Watch What Crappens - SummerHouse: The Carl Who Stole Carlmas

Episode Date: April 19, 2019

The "Summer House" gang decides to throw a Christmas-in-July party, but unfortunately for them, Krampus is here to ruin the fun. You see, no one anticipated that Carl was HONESTLY NOT THAT INTO CHRISTMAS, GUYS, and once he sees Paige cozy up to someone else under the mistletoe, Carl enters full Grinch mode. Christmas does indeed come early with another tremendous "Summer House" romp. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap-ins would like to think it's premium sponsors! Just sayin' okay! Kristie Wawardy-Dawardy! Jamie, she has no last name-y! Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors! Just saying okay?

Kristi Wawerdie-Dawerdie! Jamie, she has no last name-y! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney! Aaron McNickolas, she don't miss no trickle-ists! Megan the Slayer Taylor, in a homer with Jeffrey Boomer! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow we go high-low. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird Ain't no thing like Allison King hot dang. It's Jessica dang Sarah Greenwood she only uses her power for good

Hannah God, I love that banana anderson of a negila Weber Lisa Walland now that's what I call Wallentainment the Bay Area Betches Betches and our super premium Patreon subscribers. Give them hell, Miss Noel. Lulu Simon. Sue. Sue Studio. How they grant? The grant master. Let's get racy with Miss Stacy.

Shabbat. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is. Poppins. Poppins. Poppins. Poppins. Watch what crap is. What happens? What happens? I have cramp, cramp, cramp, cr welcome to Watch Our Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch.

I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real Housewares of Kitchen Island. There's a new episode up. It would really mean a lot if you guys went to YouTube and just watched it, and even better if you subscribed, it doesn't take a lot of time, and it helps me a huge amount. So that's that. And also joining me as usual is the wonderful and lovable. The man I love, Ronnie Karam from the Rose Prick's Bachelor Rose podcast, which is coming back very soon.

Hey Ronnie. Hi man. Happy Passover. Well thank you, you too. Happy passing over Jesus for rising from the grave day. That is not what Passover is about. How dare you? Well, what is Easter about? Religious fight. Let's turn the summer house off at the really deep religious war. Well, it's appropriate because this week's episode of Summer House is all about Christmas in July.

So it's sort of like doing religion wrong, I guess. But before we dive into that, we of course have to remind you that we just put tickets on sale for Nashville. We're going back to Nashville in September. We are excited. We had a great time there last time. So get your tickets now. They're on sale to the public.

Go to watchocrapins.com for that. And of course, our next show that we're going to be doing is going to be next month in Irvine. We're going to recap the season premiere of Summer House, I'm not Summer House. Southern charm, almost the same thing. Southern charm at Irvine in May. And then after that, we've got just like a whole shit load of shows. We have Milwaukee minutes. There's like three tickets left for Minnesota. I mean, Minneapolis, you guys really have to get those tickets before they're gone. Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Cleveland, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

So many go to watchacrabbons.com and we will see you there. And of course, t shirts and merch, et cetera. Goodbye, Kyle is about to go goodbye. So get those before they're gone before we change to new designs and patterns. Watch our crowd. Do we have everybody? But today, what a special day, because last week we skipped summer house because we were

traveling around. Yeah. But we're back with it this week and wow, it's the slow breakdown of Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl This episode was so good. I actually liked it more than Vanderpump rules on Monday. Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl but we just didn't have the time or the bandwidth. So we're back. We're back. We're back. Like Santa Claus in July. Yeah.

So one thing I'm really happy for is it summer house dates, all these episodes because it's very important to know that this took place on Saturday, July 21st. Yeah. Everybody, make sure you've got that in your calendars. Yeah. I'll remember the day.

I was wondering what was happening. Actually, that was the weekend that we were in, I think we that in your calendars. Yeah, I'll remember the day. I was wondering what was happening. Actually, that was the weekend that we were in, I think we're in Philadelphia that weekend. So we were so close to that. We were up in that corner of the woods. Like we could have been at the summer house. Wow. Oh, sir.

So since we didn't recap last week's episode, the good news is that we have Hannah to give us a recap of last week's episode at the start of this one. She's like, uh, work follows, work previously on last week, work follows Lindsey everywhere. And so do the guys. We see, really? We see Lindsey being like, uh, courted by this guy, Payman, who has strange facial hair.

And as one of our eagle-eyed viewers or listeners pointed out, this is the same guy that Carol Radswell went on a date with in season five or six of Real Housewives of New York. So how about that? Oh, really? Oh, God. So this is just some thirst bomb. Of course he is. Yeah.

When she's like, McMamie, I, McMamie, I, when you say. Of course he is. Yeah. When she's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like like there's around somebody from ABC. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you like advance the dance with the stars at this point? You started with Bravo. Like you should be already at like the networks.

You've got the plug line to be on the bachelor. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're the bachelor at at least. Yeah. For sure. I'm sure he has auditioned several times. So he.

Oh my God. Well, that makes me feel bad for Lindsay, but then I remember I don't feel bad for Lindsay. So, LOL, have fun with that one. That'll be much better than ever. This one will be stealing change out of your purse. You know what I mean? He looks like a magician that never quite made it. You know, he never like, never quite made it. Yeah. He has that look like that. I'm a meeks. Yeah. Like he's been doing the same trick for like about four years. It's like, okay, you put the marble in my pocket. Okay, got it.

Yeah, but he's like really bad. He pulls a nickel from behind your ear and like, oh, God, this guy. Yeah, wait, wait, to be original payment, the great payment. So then another, another news, Lindsey told me to be more feminine, um, which was so obnoxious last week. That was the fact that Lindsey walked up to Hannah's dad and said, um, this summer, we're going to work making Hannah a little bit more feminine. Like, yeah, we're going to try and make him a girl.

A fine. Oh god, Lindsey. Lindsey, you look crazy for trying to girlify yourself. Okay, stop girlifying yourself. Yeah, just human Fire human fire yourself. You didn't fire. De-magician yourself. How about that? So then Be pay yourself. Yeah, and then of course the other big bomb shelf from last week was Jens, I have some I have some pretty big news sort of hard for me to say it, but I got like, oh, yeah, I got like, I got like, oh, yeah, that's like a new, that's like a new tradition on summer house and just watching Carl loses job. Yeah, yeah, it's like, it's like the turnover from July to August is when Carl, you know, switches careers and by careers, I mean goes from employed to unemployed

Well, this was a good Carl episode great because Carl's been you know Carl's been on the path of all the problem and this year Who were like were changed or all changed? Yeah, I guess what that's done for your shows Nothing bad their proper rules. I'm looking at you. Yeah Seriously like this whole like I'm growing up thing like no one wants that That's not why we tune into these shows, but luckily we have this show where their version of growing up is like just dancing in the kitchen to royalty free music while Carl takes off his shirt and swings it over his head Yeah, so we open with everybody partying of the kitchen and the tricksy song is and the Trixie song is everybody wants me everybody wants me I can't control it baby.

You're dancing in the kitchen like nobody wants you. Okay. You guys all got stuck coming home alone because you're dancing in the kitchen. Literally no one in the Hamptons will allow your

cameras to be present in their businesses. Nobody wants you. I feel like at this point, Trixie Monaco is not even writing new songs. She's just recording Danielle on her way to the summer house in the car. Yeah.

The next song is going to be like, I'm here for D. I'm here for D. I'm here for D. It's like on Danielle's cassette of positive affirmations, likeations to listen to you on the way to the hamptons I'm here for D everybody wants me. I'm crazy So they're all they're all wasted and pages like nice. Do we want to go out? Or do we want to just chill here at home? I mean, I'm a good girl and I don't really know what my mother would say about them Daniels like I'm a good girl and I don't really know what my mother would say about Daniel's like And Carl goes I'm just gonna go upstairs and look at myself in the mirror and see if I'm okay. So I'm back There's like mirror mirror on the wall. What I do to deserve this all

Yeah, and then page lays down the law. She tells us. I'm glad Carl said he likes me, but I said what I want. So it's up to him to do what I want. So we'll see. We'll see. We'll see Carl. I love Paige. Paige is like one of my favorites. I think she's like an early contender to be to get a crappy nomination for a bravo, a liberty of the year. I mean, I don't want to just come out and say it. The year's still young, but she's really winning me over. Yeah, at least the best newbie or something. Yeah, her and Hannah are both great. They're fantastic. Maybe they should see like an anoint character because they're both. What'd you say? Is it she and Hannah or her and Hannah?

Depends on where it is in the sentence. She and Hannah. She and Han is she'd be she and Hannah are both great. Yeah, because that way I'm like, oh my god, if they were the same person, they would be shana Oh my god, I can't believe that like when you split me up part of it come two girls on summer house Yeah, because she went to us like this and page stocks like this And then I know talks like this And Chris and talk like this, good girl Good girl

Basically it's two impersonations for four characters. That's why we're really happy I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm about to kill this cast for I do not need to hear about Amanda and Kyle's update on their relationship 20 times in episode every single episode because this this show takes place over the course of like five days. Yeah, we've just heard this all Kyle Kyle's like yeah you know everything's going great with me and Amanda like it turns out that you just have to make your loved one a priority. Whoa, got it figured out. Got it figured out. I was like, he's gonna cheat in five, four, three, two. Yeah, it's like, I don't think I need like an update every 10 minutes to say,

man, deny, or in a better place than we've ever been in before. It's like, okay, we get it. We can see and then we have Amanda saying, well, I've made my rules for Kyle. And if he breaks them, then he breaks them. It's like, yes, we understand. We remember from 10 minutes ago. If he cheats on me, why more, he's cheating. OK.

If he cheats on me, why more, why? If he thinks he's getting this guacamole, if he cheats, he's sorely mistaken, Kyle. OK, you get it anyway. I can't get over you cheating on me. Kyle, okay, you get it anyway. I can't get over you cheating on me. Yes, I will move in with you. I'm so glad you're back.

What? Yes, I will invest my money in a beverage company that will most likely go belly up. So Sunday, this means that Jordan is doing his usual thing. Watching church and bed. Sino, we are sinners of the Lord loves us. It's a great way to start a day. Jordan is doing his usual thing. Watching church and bed. SINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN The trucker in a harlot. What's human trafficking? I don't know. He loves everybody. I guess that's the point. He's like, he loves the donut maker. The street sweeper, the hollet, the murderer.

Any lady, could we stop mixing everybody in together like that? I know he loves everybody, but you know seriously. So yeah, so Kyle and Amanda have this they're still debating whether or not to put a deposit down on their apartment as if anyone really cares about the inner workings of a apartment application. And meanwhile Lindsey and Danielle are talking and Lindsey's like, um, remember the guy from the same parts party. Yeah, he literally fought up and said he wants to take me out. And I was like, that's so funny because like Everett would be like, let's go out. And then when he'd be out, he'd be like, let's go in. And then when he'd be like, let's go out. And I'd be like, I want. I want to.

And Colin and Madder are having sex in bed. And she's like, wait a minute. Did you already? And he's like, yeah, she goes, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm thing. It's not going to last for long. If he goes just like you Kyle. So then Kyle and Amanda again, he's like, oh, so we're going to pull the trigger on this thing. Shake it. It freaks me out in the best way ever Kyle, but you know what?

Let's do it. So he tells her, OK, the apartment, we owe them 22 grand is first month's last month and broke her speed how much money is this fucking apartment does that make it like what mine grand 10 grand I literally I don't know I mean are they buying it or they renting I mean I don't it's got to be no Well broke his first one yeah, if it's first month last month last month last month some broke $20,000 for an apartment and like they're, they're probably going to be off in like great neck, you know, with like binoculars to look at like the end part of state building. Okay. It's ridiculous.

So he tells her, I have the money in my account. So maybe later you can pay me back and she says, I like that. Maybe part. Yeah. So that's a good reason to get over cheating too. In the man, like, pays a $22,000 deposit, which includes the first month's rent you go boy Not as first deposit of the day. Yo, so Then we see Amanda doing what she does best cutting avocado in the kitchen and Page has found like a bucket of water and she's just sticking her face in it She's just because she's like my face is whirling so I have to do this it I turn this, put this swelling down. And so she's like, Carl, Carl, do it. Give it a try, Carl, because I was like, all right, Jens. So he like puts his face in it. And he's like, hold on,

it actually feels amazing. It feels amazing right now. Okay. And he just dunking his head in the bucket open over again. I did it. I just proved that I'm ready to get married. So totally new guy, Carl 3.0. I can't wait to see your family and then have our new traditions of dunking our faces in cold water in the morning. Yeah. Southering is the dunking. And she's like, you're welcome for chanting. You're welcome for chanting your life in so many ways. She's like, yeah, without a job, it's like hard to treat a girl how she deserves to be treated.

So like, I need to get a job so I can treat a girl like the way that she needs to be treated. So you also need to get a job to pay your rent and stay alive. Okay. Get your head out of the Putee-te clouds. Yeah, also she clearly only needs a bucket of water. Okay. So like, really, you're over thinking it. All I could really think while I was watching this scene was, this is ice machine privilege. Like you know that these people have an ice maker in their freezer in that beautiful home as someone who's been filling up ice trays for years. I was like, you just waste that ice page.

Go ahead, just waste it. Some of us have to work very hard for that ice. Yeah. And also, by the way, her face looked no different before and after the dunking. I didn't understand the whole thing and it bothered me. Although I thought it was funny that they were sort of like pre-torturing themselves because inevitably, you know, Carl is going to like run afoul of some drug dealer and they're going to torture him and he's like, no, I'm already prepared. Yeah, dunk me in it. Yeah, I can do it. Yeah, it's great. It feels great. It's actually very

refreshing. It's like waterboarding. Yeah. He's totally fine with it. He's like, was that called waterboarding? Where can I get this done? I need to get this done every day of my life. This is amazing. I'm ready to be a dad. Yeah. No, this is great. I'm like, right, I have a long term relationship with this waterboarding right now. It's actually having my legs up. It's like very comfortable for me.

So the gang decides they're gonna have a Christmas and July party to celebrate birthdays in the house as Jordan and Amanda's birthday, which, oh my God, that's so sad that they have the same kind of astrology. They share the same time. Yeah. So they decide they're gonna do a Christmas

and July party and Danielle is like, oh my God, I love Christmas. I am here for it. Just like I am here for the D. I am wacky. Dixer on! Damn, Dix, damn, sir! Dix, Prancer! Rudolph the Red Nose dick bomb! DICK NINE! DICK AND MY HOLY NINE! DICK AND THE WORLD THE DICK HAS COME! DICKY, DICKY, DICK! the dick has come. Dickey Dickey Dic. Jingle dick, jingle dick, jingle dick all the way.

So then they decide to do Secret Santa and pick shit out of the pineapple and pick names out of the pineapple and then yells down all the names so every single name is dick. So good luck getting gifts guys. I'm excited to give you a gift to dick and get one from dick because I'm here for the dick. Of course, like, wait a minute. So we're going to pick names out of a pineapple. So how do I do it? I just pick a name. I'm going to like like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm in but you walking around that poo when you're little and telling everyone you were the number one guy on Fisher Price Oh, those were the days Remember when you had that girl convinced you were a Lego model So she's proud she's like just still endlessly proud of him for moving selling us stuff

I'm moving to New York and he's like yeah, I was too big of a fish for Atlanta. So I had to move to New York. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Too big of a fish for Atlanta. It's not like Atlanta, some put on down, okay? Relax, sir. But this is the editor's just so funny because every time he tells a story, like, yeah, I was a big fish for Atlanta. So I went on Craigslist and I caught the fuck out of there.

And then they show the picture of him as a little kid and he's in a garage sale. Like what is this? What are all these pictures of him doing weird things? It's like when he talked about all the friends he had and they just showed him as a sad lonely kid in a tree, you know, we're a lonely helicopter. He went on to do sales from at betchas.com because he was sick of doing sales like a garage sales. So he's like, yeah, great. And so

his mom's like, oh, sorry, go ahead. No, no, you can do yours. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were at the end. His mom's like, honey, just stay true to yourself, Jordan. You are a God fear and Christian. You are not like everybody else out there sitting in the way, eating three days after dinner. Come on, Jordan, you can do it. You say, um, they think that I'm like totally not as hot as I am, but they don't get it. And what they know, can't hurt them. She's like, don't worry. Soon it's time to have kids and get married. Might be more of the same as everybody else. And he's like, my parents don't get it. This isn't a phase.

I'm single and I'm killing it. Yeah, he goes, my family's really religious They have no idea the extent of what's going on up here the drinking the partying the girls like um I think there's drinking and partying girls down Atlanta too, okay Trust me we've been there. Yeah, you don't want to know but yeah look up our look up our bonus episode about going to swinging Richards that was in Atlanta Okay Yeah, I'm like bonus episode by going to swinging Richards. That was in Atlanta. Okay. Yeah. I'm like, okay.

Like what, what's the deal? You know what, you're just like a linear, a linear, a linear, okay, you can swim. Okay, like how about, how about, how about go to Atlanta? Okay, how about go to Coca-Cola Factory? And be like, okay, who wants a blowjob? Okay, they do it there too, okay.

Yeah, you think you're gonna, you think you're gonna get less face swelling than your face nice? How about you get slapped by a dick a couple of times, all right? Gents, this is call 3.0. I haven't met my quota, but guess what? I have got more life.

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Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. So they all leave to go back to the city like they're driving yeah I know so we get back to the city and we got like the like recycled b-roll footage of like Lindsey working where she's like I think we're gonna have some jolan in the topping rows and I think we're gonna have then jolan and we're gonna have a big jolon moment. So for Joulon, then you just see Kyle. Kyle has been like at his standing desk all season long. Like they clearly like shot him for an hour and are just like distributing these

like little bits of it across the entire season. Yeah, I love that standing desk. I tried to do it sometimes when we do our TV party thing. So I'm like, I'm tired. Yeah, it takes me a little bit more time to do it. I'm like, I love that standing desk. I tried to do it sometimes when we do our TV party thing. So I'm like, I'm tired. Yeah, it takes me like, I stand for maybe five minutes. Does that count towards anything? Yeah, I mean, I'd love the idea of a standing desk. The only difference I would make for it is that I would like to sit, you know, but other than that,

it'd be great. Yeah, totally. We just need one tweak to this. Yeah, I'm sure I had like a chair to it and it would be I'm totally in on the standing desk. So then we cut to Danielle who's packing with her mom and brother. And I don't know if she's packing for, uh, for her new apartment because she's moving. Yeah. Or if she's packing Christmas decorations and then I was like question mark, question mark. And then I wrote, I don't fucking care. I'm like, who cares Why are they even showing this? I think that like I think Danielle was under the impression that this scene was gonna be a lot more significant because the scene was basically like I mean this is a big deal like I when I moved in here to New York

I had four roommates and now to move to my own place that I can afford on my own is such a big deal and her mom's like Yeah, I'm gonna pack that up., I had another thing mom and then just like transitions to like another scene, like mid sentence. I was just shooting. Are we still shooting? No. So then Lindsay comes over to Kyle's place and she said, not, not, not, not, is there a saying here? I'm trying to go straight for the rosé. And she's over there to help him get a present together for Amanda and she suggested that she eat he get pictures put in a frame. So meaningful pictures that they can put up in their new

apartment. And she tells us he's like a brother to me. We learn it out in a rocking place. And I'm like, can I give you a help on the matters? Yeah, no, wow, just how far we've gone. Or just how bored you are this afternoon. So or how much you didn't want to have to go to the print shop by himself. Yeah, exactly. So Lindsay's telling Kyle that he has to make a grand gesture for Amanda to show that he really like loves her because when I moved in with Avra, I moved in and thinking like here I am like I'm starting a new life with somebody we're about to go straight for the rosé together. And he like couldn't pros Prioritize our relationship. It's like why are you talking about every right now? You're literally you talking about every right now. You're literally thinking about special things. Go to Slimzie, like she could never be on CNN. She'd be like, um, my

main thing is they're happening in pairs right now. It reminds me of every thing is not getting really hard. My feelings in Paris and that'll ever be the same to me. When I turned on, uh, burn down, it like reminded me about like how I've right, like really burned on our relationship. And like, yeah, we haven't been around in the middle ages, but I kind of feel like our love has been around forever. So that's almost just of feel like our love has been around forever So that's almost just as bad if not worse am I right everyone? I mean we may not have been around in the middle ages But we are in our middle ages. It's like time to get serious

Yeah, like I'm sorry that there wasn't a book right about us called the humpback I'm not sure damn but there's definitely like the humping of Alfred and Lindsay, okay? So then she's like oh I'm so Montgomery, my man. I was like one of the most ever, I was like, I'm gonna love everyone. They're like, I am all, I was like, oh my god, just shut up, get out of my apartment. No, someone dangles some rosé in the hallway,

so she leaves. So then we go to the Museum of Sex where Paige and Hannah are looking at Dildos and stuff. And basically page doesn't really like talking about sex but Hannah loves it she's like my mom told me how to give a blowjob she didn't want her kid to be a loser and be like what's a blowjob, Nestle ranked tennis champion, blowjob champion. Well sexuality is a beautiful thing but I don't want to talk about it. All I have in my mind is my

mom being like I'm making a video about Lasagna, okay? You're gonna learn how to make Bakes-E-D-C you don't look like an idiot in school, okay? Well I guess our mothers have different priorities then. So the issue is that it's been all week and Carl hasn't texted page at all and during last episode Carl had this whole moment at the at this party that they went to the white party which is hilarious I always think it's funny when they go to things like that. So it was actually the same parts party and Carl was like yeah I really want to be like you know I want to be a man sort of family with you and be committed to you for the rest of my life so it's like okay Carl so why don't you

do some basic things like asking me on a date? He's like, yeah, sure thing. But now he has a calendar. Yeah, to put classic Carl, but you know what? In Carl's defense, he's broke. He just lost his job. Yeah, like I don't think he's probably not able to call her and say you want to have dinner. Yeah, he probably had to retire his cricket wireless phone until he could afford a new contract. But you could at least say like, hey, do you want a face-to-boy dinner? Oh, it would be awesome. You could watch me dinner. It's going to be great. I can make some kind of effort, you know? Yeah. She's like, yeah. Um, here's the thing. Like, we make out sometimes, but I don't talk to him during the week.

And if you like a girl, you text her during the week. Okay. Which is true, by the week. Yeah, which is true by the way Carl Reformed fuck boy you're supposed to like send like a text or something. All right 3.0 not like 3.7 All right, like it's like the first generation of three 1.0 back I've just added gifts to my messaging all right We've got we've got some things to iron out. Come back in a couple of iterations.

I just moved from my space to Facebook, so just give me a moment here. I'm trying to end up saying this whole messenger thing. Your carl has automatic updates available. These fixes include calling girls on the weekday. So would you like to restart your computer right now? Would you like to send a report to Apple? Carl quit unexpectedly. Would you like to send a report?

I highly recommend it. It's really great. So, um, let's see Carl and his friend, Dia. No, Dia. Dia. So, Dia. Yeah, Carl is meeting up with this girl, Dahlia. They meet at this outdoor cafe and he's like, oh, it's a toast to water.

Yeah, she's like, okay, can we just get those out of her way? You know, the first thing you do when you lose your job is you go to your network. And I met Dahlia at a networking event, which means she's part of my network now. So I went to her and she goes, you know what you need to do, Carl? Here's what you need to do. You need to focus on your paragraph on your LinkedIn. It's like, yeah, because I'm the king of bullshit. Like Carl, that's not what you're supposed to say on your on your LinkedIn thing. I also like that when he said, uh, doll, yo, this is this is sort of like it took a lot of balls for me to do this, but, uh,

I got like, uh, and she goes, get out of here. She's like, yeah, no, it's being sarcastic. Of course, you got like, oh, your Carl. I mean, get out of here. She's like, yeah, no, it's being sarcastic. Of course you got let go your Carl I mean get out of here. I'm paying for this bill anyway. We all know it You know, I actually pulled up Carl's LinkedIn because I was I just needed to see it after he mentioned having to revise his paragraph So I'm on his LinkedIn Carl right key partner and senior advisor as spot phone technologies. Yeah So here's the paragraph that I need to update sales representative with a proven track record of top performance, including successful

launches of products, additional technologies, ability to quickly establish influence and credibility through a consolidated selling and effective communication of current product landscape through pure to pure experiences. Also, you can put your weight on me. Yeah, what? Also, you don't have to worry about me calling you for lunch on a weekday. So it should just say, I'm a jack of all trades and a master of patient. All right.

Carl. Yeah. Carl. He also is a cohost of a podcast called One question XYZ. And guess who his cohost is D? Dahlia. Oh really? We'll look at that. Yeah, I guess that's the networking meeting. You know who might have made fun of your network meeting, you know? Yeah, exactly. So yeah, they started their podcast in November.

So if anyone's looking for a good podcast that's like, says down for like real talk with real industry experts to bring an insider's perspective on everything related to both marketing and sales and Morning Wood then go turn over to one question XYZ. Yeah So back at the girl's sex shop day Hannah's like the fact that last week and he said he likes you Oh, I hate when guys say that I hate when they just tell you what they want to hear. Oh my god. Look. It's a vibrating cock ring for blow jobs Yeah, yeah, it's like um, I'll stick to hear. Oh my god, look, it's a vibrating coquering for blow jobs. Yeah. She had a crazy like, um, I'll stick to it. Keychain.

Keychain. Yeah. I'm having a good. Okay. She's like, can we please get out of here? She's like, okay. Oh my god, look, bup plugs. I think I'll just get us in Chris Bar.

So now we're back to going, it's time to go back to the Hamptons and Carl and Paige and Hannah and like maybe Jordan are in the car. Yeah and so Paige is like I have to burp. It's like uh burp or sweetie pie yeah that's the sort of commitment you'll get for me Carl your future must have been. And he's like yeah like I'm your future burp in front of me and he's like, yeah, like I'm your future burping front of me and she's, oh, is that what we are? And he's like, um, we're friends slowly falling in love and think I'm I think at the memo. Did you check your spam folder? Yeah? Yeah, I'm like, they just bampled their joke, adding that on my LinkedIn. Carl Radke knows how to do processes and inventors and also understands what a spam folder is. Yeah. knows how to do processes and inventors and also understands what a spam folder is. Yeah. And then page I think speaks for all of us.

When she says, Carl talks a lot of talk, but he doesn't walk the walk. And I like the opposite. Walk the walk, shutting your mouth. Yeah. More love, more life. Yeah. So Carl, I mean, Carl is so eager to impress page and the instance that like at one point, it was at Hannah or page someone says like I want to pick all and he's like pickles are the best yeah yeah I like to put down the record public record of pickles are the best and therefore it's proof that I am Carl 3.0 pickle friendly yeah Brad Rafty pickles LinkedIn yeah so Hannah's like oh has sex outside who's my Valentine and page goes if that's still a thing no no page sex outside. Who's my Valentine? And Paige goes, is that still a thing?

No, no, Paige, they've canceled Valentine's day because Carl didn't call you during the week. Yeah, exactly. He called you during your Wednesday night spray tan session. Yeah. Then Hannah describes her date. She's like, British Dave is the first guy went on after I got rid of my axe.

And like, it was like a got in a car crash. And I had PTSD. And I don't want to just jump into the first car, but Dave isn't like a scary van or anything. He's like a really fine accurate. Yeah. I loved that comparison. A nice accurate. That's a great, that's exactly what I think you want out

of a man. Yeah, totally dependable, cheaper than a Honda. Yeah, but in the same family, so it's just as reliable. Yeah, exactly. It's not cheaper, but it's nicer than a Honda. I mean, the leather is the same on both. Yeah, exactly. So they all arrive at the house, and Kyle has a bunch of loveable icons,

and people are showing up, and Lindsay's like, Carlito. I'm a, I'm a, no. That's all there. I'm lost. I'm lost in some, I'm lost in some of our house. Sorry to catch up here. I'll just say no. I just like literally nothing.

Okay. Carlito street. I was a. Oh, so oh, here's what happened. So Dave from the, from the car that right before they come. So Hannah's like, oh my, British Dave, you look so handsome. Why aren't you wearing a shirt right now? Oh, by the way, did Max say that you come to the haptons this weekend?

He's like, he's Max said I could come. It would be a fun. Dave's like, Dave's like, is Paige okay okay? And so Paige they give the phone to Paige and she's like You can bring your friend you can bring your friend to the potah Guys are now, but I think this is at all So basically Paige is just invited a hot guy to come to the party in front of Carl So now he's like stewing and really mad. I don't know how I missed that entire chunk of the scene.

I fully missed it. Yeah, that's why Carl is having a fit the rest of the episode. I was trying to track back what I was like, I was like, I was like, Carl is so mad that she invited Max. When did she invite Max? And that's where it happened. I don't know. I just somehow missed it.

I must have been like, just like in my own head thinking about that great, accurate comment. I mean, like, that's great. I'm just going to think about that for a moment. Oh, it's a new scene. I'm sure I didn't miss anything Well Hannah invited him, but they they made sure that they got the confirmation from page as she gave the confirmation So cars like to see like pickles too. I don't think so LinkedIn don't think so more like LinkedIn. I'm alright high five someone high five anyone anyone No, just make me hold this hand up for the next two hours in the car because I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it um I'm pouring water into my cup so please take care of water same with our crystal

so they so now they're at back at the house uh Carl's hand is tired from how trying to get this high five and uh they're all putting up the house. Carl's hand is tired from trying to get his high five. And they're all putting up Christmas decorations because it's gonna be the big Christmas and July party. And Jordan has hung up some missile zone. He's like, oh, who wants to stay in London here with me? I'm in just number one bachelor. Anyone? Anyone?

No. Nobody does, but then the girls pretend to make out. Under it. Like the second he moves out of the way. Yeah. And Carl is just being totally bitchy now. He's like, I don't really even like Christmas that much. Like, I don't like it.

Like, like what's the point of Christmas? Like Carl, then just do something for Hanukkah then. Representing, represent my people at least. Don't complain so much. Yeah. And Hannah knows why it's man. She's like the second page and probably that guy to the party, he got so mad.

It's actually funny to watch. And he is like stalking all around the house. He's like, whoa, look, you know what? You don't just, uh, cow, cause cow tell some, and then I deal world. You don't step directly on the lights, Carl. And he's like, well, no, no, no, I deal world. You don't put lights directly on the ground. Whoa, slam. Bang, bang. I like, I like,. I like Carl's inability to walk over Christmas lights when they're on the floor. So if you're on the floor, you can get stepped on. Sorry. It's a rule of Carl. You can have a plan for this thing.

Do we even have a plan? Because we need a plan. This is ridiculous. And the man is like, did we not take the struggle bus? Kyle! He's like, all right, we've got to do this. Let's stay on task. Okay, I got a pie chart. I just updated my LinkedIn to say I we're trying to do this. Let's stay on task. Okay, I got a pie chart.

I just updated my LinkedIn to say I'm really going to do this. And if I don't see this through, then that's gonna be a real problem. Okay, so let's make a big, let's use a giant giant pad and write in giant giant font. So it negates the whole reason to have a giant giant pad. Okay, ready? Okay, let's do it.

Jordan's like stopping a cringe, bro. Carl says, hey, Christmas, you guys are bastards. I'm gonna take out the trash. Which now, you know what, I would never suggest dating Carl because he won't call you on the weekday. We all know it, but he does take out the trash a lot. So I don't know.

I love doing that. Yeah, he's always taking out the trash. So at this point, like that's really all I'm looking for. Carl. Yes, I will marry you. Thank you. He goes, can everyone just focus for one second? I mean, we look like idiots. I'm like, this is the thing that made you realize that this is like, so

guess, uh, does anyone want to help tackle these tasks and page guess? I don't. Look, that's it. Bye. Uh, he's not a pretty good. Everything I do know. Bye. Bye. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be crazy Wacky Daniel got my own apartment and I still need some D so if someone has some D We're on episode six or seven now and I haven't gotten the D so anyone want to see this through for me great

And then Amanda's role Amanda's rolling dough my my way with a vodka bottle. Yeah, totally works. It does Yeah, totally works. I mean, I prefer a full one, but you know what? How often do people have a full vodka bottle in their house? If you do, you're doing it wrong. Well, I will say this I used to do I used to roll dough out with a vodka bottle, but then someone got me a rolling pin and I'm not gonna lie. It's kind of a game changer. I Have a big marble rolling pin, but it's way on the top of my I don't have you know You see in my apartment my apartment is like shoebox and so it's all the way on top of the cabinets Which the microwaves wave is on top of that and then it's on top of the microwave and so whenever I

Move it it like it has a very good chance of falling on my head and I don't want to die by rolling pin in my house You know, no, you don't you don't want to be like in, I actually have two rolling pins because someone got me like a standard one That has the two little handles and like the like a little squeaky thing was like And then someone got me like a French rolling pin Which is like, you know, long and like tapered on the ends and that's like supposed to be the better one And so for a long time I was always trying to use that French rolling pin But it's like so big and someone will be like never really worked the way I needed to and the final is like, okay I'm gonna use this like dinky one and that's like so good. It's such a good rolling pin

Makes a difference that is your LinkedIn profile right there Paragraph hi, I'm Karl Radke and I'm a professional seller of rolling pins. Yeah So there's some talk between page and Amanda about the deposit for the apartment, but does anyone care? I don't No, it's difficult things like um, there's a line has a tent about but I've learned every day To tell Kyle I'm leaving if he ever sees oh my god Kyle is fucking the mailman Kyle stop He does that again. Yeah, so so meanwhile upstairs Danielle is asking Lindsay about Payman and she's like well Payman um he goes straight for the text messages he's like every day he's like good morning but be told I'm like oh god it's so

contained it's this the this Eto thing is like spreading even on to like minor minor characters on the summer house. What's going on? Objection to the toe. So, like, I don't know anything, they're in the wing. But I was like, right there, I'm like, I'm like, nobody ever calls me. I'm like, you call me? And then like, with armor, I never felt anything.

And then I hear things every day, even though he's in great line. He's like, I don't see we don't. And like, armor I never felt anything and then I hear things every day even though he's in great life He's like I don't see we don't And like I feel butterflies you have to I'm a girl That this guy dated Carol on problem Carol rats well Yeah, this is an auto Carol's so gross. It's just that he's he's lurking around Bravo people.'s bad. Bad. I think that's sort of a turn on for Lindsay. Sort of establishes her place in Bravo. Right. So meanwhile downstairs Carl continues to be very sour about this Christmas plan. He's like,

I mean, he's just like, oh, oh, oh, oh, and he goes, I mean, I'm already not a big Vano Christmas. And then pay just treating me like an ice queen. And she's got like, guys coming over. But like, I'm taking a straw. And guess what? I got a lot of game. I support the Opera Crombie. I mean, come on.

Didn't you see my LinkedIn? Opera Crombie. From 2002 to 2017, okay? So they basically just get decorated for Christmas, et cetera, et cetera. Make up new words for the 12 days of Christmas. Yeah. Page doesn't want me. Carl doesn't idiot. And Cal goes, I have a boner. And then Carl's like, don't give me three balls. No, he's like, I can't take any more balls. I've already got three. All right. And Daniel's Danielle's like, and Paige and a Carl in a pantry.

And Paige and Hannah give each other like, ew. Thanks. They're like over. It's just like, I can't believe I spent time in a pantry, but the guy who didn't call me during the week. Yeah. I mean, the only reason why I was in that pantry

was because I just wanted to sneak some EL fudges in, okay? So Kyle leaves his beer and some cookies for Santa under the fireplace and later in the night we see Santa come down like, do I have to eat everybody's fucking thirsty ass brand? I'm still shitting from the skinny girl I had down the street. I know. They now got a different lover boy. Fine. Whatever happened to milk? Yeah

So I'll try to use Santa to sell your shit. I'm Santa Claus. Damn it So now they're all getting ready payment face times Lindsay and He's like she's like what because he's in Greece and she's like wow that's beautiful out there What a beautiful view. He's like your face is beautiful. Oh God She's like, oh my god. I can't believe it. I'm like grace like everybody's dancing. He's in Greece. He's like in the musical Greece He's just in a vat of Greece So

Carl's like tell me more tell me more like does he have a car? Tell me more like does he have a car So Said Carl comes down the stairs and he sees page that like right at the front door and he's like Hi, pagey. How's it going and she's like hey Carl? We're gonna go get rid of we're gonna get facials so she and Danielle go off to get facials and Carl just goes Honestly Ridiculous, okay It's like the two birthday people should be getting facials not those girls Yeah, and the man is like, huh? You're girl, man, I'm out of Carl

He's like, well, I guess it does something like maybe I didn't call last week, but oh I would expect that we've had one on one time together right now, but like I'm annoyed. That's it I'm just annoyed. It's just a warning. It's really disappointing yeah like basically Patre said like buy I worked out the door like like I haven't worn it right now I'm just supposed to just like walk around with that for no reason you know it's like every time I have to go into the pantry to get something boner I just fucked a box of triskins so I'm upset I'm pretty I'm pretty depressed about it hey guys I don't know if you heard but um honestly I'm just not a big Christmas guy. Have I mentioned that?

I'm like when the girl fades is like we're gonna get a face shot and then she's like oh my god That's self-biting you that you guys are getting facial Okay, let's see. Oh yeah, would you care to elaborate on that? Oh yeah, would you care to elaborate on that? Oh. Okay, so then let's see here. Danielle and Paige go get a massage and talk about how they obviously have the same taste men because they both fucked Carl.

And Danielle, Danielle just trying to be hilarious. I feel bad for Danielle because she seems like a nice girl, you know, but God bless her heart. She's like, what's the facial still to know that I'm here for Daniel because she seems like a nice girl. Yeah. But God bless her heart. She's like, what's the facial still don't know that I'm here for it. I know. Right. She's about not knowing what a facial is.

You weirdo. She's waiting for the dick. She's like, all right, just tell me when the dick's going to be here. It doesn't, it's not that, not that kind of it. It's a real facial. So basically they make a pact. She will page ask what it was like dating Carl and Daniel's like, well, like, I wouldn't hear from him.

And then I wouldn't hear from him for like a week. And then I wouldn't hear from him for longer than a week. And like, honestly, it was like literally terrifying. It was like a roller coaster, but you know, like one of those, like, kitty roller coasters that when you get on, like, when you're like five, you're like, that was the most crazy roller coaster, but then when you're an adult, you're like, is this even a roller coaster? like five, like that was the most crazy roller coaster, but then when you're an adult, you're like, is this even a roller coaster?

So they make a pact that if they're into the same guy and then page is like, if we're the same guy, we're going to rock paper scissors it because that's what adults do. Yeah. And you know that, like for sure, pages, even if they do do rock paper and scissors, page will probably win because she'll do rock. and you just know that Danielle is the type that always says scissors. I mean it's got it's someone's bound to give me paper someday. So the back at the party, people are arriving and we get to see British Dave. And Hannah tells us a little bit about her city other relationship and stuff. Some thought she found British Dave. He seems nice. He seems nice And and then of course she and Amanda are like talking about moving in again

And Amanda and like Kyle needs to grow up and Hannah's like well, you know him decided to move in with you Is actually a pretty like mature decision. He is growing up and then it like cuts to Kyle and Carl Moaning both the girls from the balcony is growing up and then it like cuts to Kyle and Carl moving both the girls from the balcony. And then man we go see these daggers you're not gonna see them tonight because they're gonna be up Carl's butt. Oh my god yeah that was your Christmas present. Yeah so yeah they're all in their costumes Jordan is making these proclamations he's like 30 feels great I mean things are just gonna get better and better look at Kyle and Carl're killing it. One guy just spent all of his life savings on a pipe dream and one guy just got let go from a very basic sales job.

I'm telling it. I'm like, you've been 30 for one second. Stop making, stop making assessments. So then they all open their presence. They gave each other for Secret Santa. And Paige gives Amanda a key and she's like, yeah, that's a key to my apartment. So that whenever you're sick of being cheated on by your boyfriend, you can come visit me. Also, I forgot that we were supposed to get each other gifts and like, can I borrow that key by me?

Because I need to get back into my apartment. Thanks. Thanks. That's funny. Thanks. Thanks. That's funny. Um, so then Kyle's like, um, Amanda, um, I know we said we were going to be giving gifts, but here is a freeing photo of the first time we met when we were slammered and we had sex in the back of Tequila Nacho face. That restaurant we love. Get some hands up. No Tequila Nacho face that restaurant we love. It's a man. No Tequila Nacho face.

Get up my ass Lindsey. I'm at Albrac. I was never been to Tequila Nacho face. The best burritos. So I'm gonna make Kyle Kyle. This is taking my breath away. It shows how much he's grown. And for the first time we're on the same page,

like literally these pictures are printed. Yeah. This is on new sleep paper. And he's like, we got to prove for the apartment. And they're all like, yeah, they're all cheering as if you just got a massive promotion. You got to prove for apartment. It's like, congratulations. You're never going to have another dollar to spend to get on your life on your entire for your entire life So now I'll have the month of New York Yeah, so now everyone's arriving and like as you say obviously Dave and his hot British friend Matt

Well, they're both British, but Max whoo So they walk in and also I love Dave's ugly sweater I really enjoy it and I would wear it as a normal sweater to be honest And Paige is like oh, I like Max. You know, I just want to marry him so I can have a child that just says mum So then Jordan and Carl are talking on the balcony and Carl's like bro happy birthday Seriously, it's your birthday like literally happy lit birthday, okay? And Jordan's like yeah, you know, I feel good. I'm at this point in my life.

I'm like doing great things like I look good, I model. I mean, I'm the most eligible bachelor on an app. Carl just like does a face slap. He's like, oh good. Kyle's like, ah, you can't say that anymore. You're not allowed to say that anymore. Stop saying that. The congratulations Jordan, hinge is a sponsor of the site I'm not sure if you're going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going round up on sites. Yeah, I was okay, cube. It's most okay. Oh, is anybody thirsty? Sorry, all the liquids going to Lindsay right now guys. So we go into the kitchen and Lindsay's

like, I'm going on like I'm I never go. And she's pulled down her top and it's just wearing her nipple clamps for her guests. No. Did you see the look on British Dave's face? Uh, he was like, this is how people look at British people's teeth. Okay. Look, I'm giving you right now. Uh, so, um, uh, so then we see the first signs of problems because Danielle is now eyeing Max. Even though Max and Paige have been clearly flirting the entire time, now Danielle is watching from a, from afar.

She's like, all right, yeah, he's hot. I'm gonna do my classic slow shimmy towards him where I move my shoulders from the left to the right as if I'm listening to an old song by Shade. But I'm actually walking. So there's Kyle, Kyle turns on like a foam machine. There's foam everywhere. So there's Kyle, Kyle turns on like a foam machine. There's foam everywhere. And Amanda is talking to Lindsay about the photos that Kyle gave her and she's like, oh, I never knew that there was this sweet side of Kyle. I'm like, you've been dating him for three years and like, he showed you one picture frame. Like, how do you not know about this sweet side?

And also, how is this evidence of it? I'm like, angry. I haven't eaten today. It's very, very, very. Thanks for showing him that side of himself, Lindsay. We'd say and also how is this evidence of it? I'm like angry. I haven't eaten today Thanks for showing him that side of himself So then Max is talking to page Max the British one and pages like so what do you do? He's like oh my job is dreadfully boring. I'm a consultant. She's That is boring I'm a consultant. That is boring. That is.

Yeah. So, of course, like, oh, she's totally flirting with him on a floaty right now. I've got to make a grand gesture. So, he goes in and he gets a piece of birthday cake. Yes. And he jumps on this big floaty there all along. You, Carl, what's that? No.

He does not jump on the floaty. Oh, yeah, he follows. He walks. Everyone's, they're all in the pool pool and everyone's like jumping on the floaty You know, everyone's like do it do it do it so Carl comes with his cake And he's like, oh, I'm just gonna jump on the floaty like everyone else But there's all this foam and he can't see and he just walks into the pool with a piece of cake Oh my god, everyone that watched that five times because there's like nothing more

perfect than watching Carl be like, all right, Jen's just gonna make up. Here goes my grand gesture. Here comes the grand gesture. Yeah, so he's committed to this anyway, you know, he's just falling into the pool with a piece of cake. There's bubbles everywhere. So he's like, hold me the stool, try and feed it to page. Oh, God.

Oh, where is that? Yeah, she's like, no, Carl, I don't want a piece of chocolate cake that's already been incline of wetters. So the other thing is that he goes, he tells us he's like, I've been going through a lot of shit. I lost my job. So page flirting with other guys right in front of me after like everything I've talked about and like our connection, like, it's fucked up. I'm like, oh, really? You should probably watch seasons one and two and see how you treated Lauren work as. I know it's even coming back full circle with the cake thing, you know, because this is what the work is did as Danielle puts it.

She's like, I can't believe Carl, who's been a victim of a cake out is now trying to cake out. Like Danielle, please stop trying to make slang late nighting cake out. Poor bless her heart. She does try so hard. And you're the right. She seems so nice. But she's trying hard.

Yeah. So Paige is like, um, I can't believe you put cake in my face, Carl. He's like, oh, yeah, I guess that was my deal. It was not ideal. All right, we'll just go back to your friends because I just wanted to look stupid. So I guess I've achieved that. It's like, I'm getting a drink, Carl. So much for my grand gesture.

Oh, every time he said grand gesture, it just made me think of a rest of development. It made me think of the Grand Lex Cafe, which is not closed. Oh. So Carl stomping around like an angry big bird. So Lindsay is like, Carl, are you okay? I'd love to hear what's going on in your mind and then quickly relate it to Everett.

Okay, what's going on? And he's like, oh, look, this page is seeing like, I'm over it. But she's not even saying anything. Like, I get it. She's 25. She's hot. But like, gonna be honest, I'm the best guy she's ever gonna meet in her entire life. Like, I'm seriously, literally serious, literally. Yeah. She doesn't even have the balls to tell me that she's not interested. I'm like, I think the fact that she's ignoring you is pretty

much her way of saying she's not interested. Yeah, she's flirting with a guy right in front of you. Yeah. And so he's like, you know what? I'm 33 and I like want a serious relationship to start new Christmas members with and have new like cake fights with and like new little family that I can walk around and be like, honestly, I'm not a Christmas guy, you know, and like she doesn't give a fuck. And then he goes, guess what? Avra did the same thing to me. I was like, Avra, I was like, Avra rat like I'm getting older and you're not taking this seriously

I'm like really So I'm clumsy and by the way hand in page are listening to all of this. Oh, yeah, you're them talking Yeah, it's like listening to your great ants talk about you know deals are picking safe So what are these old people even talking about and say and It's like I read them under my name because well how did you deal with it? She says I'm not I'm not and she goes move the fuck on and he's like fun on moving on and then Lindsay and Hannah are like oh my god the old people think that they're jumping with me. Really? Exactly. That was the episode. Oh, so good. That was the end of Summer House, everybody.

Thanks so much for being here this week. We will be back next week. Don't forget to go get your tickets for Craft and Slave over at WatchUpCraft and that's also where you'll find links for your good bike houses. Which are down after this weekend. So, go get them. Suck us. Yeah, we'll talk to all of you guys on Monday.

Have a great weekend. Happy, pass a party. Sir, for those who celebrate. Oh, yeah. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens, Add Free on Amazon Music.

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