Watch What Crappens - Summer House: Back To Basics

Episode Date: March 8, 2019

The "Summer House" gang is back! We've said goodbye to some familiar faces but also hello to some new ones. Beore you write us a 17 page email about it, we suggest you go straight for the rosé instead and enjoy this recap! Carl? Carl? Carl? See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few, follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. What would crappens would like to think it's premium sponsors? Just saying okay? Kristi Wawerdi-Dawerdi!

Ashley Savoni? She don't take no baloney! Aaron McNickalus! She don't miss no trickleus! Megan the Slayer Taylor! Kelly Barlow! When she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Berg!

You can't have a burger without the bird! Ain't no thing like Allison King. Hot dang! It's Jessica Deng. Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good. Hannah, God I love that banana. Anderson, of a Nagila Weber. Lisa Walland, now that's what I call Wallentainment.

The Bay Area, Betches, Betches. And our super premium Patreon subscribers. Give them hell, Miss Noel. Very grand. The grandmaster. Let's get racy with Miss Stacy. Shannon out of a can an Anthony. Incredible edible Matthew sisters.

And... Mina kuchi kuchi kuchi. Watch what crap bins. Watch what crap bins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap in The crap in The crap in The crap in

The crap in Watch what crap in Kids what happens when there's so much that crap in The crap in Kids what happens when there's so much that crap in So why the crap is so fruity? What's wrong with you, my friend? Who can't just watch? I can't spread this so much that crap is. Hey everyone, welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo

that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from The Real House Wares of Kitchen Island. It's Cartoon on YouTube. Go watch it. It's fun. I need views. Watch it, please. And joining me is the wonderful and lovely Ronnie Kern from the Rose Bricks Bachelor Rose podcast. What's going on, sir? Hey, Bane. How you doing today? I'm doing just great. Yeah, we're gonna be alive. Glad to have little summer house back. I know. Summer house is back. We're here to talk about it today. back. I know summer house is back. We're here to talk about it today. Before we dive into that,

next week we're going to South by Southwest. The way the order of operations for that show is that basically, bad shoulders get in first and then non-badge holders who have reservations. And we don't anticipate a lot of badge holders are going to be there because it's like South by Southwest and it's like cool people doing cool things. So I think that you'll probably okay. So that's how that works. And then we have in Cincinnati on next Saturday, we have two shows, one is sold out, then we have an early show, happy hour show, tickets are still available. We haven't decided what we're going to cover yet, but there's like a million things on Bravo right now.

So chances are it's going to be something good. So to get tickets for that show and many of our others, Portland, Phoenix, Milwaukee, Irvine, go to watchacrapans.com, get your tickets. Our shows are super fun. We always have a great time. Our listeners who come have a great time. People that don't even listen to podcast have a great time. So come, you'll make friends. Don't worry about coming alone. It have a great time. People that don't even listen to podcasts have a great time. So come, you'll make friends.

Don't worry about coming alone. It's a great time. So that's watchcraftens.com. And of course, you can also get your fabulous Luandela Sips, pop our t-shirts and leggings. Ah, would you believe it girls? I have merch. Yeah, we're going to keep this up an extra week or two

because New York is premiering this week or next week. It was this week. Yeah. Oh, it was this week. Wait. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. My brain. It's Friday. It's Friday because my brain doesn't work properly. That's okay. That's okay. Yeah, yeah, so the those shirts and leggings are fabulous And thank you to everyone who keeps sending photos in because I'm into all of them, you know, they they look great This is like a this is this is a triumph Ronnie of design on your part. Oh god Well sure is good seeing you guys all in and that's for sure So today we're talking Summer House.

We also have crap in the mailbag at the end, so be sure to stay tuned for that. And Summer House is back. So I have been a very vocal booster of Summer House over the years, but I've also, I give tough love too. And I felt like last season was kind of a mess. I felt like episodes were edited together in choppy ways, storylines, and not track. There was weird casting issues. I felt like the summer house that I loved in season one had gone off the rails.

And so in the off season, they rejiggered some things, they changed the cast around, which I had bittersweet feelings towards, because I actually really liked the work as twins, and of course, Steven is our friend, you know. But that being said, season three has come, and I feel like the show is back on track. I'm very excited. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how much of the name is trying or how much of it is fresh blood.

You know, the best thing about this show is it's just very disturbing whiteness. We see a lot of whiteness on Bravo, obviously. Bravo has done a lot better, I guess, in recent times, about getting some multicultural shows on and stuff like that, which is great. But we're used to a lot of whiteness, but this is Hampton's whiteness. This is the whiteness of the white. This is some pasty, pasty lot of whiteness, but this is Hampton's whiteness. This is like the widest of the whiteness. This is like, yeah.

This is some pasty, pasty-ass whiteness. And I don't mean just on the skin. I mean in your soul. This is like a, these are white souls people. Although I think to be fair, I think that Danielle, oh Danielle, the Danielle or Danielle, Danielle. Danielle. I seem to remember from last season that

is she Puerto Rican? Yes. yeah okay so yeah so there is some there is some diversity on this show but yeah this is this is white this is a there's a big old white show yes but it's um but I you know it's I feel like what I'm happy about is that in this season premiere, I feel like at least the storylines are making sense. Because I remember last season, the season premiere, there was this scene where they're all we're eating dinner and everything was fine.

And then it just was like cutting to random sentences and things and people suddenly were mad and then it went to commercial break and I was like, what is happening on on summer house But now at least things make sense Yeah, things are things are making sense because the fights are so ridiculous and it's like 30-year-olds fighting over 10-year-old things Which I'm very into yeah Yeah, that speaks see that speaks to that speaks to my whiteness So I was like okay got it. I got it. Yeah

So We open with the theme song. From film to song ride. We love it! We love it! We love it! We love it! We love it! I'm like, what the fuck is this song even about? I still don't know. I still have no idea.

It's like someone took the inflatable rafts, that is the Vanderpump rule song, and then opened the thing, and then just sat on it and let all the air out. Yeah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Just slowly deflating the Vanderpump rules theme song, because it's the same singer. So... Yeah, it's very Eric-A-J doing her scales. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! doing her scales. So then we get we open with possibly the greatest thing that makes Summer House Summer House, which is the cameras in my rooms just

flopping all like 24. It's like, all the cameras come up. Chloe, I need you to set a hard perimeter in the master bedroom upstairs. Blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue You use when we look at the sun Jack they somehow said through the perimeter the sluts are in the bedroom There's a cougar about to kill the daughter, but the cougar is Lindsay single cougar I mean we even have Lindsay coming back like I'm like I don't know need a Lindsay It's like a new Lindsay now. It's like a new Lindsay now I don't need Lindsay. It's like a new Lindsay now. It's like a new Lindsay now.

Mm. Um, yeah. Lindsay was like, well, the work as twins are off the show, but I'm going to carry the torch for them by wearing a strange, floppy, weird, roughly top. That sort of looks like the draperies in an adorable store that sells curiosities and like old VHS tapes Yes, which is basically a really nice way of describing her new boob job. Yeah, okay

Let's do some subtlety in our boob jobs normally. I don't comment on bebes I don't care. The only shows are really comment on boobs are like real housewives of Atlanta because their implants are so fucking insane They like come out of the TV and punch me in the face. And then they think it's like, you know, I guess when you're gonna do just like a one-shot boob job, you know, it's only third season on a reality show. You're not gonna go do incremental boob jobs. It hurts. I think her boobs are trying to have a secret rendezvous on her back. You know, they're both like, is she looking? Okay, let's go back there, you know? You're gonna be the boob back of Notre Dame. They're like ready to have like a,

it's basically Chloe and Jack about to have a Daytona back there. Yeah, just a little bit of stick with 24, you know. Yeah, the entire, we're just going to theme, yeah, theme everything in 24, including boob jobs. And these boobs are terrorists! They're trying to kill them. They're moles. So anyway, so it's Friday, June 22nd, and Kyle and Amanda are arriving first, and big exciting things have happened in between the seasons. Mainly, there's a new duvet, so, you know, it's a great way to start.

Yeah, they basically walk into an empty house, which pretty much describes their souls right now. You can give the season. They're like, we're back. Oh, no one's talking to us. Yeah, no one's here yet. Kyle. Kyle, should I start making guacamole?

It's like a no secret last summer was crazy for a man to me and then they show him farting in bed with Amanda and then clapping at Amanda. Summer is supposed to be fun. Amanda not fun. This is this is Amanda's story arc from last season going from Kyle to Kyle. That was our character development. and going from Kyle to Kyle. That was our character development. And Kyle has been committed, and by committed, I mean, not cheated, from according to these storylines, about five minutes. So, you know, congratulations, one step at a time.

I haven't eaten a piece of pizza since like three hours ago. So, like, I feel like I'm on a path to But he's acting like he's Everyone's treating him like the Simpson's next door neighbor now, you know, hardly birdly neighbor. Yeah, never gonna go out He's never gonna live again dead Flanders. Yeah. Yeah, he will cause like well there there's no doubt that I mean Amanda are like She's like my partner in crime and like a relationship is better than it's ever been. I was like okay So there's gonna be a cheating scandal. Got it. She's seen this before.

Yeah, so it's better than it ever has been, which means that you're gonna use a blackout as an excuse for your cheating scandal. Like, that's the problem with following up after Vanderpump rules, okay? We've already learned all these tricks, sir. Yeah, so now we get our first Triximonical song of the season,

which is her saying, with big is her saying with big shots now with big shots now with big shots now with big shots now and i love that they start this off like it's going to be a serious song she goes let's go one two three four with big shots now thanks for the countdown thanks for your uh discarded Huggies commercial jingle. So I'm a big kid now. Oh, I'm a big kid now. No, I'm a big kid now. So we see Danielle and Lindsay in the car.

So I thought that Danielle had been fired. And maybe she was fired and then rehired. Either way, Danielle is basically doing single Lindsay from last season. So I had I thought that Daniel had been fired and maybe she was fired and then rehired either way Daniel is basically doing single Lindsay from last season. She's basically like oh this is my second chance And because in the first season I was on I was just sort of like quiet and Nice I've decided I'm gonna be a reality star this time. She's like Here I am I'm Daniel what I am going to the hampers because I'm gonna have some fun cut you out I'm gonna catch some day. I'm gonna catch some date. They're like you don't have to sing it dad

Yeah, okay, it's tricky mother to stop calm dad everything. She's like literally tap dancing Be like no one can see your feet right now. It's just a shot from the chest up. I don't care. I'm committed to this. I'm committed. I am fun. I am fun. Danielle fun, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. That's me. See, really is I was talking on the Vanderpump rules recap that she needs to wear sweatshirt that says E for effort because she's given it. She's given it. It's a little painful to watch, not

going to lie, but maybe find a middle ground between boring Danielle and like trying to pretend she's getting D every day, Danielle. Okay, like make just in the middle of the road. Yeah, like she's basically acting like she's in a commercial for Macy's, you know, and we're like, it's 10% off all weekend long and she's like dancing around there with like an umbrella. I'm like, okay, let's just like we find yet heavy medium, heavy medium. That's what she thinks she isn't her head, but in reality, she's that commercial from Mervins where there's just a lady waiting in five in the morning outside the door tapping on the window going open Oh

Believe you you knocked her down to Mervins. Macy's is already like not even that high I've always thought of bases is a very fancy store in a really terrible shell Like it's a nice store that it's it's it's nice. Sir, what am I trying to say? Like it looks ugly, but it's expensive still. Yeah, I feel like macy's is macy's is sort of like the Daniel of this show. It's like really trying hard to be bloomees and Nordstrom and and demons, but it's still just macy's.

Yeah. Um, pretty much. It's still like friends with a food court, you know, Lindsay. Listen, and by the way, I'm open. I'm open to having Daniel here. I just feel like for this first episode, she's just like a little bit on 10. Okay. Let me just go. It's Lindsay. It's Lindsay has new hair, new boobs, you know, and she's, she's without her friends now. So she's like, she spent the whole season, the whole off season trying to get rid of Kyle and Amanda and they all basically ignored them. And now instead they got rid of her friends,

I'm like at her side of the house. So now she's having to reconfigure. And so she's coming back with new everything and trying to be super fun too. And she's like, I'm not even crazy anymore. It's like a new one. Like she still speaks in questions, but just hilarious. And so she picks up Danielle and she's like I'm not even crazy anymore. It's like a new one. Like she still speaks in questions with this hilarious and so she picks up Danielle and Danielle's like oh my god girl why do you look so pretty.

They're going to the hampers and then they're like oh my god. I think the first thing they've both been in a car or something like what is this new thing? Oh my god Whale oh my god single car Lindsay Yeah, Lindsay's like um down y'all like since last summer I really like that so close but like she's not gonna like bring me down. She like brings you up And Daniel's like yeah, we totally get each other like we work hard and we play harder Our love that's our mess though. I was like, are you reading from the basic handbook? Because what's everything you're saying is so base model. You're like cloth seats and you know like a plastic glove compartment right now base model

Yeah, this is this is like the most uninspired character development. We've seen on Bravo in many years This is like the most uninspired character development we've seen on Bravo in many years So what when you're when you're as basic as they are what do you what do you do next you call Let's let's make let's call Carlito. Let's call Carlito I don't have the idea since I represent pizza beach and I have a margarita machine So it's like I'm very much Spanish now a carlito And she's like oh that carlito what are you up to and he's like um all of the sleep jumps like I'm taking a train And they're like whoa And they're like whoa

Gents you take the train like whoa I Love how shocked they're about the train. I mean like it's a fairly standard way to get to the Hampton Yeah Looking I can't I can't take the train. Oh my god. That's even a so new car. Let's go Carlito Carlito taking the train. Oh my god Carlito am I right? Oh my god hashtag were such a hot mess, right? Hey chance like it sells the sales so like you know what that means Gotta make the quote gotta make sales bro I got a new job. It's could be a great job

It's good. Let's go to a lot of things be great just for my mom. I'm a mama's boy and my mom's like get a job And I was like I'm gonna get another was like, I'm gonna get another job. So I'm gonna have this job. You know every week you think I have a new job, you know, by the way, oh, I got a new job in sales. Yeah, yeah. And I know that these guys all hang out together, like the Vanderpromp, every douchebag on Bravo hangs out

together, right? And you can tell because they all like comment on bar stool sports together. Yes. But, no offense bar stool sports. Yeah. But more life. That's how you can tell like what the others are for the gym. Yes, but no offense for our store sports. Yeah, great. But more life

That's how you can tell like what's out of the gym together and I guess I've all decided that they're gonna do this like Storyline what they're all nice guys so they can start getting like quality pussies Hey again at the bars, yeah, so they're all having redemption storylines And I'm not buying a single one about no absolutely not and I also do not support the redemption enablers, like Lindsay, who when Carl says he's taking the trench, he goes, you know what, Carlito, I'm proud of you. Like, this is like his first time ever getting on a train. Like, he figured out how to like buy the ticket at Penn Station.

It's like, oh my God, slow clap for Carl. He figured out a ticketing system. Although anyone who's actually been to Penn station got in a train there does deserve an award because that places a zoo. I don't understand. That place is a hellhole. How does that place, how is that,

how do you have something as smooth as Grand Central a few blocks away? And then you get into Penn station, they're like, all right, your train's gonna leave in one minute and we're not gonna tell you the track until, right now you gotta go, yeah, I gotta go, yeah, when I moved to New York, I arrived at Penn station and I was 18 years old. It was like the day after my 18th birthday and I was like, what have I done?

Never been that terrified in my life. It is so awful and vile and it used to be a beautiful, beautiful building or like a Bozart's building and like this gorgeous building that they demolished and it's just like the biggest shame that now it's basically like a eight-foot tall like subterranean space with like 10 sparrows and like a a boutique called LA Gants, you know. It's not. Yeah, totally. It's gone through a redemption arc like these people. The pensations are like new pensations, single pensations, everyone. Don't buy it. All the other train stations are so mad. Yeah, pen stations is single Lindsay.

Like no one's buying it. We are really like, no one wants to hop up on that train. Daniela's Macy's, Lindsay's pensations. Totally. Oh my God, my computer. Not my computer, but like my mouse is frozen up. Oh my god, my computer is not my computer, but like my mouse is frozen up. Oh my god, what am I gonna do?

Okay, I'm gonna use my phone for now. Your mouse is like, I am not gonna support, I'm not gonna support discussion of pen station and Macy's going on a drive to the Hamptons together. Yeah, my mouse is already over, single Lindsay. It's like, His single mouse. Hey's like, no.

Single mouth. Hey girl, wanna go to commercial? Yeah, wanna go to commercial quick call? I have to come here and ask her. Do I get to like, I get to like, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Disantel. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions.

What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums?

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Out. So Danielle feels like this summer because Lauren Workers isn't going to be in the house anymore, she's going to be in the house. And anymore, she's going to have a weight lifted off her shoulders because if you may remember, she and Lauren were both in the house last summer and they both had dated Carl and Danielle often feel like she could be herself. So she says, you know what, I'm a completely different person this summer.

I have a new kick ass job. And before I'm gone, I think Kronai are going to be friends. Yes, girl, friend. I am on. Yeah. I'm so much fun with Carl My god poor Danielle is gonna pretend she's not in love with Carl the whole summer Why yeah, why is this a recurring theme for this show that like every season we have to see someone try to be just friends with I think Carl super handsome all of the car

all of the everything i think her super handsome he is looking adorable he ties kind of funny anywhere is like skinny type you know white jeans every seed or now the addition of white shorts which is like but you know i can't there's stuff that it is annoying obviously because i'm me and that's how i look at people

but i mean he's pretty adorable but but come on. He's hot, really. He's hot. Carl's hot, but he's a dish bag. And I don't like, and like you said, I don't like to just jump ahead a little bit. I don't like his co-opting of the, like, the, hi, I'm Carl, I don't know, recovering, fuck boy.

I'm like, no, you're not recovering. Okay, you're not. You haven't recovered at all. Just because you say it, you can try to own it, but you can't own it. You can't own the Brooklyn Bridge carl, and that's what you are, if we're gonna be giving everyone a thing.

Yeah, so Daniel's like, this summer's gonna be different. Not gonna lie. Oh my God. Mattish, just like, this summer's gonna be different. Guess what, I'm lying. I'm back to me. So, um, I, so at this point, I was starting to feel a little like, I was tensing up.

I was like, do is this what this is gonna be? It's gonna be like an like, Staniel trying to sell us on personality. But then, as you sort of, as you mentioned, we get into some of the heart of it, which is that Amanda and Kyle have been excluded by the rest of the cast, and that they go to parties together, and everyone would be on one side of the party and not talk to Amanda and Kyle. And then on top of that, that whole group, they unfollowed Amanda on Instagram, and I guess crop her out of photos and stuff,

and this feud was so bad that Kyle then sent a 17 page email which is crazy. That's like a manifesto. So once all this stuff was laid out there I was like okay I fully support this. This is the sort of pettiness that we need to start off a season. Yeah it really is pettie because you see the picture before with Amanda and then they're all wearing like wacky sunglasses and then they just crop a man to ride out of it and the way that Lindsey tells her, she said, I wanna have fun! I don't know if it's possible after what happened with Kyle and other people this year, like other people, and then if we see all the, we hear Kyle's side. And he's like, yeah, this year was rough.

Like people purposely left us out. Like, I mean, social media posts cutting out a madda and we see the picture, which is like already my favorite thing of 2019. They put like an octopus emoji right over her face. And Lindsay's reasoning. She's like, um, I'm not gonna post a picture of an anna on social when I know even though we're like, I, I'm not gonna buzz a picture of an animal and I'm so, so when I know him in the world,

like, I don't even like an animal. Like, I only know an animal, because I'm not a skills girlfriend, but like, I'm not gonna buzz her friend, but she's not like one of my best friends. Oh. God. Such a bitch.

So then, and by the way, regarding that 17 page email, we then see Carl who goes, ah, I told Carl to send an email, oh, mistake. I'm like, you have fucking Carl, of course, is behind that stupid email, we then see Carl who goes, ah, I told Carl to send the email, oh, mistake. I'm like, yeah, fucking Carl, of course, is behind that stupid email, of course. Of course, like here's a good idea. Let me send a huge email to tell everyone off.

And like, I wonder who's gonna give me the inspiration to do that. Carl, of course. Oh, it's Carl. Carl's at the root of all the shit that goes down Carl. Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl And he's like I didn't realize it was 17 pages. I was like dude But that's mainly because I can't count

Mmm So like um well like only moves up Sorry like it was like a mad amount of mad It was the only thing you know, but like I just like wanted to be stronger How's that what you what? now, but like, I just want her to be stronger. So I was like, what's the point? What? Is this, you're giving, is this you're giving some weird social media,

tough love? I just want to be stronger. That's just, wait, I just want to be stronger. So you, so you like, exclude her and then like, and then crop her out of photos until she's strong enough that she can like tear her way back into the photo somehow.

Like yeah, it cuts to Kyle and Kyle's like um you know this it's not like this is all about a Madness feelings and then it cuts the live. She's not about a Madness feelings. I'm rating a 17 page email about a Madness feelings. I mean, oh. I don't think that it lends you, I wouldn't even read all that, you know? That's a lot. That's crazy. I've considered for a moment pause in the screen when they showed it, at one point I did pause it and I was like reading some of it.

I was like, this is hilarious. And for a moment I thought about writing some of it down. I even thought about like tweeting at Kyle and they're like, can you send us that email? But then I was like, you know what? This thing is so long. We only need, you only need like, force of ens that email? But then I was like, you know what? This thing is so long. We only need, you only need like, force of ensues to be, which would be worthwhile, you know?

2019, we all have Twitter. Like even when I see a tweet when people are like, one of three, I'm like, no, I'm not reading this. It's like, fucking brothers' carmas of. It's like, just a, just a broski. Get it? I put bread into just a abski. It's not fascinating. So, fascinating? So Amanda is like,

it was a mean girl thing to do, Kyle. And then Lindsay's like, like we kind of talked about this. Because by the way, we're cross cutting back and forth. No one's having a big conversation. Lindsay's like, I mean, we could have talked to this out, like normal adults do. But instead, I did the more reasonable thing just crop her out of all social media posts. That's the best way to do it

But then I get this email and I'm like game over So then Amanda is a tricky thing to say game over Print that send it send it But it's so this show. We do. So this show. I didn't even point this to this show. I'm like getting so excited talking about this with you, Ron.

I'm like, oh my god, this show is so hilarious. I forgot how fun it is. Just a rag on it. I know. I felt my Lindsey Boyce coming back to life from the beginning to this part. So we're coming back to life. OK, so Amanda and Kyler at the house house and then a black S.E.V.

shows up and we're like, oh, it's going to be Lindsay and Danielle. The fight's going to start, but instead it's Jordan, a media executive, and Hannah, a video content creator. I think they all, I think all the new people work at Betches, right? Isn't that where they all work, but they're not allowed to say where they work? Oh, do they? I don't know. I think so because Betches is like a thing. So, um, so fun is not reading about this show when it's not on television. What do you say? One thing I pride myself on is not taking the time to read about this show when it's not on. Yeah. I'm like, I'm sorry. You like to, you like to dive in fresh, right? So so so George we have Jordan and Hannah were true the new people and

so we learn like Jordan is they work together and Jordan's like um We're not dating but we just worked or maybe Hannah said that doesn't matter. They're they just work together. They're not dating Hannah's like, Hannah goes, yeah, Jordan's looking for like a sweet Southern bell And I'm like a ratchet girl from Brooklyn who speaks her mind. I mean look at me. I'm so ratchet And then the next thing she says the direct next thing she says is most summers I got her shelter island with my family I'm like, yeah, ratchet so ratchet

She's like it's hard to catch some D when you're napping at your parents house all summer Am I not the most ratchet person you've ever heard of? I mean Hello, I was like on goop the other day, and I'm like I'm so ratchet right now Mm, and then page she's like the new hot one no fans handle. I mean everyone's cute on this show But page adorable She's this adorable little thing. She looks like she could have been on gossip girl. She does.

And she's wearing like this two-piece denim thing. And Hannah's like, um, denim on denim is such a bold move. And I love it. It's as a ratchet girl. Let me just say, like, that fucking love it. That is like ratchet chic right now. Oh my god, we're like two ratchets, okay? Like, am I the nurse ratchet? Because that's what I feel like right now. Oh my god, we're like two ratchets. Okay, like am I the nurse ratchet? Because that's what I feel like right now. Oh my god

Cuz like is that a wimsy and pages like um, it's a one piece From the commercials I sort of thought I was gonna hate page. I don't know why I just thought I was going to, but I really enjoying her. She comes in with flowers and she's like, I brought flowers because my mom said you should always bring flowers and it's like, on page, you're making us all look bad.

And page goes, well, that's your own fault. Yeah. Page is the only one who probably belongs in the Hamptons. Yeah, and she gives me like me. She gives me like old school mad mad Imagine Amic Madkin Amic. I don't know, but she gives me that and I like it. I like it. Yeah, look yeah. Yeah, I can see that. So Jordan is telling us about himself Jordan. Okay, let me tell you about yourself. Guss back. Yeah, that's a great way to sum it up. Hugh and he's just like a little douchebag with Bob's big boy hair. You know, like that slicked like doopy doop hair in the friend.

And he's like on the only straight guy in an office full of women, including Paisen Hannah. It's amazing. I've never been alone with them, but like I will look forward to being alone with them this year. And his eyes are really wide. Like he has these crazy fucking eyes. Like he's always shocked. Yeah, he's like, do you know how hard it is to have a body like this

and a kitty-lang face like this? It's hard. So. It does have a kitty. I think it's the hair too. It's the hair, manly. He has Katie laying hair, which then just informs the rest of the face. I'm not wanting to make fun of people's faces. Not saying that saying that Katie laying has a face that's to be made fun of. I'm not wanting to make fun of

physical features, but sometimes if you have a Katie laying resemblance, I'm gonna call it out. Yeah, and it's not like saying he's ugly because he's not ugly. He's poor. Yeah, it's just the surprise of seeing that he has a Katie Lang face when you wouldn't expect it necessarily. Yeah, yeah, true. Yeah, that's the look. He's surprised even when he looks in the mirror. That's why his eyes are so open. That's why he's always like, he's like constant craving.

Daniel's like constant craving. Daniel's like me too constantly craving. Do you know? Personality. I don't even know where we are. I'm just like, I'm just like, I don't know where they're just coming in the house and getting to know everybody and saying hi. And Amanda, Amanda tells us she's like I'm an ice person Kyle and I haven't talked about Lindsay to Hannah and Paige but it shouldn't

take a long to realize that she's like a bit of a Lindsay so I mean time I'm gonna squash up some avocados and possibly make some guacamole. Is anyone, my guacamole? Anyone? Anyone? By the way, I also want to say that when Paige was talking about her family, Paige are somewhere in the mix of all this Paige is talking about. She's from a conservative family and her parents were upset about her going to a house with the two guys in there. And all I have to say is there was a shot of Paige's mom and I'm desperately praying this mother comes onto the show because I was all about her. I believe her name is probably gonna be like Francesca. She's gonna be like, Paige, Paige, you want me to make you lasagna tonight? I'm gonna make you lasagna. You want that? Okay kids, gather around. Francesca's was on you's gonna happen All right, let's hold hands and I'll promise God that when I have sex before marriage

It was always such a smart little girl always so smart and chased too very chased okay So then and we hear Oh my god, oh my god, I think I'm gonna say oh my god, the first thing I'm gonna do is go straight to the rosé Oh my god Like straight to the D Say to the rosé Lucy said straight to a so many times in the span of like 120 seconds. Oh my god. Hi. I need to get straight to the rosé Rosé Lindsay going straight to the rosé. rosé, Lindsay, going straight to the rosé. Is the rosé over here? Oh no. Yeah, these girls are the best

example of the slang term beckies. Pretty much. And so Lindsay's are basically, these are basic beckies, okay? Yeah, so Lindsay's meeting her, she's nice to meet you out, nice to meet you like I got stretched the rosé hold on gonna stretch the rosé as the rosé here do you know what the rosé is going straight to nice to meet y'all you're hair while we just your hair I'm gonna straighten the rosé I'm maybe a bit else but I'm not gonna torpedo the weekend I'm gonna live on Z again say put'm on the USA. I'm gonna set for the USA. Not torpedo Lindsay, straight to the USA.

I'm gonna Torpedo that Rose A right now, okay? Yeah, and then I'm gonna start yelling at people. I'd rather make people feel comfortable first because that's kinda personal, I am. Although if it makes you uncomfortable about the fact that I'm gonna go straight to the Rose, that's nothing that I can help with. Cause I'm going straight to the rosé.

And Amanda's like, okay, so we're not gonna pretend you didn't prop me out of your pictures and they're like, well, I'm gonna, all right. So you're just gonna go straight to the rosé and I'll have Mike Walkamolli. Okay, okay. By the way, for people who are wondering why we keep mentioning Walkamolli,

it was just a stupid joke We came up with lassies and that's the only thing that we have to talk about with Amanda Because I think we had a whole thing where we're like Amanda seems like this sort of person who makes guacamole at a party and then try to He does She did make guacamole members. See I mean that what? We got mad as like oh, you think that's a big accomplishment. You think that's a big accomplishment We have that was actually a very important argument because I said it was an accomplishment because avocados are expensive. Yeah. And you have to like tell

which ones are ripe enough and it's not as easy as everyone looks, but on the other hand, it's like the easiest thing you can make and it's fancy because everyone's like, oh my god, avocados are so expensive. Amanda saved the party. Yeah. I'm sorry. I have to interrupt. I have to interrupt, Ronnie. I have to interrupt because I'm going straight for the rosé. This news broadcast has been brought to you back. I was just desperate for Christina Gibson, reporter Christina Gibson to come back with her giant magnav Rose that she sold the end of her season Be like I have your rosé right here Lindsay She's in the pool still holding it like Shirley. They're gonna ask where I am

The trap has been lean and I am here to spring it So now they're talking about who gets what rooms and Kyle and Amanda have already decided that they're the couple and they're gonna get the room Okay, okay, but I'm not here the will the beast took it And they mean the workers to work is yeah, totally Demabbed that she was getting no because it was only one of them. Yeah, she still circus on to her own Yeah, it's true They show a flashback and she's like, um, well, I need it I need a car because like Carl like like hair. I got hair. So I need it. I need a hair. Carl, hair, carl, carl, carl. I'm not even

car. Yeah. So, uh, then she's like, um, okay. So I guess you guys are deciding to go on around and Daniel's going to be mad because she's read that she's so boring. So she's like going to be mad at everything now. She's like, oh, well, I guess you guys have decided that you're gonna have the room. And then Hannah tells them, well, me and Paige are about to find some, we can share a bad, I mean,

well, I'm gonna take the bastard out. Or you guys, cause Shar if you want the bastard, and then she's like, um, hi, and then he's definitely having my own room. That's fine, me and Paige, we're just gonna have, we're called the ratchet sweet. I'm so ratchet. Oh my god Just calling out the Roger sweet. It's like so ratchet And then so then Danielle tries to she's like try oh by the way in Jordan's like um

Well, I like to snuggle so if anyone wants to snuggle with me anyone wise no one in there's too many more anyone anyone This is the walkimole So then so then Daniel tries to start another fight shit because Amanda's like guys I'm so impressed at this room situation is like a lot more civilized than last year Kyle and Daniel's like oh Well, I can change that cuz I'm a reality star now. I like to late night, so Kyle, you take it from you, Kyle, okay? Yeah, she's like, I don't know about other, about the people around you in their rooms

because I mean, I wanna late night it. And Karga, is that a verb? Just hasn't it always been a verb? Like, people who party in that Hamptons and like listen to music like I've been doing for years like she's like Kyle I'm trying to start my own slang let's late night I'm sorry I missed something I'm much straight for the rosé and I feel like I missed everything you guys I made dinner celebrations if they know wants to go out. It's like a quantum on no, it's not pizza beach. It's place called

Juman something Juman it's like the movie Lulon, but it's about Jews. It's like I don't think so The real people this land was stolen from I was like, I don't think so. The real people this lander is stolen from. Jolan. No, but so Lindsey goes, so I made reservations if I want to go out. I mean, I see that people are cooking, which is so fast and aggressive, because there's only one person cooking. It's Amanda who has like, he's been quietly chopping peppers this entire time.

She was like, clearly making a cabab. Ready to be like, we are grilling tonight. I was like, um, we're gonna go to Jolom tonight. So if anyone is cooking, I don't know. It seems like people are cooking. I love that she just calls, she just keeps calling a matter of people. Yeah, like you see the people are not anything like people are mad.

So like, we just do figure that Emma and Monica, we sort of figure everyone get here and go straight for the rosé and then be like Let's go to Julan. So I guess people want to cook. I guess people like want to be cropped out of photos to maybe Yeah, she's like mmm cropping out that zucchini. So I'm not really good friends with it. So we're eating at Julan I just was I just wish people could be stronger some gonna crop people out until they get stronger could be stronger, some of your crop people out until they get stronger. Okay, so the girls are all the new girls are both the new girls. Like, what the fuck is the tension in this house? This is so weird.

And then we find out pages, um, pages new thing is a dinner. She's like, um, I never had anyone stress about dinner. Like, I love dinner. So that's my favorite meal. And right now, I don't even want to enjoy dinner. I just want to stress about dinner. Like, I love dinner. So that's my favorite meal. And right now, I don't even want to enjoy dinner. I just want to call my mother. Like, I got to this house, and I'll see, I just want to get straight to dinner.

And then it goes, oh my god, all of this is about an email. Like, if you asked me for my email, I'm going to say, I don't have one. I'm going to say it's at ratchet at ratchet.com. So I handed this side. She's's gonna go to Joulin, but Paige is gonna stay back. And then we cut to Danielle and Lindsay

up in their room, dancing, like, we're gonna get lit, we're gonna get lit. I was like, oh my God, I'm like mortified for myself right now. I can't. Oh no, I think they were saying we're gonna get laid. Oh, I thought they said we're gonna get lit. Oh, I thought they said I'll get lit. I mean, honestly, what do you think they're really gonna say? Lade, because Daniel's storyline is like, I'm totally into the D.

I don't want to just catch some Ds. Either way, I was embarrassed for them. So, yeah. Dink well, it'll help you catch your Ds, okay? So just, yeah. Just, so just, did'll help you catch your d's, okay? So just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just a deco. So speaking of deco, a fresh supply arrives in the form of Carl. Hey, Mr. Cook, Gents, Gents, Saturnettes for the boys, Saturnes for the boys, Gents, Reform Fuck Boy here. Hi, my name is Karl and I'm a recovering fuckboy.

I don't really know what that means. Tell with that leather backpack you got in China to answer. Yeah, this is Karl 3.0 and the bug's been worked out and it's better than ever and I need to sell a lot of me to meet my quota. Oh, barely recognized myself. Sales quota, sales quota, sales, sales, sales. So, yep, it's pretty me, three-poor-no. Pretty much for you guys.

And Lindsay's like, Carlyto! Oh! Oh! Carlyto, do you want to get strange the rosé? Because I can show you where it is. Because I got straight into the rosé, as soon as I got here.

Oh my god. Carlyto! It's so funny. So. Oh. No, but. So Carl, do you want to like come to Joulong? Because otherwise you can be here because people are cooking. If you know what I mean, people like people. People are people.

So what should it be? You and I can't get along. Like after I crop you out on my Instagram, I'm like I'm really good friends with people. Carl, like honestly, people who love people are like the worst people in the world. That's not included in anything. Strayer and avocado and let's go to Juna'an! So she said, I invited everyone and Carl's like, um, we're cooking and Carl's like, um, well,

someone's gonna tell me what to do because like, this is a beef. I'm about to punch you eat. Thanks, Carl. It's like, well, Carl's back. Oh, I spent the entire train ride doing that. Congratulations, Carl. We're so proud of you, Carlito. We took the train and we thought of a joke. Oh my God.

So the Jolan crew goes off to Jolong and they're like, oh my God, it's like a shot. Yeah, cheers to friends, new friends, cheers, cheers, cheers. And then they cut back to the barbecue, like a busy home. And it's just like quiet. And you're like knives and forks. And Carl keeps trying to make really interesting conversation. He's like, um, did we turn the oven off? I remember like, I found we did Kyle. I found we did. And he's like, um, is that dipping sauce? They just like, oh my god, I made the wrong choice. I mean, it's Friday night. I mean,

vegetables. Like dinner. This is not the dinner that I wanted on a Friday night like dinner some port. It's just a bowl of guacamole. So then we go back to joulin and Carl Carl Carlito what's your type? And he's like uh well uh I like uh smart funny females females that like gents you know uh I also like hot sex like sweaty hot sex you know where my hair can get all over you you know you, and you can put your weight on me. Yeah. And then if you turn to the lights on though, you have like good skin, and by your athletic too, and you have a twin sister, and just say my name over and over and over and over and over again.

So then I can like dump you and make you feel weird all summer. I like that. That's my favorite type. Also I've masturbated to move on quite a lot. So if you could introduce me to Joulon, that might actually work out. What point of this meal do they start playing that Christine Aguilar or song? And Danielle's like, um, we dated a carol like I'm pretty sure I check all those boxes and then he goes,

I mean, I like Bruno, that's okay, but I gravitate towards blondes. Like, Broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom I was like personality personality So then Jordan meanwhile I forgot Jordan was at that dinner at home because no one's remember Jordan is like the new Back guy a meat a meat whatever I forgot him. I mean, I hope he has more upside hopefully But Jordan is like you know personalities are these so much more notable than the meat Yeah meat whatever so Jordan's like well I'm from the south and if I were if I were still in Atlanta I'd probably be married with two kids but I don't want a date just to date I just I want a date just so people can see how attractive I am he's like um, like I was named him's Bachelor of hinges.

Oh, hinges, Bachelor of the Year. I broke the app. Everyone's like, I guess that's a good thing. Yeah. Maybe. Oh. So now the Joulon people are coming back. Like, let's get a hot tub.

Oh my god, I'm getting straight into the hot tub by way of the rosé. And Kyle hears him and he's, you know that Kyle's gel. It's gonna hot tub. Oh my god, I'm getting straight into the hot tub by way of the rosé. And Kyle hears him and he's, you know that Kyle's gel, because he totally just wants to go party with the new people. Yeah, but he's like, Amanda, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go check on that Margarita machine. Yeah, was he checking on?

Making sure it's like happy. I mean, what, what? What's the deal with checking on a Margarita machine I'm alright guys, so lazy like I'm gonna go there my phone I've got my thoughts in my chest. You got it. I'm gonna say it Yeah, and cause like well good night everybody just checking on the margarita machine You just checking on it still here. Maybe tomorrow we'll make some Margaritas and maybe some BBC's.

Hey everyone, BBC's, you like BBC's. Ah, no Kyle. No. And he gets back into bed with Amanda and it's night vision, but you know, like he's naked and I'm like, raw. Lots of teens. Yeah.

Raw. He's so little hot, Rar. Lots of teams. Yeah. Rar. It's a little hot, little guy. A little guy. Amanda is said to be like, yeah, get over here in Kyle. She's like, you can tell how old you are, but like, how much your ball sag? Did you check on the micro arena machine?

Did you check on it? Is it OK? I'm so. Did you check on it again? Okay. It was a lot of Lindsay and Danielle are doing their Mean Girl Gossip shit, of course. And they've got Hannah now on their side who's also gonna be a little Mean Girl Gossip.

Yeah, I like Hannah a lot. Cause I feel like she's just like, these people are crazy and I'm here to have some fun and just like spread gossip, I don't care. Yeah. Oh, I'm liking all the new people actually. Yeah. I think they did a really good recast.

Yeah, I think so too. So Lindsay's like, I think that Kyle is like dying inside because he wants a party and he can't. And they just like cut their Kyle and Amanda having sex. I'm like, I think Kyle is pretty happy right now. Well, it seems like it, but then it comes back to the girls gossiping and she's like, um, I'm like, he's about what I do because like he's making up for other ways. He's not a good boyfriend and then it goes back to the girl's gossiping and she's like um I'm like he all about what I do because like he's making up for other ways he's not a good boyfriend or and then it goes back to the bedroom where they were boning and Amanda goes that was so

anticlimactic how yeah Kyle's like dying inside and I can say this as someone who's already dead in the inside like I know it when I see it and Like they're on their high horse, they think they're like the best couple in America. I guess well. It's shit on her, okay? There I said it, I said it. Yeah. Our enlires were going to my friends' nose and like I'm pretty sure he knows them I know, but lying to me I've never spoken about that.

But last year he fucked some girl and he blacked out I might like take some responsibility, bro Test him responsibility. I hate Cheaters and I just she just fuck some guy with a girlfriend last summer. I Don't remember She had like a she was going after some like jockey. I don't know It was like she was going down to strange path So then she's like, um, I just feel like Amanda deserves better

Which is why we are isolating her and cutting her out of photos. Okay, she deserves better Yeah, geez, so Yeah, oh yeah, Lindsey goes Lindsey goes the reason why I'm followed Amanda is because Kyle cheated on her and then she's like posting photos that are nice like no Like wait, you're gonna unfollow Amanda. Shouldn't you be unfollowing Kyle? Totally I mean just making guacamole all year long. That's all she's doing By the way, is gonna bother me to say, I don't know that she cheated with a guy with a girlfriend.

But for some reason, I remember her being like, it's not me dating her. Or it's not me dating us, it's his problem or something. But that could all be in my head because I get my like, kooky, you know, nonsensical white people mixed up some time. So sorry, everybody. That's my word for it.

So now it's the next morning, people are waking up. Unsensical white people mixed up some time says I everybody don't try my work. So The next now is the next morning people are waking up Carl like Carl's like sitting out at a little table and Kyle comes out. He's like and Carl goes hey their old sport. Hey He's like what's up? Old chap sick haircut Yeah, did you ask for my haircut? And he's like, yeah, totally. Got the same hair. So like, I don't know what happened before I got here, but I have a feeling it has to do with IP addresses and really long emails. And I was like, I was all 10 stop and I was like, we're here to have fun. And like if other people aren't capable, because um, by people you mean a man does that like her new name, people?

People. Cause he, listen, this is a new summer. A man and I are better than ever. And then it cuts to Amanda scrolling through his phone. Check it. I love how they did that. They cut their hair in that and then they put a big arrow that said Kyle's phone. She's so through it. So, Carl, what do you think about a page? I've only had two minutes with her, but she's obviously a babe. So, yeah, babe, babe, babe, gents. Am I right? Everyone, babe, gents. I can't wait to put it away. I was like, I'd like to second that emotion because like she totally checks the baby box. Yeah, like she feels my quota for babe

So then Hannah and Paige are talking because they're in bed together. You know they sleep together and Hannah's like oh that guys Hot like that guys first string and Paige is like um he's so tall like I mean Well, they go and just like be a fuck boy if you're a fuck boy just like be a fuck boy, okay? And Hannah goes okay, you think he's hot like yeah, she goes who's hotter? Do you think Carl's hotter or Jordan and pages um Carl? Jordan's like I'm right here. I'm literally in the room with you guys. Oh, sorry Jordan Hannah goes I'd rather fuck a girl than Jordan Hannah I'm I'm Hannah goes. Yeah, you know what I like about Carl's that he's just like so easy to flirt with and page goes

Yeah, because he's tall Yeah, she's like he's hot. I mean he's tall so like that's really all I care about Which is all tall people get away with so much more, if you really do. So Karl, meanwhile, downstairs declaring Karl 3.0 rules. And he's like, ah, so this summer, I'm just going to tread lightly in the in-house relationships. And I think we're going to be really good. We're going to be good to go.

I'm like, you do this every single season. You start off saying you're not going gonna fuck around in the house. Yeah He's like, um, there's three rules to stop being the fuck boy jets number one and that's like fast forward Number one, till your quota number two take them to Froyo number three Go to a wedding, but say you're not going with a day, but you go with a day anyway. Number four, your name is Carlito now, boys. Gents. So Daniel, then we cut to Daniel on a laptop, and she's like, I'm working

out of presentation, but you know what though, I'm not gonna let drama drag me down, because I got PowerPoint. I'm like, you were just reviewing the bullet points to how you're supposed to act this summer, aren't you? That's like, welcome back Danielle. Now there's Danielle sitting on a laptop. I'm preparing for a presentation. That's the Danielle I know. Yeah, I have an amazing job right now.

And like, people don't seem to understand that. Amanda. Just ask. Don't I, for drama? Like, this is what matters. Like you're starting literally all the drama in this house. You just created a Google Doc. It's like not that impressive.

So Hannah's like, who has I temnets you some quick tennis? I'm so ratchet, aren't I? Oh my god, tennis. Am I right tennis? I'm so ratchet, aren't I oh my god tennis? Am I right and it's so ratchet Brooklyn girl So she doesn't play tennis with Jordan and tells us that when she was a kid She was one of the top in the nation and she's like almost meant pro, but by the time I was 22 I was like ready to move on You know like now I can stay in the delight reading or go out and grind on Randa at 4 a.m. because this summer is my oyster. And I say that with iron it because I can go

to oyster shaft because I'm in the Hamptons my oyster. So then it's one 18. I forgot that summer house has random time stamps. It's a case you want to make sure what time it is when Lindsey goes straight for the Rosé again. Yeah, it's like summer. So we're not going to round anything up or down. It's one 18. It's a big time stamp. You know, not to be confused. A tram stamp that some people have. There's a girl's like, Joe, I'm actually gonna go to the store right now. Yeah.

This is true. He really is like, does anyone have any list for me? Because I have a quota of groceries, I have to bring back from the store. And you'll be like, well, you bring some like, so we can play games. Cause I'm fun. Bip-pump. So, Paige is like, okay, I'm gonna go with you, because I've got nothing left to do here, cause I keep talking about their stupid dinner at Julan.

So, so, page and car, I'll go to the store, and they're in the car, and car, I'll talk about how we work for like a tech company now, and he's, yeah, I gotta, I gotta make myself, I gotta get, make my quota, I'll also like get fired, and like, yeah, I got I got to make my sales. I got to make my quota. I also get fired and like, I don't know if I can go through that again, you know, I, you know, I typically go after brunettes that are small and don't wear a lot of makeup. So if you want to like ride my dick right now, like, I won't stop you, Jens. Quo does. So then Dan yellow and Hannah earned the hot tub and Daniel's like we are so party tonight As Jordan passes and he's like um

Rose people are going straight for a day. Thanks babe And Hannah's like you golden babe. I'm so good. I got all this hot tub. You guys are gonna totally catch big rot Ah, oh my god like I called him babe. That's like so me, because that's exactly what my personality is like, and that's what I would say in a normal situation, because I'm just going after that D. Am I right, everyone?

Babe, I said babe, right, right, it's babe, it's sort of a bab, bab, bab, babe. Yeah. When Jordan comes out and he takes off his shirt and I'm horrified because he's like skeletor, but muscular. It's the creepiest thing I've ever seen. I'm not sure if it's real.

I'm not sure if I'm turned on or extremely disturbed. I don't know what to say. It wasn't doing much for me, but they were like, oh my God, is this for real? It's like the Diet Coke man all over again. Oh my god. He's a babe. Did I say babe? Oh my god. Lindsay, I said babe. And then to where it improves themselves to be a real brain trust. It's like, um, page is hot and I'm interested in her, but Danielle is fun too. I'm not the Easter bunny.

I'm not gonna put all my eggs in one basket I don't think the Easter bunny actually does that to be honest Yeah, that's not really how Easter works He's probably terrible at an Easter egg hunt. He's like I found an egg, but I'm leaving it there because I want too many of my basket He's like the kid carrying grand 20 baskets. So, guys, it's one hour until South Hampton's social. Okay, we're going to South Hampton's social. So Daniel's like showing, oh my god, Lindsey, do you like my outfit? It's cute.

It's like, super cute. And then they're showing them all in their cameras getting ready and stupid, stupid Jordan staring at his abs in the mirror and touching him and like pulling down his shorts just to show his pubeline just right. I didn't notice that but I totally believe it and I can imagine it. Well, the so they're all going out to go and Danielle because like if you haven't figured out like she's based on how to get she goes let's do the damn thing. I'm like oh god now you're quoting the bachelor rat. So now there go off in their different vans and so Lindsey

Kyle and Amanda are alone in a van and I'm just like, um, I just want to address the tension that some people have right now. And I just want to say we're going to address it later. Okay. Be like the time. So this between you and me, you're like you and me or her and her people and me or people and then you're like, I'm a people and like people of her. Okay. Like whatever. I just want to be stronger right now. But we'll address your strength later. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm't say I'm not fun. Don't say I'm not fun Triple the oranges triple the sun So Kyle's like making he's like talking and he's like I once was scared of a commitment But I was always committed to parties. Hey, Lindsay's like

Kyle single Lindsay talking right now. How do you feel about commitment now? Think about that. Think about what I'm saying. Kyle. Oh, he's like, uh, great, great. We're doing great in Amanda leans away from him. Like, uh, geez, what do they know? You know, so, um, guys, do we want to go over house rules right now? Rule number one, guacamole anytime, any place, right? Got Amanda. When no one's speaking to you in the house, why do you have to be the one who's like house rules? Yeah, everyone loves talking about that. Yeah.

Um, so let's see. Uh, yeah. Lindsay's like, no number one is like only cool and got a lens on her house. I want to know number two car. I was like, oh, I forgot. I'm in team and down. Saurers are for the Gents rule number three. I want to be number two Carl and cross like I forgot Came in now Sauters are for the gents rule number three

Rule number four Sauters are also for the quotas So they basically the new girls are handed tells Lindsay she's like oh no she tells Amanda She's like so he's your favorite person and Amanda's like like, oh, none of you. And let's say, um, okay, hang my Amanya, you know, I thought you were a douche based on your Instagram Jordan, but I'm pleasantly surprised. Hannah, your way more sarcastic and like in two days, and I've ever experienced with you in my life and Pane, like you're more genuine than you come across. Pane just like, what the fuck? He's like, I went to an all-girl school.

If you're gonna try this shit with me, I know how to give a backhand compliment, okay? You're actually smart for a blonde with fake boobs. So good job. Good job. So now Danielle is, her new personality has gotten a lot of ham, because now she's drunk. She's like, guys, guys, I'm chasing the D and I want to say something about new energy,

new energy, sustainable solar power. And I want, I want to work out with you, Kyle. I'm going to work out with the new, new green deal. All right. And I'm so glad I've worked things out with Kyle and people. Okay. So I'll work it out separately with you guys. And let's just like, I'm we're good. We're good. What she means to say is we're good. And Kyle's like, um, I said, oh, I had to say my email, which was not answered by anybody. By the way, and Carl is like, uh, you know, I just want to enjoy my Saturday I didn't like take a

train to not enjoy my Saturday I mean a single Carlito here right everyone uh and Daniel's like well I don't want to talk about it and he's like well and you know what like she's like I don't want me that worse one's talking about it I don't want to be that person is like you are being the person who's right but you need to even say what person doesn't want to be like you are being the person. You're saying? Did you even say what president doesn't want to be like? You are being the person that is like. Don't talk about it. It's like, but I want to address the olive fit in the room. He's like, you are the olive fit in the room.

I said, why don't you shut the fuck up, Carl? And then page was like, um, here we are. Everyone's favorite meal is dinner. Except for this group. It's like, you're slider and shut it. You're slider. Okay. And Daniel's like, we have some things to work on. Carl's like, working out with him, not me, not right now. Saturday is for the carls. Okay. No. And they just basically all start arguing because Daniel's being belligerent. And he he's like, um, another not in the name, oh, we have to make the new people

feel comfortable, which is why just criticize each and every one of them 1.1. And then that was sort of like, that was the, uh, the big cliffhanger, which is what will happen at this dinner, how will it all end up? So ridiculous, so glad to have the stupid show back in my life. So so glad I really enjoyed it. Anyway before we sign off for the day, why don't we dip into the crap and mail bag a little bit, shall we? Crap is Mailbag, it's where you can write in questions and then we read them on the air and you go to patreon.com slash watch for crap and then you sign up at the mailbag

level or higher and you get to do it. So let's see, I'm just going down the list. April Buds of Low Wits says, as you probably know, the OGs Ramona Teresa Vicki Kyle and you need planned Andy's baby shower. Can you reenact how you think that planning meeting went? Vicki probably got home. I was like, where's the house? Where's it? Where's the house? Where's it? Because like, um just moved to your house over here until you pay me back that $20 you owe me. Gonna plan this party. Want to be a part of it?

I just looked at my calendar and Lisa Vanderpump's gonna be in Las Vegas this weekend. So think this would be a good time to do it. Shut up Kyle. You stupid. Hey Kyle, get a job. Alright, get a job. Well, get a job. Well, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I think it's to say, okay? At the baby shower, here's what we have to do. Everyone gets five drinks.

One in a small glass, one with a tall glass, one lime, and one in a mean sized glass with the killer and club soda. Okay, and the other two is your choice. Well, I don't know if you guys got this from Andy Cohen, but he just sent me a picture of his sonic reams, and I looked at that baby, and I was like, oh my god, that means stomach. I mean, I'd look the same age as that baby. It's not even out of the womb yet. Okay? Like, that baby, I look like the baby sister, okay?

Whoa, this one time, I'm just a little girl. I was like, I wanna take a shower. I'm gelding parts, Mrs. You can't take a shower, cause you're too dirty, you know, always be dirty. So no shadow will matter, so why waste of water? Do this day, I've never taken a shower, okay? I'm sorry, sorry. It's true.

You need me just off in the background tearing off the camera man shirt. Yeah, that's all she's saying. Making noises is going back. Blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-bl jazz best so it's choreography of some of my favorite. Next time I come to LA, I'm going to take his class. Anyway, how did you meet? How does he feel about Bravo? Could we ever get him as a guest? If anyone hasn't seen him yet, he is indeed hot. Oh, thank you, Allison. So Dom is my boyfriend.

He is a choreographer. He is fabulous. We met on Tinder. And he's great. He is not as into Bravo as I am, but he will sit and watch some of the shows with me until like until they annoy him enough to go into another room and Could we ever get him on his guest? Probably not. He probably will not come on But he did make a brief chemo appearance last week or like two weeks ago

So he sometimes like if he's around and we're doing our TV party thing, he occasionally pops into the room and he like waves at the camera. So the best the best chance to see him in action is on those things. But now he's wonderful, he's great and he's so so so talented. And I'm like in awe of him. So he's wonderful. So that is the story with Dom. And one more question, Christine Zorkebok says, Hi Ben and Ronnie, I'm trying to listen to all the podcasts and thought maybe it's time to put a new twist on an old classic.

And podcast number 146, you did a riff on the then New Jersey Housewives singing Kokomo. Well, we have new New Jersey Housewives, new voices, so it's time for new rendition. One, two, three hit it boys. I don't even remember how we did Kokomo. I don't even know what the context of that was. Yeah, I don't either. I'm so sorry I ain't not being able to fulfill

a crap in the mailbag thing, but I know what it's talking about. I mean, a ruba, Jamaica, Ubba is gonna take you to Bimuda, Bahama, oh, I got a great view that's better than all those islands Honestly, like there's nothing compared to Pramus, honestly After Florida kills It's a place for you and me Everybody's complaining that this butter is shaking, but it's just, how do this all the time?

I mean, like, what is it? So like a Rubigemaker, who I'm gonna take her to read about my, oh, pretty mama, you know, who's a pretty mama? Much senior, okay, that's a pretty mama for you, okay, not some Beach Boys thing, you know what? I don't want a Beach Boy, I want a Beach Man, okay? That was for you, Joan, that was for you, Joan. You know what? We're gonna go to have to cook a bow, but we're not gonna be able to do it until it's finished remodeled. All right? And Joan, like, Joan, like, seriously

can't concentrate. So, you know, whatever, pretty mama, we're just gonna stay cage it there. I said it. You know what? I went on vacation. I went to a ruba, Jamaica, back to a ruba, back to Jamaica, back to a ruba.uba couldn't find Frank couldn't find Frankie booze dead Maz wasn't anywhere around you know my boyfriend let's I wanna take you to the Mewdai Mama, whoop, pretty mama queen! No Lordy. Alright, wrap up that meal, Bank Bean. Alright, I'll close that meal back up. you guys. What a fun note to end on. We're gonna see a bunch of you guys tonight in DC looking forward to it. Thanks for being with us this week. We'll see also another bunch of you in Austin at South by Southwest. And then since an addy go still buy tickets that early show is gonna be fun. A fun wacky early show.

We're really really excited. Come see us do both shows. Why not? We have a great time. Watchrocrapins.com for that. Ronnie, I love you. I love you. What a great time. We will see you guys soon. Time for me to get straight into that rosé. Bye everybody. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watchrocrapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free withCrapins' ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about

yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.