Watch What Crappens - Summer House: Very Cavalier-y

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

This week on Summer House, Craig comes clean about if he's sleeping with Kristin Cavallari, causing his love triangle with Paige and Andrea to... sort of ripple? Plus, Amanda has a 30th birthday that receives minimal interest and nary a gift from Kyle. At least Luke's back!Get tix to our live shows: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/10th-anniversary-hunky-dory-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What happens What What Kids, what happens when they're so wild and rapins? You're not crap. It's for when you don't want to turn around. Kids, what happens when they're so much that happens? Hello, and welcome to WatcherCrapins. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo

that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Carrom. Hey, Ronnie, how are you? Oh, hello. Feeling, uh, you come back to life yet from our marathon. Marathon. Tour of the South over this past weekend. Oh, yeah, I had so much fun. It was really, really fine. So yeah, I'm back to it. You know, it's time to roll, baby. I was never out of last.

Yeah, it was a crazy two weeks. But now we're settling back into a groove, which is great. If you want to see us on the road, you want to come to one of our shows, which we, of course, highly recommend. Go to watchacrapans.com. You'll find an entire tour schedule there. We still, by the way, Asbury Park.

We'll get, we'll announce as soon as we know when that's going to be rescheduled because the bomb cyclone But all the tickets all the all the dates. They're there next week. We're going to Los Angeles and San Diego. I'm excited. I'm particularly excited about Los Angeles because that's where I live So all my friends get to come and see our crazy show But we're going to many places. We're going to see in Paul, Minnesota, Chicago, Milwaukee, Denver. I mean, the list goes truly on and on, and we want to make sure all of you guys get to get to come and meet other crap and people that you haven't been able to, you know, other Bravo peeps that you haven't been able to see in like a few years, you know, and one of the, one of the things that's been really

lovely is, you know, when we go, when we do these shows, we always, we meet people and they're like, oh my God, I just, you know, I came alone, I was like, I felt sort of weird about coming along and I came and I met so many friends and now we're gonna hang out afterwards. So, it's a really lovely experience and we loved that that happened. So, come join the party.

Do a, yeah, it's been a really good time so far. Yeah, absolutely. So, also, we do our on demand video still every week a couple of weeks. So if you want those go to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends this week so far we did Salt Lake City which was epic and nuts. And we're also going to do Jersey this week as an on demand. And our bonus is going to be a below deck sailing yacht. Because we have the trailer which we haven't done yet so we're going to do that trailer for the big premiere before the big premiere next week

so join us. Oh my god it's already next week that is coming back. I think so because well maybe not I don't know I'm assuming because the reunion for regular below deck is this week. Wow. Wow. Well either way it will be coming back next week or the week after, who knows? But we're going to do a trailer breakdown for that. And that's going to be, that will be fun. I've got to brush off my old, daisy voice.

Let's see if I can still do it. Hey, how many pages are there? Yep, still got it. Still got it, nailed it. Yeah. All right, so here we are with some a house. And so when last we ended, Lindsay went to page and was like, Oh, and Craig is making new links to them.

And he's been sleeping with someone whose name I can't sing on TV, because I don't want to get sued over trademarks. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and like people online have been like, oh my god, Craig is being such a dick. I'm like, did you watch the, the reunion for the Southern charm last year? Like, this is what Craig was being such a, like he was being so awful to Madison. No, it's insane right now, but he was being, he was slut shaming her.

He was interrupting her. He was so rooter and people are shocked that Craig was being crazy in rooter page I'm like, you know, it's like it's deeply documented Yeah, Craig's an asshole douchebag, okay, but he also has that side that's like I just want to so and so people are like Well, he has like this really nice adorable sweet innocent side But he also has like a petulence side And I think people forget about the petulant part. Yes. And so, Paige, of course, ended the episode

by running to Craig's room to make it right. And so that's where we are now. So they're sitting on the bed and Paige is like, nice, isn't stupid. And he's like, because of what Lindsay told you, like, why don't you just ask me straight up if you got questions for me Like just ask me yeah, I mean if you want to any retirement home You never know what those old ladies would say so I don't know why you're like taking Lindsey for like what she's saying

Okay, are you still fucking And then she pouts miles and then we get the summer house don't the beach just the hand of the beach and then we come back and she goes are you so fucking well like I'm glad we got that twice in a row you're the cold on you needed again are you so fucking well if I'm in Nashville do I have someone that I might hook up with? Yeah, but like, Paige, I will never lie to you. Okay, and you and I are not exclusive right now, and you didn't want to be

because you just got out of relationship. It's like, I mean, I don't know in that situation that he's being honest, but I don't know if that's something that someone wants to hear, but then again, Paige, maybe shouldn't ask a question that she just wanted her the answer to. Yeah, Paige is also still keeping Andrea or whatever. This is just that typical part of the relationship where you're like, okay, we're not seeing other people.

I mean, no, we are open, we're still seeing other people. We're not committed, but then you hear the other person fuck somebody else and it's like that's disgusting, okay. I'm I'm a lot I'm in the open relationship and not you. Look, I'm not offended that he's sleeping with Christian. I'm just offended that he's sleeping with someone with such an awful boutique. So then in the kitchen, Andrea and Lindsay and some other guy all in black. Who is that guy? It was well, I've said it was Alex and Lindsay and some other guy all in black. Who is that guy? It was well, I said it was Alex and Lindsay and Andrea. Well, I thought it was like a caterer or something. It could have been an error.

These were just sort of like wandered through. Yeah, but it is Alex who brings cookies later, but the guys like do you want cookies right now? That was Alex. Yeah. But then he comes in later and I think he's wearing like a sleeveless white t-shirt. And in this scene, he's in all black like a caterer uniform. So I don't know. I like it.

I like that like the caterer uniform is like that can't possibly be Alex. But I think it was Alex because he was like, you on some cookies and so Andrea goes to reach for the cookie dough and he's like, no, no, no, you'll die. You'll die if you're not supposed to eat the cookie dough raw. That's like, oh, also, by the way, it's ground turkey.

It's not cookies. That's real. Right. You know, Lindsay's like, yeah, I want cookies. I just want to be honest with the cookie. So then Greg's like back to Craig and Paige. She's like, you're a New York. The only girl I've ever taken to a baseball game is you. The only one my do baseball is you.

Right, honor. Yeah, honor. You brought her to a highly accessible sporting event. So literally thousands of other people. Like literally, one of the sporting events, that's just really easiest to get a ticket to. And she's like, so he goes, I didn't sign up for this. I came to go swimming and shit.

Like, well, this isn't like the, go on to the Boys and Girls Club of America, okay? You're here on Summer House to grow your hook and up with. So you did sign up for this. Yeah, and she's like, I didn't do anything. And he's like, this is a little old fucking thing now. It's like a little fucking thing. Yeah, because you were fucking Kristen Cavalari and it's all over the gossip

engines, okay? Why are you accusing her of making a huge thing? Yeah, exactly. So then Andrea checks in on them to make sure everything's okay and cracks like page, don't let other people upset you. Says the guy who just like lost his mind because of what Lindsey said, don't let other people upset you. Lindsey says he looks stupid. Like, you don't look fucking stupid. So Lindsay is now pacing around her room eating. And she's like, what'll do, sir? Oh my God, who fucking does that? He has a girl to drink over their ass.

And then everyone just starts going to bed. Everyone, like, in the time that it takes to make Alex's cookies, everyone is like, we really don't want ground turkey cookies, so we're just going to go to bed and avoid him. So everyone goes to bed, except for basically like what's his face? Kyle. Drunk ass Kyle on the kitchen. Yeah.

He's in the kitchen, like with some crazy thing on his head, and a towel, air humping there, you know, humping the air. Yeah. And then even Kyle goes into his room and he's like, these are the worst pillows I've ever put my head on. Is this some kind of fucking joke? Ah!

And Amanda's sleeping. And then he just takes the pillow, it was slams it into the bed, like slaps it, like, wow, thanks. Thanks, Kyle. Amanda's not awake to say this this so I'll say it for haha that's actually how she snores

Kyle Craig sleeps so like you think he would sleep he sleeps with a laptop on his chest and his hand down his pants I was so mad I was like the the disrespect that laptops get shown on the show first you got a laptop at the edge of Sierra's bed all of last season and now like look I fall in a sleep Reading my laptop in bed, but what happens is I Like I wake up and I'm like oh shit like the laptops on me So I put it on like the night table but Craig Craig, he clearly just closed it up and rotated it and just was like, I'm gonna keep sleeping

with like a $2,000 MacBook on my chest and hopefully nothing will go wrong. These are decision making props. This is a red flag to me. That's yeah, that's the red flag. I mean, there are a lot of them with Craig. I say, read your phone at bed. Like, why do you need your laptop at bed?

It's all on your phone. Yeah. Just just don't. I just don't like how he keeps his laptop on his chest like a cat. Yeah. So then it's Saturday July 10th. In case anybody's counting the case anybody needs to know the specific date. There it is. And Carl wakes up and goes running and then Paige is kind of watching Craig sleep and he wakes up and he's like, are you sad today? I'm not sad. I'm not sad. I don't know why you think I'm sad. I'm just staring at you while you sleep. And then Sierra is like, sometimes I just want to be like Carl and go to bed at 9 o'clock

And then we see Carl on his like morning ritual and he's like he's on his little hike through sad car Where he goes so well this is how you start to start it's like a lot of while life like you can actually feed the birds like Yeah, you look good. You look great by way bird wait. What was that? Okay, so this just in I just got fired by the bird Wow, I'm making this season. I'm getting fired by the bird literally just fired me. So hey guys, you guessing what's going through Alex's head? Maybe they're plus checking on him, shall we? So Alex is on the front, stupid house calling his dad and he's like, hey dad,

I'm in the like the Hamptons right now because like that's what I do on the weekends. And instead, it's like, great. you should look at playing more and working less. Yeah, and because of Dad's and Switzerland, and he's like, so is anybody particularly cute or somebody that you haven't liked him to? Mm-hmm. He's like, I don't know. On a romantic level, no, I mean, the girls are nice,

but like, they don't appreciate ground turkey. So it's just like too much drama for me. Yeah, also none of them like you, but nice try. Oh, and he says that his mom is the one who puts unrealistic expectations, but his dad had like more of a realistic view of who I am, you know, he told me when I was 16, do whatever I want, just wear a condom. And make sure ground turkey does not become your personality.

So, you know, you win some, you lose some. Yeah, I'm the pretty, oh, go ahead. No, no, you go. No, I was just reading two notes. I thought it was really funny that he's sitting there on the steep and we do this like close up of a two lady statue in front of him and then it kind of graces him out. And I, wow, even the lady statues are ignoring this poor fucking guy.

It's like they're both turned away from him. I also liked how when he said that the girls are just too much drama for him, it cussed to Sierra and bad and she just goes, oh! Like, I don't know what the context of that, oh, it was. But I appreciated it. And then Danielle reminds us, you know, the context of that was, but I appreciated it. And then Danielle reminds us, the secret to a happy relationship

is low expectations, right? Because she's like, thanks for calming Robert. That was a really good weekend. And he's like, yeah, probably won't be able to come next weekend. She's like, yeah, well, I enjoyed the paparoni. You know, she starts from a simple place. Yeah, I think that's, I'm serious. That's like the secret to it.

You know, gummy worms and pepperoni. Yeah, that's all she really needed, you know. So then we go to page, just hanging out with Maya and Sierra in like a different bed, because they've been most of the shows just going from bed to bed. And so Maya's like, by the way, Paige Craig totally gasped at the fuck out of you. And she's like, well, to hear a solidified in confirmation from Craig's mouth that he's sleeping with someone else, like I feel a lot of things, mainly really cute, but I feel stupid and I feel naive. And maybe I made this something

in my head that it just wasn't, you know? And then Lindsay and the kitchen passes Craig hugging on Amanda and she goes, like hating Craig. Craig and Amanda have a vibe. Like they've definitely got some chemistry going on there. I didn't pick that up, but I'm going to keep an eye out for it now. I did through the whole episode. I was like, yeah, they're, they're going to fuck one day. There I'm calling it. I think, I think Craig is going to be Amanda's revenge fight. Wow, that's exciting. I like that. I'm excited for that season.

So Carl is like, Carl's back. He's like, oh, morning good. What? I'll just insert a car, or feeding birds, y'all. And Craig sees the girls like, you guys are psycho-bass. And Lindsay's like, and she sort of gives them a hand, like, shut the fuck up. You don't get to talk to me. Yeah.

And Amanda is talking like this. She's like, kai, oh. And he's like, babe, what do you sound like? You smoke tobacco cigarettes online. And mine's like, cause she had to yell it, you online. Ha ha ha ha ha. So they're all planning to go to a pool party and Kyle's like, I'm gonna put on the most ridiculous outfit.

Kyle. Don't do that. We're going someplace nice. Please, please just don't do that. And it's funny because later on, her mom someone says, like, keep an eye out for red flags. And just like just amazing how many flags red flags are in this relationship. Yeah. So then Blinty and Carl are talking in a room,

and Blinty's like, oh my God, Carl. Who am I? I just help all. He's like, oh, I mean, it's okay. I can be a red alcohol. Okay. What's going on, Blint? And she's like, nothing. It's just like, crack.

I'm just got that mind. Well, some people are being upset. I just put the lens of everybody's drunk, and everybody's gonna be fine tomorrow. And, you know, they're lucky they get to feed a bird, you know? And we see a clip of Craig just running through the house. Lindsay Suck, she's been dating Austin for four years while he dates other people. That's why he's not here! So, did you have fun with Sierra? How's that going? He's like, whoa, I'm looking for a relationship. And like her and also include a lot of feelings

for each other and I'm like, wow, if she has that bad taste, I don't really see where we're gonna go. And then everybody leads the house to go to Capri Restaurant in Poo. And Daniel's like, I love a cabana. And there's like a giant magnum of Rose that gets like a lot of views throughout the rest of the episode almost. So they're there and they're partying.

There's a DJ who's like playing an electric violin or like a, you know, like an annoying, what's that, what's that woman? Is it like Charlotte Church or whatever? Or like, there's like that woman who's like British, who is like always doing like new wave violin, violin pieces in like a ball gown, but like on stage and she always acts like she's like like a rock star. You know that? Do you know what I'm talking about or is this just a figment of my imagination?

It's like guitar hero, but with violins. And is this guy, you know, standing at the pool like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, from Forting Live is somewhere in Florida, really pissed off right now at this. Yeah. She should say, Kyle is talking to Carl and Maya. And he's like, all right, so we'll order some chicken lollipops. Great. You know what, chicken lollipops are almost as good as holding a burdener high on the morning.

He's like, yeah, and then we'll also order some spanked dope, yeah. And Maya's like, really? What? It's where a live with Amanda's mad at me She's like it's called spanacopita master basin master spasian Spank topia And then Amanda's like There's a live violinist that's she cuz fuck Kyle asking to play at our wedding Oh

And then Lindsay and Danielle so they're kind of checking out the bar everyone's wasted by the way already okay So Lindsay Lindsay sees the guy at the bar and she's oh my god I found out my guy He's at the bar and a white shirt and they're all wearing white shirts by the way We see the bar. It's all guys in white shirts and then you know goes yeah, well he's flirting with you and she goes Oh my god Yeah

Wait, which can you put him out to me? Okay? He's got too late. No, it looks like it's four legs and a kind of a plush top I think you're looking at the bar still. Yeah! Always hard in my rhyme. So she goes up to the bar and I have to admire. I do admire the straight forwardness of her of her flirtation. She just like, are you single? She's like, yes. How old are you? 38. Oh my god. She said you were be 38. Do you want to get married? Uh, short or right now, let's go to the chapel. Okay, should we do that? Should we do that? I can't tell. Are we joking or is this flirtation? Where are we at right now?

So then Kyle, it just got to Kyle taking like selfie videos of himself like pumping the air with the violinist. Yeah. And then just think so, yeah. Yeah. So then Amanda saying how like last week was like really shitty because they fought and everything, but she has to believe that he's sorry and then he's going to change and she goes, I mean, if we're not supposed to get married, there'll be a sign. And I don't know what that sign is. And it cuts the Kyle chugging from the magnum of Rose.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. I'm like the signs are some of our season's one through five. Yeah. Yeah.

You apparently just can't read signs. It's why you're never the one driving, you know? A man that just crashes and everything. Why? Oh, yeah. Commissions. Here comes one right now. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards

of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently?

And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts, you can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. So anyway, Carl and Sierra now are talking about all the fighting that happened and Carl's like y'all are actually full sleep. I'm so like the arc of it. I was like, I have to be up early.

This is like, that's like super hot that I like to feed so I went to sleep early She's like so now she's now Sierra's embarrassed She's like she's like oh my god like I'm just like really embarrassed and like I want to be sensible in my actions But I'm just not over Austin like I like him shoot me Well, I think this shows like a battery-ish where they just have to be fucking somebody. I don't think any of them really even like each other. They just feel pathetic if they're not fucking somebody. You know?

She's like, well, like Carl and Sierra have zero chemistry, but they're trying to make something happen. And I have one of them even can, you know? So then it's pages two into chug and Andrea is like, let them be happy, I'm just a man. And Greg is like, ugh, like he's getting annoyed watching them flirt. Cause page of course is totally playing it up.

Like, oh my God, it's like telling and rosy now. It's like different. You know, she's getting all flirty and he's getting mad. Yeah, you know, I've historically really enjoyed Page quite a bit, but I'm starting to get like a little annoyed like with this, like I'm like, I need two hot guys. Like it's just, there was this girl I used to know and this is what it was with her every thing. You could like literally have like, oh, guess what? My card was exploded and she'd be like, yeah, but I got a text from Dave, you know,

and like I'm starting to really get that energy from page right now. So Lindsay comes up to Craig and she's like, Craig, am I with your friend? I would tell you that you need to go talk to a girl named Lindsay right now. And he's like, oh, God, give me your cheek. And he just grabs her and kisses her cheek. And then he's like, sorry, God, give me your cheek. And he just grabs her and kisses her cheek

and then he's like, sorry, I yelled at you. I didn't want to make you feel bad. And then he just walks off and she's like, yeah, what the fuck? Oh, I did was answer one simple question. It's not my freaking phone and he's looking up with two girls at once. He should have been upfront about that

and I'm looking up with like five guys right now in a bar stool. So when I'm upfront with that, and Kyle goes, five guys, isn't that like a burger franchise? Do they serve Spank Copita? Spank Copia? I can't even say it the way Kyle says it.

I'm like, I just love that Lindsay's Tinder history is like the guys from five guys. It's just like peanuts. It's like, like, have a bang with Lindsay and just throw some peanuts on the floor and walk out. I said, like, penis, not peanuts. Quite those up. So Craig is like last night was just like reacting off being the basis that she came like to you page and tried to upset you by being an asshole and if we were exclusive and dating and pages like um if we're exclusive and dating I would have cut your fucking dick off.

Yeah, and he just stops like God and see her is like yeah, I'm like she or smiles big and he's like, well, that's not our situation. Like, we just came out in relationships. Like, I want to be single. I'm gonna kiss his or cheek. You know, the souther, it's gross enough on Southern charm. It's really not working here. You know, you need to keep that shit in the South. That's just not gonna work here, sir. Yeah, and she's like, you're a fact-blowing.

He goes, well, I'm gonna grab a drink at the bar and find my shoes and wallet and stuff. See, this is, to me, it goes right back to that laptop thing. It's like, this is a guy who, like, hey, if you put, if the laptop falls off in the middle of the night and breaks on the floor, like, oops, I didn't see that happening. And now he's in a public space

and doesn't know where his wallet and shoes and stuff is. Like, this is, these are issues. These are problems. Oh, so Sierra's like, what's wrong? So I mean, just a thought of him being with someone, like it just like, oh my god, it's so like full price. Like it makes me feel sick. And I know I don't have the right to be mad. But you know what? Guess what? I am mad. So call it what it is, but I like him. I really like him. Hmm, I'll call it what it is, but I like him.

It's great. It's just there. Poor choices. So now they are all, they're heading back to the house and Maya's already there. She's like chopping carrots and making lasagna and so we get like a little bit of her backstory which is that she's always loved cooking and she grew up in her dad's arms because it's like the only place where she wouldn't be crying. But he was like the cook of the house which meant that she was often in the kitchen.

But guess what, I have a tough relationship with my dad because you know, I'm very direct. Yeah, it was like, I love my dad's story and then it turned into like, my dad's an asshole story. Like, all the same, all the same story. Pivoted very quickly. So then she's asking to tend y'all come back home like

is anyone seeing Danielle then it just cuts to Danielle sitting in a chair by the pool asleep like we can get a Bernie style. She's just like and Lindsay's like oh my god Danielle you're sitting on my new boyfriend. And you're sitting on my new boyfriend. And then, you know, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle. Danielle's like trying to hit this news button on Lindsay. And then, like, while there's, like Danielle sort of wakes up and it's kind of garaggy and they're like laughing. And then Luke calls and like, oh, looky, looky, looky, look, look, look, this is calling,

looky, you know, looky, look, look, look, look, are you coming ever? Did you move away? He has like such the model way of being on FaceTime too. He's like holding the phone at the right angle, kind of profile, and then looking at the camera and also kind of moving in a circle. Yeah. He's like in his own iPhone commercial over there. He's like, hey, well, you know, what? Guess what? Had to do some stuff out here for work. You know, hot dish folks

personally and everything. But I'll be flying out Tuesday. Yeah. By the way, I also want to point out that even though it's very charming that Carl fed a bird from his hand, Luke was the one who was feeding chipmunks with his hand originally. So I just want to give credit where I'm going to do in terms of, you know, woodland critters and human interactions. As far as fuck boys pretending to be animal people so they can get laid on TV. Okay. As far as fuck boys using little critters to raise their profile. to raise their profile. Yeah. So then Lindsay is like a raccoon.

Crackle be like, I found a raccoon that was salivating during the day. So I decided to feed it in my hand to see what it would be like. No, Craig's outside refusing to give a possum pizza. He's like, fuck you. Telling people I was fucking around that exclusive. telling people I was fucking around like exclusive. So, um, so anyway, there's just like more silliness happening. Lindsay and Danielle have now like relocated to a bedroom, uh,

whether pretty much doing the same thing and Sierra comes in looking for Lindsay. And Sierra's like, Lindsay, I'm talking to you. Okay. Did I do something again? What did I do? I'm talking to you. Okay. Mm-hmm. Did I do something again?

What did I do? And, uh, Sierra's like, well, look, I need to talk to you because, like, last night, you know, the shit that Craig brought up, like, he said that you and Austin have been on and off for, like, the past four years. And then she's like, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah while I'm just asking you, if you guys been sleeping together like, and she's like, um, crack, what's out of his goddamn mind? That's my- Serra's like, I just, I don't want to look stupid. Um, you have now on two separate shows

proclaimed having a crush on Austin, so the, I don't want to look stupid, ship has definitely sailed, unfortunately, Serra. Yeah, also, you knew that they were still fucking when you started with Austin and then you put all your eggs in the Austin basket and he gave you the final episode. I just want to be friends speech. I mean, yeah, that's like the worst you still being with us. She put all her eggs in the Austin basket and he took the basket and put it in the microwave. That's what happened. And then Craig slept with it on his chest. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

So Lindsay's sleeping with exploded microwave eggs on your chest. It's called privilege. So Lindsay's like, um, Sierra, you know everything. Okay, look, I'm a drawing the bart the bartender, I'm from the bar. Oh, we weren't gonna say that. Uh-oh. I love when Lindsay does like a,

like a, a preposition, a train of prepositions like from season one. I'm gonna go see the guy in his bed together and house over there. And I love that her argument is like, what? I mean, how could you say I'm sleeping with Austin? I'm fucking the bartender and the five guys. I'm like, yeah, but you can still be fucking Austin, you know?

It's like the way of kind of avoiding the question. And she's like, there's nothing here that you don't already know. Let's just say Lindsey did not answer that question. Anybody else noticed that? That is true. So then meanwhile inside, Andrea's helping Paige get her phone and stuff and Craig starts talking to Amanda

and he's like, so how do you feel about me and Paige? And she goes, the bigger question is, how do I feel about you and Kristen? I was like, I was surprised I didn't get the bravo. Yeah. And let's see, I'm sorry, I got lost a little bit.

So Amanda is asking Craig to get something from the fridge. Still think that for five. Sorry, every time they come on screen together, I'm like, oh my god, they've got it. So Craig's like, wow, your Raspi voice is like giving me a bone error. Because I mean, it's not that hard these days, Kyle. Yeah. So Craig is like, well, just because everyone doesn't

understand our setup, doesn't mean it doesn't work. It does work and I will always be 100% honest about everything and I mean, it's like a I will always be 100% honest about everything. And I mean, it's like, but you weren't 100% honest because I just was never asked. And if I was asked about it, I would have said it. Right. And then he goes, well, what's she doing with Andrea, which, you know, is fair. So then page and Sierra are in bed flirting with Andrea, right? And she's like, because he picks you up. I'm like, put you in the bed and gives you a big kiss. And she's like, you know, if I'm wanting to do that all day, haven't you?

And he's like, oh, there you are. It's been a long time. Right. So then, and she loves it. She's just eating it up. And she's like giggling like, oh my god. She's just totally eating it up. And you know, she's just going to be like, oh my god, she's just totally eating it up. And you know, she's just gonna be like nattering on to everyone about it all night long. So Craig is like, well, we don't want to embarrass each. He's still talking to Amanda and he's saying how we, like, we don't want to embarrass each other. And Amanda's like, well, you embarrass her.

Which then you can sort of like, Craig's just like sitting there like, wait, huh? I think, yeah. Huh? He's still trying to figure that one out, like how that got turned back on him. But then we cut to page and bad, like, hee-lo- J-Cutler, and he's really not an attractive person. So, you know, like, you know,

I don't know if Kristen's always going for hotness. I don't know. I thought he's extremely rich. She doesn't have to be. Oh, yeah, you're right. So I think I just had an overdue, like, let's get at J-Cutler moment there. It's like 10 years waiting for that moment. And then Amanda Snail falls into the lasagna,

which is very the show. So later, Craig checks on page. He's like, did you take an app and we, what have you been doing up here? You've been up here for two hours. Yeah, and then everyone's just starting to get ready for dinner. It's dinner time.

And there was an extreme closeup of broccoli, which I felt was a call back to like a few episodes ago, when they're like, yeah, we're a broccoli household to Alex, remember? He's like, you guys eat broccoli? Yeah, we're a broccoli household, okay. Yeah, some editors just hate to Alex. They're like, see, stupid. They do eat broccoli, you idiot. So Carl's studying there's like, all thanks for pop pop preparing pop up and oh God I'm hilarious And Paige comes down into crop tops. She's like overdressed and Carl's like wow girl down girl

Whoa, and Amanda goes where are you going after this and she's like, I don't know. I mean, who knows? It could be Neumanns. It could be TJ Maxx. You guys. So Lindsay's like, oh, thing, I'm going, and Paige is like, yeah, and this is for fucking another girl. So she's like in this weird competition to win Craig over. I just wish to people on this. The women specifically have more self-respect on this show. Oh, let's look at who we're fighting over. Craig in Austin. Yeah, I'm on exactly. We need to we need to raise the bar. Yeah. So So anyway, so Maya wanted everyone to break there was this is a bad night last night She wants to break bread and be like a family and they're all just eating and this lasagna looks absolutely amazing

It looks delicious. They're having a nice little meal and then Daniel's like guys. I've come up with a theme for Amanda's 30th birthday Cirque Do July everyone's like hmm. How about 90s 90s party So then Lindsay. She's like, I guess I'll have to return the whimsical hoops. I just ordered from Amazon. Yeah. So then Lindsay and Danielle are getting ready up in their room. And Danielle's like, what are we gonna do tonight?

She's like, um, I am gonna go fuck a Greek man. And then everyone else goes to the hot tub and the frogs are doing their frog thing. And it's just like, so Lindsay and Danielle leave and there's like a lot of, you know, like Kyle's ass in the hot tub. The usual hijinks, but upstairs, Maya's in her room and Carl's there, but he's like sitting in the corner, so I see her, his long legs coming out from around the dresser. It's like, y'all, it's my life. He's like, hey, Maya, have you ever party liked this before? It's crazy, huh? And she's like, I'm like an introvert, but I'm also like an extrovert. So how are you feeling?

Talk to me. He's like, y'all is fun to party, but like, I mean, it would also be fun to do other things. Like, there are so many birds not being held in hand right now. Do you know if there's some birds that are awake at night it's crazy. I want to go feed a hawk. Yeah, so he's like good night. It's 10 30. I turned into a pump down. I turned into a pump. I hate that. I've just I've realized that I hate that phrase now. I think it was cute but now I absolutely hate it because I feel like when people say I turn into a pumpkin, people say it as like a funny little sort of deprecating cutesy moment to be like, I don't want to hang out with you. I would rather sleep than hang out with you at this moment.

And having been on the receiving end of the pumpkin comment, I take it very personally. Because Emma was like, oh, this is we're having so much fun. Yeah, well, I'm turning into a pumpkin. I also got to go. I will fuck you in your pumpkin. Rally for me. Rally for me. It's Cinderella. Okay, the magic has done. It's been night. And that I've tried to generally be the truth.

You know, there comes a certain point where I'm like, I'm gonna be fugly in about five minutes. Okay, I could only try and suck it in and stand up this straight for so long. Okay, I'm about to turn back into a pumpkin mouse or whatever the fuck happened in that. But you know what? Okay, first of all, Cinderella does not

herself turn into a pumpkin, so that's all wrong. Every anytime someone says that I turn into a pumpkin, like you are not the vehicle, first of all. I know, they're... I'm supposed to be Cinderella. There be a W just turns into like a bicycle. It should be like, you don't turn to pumpkins, like I'm going to turn into a homely person, you know, wearing rags, but also like a lot of times that phrase

is uttered well before midnight. It's usually like at 9 30. Well, I'm going to turn to a pumpkin soon. It's like, it's not midnight. You still have two and a half hours left of magic in you. Okay. it's not pumpkin time. I'm on Cinderella time. So sorry, I talked to mice. I don't know if you knew that. What about? Sorry, I'm on Bavarian standard time. So, so bedtime. So Lindsay and Tanya overturned it like 146 a.m. and Kyle's dancing. This is where Kyle's dancing around a Dishat and towel and twerking alone Kyle coming

Oh man, and then you know that everyone's just settling settling into another night of sleep Danielle's just eating chips in the middle of the night Yeah, she goes where are the cookies? That's the definition of turning into a pumpkin. By the way, that's what it was. Praise because this is what happens, you know. Yeah, well, but you know what, but I feel like she earned her pumpkin hood in that moment. She really earned her pumpkin. Okay. But I feel like Carl, Carl at 1030, just like sitting in the corner it's too early for your pumpkin sir. So now it's the next morning and Andreas like, hello beautiful ladies I don't know what accent I'm doing for him today. Not just love that we get a tricky song and it's like I'm going to live in the swell man like a time that we've got and living this song and like a time that we've got it's just everybody sleeping. So yeah, Andrea comes down and he's talking to

Lindsay Danielle about their night out and he's like I heard she fell in love with Greek man and Danielle's like yeah, I'm sure she fell out of with Greek man and then he was like, yeah, I'm a man she fell out of love Well, you got to shoot your shot and I told the man I come back and I came back And I was like no I'm leaving and he like didn't even say a word to me, but to be fair He is a bar stool and does not have a mouth or a brain or really any sort of signs of life and that inanimate object But I tried my best Anonymous object, but I tried my best So now it's time for everybody to go back to New York for the week and we see little clips of everyone's lives

Kiles and Jersey and his like LeVernin Shirley factory like with the inaugural taste stop Don't look at me 4.6 million dollars or whatever and then me Yeah, yeah, Maya on what I worked out for some reason. It's Maya. No, no, it's my mom. I'm here So it's Wednesday and she has a sign up on she's okay I'm not before you can get into this here's what I'm gonna say about her I really really enjoy her and I feel like this little scene, she was actively trying to make me hate her. And I was like, I was like, no, I really enjoy you. And I've really enjoyed the energy

you brought to the show. But she is basically like, has all her little slice of life at home is like all the annoying stuff from Top Chef without any of the upside of Top Chef. So first she has a sign in her apartment that says, my cookies bring all the boys to the yard because we find out that she's like a cookie person.

It's like, okay, so you like cookies. Then we meet her dog, super cute dog. The dog's name is garlic, quote, clove, aily. So I'm like, wait, so does that mean is the dog's name clove or the dog's name garlic aily? But it's nickname is clove. Either way, I hate all of it. I hate all of it. And this is someone who's name, clove, or the dog's name, garlic aily, but it's nickname is clove. Either way, I hate all of it. I hate all of it.

And this is someone who loves garlic, who loves aily, and who loves cloves and garlic love aily. I love all those things, but I don't want a dog named that. And then we also need another dog that she's named Bukitini. I'm like, you know what, Maya, you're really testing me right now. You're really testing me. I did not notice the dog names. I just noticed how cute they were, but now I can see it.

But I think she's someone who's like, hey, Clove, hey, Teenie. And then she has her snotty reason that she saves for later. Like it's garlic. But then again, should you be more upset with the people who wrote the captions for the dogs? Because that is a confusing cap shit, you know, then again, should you be more upset with the people who wrote the captions for the dogs? Because that is a confusing, confusing cap shit, you know? Garlic.

It should be a true clove. Unqualed. A-O-L-E. That's hard. Like, I think you're right. You probably just refers to him as clove and actually Buka, because it says Bukitini, aka Buka. But like, the Bukitini thing was especially triggering, because it made me think of Bruce from Top Chef who a few years ago Declared that Buka-Tini was the spirit pasta and I think like I've never been able to fully enjoy Buka-Tini ever since, you know? And so seeing this adorable dog being named Buka-Tini just like I just think of Bruce and and that that annoys me Would it be? I don't even know what Buka-Tini is. I'm looking it up. It's, oh no, Marisol Patton. It's Bukitini is basically, it's like a long pasta.

Oh, it's a whole, it's a straw spaghetti. It's like spaghetti straws. This is delicious. No, it's actually a super cool pasta, but Bruce ruined it. And like maybe I think I was just about ready to like, move past it and then now we have Boca Tini the dog. And I don't know. I mean, I'm just on a different plane than you because I was like,

okay, I really like her now because it's the scene starts with the close up of her kitchen aid. Her she's mixing sweet things, which I love. Yes. I like that. And then two cute dogs, which I love. I didn't even know what was named after a carb. That makes me like that more.

Garlic a oily is like, fuck, I don't care if you make that with me. I'm here for the fucking bread and the spaghetti straws. And then I really like this. She's telling her a story and she's like, when I was little, me and my sister made pound cakes for like local churches and I pocketed all the money. I was like, yes, profiting off church. Like, how do you do this? No, look, I love off church. I mean, do this. No, look, I love that she loves to cook, and I love that she has a cookie business. I'm really into it.

I personally, at this moment, I'm borderline about to buy a cookie cookbook. I'm not gonna lie. I almost did it yesterday. Remember when I texted you, I said, I feel like buying something off of Amazon. I almost bought a cookie cookbook. So I totally feel like we are kindred spirits.

But I just, you know, it's like that top chef thing when someone's like, I got a tattoo of a fork and a knife or I got a tattoo of bacon or I got a tattoo of mise en place and I have a dog named Bucatini. It's like that stuff. It drives me nuts. Well, she tells us that she has a cookie business and that's her passion. And the cookie business is called the need. And her mission is to spread happiness with cookies. And at first I was like, that's so fucking stupid. Wow, happiness is spread with cookies.

Yeah. And cookies are a need. So I feel like I shouldn't like her, but I do. So there you go. We're just gonna have to see where the leads are. She was testing me, but I still ultimately really like her lot. Do you think her business is the need spelled N-E-E-D or the need spelled K-N-E-A-D? I don't know because you don't need cookies.

Do you? I don't. It would just be a poor use of that. It would be a black and white cookie you have to need actually because those are a little bit more of a crossache. Okay, so then we go to page and she's calling her mom Kim and she's her mom's like I feel like I have to watch Amazon live to even see my daughter. Oh, we're like because I didn't see a purchase there. So I'm just going take it, you're not wearing adorable leather pants that are affordable right now.

Okay, that's still calling you, still calling you. Where do I even start? Okay, so this weekend Craig came to the house and she's like, and how was Andrea about that? And remember, you know, you've got a hot Italian model, where you're just gonna put that to the side, my sweet daughter, and she's like,

well listen, he flirts with anyone with a pulse. And I just don't know if he just does it just to make me jealous. And just listen, guys, until you say where you stand, they don't say where they stand. And then once you do say where you stand, they're just gonna leave you. So, you know, good luck. So sure, that's what I was thinking too. So, then Andrea, we get Andrea modeling. Now, I don't know what the fuck he's modeling for, but it looks like Gay of Thrones. It looks like some kind of porn that he's about to shoot. It's like a guilt and then suspenders or whatever. Yeah, it's a bit died.

So then we get a new interview look for him, which at first I thought was a crazy blazer, but I realized it was just a shirt that gave blazer energy, which I thought was very interesting. And he has like a really aggressive spray tan. And so originally I said, oh, he's wearing a blazer with no shirt,

but actually he was actually wearing a shirt. It was terrible. It was like a pink, paisley silk shirt, like pirate shirt from the 80s All the way down to his belly, but oh International male like if the stuff in the international male catalog that's like not underwear So it's just like that really shitty, you know, and the the win the Victoria secret when Victoria secret has like a dress. It's like

Yeah, it's terrible and he's trying to convince us in this outfit that he just wants to settle down. He's so foolish. I know he's so foolish. So we go back to page who's like, well, so Friday night, Lindsey told me that Kristen and Craig were hooking up. And I wasn't mad at Craig for doing it. But then Craig was like calling and texting me

all Wednesday night. And I was like, wasn't answering. And I was like, I'm much a dinner. I'll call you back. But I never called them back because I was like, I'm like, I'll just go and become a cream on my face. So all the way along, he was like, you're on a date. And I was like, no, I was like, yes'm much thinner, I'll call you back, but I never called them back because I was like, I'm like out with a couple of cream on my face. So I'll be long, he was like, you're on a date,

and I was like, no, I was, I was like, yes, I was on a date because you know, you know, why not play some games with him, right, mom? And her mom's like, identify the red flags early. Don't stay in it if they were deal breakers. Like, thanks for the generic advice, but your daughter's fucking people from Summer House and Southern Charm.

We're past Red Flag. Okay. I know. I was like, just, you know, as long as you're on Amazon watching your daughter, maybe you should order her the box set of Southern Charm, just to get those red flags right there on her doorstep. I mean, red flags are above these guys, at least a red flag will wave at you when it's done.

You know? Geez. So then we go to Kyle and Amanda driving to the summer house together. And he's like, wow, today is the last day of your 20s, Amanda. She's like, oh, it's so weird, Kyle. Like, I'm so glad I get to celebrate my 30s. Like, I just always had a plan of what I wanted when I was 30.

Yeah. And her plan was to be married and pregnant by 30. And he's like, wow, you want to do all these things all at once. And she goes, and you want to focus on the business? Well, the business is what allows us to do those things. You're exhausting, YouTube. I'm fucking exhausted. Okay, I can't. So then he gives us his usual, like, oh yeah, handle stress because, you know, I got work and a wedding.

Okay, you're stressed and then you're gonna be wasted all weekend, got it. Like, he's also got a style. Yeah. He's also got a style because he's stressed. You got a style because you've been wiping your butt and then touching your eyes. That's why you got a style, okay, Drinky?

Yeah. I'm trying to think of some joke about style. Like he has a style and like the summer house is a style and I was like trying to come up with like some good style wordplay, but I realized that's really not worth it. You know, I think it just speaks for itself. Let the style humor just speak for itself. Also to people out there wondering what the fuck

I just said, you're correct to people who are beating your steering wheels That's not how you get stised. That's how you get pink guy. Okay. I was just I was gonna correct you I just didn't feel like being that person at that moment Cuz I feel like I already had a big bouquetini moment and I was like let's just let this one go No, no, I felt people very upset in their cars But also I've had a style and so I don't want to connect some of my havesti. I don't want people to be like, oh my god, because he wipes his butt

and then he touches his assi. Well, I actually think I have a sti coming in a little bit, just one everyone to know. I feel like I'm stressed. I have sympathetic stress for Kyle. I'm getting a summer house sti. So meanwhile, Lindsay, Maya Maya and now I'm actually paranoid that it's Mia and I've been saying... No, no, it's Maya. Are we sure? No.

Yeah, I think my auto corrected it one time to Mia, that's all but it's spelled M YA, but that might be a weird version of Maya I mean, Maya is Maya. Okay. We'll correct us if we're wrong, you know who knows? So then she's in the car with Danielle and Lindsay And they see a big guy with gray hair and then he goes, oh my god. That was like Santa and Lindsay is like, oh my god I know that was Santa Blancy's like, oh my god, that was Santa. Oh. And then Danielle goes, oh, I know, because Danielle's like wants to like,

pile on, she goes, I know. I'm like, is that Chris Cringle? And they all just look at her like she's crazy. Oh my god, wait, what? Yeah. Who is Chris Cringle? Is he single? And she's like, isn't that Santa's real name? And And she's like, uh, isn't that Santa's real name?

And then she's like, Ah! Oh, I'm stupid! Oh. Just are like making fun of Danielle for making a very common pop culture reference. God. Yeah.

So that's the summer house. That was like the most summer house scene we've seen in a long time. Like making fun of someone for actually having knowledge. So then my, I was like, Lindsay, did you go to Mexico and she's like, um, I didn't go on because I was gonna go. But then I needed a pass point and then my passport was gonna come. But then my passport came late.

Yeah, a lot of passport drama on Bravo these days between Noella and Lindsay later on Kyle. People need to get the up on their passports. So they all arrive at the house and Lindsay, command them, it's your birthday. And they're all excited because they'd be at 90s party and Kyle talks about how he lost his virginity in the 90s, and they're like, whoa. Like you're old. So then Lindsay is bopping around like with,

I don't know what it is, but she's giving me mom from the 80s show vibes today. She's just like bopping around with the whistle. Like it's your birthday, honey. We're so excited for you. And they got her a big balloon arch. It says Amanda. Yeah. I'm surprised those balloons were like fully inflated. I kind of felt like the Amanda vibe would be there'd be sort of like hovering just above the floor, like running out of

helium. Like all the balloons being like happy birthday, Amanda. That's what it's gonna sound like when they're done. All night long, no one's gonna be able to sleep because all the balloons will just be weezing out air. Oh my god, guys don't look. It's not as weak. It's a little kind of motor cycle. way. I tell you Connie's motorcycle. J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j and the mole to be vile tempered. Yo. The violinist guitar here is like, man, man, man, man. God be the spirit in this guy. Spirit in the sky. I don't know any of the motorcycles on this. So then Luke's like, I back.

I've missed my friends so much, but you know I've been seeing family. That Rejulva needs me. And so he comes in, he meets Ryan, he's hugging everybody. And then Andreas, he's Paige, and he hugs her and picks her up in the air, and then they're like doing that hump thing,

you know, like joking. And she's like, I'm actually, I thought of you a lot this week, especially Wednesday night. He's like, you should text me more. Yeah, and then they're gonna start decorating for the 90s party and pages like, I want everything to feel like TRL.

So they're all sort of like, you know, it's the usual hubbub. hubbub. When as they get ready and everything and page tells Andrea, look how big my boots have gotten. He's, oh yes, I love them. Just have you noticed?

Yes, I want to play with him all night long. And Sierra's like, well, I don't want to steal your shine. And she like unzips her hoodie or something. And like her boobs are just like looking big. And then I'm like, oh yeah. There's more using in this movie than the sit, like there's so much using in this movie, like he is using her to be on TV.

She's using Cam to get Craig. There's just a lot of using going on and it's cracking, be the fuck up. Feel like my boobs. By the way, I'm wearing that fancy crop top thing I wore last week that no one really cared about. So, let's talk about it now. Do you know what I named my boobs. By the way, I'm wearing that fancy crop top thing. I wore last week that no one really cared about. So let's talk about it now. Do you know what I named my boobs? Like and subscribe. So Kyle and Amanda are getting ready and he's like, should I shave off my facial hair? So I look like I didn't the 90s. She's like, Kyle, you're not so much like you

did in the 90s. It's just supposed to be like, we are who we are now, but it's in the 90s. But then now it's like 2022 and you still won't give me a baby around. Oh, man. So she tells us that she's turning 30 and it's a big deal. And she never makes her birthdays about her. This is the only time that she wants to ever make her birthday special

the way that she's made Kyle's birthday special every year. We get a montage from the past four years of like all these super big parties that she's organized for Kyle every single season on the show. We can't. Coming all I got you the foreign lambo's to drive around at 25 miles an hour and then even run. That was my favorite one. Yeah, I love that. I love the hot.

So, Amanda's like, it's my time to shine just once. Which means she won't be shining. Amanda's version of shining is her as like being like super dull, right? Like that's like she shines the most when she's trot upon. Yeah the only thing shining at the end of this episode is your face because tears are streaming down it. So the producer asks the cast what their favorite thing about the 90s is and Danielle's like oh youth which I like and Luke says frosted tips. And Andrea's like ninja turtles. When he's like,

mm, retiring for my job is 65. And Maya says she misses Doug and the fresh prints. And Alex is like, I love the Backstreet Boys. Like I had the millennium album and I just listened to it over and over and over. That doesn't surprise me. Yeah, it was like a total explanation. Yeah, for everything.

I'm surprised he hasn't actually shown up in just like a full on crazy Backstreet Boys outfit. You know, like I feel like that's really his outfit. He does, like with his muscle T's and stuff. He does kind of wear the 80s style sleeveless T. But you know, they sometimes like, I feel like the Backstreet Boys on some of their concerts, I remember seeing on TV,

like they would have these sort of like futuristic, futuristic costumes, they almost like buzzed like years or something. They just, they'd be putting the craziest things and I would not be surprised if I was just showed up one day. I was like, Hey, guys, brought my ground turkey cookies. Want some? Yeah, I'm wearing this. My favorite back street boy song. Probably knowing in this house he's broccoli. I mean, it's kind of a long title. But still, you know, the original title was, The original title was, I want broccoli that way.

Tell me the feeling of eating broccoli. Refuge the album. So then everyone gathers for the party and Sierra is like, Kyle, why do you even look shorter today? Dweeb, you look like Dweeb. Maybe he's just like, yeah, he's the kind of guy that like in high school, it means you would push into a locker. Yeah, I'm sure that will not cause him

to spiral on top of his style anxiety. So then, Linzi got Amanda a Pogo stick. And Amanda just sort of bounced around. Amanda starts going nuts on the Pogo stick. And she's going so crazy in this Pogo stick and the producers don't even bother getting a clear shot of it. We just sort of see her ponytail going up and down.

I'm like, this is so Amanda, they won't even give her something gif worthy. They won't give her her Pogo. And she's doing a ham's free. Like she's actually amazing at the Pogo stick. Like it's literally like she could have done Cirque de July theme she apparently is like very agile and just see like a ponytail flopping up and down. We finally get something other than walka moly that Amanda is like the best at and they don't even give her a clear shot.

Yeah, the producers don't even say hey like, like, can we reshoot that? Like at the camera's angle, they're just like, whatever. It's just pogo content. So everyone's shocked. And then we get some hula hoop and page is like, I heard you can't have, if you can't hula hoop, you're bad at sex. My mom told me that. Like, this is that like a pages mother thing to say. I hear, listen, you know what a red flag is?

You can't who low. Okay. By the way, I bought a hoolee on Amazon when I was watching you. So I'm gonna send that to your house. You know, oh, and it makes sense. All those boxes that are always in the front super probably just from Pager's mom. Hey, when you get to the house this weekend,

I sent you a pogo stick, a cleat box, a Kleenex, and a bunch of slippers. I've had disposable slippers. Enjoy. I mean, I know it's for all the stupid theme parties that they have, but I'd like to think it's really just Steven sending all these Amazon boxes to the house. It's just letters that say, tell us so.

Like, tell us about what? I just told you so. So Luke is like, hey, Amanda, here's the gift. And she opens it. It's like, dear Amanda, a gift in your honor has been received by Waldo's rescue bank is that's when we rescue animals from, oh my God, Luke, this is like the best. Yeah, mine, Albert.

And that's really sweet. I just unfortunately, no one can ever find ever earned on. That's really sweet. I just unfortunately no one can ever find that rescue place. It's too bad. There's all this. So Kyle's like, oh wow, Luke God. I'm just doing matters just gushing over this gift. And he tells Paige, he's like, the friend is more thoughtful than me.

Just why? What did you end up getting her? And he's like, oh, funny story. Nothing. I don't have anything. Hi, oh, oh my God. I got her a time sheet that she can fill out because she needs to work more. So how does Kyle not get a man to anything for her 30th?

That is absolutely bonkers to me. I mean, I want to send center something. That's terrible. Jesus. So page is all yikes, of course. So then he's like, let's play some games and page is like, we're going to play, spend the bottle. Okay, no, we're not playing spend the bottle in this house. You, you're going to get something playing spend the bottle in this house. You're gonna get something playing Spin the Bottle in this house. I was waiting to see where you're going with that. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's happening? What's wrong with the bottle?

I thought you were gonna say something like this house. It's too nice for a bottle to be spun in. We're gonna play a game of Spin the Bottle of Hydrogen Paroxide that I'm gonna rinse my mouth out with after I kiss anybody from this house. So, um, yes, the bottle is being spun and so Andrea and Paige wind up kissing, oh yes, yes, a big G. And then Lindsay and Danielle wind up kissing and then the surprise moment, Sierra and Alex get chosen to kiss. And so they kiss, they have like a big kiss. And Sierra is like, Alex is not a bad kisser. I mean, did we hit teeth?

Yes. But the pressure got the best of us. I mean, there's foundation there. Okay. Like he's a contender. I mean, like as far as I can tell, he has no personality. That's kind of what I'm into. Yeah.

Good. And I like when Alex was spinning the bottle, bottle he goes I'm 100% getting Andrea right now So then we go to zero in page They're like freshening up in their room and serious like oh my god. Do I have like Alex now because like I made out and like now I like Alex and Lindsay jumps in and she's like are you talking about me? and she's like, are you talking about me? It's like that. Alex, not Lindsay. And then I cut to Alex.

And now, this is Alex's story for the rest of the episode. He's stacking adult Jenga. And he's like, oh my God, these are all about stripping. It is ridiculous. I'm just trying to space it out so it's not every single one is stripping. And so he's fixated on having a proper distribution of the adult Jenga blog. Right, here he is. and so he's like fixated on having a proper distribution of the adult gen blog right areas. He's just rewriting on top of them.

Ruffage more vegetables. Protein shake. 10 push ups. Oh, okay. So then back to Sierra and the other girls. We got page and Lindsay getting ready in the mirror and Lindsay's like, what are you guys getting ready for? And she goes, I don't even know. And she goes, you know what? I'm never ready. That's my problem.

I think Lindsay's the opposite. I think she's 100% ready, which is her problem. So she's like, well, I met a guy and I finally found a guy who actually is cool and he's like funny as fuck. And I spent all of Sunday cracking up and Bed with him and pages like did you sleep with him yet or and she's like no But then I'm Monday. I did yeah, I was like fuck it. I'm gonna sleep with him Oh my god, he just texted me just like me just like me just like me She's trying to have like this. Oh my god. We're just girls on a bed moment with Paige and they just just staring at her like this. Oh my God, we're just girls on a bed moment with Paige and they just just staring at her and she tells us, I don't even know the name of anyone she's dating because there's like so many of

them. Once in Mexico, when is Greek? Listen, I have an Italian and a settler and that's all I can keep track of right now off my battled woman. Excuse me, I've got help Lindsey cross the street. So Paige is like, wait, Kyle, Kyle was like, what should I get Amanda? And I was like, I've got help Lindsey cross the street. So, Paige is like, wait, Kyle, Kyle was like, what should I get Amanda? And I was like, I think you should take on a trip. And Lindsey goes, whoa, what did he get her? Well, honestly, nothing. He hasn't booked anything.

And so, it's like, this isn't a movie. Oh, she get Lindsey on it. So, she calls Kyle in. And Lindsey's like, I'm going to the bathroom to see if somebody texts me again. So please talk to them. Sounds like a way. And Paige is like, oh my God, Kyle, you can't just say happy birthday and he just goes,

oh boy, like he's already about to start crying again, you know. So Lindsey goes down to Amanda, because Lindsey who says, my problem is I'm never ready. And now she's like fully dressed and ready to go out of the house. So she's like, you are 100% ready. So she goes, and I leaned to meet up with a boy. Will you beat upset with me?

And Amanda's like, no, it's fine. But like, you know Amanda's gonna be upset. And honestly, I think it is a little shitty. You know what I mean? Like it's not an unreasonable request, but it's sort of, you know, it's her 30th birthday I actually think it's like, it's a little shitty. I know, but Linda, I think that Lindsay just feels like her expiration date is coming, you know, she's just like, I mean, I don't even care if there's fruity

Papalism in my house, we're drinking this now! She should have, she should have invited the guy to the house. That's what she should, well, although maybe they weren't allowed to have people come in. I feel like sometimes some are house, there's probably like rules about who can and come to the house. That's what she should, although maybe they weren't allowed to have people come in. I feel like sometimes some are house, there's probably like rules about who can and come to the house, can and can not come to the house any given moment. So anyway, so she tells Amanda this. And meanwhile, there's like,

everyone else is up in the room, like doing this like emergency, like got a book of trip, like let's find Kyle something to do, which also bothered me because it's like, I don't think the girl should have been the one to bail out Kyle in this case. I mean, they're doing it because they want Amanda to feel happy and love. So they're doing it for Amanda. But Kyle's just standing there and for Kyle to talk about how he works so hard and everything he works, everything he has so much on his shoulders.

Then if you if you can do all those things on your shoulders, if you can prop up and do a lover boy, you can go into orbits and click a few buttons. I know, but he's broke, right? Because he said he's like four points, something million dollars in debt. So I think that's probably, but even if you're broke, you can still like get a picture of a baby.

You know what I mean? And be like, I hope to give you this one day. The day. Yeah, you do the cheesy thing. Yeah. Like you can make some kind of effort. Or you draw, yeah, you draw something and be like, here is a first class ticket to anywhere in the world. You want to go.

So that way it's like, here's a gift, but I haven't actually bought it yet. Right. They're right. Or just like, you know, give her a few avocados and just be like, you know what? I appreciate all of your talents. Something, just something. Starbucks guard. Starbucks guard. Let's just get realistic here. $20 Starbucks guard. I mean, not. Spanktopia. For the rest of your life. You love a frequent flyer membership to have spanktopia. Oh God. So then, so meanwhile, okay, so everybody's in the room. All the girls are in the room with Kyle.

Sorry. I was trying to. My ring thing went off for some reason. Some guy standing at my ring. What's he doing? I'm assuming he's delivering something. Anyway, delivery from Spentopia. Sorry, that was rude. So Amanda thinks that everybody's just ignoring her, right? It's like her birthday.

There's nobody around. So she calls her mom. And her mom's like, hello. And she's like, mom, I'm celebrating my birthday tonight. I mean, I don't know where everyone is. I guess they're busy, but look, you want to see the decorations? It's just me though. Are you ready to see it?

Oh, honey, that's so nice that they sit up a slip and slide. No, that's just my tears on the floor. Oh, okay. She's like oh Maybe there should be some music on and some dancing I feel bad. I actually felt bad for Amanda like that sucked that really did suck and so meanwhile upstairs page is like okay Well guess what you're going to that the Hamas I call it oh My passport expired during COVID. Oh my god. And she's on the checkout page, right?

Page is like getting ready to check out. She's done this whole thing for him. And he's like, wait, I have a passport. Genoella. Yes, you do. Why don't you say something when she was saying what about Bahamas or whatever? If you didn't have a Stein your eye right now, I punch it.

So Sarah's like, Kyle, I want you to know you dropped the ball on the floor. So then Lindsay, meanwhile, she's like in a bathroom or she's somewhere and she's telling her guys, like, come on, I'm in the house, I'm trying to leave. And Maya or Mia walks in and she's like, I'm very paranoid, Rod. It's Maya. It's Maya. So Maya comes in and she's like, Hey, um, like, where are you going?

And can I come with you? Can we, and she's like, No, I'm trying to get laid. I can only bring like one person. Yeah, it's so weird. She's like, no, I'm trying to get laid, I can only bring like one person. Yeah, it's so weird. She's like, no, I'm trying to get lead, but then she still takes Danielle. So then my mom's a win woman.

But she doesn't want like a whole group. A flock, right? So then Maya is kind of pissed and she goes into the other girls and she's like, I mean, that's just not how I would handle that situation. And so she's like, okay, so a mattress, birthday is in like two minutes.

I mean, is she, are we staying in? What are we doing? Sir, yeah, where is Amanda? Anyway, so they go find Amanda and she said the bad like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, so Amanda is crying. And by the way, we have a quick cutaway to Alex who's still building the Jenga tower. And this is bad because Amanda's literally walk, had been walking around, I was like, no, one's even out here. And you know, kind of like Alex is there just like building this Jenga Tower.

And he goes, look at this, it's all strip. It all says strip. He's like getting, he's like furious at the designers of the adult Jenga Tower. He's just trying to find a way to fit in his boiled chicken. Block. So Amanda's like an actual frozen block of ground turkey. He's like, oh, I'm pulling this junk of block weight.

This is just turkey. So Amanda's like, I'm fine, guys. And like, come on Amanda, we were just changing into PJs to come hang out with you to count down to your birthday. And she's like, no, I just feel like tonight is so forced and it makes me feel so bad. And they all go one time. Oh my God. So Amanda, the bass is like, she's like, you know, it's just like

everyone's going out and I was like, what's the, what's that? She's basically I got into my head. Okay? And then we just cut away to Luke outside, who's like, it's fire time, burned to be wild. Dude, dude, dude, dude. I know Luke's setting up like the fire pit. We're the, we're the, like no, Amanda, we're just here for you. And Paige is like, be right back.

I'm gonna go fuck Andrea in a bedroom. Yeah, it is like this weird moment where Paige gets up and she goes running out of the like running out the bedroom and then Andrea happens to be there and he like grabs her while she's running and pulls from the closet and they start to kiss and like none of it really made sense and it just that's where it ended. Oh, duh, duh. So we'll have to see what happens next week, but yeah, that's sucked for a man I actually feel like that that it's actually did have it was like a nice party But like everyone else on the show gets like they go all out they go crazy and this was kind of like a okay

We'll play spin the bottle at 8 p.m. And now it's 8 30 Sorry pumpkin time Turned into a pumpkin literally turned into a pumpkin. Hey, for your birthday, I got you a pumpkin. And it's me. Have a good day. All right, well, that brings us to the end of summer house. And go get tickets for crap and slide over at www.wakewelcrapins.com.

We're coming soon to Los Angeles, San Diego, St. Paul, Minneapolis, Chicago, Denver. I mean, we're going to so many places. Come see us, come let us. I do have to say, I never, I forgot to mention this, but at the crappies, Luke said, oh, well, you don't like, you know, in St. Paul, oh, they're gonna go crazy.

They're gonna go crazy. So Minnesota people, you have a lot to live up to now. Luke said you're all gonna go crazy at our show so It's dark in crazy We love you guys. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors Ain't no thing like Allison King actually Savonie. She don't take no baloney. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniella itchles Dana C Dana do Aaron McNickless. She don't miss no trickleess She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella. Itch-als. Dan-a-see. Dan-a-do. Aaron McNickles, she don't miss no trickle-ists.

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