this situation with girlfriend

This is this is a bit of an intense hug given the situation This is a bit of an intense hug given the situation. It's like an off-the-ground straddle the waist. It was a lot. Meanwhile, Mariah is standing there and she's like, Beer takes time to brew and you're brewing so much. Don't you know that great fruit and citrus? Make a full beer. And then he like gives her like a taste and she's like, he's like, wants some more, she's like, I don't want more beer.

I don't want no beer. Nothing in the world could make me taste. This crappy beer again. Yeah, and you might be rassul. She does the daughter of my thing where she's like, oh, my girl, it's Mama Austin. Daddy Austin, sister Austin, brother Austin. And she's like hugging everybody.

Well, they're all like, whoa, beer. Yeah, they all love her. And then Ashley and Thomas come in and Austin's like, Hey, Thomas. Hi, over here, in and Austin's like, Hey, Thomas, hi over here. Thomas. I'm like, we know it's a backyard. Yeah. Thomas is in his, where do I go? Thomas is in his classic period, Winkel Sweater, his favorite color. And Ashley's wearing some sort of like Alexis Couture top, you know, that thing where it's like weird spider webs up top. Yes. And then if you want to get even grissier,

Whitney's like, what would you guys get into last night mother? And Thomas is like, a little something, something. Well, Whitney, I mean, he shows up later, but he comes up dressed basically like he's out of a guy-richy movie in this like black overcoat with like a fur collar lapel situation. Yeah, he's worn that blot.

That big fur coat. He's like, thank you. I'm dressed to all black to your beard tasting. I'm a little tinted glasses. So T-Raven actually arrive and Austin gives them beers and she's like, oh my gosh, hi, hi, hi. Thanks for having me.'s for having me. Thanks for having me.

Because her voice is all hoarse for some reason. And she's like, can I call you Ash? Oh, Ash, Ash. Ash, oh, it's cool. I'm a cool girl. So then it cuts to Austin's dad. He's like, well, why don't we name this Austin Island adventure? I'm going to write it on the, I'm going to write it on the shock board.

I hope this inspires other people to write stuff. It's like, you know, don't inspire this cast to write out a while. It's just gonna be a bunch of little bicks. It's like a little, it's like a urinal, you know, when you go to the urinal and it's just like, you want to fuck urinal, urinal, it's not this number. No, Shappel writes something literary. I'm sure. You would like name it something like Hemingway's arch He's like jellicle cats or jellicle cats Bronte Bronte Ronte what chef? He's like knock knock knock on the door Oh, he's like knock knock rock on the door.

So, um, yeah, by the way, I looked at the beer suggestion, the names. What was on there on the wall was Austin's Island adventure. Beer beer yum hop, brulee and tastes like another. Yes, this is not the cast to ask for names. It's not a focus group. So by the way, Peyton shows up. We were just asking last week, whatever happened to Peyton. So she showed up looking amazing and she hugs Naomi. So there's good progress in that front.

And then Ashley arrives in like a very cool, was that like a camel's camel skin? Is that what you call it? That color camel skin sort of a cape thing? Yeah, she looks really pretty. The wind's classic, a Gwen's classic. Yeah, a Gwen's cape. Oh, so she, yeah, she's like, I

look like a new balloon. And Naomi's like, so they just basically, I took a million notes for no reason, but they're basically naming the beer. And I love that everybody comes up to Austin. They're like, whoa, I can't

believe this is drinkable. Hey, Austin congrats. I didn't choke to death. He's like, oh, well, well, well T. Red Mimal starts staring at Catherine from across the way and he's like, wow, she's getting tall And now she's like, don't stare But they do they both do like JD and Thomas are both like whoa Just staring at the table of girls and when she says don't stare Thomas goes why not

So Victoria comes in Just made soup and threw it out Supposed to be ready today and then he has a beer a party. He does stomping him like a little kid. And then Chelsea's like, Oh, the color of it! I said you were coming after work. And she's like, yeah, and he stomps right after.

Oh, I like. God. She's just like a little impetulent child. And then I'm gonna have my first fat on TV. It's like oh no you're not sucka And you know that she's doing because when Chelsea went up to Austin's mom Austin mom was like But when Victoria goes up to her she's like Hi, that's winter colors. I can't see your face under that hat. Is that a frown? Let's turn that upside down.

You look like a lady's making soup for three days. Am I right? Oh, you have. Oh, you look like a lady who just wasted a three day soup down a garbage disposal. You ever read that book, see it from a stone? It's classic. You'd love it.

So Craig, so Thomas, they actually told Thomas and JD to stop staring. So they're like, okay, so they just go to the table of girls. So we go alone, which is great. And Craig is stuck there with Ashley. And he's like, let me talk to Catherine since he helped me head. Like, he's tough. Yeah. And Trab is like, well, you are are going to talk to her though, right? And she's like, if you want me to, which is like, do not invoke Sleem Dion, okay? Do not.

So then Thomas goes over to the table, and so now, now, ask her their horse voice, because I think the horse voice makes her more of like, I've been going through an emotionally harrowing experience. So she turns to Craig, and she's like, can I be honest with you? Thomas and I were struggling. That's like why it's hard to have a conversation with Catherine because like right now, I don't know where I stand. I mean, like I literally don't know where I'm standing.

Where am I? Anyway, since I got back from California, I feel like he's been sort of self-destructive in some ways. I'm like self-destructive. Have you seen Thomas Ravannell's life? That's called being Thomas Ravannell. Yes, exactly. And she's like, I don't know if it's really worth fighting for at this point. And then so Thomas is flirting with Katherine. He's like, why don't we call this beer dear beer? And she's like, here, here. And he's like, oh my god, she's speaking like a real public servant. Is this...

Is this a rebirth of what you're kippling us here before my eyes? Meanwhile, Peyton said, why don't we call this Shakespeare? That's my gorsh already wrote that down. Gorsh! So then meanwhile, Peyton is with her friend. They both look bored. She was basically like, I thought I was going to be on the show. I'm not, but I'm still obligated to go to these stupid events.

Anyway, she's like, I mean, it's fine. And her friend is like, yeah, I mean, to talk about the beer. He's like, it's not terrible. I mean, it's not the greatest beer in the world. I was like, thank you. Finally, some honest people at this beer event. So then uh, Whitney shows up. What am I looking at here? Oh yeah. So I already said Whitney was like, I know. I know. Whitney shows up in his garb and then he starts drinking some of the beer and I was like, oh, don't spit it out. And so Whitney of course, but I said, I'm sorry, bro,

I just had to do a bro. Read all the bro, bro. He's like clocking out. Like just spit all over everybody clocking out mother plus go to dinner. He's kind of figured out how to do the show. I mean, that's what I would do. I would show up spit and then have dinner with Patricia. I love it.

Yeah, pretty much that's what the boss does. That's like everybody, you know, grabs a couple of boobs and ghosted dinner. I love that's like, I love the that's how I love going to party Let's go in make your appearance and go to dinner with like a classy lady. I love it So then he walks right up to Ashley to stir some shit, you know for the 10 minutes. He's gonna be at this party So he's like Happy birthday

How old you now? And she goes 33, I'm too old for a man of cow! And Thomas is like, you're getting there. She's like, her hair just fully curls on the tips. It reaches full water buffalo. Meanwhile, Catherine has written some sort of name and You know me while Catherine Catherine has written some sort of name and chap sitting next to her and she's like do you like the name? I wrote down he goes I don't I don't like it. I'm sorry gosh. What is this? I Will say she's the best bowl or I've ever seen

And then dad the way was Oracle she's like, was Oracle. She's like, Oracle Brewing Company. Do you like that? Oh, kind of like that. I like that. Um, so Danny, meanwhile, she, she's just the name Smell, which is very carol rads well. Remember when she's just slide for POC. Oh, Danny is fracking me up in this episode.

First of all, right when they show her come in, she's just scratching her boob like under her bra. I'm scared. I'm scared. Yeah. And then later she's just like looking at she's just kind of like giving everybody stink eye. She's like sits there at the table. I was loving Danny in this episode.

Well, Danny is always like a very reliable, you know, cast member. She shows up, she smiles, she's nice, she says some funny thing, she's supportive, and she'll, you know, scream it actually. That's how that. So, Catherine's like, it's Ashley still here, and she's like, oh, look at Thomas the sweater. He does have a little gut. I was like, um, your chef.

Like, your chef. You're not wrong, but your chef. Okay. Yeah, but the thing is that Thomas was, I mean, the combination of the cut of the sweater plus the Periwinkle, it was not flattering. Um, so what else happened? Okay, so a million notes here. Okay. So, so Austin gives us a little speech. He thanks the crowd. He's's like I never thought I'd be able to make a beer, but I made a beer or so now I've got a beer I taste like grapefruit. I thought I was more of a yellow fruit, but okay, so Then Victoria's with her friends and her friends like so we're gonna go and say no don't go I need your support here. I need your support Come on, but like no, we're gonna go so yeah. So yeah she's wants to have her big on-screen fight.

Yeah so and I love Chelsea for not giving this to her. Yeah so then so their friends leave so Victor was like oh and then we see T-Rab and he's now he's now annoyed at Ashley again because he feels like she's trying to control everything that he does and he's like well maybe I won't give her that ring which is hilarious that he's gonna withhold the family crest from her And then Austin's family pulls him to the side and I'm like well Austin

We didn't think you'd ever do anything in life and you still haven't really done anything technically But this is a nice, you know Jesher that someday you might do a little something. Yeah, at least we're paying for great fruit mom loves great fruit So now okay, so now finally you've got Naomi Naomi. I think was with is with Catherine and they're just standing there and I think Victoria and Catherine is there as he come up with a name Oracle and Victoria is like trepidation trepidation trepidation

trepidation trepidation trepidrepa trepidation is that even a word Okay, everyone please stop so Yeah, it sounds like a Sarah McLaughlin commercial I don't know how I feel about a beer called trepidation. I don't think that's a strong. I think it's like not great Yeah dangerous great fruit. Yeah, there you go. The dangerous great fruit. I win. You win. So Chelsea, so basically, this is where it all happened.

So Chelsea just basically walks right on up, you know, cause she's like, when we talk for a second, she goes, no, I'm just like, it's okay. We're all good. So if she pulls her to the side and Victoria goes, I feel like I'm being brought to the plane. The captain goes is that good or bad? Well Victoria was clearly no idea. Victoria is clearly throwing off because she probably thought that when she said no that then it was going to turn to a fight but then she'll

say oh it's okay we're good. She's like oh no. She'll see so nice. She's like you want me to watch your hair while I have this discussion? Victoria was like, already planning on hair flips. Like, Ashley was giving her tips. Like, here's what you got to do. You got to just go like, fuck, fuck, fuck. They have similar hair actually.

I recognize that hair. It's a bitch hair, okay? So Chelsea's like, well, I'll just move aside. If you guys decide you together, I'm helping for you guys. And if you feel there's some badger is being crossed. And she's like, yeah, I'm serious. We'll then talk to Mehdi. I'm a senior.

Just what I have to say to myself. Yeah. Feels yeah, from me, but not from Austin. I thought that's Betty. I'll be your kisses. Arn. It was like a punch to the Stomach I'm like well what happens when you watch something that's actually tragic

They're like literally like on a boat coming back from crabbing all right, yeah, so and then of course awesome Watch from back. This is like the classic thing on a bravo show two women start to fight and then the guys like oh god I'm scared to go over there women fighting. I'm just gonna stay here. It's probably getting heated over there Although I'm gonna be so fucking awesome for him to see two girls fighting over him. Yeah, well I will say this on my 30th birthday Katie Kuzorla was there and She got into a fight with someone Okay, Katie that yeah It was it was hilarious and I just stayed across the room and I pulled an

Austin I was like I'm not going involved I'm just gonna watch I was like this is the greatest birthday gift I could ever have like like Katie fighting with another girl this is this is what I'm all I need I would not fuck with her I'm telling whatever she says I'm like yes yes Katie yeah so she's like I felt like a pension this time I can start hitting me out. I was free to go I was blocking myself from the wind. I was like Behind Austin like okay, and she goes yeah, but the body language like could you imagine the body language? Okay, what's language with your body you guys are making like with your body?

And she like well, we built a friendship. Maybe it's too close for you to deal with and then Austin's like okay There they go. They're going going in they're talking right now. Here I go you know what I see a lot of emotion they are a lot of my community watching a sport must be must be the the heavy feeling you get from drinking trepidation. So Victor is like don't you think putting your arm around his arms is crossing a boundary like am I supposed to make soup for someone who lets his arm get in tankled with someone else's arm? I don't think so.

I don't think so. I'm like, there she is talking about the soup. I can see her moving her stirring arm. And she's going in for the kill. Yeah, she got her invisible ladle going. Oh, she's serving it. And oh, she just poured it out onto the ground as a sign of protest.

Damn, and I'll never get that soup. So Chelsea's like, what did Austin say about it? And she said, well, he said he was cold too. And I'm like, you know what, you guys, block your cold all day long about body language. You know what I mean? Like body language is different, because that's like language with your body.

It's like, why were you shivering? Like you're cold, I get it, but you're shivering. Like, that's excessive. It's like, no, it's like It was yeah, I was called watching You're best friends boyfriend like within the year Yeah, don't forget that you did that by the way, you like remember don't forget that like he was dating Chelsea first And then you came around so if anyone should be mad it should really be Chelsea And that he also has moved on from Chelsea to you again

Honestly both you girls should be mad at him because you guys should not be messing with him. He's like obviously ridiculous. I know. Look to the side of what you're fighting over. Yeah. The guy's sitting there talking about you while you fight at a party that is a party for a beer that is parents are painful. You're literally. I'm a girl. You're literally fighting for a hairless Foszy Bear.

Okay. That's what you're fighting for. Oh my God. That just made him so much better in my mind. I'm gonna name this beer Waka Waka Waka. Fawzi's map is always open for no reason too. That's quite good. It's a very good call. He's a hairless Fawzi bear. Okay, I'm not.

I mean, they're all basically Fawzi bear with that bear. And he doesn't have a hat or the charm. Yeah, so she's basically like, okay, well, I'm sorry, and Victoria won't drop it. She's like, you know, think an arm is a boundary? You are so stupid.

I mean, if an arm were into boundary, then what serves the soup, okay? Someone please get the city out of my team. We've already got Ashley, we don't need you bad hat. Payton's just standing there like, she's taking my role. Always I'm supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be on fighting with someone. So meanwhile Alexandra is off the side talking to Austin and she's like, so which one's your favorite?

Which one's your favorite? I mean, I can't. I'm not, this is ridiculous. And she's like, well, I don't think Victoria is the one. Like, well, no, shit, Sherlock, you can't even say the Victoria is his favorite. And he's dating her. Yeah. Eesh.

And that's pretty much how we end. So good. I'm loving Southern Charm. Let's go over to the crapens mailbag. What? Real quickly. Let's finish off the week with some crapens mailbag. Right. the week with some crap ins mail bang. We actually only have one question left before we have to refill it. So let's ask it.

This is from Alejandro M. Alejandro. Very sexy name. He says. Who would be your dream below deck cast from any season or version and what position will Rocky be in and go ahead and throw in a musical interlude about ironing? Then he continues also a theory. That guest who wouldn't eat the seafood was just not eating due to, this is the woman from a few weeks ago, Michelle. So that guest who wouldn't eat the seafood was just not eating due to a hidden eating disorder

and then spiraled once someone called her out on it and couldn't get her stories straight. That maybe is giving her too much sympathy, but again, just a theory. Oh, I know, I think it's totally right. I think full eating disorder and she probably just wanted to do like a little white lie and then it's like that thing when you do like a little white lie like,

I can't eat it, I'm allergic and someone's like, well, what about this? And you're like, ah, and just gets out of control and then she's like that thing we do like a little white lie like I can't eat it, I'm allergic and someone's like well what about this and you're like ah and just get out of control and it just doesn't know what to do. Now what do I do? So dream below debt cast and what position do rock and be in. Well I mean obviously Kate, obviously Hannah, obviously, oh my god Hannah and Kate dooling. It would actually be disaster. Obviously, what's his face? The, what's, oh, he's so the honky, the brother of Starfish. Oh yeah, that guy's cute.

He was on our show. What was his name again? Why am I blanking in his name? I don't remember things, I'm sorry. I have to write in below deck nude because he has a nude. Yeah, below deck, dick pick. Yeah nude. Yeah, below deck dick pick. Yeah, dick pick. I know his name.

I'm so sorry guys. I feel like it's like Terry. It's Kelly. I remember it was like Kelly. Yeah, Kelly. Kelly, you have to have Kelly. I love Kelly. Amy, you already said Amy.

I love Amy. And I miss things. Sorry. Yeah, have Amy back. I wonder if we should. I'm trying to think I want to rock you to be the captain. We'll know because you got to to have but see the thing is Do we have to pick people from below deck because I

Mean if you want to go to like these say I float a little bit longer than usual Well, we saw their resumes. I mean yeah, I'm yeah, I'm not a Casey's resume I don't know that they actually have to do anything but the captain I want both the captains. I like both the captains, and I like both Kate and Hannah, but we've already made a terrible boat because everyone's just gonna be fighting the whole time. Well, that's a great boat, actually.

Yeah, I want Chef Leon back because he's so terrible, and I just want to see basically Kate and Hannah just destroy him all over again. And I think, I'm actually be a cast member. He can just be like, furled up in a sail. They find him like six weeks and he's like, I diard. I diard.

You can subscribe if you want to see my beak. I think that we should also have that that ridiculous guy who was like the, the hair model who, who was Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, I feel like there's someone from like season one who we could we could bring back maybe cat That was your name cat, right, but like I want a drunk cat not like Got her shit together cat Yeah me too, you know, well cap. I don't know did cat ever get her shit together Yeah, because her first season she was a disaster and then second season she's like I'm a bit a I'm betta now. I'll have a weird accent. You don't know what accent I have

Yeah, she didn't have an accent, did she? She had like a weird-ish accent. I'm trying to think there's so many people now because there's I'm trying to think I'm below deck med. Oh, I don't know if I I mean Tiffany was nice and the pull Abdul-1 was nice. I don't know if we need Bobby back. We don't need Dan. Danny was hilarious just in how love love Lauren he always was. Yes. Remember, he had the best exit for sure when they sent him packing on a donkey. I forgot about that. Like, up the walls of Santorini or something. Yes, that was the best part. And the captain's just like they just close up on the captain cracking up.

I feel like the thing is that it's just easy to forget some of these people, you know, like I remember the season Where it was Kate and Amy there was like a third? Well, there was well Amy was on with cat one season I think and Amy felt like she was the third, but then there was Kate and Amy and then was the other one bunny Was that this season with bunny or rabbit? Oh my god. Yeah, I missed her too and then remember she got like a big She got like a big makeover after and she's like look. It's me a Miss Exy kitchen. I still haven't seen her with her makeover I don't know if I can even They accept that into my life

That is pretty good. Yeah, yeah, and of course Rocky Obviously Rocky. Yeah, Rocky's got to come back. I feel bad. I feel bad because you know we love K We love Hannah and we have the most respect for what they do and Rocky is the antithesis of What they do and and Rocky is there night and here but for us It's you don't want to see people like sitting around having tea. No, we need Rocky to be just like Ironing doing shit her own show tunes just like ironing doing shit her own showtunes. Hell yes! Yeah, yeah.

That's what I feel like. Well, I am in that cactus path! God, who am I? Who am I going to salt onto these windows? Alright, okay. Okay. Goal is, goal is, story, we made it to the weekend. I am so happy. This was such a fun episode. I know it's, we sound like a broken record.

I know, I know, I know, and I really appreciate everyone who is so patient whenever we show our shit. But it's like these live shows are super fun for us. And it's always really fun when people come out and the more people who do show up, I feel like we feed off that energy. So that's one of the reasons why we always are trying to get people to come to the show. So I really thank everyone for listening to us. Shil, these shows over and over again. But with all sincerity, I really do hope that you can come to our San Francisco or Phoenix shows next week. They're gonna be so much fun. And honestly, sitting here doing this Southern Charm episode with you, Ronnie, today, we

had so much fun as like every week we've been just like dying with a Southern Charm thing. And so I'm so excited for next week to bring this to San Francisco. And I just really hope that that you guys can all share in it with us because we're just gonna have Just so much fun like I can now wait to hear the audience like Reaction to all this shit so a truly heartfelt shill Like go to watch for crap and calm and buy tickets to our live shows and

It's gonna be really really so much fun. And until then you guys have a wonderful weekend that goes for you to Ronnie. YouTube and and we'll talk to y'all on Monday where we're gonna be discussing Petrolmick. Yes we'll see you then everybody. Bye! Hey Prime members you can listen to Watchrocrapins at free on Amazon Music. Yes, we'll see you then, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye. .com slash survey.