Watch What Crappens - SummerHouse: Fraternizing with the Enemy

Episode Date: April 3, 2020

On Summer House, the gang throws a frat toga party for Kyle while simultaneously threatening to banish Jules for... something? It's ridiculous and infuriating, and we have a lot to say about it. Come join! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm gonna cry, cry, cry, cry where as a kitchen island new episode coming soon. I'm proud to announce on YouTube go check it out and I'm also a new cohost of the board game podcast game brain. So check that one out too if you like board games or interested in getting into board games.

And of course if you love the bachelor there's no better place to turn than Rosepricks. And that's hosted by cohosted. By my wonderful cohost right here, Ronnie Carrom. Hey Ronnie, what's going on? We just did a couple of cast preview episodes for this new singing show coming out called Listen to Your Heart. Oh, go check those out. I don't know, Rosepricks, okay?

Like, subscribe, sign up. Kay. I saw a commercial for that show and I was like, what is this? I don't even understand. This looks crazy. Crazy. You're gonna have fun with that one. That's for sure.

It's like American Idol, but with horse. Okay. Poor American Idol. Which is, by the way, not that different from the original American Idol Yeah, I guess not Anyway guys welcome to our summer house episode. We're so excited to recap it I'm like riding that summer house high because I just love this show and this episode was hilarious and crazy Before we get to that in case you missed it tonight is the real house was of New York premier and to celebrate it we are doing a

I was sort of like new version of a live show in these crazy times We are going to be hopping on to IG live at 7 30 Eastern And we will be hanging out for about 25 minutes and then at 8 p.m. Did I say Eastern? I meant Western Pacific time 7 30 Pacific time and then at 8 p.m. Pacific I say Eastern, I meant Western Pacific time, 730 Pacific time, and then at 8 p.m. Pacific time, we are going to be live streaming the show, get it over up Patreon, it's on our crap, it's on demand level. So we're going to be live streaming it, our recap of the show, I should say. We're going to have so much fun with that, we did that with New Jersey a few weeks ago,

and just had a blast. And this is sort of an honor of the live shows that we were supposed to do this weekend in Orlando and Charleston. So we're sort of bummed that we were not able to go, but it's more important for us to say, safe and sound. So come join us, please come join us at patreon.com slash watch

for crap ends for our live recap of Real House House of New York tonight. And also, by the way, Ronnie maybe is amazing. Isolate t-shirts that are like a parody of gatha. Gatha, except they say isolate and go get them. People are already starting to receive them and sending in pictures and they look great and they're hilarious too.

Yeah, thanks for sending us those pictures. Yeah, everyone. So that's how crap ends merch.com. We're just gonna watch a crap ends. Anything you ever need from us, just go to watchacrapans.com and all the links are there. That's our hub, our hubhouse. Hey, all douse.

Hey, all douse. I don't know what just came over me. I just did one man show there with Lindsay and Carl. So speaking of which, is there anything else we have to announce before we dive into summer house? Well, we have a very special bonus Yes, for staff going on we are doing the entire season of Tiger King The first one is free you can listen to that on the main feed

But for all the rest of them we're doing both video and audio So if you want crap and so on demand videos of the final six episodes of that Those are all gonna be on crap and demand and we're releasing all of that we've released one and two so far. Well, once not a video, but we've released those so far and next week. We're doing every day will be a new episode of Tiger King up on Patreon, so go sign up over there. And when you sign up at the crap and so on demand level, you will also be signed up to get all these live streams that we do, and all the video archives, which is over 100 shows. So just to sign up, okay? Yeah, it's a deal yet. It's going to be super fun.

So, yeah. So that's our begging out of the way. And now on to some of our... Some of our... Oh. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo something hit a pause oh wow show how we do yeah yeah like catch you while you're a baby sorry no I thought you were gonna say something I'm trying to be respectful in my marriage no I decided I did not want to sing the full the full lyric which was show them how we do oh wow show them how we do wow I was like I'm gonna do one show how we do

because you already did too we don't need to go for a fourth one so we're a New York city here because it's business business envelopes envelopes where everybody's doing things like healing cabs or walking with middle envelopes on the streets of New York. Yeah, and now that Kyle last week learned that all he has to do to fix his relationship is actually be empathetic and loving. Things are great with Kyle and Amanda, and they're like, they're sitting together

looking at some sort of graphic thing on Photoshop or print shop or something for a lover boy. That's not the only reason. It's not because he was empathetic. It's because she actually did some work. So that's basically what, you know what? Next time I'm having problems with somebody, I'm gonna force them to design a website for me

and it's gonna fix everything. Yeah, that will, it could help a lot. So then we, that's like Wednesday and we see Lindsay doing a selfie, like a selfie video. She's like, I'm going after one of my best friends, bachelor's in Tlun, can't wait. I'm waiting. No, no, no, no. She will go for a taco contract.

Just because this is Bravo and we have a long standing tradition. We're sorry in Mexico. We have to apologize to any country that Bravo casts go to. This was only Lindsay, but Lindsay is a whole cast of her own. She really is. Sorry, Mexico. She counts as eight people. Even like car cellos were like, we're going to stay inside this weekend. So, I'll go on both.

I tried to behead that woman, but she just wouldn't stop talking. Her neck is actually very difficult to sever. Broke three axes. Excuse me, it's my head. So then she just keeps talking. You be headlensy and she just keeps talking. Her head, she's not head on the brain. She's never stopped. She's like, great news guys. I got the El Guapo contract.

They're like, wait, you're representing El Guapo? Yeah, great party next weekend. Drugs have never been more popular. Don't forget to do the Stroller Pose. And we're going to do a three-way crossover with Joulin and all's Joulin. Joulin beats a beach and El Guapo. Cook beach. Okay, so then we go over to Carl and Luke,

core and out, bros, bro. Yeah, you know, they're playing basketball together, which is something that bros do. They lose the cave with Zepp? And he's like, bro! Yeah, you want to play a game of horse? Yeah, you want to do horse? Let's horse, horse up. Yeah, horse up.

Yep. Mm. And yeah, they play horse. Yeah. So that was pretty funny. It was worth it for that moment when Carl had to yell out, H-O-H-O. I'm like, finally, he learned how to spell his name.

Yeah, he's like writing his LinkedIn job description. H.O. H.O. Jones. Um, yeah, so Luke is asking Carl about how things are going with Sarah and everything and he's like, yeah, it's going pretty well. Oh, H.O.R.S. Yeah, that's almost hors d'oeuvres. Yeah. Well, did you take her on a date, bro? He's like, no, no, no, this week. We.S. Yeah, that's almost hors d'oeuvres. Yeah. Well did you take her on a date, bro? He's like, no, no, no, no, this week we went out last week, but not this week. Like Carol has fulfilled his yearly duties of dates, okay? He took salad up to a balcony that wasn't in his room. He took Sarah on when date that she left him on. So yeah, there you go.

Turn all this general. Yeah, wonder wife Sarah's upset with you, Carl? Weird. And he goes, thankfully, things were so, oh, really, really good. I mean, I know there's been some drama. And then we see a flashback of all the drama that Carl has caused around Sarah by inviting her right after he broke up with Lindsay,

asking her out in front of Lindsay, just all the drama. But he always makes sound like it's just this stuff that's happening to him that just just you know, he just want it's he's just unlucky and love, you know He's a perpetual victim. Yeah, exactly. He's like, but luckily things are back on track And I'm really excited to see her this weekend, which I will definitely do Looks like all how convenient Lindsay's got and so this is the weekend And he's like well, I was trying to think of Lindsay because you know, it's Carly to 8.2.

So it's great. Well, you may still a little wonky, but the rest of this edition is going crazy so far, with Jens. Yeah. So then at that night, at night, and we go over to Page's apartment, which appears to be a studio, which I only mentioned

because I just, because everyone was crammed in with the cameraman like like right in there, like around this little table wedged up against her bed. I was like, this is why I'm so glad I don't live in New York. I know that's so New York. Oh my God, living in those little tiny places. Yeah. So my friend, my best friend, my old roommate, one of my older mates, I had 90 million, but one of them has a little place like that. And they've built a bunk bed thing with, you know, like those

loft beds with, you know, everything else is under the bed. I'm like, this is the best design of this is like a man in New York. I'm like, do you have two stories? This is amazing. Yeah. I noticed that Paige has really good editing on this show. They really like Paige on the show. Yeah, because they were doing their best to make that apartment look not like a pay less

shoebox with, you know, they were only, yeah, they were really making an effort to show the best parts of that apartment where I feel like everyone else is like, haha, look at the shitty little apartment. Yeah, and it's first Carl's apartment. That's my question. Yeah, where is Carl's apartment? Like, where is that box? Like the little, literal cardboard box?

You know, it's kind of funny because it pages apartment does look so cramped, but then she still takes time to put like tiny little shelves on the wall that hold all her sunglasses. She's like, space at a premium. So sunglasses are the priority. Yeah, it's typical, of course, that Paige's entire apartment is a classic.

It's a whole wall of closet doors, and then her clothes on a rack. You're on the rest of it. Seriously. So she's like putting out a little spread and Hannah's like, all of us and Paige is like, that's all you're eating. Enjoy it.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So that's all that's right, Enjoy it. So that's right. And last night, I'm the tannest person. So then the girls start coming over and Jules, of course, as we're now I write just I just write page comes, though I know it's Jules from memory, but my notes call her page because that's how successful her boilbuddling, bunny bunny boiling has been. So Jules comes in, she's like, yes! How are you?

Your apartment is so cute. Can you show me the rest of it? This is all that there is. Have an olive. So then Amanda comes over and she's like, I just twisted the key back and forth because it's been so long since I've been here, Kyle. I tried to bring Gwakimoli, but it doesn't fit in the apartment, so I just let it on the hallway. So they start talking about their weekend, and it's like, um, I only have a Luke Sunday. Yeah. And Pat Vade just like, um, how did that weekend of finding out that he had a girl that he's seeing catapult you in hanging out? What the hell?

Yeah, and she's like, yeah, well, um, you know, I'm kind of ratchet and this whole half-girlfriend thing was weird, but I am psychotic when it comes to competition, and I sense a little competition in the gelena, Yolena, and part of me is like, I need to win it all across, so Yolena, you're going down. I'm like, that's not a good reason to go after a guy because you just want to beat another woman. Like, is this, are the priorities straight here? Sounds good to me.

Hey, it makes it more exciting. Well, so Hannah's like, he texted me and he was uh, you know, I don't want to like you, but I do like you. Like nothing to show a girl you like. I'm like dating somebody else. He's already been flirting with them for a month. That's so romantic. He's probably just workshopping lyrics to his next like guitar single.

I don't want to like you, but I do coyote. Yeah, coyote is asleep in the wild. And it's like, wow, he really does like me. Oh, sorry, Hannah, that was just lyrics to my upcoming LP called, coyote in the wild. Yeah, Luke needs to drop the music. Okay, Luke, your hot seems semi-nice, but please stop. You're making Joe from Tiger King sound like, fucking,

I don't know, the guy who wrote the song about Trucks and Jesus. Yeah. Took like every country singer. I was like, I'm like, yeah. Trucks and a few. Trucks and a few. Toby Keith.

Toby Keith. Let's say Toby Keith. Toby Keith. Let's say Toby Keith. Hank. Hank Williams. Hank is the area. Hank is the area. Hank Williams Jr. Jimmy Buffett.

I'm trying to go with Travis Tritt. Garth Broke. Travis Tritt. Wasn't he married to Julia Roberts? That was Lyle Love It. Oh, God. Well, these. Okay, the point is they're talking about boys. it wasn't you married to Julia Roberts that was a lot of love it okay the point is they're talking about boys and so if you're getting wrote in yeah god of course they have to have a rodeo phrase is what we're trying to get out of our country music mode okay let's go back to talking about your

strength you're getting wrapped in just sort of like when I saw Louis Vitale back and her not it was just a backpack from H&M and was only $20 and I bought it so like it's a wrap a blow thanks I don't know if I need to make a I'm watching you specifically through these glasses. I got for $15 a Ross. time guys. Thanks for watching guys subscribe and like below like a page we're right here. So Hannah's like love it like that's the attention I want it all weekend. Right? Yeah and Jules is like yeah um everything is great God, it's so great to talk to my friends who are really my friends. So Jordan texted me and he apologized and he said he just wished it would. It had been like a cool and calm conversation instead of what it was. He did not say that to you on Sunday. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, so let's witness the girls all starting this shit

to begin with. Okay. So this witness is, because it's gonna become a very important piece of evidence later when we're calling these people evil. Yes, yes, thank you. Thank you for setting that up. So basically, Jordan sent Page and Hannah a text

that essentially said, it's Jeler me, pick your side. And so they tell Jewels that. And then Jewels is like, I will make him regret the day he came to the house. I'm so mad. I'm speaking like this right now. I'm speaking in the list. I'm pretty curious in my sense of disease.

Yeah. Yeah. Got a jumping, got a jumping, got a jumping. So we're driving to the Hamptons now. And it's Kyle's birthday. We have like, who's birthday is that? So we're having a birthday, who's celebrating. And page like some old guy's been coming to the house every week.

I feel like there have been so many birthdays on Bravo. It's just been one after the next, after the next. I need a non-sulbertory weekend with Van Aperm Rules in Summer House because it's been wedding for three weeks and then it was wedding for three weeks and then it was Santa Vol's birthday and then it was Jack's birthday. Even before the wedding it was Stasi's birthday sort of which is also sort of Ariana's birthday. Now it's Kyle's birthday and even before the wedding it was Stasi's birthday sort of which is also sort of Ariana's birthday Like now it's Kyle's birthday. I just stop

I'm only on TV our birthdays even like this. I mean my birthday is not like on my birthday my friends call me They're grony you have to leave the house today. It's your birthday. I'm like no fuck you Like Ronnie drop the pizza box and Come outside Ron and get out or we're coming in and then that scares me enough to actually go outside. And then I go sit somewhere miserably for an hour like, keep fuckers, make a rrrr. And then I go home. I don't even know what I did for my birthday this year.

I just know I didn't, I think I did like nothing. Nothing. I think I did literally nothing. I did, definitely did not have a toga party in the Hamptons. I think you had a friend dinner this year or something. Did I? I just don't remember. You see you had a friend dinner this year or something. Did I? I just don't remember. You see, that's life.

That's real life. That's why there's no bravoshos about us. Yeah, that's our birthday. I'm like, you know what I'm doing? Farting loudly. I'm giving myself the freedom at this age. Should be like, I'm farting loudly. That's it.

The killer runs out of the room, and that's it. Where's my special episode of Vanderprimperals? Yeah. So anyway. Yeah, they get to the house. There's tons of boxes from Amazon and it really, you know, I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe it's my age speaking of getting older, but I'm like, this is just too much pollution.

Yeah. Like all these Amazon, you need to change the way that you're packaging shit up because this is ridiculous. It's like a box within a box within a box it's like a Russian doll every time you get something from fucking Amazon how many trees died just for this shipment it was shitty birthday gifts or birthday decorations for Kyle's party I mean that's what's so fun about it is like opening up the box until you finally get something in the middle right yeah but yeah it is it is a lot and I still don't understand why they have so many Amazon boxes

Maybe that's a grocery for the week or something like it just does not make sense to me and in this case They have found every sort of version of a beer bong They got something called a bongzilla, which is basically just a tall beer bong with multiple Tubes in it or something. It's just, it's very intense. Because Kyle really, really wants a college fraternity party. And this is like, really, he's deeply into this theme more than I think we even realized at this point in the show. I thought it'd be like, oh, funny, ha, ha. But he's like really militant about it. Well, how is every other party different? It's like the same party over and over.

You're just calling this one a college party. Yeah, exactly. I agree. That's why, Well, how is every other party different? It's like the same party over and over. You're just calling this one a college party. Yeah, exactly. I agree. Yeah, later on when he's like, this looks like a Hampton's house. I'm like, exactly a flat house. So, yeah, so they're all there and everything. And Hannah's like, it's weird to not have Lindsey here. And then they just like cut to this random shot of Lindsey

just jumping into like a pond like Carlito! Pshh! Cockbeat! Guapalito! Come on, Shooz! Here comes one right now! Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

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And, she ain't no shrinking violet koo-char! We love you guys So Paige Gus do you miss her and Hannah goes oh miss is a strong word Also Jordan's coming and Jules is like rolling arrives and we get that And then Jules is like um now offense, but who invited Jordan back this weekend And it was Hannah of course. So I did, I did, I did. She's like so excited. So then, so Luke and Jordan show up

and Joel's like, fucking, a, I was just about to tell the story about my grandfather and Chillian since then, but I guess I'll postpone that to next weekend. Mm-hmm. So Jordan and I'm just like scrolling through these notes. I can tell. Don't need to say that.

Don't need to say that. Why did I write that? Don't worry, I would turn every single second of this episode. Oh my god. So Jordan comes in and he's like, hello, like hugging everybody. Yes. And then everybody's like nervous about it. And so they show shots of everybody just playing with their hair.

It's so funny. It's like, Joel starts pulling on her hair like that nervous and then Hannah starts pulling on her hair because she's nervous because she invited Jordan and then Jordan starts scratching the back of his hair. This is like millennial worry, okay. Lots of pulling at hair. You're holding a blusher hair, you realize to stop doing that. Yeah, listen to your auntie Ronnie, stop it right now if you want to keep that. Yeah, keep it. Don't touch it. Just let it be.

So we find out that Carl and Kyle are not there right now because they're at a lover boy tasting, which sounds awful. And then Amanda is still telling us that she's still on the fence about leaving her full time job for lover boy. And I say, you know what Amanda? You know, I say, ditch that job that has security and has you on, perhaps a path with that company

and join a startup that surely won't face any setbacks. Surely the economy will be great for the foreseeable future. So yeah, I think a great call. Go join Love Reboy full-time. Well, I've got to head to Love Boy. They're working it. Even in all of this, Kyle and Alps today, like anyone who can get their product in a store or a restaurant

or whatever, if anybody has contacts to get it in there, they'll become a Love Boy Ambassador, which is basically getting people to do your job for free, but it's nice to see somebody hustling on Bravo, you know, that's true. Or at least he works. I mean, I think that Kyle is a hustler. I mean, I think that I think Kyle is not like a jacks, you know, he, he, he, like legitimately works, you know, which is why he also gets shit face on the weekends, because he's like from the workhard play hard camp. in the weekends, because he's like from the work hard play hard camp.

I just, for some reason, it really bothers me that he's pressuring Amanda to join Leverboy when it is like the source of all their problems. It just drives me nuts. But either way. Yeah. I look at him as the source of all their problems. There's like a sense difference.

I mean, she's already joined Kyle. So joining Leverboy, at least you get a paycheck. Well, we do get a quick glimpse of the lover boy tasting and we see Kyle's like, so ladies, what do you think? It's like a bunch of Mimas and this lady is like, oh, I love mine. And Carl's like, all that's what we like to hear. That's what we like to hear. Oh, you look great, by the way. You look great, by the way. Yeah, you look great. And you're the old litmus-tast, literally, controls.

So that was great. Yeah, we got a loobies contract Hey, you want to come to the summer house this weekend? Oh, you got a lot going on. Oh, okay. All right cool So then Amanda's like I Looks like hey Hannah you gotta spell love and put it on my door Lanner and looks like hey Hannah you gotta spell love and put it on my door. I Was wondering what he said I've rewinded three times and then I was like, you know what? I feel like whatever it is is probably not gonna be that great of a joke No, yeah, this was no lethal weapon

I don't even understand what that means, but I can say I agree. It is not a lethal weapon. I'm sorry, sorry, that's my litmus test for like wacky hilarious buddy comedy jokes. Well, either way, Luke is, I'm basically losing my mind. I'm not going to say, I love it. When you lose your mind, it makes me so happy. Like the fact that you just threw an elite Little weapon joke in the middle of that like I was like, okay Okay, I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm out. I'm gonna bring it to seal the words of now now

I feel like that now the challenge is on just to like make all sorts of strange references so So Luke tells us he's like doing that like nice guy thing and the confession is like, you know I'm still seeing you Lena, but at the same time I also just want to have fun and as a white man. That's that's my privilege. So therefore I'm gonna lead Hannah on to He's like whoops just tripped over a CEO ship Hey great news guys. Because I know how to play hockey, I've actually just been given a six-figure job. I just have to rearrange Trisket somewhere.

Yeah, guess what? I'm running out the bat, and all I have to do is make some rings. So that's great. So, Suzy Kurtz called me up and said, hey, can you teach my kid hockey? And she's paying me about $35,000 a session. It's great. And then I came all over the window. And guess who came to clean up the window? Patricia Wattig, I couldn't see her. I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you?

I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you? You don't risk my dress get bitch and then they started fighting and then I came all over the window So and guess who came to clean up the window?

Patricia Wattig I couldn't even believe it the three of us had a lot of fun that night So the producer is like Luke are you comfortable juggling two girls and he's like I'm not juggling Right, they just want to see who I like more and if I'm ready for a relationship Guess what I'm not ready for relationships. So I'll just sleep with both of you guys while I tend to my broken heart He's not sad someone kiss me Someone kiss me while I try and finish my coyote son in my head So that a man does making a cake this is I mean, this is some sort of like tower of battle cake because she's like,

Kyle, I need to make one more layer and jewels looks at and goes, one more. And she's like, what is this crazy house of horrors that has cakes that are more than two tiers? What is happening here? Why are there 17 tiers on this cake for Kyle? Well, we have a little banner left. i love that like a summer house cast member is like complaining about waste like i don't want a waste like you just killed

ninety trees to get beer bonds to be to be fair it wasn't that right was just guacamole uh... guacamole layer you can make a cake with a guacamole. I mean blondies the other day with chickpeas because I didn't have flour. So let me look at that. Why are you yelling right now? Don't come at me, okay? Just making a joke. You're like, I can make a cake with guacamole. Okay, it's not okay. You know what? You can use chickpea flour, okay? Bro. Don't tell me why your triggers. I tell me why you're triggered.

It's a missing working. I just realized why you're triggered. Because she had been awesome. We're on this episode. Seriously though. I mean, I can't. We'll get to that. So.

I got to know those guys. Pages seriously concerned that Luke is going to be inviting you to the party because she's used to other guys in the house being total assholes and pulling that sort of shit So she's very very nervous And nervous page is so fucking messy. She's like I'm anxious to know like she wanted it I can't believe Paige didn't pull out and this is why she'll never be a real housewife because she didn't invite her You know, yeah exactly

Yeah, so Google Google squad is on the case But then Jules Jules is getting annoyed me while I'd Jordan because he's acting like everything is normal But then at the same time he's been texting the girls behind the back behind her back saying things like you know It's her side or my side whatever da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da really tense. You know what, fixes everything? Did you! Woooom here! You guys think you're tense? I almost missed the 2 o'clock! Ha ha ha ha! How to make three transfers in Manhattan and Red Hook. I don't know why I went to Red Hook, but I went that way and then I went back to Manhattan and then here I am! Here at the Subur-Hot! Everyone's like here. Take here's a mop. Yeah, hey you guys want a real fight?

All right, it's between the spy chart and me. All right, choose your side. And Jules is like, oh my god, we're twinning. I've never felt so connected to this house as right now. I haven't twindened in about three weeks, so this feels great. So clips of Jordan, James Jules is like, this is literally a bizarre. And then we see clips of Jordan saying like, Oh, I take you on to my

mother. And then last week in Winnie woke up and he's like, I love you. Yeah, because they're filling Danielle in on all the drama and everything. And they're just like loving it. They're so excited to tell her. I think that's why they like read it or so, so excitedly. They're like, yes, someone to tell all the gossip to. So then Daniel's like, oh my god, is he coming this weekend? And then all the girls go, he's outside! So she goes outside immediately of course. And he's like, oh hey Daniel, you missed a lot last weekend. I don't want to tell you the whole story, but it rhymes with Suzy. Suzy. Right? Listen, you miss a lot last weekend and I'm not

giving you details, but I'll give you three words. Plunger? Brett Butler. Windowsill. So Danielle's like, um, I heard everyone's talking about it I've been hearing some tidbits here and there like jewels was like you're not on the outs But then she mentioned that you asked someone to pick sides and you're like, um, how no could you come here for a second? So I can have a discussion with you Why did you or page told you also that I'm asking you to pick sides now? I know that it's you or page because you were the one that I told to pick sides, which I'm going to deny later.

Yeah, why did you do that? This is a very important question coming from the number one most eligible patchler on hinge, and also on bagel meets bagel, which is not the same as bagel meets cream cheese. This is an off-shoot of just two bagels in a bag together, not having sex. So why did you ask that? So Jordan, so basically, I was like, I said that because you did say that. And Jordan's like, oh great, I introduced you to all my friends, everyone. I introduced you to jewels.

I introduced you to Louis Gossett Jr. to Delta Burke. And, and this is how you're gonna tell me how you're gonna do me You're gonna tell me I can't be in the house. That's just vile Yeah, he's mad. He's like a how dare she bring this about me I'm the one who brought her here in the first place I'm like, hmm you were the one who got demoted to friend of and she is the one that got hired in your place, sir Yeah, that's a real issue here Yeah, so don't be mad at her be mad at casting And the audience that was disgusted by your fucking compulsive lying and your gross sex shit. Yeah, but you

Yeah, you're gross. So then Hannah's like well, I understand where he's coming from because like I wouldn't want my friends hanging out with my ex either But he didn't do the house this summer. So yeah, so sorry. So Jules still under the impression. I mean, we know the shows obviously is cast TV show or whatever, but the setup is that each one of them pays a certain amount to be in the house. So they're also, now we know this isn't true

because I bred a Facebook thread that Hannah went on some podcast and said that it wasn't true. And you know, no one has to pay for the house obviously Yeah, but which we all the setup is that they all pay a piece of the house And so those are the real roommates and the rest of them are just friends of so yeah If you're not paying your part of the house get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I'm just calm here Exactly and that's why it's also later on like how the fuck dare these people say this like if she's putting in her money in her portion of the house how the fuck they'd say like we got to kick

her out, like no, she put in her money, okay. But either way, Jules then pulls aside Jordan and she's like, can I have a conversation with you? So I know that you texted Hannah and Paige and asked them to pick sides and he's like, no, no, I didn't say that at all, I can show you. Look, this is what I texted, I said, listen, I found a great cupcake recipe on Pinterest. I can I have the text right here. I'm gonna pull it up Let me pull it up. I don't have it actually. I must have I think I think I think NSA. Oh, that's right. I forgot Oh, sorry, go ahead. No, no, it's fine

Last thing I need to do is like my 19th Jordan fantasy story. I'm sorry, I thought you were dead. But yeah, he's doing that thing where he's like, go ahead and you know, if you need me to prove it to you, I'll read the text. She's like, go ahead and then of course he can't do it. Like you totally got caught in his own bluff. And she's like, oh, you don't have it because you deleted it. That's why. And then page back inside is like, um, I love a receipt.

So let me pull that up and she reads it to us. Like, um, here's, here's some cliff notes for your girls dinner tomorrow. Jules is boring. And she's always complaining and she never has anything deep to talk about. Yeah. Now I really need you to go to bat for me tomorrow, please. Yeah, and then it cuts the Jordan back, talking to Jules, saying, hi to lead messages all the time.

It's a natural behavior for me. That's why I don't have any text messages. See, no text messages. Oh, look, there's yours. It reappeared. Don't look at it. I'm deleting it again. Oh, that was an accident.

And she's like, for you to treat me that way, and you're like, oh, I introduced you to all my friends and invited you to this house. Oh, I treated you so bad, didn't I? And Jules is like, um, excuse me, but Hama is the one who invited me into this house. I honestly feel bad for you. I am done wasting my time here. And she gets up and goes off to the kitchen. Yeah, and she goes in the kitchen, goes, guys, he's comical. He's actually very entertaining. If he had an apple-pay terminal, I would pay to see his show, but he doesn't have it. So anyway, Puffy sleeps. And Amanda is like, he's coming back,

because he doesn't want you talking without him knowing what you're saying. I'm like, also, because it's like kind of natural to come inside when you've been outside. But I'm sorry that there was a 10 story high cake in the kitchen and wanted to see it with his own eyes. Yeah, maybe he heard time daily was in there in a bikini just waiting for his sexual prowess to return. So Amanda's like, what's going on now, guys?

And Jordan goes, oh, gotta poop. Charming. So they car, Carl and Kyle come back. And Kyle is very mad that there are not Greek letters up on the house yet. He's like, is this house send? Is this house sent? I'm like, oh, we got so far in this season without having

to bring up send it send it. Yeah, this is, um, this whole like Greek letters party is really sad to me. Like, yeah, and maybe it's because it's on at the same time as Vanderpump rules as it usually is, but it's like, you guys are too old. Like you're 40. Um, I'm, I'm reverting to my old Vanderpump rules thing where every response I have is your 40 So so Carl Carl is very happy. He's like oh so I sold we sold 40 cases

Yeah, everybody that came tasted it and bought one and they look great by the way just you know you they look great tonight So yeah, that was an angle Whatever that means that was an angle. Whatever that means. That was an angle. That was an angle. That was an angle. I was like, this isn't fratty enough. Okay, fast forward. Yeah.

So then he's walking around telling everyone, this isn't baking house, that's a sprag house. Yeah. And he's like, let's turn this place to a frat house, not Martha Stewart's and Kyle's like, I went to college in 2001 when Hayesing was cool and Paige She just goes 2001, I was in fourth grade. Oh my god. You're so old

Subscribing likes my age right here below. Thanks. And then we find out where they all page Bra so of course they did. Well, this is where I've got something, I've got some fun, special extra stuff here. So Carl said he pledged at Fiji at Syracuse. And I was like, you know, I know people at Syracuse. I want to find out about Carl's frat. So I texted my friend, Sherry, who went to Syracuse.

And by the way, Sherry, who went to Syracuse. And by the way, Sherry's- Her berries. Sher- Actually, though, this is sort of related to that. So Sherry's husband, Chris, is a chocolate tier in the Bay Area. And he has a small business that's being massively affected by everything that's going on. So I want to give a shout out to Chris

and his, if anyone wants to order chocolates, they're still doing online ordering. It's collarchalklass.com, k-o-l-l-a-r-chalklass.com, Chris Collar. I'm just giving a shout out to his friends husband, because why not? Because people are hurting him.

And we did say, by the way, a few weeks ago, if you have a small business, definitely let us know, because we're gonna try to help out people who are having hard times. But that being said, that being said, now that everyone's got their chocolates. So, I asked Sherry, I was like, what was the deal with Fiji? And she's like, let me check with my sorority friends. So, first, she checked with her sorority friends.

This is her, the first text is this. She goes, okay. with her for sorority friends and this is her the first text is this she goes okay Fiji we remember as being sort of random dorky guys but random lol so I was like okay that's perfect and then she sherry actually has a cousin who's going there at this moment so she texted her cousin and this is what her cousin said about Fiji he ha ha, they don't have a good reputation on campus, a bottom tier house. They let all the freshmen in the first few nights of the semester and no other house is stooped that low to make money. That's more common for house parties on Euclid or clubs. They were living in Zeta size house until it reclaimed last semester

and after Theta Tao fell from grace, Fiji took over their house, haven't heard anything about them since. So. Oh, Carl go. That's Carl's frat. Yes, I did take the time to investigate Carl's frat because this is what life is like in coronavirus. Yeah, well, I'm a page. She's like, I just made friends on my own.

Actually, I'm not even a page. I'm just like, why would I go to college if I'm already doing theater at it? Okay, I will save the student debt. Thank you. I like that when Kyle asks So Lear's pledge join racist hand and Kyle goes, I highly doubt that And then Luke goes I played Hockey I was doing something much much cooler and Amanda's like Dalton. What did she say? Dalton gamma? I didn't write down anyone else's because at that point I was like in a frenzy of researching Fiji. And by the way, I should say since people in in in in glass, flat houses, it shouldn't throw rocks, I should say that I was a member of C-Gap and my fraternity has been kicked off campus and do recognize and we were the nice guys. So listen, I get it, I get it, Carl, I get a car all bro.

So I was good at braille. Yeah. So Jules echoes my thoughts. She's like, bro, you're almost 40. You're not in a fraternity anymore. That's really little. Bring it down. Bring it down. And then we get the shots of them, T.P. Trees, which again, twice in one week on Bravo, especially during toilet paper mania, it's difficult. Yeah. Um, so Luke and Hannah are flirting with the kitchen later and Hannah shaking her boobies and looks like, stop shaking your boobs, Hannah.

Shake, stop stirring up. So in the page, it's like, I have a serious question and I don't mean to put you on the spot. Is Yalena coming to our party? You dirtbag piece of crap? You're like, no. The way that Luke saves money on his outfits is that he doesn't have sleeves. Okay, like and subscribe for that tip. So, later in the kitchen, they're making pizza dough and pages like... We need to tell Kyle, basically jewels and Jordan are fighting. Why do you need this whole Kyle? Yeah, this is all pages doing, okay?

So, I hope that Jewels is getting her sweet, sweet revenge on page somewhere in this world. And by the way, Jules and Jordan's fight is no more intense than any fight than Kyle and Amanda have ever had. Let alone Carl and Lindsay. They're just like, Jules and Jordan are bickering. They had a private conversation off to the side. It's like, they're like, it's sort of at the level of, and that's about it. There's no yelling, there's no storming around, there's no stomping about. So either way, they tell Kyle and he's like,

that's not how this fucking works. So Paige says they both want the other one kicked out of the house, but Jules didn't say that he had to be kicked out of the house. I don't think that's the last week when she said, get out of here. And he's slept on the couch, but he's obviously back again this weekend. So she's not kicking him out of the house. And where's the empathy for Jules? Jules is the one who was into Jordan and Jordan was the one who suddenly decided he didn't

like her anymore and then went around told everyone before her that he didn't like her anymore and then like made her look like an idiot while she had her like you know her little handcuffs and was going to do a whole thing. She was all excited. Blind sides her. Isn't she allowed to be mad? why is she not allowed to be mad well Jordans just like blatantly using her to get you know have a place on the show still yes and then he was using her to like make up some stupid drama that he

could tell his friends about so he could seem interesting to his friends you know he's some lame and now he's trying to use her again for more drama the next week and it's going to be open his little face. So, Kyle's like, that's not how this works. You don't get people to gang up. Everyone misses this week is funny. It's fratty. It's like the definition of gangsters. It's fratty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. He's like, if we're going, he's like, somehow this weekend translated into them thinking that if we're going to pledge this fraternity There's only room for one. I'm like

Yeah, fraternities are exclusive like that. That's actually something that happens quite often They're only going to take one or two people or like 30 as opposed to all 50, you know, you know Point is this it does the logic doesn't track the logic doesn't track and I'm really pissed at How jewels is getting thrown onto the bus in this situation by Jordan and the whole house? Yeah, so then the gang is talking to the bedroom on a bed they're having like a house meeting without jewels Daniel and Jordan and So they just like wait me to talk because I feel like she wants us to kick him out and he wants us to kick her out girls like What 40 cases. That's the angle.

Yeah, 40 cases, I'll just have a simply PB shake right now. Thank you. So Kyle starts, like he's complaining about who knows a lot. I barely even wrote it down. And Amanda's like, Kyle, you're not a good whisperer. He's like, I know. I would have been a horrible librarian. And Amanda just goes, Kyle, like maybe when, what we thought was a joke was actually

bringing up some sort of dark memory of like a time when Amanda wanted Kyle to be a librarian. And she's like, Kyle, I thought we were over there. Okay, let's not open up old light-bring in wounds. On the rest of the cast is like Like that librarian Jack really got you guys huh? They loved it and Carl And Carl's like they need to work to their shit It's just respectful to us that they can't figure out their shit Says the guy who every single season Causes and is embroiled in the biggest drama in the house.

Yeah. So page is like, let's tell him. And then it says, well, it's kind of hypocritical because Carl fights with Lindsay and cause like, yeah, but he's not trying to make us two sides. Well, no one has tried to make you two sides. Okay. This is all still just from page. Yeah, that's true.

Just remember, this is all still from page. And when we actually know what the text says, it does not say pick sides. It says, would you guys, it would be nice if you guys had my back? That's right. That is exactly right. So I like page, but page is dead wrong on this one.

Yeah. Well, so Hannah's now saying that she feels bad because she invited jewels when, you know, she's her French, she's originally Jordan's friend, so she feels like she played a part in it, which she did. But Hannah's like, listen, you know, I know that everyone hates Jordan, but he's my little crazy weirdo friend

with a retile dysfunction in weird stories about Can't even think murder facts of Bernie Look, I'm gonna prove this by showing you that later in the very near future Jordan is gonna lick a donkey's tongue or goat's tongue Okay, so it's he's worth it. He's worth it So then Kyle's like, uh, has anyone here even connected with Jules? Be honest. Be honest. Anybody? Does anybody even like her and pages like well, I have like on everyday stuff like oh my god I was just wearing that dress and now you're wearing that dress. So yeah I'm just nice to have a fan. It's nice to have a fan because what are you connecting on Instagram? Which was so funny and so true.

I was wondering what he said. I reminded like three times, because I couldn't understand what he said. Yeah, only that makes more sense, because she's like, I'm gonna say queenac did and he goes, where are you in Instagram? She's like, I'm gonna cut off your penis.

She's like, well, we can't even gotten deeper. And everyone, I'm just gonna keep talking and please ignore the fact that I have a small lover boy scene on my chest right now Hmm and Carl's like well look I removed myself from a summer house five years ago Like it just wasn't the right fit. You probably got kicked out from everybody in their Kyle like what are you? Ercar all what are you trying to pull it here exactly? So now Carl wants to kick them both out It's like getting both out getting both out getting both out and so now Kyle wants to kick them both out. Like, get them both out, get them both out, get them both out. And so now Kyle wants to kick them out.

He wants to kick them out tonight. And everyone's like, oh, tonight. And then, then like, finally Paige is a voice of reason. It's like, I mean, I think this is a mean thing, okay? And like, mean is not in right now. So, sorry. But that's my fashion tip for today. Even though I started it.

Even though I started this entire thing. And Amanda's like, I am real. I though I started this entire thing. And I'm happy. I am really, I'm seeing some of these young girls and women sign on me. So then in the kitchen, Carl is like, oh, Jules is like at the sink. Yeah, by the way, during all this, Jules has been wandering around the house. Jules are the worst detective of all time. By the way, she's been wandering around the house, trying to figure out where everyone is. She's like, like, Jules, jewels there like six rooms in the house listen for the room that has all the voices in it it's like the detective show where they never find out anything yeah

every episode ends on well I don't know so well we'll try again next time she's basically like the police officer in tiger king she's like well I don't know I couldn't find anything so I don't know the police officer and Tiger King. She's like, I don't know, I couldn't find anything. So, I don't know. Murder, she kind of thought maybe. Murder, she sketched out. Murder, she could never prove really. Murder, she penned on a cocktail napkin that she lost place of. So, the kitchen jewels is like doing something at the party and she goes cheers Carl And she reaches out her glass to cheer him and he just ignores her

And rings like what an asshole this guy's such a fucking asshole What an asshole so rude and he's mean to read the whole episode. He and Kyle are so mean to her. So then we hear it. Then it's like flashes of things going on. And we hear Carl saying, yo, so I spoke to Austin and she up there in Sag Harbor. So I invited them to the party.

Yo, I'm like, oh god. Like just when this couldn't get any do share. It's gonna go to the next level. Yep. So the guys go out and, there's Amanda, decorate a cake. There's this really random part because they did a montage of the mean like

we're gonna fall into the show. And they're all like dancing and like having fun. And then there's this like one shot from like Hannah's cell phone. It's like a selfie of Hannah, but it's like sideways and it goes on for like five seconds They're just like lingers and she's just staring at the camera like well, yes, this is sort of my profile But it's also not oriented like they didn't fix your orientation. So it was just like Hannah's head close up on Hannah's head sideways on TV for like five very long seconds. They're like, yeah, concentrate concentrate on Hannah's terrible iPhone orientation this week on summer house. I was like, did just did the editors just give up? They're like, we don't have anything to put in here. Let's do that really strange shot of Hannah.

Just let's just let's just have a look. Do we got any more footage of that cake decorating? No, all right, just keep them on Hannah's head for a few seconds. Has Amanda fallen off that ladder and was watching Frost in the top to hear of that cake yet? No, okay, let's get some of that Hannah's.

Let's get some of that Hannah stuff. So the boys are dancing to bongos. And Jordan, a car was like, Jordan, you got any moves? Got any moves? Got any moves? Got any moves? Hey, look, you're not the stupid hat club.

Yeah, Luke, you're my bra now, both of you have. Yeah. So they all come back from partying and Hannah and Luke go to the hot tub and looks like he, he and her, can I kiss you? Can I kiss you?" And she's like, well, you shouldn't, but she can. Second Yelena, I win, I win Yelena. And page number, Amanda are talking pages like, um, Harry likes role playing and the role playing is that we don't know each other.

It's like a car last year. Which is that Reese Witherspoon movie? Three Christmas's. It's really enjoyed. What a great film. So Luke and Hannah are doing the whole, like, should we bone? Hannah's, he says, I just really want to have sex with you, Hannah. And she's like, okay, and he's like, but we shouldn't give me a week look at me I'm serious. I'm gonna figure shit out with Yelena this week. So let's just keep this bullshit going for one more week All right listen, I need another week to finalize the lyrics to my my love song to you called

coyote wearing boots coyote wearing boots. coyote! Why you wearing boots? There is no snow because it's summer in the hands. It's coyote. Paul sees him for copyright infringement. So it's bedtime now and Kyle comes home wasted, you know, as always. And he's leaning on Amanda and she's like, only gone, Kyle, look at just partnership.

I'm using you as a pillow and you're using me as like a chair, which now that I think about it is actually hugely unfair. By the way, also, did they ever eat the cake on this episode that she was making that tower of cake? Where she said he brought after the party, do you think? It's for the party. It hasn't been the party yet. I know, but did they eat it at the party?

Because there's a lot of attention on that cake. Okay, fine. I just got really bothered, I can't really. I love you. Thank you, thank you. So yeah, so meanwhile outside, the Hannah and Luke jump into the pool and Amanda and Paige are in bed and they're like,

ah, that's Hannah and Luke, should we spy on them? It's like, yeah. So they immediately go out to the balcony and like, totally spy on them. And it's basically Hannah and Luke are kissing and Paige is like, oh, my god. I don't know what spell he puts on her, but she crumbles from and I just don't get it. I just don't, oh, I just remembered he's a male model. Got it, never mind. And then the next morning, Jordan sleeping on the couch and covering his face, like he's afraid of getting

sunspots from, I don't know, regular whites. So he's like covering himself on the couch, and Joel's just walks up and looks at him really closely. And then he just walks off. She's like, was I really trying to get kinky with this guy, this like overgrown locusts on the couch. And the music stops while she's staring at him. She's like, okay, I think I'm going to go to the music. So now it's time to get ready for the party.

And Luke can have a go drive to the liquor store because that's our thing. And they talk about their relationship more, which is like an on existence. Yeah, I love these shows. It's like, let's talk about a state of our relationship since last night. Yeah. And then really such a glorious scene happens next. We see Carl sort of like doing his weird thing when he when he's like on the phone in the backyard. He does this sort of like this aimless ambling with his feet.

He's sort of like a sleepy giraffe. You know, he gets on the phone and he starts sort of like, sort of migrating around and weird circles and stuff. He's like, hey, oh, so, so, listen, Saturdays are for the Gents, but it's all for Sarah. And I was just wondering,

when you're gonna be here for a big weekend party date fun time and she's like Listen, I got a lot going on and I can't make it out and I was like yes Oh, I love that she fed him Such a bullshit line just like the most bullshitty like almost as good as I've got to do my hair Like it was so good. I've got a lot going going on that just add cliche as they come so perfect for Carl Yeah, she's got classes in the morning bra and he's like oh, I mean listen all right listen I'm gonna tell you the same thing. I told those 40 cases, right? Sold that's my ankle, but he's like yeah, I don't feel bad. Don't want to add more to your plate

That's my angle, but he's like yeah, I don't feel bad don't want to add more to your plate I'm okay, bye and clicks and so you look like probably look great. Oh, damn it. Get the one in He's like And he's like come on New York to the Hamptons. It was like a three hour drive like clearly She knew before the conversation she wasn't coming. So, unless you have a helicopter, I don't know about my weekends, really. I cut to Sarah and a helicopter being like, fuck you, I do have one. And I'm going to Montauk instead. So now Carl starts to turn. I was really excited, bro. I was really excited.

Oh, I was, I loved that happened. It made me so, so happy. And I was so excited. Oh, I love that happened. It made me so, so happy. And I was so proud of her because I had such high hopes for her after she walked out of Carl's date. And then when she seemed to then be OK with flirting with him again, I was like, no, Sarah. No. And so for her to do that was just like a great moment

for women. I just loved it. I'm going to give this show time. Yeah. So, um, Carl has been hurt by a woman, which means he's gonna go hurt another woman. That's hurting my child. Yep, Carl rolls on this show. He's like, well, it's almost pissed me off,

so I'm gonna go piss off a woman. Yeah, that's what I got to do as a man. So then upstairs, Amanda's riding some bullshit on Kyle's back, some stupid thing like it's my birthday whatever and Kyle's telling us, yeah, my heart breaks for Carl, he's had just shitty luck with every single girl he's ever tried to date. He has not had shitty luck, he has ruined every relationship, he has undermined it, he has sabotaged it. It's not shitty luck. It's like shitty participation. Okay, then God just responded. Did you hear that? Geez.

What happened? What happened? Well, some thunder outside is crazy. Wow. He's like boom. Yeah, Carl hasn't had bad luck. Carl has had shitty personality. Bad personality.

Okay. Yeah. Bad team. So then Amanda is like writing stuff on Carl's back. And uh, he's like, yo, I'm so sad. And he goes, God, I'm getting love handles. And she goes, yeah. So then, um, Danielle gets a makeup on herself that looks like poop. Yeah. So Danielle was so random. And then outside Carl is now venting his frustration at everyone.

So basically, up on the balcony, Luke and Hannah are trying to hang the letters that say send the sort of Greek letters, Esk, and they're trying to line it up. So Jordan is sitting on a chair helping them line it up and Carl walks by and he's like, Jordan dude, like fucking do something, just fucking do something, why are you lying there, why help out, there's like garbage inside, just trash, just like do something, do something Jordan.

Yeah, he's like, I am helping. It's like, oh, but I am. And I have to add this little part with Jules and Daniel, just because it's important later when I start screaming and yelling at page. Please. She's like, so what's going to go? What's going to happen with you and Jordan? And she was like, honestly, I just want to be cool.

So she's like, so you're just going to sweep it under the rug. And she's like, yeah. And she goes, because you don't want to ruin the dynamic in the house. And she's like, yeah. So jewels has already like let this go. You know, she had every right to say something to Jordan because she was trying to do it, start shit behind her back. And then she let it go and she's been cool. She didn't cry like the rest of you are asses would do.

Okay, yes, then pull a Lindsay and cry for three fucking weeks about it and make every single scene about it. Or Amanda and Kyle who scream at each other and throw pillows across the living room and then make it odd and awkward, you know, when they all go to a vineyard and eat bad cheese plates. No. Yeah, and this is even more obnoxious coming from Kyle and Amanda because back in the day, back in when it was the other cast, I think a lot of the problem that happened there and this was obviously just hearing stuff from different people back then.

But was that Steven and the twins and... Who was their other friend, like in their little gang? I guess it was actually... It was Steven and the twins and Danielle and Lindsay. They were all kind of like a group. They were all trying to conspire to get Kyle and Lindsay. No, Kyle and Amanda kicked out of the house. Yeah, we're so boring. And you know, everything was about them. All the time, there's stupid relationship. No Kyle and Amanda kicked out of the house. Yeah, we're so boring and

You know everything was about them all the time their stupid relationship. They were really boring and blah blah blah blah blah And so they've been victims of this shit before you know So at the beginning of last season when Kyle had to write wrote like a 30-page manifesto because everyone was Remember they were cropping Amanda out of photos, which I think was actually the beginning of season It happened started in season two, but i think in season three the way it opened was last season yeah right was that was that too with their they were actively like cropping a man to out of photos and then they had to make your feeling wanted and doing all this mean shit against them you know and now they turned into the police and it's bullshit you know i don't like it

yeah i really feel bad for jewels. Yeah, so then Kyle's like look at the main slide. I got it's major some kid was supposed to have it for his birthday party And I was like I'll give you more I like also you just robbed a kid of some sort I know that way you could like try to recapture the prime of your life. Yeah, seriously, that slide, if you're a child, that slide would have been amazing. Although to be fair, if a parent is getting that huge slide for their kid in the Hamptons, the kid is going to be a monster anyway, so maybe Kyle did the kid a favor.

But anyway, I also have to say, I thought thought was funny that after Carl was just like railing on Jordan like a dad Telling him to like pick up trash because that's by the way Carl's favorite thing is to like take out the trash Remember I think there was one season where it was like every episode he was not saying oh take out the trash Take out the trash everyone City men do to try and tell to try and show everybody that they're good men because that's all people want is made to be ultra smooth. So could you think you are a cast member of rock? No. So Amanda's like, cause that was a show about garbage man,

everyone, little deep cut into the Fox sitcom universe. Anyway, so Amanda is like, I did like, so after Carl's like yelling, Amanda's like, God, if one blonde chick's not here, the whole world's gotta come to an end. That's like exactly. Yeah. Um, so everybody, it's just where everybody's just getting ready or whatever. Yeah, well, Danielle FaceTime's Lindsay now.

And she's like, hi. And she's like, oh wow, the loom looks great on you. Yeah. Just had my first beheading. Yes. With Al Guapo. She's like, you'd look so much lighter. That's because you're only talking to my head then y'all it's on a train So she tells them that everybody's trying to kick out jewels and Jordan and Lindsay's like oh my god

I miss everything and then she just gives duck lips. She's like a emergency duck lips And then she just gives duck lips. She just gives like emergency duck lips. Lindsay's like my niece. She's like my nine year old niece talking on FaceTime. It's like, are you even listening to me? No, you're just making faces at yourself on the camera. You know, that's all Lindsay does. She sits there and scares herself on the camera.

That's true. Yeah, because she was fully doing duck lips. I'm like, Lindsay, you're not taking a selfie right now. You're talking to Danielle. So then everybody's getting ready and Just on the animal's go-to Goats. So then they get goats. Yeah, goats come. There's a pony. You know all the girls are like Pages face like oh my god. I love a pony. It's like a horse for less. Love it great tips Oh my god, I love a pony. It's like a horse for less. Love it. Great tip.

This count horse is Thanks to like and subscribe Get a full horse look for a fraction of the price with a pony. Thanks like and subscribe go less So um Kyle is getting his ass banged rad and then the big new shoes come in step crack Well, I like say set uh crack, but I'm a such chef that's a chef and crack and Austin come in. Yeah, they look wasted, by the way, they're haggard, they're,

they're haggard and sweaty and like wet and just rumbled. Yeah, that's like the end of a very long journey. Yeah, it's like they walked here from Charleston and them, you, they get their own theme music. It's like, it's got money. Yeah. And's like, Hey, come on. Yeah. And it's like they come in, and of course, you know, they're friends with these fucking douchebags.

And it Austin, Austin's talking like this now. Austin has been screaming for years. Yeah. Good to see you. It's like no, no, now. What happened to Austin? Go. I made an octopus.

Yeah, so Shep is like, gosh, let's say hi to Carl. Carl, where's Carl? And Austin's like, yeah, where's Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl? Carl?

Carl? And Austin's like, you look good. Yeah, why don't you got a wife here? Oh, yeah, I'm feeling those boobies. Carl, six years ago, I was in a bar in New York, and York and I'm at shop and then the boys and we hit it off to life To life to life, Lechaum So um we're life I've had there was also like there was also a lot of there's so much going on

There's a lot of like cross cutting There's a lot of footage of Carl leading the goats to it.'s like he's like we gotta leave the uh the goats put the goats in the test score put the goats in the test score yeah yeah hey little goody come over here come over here a little goody goody hey little goody and just see this goats like uh bad sorry I got a lot going on can't go into the test score sorry have fun I'm sorry I cannot hang out with you this weekend I have a couple of classes to teach in the morning. Hey, go you look great. By the way, you look great. Just in just let you know go. You look great. Hey, go put your weight on me Never taking you out again on a Wednesday

Tell me you that now. Yeah, I'm you know, I'm just like working on myself. You know, I'm just trying to keep it on a scope Yeah, but you let me on You do not want to see me activated working on myself, you know, I'm just trying to keep it on a scope. Yeah, but you let me on. You do not want to see me activated. So the jewels, jewels is trying really hard to talk to anybody, but everybody's blowing her off. So she walks up to Kyle's like, what's up Kyle? And he's like, oh, hey, and then he keeps heading and ignoring her. He does that thing where he's like, he's putting like, he's so drunk and distracted,

he's like sort of like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he just sort of like wanders away to go talk to the more famous Southern Charm people. And then like the guy in the mullet, with the tri-hard 40 year old in a mullet wig is ignoring you. This is bad. Yeah, this is bad.

So Jules, she's just, she's just, she's like, I can't find anyone and she's doing that thing where she's walking in circles in the house again. Even though everyone is like blatantly in the backyard or in their rooms, but she's like, I can't find anyone guys. Where is Detective in the porols? So, she, Paige and the girls are upstairs and they're like, oh my God, let's make a speech. Like everybody is going to go on the balcony and then we're going to make a speech, okay? Let's just make sure Jules isn't here.

So they go out on the speech or on the balcony to make this speech and port Jules. They just showed Jules watching from below. Like, yeah. And I read in a Facebook thread that Jules actually was up on the balcony, but they cut her out of the shot and made it look like she was down on the ground looking sad, but that sounds crazy to me. Yeah, because she was looking up, I

thought. And what was even worse that Paige goes, the princesses of the house are speaking, which then implies that Jules does not want to. Yeah, yeah, poor Jules. So Amanda's like, and then we're leaving, we're on my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my pouring beer or something from the balcony. We've been watching Tiger King and it was literally when they lower them meat into the Tiger cages. All the guys just run up to that beer and just stick their heads in on the... Just trying to slurp it up and growling and clang each other way. I was actually thinking of Tiger King during this part too because they just brought all those goats and animals in and I'm like, well how is this not animal abuse? They're just using these animals for their... And it's cleaning person abuse because now they're just, this is a rental, you know, people have to come clean this fucking toilet paper off the trees and stuff.

And how about all the goat shit on the tennis court? How are you? I have a bandit, I'm so bad! Okay, so then, um... Hannah's probably challenging the goats to tennis as we speak. She's like, oh, you're gonna be on the tennis court? Okay, well, guess what? I'm super competitive with Yelena and goats.

Okay, tennis, here we go, go. Roger. So Amanda's like, Hannah, she's holding you. They're talking to some random friend of theirs. And she's like, Hannah's holding you about Luke. She likes him.

Are you guys fucking 10 years old? What the hell with this show? So then Paige and Hannah are talking page polls are a side she's like come sit here We were just talking about you because like I just want you to know that you probably like Luke like it's crazy Like you don't hang out with people if you don't like them and you went out on a Sunday night Page has like all these weird judgments about what She's like let's be honest. It was 7.13 PM. I mean 7.13.

Come on. On a Sunday. On a Sunday. Okay. On the Lord's Day. She's like a judgmental day of the person, day of the week kind of a person. Oh my goodness.

So then, yeah. So Hannah's like, let's be honest. I love spending time with him. And I do have feelings for him, but can we wrap this up because there's a goat that wants to rematch on the tennis court and I gotta do that right now. Um, so then Luke comes over and he's like, what's up ladies, huh? Anybody want to go train, drill a hole in that tennis court and get some fish under it? And Hannah's like, oh Luke, I like you, but sometimes you have to let me spend time with my friends

and page is like, yeah, we need to work out a sketch all of being you because we have joint custody now. Emergency transmission just came into the water crap and feeds from old queen at the bar. Amanda, we literally just, literally, it's so funny, just as we're speaking about this. Amanda, I don't say she has corona, I can't. No, no, no, this is not a serious transmission.

This is pertained to exactly what we're talking about. Amanda posted on her IG story and then deleted. It's a photo of the women on the balcony and it's all the girls including jewels on the balcony. And it's all the girls, including jewels on the balcony. And then, Amanda goes, her caption is, looks like we didn't actually leave jewels out after all. So there. So see, I told you, listen, I always trust my Facebook feeds. Wow.

So thank you to the old queen at the bar who texted that. That was great. That was great. Well, it's like your sting ratification isn't it? It's like, well I heard it theory then. It's like, I know, I was like, I had to just happen. This is amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's the sound of the old queen of the bar news. Oh, I was like, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, is that Bethany having an orgasm? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, so then Craig is kind of I don't know flirting but he's talking to jewels probably about pillows. Yeah, and he's like Hi, and say thanks for coming He's like cool Does anyone have any Scotch tape I broke another finger holding a knife in the room before I Make pillows for a living and even on board of you

So I see like walks in the house alone and sad. I have a question about the summer house. What happens in the winter? Does it disappear? So Carl calls Sarah and there's no answer. He's like, damn it. Oh. And then she's busy, don't you get stalker? Yeah, exactly. And then a guy, one of Carl's friends, like, so Carl, who you're fucking tonight, and he's like, oh, nobody. I mean, I mean, I also want to come by. Shhh.

So then Austin. Austin. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I can't even, I don't even want to talk like Austin, because you knew what. It's not worth it. I'm doing a live offer tonight. Do you think, do you think that Austin was, and we're going to circle back to what you just said about a live opera?

Do you think Austin, do you think Austin is triggered by Kyle having a somewhat successful launch for his beverage. Unlike Trabhop. Yeah, no kidding. Austin sees someone actually doing work. It's like, whoa. That's crazy. Wasn't that hard?

He's like, how did you get your mom to do all this for you? He's like, ah. That's true. That's a very good point. So Austin's like, so Anna, so what does your necklace say? Butters, she's like, no, it's butter. That's my cat. You got 30 minutes to talk. And he's like, uh, he's not sure if it's started.

I don't think he knows how to deal with Hannah, by the way. Well, he's like saying it's butter and pages like it's her cat. And he's like, oh, what about it? And she's like, uh, you want me to talk about butters? Do you have 30 minutes for me to talk? Cause it's gonna take that long. I love my cat. And he's like, but butters is from South Park. It's like, uh, it's not plural. It goes, I know. She's like, are you flirting with me? Cause you really suck at it. Who are you? What are you doing right now? You're wasting my time. Do you know how alarming it is with a goat going on? Right?

It's so alarming to be hit on by Fasi Bear, you know? And he's like, and he goes, what the hell did you say to me? I'm like, excuse me, sir. And she goes, are you flirting with me? He goes, maybe I need a New York girl, huh? Oh, maybe you need a muscle. Yeah, keep whatever strain you're carrying where you're from. And aren't you dating Madison? By the way. Yeah, what whatever strain you're carrying where you're from and aren't you dating Madison?

Yeah, yeah, what about that? And so Hannah's like, I don't think you could handle a New York girl. And finally, thankfully Luke comes into Cockblock. Of course Austin has to end no chance next to Luke. Luke is pretty much just the biggest like he could just Cockblock anyone on Bravo and just succeed. Yeah, and Anna does my oh god, please say that Hannah did not hook up with Austin. Please. Please.

I think that Austin was on her podcast. Oh, he's got such wet, gross thin lips that never stop moving. Please. Yeah. So it looks like Bay the Way. Hi, look at my brain. It was a rat tail.

No, it's a horse tail. And I'm way hotter than this weird guy who's not moving. So there's that. You want my attention? Because I'm like, am I'm way hotter than this weird guy who's mouth won't stop moving. So there's that You want my attention Because like am I allowed to be out with a guy or you just gonna cock block me He's like listen, I'm just a nice midwestern male model hockey coach makes jewelry I'm just trying to live my life and figure things out. Hey, guess what now it's a now it's a giraffe tail. Yeah, look, it's longer now.

And maybe just like look, Luke is really good because he's made everyone think he's just a nice midwestern guy, but in reality, he knows exactly what he's doing. Isn't that what being a nice midwestern guy while he's getting laid? I was like, isn't that what being a nice midwestern guy is? Is knowing exactly that you're going to use that term to have sex with women. Yeah. Well, people are saying to you, like, what's the difference? Why is everybody always all over Kyle when Luke is doing the same thing? And I don't think that Luke's doing the

same thing at all. He's being honest and upfront about it and dating multiple people at a time. Like, how is that different from what everybody does? Everybody does better. He's also so much better at the flirting, right? Like, Carl's is so canned. You feel like he pulls out the same lines because he does. We see it season after season.

Like when he says, by the way, you look great tonight, just saying. By the way, like he pulls out the same lines season after season and just can't and grows. Whereas Luke is a really good flirt. Like, you know, Hannibal says something and he responds exactly to that in a very flirty sexy way. So...

He's also, he is very smart though because he answers everything in a dad joke and then you're like, oh my god, he could have my babies. Yeah. Also, Luke's a mental model could have my babies. Yeah. Also looks at my model. So it works. Yeah. So then Chef and Danielle are drinking from a bong, which is just so them. Yeah.

And he's like, oh, I feel really good about what we just accomplished, Gars. And Jules, like, where is everyone? And she's still walking around, not able to find anyone, which is fantastic. Yeah, not able to find anyone. Which is... That's fine, yeah, it's just bad detector. She's just like, you know, Inspector Kloss, so I can't remember his name.

Ployso Kloss, Kloss. Inspector Klussel? The point is this, she's a terrible detective. So then outside Kyle has to go to the bathroom and Amanda being the great girlfriend that she is, rather than let him walk 25 feet to the bathroom, she gives him a solo cup and shoves it up into his toga and is like, Pian the cup Kyle, Pian the cup Kyle,

he's like, my dick's not in! Pian the cup Kyle! These are the people you're sad about not being friends with. Kind of like, no, I said Amanda in page of the ones that I want. I'm sorry, I meant page in Hannah are the ones that I want to be friends with. No, no, I was talking to Jules. Oh, Jules, okay. I can't.

These are the people you're worried about being friends with. I'm sorry. So Jules. Yeah, Jules goes up to Carl's, they say, hey Carl, I just don't know what's going on I feel a bit weird and he rolls his eyes like what? What's weird? Yeah, he goes what what do you have classes to teach in the morning? He's aw if I could be transparent which is really hard because I've all this hair But people are talking about you because it's not good. Okay, Jordan and you are literally torpedoing this entire fucking summer It's ridiculous. What what are you talking about you because it's not good. Okay, Jordan and you are literally torpedoing

this entire fucking summer. It's ridiculous. What? What are you talking about? That's just crazy. How did they torpedo the entire summer? How many dinners have they ruined at what of the Southampton social?

That's you and Lindsay. How many roommates have they tried to beat up Kyle? And how many like Coke Rages have they gone into where they're just yelling at screaming at women? Really? So Jules is like, but I apologize. Like what's happening? And he goes, oh, what's happening here?

It is. I don't want you with the house anymore. Doug, Doug, Doug, period, Doug, Doug. He's like, I don't want Jordan here. I don't want you here. I don't want Jordan here. Lots of it. And then Jordan like appears out of nowhere. He goes, what's happening? I was just in the middle of about about

Giving anal to Connie, Selica and things we didn't hot and heavy and then I hear my name. What's happening? It's like you don't want me in the house. He's like no, I know not the one of you out Jules is like guys, she's like no Jules like are you? Joaking right now are you Joaking right now Carl What the fuck Carl and Carl comes over and like of course hugs Carl Carl's like come on bro Come on, let me let me let me just support you over here in a hug, bro. And Carl's like, get the fuck out.

Dooses. I'm gonna give some dooses fingers. Like Carl, you're like the person in this house who's never been able to afford one fucking night here. Okay, you hangar on piece of crap. Don't need my little jewels. Yeah, and you're gonna go and just be so mean to this girl who's new and is just trying

to create relationships and you're just gonna be so rude and blame. To tell her that she's ruining the entire summer, it is so obnoxious. And it's also like a little scare, like when you have like this big tall guy and she's this little like a younger like that younger but like she's like a physically smaller woman. That also is a dynamic that can be very very uncomfortable and like problematic and it's just like what the fuck is wrong with you sir sorry didn't get laid by Sarah the girl that you asked out while you were dating someone else but no it's jewels to repeat a week the summer with her drama I think these are a bunch of people who

who weren't popular like in high school like Carl was probably not that popular in high school and now he's like getting his chance to be like a mean papy to kids yeah well don't forget he was in Fiji at Syracuse which was a big bottom tier fraternity. I mean you were even looked down down on by Tassane back so. Yeah when people started rating the stores the only thing left on the shelves was Fiji. Mm hmm. And that brings us to the end of summer high season. That was fun times. So you guys, please come join us later this evening for Real Housewives of New York live streaming.

Again, that's 730 Eastern for the IG Live pre-show and then at 8 o'clock, we are moving on over to our Crappens on Demand Streaming Extravagons, patreon.com slash watchworkwrapins. We're going to watchworkwrapins.com. There for crap ends we're gonna watch for crap ends.com There's also information if you want more on our Instagram Instagram.com slash watch for crap ends all that good stuff thanks so much for listening and Well, and by the way if you missed a live stream, we will have it up on the podcast feed, too So don't worry about that also anyway

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