Watch What Crappens - SummerHouse: Murder Most Carl

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

This week on Summer House, Carl gets wasted and feels sorry for himself. Meanwhile, tensions surface between the girls thanks to Lindsay, and Hannah gets blue (tennis) balls. See acast.com/p...rivacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from The Real House where there's a kitchen island, a fingers crossed, new episode tomorrow, guys. Check that out on YouTube. I'm sure once it's done, I will blast it all over social media.
Starting point is 00:01:14 And also check out the Game Brain podcast where I'm one of the rotating hosts on that wonderful, wonderful board gaming podcast if you're in that hobby like I am just a slave to that hobby anyway uh and all joining me today is someone who is just so wonderful he makes me smile even on my worst days it's Ronnie Karam of the Roads Prick Spachler's podcast what's going on Ronnie? A little sweetie pie hi everybody are you still being terrorized by a tarantula outside your house? um no it was good.
Starting point is 00:01:45 Trenchola had passed away and I mean, I guess I knew kind of going out there had been out there for like nine hours and then I thought this is so sweet because We have like an animal person on our on our you know who comes to comment and stuff like that She's like no the vultures are sweet. Yeah Sasha. She's like the vultures are sweet and the Trenchels are really nice. I've got one on my hand right now. And I did start thinking of it like, oh, that tarantula, like came up to die with me, you know, it was weird. I was like, like, it came up right to my porch and died like right in front of the door. You know, just like, I'm gonna sit here and die right for you
Starting point is 00:02:22 rondole. And I was like, well, what the hell? There was, I bonded with this thing and I didn't know. I'm sure the tarantula, first of all, I've heard tarantulas don't really bite that much. I could be wrong. And also, I'm sure the tarantula was just like, look, I'm not a tarantula. I'm Delta Burke, and I've been turned into a tarantula. And if you can just feed me a piece of corn,
Starting point is 00:02:43 the magic spell will be lifted and you will have $3 million and I can go back to my normal form and do a designing women reboot So actually in certain ways by you not helping that tarantula you actually kind of Let a really good thing go by oh sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry that happened to you I like how you think go go go with your way. Because when was the last time anyone saw Delta Burke, okay? She's that terrible. I know, bless her hearts.
Starting point is 00:03:12 Because you know, I love some Delta Burke. I know. I saw her, I think she was salacking things on the view or whatever. I can see you can salack a rose or a pie. Delta Burke is top of mind. She's top of mind because she was in a crossword I did last night. Anyway, here's what else is top of mind. We are here today to talk about some woos.
Starting point is 00:03:32 Before we do that though, right now, first of all, we want to give some shout-outs to some of our small business people. HelloHarlet.com, go check them out, Neptune's net, go check go order food from them if you're in the LA area, try to pretend like you don't remember Jackson Britney getting engaged there. Also, tomorrow night, Friday, we are doing our big live show. This weekend, we were supposed to go to Madison and Oklahoma City. Oklahoma is very hot right now, thanks to Tiger King. We unfortunately can't make it. That's because our April shows have been postponed.
Starting point is 00:04:09 And if you missed the announcement yesterday, our May and June shows are also postponed. But we're getting new dates. We'll have those dates to as soon as we have them ready to go, et cetera. In the meantime, we are taking our live show to the internets. We are doing a big, old live from quarantine live show to the internets. We are doing a big old live from quarantine live show tomorrow night starts the pre show starts at 6 p.m. Eastern that's 9 p.m. I'm
Starting point is 00:04:32 sorry 6 p.m. Pacific that's 9 p.m. Eastern the pre show is going to be on Instagram live for 30 minutes or so 20 to 30 minutes and at 6.30 we bring it over to Crappens on Demand. We'll be streaming live. Our recap of the season premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which I haven't even watched yet, but I'm excited for. So come join us for both of those things for the Crappens on Demand. I think that's not patreon.com slash watch for Crappens. It's at the, it's the $5 level you can sign up there. And what's fun with these streaming events is that you can write comments as we do our show. And we can put them up there on the big screen for everyone to see.
Starting point is 00:05:11 And it's super, super fun. So go join us for that. And the very last thing I just want to mention is that Ronnie and I are both on Cameo. And from the 16th through the 18th, all the cameos that I'll be doing are going, all those proceeds 100% are going directly to charity to restaurant association to basically to help people who work in restaurants.
Starting point is 00:05:34 It's in conjunction with cameo, et cetera, et cetera. So if you want to help out some restaurants that are really struggling right now, go book a cameo and let's help some people out. I think that's all I have on top of my mind. What about you, Ronnie? Do it. That's it. Summer house on my mind.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Summer house. So last week on Summer House, we were like a murder mystery party was starting. And so it's kind of funny to me because they're like previously on Summer House, all these things happen. Lindsay went, oh, and Paige was like, hey. And then Amanda was like, Kyle, and then they show this murder mystery party
Starting point is 00:06:14 that they're all gathered for. And then someone goes, oh no, the murderer's here. And then it goes Summer House. Like it was like a real flashback. Like there was a real murderer there. I was like, you know that wasn't a real murderer. We didn't have to skip the opening credits. Unfortunately, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:30 I would love if a real murderer came. I love a murder show. I've been watching too many Netflix murder shows. Would have been fun. But I'm just saying they acted like it was like a serious, such a serious cliffhanger that they couldn't even show the opening credits. Yeah it's really Jordan outside in one of the places they keep the slide or wherever.
Starting point is 00:06:51 Jordan the Ripper. Oh so murder mystery comes to town and then he's like I love murderers I love true crime. Hopefully, no, I'm gonna get the murder. Oh. Oh. Oh. So they all get names and Jules is Anita Drink. And I don't really remember anyone else's names except for Carl's. Carl was given the name of Polly Pocket to which he goes, oh. Oh, I'm pulling. Oh, I'm pulling.
Starting point is 00:07:20 Okay. By the way, Polly, you look great by the way. You look great by the way, Polly. Yeah, so in the middle of all this, Hannah's like, um, Amanda on page. I'm calling a meeting. Okay, here's the deal Like I just got assaulted by Lindsay Yeah, I'm out you guys and page goes shot Sorry, I'm just more in shock because I just realized you paid $10 too much for that tank top. Wow. Shut up. And it's like, I feel like I'm in the middle right now, but they're like a talk to her.
Starting point is 00:07:51 Talk to her like gross and balls grow up here. And I'm like, they're like, you know, I just want to tennis. Oh, sorry. That was me against the tennis president. And then meanwhile, Carl is like, he's drinking very heavily and he's like, oh, I'm at your fault, then, Paulie pocket. So I'm not supposed to be drinking, but I'm drinking. That's just how Paulie pocket goes.
Starting point is 00:08:12 Okay. Like, look great, by the way. Yeah, we're about to enter another. Carl's a big victim story. Yeah, big time. Paul Carl. Paul Carl being handed a job that he didn't deserve for doing nothing ever and losing relationship he made zero effort for towards yeah, poor Carl poor Carl what she gonna do
Starting point is 00:08:33 So yeah, Hannah's basically like really regretting saying anything to Lindsay Because Lindsay's spinning it into a whole thing and pages like yeah She stood in the kitchen in an overpriced outfit last night and told and yelled at me and said that I was being clicky with Amanda Which is ridiculous because we're not clicky. We just only hang out with each other and don't let other people in that's ridiculous Yeah, it's like that is fact up So Hannah's like oh Lindsay's like my big sister and I like I like her looking out, but like We're in me paid we're in me and page stand like I have, I know where we stand, and we have nothing to worry about.
Starting point is 00:09:07 Like, oh, final last, famous last word. Yeah, right. Listen, Lindsay is like my big sister, my big older sister by many years, perhaps a generation, just a very, very older wise from the years sister sister that's what i'm trying to say here so one of the murder mystery guys are these the same murder mystery guys from real house was of new york
Starting point is 00:09:33 no these guys were much better because it looks like they actually engaged in a mystery as opposed to just naming people and then being like and that's how it was that's how the murder was committed well they couldn't they couldn't help it last time because i'm real house was a new y York during this day. Oh, no I'm like wow even your fake character has Has like parent issues wow Yeah, I'm an eight year old who just lost his job for no reason So thank job, thanks polypockets job. Hi, my name is polypocket and I just want to take a slow
Starting point is 00:10:21 Okay, can we just take a slow everyone with this murder mystery? I just want to take a slow. That's all Just want to to take a slow okay, can we just take a slow everyone with this murder mystery? I just want to take a slow that's all Just want to fun take a slow So then is he sleazy is Amanda and That's like polite down the She could make it through one line. I know She has some sort of weird Britney accent for like is he sleazy? What is this supposed to be? She's from the South now.
Starting point is 00:10:48 Yeah, she's doing some sort of like Tiger King on like long lost ensemble member. Yeah. She goes, my name is Izzy Sleazy. Please don't call me Sleazy. And they're like, your name is literally Izzy Sleazy. Now. Gankayol, and you don't mess with us, kayol. Lucas, Kyle, and Peter met an old Kyle.
Starting point is 00:11:05 Luke is like, I'm early grade, don't really get the joke there. I do actually wake up early, but I don't have any grade here, so. But either way, I'm a made man. If I'm a made man, I mean, I'm a model, male model, who gets everything made for him. And I mean, extremely boring tea. So, there's that. You know what? Up in the northern Minnesota, we don mean, extremely boring tea. So there's that. You know, up in the northern Minnesota, we don't have our all-gray tea. We, what we do is we take some water and put a fish in it and boil it till our sinuses are cleared out. Yeah, we don't have tea. We
Starting point is 00:11:37 got water from a lake. It's pretty cold. That'll burn ya. So or kill ya kill you know, you don't want to dive in that. What was my name again? And then Stephen Stephen who's Lindsay's man is his name is just weasel and Carlos all snitchers good stitches all snitchers good stitches Who you know this guy is the biggest niche ever? Everything he hears in the house is gonna go back to Lindsay like I'm just here for you Lindsay Who's what I heard Lindsay Here's what they were saying they're Lindsay. I'm just here for you, baby. Yeah, everything I do I do for you Okay, Brian Adams, but you know what though Carl's the biggest niche also because you know he tells everyone everyone's gossip too By the way, so the hand is like oh Tennis pro here has no name no name. I don't know. Should we go with
Starting point is 00:12:23 Serena Venus what do you? I can do it all They're like are you gonna be a priest? Yeah, you can just be the priest and looks like hey the priest stole my aunties last name That right? God goes yeah, unless you sound space Poor Hannah really got the sure short short end of the stick on this murder mystery everyone had like a silly name and Your priest so there And I get that everybody at this party like it's a party, you know, you're supposed to get wasted and have fun But these part of murder mystery people so up and everybody is already so fucking hammer yeah
Starting point is 00:12:58 Yeah, and all our bill my ass fuck you just super fucking mystery. Yeah, they're belligerent Yeah, the belligerent mystery goes. I would be furious I'm like, excuse me guys, it's time to learn the rules. Um, has nobody noticed that someone's named Anita Drink? Because I thought that was pretty good. Actually took me a whole life to come up with that. Um, does anyone have the contact information for Polypockets parents? I'm trying to be a character, guys. I'm trying to be a character. So one of the guys is like, let's do a cheer. It's in the car.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Oh, hey! Hey, hey! Does anyone have the contact information for polypockets parents? I'm trying to be a character guys I'm trying to be a character. So one of the guys is like let's do a cheer It's a car like oh hey You need a drink when you're gonna choose Yeah, those will never do like this He's turning you guys Kyle goes he goes a settle down and lose he goes. I'm starting to turn because I'm doing just fine. I'm doing just fine And then somebody dies. Yeah purple jacket dies He was like wait a second
Starting point is 00:13:51 What am I doing in this terrible house like you weren't supposed to die? Oh, he actually died You guys just killed him with awfulness And was it girl who feels good Good you know what because oh, this is too fast for polypocket. Polypocket is like too much. That purple jacket abetted me. So then they start trying to pretend that they're like into this mystery, but they're not at all.
Starting point is 00:14:18 They're all too wasted. And then he's like, you killed somebody. You killed somebody because you're clucky. And they just like, pray that. Yeahucky and bitch is like pre-wet Yeah, and Daniel's like something happened at the fish market was anyone at the fish market And then you see my laptop there because of a really important PowerPoint presentation that I think I left at the fish market anyone anyone Daniel's only went taking it seriously. She's got like pins with strings going, you know, all over the place in the wild. She has like a presentation going. And as you can see from slide number three, it's where is slide number three? Oh, I deleted it.
Starting point is 00:14:51 Yeah, Paul, the box got bored. I deleted it. So then Carl tells the detective, all right, detective. When was the last time you solved the crime? Huh? When was the last time you did? He's like, are you questioning microdansals? And he goes, you know what?
Starting point is 00:15:04 I don't think you're good at what you do for a living. I'm gonna say. Are you kidding me, bro? Are you kidding me, bro? I'm like, I don't think that's really what polypocket would say. So then Carl goes to Barton. He's like, he's the happiest child we've ever seen. We we know she's only eight years old, but she really has a lot of commitment issues. It's a girl's like, hey, all apart under, I'm more than old fashioned. I know I'm only a year old, but I love an old fashioned. You know what I'm saying? So I'm just going to stand here and try to catch on fire with this candle near my elbow.
Starting point is 00:15:40 Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks. Thanks. I don't know what this is because in northern Minnesota, we don't got murder mysteries. We fish and hunt, ride motorcycles, drink beer, drink cardboard in the house to get warm. Yeah. When people die, we say, did you do it and say, no, did you do it? No. I guess no one did it. Not really a mystery. Police, could you come to my house? There's been a murder and they say it's real cool out there. So we're just gonna stay in, right? And then you say, okay, and then yeah, you cut out a hole in the middle of the river and yeah, you put them in there and you just
Starting point is 00:16:15 go on with your life. My mom, believe it or not, actually writes some Nancy Drew fan fiction. She had a great book called The Mystery of the House with the staircase and basically, it's someone died and Nancy Drew went into the house and said, hey, did anyone here kill this person at the bottom of the staircase? And she said, no, so she said, okay, great. Well, if anyone wants a castle roll, come over to my house and it's a great story about five pages long. Castle Roll, an antique castle. All our mysteries and the castlerolls basically. Yeah, that's the big mystery is when's the castle already.
Starting point is 00:16:48 You ever have a murder castle party? The little mystery. Here, delicious mysteries. What's the castleroll? They're all trying to guess the killer, but no one really cares. Carl's like, I didn't even pull my up. Man, it's like, go to bed, polypockets, go to hell. And then Lindsay turns to Steven and goes,
Starting point is 00:17:06 are you having fun? And Steven's like, anytime with you, I'm having fun. I'm like, so no, that's a no. You're not having fun. That's what you say to someone when you're not having fun, but don't wanna let them down. I'm not even here for the mystery bed, just here for you.
Starting point is 00:17:23 So then it's like time to reveal the murderer. And it's Lindsay and Paige is like, I guessed it. I guessed it. Yeah. I could tell she would kill you or a bad guy. She wears pirate sleeve still, so. Yeah, that's her. Yeah, she's a killer.
Starting point is 00:17:36 I could tell. And Carl's like, oh, detective, you feel respected. Do you feel respected? And detective goes, no. And Karlo is saying, I'm a bad guy, I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. Long gone, he's going to, I'm a bad guy right now. I love that Carl has self-deprecating bits that he goes to.
Starting point is 00:17:57 To the point where he's like, oh god, he's doing his, I'm a bad guy a bit. Yeah, you know, Carl's about to have a meltdown where he're like, oh, I guess I'm the bad guy. Yeah. I'm not going to be. So he's like, I'm going to bed. And then he walks up the stairs and looks behind him to see if anyone's following him. They're not really pockets.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Sorry, go to sleep, Polly pocket, go to sleep and dream of simply PB milkshakes. So now downstairs, the girls are chatting and Paige is like, um, so why did you guys want Hannah to come to me and Amanda? She's talking to Lindsay about why Lindsay was like, Hannah, you should talk to Amanda and Paige to talk to get things out. And Lindsay's like,
Starting point is 00:18:40 well, because Hannah's been vending to me and because you guys are basically like Where in click on and pages like um, I've never in my life been in a click and I'm certainly not gonna start in a 26 year old As a 26 year old in a share house. I'm like, that's great. You just tried to kick out jewels last weekend Yeah, yeah, come on now. I'm Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah her pearls. Yeah, I cannot believe this. I was like, uh, like waiting for her to start saying it's her birthday. Three, two, one. Don't start drama on my birthday. Click. She's like, um, dude, you started the drama all the time and tomorrow's your birthday.
Starting point is 00:19:44 So guacamole. Oh my god. Why do you guys have such an amostody? Is it because you got a click or something? Seriously, just please stop saying click. Please stop saying that over and over again. And um, babe, just like you said that I said that she was in title. She goes, okay, I used the wrong word.
Starting point is 00:20:04 And what I mean was I got the taco, taco, taco, taco, so. It's like, um, no, you didn't say the wrong word. You lied. I think, oh, I didn't mean like, I just meant that you guys need to talk and I used the wrong word. And I clarified it with an iron iron iron and you're like, my man, thank you guys for ruining my
Starting point is 00:20:24 right now. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently?
Starting point is 00:21:08 And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad- free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Just saying okay.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Kristie Wawerdie-Dawerdie. Nobody sucks it to us like Amy Sarkarella. Jamie, she has no last name. Don't return to center, it's Lauren Fender. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. Let's run some errands with Emily Aron. Ashley Savoni, she don't take nobelowni. You don't touch the Nicki Morgan letters. Aaron McNickolas, she don't miss no trickle-ists.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Silly Barlow, when she goes Barlow we go high-low. Megan Burke, he can't have a burger without the bird. I know a thing like Alson King. He makes a squeezy Rachiddi. Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good. Hannah, cut I love them banana. Burger without the bird. We know a thing like Alston King. He makes us squeezy, Rachidi. Sarah Greenwood only uses her power for good. Hannah, cut it off that banana. Anderson.
Starting point is 00:22:10 Higher than Iris, it's Lauren Perez. Avonigila Weber. One day your Rachel's in. And the next day, you're out. The Bay Area Betges, Betges. And our super premium Patreon subscribers. Let's take off with Tamala Plane. Noob, she did it again, it's Brittany Montana.
Starting point is 00:22:27 Give him hell, Miss Noel. I take the fifth with Dana Smith. Let's give him a kiss, huh? It's Austin and Marissa. Always ready for Nicole Passa-Ready. Better than Tabooly, it's Annie and Julie. You're the Wyndham beneath our wings, Joe Wyndham. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. We will, we will, Joanna Rocklandew.
Starting point is 00:22:46 She's not just a she-la, she's a Danielle. Itch-ul! Is a frog's ass watertight? It's Rosen's a-ady. Let's go on a better with Lauren Fender. Yes, we should, with Carrie Bridgewood. Nancy C. C. C. C. Sto. Simple as rocket science, it's Dana Easey.
Starting point is 00:23:02 Somebody get us 10 C. C. C.sccs of BetsyMD! Let's get Racy with Miss Stacy! Shannon out of a cannon Anthony! Incredible edible Matthew sisters and she ate no shrinking violet koochar! We love you guys! Steven seems like such a con man doesn't he? He's just like, yes, what can I do for you? Just here for you, babe. Yeah, I'm waiting for his codependent, his codependent, simmering to come out, because that's the next step, because she only dates codependent guys
Starting point is 00:23:34 who start making her feel bad. So it's gonna be, it's good now, but next season there's gonna be a lot of like, babe, why you wanna go out? Why can't we just stay in? You just wanna stay, you wanna go out? Fine, I just thought we were in a relationship. And I guess she's a cryer.
Starting point is 00:23:47 Maybe, probably. Yeah, I think I'm predicting a cryer ahead of us. Well, either way, Lindsay goes into the pantry to cry, because that's her thing. The season is finding small rooms to cry in. So she's crying in there. And then Hannah, Amanda, and Paige are talking about how ridiculous Lindsay is.
Starting point is 00:24:02 Not being a click at all, not at all. And then Amanda's like, then starts talking about like, like, about Hannah, and she's like, you know, whenever you're not with Luke, you talk with us, and we are grateful for that. So then in the closet, she's like, I'm here for you. I'm here proving that I will follow you to the ends of the earth no matter what. I was like, well, I'm like, I have anyone like I'm the world and girls shit and I have not been out of the world.
Starting point is 00:24:32 He's like, listen, don't let this ruin your birthday. You're beautiful and you're hot and you're not a bully, except to me sometimes. And that's okay, because I love it. He's basically the James Blunt of Boyfriends. Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. It's true.
Starting point is 00:24:48 So, yeah, so then, so basically the other girls, the Google Squad girls are just like laughing away or talking about this whole situation and then Jules walks by and she's like, guys, what the fuck is going on? And they just like ignore her. Yeah, not a click. Virtual's has never included. So then Lindsay is in her room. She's saying, oh my God, where are they trying to make me feel crazy?
Starting point is 00:25:13 And he goes, you are crazy and I love it. Yeah, I'm gonna fall. So then now it's 10.30 after all this, they're actually going out. I mean, I thought at this point, it's like 1 a.m. but they're going out is 10.30, 30 except for Carl Carl's passed out because probably bought got a long day and So they're going out and then we get this Fun times Lindsay's like
Starting point is 00:25:37 Fingermos Whatever you need I'll get it babe. I'm just here for you babe you need I'll get it babe I'm just here for you babe. I dance like dance dance dance party time party time party time. Where's Carl party time party time. And then Lindsay comes down as she's fine. She's like party. And that's like what this even do you don't think she was screaming out as five minutes ago and now she has rainbows and butterflies.
Starting point is 00:26:03 So then they all go out, so we get cell phone footage of them like partying and shout, shout, shout, shout, shout, shout, shout. And then they come back and you know, Loki, one thing we'd never talked about in four seasons, I don't, or something we haven't really harped on, I should say, is that whenever they come back from the club, the sprinklers are just like, always on.
Starting point is 00:26:21 And I just love that. I love that which at whatever spirit inhabits this house is like, oh, they're coming back. I have to do whatever I can. I'm gonna turn on my sprinklers and like, ward off these idiots. Like these idiots never figure out that they could just program the sprinklers
Starting point is 00:26:37 in a different time. Like you come home at the same time every night guys, change it to an hour later. And they're always surprised. The sprinklers are hot! time every night guys change it to an hour later and they're always surprised the sprig lures are not my fault not my fault so then we get the typical time for bed and Stevens like your nipples right now love them I would do anything for your nipples and she's like I know and Kyle Amanda are like love you booby I love you, booby, I love you, booby. And Steven and Lentie are boating.
Starting point is 00:27:06 And then Paige is just like, I'm alone. Yeah, I'm just gonna look up some looks for last right now. Subscribe and like me. So then, I then Luke and Hannah are in bed and looks like, oh, I'm gonna fird in you. And she's like, I have never been so turned on by a fart bra. Yes, and also the fact that you don't understand murder mysteries Cancer rules God stop it you're turning me on
Starting point is 00:27:32 Hey, you ever you ever read the murder on the Orient Express You know when all those people had a progressive dinner on a train. That's not hard I could like get out of my room Danny. Oh She just busts in Like get out of my room Danielle My favorite murder mystery is called commute on the L.I. Double R. Yes Straight for the D Murdering D on L.I. R So now it's the next morning And Hannah has not been touched by Luke yet again.
Starting point is 00:28:08 And I'm just saying this, not the mean way. Check his penis. See something wrong with the penis. Okay. There's a lot of, because you know Bravo just keeps doing the same story lines over and over. And I think they were like, okay, well, we're not getting Jordan again. So just get another guy with a rectile destruction. That's all this required to fill this slot this year, okay?
Starting point is 00:28:26 Yeah, it's something's going on. I don't think it's that his penis is broken. I think that I actually don't understand it. I'm oddly fascinated by this whole situation, but basically Hannah was the D and Luke is not giving a tour. So he must have been rattled by that murder mystery. So she's like, this is not what I signed up for. But what I did sign up for is tennis.
Starting point is 00:28:50 So the Amanda goes to hang out with Paige in her room. She's like, hey, me, you're not a clank. And then she, they're basically just talking about him. He's just like, I don't want to go to the kitchen because I don't want to say happy birthday to Lindsay. I'm not even going to say happy. I'm just going to say birthday. You choose your it's your birthday so you get to choose your own adjective, but I will not be
Starting point is 00:29:11 perfect. Birthday to you. Birthday to you. Mediocre feelings birthday to you. My click was going to say happy birthday, but I told them not to. Okay. Great. That's a great song.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Happy, happy page day to me. I to okay great that's a great song happy happy page day to me I'm your birthday that was great yeah yeah you have too many old factions car lean don't yeah I crashed like five of them polypockets is a real fucking loss yeah yeah um you know it's just been hard like when Lindsay has her new boyfriend hang out on her birthday honestly I drank because I didn't want to deal with it So I'm really processing my emotions in a great way. Yeah, yeah, the girl that you totally treated like shit and just respected over and over again Yeah, okay, Carl
Starting point is 00:29:56 Yeah, I like it was trying to make it seem like oh Listen, I'm just like a sweet polypockets and like I can't help it I have to drink to get through this because I'm wounded right now and I need someone to see that I'm broken and fix me up. I wonder if that will happen. So then Lindsay goes into the girls room where they're hanging out and saying, Happy day. I could just get out day. You. You.
Starting point is 00:30:34 Day exclamation point. Day. First birthday. Wow. You're another year older than I am now. Wow. That's amazing. Pool time. So everybody's getting ready to hang out at the pool and cross like I'm gonna wear my fancy outfit Yeah, those would be a lot of alls for about So meanwhile downstairs by the pool Hannah's birthday is gonna be coming up next on this never ending parade of birthdays And so Lucas like you know for your birthday. I think that why don't we hop on the bike and have a picnic somewhere and not have sex and be gentle.
Starting point is 00:31:14 That's just sense that. Yeah. It sounds great. Wow, a free ride to a free place to eat a free meal. No thanks, you're out of here. And I'm not getting dick either, get out. Seriously. So Carl comes in the backyard sort of dressed like Lindsay. He sort of has this like blonde bobbon or whatever and he's like Carlito. I'm going straight for the rosé. Carlito.
Starting point is 00:31:38 I can literally see Carl's penis. Oh thank you. Thank you. Thank you. penis. Oh thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So then, um, pages in the turbine, which is hilarious. And, uh, all right. Uh, she's like, where's the man that stopping him? I click Amanda. Stop. Yeah. Hey, yeah, yeah, Amanda, stop. So Hannah's, Hannah comes over and it's like, so, uh, I guess I have new birthday plans. Uh, basically Luke wants to go ride on a bike or whatever and go to a sunset or some bullshit like the Not Roger to know of and they just stare at her. Yeah, and she's like what you guys have a strong opinion and check here's a deal I don't know how I feel about Luke like I just can't like read him. He's like
Starting point is 00:32:21 An actual book So I just know that I miss you so So like I get jealous. Yeah. And and Hannah's like, well, have I not been hanging out? I mean, you guys have boy toys during the week and I just work. So I want to have a boy toy or at least someone who has the potential to be a boy toy, you know, and then right like on cue, Luke, it's like, hey, Hannah, hey, Hannah, there's someone here who wants to show you his cat, hey Hannah, Hannah, Hannah, and then Paige goes, she hates cats. No, no Paige goes, I hate fucking cats.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Oh, I've got Paige, she hates cats. No Hannah loves cats, Hannah has a cat, but Paige is like, I hate fucking cats. Oh, I thought Hannah was like, okay, I love cats now. And I was like, okay, she's got it really bad. Let's go rescue her. No, but Paige is like, I hate that Luke pulls, like Hannah, this is strong woman who wears a very affordable clothing into this fuck boy world where she's helpless and submissive
Starting point is 00:33:18 and can't even do things like, like, and comment and subscribe. I hate that. Hold on, I'm gonna finish this interview after I talk to Perry on FaceTime. I hate that. Hold on. I'm gonna finish this interview after I talk to Perry on FaceTime. Do you need me to be there? I need you to be here. Should I skip another weekend in the house? Okay. Great, Perry. Bye. That Perry. You're not the clock script. Great. I love your oversized clock. Love it. Okay. Bye. So then we go. Port Jules has nothing to do. She's like sitting down there waiting while everybody packs and Carl's sitting there with what I assume is Luke's guitar And it's like serenity me Carl
Starting point is 00:33:49 You know my dad used to gem out the air at Clapton and we'd be like dad turn it off. He's like you're boring You're boring. Sorry get out. Yeah, our club is great. Our club is great. Um, so Thanks for coming by to clean the house. We'll see you next week, I guess right? Not the cleaning lady. Oh Okay So they all go home and that but in New York That's my outfit ready for dinner like and subscribe Very anything to say he's like I need shoes. All right. See you next week. All right. Yeah, there's been some great content. Bye everyone
Starting point is 00:34:26 Why are you pages out there? And then Lindsay is playing soccer in the park with Steve Oh gotta go but God, you know what I remember that that I love you, baby. I'm just here for you She's like gotta love Central Park during the summer time. They're like, ma'am. Could you please be quiet? You're in the middle of Shakespeare in the park at the moment. We're trying to get through a fellow then Kyle and Amanda are looking for wedding places and He's like, oh, we're basically a blank canvas at this point. So we'll do whatever you want All right, just just let us know after many delays and setbacks. We're looking for a venue. Yeah
Starting point is 00:35:02 just let us know. After many delays and setbacks, we're looking for a venue. Yeah, which is thrilling. And then Kyle goes off to do, he goes off for this weekend for his family reunion and he's spending entire weekend away. So now it's Friday and it's time to go back at the Hamptons, so time to assemble in the cars and we see Carl just terrifying pigeons.
Starting point is 00:35:22 He starts running at them and they, and of course they scatter. He's like, they're my way, they're my way, sorry, sorry, they're taking it too slow, even for me. This tricky song that's playing, we're can't up, we're soda, we're almost grown up. This is the most confusing song that keeps playing on the show. I don't know what it means, but I'm pretty sure she's saying,
Starting point is 00:35:39 we're can't up, we're soda, we're almost grown up. Hmm, I don't know, but I'm a grown up. Hmm, I don't know, but it haunts me. Okay, that's what I know. She, that's, that's her biggest skill. She gets in there with her penetrating lyrics about being canned up and so'd up or soda. Maybe it's soda, canned up, so'd up, we're on our way.
Starting point is 00:35:59 Can't up, so'd up. I don't know. She's so'd up. I don't know. So'd up. None of it really makes any sense. You don't really question her. It's like a listen to a, well, actually, what Lannis is the opposite. Lannis is very, very earnest. Lannis is like, I'm sitting at a desk and I'm eating food
Starting point is 00:36:16 because I'm hungry, hungry now. Yeah, Trixi is no Lannis sure. So Lindsay picks up Daniel and Carl and they're driving together and Daniel's like, Trace Amigos. Oh my god. Yeah. So then another car is Jewels, Page, Amanda, and Hannah when Luke is driving. So they're all excited to have Amanda without Kyle this weekend. Hannah's like, you're ours and Amanda goes and pages. I was like Something's about to happen between these two
Starting point is 00:36:52 Yeah, so Hannah's like well, I was talking to Carl and I know he's been stressed with him like you missed work last Monday To send you window of Carl's okay, and Amanda's like no any of me must be a part of lover boy. He needs to Prune there. I'm like you literally just started working there and No, any of me must be part of lover boy. He needs to improve. I'm like, you literally just started working there. And Luke, it is annoying when people start like giving an asked for advice or whatever, because he's been friends with Carl for two seconds. And it's also pretty generic because you like, well, you know, Carol's actually stuck between a rack and a hard place. You know, all.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Yeah. Like what is the sensitive guy about? actually stuck between Iraq and a hard place. You know, yeah, it's like literally about stuck between anything. You know, what's this rock and what's this hard? He has to go to work. My God. What's the what's the rock Sunday and the hard place is Tuesday? Okay. I think so. I think the rock is toothpaste and the hard place is toothbrush. So Luke is like, yeah, I know it's hard for Carl, you know, like really, all he has in life is being able to play horse and aside from that I mean. Anybody do that right? Yeah. This is Harry. I mean he'd be the age O-R-C-E. I mean you're out bro.
Starting point is 00:37:54 So man it's like um I mean I've known him for years so like yeah. Luke is like oh okay great good for you that's great. Also anyway I'm like, I love this like Petty moment that they're having over Carl because of course it's about Carl about who knows Carl better Yeah, he's a case tough for everyone all around me. No, not really. What are you talking about Luke? Stop with your generic advice and a medic is um Yeah, I mean like yeah Yeah, I mean like yeah, oh This is like like Frost Nixon all over again. So Carl
Starting point is 00:38:34 So Carl is like over the other car. He's like yeah, I've been getting really drunk Lately because turns out that not only Saturday for the Jans, but so are all the other days And so I'm just been like really stressing on happy and I I just haven't been feeling really confident the sir thing It's like mind bog going to me. I mean, I'm just trying to have some fun and date a girl and that totally blows up in my face. And then like by the way, Lindsay's like right there and she's like, mm-hmm, like, you realize you dated, try to date two girls this summer already, by the way.
Starting point is 00:39:00 Yeah, and totally dumped one to get the one that you're so hurt by right now. Yes, exactly. So then he's like, this thing was Sarah literally Yeah, and totally dumped one to get the one that you're so hurt by right now. Yes Exactly. Then he's like this thing with Sarah literally bottles my mind the whole And he's like I really wanted things to work out with Sarah Oh, like and then it shows the clip of Carl two weekends ago And he's like yeah, hey Sarah Sarah. It's me Carl all face time, which means I really love you And the caption says, Carl's ex.
Starting point is 00:39:25 It is not Carl's ex. Maybe his ex phone, his ex phone before I got repossessed. You look great by the way. You look great by the way. Did you notice that in the clip? I just thought of you. You look great by the way. Somehow I actually did not notice that, which is sad,
Starting point is 00:39:40 which means I hear it so much that it's not even registering. That's amazing. He said, you look great by the way. Here's the thing. So apparently they actually did have sex once. And so Carl is like bummed because it didn't work out. So what Carl is reacting to is that essentially, she used him to have sex. She was like, I want to see what it's like to have sex with Carl. She had sex with him, had no further use for him and is now moving on with her life. So essentially,
Starting point is 00:40:09 she's treating Carl the way he treated every woman this entire series. Well, actually, better because she's not promising him anything. She's not like leading him on, you know, she's just plain dumping them. Well, no, she did lead him on because she said she was going to go to the party last weekend at the house and then she didn't, which is the equivalent of Lindsay saying she wants to have babies and get married to Carl. Yeah, so then in the other car, Joel's is like,
Starting point is 00:40:35 Hannah, there is no way that you guys have been sleeping in the same bed for days on days on days and have had no sex. Are you joking me? Are you joking me right now? Mmm. Looks like we have in it right? Cause I'm usually drunk and passed out. And Amanda's like, um, I'm not being drunk to the point of lacking out. Hello. I'm marrying Kyle Cook. But like in the beginning sex was never in out. It was like yes, even if it's just for one pump She's like also why are you guys still laughing right now? My joke you guys are laughing too hard at that
Starting point is 00:41:13 So Lucas like Little bump just a little He's me think of like a soda fountain or something like we do that when you like fill up your soda But then you sort of stop because you don't want it overflows, then you go in for like one last little, pfft, you know, that little like. Also, how awkward is this that they're asking these questions to both of them sitting right there?
Starting point is 00:41:35 I think that's so strange. And that's this new married to medicine season of summer halves with the like, have we're other couples doing this? Talk about couples. Yeah, I just think it's odd. And I think like what better way to make sure no one has sex than by like, like being like, why don't you guys have sex?
Starting point is 00:41:50 Why don't you guys have sex? Yeah. So, and he's like, well, I'm just trained to advocate the waters right now. And that's the truth, right? You want to just fuck and find, you know, then let's just fuck. Do I hook up?
Starting point is 00:42:02 Yeah, yeah, it happens. But like Hannah, like I, you know, then I fuck Hannah and then something doesn't work out. And then I've got the whole wrath coming down on me of this house, you know, which I got. But also you went for Hannah. So I think like you're like a victim of circumstance. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:42:19 You went for Hannah hard and then you finally get it and like you're not hard. So make up your mind. You know what the truth is, I've just been really distracted. I've been reading this really gripping murder mystery lately. Like Luke, that's Martha Stewart's cookbook. I know there's a casserole in there
Starting point is 00:42:34 and I can't wait to see what happens. I love it baked noodle. So Anna's like, don't come down on my man. And the man is like, never in my mind. Oh. Yeah, I was one of those those jokes that clearly did not, was not well received by Amanda, right? She's like, fine, fine.
Starting point is 00:42:51 So now, like they have some weird schism that I think actually started because of Lindsay last week. It's one of those little things that they were like, oh my god, Lindsay's so crazy. Lindsay's so crazy, but she planted a seed and now it's starting to grow. I think that Amanda's just, you know, she even says it in this episode. I think Amanda's just like, fuck this.
Starting point is 00:43:10 You guys can like talk about my relationship all the time, but then I ask about yours. Yeah, but you're always talking about your relationship. You're a crime. You spent 90% of the show walking around the house, crying about your boyfriend. So that's a little different, you know, yeah. And there's like way more fireworks in drama and like a spillover effect from Kyle and Amanda.
Starting point is 00:43:30 Like Luke and Hannah is like, kind of I feel like a dream relationship to have in a house and that it's like nothing really is happening there and there's not a huge amount of drama and whatever drama comes out of it is kind of like, ooh, tell me the drama and not like, oh Kyle wore his shoes and bed again, you know? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:48 So they get to the house and they're just like, if I don't put my suitcase in the closet, right, when I get there, like, I don't do it. I'm crazy. Yeah, so also it makes me feel like I'm at home when I put things in the closet. It's like, look, there's my apartment. And Lucas, so mad, he's just talking to himself in his room. He's like,
Starting point is 00:44:07 if anyone says something, says something about me and Hannah, I'm going to lose my shit. Kajoli casserole. Kajoli casserole. Yeah. I, I will get so mad I'm going to put a bandana around my neck and walk around and look at things. I'm gonna pace around this bedroom so slowly, it'll show them. So then Hannah and Paige and Jules are outside and Hannah's like, oh, it kind of tends to the car, right?
Starting point is 00:44:37 Like, Amanda has tension with Luke, I guess. And Paige is like, um, but you have tension with Kyle, so it works. Yeah, yeah. Also, you have some tension with your outfit right now because you paid too much for it, and I can already see that, okay? So Amanda comes up saying, hey, Hannah says, you almost got into a fight with him in the car right now.
Starting point is 00:44:56 She's like, um, yeah, on the show. It's like, you're always like, don't come after my man. I'm like, I think that Hannah did that only once. But Amanda's like, you know, just like you really defend Luke a lot. And like, it's not cool. I mean, like, when you guys gonna find your wedding venue already and stop taking it out on us, it's like, oh, you know, that's you, right?
Starting point is 00:45:21 Projection. Sing Nathan Farr, because I'm wearing Kyle Kyle did stupid shit and Hannah goes, uh, Luke has never cursed me out like Kyle has you in front of everybody. So like let's not compare it. Yeah. Remember when Kyle yelled at us, called us to giggle squad and caused jewels to fall over in a chair for no reason? Like Luke doesn't do that.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Luke just does terrible music. And Amanda's like, um, Hannah has no problem timing in a mind, really since him. And I'm just trying to help her before she gets hurt. Well, you're not in a place to talk. You're marrying a man who cheated on you, wouldn't commit to you. And then still has to fall in bed wasted. Like he was just, what was this is not calling you thing? That was just last week, was, man, it was like two weeks ago. Give me a break.
Starting point is 00:46:06 No one's asking. Also Hannah seems to be fairly, I mean, yeah, she's like a little dictitized by, or potentially dictitized by Luke, you know, because she's into him. But she's also not like, she's not giving me a vibe of someone who's just like blindly into Luke. I think it's just, I think Paige,
Starting point is 00:46:23 and I think Paige has been very upfront about it that she's just like, I'm jealous that you're spending more time with Luke than with me because I like spending time with you and so when you're not spending time with me, I'm like, I'm like, I think Paige has been very upfront about that, which is fine. And I just don't think that Hannah has been
Starting point is 00:46:38 like bamboozled into some crazy thing. I think she's just in like a very light thing. And by the end of the episode, she's like, oh yeah, fuck this, it's not working out. So I just don't understand all the kerfuffle. Yeah. So then, uh, pages like, this is Linsie getting between us. Like, hmm, not really, but I don't think it is. Could you ever believe that such an old lady, Cron, could I get between three young women?
Starting point is 00:47:02 I can't believe it it but she did it. So Lindsay comes in and saying and Luke someone let it blow out. Oh looks like one a puck a round brawl so they go to play hockey on the tennis courts and then we get the kind of the other people. Yeah. So basically like Luke and Carl are hitting Pucks at beer cans. Oh, because I love competition, but I don't like what I don't do well. That's what it becomes, like, polypocket. So yeah. So then the rest of everyone else,
Starting point is 00:47:33 like all the other girls are like sitting outside, just like chatting and stuff, and talking about how they just love Steven, and sure enough, Steven walks in. And he comes through like the doors like, eh, eh, eh, eh. Meanwhile, literally every time I move my microphone, it squeaks and now when I'm trying to move my microphone and I've Stephen walks in and he comes through like the doors like ee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e It's Carl getting out of bed. So they all give Steven a pause when he comes out and looks like, how come we don't get that?
Starting point is 00:48:10 I was like, hey bro, bro, what's going on with you in hell? He's like, well, I think he, because they're like, we ain't just smashing yet, you know? Yeah, you know, I'm just afraid of making his series commit me this summer because, you know, I dated my ex for a very long time and also that was a long time ago but it's some it weighs on me. I dream about her and you know I dream about her. I think about her. I sometimes think about it when I eat a casserole. God I love casserole. Really been on my mind too. So Hannah's like oh guys I forgot to tell you Luke left me a boy smile. You have to hear there's the obvious. Jim put some on speaker. And he's like,
Starting point is 00:48:49 burned back. Hey, it's 12.04. And I got to see happy birthday. And I love you. Oh, God, oh, geez. Oh, God. I can't believe I said that. Oh, God. Okay. I can't say that. I mean, I like you. Like we're cool. Like, wow, I like you. Hey, this is Luke again. I just want to say that that last message was sent by someone on the street named BOOC who got my phone and left a prank voicemail, but I got my phone back. And I just want to say that BOOC sent that last one. And this is Luke saying, hey, let's go fishing sometime. Bye. Um, so Paige is like this. He even remembered that. And she was like, oh my God, you haven't even had sex yet. And he loves you.
Starting point is 00:49:34 And then it cuts the clip of Jordan going, oh my God, I'm so in love with you, love you. What did you say? Are you joking me? No, I thought I was talking to Julia Stiles. Sorry. And she's like, sit on your face, Hannah, take control. So now it's time for Duna Prep.
Starting point is 00:49:56 And Paige is making some sort of chicken thing and she's going to make some asparagus and rice as well. And she has like FaceTime or Mom to be like, Hey, Mom, this is my chicken. Does it look good? Because I paid about $25 less than what you paid for. Sorry, like and subscribe below, Mom. Then Hannah is talking to Luke. And Hannah's like, you know, Amanda really pissed me off because she's like, I'm always defending Luke. And he's like, you know what? Her issue is her problem. She can figure it out. Meanwhile, my girlfriend is writing a unicorn in my dreams.
Starting point is 00:50:32 Got to take it out. Right. We back. Have you ever had a dream that empowers a coyote and your girlfriend? No. Okay. So then they call Kyle and Kyle's like yeah, putting with grandma. Yeah Hey show me your ariaola Kyle
Starting point is 00:50:54 So then at dinner they're doing shots and Jules is like paid dinner shot cross the way. Oh wow Jules Wow, I can't believe I wanted to kick you out of the house last week, and you're gonna be a shot now? Wow, no one ever gives me a shot in so many ways. I'm just such a victim to life sometimes. So you guys, you have to say what you're thankful for. So Paige stands up and Hannah goes,
Starting point is 00:51:18 um, don't say Amanda, because that would be really annoying. And Hannah is like, wow Hannah Hannah, you have a problem you wanted in disguise. And it's like, no, I just want to talk behind your back. This could be so special. So Steven and Lindsay are on date night. Yeah. And Lindsay's like, I didn't expect to meet Steven. I mean, no, the universe is like, here you go, a man's life to ruin. Thank you!
Starting point is 00:51:50 And the way the way the second I help you, and Lindsay goes, um, what, some of the mob people are thinking on the menu? And he goes shrimp and calamari, and she's, uh, amazing. Oh my god guys, we went to a restaurant, and they gave us the most popular thing on the menu like wow So Steven's like yeah, I wasn't expecting anything from that night and then we sit down We hit it off and they were TV cameras there Yeah, and this is my point in my life. I'm not dating just a day I'm like dating of having an old man. Oh, like eventually. I'm gonna get married in half cats
Starting point is 00:52:24 Wow man, that's crazy. I mean, I just want to really remind you that when I met you I just I had such low expectations like just the lowest expectations I saw you on the dating app and I was like this this has to be a joke I actually have to go on this date just to see what kind of train wreck this is. Wow. And turned out great. Yeah. He's like, well, I want to get married and have kids too. And he's like, um, tonight, maybe we can start tonight.
Starting point is 00:52:52 And he's like, oh, yeah, this a Ramona laugh. Yeah. So then back at the other group, Amanda's like, oh my god, I'm a I can't believe Taylor Taylor. Stephen. No, so basically they're like the type of how great Stephen is and Dan Yala's like, yeah, because last night when I was I looking straight for the D, I quoted Taylor Swift to Lindsay and I said, you need to calm down. And Lindsay was like, calm down, calm down. And then Stephen took her away and then like, calm her down. I was like, whoa, can't wait to tell Hal on the LAWR.
Starting point is 00:53:27 He's my seat mate. Great story coming for you, Hal. Wait 24 hours. I'm then back at dinner. Lindsay's like, your zone's special. You're like more mature than every male in the house. And he goes, I think you have tendencies. That I balance out.
Starting point is 00:53:43 Yeah. I like that. You. Ha ha ha. I like that you can look into the depths of my Ryan Cabrera hair and see my soul and my soul says, this might work. So let's do it. She's like, wow, I just like wilds me out that you're a 30 and I'm like 33.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Like does that make me a cougar? Am I like a puma? Am I like a jaguar? am I like a puma am I like a Jaguar and like a cheetah and I like a links and I like a Am I am I like a Bobcat it's like I don't know what you are but I'm Fisher Stevens face and meatloaf spotty so You're my girlfriend. Oh my god, you bought me your girlfriend. Is that me?
Starting point is 00:54:29 My hearing is going at the ripe old age of 33. I'm such a good girl, I'm doing a 30 year old. Oh my god. So then back in the house, Carl's like, oh, gonna take out the trash. Sure. Take the trash out, guys. I can do responsibility. Take the trash out. Take the trash out. Sure. Take it the trash out, guys. I can't do responsibility.
Starting point is 00:54:45 Take it the trash out. Take it the trash out. I can't do it. Take it the trash out. Yeah. Take it the trash out. Yeah. Girl's thing.
Starting point is 00:54:53 Taking out the trash. You know what? If that is a pretty good quality, you can't have a quality. This is a great quality. So now it's girl talk. So Hannah's like to page. She's like, is Amanda trying to fight me or what's going on? Because I was nationally ranked in tennis. page is like um is Amanda trying to fight me or what's going on because uh
Starting point is 00:55:05 I was nationally ranked in tennis so I could probably beat her ass with a tennis racket which I know how to swing because I play tennis what does that is right now that's what I'm trying to say she's always coming at me saying I'm defending Luke like that's not a thing why is she trying to make that a thing it's like um do I think that you defend Luke sometimes totally sick um I just have no tolerance for thing? It's like, um, do I think that you defend Luke sometimes? Totally. Check, um, I just have no tolerance for that. OK, it's like making shit up.
Starting point is 00:55:29 OK, is there like something deeper to this that I don't know about? Pitch is like, no, not at all, because we're in summer house and there's nothing literally nothing deep in this house that happens. Also, by the way, you know what annoyed me is that when Paige said, do I think you defend Luke sometimes? TOTALLY! And then I was like waiting for the next, like, you know, wherever people do that, it's a series of three. Do I
Starting point is 00:55:52 think you defend Luke sometimes? Totally. Do I think sometimes you eat too much cereal? Totally. But am I cool with it? Totally. But they cut it off, they only gave us one, and I was like deeply unsettled by that. I was like, how do you cut off the like, do I think totally sequence? Do you even watch Bravo, you guys? Come on. And so Hannah's like, look, I don't have any problem with you guys being friends, you and Amanda being so close.
Starting point is 00:56:17 I just don't like that she's comparing my relationship with her is like gross, don't do that. Yeah. And she's like, I definitely think it's weird with you too. And I'm totally gonna go tell her everything you just said in about five seconds. So go enjoy, go enjoy doing nothing while I do that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Like and subscribe this moment of friendliness right now. Okay, thanks. So now it's 2am already. And they all went out and now they're all coming back and Everyone everyone's coming home and Amanda's face time in Kyle Kyle and Lindsay and Stephen are like sweet talking Somewhere probably in her bedroom and Carl is losing his mind
Starting point is 00:57:00 Yeah, Lindsay's like If you're happy, I'm happy baby. Oh, you're so gross. Well, this wrong with him. Soie's like, I'm sneering, he went on the hot tub and he's like, If you're happy, I'm happy, baby. My god, you're so gross, what is wrong with him? So Carl's like, oh, you go from dating your best friend to like breaking up with your best friend to losing your best friend to like boom. She's happy. Yeah, he's like, so mad. So you go from dating your best friend to almost losing your best friend to now seeing your best friend with this guy right in front of you. Not that I video-right to be upset, but it's like holy shit. They're moving fast
Starting point is 00:57:26 I'm like Carl you could have had literally all that you could have so like shut up So tools think Carl went wrong He's like oh, they're just like moving so fast which is like fine, but those pianos tools have I brought a girl home No, all right, yeah, right because you Have I brought a girl home? No, all right? Yeah, right because you tried to you tried to You're the fight of her two different week. Earth then your friends weren't you against it And so you tried to do it the weekend after come on. Yeah
Starting point is 00:57:54 He's gonna be there in his defense, but you were going to but everybody else told you not to please stop with it He's like, well, yeah, I was trying to respect her. You're the one who broke up with her. Yeah, you broke up with her. Don't talk about how you try to respect her. Also, by the way, you dumped her so you can't be mad if she brings a guy around. Yeah, you started it with her and then you dumped her, which is even worse. Exactly. Like, the person who got dumped is allowed to bring around the other person. He's like, well, I've been very careful, but it's like completely backfired on me. There's been like, no reciprocation. What I want reciprocated, I'm not sure. But she has zero self-awareness.
Starting point is 00:58:31 By the way, I'm Carl. Nice to meet you. What's your name? Um, I've been here. I think Carl, you don't deserve that. That is a bullshit. He's like, my summer completely changed without finger bang. Yeah, it was just like, he was the victim to it.
Starting point is 00:58:48 Like he was walking down the street and then suddenly he just finger, like a finger bang happened and now he's been traumatized. Like you chose to finger bang her. Yeah, and Jules was like, in my past, I noticed I give for guys who have trauma and in Carl, I see a straight up fixer upper.
Starting point is 00:59:05 I mean, this isn't a fixer upper. This is like the, this is like the house hunters I saw that took place in Nepal where one of the options was just a piece of land. And this is like a build. This is a build from the bottom up. Yeah, this is build on Sandy foundation, you know? Yeah. And Carl's like, what should
Starting point is 00:59:25 I do? Should I go bang Daniel? Cause like I used to date Daniel. Like I literally have sex with her all the time. Should I just go banger right now? And might mean well, by the way, Jules has her hand on his knee being like, I'm here for you. So she her hand is on his knee. He's like, so I mean, I guess I feel like I should have sex with someone like someone who's like giving me signs, but maybe that's Danielle, right? You think it's Danielle? Who do you think is giving me signs that they want to have sex with me?
Starting point is 00:59:49 Who do you think, Jules? She's on her knees. I mean, just anybody. Just anybody. I wish it was just somebody in this world like totally unsit, my dad would like George for right now. Yeah, like, I want someone who has an interesting backstory, like something like their grandfather started,
Starting point is 01:00:03 like Chillian since the Nadi, something weird like that, you know, but like, I don't know, it's hard to find people. Oh. So then Hannah tries to get on Luke up in his room and he's like, I'm tired. I mean, I need to brush my teeth and get my can't take out. And she's like, I wait all weekend to have fun. He's like, can you and I just get along, you know?
Starting point is 01:00:22 Come on, come on. Let's sit back and read this great story called Crackpot. How to do it. So she's like, OK, I'm not going to fuck the guy, so he's done. Yeah, done. And so she goes in, she goes back to her bed with Paige, and she's like, look, being a bitch. And I want someone who knows how to show affection.
Starting point is 01:00:41 And Paige is like, that's literally the smartest thing you've said in months, like months. Like, do I think you could say smarter things? Totally. Just doesn't want just a one off. No, give me two more. Give me two more. The editor like, nope, it's a new thing.
Starting point is 01:01:04 So they in the morning, Lindsay sitting on Stephen's lap and she's telling them, um, my last time we were in her and I was like, oh my god, I'm older than you. I'm like a cougar attack our wings are like a borky brain. And then he was like, no, I'm your boy, man. They're like, wow, wow, that's great. That's great. Thanks. And then in the kitchen, we have this's great, that's great. Thanks. And then in the kitchen, we have this random shot of Luke's spilling, like not spilling,
Starting point is 01:01:29 but he was like pouring rendered bacon fat into a solo cup. He goes, oh God, I knew that would happen. I'm like, what, did you melt the plastic cup with a hot bacon fat? Is that what you did? Of course that's what I call this. So then Carl is talking to Hannah and Carl's like, oh, what are you doing here? I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
Starting point is 01:01:47 I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
Starting point is 01:01:55 I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
Starting point is 01:02:03 I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. coming to a stall. He's just selling bad shit. That's like a big hat. Yeah, he's in this least of antipromptum. Don't hug me hat, but like in the forestry service. Yeah, yeah. So Hannah's like, I just need to get a guys. I just need a fuck boys perspective on this. Like, you know, Luke is like really not fucking me right now. And I want to know what's up. He's like, well, I think that all Luke's being like really careful and he's like, taking it I think that all Luke's being like really careful And he's like taking slow like someone's just gotta take a slow and I've just been like really hurt by the situation And I just like I'm like rattled like I can't believe Sarah did that to me, right? Right?
Starting point is 01:02:34 She's like, uh He wants me to be his girlfriend and not even fuck me. It's absurd Okay, like I need to know like if it's good or not so I stop wasting my time like I'm blue balled And then Luke passes the door and hears her and he's like oh, dude shut the fuck up. God, I'm so fucking sick of this shit Yeah, I'm so sick of it. I you know listen I I also like bluebell, but you know we can't have turkey when it's not Thanksgiving Okay, I said blue ball look I know you're out there listening listening why not show me a cat photo. Oh god damn it And so basically Hannah's like I need to stop wasting my time and Carl's like done done. It's over then done
Starting point is 01:03:12 Get out get out. Let's done get out So yeah, Hannah is now done with Luke and next week it looks like they get really crazy because apparently Luke has been having sex with other girls all this time anyway. So yeah, by the time he gets to the weekend, he's just out of sperm in terms of. I think I think that's I think that's it. Thanks for joining us for the Minnesota casserole mystery hour. You guys, thank you so much for tuning in. Tomorrow night we have our live show, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Come tune in, join the pre-show on Instagram,
Starting point is 01:03:50 and then crap ends on the man, the live streaming. You can comment while we do our show. It's so fun. That's six o'clock, Pacific, nine o'clock, Eastern. Come join. And all that other stuff that we talked about at the top of the show, if you don't remember what it is, just restart of the show if you don't remember what it is just Restore the episode because I don't remember what it is at this point because my brain is dead my brain has died because of this show
Starting point is 01:04:11 Okay, Karlie down. Hey, hey, hey, to brain. We sure love you guys. We'll talk to you next time. Hi Hey, prime members. You can listen to watch our crapppens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts, before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.