Watch What Crappens - Summer House: Have Ranch Will Travel

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

Some of the Vanderpump Rules gang heads to the Hamptons for a visit. Will Schwartz or Kyle remember any of it? To hear this week's bonus episode with Danny Pellegrino, Annabelle DeSisto and Hannah Brown and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Straight to the Rosé" and "Rosé All Day" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, Minneapolis, Baltimore and Nashville. Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Nancy Cicin Desisto. We love you guys! Hello and welcome to Watch What Happens. The podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Yeal Braves. I'm Ronnie Caram. I'm also on the Rose Prax Bachelor Rost podcast, which is up now and new this week. And here I am with my gorgeous little friend Ben Mandelkler, who also creates and voices and draws and writes, The Real housewares of kitchen islands.

So go check that out on YouTube. Hi, Ben. Hey, Ronnie. Thanks for the endorsement. Oh gosh. How's everything going over there? Just fab. I'm just like really excited to talk about summer house.

That's just really, really scratch us all my itches. OK, well, we're going to get into it. I'm going to do some quick chills, Irvine, such a fun show. Thank you for coming. Everybody, we are going to be it. I'm gonna do some quick chills Irvine such a fun show. Thank you for coming everybody We are gonna be going all over the place in June and July in June. We're coming to Milwaukee We're gonna be at the Turner Ballroom of the Turner Hall Ballroom over there on June 7th So get your tickets. Okay, because the next day we're going over to Minneapolis and that is sold out So thank you Minneapolis. Please compete with Minneapolis Milwaukee. I'm more tickets. Yeah. Then in July on the 25th,

we're going to be in Cleveland on the 26th. We're in Pittsburgh and that sold out. And on the 27th, we are in Baltimore. So you can find ticket links over at watchwetcrapons.com and guess what else you can find. You can also find T shirt links because this month we're selling Summer House T shirts. One says straight to the rosé. And one says breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Rosé all day. And we just finished up our winterist

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Um today so you can go find that. And we're also going to do another one for Real Housewives of New York at 8.30 p.m. Wednesday, Pacific time. And if you can't be there for the live streams, don't worry. The video is still up. We're almost at 40 videos on Crappens on demand. So for video content, go over to Patreon. And thank you to everyone who supports us.

We love doing these things on video. Yeah, it's super cool. So I mean, Ronnie, I don't have time for this. OK, we have to talk about summer house. I literally don't have time for this. What is this committee? Oh, I'm going to get started with a recap. So summer house time, so fun.

This is the big crossover episode, or part one of the crossover with band and pump rules. And so, you know, they always do the previously on Summer House and they always have a different person narrating it. So this week it was Paige, which cracks me up because Paige has that funny little voice and always seems to be like over everyone. And so she's like um summer's almost over and everyone's coupling up like Lindley has a Turkish guy and Janjan and I have their Brits in like Kyle's Amanda and Carl has some

like Randall slot in some wedding somewhere that's not the summer house like what's up with that? And I'm also Jordan told us he has ED and I find that hard to believe Also my mom hasn't given me a recipe in like three weeks and I'm like mom. What's up? I love that nobody believes Jordan at all The internet was like nope, that's a lie and we were like nope. That's a lie and now the cast is like no Yeah, not not even. Yeah. So we're back on Friday night. It's now 913 PM. Everybody in case you were wondering the exact minute. It's not 912. Are you sure, Ronnie? You know what it might be 912. Wow.

Maybe I actually wrote down 912. Really? But then in my memory, it's 913. It's really important that we know clearly splash some love for boy into his eyes. Yeah. He's like, I'm struggling because I'm really like trying so hard to cry. It's really adorable. He's clearly splashed some love for boy into his eyes. Yeah, he's like, I'm struggling because I'm finally here and I'm ready and now everyone's like, too late asshole. I'm like, every guy on death row census.

I finally changed and now I'm gonna be executing. Yeah, because you didn't change until you were caught and imprisoned, okay? Death row person. Death row person. Like, hey hey enjoy a city behind the glass and like trying to touch fingers with Susan Sarandon Okay, enjoy that so Kyle is like upset of that Amanda's parents don't want to talk to him anymore and she's like Kyle, what do I always say every time I make guacamole be patient be patient Kyle

guacamole, be patient, be patient Kyle. The more you smash it, the better it tastes. Kyle, get your finger out of the guacamole. It's not ready yet. He's like, but I just want to make things right. Like, you need more salt on it, Kyle. maybe some lime juice. So now, oh, by the way, I want to address a comment just because someone's like, uh, Ronnie, you don't get over cheating right away. Sorry, you can't just take it over it. I'm not saying get over cheating. I'm just saying that when somebody is cheated on you and you have decided to move on and forgive them and keep building a relationship, It's not helpful to the relationship, to constantly, constantly, constantly bring it up,

to constantly talk to your friends about it. So they're always on his ass about it. So just constantly have it in your life. Like you're either gonna move on or you're not. I'm not saying just forget it never happened. I'm just saying if you are gonna choose to forgive, the way to do that is not to constantly bring it up. Okay.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's a weird thing because it obviously will help you move forward if you're just not going back to it. But at the same time, if you are having posts, in fidelity, hangover emotions, you also don't want to ignore your emotions, you sort of have to talk it out and different people processing in different ways

and maybe for her way of moving past is like, talking it out. And I think it's like a happy medium in between the two. And I think it's different for every person. Yeah, I think happy medium, because I'm not saying you just don't ever bring it up again and ignore it. I'm just saying, every day, every moment,

all your friends know, it's like every, and mostly I'm saying every fucking episode. You know, like, I'm sorry, your breakup effected you like that. I don't want your breakup to affect's like ever and mostly I'm saying every fucking episode you know like I'm sorry your breakup effect to do like that I don't want your breakup to affect me like this yeah well let's also be be honest that there's probably a producer being like hey Amanda can you go over sit on that giant inflatable swan and talk about Kyle cheating on you again thanks thanks she's like again. Yes, Amanda. So now it's raining, it's late at night, and everyone's coming back from going out

and they're getting into bed, and Jordan's gonna sleep with West the zebra to sort of give themselves some personality. And Jordan's like, this whole summer, I feel like I haven't been able to be myself and to say, hey, I can't get my dick up. I just, I feel like a new man. I feel like I can just go able to be myself and to say, hey, I can't get my dick up. I just, I feel like a new man. I feel like I can just go and throw myself into a threesome

and have the most unbelievable sex with three different female humans that one man could ever possibly have, who certainly has had it before. It's like I can start my relationship now. Like, now that you've said you had ED, now you can go bang somebody. You are so confusing.

Are you even talking about? But I'm glad you finally are in bed with somebody that can stay hard all night. Thanks for that. Thanks for that. Thanks for that. So the next morning, a motorcycle arrives, because of course, Paymond drives a fucking motorcycle. Of course.

I guess I sound like a his, a his director. Why was I gonna say that? I don't know, but I actually like that.. Yes, I sound like a hysterectomy. Why was I gonna say that? I don't know, but I actually like that. I like that you sound like a hysterectomy. Okay, I know I sound like a hyphocrite, because I'm riding a Vespa, okay? But a Vespa is like, gentle, blatantly, yes gentle,

and it's blatantly a pussy vehicle. Yeah, I'm not trying to prove anything to anybody. You know what I mean by riding a Vespa. But a Vespa is a scooter, right? Isn't it considered a scooter as opposed to a motorcycle, which is mainly for douchebags. Thank you. I mean, we go to the same, you know, driving class or whatever, but otherwise, yeah, seriously.

And I have many friends who ride motorcycles and I keep these feelings to myself. But honestly, like, at least, you know, when you live in Los Angeles and those motorcycles sneak up on like by your side view mirror, I know, like, what is person? No, they, what they do, motorcycles to me, it's the motorcycle, because I obviously love motorcycle. That was my point in getting a vest, but I'm just too much of a whisk to ride a motorcycle, you know, in truth. But the thing isn't the motorcycles,

it's that they're modded, people mod the mufflers to be like, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa It shakes your windows when it passes and it's like I'm sorry about your penis, okay? Yeah, I don't want to have to deal with it Anyone who modifies their car to be loud should just like drive their car off a cliff right away Okay, because it's annoying as hell no one thinks they're cool at all and I know it's like sometimes It's not even about being cool. It's just you just want the attention but go fuck yourself You got my attention, and I think you're a douchebag. Go crash into a tree or something Well now that we got out don't be don't be hurt. I just want your car to be broken. Yeah, I was like wow Those are go crash into a tree and survive please

Quietly survive Because here's the other thing I don't love car alarms are totally useless now No, you're a car alarm. No one does anything about it. so It's like I'll really loud car goes by so the loud cars are already annoying and it like wakes up all the annoying car alarms So now you got out the most annoying features of all cars all going off all at once and like what do we do to deserve that what? Yeah, no one wants to steal your geo at three in the morning like You know what I mean? She's like, always the car is it. No one is gonna steal to have those car alarms. I know, seriously.

So the point is, right now, I don't have candy. So I'm sucking on assault, assault. Just assault, a little pink thing of salt. I got it back up. I got pink salt, and now I'm sucking on salt instead of an M&M, carry on back. If you're like a deer with a salt like, you're like, hmm.

So, so Lindsay gets off this motorcycle and she like comes in at like eight in the morning and she's like, hmm, things with pain on our grade or is I like to call him, Turkish, right? He's funny, sexy and it's like what I need so I can move on from out. I'm like, well, if you keep measuring ever it, you're not to move on.

Yeah. So then we see Jordan, everyone's getting up in the morning at Jordan's putting on his white mask in his room and like looking at his phone at himself. So this fucking guy. Yeah. So then a page is like, um, hey, girls, Justin just texted me. He's taking me to an Italian restaurant tonight. And she's like, yes, I know the Justin, he stood me up, but he apologized for standing me up and he apologized immediately. And if that's on my list, like, I don't wait for an apology. It came within, you know, within a 12 hour period. So he's okay with it. Yeah. You know, I have a return policy. That's very liberal. And you know, if you apologize within those 12 hours, you can get a full refund, emotionally. So she's like, you know, I was keeping it casual with Justin,

but now that Carl's had another girl at a wedding, apparently like, Skankfest 2018, I just decided on like, something's up with Justin. Yeah, so then the girls are talking in the kitchen. Anyway, I just have to say, by the way, when she mentions that Carl's at the wedding, we cut to Carl on like an Instagram story going, ladies and gentlemen, David and Katie's wedding.

You're right. David and Katie's wedding killing it over here. Fuckboy 3.0, look at me, out of wedding. Right, it'll take a different from 5.0. So for 5. So for 5, out of wedding. I love that Carl has such a sense of humor about himself. He posted that picture that's like fuckboy version one,

fuckboy version two, Carl 3.0. And it's all Carl and the white jeans. Yeah, although he like has a sense of humor about himself, but then sometimes doesn't, which is actually what makes for the best sort of reality TV character, where you like get so mad at them, but then you're like, oh, you know, yeah. Yeah. So now down to the kitchen. As I said, I guess what?

Last night we had conversations and it got emotional. Oh my God, another breakfast with Kyle and Amanda's story. Yeah, I did notice that Amanda was making avocado toast. She's like, it's my bird. It's like I call it breakfast guac. Patent. Patent comes down, she's like, support and kind of goes, it's Mrs. Warder you.

So then Jordan is talking to Kyle while the girls are talking and Jordan's like, how was last night? And Kyle's like, well, it was a different conversation in a good way. I mean, we talked about how I cheated on her, probably for about three hours, but it wasn't a more fun way than we talked about it before, So that was

fine. Yeah. And Jordan's like, well, I told the girls that there's been something that's been on my mind that's been holding me back. Basically, I can't get it up. And by it, I mean, Wesley, the zebra, he's really hard to get up to this staircase and it's hoping that you could help me. Yeah. And Kras, like, uh, did you like when he said something going on with me and Kras just went, okay. He's like pulling out his like rainbow flag, did you like when he said something going on with me and Kyle just went, okay. He's like pulling out his like rainbow flag. He's like pulling, he's like not sort of bring out his like rainbow flag or like sex for dummies. He's like, I got a prop no matter what. He's like, am I gonna have to kiss this guy. So he's like, that's not

where I thought that was going. And so he tells him, you know, the brain's a tricky thing. Don't worry about it. And so is a little brain. So is it the same girl that you can't get it up for? And he's like, oh, no, it's two girls at the same time. And Carl's like, oh, God. It's like, for a second, I thought he was being honest with me. But he's out for one second.

He's like, he discussed either a virgin or he's not aroused by women. Damn, okay, I said it. I mean, here, let me set the stage for you. I'm with the two hottest girls you've ever met. Cindy Crawford and Cindy Crawford sister. And we're in a hot air balloon and they're like, Jordan, we want to go down on you and we appreciate the irony that we're rising in the balloon while we want to go down on you right now. And I said, that's great. But unfortunately,

my penis must have some ballast on it because I can't get it up. He's like, it was about to be a fuller house. I was with the Olsen twins. And I was about to stick it in both of them. And Mary Kate said, why do you only have one penis? Why don't you have two penises? Suke's sticking in both of us. And I said, You guys are so cute full house twins, but unfortunately, you made my penis soft by saying I needed to have two. God! Listen, I was sitting around in my home in Cleveland, and I was thinking, Streaks in the China never matter before. Who cared? You know, and then Mr. Belvedere walked in and I was like you know what? I don't know what's going on down there, but I'm not sure I can get it up anymore. I have images in mr. Belvedere in my head

So Kraus like well, I would say let me know how to help you with that But I they start laughing so then the next song is The next song is... Everybody wants me, everybody wants me, everybody wants me, everybody wants me, everybody wants me. I think at this point they're just like taking audio of Lindsay and the shower and putting it to me. I think Lindsay's providing the lyrics and tricks. Like, oh, I could do something with that. I could make that. I could make that song.

Pull. Hit it. Everybody wants me. This song always wants to rot with three arm octopus before they kick me up next up is over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it over it about the weekend and Hannah's like, I invented British Dave to come out. Then he was like, am I the only one without a day? Yeah, because all about the day, this is gonna be a rough week.

Yeah, because Max can't make it to couples dinner. But Erica's gonna come. Erica is the girl that Jordan met through Carl last week. So she's gonna come and she's bringing her roommate and everyone's like, oh, that's not a good sign. Yeah, and Daniel just sips. She's like, I'm, that's thrilling. I have to do a face mask. Just wait until you see my face mask. Okay. Like, like, you're doing a face mask before a day. She's like, oh yeah, it's a whole process Wait to see my mom showed me how she sent me a video. I love when young people do face mask because they think them They think they make them look young. Yeah, um you look young because you're young. Mm-hmm. Hey

Yeah, you're actually been moisturizing so I'm not shaming you yeah so um then like Danielle and Hannah are like talking about their British bows and Danielle's like all bum that Max is coming over tonight and Basically they they talk about like a little bit, but then they're like by the way We cannot wait to see what Jordan does with his girl comes over. They're so excited to see Jordan put the moves on her Yeah, the type of girl that he would bring home to mom like I cannot wait they're thinking it's gonna be like a minute night You know yeah exactly they're like well, let's see if God approves of this of this girl and then all of a sudden just starts thundering they're like I think it's a sign yeah they're like it's not funny like the

minute you say God did something and it's like no no no no like you've thundered like I'm freaked out let's go slide Jordan's like normally I'm very confident with women but Erica's different than any other girl I've ever met in my entire life. For instance, she only has two arms instead of three. Also, she's not a fighter pilot and she's never been to the moon. She's the first girl who didn't ask me if I could please whip out two of my penises at the same time. So, really into work. And yeah, yeah, you really found the word.

I can't believe you found her. It's because she's hot. Okay, you know nothing about this person except that she's fucking hot, you ass. Yeah, exactly, and like Jesus. So she shows up with her friend and he starts like showing her around and stuff. And meanwhile, Paige is now started to get

into her primping mode, which means that she's put this mask on her face and stuck like some laser teeth lazering. I think it's a laser whitener and I want that immediately. mask on her face and stuck like some laser teeth lasering. I think it's a laser whiteener and I want that immediately. It looks, it looks scary. Looked like someone's getting white teeth. That's what it looks like to me. I want one fucking immediately, okay.

Yeah, so she's sitting there. She's got the stuff in her mouth, so she can't really talk. And they're all asking her questions about Justin, so she's having to like charade all her answers with this like ridiculous stuff on her face. So they're like asking her questions about Justin so she's having to like charade all her answers with this like ridiculous stuff all on her on her face So they're like asking her about Justin and like how long they've been dating and they sort of like They get she sort of charades out that Justin He's not that he was married, but he was in an engagement a year ago and he just got out of the engagement

And of course, then he's like so as Payman so as Payman Of course, of course, and he's like, so is Payman. So is Payman. Of course, of course, he turns it right to yourself. And Mates didn't really even do that much in the charades. We used to play family charades every Christmas Eve. And my Jiddi, who's my grandfather, and when it was his turn, he would just stand there. And he would be like, is it a movie?

And he just stood there. Like, is it a book and he stands there? And they're like, oh my God, pretty woman, with Julia Roberts. And he's like got it Yeah, that's all the way page would do it. She just would not have the like the like the patience to like tap her forearm three times like three You guys don't even know what a syllable is Yeah, so then Dave comes and Kyle's queuing all over Amanda. He's like

boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob It's like get the camera off them when they're doing it. Yeah, stop it. Stop it. I hate Apple queuing. I hate it. No, yeah, we do not need to see a couple of queuing on reality TV. No one cares. No one cares about love stories on reality TV. Get your happiness onto a fiction show where it matters. Yeah, start making that guacamole, okay? So Dave speaking of couple-cuing, Dave has brought a gift for Hannah. He made a clock that has Hannah's face on it

with her cat Clyde, which I really appreciate it, especially because we got to see a video of Clyde. And you know me, I have a soft spot for cats on reality TV. Just like you cat me. I love time and cats. I'm so ratchet. So ratchet. Oh, clocks and cats. Am I right everyone?

But why don't you get me a fucking Felix of cat clock? What's wrong with you fucking loser? I like the day past the monkey and he's like, well, the monkey's having a big night. Yeah, I hate those statues that they got. Or sculptures. I wish they had never gotten those things. They're so creepy. Why do they keep them?

I don't know. It's like a struggle to be like, we're fine. So Erica and Sydney are meeting all the roommates and stuff. And then they start questioning them. Sydney's like, so how do you fit in Dave? And Hannah goes, oh, I let him put his penis in me. She's like, oh, that sounds fun. He also gives me clocks.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's not the questioning part. That comes later, sorry guys. No, that's right there. No, it was there. You're right. So then, so then Paige gets a call from Justin or something and he's like, he's basically 45 minutes away

from picking her up and he asks like, what's going on over at the house? He's like, oh, nothing, we're just having a dinner party that I really can't wait to get out of. These people, they're like the worst shurries people of all time. And that they like doing it. And then Jordan's sitting with all the girls on the couch

and Danielle's like, oh my God, look, it's our blow up toy at the window because it's raining. It's a bar and Sydney goes, oh my God, look, it's our blow up toy at the window because it's raining, it's a bar. And Sydney goes, oh my god, do you name everything we do too? It's just, oh my god, I have a dog statue on my bed, which is really far away. So let me show you a peck travert. So the girls are all looking through a phone. And Jordan's like, please don't ruin this for me.

I mean, in other words, stop double cock blocking me. Double. And Danielle's like, yeah, we name everything like we have West zebra and we have we name the monkey and we just call Jordan a limp, limp, limp, take make gay closet face. We just got Jordan Ed. So Paymon arrives and let's say. Hi.

I don't have time for this. Paymon's here. Oh my God. Paymon loves blue pants, no socks and fasts with Paisley. The more Paisley the Married. Oh my God. Blue pants every week. Differentiated blue, no socks and a vest for crying out loud. I feel like he's auditioning for like an off brand coffee shop.

You know, like it's like he sort of has a breeze to look but he doesn't quite get it, you know? Yeah, it's like if 365 add open a coffee shop and their store, a coffee shop and their store. Yeah, it's this whole look I have problems with. And it's a bit more. So dinner time, here we are dinner time everybody yeah Jordan's playing with Eric is here and he's like your hair is Everywhere

She's like yeah, I shed a lot. Okay. I've got a question who sets more you or your cat She's like shut the fuck up you weirdo. Why am I even here? He's such a fucking weirdo. And this girl, there's something weird about this girl. She has weird eyes, she has cat eyes. She does have cat eyes, but like Jordan has like, has like, was it persona? So like, it's just like cat eyes

and lizard person, it's not gonna work. And then Paige is sitting there. She's like, I really don't wanna be here with us dinner, but I have to sit in. So everyone I'm here. And Jordan's like, these are like chickpea noodles. I don't know why I wrote that down. It just thought it was really funny. Because that qualifies as personality when it comes to Jordan. Yeah, because then the girls like, oh, wow, yum. Yeah. So then they start questioning her hand is like so what is your first impression of

Totally non-ratchet And Eric is like um, I thought he was nice and everyone's like oh Um, when a girl says the guy's nice. It means her for China is dry as a desert The girl says the guy's nice. It means her for China is dry as a desert. Yes, Ratchet. Ratchet is a desert that I'm gonna build a test cord on and be nationally ranked on. Yes.

So then Kyle starts chipping away at Amanda's support system or otherwise known as makes casual conversation with Paige. He's like, so uh, Paige, how many did she be been on with this guy? She's like, I'm five or six. Oh, and you haven't brought them up. And he's like, sounds like she's been dicking around car. What like, and what world is that true? She was totally like Carl's the one who was totally dicking around Paige. Use news you lose motherfucker. Yeah, victim Carl. And she's like, uh, Lindsay goes, whoa, she likes him, but it seems like she's taking her time because he broke out this fiance. I hear her. You know,

Kragel's red flag. Just whoa, um, Hey, mom did that too. So they're like, I was like, uh, sorry, I get my what I said, but, uh, sorry. And then Paige tells us, you know what's red flag? Cheating. And then finally, everybody else. Yeah. That's a red flag. Well, you know what else is a red flag? An actual red flag, OK?

Wait, it's a red flag today. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting.

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feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So then it's after dinner and Justin's come to get paid. We never get to see Justin unfortunately, but what we do get is some real housewaves of Beverly Hills transitional music. Did you notice that? Oh, no, I didn't. It's like the music goes, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun dun. I didn't notice that. Is that Beverly Hills dun dun?

I think that's the Beverly Hills music when someone's like like when you were saying class so right and then like Lisa and I pulls up somewhere Yeah, I was like And it's also when they're like getting a new car right now or like in a car shop It's always like an outdoors. It's always like sunny during the afternoon Transitioning to a scene where they're, yeah, they're outside. Yeah, so then we see Paige's date and we're not allowed to see him obviously. So he's just videotaping her, which is her favorite thing.

He's like, videotaping. He's taking a movie on her phone and she's just eating on Instagram. She's like, it's so good. This is like a dream date for page somebody Instagramming her little time. And none of her housemates nearby. Yeah.

And now it's a meanwhile back at home, Kahn Amanda has decided to stay in and they're just like drunk and dancing around and she's like this is why I love Kahn. Oh, I'm like oh my god, please. Cut the power in this house. Let's just like make it black so we don't have to see this So I love Kyle. I wish I could always be like this. My Kyle is always like that. He's drunk and dancing around So then everyone starts coming home and the girls leave for Jordan and

Colin Amanda do some more Here's my ass so then um, yeah, so then everyone basically like it's the next morning and Page and Hannah and Dave and Justin come back to the house because it turns out that they spent the night in Justin's yacht. Oh, hell yeah, baby. Good luck with that one Carl. Carl's just trying to work his way up to like a happy meal. And I'm so glad that Paige told Hannah to come out and meet them because otherwise people would be like, that's not even a real yacht. She's totally lying to make Carl jealous. Yeah. So Hannah and Dave, oh, so then she's like, um, not even a real yacht. She's totally lying to make Carl jealous. Yeah. So, Helen, Dave, oh, so then she's like, um, you guys can just sleep in the bed.

Carl's not here, so I'll sleep in his bed. Yeah. Totally normal. Why is there something wrong with that? You know, when I went at this point in the show and I watched that, like, A, I was like, that's totally normal and B, I was like, I love that that happened.

Like, in a way, it's like a power move, but it was actually like, what she's gonna do, she's she put two caches together when there's a perfectly fine bed up there No, of course take Carl's room and so Lindsay and Danielle are talking and was like dude last night He meant that I was flirting with another guy and then he totally literally all the sudden like literally y'all did me like Of course see of course who to thought who to the thought the guy who's like super super smooth and only speaks in like platitudes and doesn't talk like a normal human being would actually be a monster anywhere. It's basically this who to thought And maybe me mom was having a bad night and like not everyone can be the best version of themselves at every moment line And like not everyone can be the best version of themselves at every moment line

Yeah, it disaster this is how you want to put ever in the first place you track these men Lindsay. Sorry. Sorry Well, she attracts them because she's also like that. Yeah No, exactly You know these people who just need to scream it each other all the time find each other Well, they always like that's how these relationships these people when they get together It's always like passionate and fiery at first and like full of like lavish display as a romance and then it just evolves into a constant fighting and I'll say I'm excited for it because I Loved whenever it in Lindsay would fight in season one. It was the most awful thing But it was the funniest shit to make fun of god. It was constant constant constant so to see it starting to creep back

I was like you see yeah, we finally found a new evil. Yeah, so page Kyle are in the kitchen and Kyle's like so how was your night page? Check and we had dinner and then we went back to his boat because Was it like a dinghy? She's like It was like a yacht so I slept over yeah, and Hannah and Dave slept over with us. And Carl's so mad. Yeah. He's like, but you just came down from Carl's bed.

He's like, yeah, well, I came back this morning and then I got into Carl's bed. And Carl's like, that's kind of dig-ish. So the guy who gets black out drunk and can't remember if he's met out with Melanie Griffith at the bar. And Melanie Griffith. And paid this like, I'm supposed to do jumping bed with Hannah and Dave and he is oh I Kind of slept on the couch

Like okay No, sir. Yeah, you don't get to do that. Yeah, I'm pages like um, you know the only open-room was Carl's and he currently is in bed with another girl in another State so sorry Yeah, and he's like oh, I think this is just a blatant FU to Carl. I've been literally playing you. I mean, even if it were blatant FU to Carl, is there anything wrong with that? Like, I think like Carl deserves an FU for like every few weeks. Yeah. Well, Kyle should Kyle needs to concentrate. He needs to keep his eye on the ball. She. He just heard that his

friend is dating someone with zillions of dollars and Kyle's been calling his friends for money. So yeah, he has a yacht, maybe, you know, stopping a massage nist and think about your bank account. Yeah, yeah. Love her boy first. So, um, so now Jordan calls up Erica, uh, uh, and he's like, uh, yeah, I had a wonderful time communicating you, uh, you know, in a thoughtful and an emotional way last night, and my dick got a little hard at one point. So I was wondering if we could have dinner in the city sometime this week. And she's like, um, you know, I'll know my schedule better once I'm in the city today, and I will most certainly get back to you on that one.

Thank you. It was lovely hearing from you. Bye bye. Yeah. Thank you. Have an awesome Sunday. I think the passion is really evident in between us. Yeah.

A lot of chemistry. Lynn Page crawls in bed with Hannah and British Dave and she's like, are you watching soccer on your fun British Dave? That's the most British thing you've ever British. Yeah. And then Hannah and Dave have like a moment where they talk about like they like each your fun British Dave. That's the most British thing you've ever Britished. Yeah. And then Hannah and Dave have like a moment where they talk about like they like each other is fine. And then I mean, now this guy's ready for a relationship because she's like,

you didn't even bring an extra pair of socks. And he goes, I forgot. I was like, yep, that's a husband. Marium. And then there's like this weird moment where like everyone's like cleaning up in the kitchen. They're doing something in Danielle shows up in the doorway and they're like, Oh she is and she's like have you guys been up all this time It's like yeah I don't know why just like amuses me that she's perpetually late to like every scene in every weekend, you know Yeah, Danielle she's just always on a train. She's like perpetually coming in from Penn station even if it's a Sunday afternoon

Daniel and not on a train She was like perpetually coming in from Penn station even if it's a Sunday afternoon Train At home John funk down. It's a damn you on a plane So I'm speaking of the train. It's time to go back to the city. So it's the usual like fast time city city city excitement and So it's the usual like fast time city city city excitement blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and uh Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey of a space, and girls like, to me, this has hub house written all over it. It's just a disgusting room that no one wants to look at. So, are these walls re-inforced? How much screaming can people hear? Is there enough room in here for a committee?

Because if there is, I do not want this. So, then, Daniel Maxx go on the most bravo date ever to throw hatchets. Yeah. Well, you're don't forget that Carl was trying to hail a taxi. He's like on the phone and trying to hail a taxi and he's like, oh, how are you? I'm doing well, sir. I just need 20 or 30 minutes of your time. Oh, you're a robot call. Oh, never mind that. Have a good day. That's a big ask 20 or 30 minutes, okay? Yeah, that is a big ask, by the way. Five minutes is like, I just need five minutes. 30 minutes is a big ask.

Just get a couple of minutes of your time, you say. That's like when people are pan handling and they've like, up their price so much, they're like, do you have $5? I'm like, excuse you, what happened to some spare change? I know. Because I was like, uh, Gents, I had a great time in DC. I had a really great day and I got past first base, so, uh, Jens, uh, I had a great time in DC. Uh, I had a really great date and, uh, I got past, uh, first base, so, uh, touchdown Carl.

Cool. Score. Score. Score. Now I need to find a job. So in Daniela Maxx, get a, this accident and she's like, oh, it started. It's strictly physical, but like, I really like him out. I'm like, you're acting like you dated for six months.

You've done him for five minutes. Which is okay. And good for you for getting hot max. Because he is hot. Yeah, good for Danielle. As much as we made fun of Danielle, all season long, she really did get the D and she got hot D with a British accent.

Yeah, good for her. Good for you. And she's still keeping a man saying things like this. He is having trouble hitting the marks. So she goes, the target is me. Put it in me. Like how do you are fucking terrible sometimes? God, you're worse than one of the guys. Why would you tell someone who likes to throw an accent in the imaginary you know, put it with that accent me. Yes. me. Yes. Put that axe phallus in my vat. So then speaking of awkwardness, we now go over to a place called Sugar Mama where Jordan has taken Erica who is like, she does not want to be there. It's evident, but she's like, I just want to see what it's like to go

on a date on reality TV. So I know you'd be more obvious taking someone to a place called Sugar Mama. Right. So Jordan tells us as he's like approaching the table, he's like, I've honestly spent the majority of my life being one of the most sought after bachelors of everywhere. But I'm excited to be spending some time with Erica. Like she's so lucky. And I love that every if time he says I'm the most sought after bachelor they've showed the hinge thing. Yeah. From his job. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He's like, I feel great about all this. And I just I want to get to know you more. So have you also been welcomed into a family of kangaroos in Australia and become their leader? Because that happened to me once. I don't know that much about you. Like, I don't even know how long you've been in New York for years. Oh, how old are you? Is that allowed?

She's like, rude. He's like, oh, okay, how about this one? Where were you conceived? How old were you when you became Hinge's most eligible bachelor at? Oh, that didn't happen to you. Oh, I see. And Jordan's like, I wanna experience, here's where I am.

Good. I wanna experience, here's where I am. Good. I wanna experience something more with somebody. And you know, I'm looking for a relationship. I haven't been on a date in a while. And he's got sour cream all over his face. And Eric is like, oh my God. Oh my God. Why Jesus?

I go to church twice a day. This is what you said in my way. My God. So then Dan Yellen, Max, Why Jesus I go to church twice a day. This is what you send my way. My gum So then Dan Yellen Maxx decide they're gonna be girlfriend and boyfriend then we cut back to Jordan He's like, are you looking for a relationship? Like do you have that thing the girls do we have boxes to check? All right, what boxes do I check on your girl thing and she's like trying so hard to be nice and just like get through this day and she's like, well, you know, everyone has a soulmate and he goes, oh, are you my soulmate? And she goes, um, no. He's like, no, no boxes, nothing, nothing there. You shirt, nothing, nothing all there. It's like, um, asking someone is that is a really heavy question. And if you want to get

matter of fact about it, my plan with you is to be friends. Okay, I'm not gonna plan out a whole life on one dinner. It's inappropriate. Because are you saying that I'm being inappropriate? She's like, you asked the question num skull. And then like truly the best way to indicate that you have no interest in someone at all, she goes,

well, with that, if there's any way I can help you with your endeavors or anything you have no interest in someone at all, she goes, well, with that, if there's any way I can help you with your endeavors or anything you have going on. Yeah, she's like, I'm here for a job. Can you get me a job at your bucket at Betches, please? Thanks. She's basically the end of a customer service call, you know, when you call to get your account fixed with AT&T, and then when it's over, they're like, so is there anything else I can help you with on this call?

Okay, you have a great day Jordan, lovely meeting you. I think she's blatantly trying to get a social media like influencer job with Hint with Betches or wherever they were. You think so? Yeah, because she's a beauty queen and she's with, she's seeing a guy on a reality show and then she said, if you ever need help with any

of your endeavors, which is his work. Oh, I thought that she was offering him help. I just assumed. Well, yeah, as she's saying, if I can help you with any of your endeavors, meaning like, if you ever need somebody. Oh, that's so funny, because I interpret it as like, if there's anything in your career that like, like meeting like, you can come to me and I can, I can help you with something not like, I interpreted not that she was looking for a job, but that like Jordan is so pathetic that she is like,

okay, let me help you with something in your life. But I think your way is probably the correct way. I just enjoyed it. That's how I touch you. That was like, at least she's being transparent, you know? And Jordan's like, oh, well, I liked her. Well, I thought it was reciprocal. Yeah, well, I, reciprocal.

Reciprocal, well, I would ...supical. ...recipical. Well, I would say that was a big boner killer, but well... ...you know. So, uh... ...oh. So now they had back to the Hamptons and Lindsay's driving the car and Carl's like, Oh, Lindsay, I'm not gonna lie. You're my favorite driver.

Yeah. Say fucking, get out of my way! Bam, bam! She has red stripes. He's like, I hate traffic. Why? You're my favorite driver. Yeah. Say fuck it! Get out of my way! Bam! She has red stripes. He's like, I hate traffic. Like, I hate it too much. Guys, I'm in a mood. I'm not gonna total nude.

Like, Fridays are for the moods. Satters are for the gents, okay? Let's. And luns, he's like, um, I'm not even doing on lane-lapse, man. I did get laid and Hannah goes, oh, you got laid at the wedding? And he goes, yeah, she's a bad.

She's a bad. She's a bad, total curl. Yeah. And Hannah's like, well, I'm happy to announce that Page went on the date and Carl was like, oh, oh. And she was like, yeah, they went on a yacht on his family's yacht. And Carl was like, oh, a yacht?

A yacht? Whoa, I have to call my mom about that one. Love my mom. You don't go on a yacht on your first date And was he goes um it wasn't their first day because that's Ridiculous He's like page was been banging a guy on a yawdle summer and I've like I haven't gotten past first base Paige has been banging a guy on a yawdle summer and I've like I haven't gotten past first base What do you think I'm the pantry guy because we had to hide from the camera like it's pissing me off this Stupid I mean I want a date so one of them want to like go from like making out to like being more physical I like can't even get to physical part. I'm like

Diculous just like pissing me off. Yeah, I mean Oh, that's like kissing me off. Yeah, I mean, I hate it. I hate traffic. So at home, Carl goes to stews in the bed on his Instagram. You know, he's like on Tinder, Grindr, whatever you can get some attention on. He's like on everything, just like someone told me I'm hot, thanks.

Yeah, and Lindsay comes in and she's like, grind lean to go. Is that vodka's owner? You're gonna ask me why? And he's like, no, who's earrings are these? She like maybe pages cuz he's up in here He's like oh, it's ridiculous so ridiculous. I love watching call get so flummoxed by all this and by the way I have to give like a major high five to Hannah because she was so great at

Basically undermining Carl's cockiness in the car when he was all excited he went on a day and got laid in DC and she's like, oh yeah, well paid one. We didn't got laid with a guy on it. Yacht. Oh, and the way she was just cracking up. Yeah, cracking up. She was she was trying to like cover her last call. That's like, yes, it's so great watching Carl like like this happening to Carl after like two seasons of Carl being so Carl. Yeah. And Carl's like, what kind of message are you trying to send right now? Here's the message. Carl, Paige will sleep in your bed as long as you're not in it. I hope you heard that. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And she'll leave the earrings to remind you of what you could have had.

Yeah. Two beautiful earrings. That's what you could have had Carl. So then Daniel's taking the train. So Jordan's like, uh, guys, uh, we've, uh, Kyle, we've got four friends coming over. Is that correct? Is yeah, our good friends are coming. So we see him talking to Stasi on FaceTime. And she's like, um, you're not getting party harder than we can. A, up, this is crazy that we're dropping our. Yeah.

This time, uh, it's going to be Stasi, Bo, Katie, and Schwartz, the little couple's trip, which makes me sad, because last time we had Stasi, Katie, Kristen, and Sheena, which is really the group that we would want to see out there in summer house. Remember how drunk Katie got it? And remember she was sitting there in the kitchen, just wasted and slurring her words while Christina Gibson just stared her like who are these people? Yeah, and when she was like I don't any anything with claws.

Do you remember how big like the cast seemed in the beginning of summer house like season one I felt like there were so many people of different like walks of life. I mean all super white but they all were doing all these different things. It just doesn't I remember if you like, wow, look at all these like basic rich white people is so exciting. I don't remember saying wow at all ever. I remember watching this to be like, no, this is a huge snow.

And then look, you see? Yeah, so then we see Lindsey in her room on the phone with Paymon and she's like, Hey, you never texted me back and I like texted you today. So like, I like, you like, I've right now, cause I feel like I like, I like, I like. And then she ends it, she goes, All right, well, I can try calling you later.

Which means he's like, I'm busy. Yeah, I love, I love watching this shit fall apart. It's amazing. It's so great. It's so predictable and amazing. Yeah. So Paige and Lindsay are in the kitchen talking and Lindsay's like, um, I'm drinking vodka. So now you want to know why? Because like after our car ride, and then you just what happened to the car ride and then Carl walks in and he's like, what's up, Paige? Hi, Paige. And Paige is like, how was your wedding? Where that slot?

It was awesome. Touchdown Carl, Carl's leading on the scoreboard, 7-0. Got the extra point, too, if you know what I'm saying. I don't. Oh. And then he starts eating really grossly. He's like, what? What?

Well, he only gets 75% of all food into his mouth anyway. You know how many little bits and pieces of apple are all around his feet at any given time? He's like angrily eating. He's like, how was he y'all? And she's like, it was fine. Why didn't you stay over there? I did.

But, uh-huh, my bad. She's, what's empty? So. I'm like, uh, so obviously, you know this guy. So, you've got on dates, so just. Yeah, Carl dinner dates, sometimes he calls just to check in. Oh yeah, how that's really supposed to do. Yeah, it is what you're supposed to do Carl.

Do you see what I'm trying to say here? Do you see how you set yourself up for these moments Carl? Do you realize how your session is yet? Sometimes Carl it's hilarious. Hey Carl is so furious. He's eating furiously his face is like so troubled. And he's like, well, I had such an amazing time at the Wee being. We put the Wee in wedding, wee in this girl. I want her to come out and stay this weekend.

So just put that out there and pitch, he's amazing. Amazing. Is she going to be coming on her yacht, too? Oh, she doesn't have one. Amazing. Is she gonna be coming on her yacht too? Oh, she doesn't have one. Okay. Okay. So Kyle Lindsay and Carl, Kyle's like,

so obviously you guys were here when I made the most embarrassing comment of all time about Stasi being Steve Jobs and that journal like, my thing is it, God, that's where white, Colonel Max. So yeah, he gets them all white journal next.

And then the Vennopump rules people arrive and Sasha like OMG like we're in nature. They're like literally in a driveway I think they put on the turtle Max and girls like I look like a work at Macy's I was like that's actually a step up. Yeah Yeah, it's better than like Phylic and Spaceman, which is really where you are. Yeah, so everybody has a basement thing. Woo, it's dead now. Phylin's basement thing. Oh, so everybody hugs and stuff,

and they do shots. Yeah, and they like give you up the rooms and stuff. And Kyle is showing shorts, the Jellum machine, and then he's like, he's like, sweet ring bro, and shorts is like, you want to try it on. So Kyle starts to put it on and shorts pretend like he's like proposing to Kyle. It's like a really inconsequential scene. Yeah, stupid. Listen, I just had to deal with Katie. Okay, we just finished the summer house reunion. Can you just make it stop

already? It's like, hey, everybody congrats. You made it to the end. I'm just getting you're skating again. Yeah So Amanda is talking to Katie speaking of yeah, they're talking outside on the patio and Katie's like a man is like I love singing of our candy. I'm playing amazing Nice and gathers Yeah, and Katie's like well, you know, you know our fights are like building blocks and there's been some cheating stuff here and there. That was the hardest and by the way, I thought that can you remind me, Ronnie, I didn't know that there was like multiple cheating from Tom Schwartz.

I mean, we assumed it, but I thought there was only one incident that happened. Well, I think he cheated and then he made out the barrel of the bar. You're right. There was that other drunk and make out. That was brushed under the rug like last season. That's right. Because he didn't remember. He had the Kyle, he had the Kyle excuse. It's every guy on Bravo.

I don't remember. I just don't remember. So they had to let it go. And meanwhile, Paige just trying to set the table for this big lobster dinner. And she's like, we don't have napkins. We only have paper towels because we're trash. And I mentioned that only because I recently learned that millennials

are killing napkins sales because millennials only use paper towels. I only use paper towels. I use paper towels for everything. Well, look at how they have texture. And so they're easier. You know, they're better to wipe your hands with. I mean, blowing your nose with them is great. Clean up a table. Well, I do love the selecticize. I'm not going to lie about that. Although you know what I do not like are the Viva paper towels. They shed everywhere. Much like Jordan, much like Eric is hair and her cat. Well, I'll buy Viva if I really want to feel fancy. But they're soft, but they're not strong. I know, but they're like fake cloth. And so they're like

lugs. I mean, those are super luxury. It's like five times the amount of a regular paper towel, and they're like tiny. I also use mainly paper towels, but when I was at IKEA two weeks ago, they had a cute napkin holder. So I got that, and then I got some IKEA napkins. And so now I've got like a cute little paper napkin holder happening in my apartment right now.

So page, if you want to come Um, we have a very fancy setup. Sounds dumb. I don't want to do that. No thanks. She's based on like young Kate Chastain. It's like the Kate Chastain origin story. It is. She was on the yacht.

Oh my god. It all makes sense. Well, so, uh, Katie is still talking to Amanda out there and she said, yeah, he cheated a bunch. And Amanda is like, I can't really recently more than you know. So they're like bonding over marrying fucking loot, you know, loser cheaters. So Kowls talking to two and stuff. Yeah. No, it's just to say Katie says, I don't know if I was about to come in front of you in

line. I'll just say it now that I've started. Kitty basically tells Amanda, she's like, well, as long as you focus on wanting to grow old together, then you and Kyle will be fine. And Amanda goes, knowing that there's a successful marriage of two people who haven't had a perfect path, reassures me that I'm not insane from wanting to make this work with Kyle. I'm like a successful marriage.

It's just barely been two years. You talking about that guacamole. That's been one year? No, they've been two years. They just celebrated their second anniversary. I'm like, bitch, get that guacamole out of your ears. Yeah, two years. And then this year ended with him like screaming at her and saying, try being married to you for two years. I can't stand the sound of your voice. Seriously.

So inside the guys are talking about, Kyle's like, you know, we've been exclusives or Kyle's, like the last few years we've been exclusive, but like I fucked up and it was over a year ago, but still and she's like, yeah, I fucked up a few times, but not once did I ever say consciously, I'm gonna go out and cheat on Katie. It just happened because like, yeah, alcohol, right?

And he's like, yeah. You too. I know. It's great. So meanwhile upstairs, Lindsay's hanging out with Stasi. And so Lindsay's gonna, she's, Lindsay's talking about Payment. And so she wants to, so she face times Payment.

She's like, Stas, Stas, Stas, Stas, I'm getting Payment on the phone, Stas, And so she wants to so she face times pay much like And she's like Where are you wearing clothes and Lindsay's like, um because that's what we do because I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to her. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He's being someone who exactly has someone who wears a pay-as-lead vest at all times the year would act and dates people on Bravo from on purpose and jumps from like pool to pool on Bravo Exactly. I mean you've got Carol sloppy seconds. I hope that feels good and Stasi's like um that's weird AF And post like I would never do that and was like yeah, but the sex is really good Like okay, so you could come diamonds, okay? That is not cool

It's like well, I'm just getting used on the little day and anything after I'm like I don't want to name over over over over over Barani and so Stasi and Lucy sit on the ground to talk girls talking both like yeah, I'll see you guys later Thank you wait was both what was both saying to you guys come diamonds? Can I can I meet that guy? It's not roll. No, what a metapum have jobs. Yeah, it's tossies like um you were so hot and smart like what the fuck was that? Um, I don't have time for this.

Sassy the sex is great. She's like, um, as much as I'm raising'm in my hands, I need to figure it out myself hopefully quicker than in the past. I'm like, you did figure it out. Yeah. You just figured it out. Okay. She's just narrating what's going on.

She's not even giving you advice. Yeah. That's basically her way of saying, um, I know this guy's bad for me, but it turns me on, and I'm drawn to terrible guys because I love a dysfunctional relationship. Yeah. Which is allowed, you know. So then they're eating globsters. It's time for, oh, they're about to have

their big globster dinner. And Carl goes, Carl and Kyle are talking. Carl's like, her earrings were on my nightstand. So what do you mean? I just love Carl being so upset, but those fucking earrings. Yeah. And Kyle's like, I didn't think she was that girl and she's that girl. And he goes, Carl, he's like, Carl was my guy and he's trying not to be a douchebag anymore and she is fucking him over.

Yeah. He just went fuck some other girl with a wedding. Why are you acting like it's so bad? Yeah, Carl has like not been doing what he needs to do to woo her over and she's explained it explicitly to him a few times And he still doesn't do it and somehow this is pages fault. I don't think so So lobster dinner Lobster dinner So Schwarzen Kady are celebrating two years together and they showed Carl shooting down line. He's like

That's how he actually drinks this. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. He just throws it into the back of his throat. It's funny. So now they're talking about relationships. And Lindsay's like, I can't find a guy who's the Peter Pan. Drew's like, what is that? Oh, someone who doesn't want to grow up

and the camera just like cuts the Kyle He's like why is the camera on me? And Carl's like, uh, yeah, that's a good movie. I'm more of a tinkerbell guy though, so Good one. What does that mean Carl? The he's a peat the he's a Peter Pan tinkerbell is literally Peter Pan's best friend So it's not he's like, update us. Are you guys the only couple in the house? And Pager's like, well, Carl and I used to make out.

Carl's like, oh! Yes, that's a good math. Stasi's like, who just makes out a f? And Carl just stands up and starts, he does like a circle thing, and then like sits back down again as if he was like on like more of a literature something. And he's just like, let me define a relationship.

Carl doesn't have a yacht, okay? And that's basically it. Yeah, Carl and I make out, but I don't push it further because Carl only talks to me Friday through Monday or Sunday, three or three days. Friday through Sunday. Oh yeah, Friday through Sunday. And so I'm not giving him my flower until he calls me during the week. And he goes, oh, look, Paige, you're nice and everything, but Katie gets nice. So do you just want her be or what? And he's like, oh, no, I just, I want to respect her.

I care about respecting her. And so I was like, don't say I care about respect here. A F. I was like, what should I say? And he's like, well, give her a what's up between Monday and Thursday. You're not that busy. I mean, how is it that I'm Katie and I'm giving you like rational advice right now? Yeah, she's like, just stop folding your laundry.

You don't have to get off the couch. Just stop folding your laundry, make Tom bring you the phone and call her. I am busy on Monday through Thursday. I'm hailing taxis and asking for 20 to 30 minutes of your time and updating my length in so it's like a lot of time for me What you guys aren't hearing right now is that last weekend Page of type of somebody and Carl looked up at a wedding last weekend too And Carl's like oh well, we hadn't seen each other in two weeks Stasis why because oh

wedding So I was wondering, that was that. Pitch is like the girl. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a transparent all summer and then all of a sudden you take a date to a wedding and you kind of blindsided me and stuff is like, feels so good to be right. Just saying, digging about something again.

Why wouldn't you take PJF? Girls like, I already invited someone else. This is also a summer Friday and I really needed to take it. So you can understand my needs and desires at that moment. I really like seeing Stasi like this too. She's like, oh my God, I'm judging you all right to your faces. It feels amazing.

Yeah, so I missed this. I know it felt like she was actually like judge Judy. She was just like, she's like, Hey, I talk now, okay? So page is page basis like, you know, like when so when he went to the wedding, I went on a date and that's why I went on a date. And then Amanda's like, Paige has a right to like not bring her a date here

to sleep with him if she doesn't want to. And Krag goes, oh, she slept in his bed after leading him off for weeks. And then Amanda stands on her chair and she's like do you want to walk away right now Kyle? And Krag goes oh you guys are literally coming at me. It's not fair Lindsay Lindsay Hmm, well you're all sharing a house all summer long so I mean you know things are bound to be imposed like things run fire paper towels like I hate millennials and just like emulates itself and that brings us to the end of summer house yeah fun times fun times

by all great time so we have an extra free recap this week, everybody. You're welcome. That is this summer house. We will be back tomorrow with Beverly Hills and a special guest Katie, because Orless joining us for that. And then Thursday will be back with Real Housewives of New York, which we're recording live Wednesday night at 8.30 p.m.

video. Have a watch it. And then Friday, we will be back with Southern Charm, which we're super excited about. Thank you for being here. Please go get your t-shirts and your tickets and your crap and so on to man, everybody. We love you, we'll talk to you next time. Bye everyone! [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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