Watch What Crappens - SouthernCharm: You Reap What You Sew (in 3D!) - Live from Philadelphia

Episode Date: July 21, 2018

Night number two in Philadelphia brings us night number one of the "Southern Charm" season 5 reunion. Hurricane Ashley rumbles on the horizon, but for now we have the joyful, adorable delusion of Craig to occupy our time. He's just the best. And the most ridiculous. If you think otherwise, name ONE LIE HE HAS EVER SAID. ONE LIE!!! Oh Craig. Never change. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.

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And Lizzie Drucker a fun mother fuck I'm gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one Oh, hi everybody! Yes, you guys came out to play all the white gloves back there. So good, I'm already spitting all over the place. What we won't do for a new snuckle joke. Hi level prop comedy of watch or crap. It's like some water bottles. White pants. Here it tops. Got nothing on us bitches. My bottle is still like at my ankle right now.

I'm like, I know how it's rough. And your pants actually fit. So it's going to be rough to get those out of there. Girl, these pants aren't even buttons, so. Oh. Thank you. I hope everyone appreciates my pocket square. I made it from a... I made it from a torn up pillow.

Oh, hi guys. Who was your last night, Benny Chance? Oh my god, yes, two nighters. Oh my god, last night was so, so, so, fun. But tonight will be super, super fun. So don't you, what? I can't even believe I'm here in a wake and a life, really. I know.

Philly people do not mess around. No, they don't even believe I'm here in a wakein' alive, really. I know. Philly people do not mess around. No, they don't. Man, you guys really do party. And people were like, let's go to the caberhead. And I was like, no, it's really named that. And I was like, oh, okay, you know. And said, that's what my meme all calls hell, the actual hell.

So it was nice that it was an actual neighborhood. And today I woke up remembering that Ben on the way home said, wow, you're messy, I just have to say. Well, see here's where things start to get out of control. It was like 1 a.m. and we went to Wawa. So good. And we got Rex for good Philly cheese steak. But at some point with me, just get me to bed.

You know, it's like, just take us to Wawa. So basically, so we're there. We were ordering, we were like, such out of towners. We're like, how does this work? Computers, David? David. David. God, back in my game, there was a person here asking what I wanted.

How long can you talk back there? Hi. I think that I'd like my Hogi to come with 30 to 40 negative thoughts. And some jalapenos, please. Yes, that would be great too. So then we like, then take the cab back. Right, cigarettes, twigs. OK, I got like three packs of Marble Lights,

twigs, popcorn, pretzels, a sound much bigger than my head, which is huge. I mean, I have a U-Tech. I got a four pack of pepper and patties randomly. I know, I was like, he's pulled out one credit card, and I said, no, it's okay, I'm not going to put you through that. I put you through your neck today. Then I got home and ate in my underwear on this chair.

And covered myself in tuna fish. This was covered. This was just after he spilled everything in the lift. So we're trying to get the lift, and he is down under his knees being like, I have to find your snaple. I was like, oh my God. That's a wow-a.

So yeah, we've been through a lot, guys. No. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Philly, for welcoming us with Open Wawa arms. Love this place, Marca. You know, next week we're going to Montreal. So tell people, wait, who Montreal? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, she flipped us, she double fingered us for Montreal. Yeah.

Usually I'm the one that gets booed. Thanks for giving it to this Jack. This is the home, Montreal is the home of Celine Dion. I'm okay, we have to support that. Oh, my name. My name, this is for you. Yeah. Shut up.

Shut up with that already, okay? Yeah. So, even Renee is sick of that. He's like, I finally died. You're still singing that song to me from Vegas. Can I get a fucking break from that song? Mm. Uh. It's cool one of those nights guys.

We're just starting. And I'm not slapping now. I don't start drinking till I work because I've told someone, I'm a professional, so. Yeah, I'm a... But we want you guys to tell anyone who's thinking about going to Montreal, how much fun you're already having at this Philly Show.

Oh, yeah. And we have two prizes tonight from Leobwack.com! Oh, Tarrotown! Some of you are ready-winged jewelry, but Tarrotown, you've got new jewelry! Leobwack.com, facelift in the box, jewelry, but tear it down. You've got new jewelry. Leoplack.com, facelift in the box, jewelry, whatever you need. Thanks, Batch, for giving us all the... Leoplack sends me like a huge bag of this. It's like a bunch of this.

She's got her own ribbon that says, Leoplack! Like it screams at you, you know? You open it, it's like, Where it down? Ha-ha. Ha-ha. So honestly, guys, we had so, so, so much fun You open it like Warrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Yeah, we were kind of scared because, you know, like, usually we don't get to plan bravo schedule. Yeah. I mean, we try to, they don't listen.

They don't even know those facts. But we never know what we're gonna get. And it's the first week of reunion. And we were like, shit! Shit! Shit! Actually, it's not here. These ones, Patricia doesn't come.

She's like, all the at home. I've seen no reason to suffer through them, fairie of my team. Hey. Hey. She ain't coming. She's like, I'll be at home. I've seen no reason to suffer through an inferior routine. Hey. Uh, she ain't coming. JD's not coming to pay for his sins. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Hey, you guys doing well? I was like, well, I don't know. We should recap anything else. And then we woke up and started taking notes. And we're like, oh, my, did you see that, Craig? Because even though we didn't get the Ashley fireworks,

we had something possibly better. We had like an hour of Craig. Craig. Craig. Craig. And honestly, Ashley is, it's like, fun to make fun of Ashley, but Craig is comedy, gold. And it's all that we need is Craig.

Craig is like everything wrong with America, but also everything in America that I wanna fuck. Is that weird? Like everything all in one hot little package. Yes. I think you and Andy Cohen both agree on that. Yeah. Oh.

So we open with the shows producer, who you never know Chef's banging, you know, I think that's why they show her. What'd you say back there? Yeah, let's round with Zellie. What's wrong with my sewing? So his producer is out there and she's like, do you have all your, you cannot do, you cannot yell the whole time miss. That was your one, that was your one audience interaction. answers out there and she's like, do you have all your, you cannot do, you cannot yell the whole time miss. That was your one, that was your one audience interaction. You used it.

You used that screen, man. Yeah, and by the way, by the way, feel free to tell your neighbor to shut up. Okay. Feel free roll here. But yeah, the chef's producer just looks at, takes one look at chef coming out of the car and she goes, do you have all your stuff? He's like, oh, somebody changed. Oh, I let my book about the Vietnam War and the earth, I bring that.

She goes, no, no, no, no, you look great. I'm like, he looked like he's been sleeping those clothes for three days. If Tommy Bahama created homeless people, that's what they would look like. Uh, he's mixed some kind of effort. I mean, today I was gonna shave, take a shower, you know, get my nuts taken care of, but I was like, Chef, didn't do it. Why should I? Yeah.

My mother-fuckers on TV. Yeah. Like my mouth, I'm sorry. So, oh. It's okay. I think they'll be better. I think they'll be better. I think they'll be better.

I'm just blatantly, blatantly. So anyway, so then Catherine shows up, and I knew we were in for something good because Queen Catherine shows up in a shirt that says, try me. And then she's wearing a backpack that, with Britney Spears on it, from her oops, I did it again, era.

So I was like, I love all these messages, plus the subtle illusion to Ramon on, lifting that all. And Cameron, you know, Cameron doesn't really do much on the show. So they're just like, what do you think about everybody else, you know, because he's always up in the show. And she's getting her hair beach combed or whatever you call it, curls. And she's like, I'm hypers. Same type of walking under her hair. There's somebody with a metal detector

just going over her hair. It's like a jellyfish. She's like, Craig! Yeah. Just blaming Craig. I'm a mom now. I have a fire truck in my hair. Mm.

So she's like, I'm excited to see the big fat Tossin versus Hollyfield. Just cracking up at herself. And then they cut to, I guess Tyson. And it's Catherine Catherine and you know, Catherine when she's like, got no makeup, she's just like a blank slate of lights. And my mom is a ginger, so I would see that every day,

you know. I would see like the pre and then what she turns herself into. Now I don't remember which was more horrifying, but when I saw Catherine I was like, oh my God, it's like baby little baby face. But we all know actually I mean I just have to correct you because as much as I love Catherine she's not Tyson because I believe that Ashley is the one who's going to be biting people's ears off by the end of this room.

Snorting your ear off. Yeah Ashley. She's like. And then Catherine's is getting dragged off stage. And then Bravo, it's on the craft service table. We all know that now. Thank you, Kathy Griffin. We all know. We know secrets. Meanwhile, Craig is sitting there going like this. She's like, Like, what's that Craig? Ah, it's a pillowcase. Yeah.

It's pretty cool, right? Square, it's 2D. I almost did a circle, but I was like, whoa, easy boy. 2D. 2D square. Oh, it doesn't mean square. Oh my god, stacked. Don't we get...

Uh-oh, it's 3D now. Oh, maybe steps to 3D. Oh, no! No, no, no. No, me, if you really loved me, you wouldn't have knocked it over. This reminds me of the napkin I used to have. Love that pillowcase, but now I detest it.

I hate it! I hate that, I'm not paying. I wish that pillowcase could see how beautiful it is. My favorite part, well, my first favorite part, you know, I say that for every scene. My favorite part, it. Every year, and I love seeing what Andy's face looks like that day. Look, none of us are spring chickens at this point. And when I say, uh,, I mean me and Andy.

Yeah. That me. And you can read us like a damn tree circle. You know, if you know what we did the last night, nothing good happened to Andy last night. No, I think, normally he shows up like this. Who? Who?

Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Today, he said that like this. How do I eat that was? I was getting him some water. Yeah, he was some fish roe oil pills.

So, Catherine's ready to go. She's like, it's about accountability, Ashley. Let's talk about it, Ashley. I'm like, ooh, this is good. But she didn't even tap. And then, they start, they're getting into their seats on the couch and then naturally, and just like, so what's happening?

We're waiting on Catherine's boobs. Is that what we're doing? Catherine's boobs. Boops. Boops may work too. She's like, guys, he's renewed me. I'm in. I got some arm implants.

I'm in the arm implants. Oh, the arm hasn't settled down yet. So'm never, never. Oh, the Irmer hasn't settled down yet. So, and then, of course, the last person to arrive is Ashley. Who gets that of her? Boo. Boo. Boo.

Boo. Boo. Boo. She gets out of the SUV and she's like, hi, how are you, driver? Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Thank you. Oh my God card. Thank you for driving

Thank you Could you tell mr. Goodyer? Thank you. I'm praying for you. I'm praying God bless you Thanks God bless you. Thanks. You caught fitness. That's right. Someone sprained. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, oh. Mm. Every different cash remember brings something, but I think Chelsea is just brought laughs. You know, it's like a sitcom where you hear laughter, so you're like, why am I laughing? I guess because the laugh track's laughing at. That's Chelsea, because everything, she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, because Andy says, Okay, welcome to the Southern Charm season. So LeBern and Shirley season.

Like Andy's barely at work today, okay. He's like, welcome, we're gonna spike that old sweet tea. And Chelsea's like, Hey, it's so funny. She's so fun and sweet! She's the one, if she's on a sitcom and the opening credits, she's like, potting a plan, and she's like... I'm introducing Chelsea.

Oh, I would watch that show by the way, but it has a great theme song. So guess what Andy's first question is. Right before a Me Too segment, too. He's like, let's talk about your tips. He's like, who got new tips? Right through my hand. He literally, the lure the first line of the reunion went like, sweet tea to tips. He goes in.

Why Catherine Calhoun Dennis your girls look bigger. Hmm. Guess they grew a little in natural limbs. I mean he's only her boss. It's only person Catherine's talking to this entire reunion. Hey there. I'm a hater.

I'm a real union. I'm a hater. I'm a hater. I'm a wise, nice person. But Andy is an endulence when I did men. Andy is an equal opportunist. Opportunityist. He's an equal opportunist offender, right? Then he goes, speaking of beautiful, hey, Craigie. I think Craig gives us that genuine smile that I just love about Craig. I don't care what Craig does, okay.

He's like, oh, Craig is a kid. Just give a kid a piece of candy, they're like, that's all Craig means, you know. He's like, now I'm happy. And he's like, I want a pillow so bad for you to chomp on while I take you on. So happy, dole-biding, pillow-biding, you know how it goes. So Craig is like, well, I brought a few, but when I read for this pocket square. Yeah, this was gonna be for you Andy,

but I have this other one, but I only did two of the three sides. I was just, it was hard in deadlines, you know. What is a deadline anyway? What's a pillow? Where are we? He puts stuff in the way. He put stuff in the way.

Start small. That's where he should be starting. Start with handkerchiefs. I mean, even that handkerchief is ugly though. Poor Craig, he can't even do that, right? It's like, what is that? A tablecloth in an Italian restaurant? What is that? This is pillow well in an Italian restaurant? What is that?

This is Pello Well. Pello cases are starting small. I remember making a Pello case in 1st grade. It was like it was the Mayflower. Poor Craig. True story. Poor Craig. True story.

A Mayflower Pello. 1st grade. Thanks, Kevin. What do you expect, my couture? That's a lot. That's what I was like, wow, my couture? That's a lot. I was like, wow, you're very intelligent. I was like, well, I got some Dion von Parsonburg prints,

and I put them together made a lovely pillow in first grade. The Poisoned them and just left them outside to see what's trying to take over the neighborhood. America! So Andy's like, chef, you find a relationship yet? And everyone's like, Chef, you find a relationship yet? And everyone's like, Ah, yeah. Yeah.

Uh, stop trying to sell us relationship. Please. Uh, you know, but I'm looking for and why. He tries to do Craig, because Craig is like, like genuine and stuff like We're not buying it. It's scary. Okay. Yeah, she's good. I get nervous when he says words like wide Looking for and why I do there's a vagina under my chair

So then we have then we go to Austin and Austin decided to wear some glasses. I actually believe it or not, I actually thought Austin looked good. It made me forget about his milk bottle body, you know. I'm rude. I have one too. Look, he's like an advertisement for that store in the mall that we all love. It all leads back to Claire's Everyone looks better after leaving Claire's including Austin

Like look I'm smart. Yeah, so then I Read a beer Great poopier You're such a psychotic person so so then, finally, Andy's like, you know, Naomi is now, Naomi has made it to the couch. I guess, so it's funny, when the season began, I don't think Naomi was a full-time cast member, but I think now that they gave Thomas the act,

I think they're like, okay, you can take a seat. You know, which I approve of fully, because I love Naomi. And... She'll tell a bitch off Naomi has no point. She really doesn't care. And so they're like, so Andy's like, so Naomi, has it feel to be on the opposite couch from gray?

It just feels fine. It's fine, I don't care. Naomi has no stage fright, like too little. Like, have B-nervents a little bit, she's's just like no just I think we move past the awkwardness we're just in full bitterness now bitter hatred also Andy asked Austin he's like did you bring some beer he's like yeah brought some beer Andy brought some beer it's like that's that has a nice finish. No one is drinking your beer sir. A great fruit beer. Yeah. If you have a cottage cheese beer that can be compared with that. So Andy, yeah Naomi Craig awkward. Oh God. So Craig has decided he's

like a mad little girl today. Oh my God. He was great. That was so perfect. Yeah, he's like, I'm a tell everybody. I'm getting a, like he's so mad. And he's doing that little mad girl thing. I mean, I know, because I've been to Geneurine. I was a mad little girl for many years. I am a mad little girl. But he's doing the thing where he's just like looking up

at the lines the whole time. Whenever they ask them something's like No one asked me how I feel about being on a couch opposite no me Cuz she goes yeah, we've moved past the awkwardness so who cares he's like What is awkwardness even me and then he gets to Cameron and Andy's like, hey Cameron. And she's like, ha, that's all she gets. Yeah, that's all Chelsea gets to. She's like, oh, it's Chelsea, yeah.

Hey Chelsea, we've brought a bill for you to pay. It's for soup. Apparently Austin's been really craving it. He never got some. So I like that like, that's the thing that we've like latched onto the season. Is that Victoria, like, happened to say in one episode very briefly, oh yeah, I'm putting some soup on it.

We're like, she's upset, it's so. So. So. And Patricia left us a comment on that episode. She said, hilarious, is all I am. But for the record, it's not about the soup. Really? It's not about the past either. So... Well, one person is missing today, everybody. So, like, JD! Uh-uh-uh!

No. Oh. Oh, oh. No. Patricia. No. Whitney. No.

Snowden. Does anybody even make an effort on this show? How are so many people missing from this video? Danny is it Danny? Come to what? Is it the gay, what was the gay's name again? Whale San? Well, no, is it the other gay, the expelled gay?

Cooper? Cooper. Cooper. Oh, I know, it was that woman who teaches them how to cook. The lady who teaches them how to cook. You know, Suzanne. Wait, oh, I know, This Cameron's mom wasn't there. Someone was missing from the room yet.

Those aren't big people, but my goal. My goal. No. Yeah, you see, no one shows up to this. Oh, and then the people that can't make my cat are like, oh, wait, wait, I think I just remembered who wasn't there. I think it was Thomas Ravenel. Oh, right. All right, right, wait, I think I just remembered he wasn't there. I think it was Thomas Ravenel. Oh, right.

All right, right, Thomas Ravenel. And George at Mossbacher, but Thomas Ravenel. She's practicing her ambassador to ship to Poland on Thomas. Now, he has have a do things, and all of a cult, Poland. He's like, well, you're doing it wrong. Well, I love all those consonants you put together. So then Andy's like, we got a letter about what Thomas is doing.

Brawl Industries and Art Client and it's like this big long letter. Thomas is a rapist, okay. That's what you just need to say. How he goes. Thomas. Thomas is a rapist, okay. That's what you just need to say. How he goes? Thomas. Thomas is a rapist. But he's a rapist creep. Like I told you, he was an episode 101, okay?

But he sends his best regards to his friends and his fellow castmates, fans. And he puts them on your face even though you haven't asked for them. Hey, man, it's like, ow, that, that, that red card. So then chef. So chef has this response, which kind of did not sit too well with me. I actually like chef, but this did not sit with me. He goes, gosh, well, 90% of the time Thomas is fun and jovial and gentlemanly and convivial.

convivial and his full-boiled and cordial. Boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, hey, boy, hey, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, boy, hey, boy, hey, boy, hey not really am. I'm like that 10% is him too. Sorry. What have we learned? You can be really awesome in 90% of your life, but it doesn't matter if 10% of your life is rapy. Yeah. Allegedly. Yeah, once you pass the rate percent, that's the pretty, people pretty much stop doing percentages on your personality, okay? Yeah. They don't have a cell for 95% of your decent always bring people coke to a restaurant part. And then chefs like, gosh, I mean, there's a big part that I really, really love.

And a little part that I don't, like, Chef, just please stop talking. You're not going to get out of this right. This is bad. This is really bad. And Catherine is answering this whole question, but only with her face. Because as he goes all my dolls, she's like, her purr-proof face is just like turning red. Just like that. So they talk about how they're still divorced, but she's spending more time with Thomas on Instagram and the kids and stuff. And then she's like, so what's your feeling about the rape?

And she's like, well, I won't comment until it's resolved because, you know, I'm staying out of it and focusing on the children. He's like, totally understandable. So he raped the nanny, right? Yeah, be there there. They're speaking all delicately, just trying to avoid it. Like, well, you know, I can't comment. He raped someone, right?

Where'd he go, Andy? Like a guy. Uh, hello. She goes, and obviously you knew her. And she's like, she was with us for two years, blah, blah. And then Naomi's like, well, all I know is that Thomas was nice to me. And I'm like, what is this weird? What is this?

She's like, so I'm going to stay out of it. I'm like, well, I'm going to actually ask you. Yeah, too late. Because no one even asked you. You just popped that question out. So then we learn that Ashley is very nervous about coming out. So, I mean, so then we see, then we learn that Ashley is very nervous about coming out. Like, the water buffalo hair is full like, it's about to turn to like Queen Amidala sort of.

And it's like, she has no reason to be nervous. I mean, we're not going to shred her car. And then he's like, well, it wasn't you, she called the bad mother, shit! And she's like, that's true. Oh! Oh! Gotta go back to my search, foreign-wide for a love. Yeah. Looks like we just lost another war, hope to see the documentary one day.

Call me Ken Burns. Ha ha ha. Gars, it's time to go to a commercial. Ah, Craig. Yeah. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle.

And we're the hosts of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder Yeah. Okay, so then it moves to girl power. And Andy just knows about girl power because he's looked at like Twitter Analytics, you know?

Because how he introduces the whole segment, he goes, there's an overwhelming response on social to Girl Power. Congratulations, double taps to Girl Power. You know, I personally, I also, I did love the big, like, girl power rarararaw thing that was happening the season, but I also feel like it kind of went away midway through the season. Like, it started off so strong, like that amazing episode where they are just confronting JD.

I'm even Chelsea, she's like, so what you're saying? You're kind of a con artist. Oh, that was good. What you're saying, you're kind of a con artist. Oh. Oh. Oh. That was good. But then, like, midway through, they kind of like stop doing it. I was like, why aren't you guys being girl power-ery anymore? Yeah.

And he's like, well, here's a comment. I said, congrats on the girl power. The girls are refusing to be talked down to, talked over, lied to, and dismissed. I was like, well, we still got 55 minutes. I'm sure every guy on here, what show have you been watching? And then Craig just said. And then Craig is so mad about, oh, this is so funny.

Craig is so mad about girl powers Twitter analytics. He is so mad. He's gonna be blind by the time he stops staring at his slides. He's just like, shhh. Listen, he's basically hated the Spice Girls for like 20 years now. He's like, why are you bringing this up?

But so, so they're like, I've never seen anybody man at Girl Power. Like, this is literally the first time I've ever seen it. Truly. So, this is Girl Power. Oh. Because Andy's like, so what was the deal with girl power? And Catherine's like, well, we all were kind of dating assholes.

I mean, well, just joking. And she's like, oh, there was no need for girl power. They all dated really good guys. Like I'm this sort of guy that like when I track in a bunch of leaves from outside, I'll sweet them into another room for you. I'm a good guy. They all dated really good guys and then they turned into assholes. It's what you did.

And then he's like, wait, you're saying the guys did? The guys turned in assholes and he's like, name one thing, Austin and I did the girls, name one thing. So they all like start listing things. It was like the easiest thing of all time. They're like, oh, I've never seen the cast work together like this. They're all just throwing two in there. There was a PowerPoint presentation that just suddenly

arrived. They're like, oh, well, we're rolling in the thing. Craig's like, we each rated them like gems. Let me show you how Craig treats gems. Oh. Oh. I dropped my gem, but I don't know where it is anymore. We treated them like gems. I'm going to be using my best friend for a joke. I'm sorry, I've used your Cheetos. Yeah, you know, me one thing I did, Austin I did. So he leaves setbacks and now chefs are mad, you know.

Cause he's such a gentleman, you guys. Yeah. Setbacks like, oh really? Well you said in me, you can stop talking, child. Yeah, I was like, you've done so much worse and Andy will never say it. But he did. You know?

I'm a horrible human being and I'm very judgmental and I know that. But sometimes you got to give credit to a bitch where credit is due. Yes. So Craig says... And Andy came out to play in the three-union. He just hates everybody on this show. At first, like, at first Andy is like, he has to get over, he has to let his boners subside. Because really for the first 20 minutes, he's just staring at Craig like this. Like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. But then eventually, he realizes, oh wait,

this guy is so stupid, I can't even keep my boner up. And now the cloud has lifted, and I'm going to go after him like crazy. So right now, Craig is like about the, like, like, speak whatever child. He's like, if I did say that, that's wrong. Craig, you said it. Yeah.

And he's like, we can play the clip right now. Woo! And it plays, and it's what we know it is. Well, and that's like, well, if that happens, it's like, okay, well, let's play that clip again, do it again. Well, if we believe that wasn't CGI, then I apologize. I'm learning a lot about 3D, so. Yeah.

And then. And he's like, okay, Catherine, what is girl power? No. No. Oh. And then, Andy's like, okay, Catherine, what is girl power? I mean, what the hell is it? Nobody knows, you know. And, cause he works for Bravo. Do you know, like, let's face it. So she goes, well, you can interpret how you want,

but girl power is knowing your worth. I mean, just being your worth. He's like, I mean. Just being your worth. He's like, all right. Let's move on to JD. Chelsea's like, that is a great segue. Andy.

So Andy is like, now me, remember how everyone thought you were boring and never gonna do anything on this show and just acting as a change purse for Craig? You sure changed it up this year? She's like, fuck yeah, I do. She's like, yeah. So, like, so why did you go after JD that way? And she's like, well, I just didn't want JD to drive an art of about Elizabeth, you know? And because he's basically a dick and like, he's making her look stupid whatever.

And I was like, thank you. Naomi, because that was one of the best episodes of the film ever. And that's a mention. Also Craig, this is how you keep a job. You fucking idiot Naomi. She's like, multibus! So then like Judy from Judy Town, New Jersey. Want yet, Judy Town, New Jersey. Just make all the students answer, shall you? So.

Oh, I'm Judy from Judy Town. The mayor of Judy Town's name, Judy, it seems a little fishy to me. David, can't leader in high school, or a mascot, we're Judy's. Just because she's Judy doesn't mean I'm going to vote for her. OK, we're between these ballots. It's not my fucking mayor.

OK. That was a, we've really created a narrative around Judy-town. Wow, Ben, you're really driving in there. Oh, drive on! Oh, so, Judy-town! Wow, Judy-town! Fun fact, Trixie Monical is from Judy-town. Yeah!

Yeah! Anyway, what I was really trying to say is, so Judy from Judy- Town, she writes in and she's like, Naomi, how can you talk, how can you say all this about JD and Elizabeth when you put up for Craig's lies for so long? Naomi's basically like, yeah, I was miserable and I really shouldn't have I should have left a lot earlier and then Craig's like name one Man one one lie and she goes like dropping the mic premature

She goes like you lie about what time you get out of bed in the morning Craig Yes, you lie about what you did that day. You lie about what you ate for lunch You're lying right now. You said you were up the floor. Get up. You said you were a lefty, but you're a righty. Why would you lie about that? You said you had five legs. What?

And you said you have a contact for your third eye. You don't have a third eye crag. Yes, I do. Put me wrong. Real bad. Put one time. You've seen me without a third eye, Craig. Yes, I do, put me wrong. Real bad. Put one time, you see me without a third eye, know me. All right, one time. You said you were Japanese.

Bonjour. No, Craig. Also, why can't she just say the real reason? The real answer to that question. Why, you give JD, or Elizabeth, all this shit for taking stuff from JD, but why did you take Craig's shit? Cause he's fucking hot, that's why. Yeah, big difference.

You can put up with one or the other. Also, I mean Craig's a liar, sure. Like he's a liar, he's just like a sweet dumb, mopi liar. JD is like an asshole, you know? Craig is just, Craig's like a model plane, JD is like an asshole, you know? Craig is just... Craig's like a model plane you get as a kid, you know? He's been so long putting it together and you know it's never gonna work.

Never gonna fly. But it's pretty and it was really fun playing with. Yeah, you know? And you might get dizzy off the fumes. Why not? So Craig is really, he's doubling down. That's most players do. He's like, name one lie.

Name one like the like, the bar, remember, the multi-year lie you had about the bar. He's like, name a lie. Name a lie. Then we read these tweets about this JD thing, which were weird because, you know, wait, that's coming up in a second. You don't have to do it just like that. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I did screenshots today in my notes. I was like, hi, I'm from the future. Yeah. And so I have like screenshots of the tweet because God forbid I'm riding around, you know. Well, actually, let me, I should just rather say I'll set it up because it's like, you know, my driver is a narrative, sir. Drive. Drive.

Name one time I've been in the air. Name one time. It's a relationship. Guess what, remember I said that's coming up a little bit. I lied. It's right now. Go ahead, honey.

No one's counting. So basically, so Chelsea had heard rumors about I heard some rumors. I'm like banana ramma rumor has it You have like see you guys and that Jeep and things the deli yourself like blasty Really? Got to love that a tell has it She never gets old. Hello.

I'll do that on the phone sometimes. It's me. Uh, rolling in the deep, I'm a rough. Anyway, they're talking about JD. And basically, what we didn't really know is that all this time there have been all these rumors about JD just being a dirt bag, having his late nights at the bar, womanizing, and he's been coming across

for the past few seasons. It's just like a family man, entrepreneur who's actually like the one stable guy in this entire show. And so Chelsea and all the other women are like, fuck that, we've had enough. Yeah, fuck that guy. But not everyone is saying fuck that guy.

Because you know all those rumors, JD being a Rosacea-filled motherfucker using his wife's money, marrying a rich girl to use it, stealing Craig's money for a business that was never gonna go off the ground. Fucking young people in bars. I remember when those rumors started in my kitchen. There's one person who has JD's back and it's Austin who's like, I just want more evidence before I roast someone at the spit.

I'm like, this is the problem right here. Also, please don't talk about roasting things on spits, while we're talking about me too, still. Austin. Gross. And also Austin is being nice to him because JD has his alcohol distributed. What a coincidence. Is that true?

Well, Gentry Burman's distributed. JD doesn't just drive that place and drop it off. Oh my God, the conspiracy has gotten deeper. Oh, call me wrong. Call me wrong. Name one time. I've never been wrong. I'm wrong. I'm wrong like literally 96% of the time. Okay, and I know it. You literally can't name all I One lie. But why else would he stick up for JD? I'm sticking with that. I also had a stick up for JD. I'm sticking with that.

Room or heavy? So anyway, so then they ask, you know, a catheter about like the good old boys and everything. And she's like, you know, the problem with the good old boys is that these guys just say shit and they paint to them to be crazy. And it's like fucked up. And I was like, really happy.

I'm really glad she was saying that shit because we literally see it with Austin saying it right there. He's saying like, well, I just want to make sure, I don't want to burn him at the stake. I don't want to get all the evidence. Meanwhile, they're all the women out to pasture. Also, Craig has never gotten on JD for taking all of his money.

And I can never imagine he'd get again. I think he just forgot. I'm probably. Probably. What happened to that money? Did I sweep that money out somewhere? Anyway So now that now Andy's asking now me about Elizabeth's Twitter rant. Okay. Yeah, so after that whole thing where

Okay, cuz this is one of those things. So you call your you know, you call your girlfriend You're like you will not believe what this motherfucker did last night. He called me by a different name You know, he like did all this weird sex. You know, you're venting to your friend. And then she got to do a party on TV. And she's like, oh, you're a motherfucker. Like tells off your boyfriend. And you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Right? Right? Yeah. So Liz went on Twitter and said, there is nothing worse than having what you thought with a friend make false allegations.

You know how she talks like that? Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, and take my privacy caps and my own voice away. She is making allegations about J.D. and my family that are not true. This has hurt me more than I express. And then it says emoji. Sad. And then Naomi wrote back, ah, book you bitch. She's like, lippwa, saw. Of course, everything I said tonight was approved before. And it's like getting back with caps on random words. I love it. It's like, come fight, come fight. And just go after with Liz. Sad to see her covering

for him again. I wish you the best. And then they fuzz out her Twitter handle just in case. I wish you the best. And then they fuzz out her Twitter handle just in case. She's like, by the way, I know where you live. Yeah. I've been tracking you. So yeah, so basically Naomi is like, yeah, she knew 100%. She knew 100%. Like, she was like, you can say this on TV.

She's like, can I say this on TV? Elizabeth was totally fine with it. And now that's on TV, she's like, but yeah, you know. Yeah, so then Catherine, someone Lucy from Laribie or something was like, well, congratulations, boy, it's a good old system instead. Welcome to 2018, your time, it's up.

It's like snapping all over the card. It's like snapping, you see, reaching. And Catherine went like this. The card is like snapping as he reads it. And Catherine went like this. That's it now Andy. I don't know why she needed to open her mouth to snap, but it was really fun. So Andy goes,

ladies, what did the current climate of this country do to influence your attitude this season? I'm like, you just asked about their boobs. And now you're trying to be like, well, they're climbing up the country. Well, gosh, check me too. You can't have it both ways, Andy.

I'm sorry. You can't. And Catherine, how does it feel to finally have your voice heard? And she's like, wonderful. Feels great. I am woman, fucked me up. I know. I'm just curious. I know. I know.

What is that? Why did it put it here? It's Cameron talking about it. That's what Cameron's breastfeeding thing. Are we not there? We're not quite there. Because then there's like this weird moment where it's like, we're such like,

Hey, cars. Every guy really has to go back and go back and go back and go back and go back and go back. I know. I know. I know. I know. What is that? Why did it put it here? It's Cameron talking about it. That's what Cameron's breastfeeding thing. No, we're not there. We're not quite there because then there's like this weird moment where it's like, hey, cars, every guy really has to go back and think.

The past 20 years, did I do something wrong? Oh. I wish Ken Burns would do a documentary about my last 20 years. Gosh. It's just like paternity tests cross fading over paternity tests Very slowly did I garse a girl when she really wanted to get gullied cars

You just hear like Donald Sutherland be like dear Abigail. I got the testing from the paternity center and I am not the father godless. I Don't remember the entirety of that G-Williker. So then for some reason, if there was like Andy asked, if someone says like, so, like of all the guys, which guy would Palmer date, which is Cameron's daughter? This is like this show. Right when you think this, Hi.

Right when you think this shit can't get creepier. Like this show really just goes down. Ew. So then Cameron's life. This is right after I forgot to mention this. This is right after, uh, chef and his meet you thing. And he's like, uh,

remember when you totally meet you, Chelsea? Like, five, like, uh, not even a year ago. And he's like, Yeah, of course, but you know why? Garster. And then I said, I'm, of them, like, not even a year ago. And he's like, yeah, of course, but you know, I garrased her and then I said, I'm garrased, I'm sorry. And then she said, OK, that's different.

That's different. She turned us into assholes. Yeah. And then he was nice first. So it's like, so which guy would Palmer get? And he came and was like, oh, I was just a joke. I think the joke was just about like, you know, which of Palmer's, they had all date Palmer's friends.

And then Andy goes, but I am curious. If you had to pick one of these guys today, Palmer, who would have been, she's like, uh, uh, Austin, because I really like that he has readers on. And then he's like, why? Cameron's like, why are you asking these questions? And Craig says, because he's the only one that would date a two-year-old.

And they're all like, ah! Ah! He's basically a butterfly. And you know that there was a clip in there of Chef talking to his dad on the phone, or whatever that scene with his parents was, when his step goes, well, my wife and his dad goes, yo, Wath hasn't even been born yet. You know that was cut out of this reunion. Someone at Bravo was like, you know what?

Sometimes you got to draw a line, Yeah. And I'm drawing it. So Ashley, the back flicking her hair somewhere for this part. Meanwhile, Austin probably just got a text from the way I'm being like, oh, I'm sorry, I called you a pedophile. LAUGHTER So we got to ask the way I'm. So we go to Ashley in the dressing room,

and the lady is just like, um, what do you want to do? Hair wise, don't hit me. Please don't hit me. Please stop calling me Chelsea. Chelsea. You are nothing but a hair gel donor, OK? So Ashley goes, well, I've been known to do this thing. It's like this hair flipping thing

when I'm put in the position where I nervous, Chelsea. That's what I do first. Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I have a lot of room. I have I ate you? My spits are massive. I'm like seabirding this shit tonight. I see like white cotton balls flying out of my mouth. By the way, it's so cool to see all these people from the various like groups. Like it's all crap in and I watch crap in the light. I love it.

I'm whispering at leans. We'll go guys. We got some leans up in here. Yeah, we got eight leans. Yeah, we got elanes. Yeah, so whatever you can do, do whatever you can do. I'm just nice. Some a nice person who just gets nervous when I get placed in positions to be nervous. Thomas couldn't be here tonight, so we brought Lantin instead.

I could make fun of Craig all I want, but I've been playing with this fucking toy for like months. Yeah. Someone just yelled. Yeah, it's funny. So, now the Cameron baby segment. Already? It's booing. So they have a Cameron's baby.

Come on, she's not pregnant with Ashley. Yeah. It's like, this isn't Westworld. There's not multiple timelines about to emerge at the end of the season. Okay. Ashley's already with us guys. So they're all coming back from break, you know, and fixing their boobs as they do.

And Craig goes, Andy, is she listening? Meaning Ashley. And Andy's like, no, is she listening? Meaning Ashley. And Andy's like, no. And he's like, oh, okay. She's like the crackin' back there. They're like, oh my God. Why are they gonna release her?

So Cameron's motherhood. Andy's like, oh, she didn't do a whole lot. But she's not really getting much screen time either. It's Cameron and her baby. So you watch YouTube by here. You know what Gasser really did. That's how I learned how to get birth, YouTube. He's like, way, great.

So your husband didn't make any effort at all. She's like, no. But not because he didn't want to. It's just like he didn't really want to make any kind of effort or touch me or... Well, be in a room or could a class with me or... He's got in. Okay, he's got in both. Chaps like,

Garsh, he's a rugged individualist. What an aspirin reggae. What a rock-hewn splunker. He's a gents and a gig. What a rock-hewn spulunker. He's a gents and a chap. He's a weathered iconoclast, if you will. Why is Seth doing? Seth up, Seth. I like how we make fun of Shep first, being like that.

And I'm like, I can't think of any words to say to make fun of him. I literally opened the Tesaurus.com today. Yeah. Because except that's so many big words, I was like, I don't even know what he's saying. There's like five syllables in that shit. I don't know what that is. But here we go. The man makes no effort.

Well, show up on the show. Well, show up for his own fucking baby barely being born. Go to class with his wife. And everyone's sticking up for him, just like usual. Here comes slap around. He'd be like, we're gonna call him a class. So Karen goes, actually it was so funny. The story is so good. So is in the room, giving birth. This is funny guys. It's good. The nurse actually said, Jason, you better get up and

help your wife. That good, it's not good. He was like, he's not laughing at that. She's like, oh, that's right. So he was like, let me finish my tuna sandwich first. And I was like, Jason, he threw that at me. And I was like, that's not nice. I need an epidural.

He's like, you just wait your turn. I was like, OK. And Andy goes, what's the on the phone? What's the on his phone? Oh, yeah. So then Cameron's like, all right, well, if you want to know about it, he was sitting down and I had to push, and I didn't want him to see,

because you know, I don't want him to have that memory in my vagina opening, you know, up, the world, his child, that I've been carrying in my goddamn belly for 10 months. And then what did he say? He said someone was like, God, I wouldn't want to see that. You know, one of the guys, every man who is watching, probably.

And his face is literally like this. It's like, that's what my face is like, because it's a gay man vagina scare me. And he's, you don't like babies, you know? There's like two things in once, you know? This is like, because it's a gay man vagina scare me. Yeah. And babies. You don't like babies, you know? They serve like two things in once, you know? It's like, yeah.

One scary thing happens to her. And another scary thing. I went over there with some... BEEP! It's like, come back, Ben! I can't do this alone! BEEP! Ronnie's on day three of his toddler injury,

that he sustained on the earth with. Worth it. Scarface. Scarface from a baby. Got it on a plane. Tell your friends. So now it's like, OK, now we'll get back to stuff that's actually happening on the show. So it's like, so why did Patricia choose the guest list

for Cameron's baby shower? And Cameron's like, well, according to etiquette and Patricia, and she's trying to basically say the host gets to choose. And she Greg goes, oh! Oh! Absolutely. I looked it up.

Yeah. I actually got an etiquette butt. Yeah. And looked it up. And everyone looks at Craig like, you did not get an etiquette butt crag. No, you didn't. No, you wouldn't even know where to look

for that in the bookstore crag. It's called skinny taste. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Craig, that's a cookbook. Oh, oh. Caps and C, Baron Wing. Warren Peace. So he's like, I looked it up.

It's very black and white. Whoever's being celebrated, Jews is the list. And they're like, where did you read that, Craig? Cracker Jacks box. Google. I was like, oh, that's the etiquette book you bought. Like, you can't even lie. It's like one sentence ago, Craig.

Jesus. M&A, only is discussed. I love it, Naomi, can show. Because I love she. She's. You know, I love disgust and anger. Those are my two favorite emotions. I roll around and I'm like, cover myself and I'm in tune.

But I love that she can be so disgusted for a solid hour but still have different looks for everything. Yeah. Because Craig has gotten another lie like Google. And she goes, you know what she really wants to say is that Craig uses Yahoo, okay? He does. All right. More of the beans.

I'm more of the beans all to bean stuff. That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, now they're like reliving that great moment when Naomi is like, hey Patricia, I really want you to know that. Catherine has really gotten a lot better and I really think that you should trust her because I think she should invite her. She can really give her a shot. Someone's here. You hear that? Patricia starts miming. She's like, excuse me, I have to go downstairs.

I'll see if Michael's there. She's like, you're still right in front of me. I can't hear you in this elevator. I feel like she just points and then Michael has like a little remote control for the platform she's standing on just rolls it over He just doesn't move right that. She's like someone's at the door All of her feathers So Chelsea's like, oh there you know, I don't even know why I wrote that down,

but I really need Chelsea to talk more in this meeting. I was like, Chelsea, anything? Anything to say? Oh, no, no. That's too good, it's too funny. This is too good. Remember those are Dale jokes? I bought it down. So, yeah, man.

She wouldn't even discuss it. She made up a doorknob. Which, by the way, I think that's why I love Patricia, because that is how I aspire to get at situations. Just to be like, I'm sorry, there's someone here. And I'm like, at a stadium or something, get out. I'm old now. Once I pass 40, I just start to somewhere, get out. I'm old now. Once I pass 40, I just started saying,

shut the fuck up, that ain't none of your business. Yeah. I told you, you can't even knock on my door. I've yelled at like three people in the past. Like yelled at them, like, get the fuck out of here. What is wrong with you? Knocking on people's doors. It was so awkward.

118G. I think it's a pretty rude way to treat your podcast partner, but never. Notting on people's doors. It was so awkward. 118. I think it's a pretty rude way to treat your podcast partner, but never. Text me, you have all people, Sidno. You know, be better than my family. So then Andy asked about, or someone asked about the cake design. Someone asked about this cake, which still haunts my nightmares.

And Andy was like, that cake was amazing. I was like, that was truly the worst thing I've ever seen on TV. I only wish we were on the Food Network, just to scandalize everyone over there. And of course, it's Whitney, you know. So Whitney got this cake and he goes into the, you know, he just went into the big shop, like, I'm going to order, I'm going to do it mother of OKks mother. Mother doesn't like it. Mother. Mother.

I'm going to order. I'm going to do it, mother. Go back to your room. Mother, go back to your room. I want to... I want to... I want to badge. I want to badge.

I want to like it's blowing. Can you read out the... Fuck. God's splitting out of the chine. Mother. Mother's going on the back of my neck. Mother cake. God's splitting out of the china Mother's mother's going on the back of my neck. Okay, okay Fish Put a cream mother cream mother cream mother cream And

The camera's like Back to hankmaker say we better not use her name. It better not been that cake maker from Denver. That's what I got, sorry. I love them being get some bones. Well, make of a giant cake. He won't be coming around. Welcome to my side. I just blame that guy. Why not?

Why not? So I'm so craig. Oh, yeah, so fucking Andy. He's like, ha. By the way, Andy is also doing this half the time. As Ramona would say, it was like a tennis match. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing. Bing.

Bing. I truly believe that Andy doesn't watch his show. There's some shows that you can tell that he doesn't watch. I don't think he watches this. I don't think he watches Potomac. What's the other one? There's another one that tell that he doesn't watch. I don't think he watches this. I don't think he watches Potomac. What's the other one? There's another one that he just obviously doesn't watch. Dallas, yes, Dallas. Oh, I can't wait for Dallas to come back.

Oh, soon. Soon, Minikard. So many ways. And he's like, oh, I'm going to eat long. Everyone's being so mean to Craig. Remember when Cameron was so hideously mean to Craig when he got her that teddy bear during a baby shower? Oh, Craig. Craig's like, yeah.

OK, Andy. And then yeah, Craig was totally like, so then he only looked at the lights in the floor. So Cameron's like, listen, you know, it's just, we were really like laughing at him, I mean, we were laughing at him, but it was more like, you know, it was so earnest and so sweet. That's kind of the fun.

How you can even finish the teddy bear but he gave us the pieces of the teddy bear? I don't think I'd truly understood what was happening during that scene when it aired. I didn't realize either. I thought it fell apart. I didn't realize that he, that he full on to the teddy bear version of Seven and it's like, what's in the box? No, man. What's in the box, no, man. What's in the box? It's just a little circle in a box, you know. But it was like, you can take some pieces.

I mean, they were in there own pieces. That's actually terrifying. Yeah, and then they show the clip. You know, we see the little pieces of camera. It's like, what? What? What? What?

What? It was like, the funniest should ever. That's like one of the reasons why I love this show is that sometimes there are moments where I just feel like I'm actually friends with these people. Because I just felt like I was sitting there laughing along with them in this ridiculous teddy bear pieces. But then is explanation.

Well, first she goes, well, it reminds me that I can never remember why I'm friends with these people. Other things I can't remember, what happened to the wall behind the couch? Wife Sean can't swallow properly. Where did I leave that archaic device? I was just getting jealous. I wanted some booze.

I was getting jealous of them. So Andy's like, so how did you react to us? Well, I know how to sew and tune in, but not 3D. You know, I didn't know how to make the arm, but then I didn't know how to make the arm, but then I didn't know how to put the arm on. The camera just took a clarify, and it goes, Hey, he's being serious.

Well, I mean... I cut space. It's like so totally changed to a new discussed space. I tried hard as shit. I used an advanced pattern and I should have started with a simple pattern. I was out of my league. I didn't know what I was doing and one mistake out of the other. You know when they say a stitch in time, no one says what the rest of that is.

What is it? What happens? What's a stitch in time? It's Oprah there. It was so scary. I got into deep. It was such an advanced batter. I'll just keep talking like Craig until Ronn stops me.

And Austin's just waiting to yell at Chelsea. He's like so sick of talking about Craigness, shitty sewing. Austin has been talking this whole time. He's just been like, the whole time. So it cuts back to him and he goes, well, all that matters is that Camino's you tried. Naomi's just sitting there now like this. And Naomi's just sitting there now like this.

Like, I dated this person. I dated this person. So then, and he's like, so, so, can't back to Cameron. Cameron. The internet now just seems like you hate being a mom. Feb out. What was that about?

She's like, did you have postpartum depression? She's like, no. and it seems like you hate being a mom. Say about. What was that about? He's like, did you have postpartum depression? And she's like, no. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. I didn't. I'm gonna cry a lot.

I'll cry every day. I'll cry every single day. I'll cry every day. I would lock myself in the bathroom, try and pull my own toenails off with fires. Crazy. I watched old VHS's of the real world, TNDA Goan. I was just putting my head in the toilet, wait for somebody to notice.

Almost axfully drowned. I played a lot of ceramic lockling. Jason actually went to the bathroom, didn't even notice. It wasn't even funny. It wasn't even funny. So, chefs like, Oh, what was your impetus to do with your food? I was like, what was your impetus to do with your food? And it actually went to the bathroom, didn't even notice. No, it wasn't heat funny, isn't it?

Oh, funny. So chefs like, what was your impetus to cry? I'm taking notes for Ken, Garsh. And Cameron's like, won't became real. And then I feel genuine, overwhelmed and loved for that babe, because you don't feel it at first. And my mom's aren't going to tell you this, but you want to drown that motherfucker

the first time it comes out of you, okay? And that is just the treat, okay? Suddenly I started understanding all sorts of girls from prom stories all over the country. Yeah. Let's just be honest. And Andy's like, well, Katherine didn't feel that way. So rude.

And Katherine's like, nope. I saw, I had like a lot of nice, I saw baby's at first I was like, I put them on my chest and I was like, And captain's like no This football is gonna own a bridge someday. I really like it. And the assies in the back like, stop yelling at me Chelsea! I'm not going anywhere. Get used to it. Stop.

So then they're like just trying to find anything for Cameron. So Andy's like, so Cameron, you wrote a tweet about breastfeeding. So I want to talk about breastfeeding. You gave up breastfeeding. And so she's saying how she was like, you know what I'm saying? Oh, that's a whole screenshot. Yeah, I bet Ronny has a screenshot about this. Well, he said, how much, how, how do we still have this much so to go?

He lost. Look, nothing's here. There's a screenshot though. It's really good. Oh, wait. Remember when I said earlier, I have Cameron's monologue about breastfeeding? You lost. Oh, yeah, here it is.

Today marks the day I am done with breastfeeding. I gave it a good almost three months and I'm retiring the babes. Right in this in hopes it'll make other mothers feel less alone. You will see I'm not quitting because my milk supply dried up or because I'm sick or lip seas. I'm quitting because I'm just playing over it. By choice. Yes, and that's that is when the postpartum depression suddenly lifted. I love me a child. I love my nieces and I love me some women because you know those are my only friends. Yeah, I'm out of here to alling. My little angels in this life. So trust me, I'm 42. I know some others. So Cameron's like and there is nothing worse than taking judgment from other mothers. Oh my god.

This shit. Girl, and I think once you're like, fuck you, I'm doing whatever I want. Mommy, blog! You're free. Yes. And this was the moment of her freedom. So good job, ladies. So Cameron's like, you know, I just, you know what?

I just had a no more breastfeeding. It's all going to be formula now. And corrects, like, I'm a formula, ladies. So Cameron's like, you know, I just, you know what? I just had a no more breastfeeding. It's all going to be formula now. And Craig's like, I'm a formula, baby. I don't want to grow up. I'm a formula, baby. Cameron's like, get that baby on the boob again. He's like, oops.

So you know what's weird? Milk just started leaking out of my breast naturally. You guys, this is crazy. I heard that breast milk will make you walk backwards. So, and Austin goes, I knew it. Meanwhile, they're fucking with each other. You know, Austin's like, I knew you were an idiot because you were a formula baby.

While Cameron is still trying to cry about her breastfeeding ordeal, like to sew. Just also like hang out and I'd be like, hey bro, how much you want to bet? Greg was on formula. New it, totally gone. And a shepherd. And a shepherd. All the guys start just like changing $5 bills.

Formula baby. So then as I cam, do you have any advice? And she's like, accept help. Accept, accept them Craig, bless us heart. Get it Ami. Same advice I give on my friends. Hey what's going on with Ashley back in the dressing room. She's bleeding right here. She's already bleeding right here on the sides of her neck. She now has these I these two little hair tendrils that are like little stingers.

And a little like... ...truv in the vein of Kim D. Yeah, because she can't... Oh. So the lady has been instructed not to give her something to flick, right? So she's giving her these little whists. And she's like, can I do this? I mean, you need something here.

You need something. This lady is so rude to Ashley, which I love. So you have to have something. Wisps, and Ashley is so nervous. She just goes, yeah, like no, yeah, no. Yeah, no. Thank you. Like no, thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you. You're deflecting. Thank you. Blessed be the fruit. Oh my God. So now, believe it or not, you would think that we've been in the Craig segment all the time, but now we are truly in the Craig segment, okay?

So, hey Craig, Craig boy. Craig got dumped by Naomi and he went on the journey called eat, drink, boy. Craig got dumped by Naomi, and he went on the journey, called Eat, Drink, and so. So, hey, Craig, so were you drunk when you had that butter knife incident? He's like, I don't know. Here's how it all went down. Like, we were in this house, and then we had power tools.

And we were like, whoop! So we started using the power tools, because we were like, we can't do this anywhere else we've lived. Yeah. And then things are like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't I then like Shakira showed up and I was like Shakira's here, dude. That's pretty cool. Yeah Then I just the world started talking to me so I took an axe and I started chopping it up I was like here's Craig and then

Shelley DeVal was like get out and I was like no and then So we all were playing power tools and there was a butter knife on the table Which we all know was a very powerful power tool. So I went and stick it in the wall, and the house is old. That would be me. I was like, wood, and there's like wood behind the wall. So I went and stick it in the wall,

but there was wood, and so the knife stopped, and my hand kept going. And I was like, Sean. Sean. There's wood. Turns out there's wall in the wall. And then Chelsea's like, it has studs. I'll just wait.

There's studs. Unlike any of you guys. And then camera, it's like, Craig, your finger, Craig. There are stokes. Unlike any of you guys. I'm in camera. It's like, Craig, your finger, Craig. What are you doing about your finger, Craig? He's like, well, um. So it's funny, because it turns out... It's like, rad rom. Yeah.

I can always detect murders. Like this, I'm Captain Hook. Yeah. Like this, I'm, you know, it's like fucking Craig. You see how I stop myself? How is it? How is it? But for real, it's like, no, you're recap.

Not the one. If everyone's staking down the wall with power tools, why do you grab a butter knife? I don't understand. It's Craig! But for real, it's like no, your recap. Not the recap. If everyone's staking down the wall with Power Tools, why do you grab a butter knife? I don't understand. It's Greg. Greg is never getting another lease after this show, by the way. Ever.

So, he's like, oh, hold over a knife and some drum. Because Greg, I don't think kept on his archaic device. Because he had that thing, remember? And he kept it on his hand, but his fingers still like this. So he's like, well, you know what I got it is. It's got a lot of physical therapy. Yeah. I had to take off the archaic device.

An artist cannot be constrained. Ah! So Andy's like, so Naomi was Craig this messy when you two lived together. She's like, yes. And he goes, ah, messes different than dirty. He's different than dirty. Like, Craig, you have leaves in your foyer. There's a raccoon on your couch. I think people who just pick up the underwear on the floor and sweep under them and just throw them back now.

Yeah. OK, so Andy's like, when are you going to become a lawyer, Craig? Come on, OK? And he's like, well, when are you gonna become a lawyer, Craig? Come on, okay? And he's like, well, actually, I'm an attorney now. And so my goal is to work three hours the pro bono clinic. I'm basically trying to get people to be more aware of you, too. So, I'm finding it's a very rewarding pro bono experience.

So I'm finding it's a very rewarding pro bono experience. Well, personally, I really enjoy your pillow work. You could be a pillow litigator. Chelsea's like, that technically doesn't make any sense, but I'm gonna lie up anyway. Guess what? Oh, I'm feeling like I'm watching it. I'd watch it, so it's literally a play on no words. And yet I found it hilarious. I'll vote for Julianne Mokalaz to be in that show. That was Durinda right. Sorry, it's a little Dorenda in there.

Man, you get Dorenda in this theater, she'll never fucking leave. I'll tell you that. So then Andy's like, remember that part where maybe you're gay? Let's talk about that part. And then he makes the mistake of being like, well, I'm gonna make a pillow. First of all, you're already lying. But we'll be listening. He's like, I'm gonna make a pillow. First of all, you're already lying. But we'll be listening. He's like, I'm gonna make a pillow that says, straight guys can sew. I'm like, great, I'll make one that says,

of course they can, real man, watch Bravo. Awkward. Right when it just stopped getting awkward. And there we go again. And I only go again. And I only just snarls like, oh, so you're saying Craig is a real man. That's what I was saying. So Craig's like, oh, creation, I get high off that. So I keep doing it, I can't help it, I'm chasing the high of creation.

I need an outlet for a while, it was my gardening and my work's up, but I had to leave those behind Naomi's house because her parents were paying for that place. I also need a power outlet. I have a sewing machine. I can't plug in. And then this is a Southern show. So we get some good old Southern humor where Chelsea's like, what do you even have a sewing machine in your house?

Is that normal? What would that be in there? I'm like, do we need to have an origin story for the sewing machine? I just had it. I just had it. I just did. This is a thing that breaks Chelsea. It's like the one thing you can't comprehend.

And he's like, well, Patricia is not going to be here, but that doesn't mean we can't show clips of her being an asshole to you. Remember that time all you had to do was make a bill and you couldn't even do that. Yeah. He's like, I bid up a little more than I can chew. I'm like, what is Craig chewing? Is he on baby foods? Oh, formula. I just realized I had to answer my own question.

I'm not on solids yet, so I pit up more than I can chew. I just figured when it was like time to make the pillow, it was time to make the pillow. It's like time to eat. You know, last week in Kansas City we had two different women. I'm sure there are some people here. There are already what someone here who sort of had like the little the palm trees with the puppies, you know So there were two there was a woman in Kansas City last week who was like I decided to make this t-shirt and I decided to do it like yesterday

So she went to the to kinkos and like printed it out and she was like done It took me two hours total Not to She said, it took me two hours total. Not two months. But Craig literally, like, didn't he have cafe press pulled up on his computer, remember? I mean, he's like, I just put it over the shade and then it makes him hello. He was looking at that, like, making pillows, right, Craig? He was on cafe press looking for their dinner menu. He was just so confused. Thank you. Can I get an Americano, please? So now he starts being like an artist is like well dead like so what's the deal with deadlines like oh well people are

Controlled by things and I'm not controlled by other people I think deadlines are verbalized by other human beings and they're telling you what to do But my brain doesn't work that way. And then he goes, yeah, even with the IRS. And then Andy out of nowhere, it's like Rocky's coach comes out and he's like, hey, it's Art and Commerce Craig, okay? Art and Commerce. You sell something and then you've got to show up

and sell the thing, all right? You think I want to be here right now? Do I look like I wanna be here? I don't. I mean, what this show is. Craig's line of defense is so sharp. He's like, look, they didn't really need it, right then. I mean, they just wanted it. They didn't need it. I mean, nothing was lost when I didn't get the pillow to patricia.

If someone's not bleeding, I don't see a reason they need a pillow. What if they are bleeding? Why is that a reason they need a pillow? I still don't understand. Yeah, I doubt like the real Andy came out. And he's like, you know what, you lost when you didn't get the pillow? You didn't sell the pillows and you lost the job, you idiot. I was like, no, that's the Andy Cohen I like.

I know. It was so funny. I was like, these two are ending up together. And I'm actually like happy. I'm weird. I like to hate one person in a couple. So it just makes the whole experience so much more fun. What's a wedding where you like both people?

Yeah. And he's just yelling at him and he's like, Craig, deadlines are deadlines. You can't just be like, I'm going to make a pillow. And then everyone has to wait three years to make a pillow. And Craig's like, really? So at this point, like, man, we go. You literally have no idea what you're talking about ever.

Naomi's like had enough, and she's like, all right, let's do this. I am ready. Let's fight, you know? I like Naomi, because you can tell she's a rich girl, because she comes in with a tax fight. You know? That's so cute to me.

She's like, you don't even pay your taxes, Craig. I mean, I'm still getting notices from the IRS because you didn't send a change of woohoo. Okay? She's literally still getting things from the IRS. Little real housewives of Orange County slipped in there, but you should get a change of woohoo.

It's your serious about this relationship. Woohoo. Woohoo. Woohoo. Woohoo. Uh, so Craig goes, there's literally no reason we broke up. So like mad, because like literally, it's someone to give that up for no reason.

And Craig's like, and he's like, well, why were you always frustrated Naomi? And she's just like, shh. She's like, you know what? It's hard. She's like, you know what? It's hard. She's like, you know what, it's hard. You know when you're working hard all day to come home and someone's just sort of sitting there.

You're not working hard, you're going to school. Oh. I'm like, well, maybe you didn't work hard in school, but like, how dare he? How dare he? Love is unconditional, okay. It's unconditional. I mean, like even if I'm just like playing in a garden and playing with a cat, like that is what. But like how dare he how dare he love is unconditional okay is unconditional

I mean like even if I'm just like playing in a garden and playing with a cat like that is love She could have been a heroin addict and I would have loved her It's like oh really so it's just coincidence that she was a hot rich girl. Yeah. Well, how lucky for you. Yeah So she's basically like okay, you know what Craig? I think you've kind of romanticized this a little bit and you're basically on another planet, okay, you know what, Craig, I think you've kind of romanticized this a little bit and you're basically on another planet right now, you know? And Craig's like, really, if I'm on another planet, then why did you track me? If I'm on another planet, why don't you look on your iPhone?

Guess where I am, earth. I'm right here. And then they so, they so, they owe me saying, well, if you want to track them, just wait until they go to sleep and turn the location on, which I've been telling my friends for years. It's not that hard. And then all the guys are like, oh, we don't even know how to change that.

And they're like, Andy's like, what doesn't that freak you guys out? Did any of you, did that teach any of you to turn off your location status? And steps like, whoa, I don't care. Of course, I'm an open book. You want to find me and just find me and we'll have a shot. Because that's the only place Shep ever is.

You know? I love that's even his example of where you go find him one day when you're stalking him. Ta, morning, noon, and I come over, we'll have a shot at a bar. Garsh, we'll garsh it up. He's like, well, if you didn't like me, the Wavishada Bar, you still tracking me. And she's like, because it was fun, Craig,

it was fun to watch you go from the fabric store to the ice cream shop to the laser tag place, and back around in the circle every fucking day. Okay? It was entertaining to me. What do you want? Yeah, it's like watching a free roaming pack, man. It's just nice.

This is a surprise. So Craig's like watching a free roaming Pac-Man. It's just nice. So Craig's like, I can't even look at Naomi right now because her life is so sad to me. And she's like, I have literally never been happier before my life. Craig, so sad, you hear that, that was sad. So sad, that's why I'm not looking at Naomi. So I'm not looking at her. That's why I'm not looking at No Me. So I'm not looking at her.

That's why I'm not looking at No Me. Look I'm not looking at No Me. Ah, I saw the sadness. And it opened up my eyes. So yeah, I'm happy Craig, my boy friend's hot, he's nice, we fuck, it's great. And he's like, oh really? Well, you're not happy, and she's like Craig. fuck, it's great. And he's like, oh really? Uh, well, you're not happy.

And she's like, Craig, hold on. You guys know what I'm about to say. Yeah, I'll do it. Oh, he goes, oh, is that why you're always on Instagram trying to look happy? She's like, I'm not trying Craig. Those are like real pictures of me on Instagram with a hot person.

He's like, aw, you're just trying to convince Instagram you're happy. She's like, is, aw, you're just trying to convince Instagram you're happy. She's like, is that why you're sending me mean Instagram messages? He's like, I only started doing that. When you and your boy took pictures with my cat. Yeah. It's my cat.

That's my cat. She's like, you're a cat. And that's, by the way, literally not his cat. Yeah. He goes, yeah, the only message I said was, you're a cat. And that's, by the way, literally not his cat. Yeah. He goes, yeah, the only message I said was, you're awful. I thought I wrote name one other time, you know. And I don't know this. What a jackass.

I was like, oh, we'll get to you, I'll do it. Formula. Yeah. Formula. I just turned Austin into Luan. I don't care. Hit it. Would you believe it?

He's an asshole. Andy's like, isn't it a right to post about her cat and her boyfriend? He's like, it's not even real, Andy. Literally not even real., literally not even real, like what is she making up a boyfriend? Like did she hire someone just to take good Instagram pictures and look happy? She's not Thomas.

He's also, by the way, I do have to say the boyfriend is hot. I love that, the boyfriend's hot. I haven't seen him. I don't really look on Instagram except to see what people liked. Well you can't look at her sadness. I get it.

So sad, man. So now Craig is like, well, last night she said, you know that feeling when you meet someone and it feels like amazing. Well, guess what? She said it was gone. And she's like, what? What? Like, that's the first emotion you get out of Naomi through this whole thing.

She's like, what? And you knew what was about to come because Katherine has no poker face. The woman will lose every dollar she ever has if she walks in there because, no. Because Katherine just like, she grabs her like boob tape and she's like, and Craig's like, I'm sorry for his spilling this tea. And he's like, oh. Yeah, that was like, what am I in the twilight zone? This doesn't even make sense.

And he's like, yeah, apparently he said you weren't even into that behind him more. And that feeling you get when you're falling in love is gone now. But that guy's like, what? And Captain's like, erm, erm, erm of truth. Er of truth. It's true. Well, I was just saying that at the bar,

I guess through the bar, I've had a misinterpreted it, but you were saying something about him and like, I was literally talking about Craig. Falling out of love with Craig. Captain's like, maybe I misunderstood you. I think what you said is we finally found one hot guy I love with Greg. Captain's like, maybe I missed a nice did you? No. I think what he said is he finally found one hot guy

in the whole town with a job, and you didn't really want to fuck him anymore. So. Now he's just like, so you can see that things are brewing through this whole time. Did you guys notice? Did you notice that Captain was giving Naomi dirty looks? Every time that he said anything, Did you guys notice, did you notice that Catherine, it was giving Naomi dirty looks every time

I said anything, Catherine was like, I'm a Naomi was kind of sticking up, who she stuck up for some man, they were giving each other shades through the whole thing, seven shades, you know, it's very small, but I mean, so now, so now, snowflake, I'm like, God damn my pad, there we go again, spitter. So now Andy starts asking about Craig's life coach, which I feel like was an underrepresented person this season because that life coach, you know,

you know what's great about that life coach? When she first showed up, I was like, oh god, this lady. She was like, oh, yeah, you're wonderful. We're all winners. But then the second episode, she's like, Craig, you're a little idiot, aren't you? Cute little idiot. Why do you lie all the time?

You lie, you lie. Right, Ag. I'm like, remember when you admitted to the life cuts, you're a liar, and then they cut to the life cuts, she's like, I'm a liar. She's like, I'm like, I'm like, cut back and he goes,

I didn't say that name one time. He's like, roll it again. I'm a liar. Why Craig? Why are you a liar, Craig? He's like, I'm really good at it. I'm really good at it, but it doesn't mean that I actually lied.

See, what I was referring to is that in the past, I've been incapable of holding myself accountable because I can lie to myself and say it doesn't matter if you cut the grass today or tomorrow, there's no harm. I'm like, you just debunked your entire stance for the whole episode about deadlines. You just admit that you lied to yourself about deadlines. And therefore you lied. I can't do that to you.

And that is the lie. And that is the lie that Naomi had to deal with Greg, huh? What so Naomi is just like laughing now because Craig is just so ridiculous you everyone's just laughing at Craig so Seps like oh, yeah, hold on. So is that Andy goes well? guys is there a shop for you two in the future? I mean, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, to go dump you a long time ago. She is gone. That girl dumped you and left. Okay. Naomi wishes all this bad stuff was real, so she can go to sleep knowing she didn't

throughout the best thing that happened. Or... I think the best thing that happened is you got like, centrally, or something. It's not you Craig. So now Andy is like, let's get back to what I'm best at. Hey Naomi, you got a new schnauz, right? Hey Naomi, know who else hates you?

Twitter. They hate your new nose. What's that about? You feel good about it now? Do you miss your oldness? Oh and then he's one of those people who's not nice at all. It's like, do you know how much it caught you? No, it's pain you go through to get a new nose.

I know, you basically get a bunch of things. It's a loss. He's like, do you know how much it cost? You know, it's pain you go through to get a new nose. I know, you basically have a bunch of teeth. It's a lot. He's like, but I loved you. You were like my mini Barbara. That is not a compliment. That's not nice. That's why the comments like that are why she got her fucking nose cut off. You're like an adorable little Madeline Olbride.

It's like, what? No, I don't want to be that. So she's like, whatever, fuck you, America. Love my new nose, wanted it since I was eight. Got it, I don't care. Yeah. Yeah. It's good for her.

I just like to say that when I saw the new nose, I cried. Yeah. Don't cut off your nose to have Sprite with your face. Just stop talking Craig, just stop talking. So then we cut to Ashley. Craig is by the one, he also cried when someone said, got your nose. He's like, oh no. I can't smell anything, I can't even see now. I can't even see now.

I can't even see anything, I need that nose. So we cut to Ashley in the dressing room and the hair lady has had to be back there with her for like six hours at this point, you know? This poor hair lady is gonna commit suicide on camera. Like she's hating this. She's like, so you wanna call Thomas and get some more advice? Like, and I love when the hair lady is like just revving it up for the cameras.

You want to call Thomas? Some more he's still allowed on the phone. And after he's like, yeah, his advice to me was just be authentic. Yeah, that's her expertise, authentic. We can say a lot about Thomas, but he's got a sense of humor. You know, also, before we move on to this last segment of the reunion, we do have to mention the fact that when Andy asked Craig and Naomi if they would get back together, Craig was like, no, I actually despise her now and I hate her. I hate her!

I hate her! I hate her. She's gross. She smells. Yeah. She looks like wall. And I hate walls now. I hate her.

I hate her. Hey, the most important character, the most tweets for any character in the season was for Catherine's janky ass phone. It was like it's been cracked. And she's like, I went to rehab and all I got was this new phone. By the way, I hope the last singer with this microphone didn't have herpes or I'm fuuuut. So Andy asked Katherine about like... If I get herpes from my Katherine impersonation...

You get set... You get set herpes even from over here on a microphone to stop you about it. Serbs. So, HP Gars. Take one Gars and call me in the morning. So, Andy is like, so what was the deal with that? Gwyn's interview. Like, why were you so crazy?

She's like, it was just hard because Gwyn's is a fabulous store full of modern fashion and great deals and prices. You come in and you leave looking like a million bucks, but you only paid 20 bucks. Whenever I go to Ross, I say open, open, open, open, open. Do you remember that Mervids commercial? I'll never forget it. Open, open, open, open, open. Do you remember that Mervids commercial?

I'll never forget it. Open, open. So he goes, do you still work there? That was funny. And she's like, she goes, I do about my job title is changed. No, I am a brand ambassador. We just did a shoot. We just did a shoot. She says it us like someone's iPhone out by a pool. She's like

Finally now this is Catherine living her life. Yeah Getting paid to sit at someone's pool outside glimps. I mean you go sister Do you know how many people on the bachelor are trying to drop off each other's tit to get that job? Brand ambassador. It's huge, it's the new doctor. Oh, it's the new doctor. Watch your computer babe, I don't know what's going on.

I don't know. Listen, I don't want to ruin your arch. I'm gonna let you explain yourself. Too late. It's ruined. So we now start talking, so Catherine now has like 50% custody whatever you call it. It's ruined. So, so we now start talking, you know, so Catherine now has like 50% custody whatever you call it.

She's too, I forget. Thomas is still making her do drug tests, but she doesn't really, she's like, she actually doesn't seem to really care as the kids that are keeping her sober. And so then, Andy is like, so like, what about Ashley? Do you like, do you like think about her a lot? She's like, I don't think about Ashley because she's not gonna be around much longer. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know I've been bringing up handmaids a lot, but she's not gonna be around much longer because she didn't get pregnant yet.

It's like one of the handmaids. Yeah. She's gonna be sent off to the colony girl. Next time we see Ashley, she's gonna have a shovel. She's gonna be like, being coming friends with Marissa Tome and a dust storm. Spoiler. Spoiler. So now things get like all serious

because it's a whole bunch of like, I hate when they end with serious touching shit. Like this is a comedy show, okay? Yeah. Let's wrap it up. So Cath is basically like, you know, like yeah, erm, like, you know, people thought I was crazy, but now I've got all these friends. I just really restored my faith in humanity.

And I'm sorry to choke myself up. And Chelsea's like, no, no, no, this is awesome. This is awesome. It's a blooded out. You're doing good. You're doing good. You're doing good. You make great. Hey.

I have something to say. Let's not forget. Katherine, bitch, you work crazy. She was crazy. OK. Now, the men on this show are pigs and assholes. But let's not forget. We love you because you were crazy.

Please don't change all of that. I love when people fix themselves do not fix yourself too much Yeah, if you're leaving therapy one day and you're happy enough to get ice cream and not hate yourself for it Don't ever go back to therapy again. I don't want to be our friend anymore And listen bravo bravo is like he gets bravo gets it bravo is like listen We won't let you forget that because literally at any second they will pluck a clip of her running down the dock. Like, Thomas! Yeah. Thomas! Like someone will be like, oh, do you want to tune a salad and flash back, Thomas!

That nothing to do with it, but sure. So then we get to the last segment, which is basically Cameron. These editors are so hilarious, aren't they? I love that they just like all these clips of Cameron just being a monster. And I love that monster. That's like from Monster's Inc, where they should be scary. But you're like, I hope she's under my bed. Like I love her. Yeah.

But God, she is horrible. And when they put it all together like that, she is really bad. Andy will be like, do you regret the way you treated Catherine? She's like, oh, baby, Mary, oh, baby. And she's trying so hard. Her bow talks is popping out. Like different parts of her face, like this is her face.

It's like, boom. Like different parts because her face is moving because she's's like boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Like different varts, because her face is moving, because she's trying to cry so hard. And I believe her, you know. And Andy's just pulling tissues out. He's like, oh, you know, just like tissue after tissue. They're all crying, you know. And they're like, they've so close.

She's like, oh, just as a mother now, I really feel it, Andy. I really feel it, because I'm a mother now. And then they said the clips, and it's all of Cameron and terrible costumes from all the costume parties over there. Just being horrible to Cameron. Horrible. It's like here, she is really skating being terrible to Catherine.

I don't care if she's here. She has a little possum with two feet. That's what I think about what she is. Yes. I mean, just so good. But then Cameron really did do the apology to her. She did it. She was, uh, what's like, that's what she did to do. Because I immediately went online. And I was like, people believe in this bitch. You know,

I like to believe this shit. They, you know, they make up. So they're, they're friends now. Do you guys believe that Cameron's really truly sorry? That's a mix. I do believe it. That's a mix. I believe it. You know why? Because it is hard when the villain becomes a hero

and now you look like the asshole. So I believe that she feels sad about that. So finally, I'm like an asshole, Corinne, yes, bitch. So finally, the music's like, t dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Which means like, Ash is gonna come charging through the wall with like swords like So the music dun dun dun dun dun dun dun And he's like, so Cameron Go go go go were doing nothing with your life the past year,

I assumed you watched Ashley say all that stuff to her. Cameron's like, he's got money. He's going to fuck with her now. I'm sorry, I'll be quiet. Cameron's like, let's wrap it up. Yeah. Cameron's like, I think she's a horrible human being. Herbal, horrible, horrible.

I'm like, oh, this is going to be real good because now Ashley's gonna come for Cameron I cannot wait for Ashley and Cameron to go at it let alone Ashley and Catherine It is gonna be a total total disaster and they started to show clips for next week and it looks so good I was like, what is this like an intervention like what's wrong? Like, what is this? Like, an intervention? Like, what's wrong? Careful, careful, careful. Oh my God, in Austin with his Claire's glasses

like trying to comfort Chelsea. It's like starting a fight with Forest Gump. Nobody ever did that, okay? Tom Cruise could punch a baby in the face at Tom Cruise. Tom Hanks could punch a baby in the face and we would still love him because he was Forest Gump. Like, no one's gonna get mad at Chelsea, okay? Yeah.

Chelsea's always going to win. I've never ever died with a man that didn't die for man. And I was like, you know what? You better keep your name out of my mouth. No me no me no me no me And that that brings us to the end Oh my god That was way longer than we were expecting So thank you guys We're like we have nothing

Thank you guys Thank you for coming you guys seriously. Thank you so much the past two nights You guys thank you for making us feel so welcome here Hopefully we'll see some of you in Montreal Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Go Eagles! Go Eagles! Bye! the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts

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