Watch What Crappens - Summer House: HubbHouse Slummer

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

It's Lindsay's birthday on Summer House, so Austen shows up in terrible prints as some sort of prize for the women to fight over. Happy "I'm 35 but my eggs are 28"day! This week's bonus is a Below Deck Sailing Yacht recap! Find all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. We're on tour! Coming to Philadelphia, Washington DC, Pittsburgh, Detroit, Columbus and Cleveland! Get our tour stop dates and your tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com and find tour merch including new Crappens leggings and pins at crappensmerch.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Well hello and welcome to Watch What Corrappance! A podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about, Onky O'Braw! Hi!

I'm Ronnie, that's been over there, hi Bing! Hey Ronnie, how are you? Good, how's it going baby? It's going well, I just want to give a little disclaimer that the construction crew next door is going full force today, so if you're any thumping, thumping or just loud noises, just pretend it's the sound of Austin's tongue wagging out of his mouth, not would being hammered together. Oh, good Austin. Yeah, it's going to be a lot of rage today because Austin's on the show. So prep yourself. So prep yourselves everybody. It's um, we are still on tour. We are about to go to some really fun places. Okay. And be careful

because here's the announcements. So don't miss it because we're announcing our shows that we're going to do at these places. So on March 17th, we're going to be in Philadelphia at the film more and we are going to be recapping real housewives of New Jersey in Philly and then the next night Washington DC March 18th we're going to be at the Lincoln Theater recapping Real housewives of O.C. I have DC written down that would have been kind of crazy That would have been funny in DC Washington DC the next night Marchth, we're going to be doing summer house. This very show.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you, uh, you misspoke. You got tangled up there a little bit. Sorry. It's Berg. In Pittsburgh. In Pittsburgh, we're doing summer house. Yeah, because we haven't done a live summer house all season. I know.

And sorry for the mess up. I've even gotten this, I've even got this stuff written down in front of my face. And I still just read whatever the hell I want to in my brain. So that's what's happening. You look great, Paul, the way I don't worry about it. You look great. So we're super excited to see you guys Philadelphia, Washington, Pittsburgh. Then after that, like a week later, we're going to Denver, San Francisco, and Detroit, Columbus,

Cleveland. And then we're ending with a three-city Texas tour Houston, Dallas, and Austin at the Moon Tower, a comedy festival here in Austin. So go get your tickets. And thank you for everybody who's come out. We are loving doing it. There's tons of recaps that we're just, you know, pooping out, basically, and we're having so much fun doing it and trying to keep up with Bravo.

Thanks for joining us on Take a Seat over on Spotify Greenroom, our Monday Night Live show. We talked about Candy and the Gang last night and a bunch of other fun gossip. You can always catch that on Spotify. Just search, take a seat. And don't forget Krapin's merch! Darling, we've got lovely merch. Yeah, it is actually very lovely. I've been working it all week. And I'm sad.

I just, I got to my last piece and just put it in the laundry. So that's, that's my interesting story to start the show. Yeah, you get that at Krapin's merch.com. So let's go over to...antins. Yes, such a good episode. I love this episode. So good. Now, our friends and two judgey girls pointed out something very important, a little controversy, which is that in this episode, this was Lindsay's birthday episode, and they're like, oh, Alex isn't coming out this weekend. But then behind the scenes,

there's photos of Alex at the party. So what gives? And then Lindsay commented and was like, oh, the birthday party's not over yet. So I mean, already somebody question marks. Well, I was gonna ask you about that because I didn't even notice until I saw somebody post a meme that was like, where's Alex? And sorry, Alex, no offense. can ask you about that because I didn't even notice until I saw somebody post a

meme that was like, where's Alex? And sorry, Alex, no offense, but I mean, too. No offense. So I didn't really notice, but there was a blind item that people think was about summer house. I think it was on Bravo and cocktails. Sorry, I forgot that wrong. But it was, it seemed to be about summer house. It said something like this two season cast member was just let go because of sexual harassment. Two-season-and-so everybody's like, who would that be? And so he's not two-season. And I mean,

who could even guess really Andrea? What would it be Andrea? I mean, I don't know. And I don't even know if it's about Summer House. And that's what blind items do to you. Okay. They fuck up, they fuck with your head. Has there been anyone who's been on, who came on last season? I don't remember last season anymore. I don't know, but Alex is so lame that I literally thought, was he on last season? Like I had to think about it.

Like is he on this season? I mean, I don't know. Sometimes I get my seasons of summer house mixed up with my packages of ground turkey. So I'm like, is he on a second season or a second package of ground turkey? It's hard to remember. We opened up where we ended last time,

Kyle at his Big Birthday party in the city where he's wasted already and gets up and gives a big speech to everybody. Like, there's been a lot of the opinions about me and Amanda and at this point I don't need to pee in a gallery and that's where we go, which receives a good old-fashioned Kyle from Amanda. I need people rallying and not questioning. And she's like, oh my God, and this is fucking awkward and Kyle.

And then she walks off the stage and pushes herself through the crowd, which is like 10 times as awkward. It's like you two are just, you two just get off on who can make things the most awkward in public, you know? You have like an awkward off. It's weird.

It's a weird kick. What do you call that? It's a weird kink. It's a weird kink, you know? You have like an awkward off. It's weird. It's a weird, it's a weird kick. What do you call that? It's a weird kink. It's a weird kink you two have at this time. Awkward kink, yeah. And Amanda's like, what the fuck was that? So fucking weird. And Kyle's like, are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? So then Lindsay comes up to him and's like, is he a birthday? Oh relax, okay. Yeah, let's see, let's see if Lindsay remembers that advice since her birthday is this episode. Let's see how much Lindsay relaxes on her birthday. Nothing, by the way, nothing will like suit the soul

then like Lindsay clasping your cheeks and being right in your face. I'm like, Relax, relax. Amanda goes up to Maya and she's like, Oh my God, I'm just like supposed to stand there for that Kyle awkward And my eyes like you handled that with so much voice when you stormed off the stage and through the crowd Great work I think Kyle's like, she huffs and puffs off like that's super awkward like I'll see what I want to say on my birthday

You know if that's called a half off Kyle. That's half a fight. It's Margaret is a Margaret from across the river. Okay, you just had a half off Half-half-gift Kyle. All right half-half-gift Are you smoking I are just noting some white out we call that huffing okay? So Amanda comes up to him and she's like that was super passable And so Amanda comes up to him and she's like that was super passive on rounds and Kyle. Well your wedding party shouldn't be telling us the most fun the wedding. But they weren't they weren't even saying that Kyle this is weird they were saying I shouldn't marry you in the first place.

Don't call off they're saying don't plan. So they're saying they're not saying call off they're saying, they're not saying, call off, they're saying you shouldn't have started this shit in the first place. Yes. So, Kyle's like, I'm just literally trying to speak my mind amongst friends. I'm like, Kyle, it was a toast. Toes are not moments where you're like sharing, you know, like the status of your mind and like, vis-a-vis a wedding.

Toes, as we just say, something bullshit-y, and you just were like the status of your mind and like vis-a-vis a wedding. Tows is when you just say something bullshit-y and you just were like, thanks for coming. We've already got one during the medley, sir. Okay. You weren't overplacement. Actually, I would not mind watching them both give a like a mutual toast. Just a rambling drunk toast. It'd be just amazing. Yeah. So he walks off angrily, but it's just to be you know because it's during the city now So he can't just whip it out and just start peeing on something, you know, what he could yes to go find a bathroom

Yeah, he could well, it is New York Yeah, so Amanda's like we literally just talked about this today in therapy Kyle And he's like well, thanks for nothing, complicate. Live. And he's so, yeah, he's walked away. I think you said that. And Amanda is like, I don't know why he does this. Like, I mean, I don't even know what to say anymore

at this point. Like, the two of them are so, are just like, like you said, they are just engaged in a constant awkward off. Yep. So then speaking of awkward, we go over to Andrea and Paige. So he's like, who's on your date for the wedding? Uh-huh. Yeah.

And she's like, I don't know. And I mean, it's, it's in a month. And, uh, do you actually, and he's like, he's basically like trying to flirt with her. And she's like, well, do you actually want to take me out on date? He's like, oh maybe I do little one. I don't get you little little tiny Box I'll put you in little box in close box and put you in my pocket and we'll travel the world together on a big romantic date little tiny girl But I think it would be rude to go on a date with you because I'm still seeing Craig and He tells us this is not going anywhere. I have lots of love to give.

So now I can move on and find the right girl for me. I hope she does not like buttons. Or if she does like buttons, I hope she does not mind sitting in the button. I want her to be very small. Very very small. So Maya and Kyle, Maya sees Kyle, you know, furiously pacing around, yeah, allegedly looking for a bathroom. And she's like, Hey, look, I just, I didn't want you to think we were talking badly

about you or your relationship. I mean, yeah, you were, especially you, Especially you. You were the one who was crying a couple of weeks ago, like, I have been through this exact same thing. Run! I was never happier than when I left Kwame escape. So Kyle's like, but there was an hour long conversation about calling off the wedding. And she's like, no, no, it's like the conversation was like, are you good? Are you happy? What do you need to be happy? Have you considered leaving Kyle? Oh, yeah, that last part I see what you're saying. I've literally been where you are right now. And I like, I felt the heartache. You've felt like, okay, we'll not in your position, but I've literally left you already.

So you need to practice somebody leaving you. I'm always here. I know what it's like to just like wait and wait and wait for things to get better, but they just never comes, oh, I'm sorry, I'm talking about the cookies, I owe Ronnie Carrum. Sorry about that. I have your cookies arrived yet, Ronnie. They have not. They have not. I looked it up and it looks like she had some kind of technical glitch with the company. I don't know. Guess what I have? Cookie glitch. Okay. I mean, my fucking cookies. It's the glitch that you took your cookies. I took your payment and didn't make you cookies. Does that the glitch?

That's the glitch. Also, I feel it's teaching me something. It's like teaching me discipline because you can't always instant gratification, right? You can't always get what you want right when you want it. And I'm still a toddler in that way. Now, it's been officially a month, actually, I ordered them on February 8th.

So it's been officially a month actually I ordered them on February 8th. So it's been officially a month, but you know, if I could learn to do this with all kinds of food, I'd be set. So maybe, you know, maybe after all of this, I'm going to be thin. Maybe it's going to teach me like life lessons. Well, you know, Ronnie, there's a global shipping crisis right now. So, you know, it's possible your cookies are just stuck at the port of Long Beach, just waiting in a crate somewhere. So apologies. Well, as long as it gets here when McCoke does, we're fine. I'm just kidding. Quit that. Not cookies. Just cut. So Kyle's like, yeah, you're probably the only one by that pool Maya who could like understand what I'm going through. Like I don't, I don't mind being, I don't mind like, you know, saying get

better, but I don't like saying call it off. I mean, just call it off. Who says that? Why did everybody say that? Well, that wasn't the suggestion that anyone said. We just wanted to feel supported. And you know, now, like you know, like I'm here to tell you that you should call this off. Okay. So let's hug. Let's hug. So Sierra and Amanda are eating oysters and Amanda's like, oh my god, we're starting to not come. Are we on a date right now? And then Everett's talking to Lindsay. He's like, whoa, but the timer comes to the wedding. I'll be engaged. It'll be engaged will be crazy Like oh my god look at us all grown up. Well actually I kind of went the other direction because I'm like 28 now

If she says yes Wow, it's gonna be a hot and balmy day in the backyard of a parents house I'm gonna be wearing a suit with pants that are too short for me and my ankles are gonna be showing and shoes that have just been shined even though I just stepped and dog shit because the wedding is in the someone's backyard. I don't have any that get down on one knee. And I'm gonna tell this girl, take this ring, and I'll hand her a grenade, and she'll say, that's not the right type of ring that I want, but it'll be too late.

She will have taken the ring, so then I throw the grenade, and it's gonna land in the tent. I'll have to say, car, car, everyone get out of the tent. You got 10 seconds, but it'll be too late. And his arms of bridesmaids and groomed men fly all around us landing right next to us. I'll look into her eyes and know this is the woman I'm gonna spend the rest of this war with. I love you, lady in my life.

Whatever your name is. Oh, so Kyle comes up to Sierra in page in Amanda, and he's like, okay, okay, I was talking to my aunt. I know it might have felt like directed, but like I just want you to know, like, well, we're not perfect guys, okay? But we are fully committed, and I understand some things I say might be aggressive in the moment, but He's he's so out of it his eyes are like little pinholes and he's just wasted and he doesn't even remember what's going on anymore

also like Not what I wouldn't like if I'm want to hear like reassurances that this relationship is on solid ground I want to hear we're not perfect, but we are deeply in love. We're not perfect, but we're committed. Like we're not perfect, but we made a deposit. We're not perfect, but we rented a tent. So, so we're going to move forward. Yeah, pretty much. I'm serious like, um, we'll just punch you in the dick next time. All right, we're just going to punch you in the dick next time. And Amanda says we're just gonna punch you in the deck next time. And Amanda says, I love you and I'm excited for our wedding. I mean, you could handle things different.

Like, don't start you. Okay, this is an apology, at least a try of an apology and attempt to start you. And it's just true. Yeah, Paige is like, we love you. You're just like a small baby. Oh, did somebody talk about a very small thing like a tiny tiny baby Dini tiny baby is big as a thumbnail

So guys, oh song new song alert great song catch me in the city catch you diddy with my friends Got the juice got the sauce got the work. I'm a boss Got the juice, got the sauce, got the work, I'm a boss. Oh man, a house of Ditty. I love that house of Ditty made it in as a lyric there. That's like really, I love a good name check. I was like, it was almost a diss track. I was like, Trixie, you're so close to having your first diss track, but she didn't quite make it.

Catch me in the city, catch a ditty with my friends. No, no, so I did what you normally do. I did the closed caption on this one, and it said, house of ditty. Is it catch me in the city, house of ditty, with my friends? Oh, Lord, okay. You would think, you would think catch a ditty,

like a song, like catch a ditty, right? But it's actually saying, like, that was like some 1920s lyrics, like, catch me in the city, catch a ditty, catch me in the city, catch a ditty. Right, but it's actually like some 1920s lyrics like But then it like pivots to like a very Condiment forward section where it's like bottles are popping Got the juice got the sauce Got some bread making the sandwich gonna have a salad on the side. I don't have a medium-sized drink.

Got my juice got my sauce. Man this is a chick-fil-a. This house of chicken actually. No it's not. So this leads to Craig in page and bad. She's in bed and he's in the towel putting on his shorts. Like, hey, scoy, just scored. Yeah. And she's like, do you love being in the city? And he's like, for a little bit, I don't want to leave, but I have a golf tournament. So the story is that page had sent text, Craig, a text message being like, hey, if we're not on the same page, pun intended, consider me out, okay? And so when she sent that, Craig hopped on a plan to hang out with her and have sex under a sign that says front page news. And then she flicks her hair at us like, yeah, nailed it. And it makes me feel like when you

take a kid to a carnival and they're so excited to win that big bear and you're just looking at it like you poor thing, that fucking bear is going to fall apart in two seconds. Like, yeah, that's a piece of shit. You just won. Okay. Congratulations, child. It's like, it's like her little claw thing in the machine finally got, finally got

Craig and you're like, oh, all that work, but for what? For what? Yeah. How much money was spent to win this, you know, it's like a half open to beef jerky you find on the train floor, you know? So Craig is like, it's very cozy here. I feel comfortable here. Like, there are times I'm in the city and I feel trapped, but it's really perfect here. Hey, have you considered demolishing your wall with a butter knife? It's really fun.

Well, I like like that recently we've been out and it's like time for couch stuff, you know? Like I like how we say that to each other and he's like, yeah, and you're like, what is couch time? And I'm like, honestly, sweetie. We're gonna make snacks and watch TV and stuff sweetie. Catch time. Hashtag catch time. So Paige is like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm bringing this stuff up because I'm like not the type of girl to ask like, what are we? Cause like that's so, those are I should like that's so Chris and Cavalier, am I right? But obviously we're getting out more and I love what we're doing. And like, I'm not putting you on the spot or anything.

So I'm just gonna just let you finish the rest of this thought because I don't wanna be a loser and actually articulate it. Oh, well, I was just trying to read that sign up there and thinking how it would fit on a pillow. I mean, so like obviously we're gonna get mad like if the other person sees someone but like sweetie like I don't think we should make it official because like

that would put stress on it and it wouldn't last so. Oh good that sounds like the foundation of a great relationship. I love where you're thinking Greg. I know pages face because she's eating her hair. She's doing that like, I'm just a girl who's nervous. I'm gonna eat my hair. And she's expecting him. I mean, they just got in a fight because she was kissing somebody else or whatever. So she got him to fly all the way there. I think she's expecting him to be like, it's official.

I can't live without you. But instead, he's like, not let's just keep it the same. I'm not going to shit. Because this dress is going to be too much and we wind up breaking up. And he's like, at this moment, my arc of relationship is we just hang and the paying out more and more and more. And then it would just get to the point where it'd be inappropriate to hook up with other people. I think Bay just like, yeah, so I'm at the top of that arc right now.

So I guess how much hair do I have to eat before you realize what I'm alluding to? Yeah, she's like, okay, I felt that way too. Oh gosh, that is how you feel. So you see you going through her mind. She's like, oh my god, how much more do I have to pretend that Andrea is charming and not completely signing like, how much longer? Also, why would she be a loser for wanting to like get some clarity on where they stand? There's nothing loserish about that. I feel like that's the thing. Maybe that's part of getting older is that you just appreciate like, hey, I feel this way. What do you feel like? Okay, great. Let's move on or let's move forward, right?

But I guess maybe when you're younger, you're like, I don't like it. I don't like it. I'm gonna make it awkward and strange. You know, well, she doesn't think it's that. I mean, if she was talking to the other girl, she wouldn't say that. She's just saying that to him because he's the guy. So you're like, I don't want to make you like feel like,

I like want you because that's like, I mean, you don't ever want to seem like a naggy bee. And this goes for men or women, like when you're dating somebody, you know, like I never want to seem like a naggy bitch. It's not until you're actually with me that I can become the naggy bitch. I have to make sure I have to make sure you're going to be there for me to be a naggy bitch too. Well, that's why in a weird way I appreciated McKenzie later this episode because she is an Aggie be as evidence on Love Island USA. But I appreciated that she already sort of established her parameters like by shaining Carl for his breath, which we'll get into later because that was her way of being like,

guess what? I am going to be an Aggie be to you and this is your first taste of it. No pun intended. so enjoy it. She's like, okay, like she's setting the stage. Yeah, so they both agree that they like where they are and he's like, but I mean, come on, like as long as you tell me that like you prefer me over anyone else, that's all that matters to me.

Sweetie. As long as you like me more than anyone else, as long as you like me more than anyone else, as long as you like me exclusively more than anyone else. So does that make us non exclusive? That's right, but I want you to exclusively only guess me, but we're not exclusive. Yeah, I was noticing when he was in his towel and he turned around that he's getting kind of like the little balding spot at the top and I was just thinking, give that a cup,

give that six more months, he'll be ready to commit. Fucking men, you know? Fucking men. Look when Chef learned how to commit, you know, it was when the other younger guys came and he wasn't, Chef wasn't getting as much in the bars and he was like, all right, you know what, I'm done. Well, he is, you gotta know when to retire, all right, you know what, I'm done. You got to know when to retire.

I mean, like Tom Brady retired for crying out loud. So, I don't even watch sports, do not but chef. I'm the Brady Catechories. He's even I know, but that's just wrong. I apologize. So, so then now we're driving to time to go out to the Hamptons. They're driving and Lindsay's driving with Danielle and they're in like super Danielle and Lindsay mode where Lindsay's like, it's my birthday!

And Danielle is like, tomorrow's gonna be crazy! Like I feel like they're like in a commercial for like, bubble gum or something. Like, they're so extra. Yeah, they're doing the most fun girls ever. And then she's like, Listen, I ain't planted. Don't move my, for this party.

I mean, we got booze. We've got costumes. Our since coming into town. I love our city. You know I've always loved our city. This morning, I mean we've got booze. We've got costumes To be totally geeked out of your mind while you drive I was just waiting for Lindsey to be like I just hope that my diarrhea doesn't back. Oh, well, you got to try Pepto Bismal. Oh, what's that? It's this great product that suits your stomach and all sorts of symptoms.

Great, now I can enjoy my birthday. Thanks, Pepto. My close leaky brain. Hard to hold. Then you'll just start speeding through all of the warnings at the end. I like how I upgraded them from a bubble gum commercial to Pepto Bismal. That's, that's, from a bubble gum commercial to pep to EpisBull.

I was like, wait, that's more appropriate. That's what it is. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host

of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows, it snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the

Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Let's come here, show. So Sierra, Paige and Maya are in their car and I don't like that Maya always has to sit in the back. That sucks. Like you can try to trade off. Like what the hell? So Sierra's like

dude I'm on my period. I'm like bloated as fuck and I have to like walk into this house right now with Austin being there. Like literally the human manifestation of bloat is Austin. Like you'll be fine. You will never have to worry about being around a Southern charm guy and being bloated. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Seriously. So Maya's like, you're not bloated and pages like, are you nervous or are you excited? And Sierra hasn't seen him in three months. So she's like, she doesn't know how to feel. But there's, she's really nervous about the dynamic between Sierra. But she really, I'm sorry, nervous about the dynamic between Sierra. But I'm sorry, nervous about her dynamic between Lindsay

and Austin and all that whole situation. Right. Because like it's good now, but like it's her birthday, and you're like the birthday queen, so like do I have to do this energy with you? And Paige is like, ooh, because Sierra knows what's about to happen, right? Yeah.

And it's so much worse than she could even think it's gonna be. It really is. And you know that like, Lindsay's birthday is not just a day. It's gonna be the next three weeks. Like, oh my god, I was still in my birthday three weeks. So it's gonna be ongoing. Do you remember my sandwich season? Mm-hmm. Like that's gonna be her speech at the fucking wedding. Like you do are still grainy together.

I noticed that at my sandwich station, at my birthday money. I just like can't imagine a better way to celebrate my birthday than like being here with you guys getting married in September. So, I see E is saying how Lindsay's been priding around that Austin's been coming in for her birthday. Like for my birthday, my birthday, my birthday for weeks. And Sierra's like, well, you know, I'm just, I'm just not over

Austin. I'm just, I'm not sure where we are, but I'm just excited to see him. Sierra, Sierra, I'll tell you where you are in a world of like, I don't know, like low self esteem or gaslight or daddy issues that are sending you towards Austin. Please, just like fix this. You were, you were so, so much better. No, don't waste your pretty on him. Yeah, it's, it's sad. And you're quickly approaching dead to me territory So Danielle and Lindsay back in their car

Danielle's asking if she's on good terms with Austin and she's like Wow like I put our friendship on eyes after Vermont and he was like texting me like a million times And I just like ignored his tax on his calls and then like a month later. I was like listen We've worked on this friendship for like three years and you catered to this girl that you just met the angel's man and that's not fair that you cater to her because I was the one who first wore catering outfit on the show. Remember the send it send a cafe. So yeah, that whole argument, though, how many sandwiches have you made me was when she was dressed like a caterer. So Lindsay's like, yeah, he was like, I'm so sorry, it

will never happen again. Which means it's Austin, so it's totally gonna happen again. You know, yes, yeah, and she just smiles crazily, and this is so sad, because no matter what they want to make you think on Summer House, for those of you who didn't watch Winter House, it was pathetic, okay? It was fucking pathetic, and Austin led her on, you know, as we see this episode, he does his Austin thing, but he was totally shitty

to Lindsay, and she just hung on the whole season and then just started fucking somebody to make him jealous and it was sad, okay, it was sad and desperate and now it's like gonna be a desperation, my ex or 28 years old birthday, you know. It's true. Here we go. It's a classic Lindsay. And Austin was also shitty to see her, I don't forget. I mean, who could ever forget? So they are arriving. It's definitely getting Austin was also shitty to see her don't forget. I mean who could ever forget so they are arriving I can't forget asking was also shitty to me okay But she rebounded well. I'm happy for Madison. Well, I don't know We don't know if this guy's a dish background out, but he's at least good-looking

So at least on that level she rebounded well so Now everyone's like arriving at the house and Sierra's like do you know know it's Friday the 13th and Paige goes, oh, I don't love that Poor I mean imagine Jason for he showed up at this place. He'd be like, you know what? I'm just gonna kill myself. I Came here to kill a bunch of you guys, but I think it would be better if I just did myself in and it's so Paige and Sierra because here It's like wait if Andrea is not here, how are bags going to get up stairs? Because Carl. And then they open the refrigerator and it's disgusting because they left oysters and raw chicken in there and Pagency just goes,

let's just act like we didn't see any of that. They just four whine and go out to the pool. So Carl shows up to, hey, and then he tells us it's an emotional week for him because it was the anniversary of one year anniversary of his brother dying. And he just talks about like how he's given his parents the gift of sobriety so they don't have to worry about him, which is very nice. And it is, but they're just staring at him like, can you bring our bags to us? Rose.

Kind of gift is sobriety. It sounds disgusting. Yeah, they're pouring each other wine. And they just like, Sarah, slow down with the wine. Can you give us the gift of bringing our luggage upstairs? Things.

So, Carl's like, Carl's like, Hey, ah, our university's in line. What's going on? Ah, I don't know why he, why did I write that down? I was like, hey, are you nervous? Is something like what's going on? I don't know why he, why did I write that down? Did he just be saying that?

And then, he goes, I think I know, because Austin. And he's like, well, anyway, I have a visitor too. And there's like definitely a connection. Oh, where is this visitor? Oh, it's like definitely a connection. And Paige asks if she drinks. And he's like, oh, actually, she dumped him drink a lot, which is like, Mr. Duh? Oh, it's like, definitely a con- Ah. And Paige asks if she drinks, and he's like, Oh, actually, she doesn't drink a lot, which is like, huge.

That's huge. It's huge, it's big. So you're like, oh yeah, I used to be like that. I'll do your hangout here, all right. Oh, I thought. I'll, you look great, boy. You look great. So then, Luke is the one who's like attacking the fridge,

and we just keep cutting back to him, going like, Oh my God, wow, oh, oh to him going like, oh my god. Wow. Oh my god. Oh, oh wow. Wow. It's like that lady we heard in the airport. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Chees and crackers. This is bad. Oh, who left this here? Oh no. Oh. Hi. Everyone's gathering.

That was Amanda, not Chilsenarian. But she, now that I think about it. Okay, so Carl's like, I just reached eight. Oh, wow. And Lindsay and Danielle are driving up. And of course, they start honking. Lindsay starts honking. And Maya's like, um, you're just rechains. Oh, wow. And Lindsay and Danielle are driving up. And of course, they start honking, Lindsay starts honking.

And Maya's like, um, that's Lindsay, I'm guessing. And I was like, wow, I think we're supposed to greet her. Let's greet her. Let's greet her. Paige, guys, if you want to, bye. It's probably the 13th, that'd be careful. Yeah, and then by the way, we also, there was also a very important fight with Kyle and Amanda where he goes

Travis getting bad again. What? That was the worst traffic we ever hit. What about Travis? Shut the fuck up like wow you guys are really really on a great path for this wedding Having traffic art. I didn't even bother my fingers were like no, they just stopped They were like we will not type this. So Lindsay is screaming that she's so excited that Austin's coming today and They ask where he's staying and Lindsay's like, I'm assuming my room

And then since Friday 13th we hear And then since Friday 13th we hear And it's Austin Austin pulling up. Is that what Jason says I actually never sound of us that's the sound of his car What does Jason do doesn't he make a noise like Or no, just Carl. There's something there's something that Jason does some noise, but since I don't know what he makes it, but the music. Yeah, that's why man. Just Austin's lip. Where's Tom?

Guys, Tom is sticking out of his mouth. So, but it's active. It doesn't just stay out of his mouth. You know, it's not like Ryan on Real House was of Orange County where his tongue just sits there. Austin's not like that. His tongue comes out and that kind of moves around. I mean, just let's keep moving like he's still saying sentences when he's like finishing the sign on this. I'm like, oh, wow. I'm

like a bad lip sync. He was gonna wear a hockey mask, but like it just got in the way of the tongue. So he had to, he's like, like, look I just have to I just have to show everyone my face while I kill him Okay, so Luke Carl the guys were in the kitchen basically and Luke's like whoa the last time I say Yucaya was it your birthday? Do not look in this fridge. Okay, it's almost as disastrous his your fucking birthday whoa That was bad. Oh no, that's what I say to a true birthday. Whoa, no. No. Oh no.

And Kyle is sort of talking to the girls and saying like, you know, like, oh, hey, I just want to address the elephant in the room, which is like that speech. And I just, you know, it feels good to get that stuff off my shoulders. I'm like not trying to make a thing a bit or whatever. And it's like, we're literally getting married in two months. Believe it or not, this is our relationship. We bigger, we fight, we get over it, we commit to party rentals. And if something bad, because if you got something

bad to say about it at this point, you might just keep it to yourself because we have a lot of money invested and we don't want to hear it anymore. And he's actually not talking to the girls he's just telling us because the girls are out with Amanda and Amanda's like, oh my god you guys of course Kyle's not mad at you. I mean he definitely realized his it was not the time in the place and then Kyle's telling the guys, yeah, it felt really good to get things off my chest. You're right. I'm sorry. I was like, I just stored it in view. You're right. I was watching this like one in the morning and like half falling asleep.

I'm finished arresting tomorrow. So like some of my notes, I'm like, what happened again? No, that was okay. I only corrected it because I thought it was so funny that kind of this has no idea that he took nothing from that. Exactly. He took it as like a moment where he's like oh that was great So I really got to share something and they're like what the fuck was that? Yeah, so here's Austin

Hey boy, because Austin's got this his voice and he's smoking a lot of cigarettes clearly, right? So he's he's like hey boy, let's go. Come on. Hey. Hey, let's go guys Bro, hey, I got you a beer bud and then Austin goes up to Yeah, just why shut the fuck up shut the fuck up. I'm like, man You knew he was coming like why are you acting surprised and then she runs and jumps on him and does that the bachelor like crotch chip clip thing on his waist. Which is like, and just awkward music as they're hugging and screaming and kissing and he's brought a flowers. Yeah.

Yeah. Happy birthday. So then Daniel is like some of the merged the girls who decided not some of the girls are singing to the side and Daniel was like, wait, Sierra, quick download, like what's going on? Like Alex, Carl, Austin, I'm confused. Like, basically asking who Sierra's interested in and Paige is like, okay, I'll tell you.

Carl's bringing a girl, Alex, we don't give a fuck about Anastin. Well, that there it is, that's the download. She wants Austin. I'm going inside, bye. So she leaves, and Sierra and Austin have some some alone time and she's like, you look so tan and he's like, money caps are there! Where do you put on your kneecaps?

Where do you put on yours? And she's like, like, SbF50 and he goes, wait, like you put on sunscreen? That's insane right now, it's insane. And Sierra's like, yeah, black people can still get skin cancer idiot. He's like, whoa, that's insane. So then we have a quick cut of Carl's like, hey, how do you want to do that? Corn the cob. Oh, you know, just like put it right there in the husk.

Oh, yeah, right on. Yeah, yeah, put your husk on me, bro. Yeah. So, you can't catch this, but your husk on me, bro. Yeah. So you can't catch this, but you know, who cares? So Sierra and Austin and are back to Sierra and Austin talking. She's like, are you excited for Lindsay's birthday? And he's like, uh, yeah, I mean, I haven't had a chance to like, uh, my talk tour, yeah, uh, and she's like, well, you're staying in a room. Do you know that part?

And he goes, what? Yeah, oh, she said it while we were sitting out there. And he goes, oh, Andy told me he isn't coming right now. So he said, just take my room. I mean, there's an extra room, isn't there? There's a scene right now. What Andy is offering? I swear to God, Ronnie, I forgot how Austin calls Andrea

Andy and it literally drives me insane. Cause for a moment, I thought maybe everyone calls Amanda. You know the way people like Nicholas Cage's friends, I'll call them like Nick Cage, but we haven't seen anyone all season call him Andy. It's like maybe one passing reference, but everyone says Andrea.

And so I just get the sense that no one calls him Andy and awesome just like, you're gonna be Andy because you did that on Winterhouse. And I don't know, for some reason, like it really epitomizes everything about Austin. Like he's just like, no, you might be called Andrea. I just had to give you a much more pedestrian Andy. So what I call good old fashioned inferred closeness.

So Sierra's like, well, I'm just gonna tell you, you are not staying with Lindsay and he goes, no, I'm not, she goes, no, you're not. And not to tell you what to do, but I'm telling you what to do. And then he has a sort of a face. He's just looking at a serious face. And she's wet.

He's like, nothing. You're just really pretty when you're mad. Oh, I'm so disgusting. Like awful. So awful. And then we have we cut over to page saying, is it weird if I have a cookie? Well, I P. I mean,, I was like I've literally had breakfast on the toilet on a Zoom call

You know what got? Yeah, man, we all saw that it was really embarrassing While my bruh So kitchen Austin comes up to Lindsay and Danielle and Danielle's watching right so she meals just standing back there licking a line like it's them it's Austin and Lindsay. Oh, I hope Lindsay's diarrhea doesn't come back right now. So Austin's like so we should go off and have a drink somewhere like you know I catch up or something and she goes yeah where's your stuff and he's like literally at the front door don't and Daniel goes hmm like the only

person in the audience of an action movie and she's totally invested and Austin's like yeah I talked to Andy and he said he's not coming until tomorrow. Yeah, I spoke to Andy. Andy. Andy. So then, uh, I ain't kind of assume that you would have kept out in my room. But Andy, Andy. He's like, yeah, he was just like, it was insane. Just take my room and play it by ear. And he's like, yeah, okay, I mean, his room is like right on the other side. Like she's, when he says it in a way like, yeah, you can take that shitty, shitty, small room

or you can stay with me. And he's like, okay, well, can you just show me? So now she starts to give him like a little house tour. Yes. And Sierra is on bed with the girls. For girls, girl talk on the bed. No. So she's saying, yeah, and Sierra is on bed with the girls for girls girl talk on the bed No, so she's saying yeah, and I told Austin you're not staying in her room just so you know Oh, that's him right now. I came here as tongue coming up the stairs

I think he's getting his tongue just passed the first banister. It's officially a house tour Yeah, and then like Lindsay doing her own episode of House Hunter. She's like, okay, well, this is your bathroom, and it's not an ensuite, but this is Andre's room, our NBA guest. And he's like, oh yeah, this is fun. Okay, but then up here, like, like then here's my room.

Like, what do you think about my room? It's big, it's got a California king, you know? House wine is really time, but it's a surprise you of Mike and is further from the center of Lindsay. House two is a little bit above your budget, but it's close to my eggs. And house number three, which is the one you picked, which is inside Lindsay. You win, you win House Hunters. Unfortunately House number three is also a little bit of a fixer-upper,

but we'll deal with that later. Duh, duh, duh, duh. Duh, duh, duh. So then Austin, let's- It's a map of Lindsay's eggs. You just like the House Hunters theme, you see a map come up and there's like a pin in like each different egg egg like which will they choose

Which egg has the H.O.A. Fuse Does this egg come with a parking lot? Um, I'm a little concerned this egg is close to a busy road Hmm. I'm really not loving the cabinets in this egg is close to a busy road. I'm really not loving the cabinet in this egg. Wait a second, this egg has popcorn ceilings. So later in the kitchen Kyle gives everybody an update that he's made reservations for dinner. And Kyle a man that's like, are you giving another speech, Kyle? There's not enough people for me to push through to be dramatic enough to pull this off Yeah, and

Is this the part where they're oh, yeah Kyle says the reservation and then Carl's like y'all That's great. Okay. Well, I'm just gonna walk over here. Oh, God. He called trips on a garbage bag, which, um, it's certainly the same garbage bag that Hannah Berner left from last season, like, oh, so much of probably put this away at some point. Hannah Berner is actually making more effort to show back up at the house and put the garbage on the floor. She's just dropping her garbage off as she goes to Dez's house. Right. And the reservations are for drinks, not dinner, because they're having dinner at home tonight. So, upstairs, Sierra and Lindsay pass each other in the hallway and they look at each other, but don't speak.

And they just keep walking. It's like, John, John, John, egg contest. Egg contest. And then Carl's like, hey, God, I'm really sorry for you guys to meet my cousin. So I gave her the keys to my partner. Yeah, it's kind of like a reversal of my whole. I'm taking it slow. I'm taking it fast this time.

It's sort of weird. It was a little boy scared. It's crazy. So Lindsay and Austin leave for dinner and say, okay, bye. I'm going to ask him again. And then another moment of Kyle and Amanda showing extreme love for each other, Amanda's like sort of putting on makeup and he's like, hey, I'm just checking in. We're trying to eat dinner soon.

And she's like, okay, well, I've been talking to people and I'm like trying to do my makeup Kyle. So like, so that I can get dressed so like should happens and sometimes you're not ready so I'll be right there Kyle Well, there's food. Well, should happens Kyle okay? It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So they gather at the table and Kyle,

as if he didn't just hear the Lindsey Airhorn that just went off in the house, it's like, where's Lindsey and Austin? That's what I thought was funny. So then let's go to the dive bar that they say they're going to. This is not a dive bar. I don't want to go to this place.

It looked good to me. But they go and they arrive arm and arm, you know, and he's in like some kind of leopard print shirt because he's so fucking douchebag from Charlton or it's like Cheetah print. It's just like small, like little dots all over his shirt. It's basically a shirt of confused ellipses leading you nowhere, okay? Read the shirt.

Just all his spittle just stained it. So then he's like, first off, 35 years old, you don't look a goddamn day over 29. You look fire. Got one thing that I cannot stand with Austin is how he always like adds like goddamn or motherfucking to things. It's not like a vulgarity thing because we curse,

but the way he does it, like he always throws in that emphasis in a way that's supposed to be charming and it drives me nuts. Also, it's not charming to tell someone 29, okay? Everybody knows the magic number is you don't look at day over 28, right? Because that's when you start lying. You're like 28 forever or 38, depending on your decade, you know?

Yeah. You don't just say 29. It's almost, he's even adduction is compliments as well. He also, well, he also aged her up from her egg age. I mean, her eggs, my 28 with my eggs, that you not see is my 28th egg birthday. The doctor even knew the correct a lie age for the eggs He literally added like she just got those years taken off and he just added one on wrong way wrong The host Linda of egg hunters is like here. We are with 28 year old eggs about this like even

is like, here we are with 28 year old eggs. About this, like even the eggs are like, yep, 28, we're all 28 here. All of us are 28 years old here. So Lindsay's like, well, that's the Botox. And also, Andrew Titz, it's the mother fucking first thing I looked at too. So they ordered shots and two tequila sodas on the side. I know, and I also liked it when they ordered the shots

and the tequila sodas, that like Austin's such a schmuck that Lindsey had to be the one to say, we're celebrating a birthday. Like, that's what Austin's supposed to say, but like he clearly doesn't say, yeah, that's me, that's my birthday, I'm 28. But he does look good day of our 29, am I right? Everyone, stop that, stop, 28.

We're gonna need 20 29 candles on that So Lindsay and Lindsay is also the first in everywhere she goes she wants that fucking dessert in a song Everywhere she goes on her birthday, you know So she's saying that she's not gonna let anyone affect her having her own hot hub summer and he's like, yeah That's what I'm saying. It's like important you so like it's important to be selfish I mean you're never selfish. You're never Selfish Lindsay is never selfish What part of how many sandwiches have you made me speaks of selflessness?

And then the big twist the big twist in the scene. Hi, um, we let the order the mods of balls. I was like, what? What's going on with this scene? But it's not some balls. Yeah, but it's the Hampton so they call them mods balls, which I like. Like the mods balls and the stinkmites medium air. And she's like, well, you know, Austin, you don't like disappointing people. Really?

Because he seemed to have a great fucking time doing it last time to both of you, to both you and Sierra. I'm the special page. Have you read his Instagrams going off on people that are leaving comments? He's like, yeah, to see why you're in love ugly. Well, it's too bad he doesn't like disappointing people because I'm sure his parents who invested heavily

in Trapop have something else to say. So then he's like, yeah, he's like, yeah, I don't like disappointing people because it gets me in more trouble than it does if I just tell someone straight up, God, God isn't seen right now. Oh, hey, how much I hate just pointing people And by the way, he does not tell people anything straight. Yeah, the very last day about to say just about to say that he literally did not say anything to see her last time

So but you know seara's back. It's like he did that then she went to visit him And he's still doing the same shit and she still wants Austin. So, like, what do you know? But you know what though? But this, so I'm wondering because obviously, Winterhouse and this were filmed before Winterhouse aired. So I don't, I wonder how much she knew going into this season since Winterhouse hadn't aired yet. I mean, how much she knew about the audience reaction.

We're also that awesome. Well, that, but also that like Austin have been lying to her. Winterhouse aired in, you're right. In like remember. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So, um, I really important the game. That's the bottom of so many pressing questions the show has for us. Did you ever know about Austin on what our house But even if she didn't even if she didn't know basically with what he did with her with the whole like Pretending he was so into it and what are we gonna do after this and all of that stuff and then the last day being like Like I just have to be just friends because like I like I'm still over my axe or that or whatever he did at the end of that. Also his personality. Also his shorts. And his time.

Also his everything. Yeah, everything about him. So back with the gang. So Luke's like, Soul, Austin came in for Lindsay's birthday correct. And they're like, yep. And then he said, yeah, well, I mean, she invited him. But yeah, I mean, he came. So that's something, but that was an odd thing to put in there like that. Like, well, he didn't just show up as a surprise, you know,

like Lindsay's still make, she invited him. She sent him a plane ticket and a rental car. So, but yeah, he's here. I mean, he did come so yeah and Luke is like so are you like dating if you guys like a thing or something like that like should I be saying oh no or should I be saying like oh no she's like no yeah she's like well I get it it's like her birthday and I'm like expecting him to spend time with her, but like, he is not sleeping within her bed.

I will tell you guys that right now. And he's like, why are you dating? She's like, no, no, we're not dating. And Amanda says, yeah, but like, maybe the conversation they have, like, maybe have alluded to it, maybe being like uncomfortable. And he's like, so why does it matter if he stays in Lindsay's bed? Does it? And he's like, yeah, that's not happening.

He's a bit why? Because I said so. And oh yeah, Amanda says that thing about the conversations. And Luke is like, well, was it not uncomfortable when I was on vacation in Vermont and Sierra was hooking up with Austin. So I was like, Oh, look at Luke. Luke is suddenly like risen from the dead and like from sort of singing songs on his guitar to getting a little messy here. He's got the anger of someone who just cleaned oyster and raw chicken smell out of a fridge

before getting to make a fire. Right. So he's like, you know, I mean, going into this winter, it wasn't an issue for you that you were hookin' up with Aston right in front of me. I mean, it would have been nice if you had treated me, maybe. And she's like, do not act like you are such a victim. Luke. And he's like, well, point is, you know, I'm a fuckboy in all these things,

but when you're having fun with this guy who's having fun with whoever he wants into and all these things, like it's totally fine. I mean, it's just a double standard, which is totally true. I mean, the way they jumped on Luke last season, well, I guess the difference would be that she said, no, I don't want to be with you. But here's some flowers. So I guess it's not really the same thing. It's not quite the same, but it's still a fun point to make because anything to sort of like you know Sort of destroy that potential with awesome. The point that the point that stands is that they're calling him a fuck boy

But Austin is obviously a fuck boy. I know when seems to care like it's fine. Yeah. Yeah, exactly I mean, yeah, but the big difference like you said is that Sierra wasn't into Luke anymore. And now but Sierra wants Austin. And so she's just like, I don't know. I don't know why she would choose Austin over Luke. It doesn't make any sense to me. But pages like, uh, so, so pages like, oh my God, boys, don't have a lot of double standards. You can live with that one. Yeah. So she's sort of shading him and Luke is like, you know what? Last summer, Sierra treated me poorly, poorly, and yet Austin is doing what he wants. And she continues to be involved with him. A hundred thousand percent. She's a hypocrite. Whatever, whatever.

Whaddaaver So then Austin and Lindsay back at their date. So he's talking like you know, I'm like trying to like Gage like Sierra like I just want to have fun, you know like tomorrow at your party like if I had fun Is it gonna be viewed as like me like rubbing something in her face like is it rude this motherfucker? Okay, so he's opening it with I came here to make out and fuck you all weekend Yes, is that gonna get me in trouble with Sierra? That's basically what he's opening it with. I came here to make out and fuck you all weekend. Is that gonna get me in trouble with Sierra? That's basically what he's saying. Yeah, exactly.

And then Lindsay, of course, is happy to undermine Sierra. I'm like, um, Sierra's been into Carl and into Alex. So I think you're off the hook there. Sierra's not been into Alex. Sierra made out with Alex during a game. And was like, oh, he's a good kisser. Huh, maybe I should think about that,

but like, honestly, I think that basically the producers have prodded her into asking about Alex. I have not seen anything that indicates that Sierra has any passing interest in Alex whatsoever. Well, Sierra has tried to be interested in other people she hasn't been, but, you know, they're not boyfriend and girlfriend, okay, they do not have any labels, and that's what you get. So Austin is like, well, you know, they're not boyfriend and girlfriend. Okay, they do not have any labels, and that's what you get.

So, Austin is like, well, she said I was absolutely not allowed to say in your room this weekend. So, now he's gonna start the fight. Yeah, he's got the grossy euro for the best. Yeah, that's exactly what he just did. He's gonna start the fight between the women. And of course, she's like, what the hell is that? In the girl.

If the arrow isn't tamed by my friendship and my eggs with Austin, that's her problem. I'm certainly not walking on eggshells around a girl who's known my best friend for a handful of months. It's like my mother fucking birthday. Okay, I'm the new stoss, you know, I am. And I love that she just keeps saying she's not gonna walk on eggshells around anyone. It's like just exerring her head now, you know. Not gonna get out. Not gonna get out.

So she's like, you do not get instructions from other people on how you should act in my room. And he's like, oh, babe, do you think anyone's going to tell me how to act or what? Meanwhile, it got to Madison be like, I'll think him over. Okay, I'll be right there. So, uh, so now, uh, everyone's getting dressed to go out and everything and, um, excuse me, Danielle is on the phone with Robert. He's got a new gig in Montauk. She gets to see him more, which is exciting for her. And we learn that Craig is going to be coming into town on Thursday. And Amanda's like, I've always liked Craig more. And Paige is like, of course, of course.

So then, you know, everyone's like, I mean, of course you did your pickers off. Okay, there isn't like how could you. So then back, so then they go to the clip. What yeah, another to club and they Amanda, who just proves that she shouldn't be here is like, we'll have five espresso martinis. This is not your channel. Okay. You need to find another channel, ma'am. I will suggest ABC. Yeah. And Lindsay and Austin joined the group. And like Lindsay hugs Carl and they like fall on the ground. He's like, whoa, that's a big night for me falling on the ground. Whoa, that's pretty big. That's cruiser. And then Amanda, Amanda goes up to Austin and is like, did you see her already? Meaning like Sierra? Because he's like, hasn't said hi

to Sierra. And he goes, who? She goes, Sierra, the girl who's like standing up and has her arms out trying to hug you right now. And he's like, oh, oh, you mean this little mix? She's insane right now, those little mix. And she's like, mix. Yeah, you little Jezebel. I'm like, you're so disgusting.

Please stop. He really is. He's disgusting and then adds in a Bible reference. Or should a reference, whichever way you want to put it, or Elizabeth Taylor, or whoever, was Elizabeth Taylor just. Or former, former, uh, uh, entity of Gawker Media, you know, whatever. So yeah, so Lindsay's wasted in mad and she's just tackled Carl to the ground, you know, but now her mood is just like, so here in Austin are like hugging and kissing and doing that long, long hug and he's like grabbing her ass and Lindsay's like, I do not understand

what's going on with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah Cheek wave in. Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on right now for fuck's sake? Let's go home Also awesome to El Sierra you look like god damn Celine Dion She goes out of all people to say he says Celine Dion. Like, where did that go? At this point, I think awesome just has like lines in his back pocket. He just applies to anyone regardless of who they are. Celine Dion.

Did you see them say that? No. Like, I don't look at Sierra and thinks Aline D. And I'm just gonna say it right now. I'm just gonna put it out there. Maybe I'm crazy. Literally nobody does. And the fact that he said God damn Seline D.

He looked like God damn Seline D. Does that mean that Austin has a Seline D. On thing then? I don't know. I have no idea what's going on with stupid fucking Austin. I can't believe he hasn't said 5,000 more ignorant things than he has. You know, so Luke, so everybody gets home and Lindsey's wasted, of course, trying to find more things to drink.

And Luke, we just get a scene of Luke in his room taking off the little square pillows from the bed. And he's like, these pillows suck. Whoa! That conversation really hurt Luke. This is a lot for Luke. Yeah, I said that I have a note in here from last night when I was still half awake, and I wrote Luke, Anger, Drinking Beer.

I don't remember what that was, because I was half asleep, but it seems to fit here with the square pillow moment that he was anger drinking. He was very upset. I mean that was some pillow anger. So Paige calls Craig and she's like, you know what you said you didn't want to know. So like no Craig, obviously I didn't. Okay. I mean we're not I'm not some loser who's like gonna be all exclusive with you or anything but no I didn't get any guys now. So in the kitchen Austin and Lindsay Kyle and Sierra so Lindsay is like hugging Kyle you know because now she's gonna get her turn to like come oh I'm sorry. She's just like hugging Kyle deeply. So she's like, I am a 30 and five year old

with eggs of a 28 year old party to the Marrow. So I'm gonna go to the night. And that's not like a watch or crap ends like joke on what she really said. She actually said that. She literally said I'm a 35 year old with a 20 year old eggs. That's her birthday party tomorrow.

Yeah. So then, but Lindsay's like mad, she's still mad about the CR thing. So she goes into her room, which is like, it is all of them, it is. And then Sierra, meanwhile, is hanging out with Austin in Andreas' room. And Austin's like, yeah, who the fuck?

And he's like my best friend. I'm like, really? Because you're not calling him by his man. You're calling him Andy And no one else does that Austin And she's a gross. You're gonna get into his bed with your smelly dirty ass. He's like, but it's Andy So then later page in Maya who are the cutest couple because they're gonna sleep together tonight and when they're getting in bed Page guess you have a side and And Maya's like, that is so thoughtful. And so they go down to get a snack together.

And Kyle comes into the kitchen with a blanket over his head. And he's like, hey, Paige, guess, it's not an invisibility club, Kyle. We can see you. And Luke, meanwhile, like now the spirit has reached him. And he like he's now like he's got his guitar and he's like oh The acoustics in his fucking room are insane and he just starts strumming his guitar Throughout the kitchen like getting ready to the coyote song Then page of my I go to bed and she's like, um, did you just put a piece of banana bread in your bra?

I know how you guys get down up here. That's a loser. And here in Austin are still in bed. And now she's like stretching his leg over, you know, like doing a sexy stretch for him. Sexy physical therapy. I want to eat you from to back. I'll eat you from from to back I'll eat you from front to back

I wish I went the entire Bravo audience just one She's like Are you being serious right now off then? He's like Take it off. Please just

take it off. On camera. Yeah. And then they look at the camera and start laughing and she's like ENO, not gonna do that good for you. I was very concerned Because we've seen this clip a lot of times. I think in a trailer or coming up forever and I'm Want to eat you from the front of back and I'm like oh my god. I'm like dreading this moment and so glad that's you are stepped away Well, what happened is just putting something on the camera Hello new class like you were too new. Yeah, the classic move that something over the camera

So Amanda is standing by her bed in the morning and she's like Why is there a blanket on the floor? I don't know We mean you know and they're helping Lincoln on the floor. I don't know. What do you mean, you don't know Kyle? He's like, oh, it's not like I walked in with it, which is literally what he did. So then, and a man is like, it crawled down its own Kyle. And now they're all like setting up for the big Lindsey birthday party and everything.

And Kyle is like, Kyle sees Austin Austin and he's like he's like hey Well, there's so many business house. We're just leave last night at Austin's like oh in andies in andies Little we can go mad every single time he says that I'm gonna just lose my mind I know matter house shit face Lindsay gets she can always wake up like okay Time to put together the birthday party like she's always Chipper, you know I'm like ready to wake up and get shit done for her on a Saturday, but especially if it's her party She's like always like Lindsay doesn't wake up that much like not willing to help or just stay in bed

You know, she's always like okay kids. What are we doing day? I've really come to appreciate over the years Lindsay's Like you're right that sort of that that that on that that pool of energy and That just doesn't seem to ever deplete that like that let the same energy that has a waking up after getting wasted and then that can have her getting shots with her mots of balls and just dealing with douche bag after douche bag and she's just like unflappable and you know, I used to be a real

Lindsey Hader back in the day and I've really come around to appreciating, you know, that she is something of a superwoman on this show. Hey, you got a lovely Lindsey, come on. Yeah, you got to love Lindsay even. Come on. Yeah. So she's telling everybody about her party. She's like, the theme is a fairy tale, but it's like twisted. Fandile. So over there, I like make her own sandwich. Mom.

First of all, I don't know what fairy tale that is. I don't just like Cinderella. Don't you remember Cinderella had to make her own sandwich before she could go to the ball? I think that's how it went, right? Lindsay's like having you separate your own rice to make So I don't know what fairy tale that's from but I do see some personal growth here that Lindsay is actually celebrating Making your own fucking sandwich. Yeah, so you get a woo from me because I mean, I think that's pretty amazing Well, we all remember in Rapunzel

She had to let down a 10-foot-long from her head, right? Remember when that lady put those children in the oven just to make them toasted quince nails Don't you remember in Hansel and Gretel? They left the trail of subway wraps, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. So she's like, oh, and over here, I want to go to Mexico. So I'm like, I have a Ticuma drug on it. And this I'm here.

It's like the clown. It's going to be like the one I used to sound like. And then a balloon arch. She says that represents all the eggs inside of me. Wow. Look at how young this balloon arch was. Wow. The only shock here was that Austin didn't come out and they just all popped. So I'm like, I'm like, I'm a, I'm a, I'm like a savage. And that song leads to Luke reading instructions on how to put it to together.

So connect, pulls, whittip! Oh no! Oh no! Oh, I love when Luke builds things like his little table he built last year, that was like on a diagonal. So Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, it's this really, he starts flirting with Sierra and he has something so interesting to say he goes, you should see me this morning when I woke up.

I was like, what happened? Great Austin. So Andrea comes with a gift for Lindsay. It's from him and Alex. It's like You know Lindsay and then Carl and Paige are setting up a cake table and she's talking about how she's excited to meet this girl and Carl so nervous that he breaks one of the fairies on the table, which Lucky that Lindsay wasn't anywhere near Well sure, I'll just broke it.

Well, sorry, Trab. And Paige is like, well, it's actually good that you might be a little nervous because that means you actually like her. And oh, you know how you know you'll really like her? If you guys get into a fight about being as lucid by two losers, that's how you really know. So here comes Mackenzie arriving with white flowers.

Ooh. You're arriving with white flowers. Ooh. Ah. So Austin. Austin. The seara's sitting on the couch and Austin's like, this is the most typical scene I've ever seen in my life. All the girls are doing the work and seara's just sitting on the couch

like Celine Dionne. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Whoa, this is so typical seara. Like, it's all coming back to me right now. You're so saline. Mm hmm. Nearby, you're always saline. So Carl goes to get Mackenzie and bring her inside.

And Sierra and Austin are watching on the side of the living room. And Mackenzie does this. First one that we actually talk is something draws everything together. Like, I don't know if it's like her teeth The ears are like to I don't know what it is that it's really funny She does everything bossy that in question form like should we go upstairs first?

A lot of the let's go upstairs first. Okay, should I get my bang to come up the stairs? Okay Okay, should I get my bag to come up the stairs? Okay. That's, you know, that's so accurately, Mackenzie. Like, you've only seen that one clip of her on Love Island, but that's exactly her to a tee, just like clenched teeth bossy with question marks. That is 100% her. And actually, I get the sense that she really wants to partake

in the party more than she's letting on. You know, I think she's trying to be nice for Carl, but I think she wants the party like crazy, but everyone else. Yes, because she seems like she doesn't know what to do, not parting. Yeah. So Austin and Sierra still watching.

He's like, oh my god, I've got her flowers. And she's like, you didn't get me anything. Oh, because he says, I didn't get Lindsey flowers. And she goes, you didn't get me flowers either. He's like, it's not your birthday. I Can't stand his like Neg flirting. It's so it's I mean I'm a broken record like I'm literally not standing anything about Austin. Is it shocking? I'm like I can't stand his shoes either But um, so then Carl is

Then we go up back up to Carl's hey, my cousin. Give me a hug. Give me a hug And she's like, but you shouldn should we go down the stairs to see every money. Yeah, one of the guys I was going to ride with a party. We should do that. That's a great idea. My good, good idea. Good. No, good. No. Can I get a hug first? Oh my god. I hate when people ask me questions. You want to put your weight on me? No. So then Austin, so Austin and Kyle have to go to the liquor store. So they're gonna get in the car and everything.

And they're driving along and the mallet for some reason is in the car. So Austin's like puts on the mallet. It's crazy. And Kyle's like, yeah, I feel the most myself when I'm wearing my mallet and everything. And Kyle is wearing, he's wearing like a tank top that says Kyle on it. It sort of looks almost like monster energy drink, but it says Kyle instead.

And all the, yeah, it's like dripping down and melting because it's really saying, Kyle! Ah! Ah! That's so true. It's a mandafon melting out slowly. Yeah. So Austin's like, you're sure it's incredible. That's so true. It's a mandafon melting out slowly, oozing.

Yeah. So Austin's like, you're sure it's incredible. And you think like, okay, like what? This can't possibly reveal more toxicity in the interrelation between Kyle and Amanda. And he's like, yeah, well, I've had the shirt for a month. And you wouldn't even let me wear it. She's like, she's like, it's too much Kyle. And I'm like, dude, you didn't even know you're dating. I'm like, damn.

Not even a 10, you can't even talk about a tank top with these two. He's like, yeah, I really want to fuck the car every time I come outside. I've got that story really turned it off. But you know what? My wedding's in 41 days. Did you get me to invite?

Because, like, listen, I know, you know how many friends I have that got married with 10 friends during the pandemic. I mean, I admire their budget, but we waited. So we want a party. We're gonna celebrate, okay? I mean, I've even had investors ask me about it and they're like, have you discussed a prenup yet? And I'm like, no, because I don't want a matter

or a family to worry about it. I have signed a contract with her parents already, so it's like, how many contracts can one person have? You know what I mean? It's like 1-800 contracts. Oh my God, it's a new business. And cause like, it's almost like a dark cloud and what should be a sunny day. I'm like, how many dark clouds? There's so many dark cloud issues happening. Like, what's one more? What's one more? It is kind of an awkward conversation to have now you idiot, but I can see how it would have been awkward too when you're $4 million of debt to be like,

I wanna print up. I get to keep the coyote tank top. So, and then meanwhile, Carl's like, hey, so, Mackenzie, I was actually a little anxious waiting for you. I'm just a little boy. I'm a cute little boy. I'm a good garden crush. She's like, oh, so, Mackenzie, I was actually a little anxious waiting for you. I'm just a little boy. I'm a cute little boy. I'm a good garden crush.

She's like, oh my god, you were? I'm sorry. You know, hug. Yeah. I always need hugs. Yeah, I'll just lie down here and receive your weight. Oh, yeah, put it on me. Yeah.

So this after Carl has this scene with Austin about pre-neaps. The song as they returned to the house is when we gonna when we gonna spend this money like okay okay trick see calm it down over there so now everybody's getting ready for the party and twisted fairy tale mostly means Allison Wonderland yeah everybody thank you thank you for so everyone's Allison Wonderland you know like Mackenzie's Alice and Carl is a prince and Danielle is also Alice and Austin is with Lindsay as she gets her outfit on, which is a string bikini top with butterflies over her nipples and he's like, wow, butterflies on your nipples. God damn it.

Fuck. God damn it, I fucking love that. Yeah, and Luke, by the way, is like Johnny Depp, Madhatter, which is a strange look on Luke. I'm not gonna lie. It's a strange look on Johnny Depp. It's a strange look on really everyone. But, and then- He's got those contacts, you know,

it's the white contacts over his eyes. Really? Yeah. You're still hot. Come to me. Come to me. I'll never leave oysters in the refrigerator. And Andrea is still trying to work page.

And he's like, oh, you look really good. Really good. And he kisses her on the forehead. But now she's officially not into him. And he's picking up by the energy and he's like becoming like sad, gorgeous man, you know, sort of like wilting away into the corner. Yeah. And in a costume party of wacky costumes, Kyle's got to be the wackiest. So he's in one of those pink blow up dinosaur, like Barney costumes.

Is that what he is? It's like yeah It's like a pink dying it's like a pink dragon. It's like a cute. It's sort of like Barone a Jason, you know Yeah, so Lindsay gives an announcement to everybody who's gathered and she's like everyone Lone's not so good Yeah, she goes. My eggs are in their prime. It's hot hub summer. Let's go.

Yep, so they all do shots and Austin and Sierra like doing shots because she's taking her first. He's like seriously, I'm on my life, 90 of shot right now, like come on. Oh my God, that bikini, that just works on you my god that bikini that just works on you. Yeah green. That just works on you Yeah, and he puts a wig on Sierra Leeds blonde wig and he goes oh my god I would still absolutely touch you. It's ridiculous Digulous right now god. I never thought you could be hotter than Celine, but whoa wow

Wow these two allowing this pig to just go from one to the other and one to the other, acting like that. What has happened to this show? This show used to be women kicking men's at like douche bags asses for a well-accepted man, I guess, who does kick his ass, but she's still marrying him. But this is not the show that Hub House built, okay? This is getting sad.

Yeah, well, yeah, it's, I'm just befuddled. Why, why, I don't understand the awesome thing. I just, I really, really don't. So then Carl is hanging out with McKenzie. McKenzie's like, like just, she's doing that thing her arms are crossed because she's like so bored and she keeps sort of like looking to the left and the right to see all the fun that she could be having.

And he's like, hey, look at this guy. Look at Kyle over there. He cracks me up. He's literally one of my favorite people all the time. Can you believe that? Like, he's like my boss, Ron. Oh my boss, like, it's crazy right now. It's like, whoa, I'm talking like Austin

all the sudden, it's insane right now. Hey, that's pretty fun, school. Getting back to Kyle dancing in his pink dinosaur outfit and McKenzie goes, yeah, I just can't believe that Amanda's gonna like be with that forever. Okay. Oh. And then, so now there's like a brand new storyline that comes up, which is that Dan Yel has decided

that she's going to find a guy from Maya, but she hasn't actually told Maya that she's setting Maya up. So she's invited this guy, Oliver, to come to the house. So Oliver has just arrived. And we see Oliver, but at first, I thought Oliver was someone else because when we meet Oliver, there's actually like two guys in the frame.

And the guy that I thought was supposed to be Oliver was this guy who the doucheous looking guy with sunglasses on the tip of his nose. And I just got so scared. I was like, Danielle, this is so mean to do the Maya. But then it turns out that the real Oliver was like very cute. And, you know, and I know it's so cute. And then we have no idea what it was.

I guess I don't really have much to say about that. Yeah, when you were describing the guy, I was trying to think of who it was. And I was like, that describes this entire cast. I know, like they all really don't know. Do that. So Karl, back to Carla McKenzie, He's like, I've shit my teeth. She's naydown Well, you do need a breath, man. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm in the kiss

Yeah, well, I did just eat a sandwich. Oh You know the same station over there. Oh So then now there's more dancing Austin dancing with Lindsay. It's very awkward and Sierra is getting into a huff. She's like, this whole Lindsay awesome thing as an eye, like I just like him. No, I don't want to sleep in your bed. You should get that. Oh, I just like him. Like, honestly, don't you, this guy is such a fuckboy, and you're getting mad that he's doing his fuckboy thing. Have a higher standards. Have higher standards, Sierra. Yeah, and he's over there like kissing Lindsay and they're, she's doing the crotch chip clip hug thing on him again.

And she's just watching, you know, all that. So then Kyle's Amanda's of course like, I all have some water. You're going to pass out. So then over back with my in Sierra, Sierra, Sierra's like, there is a guy here. My God, yeah, the guy with arms. And she says, what's his name? I don't know, I just saw arms. Maybe it's Oliver.

Hey, let's go find him. So Sierra, they go over to Oliver and it's like, I'm getting excited. Like, ooh, let's see how this works out. Let's see all this huge chemistry. And it's like, you want to do a like, ooh, let's see how this works out. Let's see all this huge chemistry. And it's like, you wanna do a shot? Yeah, I'll do a shot. Cool, fireball or tequila, yeah, tequila.

Okay, cool. You wanna do another shot? Yeah, cool. Yeah, Danielle's kind of forcing shots on everybody. And Maya's just, I don't think Maya's like a hookup at a party kind of person, you know? Like she past, she pretend she's passing by him. She's like, oh, oh, hi. I'm like, yeah, I'm all over.

She's like, oh, yeah, okay. Shots, I mean, okay, I mean, I guess. She's just not for her. This is not her scene. It's not her scene. I think that she would hook up at a party, but not a summer house party. I think she honestly looks at everyone at these parties

like there are a bunch of douchebags. I think she sort of, this is not her vibe in terms of the parties. I think the people in the House might be her vibe, but like, I don't think she's really, I don't think she wants this. And I also feel like she's the type that wouldn't want to have like a matchmaking ambush put upon her. Yeah. So then Andrea and Paige are next to each other and it's awkward because she's decided to stop using him before he's decided to stop using her Which is you know an awkward place to be so he's like hey beautiful And she's like I feel like you're not acting like yourself. I mean you haven't called me tiny or

You know like little or you know you haven't offered me a high chariot So like it just feels weird it feels weird. He's like no I feel like I'm acting like myself but you're not you're suddenly tall and normal human size that's not right page that's not right. It's my birthday Lincey just like getting excited and then Andre and Luke are face-timing someone named Gabby and like Hi from the show from Winterhouse. Oh, oh I feel bad. I was like that sounds familiar but I couldn't place it. Oh Gabby. So Lindsay is making out with Austin now. You know, she's like, I just kissed everyone on the lips and Johnson, you know, you know, I just bash on. And then she straddles him and then they just start

like deep making out. And they make it look like Andrea is taking a video of them. And it's like, Jordan, Jordan. Yeah, and it's basically like Austin at the end going I love you and she's like I love you do And it's like oh no love try and we get the still to come this season thing Which I found super interesting it looks really good But I found it interesting that now they've added more to this fight because they make it look in the first preview

That Sierra throws a glass and breaks it on Danielle's chest, which she does, but then they add Danielle throwing a glass back at her. So I guess they're trying to like, was that always in there? Because it seemed like it was neat to be. It seems like they're maybe trying to even the internet hate. Yeah.

A little bit or something. And it still surprises me that that's not the climax of the trailer. Unless I really hope, I don't think it is, but I really hope it's not some weird like fake fight that is like part of like some murder mystery night or something, you know, but it looks like it's a real fight, which I'm excited about. Yeah, it's over. He's fighting over Austin. It's like the time I hear in Texas, you know, I'm not used to vultures. Well, when I first got here, I'm not used to vultures.

And I saw a group of vultures around an armadillo, just like picking the guts out of an armadillo. It was so disgusting. And I thought an armadillo, like that's all you guys have. There's so much here and you're fighting over armadillo meat. And that's what this episode was like to me. You know what's so much here and you're fighting over Armadillo meat. And that's what this episode was like to me. You know, it's so funny. I was going to make a analogy to Kro's fighting over

roadkill. So there's something very roadkilly about it all. And just birds, birds aim higher. You literally can aim higher. You're like, I'm higher. Do better for yourself. Okay, you don't have to do an Austin Armadillo. Well, that brings us to the end of summer housing. Everyone, thank you so much for being with us. We will be back tomorrow, but more recaps, you know. Don't forget to go get your live show tickets over at watchwatchwatchcraftens.com. And thanks to everybody who's already got tickets,

can't wait to see you next week. We are going to be just get, I don't want to mess it up again. Okay, Philadelphia, we're going to be doing Real Housewives of New Jersey, Washington, D.C., OC, and in Pittsburgh, next episode of Summer House. So just know that the next episode of Summer House is going to be coming out crazy late, but we really want to do it live. So we will see you there. Bye everybody! Bye! episode of Summer House is going to be coming out crazy late, but we really want to do it live. So, we will see you there. Bye everybody!

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