Watch What Crappens - SouthernCharm: Tell Him Good Ol' Boy, Bye

Episode Date: April 14, 2018

Time's Up for JD as the women of "Southern Charm" finally take him to task for his philandering ways (BWWAAAAAH!!!). It's an explosive, hilarious, and generally awesome episode, and we're her...e to recap all of it. Grab your Gentry throw blanket because we're fixin' to have some fun with this one... See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few, follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors! Christie Wowardy-Dowardy! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low.
Starting point is 00:00:37 Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird! Jess Sayon, okay! Shannon out of a cannon Anthony! And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Kelly Grant, the Grant Master! Give them hell, Miss Noel! And Lizzie Drucker, a fun motherfucker! Watch what crap is, watch what crap is, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? What happens?
Starting point is 00:01:07 What happens? What happens when there's so much that happens? What happens when there's so much that happens? What happens when there's so much that happens? I'm Ben Mantleker from BSIBLOG.com and the Banta Blender Podcast. London podcast and joining me on this beautiful Friday afternoon in April. Oh, it's Friday the 13th. Oh my God. It's a spooky podcast. It's Ronnie Caram from trashtalktv.com and the Rosebrook Spatcha podcast. Hi, Ronnie. Hello, Ben. I hope you have no intention of going to a cabin in the woods. I'm too tired for that. I, my, my hearts are with all the people going to Coachella this weekend because you're going on Friday the 13th weekend.
Starting point is 00:02:15 So clearly it's the perfect setting for a slasher movie. You know, like someone gets slashed right when Beyoncé's hitting a high note in like the Sahara tent on night two and they don't hear the killing because Beyoncé is like That's my Beyoncé impersonation No one wants to die in a Coachella tent a yurt no one wants to die on one no one wants to die in Coachella No one wants to die without a bath. Like you know that you're going to the, you know, you're going to the after death people, the mortuary or whatever, the mortician and you smell like butt cheese or whatever. Like nobody wants that. You guys don't go to cacchella on Friday the 13th. No one wants to die with
Starting point is 00:02:59 a flower crown on. No one wants to die with like a problematic American Indian headdress on. That's not a way to go, okay? No one wants to die in their community, their Coachella community. Is that a thing or is that just burning man ass communities? I think they both have communities. One is more basic and one is more smelly. But, yeah, seriously, like, let's not ruin this haim moment on night two. Okay, let's not ruin haim. You ever listen to haim?
Starting point is 00:03:37 No, I'm thinking of Corey Haim. Where are you talking about? Haim? I got sad. Well, haim? Understandably. Haim, I say ha shame to make it sound more Israeli It's like it's these three sisters. They're like these rock and roll sisters and all their songs sound like this
Starting point is 00:03:53 It's like it's like white shiree like Shiree by the love and I But it's like three of them so it's all doing it all at once No, but I feel like they deserve to die They're fine. I like some of their songs. Oh, it's great. I'm like, you just sold them like 50 albums right? Yeah, people are gonna rip out by that. I want to hear the, I have a haem song. Let's see if I can play a haem song. You like it then you should have put a, you got shockers Burrubu? You got shakas? Shreye Chela.
Starting point is 00:04:27 It's gonna be in September spring summer. You got baseball? You got baseball? You got baseball? You got baseball? I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play a little bit of haim so you can hear like how they sound. Those are two different songs by the way. I'm a fucking woman. I'm a fucking woman. I'm a fucking woman.
Starting point is 00:04:48 Those are two different songs, by the way, even though they sound exactly the same. Yeah, that was a very quick, no, you got this once. You got this once spring September summer. And to vote. Uh, today is also Louis and searing, by the way. Oh my God. If they send, if they send her to jail and we have tickets for the countis live, I'm going to be pissed.
Starting point is 00:05:23 If they said, I would be happy if she she if the only way I'd be happy for Countess Luanne going to jail would be if she is sentenced by Judge Judy. That to me would be a great pop culture confluence. Judge Judy should just be the Supreme Court. Yeah, why not? We'd be much more efficient as a country. Every case is like five minutes takes takes like two years to get to the Supreme Court. She's like, okay. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-b So this show is But before before the southern charm of course We do have to mention we do have a show this Sunday if you aren't going to Kacela or if you're coming back Don't let the party end we are doing a show at the Irvinean Pra that's I believe it's 7 p.m
Starting point is 00:06:19 It could be 7 30 p.m It's around then Go to watch our crap and calm to find the ticket links It's gonna be a fabulous show Taco Bell will be there. They're. It's around then. Go to watchacrapans.com to find the ticket links. It's going to be a fabulous show. Taco Bell will be there. They're going to be doing giveaways. They have a Taco Bell truck that will be there with free Taco Bell. So we can all be part of the Taco Bell Coven. It will be super fun. So everyone come. We're going to be talking about the Real Housewives of Orange County, season four episode, classic episode, the classic episode the naked wasted dinner party where Gretchen Rossi gets naked wasted So I watched that yesterday. Oh, yeah, get my notes done and Wow, this is like a very depressing part of the Orange County world
Starting point is 00:07:00 Well, I think all those beginning seasons they were, here's how awful and depressing everybody's life is. Whereas now they're like trying to make it sound fun. Like Vicki is pretending her boyfriend has cancer. They make it fun. Like then it was like Gina in a closet. Like, well, can't leave them because you know, I'm at almost tired. So, I guess I can't now, but you know. And then Lori's kids are waiting in the bathroom and she's completely delusional and then we know what happens there. And then Gretchen's man is like in the hospital dying. I mean, it is so, so dark.
Starting point is 00:07:32 It is gonna be delicious to cover. Yeah, I can't wait. I'm just excited to have some more Lynn Curtin in our lives. I have never done a Lynn Curtin impersonation before. Neither of us. And working on it in the mirror has been, I mean, it's brought me so much joy. I think you just have to like somehow lower your heartbeat and just be like,
Starting point is 00:07:54 I'm gonna work on it. I'm gonna workshop it. But today we do have Southern Charm and this was really an amazing episode. Wow, so good. Almost all of it took place at one location. That's when you know it's a good episode. When they don't have to change it around, or move around, it's no fancy trickery of the timeline, it's just, they're all at Shep's house at his birthday barbecue, and it's almost, I would say it's like 95%
Starting point is 00:08:24 to explain to their ex and a few little scenes at the end. Yeah, I like say it's like 95% takes place there and a few little scenes at the end. Yeah, I like when they, they're like, we're gonna shoot at a straight guy's house. It's outside in a dirt backyard. Yeah. And we made the table look like a way fair commercial. Yes, pretty much, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:39 Do you wanna take something off the way fair wall? Like crazy spaces. Oh my God, could you imagine like a ship and Craig trading spaces episode? Gosh! Gosh, I'm a huge youth foe in my walls! Gosh! Gosh, why did you attach all my furniture to the ceiling? Gosh!
Starting point is 00:08:57 Why don't you support the grass that I stapled to your ceiling, gosh? It's the prison of love, Chef, because I feel like I'm a prisoner of your love sometimes as a friend. Craig could just say all of his real lives. He could be like, what's wrong with my selling? Yeah. Nomi.
Starting point is 00:09:21 So I didn't even know you cared. They all actually work. Page Davis does seem like someone who would be hanging around with this crew, right? Like, I wouldn't have been surprised if she were sitting at that table just pallying around with Danny. And then like when everyone starts to fight, she like rabs. She takes like Catherine under one arm and Ash and under one arm. She's like, guys, I know you're mad,
Starting point is 00:09:45 but do you wanna see your new rooms? And like what new rooms? I've seen people cry on this show. I've seen them try and burn their house down. I've seen that. Are you guys still mad? Aren't you guys like a little bit happy? Just like a little bit happy.
Starting point is 00:10:03 It's like, listen, Paige Davis, you're not happy it's like listen page Davis you're not gonna fix this i mean you're on tv guys i just need you to be a little bit braver Katherine do you think maybe you would like Ashley more if she's stapled astroturf to your kitchen island. Come on, guys. So Judge Judy is the Supreme Court, then Paige Davis is the Baylif. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:10:31 He gave me a workers laugh. I don't even smoke. I was like, eh. You have second hand smoke from all of this distance away. Mile away that we live. Oh, I thought you meant from the smoker and sheps yard. Oh my god I know he how many people are gonna leave there with like little clots of chicken fat in their lungs Still look better than anything on the food network these days
Starting point is 00:10:54 So the girls I love they should food network would be like lasagna on the grill I know they still would have fucked it up. Yeah, there's a fun thing about that channel as well. We'll get into that another day. Yeah. But this opens with the girls on their way over. And they're still really milking the nightmare version of their theme song. Which I love. Stop money! Stop, follow!
Starting point is 00:11:17 And they're all caring about it. I'm adding a 13 sound effects. It's like when you're killed at Coachella with bad art from raw stress for less. Captain is carried. I said she's carrying random IKEA art, but yeah it's probably like raw stress for less art, just like big colorful shapes. Yeah like three of them have it, because I know that it doesn't have anything on this goddamn wall. They all have random canvases and shadow boxes. Well normally you bring a plant or something but I mean that you know you're just sending it to its death. Yeah. Bring it to the shots house. Yeah they had some
Starting point is 00:11:49 empathy because they are living things after all. Yeah it's like bringing a land of slaughter. They're like let's just get art. Instead of bringing some instead of bringing a living thing why don't we bring something from living spaces. Jennifer Jennifer couches or whatever I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.
Starting point is 00:12:16 I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. The chicken's not ready. I don't know what people are going to eat at this party. Yeah. But they've slaughtered, I think, like, 30 farms for this party. They're so much meat. So much meat. Yeah. There's a lot of meat and none of it is cooking. Just slowly dying on the grill. Yeah. And Whitney arrives. And he's kind of like an old woman now tried to be the young guy,
Starting point is 00:12:45 which is really creepy in his own basement, I'll tell kind of way. And they're all standing in that dirt patch. Yeah. Backyard and he just keeps looking up at the lit windows like mother. Mother. Mother. My mother eats his chicken. Mother, stop telling me to burn the chicken.
Starting point is 00:13:00 Mother. You know, it's funny. Last night, this is almost nothing to do with anything. But last night, for the first time ever, I watched the best little whorehouse in Texas. And I tagged you in my Instagram story, Rodney, because I thought of you.
Starting point is 00:13:16 And there is something about a shop's house that reminds me of that whorehouse. It just sort of had that feel. I felt like they could all break out and dance. Well, Chef had an asshole couple of seasons, so I think he should get Dolly Parton in there. Dolly Parton helps anybody's reputation. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:30 I think it's like, it has a lot of money to look this cheap. So anyways, so, so there's, there's, there's, everyone's just sort of standing around. There's a lot of cross cutting back and forth, the different conversations. So at one point, there's talk about sort of standing around. There's a lot of cross-cutting back and forth of different conversations. So at one point, there's talk about the nanny. And the soon, the yardra, soon to be departed, nanny. And Ash is like, well, you know, if we got married, I could become the children's caretaker, so you won't have to get a nanny.
Starting point is 00:14:02 Oh, honey, you think you're the first to try and climb that wall? Sorry. Yeah. How well do you float as in? What happens when Thomas shoves you into the pool? Andrew Assistant, Antwerp Earth. Ma'am. Ma'am.
Starting point is 00:14:19 And then Thomas is even the thing about Thomas, he's the biggest pig on TV and on the internet, you know, by the way, for people who weren't keeping up. He's a disgusting human being, okay? And he's even being disgusting to her and he's just brought her in as a prop to get Katherine mad, you know, but he's even fucking with her because they're in the car and he's like, well, I lot the new nae nae. A real a laka. I like a real lot.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Yeah, she's good because you know, helped that can pick this beyond out the great list or wherever they remember. I'm an Ashley Madison. It's probably up to Ashley Madison. And she's like, I don't know why Catherine has to approve of her. Really? You're dead to me already, Ashley. Yeah, she's only the mother.
Starting point is 00:15:01 These are only her children. Yeah, I don't know why she has to prove. Short, short, short. So enjoy, enjoy. Thomas is hand up your butt crack the whole time. You're never getting a second. She is just gonna have, she is just gonna take a thrashing this entire season. I know it, it's gonna be so fun. She's earning it, man.
Starting point is 00:15:19 She really is. She is truly living up to the caricature of the other woman in a rom-com. I always call it the Jamie Gertz, because I always like to say that I'm the Jamie Gertz because I don't deal well with the children. I'm like, oh, hi. But she really is being that person who you spend the entire movie waiting for the guy to dump.
Starting point is 00:15:42 She's doing it. She's like, she's hitting all her marks. So Cameron arrives at the party. She's like, hello, hello. She's like, oh, fuck it. And Catherine's like, I like when they're in the car with all the girls and the girls are still like, girl power at which?
Starting point is 00:16:01 Look, we watch Bravo. So I can't wait to watch this fall apart, which is a terrible thing to say. but I have a feeling it's not gonna crash yeah and Catherine's like I'm not ready today I have stretch marks yeah I'm like I would never date if that and then I was like yeah I don't I don't date well I didn't even have a baby I just have like domino stretch marks it's not fair I know I just have to get out there it happens you know just a a little touch up. We all have stretch marks I think I've had so many domino babies
Starting point is 00:16:28 So Cameron gets there. Yeah, and she's like damn make the pregnant one while to love the stairs Like well, okay enjoy your time at the dog park Yeah, exactly Minds me of season one of real house as a Beverly Hills when tell Taylor threw a birthday party for like her three-year-old daughter and she put up this whole fancy table for the adults in this lovely green area and then the kids had to play in this small tiny little dirt patch. Yeah, it's like parody. She's so rich.
Starting point is 00:16:54 Yeah. So she's kissing Cameron's ass already, this Ashley girl because she knows the real boss of this show. It's Cameron. I mean, it's Cameron and Whitney. We all know it. Yeah. So she comes up to her and she's like, wow, you look so pretty.
Starting point is 00:17:12 What are you four or five months? Yeah. Girl, okay. I didn't hire you. I can't fire you, but I can't ruin your life. Go stand over there by the picnic table. I'm going to start the 45 minute process of going up these stairs. Excuse me. I'd also like to mention that Bo is back. We met Bo last season and I think he's friends with Shep. I think he's friends with Shep, but
Starting point is 00:17:34 he's hot and we always have to you know point out who's hot in any given moment. So Bo is back. Very happy. It's like a guy from Planet of the Apes playing so like a 50s dad like house., like Housewives dad, you know, and like leave it to be for the ad kind of guy. He's like an approachable Aaron Rogers. Aaron Rogers, does he look? Trying to think what he looks like. Well, I have the Google on it.
Starting point is 00:17:56 Yeah, you look up Aaron Rogers. I'm going to assume that's a double A. A double A. Yes, but the Rogers has a deen it, I believe. Oh, yes. Google even now. Let me see. Aaron Rogers.
Starting point is 00:18:10 He's got a hat on and all of these things. One of those football hats. Oh, yeah. He does look like him. Good call. Yeah, you know. But like not famous and talented in the same way. And he doesn't look mean.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Aaron Rogers looks mean. Is he mean? I don't know if he's mean. He doesn't talk to his family. So that seems pretty mean But I don't know what's the Aaron Rogers brother Aaron Rogers from the bachelor Duh. I know who he is of course Chris crossover Well, he hates his brother and we'll speak to him and then that girl from the Jojo Just married the brother so she could be close to Erin and they still can't speak
Starting point is 00:18:45 So it's all a delicious so proper to me. No wonder he has mean face. Yeah, I don't blame you Aaron Well, that's the Olivia Montefact, I guess so So Cameron Cameron has finally made it upstairs and she's like so Craig are you you can have a date coming over to this party He's like no, I don't think that's very tasteful to know me. I don't want her to feel bad. I haven't seen her in three months, so I don't know. Yeah, it's not what you do to an ex.
Starting point is 00:19:13 And she's like, what come out? It's like, come on, Cameron. Can you be on the girl side for one time on this entire show? Has she ever been on a girl side? I think so. She hasn't. She really hasn't. I don't know. Unless she's baked it. I don't know. She's and I'm this is foreshadowing because later it's like Cameron.
Starting point is 00:19:32 She's always always on these guys side and these guys are such little pricks. You know, now that said I'm always going to love Cameron. Cameron could bite the head off a little kitty cat on this show and I'd be like, oh god, I love her testimonials. She's great. I just love them. So anyway, we go back to the girls in the car and they're approaching a Naomi's getting nervous because she hasn't seen Craig since they broke up three months ago. So she's all super nervous. And while they're talking about all this, I just, I don't know if you know this, but Chelsea was holding something in her hand that said fatty patty. Did you see that? Oh, what was it? I don't know what a fatty patty is, but Chelsea had it. It's a very
Starting point is 00:20:09 fatty. That's how I feel. Every time I see Austin flirting with one of my friends, I'm over it. Really not. But I am. This is, I think this is just a great protest. This is a great hashtag me to protest. Like you know what? We're sick of the good old boys. So we're gonna get them some shitty, shitty gifts. Artwork for my Kia and Ross and something called a fatty patty. Well, you know, the guys just bring beers that are mixed in match that are stolen from their refrigerators in the first place to their own house warming. So yeah, exactly. So this is a fatty patty is a step up. Yeah. So Craig is, Craig is still talking to camera. I don't know why this needed two scenes of Craig like I'm just focusing on me And she's like you do you Craig?
Starting point is 00:20:50 So Whitney and Austin are talking it wouldn't he's like well? I heard that a steps going down in your like brodom hood Really? Yeah, I'm a bro too. I got a band called arena. That's bowing our backwards or two, I got a band called Reno that's bowing our backwards. Yeah, I'm a bro. And he's like, well, you know, not good, because like I dated a friend. No, I'm sorry, I'm trying to get an ostentate separate from Carl, because they don't have the same voice, but they do have like the same twitchy mouth with a tongue that refuses to stay, you know, yeah, just Yeah, just talk like a muppet. Talk like a muppet.
Starting point is 00:21:27 OK, I'll just start. I'll just kind of do it like this, because he doesn't have a deep voice like Carl. He does. He's like, a high voice. Not high, it's low. Well, compared to Carl, you know. It's not low.
Starting point is 00:21:39 Yeah, well, you know, I dated a friend. He's like, whoa, that was a bad move. Yeah. I like, Austin is like, he's getting sort of the idiots edit the season, which I like. Keep saying just dumbass things. Like, yeah, I don't know. So why did you guys break up?
Starting point is 00:21:54 Oh, because I started dating her friend. Oh, that's why you're not a nightmare anymore. That makes sense. That makes sense. So, yeah, so the women are on the way over and T-Rab is JD calls those women the break up bunch Because that's what women do. They just talk and gossip and don't offer anything to what the real men can do That's why they're the break up bunch
Starting point is 00:22:16 The break up bunch You're divorced. You brought a bimbo to piss off your ex. Your JD is a bimbo to piss off your ex. Your JD is getting divorced and living in the guest house. Austin got dumped, Craig got dumped. Like, how are they the break up bench? Yeah. All of us. Okay. Exactly. So Catherine and the car starts telling a story that T-Rap and JD, because by the way, all the women are just really over JD right now. So Catherine tells a story that she had, she, uh, she was speaking to T-Rab and he told her that, uh, that he and JD were drinking and then Elizabeth came on over and started banging on the door like a crazy woman. And Catherine was like, yeah, she was probably banging on the door because your ass was supposed to be home. And
Starting point is 00:22:57 I was like, that's not fair because that was supposed to be our line to say on the podcast. And you said it, a Catherine on the show, like that's all. That's all. Nomi adds to it and she's like, yeah, he took all of her money and then just started never coming home. I was like, that's Ronnie's line. Well, we've already said these things so many times
Starting point is 00:23:17 that it's amazing seeing it come true on TV. You know, it makes me feel like Bandolla. Yeah, well, I mean, Bandolla, and Bandolla, and Bandolla, that was like, and Bandolla, Yeah, well, and Bella, and Bella, and Bella, and Bella, and Bella, that was like, and Bella, and Bella, and Bella, and Bella, and Bella. Two Mandela references this week, but I like that Danie is like, why are men so narcissistic as she literally turns
Starting point is 00:23:34 to do her makeup in the mirror? So then there was like, then there was like another flare-up in the barbecue area because when he was up on the balcony and Craig was down below and he's like, um, can you throw some foil down please and Shep is like, Craig, we don't have foil! You're my foil, you're my foil and like, how do you not know we don't have foil, Craig, garrrsh! Of course, Shep doesn't have foil, that's hilarious. But I like that Greg is like a doctor down there. He's like, spatula.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Latter fluid. That's the, oh we don't have foil. Oh, she's like, well then, you know, you know what happened, you just killed the patient. That's a very Inaigarten move, because whenever Inaigarten has a, whenever she has a guest on her show and they're cooking a recipe and they're like, okay I'm just gonna need you to hand me some salt. She goes like, oh I love this. I feel like I'm the
Starting point is 00:24:34 nurse. Nurse, nurse, that's like her ongoing joke with herself. Nurse, we don't have foil. I just like how angry Shep got a Craig asking for foil. Garge, don't you know I don't have my foil? Ah, you know, kind of kid, where are you? Garge, it's time to go to a commercial. Ah, Craig. Yeah. Raging kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.
Starting point is 00:25:07 But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong.
Starting point is 00:25:38 What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So then Craig's like, Whitney, don't take it up, Whitney, what are you doing? Whitney's like, well, we've got Whitney. What are you doing in Whitney's like well? We've got a
Starting point is 00:26:06 Cook it like somebody has to eat this so you know oven and he's like haven't you learned not to touch someone's food? Okay, now we're on below deck Yes, but before that happens and eating food off somebody's plate. Yes, so before that happens though the girls arrive and as soon as the girls arrive, Ashley's standing with Thomas, she puts her hand in Thomas' pocket, which is such a strange thing to do. It was not a strange thing to do.
Starting point is 00:26:32 I totally understood why she was doing it. But like in life, it's strange to just put your hand in someone's pocket, but she was clearly making a physical statement of, this is my man, I'm his girl right now, and this is us, so you're coming in as four girls, but I got my hands in his tight ass white pants. I was like, oh, she is starting shit.
Starting point is 00:26:56 She is starting shit with her short shorts and that. Yeah, and it's discussing, he hasn't watched those things in ages, her hands are gonna smell like cheese, it was gross, it's like a trap. And then did you notice that when she put her other arm around him she looked at her wedding finger she looked at her ring finger like she did it her fingers and stared at her ring finger and I was like bitch I cannot wait to watch you never get that well she probably got her come up and because you know there was like a half-eaten and he's mint in that pocket that was melting on her middle finger pedicure. It was like jerky or something because he's the kind of guy
Starting point is 00:27:28 to be like, hey it's only jerky before working because that's how I'm looking at my corpion. Okay, sometimes you got to keep a little little bear toe in your pocket. Move knuckle, get a chuckle, but your, but your hand right down my, my buckle. Well, I say that when he's like, can I read that down for Reno? So Catherine comes in and she makes great use of her IKEA art. She basically turns it into like a barrier slash excuse. She holds it up like she's almost like she's about to go surfing with it, like she's about to go jumping into the waves,
Starting point is 00:28:06 she just holds it up in front of her like a shield and starts zipping by, she's like, hi, hi, arm, hi, hi, and he's like, hi, hi, Thoreen, and she's like, I gotta hide the art, I gotta hide the art. It was kind of amazing. And of course, as she comes in, Atama starts trying to distance himself because Ashley has her, she's like cupping her hands
Starting point is 00:28:28 all the way down to his knees now trying to get the edge of his balls, you know, Ashley. And he's like, well, I don't want to make Katherine mad. You know, he's like backing up away from her. And she's like, why are you walking away from me? Do not let go of my hands. Yeah. And Catherine's like, what do I put this art?
Starting point is 00:28:44 Where do I put this art? Where do I put this art? Where do I put this art? Where do I put this art? Where do I put this art? I'm trying to catch it. Dirt's very that shit, okay? Yes. So just carry that art around all night long. So there's general awkwardness with all the couples who've broken up. And we sort of land on Austin and Chelsea talking. They're the ones with the least awkward because they've had the smallest relationship. And they're just sort of talking like, Oh, hey, how's it go? And he's like, hot and nice to see you. And they're talking about Ashley. And she's like, she's like, yeah, she's a real smoke stack. And he's like,
Starting point is 00:29:23 yeah, she's pretty cute and he should you know It's like Austin. This is not really how you win her back. Yeah, not that I'm looking not that I'm looking She's like I can't see anything can't see anything, but the help wanted ads right now because I don't have a job. I mean I mean Yeah, you said that you just said that I just like that she everything is funny to her. She's like yeah bubble gum And and then she's and then Chelsea's like well, I feel bad for Catherine I'm giving your Thomas Raven all voice, but she's like I feel bad for Catherine You know, I know what that's like sort of staring at Austin like you did this to me and he's like
Starting point is 00:30:04 You look great. Yeah, typical, typical. Uh, so wait, oh, I was going to say this. They met, did you already do the Catherine meets, uh, Ashley? You know what? We may have glossed over it with talk of how she was hiding behind art, but we could find out. And he's like, look, the scenery's tried to change.
Starting point is 00:30:23 That's really Catherine acting up. Catherine, have you met Ashley and she's, and he's like, look, the scenery is trying to change. That's really Catherine acting up. Catherine, have you made Ashley? And she's like, hi. Catherine's like, uh, I have to meet you. Yeah. I have to meet you this afternoon. Todd and bye. I mean, yeah, she's like, time to change the set.
Starting point is 00:30:37 So she runs, I was like, the flat. Yeah, Catherine just should have come dress on black. Like she's a techie, you know? And have like a little like stage manager radio thing Exactly. She just caught the entire night. She's just swapping in chairs. Yeah, swapping them out All right fly system one two three go. I said go on three not go on go My goodness, so Damn it. Oh my goodness. So, um, uh, meanwhile, does Cameron is standing up on the balcony of judgment, which I like.
Starting point is 00:31:10 This is another thing from like another show, but Cameron can't just be going up and down the stairs, right? So they're like, what are you going to be down here alone? She's like, all right. I guess I'll go up the stairs. That's looking at my butt with me. And then she goes upstairs and then they all go downstairs. So at this point, she's just stuck up there and she's just leaning over the balcony judging everyone as they scurry around, like trying to pretend that they're not jealous of each
Starting point is 00:31:30 other, you know? Exactly. And then Craig and Whitney sort of have a moment because, you know, everyone's asking Craig to do things. He's like, I'm not the boss of the menu. I didn't, you know, I'm just working. I'm just doing whatever Shep says. And Whitney's like, Shep is completely disorganized, totally disorganized. I mean,
Starting point is 00:31:46 sort of ridiculous. Like, sorry, Michael, the butler isn't here. Well, I was actually thinking of him because when camera is just standing there eating, the guys are like, damn, Cameron, you're hungry. And she's like, when he goes, yeah, she, she shouldn't be standing. She should be sitting and eating. My mother's been pregnant in her mind for five decades. I'm just gonna, pretty much. So Catherine goes, oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:32:15 No, because the same thing as you were. You can just say she gets, she's like, oh, I got you this painting. It says home, inodical flags. She's like garsh. That's awesome. I was just watching a PBS special about nautical flags You be at norm So then Catherine I think did I miss the work? I think around so much. It's hard by the way That's where there's so many ums in this I keep fast like Scroll down and look what have we done? What have we not done? I know it well, it's tricky because I mean I
Starting point is 00:32:50 We're going in order so far everything's in line But I just know that we probably both count like wrote down different notes It's hard to tell if the note that you wrote down the little scene that you wrote down happened before after my next little thing that I wrote That's what makes it tricky because it's not sort of one coherent scene. But the next thing that I noticed was they were all in the kitchen and did Catherine pour herself a giant glass of fireball and she put in a wine glass? No, she poured red bowl. Oh, I thought she said she put fireball in there.
Starting point is 00:33:21 No, she said red bowl? She said red bowl, but I want to fit in. Oh my God, that makes so much more sense because I was like, I was like, first of all, wow, bold drinking fireball on TV with your husband there. And second of all, I was like, that's a lot of fireball in a glass.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Yeah, I know, okay. She just gonna sip that all night. Yeah, no, it was Red Bull because I remember in the preview, I was like, that's how I like sobriety. Like with a big glass of wine Bull because I remember in the preview. I was like that's how I like sobriety Like with a big glass of wine because I showed this in the preview, but no, she's like it's Red Bull But I guess I fit in wow makes much more sense to me now, yeah, so then Thomas finally Naomi passes Thomas nationally and he's like Hey, hey there. Did you meet Ashley? And she's like oh, hi
Starting point is 00:34:04 So how did you guys meet and Thomas is like I was playing golf and Santa Barbara Polo oh, I was playing polo and Santa Barbara and she's like oh my god I live there and she's like Ashley She lived in Santa Barbara. Have you played polo? loser Santa Barbara polo would just Santa Barbara have you played polo? Luzah? Santa Barbara polo would just Santa Barbara. Luzah and Naomi's like, all I remember really are spiders. This was a good, nice little slam to this new girl. That was, yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:34:38 Also, there was a moment upstairs where just part of this chef was talking to Naomi and he's like, gosh, so are you and Craig gonna get back together, you know, or be friends because like a great way to honor your relationship would be if you guys became friends now, right? And you can see Naomi's like, I am not dealing with this,
Starting point is 00:35:00 especially from you now, Shep, like please, no. Yeah. If I need advice on how to like, ball up my toe cheese and like, build art out of it, I'll ask Shep. Yeah, and they're like, how much longer to the burgers? And I think awesome.
Starting point is 00:35:13 I was like, I've had like five or 10 more minutes. I'm like, how long have those burgers been on there? They don't need that much time. Jesus, and I loved like the entire episode. They're just constant cutaways to undercooked food, just sitting there on the grill, like quietly undercooking. Really, it's just a Kragonship
Starting point is 00:35:31 who we're gonna eat in Austin, who we're gonna eat it anyway. No one else there is eating. So when they're talking about Santa Barbara, when Naomi and Asher talk about Santa Barbara, they also, the editors just had a fuel day cutting away the Catherine this episode because Catherine's just scowling like, hmm.
Starting point is 00:35:48 She's like, and Ashley's like, oh my God, spiders, you're right, there are so many spiders. Oh, one time I was in my house and there was a spider there. It was like great fucking story. You brought you, you know, and Catherine's like, oh, she seems dumb as a rock. Okay, that's what she seems. Dumb as a rock. That's what she seems dumb as a rock.
Starting point is 00:36:06 They're spiders under rocks. I mean, there's rocks under spider. Oh, yeah, there's spiders under rocks. That's how it goes. And then Thomas is like, come here. Let me kiss you a little spider lady. And Catherine's like, welcome to my last. Yeah, to my last.
Starting point is 00:36:23 And to your end starts feeling up Ashley and she's like, babe, you're feeling last. Yeah, to my last. And to your ad starts feeling up Ashley and she's like rods quietly right behind Shepp and Shepp yells, we need those burgers and we need those brats and we need them up here soon and JD goes, chop chop, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, and Chelsea's like, um, Austin, everyone hates JD, like the girls by JD goes up to camera and he's like, hey, how come you like drinking something honey? You need a glass of wine and I just to comb your nerves Wow I just did some just from an hairstyle
Starting point is 00:37:23 I'm gonna cough at smoking grossness and I've built up over the years just talking about jingy again. This is gonna be really hard because I went to the gym before this, see I'm already coughing. And like you ever, like you ever go to the gym and you just like come back to coughing, that's what I did. Like I just did, I went a little too hard and I went too hard in the paint as they say. And I've just been coughing for the past hour
Starting point is 00:37:50 and I'm like, Oh God, I got to do JD voice today. And I'm already coughing. It's gonna be disaster. Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm worth it. I'm planning on clearing out my lungs today for sure. And of course JD's like just right just to And then wacky music. Okay. Now the music on tonight's episode really is above and beyond I feel like they have their own orchestra over there because this is like that This 60s jazz music and it's all a tingy-ching-ee-ching thing. And it is so funny. And they're only just watching JD walk around with his dad jokes.
Starting point is 00:38:31 Yeah. Oh, glad to have a day! He keeps an awful face, baby's away! And they're only like, please get me away from him. Like even the music changes, bugging me in this room. Please, please get me away from him. Like even the music changes bugging me in this room. Please, please get me away. And Catherine just rolling her eyes, watching JD go throughout the kitchen. Like, where can I get a glass?
Starting point is 00:38:52 Where? And they look down and Craig, I mean, not Craig Austin is left there taking care of the meat. Because of course Craig's just upstairs talking now. Like he has nothing to do. So now Austin's having a CFIT and he's like, it's supposed to be Craig. And I just, I love this because it felt so survivorous. You know, like no one wants to take full responsibility for this meat that's just going down truly in flames.
Starting point is 00:39:16 And they're all pointing fingers at each other. And like, this is really where Chelsea needs to intervene because she's the only one here who's actually been on survivor and made it to like second place. So she needs to take over because's the only one here who's actually been on survivor and made it to like second place. So she needs to take over because these guys cannot handle it. Yeah, she's like, well, that meat sucks, but I cooked rice with the stick in a magnifying
Starting point is 00:39:33 glass. Austin or captain's like, who's cooking these you? They're like mortified. And he's all upset. He got caught with the meat. Yeah. So the girls are outside and captain's like There's a lot of awkward in there. What the fuck? Like
Starting point is 00:39:54 Good arm and she's like no me guess that was kind of an awkward hug with you and Thomas and she goes What was awkward for me out of respect because of my spray tan? What was awkward for me out of respect because of my spray tan? She's like I I did the butt hug out of respect for my spray tan, but he does it out of awkwardness I think she likes to express her spray tan. Yeah, she's like did she say anything to you? And she says yeah, she said nice to meet you. I mean nice to meet you. No, it wasn't bitch Wasn't at all. So then Ashley, meanwhile, like Cameron's now at this point just lying on some outdoor couch, like, and Ashley comes out and's like, you're the cutest thing ever. I'm like, you just
Starting point is 00:40:39 met her. Okay. So calm down. You can't, you can't say that to someone you just met. You're the cutest thing ever. You fake ass bitch. Yes. And Cameron's just like, okay, I'm earning my paycheck. I'm staying on this show. I will sit on this bench for the rest of the god damn evening. Okay, bring me my meat.
Starting point is 00:40:55 Yeah. Whitney's like, I'm the boss. So I'm gonna be here too, but I'm not interacting either. And so Ashley comes right up to them, of course. And she's like, guys, I don't want to go down there alone. And Whitney says, just go face the music. He's like, face the chingy chingy music.
Starting point is 00:41:14 I'm afraid of it. Don't be afraid of it. Switch to create. Just go for it. Jump in it. It's not awkward. You haven't done anything wrong. I mean, they've moved on, right?
Starting point is 00:41:26 But he's like, yeah, they've moved on. I mean, the truth is this, I actually hasn't done anything wrong. But the reason why I'm coming down on her is because she's doing little passive aggressive territorial things like the hand in the pocket. She's got a little hand in Thomas's pocket and the other one around is tick Sorry, I'm from to a lattice, but The hand in the pocket like she put on the the short tritz. It's I'm not slush emming her
Starting point is 00:41:57 It's just that they don't make sense with the outfit and she really only wore them to establish her figure like she was it and she really only wore them to establish her figure. Like she was, she's, she's being sneaky in ways that I don't appreciate. At least not. Like maybe like in a year, I'd be like, I love how sneaky that bitch is, you know. No, she's just so overt. She's such an overtly. She's just overtly an asshole, you know. She's like, well, if we get married, I can be the caretaker. Why should Catherine be able to choose the caretaker for children? Yeah. What a bitch. She's an asshole. So yeah, she's dead to me.
Starting point is 00:42:28 And Catherine's base is, she basically tells girls, like, you know, I'm still in love with Thomas, whether, but he's such a fucker, you know? And then the food is ready. They're like, food's ready and Ashley goes inside. Like, literally all Ashley did was get up and go inside and Catherine was like, oh, she goes. like literally all as she did was get up and go inside and Catherine was like
Starting point is 00:42:53 She goes you'd think the out of respect she would like come up to me I'm like you were running around with the painting. What was she supposed to do chase you to have him tackle you? Like Aaron Rogers if you want to stop our a pass Something I think it's a stalker. A pass, something? You just given the new guide like the best bank account out of anybody on this show. He hasn't even done anything. We're already lionizing. That's why he hasn't done anything, which is why he hasn't done a bank account.
Starting point is 00:43:16 That's how you stay a good person on Bravo. You don't speak. Yes, ask Comeel. So the food is ready. And chef is just eating like a monster. He is just like taking his crazy bites into the burger like where the food is like dangling down from his mouth. He's grabbing from like the ribs works like just chunky.
Starting point is 00:43:33 He's like a caveman all of a sudden. You know he is. That's how he eats is disgusting. And and the thing is that they had this whole nice table that looks like it's made from way fair and Cameron's the only one sitting at it. Like everyone else is up in the kitchen. She's just like, I'm not gonna fucking wait for anyone. I'm pregnant.
Starting point is 00:43:49 So she's just sitting there and she's like, I eat like Roseanne, which I would have maybe have said that seems like a strange outdated reference, but it's not. She was before time this Cameron, before the time. So um, no means like if Craig had brought a girl here. I would have lost it and Thomas is like the folks Oh, they're folks and Craig's like it's not my party. Why do people keep asking me things? It's not my party And Jay-D's like look at you, Cameron, eating for two. Do we love it? Ah! Do you love being pregnant? Ah!
Starting point is 00:44:30 It's like, a tattoo. Wah! It's not as bad as I thought, but I'm not gonna be one of these women. He's like, being pregnant is amazing. It's the best thing to ever happen to me. I know, I like that about her. She's like, I mean, I do like having boobs for the first time on my life and never had that may, I know, I like that about her. She's like, I mean, I do like having boobs for first time
Starting point is 00:44:45 on my life, I never had that before. Too bad they're gonna look like T-bags in six months. And then Shep goes up to Craig and he's like, by the way, Naomi looks fabulous. I was like, great, thanks Shep. I'm sure that Craig realized that. I'm sure Craig is already like Swimming through a lake of regret
Starting point is 00:45:08 Yeah, Craig's like well she always has and he's like well you both look great both you look at you You both look great. It's almost like Craig aren't you gonna eat me because the chef goes last Yeah, and chef is chef is like She Chef goes yeah, now Naomi looks really happy. And she's like, I hope she is. I hope she is really happy. She's like, well, she looks super happy.
Starting point is 00:45:30 Yeah, she's probably the happiest person I've ever seen. Yeah, she's like, beyond happy. And then they cut to Naomi. And she's like, I feel so very, very sad. I've cried 30 times in the past two hours. And Catherine says, Well, it shows how great you are, because you can really serve that face.
Starting point is 00:45:49 And then back up stairs, she's like, Cool, you all look great and everyone's here. And Grace, like, wow, you did it again, and she's like, I'm a mystery inclusive. Where I try to be, I'm like, there's not one not why person here.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, there's not one not why person here. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, there's that issue. The unspoken. Correct. Well, except Elizabeth, she's not here, but she's the only one that's not here, you know, that didn't come for you, because everyone else would have come for you. But that Elizabeth, right, and he's like, of course, would not think to say don't don't don't think to think to think to think to think to think to think to think to say don't don't don't
Starting point is 00:46:36 There is Catherine sees Thomas. I don't know what actually is doing. Yeah, Thomas is leering at Catherine like looking his chops in the corner Ha there. Hey Catherine. I got a blonde joke for you What do you call a blonde with a brain a golden retriever? It's a joke. It's a joke You and your jokes The you know a bugs me she kind of looks turned on I know we never know with these two This guy I could he believe this guy makes this joke on TV. I mean not this This guy I could he believe this guy makes this joke on TV. I mean not that It's like no miss. He's a monster. Yeah, she's like, oh look at you Navy blue your new color Like he's telling white jeans move away from him if you can't keep your your heart off of him move away, ma'am So he's like well has the new place. She's like all sense and pictures and goes, oh, yeah
Starting point is 00:47:22 I have some pictures. Oh look at this. I just got a text machine message. Oh, were we supposed to meet? I found a young lady with a size 19 boson triple BBCC. I don't know what moves, what moves sizes are. I found a green eyes blue hand going to be a great mother to my children. Whoa. Yeah, she starts. She started to have a beer. She starts three weeks ago and I think that she great mother to my children. Whoa Yeah, she starts She starts three weeks ago, and I think that she's gonna be great because you already has been she's like um
Starting point is 00:47:52 You didn't consult me well Well, she's like well Tommy is this is the whole thing is that I'm the mother and I want to be consulted And it hurts me that you didn't consult me and you just keep doing yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah for me. It all happened so quickly. I mean, you know, one moment you don't have a nanny and then three weeks later, after interviewing her and just discussing with her, you hire her and it's like, that was fast. I'm in three weeks. I didn't have time. Didn't have time to call you. I think Catherine goes, well, this conversation is going great. And if we did that, if we talk like there's normally, we'd be nurturing co-parents. He's like, where was this Catherine?
Starting point is 00:48:45 When we were together, it would have been different without her. Yellen and acting womanly in such. Where's this woman showing that she is OC, our class. She's got manners, she's well-dressed. magazine, she's in magazines. And so they're like, like honey then a funny honeybee Fraud is like wait a minute where's that chingy-chingy music coming from and it's like Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding Ashley's back Well the best it will because Thompson-Catham they share this hug like oh we're gonna co-parent and the music is like loving and
Starting point is 00:49:23 Romantic and I was like oh and here comes Ashley and she goes there you are which I'm pretty sure the only time anyone ever says there you are is in a romcom when the evil woman comes to cock block right does anyone ever say there you are to people as they walk up to them never there you are I've been looking for. He's been in the same corner of dirt He's been in since you got you Where were you is the question? What do you call what do you call a redhead with a brain? Non-existent non-exit. Oh Catherine. Sorry. I didn't see you there
Starting point is 00:50:02 What do you call a brunette with a brain? My accountant. What do you call that lamp post over there with a with a pretty set of eyes and a nice pair of boobs? Deedra. Deedra, you can morph back in that idea. Wait for me in the car. What do you call a blonde? You have some money and some intelligence on a horse of a loan. A lot of the Lombhouse, that's who, that's her. At some point in this he goes, we just went a bridge too far. Okay, we get it, you have a bridge. Okay, we get that you had to cross a bridge, bridge to get here okay we get it yeah so Ashley's like oh there you are I've looked I've heard so much about you and I know you know nothing
Starting point is 00:50:53 about me Catherine's like oh my god I've heard so much about you really bitch because I ain't heard zip about you like that's what you just said I got her goes so I guess you moved here Dot dot ellipses triple dot that's where you speak now for Thomas. I moved here for Thomas in July I was like, you know what let's be you and me see what life is like. Yeah, I think I think that's the interesting wow I I got to go, that's interesting. Wow. I like that, I like that Ashley said that she wanted to move to Charleston to see what real life was like. So she basically is saying she wanted to move here
Starting point is 00:51:34 to be on the TV show and that to her is real life. Yeah, pretty much. Well, she's like, that's you and me. See what it's like. And then out of nowhere, the editors are like, well, let's just throw it in, just for good measure. We just get a gratuitous flashback to Katherine running down the dock.
Starting point is 00:51:49 Like, Tom, yes! Yes, good day, man. I'm not sure. JD's at the table with Cameron, and he's like, well, we've got Katherine in the new girl, and so far enough has been thrown. And then it cuts to Katherine running down the bridge again going,
Starting point is 00:52:03 Tom, yes! They're just... They're gonna work in that clip every episode if they can. It'll be like Katherine ordering coffee and be like, wow, she really ordered that so nicely and then be a flashback at Tommie! Then it cuts back to the table and Kam's like, knock on, knock on, rib bones, you know, she's like still shoving her face full. So Ashley's like, um, you know, as the mother of his children, I have nothing but respect for you. And the children are beautiful. Oh, so you've met them. Hmm, great, great. Well, I'm cut off guard because
Starting point is 00:52:38 you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend. So this, this, I, this, this, this. T-Rab just goes back to his greatest defense. Yeah, yeah, he just goes, I told you, yeah. No. It's like that, it's like, it's so, it's a lot of people do this actually. They just say, yeah, in this empathetic tone, like I understand you, but I'm not committing to any sort of response.
Starting point is 00:53:01 So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, you're crazy. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. She's nuts. Everybody I told you she's nuts. And then Catherine walks away and just does what she does best, give her just a super nasty look. She's like, yeah, she's actually says, we'll get to know each other. And she's, well, maybe somewhere else. Cause this, this, this this this this this dirt pile with undercooked meats Can you hear me waving my hand around I could that was cracking some imagining her hand waving around it and finally settling into his pocket Cuz I got one hand in his pocket and another hand around your two children So yeah Catherine walks off and then she's behind that weird stair post.
Starting point is 00:53:48 Yes. Yes. It's back evenly. Like it was such an amazing, amazing scale. Glare. I don't even know where I'm going. So dinner chef is like, Hey, everybody, I've got a toast. Rub a dub dub.
Starting point is 00:54:02 Thanks for the grub. We all learned it because our parents were here first and they bought it for us Cheers everyone's like cheers Cheers and then Then chef just goes again caveman style He just goes into the meat and just like pulls it like right off this ridge is a dangling from his mouth and when he's like Mother look at you 38 going on seven and a half. I'm like, as Patricia comes by to change your diapers.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Okay, let's come on now with me. No kidding, and chips like, oh, you call ribs? They're the worst thing to eat on the first day. And Craig's like, aw, spaghetti is the worst. Cause even if you know how to eat it, you look like a clown. Yeah, like how do you eat it? It's not about the pasta man.
Starting point is 00:54:50 And Naomi's just looking around like is anybody listening to fucking crack right now? This is what I did. I can't break him. This is what I did. Someone who's like, they're not dating. She's like, he's confused by spaghetti. Okay. No, I remember we put on that girl power.
Starting point is 00:55:04 No, me how you can even put on that dress has speddy straps like that's hard. Have you ever tried eating spaghetti strap dresses so hard. Really hard to get down. I heard so no means like well he may be a moron but if he dated somebody else and brought her here I would still want to kill her and eat her family and some spaghetti. Yeah that's normal. somebody else and brought her here, I would still want to kill her and eat her family. And some spaghetti. Yeah, that's normal. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:27 So JD's like, so wait, now, I'm falling in love, man. Ha, ha, ha, ha. When he's like, no, too busy on a Reno World tour, stands for bowler backwards, because I'm just like young and cool. I'm just like a young whipper snapper, young hipster, I sometimes wear a trucker cap. It says Reno bonnet When he starts asking JD about what it's like being single and he's like
Starting point is 00:55:54 Wow, and the girls are just groaning your eyes are rolling and they're just like oh my god. This guy is so awful And Jay these answer of course is well, Elizabeth, you know, Elizabeth, she's crouching. She doesn't want me about she doesn't want me to be with someone else. And no, means like, can you believe this mother fucker? Me's like, exactly. I got you a gift, which now that we know what we know about him, it's just such a gross sad gift. Just don't bring a gift.
Starting point is 00:56:21 How about that? Yeah, but giving someone a gentry blanket. Yeah. And a crow blanket. Yes, a throw blanket It's like a blanket for your couch just in case I need a crash into blue for Throw blanket ginger brand I'm like wow like you'll sorry for me and Feel sorry for the business that I just lost because I never paid any of the rent
Starting point is 00:56:42 and feel sorry for the business that I just lost because I never paid any of the rent. Exactly. And let's not even mention the fact that I just stole all of Craig's money last season. And no one's gonna let me talk it, or no one's gonna let Craig talk about that this year. Yeah, like I would say burn that blanket is bad, juju, although not that there are any Jews on this show.
Starting point is 00:56:58 But honestly, like a gentry blanket, get rid of it. So then all the girls are like, oh my god JD, so we get sort of at long last, after like five years this show, we finally get a JD laughter montage. Just then be like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And now we just like, it just keeps cutting to her face. And she's like, I want to kill him with that mother fucking laugh. I want to kill him. I hate him. It gives me nine minutes.
Starting point is 00:57:31 She's like, whoa, look at that moon. And I was just like, yeah, that means that women are fertile tonight. And as she goes, is that true? I'm super stashous. I know. Idiot. Everything about the salts, Chris. So all you women are fertile tonight.
Starting point is 00:57:48 Like, who says that at a table? And then, yeah. And obviously, Ashley was like dropping her major uterus hints. Yeah, she's like, you want to see it? That's how short my shorts are. Anybody? Anybody want to see it? So, Katz, she's like, well, she definitely has an agenda.
Starting point is 00:58:02 She plays a stupid card really well. And then they cut the Ashley with her eyes wide open. Spiders, am I right? So then upstairs, chef goes upstairs, because Cameron's like, I got a stand up. So, uh, chef makes his way upstairs where Cameron's now like walking around the kitchen. And he's like, gosh, you're waddle around. You're like Mrs. Waddle. I'm like, good one, chef.
Starting point is 00:58:25 Yeah, me and Craig will always be the half fuels in the McOoys We'll never agree, but I'm right and I'll always love him just like Vietnam and Will always love Craig Charge so He's hanging out with Cameron up on the couch. And Cameron's like, uh, so Craig, do you love her? And he's like, well, you know, it doesn't even matter
Starting point is 00:58:54 because like, it didn't work. And like, I love pillows. And I'm not gonna give up pillows just because someone tells me I can't love pillows, too, you know? And sometimes you just have to say like, I'm the chef. But I'm still. Craig can you say focus please? No.
Starting point is 00:59:12 So Ashley goes downstairs. Ashley's like, will you help me find the bathroom? Like she's so much. She's been murdered me after I've just seen her for you. Help me find the bathroom. Yes idiot. So there you are. Will you help me find the bathroom?
Starting point is 00:59:24 And Thomas is like, yeah, I'll wear everyone. I Will you help me find the bathroom in Thomas is like yeah Everyone gonna help find the bathroom And he goes I'm closing on sat and he just like a last and everyone like it and everyone's just like all the women like He's like, uh, well, JD's like, wow and Thomas Rave. I was like, huh? Horror horror horror means we're gonna go fuck in the bathroom. I'm gonna go put my penis in her vagina, whether she likes it or not. That's what I'm doing right now, everyone.
Starting point is 00:59:52 I'm gonna walk up these stairs, hope I don't get a, don't break a seam in my top-watt pants. I've got an Andy's man, some beef jerky in there. All right, now buy everyone, Golden Jeavers. He is so disgusting. It was disgusting. Craig and Cameron are still talking about, um, and we should mention, and we should mention by way that they then go into the bathroom together. Yes. Um, so Craig and Cameron
Starting point is 01:00:13 are still talking about Naomi and he's like, you know, I just couldn't be myself anymore and she goes, well, it's not like you like to you were miss that uh... that's so good so then they start cracking up because chef sees them go to a tomison actually go into the bathroom and he's like shex is going on jacks and he's a call young love
Starting point is 01:00:41 yeah i would i would what i would scrub down that bathroom thoroughly. That's the problem. That bathroom is in Shep's house, so that will never happen. So downstairs thing, this one thing start to get real interesting. JD is talking about a situation with Lisbeth, and he's starting to portray himself as this love-lorn guy, and there's just, you know fate has has torn him in Elizabeth apart and he goes I love Elizabeth and and then JD is like the last thing I want to be is in this position with a Elizabeth.
Starting point is 01:01:16 Well, it's so sad well, but you think about those four little souls and making them happy and the last thing I wanted to go through this And now it's like really yeah, why is she here? And he's like well, she didn't want to call And I'm as like well, why do you think she didn't want to come think because I'm here sad And I'm like yeah, no shit. He's like well like he's like well, how you want me to do? And she's like how a be a better husband and he's like Can you get so quiet? It's like face it all these gin blossoms are now like popping off and full bloom and red
Starting point is 01:01:53 They're all just cheeks just fully red and he's like that's absurd that you say that How would you know how good of a husband I am? Why I go to your house every day to pick your wife out of bed So stop pretending you are every man when you are every man He's like well, why can things through little no-may? She's like that's a lie. You're not working anything through and you're not even working and you're out every night fucking 20 Well, and he also says the most annoying things like well, we both made mistakes. We both made mistakes I cheated on her and she wasn't attractive enough to keep me
Starting point is 01:02:33 So now means like okay now my not my my my chest is fully scratched up and raw from the suit Yeah fucking JD so now means like like you said like, you know what, she calls me every night, she calls me, and that's a lie, she's not doing well, and it's because of you. And then even Danny's jumping in like, you know, like fuck you JD, like she's not doing well, et cetera. Like Nami's like, I see you out every fucking night, like every night, fucking 20 year olds, you know.
Starting point is 01:03:00 And he goes, nah, it's dry. And she goes, uh, yeah, I know them, so don't make me prove it. Cause like, and then goes nice try and she goes, uh, yeah, I know them. So don't make me prove it Yeah, and then Chelsea decides to help because the girls are like, let's go girl power But then when they go and they're all like we're not talking, you know But so then they decided okay, it's time for the team to come in So Chelsea's like ain't you're a con artist? So you're probably good at hiding anyway But the thing is that the wage Chelsea said it her her tone was like strange, like she just discovered it, she goes, and you're a con artist.
Starting point is 01:03:29 So you're probably really good at hiding that shit. I know why it's funny to me. I know why it's funny to me. Because it sounds like a compliment. And he's so he listens to it and then it's like totally a slam. And then JD goes, are y'all upset at me or something like? It's like, yeah, you just picked up on this JD and can't go yes The bad guy
Starting point is 01:03:52 Danny goes all guys say that It's like god don't throw us all in that in that category with like the you know the same things like that It's not all guys. It's not my fault. I had to cook the meats Catherine cuz uh-huh you smear the women and he got JD goes I didn't smear the woman I'm saying she's great But Catherine goes mass deflection. Yeah, cuz Catherine bass is like yeah, you're saying she's great in everything But you're also not taking accountability and you're kind of implying and directly that this is Elizabeth's fault as you know, and then I just and he's like, and then Catherine's like, the good old boy system is dying.
Starting point is 01:04:33 Sorry, I was like, yeah, I mean sure we have slut shamed a little bit Ashley, but overall like, well, you know what, we're probably getting different between slut shaming the slut. Okay, I do not take it back. You know you're right. We're in Danny's like guys never take accountability and JD goes did not just say I'm the bad guy. It's like this. Listen, this will work for Lisa Vanderpump for a certain amount of season, sir.
Starting point is 01:05:00 And she's Lisa Vanderpump. It's already is wearing thin with her. Don't don't be trying this. You can't say so I'll be the bad guy. You can't say that sarcastically and then like five minutes later, try to take it on as if like you were saying that in earnest. Like I will be the bad guy.
Starting point is 01:05:14 And not even say I will be the bad guy because that also implies that you are not the bad guy, but you are going to step up to that role to make people feel better. It's like no, you're fucking around. So you are really about try to show some contrition. Yeah, you've sold everybody's money. Okay. And of course, Naomi knows this because Naomi was with Greg when Greg was like, I gave him $50,000. Now I'm as assistant from in a way. She know, yeah. So we already saw that you took his goddamn
Starting point is 01:05:40 money. If you're stupid throw blankets. Yes. Yes. Craig paid for those throw blankets. Yeah, he probably says the gentry into them. So Danny sums it up. Danny sums it up for us. He's like, we all know you're a piece of shit, JD. And he goes, well, now I know how you feel. Yeah, they literally just said you're a piece of shit, JD. Yeah. It's a good talk. Well, good bye. Thanks a lot, ladies. Yeah, they literally just said you're a piece of shit JD. It's a good talk. Well, good bye. Thanks a lot, ladies. Yeah, he looked, he was shocked, by the way. He was blindsided. He did not see this coming.
Starting point is 01:06:14 He looked actually like he was about to cry, which is good. He should cry. Yeah, good. Fuck that guy. And he just left the party. He just disappeared. Yeah, he's a pig. It was great.
Starting point is 01:06:24 It was actually a... By the way, I don't think we're even giving justice or justice. I don't think we are really expressing how exhilarating and wonderful that scene was because they were just like we have had enough. And when Catherine said the good old boy, you know, that when the good old boy isboy is dying, it felt like very empowering. Hopefully this will, obviously, the Goodleboy, unfortunately, the Goodleboy network is very much alive and will be alive for a long time for reasons that we can't
Starting point is 01:06:55 even get into. But it was a very empowering scene. And I thought it was like really a great moment on this show. Yeah, and then Ashley comes out of the bathroom after you fuck it off. So, you know, like, baby steps, guys, baby steps. So then back down at the table, Danny's like, well, everyone thinks it, why doesn't anybody, why does everyone pretend they don't know what's going on? And Austin goes, I don't know what the, like, I seriously don't even know. Don't turn him into Sasha. Don't turn him into Sasha.
Starting point is 01:07:23 Well, Sasha's gone. So I like the Austin's body now. Okay. Close the map. Well, he's on a hoverboard. Be like, I just don't know. I don't know enough about her. I don't know. He's like, I don't know what's going on. And Danny goes, Oh, please, I had respect for you for like five minutes. Yeah. I'm not defending. I just don't know what she did. Okay. Like, I don't know what she did. And Danny's like, yes, you did, did you not hear us? And so Whitney's like, God enough, that's clucking. I'm gonna go upstairs and call my mother about how old
Starting point is 01:07:52 I'm an arbor of the whole thing. He actually just like runs away. But the thing is with Austin is that he's suddenly like, oh well, I'm not gonna go in on him when I don't have all the facts. And these are serious charges. He's basically doing that whole line of thing thing which is technically that's a very admirable thing you know you do want to get all your information you know in a line you don't want
Starting point is 01:08:11 to just like accuse people of things you only know have truths about but hey you're on a reality show so that's actually your job you have to do that but be I think the reason why it always annoys people when suddenly a guy is saying that is because a lot of times guys guys will basically destroy especially a woman's reputation based on not a lot of inference like where is that where is that need to like do your due diligence and like gather all the information when you were like basically dismantling a woman's reputation which is what I think why when when guys do that it really makes women angry. Well, guys also have the blackmail syndicate where guys do things in groups. Guys are like hunters.
Starting point is 01:08:52 They're like packs of wool. We are like packs of wolves. So, you know, we do more bad things in front of each other. That it's like, if you tell them on one, okay, he cheated on his wife. So then everybody's going to start tattletelling on each other. Oh my God, everybody's going to lose money in their divorces eventually. And so they all stick together, you know, it's a good old voice, like they said. It is, it is true. Now, we may not have things for the New York Times or any of the lame strange media, but we do have Instagram. That's the real news. Okay. So we do have proof. And so let me skip over to Instagram because on Facebook, Cindy C on the case case, C on the CC posted something from Elizabeth, I guess it's on Instagram, and Elizabeth Madison. She said, there's nothing worse than having what you thought was a friend, make false allegations and take my privacy and my own voice away.
Starting point is 01:09:43 She is making allegations about JD and my family that are not true. This has hurt me more than I can express. This BS didn't come from me. Hashtag Southern charm. So of course everybody is like, okay, I've used woman. You're totally just making excuses for him. yeah. So go, sure, I'm on a reality show and I expect to share parts of my life with the world. In the last four seasons, I chose what I would share. This season is different. Obviously, to be clear, it is my life and I have my own voice and I choose when and where to voice it. No, you don't. What where was where was Catherine's choice to voice her is when you were talking about her last season or anybody else that you've talked about on this show Ma'am and your husband is stolen from a lot of people. It's not just you So you're not the only victim here. So you're not just protecting yourself and your family
Starting point is 01:10:32 You know you're protecting an asshole from people that he's victimized So I don't feel for you in this one Well, and just to skip ahead for a second that when we see the previews for next week It looks like we can start to see that riff between Naomi and Elizabeth starting to happen. But in the meantime, I mean, time Whitney goes, runs back upstairs and he tells Craig, they're, oh, you really missed a big one down there. Whoa, they just went into on JD and they're like, whoa! And then Naomi, meanwhile, she's still riding the high of just telling JD off and she has this hilarious
Starting point is 01:11:05 Moment of patting herself on the back. She's you know saying how like people in the South don't say what's on their mind She's like, but I guess because I wasn't born in Charleston. I was born in France. I can just tell the truth I'm like, oh, yeah, there's that famous French saying it like it is Quality. Yes, why French women aren't fat. I'm still mad about that Oprah episode, by the way. I also want to address something. So last week, Naomi called La Croix, she goes, the croix, and you were like, shut up Naomi.
Starting point is 01:11:37 I was like, well, no, she was actually French, right? Wasn't that you who said that? No, I didn't say shut up because I used to say that because of AvFab. On AvFab, you know, they're Christian Likwa, Likwa, baby speak. Likwa, baby speak. So baby throws up on her Likwa. Oh, someone said something.
Starting point is 01:11:52 So you pronounce it Likwa, but then the company says you pronounce it Likroy because it sounds like enjoy. And I'm like, they put something about that this way. So you pronounce it wrong and you're a bad rhymemer because it doesn't rhyme with enjoy. I'm gonna call it Likwa. Yeah. I'm gonna call it Laquois. Yeah, I'm gonna call it Laquois too, just so I can pretend. I'm gonna call it that fizzy stuff.
Starting point is 01:12:09 Hey, can someone get me that fizzy stuff over there? Thank you. Did you want to hear Naomi's response to Elizabeth? Yes. She said, of course, everything I said tonight was approved before and discussed after with Liz. Sad to hear her covering for him again. I wish you the best, Liz.
Starting point is 01:12:24 Well, Liz probably had some buyers remorse because she's like, fuck, I've got children and I don't want this to become a whole thing that's going to impact my children. Which sucks. Because... Calling them a condense, not good for anybody's finances, especially when she put all her money, according to the girls, she put her money into JD's business and then he, you know, basically's basically blew through it. He is truly, wait for it, a charlatan, get it? Charlestown, charlatan, we've been better if they live in Charlestown.
Starting point is 01:12:52 And that's nothing to be ashamed of, try and one day you'll have a bridge, one day you'll. One day, so then now after this whole, this dust up, Craig, with a face full of chew, heads down to talk to Naomi about the JD confrontation. He's like, I support you 100%. I think that's really good. And you have like a lot of convictions about it. And I think it's great that the other convictions and I support your convictions. And hey, I'm a lawyer. So I actually know what conviction
Starting point is 01:13:16 means in multiple different ways. Also what foil is, you know what that is, right? Am I making that up in my head? I bet there's foil here, by the way. They say there's no oil, but I bet there's foil. He just doesn't know what it's called. Yeah. So she's like, no, I heard that you were on his side. And you said out one night that JD's going through a lot and he goes, I never said that, Naomi, what was the context? It doesn't mean I had his side. Like, you have to have context of things like ask more questions like why is he going through it? Maybe he got bad guacamole and I said whoa he's going through a hard time. Like come on ask questions. Guacamole is hard to make actually.
Starting point is 01:13:52 I like to cook. It's like because you have to use avocados, but if you've ever gone to avocado, you're like, I'm gonna make some guacamole and that's hard and you're like, what am I gonna do now? It's like, that's hard. He's like, I agree with you. I trust your conviction. And she goes, well, you didn't trust it before. She's starting to cry. And he's like, not all you didn't trust mine. Like you wouldn't validate my feelings. I stood into a pillow. So don't tell me it's not true.
Starting point is 01:14:14 Just so you know, I didn't bring a date to this because like I don't want to ruin the chances of like maybe getting back with you. And like we could like go and buy La Croix again. It's La Croix! Craig! I can say these things because I wasn't born in Charleston, I was born in France, okay? And he's like, this is the first time I've seen you cry. Like it's so weird. And she's like, oh, I know, I don't want to cry about it. No, no, no, no. I thought you hated me.
Starting point is 01:14:45 We both care a lot. I was scared. I needed to have my own place, my own sewing machine. No, he said I was too scarred. Oh, scarred. I was scared and scarred. I was scarred. I mean, mostly it's because you were yelling at me
Starting point is 01:15:00 while I was trying to soak you some hot milk to a pillow. I hurt my finger. I did a cross stitch on my finger. It really hurt. Now I'm my finger. I did a cross stitch on my finger. It really hurt. Now I'm scarred. I'm damaged. She's like, why are we so damaged?
Starting point is 01:15:10 And he's like, have you seen my finger? You've seen it. Yeah, she's like, I literally don't even know what we're damaged. She's just crying. He's like, well, I think we're damaged because like my feeling, my thoughts on things were never good enough for you like no matter what I said
Starting point is 01:15:26 It was never good enough and that's fine. We're just like two different people. So like anyway, I'm gonna go look for some tin foil So the next morning Catherine is over at Naomi's house and They're basically just talking about the night. Did you buy wait real quickly? Did you notice there was like a shot of Chelsea working out with Mariah Carey. That was really strange to me. No, what? They showed Chelsea, there was someone like, ba, ba, ba, Charleston, things and like, Shepwicks up, it's like, gosh, it's a mess.
Starting point is 01:15:56 And they said, show Chelsea at a gym and she's like, all right, let's get into working out. And they show, her workout partner looked exactly like Mariah Carey. I was like, what is, please let that be Mariah Carey. This is a crossover like a weird low-key celebrity crossover that we were not expecting and just like oh There's Mariah just you know about to like do some do some squats with Chelsea. No, I would never do a squat Like she won't even walk on her own now. They just carry her in place. Like she has dancers turning her around on stage and shit now, which is why she will always be queen.
Starting point is 01:16:28 So then they get to Cameron just watching an empty baby, swing go back and forth. God, this life is boring. God! Yeah, she does get this thing out of me. So Catherine and Nomi talk about the guys and then decide, yeah, they're still going to be, they're going to keep this women empowerment thing going because it feels good to, you
Starting point is 01:16:49 know, go against the guys and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, they're just sitting there recapping the night and everything and Catherine starts to cry about Thomas because she's remembering stuff. You know, it's like, it's like a fairly standard thing that happens with Catherine on this show. She starts to cry about Thomas. She's like, I can't hear me.
Starting point is 01:17:09 We just had sex. And I'm in the dress and we watch what happens. I can't believe I'm crying like this. My bronzer is caked. So then we see Thomas and Ashley, they go out to dinner. And he's like, all right, I think we're going to have some scallops and oysters. Let's do a male scout shooter and Ashley's like, no, I can't do it.
Starting point is 01:17:33 I think we want to have a male scout shooter. No, please, I will do a male scout shooter, please. She's like, no. And it'll make us feel better and gives her a wink because I guess he's talking about the sexual prowess of the oyster. And she's like, yeah, I just goes, well, I just want you to be attracted to me.
Starting point is 01:17:52 OK, I want you to be attracted to me. Well, then stop doing your makeup like Terry Gar, OK? She was going for a Terry Gar look, and I love Terry Gar. But like, listen, Ashley Ashley you are no Terry Gar No, good. I just like that he's alluding to the fact that it'll make us feel better wink like he can't get it up or something Cuz he's like I just want you to be attracted to me. Just don't make me die my hair red. I'm like lady You're the saddest most obvious Thirsty letch I've ever seen you're sitting there in a pearl necklace
Starting point is 01:18:26 It's like how many science do you need to give the guy okay? She's like oysters give me highs, but they give me an erection. So I guess we're gonna do it. Hi the girl How do you be affected to me? I want to turn you on don't make me die my hair red and he goes well Speaking of red-headed ladies Catherine show was civil what a gorgeous specimen of she's like how serious do you think she thinks we are and he's like well she just wants to win because when estrogen is involved it's winning for the sake of winning you know they don't want that air on their heads the stupid stupid women can't think for themselves out to steal women and sabotage other women because that's all they got going in their
Starting point is 01:19:08 Life they don't have any brains hands golden retrievers know what I'm saying. Ha ha. You have this shooter young lady Major I was just doing him what an asshole and this is where he goes. It was a bridge too far It's tragic how it happened really. So quick and she was so young. I love that it makes it sound like she died in front of a train. You know? A young peanut went out on the train tracks. It's a heart. A flutter.
Starting point is 01:19:40 Here comes the train. And oops. Peanut butter. such a shame, such a young peanut. That was Austin Jane, Austin, that was someone from Jane Austen childhood. She put a peanut on a railroad and watch what happened live. Hashtag Andy Cohen was like, that's saying, write a book about it. I found him make a matchmaker for the peanut. So then she goes, well, do you wish it had worked out?
Starting point is 01:20:07 Cause he's talking about it like he's like women are idiots, but God, if Catherine had just behaved, she would be my idiot. So romantic. And I asked him like, do you wish it worked out? And then it shows, another montage of them like in love. And he goes, well, is she'd be sweet in my side still be with her and I was like oh my god
Starting point is 01:20:30 You're such a pig to Catherine and Ashley. How am I feeling for Ashley? You know what this scene needed and needed that drunk lady from last season to interrupt and be like this woman right here. She's your soul mate. I Love her in young Frankenstein slarest tootsie you guys are soulmates and you'll see which BB's mother on friends Mary now a bridge to go if you know what I'm saying. Teri bridge to gar she'd still have a career if she wasn't so weak in that. He did. Alright it's my fault I brought Teri Gar into this. I have to deal with the repercussions. I'm not gonna be like Elizabeth and say some things in Teri Gar's life are private.
Starting point is 01:21:22 God bless Teri Gar honestly. God bless her. I know she's going through a lot probably right now. Oh good. I'm trying to be sincere about Linda Ronsa and Terry Gar, and you're laughing. Okay, that is not right. I feel like you're tricking me. You like, give me laughing about something, and then you're like, oh, let's talk about, you know, the job. I'm trying to be sincere about Linda Ronsa and Terry Gar, and you're laughing. Okay, that is not right.
Starting point is 01:21:38 I feel like you're tricking me. You like, give me laughing about something, and then you're like, ohonsa and Terry Gar, and you're laughing, okay? That is not right. I feel like you're tricking me. You like, give me laughing about something, and then you're like, oh, let's talk about, you know, the death of the life. Well, they're alive. They're both alive. Well, the slow death of whoever,
Starting point is 01:21:54 and then I'm like still laughing, and then you're like, you feel nothing. There was a great interview with Linda Ronsa that recently, I wish I had in front of me, because she just shades everyone in it, and then she's talking about like her biggest hits and she's like, like, blue-bye or she's like, what a fucking awful song. I don't know why people like it. Um, I think this means that it's time to go on to the mailbag, huh?
Starting point is 01:22:15 Let's do it! Oh Ronnie watch out well you want to tell the people what the mailbag is all about Yeah, the mailbag is where you ask a staff. It's a patreon thing So if you want to do it come over to patreon.com slash watch it crap and go to the mailbag posts. Yeah So we have we still have a bunch of questions in here. We are gun through them people so first Allison King asks if the cast of Vanderpump rules or the show you're choosing were cast as Sesame Street characters Who would they be and you can expand it to multiple muppets if you wish? Thank you, Allison. Thank you for giving us that flexibility
Starting point is 01:23:00 The cast of who? Vanderpump rules who would they be on Sesame Street? I mean, I feel like Kristen is obviously burnt, right? Ugh! Well, it depends. If it's normal Kristen, sober Kristen, it's kind of burnt. But he's so anal. I feel like drunk Kristen is definitely animal. BAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH actually specifically compared them to Sesame Street. But like Kermits are we standing up for Miss Biggie?
Starting point is 01:23:45 We're doing Sesame Street. We're not going to expand them up as universe. So Kermit is not a Sesame Street. Well, I don't know the difference. For some reason, Ernie, okay, who is there? So I feel like, okay, while you think about that, Stuffa Lopagus. Stuffa Lopagus is Peter.
Starting point is 01:24:01 Stuffa Lopagus got a mom haircut, I guess I Feel in a weird way. I'm getting Tom sand of all vibes from the count I think it's cuz he's like accessorized has like a nice cape like dude dude. You know what I like to do I like to count and like when you count you got to wear like this cape. It's like it's awesome man like one two three four five. How awesome is that man? Who can count the 30 faster, bro? Okay, so then animal we can't have animal be anybody because he's also kind of jacks. Is she not Elmo? Is that a possibility?
Starting point is 01:24:44 Is that a possibility? Um, Cena can be Elmo, yeah. Because he was also the newest one on the block, member. Member when Elmo was the first one to start working at Pomp and everyone was like, you slight. By the way, I have to interrupt this because I just realized who Kristen is. I screwed the grouch. Ooh, cause I love trash. I love it because it's trash. Ooh.
Starting point is 01:25:11 It's like an imaginer just like emerging from a trash can. I'd be like, ugh. Scratching. Um, who would Stasi be? I don't know what the big bird is. Why can't they be muppets? Because we've done muppets and this is more of a challenge. I feel like Stasi is like a big bird,
Starting point is 01:25:29 only because sometimes I feel like the clothes she wears flow out like Big Bird feathers. Yeah, see that Big Bird would rock like a piracy for sure. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Big Bird would totally do that, and would just, you know that big bird probably shades everyone behind their backs anyway. I feel like none of them up.
Starting point is 01:25:48 It's really evil enough to be these people. Who would be Katie? I mean, if Kristen is Burt, well, Kristen's also got the grouch now, right? So Katie would be Burt probably. No, yeah, she would be Burt and then Tom too would be Ernie. Yeah, Schwartz would be Ernie, for sure. Yeah, okay. And then James would be bur and then Tom too would be earning. Yeah, shorts would be earning for sure. Yeah, okay, and then James would be,
Starting point is 01:26:09 he would just be himself playing like spinning records in the corner of Sesame Street. Do you know how to get to Sesame Strait? Yeah, because he does have like that bobble thing that they all have when they start dancing around to music. Yeah, and I don't think I know any more Sesame Street characters beyond that. It's like Ellen Grover.
Starting point is 01:26:32 It's Grover, Sesame Street. She is a little like Grover. She's got that enthusiasm. I think Sheena would be Grover, yeah. She's got that like your cause like what is Grover? Oh, who's Cookie? Oh wait, no, she no might be cookie monster See is for cookie. It's good enough for me
Starting point is 01:26:51 Rob can make this cookie a seven minutes mooo. Oh I'm looking up sesame spree cast so I Just looking at my computer. Okay, so there's Grover. There's a bunch of new sesame spree I know I reject those people I know who these people are. I don't know who the humans are either. Because growing up, we didn't get PBS because we had rabbit ears for our TV. So we could only get like NBC, CBS, and Fox.
Starting point is 01:27:15 And like sometimes ABC, but PBS would not come in. So I don't have any formative memories of Sesame Street except from like my toys. And I had like one Sesame Street record, which I really loved. Yeah, if this were a muppet, I could slay, but right now, you're supposed to see a snack. Slay it, yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:31 Right now, I see Big Bird, Elmo, Cookie Monster, Burton Ernie, and then there's like Katie O'Malley over there. I don't know who she is. She's like some DB. I couldn't learn the menu. And then Burton Ernie, and then there's like some other randos. It's like GG or whatever that you, like get off my TV. You don't belong here.
Starting point is 01:27:52 So let's go to another question. Rachel asks, can you guys reenact your first meeting slash conversation? Yes. Was this was this at 24-hour fitness? Was that the first time or was it another time? Yes. Yes. Okay. This is good Okay, I'll be me and you be you I'm okay. Do do do do do I'm in the locker room
Starting point is 01:28:15 I am looking in the mirror looking at hot guys in the mirror, but I'm running like a pig. I'm gonna pee out my ears I hate this place. What am I doing here? Hey, I think that's beside and I'm running like a pig. I'm gonna pee out my ears. I hate this place. What am I doing here? Hey, I think that's beside and I'm like Hey, I am a closeted gay man So clearly Ronnie cannot know that I'm checking out the really hot shirtless black guy over there So I was like, oh my god. He's checking out the hot black shirtless guy. Why isn't he out of the closet and blogs? No, cuz you were like hey, what's going because you were like, hey, what's going on? I was like, hey, what's going on?
Starting point is 01:28:47 I was totally caught cruising. But then for a few years, you were like, oh my God, Ben, the first time I met Ben, he was totally looking himself in the mirror at the gym. And I was like, yeah, I was totally looking at myself. No, I was definitely not. I mean, I saw you cruising, but I don't know. I mean, who says that? He was like, first time I met Ben I saw you cruising, but I don't know. I mean, I don't who says that?
Starting point is 01:29:05 He was like first time I met Ben. He was cruising, you know, pretending he's looking himself on the beer. Like who says that? Was that really our first time? We hadn't met before then. Was that really our first time? No, we had only met in emails and stuff. That's so cool. And then after that was after I took over TV guys and we came to you and Joe's house. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:22 You were like, I feel like we bitched a lot. You know, like so, Ronnie, tell me everything. I was like, I literally have nothing to tell you. I wait tables and sleep. I do improv. What else would you like to know? Yeah, that was funny. Cruz, that was a good, God, I loved cruising that gym.
Starting point is 01:29:39 Just because I would just only look. I would never, like, actually, it's, when you say cruising that gym and imply that you go to the shower and hook up, I would just look. That was not fun. That's not the kind of gym. It's only luck. I would never like, actually, when you say cruising that gym and you imply that you go to the shower and hook up, I would just look. That was so fun. That was not an ad ad. It's not, but it was fun. Unfortunately, which is why I quit.
Starting point is 01:29:52 And never went back to the gym again. Yeah, it's a shame. It's a shame. I'm in a two gym situation now, which is really annoying because I joined Gold's Gym. And I did that thing where I just paid for the whole members like the whole year because it was cheaper than doing it by a month and then I was going to leave LA fitness but then I haven't left it yet because part of me was like lazy but then it's a whole convoluted thing that sounds totally
Starting point is 01:30:18 entitled but I started seeing a trainer and the trainer was training me out of his apartment gym but now it his apartment gym. I've mentioned Horace, good old Horace and so his apartment gym is getting renovated so he's like we can train at LA Fitness. I was like well I'm not gonna cancel my membership thing until after we're done with LA Fitness because I don't want to have to go through a whole thing every time I go in there I have to fill out forms like a gas etc. Long story short the is this, the LA fitness that I go to now, because the one that's closer to me is horrific, it's terrible, it's like just full of old people. I think I've ranted about this before, and it's not that I'm being ages, these are just like very gross old people. So that's awful. And honestly, the gold's gym, ugh, it's like really like it's it's the point is as Karen
Starting point is 01:31:07 you would say not a lot of eye candy and that's just not right. If you're in L.A. and you're in a gym, I feel like you're entitled to eye candy. And I'm like two gyms am I getting any of it? Yeah, I could do push-ups at home like get somebody hot. It's just not fair. Although I did see a goo, goo that was his name from invite only cabo, right? I saw him, I did see him taking selfies in the mirror at gold. So I was like, okay, that's, that's, that's an improvement. I find that so not hot. Like guys like that are just so gross to me. They're so into themselves. But it's a goo and he was hot. And when is invite only cabo coming back? Is it coming back? Because it should. Because Bravo just announced a whole bunch of shows that it
Starting point is 01:31:47 Reopt and I did not see invite only cabo on it, which is a huge shame Yeah, I'm not sure I thought they were shooting another season, but I have no idea. We'll have to call Larry and Emily I know a lot of text them and be like when are you guys coming back? It was such a good show. I really really enjoyed it So anyway, I think we're just going to wrap it up for today because we're already at 90 minutes. So you guys, please come to our Irvine show. There's actually not a lot of tickets left. I'm really so proud of our crap ins army for rallying and buying a whole bunch of tickets in the past two weeks or so. So there's not a lot left. We're going to have a really, really fun time that will be Taco Bell involved. So there's not a lot left. We're gonna have a really, really fun time.
Starting point is 01:32:25 It will be Taco Bell involved. And there was something else I was gonna say, but I forget what it was. So it's over. It's all over about the crying. So bye everyone. Talk to you on Monday. Bye.
Starting point is 01:32:39 Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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