Watch What Crappens - SummerHouse: Bro-BQ & A Session

Episode Date: March 22, 2019

"Summer House" continues its strong third season with an uptick of douchery: first Everett makes a cameo return appearance, then Jordan gets messy with his ladies (and texts), and then Kyle dazzles us with spiked tea. This is really the show that America needs right now. Oh, and don't forget to come see us in Carl's hometown of Pittsburgh, PA! Get tickets at http://watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And... Mina kuchi kuchi kuchi. Watch what crap bins. Watch what crap bins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap in The crap in The crap in The crap in

The crap in Watch what crap in Kids what happens when there's so much that crap in The crap in Kids what happens when there's so much that crap in So why the crap is so good? What's the problem? What's the problem? Who can't just watch? I can't spread this so much that crap is. Hey everybody!

Welcome to WatcherCrapins. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from WatcherCrapins. And also from The Real House, where there's a kitchen island, it's a cartoon, it's on YouTube, you should watch it, it's fun, parody of the Real House, us in New York. Go subscribe. And then joining me is just my favorite work

husband, my only work husband, it's Ronnie Karam of Rose Pricks, bachelor Rose podcast, what's going on Ronnie? Hi, Bien. How you doing today? Oh, I'm doing just great at Summer House. It's Friday. It's my favorite day of the week.

Yeah, and our Pittsburgh speaking of Summer House, one of the cast members, Carl Hey, Bros. He is from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and guess what? Our tickets for our Pittsburgh show went on sale to the general public today. Go to watchacrapans.com to get those tickets. There's already been like a huge response online. So I don't know how much longer we'll have tickets to that show.

Who knows? Go to watchacrapans.com. And then coming up in the next few weeks, in like three weeks, I think it is, two or three weeks, we are going to Portland on a Friday night, and then we're going to Phoenix on a Saturday night. We two great shows. Phoenix was so nice to us last time.

And we haven't been to Portland, but we've been to Seattle and Vancouver. So Pacific Northwest, I know the PNW, PNW Gerald Eans are going to be there in full force. So we're excited about that. Those are going to be two super fun shows. Watch our crap and it's our com for that. And not only do we have tickets to shale, we also have

da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Get on to Summer House. There's something I need to clarify for this episode. So when we recorded our last Summer House recap, we were in Cincinnati, and I mentioned a few times that Paige from the show had tweeted at us saying, yeah, my mom quote unquote, for Francesca is pumped. And I was like, why is Paige putting her mom in your quotes? Like, I don't get it. She's crazy. She's so weird. I'm the weirdo, because I was like, why is Paige putting her mom in the air quotes? Like, I don't get it. She's crazy. She's so weird. I'm the weirdo because I was the one in the week before who said I like Paige's mom. I feel like her name should be Francesca or something. So her tweet was actually like a nod to our show

And I'm the dumbass who's like, what the fuck is wrong with her? So we don't remember things from even the day before, okay? We said it is gone. You know, say it, forget it, right? Regret it. Okay, we stopped writing it. Yeah, we enter like a fugue state when we record, because we record so many shows.

So a lot of times people will be like, oh my god, when you said that thing about the imu, I'm like, what did I say about an emu you know but enough about Lindsay oh all right let's get on to some a house a summer house wait man I'm really enjoying this third season I feel like Jordan has really added a level of douchiness that really much welcomed a nice new layer of duchiness that Ameth never really never brought to us. Yeah, he's the biggest duch on the show.

I mean, he's making Kyle and Carl look like sweetheart. He's making Carl look sympathetic. This is a first. We've never had Carl not be the bottom of the wrong on the show. A bottom one. Carl's like got this new habit of just ironing letters on the shirt to making his own shirt. It's like this new style.

And he looks like less of an idiot than this Jordan guy. Wow. Yeah, wow, Jordan really. And someone, one of our listeners, either commented or tweeted or whatever, follow us on social media everyone. That, so the, you know, Jordan page and Hannah all work at Betches.com. And Betches is sponsored by Hinge, I think.

So, like, the fact that Jordan was like Hinge's most eligible bachelor, and he handles sales for Betches and like Hinge is one of the major sponsors. It's like, mmkay,. Yeah. Okay, Jordan. Yeah. Next is going to be getting an award for the best stomach implants from whatever stomach implant place. Get free implants for his stomach. Yeah, I'm going to put on my, I don't care, Jordan's Jordan. Get that. Get it. Little sicker pun. And so we come back where we stopped last week. Amanda stumbling around

wasted in the back. And I wonder how wasted she is or she's just faking it to get Kyle off her ass. It's like she's getting water boarded with Rose basically. Kyle just keeps holding this huge huge Rose bottle and shoving it down her throat. So I think she's just like, I'm wasted. Okay, I want to live. Yeah. Kyle. her throat. So I think she's just like, I'm wasted. Okay, I want to live. Yeah. Ka-ya. And meanwhile, Jordan and Danielle are still making out like two eels. It's like, you know, it's just like, it's too much. It's just a visual, too intense for basic able. Yeah, it's like when two snails get stepped on and then they find a new shell. It's

like they're trying to twist each other around to see who's going to get them a new shell. It's disgusting. That's a really specific image and it's totally out of it. Can you tell I have a garden? Everybody. I love that song from the new Disney movie Fertil. Can you tell I have a garden? So Lindsay, so Lindsay, by the way, don't forget that Lindsay was sort of Iron Jordan. She was flirting with them. She took off her top, you know, and they're playing Cornhole.

So she was sort of into and then there was that moment last week when Dan was like, wait, are you into him? And she's like, um, are you on him? And she's like, are you into him? So now that Lindsay's pretending to seed the floor to Daniel, she is now gonna go about doing whatever she can to undermine their their little Whatever they have, you know, so they're making out and then she's like oh my god. They're going at it guys They're going at it which is like don't look over there look over here read my shirt read my shirt It says who shirts are for the boys. Yeah I'm sure it says oh sure it's for the boys. Yeah

Gents my shirt says Jen yeah, so and crowd like I have a boner Yeah, page in Hannah are talking and they're like air grouse I seem typing in the office fast on this computer. It's grouse. That's grouse. I don't need a look at this I really don't need to look at this as a content creator like this is not sort of content that I'm all about, okay Yeah, this is viral in a way that nobody means You know I show how to do things on the cheap, but this is even too cheap for even me so So Jordan's like talking to Daniel. I say you know there was this traction between us Yeah, so they go up to, they go up to her room. There's a round girl pass out on the couch outside of them. She's just like, Hey, let's out.

It's one of the twins in a wig and glasses. She's like, she's just snoring like Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I don't know what this means. Oh, okay. I just I'm I'm spelling was so bad because I took so many notes on Vanderpump rules And this comes on right after so I was like you're not pressing stop just type as fast as you can and now I'm paying the price Because I was like missing quota breeze egg Flirt health every

Because bruised egg on this show, I mean especially when you just described the. I'm like, oh my god. Did he bruise her egg? Yeah, well, uh, missy my quote. I was obviously a bruised my ego and works been tough, but uh, floating helps everything. Yeah. Thank you. It's our new newspaper game Just trying to figure out what this sentence really means. Yeah. No, uh, Carl's ego's it's a little bruised. He didn't make his quote out, but you know, flirting is basically worth like $20,000 in new business for my company, basically. Yeah, I've got my badge coded down. He's like, wait, that girl didn't burn me. Okay, let me pull out the big guns. Can you jump over your ankle? So Daniellellen Jordan or upstairs making out and then they pull apart for second and Jordan goes and What's the verdict phenomenal kisser? Even the pillows are like get the fuck out of here

No kidding. It's like hands hands. What's that? What's the hinge verdict? Okay, like you don't leave your Yelp review in the middle of your meal, okay? So everybody leaves by like seven and they have to clean up. And Kyle is trying to get sexy with Amanda. And he jumps on a floaty and somehow hurts his face on it. Yeah, he scratches his face on a float. And then meanwhile, everyone else is trying to clean and Lindsay's coming by with a bottle of fireball and just like, all right, we're going to do some shots. We'll be cleaning until the head back. There you go. Until the head back. There you go.

I'm like, if someone ever tries to do that to me, I'm shoving them into the pool. No. Yeah. Yeah, there's something cute about that when you're 20. But like right now, it looks like she's just like hurting children. You know, that's all I can see Especially because in this episode they're talking about how much older she is than everybody else in the house And now she's got that bleach blonde like crew Ella hair Stop hurting the children Lindsay. Yeah Yeah, and also just like fire. I'm just you know fireball. It's just not it's not appealing to me It's a good bar. I'll say that it's the best bar

if you'll ever have from being wasted. Because even the bar case kind of good. Yeah, he like, that was that hurts, but it was not bad as far as bars go. Yeah, yeah, no, yeah. So, um, yes, so, uh, so Danielle and Hannah hug because Danielle made out with Jordan. She's like, oh my god, did you make out with Jordan? Yeah, I did. And they hug like, yeah, she's like, she's like, she's just one of you.

And Paige and Jordan are in the kitchen and Paige is like, I'm going to have that so much alcohol. And he's like, yeah, but you still look great. It's like, um, what? And they're like kind of flirting, I guess. And then they just showed Danielle stumbling around, wasted with mascara running down her face. He's like, hey, that's a great customer of you

about his kissing. And he's like, Danielle's hot, but I don't want this to ruin my chance with anyone else here in the house. You're making him sound way too, manly. You're right. Sorry. You do it. I don't know. I need to get a Jordan voice. I don't even know. Like I haven't. I've been so annoyed by him that I haven't been committed his voice to memory. I'm just like, yeah, I can't see there.

And he's always doing that thing where he's running his fingers through his hair so he could like try and flex his vice. Like he's sort of, have you noticed he's always got his vice up above his head. Like,'s sort of he's have you noticed he's always got his bicep up above his head like. And he's always he always has his look on his face like he's waiting to jump into the conversation to say the joke that he has been thinking of but it's like it's already too late and he knows it's too late but he still has to open his eyes that maybe he can make it work. Yeah it's like when you're when you're talking to your friend and you're saying oh I went to sprouts the other day and then he's about to say, oh, I love sprouts.

His eyes are always open in that. Oh, yeah. But then someone says Sprouts is okay, but I prefer whole foods. And then he's like, I was going to say I love sprouts, but now they're sort of bashing it. So I don't want to seem like not cool, but I do like sprouts. And I want to bring the conversation back to Sprouts. So I'm just going to keep my eyes wide open. He has eyes just get bigger and bigger because he's like now having sprouts panic Panic that's a very good way His eyes panic. He has eyes eyes of panic and a mouth of hesitation. Yeah

Panic. Yeah. And sadly, it's something that I also suffer from. So the reason why I think I I come down so hard is because I know it too well. He's got panic dies. And so he's like, uh, Paige and I were talking before summer. So I'm not going to mess that up. And then Kyle's just peeing in the bushes while Hannah's pulling down his pants. Well, Hannah's pulling down Jordan's pants like. This bikini, I played tennis. This is a tennis, can you watch, tennis? Let's leave right to tennis. Yeah, so they find like a bikini bottom somewhere. So Jordan's gonna be wacky and put it on. I'm like, I would not do that. That's actually pretty vile, I think

And then the best part is that like no one's amused everyone's like what? Everyone's just grossed out. Yeah, it's like when Jim Carrey wore that bikini What was Jim Carrey that character in the living color was he a wrestler? He had like two little details. No, he's a Maybe he was a wrestler, but he but here's the thing is not that he was in a bikini. It was that he was in someone's bikini. Like someone had been wearing that. That had been all up in someone's business. Yeah, I mean, it's like, yeah, my tics so big.

I got to tuck it under. Bill shut up. So then, Lindsey's like, um, this disgusting. And I'm not into them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no This disgusting No I thought he was cute, but I'm glad that then you all meet me with a plan I mean while there's Amanda's like Kyle it's nap time. He's like I don't I don't want to nap All I want is for Kyle to grow up But instead I'm like trying to make him go down for a nap.

Kyle, you 35. I can't believe I have to do this. There's my 35 year old boyfriend. I'm like, you don't actually have to do it. Yeah. And Kyle's like one of those pool coosies that you can put a beer in and push it around, but it never spills. It's like somehow, somehow the beer is always staying on top. Yeah. So, now Lindsey Paged and Danielle are hanging out somewhere in the house. And Lindsey's like, I'm very confused about Jordan.

Like, I'm not an antus someone who puts this speedo on. I need a little bit more masculine man, personally, which I'm like, A, like, there's something that feels slightly problematic about saying that. Second of all, no one, he wasn't into you. He wasn't asking to be into you. Third of all, you're totally undermining Danielle. I see it. I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing, Lindsay.

Yeah. It's like I choose not to win the lottery, you know, but she's acting like she's choosing it. Yeah, but she's also like, basically like on she's undercutting Daniel, like Daniel finally finds this dude. She's into this dude. And then Lindsay's like, I mean, he's in like a speedo. It's not really my style, but have fun with that. You know, it's, it's an, it was a very subtle undivided moment. It's Jordan, you know what I mean? It's your duty as your friend,

to kind of help your friend, and that guy's a doober. And Daniel's like, he was in a speedo, did he look good? Was he fine? Was there a bolt? Pitch goes, I didn't look. After all the typing really fast at work, so gross. Yeah. Lessing I needed to know that there's a bulge that's on top of that typing.

So then, Lindsay's like, I looked, I didn't see much. Which, I don't know, personally, even, it is important for girlfriends, like, after girlfriends. But, like, if I am fresh off of making out with the the dude and I'm like excited because it's someone up And want to make out with like a few weeks and it finally happens You know what I don't want is like someone to come in like immediately be like mmm Doesn't look like he has a big dick. Oh, yeah, it's like what are you like you know, it's it's it's it's passive My friends do it. My friends do it to me every single time. They all my friend Jessi always tells me you can do better Okay, I'm like, but I don't like but you could okay. Yeah, but that but it's that's fine to say you can do better

And it's actually like let's say if like there's someone at the bar who's like hitting on you or whatever and like you could do better But this has been like bubbling up for a little while now like Lindsey could have been saying this and she only started acting like this after Like it was clear that Danielle was going to get him not her. Yeah like Lindsey could have been saying this and she only started acting like this after like it was clear that Danielle was going to get him not her. Yeah. Okay, well I'm not going to argue with it. Lindsey is a dickwad.

I have an advantage on this one, Ronnie. I'm going to go say I have a theory of mine. I'll go with you on it. I'll go with you on it. So Lindsey's like, um, speaking of it, I've got to change my jam. I'm not speaking of it. It's so weird. So then Paige is like, um, being out, I've got to change my jam. I'm so weird. So then Paige is like, um, I need a shower after this conversation. I think we all need to shower.

My mom sent me a video on how to do it. Paige continues to be my favorite person on the ever house. She's number one right now. She's number one in hand, there's number two for me. So they all get pizza delivered because the hamptons closes early So they want to make sure they have pizza when they get back and Hannah's like these people are like professional party It's okay. I grew up not drinking until college I'm so ratchet. I didn't drink underage so ratchet

drink under age. So ratchet. Look at me obeying the rules and being on a track that involved lots of discipline and early hours. So she's like, um, they're going to party, but I'm eating their pizza. I don't give a fuck. She just cares in the camera in her room while she's blowing her nose. She's like, yeah, watch me camera. I dare you to put this on camera. And it is. Yeah. So it's like 2.30 the morning and everyone comes back from partying in Montauk. And I mean, it's like, I can't believe all the pizzas are already gone.

How did that happen? She goes, wait, where's Lindsay? Like Lindsay probably stole the pizza. And so no one knows where Lindsay is. And poor Danielle is just wandering around the house. She's no one knows where Lindsay is. And poor Danielle is just wandering around the house. She's trying to get through her house. She's like, joy and come upstairs. And he's like, no, I'm good. I'm not following you upstairs. Just find where that where. And then she takes off her shirt and like covers her boobs, like all sadly in the camera. It's like a very classic

work. It's moved by the way. Like she's clear. She's anticipating that he's going to come into her room and then she'll be topless for him, you know Yeah, but instead she just is topless and bad So meanwhile Jordan is downstairs. He's getting all hands-y with page and everything and Danielle's just upstairs alone and clock moves forward and for O2 AM and We see a car pull up to the driveway And lights that's Pusso the night It's 4.02am and we see a car pull up to the driveway and lights, lights pierced with a knife. And on the hold, it's everywhere!

Lindsay is girls, little lady. Last time, last time I saw Lindsay at this house, I fucked up to the heart of the tree. I threw up the cops' president. I almost chopped off my finger with the wood axe. With that wood axe! I took my little lady, I said, let's kick this, Mon-Talk. Burg, and go back to your shack. We can go.

Line the bed, I could tell you, Bout times walking through rice paddies and Walgreens. The tears I saw Going to school in Connecticut He is on Saigon He is on the chicks are hotter than hell. Just kidding. He starts shoots doing all the lyrics from a Saigon Are those the lyrics that he does on him in Saigon? sure Miss Saigon. Are those the lyrics that he does on him in Saigon? Stead is on his son gone. The chick's are hotter and hell. And one of the dumbest musicals ever, but they got they have some really great

uh, woman songs in there. That is the that is so musical theater. The heat is on his son gone. Miss Saigon is the most musical theater-y musical cycle. Missed like honest and most musical, theater-y, musical ever. It's like army guys dancing around like, Yeah, the chicks are hotter now. Oh god. Gents, this is call 3.0. I haven't met my quota, but guess what? I have got war life.

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and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong, what would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So anyway, so Lindsay's back with Avron, and they have sex. So that was the morning, and everyone's waking up and Lindsay's like,

so before the summer, like ever and I were gonna go our separate ways, but I'm just not over the guy. I'm like really, it's been three years. We know you're not, you're clearly not over. You guys are gonna wind up together, just accept it. Yeah. I'm not one point, I'm gonna marry this man. I'm going to marry. And I'm going to marry. I'm going to marry. Yeah. So Jordan and Danielle, Jordan comes to the Danielle's room. It's like, yeah, it's like good mornings.

It's just how to spatula. And she's like, I just woke up. I'm not wearing it. It's like, oh, my god, Danielle. She's like, it's less fun when I'm sober in the morning and I'm topless and I've been alone in my bed all night. So please get out of my bedroom. She's still trying to work her topless hotness. Yes, like, I'm wearing a top. And

he's like, you smell like to keep up. Hannah and page are in their room and they're talking about Jordan, saying how he's been talking about how he was talking to Paige before the summer and everything and Paige just rolling their eyes like yeah she's like um not dating someone I work with so whatever so I'm back to Jordan and Danielle he's like you stink and she's like yeah I need to shower what happened last night yeah and ever it's like hey then yeah, cuz could there be anything worse than like your topless Under duvet and you have not seduced the man and then he's in there waking you up and on then you when you look by him There's every and then door across the hall be like

And Carl's like everito.. Oh God, Everito. And Kyle's just mad. And the man is like, I'm like, she's freaking out. She has no, Amanda has now lost her voice. So now she's just croaking for the next 25 minutes in the episode. She's like, oh, Kyle says, at this point, I'm like, hey, and Everid's like, Kyle, and he's like, hey.

And it's really awkward. And then we find out why, because Everett's calling Carl to come down. And it's really awkward. And Carl says, if I knew you were here, I would like put in more quality times, sorry, you couldn't make the party. And everyone's like, yeah, you know how it goes when you're waiting to be taking back out into the field at any moment a bomb could drop a village could burn into the day you just need to know that your lady is waiting for you at a port

you hear and you booze same heart same time time. No one's a same brother. Last night I was over in Montacanah. I was watching an old episode of The People versus OG Simpson. And I was watching a scene and there was Judge Lansytel being so strong and I thought this is a judge doesn't get enough credit therefore, I shall take on his name, I fall in Conrad and become Everettito. Yes. Everito.

In a barito with a vegeto. So Kyle's like, oh, we haven't talked because he's someone that's spilled beans. And how can you say you're my good friend and then you gossip about something that could ruin my relationship? I feel betrayed. Which is true, fucking Everett.

But of course, Everett's with Lindsay. So it's just like your friends with toxicity, okay? Don't be surprised when your hand burns off. Yeah, exactly. And by the way, you know that like if Kyle spilled the beans about Everett and just the way actually Steven spilled the beans about Everett and just the way actually Steven spilled the beans about Everett like two seasons ago, Everett would lose his shit.

So shut up, Everett. Yeah. Everett. Everett. You will music aside, Everett. You shut your face. You shut up, Everett. So Paige and Hannah are gonna play tennis

with Carl and Jordan. Yeah. And Paige is like, I have the cutest tennis outfit you're ever going to see in your life. And Hannah goes, Dennis outfits are by far the cutest sports outfits. Let's do this. Yeah, I would push back on that. I think a question fits are the, are the cutest at least for women.

Oh, well, I think I think women look cutest in a question. Outfit. And that is the ruling by Judge Benito. Benito. So they can go play. It's can be Paige and Hannah versus Carl and Jordan and Carl. So it up. So it up.

So it up. Carl is so Carl at all times. Even when he's playing tennis. So it up. Bro. And Jordan's so gross. He's like, well, Paige tennis. Overduke bro. Yeah, and Jordan's so gross. He's like, oh, well, Paige wins best dress. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. And so Paige sucks, but you don't know if she sucks or if it's just that Hannah's taking every ball and won't let her play because Hannah totally is like, oh. Playing tennis like that, stealing every single ball. And Paige is like, I have a lot of other great qualities besides tennis. So and Carl goes, yeah, you're great at being cute. Jordan, Jordan.

Jordan has panic eyes again. He was just about to say, uh, yeah, yeah. Um, it's like, how can I be the most like sexually sexually harassing in this scene? So he's like, you want some sunglasses? You can see better page. Like, So he's like, you want some sunglasses, you can see better page. I'm just like, oh, it's my outfit and he goes, huh, does it go with your outfit? Did you hear that? You're doing great, sweetie.

It's like, what do you want? Boston the 50s. I know. Cargo's eyes. It's awesome to see that. Hannah's good at tennis. A super turn on. You page not good at at tennis but still turns me on I'm like, what is this eliminate like what? It's like yeah, but you know, I can't like hook up with her because I can't dip my pen and company ink Like you can't even sell company. I know you barely have any company ink to dip into about let's not bringing up the company right now Yeah, exactly. So I ended this scene, my notes in the scene are ended with this. A-gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, for two lines. Probably

it's because Jordan says, Paige is the quintessential Jordan cutout. She checks every single one of my boxes, you know. If I were a car salesman, Danielle would be the rental and Paige would be the Lamborghini. I'm leaving the lot with that car Oh, you're leaving with a Toyota Corolla don't even act like you can afford a Lamborghini, sir Yeah, honey, you're walking home. Yeah, enjoy your bird scooter. Okay, cuz that's what you're on You're gonna be driving a lift home. Okay, enjoy this I'm driving someone else in a lift home. Okay. Enjoy this. Yeah. Someone else in a lift home. Yeah. Please. Lamborghini. Get out of here. And what's our douchebag wants Lamborghini anyway? You only

people who want Lamborghinis are people with tiny dicks. Yeah. Which we now know you have because we saw that bikini before. Yeah. And so Danielle's like, oh, going back to my work tomorrow, I like super important presentation. And everyone else is like, oh, going back to the night cause it worked tomorrow like super important presentation. And everyone else is like, we're gonna do a bonfire. Yeah. So they go with this bonfire and they's like,

Carly, don't. Do you have a job tomorrow? They're like, oh, well, you know, I quote, unquote, quote, I'm company in Gando, Gents and Saturdays and casual Fridays, you know? You know, the company, it's like, they have a motto. It's like sell or don't sell So I'm not gonna go in tomorrow and the company's gonna look at me and ask what are you doing here? So they all cheers and crowd's like who else here as a blurry memory of the party huh?

And he goes hey Jordan you remember that bikini you wore? And then he's like, uh, kinda. And then he goes, do you remember after the bikini you made up with Kyle? He's like, um, did we? Like, no, no, no, no, no, it's stuck. Oh, yeah, yeah, cool. So then Lindsey, Lindsey's like, so, Jordan Rito, Dan Alita. So is there more than a make out last night? And Daniel's like, unfortunately not. I'm like not like Daniel you got like really work on playing it cool

You need to get some chill girl chill. I mean she tells us I think we hit it off like this could be the start to a beautiful Convenient summer romance and I'm totally just into the these totally cuz convenience. I'm not totally falling enough with them I'm gonna make a PowerPoint demonstration to show just how awesome this relationship is. Keynote and so she's like, would you walk me out Jordan? He's like, oh, of course, good guy. Good guy. Yeah, good guy. Good guy. Good guy. Yeah, yeah, he's a good guy. Yeah. He puts the gentle, right? Yeah, you know what they're gonna say in my company, ABC, always be closing. He's closing right guy. Yeah, he puts the gentle right yeah, you know what they always say in my company ABC always be closing He's closing right now good guy guy And I say walk away

Hannah goes do we think he's in deep and Carl's like no So Danielle gives Jordan a kiss as she leaves and he's like mmm like he clearly is not into it anymore So it's like broad safe hurts. I say whatever, like listen, he's calling her hurts, but he's alamo, you know, he's budget. Yeah. She's at least enterprise, I give her enterprise. Yeah, I'll give her an enterprise.

So Jordan goes back and cows like, all right, it's time for you to be in the hot seat, bro. What do you want to know? What are your intentions? Well, I was drunk and horny, okay? So I wanted to make out with someone and Lindsay goes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,. Single Lindsay and Jordan's like, yeah, and I just want to be cautious now. And Lindsay's like, oh now you want to be cautious? Like, don't fuck with my girl.

That wasn't just a make-up. That was like five make-up. So if you're not into it, be clear. And Carl's like, uh, it was actually, it was a make-up and an awesome party in the Hamptons. Yeah, Jens, awesome party. Yeah, your two-page. Cute.

Good guy, good guy. Yeah. And Jordan says, do I want to have sex with her and bring her home to mom? No. And Carl goes, we'll just take mom out of the equation. Do you want to have sex with her at least? And Haniel, Haniel, Hanne, I cut to the, sorry.

Hanne cuts to it. She says, who are you more into? Dan-Yel-er Page. And he goes, uh, right now, Page is here, so Page. And he goes, whoa! What are these people? How old are these people? I mean, well, I mean, also, like, what sort of answer is that? Like, how could you... Like, even if it's a joke, if you're a go-man after the quote-unquote Lamborghini, you just made the Lamborghini feel very much like Avis. Yeah.

So Hannah says, well, you guys were talking before the summer, so Emma says, just to be clear, we weren't talking. Jordan asked me on a date, which I respectfully declined. Oh, yeah, she said she had to get a tan. Yeah. Wednesday is the right spray tan night. Which is like my favorite thing ever. She's like, yeah, I have a new routine.

It's called spray tan Wednesdays. And I started it the very day that gets me out on a date. Thanks. Um, I like him as a friend and I'm not into it. And let me say this, the first weekend, I shut it down. And the next weekend you went straight to Danielle. And he goes, I'm sorry you feel that way. Grogos, don't be sorry.

Live your life, Jen. Live your life. More life. More life. Jen, so now this becomes a bone of attention later, because Jordan is saying that she's mad that he moved on to Danielle. And that's not what she's saying. She's just saying like how flattering

is it supposed to be? Yeah. The second you get shut down, you go to another, you go to the very next warm body. Exactly. Like how much did you really want to date me? Yeah. So, and Carl, by the way, is enjoying this

because for once he's not in the middle of this sort of scandal yet, you know. So, so then Lindsay's like, well, we haven't been talking about me so Kyle I was actually shocked that today didn't offer any opinions on every town I'm like, please stop using every like Carlito is already bad like we've all the sudden the poor brava audience has had to endure out of nowhere Sonya Rito Carlito and every toe. Okay. This madness has to stop.

I know you guys are boring. To okay. You're a chicken. Bore to lay me to lay me to. So Kyle is very careful how to answer because he's talking to Lindsay who wants to ruin his life. Yeah. Right. So he says, uh, I was letting him air and eight because I don't think any of us were really sure where it stood after last summer.

And she goes, uh, whenever I'm like, I'm allowing him to go like, rose into the middle. I'm like, I'm going as an individual too. Because like, I'm way past beats of each now. And so like, I'm off from a margarita machine. So it didn't have some. I was going to mention beats of each also. I think Kyle says, well, you were both saying that last year too.

So like, my only point is it shouldn't be that much work. Okay. I don't know if that's offensive to say about, if you like somebody, you know, you should just be able to cheat on him and say, sorry, bro. And then like, you know, get another chance, you know, do you have to take maps? No, you shouldn't have to take maps. Okay. Yeah.

That's my point. Lindsay's like, um, I don't think he was in a position to understand what it takes me to a relationship and Amanda probably felt the same way about you at times. And Amanda just goes, I do. Cause she has like no voice. Yeah. I still do. Lindsay goes, um, this is a bit critical because he cheated and Amanda's only one putting ever into the relationship. And maybe she put it more ever and more ever. Do. only one putting ever into the relationship and maybe you should put him more ever and more ever do.

Uh, Lindsay, you asked him. You made him answer. He didn't like jump into your relationship. You made him answer. Yeah, exactly. So they'll go home and a hand in the page or like, it's my bonfire. Yeah, I think let's shower. Which, I don't know, I didn't use me.

And then Kyle and Amanda are like about, are having sex, but then they don't know I don't use me and then Kyle and Amanda are like about are having sex, but then they don't because she's like So I want to have CX So it's 5.30 in the morning and a bunch of people have to wake up to go back to the city, which means that Kyle, Amanda and Paige are the only ones left and that's a clean. They just cleaned. I thought something was going to happen, but they just cleaned. So then we get a big, tricky, monical moment. She's like, we're the big shots now.

We're the big shots now. You better look out. And then they're like a second traffic. So they're big big shots now. We're the big shots now. You better look out and then they're like a second traffic So they're big city people there they're back in the city Because like oh Josh me coral just want to give you an update part of quarter 20 grand deal 20 grand deal Hey, got another 20 grand deal coming down the book some of the boy right hey bro Good god. He's a good guy. You want to do some of Friday bro? Yeah, yeah No, no, we can't do some product. No, I gotta stay at work. I gotta actually do my work

Yeah, cool cool, bro cool and then page working hard. She's face timing her mom. She's like my mom I'm gonna show you my outfits. This is my party outfit. I'm like you're my Bobby I love it page. You're doing great page. You're doing so good And Jordans like Hi, see CPM impressions impressions. Yeah, we're gonna really do that and like knock it out the park impressions I shut up Jordan the the code word for this week is a viral Okay, it's a viral okay, tell your friends So Kyle and Amanda are off in New Jersey at like a lab,

because Kyle has a new entrepreneurial endeavor called Loverboy, which is a sparkling heart tea with zero grand sugar. And Amanda is gonna be the creative director. So this doesn't seem to vote well. Yeah, I'm just glad that I got to see Amanda in a hair net, because that's really what I'm here for. Well, it's her full guacamole outfit.

She's like, now I can really make guacamole the way I want to. And I'm really disturbed because Kyle is putting all of his own money into this business, which you don't do that. Okay, don't do that. I'm gonna do that business. Go back to that rich old man

who let you sleep naked on his couch for some money. Yeah, back to him, yeah, he was great He was great, especially when they say that it's he needs to raise $250,000 in 18 months and that seven out of 10 beverage companies fail like We remember Zima Mike's hard lemonade like don't lose your own money. Okay, you were given a but hole for a reason get the work for a reason. Get the war! It's the Lindsey. Give it a pal for a reason. The Lindsey's gone. So Lindsey is walking down the street. She's like, I have a meeting with Coz and like, it's like a dating app.

It's not like a hinge. It's like Coz. Like, and a Coz you like walk into it. And like, the Arneas here, I'm single. I'm sleeping with my ax and I'm signing an app for dating. The Arneas here, I'm single, I'm sleep with my ax, and I'm signing an app for dating. The Arneas thick. I don't have it. Like the universe is telling me to move the app on. So she goes over to talk to some guy we've seen before on this show, but I don't know why.

Do you recognize him? I think he like fixed their sink once. It's like the lawn order cast. It's just some guy plays different roles every season. Yeah, exactly. It's the dawn of the technique of summer house. He's the summer house swing. So yeah, so she like signs them. She's like, yeah, I think we're gonna have like a press

campaign. I'm gonna do a social and get you on with some exclusive. Maybe I'll talk about Carl. So he's like, yeah, whatever. So then, like, I'm just gonna grab him. Maybe exclusive, maybe exclusive. I want you to meet your first reporter. She has a great question for you.

I'd like to introduce you to a Margarita machine. She has a Margarita machine that has like a little badge on it that says press. Mm-hmm. So then Carl and Mandon, Paige are driving together. And Carl's like, uh, great week. Oh, Carl's car was the car. He's running for this subway.

Yeah, he's like, oh, God, it's been a great week. Well, me running for this subway. Ugh, dead. Gents, this is not a place for Gents to be down here under New York City. Okay, I just need y'all on training in the Hamptons. So everyone like arrives and there's like more Amazon Prime. I don't know why they keep ordering so much stuff to this house.

Like what else do they possibly need? Is it like, there's a groceries or what is going on? Why do they have so much stuff? So they have to pick up all their boxes and everything. And the big news is that it could be girls night, Friday night, girls night, and pages is that it's could be girls night, Friday night, girls night. And pages like, what's better than girls night? I'm bravo pretty much everything.

Girls nights are always terrible. Yeah, same room, same room, same room. How much do you go straight for the room? Ooh. Hannah's like, should we get like the hottest that we've ever been? Paige just like, yeah, I'm the opera fan opera fight hammer cuz I don't believe that. Okay. That's what we're gonna do. We are gonna judge everything and your closet. You're gonna put on your class and we are that

Fuck out of you. Okay. Yeah. That's like I'm a leather skirt So then Carl Roger like Oh my god, I am gonna go straight for the rosé. When I'm think worse than girls night. Hey, bros, we have an aerobike or not. And girls like, yeah, let's have some gel bros shots. So, Carl's stressed out because he's probably gonna lose his job. And this is when he's like, oh, I asked for a summer Friday and they said no, because I missed my quota. Though, great great. Like I need a check.

Hornie, I need it. Have fun and not get into trouble with the twin for it. Okay. That's my weekend goal. What a what a shock. I can't believe his company was so cruel that when he underperformed, they still wouldn't give him a day off. That's so rude. Yeah, I was like, I need a check. You know, I need a chick right now. I just need a chick to come to the barbecue. All right, everyone, Jen. Jen, what's the next thing? I need a weekend with broves, short shorts, iron, iron letter shirts, and chicks, bro.

And I need a summer Friday, that's what I need. So they're all like, the girls are like getting dressed and stuff. And like Danielle isn't there because she missed her train Which for some reason they go hilarious. Of course she missed her train And so the girls are getting dressed and like Lindsay's hanging out with like Hannah and Paige and Amanda and she's like Mmm. Oh my god. I feel like so much older than these girls like I Feel like I'm in the magic school bus. I'm like, oh my god, I'm like so much older, I'm mature. I feel like, Ms. Fresol.

And see Hannah's trying all these different clothes on. She tries on that leather skirt. She's been talking about them that she goes, um, no, we're in the Hampton, so not in New York. Go. And then they're like, so pages like, listen, I don't want the ruined girls night, but do you think we should tell Danielle about what Jordan said

at the beach? And it's like, I think we have to, because it's really the best way to like, make her feel shitty as soon as possible. Yeah, we have to be like, this is what happened, but listen, we love you. You're a mean bitch, you're a boss bitch, you're a bitch bitch, you're your bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch okay?

You're a petite. Oh, okay? And we're gonna get my Zones right okay me while downstairs Carl's like tossing peanuts into Jordan's mouth and he catches one and Carl goes my man my man That's what we do and then the girls do fireball shot The so then the girls leave and Kyle's like, I'm hungry. Muscles? Oh yeah.

We're going to get boners. Did you see that car was wearing his t-shirt for this scene was, if you hear any noise, it's just me and the boy's bopping. I'm talking peanuts into each other's mouth and saying, my man. Good guy. Good guy. Yeah, I wrote that down, followed by a sad face, like a winking sad face. So, um, yes, the guys are like, the guys are like in the living room, ordering food, you know, delivery, and they're like cracking themselves up with the like, yeah,

uh, I'd like some uh, brunless wings and some zucchini dicks. And uh we also get a diet penis coke? Yeah, thanks. Does this come with two meatballs? Three. Because we got three guys. My god, the phone goes, OK, three guys, three meatballs. I got it. Cargels.

Story of Cargels live, which is my favorite, that Cargels won't stop making three net checks at Carl. Yeah. I always forget that Carl has three nuts. So then meanwhile, while they're doing this, Danielle arrives because she took a later train and she sort of like slinks into the house. And while she's like upstairs and changing getting ready, then Danielle, by the way, when she gets in, she's like like I missed a train by one minute

And it keeps me from hanging out with Jordan before the girls so fuck me fuck me actually yeah, I would actually really like him to fuck me So yeah, yeah, I get one minute less hanging out with him before I go out Yeah, I mean while the guys are totally talking shit. Yeah, they're totally talking shit about her in the living room Kyle says to Carl you were into page admitting Carl's like They're totally talking shit. They're totally talking shit about her in the living room. Kyle says, so Carl, you were into page admitting. Carl's like, uh, no, that's Jordan, well, Jordan in a page. And Jordan starts going into this thing. He pulls out his real housewives evidence, his text.

He's like, she's acting like I'm the one flirting with her, but look at this text and is all him texting. It's like all blue, right? Yes. And then she makes a little comment like, oh, well, I guess we are dating. So like something's sarcastic. Like clearly sarcastic.

And she's like, yeah. She's put a heart reaction on it, which is funny. Yeah. And then it's more blue, more blue, more blue. It's so sad that this is his evidence that she's into him too. And she's just trying to make him look stupid. And Kyle's like, screenshot of a text.

Yeah, it's screenshot of one section. And Kyle's like, well, can we see the rest of the text? He's like, man, it would take years to go through all the texts. You know, I'm like, well, for the tech years, I meant that you spent a few years doing, taking a screenshot of this moment when she said that. Like, that's weird too, that you take a screenshot of her saying that.

Like, that's really, really weird. So like, no, the guy's even believed Jordan when he's saying this stuff and then he's like talking about Danielle And he's like you know what Danielle? I got drunk. I was just such an idiot and I just kissed her God, I'm as an idiot and Carl's like well, it's not your fault, bro It's not your fault and then meanwhile Daniel's like walking down the stairs So it looks like she's gonna overhear it, but she just bursts and she's like, hi guys! He's like, oh shit. And Carl says, well, should he walk you out, Daniel?

To go to girls night, then she goes, I can do that myself. And so we couldn't tell if she heard or not yet, right? Yeah, exactly. So then she gets to girls night and I saw is take it to the next oh go ahead I was just to say before before girls night So she leaves and then the guys are laughing like oh my god. We're saying all that stuff We didn't hear her come in and Carl goes what we're saying anything bad and her goes no, no, I think it was all good Like you guys are such idiots

So we go to girls night and the song is ticket to the next dimension. Like, how is this the next dimension? It's some like white people restaurant in the ham. It's a place called, okay, I want to, I had a little bend moment, okay. It's a restaurant called Maison Vivienne and I had a bend moment because I noticed that the menu was like in this terrible zap chance to refund. And on top of that, there was like in this terrible zap chance to refund. And on top of that, there was a Niswa salad.

And the appetizer section for $30. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. You do not get the charge for a Niswa salad and then have that font on your paper menu. No, mad at me, zombies, envisions, no. And not even nice paper. It was just regular computer printer paper Yeah, I was like this is like a menu from like print shop 92. Okay burn yourself down restaurant Don't like that so anyway the girls are ordering drinks and

The guys like hello a Bonjour and I was like do you like American women? What's your name? Oh, Lanko. Do you like American women, Lanko? And then she's like, um, and that's my hand. Flurrrr. And I was like, I'm a savage when I have flirt. This look I didn't go and hump his leg. She's like, um, you have to give you some flirt advice.

And I was like, well, if I were in her position at her age, maybe I would ask for flirty advice. advice but guess what I'm not a monster. I don't know what she means if I was in her position at her age but I'm assuming she needs single. I didn't really know what she meant either but I like the sentiment behind it. Yeah I did. I usually don't love age-shaming on this show but since Lindsay's doing it to you I figure it's open season Shame away ladies. So Paige has a list of things on her phone of what she wants in a guy. It's like I want a guy who's gonna be like into me who's gonna be smarter than me who likes pillows feather and down

Not polyester. I like a guy who has like brown shoes and only wears black shoes on Thursdays And I like a guy who has a grub hub account, but I would appreciate it if you did not have a seamless account because I don't think that's a good business. I want him to have Yelp and not write Yelp for views because that's Snobby. I want him to be smarter than me.

I want him to think I'm the best. Oh, and I want him to sleep with the window open because I like how that feels. I want him to use OpenTable. I want him to look at OpenTable to see when the reservations are, but he's man enough to actually call the restaurant and make the reservation himself. When he makes reservations on orbits, he's not making reservations.

He's just comparing prices and then he actually calls the airline. It's really important to me. I want him to have orbits on speed dial and by orbits, I mean the gum manufacturer. That's important to make connections there. And Lens, he's like, oh my god, that list is long. It's almost as long as crowds email. When you're 30s, you have to like revise your list a little bit. Like, do you have a job? Are you emotionally fucking me? Do you have PTSD? Do you call guys nerds a lot? Were you born on the 4th of July?

Do you have access to a margarita machine? Have you been to pizza beach? Would you be open to franchising and to pizza island? I was cracking up at linti because that is so true. Like you have all these lists in your 20s and then in your late 30s you're like yeah are you alive do you have a job to supreme this work okay how much hair do you have left hey hey listen I have I dare you I have thinning out too there's what my lady friend say this is what my lady friend say okay thanks a lot sorry say way the boys are having dinner are they reading like muscles and I gotta get this wine down. Yeah, so So Danielle joins the group the girls over it fucking zap chanceery restaurant and They're like she sits down. Oh my god. I'm so excited. See here. I can't wait gonna catch that D later on am I right?

Daniel and y'all when you left to go on the train, we started grilling Jordan. He doesn't like you so directly. Sorry. Sorry. Did that hurt your feelings right now? Did I just take you down on a high? You were so excited to see him, weren't you? Did that hurt?

I'm so sorry. He's single. Lindsay. Let's get straight to that. And Danielle's mouth is like on the ground. Her jaw is on the ground. And Danielle's like, why is he not into it? Like, what the hell?

And this is like, ah, she goes, what did he say? Word for word. And then she goes, I'm not into her. I was an idiot. I like page more. I never liked Danielle. I thought it was an illusion. I thought I was making out with like Susan Sontag in her pretty ears.

She goes, put them wide. And Hannah's like, well, I said you weren't a page and now done y'all, so like, who are you into? And he said, page is there, so he'll be in her. And Daniel's like, really? Clearly his balls haven't dropped. When I remember that. So, he dented me a little bit and he's got to pay for that.

We have come. And that brings us to the end of summer hails. Summer hails. We are done for the week. We are done for the week. We are done. We normally do crap and mailbag on Fridays, but guess what?

I forgot to bring it up. And you know what? We've had a very long past week, you know, week and a half, etc. So crap and mailbag will be back next week. Thank you for your patience. That's on Patreon if you want to ask us a question. Ronnie, you are just a gem. You too, and I'll talk to you later, everybody. You have a good one. We'll see you next week. Bye, everyone. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens, Add Free on Amazon Music.

Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts, before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.