Watch What Crappens - SummerHouse: The Masked Finger — Live from Birmingham

Episode Date: February 7, 2020

Summer House is back, and everyone is talking about it. And so are we, duh! To celebrate the premiere, we're recapping this finger-lickin' good episode in Birmingham, AL! Well, technically it's Hoover, AL, but you get the point. Come check out our take on the latest Carl/Lindsay drama, Kyle's dinner table freakout, and our continued love for Paige and Hannah. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Incredible edible Matthew sisters! And... Mina Kuch kuchi kuchi! Watch what happens, watch what happens, who cares what happens when there's so much that Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Our Crappens. This is our live episode from Birmingham, Alabama, and that's about to start the first like 30 seconds were cut off so it just sort of starts and might sound a little weird because of that And before it does start let me just remind everyone that tomorrow we have New Orleans show big New Orleans show what by the time you listen to it it could be today

So if you're in the New Orleans area come see us. There's still a few tickets left. And then later this month, we're going to Kansas City, actually Lawrence, fucking Kansas, and Omaha, Nebraska. So that'll be super fun. Go to watchcraftens.com to get tickets for that. And here we go. I mean, Bravo's where my Lebanese side is like scared. You know, I'm like, summer house.

But yeah, what a fun show. And it really came back as idiotic as ever. It was great. That was really nice. And it's kind of happening where you see pictures of yourself from like last year on Facebook. And you're like, how did I get so old like this year? But it's only been a year.

It hasn't really been that long. And that's how Lindsey probably feels this year also. I was like, how did this happen? They're like, these kids and they're talking during dinner. Someone else was talking. Oh, man. Well, it's been really fun here at Sofarn Hoover. What lovely weather we've been working on every place we go. I actually loved the weather last night because we don't get rain in LA, so I was like,

what is this? I was coming down so hard. I actually got the weather last night because we don't get rain in LA, so I was like, what is this? I was coming down so hard. I actually got a leak in my hotel room. I don't know if anyone saw that, but it was like, at 4 a.m., all of a sudden I hear just like a... I know it was like, is that sheen at the door? Hello! But it was actually a leak.

It's a very slow couple having sex in my room next to ours. It's like the saddest bang on the wall ever, like it. Block. Block. Rob can finish in seven minutes or less. By the way, I have to say on a sentimental note. Well, first of all, this is my first time ever in Alabama, so this is very exciting. But Hoover, Alabama, I mean, can I go a little bit back?

Like, about 15 years ago, for me, Hoover, Alabama means two a days on MTV, right? Remember that show? I really was like fully expecting everyone to have those crazy bangs that all those kids had. Where they were like, let me brush my hair all the way down and then at the last second, super to the right. LAUGHTER

But did the teenager still have that look? Yeah! It was sort of like Justin Bieber had that look too for a moment. I was like, two of days, to someone else here, does anyone have no idea about that? I didn't know what to know. What, what, I mean, the flora bomb ashore with that, is that here, it has bama in it.

Is that here? Is that Florida? It has Bama in it. Is that here? Is that Florida? It's partially here, South. Well, there were a couple of ladies on the air. You know the Karen meme, like, oh, Karen, call the manager. There were a couple of ladies on the plane with the actual Karen hair. And I was like, oh, no.

But it's been really great here. We went to the seafood king last night. That was delightful. Do you guys go there? There's a ton of silence. We went to the seafood king last night. That was delightful. Do you guys go there? There's a ton of silence. The audience is like, is it the lighting? Is that why you hate it there?

Because they could work on their lighting. They're plain Jasmine Sullivan, so I like that. Yeah, we liked it. Yeah, everyone went gross. Sorry, seafood king. I was like a reverse plug. Sorry, seafood king. That was like, we did not mean it. We did. I was going to say it was like a reverse plug. Sorry, C-Food King. That was like, we did not mean to do this.

I was gonna say it was like, what do I know, you know? I thought I was eating healthy because it says seafood on it. Yeah. It was between seafood king and David Busters. No. No. Why people are saying, because I don't know why

those were the choices. I'll choose honestly, it's because what was open, because we arrived in the middle of like, this massive storm. And storm. It was like, this house was raining. Pee, ple, ple, ple, ple. Pee, ple, ple, ple.

It was very intense and I was like, danger. But they did tell us it was going to be a massive storm. Like the device is like, baby, I know. Don't make it down, it's a tornado, it's a tornado, darling. Emergency alert, you Savannah play his least of manner, but I'm the voice just coming through. Run, run, run.

Run, run. There was a flash flood warning, a flash flood of lies by Kyle Richards. Flash flood of the two. Yeah. I did get a flash flood,. I was like, no, shit, if you looked out the window, it was like the Mississippi River going down highway 495, whatever it's going. It's like, great, way to go, obvious alert. It's like, guys, it's raining out.

I just want to say something. I'm like, I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the beach. right, way to go, obvious alert. It's like, guys, it's raining out.

I just want to say sorry again to seafood kings. That wasn't. It was good. Had a decent hash puppy with some really thick tartar sauce. I was happy, I loved it. Yeah. OK, so let's get onto this first episode of season four. Oh, so my house.

Oh, and first, you want to do the show in show? They know where the frick they are. They've been sitting here for 15 minutes. Hopefully you would have left by now if you didn't know. But welcome to Bitch Sesh, the podcast is great. Welcome to WatchaCrap is a podcast about all that crap. We love to talk about on you, Rob. Oh.

Really, really glad to be here talking about summer house. They had a really long opening of what we're going to see this season, but I don't want to write it down because I don't like being spoiled. Yeah. The only thing I wrote down, which I believe you wrote down also, was Lindsay saying, don't activate me. Do not.

You do not want to see me activated. Not my thingy, I'm not. The worst toy ever. It's like the worst sequel to Manakin. Like someone activated the Manakin or like a really stupid credit card that you get in the mail. You just have to call, but you're like, I'm not falling for this.

So then we get the theme song, which is one of my favorite theme songs on Bravo. I said another word, Steve. No, because it's basically someone just like sighing and falling asleep in musical form. Right. I'm gonna leave my... I'm gonna leave my... I'm gonna take me... I'm gonna leave my... There's a car. So I tried to write down the words this time. So it's like at season four, like have some respect.

Yeah, have some. People sit down and write their music. I know, the same singer as Vanderpump rules too. It is? Yeah. Oh, geez. Do you all search on that song? She starts on that song.

She starts on that song. She starts on that song. She starts on that song. Yeah, no kidding, man. You guys aren't fucking around with it. You're at likes and dislikes. Well, we only gave them seafood king, really. That's true. But I wrote down the words. We never stop. I like that they...

She elongated the note for stop. That's our girls. Stop. Never ending note for stop. That's our girls. Stop. Never ending note about stopping. Oh. Living the space life from sunrise to sunset to sunrise, Let my love will take you over. I know of a place where I'll show you the way.

The fuck does that song mean? I know of a place where I'll sing the way. Living the fuck does that song mean? I know of a place where I'll stay the way. Living the space life from sunset to sunrise, let my loves will take you over. Now, come on, summer house. We've got to have some better grammar than that. Now you know that these are actually the words, but.

Yeah. Well, I just like the, I'll show you a place where we'll take you away. As if they're going to some sort of like enlightenment A place of enlightenment. They're going to like an Airbnb outside of the Hamptons They're going to pay like $10,000 a week to stay in some really rich persons house So then you know, so then they do this weird thing where they they have like an aerial shop the Hamptons Where it's like oh the Hamptons and it's like oh and now we're in Manhattan

Yeah, that's like, oh, and now we're in Manhattan. Yeah. I was like, okay. And then the entire season opens up with one of my favorite son, Bravo, Paige, who I absolutely adore. She, you know, Paige is so small and she's wearing these like enormous sleeves. Yes. That later on when she gets out of the car, it looks like she's put her like arm through condoms, you know?

They're just like these big things. So she's this little girl with these big sleeves in a giant escalade and she starts off the season by going, oh, fuck me. I was like, that's perfect. Great tone. And it's just such a picture of privilege to start the first episode. It's like this 20-year-old girl, where the fuck did you get that big car? You know, you didn't buy that car first of all. And then she's driving with her phone in her hand, which is so disgusting. Things about babies in the street. There are babies in the street. Also, use the cars like Bluetooth. So then this song, Trixi Monaco is at her peak in

summer house. Trixi Monaco, the workshop your workshop started. Yeah, it's, yeah. All the songs are really good. And this is where she really just sticks with one theme. Because the other songs on Bravo, she's really branched out and tried to become more of a lyricist. Like, she'll try and tell a story now. I don't need to hear your story, Tricks and Monaco, OK?

Like, here's my feelings about something that she goes on for five lines and change the lyric. Yeah. Here's just the same. Get out of my way. Get out of my way. Get out of my way. Get out of my way. That's just it.

I'll just keep going the whole time. That's the shallow bits I need in my life. Yeah. So yeah, so Paige is driving through. She really knows how to drive. She's going through red lights and everything. And then we cut to Kyle, Kyle and Amanda, and they're loading up their car.

And I don't know why I wrote this down. I just wrote down Amanda saying, I don't know where to put this. As she puts a bag in the car. So Amanda. Oh my god. We're going to put this, Kyle. Because he got a new sports car, you know, because he's loaded, too, somehow.

But he's older, so with him, I'm like, well, he old, you know, he bought, he earned it. On this show, you're like, he's an old foggy on this show. He works. And then we got another tricky song. No, but I have to say this Kyle line, because Kyle's like, Amanda, this year is all about sportiness over function, babe.

Function. You don't want to hear that right when you're about to marry a guy. Yeah. That's not the year you want to see your guy going through the midlife crisis. Yeah, definitely not. Definitely not. So then Trixie comes on and this time she's going, whatcha gonna do?

Whatcha gonna do? Yeah. Over and over. And then the creepiest part of the show. I wrote that down too, creepy. Blink. Oh, the camera start turning on and off. Inside the summer house.

Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. It's creepy. Like there's some old guy played by Gary Cole who's sitting there in a shack. He's like, and now they're coming back and I'm going to watch them all. Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, beds. I was like, oh, of course, you made a fat bed. There you go. And then they had skinny beds with stripes the other way.

And I was like, why do those beds, like, why do they get a decent outfit, you know? Why can those beds afford a nice sporty new car? Fucking fat-saving so. It's a fat-saving so. By the way, my butt crack is literally touching the back of my seat. I'm so glad there are people on the side of the... I feel it.

It's a vertical line, so it's slimming. Yeah, I got the... Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. But crack's just slimming. Seafood King. So, really?

Seafood King, really bleeding up, really quick. I'm very scared about seafood King, because we had round one, but I have not had round two yet. So, you know, oh, God, why do you have to ruin it? We were having such a good time here. I have to speak my truth sometimes. Anyway, the point is this, a car pulls up to the house, and we hear a voice that says,

we're back. Yeah, yeah, Jens, we're here. So we're like, yeah, more live, yeah. We're back. Yeah, it, Jens, we're here. We're live. Yeah, we're live. We're live. Yeah, it's Carl and Lindsay have pulled up. Just Carl brought that giant zebra that was never funny with anyone else. What?

We brought it back. We make zebra less. Yeah, more zebra. The roommate. Yeah. If you forgot who I was, my name is Carl, and as you can read on my car on the bottom of the screen, I'm in cell slash development. So there's that dough, that dough in for me.

It's been a great year on Employed Again. I can afford more than a pancake, stop brushing my teeth again, and life's been good. And then Lindsay is just so Lindsay, she's with him and she's like, Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh A lot of shit from Amazon. That's how. Well, it was a mystery. They opened up another branch. Once you came out there, yeah, you got really triggered by that.

I was like, OK, guys, I took it very personally. It's like, that's how much I need from Amazon. Get off my ass. So they get in there that the kitchen's been redone, so that's exciting. And Carl's like, whoa, Lindsay, should we open a celebratory rosé? What do you think about that?

Oh my God, how are you doing? Yeah, we're gonna have a great summer Lindsay. She goes, great summer, a fantastic summer. That's a lateral of wrong moves. Like great to fantastic. I know. Thanks for elaborating, Lindsey. I'm not even in amazing, so just fantastic, you know.

So then Paige is calling Hannah to come down from her apartment. She's like, I'm like here, but I'm at a dead end, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. Yeah. And then they cut to an external shot of her car. And she was, I feel like no one noticed this. Her car was the wrong way in a one-way street. It was not a dead end.

The dead end was that there was another car coming towards her, waiting for her to run. She is the dead end. I was like, she is the dead end, hitting in that street. She was exactly that girl, like, I'm in a dead end. There's like a car, there's a wall that's shaped like a car. That's just parked in front of me. Go back and look, it's for real, it's like this show.

It's literally like the SUV and another SUV looking at her, like, who the fuck is this crazy lady with her huge sleeves? Her huge sleeves or big circle sleeves. It's like a fancy dog cone, though, sleeves. It was. Very big. So then Hannah comes out. And Hannah's just like, well, my thing is I play tennis.

So I'm going to walk out with five tennis rackets up in my arms. Yeah. So Paige is like, um, the best couple in this house is an event. The other couple you cared about last season, which I can't remember right now. It's me and Hannah, because we're like best friends

and we talk every day. Like, and at night too. Yeah. So, yeah, so we learned that Kyle is gonna be bringing a friend named Luke who we're gonna meet and then, oh my God, hot. Jesus Christ, thank you. This is the hottest person they've ever brought

onto summer, how I'm used to bravo's like not quite hot people, where you're like, oh yeah, you're hot, but I can still rag on you completely and not feel guilty about it, because you're not really hot enough to have this job. But oh my God, Luke. Luke is so hot. I do wonder though, is Luke the number one

most eligible bachelor on hinge? Because that's a really important thing to have on your resume. Yeah. And Hannah's gonna be bringing a friend in. Jewels, who, by the way, Jewels made a big debut on Bravo last night because not only was this her summer house debut, but she was in the background of Margaret's party on Real House with New Jersey. So look, that's what we have.

Next we know she's gonna be the president of this fucking country. You know what, John? She's welcome jewels. I could totally happen. Next, you know she's gonna be the president of this fucking country, you know what, Jack? She's welcome jewels. I could totally happen. So back in Carl and Amanda's tiny little car, they're like traffic, right? I'm like, you two are gonna last a long time.

I know, that's how I wrote down. I wrote down they're doomed. He goes, nothing like gang out of the apartment and sitting in the FDR. She's like, ha! I was like, okay. They're trying to convince us. She's like, ah, I was like, okay. They're trying to convince us. He's like, so does this mean like you're gonna be a good person to me now that we're like

in your favorite season with your summer? And she's like, I'm just thinking in a couple of weeks in this sun, Kyle, like maybe up that vitamin D, Kyle. He's like, I've got your vitamin D right here. No, no. I mean, Dean Kyle. And he's like, I got your vitamin D right here. No. No. No. What's fucking so off-dialog you? It was so funny.

Because I didn't hear it at first. I was like, why aren't they arguing now? Because it turned, of course, it's them. So it turned into an argument. He's like, I got your vitamin D. You don't even use it. And she's like, oh, bam. I think I'm going to rather have the sun. It does the bra motes.

And he goes, oh, you haven't been taking advantage of it. She goes, yeah, it's been overcast, Kyle. Oh, wow. Comotions, here comes one right now. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting.

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he's like, has a lot of issues with not having everyone's attention this episode, because he's like, oh, oh, Amanda, what? Now you're gonna be on your phone. You're gonna be on your phone. It's like, it's a road trip. What am I supposed to talk to you? Yeah. We're just gonna be on your phone. You're gonna be on your phone, Amanda. It's like it's a road trip. What am I supposed to talk to you? Of course I'm gonna be on my phone. You just said vitamin D in a gross way. What do couples do? Yeah. This is my how you guys stay together.

But then, so Amanda's looking on Instagram, and so apparently, you know, Carl and Lindsey have gotten really close, and we see a picture of them. It's like this really weird thing. It's like Lindsay and Carl at like Alexis sales events. For real because the caption is summer truckin had me a blast. Hashtag summer truck. Hashtag Lexus. Hashtag Lexus just cheated on me. At Lexus USA. Hashtag Lexus, Rhymeswood, Texas.

But they're there from this Lexus dealership and they're both standing there going like this. I'm kicking up their legs. That's what you do on Bravo to get your free shit. Okay, that's why they were doing it and hashtagting everything. It's like the wedding thing is like Britain. Look at my hooters and my win!

Hashtag you to work here, hashtag, hooter wants to hooter, hashtag, hooter man. I also think they're free least, because you know that shit's over at the end of summer. It's like, yeah, thank you. So yeah, and by the way, also the show had to blur out their Instagram names, which I thought was so funny. That based, I don't even think they had to blur out their names.

I think they're just like, we are not gonna let these people get any more followers. We're just blurting them out. No, sorry. Yeah. So then back in Hanin, Paige's car, they're like, oh my god, our carl and Lindsay dating. That is not, they're totally dating right now. It's going on, I see them all together on Instagram, but what are they doing?

They're just so upset over everything all the time. But they're also just, no, but they're also like, they're busy like us. They're like, really? They're dating. Pfft. Pfft. Yeah.

They start talking about all the things they have in common. Like, they both lose their temper a lot. They're both obsessed with each other. They both wear really tight pants, like probably the same size pants. They're level Lexus sales events. Cupiers from out of Coke.

Just be honest. So Kyle is going to be messy. And by the way, I fully believe that Kyle told us to Amanda like two weeks earlier. But either way, Kyle's like, wow, looks like there are a couple. And it's kind of a coincidence because I know that like a week ago, they went to Hampton's

and there was some sort of hookup, if you know what I'm saying. I'm not gonna be pointing any fingers, but there was, let me see the finger guns. Let's just say he's got a lot of fingers and a lot of pies. I don't know how many fingers, but there was... I don't know, you see the finger guns. Let's just say he's got a lot of fingers and a lot of pies. You know, he's been working his fingers with the bone lately, and I know.

I know. I know. I see this ring kindle, it means you tell me everything. Aww. And he's like, okay, I dropped a car last night, and he was like, bro, gotta tell you something. Fingered Lindsay. It's like, okay, I dropped a car last night and he was like, bro, gotta tell you something. Fingered Lindsay. It's like, what?

What? What? He probably told it to so many random people. What? Like, I was thinking in my mind, I was like, surely he did not just say. I was like, for a crime, you know what I mean? Lindsay did it.

Singer Lindsay. Lindsey did it. Lindsey killed that lady. Like, surly, this did not. So Lindsey guilty as charged. LAUGHTER Uh, I really just wrote ha ha gross. That's that. LAUGHTER

Oh, good. LAUGHTER So, man, is like... That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that.

That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that.

That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. That's that. All gossiping anymore, it's called Taddle Tangling, and you have to do as mandatory now. So Kylo elaborates on the story. He says, well, last night I was walking back from the gym

and Carl called me and said, I think I fingered Lindsay. I think I fingered Lindsay. So yeah, I might have fingered Lindsay. I think you would know. Might have. Maybe. I don't know. Everett, everett, oh. I had just dropped my keys down the sink drain.

So might've just fingered Lindsey, might've just lost my keys. Not really sure what was going on. Honestly, I thought I was an innovator, that's it. So they get there and they're bringing in groceries together. Carlin Lindsay and Carl's like, let's bring in some groceries. Look at you acting all girly and she's like, oh, I can't even live in car.

I can't even live in here. You're going to harm. Like she's talking kind of like a man now because she's trying to be like, girl, we like, I got you. I got you, Jen. I don't know where you got you. Give me your way. Yeah.

Uh, so then back to Kyle, he's like, yeah, he was like, and we're in her bed, I figured, we weren't even kissing at the time. Oh. What, how did that happen? It's like it's too hard to concentrate on both. It's like adding your head and revving your belly. You know?

Come on, we can do two things at a time. That's a lord. So a man just looks at him and she's like, ah! I want to stop picturing this. So then, yeah, Sen Kyle talks about like, this is just gonna end terribly because basically Carl D Lindsey best friend in yell

Who's just after the VD yeah? Just here for the D. Yeah, and then he also dated Lauren workers Lindsey dated every Yeah, yeah So it's all gonna end badly I said it's a branded well in the show for anyone So so back at the house Lindsay's like Carl I feel like you're like my boyfriend

boyfriend Yeah, we're like brothers and sisters who say We have no no no no no no no no Like the version of Hansel and Gretel I don't need to say I Know there's one of the theaters now. I'll be enough. I'm so glad there's one of the movies one of the movies Like now in the in the movies now that that's called Gretel and Hansa. Gretel and Hansa, look at you! Oh, everything is different in 2020.

The girl is soft in the oven first. She has top-time for now. It's about to point a girl who goes to TomTom. And they get lost. Gretel. Gretel. Gretel. Hansel.

And Donald Tata. LAUGHTER So the girls arrive, and pages sleeves, though sleeves are killing. Yeah, they're still there. So they arrive, like, oh my god, I mean, looks so different.

Like, is that bed fat? That bed is fat. That bed is totally fat. Look at that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, different. Like, is that bad fat? That bad is fat. That bad is totally bad. Like that bad. Look at that bad. Like that bad. So the new girl, Jewels, arrives. Jewels is a digital marketing designer.

Thank you. Someone just, someone in the audience goes, oh, I don't know why it bothers me. Like, there's nothing wrong with being a digital marketing designer, but just something that like everyone on the show is doing a job that I feel like, if I ask you what could be fake.

And like if you get stuck at a cocktail party, be like, so what do you do? Well, we just like really work with brands. We just really like brands. We put brands together. Brandy, I'm really a facility. Branda Brandy. So that way it's a brand.

Mostly brandy. And activation. Yeah, well, we'll take software like ideas. We just bring it from consumers to consumers to the brand. Yeah, we'll put a brand. It's all about synergizing those things Instagram and oh, you're And you know, and you know, and you know, I think is that cold finger Lindsay We think of my empty So

Hannah's like Hannah tells us about jewels, which is an obvious fake Bravo friendship that Hannah's not even gonna try to pretend to real. She's like, you know, because on house lies, it's like, I knew this girl, she had a store. I love coming into the store, cause I used to have a store, so we're like my friends.

And that's like the girl's horrible. You know, it's like Eden's has to do. But Hannah, yeah, Eden's has to do. That horrible. You know it's like Eden's has a Hannah. Yeah, Eden's has seen That was the arc of the Sabrina and Eden's has Two weeks later Eden's has seen it's like she's a drug addict so So anyway, it's like, she's a drug addict. So... So anyway, it's that, oh, bravo. We know each other, but they obviously don't. Hannah's like, I'm a jewels in the spring through Jordan. Like, she just moved here from Chicago,

and she doesn't have any friends. And since Jordan isn't coming to the house, I was like, why not bring a friend who wants to get some D? You know, braw. And Hannah goes, she's like the one person who's like, if you're like, hey, who wants fireballs, should be like, fuck you, me!

I'm like, is that a good thing or a bad thing? Yeah. There is someone you can trust with your extra set of keys, you know? So, so Carl meets Jewel. And she's like this really super cute, sort of short petite girl. And so Carl sees her and he's like,

oh, hi, how are you? Ugh, I'm all, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to Tinny York like on Tuesday. And this is like my first time in the Hamptons. And she calls, oh my God. Your first time in the Hamptons. She talks like one of those girls who's like, oh, thank you. But you know, she's like, she hates you and she's calling you fat, or mine. Like, she's totally this girl. You know, I've nothing to back that up yet.

She seems lovely. She gives me odd Candace Dealer vibes, too. Oh, you're mine. Like, she's totally this girl, you know. I've nothing to back that up yet. She seems lovely. She gives me odd Candace Dillard vibes too. Oh, she does. Yeah, we're weirdly. Well, we'll see. We'll see. I hope someone leaves some butter knives on a table so we can test that.

I feel like she's the sort of person who, when you're at work, she comes over to your desk and goes, hey, so, love the work you're doing. But I think what we need to do is just like be a little more smarter about how we're little, how we write the things that we write and send them. I love the work you're doing. So just remember that anything you write in an email,

everyone reads and it stays there forever. Yeah. Because it's always there. You might want to think about that longer. One thing that I find works well for us is if when we use BCC instead of C-C, yeah, that's really good for us. Great.

Not everybody is OK with having their email address. Just blast it across the office. Also, if you could park in your space a little more to the I love your car. It is so pretty. Did you just get it watch and move it a little bit? You know, maybe you know what I know that you run warm but like could you maybe like not turn the thermostat up because I run a little cold I'm a little skinny. Oh, yes. Oh That lady who we've all worked like that Actually, I am that lady. Oh, that lady. We've all had a crush. Oh, yes. Actually, I am that lady.

I am that lady. We were talking about. That's what I'm talking about. I'm like, we're going to have this air conditioning on 50 bits. All right, do whatever you have to do. Bring a poncho. I don't care what it is.

Bring a little heater front of your desk or whatever, Debbie. But then under there, that went from a comedy bit to like, triggering, triggering. You're actively working out some demons from like 10 years ago. So this so does to me. It's like, then people winning it everything. Like, how do you have that car? How are you that young?

So anyway, so, uh, so is it raging, okay? So basically, so there are other gang to know jewels and Carl's like, so, what do we call you? Which is, jewels. Jules. No, like, no, no. What's Jules. Jules. No, like, no, no. No, no.

Yeah, what's your name? Jules. No, no. But like, what's the name that people call you? Jules. But I mean, like, I don't really like call people by their nicknames that other people do. I like to call them by my nickname.

Like, well, then why are you asking Carl? Just come up with something. Jolito. Jolito. Jolito. Jules has. So what? No. And nickname like well then why you asking Carl just come up with something Julito Julito Jules house Salotto J-Jalottas J-Jalottas

J-Jalottas Jules Vib Yeah She's like um okay my name is Julia But you can call me Jules yeah So then Julia said then they're like hey Carl Why don't you help Julia put her jewels bring her bags into the like into the house or something like that? Oh, I got it got it got your weight got your weight lens and so as is happening

Jewels walks by Lindsay and we put this up on our Instagram in case you didn't see it She walks by Lindsay and Lindsay gives her this look like I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, Lindsay didn't help me with my backslime here. And I was new, so something is probably going on. Hey, do you guys like the new ornamentation I added to our SUV? It's like, Paige, that's like a stop sign under the tire. It's the toddler we were talking about. Just stuck on the grill of your car. It's a little lunch. It's like part of a lemonade stand.

It's like stuck to the fender. You guys like that, did you put the car? Pit my car. It's an armadillo, baby. So yeah, so they're going through the house and talking about how everything's changed. She's like, oh my god, this kitchen got a face left. And Carl's like, the pantry wasn't even that great before. Because last year they were like cooking up in the pantry

because it was away from the cameras. Yeah, but they put cameras in the pantry this year. I read somewhere, so... Sort calls. That's shit. Yeah. You're trying to trigger me again. Putting cameras in a pantry, who does that?

Why don't you just put them in a toilet bowl and just watch somebody poop, right? It's not, can I have no privacy in this world? It's the sequel to Flowers in the Addict. Cameras in the pantry. Yeah, it's like that's a one place I can be myself. Hahaha. So, yeah, last summer I was totally into Paige,

but then I wound up like dating Kirsten. Remember her? Yeah, no, yeah. So, yeah, but now I'm just like, honestly, all I want right now, it's just to find the right person and relationship. And it's just like really hard to find when you're a fuck boy, you know Yeah, this looking for the perfect person. It's hard Like you fuck like 19 of the perfect person. Yeah, it's big one. It's just quite just big one It's like a chicken kebab on a plate. They're all the same. Every girl you have sex with is all the same in one way,

you know, the chicken kebab. Yeah, so I like being chicken to a chicken kebab place of all the things. Well, I was thinking of like the widest meat on a stick that I could think of. That was it. Chicken kebab. Chicken kebab.

So then we get girls. The girls are bonding and Trixi Monaco is singing his song going, they come, they come, they come, they come, they come, they come, they come. Oh, to zombies, yeah. What is that song about? Well, because then, Call of Amanda arrives. See, it was setting a scene. I know, I just don't need to hear that right after Carl talking about how many girls he's playing.

You know, it's like, hey, Carl! So, yeah, so, Con and Amanda Rive and everyone's hugging and I mean, it's like, why don't they anyone on Can't Share? And then they're just like, all this happiness. And then, out of nowhere, we get like a big, tricky molecule thing where it's like, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da and it's like, all this music, like, yeah, here we go,

here we go, and we see like, it's like, oh my God, something's gonna happen and it like, cuts to like four screens. And this, and go. And we see like, it's like, oh my God, something's gonna happen and it cuts to like four screens. And every screen everyone's just like, yeah, so, oh my God. It's like people wiping down a counter, going up a staircase, like, opening the drawer, closing the drawer.

Well, the drawers are the same, so that's cool. Kevin music got so exciting and they did nothing. They just sat there. Oh my god. What is happening? So then the girls are downstairs talking and paid to like, are they like hooking up? What is going on with those two?

And Amanda's like, I have seen my hands. What do you want for? Seeker and Sir Quacam, because I can do both. He's like, Kyle, can I tell him the same, my hands. And Hannah's like, you don't need his permission to do anything. Just do it. Yeah.

So Amanda Basley drops the bomb the way I wish. Guess, well, think about it. Think about it. And Hannah just falls on the floor. So then Carl comes in and they're like, no, there's a pause to waiting for Carl. He's like, oh, Hannah, while you're down there on the floor, would you clean up a bit?

Dude, someone say it was a luxus December to remember events. And he leaves again and then Amanda's like, Yeah, they finger-been and they didn't even care. So then Luke comes in while the girls are talking about finger-beinging new boy Luke. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad he doesn't live in Los Angeles because there's like some hope for him, you know? And I don't mean like it's a person. He's gonna be a terrible human being. Like he's too hot to be a good person.

But I just mean he won't get used up the same way that, like boys like that in Los Angeles get used up as, you know? Like, I don't know, like, you won't just be like, we're Luke go one day and then nobody ever knows, but then everyone's like, well, that's depressing. Let's just not talk about it anymore. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's weird.

Yeah, I still think that might happen to him. I mean, so he's a model slash hockey coach. I mean, Brian. This is like, bandana. He sort of has this like, like, he might just rob and train passing by. He's thinking about it. He's like, maybe I will. Or maybe I'll just talk. He loves the bandana. And he has two different faces. Like he's very mysterious.

He has like face, like when he's talking to people and then he has diary room face where they're getting interviewed and he's a totally different human being. I got all the, and it's not facial surgery, but is it lighting? I don't know. Is it the angle? I don't know. Are they twins? I don't know.

They're both so hot. They're both so hot. He's sort of like Charlie Hunnam a little bit, right? Well, Charlie Hunnam's had some issues. I saw him in a new movie preview. And they're like, yeah, he's like, Oh, the bread. I guess it's not the same.

It's not the same. Sorry. Look, I just see food King's Charlie Hunnam. What did that guy ever do to me? Besides the last two seasons of Suns of Anarchy. I'm just gonna love you, Charlie Hunnam. My seafood King. Either way, Luke walks in and all the girls are like,

hi, which I would be too, by the way. So Kyle seems like, yeah, we need another bro in the house. And he looks like a bro. This is really good. Looks like a bro, tops like a bro. Bandana, I'm assuming that's a bro thing. Not really sure, getting a bandana though. Gonna tell you that.

No bruise in this show, man. Yeah, no bruise. I ain't even screaming, bru out. No bruise tell you that. No bruising this show, man. Yeah, no bruising. No bruising, bruising. No bruising this show. No bruising. We have been traumatized by below deck. I'm still traumatized. I know.

And for the record, K-Chesting said, you're just a baker. Not just a baker. It's been a big controversy. Well, congratulations. So we're correct. Here's your fresh bottle of Dessani. I just want to ban her behind me that says,

congratulations, you did it. Anyway. So Hannah goes and finds Carl. So Luke comes in and then Hannah runs up to Carl. Hannah cracks me up. Like, she's like, so you feel like she's like, she wants to start trouble, but she's so like giddy about the idea of starting trouble that you can't control

or something. So she runs up to Carl and goes, Carl, there's another straight man in the house. And a lot of sexual tension between you and Lindsay. Oh, she just runs away. So she goes up to Luke right away and she, oh, this is why I really like Hannah. That girl knows exactly what to judge about you in the first two seconds she meets you and I love that in a person, you know.

She goes right after and he's like, hi, and she goes, so you have an accent? And it's like, I mean, people tell me that. She's like, I wish, it's an Irish. It's like, no. She thinks I'm Irish, bro. It's like, I wish, it's an Irish. It's like, no. She thinks I'm Irish, bro. It's like, uh, Southern. Is it Southern? It's like, no.

I'm from Northern Minnesota. And she's like, oh, man, that's not gonna be us by the end of the three cab. And so then Luke was going down the river, trying to escape from the police after he robbed the train. Yes, that's why I like it, because he has to find the specific thing to make fun of him for.

And they're just like, Oh, Minnesota, I got it. And that jokes all year. She starts like polka dancing around or something. So then Carl meets Luke and he's like, whoa, you're like Kyle, but you hit puberty. Finally some alphas. I'm like, what's, ew, ew, ew. Did he say that?

Finally some alphas. Yeah, he did. Oh, okay, sorry. Sorry, I was scrolling through. No, the show just goes really fast, and we don't want to cut it. 30 minutes for each little scene. It's like, then they walked out of the pantry.

Then someone went pee. Then someone touched the banister. So Amanda turns the page, and she's like, so how's Perry? And Paige is like, oh, he's adorable, and I went and squeezed his face. And at which point, I was not sure if Perry was like a new, he's adorable, and I went and squeezed his face. And at which point, I was not sure if Perry was a new man

in her life or an adorable dog. I was really hoping it was gonna be a dog. Yeah. Me too. And then Amanda's whining some question at her, and I didn't know what it was. So here's what I wrote. It's in the Tsunamiya.

Is he in a lap band? What? That's what I wrote. What are you saying? T'l'Apia, lap band. Well, one thing leads to another? No. And those things don't even sound the same.

It's like when I rewound it, I just heard her saying something totally different. So she's like, I don't know. He's older than us. And he doesn't like love the party scene. And Amanda goes, how did you find him? Oh, my God. I think that's the Kyle drinking from the Rose A bottle.

For some reason, I don't trust Perry at all. I've never met him, but I don't trust him at all. I don't either. No. He took away our page. I mean, he didn't take her away, but I feel like I need page to be single if she's going to be on Summer House.

That's when I think she operates the best. Yeah, going on pancake dates, getting mad at Carl. That's my style of Paige. So we get the story from Paige. She's like, I met Perry like two years ago, but we were just friends, but then he was like, I love you.

So. What is this release? I know. Did you give him your social security number? Like this is weird. I love you. So... What is this release, you said? Did you give him your social security number? Like, this is weird. It is. It really is. So then at the dinner table, limsey is still...

limsey, you can see, is so annoyed because the whole cast was recast last year, right, with these younger people. But now it's still Lindsay and Carl, who are basically like Jessica Tandy and Hume Cronin walking through the house, right to the house like like cute like you still love them and everything fingering Miss Lindsay. It's a great movie. Idea. Great movie idea. Oh, but Lindsay's trying to like she hates them but she's

still left in the position like I I might even consent my Tamon. I go, okay, mom, okay, mom. You know, you should all be happy when you talk about Jessica Tandy and him Kroner, though, I didn't make it. Batteries not included reference also. So, that would have been more appropriate, right? Right? I'm included.

That's all, that's all my Jessica Tandy. I can't work fraud green tomatoes into it anyway. I was thinking of a good cocoon joke, but I couldn't think of my, that's my favorite one. Oh, sorry, just spit on nobody. Are you glad we're not closer to you guys? Oh, okay. So it's in our table.

Hannah's like, welcome to my table, Minnesota. So you knew Norwegian too. It goes like, yeah, yeah, yep, yep, I am yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, so then we get to our first all humans Carl's like oh, Amanda, so I see your ring. Oh my god, dude. You killed it without rings. Thank showing your ring And so Lindsay's like trying to start trouble right she's trying to be messy. She's like well My son is like I'm seeing weren't getting married in spring 2020. You were gonna do it in Ramon.

But you were looking around on you. Oh my, come on. Who weren't with me? Come on. It's like doing that for them to keep talking. So Kyle and Amanda are trying to give a spin over what went terribly wrong with their engagement. Clearly, and so there's, you know,

Amanda's like, well, we found it, we found a spot, yeah, I was in Vermont, it's near so. And then Hannah and Paige in the corner are like, no one's asking her to spend her wedding. Yeah. You know, they're just like having fun, and like, I know, and just like giggling,

and Kyle's like, yeah, he's getting so upset because then Amanda starts talking to them, and just how she says it, she's like, and so, and so, and I'm topping, and we found a says it. And so, Sanson and Tobbing, can we found a venue and then we booked and came and it fell through and now we're starting from scratch and then I was actually really relieved

that it's always shut down wedding planning and they're like, oh, yeah. Yeah. And Kyle's like, well, we got to deposit and Paige is like, well, what had happened was like making little jokes, you know? And then he's like, as much as I love your guys' banter, and they just start laughing in his face, you know.

Like, um, we're laughing with each other at dinner and like, don't get crazy over it, okay Kyle? And he's like, yeah, well, I've been working hard on this in Hamilton, I think it's great that Kyle has been working on his own wedding. Might congratulate him. Yeah. About this relationship, some ass, you know, basically.

And then the girls keep laughing. And Amanda's like, girl, shut up, he's getting really mad. Oh, I'm a shit. But she's getting really mad. Yeah, she's, Amanda's trying to smooth things over because she's telling the girls to be quiet, but then she's also doing her classic. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle.

Kyle. Kyle. And Lindsay is still trying to keep it with her. She's like, I don't want to know the same. I like know those girls. I'm looking for a venue, and I can get people to be free of anybody. Needs that.

She's actually talking to you, but you're apparently hanging out with a giggly squad. Zing. Yeah. Good one, Kyle, the giggly squad. Uh, sir. We're just laughing, Kyle, and he's like, have you ever been at the table when someone's being rude?

That's literally you right now. Says Kyle, who will now spend the rest of the season in like a mullet way crashing down on people's laps. I know. Don't you normally put your balls on someone's forehead by this time in the evenings, sir? What are you talking about manners at the dinner table? And Paige is like, you're literally yelling at us for laughing. And then Lindsay just starts doing this really weird thing where she starts going, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. I was like, are there the workers twins back?

Yeah. So then, Carl's like, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. Come on, let's go outside. Come on, let's go outside. It's like holding Kyle back. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Dude, fucking a.

So he takes him outside and he's like, Carl, is this you, bro? Is this you? Look at yourself right now. Is this you? Yes, it's him. Have you just met? And Carl's like, what is going on?

And Carl's like, it's a generational gap. And it's brutal. It's a brutal gap. Meanwhile, over at the table, Lindsay sitting there and Jules, Jules is like, what am I, have I gotten myself into? And then out of nowhere, she just falls over. Oh, so I don't think it was actually,

but I've been around it like five times, and upon further examination, I don't think it was just a fall over. I think Lindsey actually pushed her over twice. And I'm not even joking, because if you go back, you see Lindsey goes like this. Like that? And that jewels is like, oh, whoa!

I just just like, down. And no one helps her get up. Oh, so the girls are all mad. And Hannah's like, um, can I talk? Like, uh, like, I'm allowed to get pets, okay? I'm sorry we were giggling about a comment, okay? It was what? I understand we laughed, but I feel like there might be something deeper here.

Like, why are you hitting the table? And Carl's like, just apologize, well, just apologize, and Luke's like, I'm hot, he's a fucking hot. Whoa, this one reminds me of that time in Minnesota when I saw a cow got really mad and I said, whoa, dude. Mm-hmm. I'm like, whatever, I got a glass of rosé in my hand,

so you're going to drink that. Blapping extremely fucking hot. You're sitting in a hot. Does anyone know that the rumors are true that there might be some sort of locomotive going by anytime soon? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Then Luke goes outside with jewels and they're doing that new people thing where they're like oh my god Where are they acting like this? Yeah, this is like crazy. This is our first dinner I want to fuck myself right now And then by season two they're like thank you So the girls have now gone into the kitchen a man does of course crying. And so they're there, like, why is this one of the yelling? And I was just a giggle.

And then Kyle comes and he's like, girls, can I just say something? And Amanda goes, no, we walked away for a reason. Yeah. Which I was like, that is such great logic that no one has ever applied before. Yes. I was like, OK.

And he's like, I just want to say one thing. You said, OK, Kyle, you can say one thing. But you can't take any personal jobs at anyone here. I'm like, I won't take any personal jobs. And you would only speak from your personal feeling to no many odds. And he's like, oh, yeah, I'm only speaking. And I'm really just counting things on my fingers.

So I want to say something else, but I have nothing to go ahead. He's like, I would love it if you wouldn't interrupt me. And another thing, Kyle. Sounds like he's like, it just went from YouTube giggling to then Amanda giggling. And when Amanda starts to giggle, it's like, why don't we even talk if we could just giggle,

right, everyone? I think giggle squad. Giggle squad. Why don't you just pull out your iPhone? Okay, why don't you just do that one trying to talk to you? So then, yeah, so Giggle Squad, Giggle Squad. Why don't you just pull out your iPhone, okay? Why don't you just do that one trying to talk to you? So then, yeah, so Hannah's like, I didn't know where he goes.

And fuck you, Kate. Yeah. And Paige, her like, sleep ruffles just get fully erect. And she's like, I haven't said one thing the whole time, and the last thing you're gonna do is fucking yell at me, bro. Don't yell at me, fucking bro. You know who yelled at me last time? The toll operator at the Holland tunnel,

and guess where he is now, underneath my chassis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then Amanda's like, oh my god, I just got so many hands on my ass. Like Amanda's like, oh my god, it's just got to do her thing. I'm so over there.

Like Amanda's already sobbing. So Kyle is upstairs on the balcony and he's like, what happened to like respect, you know? Like we were talking about something serious on a reality show where we get drunk, you know? And Carl's like, you were born in what? 81, two, two. Okay, yeah, all right, well, you were born in what 81? 2, 2, 2. Okay, yeah.

All right, well, they were born in 93. Like, they come from a different planet. He's like, all right, here's your triage, bro. Your girlfriend's young, and so she identifies with people who were born after you were. Triage, fucking nasty. Yeah. What's the rule we always say?

People from 93 come from a different planet, and the only way to survive is to fuck as many of them as possible. That's it, that's it bro. Seat on everybody bro. Don't trust any of them. He's like, bro, we're from a different gen. So then, Pades and the kids in. Who's Jen, and who did you sleep with, have Carl?

Did it done? So Pades is in the kitchen with Hannah and Lindsay. Still going off. Blah, blah, blah, wedding, weddings. Why is everybody so mad? And then Lindsay is just standing there listening to them, have so much fun with all of this evil. And she's like,

blah blah blah. And she just leaves and goes upstairs. She's so, whatever happened to us, ba. Oh. You know, she's thinking of the drink to the rosé bedroom.

So Hannah's like, Luke, may I show you to your boot war, please? He's like, okay, sounds good. So, they got those tennis rackets he got, please. He's like, okay, sounds good. So, you think I do us tennis rackets he got there? And she's like, yeah, he's like, I do us fresh balls. Only the freshest. Only the freshest. He's like, well, that's good, because where I'm from,

all the hacky guys play tennis. I'm just like, you're hot. I mean, everything you say is hot so far, I'm with you. So she's like, oh, yeah, totally my tie broke up with British Dave in the winter. Now I'm dating Armand. And then they show the picture of Armand and he's sitting in the pool like this. It's like, no, no, no. He looks like Logan from pump. You know the band of liberals Logan. Yeah. So then everyone, uh, better Poverl's Logan. Yeah. So then everyone's like, oh, nothing happened to Logan.

Logan's okay. So now for some reason that makes no sense, Carl is walking around shirtless. He's just in white skinny pants and no shirt. And he's like, hey, Liz, uh, Liz, you want to do bearers? Good morning. You want to do some bearers? Bearers, Luke, yeah. Yeah. Well, drunk wanna do barriers at the morning? You wanna do some barriers? Baires, blue camp? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, drunk up house. What is a up house? Well, drunk with you, up house. Let's have a house. Let's have a house with the charity things he did last year. No, up house is a PR firm. It's a PR firm.

Oh, hum-hound. Hi, welcome to Hum-Hound. This is a house, speaking. Can I help you up, house? I got the taco contract. How about? I will forever have fond memories of the time she invited all her interns into the apartment. And Christina Gibson was sitting there on her laptop like... If she invites one more intern in here, I am going to type so loudly.

She'll have no choice but it's in the mouth. So Lindsay and Carl are hanging out over the inside stairs. We can all the kids run around downstairs and Hannah's like, uh, Carl Radke wanna play some ball and Paige goes, oh my god, Lindsay, were you touching his balls? She's like, oh my god, it's so stupid. But then Lindsay gets mad, she's like, no. I'm going to mad. Oh my god, it's so stupid. But then Lindsay gets mad, she's like, no.

I'm going to mad. Oh my god. So Carl goes up to Kyle and is like, hey, bro, non-puberty Luke. Did you tell Hannah that I fingered her? Fucking bastard. And the collar goes, well, dude, and Carl goes, bro. Finger bing. Anyway, next scene. Yeah, that was the scene.

Carl's like, dude, did you tell her I fingered being Lindsey? And Carl's like, no, Amanda prided out of me. And he's like, Lindsay is my best friend. And like we crossed blind and yeah, I liked it. Yeah, so. Well, at the same time, we have to have a conversation about the hook up and like we haven't had that. And now everyone's talking about it.

It's not cool. Oh. So then page wake up and is automatic. Like, oh my god, I wonder what's going on with Carl. I'm not saying. That's crazy. And Hannah's like, last night was Ratchet. Yes, or she.

She literally says it. Ratchet. And Carl, meanwhile, he's like, you know, I care about Lindsay and I don't want to mess this up. Guess what, you're messing it up. You do it every single season and that's what we're don't want to mess this up. Guess what you're messing it up It's you do it every single season and that's what we're here to watch you mess it up It looks like he doesn't even make it past episode two without fucking around on her. I love this show It's so stupid and every time I'm like Carl's really changed remember last year's like Carl three-boy no

So page pages now like you know how certain superheroes have their maximum powers, if they're in their layer. Paige, when she is in bed and her knees are up to her chest, that's when she is most powerful, and she's sitting there, and she's like, if I'm getting married, and I'm relieved that my venue fell through, hmm, probably a sign. That's my version of Paige at her most powerful. Knees up and just gossip, talking shit.

So then Hannah plays tennis with Luke and A-Bond and stuff. And Karla's like, you know what? I think we should go to the beach. So then Paige and Amanda are watching Luke and Hannah play. No, Paige and Amanda are watching Luke and Hannah caught these names. Paige is like, it's a key chain rack of white people now. Like is there no Parker or Paget or like what have we gotten this week off of? That's I don't catch it Parker.

Heather, no Heather in here. I don't think so. So Paige is Hannah and Luke are playing tennis, and Paige is watching with Amanda. And Paige says, if she has a bad conversation with Amanda, that's happening. No, no, she said, well, no, I'm correcting you now. We know how I am correcting.

Who knows what I heard. But I think she said, if there's one bad conversation with our mom, that's happening. Meaning, like, Hannah's gonna fuck her with that. What did I say? Amanda. Did you say Amanda? I'm sorry, guys.

You said she was up. Guess what? Baker. If Amanda has a bad conversation with Armand, it's also still gonna happen with Luke, so. Yeah. So, how's it going with Perry? And Paige is like, um, like, if we get through this summer, like, death move in.

Death move in. Yeah. If we get through this summer of me not paying any attention to him at all, I'm going to move in with him. Now that's a girl who knows how to get married. Yeah. Perry told me, Perry told me, 2020, always have your nails painted.

Fuck that guy, who's that? What a monstrous thing to tell somebody. Yeah, Perry, Perry, always be prepared for me, baby, get your nails done. Fuck off, Perry, you're fucking weird, man. No, you know what that means? You know what that means? That means that if he's gonna pop the question He's gonna be one of those people that hires a cameraman to be there. That's what that means. That's what Perry is Sorry to anyone who did that

So um Amanda's like um that thing signing but that's also a lot for you It's a lot, but you're talking about like marrying a guy who's cheated on you multiple times on TV, okay, Amanda? Is a different situation. So she's like, well, I thought living with Kyle was gonna be a line when you see him, the moon, you see. Like, oh, we're having sex on the counter.

Gross, what movie is that? And remind me to never imaginearily go eat at that couple's house. Gross. No more guacamole from them. That's the show. You don't know how often cabinets really get bleached. They don't, countertops, they don't. Okay, it's like maybe a slight,

apertal wipe into the trash, you know? If you're gonna be wiping down your counters and using disinfectant, you're supposed to actually let it sit for like a minute Because if you just put it in wipe it, apparently it does nothing Yeah, so there you go. I'm never eating open that was actually more of a PSA than anything else Yeah, let's help those up. Yeah, so everyone enjoy your salmonella Who's also a cast member of New Jersey? Well,'s like, I thought it was like having sex on the counter, but it's not. It's like living with my dad.

And then it cuts the Kyle's a spring bleach on cabinets. You think? Amanda. So then, it's not a whole lot. I know, hold on, hold on. Ladies over there, I see. I hear you, ladies, I'm talking to you, and you're still talking, like this isn't class.

I just caught you talking, and you're still talking like this isn't class. I just caught you talking and you were still talking. She's been, I love you, I love you. But, we got my life to her and I feel better. Okay, anyway, got it. So he's praying cabinets and then it comes back to Amanda going, who wants to have sex with somebody who's constantly telling you to clean up after yourself and like do your chores?

There's like, there's some people who are very into that. That's true. There's probably a whole website. I think so. It's called like, clean up and do your chores. That's not sex. It's like, have your nails done adjacent. You know, have your nails dot com done. So, also, I want to have sex with that person because it means that fuckers cleaning the apartment. Yeah, okay

So now so Kyle gets page in Hannah hug like a I'm sorry We're gonna go the beach for pretend this never happened and then they all pile into cars So we have a girls car and a boys car and so they're like so what do we think about Lucas? Like he's hot. Like, they're all like ready to fuck him, you know? And then over in the guy's car, Lucas talking about how he's been sort of flirting with Hannah. And of course, classic Carl goes,

well, you know that Hannah and Paige have boyfriends, right? Yeah. Carl is like the one, the first person to complain about cockwalking, about getting cocklocked. That was Carl out there. Carl just, that was Carl's new job. Carl's like, I got this new job holding a piece of glass. Nothing's gonna go wrong.

Branding development, glass breaking, so that's my branding. Oh shit, I broke the glass. I'm really worried that I'm gonna lose my job now. I won't reach my glass keeping intact quota. Yeah. The Carl's stupid because he's cockwalking, I won't reach my class keeping intact quota. But Carl's stupid because he's cock-walking, but he wants to get with the new girl, right?

So if he stops the new hot guy from getting with Paige or Hannah, then he's leaving him open to go get with the new hot girl. It's like Carl has no strategy, you know? Come on. Maybe Carl wants Paige after all. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Carl wants page after all. No, no game. No game. You're a no game. So don't, you know, just don't.

So meanwhile, the guys, while the girls have the beach, the guys head to some market. It is like adorable, Hampton's market. That's like very much the sort of thing you would have seen on the bear fruit contest. Like my friend Charles has man's the seafood counter here. Hey Charles, what's salmon, you know? Because I know always does that.

I know always becomes such an idiot when she walks out in the world. She's like, oh, can you tell me about salmon? Is that a fish? Oh, that's amazing. Oh. Why do you do that when you put the fish on the paper and then you fold the paper over the fish? I never really understood that.

Why do you do that? My favorite thing before a party is to get this thing called salmon and then you have been a bunch of flowers all look the same. It only costs about $900 but no big deal. I think everyone should do it. If you're really I just talked to my friend, the melon baller. So anyway, so the guys go into this market and Carl goes, gentlemen, let's make this quick. And then it cuts a shot of Comte cheese. And I was like, are these guys going to get fine cheeses right now? Yeah.

If it's the Anton's, they're so smawty about it. And I was like, all right boys, soda chips, con tape, boner pills, the boner news boys. Okay, so then Carl's like, oh Carl's like, whoa, I got crazy last night, Carl. Did you even get laid? And Carl's like, um, no, but those fucking, Carl. Did you even get laid and Carl's like, um, no, but those fucking cabinets look amazing.

They are sparkling, okay? And that was better. Did you get laid and Carl's like, no, because you're killing me blowing up my spot, bro. Finger banging, that shit, right out of the B-Jones, like this whole, how old are we? By the way, just in fact, that entire story. So Carl goes, last week in,

Lindsey and I were connoitling. Let's say, and I told my boy, and Hannah comes up to me and says, I heard you finger blasted Lindsey. Finger blasted. But you're just upping their game, you know. So the song, hey, we can't up with soda. We're almost grown up.

It's like a song about Diet Coke. That's what I got from this. We can't up. We're soda. We're almost grown up. It's like a little. It's like a song by one of those little Diet Coke. So yeah, yeah.

So the girls put down a blanket, and then they all have to agree about how nice it is that the spot they found, because they all go, this is nice. Yeah, this is nice. This is nice. This is nice. This is nice.

This is nice. It's a bee. This is nice. You know why it's nice? Because there's no toxic masculinity. Let's talk about dicks. Let's talk about dicks' sizes. All right, I brought a tennis racket for everyone,

just to hold on to and feel secure. So the guys are coming in, and they're carrying stuff that they got from the store. And Carl's like, Carl, don't make it look like you have the most weight. And he's like, I am carrying the most weight. And the usual. I was like, what?

Is it with Carl and carrying the weight? He loves it. Like, he's coming up. Put your weight on me, bro. Or weight on me. Ice cooler. I was just doing it. And the usual. Like what? Is it with Carl and Kerry? He loves it. Like he's coming up. Put your weight on me, bro. Or weight on me. Ice cooler. So Hannah's like trying to sort of approach.

She's like, so who do you think is the biggest penis? The page is like, um, Carl. And Hannah goes, did you touch it last summer? She's like, ew. No. Lindsey? did you? No. The way they added this moves her face is hilarious.

And Lindsay goes, no. No. The only thing I touched was a very firm stick shift in Alexis. And of course the old guys come over and Carl's like, oh no, Carl's like, where's the Accadrin? Oh shit, I'm gonna go get it from the car. Yeah, so we're back to the car to get it, it's Accadrin. Yeah, so Carl, so the thing is that Carl really is, he wants to get ahead of this whole

thing, the finger banging thing, because he's afraid, doesn't get back to Lindsay. He wants to get ahead of this whole finger banging thing, because he's afraid that's gonna get back to Lindsay. I think I had him, wants to get out of this whole finger banging thing. You know, and he's, he wants, he's afraid that's gonna get to Lindsay and Lindsay will think that Carl is bragging because Carl likes to brag about things like finger banging. So he's like, hey, Hald House, can I talk for a second? That's one of those signature nicknames I've given someone that no one else has. Branding, if you will. Yeah, branding, like that jewel, branding.

So he posed Lindsay as saying, Oh my god, what? What is going on? What is going on? What is going on? What is going on? What is going on? He's like, little nervous, obviously, little nervous. So last week, we had fun. She has, yeah! You're one of my best friends, and I care about you a lot.

And a lot of people ask me what's going on with us, and I told Kyle that things got hot and heavy, you know? And I told Kyle, Kyle told Amanda, Amanda told Hannah, Hannah, then told Paige. And then Paige almost told you, but she didn't. So, and Lindsay is loving this. She's like, she's like so glad the young people have been talking about her sex life. She's like, yeah, she's like,

all right, no, what's the problem? What is it? That's all you have to know me. Like, man, why are you so nervous? Like, who cares? I'm single. You're really single. Talk of her, I'm track.

What is the problem here now? It's like, um, Carl and I obviously have chemistry, and I don't care who knows, man. Obviously when everybody else is talking about it, but it's pressure on us, and now it's like, wow. Laughter Kragas, I just don't like this game of telephone. You know, like, it's just a lot of bills.

Laughter Hey, my telephone bills, pay my automobiles. You know, it was just hard enough paying for pages, paying for pages, the last thing I need is another bill from Verizon. So they decide who cares, they're so gonna pay. Yeah, okay. So then Hannah and Luke are talking,

well, they're worth a group still, but Hannah's talking to Luke and she's like, Luke, why do you like talk to you so much? And he's like, she goes, the pain's the pain, the pain, and he's like, yeah, I can't get enough of the pain. He's like, oh my god, are you turning me on right now? She goes, yeah, I like pain,

but I like emotional pain. He's like, so, and he's really, like, this is the mark of a hot guy who knows. He's hot because he's so smooth. He goes, she's basically is like, pain, yeah. I was like, so do you have a boyfriend, you know? Like, because now basically putting on the spot. And she's like, yeah, I'm seeing someone.

And then she's like, what's your type? And he's like, I like girls with boyfriend. I was like, look, Lucas. You look at you, model slash hockey coach. That's game. Okay, one boy with it on this show. It's not gonna last long.

One season, one season, wonder. So, Jules, did you notice that Jules is getting some like bitchy stuff in there? Because she probably likes Luke. Cause like, who doesn't? Like, she's a human, breathing human being. Because earlier when they were talking, she's like, yeah, Hamid doesn't like anything permanent.

And now she's like, says you're who just moved here. Yeah, you literally just moved from Chicago, from Jordan, to be on a TV show. Okay, calm down, Carmen Sandiego. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm in, I travel the world, I've stolen something. I love the door. I'm just looking forward to a summer in the Hampton. Yeah, I've had it. I've solved enough fucking mysteries, right? So then, yeah, Joel's just keeps reacting to things like, okay, whenever it's like a couple thing. So the boys are playing football and then he's like, I'm playing football.

So she goes over and plays. And Hannah goes, Slitz are gonna go through some football around and pH goes, that's funny because I'm sitting right here. But I don't know why, I just loved it. I just like everything she says just cracks me up. So Carl is talking to Kyle about his talk with Lindsay and Kyle starts, of course, makes it about him and Amanda because that's just how life is. Yeah. So he's like, um, like about him and Amanda, because that's just how life is. So he's like, um, like we never have sex, bro. She just wants to be on her phone and watch TV. It's like we're together, but we're not together.

Like, I mean, she's not present. You know what I mean? I'm like, yes, that's exactly what I'm doing right now while you're talking. I was sitting there like, girl, I was going through my Facebook. I, oh, they're that bitch again, causing problems. I was like, look at that car going down the street

in a river of water in Birmingham. I was like, is that Carl's Lexus going down the street? The flash flood, bro. So, God. So Carl, sorry, Matt Lindsay's like, you know what, at the end of the day, do I have feelings for Lindsay? Yes.

Do I have through testicles? Yes. Do I have a job? Maybe. Is that Lexus mine? Not really. Do I like pancakes only when they're on me? I don't even know what that last one meant.

Thank you. Thanks, Mom. There are moms out there. You're doing great, Mom. You're a mom's out there. You're doing great, Kelly. We're going for Kelly. So, yeah. So basically, I saw Carl's checking on Kyle. I guess that's what you were just saying, right?

I'm out of Kyle's dinner. Yeah, yeah, let's go to dinner dinner. So dinner, yeah. So now we do the thing where the games like time for Coral to blend on some white gene leggings. Jetgings is their branded and a black top. We're gonna go hub house. Yeah, they all go to dinner. Admin on, now this is a guy song.

So you know it's like a guy plot thing. And it's like Trixie's just outside smoking. She's like, I'm done, I'm done. I said, I told you to do this one. I've She's like, I'm done, I'm done. I said, I told you to do this one. I've done that coming, I'm done. I'm officially done. So I've been running, I've been on sunset running with the top back.

Get it girl, you got that, get it girl, like you got that. There's no way I can stop that. I'm like, that is a different town you're singing about. Yeah, at least Trixie knows her town. Yeah, she's like, it's sandy, it's sandy. The sand in my eyes, it's sandy. So much talk and mon talk.

So they all go to this restaurant. And you know, I mean, usually we all know we are all seasoned bravo people or at least we're dragged here by them. And we all know. We all know that like they go to a restaurant, we have to watch them order everything. That's just part of the process.

I don't know why. Maybe it's to make it feel more real. Or maybe it's like a kick back to the restaurant or something for laying them a shoot there. But this one, I think of it as a diet plan, because they're all skinny. So whatever they have. Just order that.

But there was something going on with this one, because first of all, they ordered some apparel spritzes. And then it was like a nonstop barrage of people ordering octopus like um can you tell me about the octopus? Are they gonna hold the octopus please? Uh, that'll be two octopuses. Yeah, Amanda not gonna split an octopus. Please run out of octopus

I was like why is everyone obsessed with the octopus right now? And then the other girl the skinny girl the skinny-est girls got three swordfishes. I was like, ooh. So thin. How many points is that? So now they're like, all right, now that we're at our first formal dinner, why not now it's time for us to learn about jewels.

So jewels, tell us about yourself. But you go, hey, hub house. You wanna have a talk? I was like, well, um, hey, whole house. You wanna have a talk? I was like, oh, that was great. Ray learning about jewels. Yeah. So they go have their talk again.

And so now Lindsey's like, oh my God, now the whole house knows and all of us. We have to figure out the thing. Mm, I'm like Lindsey Lindsay stops with this, okay? So Lindsay's like, um, Carl, I want you to know you're like an amazing guy, Carl. I think you're an amazing man. Like, you know how to use your fingers so well.

Oh. Because you look yanno. Carl, you're just the kind of guy I can always count on. You just, sometimes you do the nicest things, you just really touch me. I don't want anybody else when I think about you. My octopus is here, my octopus is here. Lindsay Puss has been ordered.

So it sounds like she's breaking up with him, but she's not at all. She's like, no, I'm saying you're like hot, I want to get banging you. You have the hairiest back I've ever had on a guy. And I feel so amazing in my fingers. Sometimes I don't know if it's your back or your front. It's exciting.

So she goes hot. Meanwhile, back at the table, Amanda's like, um, why did they both go to the bathroom and Paige goes, she's sucking a stick. Which is possible on this show. Didn't Lindsay walk off into the woods with that guy one time? It was like in a revolutionary work costume too, right?

Yes. Plus this show. So Carl's like, yeah, you're like the best girlfriend I've ever had. Like, I like you a lot. And like, I think you're amazing. And I just want to make sure that you know that I care about you. And I'm going to try and fuck somebody. I'll say literally five minutes.

Okay, so don't get mad. I have a five finger plan for this summer. I have a five finger plan for this summer. I have a five finger plan for this summer. I have a five finger plan for this summer. I have a five finger plan for this summer. I have a five finger plan for this summer. I have a five finger plan for this summer.

I have a five finger plan for this summer. I have a five finger plan for this summer. I have a five finger plan for this summer. Can I have your digits. My turn. My turn. So it's like, I love you. Oh, sorry, go ahead. Sorry. He's like, I love you. He's like, I love you. I love you. I'm just like, um, what does that mean? I'm like, flip, and that brings us to the end of summer house. Yeah, that's it.

Almost made it. You guys, thank you so much for coming out tonight. We really appreciate it. Thank you guys so much. Thank you so much. It was so fun. Good night everyone. We'll see you guys later. Wow. Wow. Straight to the rosé.

Have fun tonight. Feed your weight as well. I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you.

I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you. Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watch Your Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com Slash Survey.