Watch What Crappens - Summer House: Penis, She Wrote

Episode Date: May 10, 2019

Did Kyle cheat on Amanda again on Summer House? No one knows, because he can't remember. Time for a mystery: a penis mystery. Did it come out? Who did it enter? And will the penis take the stand? Find out! To hear this week's bonus episode and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Straight to the Rosé" and "Rosé All Day" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Irvine, Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, Minneapolis, Baltimore and Nashville. Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors!

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Sue, Sue Studio. Give them hell, Miss Noel. Kelly Grant, the Grant Master! We love you guys! I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got a lot of friends, I've got I'm running caram. I'm also on the Roseprix Bachelor podcast, which is back out this week and to eat a meat jibber! And here I am with my co-host and little bestie, Mr. Ben Mandelker. Hello. Hello. Hello, hello, hello. What's going on, baby? Oh, I'm just ready to get straight to the rosé!

Summer house day! Okay, guys, are you ready for me to speed talk my way through this? Pitch. Okay, I'm going to show some stuff to you. First, next week, we're going to be in Irvine. It's going to be amazing, but during a sudden, Chorm show, we're going to be so good. Whoa! Then, we're gonna be in Irvine. It's gonna be amazing for doing a Southern Charms show. Well, it's gonna be so good. Well, then we're gonna go to Pittsburgh, Baltimore. Sold out. It's okay. I'm just saying, I'm celebrating. Yeah, celebration.

It's first sold out. We're going to Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Baltimore, and we're going to Nashville as well. So a couple of others are sold that. You know what? You're gonna have to go to watch it crap and stop. I'm just I'm just looking for calendar. I'm fucking the link. I'm not gonna stop talking. You do whatever you want. I mean, I was sorry. I'm going to get this done in under a minute, damn you. No. And also our new shirts. They're Summer House themed.

What a coincidence. All about the Rose, or straight to the Rose, and Rose, all day! Breakfast lunch and dinner. Also, we have a new podcast called Winter is Crapening about Game of Thrones. And the shirts for that are Shut Up Bran. And you can go find all those shirts and all those links and all our social media stuff and everything bonus episodes I crap and so on to man video recap so we do weekly those are all on patreon So go to watch at crap and stuff com for all our links and that is the end of my plot there

Santa Bidora will not be at our live show and Irvine, but I'm sure we will be in her voice. You don't know they're due you. Why don't you not tell me what I'm gonna do because I'm an independent woman and I will make up my own life. I will go to the Irvine show because it will make me happy. As long as it doesn't involve any sort of spurn race, I'm sure I'll have a great time there. Hey. Oh, you guys, you know what? So we had a blast earlier this week talking the Banner Pump Roles reunion, but I have to say Summer House knocked it out of the park this week. So good. Yeah, really, really quality stuff is coming from Summer House. I mean, they could teach Banner Pump Roles a thing or two about people who are way too old

to be acting like idiots, acting like idiots, entertaining and fun way. Yeah, thank you. So, this week's episode, you know, there was a big cliffhanger last time. I mean, there's always a cliffhanger, quote-unquote. But this time, the big issue is that there're all this Monty Carlo party and Lindsay has been Holding on to this rumor that someone told her that Kyle got drunk and was hooking up with the girl in April and She had told Danielle about her bestie and it was like Danielle you can't tell anyone about it and then Danielle and told Paige and then he's like, I don't have time for this.

I don't have time. I'm a gamer then. Which is so hilarious, because obviously, Lindsay cannot wait to get this information out. She's brought it on camera. She could have just sent Kyle a text, you know? But she's brought it on camera to fucking burn Kyle and to burn him out there,

which she was trying to do all last season. And now she's crying and going into histrionics that somebody told, why the hell else would you tell Danielle? Give me a break, I love it, I loved it. It was so good. And while this was all unfolding, no one else really knew because then we see Carl. And he is with Hannah or Paige.

He's like, is my butt wet? Touch my butt. Touch my butt. Put your weight on my butt. Touch it. Put your weight on my butt. Put your hand weight on my butt. Some are fun.

They just cut back, they're just cutting back to everybody being wasted. You know, the hand is like spanking Carl. Yeah. And Paige is like, oh my god, can I tell her? And Paige is like, no no you cannot art Daniels Like you cannot ever tell our it's a huge secret. Yeah, and so of course Daniel's like shit Paige is gonna tell her Yeah, so she goes up till Lindsay and she goes oh I've to talk to you I told Paige

I'm getting getting me, I'm getting my money out of my nails. Get out of my nails. And then she storms off. Yeah, it sums up to like nowhere. Daniel's like, wait, but I was just trying to change the D. So then Kyle is like, oh, I'm going to go pee in a bush. And the man is like, I'm going to pee in a bathroom Kyle, because that's where people pee with their path age of 36

Six so then Lindsay Lindsay is still now like we cut back to Lindsay and she's still berating Danielle. She's like you fucking did this to me Get out of my face Like get out of my face. You did this to me like did what to her like literally did what did what spread a rumor? barely like did what to her like literally did what did what spread a rumor barely Just the last thing I need is a brand new rumor going around that Kyle cheated on Amanda I'm like you're the one who fucking told people you in bread bitch Did you call her an in bread bitch? Yes, who are you?

Well, that's actually it's actually like a long standing like joke that my high school friends And I have like script. We always I can't even tell the origins But do you really want to hear the origins of that you probably don't really? I was just like wow, Ben So that's like a joke with shut up you in bread bitch, and I was just like you know what? It's time to bring that to the podcast. It's time that goes out to you Nicole So I know my friend Nicole this is a. That's sick because it's already spiced. It's okay. I don't really think she's in bread. Oh, funny. It just caught me off guard. So Kyle is into the stall with Amanda and Amanda is like, you're the rings and sky

all. And then she pees and makes Kyle go to the boys room. And then he's like breaking my seal for some ever peeing when I'm 36. Yeah. And then meanwhile, Lindsay has this whole like cockamamey thing going on her head where she's like, in the first time Amanda had to find out someone else and go on a gene.

And then I think it really has the government guy on himself and like if it doesn really has the government dial himself and like if it doesn't go from dial himself, like then all I be forced to just cramper out of all my social media and I just don't and grab my nails, so, medium again. So what are you talking about? What do you talk about Lindsay?

Like, actually, like it's, I don't know. She's just absolutely ridiculous. And then Daniel, meanwhile, Daniel is like drunk and Lindsay's just chewed her out. So Daniel is like drunk and Lindsay's just shoot her out So Daniel goes and acts all like a Blair Witch project just standing over behind the window like back against the party just like still Not being she's like What are you doing? Like are you really crying over this is this something that's really gonna make you cry?

And then Hannah's all wasted with the brits and Max is like, oh my god, what's wrong with her face? And Hannah's like, oh she gets emotional Max, you know like when she gets drunk she gets emotional I told you that the first night, so you know, I mean most people wouldn't do that, but I'm Maybe you don't remember when I told you that because I was impressing you with my So then page sees Lindsay like pacing around waiting for somebody to come talk to her I'm pressing you with my nationally ranked tennis skills. So then Paige sees Lindsay like pacing around waiting for somebody to come talk to her. She probably yelled out three catering waiters.

They're like, I don't know who this Kyle is lady. Yes you do, and now you think about it, all right? So Paige is like, Lindsay, can I talk to you? Look, I'm not gonna say anything. She's, you know what? That's what my best friend just told me to how can I ever trust Daniel knows how hard it is for me to trust people because like My life is broken my trust at some point like how could she do this?

I'm like she did not like announce, like reveal a deep, dark, Prince of Tide's secret. Okay, she just told a stupid rumor that you shouldn't even know in the first place. And she said it's so chanabler bonk too. She goes, how could she do this? And then Paige is like, I get that she shouldn't have said anything, but I won't say a word to them until you talk to Kyle

Because he's your friend, but if he doesn't say something soon, then I have to say something Yeah, and I like that when Paige like when Paige really is emphatic She starts teetering over she starts like starting to like she starts falling over You know, she's like she puts one hand out to like the left as if like there's like an imaginary pole to keep her up But there's not one so she starts going forward. I have to say something. I'm bent in half now. I'm bent in half. I'm going to the ground. I have to say something. And then Lindsay's like, you understand my pressure too. I'm like, is this birthday? It is.

And he's just like, I think you're a good friend because you didn't say anything at room the weekend and I won't either. And just struck a midnight. You know weekend and I won't either It's a stroke of midnight You know what I mean? I like literally just found out I'm therns and it's cause birthday and I can't see shirts and ends Like, really wrong because like I want to know that this but I also want to know right and like I'm gonna talk about this and I But then Lindsay has been placated, you know, cuz page is like you did nothing wrong. You're a good friend I think is why Lindsay's really freaking out. She's trying to do this in a way that she has her hands clean Exactly so then if Danielle, you know, yeah, so she's she's like happy now, so she goes all right What are you gonna say when people say what were you guys talking about just Carl?

Carl We're talking about ever because we can't do that if you want cuz you know what like alright He's always like I wish I could be the man that you want me to be but I can be the man that you want me to be right now It's like okay, Lindsay you told us this all right, wait, can we talk about ever? Okay? We'll just say it was ever. Don't say his name. Have you seen? Don't dismiss my conversation on our name. Don't dismiss my conversation on hour. So now Danielle's like cleans up and goes back to Maxine. He's like, what's up? So I fuck you like a rabat. And she's like, I had a mental breakdown. Sarah's back to the D. Back to the D. And then Kyle's like, this will always be remembered as the birthday that I grew up.

And then of course, you know, the editor has just set him up for even more, like embarrassment because he's like, you know what? Manda's got it all. She's going to make an amazing wife for me to get drunk on, make out with other girls with hope I don't black out and forget that maybe we're already married. What do I know? I don't know I just forgot the whole thing. I was having a selfish moment And I accidentally got married to manda and I forgot all about it. I like when Bravo people support each other shows You know cuz he's pulling such a Rima. He's like I don't remember that. I don't know. I'm talking about it.

I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it.

I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it.

I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm not Amanda, I mean, Lindsay, she like enters the house and oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh piece of clay. I mean, you can say a lot about Lindsay, but I'll give her credit for this. That is a girl with apple care. So Dave totally steps on Hannah's toe and she's trying to get into bed, which is like, okay, so now she's like, okay, last two weeks ago, it was her finger. Or something like that. She's always gonna hurt an offended. Yeah, like she's losing him. Like, that's how you know how many seasons are left.

It's like how many fingers and toes does Hannah have left? I have to say this about Max's fucking, don't like his style. It's like too hard. It's like he's pounding chicken. You know, why are you fucking that hard? It's weird. It's like really hard and really fast.

You don't get some mashed peas without some mashem. Okay, I'll take a mushy peas. So in the morning, we get our American psycho routine from Jordan. Well, we should also everybody every also posting American psycho clips and their hilarious you guys Jason Bateman. So good. We should also mention by the way that Paige got into Carl's bed and then they made out and then she promptly went into Lindsay's bed while Carl was snoring and Jordan was checking out his bicep in the mirror. Oh yeah, cause it ended with him looking at his bicep too. Yeah, got fucking Jordan.

He's just for everyone's fucking except Jordan's and he's flexing for himself in this room. Yeah. So he's like, I generally believe in a balanced morning routine. I wake up and I have a very rigorous workout. Poshups, then sit ups, then a bit of yoga to maintain this incredible physique. Then I do laps, then I do a face mask, then I do another face mask, because wrinkles are gross and I don't want to look old.

And then I start my day, like, oh my god. Did they cut out the eye finger my own butthole before a shower? What are we missing, Jesus. You can't even tell there. Is when it's like the odd like Amy Grant masturbation sequence. So Carl, then meanwhile Carl is like having his own like existential crisis.

He's like, ah, last night with Paige, I really thought we were moving forward. And then she like midnight midnight ghosted me like, come on, I feel like an idiot. Karl was like, something's going on with Karl because everything's making feel like an idiot this summer, which he is. So I'm glad he's finally realizing it, but he's like, the other day, I was trying to open up a can of peas and it like, it took a little bit longer than usual. And it's like, come on, I feel like an idiot. The other day, I thought I had enough saran wrap to like get the salmon cooked,

but like I got to the end of the thing and it turns out the rest of the foil was glued to the cardboard roller thing on the inside and I didn't have enough to finish the salmon and I feel like fucking idiot. So, come on. Thanks a lot, Tim foil. The other day I was like really hungry for a snack

and I was thinking myself, you know, sometimes you feel like a knot, sometimes know so I went I got some mounts So I wanted knots, but it turns out that mounds does not refer to nuts There's actually no nuts and mounds bar even though they're called mounds like come on. I feel like an idiot Oh poor Carl Please do just kidding. I just had a lot of spit everybody. You're welcome. You're welcome for me sharing. So Hannah is like falling in for death.

And then we go to Danielle going to Lindsay's room. She's like, Okay. And she's like, Pim, pim, pim, pim, pim on her phone. And it looks like she's been sobbing. Her eyes are like bloodshot. I mean, and she's got like all of her like yellow

priv makeup has like streaks in it, you know? Yeah, and she's breaking out in weird like nervous boob hives. I know there's something weird going on. Yeah, she's like, I said you can't say anything and you did! You did! Like, trust in loyalty is my number one thing! It's like, okay, you guys do not run over a bum in the middle of the night, okay?

Like, this is- this is- this secret is really not that big of a deal. Yeah, we just saw Carl, we know he's okay. So then, yeah, did you tell Carl that the surround rep was still glued to the core? I messed up, I'm sorry. It's like what was going on in your head to the llamadas boyfriend in the house And then you'll like I was or no that's kind of a house like what is wrong with him? I was thinking if Carl said it didn't happen later I couldn't like you know I couldn't tell Amanda and that's like her close friend

So like maybe she wouldn't believe me, but maybe she'd believe me through her I couldn't tell Amanda and that's like her close friend. So maybe she wouldn't believe me, but maybe she'd believe me through her. You know what I mean? Yeah, like, you know how the male system works? Like post office, I was like, if I put a stamp on it, then it would get to her. If I put two stamps, it would get to her faster. So it was like me putting a stamp on something,

but it was like an alpha stamp. It's like, what, when you talk about Danielle? But all this logic works fine for Lindsay. She's like, oh, I feel like I'm sick. I'm like, I'm sick. I went too straight to the rosé. So it seems like there's every, meanwhile, everyone else does know that there's about to be some major drums in the summer house And they are sitting up first on Sunday, Sunday by the pool Making a pool side bar, Carl's jump and swimming around

Jordan's wearing goggles. They're like, are you wearing goggles Jordan? He's like, yeah, I really am right now You know because like one time I was like totally having sex like these three girls and I turned them on so much That they actually went blind and poked me in the eyes because they want to me to join them So to this day, it's not to work goggles. Oh fucking Jordan. So Lindsay comes out and say, I need an oxygen. I'm kind of like, oh it's a special, yeah, birthday, nothing could break this day. And Amanda immediately says, do you guys know what Kyle's talking to Lindsay about?

Yeah, Amanda's like, Kyle Dar is off the charts. Yeah. I hope that everybody here remembers that I got him really fancy cars to drive around the block on his birthday. And then make guacamole. So Lindsay's like, all right, Kyle, let it here in this tick leading grass green. Okay. I Went to lunch with a girlfriend and she told me that in April you were making it with some girl out in public all night Oh, Carlos face. He's like how to add which way should I lie about this?

He just goes, okay, he goes, he's just like gulping and he goes, okay, and she goes, hmm, did that ever happen? And he's like, oh, I don't fucking know. That's the sad thing. Like, I can't deny it because in April, I did have a huge night out with my friends and I was acting selfishly, which means coming into people. Yeah. And I got way too drunk and I got acting selfishly, which means coming into people. Yeah. And I got way too drunk and I got completely blacked out and I acted like a New York

douchebag. I just, you know what? I don't know what happened. It's like, okay, you just, you answered the question. But on the plus side, I am now in possession of a brand new turtle. Well, actually it's like 19 years old, but oh, that's not good enough for you. Is it? You're new roommate. You better hope that turtle gets a job. Yeah, you better hope. Yeah, you better look into some turtle size keys. So we see happy Amanda. She's like, I'm riding a zebra right now that we bought in a fun store. Yeah, I think he can bring me down now.

And then he's like, um, they're like two underlying situations, um, getting drunk to the point of not knowing what's going on. And then putting yourself in a situation where rumors can get started. And then also like, ever, he just like can't be the man that I need him to be right now. Oh, poor Kyle, he's just going to stick to this this I don't remember. I don't remember Yeah, and he likes wants to remember. I actually believe he wants to remember I think he wants to be guilty. I don't believe him for one second. I think he's trying to think which girl was this Because I'm saying I think he wants to remember

You think he does remember and he's acting like that? Yeah, it's of course, of course. I don't believe in, I don't believe that he's totally blacked out that he doesn't remember. I mean, give me a break. And I think that his code where it is when he says, I was acting selfishly. That means yeah, I was, because his, his excuses always,

but I was wasted, so it doesn't count, you know? Well, it's like consistent. See, in my mind, the way I saw it was that he got wasted one night in April and he woke up and he was like, fuck, I hope I didn't mess anything up. But then, like, no one said anything, there were no texts, so he was like, okay, I think I'm okay. So I'm just gonna put this night out of my memory and, like, just like, fingers crossed. Okay, a week later, no STDs, so we're still good.

I'm moving forward and then Lindsay says this and then it's like oh fuck that night it probably was that night and I think he's like going to a guilt like like a like oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit I probably did do something after all. Yeah well that's that's definitely what he's trying to put out there but I don't I don't buy him and then he tells us look I've been on Faithful since I was 16 I just don't feel like humans are meant to me binogabis. But, you know, like after cheating a year ago, I feel so different, because I love a man like no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no but all that said, you know, Amanda's pretty great like she's hot and she's

Funny and she's walk molly puts up with him and she makes the most expensive summer snack cover, you know Just kind and acts like it's really hard when it's actually pretty easy Right, I like Amanda, but there are people that you can be in relationships with that don't expect you to just be monogamous all the time You know, and if you're not a monogamous person, then that can be an option in your relationship. I know it doesn't work for everybody. Right. And I know that speaking as a homosexual,

it's a little more normalized in our community than others. But if you're not monogamous, then stop being with somebody who demands, you know, who needs monogamy, you know. Exactly. Exactly. So Kyle is like, I, I almost lost her,

and I decided right then and there, I was gonna do everything possible to restore her trust because I love her to death. So that night I went out and I got wasted and don't remember what I did, but I know I woke up with a turtle in my bed. So then over at another part of the pool Jordan's like So page why did you go from Carl's bed to Lindsay's bath?

Was it to your finger and her but hole get kicked in the face that happened to me once Carl was asleep and I wasn't tired and so when I was the Lindsay's bed she was sleeping too, but I was like well at least not Carl I mean come on. I feel like an idiot. I was just like, I woke up, learn. Page, I have a question. Do you ever get turned on when you hear every heart beat belongs to you? No, just me. Did anybody else get a boner watching church this morning on their laptop? Does anyone else just like secretly cross their fingers waiting for that moment when Amy Grant kicks in with Peter Satterr and like yes, yes, it's time for commercial, it's

time for a crap and commercial. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasive and I'm Sydney Battle and we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity view, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows?

It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. So then we cut back to Kyle and Lindsay and we get a shade of Vanderprompour rules which

we just talked about the MNA and so Kyle is Carl is like, I'm ready to propose to this girl, so everything I've done up to then is in the past. She's like, not to her. He's like, well, I don't want to be that guy who cheats. That's so shitty. I don't want to be a G-SPEC like that. She's like, what are you gonna do, Carl? He's like, well, if what you're saying is true.

And I'm not sure if it's true because I'm actually blacked out at this moment. Yeah. He's like, you know, the problem with the problem we had before wasn't only that I cheated. It was that it took me so long to admit to it. So I'm going to get ahead of it four months after it happened.

Yeah. I close my gap. I clearly took a year. It didn't take me just four months. See, yeah, he's down to a quarter, you know? Yeah. Actually, it's more like a third. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again.

I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again.

I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again.

I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. I close him again. Fun she's like um you guys are great, but Kyle is awesome I was like, oh my god. This is like I was like covering my face to the pillow at this point Yeah, and so she Kyle's gives her like oh, sad face sad face and she's like, oh, I love you You okay? You seem sad with wrong And he's like, I love you more than anything I think that's not what I ask Kyle. So she's like starting with her. Oh, it's coming, right? And he's like, how was your conversation with Lindsay? He's like, I was good.

It was good. We talked about life and the past and my video and you. And anyway, so the guacamole is, was that ready? Or, no? It was just like question mark in my voice question mark in my voice And he's like, oh okay, there's a rumor I hooked up with some chicken like April and I She's like That it happened

Just like well, I can tell you that in April. I was having plenty of nights where I was selfish Oh God, I think so she gets out of the pool. And do you notice that when she gets out of the pool, like she just like sticks her boobs right in his face as she gets up like say goodbye to these. Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, say goodbye to your little friends. Mm-hmm.

So she goes right over to Paige. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. And then Lindsay walks outside and goes, Kyle, what just happened? I'm like, what do you think happened? You dumbass. I mean, you got the ball rolling on all this. Yeah, oh my God.

So Kyle's like, she just up and left. Like I couldn't even, I couldn't even confess right. So then Amanda is telling, Amanda's telling the girl what's going on telling all the girls what's going on And then Kyle's like it's just a make out rumor. It's not a hook up and she's like um a rumor and didn't happen You need to tell me Kyle and he's like look me in the eye if it happened I don't remember he's like if it happened if it happened I'm a fucking asshole She's like you can't even deny it. There are no rumors going on around me because I don't even give people an opportunity to question it. Actually,

the only rumor that goes on around me is that I have amazing guacamole and it's true Kyle. It's true Kyle. She's like, I'm not going to live my whole life foring that you made out with chicks because you can't remember fuck you Kyle. I'm serious. I'm better than this Kyle. Okay, I'll be getting married to you in about six months. Yeah, me about Danielle's just crying She's like I was trying to chase the D not the emotions and girls like oh, oh, I feel really shitty for you, bro But it's brutal for her too. I mean she feels like an idiot. I know what that's like She wouldn't even love she wouldn't even put her weight on me, so. Yeah. I knew how it was bad.

Yeah, so she's having a summer Friday for the rest of her life because of you at this point. So the girls are listening to Amanda for the 900th time talking about how Kyle cheated on her. And their poor butts. They clearly had been sitting down for a long time because they all have like like red like Sitting on a chair marks and they were walking around with them, which is funny to me Chair marks on the butt chair marks a buck you can make fun of it because it's temporary Yeah, and so Amanda is crying which is sad because I like Amanda and then Carla is in the kitchen He's like, but maybe I just fucked it up and Carl's like, yeah, but you know what? At least you did the right thing owning up to it four months later.

I mean, that's a record, right? Right. Yeah. So, yeah, so they're trying to like make a man to feel better. And he's like, well, Amanda, Lisa, you told you right away. I think that Linda wants to try it.

What is this? What is this that they're all going to disagree that he told the right away? Does everybody actually believe that he just forgets? Yeah, so I like that Amanda is like so pissed right now because Kyle's like trying to be like, he's all hang dog and he's trying to like, and he's like trying to come up to her and like touch her. I don't want you to touch me. I don't want to see you.

Enjoy your new apartment. He's like, are you serious? Dead ass, I do not deserve to be put through this, okay? So enjoy everything in your new apartment except the mortar and pestle because I'll be making welcome only by myself And then he does the thing that every guy like this does, but I know I'm not perfect. Oh fuck off That is like the worst thing you can say to somebody. I know I'm not perfect. Oh fuck off. That is like the worst thing you can say to somebody. I know I'm not perfect, because guess what?

You're gonna be hearing that the rest of your fucking life. Yeah, and Kyle. And Kyle. You mean to me, you weren't ignoring me. You weren't giving me the intention. You weren't complying me, and I'm not perfect. Well, Kyle really needs to up his, up his, you've been caught in a possible cheating scheme

defense because he goes, babe babe babe. I've changed like I haven't hit on a single chick for the first time in my life for like multiple months She's we've been together three years Kyle You know, I'm like a naturally flirty person. I haven't flirted with someone in like five weeks You know I'm like a naturally flirty person. I haven't flirted with someone in like five weeks Spinlins he's like Lindsay's like um Carl Kyle's really going down in flames, which is what I was hoping all along but I don't want it to look like that So can you go help him with the apologies since you're a douchebag? You know how to apologize like a douchebag? I love that you really need to help him with those apologies, please I love that you really need to help him with his apologies, please

Yeah, so man, it's like there's no reset button Kyle. What you've done while Birmingham you've backed me in that she swims to the pool And you can tell if the tape just been through this so many times You know because they're just like chilling at the pool still swimming and drawing their last bit while they cry and fight I know I didn't Lindsay's like um Well, I have a sense of relief that this is off my chest. I also feel sad. I was like, well, what did you, like what did you expect to feel?

Like a lation, you thought this would be like a celebrate. You think this would be like, like, like I'm turning to Bethany. Like what, what is this? Like, you think it's gonna be a party? I guess I'm like that, like, you know what you know? Get a life, you know what I'm saying? Hmm.

Hmm. Okay over there. You okay. I was laughing to be the continued. I'm just laughing so much. I'm like, oh, just listening to that. Let's give Ronnie a take five. So then, Kyle's like, I want to go home with you, but if you don't want to ride home with me, it's like totally okay, she We're gonna sit in silence and then when I think of something to say I'll say it Kyle Which is the way most conversations work actually So everyone else is like getting the hell out of

Amanda's like I'm really sad as she cries and pages is like, you want to drive back with me and we can eat ice cream with you whatever you want, which is why I need every friend to be like the age. I know. She's like, you know, if you want, you can ride back with me and we can meet in front of people on the highway and then talk about who looks the worst. And it's sad, you know, because Amanda is crying. I felt bad for Amanda because she's like, you know what, like cause my best friend and like, normally he's the one I turn to when I'm feeling

all emotionally distraught, but he's the one who's causing it, so I don't really know what to do. I actually felt so bad for her. Yeah. So then, I mean, I feel bad for her, but I'm also like, eh. Yeah. Like, okay. So then, times.

Yeah. So Kyle and Kyle and Amanda start to drive home home and he's like trying to rub her shoulder in the car Which is so obnoxious like don't do that and she's like trying to scrim away from it She's like a cat up against like a wall Yeah, and also they're wasted where are they driving like hi guys? You're not supposed to get wasted before you drive. Yeah, I don't know if you've ever heard this I don't know if it's different. If the laws are just different up north.

Yeah. Okay. So, man, it's just like Kyle, if you did this, I don't know how we can move on. And he just now he just resorts to sort of a standard catch all defense. He goes, babe. And she's like, I'll have you know that I cannot move forward until I have an answer. What's the truth Kyle? Like if you did this, you ruined everything. What else have you done that you don't know about?

And that's the problem. Like if someone's just going to say they blacked out all the time, that's his excuse forever. What are you doing if he did this? And now we're going gonna have a mystery show trying to find out if he really did it. I mean, come on. And then, but like this is like a, this is serious.

So we actually get a tricky monical ballad going back to New York. It's not the usual, go and back to work song. It's more like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I was like, I wrote that song when I broke up a pole for the first time. I was like, you get the heart and you get the heart and then I drank some whiskey, and I ended up in a gutter.

It was tough. I wrote this one right then and there. Then Dino stole it and I drank some whiskey Roundup and it got it was tough Rook this one right then and there then died. Oh still it and I was like get that fuck you guy No, I don't die though So Kyle's like okay, I'm gonna drop you off on this miserable end of the weekend And she's like um it didn't happen. So now it's like Scooby-Doo mysteries, you know Yeah, so he's like I don't even know what to say. She's like, um, like, you're the one earning me, so you can't even like get me through this car. Oh, and she's like, you better contact this bitch

and figure out what happened. Okay, which is going to be the most awkward conversation ever. Hi, did we fuck? How was it? And would you be open to purchasing some lever boy? So yeah, no kidding. Are you in the market for a new turtle? Sorry, are you looking for a roommate? Yeah, so now now it's like the sun rises like Looking in the big city

I'm pages walking around in a baby doll dress doing her job which is Talking to people on Instagram saying hey guys Courtney Kardashian broke up with her boyfriend I'll try and get to the bottom of it Yes inspector page Yeah, Lindsay is like doing like PR work Oh, yeah, a lot of Brandon merchandise. We got a deal with and like over it really nice Emergent eyes, but like he can't be the merchandise that I need right now like, over it, really nice immersion dies. But it's like, he can't be the merchandise that I need right now.

Yeah, she's like, I'm merchandising. No, bros, no, bros, no, bros. Yeah, let's see. And then we get a new song because it's Wednesday. It's like, come on, come on. You got to amp it up. Come on. And then Jordan and Hannah are in a meeting and Hannah's like,

hello, engineers, ratchet here. All right, we're doing 30 seconds promo for my podcast. This is the bapping. Root! Tee! I want to talk to successful people about their dark shit because successful people love talking about the terrible things that they did in their past that could possibly jeopardize the very success that got them on the show in the first place.

Yeah, it's like my first successful person is gonna be Jordan because he's not really that successful So I really don't care if I fuck this up Everyone goes to hell and I don't think it's talked about enough. I'm like I talked about every single place on TV You ever seen Oprah? Yeah, good point it's's called the Yon left fix my life She's like I'm gonna talk to really successful people about their demons So first up, I'm gonna have the guy who comes in to change this the water tank in the office break room every week I'm gonna create a safe environment for people to talk about the hell they've been through and I'm gonna do that by addressing up like Satan in a late-text red suit

through. And I'm going to do that by dressing up like Satan in a late text red suit. Yeah. So she does a devil dressing and like does her promo right by an event, which was some odd choice. Yeah. Come down to staircase. It's really, really exciting. And she talks about Jordan and how he's just like basically a compulsive fire. Nobody does who the hell he is. And she's like, is the people asking people ask me is he straight is he gay? I don't care But let's go bro. Okay, no, it doesn't matter how look you good on paper paper Silly so then the Kyle is at home. I Decised the FaceTime is mom to tell her what happened and he's like, Hey mom, whoa, what kind of light is it flashing me mom?

I'm changing Kyle. Here, let me just put this phone down right between my legs while I change. Mom, no. Think I alright. What's up there? What's up my little booby? And he's like, well, mom, you know, I might have cheated on him, I beg you.

I'm just like, gosh. Well, the turtle forgets you. I guess in the mail. He's still haven't taken the turtle, so once you take the turtle, then I'll forgive you for this. And he's like, but I don't think the rumors true, mom.

She's like, wait, say it's just a rumor. And he's like, well, I've messaged the girl that I said, have we met? And the mom goes, let me ask you, have you moderated your drinking? He's like, no, how am I supposed to get less drunk when my mom's fucking showing me her pants every time I call her? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't know what actions it's gonna take, you know, like cutting off his penis, like what's it gonna take?

Maybe, maybe. So, uh, Lindsay is next and she's with Sharon Carl's mom and she's like, Carl's been in a phone! And Sharon and I have gotten pretty close and she gives me like this warm motherly mind with her head growing out, no offense, AR. Yeah, exactly. So Lindsay takes Sharon to this like little courtyard in at some restaurant in New York City And Sharon is like all nervous because she's like, oh, I I thought there were gonna be a few more people here

I didn't realize it'd be stuck alone with you trying to make conversation. Okay, um, so Pebbles they're funny, right? They're not quite rocks not quite boulders, but not quite sand right am I right Lindsay huh? So so little girl was been going on with you and Lindsay's like oh Obviously I got new tits so You gotta talk about my tits or what sick okay. Yeah, obviously Lindsay Okay, I can see that yeah, so as soon as I'm not into focus on myself Which means getting new boobs like things suddenly started to come to me and odd me like it's crazy Like I've been signing

And then like a new guy just like fell in my lap and then I'm like all right like I'm in a new guy I got a new lands and I was like like which I can't be I was like a be that guy in that client But I just can't be like I'm not glad. I think I need to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like, I want to be like. It's like, wow, I love you mom. Like, wow, it's like it's like a summer Friday on a Wednesday. It's amazing. You still got that $100. I learned you right. Have you seen my LinkedIn recently? What do you think? All I have up there is Saturdays for the GEN. So I think it's pretty good. So he starts crying, which is pretty cute to see that out of Kyle or Carl. So he's trying to make everything sound like it's great. And his mom, you know, he's like, I don't want to disappoint my mother. I'm like, then maybe learn how to eat food. Yeah. He eats a chisheeda pepper, like one of those fucking things in the in the TV show,

V eating a rat. Like an alien is opening, un unhing its jaw and just dropping a rat down his throat who eats like that He's wrong with you. It was crazy Yeah, at a certain point it also looked like he was just filating that Shishito pepper He's like, I'd like to have another one of these just you know, but where's please? I'll be honest you old peppers because you can just sort of like like I'm a never thing I just like delicious and it's a good way to distract distract my mom from like all the terrible things happening in her life just watching her son like not know how to eat a shishawal pepper. Hmm, I'd love to go on a tell where his bad news.

Like I want to call her like Carl's got a million dollars. Carl's got a girl. Carl's up. You're blinded by Shishito pepper, sorry mom, here's some afkin. So that mom's like, so that has this new chickie at the house. And he's like, well, you know, she's a cool girl. Uh, it turns to fun. Uh, pretty house? And he was like, well, you know, she's a cool girl. It turns a fun, pretty conservative. And she goes conservative how Carl.

Because she's seen this show, okay? Yeah. She's walked her, she's watched her son fuck plenty on camera. So she's like, what are you talking about? And he's like, well, you know, like conservative. Careful. She goes, so she should be, so should you.

That means condoms, right? Is that what we're talking about? Yeah, I don't need any little little grand carls running around she's like uh-huh and I like that when he's talking about how he's like shielding his mom from like the terrible things in his life and he's like you know when you go through what I've gone through you know like my work situation not doing so well with the ladies and I love that he like ranked not doing so all the ladies as high as being unemployed. He's like, uh, I spent the whole summer pursuing her and I back off and now she's interested. I'm going to take a page from her book and slow it down. I'm like, slow it down.

You still haven't called her during the weekday. I know. You had one pancake with her ever. How are you going to slow down not calling you ever? Yeah, exactly. So then meanwhile Kyle is like doing a say anything thing sort of outside of Amanda's office except not holding a balloon box but some flowers and just waiting for her to come out because she hasn't been responding to his phone calls. Of course, you could have just texted her but that's not a cinematic. So he's just waiting and waiting and waiting. And so she finally, she comes out and just like,

Kyle, what are you doing here? And he's like, well, like first and one, apologize. I might have apologized already and blacked it out. She's like, I haven't heard anything, Kyle. Did the girl get back to you and never wanted to text detectives lady agency He's like well if you want me to jump into that right away. Okay. I guess I've got carnations here But okay

Deemder and I say can you settle something for me have we met she has and she said and then he holds up the phone and shrugs And that was it. It was a cliffhanger. And first of all, I was upset because it was a cliffhanger. Second of all, I was also upset because this would have been a perfect opportunity to bring back a reporter Christina Gibson reporting live because she could have done something that would not be like. Christina Gibson go.

No, she could have done some investigative reporting on this issue. She could have gone to the bottom of it. Instead, they just let Kyle do it all on DMs. Not cool. Christina gives him what a comment and been like, I've solved the case, you guys. All right, here's what happened. Lindsay shaved her legs in the shower

and did not rinse off the sides of the shower. Okay, and I'm done. That's it. I've had enough. Christina, you investigated the wrong thing. What's the investigation? Then she gets all red and flustered. And then they do that thing like Christina, did you mean to investigate Lindsay instead of Kyle? And she says that nod like yes. Do you feel

bad about it? Yes. Will you do it again? No. And that brings us to the end. That is the end of the episode. The end of Soma House. What a fun and funny episode. Loved it. It really was lovely. What a great time the show has given us the season. Oh my god. It's so good.

It is so so good. I'm so glad it's rebounded in its third season. You know what I'm glad about? It's the weekend. Batch! Yeah! So we are going to go relax because this is going to be a busy week coming up. and it's third season. You know what I'm glad about? It's the weekend. Batch! Yeah! We are gonna go relax because this is gonna be a busy week

coming up. We're gonna have a full week of crap and a live show. Irvine, so get your tickets for that. And all of our live shows at watchrollcrapons.com and your t-shirts. You know the drill, guys. Thank you so much for being here. We will talk to you next week.

Bye, everyone. Mm. being here. We will talk to you next week. Bye everyone! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to WaterCppens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.