Watch What Crappens - SouthernCharmNOLA: Walking on Preggo-Shells

Episode Date: July 2, 2019

Reagan has more bombshells for the group on "Southern Charm: New Orleans," and as punishment, Rachel makes her hold eggs for 3 hours. Plus, Kelsey's housewarming party is the perfect opportunity for Jeff to get drunk and slowly meltdown. We're into it. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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New Orleans. Great season. They're having a great, great season. Yeah. So good. It really is. It's so good. So good. So, um, so we opened where we left off last week at Halloween, spooky tour through New Orleans. Spooky times. Yeah. um, and it starts with a really scary jump scare with Reagan saying we're getting married And everyone's just silent staring at her. Yeah, and Reese is standing there with his like fake six pack thing costume And he's like slumped over and it just looks hilarious, you know yeah, um and and he's like slumped over and it just looks hilarious, you know. Yeah. Um, and everybody just kind of stares at her and she's like, surprise wedding, it's a surprise wedding today. And, you know, I would believe it at this point.

And I think she probably should just do that and get it over with. I know at this point, Reese looked like he wanted to shoot himself because he's trying very hard to, um, endure himself to this group, but he is also very aware at how awkward it is that everyone met him like last episode and now he's a fiance this episode and uh, he has not been officially welcomed into the group really by any social cues. So he's shitting his pants.

He has the same look as like the time he couldn't remember if he left like a flaming joint in the stalls where the horses are. It's like, did I light that stud on fire by accident? Yeah. Um, and right after the silence Rachel just goes, well, let me say congrats. So awkward. Let me say, okay, I cannot wait to lecture this girl with some eggs. Yeah, I can't wait. Just see, like, how can I get through to this girl? She's trying to come up with different ways. She's like, mm-hmm.

Maybe I should have some kind of dishes. Yeah, what should I do? What should I do? Kelsey has this look on her face. Like, well, I was just about to announce that I scored a great deal on a direct TV bundle But I guess now my thunder has been stolen Yeah, and everyone's like congratulations Jeff knows because I told Jeff and to me can I was but so now everybody know everybody knows now everybody knows now

Okay, I did it right I told Jeff first. Hey you guys met me Haunted tour time. Yay And John's like wow You know the scariest tour is being haunted by your ex-wife Right behind you talking about her new wedding. Yeah. And meanwhile, the haunted guide Rose, who's probably just spent the past 15 years doing like a local Vermont production of Sweet Charity, is like, finally, now I can do my haunted

tour material. Everyone, let's go! Yeah, this haunted tour lady is very like poor person and lay miserably. Yes. Yeah, this haunted tour lady is very like poor person and lay miserably. You know? She's definitely like always been pining to wave that big flag around at the end. But never got a chance to. Yeah, she was like the stand in for the person who waves the flag. But she'd like never got the chance.

She's like a swing. She's probably just like a haunted tour swing. Well, normally I do the plantation tour, but I could do the walking tour. I could do the walking tour. I could do the walking tour. It's a cobblestone. It's a home to cobblestone. Everyone look. And Reese is like a little boy.

He's such a, he's kind of rude to everybody, you know, everybody they come in contact with. He's like, I could give a much better tour than this lady. Yeah. He's like, I mean, look, it's not that hard. Okay, that restaurant, a pubes and that restaurant look, it's not that hard. Okay, that restaurant up here to that restaurant Fucked woman behind that one. Let's see. I jerked off on our icon in that alley. Yeah, it's like pretty easy So yeah God, lots happening here. Why do I have so many weird notes that don't make sense probably because I'm a crazy

So the lady's like, I've been in the dirt. You have a chance to die in a spooky haunted or a star on a joy app. Sometimes we're blood. Go, go, go, spirits of New Orleans. Go, go, go, spirits, harm some people. Go, go, go, spirits. You're doing just fine. You and your scaryness ahead of your time.

There is a goblin on a cloud. I know a place where he can't sleep. The phantom of New Orleans is here on the street The one that actually makes sense. I know She's like I didn't have to work hard on that one No, I know she's like I would work harder, but I'm just a swing I'm falling for that one again little city little city of horrors little city do up up a boo-doo So she's like have fun what's that goes? So she's like, have fun. What's the cause? This lady is like, everybody's dad. She also like, when you're a little kid.

She really was. He's like, I'll be right out here in the Ford escort, because I am an escort for you guys. She also was like, oh, we're coming up on a house that's been haunted by a cat and a dog. I was like, oh, so it's like a children's book in this one. And Jeff is, Jeff is, he's like, yeah, ghosts don't really mess with me, because, you know, they just don't, you know, they've seen my fruit platters and ping-pong tables in the kitchen, half ping-pong tables, really. They know better, they know better. They see I'm already

pretty crazy. So it looks like a saloon. And and Reese is like this is like some Roman orgy or something Like what are you talking about? What the fuck is wrong with this person? Yeah, who is this Reese? Where does it reach up from? Yeah, he needs to be not like they're eating at a place First of all, they're eating at a place called murials which makes me think simultaneously of two clothes for comfort Because Muriel was the mom and that and also of course Muriel you're terrible you know I know I know poor place can't get a decent yelp review because people just keep writing Muriel you're terrible so weird that we have three stars but everybody saying we're terrible yeah they

said a table for an old French ghost that dines there. It's like the most haunted table. Although I think we all know it's really for Tony Collette. This in case Tony Collette ever decides to stop by. So I gave that haven't heard that enough. Murie, you're terrible. Let's get rid of Murie. It sounds great. Sounds great.

She's been trying to outrun that her whole career. This restaurant, kind of confusing. They're serving Ritz crackers. It's not really like a restaurant. It looks like a studio that's going on there. Yeah, I think that the craft service is like, okay, no one's letting us shoot, so we rented this warehouse and we're just going to have some crackers. Can you guys have a bite about a baby? I think they're letting it ghosts do all the catering.

Because this was, you know, on a show that regularly shows delicious food, this was not pinnacle New Orleans culinary. Yeah, this was not like an emerald place for sure. No. So, Tamika and Rachel are talking about how annoying Reagan is. And Rachel's like, well, we were caught off guard. I get it, we're caught off guard. I'm not really sure what to think yet.

And she just looked at it in there because she thinks we're all dressed up for Halloween so we won't freak out. I'm like, that's exactly when you do freak out. And if we do freak out, at least it'll be hilarious. Yeah. So they're going to do a say-ons. And so Justin's already scared, because if you remember last season, he was really scared

going to the haunted plantation. So he's definitely not going to do the say-ons. And so the medium comes out and she's like ringing like a glock and spiel or something to alert everyone. And Jeff thinks it's his text message is going off, which for some reason really cracked me up. I was like, I get you. So this woman her name is Diane on array the medium and she like gathers people around and she's like

hmm I'm getting a do do do do do do Andre William color blue. Yeah, she's just like turning a name to one of those key chain racks, you know, like a, and a tourist shop. She's just turning it around to her mind. She's like, Michael, just Bill. Justine. Yeah. And she goes, there's not a William. Come on, guys, there's not a William. And uh, Rick knows, no, I had an uncle, Bill.

And for you, Ries goes, you connect I had an uncle Bill and Ries goes, you connect William with Bill. Idiot. Chef Ries, don't make me take this, this terrible medium side. He's being so obnoxious, you know, because she's like, well, we have an uncle Bill and he does have a blue car. Oh, it wasn't stretch, but, but, but but Reese did not have to be a dick about it. Yeah. And

Reese is like, Hey, you know what? I don't know any dead people. But here's what I'd like to do. Like you to come up with the number I'm thinking of. Okay, to sequence the numbers. You got to come up with the number. All right. Yeah. I'm sorry to hit the four. It's a number of a horse number of a horse eight four and she's like eight four eight He's like no horses don't have the same two the same number He is such a dick like the first episode I was like oh like I I feel like he's a dick But maybe he's cool. No, I'm like no He is a douchebag and Jeff is like you know when we were married Reagan would always get mad at me if I acted like an ass

And now she's not even saying anything to this dickwad right now. Yeah. He's like, what the hell? Why didn't Mike and why didn't I always get in trouble? Yeah. Oh, give her time. She'll be kicking him in the nuts blending. Don't you worry. Absolutely. So now it's the next day, and we see like pops of everyone doing different things. And we see John Moody hanging out with Jeff

Giving more dating advice, you know, and he's like he's like you know what like when you're dating a girl these days You got to look at her baby pictures to make sure that that's the woman that you're dating She was actually born a woman. You know, I'm saying that's what it is these days. I'm like, wow. You're really enlightened How about my god is that what he was saying? Yeah, how's like how about like when people date you they look at your SAT scores okay to see if you were ever intelligent at any point in your life Yeah, John moody. Yeah, John moody of whatever your geez little dope so At Reagan's house Reese is playing ball by himself because the dog won't even play with Reese, okay? Yeah, that's that's where we're at with Reese. Okay, the dog's like fuck you. I'm not even play with Reese, okay? Yeah, that's where we're at with Reese, okay? The dog's like, fuck you, I'm not even playing with you.

Dog will not watch. It's like all the dog wants is for somebody to throw a ball from. That's all a dog is born to want. A nice bow, sit at your feet and chase a ball. That's all dog wants, but he's like, fuck no, I'm not doing that. Yeah, Reese is just kicking a ball.

Maybe that's why this season is so good because like part of the southern charm magic is watching these like dudes do nothing with their lives, you know. So having like finally a guy who is just like kicking a ball on a backyard by himself kind of taps into the southern charm vibe and really elevates the show. Yeah, chunky Jeff. I mean, not Jeff. Aunky. Chef. Yeah. Yeah. Jeff. Sorry, Jeff. Okay. So Reagan. So Reagan's putting out cheese and crackers and lemonade. She's the only person on the show. I would really want to visit. She has the best neighborhood and she's always feeding people. Always. So Rachel comes over and she's like, Reagan's talking about how she gets to get her,

she has to get her bar application in because it's due tomorrow, which is very Craig. It's another Southern term sample. Bokin'e. Bar issues. Oh my God, I forgot that tomorrow the bar was due. I must have pregnancy break, braid, I braided someone who was pregnant.

I was so busy doing that. I should stop breeding people's hair or pregnant. That's what I meant to say. I meant to say, do these braids make me look pregnant? So Rachel's like, well, I wanted to have a nice little intimate conversation. So we both cook and we understand the delicacy of eggs. Bring it like, oh, okay. So she pulls out. She pulls outacy of eggs. Rick is like, uh-huh. Okay.

So she pulls out. She pulls out a dozen eggs and she's like, okay. Now, last time we talked, it was about support. And you didn't hear from me that day. But now, every name I call of a place, person, or a thing, I want you to pick up an egg. It's like, where are we going with that? Do proper nouns count? Yes, bitch.

I said names. It's OK. Just cross my fingers. Your father. Take one for your father. Take two for your aunts. One for the car I just saw on the driveway. The ball, another Reese is kicking around.

Hold that egg. The ball leg. One of Reese's horses. OK. Your brother. You have of Reese's horses, okay. Your brother. You have to buy some eggs actually, so this is sort of like a meta egg. Snake for the eggs. So she just goes through all these names until they're until they're

holding on to the egg. She's holding on to the egg. This is like some starting overhouse, right? This is like some vintage like, Yonla or the other lady I forgot where they would like, you know, like, in order to get rid of your baggage, they like actually make them hold bags and then put them down and step, walk over them, you know? Like this is really helping.

We're just being very visual about our metaphors right now. Just seeing Reagan sitting there holding those eggs was cracking me up. And she's like, but you don't know how much I have going on. Okay. And she goes, so now you have to tell me how every person feels. Like how every person, was she saying how every person feels about it or how you feel about it? You know, I wasn't sure because for me, the egg metaphor had no payoff. She just made her hold a bunch of eggs and she was supposed to hold them the whole night. And I noticed she put them down at one point and as she prattled on about herself for hours and hours but I'm like are we gonna act or are we gonna get a like are we gonna get like a follow-through with

the eggs is there gonna be a good moment be like and those eggs represent your emotions or and that's the balance but there was never like an aha like and that's the surprise why I'm having you hold eggs. She just was like making her hold eggs. Yeah, and I think she had to say, like for each person she had to tell Rachel how they reacted, you know, or something, and that she could put one egg down is what I was good.

Oh, and by the end, and Reagan just never shut up about it. And she's like, well, my mom is one egg. And you know, I enjoy the French Quarter. And getting groceries. I love walking places, got the grocery store, and then Tamika, okay, well, Tamika knew. But you know, I don't know what he even possessed me. And then she keeps dropping these eggs.

Then she's talking about how, you know, she moved, but then she went on to Facebook to reach out for Reese. And then it's just like, all these eggs make no sense. And then by the end she's like oh I'm speaking of eggs yeah by the end she was actually holding 12 chicks I mean it was like it was those eggs were in there a long time. Oh look I incubated 12 chickens.

She also by the way broke the Tameek egg which was funny. Yeah it's not broken It's just dented. It just dented and so then yelling a lot And Rachel's like well first Congrats and she's just covering her face. Oh my god. She's just cracking each egg on her forehead like oh god Yeah We're getting married because we have two mothers chasing after saying you will not get May you will not get married After the baby you have to get married with a baby

Yeah, and then she starts doing this thing of like well, you know like you know like everyone's like I'm just like trying to figure out like where I see on the group because I like I still want to be with the group But like it's like Jeff is there and like everyone's like just man at me right now And I don't want to be I just want like everyone to like step back Just like let me live my life like let me just like hold eggs on my own, okay? Yeah, um, and she's like I'm just gonna tell my friends because everybody's mad at me like what am I supposed to do fun new friends So Jeff keep them I'm not sure what to do and Rachel's like well who cares what they think do they pay your bills? I know I don't I was like oh What's the point, who cares what they think. Do they pay your bills? I know

I don't know. I was like, Oh, what's the point of having a rich friend if they don't pay your bills? I know. Oh, well, you know, they have That's that's well, that's the benefit of being just part of a rich family, you know I mean this kills my Julie my Julia Roberts best friend dream. Oh I mean, I want to meet Julie and her to say Ronnie you don't deserve to work You don't deserve this kind of life here. Here's house Julia Julia can still make it happen because we know obviously Julia's a listener Right hey Julia Roberts. Thanks for listening to what happens Totally going to lunch together one day. Okay, you drive Delay though because I can't drive all the way to the coast Yeah

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feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Um, you know, the other thing I was gonna say is that, like, I think one of the subtexts that's happening is that, like, whenever they talk about the group and Jeff, et cetera, I think, like, I feel like something that is, like,

they can't say on camera is that, like, you know, like, she would normally not be hanging out with Jeff, but she has to be on a TV show with him. So she has to make nice and nice and I think that's her way of being like, I have to coexist with them because I'm shooting with him and I don't want to like, you know, like have drama, right. And I think that's what she's trying to get at. Yeah. So then we go over to Tumika meeting Suzanutabar. We haven't seen her this season yet. At the lunch factory. Munch. She's like, you know what? We want to a place called Mirials, but God, it was terrible.

Really, really terrible. Let's go to the lunch factory instead. It's a lesbian bar at night. Oh, I can say that I'm a superhero. They sell culpets in the bank. And they actually, I don't know if you saw this, but on the side, like, like in the munch factory, there was like specials up and they had something called a muncher reader. I was like, please, take a, can we go back to murials? I want to go back to the French ghosts.

I like those waitresses. I love a good, early waitress. She's like, all right, we got some gumbo. You're gonna have that, okay? You want to drink? They're like, I don't know. What should we have? I make a good spritzer. And she said, what's in it? She just trust me.

Also, it's also a spritzer. Isn't spritzer just like wine and club soda? Yeah, it works with it. It works with it. I don't know if there's another, if there's another kind, but you know, that's what I grew up seeing it junior league meetings Look fronty and some club so to baby

Well, I I Like the eggs we never got a follow up on that spritzer So we have no idea how the munch factory spritzer is but hopefully it's good Regans in the back trying to hold 12 spritzer Rich is like that you will stand there until we sell these all off. Okay. We are upselling them today. So they, uh, Reagan calls while they're sitting there catching up with each other and check, um, gotta tell you something about my way to the doctor. Check what's wrong? What is it? What's wrong? Well, you know, you're, you're supposed to be one of

best friends, so if something's wrong, you're supposed to tell me. You know, because you're supposed to be one of us friends, so it's something's wrong. You're supposed to tell me. Like, man, I don't know. I'm your name's A-darn. She has to leave the table to tell Susan, which I don't understand why she left the table when she just comes right back to the table and talks about it. I know. Why would you leave the cool confines of the munch factory just to like hear this news?

You could hear it perfectly well right there. So yeah, she's like, we're pregnant. Which I always think it's funny also when people say we're pregnant. It's not like Reese is carrying this baby, okay? I mean, he's probably pregnant with like a snickerdoodle, you know, but like, I think. Yeah, until the man starts pushing a bowling ball out of his butt hole, I don't wanna hear it.

Yeah, okay. Say you're pregnant. No, we're pregnant, okay. What you doing? Huh. Roddy's not gonna be a trip home with that daddy coming in here. No, we're pregnant Hi, Mr. Karen He wrote me a note making myself a Frappuccino. Would you like one? No, thank you. What are you making a Frappuccino out of? No waterbirds for me is right. I'm a compassionate eater now, buddy. Love you dad. Thank you

Wow, that is so sweet. He's making a Frappuccino playing with my stomach. My dad walked in I was making shapes with my stomach like when you make your fat talk you know Sorry, how do you see that dude my son needs a Frappuccino right now? That's amazing that your dad makes Frappuccino's obesity needs a Frappuccino like geez. How does your dad make Frappuccinos? You know what's weird? He didn't have time to write it down. It's so funny that he wrote a note that's so sweet.

It's funny because Frappuccinos are things that are probably very simple to make at home. You just put coffee essentially in a blender with I guess milk and ice. But for some reason I feel like I could only get them from Starbucks, you know. Yeah, well I love that he's doing that. You go boy. Yeah. Okay, so basically, Timmyka gives the reaction we thought.

I mean, what's going on? I thought we were best friends. So you called Rachel for a tour, but I thought we were best friends. So yeah, yeah, you told Rachel first. I mean, you told your doctor before you told me, really? You told Reese before you told me, really? Yeah, and so, you know, poor Reagan, nobody's excited, but Reagan's really going about this in the wrong way. And to me, he's like, oh my god, like she's supposed to be my own friend. I mean, does Jeff even know?

Unsuicintious shrugs, like who cares? Where are we talking about this? I'm here for one scene You know, it's like Reagan upstages everybody at all times Resource right when he's like oh god We're gonna upstage the son of house thing Yeah, he's like are we gonna tell people we're pregnant my please let's not do that and upstage another event Yeah, too is credit at least he wants to like put some breaks on these things

Yeah, Susan's like you know, I'm the smartest person on this show and we're gonna like stop talking to me so we can talk about Reagan's pregnancy, really. And where's my spritzer? Can I get some fucking respect? Jesus. I'm sorry, our spritzer holder dropped all the spritzers because she had to make a phone call from the back room apparently. So then they start playing like wacky 80s detective TV show music while Jeff is on a date, which I'm not really sure what that music was about. Yeah, yeah, I liked that. So Jeff is on his first date in eight years and he is like waiting for this lady to Alexandra to show up. So he's like, he's fixing the table because it's wobbly. He's putting a little thing under it, which I was like, for some reason I wrote down the table is his baby.

I was like, this is his equivalent of carrying a baby. He's like, I'm going to tend to this table as if it were my own ring and baby. Baby steps, you know, baby steps to getting your life in order. You know, it's the table yourself. Well, because you know John was kind of man you marry. Well, because you know, John was my note on that. Yeah, yeah. No, it's true. I thought thought that was like really I thought I was endearing because I you know John would you would be like Bro bro, you can't like be fixing a table. You make the woman fix the table. Bro. Yeah, probably So Jeff is going on his first date in eight years

Yeah, he's like why if it's ahead of me and like I need to make an effort here. Like don't make that much, okay? Going on. So get it anybody pregnant. Yeah, please. So this woman Alexandra shows up and she's like, I'll have a cosmo Please and he comes back with like this white drink and a tumbler. He's like, I don't think this is a cosmo He's and she's out of ingredients. Sorry This is just I think it's some turpentine and candle wax that he melted. Yeah, so he's taken her to this dive bar and the train's going right behind their head. She's like, wow, that's, that's great. Thanks.

So I'm drinking turpentine and a train almost ran over me. Thanks for what! I'm just standing by door. She's standing by me. Jeffrey? Jeffrey? Yeah, so they're like sitting there. But they actually have, they seem to like talk.

They have, they seem to have some sort of banter. Apparently, he met her while he was wasted and he didn't even remember what she looked like. I was afraid that a dude would show up, which might be a callback to the John Moody conversation from earlier So he's like well, you know pretty much all about me. I'm in the NFL and I got a divorce But you know it's just our first day so you don't want to hear about that Why is probably gonna have a baby when some guy? about that. Why it's probably gonna have a baby with one guy. I'm totally fine. I'm totally fine. I'm happy. Hey, uh, do you enjoy taking midnight, uh, runs through gravel pits? Do you like doing that?

Ever? Ever gotten so mad, you just go running through an industrial area? That's poorly lit. Ever? Yeah. I come here because I'm so close to just being hit by a train You know sometimes I'd like to go stand out back just to see if it'll take me You ever just go jogging into the darkness late at night while holding an oil canvas ever do that Real fun. If you ever gotten something new from Amazon and opened it has those little bags of silica and says don't eat this If you ever eat those they are too Hey, yeah, you ever take a ping pong table and destroy one half bit and put the other half in your kitchen and pass it off like it's a full ping pong table. You ever do something like that? Just, I've never gone to play racquetball by yourself and just let the ball hit you over and

over again. You ever stand right in front of a good old batting cage or stand right in front of the ball machine just let it right in the head over and over again. So she tells this story. She's like, well, I was, I guess he's saying, like, what do you do or whatever, and she's talking about how much energy she has. I don't know how this got started, but she's like, I was an obese toddler. And I just wouldn't walk. And the doctor, the doctor tested me and turns out that I was lazy. I think she said that like, like, they bonds it over dobermans and the doberman helped her become a non lazy toddler. She also has a dog named Pierre and she goes, he's French. He wears a little beret around the house, passage judgment. And he goes, well, are you still lazy?

And she's like, no, and I'm not fat either. And he's like, obviously, I was like, wow, great date with Lilith. This should go far. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Throw Lilith from the train. So then we go over the Tamron Barney. Tamron Barney.

Tamron Barney. Barry and all the way. I have the Orange County is coming back. I can feel it in the air. I'm calling random people Tamron Barney. Yeah, Barry and Tamika got coffee and they're taking like a walk. And we hear this courtship story that Tamika used to be an NFL cheerleader for the Saints and Barry would go to the games and basically stare at her through binoculars, which is a little creepy. And then one day, he knew her mom and then he met her through the mom. I was like,

oh, you're the one I stalk. And he says that as if it was like, oh, it just happened to be, but we all know he was right up in her business and knew the entire time. Yeah, he was just putting coupons for free training in the mom's mailbox. It's like free forever coupons for free training in the mom's mailbox. Yeah. It's like free forever, training forever, full free. So they start talking about his sports line. And the only reason that's interesting is because they showed a clip of G-On. Man, we need G-On. I love G-On.

I love G-On. Also, I'm a little concerned about Barry going into fashion because he, in his interviews, he's like wearing this blazer that has some sort of like shiny material That's interwoven and it looks like he just got rained on. It's like I just want to like dry him off, but it'll never be dry looking Yeah, I don't like it. He does. That's true. That's like why? That's what that looks like. Yeah, that's a weird jacket Yeah, it's like was it raining outside? Did you just walk in from the rain? Um, so yeah, they basically talk about it. So I said well, here's that I don't know She talks so fast. She talks like she's like always messed out of her mind and

Oh my god, like what's that? You're gonna have different to be driven. Well, I was like you're boring me Yeah, this is like a really on just fascinating. I'll see you. Yeah, yeah Like like really aggressively uninteresting scene. It really was. Like, they're putting a lot of effort into this terrible scene. I was like, basically, you're having a fashion show. The guys are gonna model in it and to me, to like, to get things done and Barry is more laid back.

I was like, great. Fascinating. The crew's like, wow, glad we got a walking crew for this one. Glad we got to walk around in the humidity to capture this priceless moment. So then we're over at Justin and Kelsey's house. Yeah. And you know, they do that thing where they get a map that says, Home Sweet Home. No, I don't approve of that. So then they're, you know, popping champagne and getting ready for their party, and Justin

goes into the kitchen, he's like, well, is there anything at all you guys need for me? And Lady goes, get out of the kitchen. Yeah. Like, geez, I love, surly, nola people. Exactly. It's the same waitress from the restaurant. Yeah. Get the fuck away from me, wait for the spritzy dessert.

Munch factory to go. So I don't know, I'm like obsessed with that name munch factory. You know why? Because in my high school, there was a guy. There was a guy you're above me, his nickname was munch. There was like munch. I just always thought that was like the worst nickname. He was a perfectly fine person. I seem to remember, I don't, I never had any issues with him, but I always hated that they called a munch. I just always thought that was like the worst nickname. He was a perfectly fine person. I seem to remember, I never had any issues with him, but I always hated that they called him Munch.

Who called him Munch? Hey Munch. That's like such a bro nickname too. Hey Munch. Munch. Hey Munch. Munch. Anyway.

So, he's really nervous. He's like, oh my god, are your friends are coming over? And I've been around them before, like it's always been a their environment. Yeah, we're by the way, Ron and I before the episode began, we were trying out our Kelsey voices because we were saying how it's she has the the Shina bubble throughout thing going on. But she also, but her voice isn't as low as she knows. She sort of has like a high-lilting voice, so she's like, she's like shina. What she speaks like this

Sort of she's like, I'm worried about I'm worried about Tamika. I don't know. I don't know if that's really I don't know if I'm in the pocket on that one just yet. That's a puppet. That's right. You know that is she now Yeah, our little shina puppet. I'm gonna do this because that's how she sounds to me. That's a little bit more Reagan to me I feel like to me. To me, that's a little bit more Reagan to me. I feel like Kelsey is trying to speak high like this and she just went to choose one to have a great time. And she's not.

But I, but you are living in your own fucking I feel like she is and I'm looking to really enduring. Are you getting in the back? Making you fucking live. Are you going to look at my house? Yeah, I'm turning her to a lot of people. A woman with like some stripes socks is just gonna walk into this housewarming party. Like get to sleep. She's like everybody. Why are there so many songs about rainbow wars? She's like everybody

Fuck it, that's my Kelsey voice and I don't even care That's my Kelsey voice and I don't even care. That's my Kelsey voice. Totally. That's what she's doing. That's what they're environment, but this time we're on stage in my theater. Let's make a great show guys. Yes, the Kelsey show. So Justin's basically giving Kelsey a pep talk to be like if anyone comes for you You know, I'm not okay. What are you doing? I'm trying to do Justin's boys. He has like a little bit of a noir He sort of talks like this a little bit. He's sort of talks It's Justin He's just an uncalsy! Okay.

Okay. Okay. Give myself a side grab because I'm laughing so hard. He basically is like, he basically is like, listen, if Tameca is coming for you, you just like, you got to like clap back and don't be afraid to kick anyone out of the house. And then we see like a montage of like Tameca's greatest anti-calsy hits, you just like, you got us like clap back and don't be afraid to kick anyone out of the house. And then we see like a montage of like, Tameek is greatest anti-Kelsey hits, you know? So, you know, yeah, this is our house. I want to kick somebody else. So tell me if you want me to kick her out. Like if somebody drops an napkin on the floor, they're

out. The house, the power. The power. Yeah. So Bar barion to me are getting ready for the party and he's like you know who you look like right now Haji from Johnny Quest and she's like your mama looks like Haji from Johnny Quest Never the name that name but I really love when people say your mama Me too favorite thing to do your mom's like that. How about that? Yeah me too like I just started laughing before she even finished the your she said your mom and I that. How about that? Yeah, me too. Like, I just started laughing before she even finished the your mom. She said your mom and I just started to laugh. I was like, I don't care what the bunch of line is. She said your mama. So, I said, Jeff tells John he's falling in love with himself. What was that? I don't know. I didn't even write it down.

Yeah. Reagan andes are getting ready. This is where he's like, can we please not upstage another event with some of our news. People do not need to know that we're pregnant. Okay. He's like, let me just socialize with someone first and like have someone remember my name before we drop another bombshell. Yeah.

So then, I'll go ahead. No, I was gonna say probably exactly the same thing you're gonna say, which is that over at the house, at the party, Justin's mom, Dottie arrives first. And I forgot about Dottie and she's great. She's like the Lucille Bluth of the show. She's just like, she's full of so much shade. It's just, it's kind of amazing. Yeah, she's like, oh, God, we have different tastes,

but I love that you're a millennial. Look at you with your millennial taste. You know, I like an open concept. I'm sorry, her name is Kelsey, that's what I meant to say. I like, I like a Kelsey. Oh, I love how free of thought your girlfriend, this living room is Oh look look at this dining room wow oh you got rid of the bookcases I mean I always kept them there because Jim Garrison who's a historical person you know

he used them when he was investigating the JFK crime. But no, it's great. I'm so glad you gathered them and painted this color of Kelsey over here. I mean, I mean, hideous blue, hideous blue. I mean, you were stupid enough to think that this was actually Kevin Costner's house. You know, what's history? Hey, did you get a new toilet so we can just flush some history down and pretend it never happened. Okay, idiot. Now remind me where that historic chandelier is. I mean, I always seem to remember being right here by the staircase because it was so iconic and

made its way into many publications on account of it being historic. I'm just not seeing it. Is it? Yeah. Well, we get rid of a historic chandelier only to move a cheap knock off lame personality free Kelsey in here. I mean, chantalier't believe you got rid of the chandelier too. CB2. Oh lord. So she's like okay well guess what it was great seeing you. I have another dinner tonight. I'm gonna go something I'm just gonna leave and just think about how you sucked all the soul out of my house. I'm just gonna go down and go to the munch factory and drink a few spritzers. Yeah, congratulations on getting the munch to deliver. Yeah, yeah, wow, you really really put a lot of, a lot of, a lot of Kelsey into this house, huh? I really see her fingerprints on and everything. I'll be munch factory. I'll be there.

So everybody starts arriving and Jeff and Reagan are super awks. And then they start doing shots and Reagan, of course, isn't doing any. And Jeff is just starting to drink. Just like, hi, hi, hi, hi. Yeah, so Jeff starts pounding them, right? Which means he's about to run down the alley screaming crying. Yeah, and we should also mention that all the guys got this crazy slow-mo entrance going into the party as if they were like In some Joe's a bank commercial or something like

It's like you're just walking into a house Yeah, Barry's like walk. They're like look at smooth berry with his giant pitstains. I know Look you're hot you don't need to wear skin tight shirts. Okay. Yeah, especially not in like It's especially if you got like you don't want to wear pitstein colors, you know, like gray a light a light purple that stuff does not Like black shirts black dark colors. Yeah, so Kelsey's giving to me the tour and to me is trying to be nice, but you know, it's to me Yeah, so she's like yeah Sorry, I feel like kitchen chick. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you did a really good job as a place But like you know my favorite part of the soul kitchen is that wine rack over there a little wine rack

It's a little wine rack Um actually, it's a tall wine rack and it's taller than you. It's like the one thing in the world that's taller than you To me cuz like what the hell? I know that was some good wine rack and it's a taller than you. It's like the one thing in the world that's taller than you To me cuz like what the hell? I know. That was some good wine rack shade on to me Out of nowhere Kelsey did well on that. I thought that was like she just really went in for it It's what time is your? Like you did a fantastic job really really really you did a fantastic job. I mean, you know Like mediocre but like one right. Yeah, I like it. It feels like there was like a lot of important historical details that you guys just stripped away. I can really feel it. It's

good job. Congratulations. Yeah. Um, so the Jeff Barry is asking the dudes a film model for his his clothing line at the at the fashion shit. God, I'm so sorry. I'm so out of it. I had the fashion shit. He just like catwalking. I know. I think that got in my head. It's like a drug, even not having it. I'm like, God, I should have said yes to that.

Frappuccino. Oh, this will be like, it's like sliding doors. Like, what would have happened if you would taken the Frappuccino? You could have, you could have found the love of your lifetimes there. It's like, the mailman could have come by. I know. Gwyneth Balcho would take in the Frappuccino you could have you could have found the love of your Lifetimes there's like the mailman could have come by. I know Gwyneth Balto comes with a Frappuccino.

Look what the hell? Gwen. Julia coming. Julia's Julia's on the other side of the sliding door. She's she's the non. She's the non Frappuccino version. You know what's so weird in both versions of my life on sliding doors? Julie Roberts won't call me back.

It's like the weirdest thing. You didn't even need to slide the doors. Yeah, no matter what changes I make in my life, Julie Roberts still doesn't like me. That movie failed. This is sad. So, yeah, so Jeff is showing off his catwalk, like for Barry's fashion show, which is sort. So, yeah, so Jeff is showing off his catwalk, like, you know, for Barry's fashion show, which is sort of like, you know, it was lumbering.

It was lumbering, but I think probably it's going to be the best that we can get out of him. So then, Kelsey is looking at Reagan's ring and she's like, oh my god, I need planet. You do. Have your planet, you're writing it? Are you going to be having a wedding? What sort of wedding are you going to have it on the horse horse ranch? What you're planning to do that. Have you planned your wedding yet? Are you going to be having a wedding? What sort of wedding are you going to have on the horse horse range? What are you going to do?

Have you planned your wedding? I really love weddings. I love weddings. Well, you have lots of tall flower arrangements that are tall I think, to Mika? So, Reagan's like, well, what the aim of the San Mars? What not so far?

So why in the world would you think that? Like I've been with Justin three years and I already put on the brakes. Yeah, we're like really slow. Yeah, we're it and I'm happy with it. I'm totally happy with being a slow couple that's not getting engaged. I like I'm so happy.

And Jeff is this Jeff's like, oh my God, what is with the urgency, you know? And Barry's like, are you upset yet? Do you wanna cry? Please cry so Tameek can get off my ass. That's what she'll talk about. How you won't cry. Please cry.

And then Reagan is, and by the way, like when Kelsey's talking about like, you know, taking it slow, you can see Tameek is biting her tongue. She's like, must be nice. Must be nice to check Kelsey. Being nice to Kelsey right now. And then, but then Reagan's like, I want all three of you girls to like me stand again in my wedding, which they are all like, oh my god, we're gonna be bridesmaids. I actually think it means that there's gonna be a chair shortage and that they're gonna have to stand. But either way, Tamika now is upset. She's like,

really? Kelsey is gonna be in the wedding now also. She has, I mean, I thought we were best friends. Like first she's clearly married now she's getting pregnant and now Kelsey's in the wedding. Who is this? Look at all those things are the same size in her mind. But also Reagan tells Kelsey that she's pregnant and she's like, um, are we gonna announce that today? She's like, no, she's like, okay, good. I need to know at least one thing for more than 15 seconds longer than Kelsey. I love that no one is happy for Reagan.

Yeah. Oh. So then there's like a moment where Reese is like, I didn't know my name until I was 17 because my mom kept calling me son of a bitch or asshole or big time masturbator. And we know I'm saying, know what I'm saying? Everyone's like charming, charming.

Yeah, I might not have been very smart in the school, but I was on the beta team. The masturbator! Oh! Hahaha. So then, yeah, we go over to Jeff talking about his date to the guys and he's like, yeah guys I took her to a dive bar and John's like, oh Jesus. Yeah, John was like, oh So he he they actually FaceTime Alexandra and John's like listen Jeff said that you are like the most beautiful hair from heaven

And it was like a mermaid kissing a jellyfish She's like trying to do this like very intense Charm offensive. I didn't really understand the point of it I was like this is a little aggressive just to beat that fact that you guys are all like face-timing her right now Leave it alone leave it alone Yeah, I think he's trying to get Jeff laid, but it's like why would I don't know I don't get it either really funny Super well Alex is like well looks like you're having fun at that party But it's like why would I don't know I don't get it either really funny super

Alex is like well looks like you're having fun at that party. Hopefully there's no fat people there Okay, gotta go take a nap. Yeah, sorry. I'm about to go watch a French movie with my dog or as he calls it a movie I feel like we have not we have not really expressed how much Jeff is drinking through all this like every shot is Jeff going back to the bartender and he's getting looser and looser is like, yeah, Superbowl, when a day last night, I'll have one of those spritzers again, please thank you very much. And then we cut to Reese trying to make out with Reagan. She's like, she gives them a kiss and he's like, trying to open her mouth with this mouth. She's like, oh, wow. Stop. Stop.

I'm not gonna get pregnant by this idiot. When can I put my eggs down, by the way? She's still, she's just showed up with the eggs. Like, I have, Rachel never said I could put them down. So, so now Jeff is talking to Tamika and he's like yeah Guess what oh, it's Tamika and Reagan by the way and Rachel and he's like At base time a girl I went on I want a date last night, so I'm like oh god here we go Why don't you just bring her why don't you just bring her? He's like, yeah, Tumica, look, I know you have my back and stuff,

but you can be a little abrasive. It's like, on what? Like, if you were on here, okay, yeah, like I would be, I would be a million-girl door. Totally, yeah, totally with. Yeah, I'm gonna do that. He's like, but why? Why?

Because I think it's because you care, you know, because you care for me more than Reagan. Yeah, you good? And Rachel's mouth just drops to the ground. Rachel, you know that Rachel was like laughing on the inside, but she had to pretend to be shocked for Reagan, you know? Cause then Jeff is just like dropping truth bombs everywhere. He's like, I mean, at the end of the day, everyone cares more for me.

I mean, they all feel like Reagan's just moving way faster, like too fast, you know? I mean, they all feel like Reagan's just moving way faster, like too fast, you know? I mean, you're going into more problems than you had, okay? And I'm a former NFL player, okay? Whose brain might be mushed right now. And you're going to something even scarier. And then Rachel just was like, she's like, I don't have a problem, Jeff. There are no problems in my life. None wants so ever. And I'm definitely not sick in the mornings for any reason whatsoever. And just like, uh, yeah, I think that you're running from something. She goes, I'm running to something. And he goes, um, yeah, you're running to something. But that means you're

running from something. So what are you running from? I'm running towards someone who works in horse shit all day long, and when he gets home, he plays soccer by himself, okay? I want a man free enough to pee in a horse stall. I'm rich. He's like, Jeff, this is called encroachment, okay? So let's, like, iksnay, the runken-ay rant day, you know? Yeah,, yeah, so to me cuz like come over here. We're gonna have a talk. We're gonna have a talk Okay, I thought I was best friends with Reagan. What do you think? Yeah? She's like cut the shit dude and he's like what like I'm you know, I'm good. I'm being good

I'm showing up on being good. It's just yeah, but that's you know That's a game-based speech, okay? Yeah, the fuck shit. It's not fine. It's not fine. Okay. It's not fine. She goes she goes oh you have facade He goes what facade he goes you know it? I'm gonna show up every day with a smile on my face I'm like Jeff that's a facade That's literally definition of a facade So she starts yelling at him like you're not fine. You're not fine. You're not fine And at which. She's like, you're not fine, you're not fine. At which point, Kelsey is like, I saw Matty yelling in my house.

And she's just, she's like, no yelling, no yelling, you're being loud in my house. To me, got loud in my house. Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip. Ugh. And then he drops like, you know why it doesn't hurt, you know why it doesn't hurt? Cause she's why it doesn't hurt cuz she's making a mistake Okay, and blah blah, and so then there's like this all this chaos cuz tell see's trying to be empowered and trying to push to make it out

And then a drink spills and it's like flashing to black and all this crazy stuff and then it's like yeah to be continued To be seen everybody yeah That brings us to the end of some southern charm noland everybody I'm just fine. It's fun. Good show. Okay, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. Good get your tickets to church your Cammy O's your everything else watch what cramets.com. Okay Yeah, I have a blessed day y'all and go get yourself a spritzer. Hi, everybody. in Apple Podcasts.

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