Watch What Crappens - SummerHouse: No Hard Feelings

Episode Date: May 17, 2019

Jordan finally reveals his big secret on "Summer House," and Kyle and Amanda grapple with more fallout from his infidelity. Plus, Lindsay goes on a non-Evrattttt date, and Carl loves his mom.... Damn we love this show. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors. Just saying okay. Kristi Wawardy-Dawardy.
Starting point is 00:00:33 Jamie, she has no last name. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. Zip some scotch with Jessica Trot. Chazzy Savoni, she don't take no baloney. You don't touch the Nicki Morgan letters! What you talkin' about Willis, it's Sonic Illis! Aaron McNickalis, she don't miss no trickle-ists! Megan the Slayer Taylor, in a Homer with Jeffrey Bomber!
Starting point is 00:00:54 Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow we go high-low. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the burr! Ain't no thing like Allison King! Hot dang, it's Jessica Dang! Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good. Hannah, God, I love that banana. Anderson! Hava, Negila Weber!
Starting point is 00:01:11 Lisa Walland. Now that's what I call wallentainment. The Bay Area, Betges, Betges. And our super premium Patreon subscribers. Give them hell, Miss Noel. Lulu Simon. Sue, Sue Studio. How they grant?
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Starting point is 00:01:38 Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap bins What happens? What happens? I've been so much that crap ends I've been so much that crap ends I've been so much that crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends
Starting point is 00:01:58 I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap ends I've been so much crap watch happens like this so much that happens. Hello and welcome to Watch for Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker, the real housewares of Kitchen Island.
Starting point is 00:02:17 It's a cartoon that's available on YouTube, just do a little search, your little fingers, and a little search bar. And joining me is a wonderful, wonderful man. You may know him from such podcasts as Rose Brick's Bachelor's Podcast and this podcast, it's Ronnie Caron. What's going on? Hi.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Hi. It is where we're staring down the weekend. We're going to be talking to Summer House today. Before we do that, first of all, thank you to everyone who came to our Irvine show last night. We really appreciate people coming out, especially the local shows for us. So thank you. Our next show is in Milwaukee. So that's gonna be very exciting, and apparently it's gonna be Milwaukee Pride.
Starting point is 00:02:58 So, you know, what better way to celebrate your Pride? Then coming to see Watcher Crappens in June. And then we also are going to Minneapolis, and we're going to Pittsburgh and Cleveland and Baltimore and Nashville and several others that we will be announcing soon. Go to Watcher Crappens.com to get your tickets for those shows. And while you're there, you can get some merchandise. You can get your strength to the Rosalde and your Rosé Alde. Stuff as well as your Shut up brand merchandise that's for for
Starting point is 00:03:32 Game of Thrones this stuff is by the way limited so we do it like it's it's by month So when the new month hits that stuff is all gone. So get it while you can that's at watcher crappens.com and of course this Sunday Getting ready for the final episode of Game of Thrones. I can't wait to be massively disappointed in the outcome I think I'm the only person who loves how Game of Thrones is streaming out. I think it's perfect Like I love this so everyone else like fuck that show. I'm loving it. You just really support Starbucks getting into every single Nukin' Cranny of Pop Culture. Well, either way, we will hash it all out.
Starting point is 00:04:12 We have Winters Crap, and it's our side podcast. We are having a blast with it, so come join us on Sunday night. Just subscribe right now, and the episode will come right into your podcast inbox. So enough about that, a medium show, as you say, Ronnie, it was like to do a quick show. I do a medium show. What can I say?
Starting point is 00:04:29 I can't stop talking. I had coffee. Let's get onto Summer House, shall we? Talk about a medium show, Summer House. Ha, ha the living is slutty. Yeah, pretty much. This was a fun episode of Summer House, although it was a lot of... Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. It actually opens up with Kyle and Amanda on the streak. Remember, there was that big, big cliffhanger last week
Starting point is 00:05:11 where it was like, well, there's rumors going around that Kyle cheated on Amanda, but then like, he doesn't remember because he blocked out, but he doesn't wanna say he didn't do it. There's like a Con of Lies, so he like de-embed the girl in question and he's like, Amanda. Amanda, I de-embed her. This's what she said and then it was like next week Narets
Starting point is 00:05:30 Lisa Vanderpump was the woman Oh, god, she's manipulated this whole thing. It was funny because he has to let go solve a mystery of who he made out with because he can't remember anything Which you know you that's an auto break up Sorry, I'm sorry. If you have to become a penis detective to find out who you stuck it in, we're done. Okay. I would like to know how he found out which girl it was rumored to be. That's what I want to know.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Because Lindsay told him, right? So she DMed her. Yeah, he told her, her friend told her that he was making it with some girl I think. So I guess I do. So he had to DM this girl and she's like, me having an innate smile. She's like, uh, I DMed her and I said, can you settle something for me?
Starting point is 00:06:13 Have we met? And she said, no, we haven't. The end. And then I was like, and there's a room we're going around. We made out in April. So if you know how this room was started, that would be great if you'd let me know. And I still haven't heard from her. And then I even offered her a free case of lover boy
Starting point is 00:06:27 And then she blocked me so that's where we are and then she wrote back can I change my name back to Carl yet? Then she wrote back I love my mom She asked me to put her weight on her so I don't know if that counts as a hook up I want to take my I want to take Sharon to lunch so. I'm a mama's boy. Yeah, she then asked for a. Just a mama's boy so. Yeah, she said she hadn't met me but she was taking a summer Friday so. And Carol's like in my head I knew it wasn't true, but I also know I have forgotten staff
Starting point is 00:07:05 And I don't want to be caught in the light just in case it was true and the producer goes so there's no chance at all that This was true and then there's a really long pause and Carol's like no Amanda's like I was sick to my stomach, but now I feel better Which is also how I feel like she always like enters her workplace. Hey, Amanda, how you feeling? I was sick to my stomach, but now I feel better. Amanda, we're looking over your review of the Spacix
Starting point is 00:07:36 Months. Your performance has been great. You started where your stomach was hurting, but now I see it's better. It's better. Okay. Amanda, are you ready to do your your presentation? Yes. Okay. In slide one, you can see my stomach was hurting and then next slide please. And as you can see, it's better. Thank you. Well, I was really worried, and I'm so glad she said you haven't met because for me that clears up a lot And he's like yeah, but I want that like storybook and you know
Starting point is 00:08:12 I don't want to fuck it up again. I put so much effort into this. She's like hearing those words Or what I've been waiting to hear for so long. I was like well, that's what every girl needs to do Yeah, catch your boyfriend cheating long. I was like, what that's what every girl needs to do. Yeah. Catcher, boyfriend, cheating. And they'll say whatever you need them to say. Somewhere. I knew somewhere while these two were patching things up on the street. Like Lindsay was in, like, standing at a window. So angry and just like closing the blind, furious. They were like, damn it.
Starting point is 00:08:38 Didn't work. Get AR on the phone. AR. And you will not believe it happened. I don't have time for this ring now. He are And he's a god I could have lost you. Love you so much. Love you Let's have some so I'm returning So then now it's time to go back to the Hamptons and They're all like piling in the car as usual. I don't know why I wrote this down. You know, because I was watching it like two in the morning
Starting point is 00:09:07 and I was like falling asleep. So it was one of those things where I'd like wake up. It was like, that was a relevant line. I'm gonna write it down, because I wrote down page saying, I wonder what the traffic is. I was shocked how long it takes, because then Jordan's answer, because apparently I write that everything too.
Starting point is 00:09:22 He's like, well, the map thing says that it's about two hours and 45 minutes. I was like, choose this Christ. You do that two ways every weekend. That does not make a vacation. That is a serious drive. It's a serious drive. Actually, the thing is, the thing is that's like really misleading about the Hamptons is that you can actually like get to the Hamptons pretty quickly But then once you get off the egg when you get off the highway, there's always a traffic jam. So it really slows it down That's actually a true fact. I'm not telling a joke. I just set it in Carls voice for no reason. I just wrote it down. Yeah
Starting point is 00:09:56 Well, you know what? I'm actually like friends with the creator of Google Maps and I I actually had sex with a daughter like five times. And then the sixth time, I was like, can you give me an address for where we can get condoms for further sexual experiences? And then she was like, yeah, and I got so excited, I kicked her in the face. So, hmm.
Starting point is 00:10:15 So Lindsay's like, I hope we're not late tonight because I am in day and I was with a pain on from the Shaefer Party. Remember that Shaefer party where I was worried that they weren't plugged into electricity. Not one. Oh. Dan, Dan, meanwhile Dan Yell is like on the side,
Starting point is 00:10:33 she has her laptop, because they're driving in on a Saturday, so she doesn't have to take the train this week. So she's there with her laptop taking a work call on a Saturday. I didn't know it's like, oh, Dan Yell, we're trying to carpool. You're doing a work call right now.
Starting point is 00:10:46 We can't even talk about count on Amanda until you shut up. They just like, does she have a voice? Like, sex foam operator, yeah. So you guys just, you know, I surprise Carl by bringing you Sharon to the city. I was so cute. I think she's coming to my ham, don't. Simply just like, oh my god.
Starting point is 00:11:05 What does she ask me? Like, why am I worth her son? What do I say? We drink five tequila and make out in the pantry. Like, I don't know what we are. What are we? Does anybody know what we are? Did I get a call on the Tuesday? No, I don't know. They're sharing. I don't know. Page just throws yourself out of the car and despair. This existential crisis. I don't know what to do with it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:22 Just doubles down. This is how I imagine paid to tumbling down the it. Yeah. Just doubles down. This is how I imagine paid to tumbling down the L.I.R. after she's thrown herself from a moving car. Ow, ow, ow, ow. I mean, I'm like, what are we lying here right now? Okay. Mm-hmm. So, Silling Caroll and his mom are driving up
Starting point is 00:11:39 and everyone else gets back to the house. And Hannah's like, who's talked to K Kainbaugh is the rumor true or false Do we like even know well? She said she messes the girl and the girl said that's a rumors false and then she's like My friend you said that This girl isn't a gossiper so I was like she literally gossiped this to you. Yeah, so yeah, yeah Also, we haven't even had any evidence that anyone even called you and that perhaps you just made this up out of the blue just to start. Yeah. This is so true. I think this is true. And Lindsay's doing a good job of convincing me kind of that she
Starting point is 00:12:16 likes Kyle and Amanda again, but I still think this is Lindsay. This is all Lindsay. Yeah. So they're all going to get back to the house and Jordan's like look there's some fries from last week. I had sex with them. Yeah, it was really amazing and then and then they tried to come in my asshole and I kicked them in the fry face So so I had to take these fries the emergency room. It was crazy Then Kyle and Amanda show up and they're all you know because Everything's like it all was patched up so everything's fine But then everyone's upset at them for being fine So like this is awkward like we're supposed to think that like nothing happened
Starting point is 00:12:52 It's like no something happened and they resolved it so yeah, but they they're that couple who like ruins everything for everybody And fights all over the house and then everyone else is like I guess we'll leave early So they all had to leave early and awkwardly and then this week they're Okay, you guys have to at least say sorry for the big blow out last week I know we're all paying for this place. That wasn't cool. Sorry guys, but we're okay now. Thanks for your support That was the Lindsay's fault by the way because Lindsay was the one who's like Mm-hmm I have to tell Kyle because otherwise I'm gonna go straight to the run Zane Just won't be appropriate anymore because Everett is like, oh my god, I want to
Starting point is 00:13:29 be a man for you, but I'm not the man you need right now. I'm like, all right. But she didn't tell. She told Danielle, he told Paige, and then she had to tell Kyle. She still didn't have to tell Kyle. So she could have told him during one of like New York City outdoor scenes, you know. But uh, she did it with Siwane. She got what she wanted. Yeah, Lindsay just, she's going to be mad about something no matter what. She's like, you're walking in the door, acting as if everything's
Starting point is 00:13:56 fine, as if that can erase what happened. It's like not gonna fly. Like she wants chaos. Like, she's so mad that there's no chaos from the shit that she started. I know it's so funny So then everybody goes to their bedrooms and Hannah and Jordan Paige are lying on their bed and Jordan's like um, so they just Drove together. Are we supposed to just act like that's okay? Or are we supposed to like just like accept the fact that they went in half and half on like an easy pass? She's blinded because if he cheated six months ago and I heard he cheated again I'd say let's pump the brakes on this. How about that? How about we pump the brakes a little bit? Okay, I think I get a really cute outfit
Starting point is 00:14:39 Okay, and let's you buy me spaghetti on a Thursday, which is on top of my list So then Carla arrives to Sharon, he's like, uh, welcome back, lady Gent. Uh, there's a different house than we had growing up. She's like, oh Carl, that's okay. People have different houses. Ladies, Gent's, Gent's, Gent's, it's my mom Gent. I'm a mama's boy.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Yep, you're really the mom. Yeah, you're the mom's boy, mom. Say hi to everybody. Everybody say hi to mom. It's my mom. This is totally my mom yeah, really with my mom. Yeah, yeah, mom is boy mom say hi to everybody Everybody say hi to mom mom mom mom. This is my mom. I'm gonna be my mom. All right mom. This is time And pages like I'm page looks at the ground So then girls like yeah, you know my mom's met men out the girls before the house and stick a flashback to learn Workess is like but pages different and I'm hoping that like my mom could help me out with her this time around. She's sort of like my wing mom, get it?
Starting point is 00:15:29 She's loving mom. Wing mom, my wing mom, Jen. And she's like, oh, all right, everybody cheers. I'm Carl's mom. Now everybody better be good tonight. She's like, well, she gives my room and I'll like take the couch and Jordan cuz... Uh, I can snuggle bro if you're into that.
Starting point is 00:15:50 He's fucking Jordan. You can't blame the guy for trying every other five minutes. He's doing whatever he can. So um, so then Lindsay's like up in her room trying to figure out her big outfit, what she's gonna wear for Paymon, and she's there with Hannah, and Hannah's like, um, may I speak to you, former nationally ranked Hannah's champ
Starting point is 00:16:09 to a non-National ranked Hannah's champ? Great, just make sure that tonight's date is like, it's not just a novelty of someone else, but that you're actually connecting with him. And Lindsay's just like looking at her, like, hmm, that's big words for a non-feminine woman, non-feminine lady. I know, I've went Lindsay that's big words for a non feminine woman non feminine lady. I know I've went Lindsay the advice that Lindsay hears.
Starting point is 00:16:29 She's like, oh, maybe could I sleep with ever in the Zwinga Nass, but I'm definitely not going to. I'm wearing a slip out as a grad. That's it. This outfit was chosen not by committee. Like, one, is this a committee or something? And yes, it was confirmed this week on our Facebook group. So thank you, everybody, who comes to our Facebook group
Starting point is 00:16:54 and gives us so much good information. I mean, it's like having our own newsroom. But Payman is the guy, one of the guys that Carol was talking to you at that dating event with, yeah, ready to mingle on Real Housewives of New York City. He's a thirst bomb. Yeah, he is he is So you couldn't tell from his old Navy slacks and his Dillard's vest and his his weird facial hair patterns that he Shaves so Lindsey's like
Starting point is 00:17:19 I'm right and I may have slept together recently, but I'm sure I'll not sleeping him with him this weekend because I'm trying to move on and after this I'm gonna sleep with Avra So payment comes over and cars like mom come on mom like let's talk to payment and Payments like oh Hi, I'm Carl. This is my mom and this is less talk to payment. Here's our first and only guest payment. Hello And payment goes oh mother. I thought he was kidding, but hello And he like kisses her like he like bends over like kisses like the back of her hand like like that's like 1845 Yeah, and Carl's like any man who were subvast in the summer intrigues me. I
Starting point is 00:18:03 Just I just have a vested interest in Lindsay. You see what I did there? I've told my wing mom about that. So then the people start asking him questions like, um, anything about guacamole, and gaming? What are your intentions with our daughter? Oh,
Starting point is 00:18:21 ha, ha, ha. Mewel upstairs, Lindsay has fully made her face yellow. She looks like a summer squash. And she comes down in that like you said That sort of like a slip it was like a dress but it was like a slip It was like brick red, but she's wearing those white shoes that they look sort of like little mini boots with like fringe on them Yeah, and Danielle of course like are you kidding me with this outfit? Oh my god someone's gonna get the D And Lindsay's just spring like glade all over herself
Starting point is 00:18:55 God it was this aster Someone's like Hey, man's like I ask I answered every single question as much as I can And you all is like be safe with her just like So Think about they leave and then the guys go outside to like hang out on the chairs they're sort of like having girl time but they're guys and Cause like dude Carl your mom is awesome. Yeah, I know right? Like she's kind of like the best mom like I have a
Starting point is 00:19:33 Vested interest in her good time. Get it? It's another call back to the joke. I made money weren't there Are you nervous your mom is gonna say the wrong thing? Because my mom is giving me pressure to get married to I just haven't met the right girl to bring home to my mom yet Hopefully something stick soon Yeah, you're trying real hard over there Maybe we're in And so then and so then then like I'll look Jordan's trying to express himself But he's got Botox and he's like um,, well, you know, the reason why I have it
Starting point is 00:20:05 is because I got mugged in LA, yeah. And so I got mugged in LA and I'm literally, it's like 6 p.m. and I'm literally going across the street. I'm crossing from one side of La Siannaga to another side of La Siannaga and a car just comes up. It's like a Ferrari, but it's also a truck. It's a Ferrari truck and this guy comes out He must have been 250 pounds 7 feet tall three arms and he just punches me for no good reason
Starting point is 00:20:32 So I got three stitches and therefore I need Botox Well, I told the guy that wasn't cool, bro So we get back in the car and the car starts standing up. I'm not even kidding you It stands up and it's wheels become hands And then he slaps me across the face with it and I stuck my penis in his butt And that's it. I had to get close. The easiest thing happened. Another car that was standing walks over, pushes the first car away Goes, transforms down into a dog, but a dog that's made of newspaper,
Starting point is 00:21:07 and it puts out its little paw and gives me a rose. And then I fucked it. And you know, I had to get Botox. Botox, okay? I had to get Botox. Jen, this is Carl 3.0. I haven't met my quota, but guess what? I have got your life. Here's an ad. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting.
Starting point is 00:21:45 Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone.
Starting point is 00:22:10 So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. So they're like, and then we get a montage of Jordan just lying about everything, like stealing movie plots to be his own life. And then we cut back to inside where the girls are talking to the mom to Sharon. And Amanda's like, uh, they're making pizza. And Amanda's like, my
Starting point is 00:22:40 first job is a kids birthday party place or we made pizza so pretty good at it. And the mom's like, you're going to be a great wife. So you're talking about moving in with Kyle. She's like, yeah, I mean, in any relationship, you have hard times. I'm like, oh, Paige is just like staring like my outfit of the day is boredom It only cost $20 if I told us into this story again without it being acknowledged that they totally had a fight last week I'm just gonna like throw myself off of a very low distance like maybe an inch because I'm not that dramatic Amanda you do not need to tell your business to everybody here, okay? Everybody they meet like oh my god, you're gonna do flowers for our wedding.
Starting point is 00:23:28 Well Kyle had a night where he wasn't faithful over a year ago, so we're still working through that. I was thinking too much. Yeah, an image, but at the same time she's like, but I never felt more secure with Kyle than then today. So it's weird and Charm's like, well you know, that's great in everything. By the way, have we referenced the fact that I'm wearing one of the work-ass-es shirts? No. Okay, so, you know, it's great, but you know, if you move in with Kyle and you cheat again, I mean, that's gonna be like a divorce, it'll just be stuck with each other.
Starting point is 00:23:56 I mean, Carl's dad and I, I mean, I trusted him implicitly and he had another woman, so I mean, I just wonder if Kyle did it before. We'll do it again. Anyway, great talk. Good luck to you guys. That's not bad advice, but you are the mother of Carl. So you might want to, if you ever want your child to get married, you might need to sharpen your approach here. Yeah. So Amanda's like, I'm relationships have up and down. I'm not Kyle. And then they show we're squeezing the farewell stress out. Yeah. So then we cut to Lindsay on her date with Pay Minute,
Starting point is 00:24:28 like spaghetti factory or wherever the fuck they are. Yes. And by the way, they had like an absolutely gorgeous waitress. I just felt like giving that waitress a shout out. Congratulations on being gorgeous. Congratulations on winning the genetic lottery. Yeah. I actually think that Lindsay might have a winner here,
Starting point is 00:24:44 because I think anyone else on this show would have just dropped Lindsey and just tried to make out with the waitress. Oh no, Payman's got his eyes on the camera. That's true. That's true. Payman is not going for a waitress who's going for someone on reality TV.
Starting point is 00:24:58 Yeah. Now, when the band of prompt girls come in, the next week we'll see about that. So they're ordering and Lindsay's like, personally, I would like some sake also. And payments like, I personally would love that. And Lindsay's like, oh my God. Because he starts ordering for her.
Starting point is 00:25:15 He does that like, I'm a man. He's like, I would like to order the shrimp tempura, the crab cakes, umami. And she's like, um, personally, I'm an ignorant and sound me um I forgot how beautiful your eyes are and he's like and I forgot how empty your eyes are with some visions of fire in there is sexy it's like looking into a black hole I see the future and it is terrifying.
Starting point is 00:25:45 Forever change man and there's a little boy coming out the back of my head. I've seen the future and to this cold, the Avengers Infinity War, Purple Man wins. Is that Thanos in your eyes? Oh yes. But it's funny because she's like, your eyes are beautiful and it goes beauty is in the eye of the beholder You're beautiful. I'm like, I don't think you know what that means. Okay, and she's like, um, I own an important question What I'm reacting to you to me What a nurse is the question that would you ever ask that on a date? Oh my god
Starting point is 00:26:19 He's like attraction is three levels boobs but He's like attraction is three levels. Boops, butts, tits, mouth, tits, butts, mouth. Well, the last... Possibly the China. The last lady I was with was Cameron Redswell, so you're a huge upgrade. So... You're not sitting on the counter, so we've got that much going for you. You have a couch that is not in tatters and you have cats.
Starting point is 00:26:43 We don't have cats, so yes that's I think what do you write a bicycle on the seat or on the handlebars the seat? I wouldn't marry you you know and he's like you know you're very much like what is the right the right word intriguing oh no I'm sorry Slati, Slati yes I feel like Because we could sit and talk about so many things and I could learn from you for instance I could learn I'm not actually sure what I could
Starting point is 00:27:15 I'm not actually sure you could learn He made me feel so special. I wish I could say it ever makes me feel like this, but he doesn't. So, mm. Yeah. I'm really like throwing Payman off. So she like stands up and then just like makes out with Payman right in the middle of the restaurant.
Starting point is 00:27:36 And then he's like, oh, yeah. And the set come on. And he goes, I guess I would follow you. So where are you going? I guess just going to go banging in the bathroom. Door wherever Payman lives. So where are you going? I guess she's gonna go banging in the bathroom. Door, wherever payment lives. So then, look I said. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:52 So then the back of the house, the rest of the gang is having Amanda's Chuck E. Cheese quality pizza, which I will not, I don't know if it's good or not. I've never been to Chuck E. Cheese. Have you been to Chuck E. Cheese? Yes, it tastes like cardboard with prego on it. It's delicious. I'd better say, is that a good thing or bad thing? like cardboard with prega on it. It's delicious. I'd say is that a good thing?
Starting point is 00:28:05 You're bad thing. It seems like it's amazing so they're eating pizza and Page is like when I write you something gross Carl thinks it's cute like look at me like look at this I just ate a nibble of pizza. Isn't that so gross? And Carl's like mom how are you guys? This is my mom G67 mom. Whoa look at mom. Hey cheers for my mom being a babe Yeah, about that. Yeah. Hey everyone. This is my mom. This is my mom And Paige is like it's on my list for a guy to be nice to their mom. So he's way hotter now Yeah, so then Kyle's like, um, man. I love this pizza
Starting point is 00:28:43 It's almost as almost almost goes your guac. He's like, Kyle, this word all begins. This is your future. I'm gonna make you fat. He's like, yeah. And just like custom page, just staring at them like, I can't believe I gave this bitch a cute in my apartment. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I hope they just both stick themselves in a pizza oven
Starting point is 00:29:01 and just were done with them. So Carl has given the mom his bed. So he's gonna take uh, Dota Bird um, Jordan out for man's night. Cause he's like, my mom's in bed. There's no way to hook up. And uh, Jordan's been late never. So I'm gonna see if I can help him out. Yeah. So, uh, so they go out and then um, Hannah and Paige are talking about Jordan. They're like He said he had sex with one of his co-workers like Does he know that we all think he's a virgin because that's hilarious? Well if he's lying he better watch out because you can't just go lying about having sex with curls at work Yeah, and I'm not so no no. I mean is like page
Starting point is 00:29:42 Can you just straddle Jordan and see if he gets a boner? She's like, no. Yeah. And out of my list, it doesn't work with my outfit at the day. So then we cut to Jordan and Carl out of the town. And they're both sitting by themselves on a couch. And they've got their zippers down
Starting point is 00:29:57 and their fingers coming through their zippers, like dicks. Yeah, that's pretty much a show in a nutshell. Jordan's like, it's just a coil. Texted to Kyle, he'll love it. I remember one time I was doing this a little bit, putting my finger through my zipper, turns out I accidentally yanked out my dick while I did it. So everyone thought I was this guy with two dicks.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Low and behold, two girls come up and are like, let's do both dicks at once. So one girl was sucking my finger finger one girl was sucking on my dick But they both thought they were sucking both of my dicks. It was hilarious Anyway, I kicked them both in the face. They're not up in the hospital So then be the girls stay home and pretty much just you know gossip about Kyle and are they come home and they got to about Kyle and Amanda blah blah I think sex yeah, And then everybody comes home,
Starting point is 00:30:45 Carl goes to bed and Lindsay's bed because she's not there. And then Lindsay comes back at 8.30 in the morning and the mom and Sharon's just at the top of the stairs and she's like, good morning. She still look great. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha still on good for you. You know, it's hard to keep summer squashes fresh. It's for you, I'm. It's like, I have no idea where this is going with payment,
Starting point is 00:31:10 but what matters to me now is the best I've ever had. You know that, like, it probably didn't make it on the show, but you know that she probably walks through that house all morning going, best, sex, I'm off. Yeah, best, sex. Just in the same outfit waiting for someone to be like oh you got some last night. Oh So then Daniel and Lindsay come to Carl's room and Sharon's like um you gonna spend time with your mother. He's like mom. I'm trying to decide if I'm alive It's my mom hey everybody if you met my mom. This is sir. God
Starting point is 00:31:44 You know what I love or my mom wakes me up and I'm like not even sure from alive yet God I love my mom what a great mom Sorry, Pulas doing a short bark where he's not sure if you want to bark. He's like growling and he's going Refueler, I like do they totally don't have time for this literally don't have time for this. Like, don't have time for this. You know, you go straight for the RZ. Are you don't? He hid behind the scene. A pod.
Starting point is 00:32:14 I yelled at him. I have this big bean bag chair, like called Sina and dealer get over here. Come on. Get under here. You are misbehaved. This is a very professional That's very that's very reporter Christina Gibson reporting live
Starting point is 00:32:33 So you're like the workers to any just bark at her and Christina just went and hit behind she a sheenapod But then I invited him to come under my desk and now he's sitting there being a good boy Licking my ankle. Oh I'm sorry if've manipulated you into being such a good dog. That's giving me some serial mom memories of no girls. Encles, I said Encles. Encles. So, um, Carl is outside with his mom chatting and Sharon's like, you know what,
Starting point is 00:32:58 worry about you, Carl. You, uh, you don't have a job. You're not having sex with ladies right now. And, uh, your hair is growing, uh, you don't have a job, you're not having sex with ladies right now. And uh, your hair is growing, uh, horizontally. What's going on with you? Well, yes. Uh, work is terrible. I got fired, but for the most part, look.
Starting point is 00:33:16 I'm still wearing the same white skinny jeans for three seasons ago. So things aren't looking that far now, are they? It's just been really hard because I haven't had anyone to put their weight on me and I just need to be flattened. So, the Carl does the Jacks thing, which somehow I believe more from Carl, even though I know that not Carl's leave it because I've watched his show now for three years. So I know that this is bullshit and I really don't carry, he doesn't know me anything. But it's amazing that I'm falling for it with fucking Carl He's like, you know, I like I realized that I don't treat girls the way they deserved because I don't want to be let down Like I was let down in my parents to force and so that's what I'm working on right now. I was like
Starting point is 00:33:58 I mean it's right. I'm leaving you It tracks because it first of all I think Carl is a little brighter than Jack's. He's at least had a corporate job, which I guess doesn't mean they're your brighter. I've never had a corporate job myself. So I guess maybe, I don't know, I can't tell. Am I making fun of myself or not right now? I can't tell. The point is this.
Starting point is 00:34:17 I think that Carl seems a little brighter than Jack's and like his thing sort of tracks a little bit more. So I'm going to give it to Carl. Plus his mom is right there and she's cute. Yeah I just know that he hangs out with jacks so well you see what I mean like birds of the feather okay guys oh so yeah the mom's like well I don't want my marriage to fuck you up have I talked about my divorce lately got that hurt mom you're unbelievable don't forget that Saturday's for the moms.
Starting point is 00:34:45 And so on Sundays, Monday's, Tuesday's, Wednesday's, Thursday's, Friday's, and any leap days are happening in between. I love you mom. You're the best. Want a glass of mom's a. So then the kitchen, it's Sunday and the girls are, it's already Sunday. I don't know why I wrote that down again. But it's even more Sunday. Yeah, it's even more Sunday. So the girls are drinking cows. Love a boy.'s even more Sunday. Yeah, it's even more Sunday now. So the girls are drinking cows Love a boy and Hannah Yeah, Hannah's like oh my god. There's one piece of bacon left score Much like I did when I was a tennis champion and so she
Starting point is 00:35:17 You want to share it? He puts it in his mouth so they have to lady in the trumpet. Yeah, everyone's like Jordan I'm a sort of dick. I would have been so mad. I'm like I just called it That was like brother and sister in fast and cuz like yeah, but he pussyed out Kind of lonely approves of incest that goes all the way. Yeah, that's what I like so Sharon So Sharon leaves Carl takes her to her card, etc. And then Dan yell and Hannah are having a moment where they're talking about Max and Dave,
Starting point is 00:35:48 they're British guys, and Danielle has been, she's been texty and calm and like, speak on the phone with Max, which is really cute, which then segues into the discussion of Dave and how awesome Dave is for Hannah. Yeah, she's like, don't mess this up, just because you're insecure about tennis Like he is a guy and you're a girl and like what guys and girls do are between them
Starting point is 00:36:13 But if I were you I would open him up and grab out the D So Page is talking to Kyle and she's like, how you haven't caught her car all. She's like, yeah, I'm calling him into me 80 times today. And I feel weird about it. Yeah. And he's like, oh, sorry about that. You look wonderful right now.
Starting point is 00:36:33 I love the way you put one foot in front of each other. You mean walking? Yeah. It's great. What a great innovation. So he does bring up a storyline from last year. And he's like, well, yeah, uh, because Paige is totally in now, right?
Starting point is 00:36:47 She's like, loves Carl and that cuz he was nice to his mom and she even tells him. She's like, yeah, my mom says that guys that treat their moms really well, that's how they're gonna treat you. But I didn't, he's like my mom. Yeah. He's like, yeah. Uh, so by the way, I'm going to a wedding next weekend and I have to admit I'm bringing someone and it's a friend and we fucked a lot.
Starting point is 00:37:13 And Paige is like, pardon? All summer, you're probably following me around and now you're bringing a girl to a wedding? Yeah, it's like, uh-oh. And then Carl doesn't die. I do appreciate the fact that I can be honest with you. I guess he makes it sound like he's complimenting her, but he's really just complimenting himself. And dissing the workers twin, Lengen's her fault
Starting point is 00:37:33 that he couldn't be honest. It's her fault that he lied about it, you know? And then we see a clip of workers like, where are you going? Oh, where are you going, Carl? Carl, are you going to wait six hours? Where are you going, where are you going? You're going to wedding? Who are you going with, Carl? Who are you going with, Carl? Who's going to call'm gonna go out there. No wait hours. Where are you going? I'm going. Oh, you're going to wedding. Well, who are you going with?
Starting point is 00:37:46 We're going to call who's we going to call you like wedding like the trolls like flowers. You going to call call call is a budget call call call call call call. But they name it's like the failure. He did but they put it. Huh. What is it? Yeah, totally don't need a day. It's like okay, Carl. So this is a new version of Carl who does say and Paige is still mad. She's like well I guess that means I can go on dates too so Sorry, I had a sip of smoothie and as I talk to spade and huffed and puffed I must check myself to death Paige is like I do not approve of this smoothie. It's calories. I do not want my body right? She's like well um maybe we'll both fall in love. I mean, maybe we'll fall in love with the wedding.
Starting point is 00:38:26 You never know, do you, Carl? You never know, but you don't know what you don't know, Carl. I don't get that, Carl. So he literally doesn't know what he doesn't know, what he doesn't know. So now everyone goes back to the city and it's like the usual city thing which means we get a Blikatoria shot of Kyle at his standing desk. I mean like I need some people to write checks.
Starting point is 00:38:52 Also have we met before? No right? Okay great. And then Danielle, I would like to get most of the app done by the end of day tomorrow because apps are for phones By apps. I mean Daniel So then in Jersey Amanda gets home to the She comes home to the widest origin story of all time Her parents Hi, hey, honey come in, babe. Like, this is exactly how I pictured Amanda growing up. Yeah, you know what, I'm already on... I'm jealous. I'm about to say I'm already on team Amanda's parents because, uh,
Starting point is 00:39:36 normally they do whispering angel on this show with their rosé, but her parents decide to open up some branchalina rosé, Miraval, which is so good But it's expensive, but it's so good. I was like, you know what? These people are classy people. It was branchalina So, you know branchalina have they had a rosé called Miraval. I mean they Miraval Miraval rosé is like Branchalina like that. It's like they're rosé Well, isn't that funny that this all this whole scene centers around fatality Well, isn't that funny that this whole scene centers around fatality? What a perfect thing to be drinking. Wow.
Starting point is 00:40:11 So Amanda has to finally tell her parents that Kyle has been cheating. And meanwhile, all I care about is eating some of that damn shrimp that her mom is serving. Her mom made some crazy shrimp thing and put it over pasta and it looked so good. I want the recipe. Does like has mr. cookie doing? Oh it's going to be home Kyle. Oh news we got to prove for the apartment Kyle surprised me mom and the mom's like oh how romantic. I have to tell my parents. Hehehehe. Is that guy have to tell my parents? Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo been a good parent to it so when can I kill him? No dad that's not even what I wanted to talk to you about. I don't like the mistreatment of turtles I'm telling you that right now girl.
Starting point is 00:41:11 You know why hate Mario? Stepping on turtles that's not right that's their land not his. Dad that's not even the thing okay um mom's like that's rude why they called goombas and the mom's like what working makes you happy and that makes us happy honey and she's like every girl dreams of this But I had cold feet Why you got cold feet honey? Want some socks I got those socks with the little shoe bottoms on the bottom? Well, it hasn't been perfect
Starting point is 00:41:40 Well, that hasn't been perfect. I'm fucking kill him tell me I'm fucking kill him. Yeah Well, he 15 months ago he cheated on me when he got really drunk and he's like, what the fuck are you doing with him? Oh, yeah, when do I get to hit him? Yeah She's like, well he was not let off the hook easily. I did almost leave him and I looked at him really sadly a lot of times. And that I think he learned his lesson from. I was held guacamole mom. You'd be really proud of me. And the mom's like, well, there are no excuses. You're very forgiving.
Starting point is 00:42:16 That's like, that's weak. You know, the family's going to hate him for a long time. The mom's like, he doesn't get another chance. He gets, that's it for me. So the parents hate Kyle now. And the man is like, there's nothing worse than disappointing your parents. Which is sad. I like it that. But why? No, she didn't. This could be on TV. He cheated last year. This is it. Haven't this already happened? No, this is the first time. This is the first time it's all been aired on TV. So he had to. He had to come clean. Oh, this is the first time you had an ART cheated once. No, this is the first time it's all been aired on TV. So he had to.
Starting point is 00:42:48 He had to come clean. Oh, well last summer, it was all about, well, I'm sorry, I keep sleeping with other girls, but can I commit to you? I don't know. Yeah. Because I keep sleeping with other girls. But now I'm committing to you. But last weekend, I wasn't committed to you, which is why I was sleeping with other girls.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Like, I don't think the parents are going to be totally shocked. Yeah, it's not a great look for him either way. So meanwhile, Carl and Jordan are now at a bar because Carl is like very eager to have Jordan like lose his V card because he suspects that Jordan's a virgin, which is never really, it's still never really confirmed, but it's really looking that way. So he's brought Jordan into this bar. This like super duicy like rooftop bar that's like full of people with like light sticks and they're like drinking drinks out of like pouches
Starting point is 00:43:36 and stuff, it's like a terrible first date option. Like homemade Capri-sens that are just filled with rosé. I was like get me out of this bar. I'm not even there, I just, they're just filled with rosé. I was like, get me out of this bar. I'm not even there. I just, I can't be here right now. So yeah. And Carl's like, yeah, I'm gonna set him up with my friend Erica because she's super religious so they can like not get laid together. So can we really remand it? Yeah. So Erica comes with her friend Sydney. And so the four of them are talking and Sydney, great wingman that she is. She's like, um, by the way, we like totally mesh on Bumble last year and um, like it's funny because like you totally go send me. I was like, hey, what's up? And you're like, hey, what's going on?
Starting point is 00:44:14 And I was like, not much. What are you up to? And then you like never responded. Carl's like, it was delivered and you're an asshole. He's like, yeah, well, I was going something through something where I wanted to meet someone like in real life Because it's different when you just meet him over the internet And you know take take the advice of Diane Keaton from that film she did with Alec Baldwin Yeah, you know, it's important to not just do everything on the internet like I'm a big Christian huge Yeah, I'm like a bigger Christian than Jesus like I mean you may not have heard this
Starting point is 00:44:45 But I'm actually like one of hinge is most eligible bachelors And it would just be like really wrong for me to meet a girl on bumble when I'm already sort of like a mask off for hinge I think you can understand that And she's like oh, yeah, I got a church. He's like I watch it online She's I got a two churches. I was like, oh god. Here we go with Christ off She's like it's so hard to be religious to be faithful in or or devout in a city But you're a you're a bright light in the big city. I can tell you're a bright light like yeah Your friend light in a dark place. Oh a dark place because yeah, let's get a mohito
Starting point is 00:45:24 Follow the light follow the light Let's get a mohito. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So Jordan goes alone with her at the bar and he's like, it's so like we're fresh that you have beliefs and you just own it. I'm so attracted to it. Can I get your number? Like how do we even text with those needles? Do you know I actually invented this phone? Yeah. So now it's like Friday and one thing that I love about Summer House is that they have such a limited budget that they can't always use new royalty-free music. So they have to always recycle, so you get to know the music over the course of the season. So this one was one of my favorites. With the big shots now. With the big shots now.
Starting point is 00:46:16 With the big shots now. With the big shots now. Now. It's a great song. Yeah, really good, quality work tricky dead so Amanda Kyle said that he's working late so Amanda is driving in the the lower rent car which you're in the girls Cuz Kyle is sorry cuz Kyle is secretly making gonna make a dinner for Amanda So we just see him in the supermarket yelling olives olives
Starting point is 00:46:42 olives olives And so then and the car they're like hey anybody want to place lookbook and Amanda's like um sure I went home and told my parents and you know talking about them has really opens up a wound I even think Kyle only but it's really nice to have space. Can we talk about anything else? They just punch her in the face and like what you thought you saw you saw you saw bug No, just you know stop talking Amanda's a book swagon on her face hit it No, I mean poor Amanda like I like Amanda but God if she was my friend it'd be like you need a hobby, okay?
Starting point is 00:47:21 Stop Your relationship to everybody. No one cares. So Kyle, he found his olives and he also found some time. He like asked like a random dude in the supermarket. Is this time? This time, he's like, I don't know who the fuck are you? I don't know. I don't know. So Kyle, he gets to that summer house. He's like, maybe he's going to make dinner for Amanda and Danielle and Lindsay arrived first and he's like set up this whole like nice lovely table on the balcony upstairs and he's basically he tells Danielle and Amanda and I'm sorry Danielle and Lindsay basically like make sure Amanda does not see this table
Starting point is 00:47:58 up here that's like the one thing that you have to do okay so the the other car arrives and Amanda sees Kyle that person Amanda sees the BMW. She's like, oh Kyle said he was working late, but it's like BMW's there. So I feel like she's all mad I feel like this is gonna be an anti guacamole weekend already Why are we lying again like why are we hiding Kyle like this is the rest of your life. Yeah, welcome to the rest of your life, okay? And then, uh, man does like upstairs and she's like changing to go out. And she's like, I wonder if it's warm outside. Let me walk to the balcony for the first time all season. And call it like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Inside so it's totally not obvious So a hand in page are like Hannah finds pages
Starting point is 00:48:48 Like little temporary boobies in her drawer. Like why are your chicken nuggets in my drawer? You know guys would like your little titties a lot better It's like whatever. I went on three dates this week. She goes has Carl been on your mind at all Carl? Who? Oh Also, they're called chicken cutlets. You dumbass. So then, so now they all are like dressed up to go out and then cause like, well, Amanda, now that you're all dressed to go out, guess what?
Starting point is 00:49:16 I'm making you dinner so you don't get to go out and have fun with everyone else. Oh yeah, she's like, oh, she's like, oh, that's a hum. The guy who doesn't really cook, he dinner when I was going to go out with my friends. Why are we hiding, Kyle? So then page is like, if you cheat on me, I expect the puppy in a basket with a bow. So then, so he starts cooking, you know, what's it? He should have had some prep work time. He's now, she's free and she has to sit there and wait for him to cook rice,
Starting point is 00:49:47 peel off, okay? It's not a quick dish. Yeah, and his carbs, rude. So then, so the girls go out to dinner with Jordan because Carl is at that wedding. And so, Hannah's like, so Carl, how is your date with the person that Carl set you up with? And he's like, well, honestly, like, Erica checks all my boxes. She's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:50:04 She's Miss Arizona. She my boxes. She's beautiful. She's Miss Arizona. She loves God She's beautiful Does she have a nice personality? I don't actually remember anything she said yeah, I live one guys actually oh my god I finally found someone yeah a fucking hot beauty pageant winner you eat like a beautiful blonde bomb cell Wow, yeah, you've really dug deep for that one So best of that girl she seems completely lovely. Yeah, I'm fucking guys So then they're like well, would you bring her home to mommy?
Starting point is 00:50:36 Like absolutely and they just cut to Danielle be like hmm. I know looking at the ground And I was like, oh do you want a fucker? He's like, um, I've been holding something back commercial So when we come back pages slurping like oh my god He's gonna try and tell us that he has extra pet grill at work and this is gonna be totally awkward She's like slowly pressing the voice memo on her phone. She's like I'm totally gonna record this cuz I'm being hilarious Yeah, I'm snapchatting this because of being holy. Yeah. She's like, I'm snapped at this.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Okay, you're admitting this with dog ears. Hahaha. I think I don't know what I'm gonna know. So I'm like, oh, I've been holding something back. I just like, I just can't give it up, guys. And Danielle exhales. Like, oh my God, that's so much better. Hahaha.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Finally, things are making sense. Like, yeah, I just can't do it. Like, well, can you jerk off? I was like, yeah, I mean, I can jerk off. Like, okay, so Lindsay's like, well, Jordan, what we're gonna do is we're gonna like meet a girl and we're gonna get a girl for you. You can just like give you a candy,
Starting point is 00:51:38 then move up to a blowy, and then move up to a vaggy. Then move up to a facey, then move up to an airy, then move up to a pig, and then move up to a facey then move up to an airy then move up to a pig man Then move up to a home. It's like okay Lindsey calm down over there and She's like, um is there anything else because I gotta be payment, but we're gonna figure out how to get your dick off Well, and then page because if any girl's could do it. It's us and they're like high fives I was like this is a nice group of people. I actually thought, believe it or not, I thought it was a really lovely moment. This is a sweet scene. I thought it was so nice. They really were just like, you know, that was probably like really embarrassing for him to to announce on TV, let, you know, let
Starting point is 00:52:15 alone just like private. And then, you know, they just weren't like laughing. They didn't, they just were like, oh, okay, cool. We're gonna help. I know. So nice. I thought it was healthy. Get your dick up. I cool, we're gonna help. I don't know, so nice. I thought it was so nice. I thought it was healthy, get your dick up. I'm currently still thinking he's lying. I don't think that that's true. I just think he's giving himself a medical issue because you're not allowed to question medical issues, you know? Oh, that's true.
Starting point is 00:52:33 Well, also considering, well, I mean, and Hannah does say like he seems like, you know, it's probably the result of like not understanding himself or whatever. And I'm sure like this pressure of like bringing someone home to mom might have something to do with direct health dysfunction, you know, like that's, that's a lot of pressure put on yourself. I like whatever girl you're sleeping with is going to be the one. Yeah. So then we get this romantic dinner and Amanda's like, yeah, he's a cat way to move in together. Yeah, he's a can't wait to move in together to as many date nights together for the rest of our lives
Starting point is 00:53:11 So maybe we can help each other pack to move. I mean, what do you think? What do you want to do? We're about to move in together She's like um So two avocados Kyle First avocado I let overramp it and now it's machine. I told my parents I let overrime it and now it's machine. I told my parents and my mom has to process it and my dad said Your week like you know how shitty that makes me feel And he's like Well, so I guess I have to make a right with them too. I mean like how much longer? Just gonna go on for us like Kyle you cheated on her them to, I mean, like, how much longer does this gonna go on for us? Like Kyle, you cheated on her.
Starting point is 00:53:45 It's gonna last a long time. How many rings do I have to buy? Did you ever see me? I do really say. It's like, he made, you know, he cheated. He made a mistake. And it's every weekend, every fucking date. It's like, you did it.
Starting point is 00:53:58 You did it. It's like, okay. And she, and her response to that is, well, you built this house, Kyle, which is is literally something we just heard from, wait, did she say that? What did she say? What do you mean? Maybe I'm taking a Vanderbump rules line.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Did she say you built this house Kyle? No, Kristen said that. She's like, you're the one who did this to us Kyle. Yeah. So then Kyle does, he's like, fine, time to do something up, never done. I'm gonna try to cry. So he's like, looking down, like at his food, he's like, fine, time to do something up never done. I'm gonna try to cry. So he's like, looking down, like at his food, he's like really trying already, like squinting,
Starting point is 00:54:30 frowning really hard, he's like, really working at it. And he goes, how do we fucking get here? Like, well, you cheated guy, I think that's how. I mean, it is, but like, didn't don't stay with him. Like, if it's gonna be something you guys can never ever get over, then don't get over it, just move on, but just, this is so much fun. Well, I mean, I think, I feel like this is forever.
Starting point is 00:54:52 This is gonna be forever. No, but like, I think you can get over it, but it just doesn't happen overnight. And you just have, like, it's like, okay, this is part of like, like, just because they have a conversation and like, talk it out, doesn't mean that like, it just goes back to normal and Kyle just has to accept that that's just like one of the consequences. I think maybe I think like you give it two years because they say it takes two years to get over get over cheating so you know he's got three more months. Oh my god well the unfortunately Kyle cheating has affected me because I have to Listen to this now every fucking week, you know, well if it makes you feel any better
Starting point is 00:55:28 We could listen to something else instead the crap in smelberg Did you like that it was like an out of the blue transition? Yeah, that was awesome like an out-of-the-blue transition. Yeah, that was awesome. The crap is Mailbag is where people write in questions and we read them on the air. And if you want to do it, go to patreon.com slash watch our crap ends. And subscribe on the Mailbag level or higher. And you can do it. So here's one from Beth.
Starting point is 00:56:01 I'm just reading them randomly. Beth says, hi Ben and Ronnie. I remember hearing you talk about having a producer in an episode years ago. I think her name was Mariah. Do you still work with her or do you produce the podcast yourselves? Basically, how many people does it take to make watch what happens a reality? Also, if you could hire any Bravo Liberty's as a assistance, who would they be? I would hire nobody from Bravo to assist me in anything. Yeah, except making me happy with Serity too. And we don't have a producer.
Starting point is 00:56:29 A long time ago we were doing, we were with a little network that we would sometimes go to the improv here in Hollywood to record. They have like a little recording room. And so for those we had a guy who would record it for us and send it to us, but we've never had that on our own. We just recorded it on around over Skype. And then we threw it into an editor to do sound, which, as you can see, is extremely clearing clean at all times. Very professional. And put ads in and do all that stuff.
Starting point is 00:57:00 So we do it ourselves. This is a gift project. Yeah, it really is. It's really just the two of us. And we turn out so much content that I don't think it would be even possible to really take on a producer at this point. They'd have to be ready every single day. And then they'd have to pay for them.
Starting point is 00:57:17 And it's just not feasible for us. But yeah, I remember those days. We remember Ben, Ben, the producer. Straight Ben. Hot Ben. the producer he was hot hot Ben Yeah, straight Ben straight Ben and I don't think we ever had a Mariah But I love the idea that Mariah Carey might have been our producer at one point just sitting there in the corner I'd be like oh yeah, there was a there was a girl who worked with us to at the same place And I forgot her name sorry. Yeah, she was lovely
Starting point is 00:57:44 Okay, how about this? Jessica Trotch, one of our premium subscribers. Oh, I asked her a question last week. Sorry Jessica, you don't get it again. So, let's move on to Jamie Allronner. Jamie says, hey guys, long time listener, first time in the mail bag. I think by the way, Jamie was the person who rolled down her window in Palm Beach and was like Ben and Ronnie So anyway, she says can't wait to see you in Minneapolis
Starting point is 00:58:12 Bethany is hosting a brand summit for Alisa Vanderpump Gina from Melbourne and Caroline Sanbury Darby from Chesher and Gilda and Angela from Auckland What does this sound like and what advice does she have to give wow? Who okay so Brans some hit so Beth is having brand summit and the people who've come has been Lisa Vanderpump Gina Connistanbury Darby
Starting point is 00:58:36 Guilda and Angela like seriously. What is that? Luce of anapump sangria like what kind of brand is that like seriously? I'm like is it supposed to be like is it low in sugar because that's Cheater brand right I'm not gonna have that like seriously who the fuck you think you are That's a cheater bread as a cheater Oh, but it's it's that's Van der Pum frozen It's made with pink water and strawberries and more pink water Now listen here. I've decided to come up with an anti-cancer program called Cancer.
Starting point is 00:59:08 You better get out of me right now. Like I don't get the, you know, you're talking to a cancer? Like what's going on, what's the matter? Like why you got so much hair? You got so much hair, you got so much makeup on. Like what are you gonna say next? Like you're the same side here because the line over here is something like that? Like get out of here. That accent, why are you even talking like that like get out of here. This is crazy was that accent. Why you've been talking like that? What sort of what sort of American accent is that?
Starting point is 00:59:25 You're a significant. I'll say yeah. Yeah, yeah What yeah I Okay, you want me my driver you can give me one. I'm gonna drive it. Okay, you're my new album. Okay, guess what you're my new album It's doby doby All right you British lady over over there what what are you doing hmm hmm clear clear this crazy new yorko i have no time for her Valentina Valentina clear this neurotic lady out of here
Starting point is 00:59:58 oh my god what else is in there um okay very last one this one is from Joanne Plaza who says if we had the opportunity to pull the curtain back and see the very real story would you prefer to read and pk's bankrupt see lost to issues or kyle and rizzo's agency sisters drama oh my god the agency sisters drama for me for sure because p p.k. I'll just lie anyway like they'll hold the curtain back But it'll be like well the chick was in the mail babe and they just didn't happen to get it and just because the ballazio Doesn't have a good enough mail room doesn't make it all my fault Yeah, because yeah the the college or sister drama is always so amazing because they have such a fucked up family because their mom
Starting point is 01:00:46 Basically, pit them all together and made them super competitive and envy what each other sister has and wants and I just think Watching them gang up on each other in this weird way where and Kyle is always the one who's like the most responsible But she's the one that like gets shit on the most and yet It causes crazy one who's like the most responsible, but she's the one that like gets shit on the most, and yet it caused this crazy dynamic between them. So anytime she actually succeeds, they get mad. Love it. Oh my God, that show. If anybody wonders what the real life dynamic is between those sisters, there is a YouTube,
Starting point is 01:01:20 they made a pilot, like with someone's home video camera. And I think it's called the Bums of Beverly Hills, right? Or it's called Bun Makeovers. Or something like that. Bun Makeovers, I think. And these, and it's in Kathy's mansion, you know, it's like mansion rich people, and it's before Beverly Hills, obviously.
Starting point is 01:01:36 And they decided they all need to be TV stars. So they make a pilot where they go out and give Bums advice. It's like Kim, of people. He's like, you really want to be here like this? You're the one to live. Come on. And it is the most cringe-inducing awkward, horrible shit you will ever sit through. You can watch it on YouTube. Like, Bum Makeovers, if you haven't seen it. It is a stunning piece of work. You guys need to go see it
Starting point is 01:02:05 if you wonder about the real life then. So yeah, that's what I do. You really do. Anyway, that's it for today. We will, you'll be hearing from us this Sunday night on Winter is Crapening and then we're back on Monday for a brand new week of Watch Your Crapens. Thank you guys all for listening. Go to watchyourcrapens. calm to get tickets to our shows and also to buy your awesome merch before it's gone and it's replaced with some new awesome merch. So thanks guys, bye for a weekend, bye. Hey, prime members, you can listen to watch our crap
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