Watch What Crappens - Toaster Madness on RHoNYC

Episode Date: August 7, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crap Is, a weekly podcast about all the crap on Bravo, the crap that we love. I'm Ben Mandelger from B-Side Blog, and joining me as always are Ronnie Karam from TVgasm. Hi Ronnie. Well, hello. And Matt Woodfield from Yahoo.

Hey, sweets, as Ramona would say before I stab her. Yes, indeed. You guys can follow us on Twitter. The podcast Twitter is What Crappens. And there's also a Facebook of Facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crappens. Definitely like us there because it's the best. And I'm at bsideblog. Ronnie's at tvgasm.

Matt's at life on the M list. And look at that. We just took care of all our busy work. Yeah, it's a lot of Twitters. One more thing. I need a few more recommendations and or reviews on iTunes. You know, we got a few weeks ago and we were riding high and then they dropped off. I think you guys have been doing good.

We're actually at like 98 ratings. I know. I just want to break the 100 seal. He is on a power trip. Yeah, when we break the 100 rating seal, we're going to walk around the neighborhood and just be like, yeah, that's right motherfuckers. We have 100 people who rated us. Yeah. And no one's really going to know what that means

but we're gonna feel really cool whatever it's a hell of a lot more than the other uh bravo housewives podcasts out there oh wow oh throw down talking talking some shit well you know it almost sounds like you could be a real housewife of new york city because they were ruthless this week and uh just before we dive into this for your edification we're going to talk about Real Housewives of New York City. Pause for a second. What is edification? Oh, no, Matt.

Look, let's be honest. I'm the Brandy Glanville of this group. No, you're not. You're a worker. You work. You read things. You have glasses. Yeah, you have glasses.

So am I the Kyle Richards? No. What? You call her the intellectual? You are one of... You know what you are? You're the drunken gallery girl's girl from Brooklyn who has a little hat on her head at the end of the episode.

I don't wear hats. Well, if you lived in Brooklyn, you would. Okay, if you don't know what edification means, then you're Gretchen. You're just like the fake intellectual. You need to edify yourself. And once you learn what it means, you're Gretchen. You're just like the fake intellectual. You need to edify yourself. And once you learn what it means, you're going to say, The edification of the neighborhood! The edification!

I called somebody and I was like, I'm edifying you! I think my time would be better spent finding an old rich white man that's about to die so I could take his money. I think that you need to learn what edification is for your own edification. Oh, God. Oh, God.

So, everyone, by the way, this is what we have working for us at Yahoo TV. Someone who doesn't know what edification means. He's not in the news department. It's funny because I read an article today on Yahoo about new words in the dictionary. The F-bomb was just added to the dictionary. Yes. I just read that on Yahoo.

It was a great article. I can't believe don't beat it got in there like years ago um sexting got in also you think and life coach just got in you think life coach has been around i feel like longer than sexting but sexting got right to the front of that list it's like all the like semi-vulgar stuff and like tragic trashy things about like from like self-help books and that's all the shit that makes it in every year now and it's like what happened to real words well i think webster like lol i think we've had some neologisms i think that's what's happened i think oh god stop with the big words people i've had a long day i can't handle big words all right so speaking of stupidity uh let's get back to bravo do you guys not have any uh gossip for me this week i didn't have here's the gossip the gossip is i'm trying to tell people what they're going to be hearing Bravo. Do you guys not have any gossip for me this week? I didn't have time to get any.

The gossip is I'm trying to tell people what they're going to be hearing on this week's episode. That's the gossip. Okay. So we're going to talk about Real Housewives of New York and of New Jersey and the brand new show Gallery Girls, which premiered tonight. And if we have time, million-dollar listing. And then in terms of gossip, actually, we don't have any gossip. Oh, wait, no. Ronnie, you found something, right? right well i kind of looked last second first i have to say that if we sound like we're

ganging up on matt it's because we are i'm actually at b-side's house today yeah so we're sharing a mic so sorry matt yeah well when i'm b-side's neighbor in about two weeks from now you're gonna feel like the outsider oh whatever you got we're gonna we're gonna invite mj over because she lives right across the street from shaw's of sunset and then we're gonna we're gonna invite mj over because she lives right across the street from shahs of sunset and then you're gonna really feel that little flea ridden dogs over here and she's gonna smell like the meat that her mom forced let me let me break something down for you her mother does not force her to eat anything it's all on by her own uh what would i say she forces her to with her spirit of course mj eats because

she has no man she's trying to impress. Except for Reza. Except for Reza. But anyway, so you have some gossip, Ronnie. Well, I looked kind of late, but really all I found was that one of the new Housewives of Miami, Joanna Krupa, was caught buying Twitter followers. And apparently Alexis was caught last week, too, buying Twitter followers, which I feel terrible. How does which i feel terrible by twitter followers well one you can actually do this there are services where you can buy twitter followers but apparently it's sort of an empty thing because they join for like a week and then they go away and or if you're trying to like get word out to people a lot of them are like robots or they they don't check twitter it's like uh it's an it's basically just to brag about your numbers i had a robot attack is gonna have

like 20 000 twitter followers tomorrow okay i'll be honest i had a robot attack on mine and it made my followers go up to like 7 500 and then i freaked out one night and i started blocking them all for spam and now my numbers are back to where they should be because i don't cheat like these other bitches well you blocked you blocked 7 000 people i sat up one night because i have no life and i blocked out like a thousand of them that were clearly robots because i didn't want my numbers to seem like i was cheating well here's the thing the good news is that usually if someone if there is like a robot that's trying to get you it's getting other people at the same time no twitter usually finds it.

And then actually what happens is you get excited because your numbers are high. And then one day your numbers drop by like 1,000. Mine dropped by 4,000 in the past week. Do you want some back tip? No, thank you. Okay, why are we talking about this? That was the gossip.

It wasn't the best gossip. But I think that at the end of the day, Miami is going to be a train wreck. Because if you're already getting compared to Alexis Bolino, you know you're in trouble. And Joanna Krupa shouldn't have to be buying Twitter followers. It needs to be called Mijami. What? It needs to be called...

It's Mijami. Oh, Mijami. Mijami. I'm excited for it to come back. So why don't we just get into the... Miami is popular because it is a good town, but it Miami is popular because it is a good town. But it is mostly popular because it is an odd place. You know what?

That's not an accent. Let me break it down for you. That's not an accent. That's just because her neck is so fat. Marisol, why am I getting red in my neck? Marisol, why are you not... Don't her vocal cords sound so lazy? I mean, they just want to... You have to be educated about her vocal cords.

Be educated. Marisol. Marisol. Marisol. Who is a mat with feet? Why does he talk about my neck? Who is this gallery girl? Who is a gallery girl?

Why are girls not getting married, Maddie? So why are they in a gallery? Hey, they have gallery girls in Miami. Remember they had that episode where they sold paint? I mean, they sold stuff and like someone rolled around on a canvas or some shit. Yeah, that was at Adriana's gallery. And gallery girls will be going to Miami as

we saw in the previous. Oh, Adriana, that's right. That crazy bitch. So while we, should we just get into New jersey yeah or should we do new jersey or new york first who wants what do we want to talk about i would say we should probably get in the new york first because it's crazy matt matt started off our phone conversation by saying i am enraged so i am is that is that my accent really yeah you become dolphgren, by the way, when you're mad. I don't know if you realize this. I'm the star of The Expendables 3. Yeah, that was like, they don't remember me, but they will.

They will never forget again. Sidebar, Jean-Claude Van Damme is the reason I'm gay. Really? Yeah, growing up, Van Damme, kickboxer, bloodsport, Death Warrant, Need I Go On. So you're a top? Because I feel like he's probably a bottom. Nowhere to Run, Hard Target, Maximum Risk. I could continue.

It's like a whole collage of your masturbatory... Masturbatoes! It's all out of your masturbatoes. You don't want to borrow those DVDs. Well, I... I'll have to remember that next time I read it. Am I sharing too much? Is this too much?

No, it's great. Let me tell you something else while we're on the gossip train. Please, please. I joined on Saturday night because I was like, you know, I was like doing some work. I'm getting ready to go out of town. So I joined Match.com on Saturday night. And? My shit is blowing up.

Really? It's because you're thin now. God damn it. So many of the people are like 48. They're age inappropriate. So what do I do? How do I weed through all the age inappropriate? Just tell them you like to masturbate to Jean-Claude Van Damme and that'll weed out the people.

Maybe I should add that to my profile tonight. I think you should remember that we're all going to be 48, and we should stop being ageist. And if you don't date someone, you should not date them because they're ugly, not because they're old. It's based on their bank account. Yes, I think that's fair. Okay. All right, so what actually got you fired up about New York City? Oh, my God. I fucking hate the fair. Okay. All right. So what actually got you fired up about New York City? Oh, my God.

I fucking hate the three blonde ladies. I am team brunette. I like Luann slamming on that dumb bitch Aviva. I like Heather slamming it down on Sonia and on stupid Moana. Are you talking behind my back? Why are you talking behind my back? Because if you have something to say to me, say it to my face. But you're talking behind my back. You're talking behind my back. I think you're talking behind my back. I heard something talking behind my back? Because if you have something to say to me, say it to my face. But you're talking behind my back. You're talking behind my back.

I think you're talking behind my back. I heard something. Was that you? I was behind you. I mean, I was behind your back. But technically, you were talking behind my back. Oh! No good reason. This was an exercise in frustration. Okay, we'll just cut right to the end of the episode. There were many, many reasons

to get frustrated this episode. But at the end of the episode, are many many reasons to get frustrated this episode but at the end of the episode there was an incident where um aviva decided to bring up the wine thing even though it's all done aviva decided it's not like five months ago i'm sorry i know the wine thing keeps on happening so she goes up to to luann and luann is pretty much like really shut the fuck up why are we even talking about this? So first Luann says it wasn't a joke. They were profiling the wine and apparently Jacques... It was an honor. It was an honor to be profiled.

And apparently every restaurateur on a file listens to what Jacques says about wine. He's a master of wine. He's a master of wine. He's an MOW. He's a court master. He's from Frasier. Didn't you ever watch that show? Yeah. He's a master of the court he knows niles crane so she first is saying that but then luanne backtracks and is like what

have these women lost their sense of humor well how could they lose their sense of humor if it wasn't a joke okay but well okay but here's the thing like it was an amusing it was an amusing way to flatter it was an amusing endorsement of her wine brand. That just happens to be a shitty wine. Flattering ha-ha. I love that Luanne, when she gets pissed off, and she kind of almost wanted to punch Heather in the fake leg. She doesn't even look her in the eye.

She just flutters her hair back. And, you know, I don't know. I'm team Luanne, but I just wish Luanne would have the balls to say, yes, that's why I did it because Ramon is a bitch and I don't feel guilty. And furthermore, listen, Hot Lips Houlihan from like 30 years ago and now the Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz. It's none of your goddamn business. Why don't you just back the fuck off? Why are you even saying hello to me? You come up here and start with someone else's business.

Get out of my face. Guess what? The fake leg story ran out of gas about four episodes ago. So she has nothing else to do. It has no legs. I'm going to beat you like you beat that fake leg story. Listen, I personally like Jacques' response to it, which is to run into the corner and play the piano and smile like, Bonjour!

Maintenant, nous chansons! He's like, what? It was no joke! Les poissons, les poissons! How I love les poissons! Les petits petits petits! For everybody else out there listening, I think that Ben and Ronnie have been drinking without me.

Oh, Champs-Elysées! Oh, Champs-Elysées! Oh, Champs-Élysées. Oh, you still speak about the wine? Oh, Little Mermaid, you're always welcome on my cruise ship. Ah, bonjour, mes amis. Be my guest, be my guest. You see, it's just amusing. It's amusing flattery.

Okay, but can you guys talk a little bit about how much you hate Aviva for stirring this pot? Like, don't you fucking hate her yeah oh god if he was that old lady at the dog park who every day you say how are you and she's like have you seen how that woman is parked she is her tire is touching the handicapped spot she's a busy buddy she's a busy buddy and so then here's so okay so we have this ridiculous situation with luanne and aviva okay, so then Luanne gets mad about this whole thing, and so she and Jacques decide to leave. And when they leave... Don't you love... When they leave, they always say, we have a birthday party to go to, which means we have to go home and fuck.

Yeah. As in, we have to welcome in the birth of our unborn and unconceived child. We have a birthday. My egg is My egg is Turning 500 years old And we need to give it a gift I'm ovulating We need to go

We need to go Jerk each other off While we look through The catalog of Asian babies We'll be uptown We need to look at Algonquin Baby Weekly My favorite magazine

So Anyway So then Luanne Luanne and Jacques leave And while they're leaving aviva says to jacques in french like that was mean so aviva is really just she's no she didn't say that was mean she said you're mean you're mean you're mean yes so they leave and then i love well wait because i love that they keep saying that stupid aviva keeps keeps saying, yeah, but what if Ramona on, like, national TV took a drink of her wine and said it was terrible? She keeps ignoring the fact that Ramona did taste her wine on national TV and say it was fucking terrible.

It would ruin her livelihood. Ramona's livelihood is tied to Mario's Jesus jewelry business, not Pinot Grigio that tastes like piss that nobody's really buying. I'm sorry. Well, I did love how Luanne did have that one line about how Ramona drinks away her livelihood, so who cares? But so anyway, okay, so Luanne and Jacques leave, and after like, they like, the women wait for about

like five seconds to, they're like waiting You're being generous, you're being generous. They're waiting to hear the accordion music fade into the background. They're waiting to hear the accordion music fade into the background. They're waiting to hear someone on the street go, oh, my God, are you bowing? Shut the door. Is that David Schwimmer? Shut the door.

So they do that. And then all of a sudden they start bad talking. And then Ramona comes in with her conspiracy theory, which is crazy. She goes, I don't even think that's a real French accent. It's too over the top. It's not French. He didn't even understand the French pronunciation. What was she trying to pronounce?

Jesus Christ. Probably, I don't know. It was something in French. And he's like, what? And she's like, jacuzzi, jacuzzi. Oh, yeah, jacuzzi. Oh, jacuzzi. She's like, oh, he doesn't even know French.

He's not even a real French person. So anyway, so they're talking. He doesn't even know how to pronounce jacuzzi. Okay, so here's what's funny. Okay, so now they're saying this stuff So anyway, so they're having, they're talking. But you don't even know how to pronounce it. So here's what's funny. Okay, so now they're saying this stuff, which, you know, is sort of catty, but it wasn't, honestly, it wasn't. What do you mean, what do you mean catty? I mean, Aviva is standing around this entire episode telling people who's

mean, who's not mean, and as soon as he walks out the door, she starts blabbing her mouth, talking shit behind his back. She is just as bad as anybody. So now, so now now we cut to Heather, who is sitting on the other side of a partition, literally listening in to this conversation that's being spoken behind the back of Luanne.

And Heather's listening to it. Then she turns to Carol, and she's like, this upsets me. It's really mean. It's really mean. I don't like these women talking behind each other's backs. Cut to... Meanwhile, Heather... Specifically, that he's not really french heather okay so heather now is literally talking behind their backs like she's literally behind

their backs talking about them and they are we have like so many different tiers of women talking behind each other's back at this point and she's taking a stance about talking behind each other's back at this point. And she's taking a stance about talking behind someone's back. And then she comes in and then she confronts Aviva about it, right? And while she's talking to Aviva about it, Ramona... And Aviva's like, who are you talking about? Yeah. And then Ramona comes up. Who's talking behind someone's back?

The best part is that then Ramona slinks on over and she literally just puts her ear into the conversation. Like, Heather's talking and Ramona just puts her head right there. Like, she's listening to the bathroom door of someone masturbating inside. You know, like you with the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. And so Ramona's just here listening

and it's the most bizarre thing. And then Ramona just explodes on Heather. Ramona's... Ramona... There you're doing it! You're talking behind my back! So now Ramona's accusing Heather of talking behind her back when Heather's accusing Ramona of talking behind Jean's back. And then, oh my god, and then it's like commercial! And then we come back

and they're still fucking talking about it. No, then it's a cut to Carol in the confessional going, I don't give a fuck about this or any of these women. Yeah, that was the best. I don't care. I made M&M's with their hobbies on them. Why do we have to talk? I. I made M&M's with their hobbies on them. Why do we have to talk about that?

I give you some M&M's. Oh, yeah, there it is. That's better. Uh, French. Who cares if he knows French? Where's my lizard? So then, so Ramona storms off, and then Heather turns to Mario and says... Your crazy-ass wife starts shit with me and then runs away.

And then Aviva's like, oh, and now you're telling him his wife is crazy? Yeah, your wife is fucking crazy. Why is a husband allowed to get in everybody's business and start confronting people about something? Wait, these husbands don't have any balls. I'm sorry, but Aviva, like, if Mario really had any balls, he would have addressed this like a man a long time ago as opposed to letting Ramona fly off the handle and act like a crazy bitch. Heather, what Heather said was completely appropriate, and I don't understand why people are hating on Heather. Honestly, you know, yes. Can I finish? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Matt Whitfield. He has the floor. Well, at least it wasn't behind my back. That's a nice change. Uh-huh. Go on. No, I'm done.

Good. Oh, oh, is it because we're standing behind you now? Oh, I see how it is. Behind your back we're talking? You know, you got to control your crazy ass wife, Matt. You got to control her. Behind your back we're talking. You know, you've got to control your crazy-ass wife, Matt. You've got to control her. Matt, don't embarrass me. This was my livelihood.

But the thing is this, though. I agree with you. Mario definitely should have controlled it. He has no balls. And in fact, we see scenes from him next week where he does say to Heather that it's not right what she said. But I think he's only saying it because Aviva spoke up and said that that's not right. He or Ramona, neither one of them was even upset about that

wine thing, were they? They were upset, but they were just trying to move on. But Aviva was like, oh, you guys should be so upset. I was just so mortified. I can't believe you're not upset. And they were like laughing it off. And she got them all riled up, and now it's like a new storyline that we need to listen to

for three fucking weeks. And why didn't Av riled up, and now it's like a new storyline that we need to listen to for three fucking weeks. And why didn't Aviva speak up about this when they were at their holiday dinner before when Mario was talking about it then to Jacques? Oh, good point. Yeah, good point. Aviva, get a storyline. Yeah. Did we lose Matt? Yeah, Matt's like angrily masturbating at us.

He's just thinking about Jean-Claude Van Damme at this point. I think we lost Matt. Are you there? I'm here. Don't hate or hate. He's pouting now. Oh, Matt, we're sorry. We're sorry.

You're not, but that's fine. We are. I am. I am. I know you are. I'm not sorry. I'm like Luann. Darling, it was a joke.

Darling, darling. I know what your livelihood is, Pinot Grigio, please. Darling, it was a joke. Darling, darling. Your livelihood is Pinot Grigio, please. Darling, have a sense of humor. So what else happened? There was that white elephant party, which I loved that they had a white elephant party because it was almost a direct slam to Teresa about there's a white elephant in the room. There's a white elephant.

Instructing what a white elephant party is. And then someone brought a lizard to a white elephant instructing what a white elephant party is and then and then uh someone brought someone brought a lizard to the white out like carol opened up a gift and there was a lizard inside does that happen often at christmas is that i'm i'm jewish is that could you tell who brought the lizard to the party i think it was aviva's dad that probably makes sense but didn't he bring the leather thing with the ball? I think he brought the lizard and the ball gag. And then there were coasters, right?

Wine coasters. Luan loved those. And then there were espresso cups for Jacques. It was a fantastic party. But you know what, though? I'll tell you what else happened. It was that Ramona and Heather got into another fight earlier earlier in the episode which pertained to the toaster oven should we just go back to the beginning of the toaster oven now yeah the toaster oven that continues to fuel this

season with all the giant toaster oven it's as big as a dryer um so we finally had this photo shoot for this toaster oven, and Sonia shows up for it late, and she's a total disaster. Like, she's telling the food stylist how to style the food and how to cook the food and everything like that. She's having some bloody vagina issue in the bathroom with her tampon. You know what? I know that we're watching a show about women. I get it. I get it i get it but you guys do we really need to see gushing blood out of sonia and is that even true because i feel like she's not having

her period she's just saying it so that she can still try and get some penis uh i was horrified by the entire situation to be honest i was horrified even before the tampon and then when you add in a bloody tampon on top of that or the lack thereof it was horrifying it was hard watching her run waddle to the bathroom what that poor gay guy oh gosh he made the gay guy come in with her and he'd like he's a big help he's just like and she I mean well what were the things you would say you know she kept on talking about this this guy who knows Like, he's a big cop. He's just like, oh. And she, I mean, what were the things she was saying? You know, she kept on talking about this guy who knows how to do her makeup. And so Heather was losing it.

Heather was absolutely losing it. She couldn't even deal. And so this is why I think people don't like Heather, is that she's sweet and nice. And then when she loses control or when she gets angry, it comes out in such bitchy, passive, aggressive ways. I am the Heather here because I'm fucking pissed at you right now and I'm trying to keep it together

and I'm doing all this work and you don't even, you don't appreciate me. Why are you mad, Matt? Let's talk it out. No, I don't want to talk it out in this public forum right now. I will text you mean things

all night long. Don't worry. No, it's making me totally uncomfortable like sitting here listening to Ben talk when I know you're fuming on me. Yeah, you're being very quiet over there now. Well Don't worry. He's pissed. No, it's making me totally uncomfortable like sitting here listening to Ben talk when I know you're fuming on the air. Yeah, you're being very quiet over there now. Well, because you take Ben's side.

I mean, this is just so typical of you. I'm not on anyone's side. I'm just at Ben's house. I'm sitting here. He's just by my side. He's not taking my side. Yeah, I'm just by his side physically, not spiritually. Anyway, I like Heather. I feel Heather's pain. I feel like the Heather. I'm on Jesus' side.

I'm on the Torah's side. Jesus only gave people wine, and then what'd they do? Nailed them up with some thorns on his head. That guy was so nice, he could have just used a nice hair combing and some conditioning and a nice pat on the back, and what did he do? Died.

For your sins. Not mine, because I'm Jewish. So we could sit here and talk shit about old ladies pretending to have periods on tv so they can still get fucked well either way in terms of heather i believe heather was in the right in that in that situation with the with the photo shoot like i mean heather i mean i could not like that seemed like at the end of the day she's doing all of this shit for free so if the fact that sona is not kissing her ass is a problem. But Sonya doesn't understand.

I mean, everything she's been given has been handed to her by some rich old man. So everything she's had has been for free. She doesn't get it. Yeah. You know, they could be paying. Even when the husband was paying her entire staff of people to her, it was free. So she doesn't understand the difference. She just knows that

if it's her thing then she's in charge and that's the end of it. She's got a toaster like five times the size of a normal toaster. And that's just how it's going to be. It's not going to have a hot guy in it. It's going to have her with bad posture and a dangling saggy boob like literally

laying on top of the toaster in the picture. That's the picture she picked. It's like she was drunk and passed out on a buffet table and woke up just in time to smile for the camera. Like, oh, what's this? Is it a toaster oven over here? I thought it was my pillow. Okay. The only thing I learned from that ad is that the

toaster oven has a protective coating that even if you come home drunk and lay your tit down on top of it, it won't burn. That's like the best thing about that toaster. Real housewives of New York, my ass. These women just walked around again for another week.

I'm feeling stressful. Oh, you're stressing me out with this. Oh my god. Are you talking bad about me? Are you talking mean to me? And then we get the obligatory scene of eight old ass people talking about squirting on each other, jerking off, giving each other like, what were they giving each other? Like one was a leather thing with a ball, like a gimp toy. And there was another sex toy, oh, a cock ring.

Yeah. Come on, you guys, really? Well, it was worth it only because to see that stuff all floating under Luanne's nose. And her reactions to it. So what I loved about the Toaster Oven thing, though, was that you would think that the photo shoot was enough drama and awkwardness unto itself. But then we cut to, eventually, Ramona has a party for her red wine that came out. Whatever happened to Baby Jane, you guys? We found out.

She was being photographed by jador magazine oh i thought you're talking about heather and her crazy eye makeup at that part her tailored momson eyes no i was talking about the part where ramona was on the cover of that jador magazine looking like she was 16 years old. Yeah. I've written a letter to Daddy. I don't even know. Is that song in Whatever Happened to Baby Jade? Yes, that's the one she sang when she was a child star. I've written a letter to Daddy. Oh, I just love how everyone came in.

Everyone was pretty much like, oh, my God, Ramona, you look great on that cover. It doesn't even look like you. Almost just like poking her with it. God, you look like Avery. That's weird. How did they do that? Jesus Christ. So then there was like this.

I think she looked like Howard the Duck. I think she looked like a wax figure from Madame Tussauds. A wax figure of her youth. I think she looked like a Christmas candle that you leave on the heater. I feel like she looked like

my plastic watch if it had been melted and shaped into the general form of a human. I think she looked like Ann Curry the morning after she got fired, all drunk, waking up on her human. I think she looked like Ann Curry the morning after she got fired, all drunk, waking up on her face. I think she looked like someone who never got the call back to be on Baywatch. I think she looked like a used Band-Aid

that's in the shower drain. It's all tight still, but it's really old and moldy. I think she looks like Press and Seal that's been put on a baby doll Oh my god You know who looks like Matt? Aviva She's really mad Matt

I'm watching a video of Sonia peeling potatoes And making potato chips in her toaster oven Her website is so fucking lame, it's ridiculous. Would you please post a link of that video on our Facebook page right now? Please. Would you like to know what the ingredients

are? Yes, please. One large Idaho potato, canola oil, sea salt. Peel them, mandolin them, put them in a toaster oven, sprinkle salt on them. She's a fucking genius, people. She's opened my eyes to what can be done. You can make chips at home. Who knew?

I certainly didn't. I thought if you didn't get them in a bag, you just were never getting them. These weren't happening. I actually really hate her. She is a two-faced bitch. She is. She's never putting Ramona in her place. Mario doesn't put Ramona in her place.

The fact that nobody properly puts Ramona in her place except for Luann when she has a few key moments is a serious problem. And Sonya lets her off the hook. a few key moments is a serious problem and sonya lets her off the hook and then she lets ramona you know barge into a conversation between her and heather yeah throw you know everybody gets thrown under the bus and it's just it's pure ridiculousness and my blood was boiling watching the episode and i really sonya and ramona i hate both of them with all of my being more than i think i've hated anybody in Housewives history. Wow. Yeah.

Ramona really just infuriates me. I mean, sitting here watching it with somebody in the room was even harder because I had to actually control myself a little bit because normally I'm like, yes. You sound like Trey, right? Yeah, he's like Trey with a sprained ankle. Oh, my God, and I love... We're looking at the potatoes now. Matt, I just can't. I really didn't. Could you please go now?

I just came to this website because Matt was talking about it, and Sonia is here in some kind of muumuu with no makeup. How old does she look? Having her picture taken by one of her interns on a cell phone camera. This is really sad, actually. I think it's a half-broken blackberry that was fished out of a toilet.

And these chips look like they have mold or something on them. And by the way, her recipes could not be more basic. Like, potato chips, and here's, oh, how about this? Red peppers with baked parmesan. Tomatoes. Okay, so you take red peppers and put parmesan in them and put them in the toaster oven. And then burn them. Yeah.

Burn them. I can't wait for her next recipe. A toasted English muffin. Slice it in half and put it in the toaster oven. Prosciutto and salmon wrapped cocktail pickles. Ew. That sounds disgusting enough without being toasted. What the hell, Sonia Morgan?

And she's so serious in her photos. At least have some fun with it. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks. Reconstruction.

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I'm sorry. We're getting sidetracked because you can't actually see what we're looking at, but we're both just staring at this website, Slapdod. Okay. So where is the picture that she ended up choosing for this? I mean,

what's the home? This is the homepage, right? They're nowhere to be found on that website. Really? Because she is a moron. She probably couldn't choose or afford to buy a proper webmaster. And she's just pathetic and lame. And the fact that Bravo has the audacity to fire somebody like Sharae, who clearly has no money and no life, but will keep Sonya on the show just because she doesn't wear panties. And we'll talk about her bloody crotch, which is not really bloody because she's past that point

in her life is so disappointing and andy cohen we know has had a lot of missteps this year this is his latest misstep sonia morgan is fucking trash well i think sonia has kept it entertaining because as much as she is trashy like that, I mean, I found this whole Toaster Oven saga to be endlessly entertaining in a very frustrating way. So the whole party thing, when Sonya and Heather kind of like brokered a truce, but you were getting to this before, Matt, about the way Ramona barges in. They sort of brokered an uneasy truce, and then Ramona just comes right in and just says,

oh yeah, Sonia said that you steamrolled right over her. Like, why does Ramona think she could do that? But what was even funnier was not just the craziness of Ramona, was that then we heard this story of this argument told about five different times afterwards, because Ramona went to every single person at the party, it seemed like, and complained about five different times afterwards, because Ramona went to every single person at the party, it seemed like, and

complained about Heather not listening, because Heather seemed rolled over. Sonia, over and over and over again. The best is, though, with Luann. Luann was not having it. Luann was like, well, you are awful to work with. I don't blame her. I would have just told you you couldn't come, period. You're a pain in the ass.

Yeah, no, I mean, I think everyone was on Team Heather on that one, for sure. Before're a pain in the ass. Yeah, no, I mean, I think everyone was on Team Heather on that one for sure. Well, before, because we have to move on soon because I'll kill myself if we have to talk about these old bitchy-covetchy bitches anymore. But I do want to say that I just had to sign up for Sonia's newsletter because I love her website. She has really great sayings that make a lot of sense, like, I have a taste of luxury luxury and luxury has a taste for me

didn't somebody at bravo write that wasn't that our old intro on bravo yeah that was her old one i don't know and i guarantee you she didn't write to eat sonia and then her other one is sign up for my newsletter and be the straw that stirs the drink oh my god here's what i don't understand how you can say you have a taste for luxury and you're hawking toaster ovens i just don't understand how that works and your house is falling apart yes and your and your veil has a hole in it well and you have a bloody bloody tampon in the women's room yeah you're real luxurious yeah luxury has a taste for you as you sit there like shoving a rag up your cooch soak it all up

it's the art of luxury on a budget sonia style is sexy sassy yet savvy and of course includes healthy toaster oven recipes and low-cal cocktails because what housewife would have a website without low-cal oh right who doesn't want who who can yeah i mean i'm also sharing the way i'm also sharing decorating on a dime, gardening and floral arranging, travel, dating, fashion, beauty, makeup, and my body and skin care secrets. Plus, I'm inviting some of my close friends as guests. Okay, could you

maybe pinpoint? Really focused. I like how focused she is. I really feel like I know what I'm going to get with her. I'm like, okay, good. So I'm going to learn about luxury, toast rubbing recipes, skin care. She is a jackass of all trades. I think she might have a video tutorial on how to trapeze. I'm not sure.

No, the trapeze is probably at the trampoline park with the bolinos. I still want to go to that thing, except I fear for my life. I fear the trampolines are made of old red ball rubber that would break as soon as you jump more than three feet. And then they'd sue you for breaking one of the trampolines.

Yeah, they'd be like, thanks. Yeah, exactly. All right, so let's move on. Let's go to New Jersey. I'm sick of these women. I can't take it. Matt, do you have any more New York? I love Heather.

The end. All right. Okay, so let's go on to New Jersey. So New Jersey had significantly less drama, but a lot of dumb moments. Like, an astoundingly large amount of dumb moments. I think, personally, my favorite dumb moment was when they were crossing the Golden Gate Bridge in their stupid-ass RVs. It's not gold! The Judiches and the Gorgas were equally upset that it wasn't gold.

And it doesn't have a gate on it. Who came up with that name? I love how Joe Gorgas is like, it looks like a bridge. There's nothing special about it. It's a fucking bridge. It's a fucking bridge. Matt, what are your thoughts on the Judiche-Gorga architectural assessment of the Golden Gate Bridge? Well, again, architectural is too big of a word for me tonight. what are your thoughts on the duty to DJ Gorga architectural assessment of the golden gate bridge? Um,

well, again, architectural is too big of a word for me tonight. So I would like to fast forward to my favorite part of the episode where my arch nemesis of the season, Caroline had the funniest moment when she called her own daughter and asshole. Yeah. I mean,

that was TV gold. She clearly loves Albie and Chris more than she loves Lauren, which is understandable. I mean, that was TV gold. She clearly loves Albie and Chris more than she loves Lauren, which is understandable. I mean, Lauren is the face of Cuff Face. Oh, is that the same as Cufface? I always get confused. Cat face? Cat face? Cunt face?

Fat cat face? Yeah, Lauren is an asshole. And it was so funny when lauren was bitchy and then everybody started mocking her to her face and she runs off to the she runs off to the number three which is like a new kind of poop probably yeah this cast so she's in like the number three trailer and she's sobbing to veto and we hear on her mic and she's like my mom doesn't even care about me she only cares about the boys everyone in america is watching this is just nodding like yep yep yeah no but she signed a lease for you so maybe stop crying and walk

around the block yeah that'd be great so do we think do we think hasn't she been on this diet for a long time i'm not seeing any changes i hope dr perricone has lost some money uh over the past few months because i no one should be going on that diet. That's crazy. Yeah, I think she's been indulging in some of that famous Napa County farm-to-table food. Or I think it's called farm-to-Lauren food. Poor Lauren. Do we think that she's actually an asshole?

Or is she inherently an asshole? She is an asshole, and I'm going to tell you why. She is way too old to be acting the way she acts. She keeps saying, like, Mommy, you prefer my brothers to me. And then she starts crying when they're all sitting around a campfire. Oh, Mommy, do you think my brothers are not going to be friends with me when we all grow up? Guess what?

You're all in your fucking mid-20s. Grow the fuck up, you dumb fuck. I could not agree more. And why was she so jealous and upset? Why does she need to be told in person that this cheerleader is moving into... I think she wants to be skinny and I think that she wants Albie to want to fuck her.

And I think she wants to move into that apartment and be fucked by Albie. Oh, God, you guys. Sorry. Well, she's so creepy, but also I think the reason she's so hateable is because, you know, most people who are watching this probably have jobs and do things and have to get up in the morning and make an effort in life. Some of us do. I can understand being fat and lazy because I am, but I still have to maintain a job and make some kind of effort.

This lazy bitch doesn't do anything. Does she work? No. What does she do? bitch doesn't do anything. Does she work? No. What does she do? She lives at home with her mommy and daddy, her daddy who buys her lap band surgery, her mommy who buys her a fucking nasty cafe storefront, which is clearly not up and running at the moment.

So she has nothing to complain about in life except for the fact that her boyfriend's cheese got stolen by Joe Giudice. I would be upset about that. I don't want Joe Giudice's hands on my cheese. She truly is a sour person, and she's just going to become one of those wives and moms who's a sour nag. I'm sorry. That's just what it is.

And you know what? Caroline does it is. And you know what? Caroline does play favorites. And you know what? Caroline's attitude is not the best. And this is where Lauren gets it. When Caroline talks about how she doesn't surf, she's like, I don't surf. I don't do that.

I don't surf. You know, like, she always makes these proclamations, things she doesn't want to do. And meanwhile, Caroline, as long as we're talking about her bad qualities, how about the fact that she is totally instigating drama between uh all the women and theresa i mean look i hate theresa with a passion but um caroline is caroline is taking the crown very quickly i mean she and even her husband they just sit around and they fucking are big old dumb grumps and it's like if you hate it this much stop taking the fucking paycheck go sell your

nasty pasta sauce at the brownstone and get the fuck off the show because you're wasting my time well you know it's like you know caroline asked uh jacklyn so how are things with you and theresa and jackson's like actually they're pretty good and caroline's like really really are they really that good it's like shut up caroline is missed what she did then they're not good oh okay it's like thanks caroline thanks for making a good situation now seem like it's not good and then that whole argument anyway jackie goes over to theresa's to talk which by the way please jackie don't ever sit uh facing your profile towards the camera because it looks fucking frightening you michael jackson style yes she looks like a cabbage patch doll that fell asleep on an iron just please stop it she looks like she could have the winter skiing whatever never mind she looks like a goldfish

trying to escape from a bowl just like pressing up against the glass she looks like she had a bowling ball that was resting on the bridge of her nose for 10 years and the fine was just removed she looks like a sea monkey that fell in a bot a pot of boiling chicken stock she looks like she looks like she's got a ski jump on her face and little skiers are jumping off she needs to never be profiled to the camera because it's disturbing and then she's sitting there talking to theresa about this stupid fight they're having and trees is like look i forgive you and she's like okay well i was hurt too, Teresa. But I didn't do nothing to you.

I can't, I'm not fake. I'm not a fake person. That's not what I do. I don't hold grudges. I don't know how to be fake. And so she's telling Jackie, okay, and Jackie, she's telling Jackie, you don't have a right to be upset that I didn't tell you I was going to jail. I'm not going to jail. And Jackie's like, but I want you to be honest. Why don't

you be honest and say that the reason you're pissed is because she sent a tweet to fucking Ho-Face. What's her name? Danielle. That's what this whole fight is. She even said it a long time ago. She's mad because Teresa tweeted back to Danielle and said thank you. That's this whole fight.

So why can't she just say that and let's be done with it? Why does it have to be... Because they're idiots. They're all idiots, every single one of them, and that's why they're on this stupid trip. And by the way, this has got to be the worst trip in Housewives history. It was only... Last season, they were frolicking in the sun, and they were in the

Caribbean, they were at the Dominican Republic. Yeah, and Teresa beat the shit out of somebody in a bar. Yeah, so now they're like... They're stuck in an RV. Yeah, they're literally sitting around in parking lots, driving through the woods. By the way, they see some conifers and they're freaked out. They think they're dead bodies hidden on the side of the road. I mean, these people, I'm like, they're not even from a place that doesn't have trees.

They're from New Jersey. Why are they so scared? They're on a well-trafficked road that has a double yellow line on it, and they're like, oh my god! There's murderers around here! But is this really the fancy trip for the season? Because my god, what a dump. I think Bravo's like, we're not giving you guys any more money.

After you wrecked the Dominican Republic, no more. Yeah, we used all your vacation money on the litigation. I love that we consider that their nice trip when they were walking around with blood in the streets and shit. You remember that?

The goat heads. Well, this one was funny. I mean, they were canoeing in the Russian River and then Melissa falls out. Melissa, I literally thought she had had her leg chopped off aviva style i wish i was screaming screaming bloody murder an alligator to just come along

and chop that bimbo's leg off is it wrong that the entire i mean that was an extended scene and i just laughed through the entire me too me too i laughed for every for every for every second that she was screaming i I was laughing. I was howling. But what was even wrong with her? She fell in the water. She was afraid she was going to get bitten by one of the water ticks. Oh, shut up.

But I did love, there's a comment that I just read on TV Chasm with someone saying, oh, yeah, well, I love that the whole time she's in the canoe with Midget Joe, he's like, shut up. Stop being an idiot! Shut up! It's very telling. It's starting to break this bullshit fairytale thing they have going. You know they have a relationship, just like Joe has with every other woman. Shut the fuck up! Yeah, I still think that

Joe Gorg is nicer than Joe Giudice. I don't. Ever since that... This is so funny, Ronnie, because about four weeks ago, every single week you were going, oh, he's so cute. I love him. I want to get a piece of that. Oh, I still would do it. Did you see him getting naked?

Can you put his junk away? His junk is gross. If it was Jean-Claude Van Damme, you would not be saying the same thing. Well, Jean-Claude Van Damme isn't 5'4 and looks like an Oompa Loompa. He's probably like 5'5 and looks like an Oompa Loompa. He's probably like 5'5 and looks like an Oompa Loompa. Yeah, he's still

extremely sexy, but I'm just saying that you can tell he's an asshole because he's obviously pissed somebody at Bravo off. Look how they shoot him. He's never shot in a flattering light. When he's in those testimonial things, he's the only one that uses a fisheye lens. They don't let him wear his wig, and they

shoot him from a funky... He looks like the kid from Mask. He's too stoned to know what's going on, though. He doesn't care. They are so stoned. By the way, here's a really important question. Do we think that anyone on this cast knows the difference between a duck and a swan?

Because all signs point to no. Did anyone notice that? That when they arrived at this camp... Look at the swans! Look at the swans! Look at the swans! She's like, look, and they're making swan noises. Moo! Oh, gosh.

I'm looking over these notes here. We have little notes that we jotted down. I think we've covered most of it. Vito showed his asshole to George Gorga. That was fun. That was frightening. That was frightening. Yeah, that was... That was an F.

I was afraid a whole side of Prosciutto was going to come out. Ew! And Lauren's like, Vito, why are you doing that? Why don't you do that to me? Why do you always do that to the boys? Why am I always left out? Why didn't you tell me you were going to do it? Why did I have to find out you were going to do that in public, Vito?

That hurt my feelings. I like also that there was a light mist. They woke up in the morning and there was a very light mist and they had to put the windshield wipers on and Jojo Dice is like, I feel like I'm in London. What an asshole. Really? You see some mist and you think you're in London? I guess it's sort of like the London...

I guess I should be happy he's making a vaguely European reference. Can we address the fact that Kathy is the man in her family and that Richie is really just a pathetic loser? I'm rubbing coconut oil onto Ben's table.

That's because Kathy is the best. A go-getter, and she's amazing. She's the best at canoeing. She's the best at baking. She's the best at everything. He is better. She's got very low standards. She's got very low expectations.

Yeah, she's like the opposite of great expectations. Yeah, you can't marry the guy who's pumping yeah she has a book called low expectations by charles duckins not so great expectations yeah not so great expectations the kathy mckeely story just and then the little mini title just glad you came home yeah it's like the guy and the girl they he never sees her again and he just marries some other girl in town. He doesn't rise to any, he doesn't get any inheritance. Oh, spoiler alert, sorry.

I'm relying on what I can remember from 10th grade. I'm like, uh. Oh my god, we are so worldly making Dickens references on our podcast. Extended Dickens references. I feel like I'm edifying someone at this very moment. Why do you want Matt to murder you? He knows Dickens. You know Dickens references. I feel like I'm edifying someone at this very moment. Why do you want Matt to murder you? He knows Dickens. You know Dickens, Matt.

Oh, I know Dick. Oh. Man. Oh, snap. So should we move on to Gallery Girls? Yeah, let's move on to Gal Girls. Okay. So, unfortunately, Matt, you were only able to watch a little bit of it because we're doing a

we're a little weird schedule here but matt i can't tell you how excited i am for you to watch the rest of this show because i think you will love it you will love it love it love it yeah because you know what i loved it and matt are you packing um i'm making a list. He's so excited by this podcast that he's making a list. He's hating us. All right, so we watched Gallery Girls, and basically the way it breaks down is that there's a set of these girls that are from the Upper East Side, more or less, they're the rich girls, and they're catty bitches.

And then there's a set of these girls who are from Brooklyn, and they're catty bitches. And then there's like a set of these girls who are from Brooklyn and they're catty bitches. And then there's like these two girls who are sort of in between and they're just the losers that no one likes. Yeah. And, uh, I thought it was hilarious.

It was pretty good. It was disturbing to watch. I thought because they're so young and yeah, I just worry for them because like they're just being so abused by the slimy gallery owner. That's probably had sex with most of them. And he's all fat and gross and slimy and has a retainer. I think he wears a retainer. He's an asshole.

And honestly, everyone on this show is an asshole. Kind of, but the girls are so young that you can see that they're just... Even when they're you know like they have a blonde girl who's the upper east side rich girl whose dad's bought her everything that's just not is okay she's like everyone has their own path and mine is being a wretch she's like the blair waldorf sort of yeah so she's really rich but you know blair was very insecure and sad yeah oh yeah this girl she would just break your heart at the end of the day. And I think that's how this girl is too. It's like, I feel like she just

you know, dated some guy who was really popular and he forced her into anal or something. Now she's like forever destroyed by it. She's always trying to be cool but she's constantly being used because she's rich and kind of pretty. You know, it reminds me of back when I was in

seventh grade, there was this show that was on Z100 in New York. It was really popular, called, like, Love Phones. And I remember some guy called up, and Dr. Judy was the sex therapist. And he goes, hey, Dr. Judy, so the other day I was bored, so I tried to, like, have sex with my cat, and now the cat will not look at me.

And I'm like, that's what this girl is. Something happened to her, and she will never be the same. She's like that traumatized cat. And the way that she's... She doesn't know enough words to really explain it to anybody. She just runs away. So the way she sort of... The form her trauma has taken is that she's just become really, really bitchy.

But the truth is this, though. She's, like, bitchy in terms of in her interviews. We were talking about this. But to the other girls, she's truth is this, though. She's, like, bitchy in terms of in her interviews. We were talking about this. But to the other girls, she's actually, like, nice and she's, like, she makes an effort to be friendly. And the Brooklyn girls are such snobby bitches. They, like, don't even talk to her.

Well, I think it's often the problem with, like, hipsters, like, dorks. You know, like, in high school, they were just nerds. Yeah. They go out of their way they're like we're different so fuck everybody else who's not like us which is the same mentality that they have you know like hipsters are just people who were made fun of in high school yeah there was one really funny part where the blonde girl was trying to describe what a hipster is to

the camera and she's like a hipster is like i don't know it's like skinny pale people and really tight jeans like with glasses with no frames like i don't really know how to explain it but you'd know them if you saw them and the camera is like panning to every example at this like at the lower east side like gallery you know it's like the hipsters are trying so hard to be different but then they're mad at you for thinking they're different than you. So my favorite character of the whole bunch is this girl named Amy. So Amy is short and fat. I mean, she's actually not fat in terms of the regular populace,

but she's fat in terms of these girls. Amy is the homely one who looks 40. She looks like she's being played by Yardley Smith from The Simpsons. She plays Lisa. She's the sort of girl like literally pops up in a scene it's like oh my god you look great we have to hang out we have to hang out like she just wants to be accepted and everyone just rolls their eyes at her and even bravo doesn't even give a shit about her because everyone in the first like segment of the show everyone got like a five minute segment where he got to meet the girls they put amy on for 10 seconds. She's like in a bubble bath.

She's like, um, I, uh, my dad is wealthy. And then it was like, that was it. And it just cut to the next one. And not only that, she's in the bubble bath on the phone with her creepy dad. It's just like the creepiest way they could have introduced her. And then the next time you see her, the snobby girl is like, oh, here comes Amy. She's such a kiss ass. And Amy comes up and goes, you look amazing.

Oh my God. There's no one more beautifulass. And Amy comes up and goes, you look amazing! Oh my god, there's no one more beautiful on the planet than you. You are amazing. And then you don't see Amy again for another 20 minutes and then they're at some weird, like, dinner party, like, uh, restaurant in Chinatown, and then Amy, wasted, comes and sits down

next to the snobby girl who's, like, rolling her eyes. She's like, oh my god, Eli and I i i feel like when he looks at me we have such a connection and eli is the fat nasty gallery owner disgusting slime ball looks like frog and you guys may think that we're just like sort of embellishing this a little bit this is really we're we're pretty close to being verbatim what was happening in the show yeah yeah it was it was disturbing because i think there's such a thing with womanhood where there's this like insecurity about being a woman yeah because

you're especially when you're a cute woman yeah i think that a lot of ugly women resent cute women because they feel like oh they have it so easy but you know what cute women are getting raped and like sexually harassed and everything else they don't necessarily and they have to deal with ugly women yeah Yeah, totally. And this show is showing you the bitter ugly ones are horrible and make life horrible for them. So it's interesting to watch women because I think

they're similar I guess to gay guys. We have kind of similar personalities, but the womanhood thing is just, it's like watching the animal planet. I just find it fascinating. Yeah, this is honestly I kind of love love this show immediately and on top of that there's also this asian girl on there who is really um she's like an exhibitionist she's like slutty she tends she has this one outfit where she looks like um sort of like a crow that's been left out in the

rain but is slutty and has pasties on and she literally is wearing like a black feathered thing with no shirt underneath and her boobs are out and she has her gays with her and her gays are just like gays are horrible bravo stop putting these gays on tv these gays they look at her they're like oh she's like it's good because your your pussy doesn't look fat right now yeah your pussy so doesn't look fat right now and she's like but my pussy is fat no it's okay it doesn't look like it right now let's just go and then they leave the apartment and he goes I hope we get a hot cab driver and meanwhile the girl goes

I love being the center of attention look at the way I light up when we were just talking about me I mean this is like you know what this sort of reminds me of it feels like the true New York City follow up to the hills I feel like that's what it actually could be You know what this sort of reminds me of? It feels like the true New York City follow-up to The Hills. I feel like that's what it actually could be.

And the city was one thing, but this could truly be the next Hills. And I think it will be amazing. Are you excited to see it, Matt? If Kelly Catron makes an appearance, I am. That would be wonderful if Kelly Catron shows up. You never know. Make them all cry. Just show up and make them all start sobbing.

It looks great. You should, if you can, you should somehow download it onto whatever viewing device and watch it on your way to your travel destination tomorrow. Yeah, this is going to be interesting because you see what fame does to the old ladies on Bravo. After a year, it ruins them and they become horrible monsters. So you know it's even worse for young people. I mean, think back to The Hills and how adorable Heidi was when that show first started. Well, she wasn't really adorable, but she was a little more fresh. She was so funny.

She was more fresh-faced. I mean, she was so funny and cute. She was. She was. Lauren's like, you doing your homework? And she's playing Solitaire on her computer. I just remember her being so funny and adorable. Yeah.

And now she's like this big plastic sex doll monster. Creep. So I'm going to enjoy this show for the first six months until they all become raging assholes and I have to turn it off. Well, let's see if it lasts that long. I mean, the reality is the two of you might be the only ones who watched it. So I'll look at the ratings tomorrow morning and see if we need to bother or if it's going to be going the way of Misadvised.

Why did that get cancelled? Well, I don't think Misadvised is coming back. Well, I hope people tune in for Gallery Girls because I think it's hilarious. And these people are craven, but they're also hilarious to watch. And I think it'll be a lot of great fodder for this podcast and for our respective blogs and websites. Are you going to recap it? I'll try.

I'm already so behind. I'm going to be writing about Big Brother and I haven't written a real house so I was photocapping forever but I would love to try to get Gallery Girls in there because the personalities are actually very larger than life. It's good. It's definitely a good show i think everyone should watch it all you listeners out there watch it and we'll talk about some more yeah let us know

what you think yeah let us know and tweet at us uh is there anything else you guys want to talk about million dollar listing i didn't see it this week did you matt yeah i um for some reason i feel like this is maybe the best season yet and i'm I'm kind of sad to admit that because I do miss Chad Rogers and Starley Cakes and Victoria. They've been gone for two years now, and I'm still mourning the loss. I'm still mourning the loss, but I don't know. I just think it's been extra juicy, and it's totally fake. It's the fakest show on all of Bravo, extra juicy and i mean it's totally fake it's the fakest show on all of bravo and the fact that um madison's ex-assistant heather is going to show up at his dog's funeral this week during the finale

is just it's beyond ridiculous is that who died the dog died the dog died they made it seem the entire episode that his mother or his father died and it was his dog and don't get me wrong i love dogs more than i love people and i wish that everybody would die and dogs would roam the earth. However, the way that they framed that episode was that he was like, that his mother was going to die and that it was going to be out of control. Yeah.

I, yeah, I was, I thought it was like a, like an uncle or a cousin. I can't believe it was a dog. Wow. Good old Madison.

Ronnie, what would your beat? What would your impersonation be of Madison's eulogy for the dog? That dog was the only dog that ever... Your shirt's stupid! That's a stupid shirt! You're fat! Sorry, guys, I totally got confused. I was talking... Oh, yeah, my dog. He's like a member of my family. He's so cute. You're an idiot! Get out of my funeral, stupid!

You weren't invited! Faggot. So, Matt, explain the show to me, because, again, my DVR is crazy, and it only records it on Saturday. So, this week, he had some client who's like, oh, yeah, we're like total friends, and he's been my client forever. He's like, oh, yeah, we're like total friends, and he's been my client forever. And then the client's like, Madison, I need you to find me something that's great that I can flip and make 20% on.

He's like, totally, but you know, there's not much for sale in Los Angeles. It's like a really small market, and so I don't know if I'll be able to find anything for you to sell. He's like, oh, but Madison, I believe in you. And then after the commercial break, he's like like madison you have not found the place i think this might not be good for us and he's like you don't understand there's not a lot for sale in los angeles is this the most recent episode um no you're correct you just forgot that he took him to lots of places that uh were next to trailer parks yes there's like next to trailer parks one looked like a porn star house. They were all like

five million dollars and they looked like trash, total trash. So did he end up getting fired because I turned it off? I think it was part of the to be continued. I think that they'll probably wrap that up nicely this week. I'm excited for that.

Yeah, I didn't care. But I thought that Heather was coming back. You think they'll reconcile? Yes, they're going to reconcile. You know what, because they're probably not even in a real fight, to be honest. It's probably all for the cameras. Who, Heather? Heather and Madison. Yeah, she'll probably be working

with them again. Well, she apparently they're hinting that this episode is going to feature Josh Altman maybe possibly proposing to Heather, so we'll see how that goes. Gross! yeah well she um apparently like they're hinting that this episode is going to feature josh altman maybe possibly from uh proposing to heather so we'll see how that goes gross i don't know i find she's dumb and awful but oh god she is way hotter than he is yeah for sure he's yeah yeah that's for sure that's for sure oh he's such a midget douchebag there's something appealing about him i can't describe he's not even my type.

Are you kidding? Your type? You keep saying, like, Joe Gorga. You like, like, greasy, nasty assholes. No, I like athletic, black athletic assholes like Chad Ochocinco. I was going to say, Ben likes black guys, but there are no black guys on Bravo. So he has to just fake it for this podcast. Yeah.

Would you let Chad Ochocinco headbutt you like he did Evelyn Lozada if it would... Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Would you let him headbutt you before he headbutted you? Well, it depends on which head we're talking about. Head and your butted you. That's all I got to contribute at this point. He's my Jean-Claude Van Damme, okay?

Oh my god. You sort of know it shouldn't be, and yet you can't help it. Marisol, why you have to get head-bodied by Chad Docha Zinco? I was head-bodied one time. I have not walked the same scenes.

I can't open my mouth to sing. Fidel Castro put me in the head. Alright, well maybe you should... So that's it, right? Matt? Yeah, I mean, nothing really happens on that show,

but I'm okay with it because it's just madison and his flowing locks and i'm okay with it oh you know i have to say even even though it is really fake i do wind up getting sucked into these storylines they're like what's gonna happen with the house what number they may go for and they actually edit the show really well where they sort of cut back and forth between these stories and they always are constantly leaving you with these little cliffhangers that you're always like like oh i want to find out more you know so i'm you know i'm i'm totally down with this million dollar listing yeah i'm into it i watch it for sure i watch it every week flipping out is coming back yeah september 4th wow it's already september everybody oh my god it's fall

already it's exciting well we should probably wrap this up. So this was fun. Matt, I can't wait to hear your thoughts on Gallery Girls. Even if it does tank in the ratings, I still think you will like it quite a bit. Oh, I'll be watching it later tonight. Instead of packing, there's no doubt. Oh, good. Good. And you should email us immediately when you are

done watching the episode. Yeah. And as for the rest of you guys, you can tweet us what you think about gallery girls and anything else at what crap ends. Guys. And then life on the M list and TV guys and B side blog are our other Twitter. That's where we'll be.

Y'all's. That's where we'll be. Y'all's. All right. Thank y'all. Everybody. Thank y'all so much for listening. Bye.

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