Watch What Crappens - SouthernCharm: When The Skeet Hits The Fan

Episode Date: July 12, 2019

Just when you thought it was safe to go skeet shooting at a plantation with a problematic past, Ashley makes her triumphant return to "Southern Charm" — this time with a silly hat! She's just as bonkers as always, which is to say VERY bonkers. As Lil Jon would say, skeet skeet skeet mother effers! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Kids what happens when this happens? Hello and welcome to Watch or Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real Housewares of Kitchen Island, which is a real Housewives of New York parody that's on YouTube's comedy, I mean a cartoon. It's a comedy too. And joining me is the wonderful and hilarious and lovable man of a million voices, Ronnie Karam, who's also the co-host of the Rose Prick's Bachelor's Podcast. So what's going on Ronnie? Well, hobby in.

That was one of the voices you You have 999 more to do. Do it now. I have five voices that I use over and over again for nine million people. B2. B2. By the way, Ron and I are both on cameos. Go check us out over there.

Also, guess what? In like two weeks from today, we are starting our giant July tour. We're going to Cleveland, Pittsburgh and Baltimore on the 25th, 26th and 27th. Pittsburgh is sold out. Cleveland and Baltimore, there are still tickets available, but not a lot of time left. So go get your tickets at watchacrapans.com. Also, we just announced this week that we are going back to Atlanta.

The pre-sale is happening now. The tickets go on sale to the public on Friday. Make sure you lock down your ticket before that one sells out. That's actually two shows in Atlanta. So fun times. Here's the rest of our schedule. If you hear a city, do a dance of joy,

and then tell your friend because you're gonna be going to our show. Okay, we're going to Charlotte, Nashville, two shows in Atlanta, Carbure, which is like Chapel Hill, Richmond for Lauderdale Indianapolis two shows in Chicago Two shows in New York although one sold out and one has like five tickets left St. Louis two shows in Philadelphia although one also is like five tickets left and Seattle our last show of the year So like lots of big touring especially in the fall we are so excited we love seeing you guys. Additionally on Patreon we have all sorts of

fun stuff. We did a bonus episode where we dissected the real house of Orange County season as a 14 trailer. I think it's 14. That's our bonus episode. We have a discord server that you can chat on for Patreon peeps. And then we also have Crappens on Demand where you can actually watch us podcast instead of just listen. Plus, I think Ronnie, you got some new merch that's coming up in the store, right? We sure do, man. Okay, on the store, we just added all of our new styles for this next month and a half

or so. There is a Hannah shirt resting honey fights, honey, and then there's a demoted to friend of shirts in our Miss Vicky Gumbelson and all of our housewives who have been demoted. And then we've got a season one Camille shirt, you know, because some of us are cheering the return a season one Camille. What a monster. Yeah, you know Sometimes you wake up and you realize you're a season one cameo, okay? You know what and when that happens you got to put on that shirt

So I am a hundred I mean, I actually get most of the shirts that we do because sometimes I forget because I'm so busy Usually there are other shows, but um season one came all that's going top of my party list and then, uh, devoted to friend of, which is kind of like the same thing, you know. Yeah. Really excited about that. And of course, you got to support. Hunter, hunter, hunter, hunter. Hunter, little Hannah,

banana design over there. So those are up there. We're also doing our crap and on demand videos twice a week. We did the Beverly Hills season finale this week, which was super fun. And we are going to do the first reunion of Real Housewives of New York tomorrow. So to watch all of those videos, just become a member at that level. Or if you want to talk to people, go on Discord. That's our Discord server. And a bunch of people are talking in there. It's a fun little

community tie. Alright, well, either way, you all get the point, enough about us. Let's talk about Southern Chom, right? Yeah, so last week Southern Chom aired on the normal night, but the next day with the fourth of July. Guess what? I love America, so we didn't work. Yeah, I was surprised. I did not realize it was even going to be an episode last week.

And my surprise, like four days later, people were like, aren't you guys going to be recapping that episode? And I was like, what episode? So I actually had to sort of like cram it and then I forgot to watch it So I had to cram it in last night before watching this week's episode Basically the long and the short of last week's episode is that chef finally got Craig as in the dog Craig and then Cameron had a birthday party and Cameron got drunk and fell over and lived her real real world days while Craig yelled at Austin because Austin left a bar Because Chelsea said he's like made an oath to Chelsea that he's gonna be home at 11 at 11 p.m. Now Yeah, and Craig is like why are you listening to girls? Yeah, it's disgusting girls are girls. They smell like worms

Also Craig yelled at everybody because he is like still into Naomi and Naomi said, um, I'm not going on the cast trap to Colorado, which by the way, he's for cameras birthday and she's like, who the fuck wants to go to Colorado? Not me. Oh, great. A man makes plans for me. Sounds great. Yeah. Um, but Naomi says she doesn't want to go out of respect from a tool because Craig is being a tool You know, it's like weird to go on my tool. She's someone else's tool down So he needs to cut that shit out. Yeah, and it's like weird to go on a trip with your ex I mean, I think my tool should just go and then it's not even not even an issue I mean sure he's resident in a hospital, but they've got hospitals in Colorado

Isn't there like some sort of like foreign exchange from Colorado to Charleston, right? Yeah, can't you just miss the party because you're working at a different hospital, someplace else in Colorado? Yeah. Can't you just continue your residency in Colorado over there? The tool.

Yeah, that's not how it works, the tool. Yeah, but also, I don't like this whole, I'm not going because Craig's going. That's not fair. And it changes today, I think. I think we think it changes, but it's not really fair because you got on the show by dating Craig. And now you can't push Craig out just because

you have a new boyfriend. Well, also, like Naomi, it took years and now you're an actual full-fledged cast member. And now that you're a full-fledged cast member, you're not going on the cast trip you can't do that That's how you you're gonna lose your I they don't you I mean and southern charm You don't hold peaches and oranges and you know apples, but you'll lose your I don't know like you're gonna lose your crawfish Yeah, your crawfish your crab or your I

Know what's a Charleston thing Your memories of a dark time in the city's history, you, what you hold in your hand, you lose it. Yeah, you can't lose that. It's kind of a house-wide thing though, right? It's kind of like a brand new Glimeville-Lisa van or pump thing, like the side kick turns. And this is different because I actually had a relationship and broke up, and it's also different

because Craig really is being a crazy douchebag. Yeah. That said, you don't ask Mattoult to stay home from his job, okay? And he cannot ask you to stay home from yours. Part of your job is that your ex-boyfriends on the show, so just deal with it. Get on the plane! Yeah.

Well, we will most certainly circle back to this. I'm sure this episode, because they have a whole talk about that. So this week, it opens up with Cameron eating a burger at home with her dog looking. It's sort of like a pet montage because and then we see Naomi like looking for her cat and then she finds a slipper instead which is very Craig by the way it's a very Craig opening for her. It really is. I find Eminem's under there like every single time. I don't know if they're breeding or what. They're like ants. They just just keep breeding the more you drop the more they breed I can find M&M's

anywhere. I would love to. Also this show opens with a cow horse did you notice the cow horse I love this kinds of horse. What's a cow horse? It's a horse that's patterned like a cow. It like has a cow pattern that has spots like a cow. It was a harbinger for Ashley And I say harbinger because that stupid guy but harbinger in my head Oh, don't worry about the robins. They're just a harbinger of spring If you see what one gets in your way, shoot it if you see one don't worry really get out of your way It's like yeah, that's how birds work like you don't have to explain that to the caterer sir I mean I love an older people especially the South, trying to explain how things work. Those are birds! You know, got thousands of those!

They're wea-baw-a-at! Like yes, we all have birds. Sir! You know what's amazing about birds? Just watch. Wait a second. Yup, did that just blow your mind? It flies. It flies. It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's a bird. And that's amazing. It's actually a bird. It a plane. No, it's a bird. And that's amazing. It's actually a bird. It turns out there are things called birds that fly.

Don't mind it though. It'll get out of your way. Then Craig is playing with his dog instead of letting the dog pee, which I imagine is how Craig pees to. He's probably in the bathroom the whole time like, whoa, just need some time. Forgot what I was in here for.

You know, I'm going to floss my teeth with a fingernail Why do I have to be Hey, and then Chelsea is doing her normal thing which is like high tossing do you think you like my hat my high Do you like it? No, you don't talk do you? You know what I think I need a lot of this grandfather explain why you don't talk well that there's a dog and the thing with dogs is they don't talk they bark what man what you're putting on your head is cold a hat now don't worry it's a harbors room things in the end and I'm gonna stick in your hair man if it bothers you just take it off. Thanks, Papa. So the end and ship and little Craig are playing.

So I think little Craig is this work, little Craig is like nodding out a blanket, which is very much like big Craig. It's how I play. It's how I play. This is how I select my fabrics for my pillows So then let's get to a meeting at meeting street and oh, no, it's not a meeting it's called meeting street Yeah, we're going to be a long house property a lab house property. It's like the end of a TV show where there Where it's like this is an MGM company? It's like this is a lab house property

It's a hobbinger of mothers walking in and getting mad at their daughter's cuticles Sit lamhouse sit. I'm real religious good lamhouse Sorry guys like liars us hair and throw it into the air lands back to Elvis typewriter See it lam Lam House. Good Lam House. Ugh, so stupid. Okay, so let's go to a Lam House property. Hmm.

I'm so excited to be here. So, Liza's there. She's like sort of working. She's answering the phone, et cetera, at this hotel. And her mom Susan comes in to this place and she immediately is like You know she hates everything and lies and lies us talking about she's like, you know in case you haven't heard from every other time I'm on TV. I'm part of one of the oldest families in Charleston and people hate me immediately I don't know why I think it's I think it might be my personality my terrible terrible personality

She actually says people hate me right off the rip But I've been working in hotels on my life. We own three damn town like who built those? Also God she says things like being a lime house is a big name to handle shut Shut up. Okay. You're not a nabisco. You're, yeah. You're not a Kebler or an elf. Call me when it, call me Mrs. Nilla when you have a delicious cookie named after you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Last time I checked Mrs. Malamar is not complaining. Now listen here. I'm friends with Miss Stroop waffle. You want to fight about how difficult it is to grow up? Try growing up losing your teeth the second you turn to

Last time I checked there were no complaints coming from Madame Pocky, okay So the mom was like your sketch ones off you look ugly look ugly. Your nails are dirty. This place is disgusting. You ever gonna recover this couch? It looks like 90s hotel. Yikes, you have vampire nails. Yeah, and Eliza's like, me and my cousins look after 50 millions of dollars of properties, okay? And I do everything. I clean, I do bills, I forgot everything else. I don't know. Didn't she move out of town?

How is she acting like she's working full time at these hotels? I don't even understand. I don't understand how old she is. I don't understand when she went to college. I mean, she was, listen, she was about to jet off to like the islands. So you can't, there's what,

is there a lime house property over there? Last time I'll share it, you better be working. You share if you better be working You better you better be working at that meeting house the meeting house property the meeting house Anyway, I'm being a lunatic right now I think that's just in the stars for the days recap. I think so I think it I think I already feel it like right out the gate Just pure lunacy. So she's like, well, my mother grew up the perfect seven woman.

And if I have a chip male, she's like, a lives is dirty this way for a whole week. Like that. It's not just chef. Yeah. Yes, the mom is like, so like, what's going on with your nails? Like they look disgusting. You need to get them redone. I mean, whoa, what are you? These ravenel nails? No, you are a lime house. Yes. We are the, okay, we're the lesser bridge, but that does not give you an excuse to have lesser nails. Yeah. Liza's like, I like them. She's like, it's just gross. Yeah. And she's like, what are you doing with your friends? The plantation. She's like, well, we were gonna have a fox and the mom goes, well, what about the weather?

Aliza. It's like, I love the mother is like not even trying to be hidden anger at everything. Yeah, it's like, it's like someone ate her dad and yogurt and she just like has knock on over at this morning yet. So that married a keyboard. Married into the, I should've married into the Ahoy family. Well, gay marriage was here. I would've married a Faggy and stay at us much better than Daniel. You know, John Pierre-Wassa cracker once proposed to me and I turned him down.

And now I never regret it so much. John Pierre-Wassa. John Pierre-Wassa. Founder of Wassa crackers. me and I turned down and now I never regret it so much. Trumpier wasa. Trumpier wasa. Founder of Wasa crackers. So she's like, I know mother. That's why we're not doing it. We're gonna debrench and stay in and she's like, well, I don't have to do anything. Do I?

And I don't understand why you can't just date a man close to the year eight. How much older is your boyfriend 14 years oh well I know that my pick is broken because I ended up with your loser father but maybe you're just trying to project your issues with your father onto your new boyfriend look this is too much yeah she's this mom I love how overbearing she is personally and I like how she's shocked that like a young ares in Charleston would actually be into someone who's 15 years older than her. Isn't that like the way it goes in the city? Yeah, I'm pretty, but that's pretty young actually.

Yeah, so basically the real issue is that Susan doesn't like that this guy is from New Jersey and as a Yankee. So it's like, and it's like not only are you a Yankee, but you're a Jersey Yankee. So it's like, oh, two strikes against him already, and that is not a Yankee pun. Okay. Even other Yankees would be like, New Jersey. And also, why does her boyfriend

have like a fake accent and everything? Like he talks like he's from there. He's really playing this, he's really playing this up. Yeah, he really is I don't trust my mima and papa got into their fifties and suddenly they talk like this It's like you never even have Max in before where did this come from? Yeah, yeah, we talk like this And we have stitched pillars that say home sweet home like no Chelsea. No Chelsea, Mima. Yeah, it works You don't just come down with the accent. Exactly. So then we go over to a place where Cameron and Naomi are getting mani-peddies and they're just like it's just like a catch-up scene

they're like sitting there talking about the birthday party and Cameron basically tells Naomi that Craig was drunkenly ranting about her seeing like she doesn't realize that she could have been so much happier with me. And she tells her, in a nutshell, he thinks that he doesn't have closure and thinks your relationship with the material is miserable. Can I see my tool naked?

They've been great. She has me picked up on your phone. I'd love to see that. So then we cut to Craig and Chef at Little Craig in the freezing cold because no one will let them shoot in Charleston. This is a problem that all of the southern Charms have. This one has less of a problem with it, but we see this a lot on New Orleans, and we especially saw it on southern Charms.

Southern Charms, whatever it was. Savannah. Savannah. Savannah, yeah, where they can't shoot anywhere, so they always have to shoot on a park bench. It's like every time that Kim Richards comes on Beverly Hills. They're like, nope, can't ensure you're in a restaurant. Can we move? Kim into a parking space, and we'll just shoot or see in there. Okay, great.

So there's charm New Orleans got into a few places. They got into the Eiffel Society and let's never forget the Munch Factory. Which turns out is a very popular restaurant. Yeah, apparently the Yonster goes there. So, there you go. Yeah, there you go with your crazy pizzas. You know, sometimes wacky new pizzas can catch on. Wait, they serve pizza at the Munch Factory?

Well, someone said it's a place where they serve really weird pizzas. Is it the Munch factory at the other place? They went too long ago. God I The munch factory would serve pizza. They would serve gumbo and pizza barely even make sense to me, but they're apparently good. Gumbo pizza. I don't know The point is we got a Craig and chef sitting in a park and Craig said I was gonna bring Bethany But she's still a daycare which just proves why Craig will never have her. If you're on Bravo and you're naming your dog after Bethany,

and you dated Naomi, who's like romantic love language, was to yell at you all the time, not that you didn't deserve it, by the way. You're just looking for someone to overbearing. You need to move to a different town. Yeah, although I do love the idea of Bethany Frankel being in Doggy Daycare. Like what's going on?

Like, why man with all the thoughts? What's going on here? Like, what, oh my hair? Like, okay, okay, I'll roll over. I don't know why I want to even roll over right now. It's just like something about being with all these bitches. I don't know, like, you know, I see the vaginas. Seriously, they must fight out Cheetah Brand.

Cheetah Brand. So, yeah, so basically, little Craig is there. And I also, I like that shit put little Craig in a Santa sweater. Did you notice that? Yes, I just Every time I see that little dog, I just want to save him Gosh, it's time to go to a commercial. Ah, Craig Celebrity beef you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.

I'm Matt Bellasive and I'm Sydney Battle and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya I know oh he does not have a bright future ahead of him as as he gets like shoved into Into sheps sweater for some like warmth and suckling. I know which one needs to wear advanced. You know Good old advanced comedy right there

Oh, good old Advantage comedy right there Listen if you have a chance to make a flea medication joke and you don't take it you're worthless So anyways, so yeah, so Craig is like talking about like this whole conversation yeah with the girls and you know Shops like gosh, that's bullshit, dude. That's bullshit So you were shot out of cannon you were shot out of a cannon of the oyster roast I was like, gosh, that's bullshit, dude. That's bullshit. So you were shot out of canon. You were shot out of a canon of the oyster roast. Oh, gosh, that was just a regular Saturday, okay? But Austin, God, you just want to shake him sometimes such a baby.

I feel like I never want to shake Austin. I feel like something terrible would happen. I feel like his head would pop around a lot and then you hear the sound of marbles clanking around. And you get that white, dry spit from the corners of his mouth just like in your eye. And then he would just be indignant at you. Like, stop it, it's crazy.

It's crazy what you're doing right now. You're insane. You're insane for f**king shaking me right now. You're like, why is this mouth moving? And then he's like, oh, I had a weird time with Daddy Catherine and Cam because he said, me, oh, me, won't go on the trip with me. And I was like dumbfounded. Yeah. And so then we, we are like, then we like, cut back and to the, the mani-peddie place. And so then we are like, then we like cut back into the Manipede place. And then it means just like, I just think he lives on another planet,

which is very true, because then I'd like to imagine what that planet would be like. Just a lot of pillows and... We'd be a lovely planet. Just a big screen TV, a lot of laying around watching TV, pillows. Walls that are easy to take down with a butter knife.

Like tissue paper walls. See, I can do it now. And Karen's like, well, I think it would be therapeutic. If you did have a conversation with him, it's a place to end. This is the man that you, that I might end up marrying Craig, okay? I'm like, yeah, that's gonna make Craig feel a lot better. Cameron, Cameron, you little shitster.

And they'll be like, yeah, maybe I will marry him if Craig doesn't fuck it up. Yeah. Now, it means like a little to, um, uh, focus on this idea that it's like this great opportunity, like it's a job opportunity that's come around. You know, like, Naomi, have more faith in you. Craig's not going to mess it up. If any, like, think of it, your idea should be not that what if Craig messes it up for me. It should be more like what if the tool messes it up for himself? I agree, and that's been kind of my problem with this whole thing from the beginning, because I like the, you know, me, and I think that she needs to have some more self confidence. I don't like, I don't think it's a very good sign when you act like this in a relationship,

and part of it is projecting, but whenever I'm dating, and I feel like this towards someone never ends up well. Yeah, no totally. So anyway, uh, gosh, I just lost myself my notes. You have to tell me where we are because I just got- I just started thinking about Craig's cry again. I was thinking about like a little prince. You're thinking about using like wall as butter. So Craig is like, we never had any closer and now where did Craig hear closure the word closer because he can't stop saying it now

He's like oh, I hear they've got great deals at closure I'm gonna have a spin-off store called dumbfounded And now at parties all we're able to do is hug like there's too much there and so I'm like to have that awkwardness do is hug, like there's too much there. And she's like, to have that awkwardness after so much fun is tragic, you know? Like, you should look back in reverence and be like, boy, wasn't that a good ride? And then you realize, whoops, I kept riding my bike

and lost that hooker. And then you just tell her, I didn't mean to, as she knocks on other people's doors. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like, she's giving a relationship advice. Yeah, Chef is like, listen, Garsh, all you have to do is tell her, I will never interfere with any of your relationships and I'm happy for you and wish you nothing but the best. Craig's like, I think I need to write that down.

You say that again, I will never interfere with any of your what? Relationships. So let me go over to Bob Method. Nice ball class. Yeah, big week for bar method on Bravo because they went to Pure Bar on Potomac this week. Yeah, bar was really making a comeback everybody. I guess Pilates is at get out of here, Pilates. He's heard enough from you

Yeah, so it's basically Catherine Austin and Chelsea and Austin walks in the room of this of this bar studio And he's like namaste y'all everyone's like That's not you're in the wrong class you dumbass. Does this look like a yoga studio to you? It's bar ballet You're in the wrong class, you dumbass. Does this look like a yoga studio to you? It's bar, ballet. This is not the kind of bar I'm used to. That is hilarious what I just said.

I mean, isn't that insane? The joke I just made, but it's just hilarious. I'm so hilarious. You know, now turns out that when I go to sleep at 11 p.m., I'm like that much funnier in the morning at yoga class. Uh-oh. Be more of a man in this bar class all soon. Chelsea is obsessed with how manly Austin is.

I'm not really sure what it is, but I like that Chelsea's like through line this season is like, you're a pussy. I'm more of a man than you. What kind of man are you? I got a bigger penis than you Yeah, although to be fair That's what she's always rags on him about oh really showing up in your master meada really pussy face It's all I had to call that the big vagina car

Error, right everywhere. Error, right So they Chelsea's like Austin if you've been home every night by eleven. And he's like, well, you know, sometimes I'd just like to, it's nice. And Catherine's like, Craig was going, erm, on you the other night. I'm going, erm, on you. I know. But then we're like texting you, if nothing happened, because let me tell you the difference between men and women.

I was like, oh, god, Jerry Seinfeld. Men and women are so different. Hey guys, am I right? What's the difference? What's the deal with women? Yeah, women. When women fight, they'll be starting to fight in 2023. But like, men have the memory of a mosquito. Oh, really? Yeah, he's like, yeah, guys have the memory span of a goldfish. Like, for instance, sorry, mom and dad, I forgot to pay you back on that loan you put in for my beer company,

but goldfish praying, I'm a man. Well, does Madison know he came home early because she'd probably get back together with you if she does. And he's like, let's wait for this to become a permanent change. And she's like, hey, you all going skate, shit, because that's what rare mad would do. Skate, shit.

You don't think Ashley would show up at skate, shit, and would you? It's like the moment you said Ashley, some crypt opened up and like a black essence just came out and like congealed into Ashley and she's like, my calling. I know. It's like Annabelle in that glass case.

You just hear. Chalksy. Chalksy. Chalksy. Ashley comes um, a water buffalo passes. Whoa. Yeah, now I've never seen Annabelle,

but I do imagine it's about Ashley's childhood. Annabelle just goes around blaming everybody else Just a doll Adolphe like walks up to you and says you're a bitch A doll that refuses to take accountability like yes, I tried to make you kill your children But it's because I was tricked by Patricia And you're like sitting there bracing like please don't kill me. You're like oh it's not gonna kill me. It's just gonna annoy me and just not understand reality at this moment.

You're like why does Annabelle like if Annabelle can move around the stuff? Why does she never change that green felt hat? Who put that fedora on the doll? God, why does this doll keep saying it's a nurse? It's a doll. Oh, gosh. So Chelsea's like, well, if she comes, we shouldn't have gun in a hands, guns in a hands. And Katz, I'm like, she shouldn't have guns in her hands. Yeah.

Yeah, but luckily for Catherine, she's going on, her brother's getting married, so she won't even be at this party, so it's not gonna be an issue for her. Yeah, well guess what's happening right now? It is crazy, Eliza Limehouse is driving, and she drives right past. The Limehouse landed in Buree,

and got this assessor being a Limehouse. Oh, to be a Limehouse, not only am I driving by the Lomhouse property, but I'm driving down Lomhouse, I haven't you. Oh, the pressure. God, it hurts. Thanks a lot, straight, for reminding me of where I come from. It's so hard. So Liza is driving around and she calls up Ashley. I'm assuming she called her on FaceTime audio because it was like oddly very clear and resonant and deep so it was like she's like Ashley gets on the phone and she's like hey girl how's it going going going she's like I'm working right now. Actually, why are you talking like that? It's in the sex video. I know.

I know. Stop trying to seduce us through a Bluetooth. And so, so she's like, yeah, Thomas and I got Botox two weeks ago. This guy, he's like obsessed with me. Anything I do, he wants to be right next to me there. She does that laugh I hate. And then I was like, you're single Thomas, like I'm just trying to help you with the Botox is your single now. And the guys is like, wait, you broke up, you broke up with Thomas? I'm just like, yeah, we broke up? He broke up with Thomas? He's like, yeah, we broke up, we broke up, yeah. Yeah, we broke up because of these stupid allegations.

You know what's like, we're trying to travel and we're trying to do something anything. Like, you know how he would go to California to play polo? Well, he can't do that anymore. He can't travel because he's stupid rumors. I'm like, he raped somebody. Okay, those are the rumors. Yeah, I love it. It's like,

oh, we broke up because these allegations, uh, he raped someone so I couldn't be with him. Just kidding. He can't play polo in California. And that's a real deal breaker. Yeah. And that's what made it so hard for us. It's just these allegations. And I'm like, why is she so quick to just think this is false? But then of course, we find out later, but I'm like, this is she so quick to just think this is false? But then of course we find out later. But I'm like, this conversation is extremely problematic. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

But I mean, I still, it's crazy. She still broke up with him, but it's because the inconvenience of air travel. Not because there were like a million rape allegations against this guy who went to jail because he was selling coke or whatever. Yeah, and let's face it. She did not break up with Thomas.

No, she's clearly not. She's just doing it to save face publicly. Yeah, and if she's and they are broken up, but I think he broke up with her because if she broke up with him, she'd be like, I dumped him, you know, to try it. That's how you say face like I dumped him because there's rape allegations that, but instead, I said, yeah, we broke out because travel's hard. And he's so obsessed with me. Yeah. Gross. Yeah. So Eliza's like, you deserve to be around everyone and be your normal, wonderful, bubbly, self and not deal with the Catherine drama. I'm like, good luck with that. Yeah. And she tells us Catherine and Ashley are very different, but they're very much the same in that

Neither one of them have bridges named after them It's not difficult to drive down the street because they don't see their names everywhere No one expects them to run 50 million dollar properties and you know Thomas. He's horrible. Yeah So then we now go to Cameron and Shep at a restaurant. Shep Shep at a restaurant. Shep is free because Little Craig is on a playday, which makes me very concerned about what that is. I just imagine this little dog like, Do you ever know a lot about him? He's on the freeway. Shep's like, Oh, she loves the lines.

Cameron shows up in order to order some margarita on the rocks. Now I haven't looked at Instagram, but I'm wondering how much mommy's shaming Cameron is getting for drinking in every scene. And I just have to say to people who are shaming Cameron, because I know you're out there, I feel it. Because even part of me was like, what a margarita, don't you have a kid at home? But listen, that's how we do it in the South, okay? Texas isn't real South, but listen, you're not a mother if you don't have a drink in your

hand. At least where I'm from. Yeah. I feel like a lot of moms would not be shaming Cameron. I think they would be supporting her. I think maybe 10 years ago she would have gotten flat because there was still like 10 or 12 years ago, Facebook had, I feel there was like that really intense baby photo moment on Facebook. I mean, baby intense baby photo moment on Facebook. I mean, baby photos will always be on Facebook and maybe at this point I've just gotten immune to it or I've just been worn down or

Calist and I doesn't bother me as much, but I feel like 10 or 12 years ago. There was a real baby photo explosion and there was a real big embrace of like being a mom and like mommy stuff and mommy and me whatever. And by the way, obviously being a mother is wonderful and excellent, but there was sort of like a precious quality to like motherhood on social media. And I think that like that has given weight to people like Cameron who are like, this is fucking hard and it's annoying. And I just want to watch a TV show and I'm like exhausted and I have to stop because my baby's crying again. So I think there are probably a TV show and I'm like exhausted and I have to stop because my baby's crying again.

So I think there are probably a lot of moms like to watch so suck at. Yeah. Um, you go. I'm, well, sorry, I'm having headphones issues everyone. Sorry that there's like weirdness over here, but I think I finally fixed it. So, you know, I was mad at you to get some plug in earphones. No, I'm plugging them in. I'm just, they were acting, they were, you know, like know when headphones act weird like the cable and then it's like the audio is like

going left to right. So I was like trying to like have both a rant about the changes in motherhood while also changing my headphones seamlessly and clearly I did not pull that off. You can only do so much. You can only do so. Yeah, mother headphones. It's like really? You want to talk about mother

But the good news is that this is all fixed. Okay headphones are in And we're back to Shep and Cam talking and they're basically talking about Naomi and Trying to get her to come over come on the trip and Shep is like gosh I just talked to Craig and he is come on the trip and chef is like, gosh, I just talked to Craig and he is unequivocally gotten over Naomi. He only said her name five times and made one half pillow for her.

Yeah. This is why they're seeing this scary. You know, this is an Ashley episode. Everyone's like, I'm so scared to see what happens. It's Ashley back. You guys, I'm scared because chef and Cameron are eating at the same time on the same side of the table facing the camera.

I cannot watch you to eat, okay? Who raised you? Close your goddamn mouth. They need to put down, it's just like some newspaper on the table, you know? Like when you're eating like clams or something really messy, just to catch all the crumbs and grease that's just like spilling out.

Also those nachos, I wanted to stick my face in them. I wanted to stick my face in them and just go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I wanted to motorboat those nachos because I'm to stick my face in them. I wanted to stick my face in them and just go, I wanted to motorboat those nachos because I'm back on Keto and I was like, I want that right now. Keto sounds like the name of a Southern child. This is my child, Keto. Keto, Kaelin.

I had a dream, by the way, I mentioned this on Twitter, but why not mention it right now in the middle of a podcast. I had a dream last night that we were at Leanne Lockins wedding and like as like a party favor, she was giving out these like oversized, like the size of an eclair, dark chocolate kick cats, and they looked so delicious and I was like, I can't, I'm on keto. I was like, this is what my brain, this is what happens when my brain is on keto. I have weird dreams about oversized KitKat bars at Leon Lockins wedding.

Sounds like a delicious wedding to me, huh? And then you were, and then you were a bridesmaid or like in the wedding party. And I was like, oh, that's cool. So, right. Never again, I've already done that before. You were all jealous. I love that you're like jealous of people who can eat

Kit Katz at a wedding and you're jealous of me for being a bridesmaid at a wedding. You need to eat, you need to eat a goddamn cracker day. I did, though, I did to eat in my dreams because if I ate in my dream, I wouldn't have been jealous of you being a, actually, because I think the way I put it off was like, no, I was jealous at first and then I told myself,

you know what, I'm actually not jealous. I'm happy for Ronnie and I've learned to be happy for Ronnie and also I'm not sure if I didn't want that one I'm not learning to be happy for Ronnie. What the hell? No, meaning like not like not like if if you have a like a thing like that you're like no don't be don't feel jealous for someone Lived about a situation learn to be happy for that person. That's what I learned in my dream. Well, that's what I told myself I learned in my dream Well, I'm glad you dream worked that person. That's what I learned in my dream. Well, that's what I told myself I learned in my dream. Well, I'm glad you dream worked that out. Yeah, my dream was, yeah.

I mean, it's already worked out in real life, but it made without you, never. I would never, that dream, that would never happen, okay? Being friends made without you'd be a nightmare to me. I would not be jealous of you being a bridesmaid in real life, but in my dream I got jealous. And I was a whole process. And I believe in you.

I believe in you. I love you. I love you. I love Kit Katz. We're all together, babe. Okay, we just made it through a thousand episodes, man. The truth comes out. I'm jealous of Ronnie's Brides made opportunities

after a thousand episodes. My dream rights rates offer two to these. You can be well nobody would ask me to be their brides. I was once when I was younger but no one would ask me that I don't even I barely took care of myself. Okay, we all know that. I'm not going to be taking care of some bride. I'd be like, okay, guess what your party is. You're not having one. We're all staying home. Yeah. Yeah. I think based on that, I think I would actually make you my bride's made. Great. No, not have to do anything. Yeah. Exactly. I'd be like, here's some biscuits. Shut up. I did everything. This biscuit's going to give you a lap dance. And guess what? We're doing a Southern Charmere gap. Let's get back to you. Okay. So Naomi enters this restaurant, worshiping

camera camera eating and so they she's like, wow, you're eating already. Thanks guys. Thanks. This feels great. And camera is like, okay, look, I'm halfway through my nostrils already like Kate. So let's get to it. We are here to convince you to come to Colorado. Okay, what's going to take? Yeah. It's like it's like if Craig would chill and be less Craig And he's like she's over it. I promise you he's so over it Is he though? He said it. He said he's over you. That's huge Yeah, he said I'm happy for her. I think that's big

Yeah, and he said he was gonna carve your name into his wall later today with a butter knife as a tribute to you because he's over you gosh And Naomi's like well, it's kind of a big thing to not make me too uncomfortable and like I really don't want to make him uncomfortable Okay, and Cameron's like so he expressed discomfort this material and do you have make a picture of him? Can I ask you that already? It's like yeah, and he said that he wouldn't be going on a trip with his ex. So why would I go on a trip with my ex?

Because going on a trip with your ex is your job. Yeah. That's it. So what if his ex comes into the hospital? Is he going to leave? Yeah. Exactly, exactly. And also, to go on a trip, it's a group trip.

It's like, it's like, 8, 10 people, plus cameraman, plus producers. It's like not that's like, eight, 10 people, plus cameraman, plus producers. It's like not that big of a deal, okay? Yeah. You can't just let them call all the shots, okay? And, you know, Cameron's like, I think it's a bad way to start a relationship with all these parameters,

and Chip goes, parameters! So, you guys have to understand, like, if this were about you and Jason, she's like, Jason would not care, okay? Like Like the fact that he doesn't care makes you feel better I like that chef is just finishing everyone sentence. Yeah, he's like very excited Well, he's finishing the senses because you can't finish the nachos because Cameron won't let him So yeah, he's trying to get her to stop concentrating on finishing her own notches. Yeah, so Naomi is like, well, you know, Matool definitely says, like, I should do my own thing, but like, y'all, I need you

to help me make this a long-term thing. I will never get anybody as good as Matool in my life. Naomi, stop that. That means stopping. Stop that. That's bullshit. Matool is great. I love Matool.

He's hot. He's educated and he's doing great things. But there are others there that are also the same, and haven't you seen Sex and the City? Sometimes things that come in great packages aren't as good as things that come in bald packages, okay? So the truth is, you are like, don't like wrap yourself up in this idea that he is the one

and only and it will never get better. I'm not saying that it gets better than a tool, but don't like act like he's the only thing out there. Of course it gets better than the material. It's ridiculous. You should never be with somebody you're that insecure and weird with and don't want to be yourself. I'm like, but what I'm saying is that like don't, don't put them on a pestle. He should be saying this about you, not you about him.

Don't put a man in a, don't put a man on a pedestal, put them in a pestle. Okay. Grind them down, take all their essence and make them more delicious, okay? Otherwise, I don't want to hear about it. Yes, exactly. So she's like, well, um, uh, Chef is like, well, I mean, I love my tool, but I mean, come on. She's like, um, you guys know what I'm saying? Yeah, we do know what you're saying. We don't like it, okay? Yeah. And so chefs like get over it. You're coming. Yeah. And then she's got some new muse. Oh, sorry. I was gonna say no. She don't like it, okay? Yeah. And so steps like it over at your coming. Yeah. I mean, we've got some new muse. Oh, sorry. I'll just say no. She doesn't go.

That's crazy. Yeah. I think she'll go. So then at Hats Hat, Miss Patricia's house, we've got some new music cues this year, which I'm not really sure about. This one is like some kind of Billy Joel type song while Michael's putting out donuts. I was like, I'm moving out. It's like the opposite of a Whitney theme song because he still let his mom see like hello mother. Is it an adaptation of Downey's to Alexa except instead of singing about like fishing off the coast of Long Island it's about putting out donuts on the kitchen island. So it means like, Whoa.

Hello, mother. Your mother's not here, she's still in bed. No, but Michael had arranged the donuts to look like, put Miss Patricia. I put out the donuts and made them into a mosaic of Miss Patricia. Enjoy. Eat, man.

Eat, man. Mother, why are you extra delicious today? enjoy eat man mother mother why are you like extra delicious today and glaze so Austin comes over and he's like what would you call this like what would you call this look that look that I'm wearing right now I'm like it's a dad sweater from old Navy. What do you want us to call it Austin? Okay, that's what is just arriving to our Austin. Yeah, exactly and then Craig shows up and he's like, what's up losers? He called you loser That was hilarious You guys aren't fighting anymore, huh? No

Our banshee's real our banshee's real. What was that? Because Austin goes, she came at me like a banshee the other night and he goes, yeah, our banshee's a real thing. God, I love that song. Walk like an Egyptian. No Craig, that's the Bengals. Walk like a... what's the rest of it again? You have to write it down. I think they're Indian or something. Irish witches. What's the rest of it again? You have to write it down. I think they're Indian or something. Irish witches.

I'm Dutch. So let's go to Mount Erie Hall, the Lamb House. Prontoation! All you need to bring is your love, everything. Beautiful Mount Erie Hall. 1877 Lamb House for Kids. beautiful mount area hall. 1-877 LAMHAUS FOR KIDS. We've off to LAMHAUS today. That mattress you're killing me, Larry LAMHAUS. I am hooked on LAMHAUS because LAMHAUS is hooked on me.

So this is where LAMHAUS is like, I work so hard for this party and it's all catered. Yeah. And there's musicians everywhere. And then when we book the pop-off, he's like, your table set up over there. I don't mind the robins. They're just a hobbins of spring. If they don't move, suit them. Don't mind the robins as if someone there was like terrified of robins the most benign bird of all look at her fine they look with their sort of ashy brown feathers with a little splot of red if you're a male or the female I guess we'll never know and unless I was walking around checking on everything and the caterer is like

don't worry we got it all covered shockerer, you lazy bitch. Okay, we got your voice mail and did everything else. Yeah, and she's like, um, well, I have it all but the beans. It's a texture thing. They're like, thanks bitch. Then why'd you order it? Like this is our like our signature thing and I you're just gonna like talk shit about it. Yeah, do you know how difficult it is? Having my name and being fed beans in the stand. Why doesn't anyone ever feed me limes? I learned how to do parties from my mom because it's a very southern lady type thing to do. I'm like yeah, call the caterer. Yeah. Over it.

By the way, can I admit something? I hate Robbins. What Robbins ever do? Well, I'll tell you. They're too rock rock in or what? There was a Robin growing up that would see its reflection in my window and would try to like either like have sex with it or attack it. And it would be like every spring without what it was sound like for all day long

If we were if we were trying to podcast to be an issue like could you imagine like sitting there in your room and a Robin is like Banging on the window all day long every spring. I even drew When I was a kid I drew skulls and put it up on the window thing like that would see other robin away as if robins had the same sort of like fear instinct as humans like if they see a skull didn't help at all. I wish I knew you weren't we were kids I could have given I could have shown you what a BB gun is and what it does and what the purpose of it is. Oh God I'm like I hate robins ever since then I hate them. Well they're rocking and they have a good hamburger place. So, I don't know what you're so mad about.

You're mad at that Robin for being so vague and hot. The Robin really had some issues, like attacking itself in the reflection. It's just so funny because it was like, even though we've been talking about Robin's a good amount this episode, it wasn't until just now when I was like, wait a second. I fucking hate Robbins. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. It was like I suddenly just had like a memory back to Vietnam. You're having a lot of, you're having a lot of introspection.

Like, just in your life, you know, like dreams and jealousy and Robbins. Robbins, Robbins, I mean, I know there are arbiters of spring. But in your dream, the robin was a bridesmaid at Lee and lock and sweating. I was like, Robin got it. Wow, even the robin. It's flying away with the Kit Kat. Wow.

It looks like I finally decide I'm going to commit to the Kit Kat. I'm like, you know what? I'm off keto. I'm having this delicious dark chocolate giant Kit Kat. And the robin comes and steals it from me. And the funny part is you could actually eat the Robin. So we go over to Eliza talking about the history of Mount Aire Limhouse and she's like, it has a perfect setting.

This plantation was originally my grandmother's. The original burned down during the Civil War. Not because of the Civil, not because of the Sherman. Is that what she said, Sherman? Sherman, yeah. I was like, wow. I mean, to me, I was, well, I'm not even going to go there. You know what? Instead of me going there, I'm going to let the other women go there

because Danny Madison, who I just call, in all my, if I know what I just call her twins, but Danny Gwins and Chelsea. Yeah, I call her Gwint too. Yeah, her name is Madison, but I'm just calling her Gwint. So Danny Gwinn and Chelsea and Naomi arrive and they're walking around, I mean, it's beautiful. It's a beautiful state and so southern

with all these like weeping willows and stuff. And Naomi's like, wow, I always like to picture like, what happened here? 200 years ago at this exact moment, you know, and Chelsea goes, it probably wasn't good shit. Yeah, and Danny's like, no, it's probably like, I think that was the first time slavery has ever been acknowledged on this show ever, right? Oh, like, no, okay, it's the first time anyone's acknowledged it, it's at least a little bit

fucking awkward, you know, especially when alive, it's like, time anyone's acknowledged it's at least a little bit fucking awkward You know, especially when alive. It's like yeah, we've been here since the Civil War. What a beautiful place Enjoy these you know enjoy these ribs which were built on the work of other people's backs And then it was burned down. I don't even know why it's almost as if there were like Many many people who hated us who were living right under our noses there were like many, many people who hated us who were living right under our noses. Or a candle fire. I was like, is that what Mima told you? Candle fire, yeah. Yeah, it was, you know, the whole thing just makes me feel icky. Me too. Yeah. So then Eliza, she's her boyfriend, fake dawn, fake Jersey dawn, who's like,

are you sweetie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, Don. Okay, I don't know what kind of, I don't know what kind of government you're running from with your fake Southern boy accent. And it's sure, yeah, like one of those like, like a plaid shirt, but I had like that sort of, that real sort of like,

Southern thing where it has like that sort of like suede patch on it or something, you know? Yeah, and was he wearing a North Face vest? Because I just imagined that in my head you know. I honestly I was really not dedicated a lot of energy to him because I'm like I already have enough things that are agitating me at the moment so I just can't take on something else. I just can't with fake Southern or Dawn okay.

I'm over it. Yeah. So then Cameron hugged Salazar from behind and everybody start to arriving in hugging and Marcy there. Some girl named that's Marcy. That's Shep's cousin Marcy. And then Shep comes in his, you know, hooting hat and he's like, is my hat for a douchebag? Am I trying to hog? And Cameron's like, well, god, look, Shep's coming. I recognize that gangly walk anywhere, all right? So I've got notch I want his math. God damn it.

You ever see a slinky fall down a staircase? That's basically, Chef. So Chef has brought a little Craig. And so little Craig starts playing with like, what sort of dog is that a, not a pug? It's a French bulldog. Yeah, and then he's playing with another Frenchy named Boo. Yeah.

And Chelsea's like, wow, just like real Craig, he was from women who were stronger than him. I love Chelsea's like low key shade. She's been delivering all season long. Chelsea is killing it this's, whatever, 1998. And they, you know, cause he looks really not ready for ski shooting. He's like in all black and like skinny pants, like a t-shirt, I don't know what it was, but it was just very,

it was like he and Don swapped places for a moment there, you know? Yeah, I know because he's got it right, you know He's running from the south and Don is running to it like So Shep is like Gosh, I got this gargant from my dad when I was a boy Oh, bestie still knows how to brarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and he he goes up to the barn is like, oh, hello mother mother bartender

I'd like some green juice and whiskey please. Thank you mother So Whitney yeah, it really is and Chelsea's like well that's that's to support in Chelsea's like well, that's that's to support and This is obviously talking about sorry. She's talking about watching Austin shooting trying to shoot and of course Austin misses every one But do support and yeah, it's like well, I got it You know Naomi got it on her first try, but that's okay even though she's a girl Yeah, cuz pretty much everyone hit the ski except for Austin. So what's classic Austin? He should've used his tongue

Just lick it out of the sky I know they're like wow Austin's actually shooting at me. He's like no, not I'm just flicking him down I feel like I would have been good at it as I was an expert player of Dachon which of course had the skeet shooting mode. Oh god I love that game. You know I did the thing that you do when you're a kid which is that you take the gun and you put it right up again in the TV and you go pfff like there's like no chance of staring at. This is another time I would have said you would have be begun to ask so with a shot at right at your butt every time you tried to cheat it Duck Hunt with me. So if all of those ducks were robbins if only and that's stupid fucking dog

Laugh a year and Chelsea and Greg are talking and cameras like did you talk to me? I mean yet do you remember my oh oh? I still rest you remember what you said Craig and he's like well you said that she's the happy and she's ever been It's bound to a listen of reaction. I'm dumbfounded. And Justin's like, so you're not over it huh? He's like, I was hammered. Come on. She goes, yeah, well, guess what? Drunk people tailed the truth. I was like, okay, so now we're all just jumping on Thomas's side. Yeah.

Truth in jest. Just what? No, jest. Yeah, yeah Truth in just just what no just Just just saying Don't find it. It was it So Naomi watch right up to Craig said I want to talk and they all start cracking up cuz it scares him Also, nothing is scarier than Naomi just like stomping up to you and going, do you want to talk? I'm like, right behind you. It's like Naomi's right behind you, something. It's horrifying. So they walk over to the dock and cracks like, hey, speedy,

since Wendy walks so fast, gosh, it's just another thing that's changed about you. I remember when we used to be able to walk side by side and now you're like so fast, I'm like, what do we do? It's like the Bible. There's two of us walking but there's only one set of footprints. It's because you're walking so cring. Oh yeah. Oh I thought I was just walking in your footprints. So Craig's like, well, the girl said that you're not coming on the trip because of me. And I would hate to be the reason.

Chef is traditionally the reason that people don't want to go on trips to meet other people coming. We sort of thought that now that Thomas Raffinale isn't coming on the trips anymore, that all the women would feel safe to come with us. But I guess not. So Craig, it's more of a respect thing because it would be a slap in the face from a tool

because obviously according to the camera, you're totally not over this. And he's like, no, that's not what I said. It's like, well I heard it from everybody. So he's like, that's not what I said. I just said that we never had closure. We just walked away one day, you know? And then we see the clip of her like, uh, bye.

She just gets off him literally just walks away. Well, because she tried to explain to him like 10 million times over the past like last season, like what, what her issue was and he goes knows like so I don't get it We didn't have normal closure and by that I mean I left my front door open so could someone check up Beth and he's still there It's some economy Like seriously leave me alone I'm gonna go to it like I'm a dog like I'm walking I'm in the yard. Okay. I'm gonna go. I don't know where I am

I'm just gonna run. Okay, I don't know where I am. I'm just gonna want to round okay. Shut it down. Shut it down So Craig said well, I just haven't figured out a way to fill that void You know, Naomi has really grown because she could have just said get a fucking job Craig Yeah, but she didn't she said why don't you try to do with stuff that you can't get your mind off head on? Okay, cuz he's like that because he goes I just feel like I gotta take my mind off of stuff by you know going out and distracting myself Which is like a getting drunk and she's like um, why don't you deal with that? Why don't you go to therapy? Okay, yeah, I don't know how

so You know Craig like comes upon the realization that it just hurt him when he runs into her and her new boyfriend because it reminds him of what he had. And so he's like, look, I'm sorry, it came time to come to terms with him, but honestly I'm really happy for you. I'm just going to pretend that my tool is a wall. All right, I'm going to always keep a butter knife in my back pocket. Her and I's chapter was left open, even though we were writing other chapters.

And then he was like, I never even started a book with you Craig, okay, we have no chapter, no chapter whatsoever. So then she's like, well, this was nice talking to you as a normal person. We got more out of this conversation than our past 200 conversations and he's all mad So then we go to Everyone's eating and

Let me see here Gores were running out of skeet hurry up and Eliza's brothers over there with his buddies like And then through the weeping willows we see an ominous crossover SUV of doom Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not a line house and she's like the Christians because I hate them is a texture thing texture texture thing I think the Christian thing to do is forgive and forget and Whitney goes Jesus would approve Executive producer Jesus So Ashley she she gets out of her car and

Here's the thing if you are trying to do a, like, some sort of, like, rebranding, like, love campaign where you want people to see them fun, kind, cuddly side of you, don't come to a skeet shooting party dressed like a witch, okay? Yeah, and let's just Stevie Nicks. Yeah. Which would, which, I would, if she came dressed as Stevie Nicks, I would then be also very unhappy about that. Because she's like selling Stevie Nicks. Yes, pretty much, yes.

Although if it caused Stevie Nicks to then have a fight with Ashley over Twitter, I would then be very in favor of it. So Liza's like, well, it's hard, you know, because like I'm finally in a good place with everybody, but I'm super religious and I do believe in forgiveness. Like, oh, shut up. So Cameron's like, well, she did say really nasty thing about Whitney's mother.

And he's like, yeah, you did. And Eliza's like, I didn't know. And he's like, yes, she did. No, I didn't. Yes, he did. You've seen the show Eliza. Come on. You know, yeah, exactly.

So as she's like on the horizon, you know, stalking everyone, she's about to, she's approaching the party. The girl's like, and Craig has just started stalking the caterer. He's like, I'm just gonna talk to you. So it looks like we're having a conversation. Thanks. So what about these chafers? I was like, you're actually having a conversation now.

Okay. You see? Do you guys know about Banshee's? They're real. What's a Banshee? sep is like whoa look who it is what brings you here and Craig just walks off. Yeah, it's like um a lion invited me so Where's she? Lens is like hiding at the table with all the other girls and And everyone is just like smiling at her. Like they are full of disgust and fear and apprehension and they just have these big fake smiles like,

hi. Hi. So last like, sorry, I'm over here eating and pretending I didn't invite you to the sink because everyone already hates me again. And Austin's like, I'm out of here. I'm a little, little. So Danny's like you know I had a

real good first impression of Ashley I did and I was wrong really wrong really really really really really really really. So they want to buy my art anyone have this piece called I was wrong. Yeah it's basically expressed by a daisy in a field So then we see the clip of them on the ferry when she's like don't be mean to Catherine and As she's like oh shut up at Abel her Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so then chef is like so are you still a Tom message? We're diving into this wow wow

Wow, he's so obsessed with me wow, that's two guys who obsessed with me now. Oh my god Wow, thanks thanks with a sum of up. You know, where's your life? Okay? No, I'm not with him nice to meet you Nice to meet you. Hi, I'm actually hi And Naomi's just like she is crazy. I mean just crazy if you're not scared of Ashley you should be. So she's like Naomi makes Austin go get him a drink or get her a drink because she's too scared. And she's like so with the relationship is over and you're still staying in shutdown, huh? Yeah, well, I mean you guys are still shooting a show, right? Yeah. Yeah, so I'll be here for awhile Yeah, I'll be here till the camera's turned off okay, and as she's like well

Could you see you Whitney? Okay, good to see you Whitney. Thanks. Thanks Whitney. Thanks a lot with me She's like what you wouldn't he's like well,, look, I know that you said some things about my mother, which were unsavory, whatever. And she's like, same for her, same for her, same for her, same for her, because, you know, she's almost 80, so you think she'd know better, because she's almost 80, so you think she'd know better, same for her, same for her.

Listen, don't talk about knowing better what about flow here, okay? Until you fix that hair. Ashley the great repeater. I think that's why she's keeping that out on the whole time because she's she acknowledged that she had a problem with flicking her hair last season. Yeah, that's right. That's right. So Whitney's like, well, Ashley and sis smirching my mother and a reputation with some conspiracy theories that aren't true and then we see the clip of Set of the fight at the reunion where Ashley's like well Patricia is this Patricia's one that selling stories to blanza. Yeah, she has made my life a living hell Well actually, I'm sorry

There's the flashback and then when he's like I think you're a bit delusional. It's just same same and know what Patricia's made my life a living hell. I have nothing kind to say about her. It's a hot topic. I'm like no Patricia has not made your life a living hell. You made your life a living hell with the words that came out of your mouth. Ma'am. Is Patricia reveling in it and rubbing her hands together and then like stroking a fake goatee. While this all happens, yes, of course. Of course. Is she ordering another martini as we speak? Yes.

As she should. Has she called friends at City Hall and had your car registration revoked? Of course. Has she talked other people and said this Ashley Jacobs person is a disaster and she shouldn't be allowed into any party. Of course, and if that's making your life hell, well, it's a reaction to what you did. Sorry.

Sorry. And she's like, well, I just really don't want to get into that. Thank you, Whitney. Thank you, thank you, Whitney. Hot topic. Thanks, Whitney. Hot topic, top Whitney. And he just walks off.

He's like, I've had enough of this. I'm going back to my green juice and whiskey. So, Shep's talking to some of the friends and he's like, I've had enough of this. I'm going back to my green juice and whiskey. So Shep's talking to some of the friends and he's like, so this is kind of a liaisous fault too, right? And also it's like most definite little little of the, he's like, well, I'm not talking to clouds on a sunny day. I'm going to go catch some red fish. I want to do that. So then Ashley comes over to the girls and she's like, um, I feel like

I should come say, how do you guys so high? And she tries to grab Danny and Danny keeps moving back. Oh no. Force is a kiss on her. Oh no. Oh no. No. Well, girls, I really don't want the animosity. I don't want the animosity. I just want to be cordial. I just want to be cordial because like if I see you around town, that it that's it you know if I see you around town that's it just want to be cordial. Gwen's is staring at her like Gwen's after like a season and a half is ready to speak so she's like um the fact that it doesn't seem like you're genuinely sorry about what you said to Catherine has really just stayed with everyone and now she's like I never want to hurt anyone.

I don't want to be hurt. I'm a nurse, but I have to empathize more. More than I normally do as a nurse, which implies a large amount of empathy. But I have to empathize more. I guess I have to be more of a nurse than I already am a nurse, which I am.

Yeah. And then Grimm starts laughing in her face. Emma and Dammy has stink face. She has like that smile frown stink face thing that she does I was cracking up and as she's like, well, you know, the thing is I'm really sorry that I ever heard her, you know And like a rantant cordial so and grins like but on social media You're still saying everything you said in the past and then we see the tweet that Ashley put out like a week before Yeah, it says, da, da, da, da, because she's one of those ellipses type, uh, typus. She's like, da, da, da, da,

as soon as she came back to Charleston, she was seen drinking at halls, vintage, Deco, Republic ellipses, the list goes on. She doesn't try to hide it in Charleston. Everyone is aware ellipses. I'll tell you one place where she doesn't drink. Gwynns, because no one goes there. I mean, that was just below the belt, Ashley. So then we cut over to Eliza. She's like, well, I mean, I haven't had a bad experience

with Ashley, so I said, just come. I just didn't know what's going to be like this. And they always like, well, the last time I saw her, she called me a bitch in front of an entire restaurant full of people so Yeah, and then we cut back to Ashley talking about the tweets like well Madison, I really don't want to get into all of that So I'm just gonna say keep your mouth shut because My mouth shut Yeah, yeah, because you're like bringing up all this stuff on social media from the past. So it was a week ago.

Well, I don't need to bring up social media. I have nothing to do with you. Okay, I have nothing to do with you. And I just want to be court. Okay, because I get to change your friends. So let me handle that. Let me handle that. That's fine.

That's fine. But you just told me to shut my mouth. And also 50% off. Housewares are twins right now. I did not tell you to shut your mouth. Uh. They're all like, you just said it. She's like, no, I didn't say shut your mouth.

I said, keep your mouth shut. Okay. Yeah, because I'm trying to have peace and you're making it like you're making it bad. Okay, why are you bringing it up, Madison? Is it your business? She's like, um, you put it out there. She's just like, no, this is between me and Catherine.

And you know what? Like, I'll write her a letter if I have to. Okay. Nice chat. Thanks for talking with me. Thanks. Thanks. Yeah.

I love that she was like, Ashley was literally saying like, why are you bringing up this dirt that's been going on on social media? Like, like, as if Ashley was somehow the victim of some other person's dirt. Like, what, this woman, oh, it's good to see that she's still crazy. I was a little afraid that she was gonna come back and I'd be like, fuck, I like Ashley now. I'm like, no. She's terrible. Because Eliza's like, well, look, I just told her, you know, just come here and be nice and make peace. And that is what she told her. Because Ashley's like, well, I'm just gonna go say I'm sorry to everybody.

And then it's gonna be over, you know, but babe, you just tweeted this stuff like one or two weeks ago, okay? So this is not a good long-term strategy to win over people. So then she goes to the bar and it's the most hilarious thing she tells the bartender. She goes, I'm gonna try something different.

I was like, really? Cause you're not trying anything different. Like, this is your chance to just come in and be different. Okay. So she goes over and sits down with Chelsea and Cameron. They're like, oh no. So Cameron's like, sell. Are you still living here?

Let me try to say that with through gritted teeth and a big fake smile. Oh yeah, do you like it here? She's like, I do, I do, I do, I do like it. I mean, I haven't had a chance to experience Charleston alone, you know? And Cameron's like, okay, why did you tweet the other week and say we were all lasers? She's like, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's why we're lasers. She's like, well you did say, you did say I was a horrendous person.

She's like, well you were horrible. You're horrible. You called Catherine and Egg Donor, and that's pretty fucking bad, Ashley. And then we see a clip of the tweet that Ashley tweeted, and it says, they're all a bunch of losers, especially that Patsy broad. Yeah. So then Ashley starts doing this thing. She's like, well, to be fair, I took the bait in this whole thing.

Everyone says it's Thomas. It's Thomas. You know who's talking shit about Catherine the whole time? It's Patricia and you know what Patricia got me all worked up Okay, I'm like okay whatever you know the thing is this if even if what Ashley is saying is true The only reason why Patricia would be doing this is because Thomas was feeding Patricia You know lies about Catherine so Patricia is all Patricia years is that there's this crazy girl who is up to all this no good. And so she's like, yeah, this is not a good girl.

So Ashley, you gotta take her down. So of course Patricia would, if that were- Well, I think everybody already knows that Patricia was doing all that stuff, but she made up with Catherine, so it's different. But her story yesterday was so crazy, Ashley's Instagram story. Did you read it? No, it was crazy.

She, you know, it was typical Ashley just going off on everybody and she kept calling Patricia Patsy. I'm sorry, Patsy. Maybe you could win on social media Patsy, but you're not gonna win in court because she is saying that Patricia is the one who came up with all these rape rumors against Thomas and it's just a frame up by Patricia. That's not this ever happened. That's not Patricia's style. This is all Patricia and that Patricia's gonna go

down in court. No, that's not Patricia's style. Okay, someone needs to get off of the info wars, like the Charleston info wars Ashley. I mean the Patricia like Produtra might be like well, I heard certain things about Ashley. I heard that She only plays tennis on clay courts. They are said it, you know She'll put out a dumb rumor like that. I'm sure like a high-falutious play some plate on clay courts I got high for the difference between a salad and a dinner fork play courts. I got high from the difference between a salad and a dinner fork. She tried to stick a salad fork into an escargot.

Well, she was in for a surprise. Like, that's a Patricia rumours. Patricia is not going to get down in the dirt with rape rumors. Yeah. And you can't make somebody say that they were raped. I mean, my God. So then, Chef and Craig are watching from the side and chefs like there's yelling and Craig goes of course Austin's with the girls So then we cut back to Ashley going um, yeah, I took the bay. I was upon to the whole thing

You know like everyone says Thomas's Thomas What you want to know is talking about it? It was bitch ratio and there's a whole lot more that you guys don't know She was the one she was the one and I believed her because I Respect her. I mean I thought she can't be lying to me and Them they cut to Ashley's diary room session and she's got the weirdest haircut. It's like Dolph Lundgren I don't know. I don't know what she's doing but really weird. It was weird and I was pretty surprised that she even got a Interview segment, but you know anything goes yeah, and like, well, the reason Catherine is my enemy is because Patsy wanted her to be my enemy.

And then we get a clip of the reunion of Ashley basically saying that stuff, and Ashley's like the best way to get that to bring Catherine down is through me. I'm like, well, then you allowed yourself to be used. You're an idiot. Yes. Congratulations. And you continue to fulfill, like, if that's truly the case, then why are you continuing to go after all these people when you are, if you realize you're the pawn, why are you still pawning, you know? Yeah. So she is blaming everybody else and camera is like, um, okay, this has met them to do with us us. Did you know to everybody know that chef was trying to eat my notches the other day? Can we just do this conversation?

And she'll say, what matters is what you said to us here, and I don't understand it. If you're here for a lives, go sit with the lives of them. And she's like, um, I want to be civilized because we don't have to go to lunch, but civilized, like, what if I see you around town? Then don't shoot about us on that Twitter thing. Yeah. Well, that's all that's all that's all that's all hello I'm gonna see you around town am I gonna have to see you around town okay cuz that's all I'm saying and Chelsea's like you're not gonna see my ass and thank God because I heard when you ran into Naomi downtown you started yelling at her and called her a bitch and fave a whole restaurant. Oh please please.

Rumors to gossip. Rumors to gossip. I mean, I'm gonna see you around town. Rumors to gossip. I'm gonna have to get her over here. And then we can't... Not this whole other table is listed. The wins table.

And wins is like, you came to our table and called Naomi a bitch. I've like never seen anyone do that before. Ever. And it just like, the reason I called her a bitch was because she was a bitch. I've like never seen anyone do that before ever. And it just like um the reason I called her a bitch Was because she was a bitch, okay? I went over there to say hi and make peace and Gwen's like if you're trying to make something Right and then calling someone a bitch that doesn't work She'll apparently no one's been to Thanksgiving at my house As she's like well, I should have walked away from the bitch

Yeah, so I just walked away from the bitch. Yeah, I should have just walked away from the bitch. Analyzer's like, do I ask her to leave? Oh, I shut up Aliza. Yeah, shut up Aliza. Stop talking. Okay, friends with Thomas, Aaron Ashley, like you didn't know this was going to happen. He probably got landed on fucking speed dial to shut up Aliza. So Chelsea's like, you can't sit here and call these people close to us bitches or whatever you want and expect us to be nice to you

And she goes, well, what's wrong with your friend that she can't be nice to me and Chelsea's like show you was at dinner How do you came up to her at her table? And then actually, um, trust me. Trust me. Madison. Trust me. I would never interrupt you in the middle of your dinner And just because oh, so she would have waited till after your dinner was finished before she called you bitch yeah and she's like I made a mistake I have so many regrets and I I just want to say I'm sorry it would have been interesting to see how our friendships could have evolved it it could have been fun you know and then she starts like trying to cry like and I was like uh yeah you don't like this crocodile dial tears that you're crying like I don't

But I but one thing that I would like you to buy it would be some drop-up. You want some drop-up? Even crocodiles like it. Yeah, so she's like, um, all right Austin. All right, Austin. All right, Austin Okay, all right, Austin. Like why are you talking? I'm not talking to you. I don't care about you like well It's nice to know we can be on with ashes wavelength once in a while This is he's like you called this losers, and I don't believe a word that came out it comes out of your mouth So where are you even speaking? I don't care about you. I don't care And I like how her tears cleared up like it immediately because she was like crying and he goes crocodile tears And she she just like turns at him sort of like the velociraptor or the T-Rex when the T-Rex sees Jeff Goldblum trying to wave that that

Flair and Jurassic Park is like oh you you know Yes, and that Botox you just got with Thomas is totally showing because her face scrunches up like a paper bag Like it moves it all the wrong parts, you know, yeah, so good. And Craig's like, I can't believe she's even here. Like, that takes a certain kind of crazy. And check us, I'm still incredulous. And then he goes, let's just clear the air. And Ashley says, well, that's what I was trying to do with the restaurant.

And then he's like, but instead you called me a bitch in front of all my friends. I was like, is that singing the joking way? Was I saying it in a joking way Naomi? No. No. No, I was like laughing because it's so absurd what's happening. It's like, well, I can tell you that my intentions were only good.

They were only good. My intentions were only good. It's like, no, you said you're not going to give me a hug because I'm a huge bitch. And then Austin goes, well, that sounds odd, brad. Drop up. Oh God Ashley, what a disaster. What a disaster. But it's fun having your back for an episode, right? Yeah, what a fun disaster, my kids. I know. Well, speaking of fun disasters, we are back tomorrow. We are going to be recapping the Real Housewives of New York reunion part one, and we're going to be doing that with crap and it's on demand.

So make sure you are all set up for that. If you wanna watch that as well as listen to it. And of course, land tickets are on sale tomorrow. Get them, get them, get them. We're gonna have a lot of fun there. That's gonna be in October. And please do not forget by your tickets for Baltimore and Cleveland. Okay, we're gonna have an amazing time.

We'll probably announce what shows we're covering at those Baltimore Pittsburgh Cleveland shows pretty soon. So keep your ears open and have a lovely Thursday everyone. Bye everybody. Bye. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast. Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.