Watch What Crappens - SummerHouse: Kyle Be Damned; Plus, RHOBH On Trial — Live from Phoenix

Episode Date: April 7, 2019

Our recap of the latest "Summer House" episode is finally here! Will Jordan stop putting his foot in his mouth? Will Amanda and Kyle break up? Will Carl 3.0 finally graduate from the pantry? But before we answer those questions, we do a deep dive on the greatest mystery on Bravo: WHO LEAKED TO RADAR ONLINE? It's the trial of the century, and Judge Dorinda Medley is holding court! You'll never guess who's showing up to testify... 00:00:00 - RHOBH on trial 00:36:20 - Summer House recap See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap-ins would like to think it's premium sponsors! Just sayin saying okay?

Kristi Wauherty-Dawherty! Jamie, she has no last name-y! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney! Aaron McNickolas, she don't miss no trickle-ists! Megan the Slayer Taylor, in a homer with Jeffrey Boomer! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow we go high-low. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird Ain't no thing like Allison King hot dang. It's Jessica dang. Sarah Greenwood she only uses her power for good

Hannah God, I love that banana anderson of a negila Weber Lisa Wallent Now that's what I call wallentainment the Bay Area Betches Betches and our super premium Patreon subscribers. Give them hell, Miss Noel. Lulu Simon. Sue. Sue Studio. How they grant? The grant master. Let's get Racy with Miss Stacey.

Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Incredible edible Matthew sisters. And... Mina Kuchikuchi. Watch what crap bins. Watch what crap bins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap bins. I'm not gonna miss that one I'm not gonna miss that one I'm not gonna miss that one I'm not gonna miss that one

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I'm not gonna miss that one I'm not like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, I'm just like this, Yeah, um, we're very excited. We actually have a screen so we're gonna try let's see if this works Welcome the AV club. No, I know Let's see can we get our logo up there? Let's see if it's gonna happen or not this very exciting This is premium content right now. I think it's gonna work What's going on guys Thank you for having us here. I'm from El Paso, Texas, and I used to come to Scottsdale every year with my parents. So every time I'm here, I'm terrified of my mother. Like it just starts setting in, you know?

Like I can't believe I came here so fat again. Every summer is the kid. I'd be like next time I'm coming back here. In-Resort! No, never happened. Every summer is the kid. I'd be like next time I'm coming back here. THEN RESORTS! No, never happened. You guys, we got the logo up on the screen. That is the most exciting thing that's happened this week. Oh my god.

I totally didn't hear anything you just said. Rodney comes out. Do you guys have very dry skin here? Oh. Didn't happen to die. It's all right. It's because I said dry skin. This is the first time I've ever been here

where it's not hot as hell. I'm not even sweating. This is all gone oil. You're seeing clistening on my face. It's amazing. Okay, so you guys have a lot of hot people here and we just found out that we're here during pride. What are Phoenix Gays like? What are Phoenix Gays like? Gays? So exciting. Are we working? It was on and then it went on.

It seems like it's going to come on. There it is. It'll just be like an ongoing thing. I just can't slam the table. I have the remote controls. I'm just fucking with Ben this time. I know. You know that this is like my personality type.

Like I'm sorry. There's a live podcast, but I have to focus on the computer. And I do nothing except pretend to control things. I'm like it's all under my control. Oh my goodness. So what a day. Wow. We flew here.

It was really fun. Got a fat chain by the bitch next to me. Let me tell you something. This is true. I farted on her so bad too. Good for you. Good for you. And I even hate the word fart.

I can't believe I say it. I use the Arabic word Fuss. Because't believe I say it. Yeah. I use the Lebanese word or the Arabic word, Fus. Because that's a nice word. Farts discussing. I hate that. He says I hate when people say it, but that bitch deserved it. How did it?

I love when a fart is used for good. Yeah. It's so important to do that. It was just as fart. Yeah. So I got on there in a Southwest, which I love Southwest. I don't care what you guys say, okay, just pay your extra $20.

You don't have to remember the call or whatever, the early bird's special, and I'm old now, so I'm like, early bird. So I get on there and there's a middle seat, you know, that's empty, and Ben loves to sit in the fire exit. Which, who does that, okay? It's not like a tenement building. I know, but they give you a speech.

I've never sat in the fire exit until I met Ben. And they give you this speech in the beginning and they're like, you guys, if something happens with the plane, you're gonna save the people. So, is every, I need verbal confirmation from everybody here that you are willing and able? Nobody in that row was willing or able. I'm telling you that right now. We were fat, old, exhausted. Nobody's like, You're all gonna die at this Southwest play. Yeah, but we made it here and we're so glad. So

You guys Welcome to watch our crap ends a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. Hello, ladies. You guys get crazy in these shows, which we do too. These are both podcasts, so let's not, let's not, let's not, let's not. It's actually true. But be quiet around each other.

And if your neighbor is talking too loudly, manipulate someone and telling them to shut up or just say goodbye So we were here to recap summer house today, but Guys this real housewives of Beverly Hills stuff is Beverly Hills and needs to be discussed. It needs to be talked about. This is a scandal. Really bad things are happening. Yeah.

This is- We need to address this situation. There is a big mystery happening on Bravo. It's a mystery. And there is no justice because these people all screw each other over and then the producers screw them over. And then I'm left here defending my poor innocent Little broken birdly Savannah, yeah, who would never do anything to

And you know the big question is who leaked the story to radar online You guys you guys We're not we're not gonna be able to settle it here in this room. We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna have to go someplace else. We're gonna have to go to the people's courts, which would be really funny if the music played right then. Yeah, it's plugged in. No, it's not gonna... Oh, there it goes! Coming into the courtroom now. Is the honorable gorgeous and always correct in justice.

Mr. Intermedley. Welcome the honorable Justin Intermedley. I can't stop the music. We'll just let the music fit on them. Thank you. Alright, so welcoming to the... Well, please welcome to the People's Core, our Honorable Judge. They heard it. It's not like we get to cut it.

Well, I... What cut? Start again! Alright, we're gonna start again. Judge, you're in the medley! Just you're in the medley. Hey everybody, thank you so much for coming. Hey, it's a court. It's a good place it's a good place, you know, justice, four bedrooms.

If somebody says something wrong, I'm going to hit the gravel and play with you. Listen, if you're guilty, I'm going to send you to the Moroccan room. If you're really guilty, I'm sending you to the fish room, okay? Okay. Whoever's in the sink, you to steal, Hanley's room. It's the best room. Yeah, well, I think no one's guilty here. I think that we're just all trying to be good people.

I was a new turnover, newbie. And you better back it up, you better back it up off the bench. All right, we got a lawyer here. Manning, manning, manning. Which one is who? Who's the thin one? Name. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I think it's time to call up our first witness. Are we ready for our first witness? I want to call up my first witness. I'm in a Wilson bitch in the game. Okay. First witness. Who should we call call to the stand? I think we need to call the very seedling of this ugly, ugly tree.

The beautiful seedling of this ugly tree, Miss Lisa Vanderpum. Please take the stand. Oh. Oh. Oh. Sorry. I'm sorry. I manipulated you all here into this courtroom.

Oh. Not to affect the outcome of this case, but Chef Joe has made a special for all of you. I manipulated you all here into the courtroom. Not to affect the outcome of this case, but Chef Joe has made a special for all of you. It's something we do in the score house that's never heard of in America every night. We have a new type of dish we call it a special. Tonight it is not guilty ta--ta, can't it? Okay, Lisa. First of all, your decalatage in court is insane. Who wears a ball down the court? This is the people's court. Okay, the bail-up doesn't have any deed.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm redecorating flowers. Business, business, business. He's a really serious, seriously. Make sure you're not guilty. All right, so here's the case against, Elisa. Basically, you've manipulated somebody. Okay, your friend had a dog, she didn't like it, so you gave her another dog,

and then the dog bit off her husband's face. Oh, man. Let's not talk about the dog. That's what you're here to talk about. Talk about the dog. Let's not talk about the dog. I'm a monkeesman,'m a not being manipulated man or pump. Okay, so you've been accused of then taking that second dog

and giving it to a random lady. Now, before we even go on, who is this woman? No one has ever seen this woman. I think you're... I didn't give the dog to any random person. Oh, you gave it to my friend Jare it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew.

I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew.

I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew.

I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I gave it to Drew. I didn't want to talk about Pandora on. Jaxi Waxi! And schnokums and pukums and giggums. My new hamsters. OK, so then the dog goes to the shelter. These gays find it. Your pay for gays. Oh, I don't even know what the gay person is.

So then you manipulate the pay for gays telling okay, I have 5000 people working at Vanderbombs talk, I don't even know whose gay there. Lisa, I know that's a lie, I've been to your restaurants, ain't nobody working, okay. Last time I checked I walked in there with a mini-le envelope. Okay, so then... I'm getting so lost in this case. It's so trusty internally, sir. Okay, so then you manipulate the pay for gays into telling John Mellon camps off-spring.

Oh! Teddy bear! my heart. Meg Ryan's the thorn in Meg Ryan's side, as we call her. Meg Ryan's case for divorce, as we call her in my home. Teddy Melloncare and you manipulated the pay for gaze into telling Teddy to bring the dog out on camera and ruin her life. Is this correct? How could I even manipulate them? I don't even know how to use a phone. What is a phone? What is this? Lisa, you know how to use a phone?

Lisa, you know how to use a phone. No, I send dogs. I send dogs. I send dogs. I send dogs. You know, I actually believed you until today. Today, today, I'm getting fucked over with my belief system. All right, do you have any final words for yourself? Because we're going to start calling up some witnesses here pretty quick. Do not talk.

OK, thank you. Let's ring on to our next witness please. All right, next witness, next witness. All right, I would like to call to the stand my witness, my primary witness, Ms. Calvertjerts. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Come into the court, please. Wow. Wow. Hey, I'm ordering the cart. I'm ordering the cart. Hey, hey.

Oh! I'm ordering the cart. Eh, eh, eh. I'm ordering the cart. I really want to make it a little. Yeah, yeah. I'd like some general shows and some sesame chicken, please, thank you. All right. Files mittens. Thank you so much for coming.

Benny, what do you request into the guy? Kyle Richards. I have a question. What? When you read the article and read our online, did you or did you not say that Lisa Vanderpump once told you That you always have to think about who the article benefits Well, that's true. It's called motive Ben

I've never that my motive is to love Lisa Vanderpump. I've never done anything anything, but so pure love for her You know, I love people my sister had a house. She didn't know what to do with it, she never even mowed the lawn, so I did what you do, someone can't carry something, I helped her carry it. Then I put it in my trunk and I drove away. And how long have you, Kyle Richards, been friends with Lisa Vanderpomp? 19 years. Which might be a lie. I don't really know the answer to that one. It's been a long time.

And you shouldn't have to steal a car style, a hairstyle, new teeth, and a swing. And she was your best friend, right? Well, you know, I mean, she didn't design my house for anything like Faye or teach my daughters how to make it in the internet like Chris or you get the idea, but she's pretty special to me.

I love her very much. Wow, it almost sounds like you cozyed up to her almost out of convenience, almost like you cozyed up to her, almost out of convenience, almost like you cozyed up to her when you realized she was the most popular one on the cast, right? Well, I think that that's up to, uh, debate, then. Um, pretty much. I'm a TV producer, I have a star!

So, isn't it possible that you would benefit? I'm taking down Lisa Vanderbump. Is that what you could be the most popular one on the show? Yep. Isn't this kind of what you tried to do already two times over the past 10 years on the show and failed both times and came crawling back to Lisa Vanderbump both times? Oh my God! Look what I just found in your pocket. times and getting crawling back to these of Annerbump both times. Oh my God. Look

when I just found in your pocket. Your house. You're welcome. I'm leaving. I'm not taking this crap. Good bye, Kyle. You know what? I can't believe you just don't but have a cool. That's crazy. That's crazy. It's almost like someone didn't get the massage on time. Mimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimim My home. The state would like to call up Miss Derekemslay.

PIKI! George Durenda, what an honor. I haven't been this woman since, but George sang it me, Wadden. He knows Madonna, you know. Doree, what exactly happened with Lucy, Lucy, Apple, Juice? And why did you not rhyme, juicy with Lucy? I believe Mr. Boone that you should let children make their own decisions and that and when my son, Bag of Ants, came to me, told me he wanted to name his dog. Wonderful and I said no. So we settled on Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. It doesn't always after I'm.

Otherwise it would be named Boy Bould and hooded by an album from a monster like that. Boy Bould. So you got Lucy Lucy Apple juice and what happened? Have you ever seen the movie KIDJA? A little dog gets inside a belly and she's going with fever, runs around the ship and tries to save people. And before you know it, a little puppy. Burst. Burst is head.

And eats off a chunky pissed amounts face. It was basically the same thing, Ben. So you had to give Lucy Lucy away. The abusive, goosey-goosey. Traitor, traitor, Lucy Gator. That's what we call an abin. And here to protect me, share green. Bagga, Fannini.

The way you do. Melissa, all of them. And who did you give Lucy to? A wonderful woman. What a kind hearted woman. She had the face of snow, wind, and she had the heart of sleeping goodie. And the name of Shelley, Shelley-Tah!

She was a business associate of Piquiz. Once she had scientists from the Learning Annex Museum of Scientology in Life, Fixed a Space! She said she just wanted this dog to keep a warm at night, wrap the dog around with her love. So I said, Jacob, and would we be able to summon Miss Shelley Church the poor? She's extremely busy, boom. Boom, she's got a job alive, she's a career. Does she even exist? Of course she exists!

I've got a picture of a right ear boon. Oh. What a lovely woman. Not the best driver in the world. I think that's Cruella Deville, actually. Listen, as my new son, you can name or whatever you'd like. That's the rule in my house. Listen as my new son you can name or whatever you'd like. It's a rule in my house. Listen, I think that you're not the only one involved in this. I would like to call upon

your husband, P.K. Hi babe. Hi babe. P.K. Welcome to the stand. Hi babe. Just had to come around just I was just walking around looking up some women skirts A lot of women don't wear underwear Put that in the record keep that on the record. Hey, girl. You say P.K. Love you shoes. Are there some ears on your shoes? I didn't do it. Was that the question? Tell me about your face. Was there a less handsome face I'm yet before? Did the dog rip off the less handsome face and make you the gorgeous specimen you

are now? Are you single? I'm not single right now. Although I have filed that way for my taxes, yes. He came wet file signal on his back. I know. Idiot. Babe, babe, I think I've got to get you out of here because it's looking bad for us. I mean, all I am is just a humble man whose only job is to read contracts very carefully and find out what the rules are for certain things like returning dogs. Well, here we go to file our taxes and listen to lovely adult contemporary music, talk through our friends, celebrities, possibly jailer. Who's home with bot, with our own money,

and completely own and don't just rent from an investment corporation? It's time for a new witness. Let's have a new witness up here to get the bottom of it. I know, well, I'm getting carried away time for my nap. Before I do think like I I've got to say this a little bit. Dad, wait.

You got energy for the nap? Time, I like. The court would like to call up Teddy Malon camp. Mm. Hi, I'm Teddy. Coming up to the stage is apparently some sort of a merry in it. I don't know who's pulling the strings, but someone is because her hands don't stop doing this. All right, welcome to the stand, miss. I'll make this quick.

All that happened was that I just walked to that fair pump dogs. I was gonna go do a ride and that's it. I have one thing to say for myself. I was gonna go do a ride and that's it. I have one thing to say for myself. I'm kidding. I am kidding. Okay. Okay. So actually, there's a little bit more to the story.

I was talking on the phone, I left phone. They check on the phone all the time. With John Blizzard, and we weren't talking shit, I just was having a phone call with him, Hi, I'm Teddy. My father used to work with the phone company. I go around with him every day. One time I saw this, I think they're daily,

I want to grow up, and I want to live in his house with a fat guy who understands dry cleaning. He'll be laughing. It'll happen. Teddy, you said you were only speaking just professionally with John Blizzard. Is that really true? If template's a really a name.

It's a silly name. I was speaking with John Blizzard, but only because I was manipulated into speaking with Tom Blizzard. Yeah. I really was just trying to call Columbia House Records and get my membership canceled. Every time I called out, it was this guy, John Blizzard, so. Manipulated. Hi, I'm Terry.

Alright, let's bring up a new witness. This is the longest people's story ever. I don't get a fuck! Oh my god, I love you! I don't get a fuck if you love me. Ah! Justara, can you squeeze? I don't get a fuck.

I don't get a fuck. She looks like she's in car.. Don't get the fuck. Don't get the fuck. Don't get the fuck. She looks like she's in car. Don't get the fuck. Justice system, don't get the fuck. You have an extremely loud homosexual.

What do I get when like that? I'm so quiet and polite. Erica, what do you have to say for yourself? Anything? I don't like those fuck. All right, all right. All right, next, next witness, get on up here. The biggest witness.

Oh! Oh! Hi! Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me right now? Oh my God.

Oh my God. Don't you just love the American justices? Justices blind, but it can hustle baby. It can hustle. So Lisa Rina. How are you? How are you? Now Lisa Rina, you have perfected your Lisa Vanderpump impersonation. That's because I'm British. I'm so British.

You've also claimed that Lisa Vanderpump taught you exactly how she leaked stories, which kind of gives you the opportunity to know how to do it and look just like Lisa Vanderpump. What say you? Listen, baby. I'll never cop to anything. Not as long as my dusters are unsailed. At 3499. I'm UVC.

Go right now. If I'm guilty of anything, it's have a good deal. 34, 99. Ha, ha, ha. How'd you be seen? Go right now. If I'm guilty of anything, it's have a good deal. Ha. You know what, I don't blame you, Lisa Meena. When I was a little girl, my dad drove a ranch selling dustes. And they said I wouldn't live in that duster, and now I do. Judge Medley, where people doing coke at your house?

Yeah, he's got the coke room, it's if people do it. I thought so. These shocks on the wall, people just chaffin' up and doin' right off the shocks in. And now our star witness, our final witness. Our star witness. final witness our star witness miss John Blizzard John event coordinator at Vanderpump dog spepper down University one mile away This is so shady This is Tinder picture for the real listening. Actually, we do have another witness.

Someone you might not expect. Okay, John Pleas, what do you have to say for yourself? I laughed, Teddy. Teddy was so nice. And she was texting me and I'm like, she sent me eggplant, eggplant, and I sent her snowman snowman eggplant, and then she sent me eggplant snowman eggplant.

And I had never seen that combo before. So I was like, what the fuck, Teddy? I was like, it might have been texting Rex, I don't do anything right at work. Ask everybody. Uh-oh, some of us coming to the courtroom doors. Whoa. Oh, gee.

Whoa, what are you doing here, Ramona? That's crazy. I can't believe someone sold a radar. That's crazy. You know who sells toys, radar? Zonya, that's who everybody knows that, right? Yeah, he's really still mad at that, too. Look what he's doing.

Whoa, reminds me of this one time, I was a little girl. I was watching a mash, and I was like, I love radar. Gerald did part Smith was like, no, he's mine. And to this day, I've never been able to date radar. Okay.

Listen to what love dogs, yes. Have I seen a dog? Yes. Have I sheltered a dog? Yes. Am I single? Yes. Have I seen a dog? Yes. Have I sheltered a dog? Yes. Am I single? Yes. Am I ready to mingle? Also? Yes. Hey. Am I anxious? Yes. I'm anxious. Guilty. Guilty of being anxious in the first grade.

Hey. There. Set it. I object. To this room, I can't believe you put me in the fish room. Oh, how rude, how rude. Here I am trying to be a star witness. I mean, I don't have to be a star witness. I already am one. I can't be a star witness.

I have a race star witness. Hit it, boys. Judge, judge, judge, judge, and a jury. Legal system in the court. Bap, bap. Hit it boys, judge, judge, judge, and a jury. Legal system in the courts. Bap, bap, tchik chikah. Bap, bap, bap. Tchik chik, it's your theme song, door.

I have Jack. I mean, would you believe it girls? She put me in a room with a shark. With a shark. It's eating me. It's eating me up. I can't believe it. Hi, geez, Lewin Kielady, no one needs you.

And who's that crazy lady coming in now? Who's that? Who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who's that, who What? What's going on here? What am I being a cheesel? Shannon, did you do this to the fucking dog you do live in Orange County where that dog ended up? What? Dog?

The only dog I know of is Archie. What a hilarious accusation. Now that's not to say that I'm a stranger to giving shots to a dog because that's the only person I could do shots with after David Lockman. What? What? Archie would hug me at night and both mean drunk and sing to each other.

Did I sell a story? No. Do I have stories to tell? Yes. About David. Yes. Did a random blonde slut walk past my husband on a beach and steal him? You?

Nope. Let me take us something here, judge, metley. I start scandals. And if Mr. in the world wants to keep accusing me of leaking things that are right around the line, I can't even believe things that are damn it anymore. Don't eat them or they can't even leak the radar. I'll tell you who's guilty. Exercise bikes.

I can't do those things. If I have to get on that exercise bike, one more time, one more time, your life's shadowed me door. Killed my exercise bike, I did it! I called Peter at life, it was me! Darling, you couldn't possibly have done it, I don't even know you. I just wanted to be loud.

That's all. I just wanted to have the embrace of a man. You know if it's just a matter of her from right around mine. Just to touch me and say, I'm a very busy woman. Do you need me to prove it? I do have specials to create for my 19 million restaurants of You just manipulated the rind of the jives. Ritz and Mischtryer, I don't know. You know what?

You know what? You know what? I listened to the complaints. I spoke to lawyers. I made it nice. This what I say. People live people. So I should be.

If you want to have a sandwich, you have to have sandwich, make a sandwich. That's what I like to do. You know, hamstand with me, hamstand with me, hamstand with me. Hamstand with you, hamstand with me. You know, we are the world. We are the people. We are the ones who make a brighter day just by hanging out with John or something. All right, well, Tarendra was useless. So we're going to leave this up to the people.

Ah, yes. All right. With your applause, vote who leaked this story? To the French magazine, was it Lisa Vanderpum? That's why we made you sit in the back. Was it Kyle Richards? Kyle Richards? Was it Kyle Richards? Was it Dorita's self?

Was it Was it Titi? Hi, I'm Teddy. No one no one. God no one even votes for me when it comes to bad things. Hi, I'm Teddy. This is what happens when you grow up riding horses every weekend. Hi, I'm Teddy. Was it Erica Jane? Yeah, Erica Jane too lazy. I know.

Fucked like hell, alright. Here's my link to Raydar on mine. Fucking amazing. Fuck you. My album's a no. What the fuck do I care? I'm rich without you. Bitch. Was it Lisa Rina? You're correct. I don't think you're going to win, but I think you're correct.

And finally, was it John Blizzard? So who won? I think it was Doree. Doret was the honest. Doret. Doret in a special twist of fate. All right, so Doret. Doret is leaving the courtroom. All right. Doret is leaving the courtroom. No, Doret. Doret.

Doret, thank you so much for coming to court. What have you to say for yourself? You're guilty. Well, here's what I've got to say now, tech. Lucy, Lucy is now in the finest room she could ever be in. Heaven, with God in Jesus and baby angels carrying her around. No one did anything more for that dog than me. When I gave her to Cylinder, an I told her don't ever bring this fucking dog back.

I thought I'd don get a thing! And there you have it, Doree Kimesley, the guilty party, I'm great, I'm so glad we figured that out. If we could just solve everything like this, you know, no, I'm not mad anymore, Doree's guilty, she confessed. Wow, we really got the honor, thank you, wow, that was a great session with People's Core, wow. Now we can recast real housewives of Beverly Hills and start all over again. Wow.

Jets, this is called 3.0. I haven't met my quota, but guess what? I have got more life. Here's an ad. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasai. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions.

What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums.

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Out. So now for summer house! Summer! So we did that A because we really wanted to talk about it, but all summer house, also because summer house today, it's half the episode is this. Klayo! Amanda! Klayo! Amanda! Klayo!

Amanda! Are you talking to me like, Amanda? Klayo! This is a very kyle-centric episode. Kyle, Amanda. Are you talking to me like, man? Amanda, let's Kyle. This is a very Kyle-centric episode of Watch Our Crafts. I know. Kyle's our gorgeous little waiter. Let me have a waiter, Kyle. Let me have a waiter, Kyle.

Goodbye, Kyle. I'm doing it wrong, Amanda. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before we get into summer house, I just have to say, Why are talking to me like I am not on board with Kyle Richards co-opting goodbye Kyle. I am not down with that It's about her We're the co-opters, all right. We sold T-shirts with that shit on it, okay? If anyone stole that shit, it was us. Yeah, and I don't beat anything So summer house so If anyone stole that shit, it was us. Yeah. And I don't beat anything. So somewhere else, so the episode starts.

Every episode is like exact where the last one left off. So now we're in a vineyard in the Hamptons, and everyone's drinking. And we have this new guy, Jordan, by the way. This guy. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. I feel like everyone's, I feel like we're in big business. It's like Jupiter Hava. So where we last left it, Jordan had just told a bunch of people like, yeah, I made out with Danielle last night. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! It wasn't nearly as good as that time I lost my virginity, and then I kicked a girl in the face,

and she fell out of a moving train and turned into a superhero. Who's nothing compared to that time? I was dating this girl and she went into a store and tried to buy things. Who's nothing compared to that time? I was dating this girl and she went into a store and tried to buy things. And the snotty clerk wouldn't sell or anything. All areas. Yeah, like this time I walked into like Walgreens.

They were like, you should be a model. And guess what? I'm going to sign you right now. I know I'm like the number one guy on Hinge. Just like, like, what the fuck? What the fuck? By the way, Hinge, like Hannah, Paige, and Jordan all work for Betches.com, and Hinge is a sponsor of Betches, so you put that together.

I have been named the hottest man. The most... The most... The most... The most inconsequential conspiracy of all time. I'm so sorry, but fuck to read, because I've been all day. I've been like, hey, lady at the hotel. What's the reason?

What's the reason? He was doing it on the airplane. I was like sitting there on the airplane, like doing something. And I was like, hey, I was like, Ronnie, I was like, what are you doing? I cannot stop. And it's like the worst of a hallucination ever, but I can't help it.

I've been doing it all day. You literally do get on the airplane. Yes, I will help me, but if the plane crashes, boy, for me! Okay, so we start back at the vineyard. Jordan's being adoished, and the guys were like, dude, why would you only go to first base with that girl?

Yeah. Who goes to just first base? That's crazy, that's not even a sport. And then... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And Carl's like, yeah, like, if you make out with her, you got a finger banger, okay? That's like the rule.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the rule. Satterage for the finger bang end. Yeah. Carl 3.0 is like, each 0.0 is for each finger, okay? So, Lindsay thinks that she's being so clever. She's like, um

Because they have now all the girls are gossiping about it because you know like the new girls who I love page in Hannah They come back. Yeah either they're hilarious They of course tell all the other girls what Jordan said and Lindsay is like um Now I'm at like a three strikes your out phase Like it's not like any phase. Are you always at a three strike like? I just like the Thomas thinks I like ever like to is that like any face? How long have you always had a three-strike? Like, I just like the dumbest things I've ever like declared. Like, you know what?

Three strikes are out. Like, wow, you really like, tore open the book on that one. Whatever that means. Just how Danielle takes the news. Paige is like, I heard that, I heard Jordan say, oh, I made that with Danielle last night.

And Danielle goes, in the bad way! No. She goes, yeah, that's why I added the hug at the beginning, like, then my cat. And then then she goes, um, what? The, the, the, what? Jordan talks shit about me to bump her and I gave him a second chance and let's do a while later he's talking about me again like who does that? On Danielle.

Danielle's gonna... That's it. Nothing to add to that. I do PowerPoint and I'm after the D. As in command, I just duplicate an image on my PowerPoint. Here's the zombie agenda today. D. Keynote. D. Keynote.

Keynote, D, D, D, D, D, D. Keynote, D. Float chart. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- I have to read you in my photo application with the cell phone, which I have no idea how to use. Okay, so someone posted this on our Facebook group, so thank you, whoever posted this, because of course I cut off their name, I'm a really ungrateful bitch, okay. So it's Ervert, Everett, Ervert.

Ervert, Ervert. And he is on a train to Newark Airport. Let's remind me about that if I forget what I'm talking about. And it says standing room only at New J Transit, Sweat Michael Hostage. It's kind of terrible. Sweat Michael Hostage in this sea of betas, on route to Newark.

He's one of those. Yeah, you know what? Yeah, that is disgusting. I like you, Everett. No, because you know what betas means. That's like a dog whistle for terrible people who burn down schools. You know what, don't talk about people being betas

when you're going to the most beta airport in the New York area, okay? Newark you're dating Lindsay. There's nothing more beta than that, okay? Girl you might as well get your own little fish bowl that no other fish can go and just stand there with big floppy sheet things You're such a beta beta fish I'll tell you let's beta Beta is getting on a subway car when you're all alone. Walking through the heat of Manhattan. We're trying to get our strings to play.

You're watching. It's space, honestly. Yes. Never mind. Music wasn't playing. Yeah, but people in the comments like, oh my god, who comes to Newark? Gross! That's what everybody's mad about.

Okay, so... I didn't even realize that. That's so funny that I had that rant that I was just totally in line with the people in the comments. So Lindsay's, so now they're like walking around the vineyard and Lindsay goes up to a guy who works there and she's like, oh, she's like, I want to ride the tractor. What do you actually do with them? He's like... You want to write the tractor. What do you actually do with them? He's like, you do with the tractor. He's like, you know the grass.

Oh. Just come, you know, if you need a glass, I can do. Like once he can't even score with the port guard. I know. He's like, what is that weed whacker for? Single weed whacker. So then Kyle's like, so Kyle and Amanda are still doing that thing

where they're like we're totally in love and everything's great and we're not fighting at all ever. So they're like, Kyle's like babe, do something sexy, wanna take my picture? Hey babe, do some cartwheel, she's like, Kyle, I'll call you. Kyle babe do some cartwheel. She's like, Coyle. Coyle. Coyle. No. Coyle.

Coyle. The whineiest cartwheels I've ever seen in my life. Ha ha ha. It's like watching a tissue tumble over. So then speaking of physical feats, Carl picks up Paige and like, carries her to the shady. I was like, wow wow you're actually not as heavy as I thought. I have to say I'm a little disappointed because I really wanted to have you put your weight on me. Put your weight on me. Yeah.

You know like I'm not really good with mouth. They're like wait or pounds or anything but I'd call you about a quarter of a workers. Carl? Sorry but that guy's a pick. Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,? What'd you say about me, Carl? Carl, I'm gonna be care about you. Like, I literally don't care. Fuck whoever you touch the girl. I'm gonna fucking kill you, Carl. So, Jordan is now talking to, he's trying to flirt with Danielle

because poor Jordan is trying to pretend like he's this big stud and stuff, but he's just lonely. He just wants a friend, guys. It's kidding, I'm just feeling for Jordan because I don't know, it feels nice. That's the, I'm just feeling for Jordan, because I don't know, it feels nice. That's the side I'm taking today. Jordan's side.

I'm running this show. Yeah. So Jordan's like, what are you doing? And she's like, getting rosé. Why are you coming with me? Uh. I'm so mad at you. I'm totally trying to fuck you later in the kitchen,

but right now I'm an independent woman. Yeah. Danielle. So Carl and Paige are now talking about Jeremy over in the shade. And Carl's like, uh, coming from a douchebag and a fuckboy slash asshole. No, you're not. No, you're not. Don't even say that about yourself because you're so not those things, Carl. Trust me, I'm Carl's 3.0, swimming like a hostage and a reformed fuckboy who kind of still wants to be a fuckboy. Didn't hit my quota.

Hey babe, I'm a minored in fuckboy. Yeah. Right. Minered in it. I was like, okay. I got it. I'm just reading. So Carl's like, I just don't want to make out and stop there.

Like, I just look, I don't make out with people that I don't want to start things with. Look, what is this? I love Lucy, like, what time period are we living in? And who are you, your Carl? We made out of, like, we're going to have a baby, right? I'm like, Carl. I'm outside of work, I have a great life. I have a beautiful brunette.

I'm at Vineyard. I get morning wood every single day. I mean, why can't this be my life? Why can't this be my job? Yeah, why can't this be my job? It can. Use your youth. I can't tell the summer boys enough.

You're young and you're hot. What about your dick? What do you even have a job for? Please, please. It was young, thin and hot. You think I'd be sitting here right now? No, I'd be in some private plane somewhere. To around with my album, The Mess, just be called The Mess.

I like that we took the exact same stupid note. Lindsay saying I need more rosé. Straight for the rosé. Sing a little in there. I want to get some rosé right now. Let me be weird, meet me your ways right now straight up there. Straight for the rosé right now. So I just Cause we're ready for the run today. They're straight for the run today right now. So I just thought it was really funny that it shows us a sad lonely clip of Jordan walking to the additional seating area. I don't know why that's so funny.

It's like sorry Jordan everywhere else is full. So the gang all gathers over at the picnic table, and Lindsey, yeah. I need my red hair. And Jordan's like, you want to scoot in, but no one wants to sit by Jordan. And so he's like, here, you want me to take your chair? She's like, I'm done being a son of a man.

Just don't be a son of a gentleman now, just he's all called in. Keep in mind that Lindsay is on some weird thing because in the last episode she's like, well when I'm right in, I moved in, things are all aware. And someone else is like, yeah, things are weird when people move in together and Jordan just goes, yeah, like what just happened with Lindsay and I'm like, I don't know, I don't know. Why are you not?

So she's still like riding that high of like nonsense at the indignation, you know? And I love that they betrayed Lindsey by casting everyone like 10 years younger. Because it is so funny. She's so mad. It's so funny watching Lindsey walk around with dresses like down to here.

And like, she's just trying so hard, you know? And I'm like, your ex-girlfriend is really mad at you, you know? She's like, I'm so mad at you. So mad. So mad. Just do whatever she says and so she goes away. So then we go to, they're like, where's Amanda? Amanda's like, where's Hannah?

Oh, Hannah. Hannah. Hannah. Where is she? Manda. Manda. Manda. Manda, let me talk.

I never get this. Manda. Manda. Do you want some guacamole, Kyle? I made some and brought some with us just in case the winery didn't work out. I don't even want the guacamole. I heard my feelings the way it talked to me. Hey, Amanda, when are you gonna get out of that Utilist?

What? I'm trying to play along here, but I'm really scared for Amanda right now in my mind. I'm like, what are we doing to Amanda right now? I don't like this. So yeah, so they call Hannah and she's like really trying to make this grandpa 90th birthday party work Yeah, so like I'm tearing it up at grandpa's So ratchet just hanging out with me and my grandfather. Yeah, I'd enjoy one of life special moments so ratchet So ratchet

She's like grandma Grandma get off Tinder get get off the web get get off porn Okay grandma now why are even on grinder that's not even for you grandma So then we go back to dinner you see it's like my friends are totally parting right now and they are on another level Tenet and then a cut this back Another level tenet. And then it cuts back. It cuts back. And everyone's sitting there just staring

at each other really bored, you know. Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. Kyle, Kyle. Excuse me. Can I order a side of Kyle? LAUGHTER So when he's like, um, now that I've gone straight for the rosé, did we address them make-out last night between Danielle and Jordan?

And Danielle's like, no, and I wanted to all be, because the thought of his first strange is like, we made out of Hampton Social, and he's like, uh-huh. You're the one who made out of me. You made out of me. So, you made out of me. I was the one who made all that for me. You made all that for me. You made all that for me. I was literally making it with 45 other people and you came up with a life. No, I have to make up with you.

And I was like, fine. I was being a gentleman. I didn't even want it. And the waiter's like, excuse me, crackers. Lindsay's like, no, I don't eat carbs. He's like, no, like like you're literally the widest people I've ever waited on him. Who'd even saying over here, okay?

You're so white, I don't even understand your English. Like, so Jordan's like, oh, what I'm saying is, not like you approached me. I mean, I enjoyed it, I guess. And she's like, oh, where did I attack your face? I mean, kind of, we have video evidence of you attacking his fate. of you attacking his face. Like literally attacking his face.

I mean, there I was trying to make out with Guenifpal Tro and you just come right in. So Kyle's like, I mean, how do you like make out with a girl and not try to take it farther? I mean, like, why don't you go with that extra distance? And then it cuts to like randomly, Carl just has prosy to when his mouth goes I mean, like, why don't you go that extra distance? And then it cuts to like randomly, Carl just has prosciutto in his mouth. He goes, hey, hey, beige, why don't you

have some prosciutto? Yeah. Carl, 2.0 with use of fork. Yeah. Nothing like rubbery dead pig to bring people together. It's like disgusting So he's like oh, I'm saying you approached me and Lindsay goes young I like my you said I'm like, I mean I was Danielle like there was a literal page of my right It's like yeah, I was telling right was the only thing

And Danielle's like what just like that during this lesson, I made up with 19,000 people last night. And Carl's like, God, this guy's an idiot. It's like, what are you even in this group? This guy's an idiot. When you're Hinge's number one bachelor on a Tuesday, it's hard to keep people away. Sorry. Number one, Bachelor on a Tuesday. It's hard to keep people away, sorry.

So Carl takes a page to the side. He's like, come here, I need to talk to you. The Carl 3.0 is uniquely programmed to bring the day back. Yeah. I'm an expert and drama management. I'm also a professional hot seat sitter. It's like, okay, stop. I feel like, you know, he's like a housewife.

He's like a meanie just trying to say something. He can trademark later for t-shirts, you know? It's okay, but his trademark game is even bad. It's like, how are you gonna iron that whole thing onto a t-shirt, you know? It's very long. I also like that now every time he says something he ends it with a goofy smile. He's like, yeah, I'm a Carl 3.0. He like curls over and smiles.

So he's like, yeah, I'm a professional hot-sleeced center. And then they show a clip of the twins just to be raiding him. I'm dumb with you Carl. Carl, I'm a professional hot sees center and then they show a clip of the twins just be rating him saying I'm dumb It's you Carl Carl. I'm dumb with you Carl. Carl Carl. Carl's out of my hat. I'm not with him. She's dumb with you. I'm dumb with you. You actually she's dumb with you. I'm dumb with him. I'm dumb with you. He's out of my heart. You're both out of my heart. He's a hot sees. You say, you don't think from that. Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Charles, like, he's like, listen, Jordan, the problem with you is you don't use a period. You use a comma.

So I'm just semicolon, occasionally a hyphen. I did here in ellipsis once. And I pretty sure used half a parenthetical. And I'm still waiting for it to close. Yeah. parentheses are OK, just to see how I'm a spill on your face. Yeah.

Yeah. parentheses are OK. Just make sure that you close them and don't use them twice. Yeah. It looks stupid. Listen, you just have to own the situation so we can go forward. I mean, look where we are.

It's Saturday. We're divinier. It's like the grapes of wrath. Like, Carol, the grapes of wrath is not a good comparison. That's not how you want to spend your Saturday. You know what I love to do? I love to be in like a real dusty part of America right now, but not a lot of money. And just traveling somewhere, that'd be hot. I'm like, really stupid. I'm gonna tell you that right now. I was like, did Sydney Shelton write that?

And why do I not have a copy? Like, what the fuck are you talking about, right? And you know the sad thing, I actually own grapes of wrath, the actual book, like who owns that? It's like a antique. I've never read it, don't worry, I've never read it because Oprah fucking Oprah Winfrey You want to talk about a manipulator? Do you know how many fucking Oprah Winfrey books I have in my life? It's like Oprah's the club and so I get them I'm like oh my god

And I get them I'm like what is this? I don't even know what these sentences mean Oprah my free is really smart. She is. God bless her. So a whole point to summer house, guys. So Jordan goes back to the table to put a period on his sentence and he's like, you guys, as hinges number one, dude. I, of course, I'm not talking about the app. I'm talking about Hinge Magazine.

It's a magazine about Hinge's and knobs. I was a comfort boy. Anyway, it really hurts me that you guys have this perception of me of me going around your back. And Lindsay just goes, oh, count the waves. Count the waves. It literally makes no sense. And even Jordan's like, about what? She's like, um, you said I'm about me. And you said no, I'm making out with her when you made out with her. And then you made out with like five other people. I was like, hello, that is the life.

Dream of the road. And you know what? I'm going back to my room. Because I can't. And I'm going to take the tractor there, OK? But it literally hurts me. Stupid Jordan. So the girls go, and Daniel, of course, follows her.

And so, Carl's like, this guy's just a compulsive fucking liar. But I have to mention one thing. Before when he was just the girls talking, Amanda's like, that guy is such a douchebag. If Kyle ever talks to me like that, I would never date him. And then he's like, phew. Meanwhile, cut to Kyle at the table, telling Jordan, I mean, man, first piece, I wish you guys could have banged!

It would have been so much cooler to talk about. I was just so bad. Meanwhile, by the way, Lindsey's in the bathroom. The camera follows her into the bathroom as if it could be some scandalous moment, like some like Leanne Locke, and they were just hands moment, you know? And all it is is Lindsey going, she's a liar, she's a fucking liar, case in point, case

in point. No, case and point. Oh, case and point. It's very important because that is such a notobird. And you hear, like you know she's actually going to the bathroom, who goes to the bathroom on camera? Who does that? I know you have to poop everybody asked you God I said fart and poop you guys I hate my wow you really I'm not

I'm not 3.0 I don't know Take off your mic, okay, I don't want to hear you going to the bathroom So you know she's really going cuz you hear she's in there You just see Danielle at the stall with her giant like plastic earrings or whatever. It's like And then you hear in the stall you hear Lindsey like So then page and Carl now page and color they're gone like their tenth walk in like the first ten minutes of the show and they're like kissing, you know, and pages like, we're in a vineyard, we're supposed to kiss in the lane, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, whoa, whoa, and Carl would be like, what's going on? Yeah. You want to make out Audrey? Yeah.

Yeah, Carl would be like, give me your weight. Yeah, Audrey too. She's like, fuck it, I'm going back to Mars. I'm going back to Mars. So yeah, Carl and Paige are making out. And Paige is the total Carl girl. But she's like nice. Actually, she's nothing like Carl.

I don't know what I'm saying. So she's making out saying, are you having time? And he's like, yeah, I'm having fun. But unfortunately, she can nothing like Carl. I don't know what I'm saying. So she's making out saying, are you having time? And he's like, yeah, I'm having fun. But unfortunately, he's like, stop talking Carl. Carl, just kiss me. Say kiss, and he's like, yeah. Like, you're supposed to kiss in the vines. Just don't fall in love with me, okay, Carl.

He's like, ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Carl, is that afternoon what do you have? So now they get back on the bus. They're going home because they'll be having like a world cup party and stuff. And so they're all partying, you know every time they get on a bus, it's like party!

And we see Jordan sitting in the corner of the bus all sad. And Jordan, I can not even believe that this is what he says. He goes, all my life, I've done what I wanted. Yeah. I've said what I wanted and got what I wanted. I'm just not working in the Hamptons. I don't get it. It's like so many layers of privilege.

I love it. But it's also so many layers of fake abs. Because while he's saying this, they show his hinge pictures or whatever. And he's modeling like, I don't even, I'm trying to think of like a model that he would look like. Corn on the cob.

Corn on the cob, yeah, he kind of is. Yeah. He's like a bendy corn on the kai, he's like, lots of little, like doing a space like that covering his face. Like, corn, kernel abs. Yeah, and then his abs are like, eh, eh, eh, eh, Yeah, and then his abs are like,

it's like a surrender corn. I'm sure, Jordan. Okay, so Jordan, we get a lot of good Jordan origin stories. Yeah. They're all lies. They're all fucking lies. Okay, so home, at home, Lindsey's like, I'm not going to lie.

I mean, I got my bed for a man. Bob's show. Wow, can't believe she didn't lie about that. So people are taking a nap because they're wasted, and they're gonna have a party later. So a man is like, I'm in the lane, down. I'm like, oh, snap time, Kyle.

Cause if you wanna drink, babe, it's like, oh, can't we just take a nap? Cool kids don't nap a man, duh. Manda.'t nap Amanda. Amanda. Uh, not nap time. Summer is not for napping, Amanda. So then Danielle, in every episode, Danielle has just some sad assing

that makes me feel for her. And I don't love her, but I like to hate her, you know? Yeah. And I just want her to be okay. And this is just not the way to be okay. She does shit like that you do in junior high to be cool. Like fuck got, you know, like fuck the wrong guys. We've all been there. I just like she's so thirsty. And so now they have their new mascot, which is Wesley DeZebra or whatever that they got from something.

And they're really trying to make Wesley DeZebra happen, you know? Yeah. We are so crazy. We're like I'm'm also the zebra starter that went into a slay. Wesley strips. That's the zebra's actual name, by the way. So she is talking to Wesley. And Lindsay's like, oh my god, y'all, I am on it. Oh, Wesley, not in the crazy way.

We're outrageous right now. Or so outrageous. We are like not gonna lie literally not so right now. Oh my God. We're not so right now. We're gonna be on like, okay magazine. So yeah, it was just sad watching Danielle change right. She's like, I need Wesley to help pick out my outfit.

And she's like changing and talking to it. And it's like, I'm pretty sure Wesley actually came to life and left. I love all the shushing happening, by the way. I really need to know about what the world plays. I love it. It's time for a shush. Keep it up, shush, please.

Yeah, it's good. Everyone shush, shush, shush, shush. Oh, God. Wow, it sounds like a whole room of gay disapproval. Am I fucking love it? I love it. Wow, it sounds like a beach. Sounds like where I want to take my wife on the beach.

Put your wind on me. OK, so then we get to what's happening all over the world? Rich white men playing soccer in their gigantic mansion alone. Alone. It's like, who the man with me to me? He's like, just get your word in. Literally, kicking a ball in the living room into a nap. And I was like, what's up? Grandpa party's over.

It's party. Everyone's being mean to me. Yeah. And she's like, but why? And he goes, it was like the bonfire all over again. I'm like, I got show attacked. It was awful. It was like, first they were attacking me

that everyone was trying to make out with me. And it was so horrifying. So we get more of his origin stories. He's like, I'm a military brat. And I moved around all over. And I always had friends. But there's no quarterback to buy off with my sweet sweet dick-sucking lips now. I've just got so many people against me. And while he's talking about how he had so much friends as he was a kid,

they keep flashing pictures of him being a kid and it's like, there's Jordan alone in a helicopter. There's Jordan alone in a tree. It's so funny. It's so sad. But also funny. I love pain like that. I love some good denied pain. Do you know what I hate people who are in touch with their pain and want to talk to you

about it? No. Make up some lies like Jordan, pretend everything's okay. I don't want to listen to your fucking bank. It's fucking here. No. Hannah's like, see, the problem Jordan is, you're just really hard to read.

He goes, that's the thing. This is my face. This is like my face. She's like, oh, I'm sorry. Meanwhile, Kyle's literally, he's got this gigantic bottle of gray goose or something. He's like, he's like, he's like, Derrinda in the kitchen. Like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he is so drunk.

He's like, grumma drunk. And kind of like, out good. Carl's wasted. Yeah. So then, Carl is in 12. What does that mean? Carl in 12. Carl was in a towel.

Oh. He's like, hey, Jen, so just thought I'd walk around here and tell, oh my god, you grabbed my towel off me. Oh, here's my bot. Here's my bot. Well, so just thought I'd walk around here and tell, oh my god, you grabbed my towel off me. Oh, here's my bot. Here's my bot. Well, it just goes to pre-match. I just put the bot with my eyes closed because I was like, it was like watching a two-legged giraffe scamper through the house. Much like Kristen, but she's a four-legged variety.

Seriously? Seriously, oh. Case in point, oh. Case and point. He can't help himself. He has to do it correctly. No, I said and point. Oh, she's like, and. I said it. Case and point.

Case and point. Seriously, seriously. Seriously, is your ground feeling 90? Seriously, I feel like you Is your grandfilling? I'm feeling 90. Seriously, I feel like you're not even appreciating all the hard work I've put into being me.

Kaka, kaka, kaka. Kaka. Kaka. When will I stop you? Crazy Kristen and just be? Crazy Kristen. Kaka. Kaka.

Kaka. So they are getting ready for this World Cup party and they're all dressing as different countries which I Don't know. I feel like in our day and age are really too white to be doing that all of you. Hey, hey, what did Carl go dress as? Life full tower because we saw his leaning tower of pizza little later. I Was Italy. He's Italy that I was literally setting you up for your next note. You were? What did I write?

Krallgas, I'm Brazil. I'm Brazil. Oh yeah. I'm Brazil. I don't read foreign advance. Who needs me ahead? I need 30 minutes for each scene. So pages like I don't know anything about the world cop but I do know this. If it's a party with a theme and a costume, I'm gonna kill it.

I'm like what is she gonna be? Some girl in a beret. I'm just gonna go to Burac. Mildred. Mild that one, Paige. I'm French. So Amanda's like, I want to get food, Kyle. Can you help me? Can you help me? This is what happens when you don't nap, Kyle. She has such a strong nap agenda. Every single week, she gets so mad when she's the only one who wants to nap.

I get it. We came to lovely Phoenix today and Ben was like, I'm so hungry. And I was like, well, how fun. You're fucking arm. I don't care. I'm not going anywhere. So a man. So I went to my bed, and I mapped.

Because that's what smart people do. Now look at me. Gorgeous. Beautiful. The fresh gorgeous. My fam, my France. We're going to do a 19-hour show here at CB5. Yeah.

So Amanda's like trying to gild Kyle for not napping. And he's like, Amanda. I'm in the middle of hosting, and you're still in your pajamas. She goes, Kyle, this is my outfit for tonight. Oh, what country is that? Is that Antarctica? This is my outfit for tonight. LAUGHTER Oh, what country is that? Is that Antarctica or...? Hey, here's the thing about Amanda. She's not really wrong about Kyle at all, but she's asking for help to order a pizza. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, sometimes you have to look closely at these fights because she's like, well the real problem is in Kyle Sheen and I, I mean I'm like great. Can we talk about that after you order the pizza?

Because I'm literally starving right now. So I mean, how can I not think about cheating when I order from postmates? You're supposed to be my mate Kyle. I was like, one of those high level postmate jokes you've all been waiting for. I'm not judging it, I'm trying to get it. It was seamless, darling. Oh, Ben. He's actually choking me right now. He's like, stop it. Stop it. I'm sorry, I cheated on you.

So, Paige comes like, look, I'm French. Yeah, Paige. Paige is like, I'm French and stuff. So Carl's like, is it weird? I'm like craving your make-up. Oh. So like, no, it's not weird. It's really kind of you. Because I don't think anyone's ever

said that to me before. No one's ever made me feel like a Rubin sandwich before. I feel like Shake Shack. So Carl's like, all right, all right, here's the deal. We got to talk. We got to talk. Gotta get it off my chest, right? Like, look, here's the deal. Yeah, deal. Big deal.

You're a babe. Satter is for the babe. But like, can you be honest right now? Like, we've got a connection, right? We've got a connection, babe. We've got a connection, babe. Yeah, babe. Yeah, like a high, like DSL high, a big connection.

And she's like, um, it's like commercial. Which is so funny. This show is so stupid that this has been the whole season. And I'm like, what is she going to say? Yes. Do they have a connection? And then she's like, um, we have an intense flirtation, Carl. She's like, I don't know Carl well enough to know if I could have a connection. And then she's like, we have an intense flirtation, Carl. She's like, I don't know, Carl well enough to know

if I could have a relationship with him, but like he's six foot three and he's talking about feelings, which is hilarious. So. Also, he's Carl, so. So Carl's like, well, I'm going to tell you this. I'm not flirting with anyone else, but you can. She's like, I know.

You see? I don't. And when I say I'm not flirting with anyone else, I mean, I'm also flirting with five other people here. Yeah. I can't get laid the same as I could last year. I said it. I wrote White People Party.

Because that's so the next scene. It's like, White party. They're like They're doing the things that only straight guys on TV. Hopefully another third straight guys here So no offense. I'm just saying my disclaimer is straight guys on TV. I see you down there. Yeah. You handsome. He doesn't know what he got.

I've had a head twin in every audience lately. It's like my luck. He thought he was coming to see UFC. He's like, what is this? We're gonna have to wrap up. Well, we're guys on TVD this. You're always like, bro!

Yeah. Like they're too dumb. There's guys in the future, which is now. Like, don't want to shake hands anymore because we know about germs and stuff, you know, since we know medical stuff now. And so they're just like, bro. Yeah, bro.

And they just like hit each other's wrists with each other's wrists. Yeah. And you know what? It's the gayest shit I've ever seen. Yeah. Isn't that the funny part? It's like how they're identifying each other as straight people in the wild.

But you know they'll all blow you after three beers. Yeah. So now outside, Jordan's just sitting on the steps. All sad. He's like bouncing a ball. His little hat with a propeller has like, come to a halt. So, Paige and Hannah are like, Jordan, come on, we're here. Come on over here.

So he's like, I just feel really attacked. I feel alone. I try to call my best friend Julia Roberts and she didn't answer. I called Robert and Neuro and he didn't answer. So Faye just like, um, where are your friends from work which comes before being friends not at work I guess? Which were friends now? I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say, but you should really stop composing the line to people because I don't like that. He's like, but how do I fix it?

And Hannah's like, where was three? It's like, you are. And people like you for you. Like, you don't have to tell lies. You're like, but cleaning supplies in your stomach. Like, what is that in your stomach? It's weird, bro. It's weird.

God, what is it? Hannah, thank you for this advice. I'm going to think about it a lot tomorrow when I blast off to the moon on my spaceship. So then Kyle and Amanda, oh, god. OK, Kyle, these two set themselves up for failure. For example, Kyle was drunk and trying to put on leaderhosen. Have you ever tried to do that?

I have done some out of music twice. And even I have trouble still. The hills are alive with a sound of Kyle. Kyle. Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle Kyle I'm literally out of sound of music songs. Thanks for coming. Okay, so Kyle's like, what are you doing in there babe? I'm like, I'm a moment, Kyle. I'm just like, you're pooping, aren't you?

I'm like, I said I need a moment, Kyle. He's like, yeah, you need a moment to poop. You put on my leader, Ozan, thanks. Watch your hands first, too. When you have to hide from your man in the bathroom to poop, get a new man. You just have to. And I think they're really cute, you know, like they're just as boring as each other. Like they seem to cute, you know? Like they're just as boring as each other. Like they seem to match, you know? But my mom used to go into the bathroom

because that's the only time she could get alone. And we'd be like, Mom, mom's like, just stop it! I'm a what fucking minute to myself, please! And now it's like you're grown up and that's your boyfriend. Yeah. Ma! By the way, no one has ordered pizza.

Yeah, I would just like to note that. She's in there looking at Yelp, which is what I would be doing. Delaying dinner for 90 minutes so I find the perfect place on Yelp. Just a little bit of guys. Oh God, so here we go with this fight. I can't. I mean, they just fight. Oh, why is it? Why is there an asshole, Kyle?

We could have had an app together. We could have an app. Kyle, why are you name calling me? I'm like, what did he call you? He didn't call you anything. He's like, you're cursing at me. I talk calmly to you. I'm like, no, that is not talking calmly,

but someone's saying, where are you yelling? Yeah. Where are you yelling? Why are you so mad right now? Fuck you. So they basically just fight and the cheating comes up. It's the usual sad, straight people fight, you know. So they're like,

kind of like, kind of, kind of, kind of, and then downstairs, we just see Danielle going, if I were nationally ranked at drinking, I'd be Numeru, Uno. I'm Danielle, I'm new personality this year, and I'm fun. So, Char, PowerPoint. So embarrassing. She's in the back yard like, you're looking at him with this. And she's like dropping on the grass, doing the worm by herself. And like, yeah.

That's nice. Inaigarten is next door to my head. Bless her heart. So then Daniel is wacky outside, so I wrote. So then, she's like, she's playing that moment all week long. she's like, wrote it down on Tuesday, say, I'm Maruuno at drinking, yes. Wait for the right moment.

So then, Paige is dad face time, so I'm saying, hi dad, we are having an amazing time. It's like, hello, you beautiful, gorgeous, amazing angel creature. Or should I say Madem mad was out you're so French Like you need to hang up on your father right now, please please I don't need you getting my ass into some trouble. Okay. We're in public for this one Like yeah, they be looking gorgeous. Yeah, dad replying here Congress. We're simply my dad is in love with me It's insane. It's like crazy and an off scary-scary way, an off-scary way. He's like totally crazy and sort of hot.

I mean, it's crazy. I was like, hang up. Hot. Feel like my relationship with my parents are good. What? Why are you FaceTime, you mad? And even though you know how to use this. The fuck is Ronnie's face doing on my phone?

What the fuck happened to my phone, Eddie? Fix this fucking phone. LAUGHTER If it had been my parents calling me up in the middle of your phone, and this is what the conversation would have been like. So we took 684 the other night. Big accident. There's a lot of traffic. But we got there.

And we drove back and the accident was clear, but it was, you know, it was a lot of traffic. I'd love to keep talking to you, but we have reservations in about 10 minutes and waiting for you. I made the most amazing chicken last night. He's going to do it. Never count your father out. Your father has something to say. Ben, I am numero uno a drinking cat. Dad, get off the ground. Stop doing the worm, dad. So pages like, can't you have to put your shirt back on? That's Carl.

That's Carl bad. Carl, look, oh, that's Carl. That's Carl, age, rigatoni. That's Carl bad and Carl's like, oh, that's gonna be a huge rigatoni. Oh, that's a really awkward right now. My name is Carl 3.0. I understand hot seats and fingering chicks off do you make out of them?

And I have a bad case of BBM, premature parent meeting. Yeah. Would you like to buy $10 in staplers? That would be great because I'm under quota. OK. Who does he sell Staplers? Who does he sell? I just have to sell this box of paper clips,

and then I can take a summer Friday. Good. So meanwhile, he's mad. Some guys have premature ejaculation. Some guys have premature marriage. I was like, why would you go from that to that? I think that's what he's like. And I have premature marriage. I was like, why would you go from that to that? And he goes, and he's like, and I have premature meeting parents.

I was like, oh, T-shirt! It's going to be all the T-shirt. Pre-mature meeting parents. So, meanwhile, Amanda has like now gone to like five different bathrooms in the house to cry alone. And Lindsay has seen this, and Lindsay can never be any happier than when people are miserable. So she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like. She's like, oh. Like, all the flaps and ruffles on her shirt just like stood up.

Like, woo. Because she has so many flaps and ruffles at all times. Oh, everywhere. It's like, oh, Kyle, darling. Kyle, my little Kyle. The real one. He doesn't know because we're saying Kyle so much. Kyle. And I have another one, darling. Kyle, I love you little Kyle. The real one. He doesn't know because we're saying Kyle so much.

Kyle. We have another one, darling. Kyle, I love you, Kyle. Hello, Kyle. Hello, Kyle. We've rewritten the entire franchise. Who you, Kyle? Hello, Kyle.

Turned it into a positive. Okay. So Lindsay's just so happy. So she goes upstairs and starts talking with Kyle to be like, you know, basically to find out what misery they're in. Yeah, okay. I heard you guys were fighting. Yeah, yeah. You want to crop out of a photo?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cancel, I'm inviting the new untholowers. So. Yeah. Canceled I am minding the new and follower. So. Yeah. He's like, oh, honestly, like everything she associates with me cheating on her is me being blackout drunk. He's like, well, stop using that as an excuse for me cheating on her.

Yeah. What the hell? Just say you were sexually attracted to someone else. Yeah. So what happens when gay guys cheat? We say, I cheated. And then the other one says, girl, what was that like? Why don't you call me?

That's when you FaceTime a bitch. Yeah. So meanwhile, Amanda's downstairs talking to Paige, and she's telling her side of the story. And Paige is like, you know what? As a friend, I will support her in any decision she makes. And as roommate, I'm totally bored by this. Yeah. Fun party, huh? Glad, I'm totally bored by this. Yeah.

Fun party, huh? Glad I wasted my beret on this. She's so pretty. She's so pretty. She's just, they just commitment to her French outfit is so funny. She's like, oh my god, we're so French like sitting on a stoop. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm like, my crown. So meanwhile, Lindsay, the one thing that Lindsay has her great skillet is turning everything into something about her. So Kyle's like, yeah. So meanwhile, Lindsay, the one thing that Lindsay has her great skillet is turning everything into something about her. So Kyle's like, yeah, I mean, we're having relationship issues and I cheated, I feel terrible. It's like, yeah, like Avra.

Yeah, Avra. Like, that's what happened to me. And Avra, I thought about it with Avra and my family. And Avra. Avra. Kyle's like, what's happening? Yeah, I mean, she thinks I'm like, at any time you black hole,

like you're gonna cheat, and not like because you want to cheat, but because you're black, I got drunk, and you can't help it. That is such an excuse, okay? You're just gonna cheat because you're gonna cheat, okay? And he will cheat on you again. And that's just the way it is.

And those people suffering through that right now, I do not mean you. But if this, you know, screw someone else once, And that's just the way it is. And those people suffering through that right now, I do not mean you. But if this, you know, screw someone else once. Same on you. Screw someone else twice. I'm going to slit your mother fucking throat on TV. Send Kyle and Lindsay somehow, at the end,

they're hard to heart. They have one of those bullshit moments where Kyle's like, you know what, Lindsay, through Thicken Thin, you're there for me. Except for, you know, when you ice me out and different me and cut my girlfriend out of all your photos and launch a hate campaign against me. Other than that, though, you're there for me.

Yeah, you know, it's nice to know that when I write a 17 page email, detailing what a monster you are, I think you actually take the time to read it, you know. You're a stand-up girl in. And she's like, Kyle always never come to me but more of this issue is not something about her. Like, he can totally come to me now. Okay, yeah, you give him great advice. Like, over, over. How much Lizzy is a counselor. You know, I just can't, over. Over. Over. Over. That's Lizzie's account slur.

You know, I just can't get over my mommy issues. I've talked about my mother twice in one show. Oh my God. Ever it wasn't my rockin' and came back on the fourth of July, like Tom Cruise, not movie. It's Saul Soxay. Yeah, I think that was a mother too. His mother's name was America.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Uh. So, yeah, so now everyone's going, His mother's name was America. Mm. Mm. Mm. So, yeah, so now everyone's going, I love when they go out on this show, they're like, now it's time to really go out. Like, yeah, and then like 15 seconds later, they're like coming back. Like, well, that was a fun time going out.

Because the Hamptons is apparently the only place in America that has self-respect. Like, you are not shooting anywhere. You know that I regard this Danny in front of a restaurant like has self-respect. Like you are not shooting anywhere. You know that I regard this Danny in front of a restaurant like, uh-uh. No, this is my show. So then Hannah comes home and starts making it microwaving everybody hamburgers, and she drops one on the ground.

Yeah, I like that. I love her. Yeah. I love her. She drops one on the ground. It's like, oh, I know. She picks it up. And then she goes, right, that. I love her. Yeah, I love her. She drops it on the ground. It's like She picks it up and then she goes right out. It's like where's the cheer page? It's like thanks. Thank you. Kyle. Thanks Kyle. Bye Kyle. Bye Kyle. Bye Kyle. Thank you for disappointing me.

Thank you for disappointing me, cut. I love Kyle. So Carl and Paige are kissing in the pantry again. They're back in the pantry. And they make out in the pantry the clock, and go, oh, you know, when they come out, and they're like, eh, you know, I Carl's like, you know, every man has two sides. They'll want to do shabby side.

Yeah. That's it. I want to talk about. I want to talk about. Oh yeah, when they were going to the pantry, page like, Mona alert. Mona alert. This is so funny.

But also warning to America. Yeah, foreshadow. Big fore to America. Yeah, foreshadow. Big foreshadow. Yes. Foreskin shadow. So the morning, Carl wakes up with a boner. OK, I watched this, but oh, you bust you, darling. Oh, my heart broke.

Carl gets out of bed the next morning, and I swear to God, it is literally literally like what's up, Jens? Sounded mornings for the Jens Like that. It's so strong Like now that is a strong morning mine is like I'm trying you know it's like a man Mine is like, I'm trying, you know, it's like, it's like Amanda. Ball. Mine are like this.

Mine are like this. We'll not, I'm not sure, but they're like, it's like, tried, it's like, but it's trying, you know. Kyle's is like this. It's like, it's like picking his nose for him in the morning. That thing is pointing up. That is a proud, you should be proud of that boner, sir.

Nice start. It was like one of Ramona's pool noodles. Whoa. Whoa. What? I mean the deep end with calls of bone or noodle. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Um, whoa. Um, so Karol's like, God, it feel really terrible about last night. It's like, oh, God, I'm hurt it. You're like every Taylor Swift song ever. Just shut up already. It's like every time I go into Ross, it's Kyle over the speakers.

Like, really fucked up again last night. A man that really means a lot to me. He's like, what are you crying about today, Adele? I sat fire to the guacamole. I all, I mean that for you. No one has ordered pizza yet. Yeah, he is either. Just wanted to point that out. I did love that like an episode ago or whatever.

When they all ordered pizza for late at night and Hannah went in and ate all their pizza, I was like, this girl has a place in my heart. And now we get one of my favorite segments of this show, Jordan's Church Bed Corner. Yeah. Yeah. I just love this is the biggest douche bag

who is compulsively lying about girls sticking their tongues up his butt. It's now sitting in bed like watching church. It's so funny to me. Well, creatures like, you think Jesus doesn't love a sinner? Tee the gloves, a sinner! All right. Calm down, okay, you're on camera, sorry. You know, before I came into the summer house. I was really concerned about missing church

So I called up the Pope and he was like listen no problem I'll give you direct access to my bedroom and we'll talk that was pretty cool So during this church scene at Custam and he, oh, this house is turned on me because of Daniel. Gotta change gears again, man, I gotta get into the light. So now he's trying to come up with lies to get them to like him while he's watching church. And then he picks up a glass of red wine

and he goes like, this is the camera, he's like, it's like planning your sin while you're watching church. I mean, it's kind of hot. I'm not going to lie. Don't worry for those fake ebbs. Okay. So Jordan goes and he's like, you know he's got to make things right with Lindsay. So he goes up to her. She's like sitting somewhere and saying, and he goes up.

I felt that was an essential detail. Set the stage. And he's like, you know what, Lindsay, I woke up with a heavy heart this morning. Like literally I'm dying of a heavy heart. Will you like me? Please? I feel like the relationship I built with you has taken a few steps back.

I'm going to take the high road and I'm going to make her think she's right. It's sales 101. What would Jesus do? Am I right? You know Jesus, just lying to people to get people to follow him. Yeah. So Lindsay's like, Oh my thing's gonna let you kind of run it in about. I'm running out.

I'm running out. I'm running out. I'm running out. I'm running out. You're gonna talk about, I don't know what you're doing. So then Jordan's like, Dan Young goes, Jordan, get ready. And he goes, for what?

She goes, oh, I don't care, just do it. Ha-ha-ha-ha. I think that's like the saddest. It's like the writer's strike hit moon lighting. In the 80s, you know? And then there's this very strange scene of Carl trying to make breakfast. And he's like

he oh oh oh he he drops tin falling goes oh I knew that would happen and paves comes and he's like, bacon. That's the 3.0 edge. I was like, breakfast is not my list currently, but seeing him make it, it's going on. It's going at the top. Yeah.

Paige's list of things she's looking for in a guy. Yeah. So morning with the folks you and the eye, breakfast and socks eye. Mm. Breakfast. And socks up your knees. Someone. Someone craving me like friend fries. Ha ha ha ha.

So, she's like, oh, so then they're sitting up there and eating breakfast to go, man, she's, oh my God. Breakfast reminds me of my grandma. And he's like, why? And she's like, because my grandma used to my grandma. And he's like, why? And she's like, because my grandma used to make breakfast. And he's like, really? Whoa. He's like, yeah, like when I was a kid,

we'd go to North Carolina and we eat breakfast together. Yeah. My mom would go to the beach. It was like going to the beach. It was like the beach house, yeah. There was breakfast. I waited on people like this all the time. You just listen to boring couples talk about nothing like like, my god, we have

stomach and comedy. We both like breakfast. And that's why we'll be single forever. I'm telling you, just be a waiter. I was like, I don't ever want that in my life. You eat breakfast. You're the fuck does need breakfast. So, um, Carl's like, um, do you remember last night, a grain to it, did? I was like, I dare you. He's like, um, so excited. And I was like, is that pretty good? Cause she's down on the, she's down on the tennis course. Like, get it, get it.

Look at this pussy. I just beat this pussy. Jordan's like, please, no, my childhood, my childhood. So, so, like, look at that bacon, she goes, we're having a breakfast date, and she turns to Jordan, she's like, oh, that's not gonna end well. Oh, God, so then, why do we have to end like, I hate that we have to end like this, but we do.

So, Kyle's like, um, thought we could go to breakfast and maybe talk about stuff. And she's like, oh, I'm all. Okay. So they go eat breakfast and all she does the whole time it's like this And they're driving there and he drives over a pot hole and he's like yeah, she goes

And he's he's wearing tiny little sunglasses and she's wearing really huge sunglasses And that's the only thing I focused on because he's like wearing little pennies. It's like manda. She's like gas manda It's like some weird, like, villain scientist. So he's like, um, I'll start. I just don't want you to constantly associate cheating with me being drunk. And she's like, but Kyle, you get drunk and then you cheat on me. So that's kind of hard, okay? It's not to drinking. It's the. Okay. It's not to drinking, it's the cheating.

Okay. Well, could I be sober and cheat on you with that help? And then crowd was like, I want to do whatever I need to do to make this work, except stop drinking and stop fucking other people. Yeah. Anything else you want? I will totally do it. It's like you're a grown man, you want? I will totally do it.

Thank you. You're a man, Kyle. And I can't control you. So you just do whatever you do. And guess what I'm going to do? I'm going to stay by your side no matter what. Cry a lot and do this at dinner parties. And he goes, Amanda.

Look me in the eyes. I will prove to you that I'm capable of making good decisions. So now let's go put our money into a new beverage and watch a fail. Okay Kyle. Now let's celebrate by fucking the waitress. She's like, Kyle! Kyle! That brings us to the end of summer house.

You guys, thank you so much for coming to our show. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for indulging us in a long-ass show. We really want to continue. Thank you guys. We love you, we love you. Oh, good members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

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