Watch What Crappens - Summer House: Bond-fire of the Clam-ities

Episode Date: February 9, 2018

Summer House tried to bond over a good ole fashioned Native American bondfire, but can the curse of Carl ever be overcome? This week's bonus is a rundown of the Super Bowl Halftime show and a quick catch up on Married to Medicine. To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Chicago, Phoenix, Irvine, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends

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Yeah, and I was just looking. Our Houston show is really creeping up on us. It is, I keep sort of thing, it's like two months away. It is, it's about four weeks away. We have our New York show in two weeks and then two weeks after that, it's gonna be all of a sudden we're gonna be in Houston. So you guys, take us ourselves available for that. That's gonna be great. You're gonna see some familiar faces there as in some of our super Patreon supporters like Kelly Grant the grandmaster and also Rhonda Caram my mother and all of her friends and I told her that people love the Tonta story from a long time ago and they are making a real Tonta doll to come

and be raffled off so yeah come on and rumor has it that Houston's very own Beyonce Knowles will be there so I you guys, it should be a night of 1000 stars. Allegedly, it's a rumor. It's a rumor, man. No, but seriously, Houston show is coming up and then Detroit's not long after that. But go get those Houston tickets, because I think that's gonna be fun.

Big old Texas show, you know what I'm saying? These live shows are teaching me that I can leave the house. And it's okay. I'm having so much fun. I'm learning about myself and being our relationships growing. Our relationship with you is growing. Just come. Also, the Houston show will be a classic recap

of Dinner Party from Hell. For real. Awesome. Yes. No that. No. That. So there's our shilling. Yeah So speaking of getting out of the house. Let's turn our attention towards summer house

recent you know, I have to say I absolutely love the first season I just could not get enough of like Lindsay and reporter Christina Gipsy and reporting live and their feud. It's like the Lauren work-a-situation with Carl. All this stuff. I was just so into it. And so far this season I've been like, okay, it's cool. It's not quite like there yet.

But this week I was like, oh my god Carl. I feel like Summer House is back in the place where I want it to be, which is in a super trivial dumb place where I'm chuckling at everything the entire time. I was like yes, Summer House is back. Yes, like Erica said on this week's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, what can I say? We're petty. We're about it. We're about it. Carl, call that petty. Am I you guys ready? This is a show about people with jobs and dreams and ambitions who just decided that on the weekends are going to get fucked up and not remember anything. Yeah. There were some really stupid, stupid arguments on this episode, so let's just dive in.

Yes. This is when where the arguments make so little sense, I rewind over and over and I still look at it. And I'm like, look, I love some drugs and alcohol on your free time, okay? I'm gonna even judge that but what are you even taking that you're talking like this? I can't even follow you and I've typed very quickly, okay? Yeah, it was it was a little hard to follow and you know what at a certain point you just don't follow it anymore You just sort of dive into it and just get a sense of what it's about. It's like a great Thomas Pinchin novel. I feel like it's like crying of Lot 49, 47, 42.

One of the lots that you're crying over that Thomas Pinchin wrote about. It's like a 10 page book and it makes sense and you spend 10 hours reading it because it's like, oh, it's a reference to something on the other page. That's what you wrote it completely on the toilet. Like when you have a camera crew follow you into the bathroom and record you on the toilet, I'm down for your show. Okay, Lindsay was on the toilet for a good 10 minutes. And they reported the whole thing like, I'm in, okay?

You're making it for her. Yeah, she was like blurred out in the lady area because she was just like, I am peeing right now and I'm drunk and I don't care that this camera is shooting me while I'm peeing. So um so the episode begins where the previous one left off which is Lauren work is uh shoving a cake right into Carl's face you know because she was drunk and feeling a certain sort of way you know. Yeah and I got a little bit jealous and our gay Steven was up on his judgment balcony which is the best set piece of the season and some girl was

like are they hooking up and he goes they made out after pride which I love the even had a drunken event he's still mad about pride on his balcony he's like exactly by the way they couldn't even play horse and basketball. Losers. I also like that Kyle, when he sees the cake in Carl's face, is like, oh, I thought we're going to have a good dessert. Nice little dessert. I'm like, what about this ridiculous party makes you think you're going to have a lovely dessert?

There's no inclination. At best, you're getting a brownie cupcake from Kirkland. Okay, that's the best you're doing for dessert tonight. It was very anti-I love Lucy, because that one was at least whipped cream. This was a sheetcake, okay? You're hurting the pan now. Yeah, you're hurting the pan more. And Danielle, Port Danielle, she's really is so bad at like landing her jokes in her interviews. She's like, I learned at the vineyard not to poke the bear. So I'm not going to poke the bear tonight. Maybe not even the rest of the summer. Danielle.

I'm Danielle. Oh, Puerto Rican girl from Hoboken. Oh my God, I get it. You're from Hoboken. You know that doesn't make you more interesting, okay? Yeah, yeah. We saw what happened. Listen, we,

Bravo has tried to make Hoboken happen. Okay, it sent the manzo kids there. It did not happen. All right, just go to trip advisor. Okay, Hoboken is not winning. It is not. It is certainly not. Carl proves his worth when he washes the sheet cake on in the pool. He washes it off his face in the pool. Don't do that. It's the pool. That's where people pee. Okay. Yeah. in the pool. Don't do that. It's the pool. That's where people pee. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Have some respects, sir. Yeah. Have some respect for those people who are peeing in the pool. They don't need frosting rather. Oh, is that where you're not. Oh, you're saying they're seeing a pianist face. Huh? Peekake. So,

Lauren is still in crazy cray, cray mode. And Coral's taking it well. He's like, you didn't get my hat. So I'm not mad. You you know like I'm or will bread and bocker today and that's still working so you can't make me mad And she's like live a little little Carl Carl Carl Carl life in the fuck I don't call I don't know I'm not a little bit of a car. You know I want to line it up It's fun. It's a fun car. I have some fun. Yeah, it's fun. Have some fun. Have some char live a little Huh? I look what I'm doing but I'm doing I'm the old man in the great adventure commercials. Come on, Carl Six likes. I'm the old man dancing. We got the dogs out Carl lighting up a little bit.

We'd love to dogs out Carl. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And Lindsay's like what just happened? Uh, Who made that sheet cake? Because we've heard a lot of Walker moly bragging, but no one has bragged about the sheet cake. Who made it? Good job. Nice work. Love the berry lines. Yeah, I was well done. Um, I also should mention in, um,

you know, in the pursuit of full transparency with this podcast, uh, the Super Bowl was this past weekend and I made the guac. Actually, technically I, I, um, I had my friend make the guac, but I, but when she came up, she's like, what can I do? I was like, can you make the guac. Actually, technically, I had my friend make the guac, but when she came up, she's like, what can I do? I was like, can you make the guac, please? So, yes, the point is, I had a vision of guac. And so after all my, all our whole guac rant last week, I'm guilty. I'm, I'm guac guilty. Yeah, but it's the best thing. You should be because you get credit for the guac. And people are like, that's expensive. You had to peel it.

How do you make out the seed in the middle? Like, it's a whole conversation, you know? Yeah, it was. It was. Amanda seemed a little ruffled by our guac statements last week, because she tweeted something like, next time you guys come over, I'm making like guac and you guys are going to eat your words, literally,

because this guac mullet, something like that. Don't quote me exactly. And we will. We get guac. because we love guac accommodation of course you make a walk it's expensive some people put Fritos out you know yeah the walk is simple but you should get the most reward for making the walk and she didn't no one was like oh who made this walk this is some drunk people they're not even that kind like who do we

compliment on their guac, you know? That's why like literally a few seconds later in this show she goes, Amanda goes up to work guac, come on, come on, leave, go. Do you know how hard I worked on this? Yeah, the guac tricks didn't work. Yeah, it didn't work because everybody's there is too drunk.

You need people to have the guac sober. They compliment it because by the time she was stirring it, you know it was black. Like who's gonna compliment it when it's brown, you know? Guac has a short shelf life. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And did I mention on the bonus episode that the guac molly that I made was Melissa Clark's

controversial P guac molly? Did I tell you that? He did. And I was excited to hear about it, but I was kind of mad after. Like I thought I'd mad it after. And I was like, please. Well, that's why I was controversial.

Yeah. Even Barack Obama weighed in on this apparently, and he was like, that's not guacamole. Even Obama denied it. I was like, wow. Well, I am happy to fly in the face of Obama or any politician, anyone who dares to tell me it's not guacamole because guess what? If you have it, it's delicious, I am, I'm happy to fly in the face of Obama or any politician, anyone who dares to tell me it's not guacamole because guess what,

if you have it, it's delicious, delicious guacamole. Well, it's like when people say this is green hummus, that's not hummus, call it something else. Call it green. Yeah, call it green stuff. Like call it green stuff. You're a cracker, okay? Boba being guacamole.

How about that? Boba being guacamole. So, Lauren is trying to attack Carl. You know, she's already faced him with this cake and she's trying to start a fight and he's not having it because like who doesn't like a cake in their face, you know, he's like, I've got white teeth now. And then Kyle, let's go. And you go to him in a mullet with a mic just like waiting to sing something and he never

got to it. And I was like, is Kyle the bad friend for being a drunk with a mic in a fight? Or are they bad friends for not listening? Because you know, he's got some good karaoke songs. Yeah, he's gonna, he's probably gonna do some farener. I'm gonna say, you know, Urgent, maybe, Urgent. I would like to do Phil Collins. I feel like Kyle is young enough,

but old enough to like get the brilliance of Phil Collins. Maybe he was gonna do some Mr. Big. Maybe he was gonna do some the one who wants to be with you. Amanda. Deep inside, I know you feel it too, because I had your guacamole and it seems like you want to be with me. Um, we can't, I can't get it. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, want to be with me. Um, we can't, I can't get it. It was bill bills bills. I don't know. It could have been, you know, he takes music very seriously. Don't forget last season when Christina was laughing at those random Instagram singers at some party and Kyle's like, stop, stop laughing, Christina.

It's rude. Right here singing. It's like relax. Kyle. Kyle carries around a mic. So you know what you know what else also needs to relax Carl because he's like I don't know that after our conversation about communication you threw a cake in my face like that was for communicating with you that was communication right there yeah it's all that physical communication Carl okay it doesn't only come from penises and vaginas okay it also comes through you know rooting other people

sheet cakes non Nonverbal communication. Yes. She was probably also mad at the girl who made the sheet cake. So it was like a double whammy for her. You know, she's talking to you, just listen. And he tries to take her own words. He does that guy thing where he's like, you let me on. We had a conversation about conversations. And then I get a cake in the face. I'm trying to communicate better. Like that's his whole thing.

Yeah, you're right. He does do that. He takes her talking points, which is like, Carl, Carl, you need to grow up. I need to communicate better. He's like, I'm trying to grow up. I'm trying to communicate better. You know, don't, no, no. Learn to do those things.

Don't, don't appropriate them and turn it into your excuse. Yeah, that's how you argue in a relationship, you know? But then Lauren does the same thing because she starts arguing like a car, a car. She does something completely unexplainable and then she fucks him anyway. It's like, what the hell? Well, I like that then we see Lindsay and Carl,

they're in a bathroom and Carl's like, I got fucking caked over my fucking face. Even though his face was totally fine at that point, it's like Carl relax, it was some cake. And this is like an odd point. I think they're hat, okay? That is real prospect, Carl. Okay, you can wear that again.

You can still go listen to some Sousa, just Sousa, Dessousa, whatever. You can still listen to that and that hat and be proud, okay? So the real winner in all of this is a meat. Because a meat's like everyone's stupid, I'm putting great in my hair like I'm in a community theater, production of Fiddler, like I don't even care. And I'm still gonna hook up with every bimbo here. He's got all these girls around and he's even hitting on lesbians and they're kinda hitting

on him back. Yeah. I don't care that you're lesbian, you know, you're so pretty, and I hate these people too. And they're like, you look like a lesbian with a beard. Okay, and sex. And sex. Good job. And sex.

Yes. So, be well down in that bathroom where Carl is still roiling about the cake on his, having done cake on his face. Lindsay goes, there's a lot going on. Fourth of July, and I'll write, got back from Iraq. It's just, I'm just a little bit like,

happy-hearted. Oh, God. Yeah, Iraq is just like when, like, you're making out with somebody and then it doesn't work out. And then you're like, oh my God, Iraq. It's totally the same thing, Lindsay. She's like, I feel probably back from that

that I got dumped by a beat when he said they had to be and then never came back for me. Like, oh my god, it's totally how every vet feels. You should go to the store and the fucking vet hospital. It's okay. I just had like a really hard time because I was like in the supermarket. I was in such an hour and basically I saw some Coke Zero and I was like, Coke Zero, which reminds me of Zero Dark 30 and I was like, alright, and like, it's just like a hard time. I just like, it also reminds me of like when I was 30, which was like really hard, and like who was there for me? Where you go? Who was, you know? Who was? AR wasn't there for me.

Even she wasn't there for me, but my mom wasn't there for me. Why was there time to Carl? Why? When you need somebody to feel sorry for anything, even if it's just Everett who's not even there. Why talk to Carl? He's like, I got cake in my Orville Red and Bucker hat. Okay. That's all about this. And I really all he cared about the entire episode. I mean, I wrote down every single time you mentioned that cake

because it was like everything, which is like, hey, does anyone want any potato salad? I don't know. I was, I got cake in my face. So what do I know? Not really Carl doesn't work that way Well, I made that with a me and I'm still thinking about So Carl's like so Carl and full bullshit most like listen lens, you know Anything I can do to help you like you know get get over every like I'm here to help

That's what I'm here for. I'm Carl. I'm here Yeah, even though I got cake on my face at one point earlier today, and it was like really depth-stating moment for me I'm here to help. I just sent the rest of that cake that was on my face to Iraq. So I hope that helps I made a donation of the cake to Veterans so it should be all good now. I think I fixed it So while Lindsay's talking about how hard is how they about our lore and walks in and she's like, she's just like wasted and she just starts laughing and she sort of like falls down onto the bed and between the two of them and they're like, okay. She's like, why are you guys not giggling?

Why Carl? Why Carl? Take Carl? Take, take, take, she, take Carl. She guys not giggling why Carl why Carl take care of take cake she cake Okay, oh my god, my twin is laughing with Brad right now. She's not even here. Oh my god. Do you hear my hair? Oh my god. Oh I hear I hear I hear Carl Carl that's funny Carl right huh? And Carl's like why are you on my bed? We're talking about cake on my face in my right? And Lauren's like why am I laying in your bed, Carl? I was like, I think, was there a deeper meaning to this?

Yeah. Is this like an escape room? Is this a clue? Escape room. Every other show has a escape room. Do it. This is the best one. You can't find the clue to get out of Carl's bed. Like, it's a clue somewhere, but no one can find it. The clue is Carl. You look at him and you say, leave, leave, leave. He's telling you to leave. It's like, but I like you as a friend. And like, you can't communicate.

You're like, it's my fault. So Lindsay is like, well, I guess I'm going to leave now because like, I've been rejected. Like, uh, over was rejected from my rock. I'm like, how do I deal with that? I'm leaving. And Lauren's like, no, don't leave. Don't leave.

It's super important. We're both here. Like, don't leave. I'm not here for him. You're in his room on his bed Lauren And then yeah, and so now Lindsey's mad at Lauren for interrupting the heart the heart and so They'd like go into the bathroom to discuss and Lindsey's like I was having a completely different conversation with him I was like a And actually conversation with him. I was like, aww, and actually Lauren goes, about why? She goes, aww! That's such a disrespectful and rude. So disrespectful and rude. She's like, wait! And being okay, like, ever came back from my rock. Like, this is the most sensitive fight ever. She's being Lawrence plucking at her eyelashes.

They both wasted. Yeah. And then we find out that Lauren really is mad because she thinks they were talking about her. Girl, come on. She thinks that they were talking about her and that when I guess when Lindsay said, you know, listen, it's not about you that she meant,

or I think Lindsay said, why does it always have to be about you? And Lauren, I think thought that Lindsey was saying, what does every conversation with Carl have to be about you? And so then she's like, why are you talking about me? Because then Lauren just goes on, doesn't make any sense. She's like, you're telling me that I'm in your way

because I had a thing with Carl. I'm sorry, but like, every time I'm here, because if he was here, then I would say that I'm in the middle, but guess what, I'm not. What? What what go fight with the unicorn blow up thing outside? It would make more sense It's like pretty bloody crap. What why are you judging me every time I turn around you're looking at me

It's like if I'm happy you're looking at me if I'm Making cake and some of space you're looking at me. Where's your problem unicorn? That would make more sense like unicorn like like maybe if ever we're here Then maybe I'd be in the middle of you like you in the and ever unicorn, but like I sense like unicorn like like maybe if I were here then maybe I'd be in the middle of you like you and the an effort unicorn but like I'm saying I'm not so like I don't know why unicorns like hanging out with the car all it's just like unicorn unicorn unicorn so this is where I start rewinding because I'm like this has to make sense even if it only makes sense to Lauren I want to know what you're thinking you know yeah so I keep her winding so she goes guess what ever

it not here if he was I'd say I'm in the middle Would you just said and then Lindsay's like I'm peeing or whatever and she goes back track You just sat on the toilet and said I can't have a combo about Carl and Lizzy goes about ever And then Lauren said she does when I talk about every I can't talk about Carl because I'm talking about you And Lindsay goes that made no sense And she goes you don't get to sit here and yell at me while I pee or whatever and then Lord's like you don't get to let me out Let me out so now Lindsay's blocking the tour and I have no idea what's going on I've read this like five times as prep today. Yeah, no it literally makes no sense. Yeah because

And I even wrote down some stuff in here that I feel like that somehow, like you missed, because there was so much happening, because she was saying, because Lindsay was saying over and over again, I wasn't talking to him about you, and I was like, oh, what are you talking to him about? And she goes, I'm like, like, that happened, that moment happened a few times, I should say.

And Dan. I think because when you say something like Ervert it's like a madlibs. It's like a blank space No one knows what you're saying and so you can add whatever you want So the twin is saying like you're saying Lauren. She's like no, I'm saying over and like Lauren goes It's not about you and Everett and Lindsay's like No, I was just in her mind. She's like I was just talking to Carl about Everett and now Lauren thinks that Lindsay's trying, no, I was just, in her mind, she's like, I was just talking to Carl about Everett and now Lauren thinks that Lindsay's trying to change the topic to Everett or something.

And it's like, I don't, I don't, I don't know. It's so comfortable. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but Everett is about, yeah, it's like. And then once Lauren was like, you don't get to backtrack. Now she's going to say backtrack a lot. So that Lindsay also heard backtrack. And it's not like Lindsay's like some, you know, road scholar. So she heard backtrack. And so she's saying it a lot. So Lindsay also heard backtrack and it's not like Lindsay's like some you know road scholar. So she heard backtrack and so she's saying it a lot. So she's like you don't get to backtrack.

And Laura's like you don't get to backtrack. Okay. Life isn't about backtracking. Okay. I want out of this bathroom backtrack. Backtrack before I was in the bathroom. She's like but you just said you can't backtrack. She's like, I gotta stop backtracking me backtrack. What is even fucking happening? I know. It was a bunch of like that like you know fine. I'm gonna stop that tracking me back track. What is even fucking happening? I know. It was a bunch of like that, like, you know, fine. I'm gonna take what you just said and yell it back at you. Like, you don't get to yell at me. Fine. Well, guess what? You don't get to yell at me. Yeah, you don't get to yell at me. I'm sitting your ping.

No, I'm ping. You're sitting up at a sink. No, you're sitting up at a sink. It's like, what is happening? It was actually a little Christina Gibson-y. Because that was her thing. It was to be like, why are you acting like that? her thing it must be like why are you acting like that and Christina Gibson was it why are you acting like that but she asks you like she's interviewing you so it matters you know she's like I'm writing it down and we will understand tomorrow what paint what happens you know yeah but these girls are just kuku I don't believe

either of these girls would fight and pee at the same time with Lauren, which means these girls are actual friends no matter what they say to each other. Cause you know what Lindsay, Lauren is talking crazy shit, but no one wants you to hear you talk about Irvert when you're caring after you try to make out with the meat and your wasted on July 4th. Like this is such like can I get attention from Irvert serving? No, you can't, okay? Yeah, exactly. Well, you know, to be fair, it is a difficult time. I mean, I remember when I thought it was really touching when Lindsay was like, you know, this is like my first July 4th

without Aure and it's just been like, Rola Hore without Aure and like, I was trying to make a Vietnam Model like happen and my iTunes was like no, I'm giving you a Here comes here finally it comes yeah only works forever it. Lindsay tries to do it. It's too late. Yeah, but now it's every- So it's like, yeah. Remember, Fourth of July, and I not only came home for my rack on Fourth of July, it's also when I saw Born of Fourth of July for the first time, and I was like, wow, was he born on the Fourth of July? Still don't get it.

But I remember God, Tom Cruise's handsome. I remember coming back on the Fourth of July and I said, hey Lindsay, hey sweetheart, let's go to the Derrick Queen. So we went to Derrick Queen. I was like, what do you want on your Derrick Queen? She said, I don't know, Avril. And I said, guess what? We put some, put some sprinkles on it.

The guy was like, we don't have sprinkles. I said, whatever, geek. What's up, what else on it? I ordered a blizzard and she didn't get it, but I was like, guess what, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what up, what's up, what's up, what up, what up, what's up, what's up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, of Heathbars made out of Heathbars. Thank you. Thank you for helping me save that bit. It was, uh, effort. It was, it was going fired from this podcast. Okay. You can get rid of Everett on the show all you want. You can replace Everett with some girl from Hellboken. I don't care. Everett is still alive on this show.

I, I was really trying to like transition the effort monologue into a Lindsey monologue and like iTunes was just having no no part of it and it was like I I felt like the kid and about a boy singing killing me softly to an auditorium of hostile fellow students and you came in like you grant and you saved me. You saved me. That's how I do it But I'm the Hugh Grant after he picked up that hooker You know, it was like all disgraced. I'm like what what I do destiny brown, right? Yeah, I feel like Lindsey gets Divine brown. Yeah divine brown. I think like Lindsey gets or was that Eddie Murphy's? I don't remember but I feel like Lindsey gets her own sad music. It's like when your time is running out in the video game Like Mario and it's like,

dun dun dun dun dun dun. It's all like, I feel like Lindsay just gets like, she just gets like ceramic lock one. She just gets like, you know, something like very like more, more like, she's in her own personal little affair when she's feeling sad. She's over it.

I'm all alone but over it. It's just like side right now. Okay. I was trying to be like single-inzy hands, hands, hands to the side, hands to the side. Am I waiting on it, tons of people at Hooters? I don't know. I don't know. What am I doing?

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just trying to move on from over it, but I just looked at my piggy bank. I was like, over it, lost piggy banks. What am I supposed to do? I'm right. Now, we're but I just looked at my piggyback. I was like, Alfred loves piggybacks. What am I supposed to do? I want to know. Now, I used to be the holiday that, like, Everett came back from my rack and now it's the holiday.

We're like, I had to pee and fight about backdrop, okay? Oh my god, so I'm like, I'll come to like, that's my. Oh no. Anyway, I don't know. Her thing between Lilith Fair and like, I don't know, like a patti lapone concert. look what what where is that coming from Runcho, she's like but I'm single single Single want my battery torch. Why is she crying about Argentina like if anyone should be crying should be me because I don't know

So it's 1 17 a.m. Kyle is wasting on a couch eating chips and then we cut to now we see like fast forward thing You know we see the unicorn thing in the pools I'm so sorry, but I have to say this because Amanda like Amanda so sweet and non-traumatic her drama so far is Walkamoli like no one paying attention Kyle literally is asleep and eating, which is hilarious. And she's like, Kyle, we don't get any private time. And he falls asleep on the weekend with the back of chips. Okay, like, look at your shirt right now, Kyle.

Look at your shirt. Look at your shirt. How old are you, Kyle? Look at your shirt. Look at your shirt. I had to get that in, because that is a drama when you're dating someone who falls asleep with chips. It's like everyone who dates me, you know?

I remember kind of hearing that. Like, yeah. Look at your shirt right now. Look at your shirt. It was the original climax of seven actually. Wasn't, wasn't the box. It's like, look at your shirt. Look at your shirt. It wasn't, look at your shirt. Look at your shirt.

It wasn't when it said it was an old Navy shirt stained with dominos in the box. So, so now it's like 617 AM. The sun has risen and now Carl and Lauren are getting into a hot tub. And somehow after all this, they're now trying to have a, um, in adult conversation. But you know it's like one of those things where you think you're not drunk anymore, but you actually really are, but you've sort of like come through to the other side enough that you think you've sobered up so they're trying to have like an adult conversation. Yeah, because you're like exhausted from being drunk for so long, so you're like, we're old now. Yeah. So Lauren, they're sitting in there, and she's like, talking about like,

you know, it's like really hard, just like trying to be friends, like a lot of motions, like a lot of things going on. And like, I'm just like trying to be, trying to be friends, but it's like really hard. And Carl's like, well, I thought we'd establish that. And then I got cake in the face. Yeah, she goes, when are you gonna get over that?

Oh, no, that's later. But he says cake in the face so many times. And then Lauren's like, well, I went off the rails, but like, sometimes you have to break down to break through. Oh okay okay thanks for that insta meme and were they coming from someplace because didn't it show them returning from someplace? I don't even I don't even they may have gone out who knows but they maybe they had a and they maybe literally broke their car broke down. But this is when relationships really evolve when you're wasted and hot tub and surrounded by like remnants of people you don't remember.

Because you know what? Like I had fun. Like I had fun with that cake and you know what I want besides cake in your face. Like I want you to be better. Okay. I want you to get better. And he's like I'm wearing an orval red and bocker hat still Like I think I'm showing you though. I'm not afraid anymore, okay?

I'm not sure I can get better because every time I try to be better I get a cake at my face Okay, I'm gonna face taking the face. I just wipe my teeth. Okay. Now. I'm gonna get my eyelids I'm dressed like I'm going to Republican convention and I've got He's like I've been an open book of Carl. So, you know, like, I've been open in the book of Carl. So, like, it lets me out the hook because I've written down on Instagram, I'm not going to be with Lauren, okay? So, we can all look at that over and over again.

And last of my check, I'm not a cookbook, and there are no recipes in there for cake, let alone cake in the face. So we now straw hats, go to big lots. Okay, easy, but easy, but guys. So now it's, then it's like, like an hour later, there's a time for bed. Carl's in his bed, and of course Lauren shows up,

and her pajamas, she's just want me to lay with you, Carl. Want me to lay with you, Carl? Carl, shall I lay with you? Huh? Carl? It's like, what are you doing in my bed? And she's like, I'm in your bed. He's like, want me to lay with you Carl? Want me to lay with you Carl? Carl, shall I lay with you? Huh? Carl? It's like, what are you doing in my bed? And she's like, um, I'm in your bed. He's like, OK, it looks fun. I'm in these two.

But you're with on me. And then this harpsichord music starts to play. And then we just, then we just like cut back to them at 8 a.m. And those blankets, they're just fucking like the blankets are moving, like they're facing each other. His butt's going up and down. But I didn't understand the shapes. I was like, feet are facing each other his butt's going up and down just like but I didn't understand the shapes I was like what are they doing is it a hand job shape is it a is it I thought it was a shape I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't I thought it was like just a classic

inner course I thought it was like just full on sex um and then there was of course there's some sweet talk where Carl goes, Lauren, you're my girl. She goes, okay, it's like okay. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, some days, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert-expert.

Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world,

listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. Carl, okay, okay, whatever Carl, whatever. Because you know that's like his fucking thing, re-sync. It's like it's not working anymore, okay? It's a dad song. Carl. Carl, so, um, well, meanwhile a few hours later, everyone starts to wake up and they're starting to clean and you know Danielle She just cannot believe the Lauren and Carl are cuddling. She's like I can't believe it You I'm from Hoboken. We don't have flip flops and pools, okay? She's like that girl almost killed me and I have to clean up her sheet cake off the ground

Yeah, I'm not touching that. Which by the way, it's very me. It's very me. That's me too and I won't clean it up. I will circle that shit with like an erasable marker and be like Lawrence. Okay. I will wait off the judgment balcony upstairs and watch to wait. But the music, all the music on this show is like, we're we're gonna party white people white people look on a party

This morning it's Which is a military funeral which a I'm so sorry, ervert B you can't take that song which is copyrighted and change two notes and expect to be able to not get sued because they're like It's still the same damn morning trumpet song summer house. I didn't know that taps was was What had a copyright on it. I thought like all it happens. They probably had Yes, in honor of the Super Bowl So so then to clean the kitchen and Lindsay goes, you guys, I mean, I made it out on the tag upstairs.

I'm like, okay, this is sad that you're announcing it. And also, it was more like you kissed him and he was like, I gotta go pee and never came back. That's not really a make out. Yeah, and Amanda's like, did it taste like guac? Because that's a real make out. Because the guac's like, did it taste like guac? Because that's a real make out. Because the guac was good, right? Did you like it?

And she's like, yeah, it was. It was. Did it taste like guac? Because if it did taste like guac, you may have actually eaten the guac, which means I should get some more credit for actually making the guac. That guac is dead now, which is why

Pats is playing, okay? It's for the guac. I like when Lindsay walks up, she's cleaning with Hoboken girl and she goes, who's short to these and where are they inside out? Which is actually a good question. So then let me come downstairs and like, I mean, did you make it with Lindsay? He's like, no. It's like, I mean, she's like, when, I mean, you told me to tell me to make it out before I start thinking about R.I.

He's like, no, I don't think so. And she's like, I mean, at some point, you have to stop denying that we made out. He's like, we didn't. You have to stop denying that you did not make out, Lindsay. I didn't. Yeah. So then we didn't do it.

Okay. I'm from Fiddler on the Roof. I'm 78 years old. Okay. I did not make out with Lindsay by a sliding door. Okay. Is this the lesbian I hit on? No, it's not never mind. Song over. So Lindsay's like newsflash. I don't care if you remember or not. I'm using you because I'm trying to move on beyond a line. Okay. Well, are you gonna brag about making out with him or being with a guy from Iraq? You have to make up your mind.

Like you can only use one storyline party. Or, yeah, we're confused. I'm not sure you can claim that you're using him to get over Afriah if all you do is talk about Afriah. Like, you get everything you'll see in. Yeah, it's like a yellow Arab, it's like a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree when you make out with a meat

She's like I was just trying to respect every coming back from you know the fourth of July or whatever So Kyle wakes up as sober Kyle which is really impressive because that guy gets shit-faced Okay, but he always wakes up like I am ready to do business. Hey, what do you guys think of markets and? You know like investment base structure Difference that's you know, it is the special pair of wasps, you know, it's like god bless them That's that's what they can do. Yeah, and I Out all gone it takes me like three days girl like I will yell at people in the whole food line I don't care two days later. I'm like I got drunk two nights ago watch out But you wakes up like you guys want to crunch some numbers

So he starts telling everybody he's like guys want to clean the party It's the Carl sober. It's the Carl sober radio everybody answer it Copy and the word wakes up and she goes what no and she goes back to bed And it's even has like some packing tape on his eye. I don't even know what he's doing. He's like, this is gay. This is like a gay packing tape that helps my eyes not see Carl acting like idiot after pride, okay?

And he's like going through Snapchat. Yeah, and he was pissed. Understandably, he's like, I spent all winter nursing, Lauren Carl wounds, and now they're back together. It's like, I get that because when you're a gay, a lot of times you have to sit and listen to a lady complain over and over and over again about this guy and how she treats him bad, and you give the best advice and you give him really good. You think bad that you're there for them.

And then what the very first thing they do is get back with the guy that you just spent hours upon, hours, coaching her away from. And I've been there before, and every time it happens to me, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna downgrade this friendship right now because I'm old now. So now I just say, you get this amount of time because I know, here's the worst part.

They don't only do the talking part where it's like, oh my God, it's so horrible, possibly abusive. Tell me you's abusive and believe. Then when they get back, they're like, Ronnie said, your ass was abusive. And I'm like, now your boyfriend hates me, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. So now I have badly some like, here's, it's not that I don't care about your issues, it's just that you can't repeat stuff. And then also there's a time limit because I want to talk about what it's like when I put something in my shopping bag in Amazon and then finally when I've decided to buy it

it's like the the price has changed you know like I need to cry about that for half an hour it's as important to me as your boy for this to you yeah how about this next time you decide to shade me for my board games when you say oh my god that's a lot of board games you're like obsessed how about I shade you be like oh my god that's a lot of boning with that guy you said you were over. You're like obsessed, okay? I think my board gaming is healthier than your fixation with Carl Lauren as if we were just having conversation together. And by the way, I've literally done what I just said. I'm like, okay, you have this much time crying. I need this much time crying. I don't even care if you're listening. I need this much time

where you say, oh my god, you're right. And even though I know it's fake when I'm getting that reaction back because, you know, I made it a rule, I don't even care. It works. And it does make me feel better about listening to Kyle issues. Yeah, that's good. Carl Carl issues. So speaking of which, the gang decide it's going to go off to ride some boats somewhere So they're get into their vans, etc. And in one van Lauren's just babbling away I'm talking about her fight with Lindsay the night before I just like yeah, yeah, I got a little crazy sometimes and Carl goes Well, you threw an entire she-kake in my face And that's when she goes we just let it go Carl. No, that's not when she said that

It is. I have it. Carl, Carl, Lauren, maybe she could. Carl, Amit. And then Lauren's like, I'm one of the boys today, because I've been avoiding Danielle, because whatever. And then I fought with Lindsay.

And then whatever, she peed at me. She peed at me. OK. Like, have there she, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl. I get crazy sometimes. And Carl's like, you put a sheet cake and just let it go. OK. We're about to meet Native Americans. Okay. Do you think they got? Yeah, this is not the Native American part. This is the either way. I mean, you could be right. You could be right. I'm sorry to have no And did you but either way, nobody I work better with nobody because you're right. That's how I learn

because I know you're right. That's how I learn. Speaking of butts, so they all get on their boats and sure enough, Carl moons one boat and so Carl moons back. It's like Bruce, Moaning, etc, etc. But the real fun have waxed bleached butts and that's disgusting to say, but the shots of sunset open the door on Bravo. They probably do, although Kyle already is blonde. It looks like a natural blonde. So his his butt may be super hairy, just we already is blonde. It looks like a natural blonde. So his butt may be super hairy. Just we can't tell. It just blends in. Yeah. And Danielle was like,

no one wants to see that Carl, but she looked at no one else's look. No one in Hoboken wants to see that Carl. Yeah. So now after this boat ride, they're all hanging out at the beach and Lindsay and Laura like, let's go down to the water. Let's go there. Okay. Let's go there so Lauren is still mad because she thinks that Lindsay said that she okay, let me see if I can parse this okay No, I tried to do I put three times rewind that's my first sheet note. She so Lauren thinks that Lindsay said she thinks Lindsay said quote Like I can't even have a conversation with Carl without it being about you and Lauren's like well I don't know why I was like why would you say that like that's not so rude like why

why you have talking about me and so then Lindsay's like I wasn't talking about you what I was talking about was all right which is hilarious it's exact same right more and goes you literally set it literally like you literally set it backtrack. And then Lindsay's like, I can't even talk without you interrupting. Look at my hands. They're to the side. Who am I serving? I don't know. I'm still single. Lindsay still single. Lindsay. And then she goes, it's hard. It's hard. It's really hard. It's really hard. And she goes, I was talking about Everett. And then you came in and she goes, I never talked to you in Carl last night. Like literally, I'd never talk to you.

What? And then they show flashback and Lauren literally barging in and interrupting them. Yeah. Whatever, whatever you're using, share it with the audience because we're like, what? Like this should not be a David Lynch movie, okay?

So then it would be pretty interesting if it were though, because then like an atomic bomb would go off in the middle of it for like 10 minutes. So then Steven and Danielle, meanwhile, are elsewhere on the beach, and they're just getting annoyed at Lauren and Lindsay fighting like, oh, there is a fighting, or why that's a fight, they're so annoying.

Not there getting mad at the fighting across the beach. But it's always the boring people who are like, why is this so traumatic? Because you're on a TV show. Okay. Yeah, that's why next time you're gonna like have sex with lesbians Show it like do it on camera. Okay. You're on TV So Lindsay's like let's take a deep breath You can get deep breath because you're very defensive Lindsay So many deep breaths because they both did they were like okay

It's like oh wait the doctors now Carl do you know my deep breath? Carls enough air for you. I'm taking deep breaths Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl like all the time Carl This is effective and Carl's got cake in space like whatever like deep breaths deep breath Carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole carole Oh So the gay and Danielle he's like oh my god. It's like Zen deal with it in the city And Danielle to like it Danielle's like yeah the weekends are to relieve stress. No, they're not Okay, the weekends are to pee in the ocean and

Try and figure out what the fuck more is talking about okay? There's there's no part about driving three hours to Eastern Long Island. That sounds like it's about Zen. Okay? That's pure stress. I went to Hampton's last summer and I went on that journey and it was a miserable experience. I mean, it was like pure, pure stress. Okay? The Hampton's are not about stress.

The Hampton's are about Zen. They're all about pure stress and hoping to find I'm a garden. Yes, they're about you can't even walk on the beach there without getting a rock in your fucking toe. There's so many stones on the beach. It's not relaxing, okay? It's stressful. It's the city beach. Steven was funny because he's like, what I learned last year is that if you have a problem and you just point out a bigger problem, you're suddenly goes away. And it's true. That's his entire last season. Like all the shit that he caused, he's like, look, they're being worse. And it was like, whoa.

Yeah, just do it from a balcony. Okay. That's where to do it. So Danielle is, okay, my notes go crazy on this show because they intercut a lot. They're like, look, these people on the beach, those people on the beach, nothing's really happening, but you're gonna have to write a lot of notes.

So I put Danielle saying, I blew it by putting Lauren on the carol spot, but you know, I'm just gonna stay away from her. Yeah. And then back with Lauren and Lindsay, Lauren's like, when things aren't about, you can't do it. You can't even talk about it. Like for example, how you were talking about you and Carl,

like how you and Carl made ever come back from the born of the fourth of July thing for my rat. Oh my god. And Lauren's like you're a victim always. You're like you're a victim with Avra. You're a victim with every relationship you've ever had. And it's like lower in what I said was this. And then she starts to try to explain herself and then like what's your hand down? Don't get in my face. You're putting your hand in my face. What's your fucking problem? What's your hand in my face? My hand's not in your hand down? Don't get in my face. You're putting your hand in my face. What's your fucking mouth? What's your hand in my face? Your hand's not in my face. Your hand's in my face.

Your hand looks like a gun. It must be a rot. A rat. A rat. A car. Oh my god. I was so confused. All the friends were confused.

They were like, are they getting along? Are they finding Sikarokas? Come on, let's talk. And Steven's like, of course, he's never there when you need him But if there's one thing Carl is good at is fucking your shit up, okay? He's like a wrecking ball. I was like, okay, Miley Then he goes, let's not be fake. Let's not have a fake combi y'all moment. Let's just go back on the boat Yeah, and then a meet's like if this were a survivor. I'd wish to be the first one kicked off. Okay, this sucks. And Cal's like, can you girls just enjoy the fire?

Can you just enjoy the fire? So now I agree. Guess what doesn't meet fire? Walk em only. Does anybody like it? Hey, guess what? That's not charcoal. That's just old guacamole. Turn black. Thanks guys for not eating it. And then down it meant, uh, Lauren's like, if you don't want to be my friend, let's eat just say it. That's pathetic. And Lindsay's like, you don't want to be friends with me? Just say it. Backtrack. So it's backtrack, backtrack, backtrack, backtrack, backtrack, backtrack, backtrack. What does this have to do with me? Like, why is it always have to do with me? I'm talking about Avarah. Now you're not talking about Avarah. You're talking about this boat right here. Why? I like this boat.

I like this boat too, but it's really for me and Carl. Now it's for me and Avarah. Avarah. I'm not talking about Avarah. You're talking about this boat right here. Why? I like this boat. I like this boat too, but it's really for me and Carl. Now it's for me and Avarah. Avarah. Oh, what is happening? So, and Carl is like, my favorite holiday has been ruined. So then it's like nighttime, and everyone goes home, and Lauren gets in bed with Carl. So the cycle repeats itself.

Mm-hmm. And then it's July 4. A commercial came on, and they showed this Bethany Frederick show, which we're not covering, you know, I watched seconds of it. You did. Was it good? It was beyond awful. Beyond awful.

Yeah, I figured like I'm not even going to go there because you know, they're making an effort. So good for them. But when did Frederick get that made up voice? That's not his voice he's like oh that like took like these oh my god what rock right right when you make up that voice that's all I say about it I just watched a scene where they like had like a faux picnic with some construction workers and Bethany's like yeah yeah yeah uh uh I don't think that this is like like as soon as windows like like a serpent does like, like, a certain, like, a short work, like, uh, picnic, like, a little westman, what's going on? Like, I don't, I don't get this, like, like, like, I'm so like coming out after this picnic thing. I was like, this is so stage and so annoying.

Because I don't think Frederic is that entertaining. And basically, he and Bethany are just super on, like, look how funny we are being hilarious. So just like, I'm very, very, very, kind of back at the beach, because when we come back, Amanda goes, should we just leave that jenga? It's leaving us just leave it. It's okay. It's like, do you see this is better? Yeah. Like the sun here for.

And Lindsay goes, it hasn't been easy with an Avarat this summer. I'm like, oh my God. Oh geez. I mean, could you just like make out with this bitch because like we can't deal with this average stuff anymore? Yeah, I need it to be about a meat Okay, just let it be about a meat efforts not here. I want him to be here, but he's not okay So let's have a summer house cleansing song, okay? The song is like come on. Let's go Come on, let's go

Oh, oh, oh and everybody literally with like let's's go. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And everybody literally was like, let's go. OK, let's get in the car. They left. And then it's like gang in the city. People in the city, Lauren just got to work. Stephens looking at a PDF next to a fountain with one of those French little boats in it, you know, in Central Park.

Lindsay is still pissing off her roommates. She's still working from home. And we don't see her assistant, so I don't know if it was like someone from Craigslist, ifing off her roommates. She's still working from home and we don't see her assistant So I don't know if it was like someone from Craigslist if it was her couch. I don't know who she was talking to you But she goes what we're all I need a focus on our holiday gift guys Didn't Lindsay wasn't she representing a restaurant called guac last last season? I don't know what it was called, but she was like I got the taco contract I got the tacos.

So Danielle is in her sad depressing hook at a pardon, and she's like, I'm running out of money. I was laid off, and I feel like I'm wasting my life. Yeah, yeah, probably are. I make websites. I'm wasting my life. I don't know. Is it the weekend yet? Come on. Let's go. Let's go go go So then we get Kyle sober Kyle, which you know what Kyle? I love you met you in real life love you sober and drunk I think I like drunk Kyle better and I'm so sorry if that's hurtful, but Sober Kyle Kyle's like hey bra He caught him at the right. Yeah, he's like it's blue in tandei. I know this rich deed we're both wearing blue shirts and tan shorts, which auto turns me off because I'm like, oh, straight guy code, you know, look, it's code for we're sober today, you know, yeah, Kyle basically is visiting Julio, a former hedge funder he retired literally before he was 40. Okay. Well, literally before he 40. And so basically comment him out in like Sag Harbor and woke up naked on his couch.

And they've been friends ever since. So Kyle is pitching his new nutrition app where you basically take a picture of your food and then someone pass a judgment on it. Which I kind of like. I've never heard of that before. People need to like log their calories. It's called lose it, okay? I love your gumshin,

and I love your work ethic, but your ideas need to be better. Like the ball is shorts, those are swimsuits, okay? They have ball is short, you know, they're swimsuit shorts. This, you're going to a dude's house who's like, you look different with your clothes on. Okay, that's how your meeting is starting. So make it about dick Or be broke make it about it. Yeah, I couldn't think of anything else. Well, I'm also wondering about the feasibility of okay I've just ordered this dish at a restaurant

Here's a picture of it. What do you think nutritionist and nutritionist? No, that's terrible. You shouldn't have it. And then what? Well, I ordered it. So I'm just going to be dead. Yeah, we have it in our head.

It's called guilt. Who's going to be like, oh, look, I just ordered the Parmesan bread bites that we're free. No one's going to admit that. That's a problem. Might lose it. Looks like they're nothing for months. And then and then I'm like look I had a pack of almonds and some whole wheat cereal. Yeah, the fucking website

doesn't know about all the other the Wendy's the Burger King, the hatred, the self-hate red, etc. You need a queen in real life on a nanny count to be like you fat bitch. Alright eat that dominoes naked in a mirror and see how happy you are. You don't even need a man to do that. You need to just go to the gym once and have some mussely queen just look at you and be like, hmm, and just walk away. Like you're just not even worth their time.

And then you're like, yeah, never eating again, ever, ever, ever, ever. You don't need support. You need hatred from the outside world. Shame. And judgment. That's what college name is app shame something that shames you yeah it needs to be like blue-blue you fat but you didn't do shit today you're ugly that's why you'll never find love or even be able to have enough energy to masturbate that's what I would also welcome maybe an app that has Kevin Lee pop up and say, what's wrong with

you? You're getting so much weight. You're getting so much of seriously. It's out of control. I'm telling you this as a friend and you to help yourself. Oh my God. And we make a lot of Katie jokes for fun after the rant dressing thing. But really, Kevin Lee, you're wearing a bad chip.

Yes. It's about like that funny comfort food moment where you know like that moment where you're just like so angry to press you go for something and Katie's thing that she goes for is iceberg and ranch. And by the way, I had a whole bunch of ranch today. So I'm I'm I'm I'm in solidarity with the ranch. But fuck up, Kevin Lee. Yeah, fuck you, Kevin Lee. You're in a wig and Yoko homo classes. Okay. That's what I said. Do you want everybody to judge you at the same time? Look, I'm told that all the time.

Because guys get it. Like, guys tell each other that shit all the time. Like, you've gotten fat. What the fuck you depressed, you need help. Like, guys talk like that to each other. Not necessarily Kevin Lee type guys. But, guys will tell me that and I don't cry. But you don't talk like that to girls.

And also Katie's that like yeah, she's gained a couple of pounds, but she still looks really, really good. Exactly. Here's, but here's a funny bit of shaming. My computer just tried to take Amanda's name in my notes here, and it just tried to lowercase it. Like, mm-hmm. She's not a proper name.

It's like, wow, that's real shady computer. I am. Tell Siri that that bitch made guang. Okay. Siri is not impressed. So anyway, now it's the weekend again and there are people going on their cars. Car is driving with a meat

and they pass my Amityville, Amityville Horror, which is a real town on their cars. Carle is driving with a meat and they pass my amnivil of amnivil horror, which is a real town. And he's like, amnivil, he's like Amit Yvil. Amit Yvil, who would name a town after you? Amit Yvil, get it? I'd cake in my face. I'm sorry, my jokes aren't landing. Well, so far, every week someone makes an amit-jep. Last week it was like some bimba going it's good to amete you and the week before it was something else and I love that amete is getting name-shamed by all these white people it's hilarious. Yeah. They're like look it's a non-white person on summer house and they're like oh meat. I feel like amete is a deer. Like I feel like I would only see him if I were looking out the

window and I was like oh look there, there's a meat in the yard and then you go out to say something and he runs away, you know? Like, he doesn't need your attention, but he's fucked every lesbian deer in the forest just to prove that he can. He's like, I don't need lines on this show. I have gray hair and I'm getting laid, okay? To be fair, when he does talk, it's not always the best content. He's like, if I were a loony tunes character, I'd be pepula pew. And Carl would be the Tasmanian devil because he wrecks everything. Sometimes it comes in and crushes. Yeah, I don't need that, but I love the Amit Jokes.

I feel like he's just being as fodder, you know? Yeah. And to be like, you guys are gross, and I sleep on couches like every day. Yeah. So back at the house, everyone's arrived. And Stephen has like a ton of Amazon Prime packages. It's like, is this Catherine Dennis living here?

And so they're like, wow, there's a lot of packages for Stephen. And Carl's like, yeah, basically, Stephen works for Amazon Prime, or he doesn't have an appointment. And that's nowhere to ship them except for here. And Steven walks in just as Carl says that and Carl just starts smiling broadly. Like, I was caught in my shady joke, but it was funny, right, bro? It was funny.

Totally caught. It's a shady joke, but you know, Stephen was like, I have nowhere to stay Where do I send my stuff? And it's like Carl just threw him under the bus He's like don't talk about me when I walk in a room Carl Carl And what is he really mad at the bromance with the meat and Carl which you know I get because he feels like thrown under the bus that said a meat is not gonna require the like emotional response you need, you know,

that's the difference with a real bromance and a homo man's, okay, a homo bromance, because every gay guy, especially new, it's so exciting to just be with a guy and it's normal, you have this friendship and it's great and you accept each other, it's not the same thing, you know, we've all been there, but it's not the same thing, and you just can't win this, you know? And Steven tells us, he's like, I've been there and you're not smart enough to get out of it. Well, neither are you, you're still in it too.

You just got mad over Amazon Prime boxes. Yeah. If I get it, I've been there. You just have to cut the cord, cut it clean. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So now it's like, now's nighttime time and everyone's getting ready to go out and Oh, I don't know if it's nighttime, but they're going they're getting ready to go out and they're all in their cars and oh, it is nighttime This is really important to me to nail down whether this is my time

How can you follow this show? I don't know what my notes even saying it's like two days later Yeah, I don't know how to say this Lintika This is how you know Lindsey's roommates always hate her because she goes, there's Tantan, but let's brush it under the rug. And I was like, oh, she doesn't even know how to sweep things under the rug. She's like, let's brush it. Dirt is not hair, Lindsey. Okay, make some effort. Terrible roommate. It's so funny. Whenever I clean, I think about I write it because it's always like, I want to balance a quarter off of the sheets

And I'm like I've got a new balance a quarter off the sheet. She just soft. I'll watch. I said I don't get it So me there as they're driving over to the bar and Sagan Harbor and me to ask Steve and he's like hey So if you ever been in a vagina and he's even like Honestly Lindsay is desperate enough that I could probably fuck her But it's not worth it because I know her psychotic tendencies. And everyone's like, ha ha ha ha ha, but they've all thought about fucking Lindsay, you know? Lindsay is probably in the upper cup and you're like, you guys, Steven and I, we just like totally fucked. Oh my god, that's really drunk to get Steven a fuck, because Steven's like a real gay.

I feel like Steven's penis would just be like no like even if Stephen was into it Even if he was on his like unicorn floaty thing and he's like I could dare that like a triad and he's like floating and Lindsay's on top of him I feel like his penis would detach and run to the balcony and judge it Yeah, his penis would basically do his penis would look like the little shoe and hoof rim Roger Rabbit when the equal judge is putting it into the dip. It's like, I was like trying to like,

and then it just like goes and was like, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss I'm not bad, I'm just drawing that way, I've wrought. Why don't you do right, Everett? If you don't do right, I'm gonna like trying to fucking eat by a sliding door, okay? Ever let the well in the back of his paper. It's the worst watch we're having ever. So we know it's summer house because they go to a bar and they all have like douchey neon green drinks. Like who drinks like this? And how are none of you sick? I think you're right about the white

stomach. Yeah, no it's true and don't forget like this bar I got some very distinct flashbacks to shows like Princesses Long Island and also secrets and wives, these cheesy-ass Long Island bars. And even though Sag Harbor is sort of, it's not really the long run that we know and love from those shows, there was something about these like white walls and bright lighting that just took me back to those shows in a good way. This was a Sag harbor that was to me removed from the Countess the Wann, one on one with Andy Cohen, you know, where it was like a quaint upscale sag harbor. This was like a where is

Ashley and is she going to pop out and ask for her dad to come safely. Yes, this is a location scout sag harbor where they're like, look, these idiot white people who are trying to pretend they're in the Hamptons need neon green drinks. Where can we do it? Oh, the Sad Carbure, Chili's rip off millies? Okay, we're there. Yeah, so Lindsay is now trying to be single Lindsay again, and you know, when they were all walking in Amanda, see some guys that she knows, some hot guys, and Lindsay's god I was like so she's she winds up talking to them and she's like oh my god yeah it's no Amanda I was like where are these hot these cute guys

Amanda like you know them oh my god poor thing and the guy was like I'm actually ready to go I just called her I was just talking to Amanda to congratulate her on the amazing guac I saw on Insta. It was fantastic. Amanda, I think that she's like into me. Can you put in a good word? I'm like, oh my god, you guys are stuck here. I'm single lens. Single lens. Like no, why is she waiting tables? No. Amanda, why is it like every time I talk to a guy,

they're just like obsessed with your guac. You didn't even make guac. So what's wrong with them? I did make guac. Thanks. Backtrack, backtrack. Okay, so Lindsay's like, this is the summer of single Lindsay.

And it's not that not that, but I'm pretty, I'm ready to press the reset button. I'm like, please don't bring out a reset button prop Okay, please She's just gonna bring out her easy button from staples now as easy as the outright Brown fourthed July ever you want to make out Everyone me while I was like hey, where's the meat and then just custom meat Bring three girls home. He just doesn't care about the rest of the cast

Yeah, I don like fuck these people. I just wrote a meat getting laid. Yeah. So then Kyle, meanwhile, Kyle's getting wasted. So wasted, he's just full on eating lines. He's not like sucking juice out of it. He's like, like, chomping on them. Gotta stay healthy.

Yeah, and Amanda's now on the, again, on this whole kick about like, I never see Kyle during the week, and then like on the weekends, he's wasted. And like and like look he's wasted now here at the SAG Harbor bar. So she starts getting really snippy with him like I'm fine. I'm fine. He's been mean for no reason. He's making little comments and stuff.

It's like I was in heaven to go and to the summer house like we're past that Kyle okay. Yeah exactly. So at home I'm basically brings a girl into the bathroom She's like, is do you have like a is there like a sink and he's like I want every bathroom I'm like, oh yeah, I've got a year bathroom something like that More or less the don't quote me out pretty much. Yeah, so then they all go home. It's four hours later Yeah, so it's the Kyron so Amanda's like, I'm home, I'm going to cry. And I love that Amanda is just so gorgeous that she's like, I'm taking off all my clothes right in front

of the camera. That's a much of no care. I love your rebellion. She's like, I'm hot. That's how I rebel. Yeah. She goes to the bathroom and she's like, hi, Jamie. Oh my God. Cause like so fucking mean. And then Jamie Jamie who's probably me is like now listen I'm gonna talk about my board games for 30 minutes after this So get it out cuz I've heard enough Kyle shit She's like I Yeah, she just basically sobbing And then meanwhile Carl and Lauren get into bed and Carl's like they're just cuddling and then Carl of course being the in preserio is that the right word?

The whatever Sven golly he goes around like confused like what that was so many syllables. I'm single Lindsey. So Carl's like Carl tells Lauren sometimes you got to make the first move and she's like why do I have to? Because I don't want to lead you on. Shut up, Carl. Yeah, shut up, Carl. She's in your bed. She's in your bed.

She already made the first move. She called your bed. Because before she's like, this is my bad now, Carl. Carl, Carl, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. So you've never seen that, right? I've never had a bad, bad, bad, bad. So you've never seen that, right? My number seven was just Carl.

I don't even tell him. I don't even tell him. Don't even tell him. Because spring is spring. Spring is spring. Spring is spring. I've heard of that all. I like on him, but I also like when I was a little. I don't even tell them don't even tell me So Lindsay and Kyle are in the kitchen and Lindsay's like um I like they know how it feels now like to me in a couple in the summer house And he's like what the fuck this is not the same thing okay

It's like it's like comparing a cold with dying You know It's not just so don't talk about ever I'm dying okay So man just like I'm gonna sleep in the bathroom with my perfect rest that can't even be masked by the blurs on bravo It's like Amanda have you ever been the one to sleep in the bathroom when you're mad? I have no I Rest that can't even be masked by the blurs on Bravo Have you ever been the one to sleep in the bathroom when you're mad? I have no I Never been in that situation wasted when you're like yeah That's it. I'm not sleeping with you and then you wake up kind of over the toilet It's like I am never far for I could murder you. I'm gonna choose murdering, you know

So she's like I'm gonna sleep in the bathroom, and Kyle goes, wait a make no sense! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Good luck finding an investor for your app in the bathroom. I'm gonna find some dudes couch. So the next day Amanda is gorgeous, and she's back with the normal Kyle, the super Kyle. And she's like, you know what, it's not a battle like at the end of the day guacamole wins, right?

And it's like, yeah, stock market security is bonds trades warm up it. Yes, agreed. Will you give me $25,000 for my calorie counting app? She's like, no, that's the wrong. You're not on couch right now. And he's like, okay, let's start over again. I was like, this is the couple that's going to win're not on couch right now. And he's like, okay, let's start over again. I was like, this is the couple

that's gonna win in the end, you know? They will. Meanwhile, the couple that won't win is Lauren and Carl and they're waking up and Lauren goes, Carl. Carl. You woke up to your best dream today. Me. Carl.

And then Carl, like every best dream goes to make the bed. My dream is having someone to make the bed. And she's like, that's my bad bad Carl. You make it while they start making it. I'm a restaurant girl. Sometimes the best couples are just fucked up people who are like, let's go cheat on each other

and then fight about it later and fuck, you know? Yeah. But the other people who get caught up, that's the trouble. You know, it's the gay, it's the Lindsay's It's the friends who have to stay on the phone like have your fucked up relationship. I'll support it I'll pat your head when you're crying sleeping in the bathroom, but don't make me listen to it every day, you know Yeah, yeah exactly so now So now it's now the day is getting going and Danielle has set up some sort of clam dig in an effort to bond the group because there's too much dysfunction

I'm like damn you Danielle don't bond these people. We don't want to be bonding just keep tearing him apart Yeah, I think it yeah, it was her but I wrote gay damn set it up So you see I'm giving her I'm giving him credit because he's one of us, but it was like no gay damn Yeah, no gay damn so gay hobo can damn but it was like, no gay damn. Yeah, no gay damn. So gay, ho, bokeh, and damn. So she's like, any summer house I've ever been a part of has had this like, no one has had this shitty

of an attitude. So I set up a hopeful bonding experience. I'm like, good luck, honey. Yeah, so a few people go forward and me while in the second car they haven't left yet, but they're still hanging around. Carl is using sunscreen as the odorant, I believe, which I feel like we've all fucked Carl, you know?

Like we all know that guy. Yeah, he's a problem. So Kyle, Lindsay and Amanda are talking about Carl and Lauren and Carl walks in and he's like, what's going on here, Jens? And he starts explaining his situation to Lauren. He's like, well, we have such amazing chemistry, but right now I just really want to be your friend

and figure my shit out. I'm like, fuck you, no you don't. Have you seen who you've been waking up with the past through like three mornings in a row? Yeah, but I can't even feel anymore because she does. And now we've seen that she has equal crazy. So, you know, how fun with your crazy change. Yeah. Yeah. I get mad whenever she says she's overcarved because she's not. And I get mad whenever she tries to act like he's mature in this situation

because he's not, you know, just at least fast up and be like, you know, we just like to bone. Yeah. Like I'm actually fine with both of them now. I understand they're both crazy. They're going to keep fighting, fucking involving everybody. They're fucking anyway. So who cares? Just let them have fun. Just be like, Warren, I feel for you. That's it.

Outer on the head. Yeah. But I don't like is the stream of bullshit that comes out of Carl's mouth when he says things like, I'm just, I'm just trying to figure out a way to grow up a little bit and communicate better. It's like, see, I think the reason why figure out a way to grow up a little bit and communicate better. I think the reason why I get more annoyed with Carl is because Carl is trying to present a slick version of himself.

I'm growing up, I'm mature. He's almost like, he's just mid pivot to the next woman trying to create this image of himself as a mature, growing, flawed person who's self-aware. Whereas Lauren is, I think she's actively really trying hard. She's really, really trying to be over Carl, but she just can't be, you know? And that's the difference. She's not trying to be so smart enough to know. He's told her the truth. Carl is like Jacks. He's that post-pop psychology guy.

He's like, I'm a terrible person. I do terrible things. And then everyone's like, oh my god, he admits it, which means he's working on it. No, it doesn't. It's like when someone says I killed five people in the court of law. They're not saying it because they're coming to a different place. They're saying it to get a lesser sentence, you know? Yeah, that's all it is to me. It's like he's saying right to her face, but she's thinking I can fix him. No, you can't. And he's telling you right to your face. You can't fix me. I will use you. And you're still being like, he's proud that I can fix him. Yeah, Carl. So over at the clam digging, they're digging clams. And Steven is not enjoying himself. He's like, I think I can safely say that all types

of clams are off the menu for me. So Lauren's like, look, here's my best friend, Carl. It's me, cute. It's me, cute. It's Carl. It's Carl. It's Carl. It's cute. It's crazy.

Like, it's Clam. So what? Like, put it to his kidass. He's like, OK, come to face. Let it go, Carl. Let it go. Carl, look, this clam is K-Gam's face too. Clam.

Look, Carl. It's a clam. Clam, Carl. Clam, clam. Clam. Carl's clam. Lindsay out of nowhere is's like, I'm gonna put my hand in the water. Why? I don't know. Who says that? I'm gonna put my hand in the water. I'm gonna see if it's true of water, feels what?

Or does it just feel like air? And then Lauren's like, I'll come. Hey, Lindsay, you wanna talk about the water? Let's put our hands in the water. Lindsay, how deep is your hand? My hand's old. It's your hand. Just one. Let's put your hand in the water. I'm not sure if it's your hand. and Okay. So Lauren to start this conversation, I'm thinking, oh, they're semi sober, they'll make up or whatever. So Lauren's like, I have tortoise glasses, okay. So I don't wanna make excuses, but Carl,

that's my excuse for every fight, it's Carl. Okay, it's Carl. Orville Reddenbacher, Carl, like popcorn, what? You have to get it to a certain heat. Like that's how it is. Like you hit up Carl and then you get popcorn. And Lindsay's like, thanks for the apology. I'm like, what?

Yeah, there was no apology. Yeah, she's like, I totally get it because of the offer it and it was like ever in sand and clams. And it's like, ever it. It's like, ever bake. And like, I don't know, you got to make sure you wash your upper right, all those in my cut sand and your beverage.

So like, yeah, I get it. Thanks for the apology. And like, yeah, I'm just like, I was just like really aggressive. And like, you didn't deserve to be aggressive. And like, this is sort of a ton of like talking. Like, here get a thanks to the apology. I'm just like I was just really aggressive and like you didn't deserve to be aggressive and like this is so I'm like talking like this here's a ton I don't like talking but there's a ton I like to talk in and like sometimes I talk in this tone but there's like my favorite tone. Do you like this tone? This is my favorite tone. This is like here's my single Lindsay tone. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.

That's a good tone. I've got to put it. Are you waiting tables? Like you're serving everybody. You're serving so many people. But then she still starts fighting the same things. Like, remember when you were talking about me and Carl, or Carl, and she's like, I wasn't. I was talking about over, or because of some fourth of July bullshit, because a meat dumped me or whatever.

And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're like, let's just agree to disagree. Now this is how crazy people form friendships when they're like, I'm not listening to you. You're not listening to me, but we're the only people at this party who like each other. Really? At the end of the day. So let's just be friends.

And they're like, okay. Yeah. So then Kyle is talking to a meat about wanting to live Icarus through him because he got the sell bang chicks and stuff. And then the, this whole clam big and dig thing is part of like the I think it's pronounced shna'hok even though it's spelled shna'hok I think it's shna'hok. That's why Daniel from Hoboken said it. The shna'hok people who were like natives of indigenous to Eastern Long Island I guess. So they did like a whole they're doing like a whole presentation

and this guy go I love this part He goes he's like, you know what we're doing right now. This is the gathering. You know what we call it We call it a power out and then all the rules of power Oh The power I love that the Native Americans were like, okay, white people. A gathering is called a powwow. Grill your clams, get food poisoning, and stop calling us. They're like, oh my god, Native Americans.

Powwow, powwow, powwow. It's totally us. And they're like, oh my god, Native Americans, pow, pow, pow, pow, it's totally different, totally different now. And Carl's like, we're very fortunate, gay Indians. Yeah, there was a drum circle. Yeah, there was like a drum circle. And there was like singing and stuff, which was all very cool. And then they all did like a big traditional dance altogether.

And I have to say watching Carl participate in this traditional shna'hakan dance made me feel uncomfortable. I don't know why I was like this. I don't like this. It's like it counts less, you know. Yeah, like seeing his bullshit grin because you know he's gonna go and tell people like, yeah, I'm really like one. I'm working on myself like I was just dancing with a shino-hocke and people and like they have a way of life that's just so special and I really got to know them and they got to know me and not come work with myself and I know I've been told that not the time I would have been a great shino-hocke and warrior. I don't know. Yeah, I just felt bad because it's like so white people you know and they know too. They're like we get extra if we bring you know 10 people

to this wow wow and they're like okay fucking stupid white people. I went to this thing in Palm Desert, and it was like, it was Native Americans playing Native American music and stuff. And there's this rich white guy in the middle. And you know he's rich because he's in the middle, and he's got a little drum or whatever. And it's like, oh, this is his thing, you know.

And they were like, here's the Native American song for the river. And they were like, here's the Native American song for the river. And they're like, Tom Malay, Tom Malay, you know, like the songs. And then they're like, here's the Native American song for Waterfalls. Tom Malay. And I'm like, these guys just told this rich white guy, everything is Tom Malay. Learned on your drum. And so many of my friends making fun of the white guy the whole time. The whole weekend, we're like, Tom Malay, Tom Malay. Here's a song about the mountains in the Distant Tom Malay Tom Malay

That's what here's a song. Here's a song about Delicious maze concoction that's served in a corn husk Tom Malay Tom Malay Yeah, and the white people are like, oh, we feel better and Stephen's like, Tommel, Tommel, Carl complaining about the cake and the face, like shut up Carl, the bullshit between Lauren and Carl, you know, it's getting to the place that I'm very happy about. So I'm like extremely excited. I love that it hates it, but he's like kind of the same douche.

It's like, yeah, he'll go home and just fuck tons of people like he's still the same douche But he's like yeah, I don't get it. I love this show. It's a good show I love it show that can get me to rewind to type things down properly. I mean for me. That's that's worth it Carl like that song Carl. I like it. Carl. Hey Carl. Well, song is written about you. It's called Tomalay. It's like, oh geez.

There's some in Carl. Every thing that song is written about you. But guess what? That song is Tomalay. That's a value in Carl. Do you think the song is a Tomalay? Tomalay. Carl, I got a copy of Carl.

Carl, I got a copy of Carl. Well, it sounds like you are ready to start vaping. Because I could hear your kitchen door swinging open and closed. So why don't we put you out of your misery and let's pivot to our own tomollet songs, whatever that means. I don't know. Sometimes I just say things just to say them, you know? Yeah, it's like that Friday before Christmas where you're like, we're off for two weeks,

which we're not, which we're not, because tomorrow we're back with Top Chef. So you guys watch Acropolis.com by those tickets. Go get your those Houston tickets. Let's sell that Houston guys. Let's do it. Let's do it. And we'll be back to talk some Top Chef tomorrow, which should be really, really good. Happy Olympic sing and stuff. Yeah, you guys congrats to everybody who's like strong and athletic and you're the Olympics. If you're listening to this in the Olympic Village, what's up? Go on there. What's up guys? Congrats on all those condoms you got. Yeah. The biggest news story so far is they have more condoms than any Olympics before them. I'm like good for them. Yeah, and they're

in South Korea so they're probably like Samsung condoms like ultra high tech inspired you. Yeah, they're like watching the good wife through their penis while they have sex. I'm into it guys. I like it. Great resolution. Thank you. And thank you to Danny Pellegrino for filling in for being amazing. Yeah, he's a job. He's he is a joy.

Thank you everyone. We'll be back tomorrow. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens, Add Free on Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.