Watch What Crappens - Top Chef: Carne!

Episode Date: January 19, 2019

This week on Top Chef, Dario the Butcher yells CARNE a lot and the chefs bone a beef challenge. We're doing a couple of shows a week on video which you can find on Patreon along with our bonus eps. This week's is a Celebrity Big Brother cast preview. Find it at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live has added a second show to Dallas on Feb 8, plus announced shows in Vancouver, Irvine, and Boston! Find ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com **New "Ben in the Streets, Ronnie in the Sheets" Limited Edition tees avail at www.CrappensMerch.com until Feb! Free shipping on orders of over $45 til Jan 22. You can also find store links and ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Shannon, out of a cannon Anthony. The incredible, edible Matthew sisters. And Lizzie Drucker, a fine mother f- We love you guys. Hello and welcome to Watch What Happens! The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on yee-o-braves. I'm Ronnie Kerrum, as used you can also hear me on the Rose Creek Specialo Rose Podcast, which we're currently in the process of grilling coatin' on, so come listen to that.

And here I am with my partner and bestie, Mr. Ben Mandelker, of the Real Housewares of Kitchen Island, which you can find on YouTube. Hi, Ben. Hey, what's going on? Not much, hey, doing today, baby. Well, I'm doing well. I'm excited because it's Friday and... Maybe it's Friday.

I think that's it. I'm like really excited that it's Friday. I'm excited to dive into the weekend and play a bunch of board games if possible, and just enjoy life and be an independent spirit award. Well, you're about to get that chance. Yeah. One hour ahead of you. Yes. Everybody, welcome to the top chef episode. Where's the base?

We're excited. Let's quickly get through this shilling before we start. I do shilling the fastest. I'll start We're gonna be in we're gonna be doing crap. Shilling. Shade chilling. We're gonna be doing crap and survive all over America We're gonna be in Dallas, Texas on February 8th recapping below deck. That is our first below deck recap It is gonna be amazing. Get your butts over there. We'll see some of you in Charleston this week. And then we are going to Irvine, Portland Cincinnati, which has I think four tickets, so we are gonna add a show, right?

Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, we're gonna add a show. But yeah. Come on, let's do it. And Portland, I said, and Irvine, and what's the other one been? Oh, for- There's just for laughs i mean at listen i mean far be it for me with my long-winded chilling to jump in that's karma that

that was the state-shilling car might just got so it's a quare i might what am i doing just for laughs and then covers be super exciting uh... we have we still tickets available for a boston show i mean you got most of it ronnie listen go to watch arapans.com, don't rely on us to give you information. Just go to the website.

It has all, I mean, if we were better podcasters, we would actually have the website in the schedule in front of us so we could be organized and just like tell you all the dates, but you can just go there yourselves. And by tickets, because our shows are amazing and super fun. And we never know what's gonna happen at them or who will show up and things like that.

So, but for right now, Texas is the next show that has tickets available. So I just want to really implore people that's only like two weeks away or three weeks away. So go get your tickets for that because I don't want to have to spend the next like three weeks begging for you guys to buy tickets. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it's all about it.

Also, we are doing one or two video recaps a week. You can find those on Patreon, along with our bonus episodes, which are always super-erifined. And your t-shirts, every month we have a new t-shirt. This month is Ben and the streets, Ronnie and the sheets. That's available for two more weeks ago.

Get that. And now, but I just want to say one more thing. Make sure everyone tunes in on Tuesday because we're announcing two more cities on Tuesday And I think some of you guys are gonna be super super super excited So today is top chef wow Wow, it was a beef disaster on top chef. Yeah, big old beef problems here.

You and your vegetarianism must have been so happy to see all this beef failure. Well, you know, I'm not like a huge militant vegan or anything, I mean, I'm not even vegan. I'm fairly vegetarian, I still eat fish, okay? But it is amazing that I think it's like that rule where you lose five pounds and then suddenly everyone around you seems obese.

Yeah, where? I've been like a kind of vegetarian for a few months now and now I'm like how could they? How could they do that to that cow? Like I'm so upset. Mm-hmm. We're monsters, okay? And we deserve whatever we get in this world. There, I said it.

All right, well, let's start at the beginning, where we see Justin coming back into the kitchen after the eliminations, and he's like, we will protect this host, you know, which is so dramatic for Top Chef. Because basically they're all excited that brought their luck came back and then was immediately kicked off and I think like I mean I was excited too I was I was I was

ecstatic. Yeah I was happy too but it does rub me the wrong way when the chef sack like that. Yeah they act like they're like an underarm or commercial. I'm like you know you're like you just made vlog raw. Okay. Like, let's like stop acting as if you caught the game winning, you know, touchdown from Tom Brady. Yeah. No one owes top chef, no one owns top chef. Okay. And also you guys are going to be all up in the top chef internet commercials and everything else for last chance kitchen. So let's stop pretending that you're not all as thirsty as we're on the line. Yeah, you guys are gonna be, you guys are gonna be the ones in six months from now.

Like, pestering your chef agent to be like, can you get me on last chance, Kitchen? Can you get me on last chance, Kitchen? So relax. Yeah. But I did find out everybody's like that, Eric's like, you know what got, because they're like, congratulations, Eric. And he's like, guys, it's a house win. Here's the season 16. You know, you guys are all competing against each other too.

You do. I know. But you know, it's funny is that like we've never seen this much sort of outward animosity towards the last chance kitchen contender. Normally when someone from a previous season comes back, people are like, like, oh, man, they are, they are a powerhouse. Wow, they are so good. I'm intimidated. But like brother luck, they are like, like, oh man, they are a powerhouse, wow, they are so good. I'm intimidated. But like brother-luck, they're like, fuck this guy, we don't want him back. And it's kind of funny because that's how we felt too.

There's something about brother-luck that just inspires rage. I think it's his name. It's just his name brother-luck. It's a dumbest made up name ever. Okay. Yeah, and his mise en place tattoo. And I think on top of that the fact that he

Like his attitude, you know, like the reason why he got kicked off is because he basically just cooked what he wanted to cook instead of like what the challenge was and so just speaks to like Everything you'd expect from someone in brother lock And then our other favorite thing happens Someone facetimes a baby favorite thing happens. Someone facetimes a baby. So, exactly. And my other favorite, Eddie. Yeah, you're really not a fan of Eddie.

I like Eddie and his Abraham Lincoln teeth and his like, refusal to smile. Like I like him. I think he's, I think I love his self-hatred. Let me do it. Yeah, I mean, I do enjoy how nervous he is. But you know, the last I feel like the last a significant chef on top chef who was that self doubting was honestly Richard Blaze.

And you can see what turned what he turned into. But Richard Blaze was only, he wasn't self doubting. He was doubting why he was losing, you know? That's it. No, he was like a nervous Nelly. Yeah, I guess so. He was. That was like his whole thing. He had a foe hawk, he was like a nervous. No, yeah, I guess so he was that was like his whole thing He had a fohawk and he was a nervous. No, and now he's like he doesn't know he has like a pompadour now

And he's like hey, I'm Richard Blaze. Hey, I mean we're a cool jacket. What's going on? Everyone? You're like oh go back to being a nervous. No, and he and hinges his jaw enough to swallow said baby He like and he does a mouth okay. You look like a does the hashtag, blessed hand thing, little hand bow. You know, who else is doing that Justin, which I can't with Justin and his hand, you know, he started making me mad a couple of weeks ago when he was not to somebody about something. I don't even remember it. Then he made me mad in the hot tub.

Yeah, I don't know a bunch of chefs in the hot tub just hurt me. And now he's doing blessed hands like he's Yolanda Foster and I can't with you and your blessed hands. I don't know for some reason it like works for me more with Justin. I mean, blessed hands are sort of annoying in general, but like if anyone could do them, someone like Justin can, but like with Richard Blaze it's so affected because we know what Richard Blaze is and was, you know. So for him to do the hashtag, Blast Hands, it's kind of like,

oh, you saw this on TV. Your media trainer said this would be a good gesture for you to like workshop with on top chef. Like this is not like an innate, you are not feeling innately like you need to bless someone. Whereas I feel like Justin might, even though Justin does sort of have hipster douchey tendencies, I feel like he wears them well better than Richard Blaze.

No one wears blessed hands well. Okay. Like I even saw a Buddha in the game Zelda doing blessed hands. And I was like, fuck you, blessed hands. And that was like a little Buddha statue. Sir Buddha, the hipster Buddha was like, this is like, thanks so much, bro. Thanks.

Yeah. Thanks for visiting my shrine, bro. Thank you so much. Yeah. Less. bro. Thanks. Thanks for visiting my shrine, bro. Thank you so much. Yeah, less less less Hashtag so at least face timing his baby his name is Roman, which I mean fallen Empire you guys let's get it together with our baby names Like why I was gonna say Roman or fallen Empire or fallen director Either way I started so hard it was like a block like I was swallowing the kids a kid's point

Like a little block that said like a DZ on it came out Yeah, so he's face timing his baby and he's like my son is the best thing that ever happened to me I'm like you just left him Has any parent not said that Has that has any parents had my son? It's it's it's okay It's okay. I liked I liked finding that Buddha in Zelda more You know like of course like the best thing that ever happened. It's your son. I gave birth to like a pretty average Boring child. Okay, and that's it. I'm not even gonna call it, okay?

My son was so boring I went on a reality show to ditch it. Okay? Tell them I'll call him back. Eddie hits all like all the standard notes of chef calling child on top chef. Okay. With the one exception of declaring a that when he was 17, he was living in the gutter because of drugs and cooking saved him because he's like he's saying how his kid is the best thing that ever happened to him and that he's already eating fwagra and caviar and he's not even two and when he went to cooking school he was away for a while and then his mom died and never got to

see him be a chef like he just was like like, we're just right down the road, like every check mark. Because like, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. I know. He was like one heroine addiction away from owning that block. Yeah. And then he ended his face time on a really strange note. Did you pick this up when he goes,

I'm going to kiss the shit out of you when I get home, buddy. I mean, interesting, interesting concept, you know, that would come in handy if I could do that with my dog and it's raining outside. Just get some until the pips. Oh my goodness. So anyway, so that's like literally all I cared about in this episode. I was like, wow, okay, Eddie has a baby. And it made me that's I'm going to talk about it for 10 minutes.

The end. Thank you for coming. So no, Pat knows up with crazy face and hair. He has a baby and it made me know so I'm gonna talk about it for 10 minutes No, Pat messes up with crazy face and here So yeah, so it's the quick fire and Padmas there with Lena with and Padmas like chefs I want to introduce you to my friend Lena with and Lena way Actor, producer, writer, Emmy award winner basketball player Person who doesn't steal food off my plate

Subway sandwich aficionado Lena way my friend My friend is everyone's in my friend Lena way thanks so much for being here Lena way with my friend my friend is everyone's in my friend Lena with thanks so much for being here Lena with my friend So Lena's Lena starts talking about eating and she's saying you know like when she goes to different She's always going to different cities and she usually is working until 3 a.m And that's when she goes down and eats the food and she like, the food is like the food that I eat at that time. It's just a hearty and I go to cities where they don't count calories. And I expect to pam and jump in and be like, we call those gal cities.

You ever have a sanctuary city? It's like a gal to a city. Have you ever had an open-faced gal which? You can't poop for three days after and you feel miserable about yourself. You haven't had a galley, Christo. Okay, so then Padma explains that in Kentucky, there only allowed to film at hotels. She said, last week, we were at a hotel that was a hotel.

This year we had another hotel. This one at a hotel that was a hotel this year where did another hotel this one is a hotel Okay, thanks. So this one has its own history when they opened in the 20s They had dances really late at night They would wake up go down to the kitchen and eat whatever was there wait for it it. Have I right now? Didn't you not say anything that time? Gail just skips the dance and goes to the kitchen. Can we just record? Can we please record something to put it

at the beginning of top chef weekend? Oh yeah, we have to do our thing. No, Gail's were harmed in the making of this recap. Oh yeah, let's wait. Let's because we got again tweets last week. OK, this is now, it used to be a one-season. Now it's a weekly disclaimer.

We love Gail Simmons. We don't think she's fat. We don't think she's a monster. Even if she were a fat, we wouldn't care who cares. We think she's lovely and beautiful. And like we adore her. She's like really one of our favorites of all time. And we love Padma too.

We just like pretending love Padma too. We just like pretending that Padma hates Gale and undermines her wherever she can. Yeah, it's all fake. No gales were harmed in the making of history. So yes, the guests would come down to the kitchen late at night and they would see what they could find in the fridge. Assuming Gail hadn't been there first. They call it the hot brown. Anyone know what that is?

They're like, is it something to do with Gail having early morning shifts after she went to the hotel? Yes. It's also a deal. Unfortunately, that's all too accurate. Uh, bless her heart. No, we're going to have lookalike gale and equally bad patterns. Fly your favorite sandwich up to gale in her pregnancy castle, wherever that may be. I just want them to fly food to Galin every episode. That was like my favorite thing.

And then they sent that tiny girl out carrying humogous boxes. So has anyone heard of a hot brown in Justin's leg? I have one on both my menus on both my restaurants. And then of course, Sarah's like, we have one on the menu too. Yeah. And I also got the hot damn hot browns so yeah, yeah, I have a hot brown and I know I can make it better than him. I'm like yeah good luck with that famous last words right.

Exactly. So they bring on a whole bunch of hot brown samples for everyone to try and I'm just like anyone hungry. Don't answer that gal. You're up in New York. You can't get here in time. And then the girl with the earrings is like, this is my first hot brown. It's like, oh, I don't, you know what that girl has like literally done nothing to me. I don't know why she makes me mad.

I'm better for earring. Yeah, you've been mad at her since like we did our preview. That those earrings. It's the earring. I don't, you know what, where would ever you want? What do I care? But I do care. I'm earring, Jamie, this girl. I'm earlobe, preview, those earrings. It's the earring. You know, where whatever you want, what do I care? But I do care. I'm earring, Jamie, this girl. I'm earlope, Jamie, this girl.

It's just, I just want to stop young people from doing this to themselves. I've seen how things sag. Her name is Adrian. She has a name, and I don't mind her, but what I did mind is she's like, um, like, I feel like the only time you have a hop round is like right before a long nap. So I'm going to do like a lighter version. I'm like no, it's you're exactly right like you have something like that late at night And then you go to sleep so don't make it light like put that gravy or grease or whatever anything put it all on there Yeah, but then didn't she makes didn't she make like a really heavy one? She's like I prefer to be lighter

So I'm gonna make cream I'm using cream make cream, I'm using cream butter and corn or something like that. Yeah. So then, yeah. So Justin's doing like a Kentucky fried hop round and egg yolk, which looks delicious. And then Eddie tells a story about driving down a highway and eating barbecue for two days straight with his wife because they would like stop at a barbecue place and like drive and see another barbecue place something like that, right? Yeah, they eat barbecue and then talk about where else they were going on the way that the next barbecue place and he was just like So happy in his fullness, you know, I'm not such a romantic. That's like the most romantic story I've ever heard

Yeah, I'm sure she was like, I'm sick of eating barbecue right now, but I'm going to do it because all he's doing is talking about barbecue and the only way to make him shut up. Yeah, probably. So then Jersey, for whatever reason, they showed the guy from Jersey doing like this slow motion running. I noticed that. I thought that was so funny. I thought that was not too. I was like, ooh, slow motion hot brown making. Things are getting real intense up in here. I had to look again and make sure it was slow motion. I was like, is this just a slow chef? Because when they have slow chefs, then they make them run. And they're like, I cannot run.

Remember last year when they had this guy who was so tired? Bruce could not make it from the pantry too. He would have to ask for help. He was like, can you carry this tray to the deck? The thing, Yeah, thanks. So, yeah, so Eddie's making a spec in Turkey salad with cheddar spec cracklings, which sounded like not like something I'd want to have late at night.

And then Brian is making, Brian, the Jersey guy's making hot turkey. And then Sarah is making a scotch egg with ground panchetta and turkey and Kelsey makes like a crockman damn or madam, madam, whatever she called it Manam Okay, and I had a crockman damn and now I own a sandwich shop and we have a crockman damn on my menu She has like it's so fucking exotic, okay Kelsey is a sleeper and she above she bugs me me because she's doing that southern thing where she's like, I'm such a nice girl.

I'm like, that girl's a little like me. That makes me like her. I think she's evil. Yeah, me too. She is evil and that's actually what makes me like her. Like I liked when she yelled at someone for taking her biscuits out of the oven. She's like, these aren't done. You know, I like that.

Yeah. I like that she came in here just like typically on this show, like a basically like a really blonde chef. A blonde pretty chef does not do well on this show. I don't know why, we never see that work out and she's doing well and I'm happy for that. Because she's like, bucking the expectations. Yeah, well I think that the thing that sticks in my head about her is that she started she started by going I'm the only chef here who's had a baby by choice I've never been able to forget that so anyway. Yeah, Kroek went out and then we get to whisper him. I'm a baby, too

Yeah, I named my baby croak by choice I name my baby croak. My choice. My choice. Madam Croak. Madam Croak, we're Terry. I kiss the croak out of that baby. Get one. Get the croak out of you. So then Michelle is whispering.

She's like, I'm making turkey with smashed potatoes. Wow. I'm used to make breakfast. So I thought I'd like to have some breakfast, and I thought I put some turkey on the breakfast, and so I'm making breakfast in Turkey. Yeah, some of their reasons. I get that that's the thing by now. You know, I get it.

They're like, okay, tell a story. Tell a person a story to make this person a- so we can get you a chef agent. So they're all like, here's the story of why I make potatoes, or whatever. But they all do it, and it makes me crazy. Napoleon Dynamite's like, we ate hot chicken growing up. Wow. Everyone ate hot chicken growing up. Okay.

Yeah. Well, except me, I really want, I still never had Nashville hot chicken. I'm still so mad that our hotel was across street from like the most famous hot chicken place in Nashville. And we didn't have time to go there. Actually, we had time. It's just like I did not want to have a hot Nashville chicken shits during our live show. So it was really a service to everyone. Yeah, to everyone. So Sarah is making sausage, right?

Yeah, she's making a scotch egg, which is basically an egg wrapped in sausage, but she doesn't have, it's like a lot of stuff she has to do and she gets behind and one of her sausages, one of her eggs is not like cooked yet, but she has another one. So she goes to check the other one and she like literally pulls it out of the deep fryer and I guess like holding it and slices it in half and Padma is like, times up, hands down, you tensed up or whatever it says utensils down hands up so and her egg does not make it onto the plate. Yeah, she's like it's shameful and everything.

Yeah, she's obsessed with sausage today, which I didn't know until I'm rereading these notes. Yeah, she was super into sausage and it did not work out for her in either challenge. So she presents her dish. She's like, sorry ladies and Pamela goes, oh no. Well, she can't win. Just sort of like gale at pretty much anything. Am I right, girls? Bless her heart. It's like gale in a dressing room. She just can't win. It's like gale talking a chicken bone at a bowling alley. Just won't get that strike for you, gail. So then we start with Justin,

and he made Kentucky Fried Breakfast Round. And Lena's like, this is the best things in the world on one plate. Right, shit. Potato shit. So I call the best shit. And I was like, God, this girl's not kidding. Because sometimes they come in and they're like,

I bought junk food. And then they get junk food and they're like, that is so rich. Yeah. That's so true, that is so rich. Yeah. That's so true. That's so true. Yeah, Lena is true to her word. Yeah. So then Eddie brings up his little spec salad.

And Padma's eating and she's like, Eddie, where is the turkey? And I'm not talking about Gale. She's up in New York. He's like, it's mixed in. She's like it's mixed in she's like. Padmas faces today were some of the best of the season I have to say she gave a confused face on this one. And it was wonderful. She like does confuse face where she does like puts a food on her tongue and she

like. Like it's peanut butter. Yeah, her face was going out of control. I can't believe you served this mediocre dish to my friend, Lena Ways. By the way, does anybody know of a decent pro talks place in all of Kentucky? Maybe that's why her face is moving. She's not used to being cut off like this. So then Brian, he's like, he serves them the Nashville hot chicken, hot brown, whatever. And Lena Wathes like, I got to admit,

I don't like white meat very much. And Pam is like, yeah, my friend doesn't like white meat and neither do I, because she's my friend. And we both like, they like and hate the same things. It could be a little dry, Brian. And then Paulian's like, oh, it's just the first thing I grabbed. So what are you gale now? That's how we had that's how we had to take gale to the hospital for the first time for

swallowing a Lego. You should have seen the first time she ever went to a whole food. She just cleared out the entire Dan and yogurt section. The first thing she grabbed her response was she ever went to a whole food. She just cleared out the entire Dan and yogurt sections the first thing she grabbed Her response was they told me to eat whole food She ate the whole store. Okay, so Eric is He's like I made a 3 a.m. Hot Brown You know, I mean, that's a good name considering the challenge is like 3 a.m. Hot Brown He likes naming things like I think it was when they had name, considering the challenge is like 3 a.m. hot brown. He likes naming things.

Like I think it was when they had to do their cocktail challenge was that last week? Yeah, he made his like 12 mile oyster. He likes to add like descriptive elements that are like actually kind of pretentious but for some reason work. Yeah, I just got an emergency email. Oh, should we pause? No, it's an emergency we can share. We got it from our

booker. He says, hello, broken birds. We'd love to get this one turned around and announced on sale today. Oh, you okay with that? Oh, oh, as soon as it's ready. Oh, so we announced with the link is because I don't even know. Yeah, my email is still loading, so you just say, just say, say, say it all. Say what's happening. No, we confirmed a second Cincinnati show. Okay, so we are already kind of announced this. Okay, so it wasn't an emergency email. We are for sure doing a second Cincinnati show the same same day earlier, we're gonna do a daytime show.

Cause why not? Let's get day drunk. Yeah, love it, love it, love it. Love it, let's get your ticket Cincinnati. Okay, so Eric's making a 3 a.m. hot brown. Mm-hmm, yes, maybe something we can get in Cincinnati. I don't know. And then Brandon is making one that has like egg plant in it. And which, I don't know, I thought it is making one that has eggplant in it,

and which I don't know, I thought it actually did, I feel like late at night, if I'm gonna have a turkey thing, I don't know if I want eggplant and cauliflower all over it. And Patma's like, thank you for that vegetable. It's the first one we've seen. Hand-hand everyone. What do you think about that?

My friend. It's like I don't like vegetables. Exactly, thanks a lot for the vegetables. That's what I meant to say. Please don't confuse my sincerity for my sarcasm. I was being sarcastic as my friend doesn't like those vegetables. So Kelsey's like, have I mentioned I've been friends. Quick bnm hot brand blah blah.

And Pat was like, I don't know if I'd call this decadent. I mean, I'm sure a gal would still eat it, but I don't know. It's not worth the calories to me. So David made turkey tenders and Padma gives our favorite shade. Did you want this sauce to be that creamy? And he goes, yeah, to be decadent. And then he, they make a like, she's telling us Kelsey gives him a dirty look like I had been to France. How dare you? Yeah. You think it in against me. What do you think, Lena? With my friend. Oh, wait a minute, that's your last name. I thought this was Lena Dunham

Can we please get my real friend in here? Lena more than anybody Lena My friend Lena Horn So Turkey Tenders, creamy sauce. Um, I'm, oh yeah, so they're like, what is this? What is this ham? I see ham on here.

I'm just like, it's turkey ham. Oh, I almost dinged you. I was, I wanted to ding you, but I was scared. It's sort of like a grub hub delivery man digging up to Gales apartment. So the worst was Sarah for obvious reasons, because they couldn't taste it. Sorry Sarah. And then Ryan had some dry chicken.

Yeah. And Kelsey unfortunately, and who? No, I'm saying Kelsey had the vinaigrette that was not decadent. Yes, it wasn't It wasn't very 3 a.m. After a night at the club. I was like wait a minute Is this 3 a.m. After a night at the club or 3 a.m. After work? Which is it because those are two different things. Yeah, exactly so The top was Justin and Eddie and Eddie is like smiling.

So, Pam and Gus, you're smiling. Is that you're a happy face? I normally can't tell. You normally look like such a troll. Isn't that right, Lena? My best friend. No. Oh, it's so nice to see your wooden teeth.

So glad you could smile. Hope we see it again, Eddie. Eddie, you have some corn kernels in your teeth. Oh, wait. those are your teeth Zing a pie best friend a pie Whoever has the best corn that smile wins Oh, I guess we're rewarding the winner to whoever has the best scrabble piece smile Triple word score goes to Eddie for smiling.

But he actually doesn't. This is a mother score. You see I'm a very smart. I'm very smart recap, guys. Okay. So. So Justin wins and he's like, oh, can I give you a hug? Bless, damn, for blessed hands.

Patmas like, don't you dare touch my best friend. Get your own. She's like, now it's time to break things down. Literally, ha, ha, ha. It's time to break things down literally Today's challenge has to do all the enzymes and gale stomach Welcome to the probiotic challenge Nancy Silverton So Nancy comes out She's like a robot. She's like a robot woman. She comes out and she starts talking about Kentucky's emerging culinary scene and how every region has something

different. And so this challenge I could be using a bunch of local ingredients. And on top of that, Kentucky is the largest producer of beef, east of the Mississippi. So they're going to be using incorporating beef. Well beef is going to be the star of the show. Yes. Moza. We love Moza. We got a Moza. Yeah. So they're gonna be using incorporating beat will be this can be the star of the show Yes

Moza we love moza. We got a moza. Yeah, that's right down the in fact Nancy's Nancy's restaurant is where my dad got into a fight with the host and it was I was mortified It's also we're Katherine from Southern charm ordered Pursuto and Melon and it came out with huge slices of melon like Pursuto and Melon and it came out with huge slices of melon like quartered melon with tons of Pursuto after it was the weirdest Pursuto and Melon I've ever seen I have to say it I dinged you for that Nancy Nancy did you mean to have so much Pursuto on your melon? Did you mean to force me to give Catherine half of my food? Skinny Gale is here to tell you about the challenge. Tina Brant. Okay, so Padma's like they say it's better than blue grass and Nancy's like shut up Padma, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just local foods is a trend. Yeah.

Actual food from the ground. Yeah. So yeah, so they have to make this dish center round to cut up me using local ingredients and stuff. And Pat must like, I see some happy faces, some not so happy faces, some devoted faces. And it's someone's face timing, gal. Oh wait, that's just a gourd in the corner.

I have happy faces, sad faces and whatever Sarah's doing with her face. There's like... I see some happy faces, some sad faces. Oh look, there's Hannah Gadsby. Oh wait, that's Brian. Well guess what, we're all blessed because a good friend of mine. what we're all blessed because a good friend of mine. Dario Patini, who's an eighth generation butcher, will be the judge. Yeah, so they're all going to go meet Dario and they're like, whoa, Dario. So they're going to go see him, but first they have to go to they have to go to Whole Foods to go create chaos in that store once again And all I wrote down in the whole food scene is Adrian is from Connecticut

She's like I'm from Connecticut Yeah, she's like I grew up on a 68 car farm and it's not a dairy farm now But we do so raise animals for our own consumption Okay, and then also I had to mention that back at the thing It's not a dairy farm now, but we do so raise animals for our own consumption. I was like, whoa. Okay. And then also I had to mention that back at the thing when she was like, Daria, Pajini or whatever. Everyone's all excited. Have you noticed that Kelsey does this thing where she's always trying to play to the

camera, but everyone's ignoring her. I think everyone thinks she's thirsty because I did thirsty. Because she's like, Daria will meet you at Deca, and then they cut to Kelsey, like looking at, who's next to her? Oh, Jersey. She's looking at Jersey, like, oh, oh! Like they're being excited together, but he's looking straight ahead.

He just think about what Kiss asked thing he's gonna say to Daria. He's like, hmm, he's a lot of my great-aim material on Tom and Padman, Nilo and Nancy and Eric repair. I need to come up with a compliment for butterfly hair clips for Nancy. Haha. Something about how her hair reminds me of Fakaccia

in the best way. Maybe that'll work. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions.

What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this esteemed jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums?

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. I'm for a crap and it's commercial. So they're driving and Sarah's freaked out because she got the plate cut. Yeah, and she's like, of course I'm not. He's a fucking plate cut. Like, my husband's a farmer. Oh, holy deorter. It's God damn it. Yeah, and Eddie is talking about how he takes butchering very seriously and that he once saw a lecture that Dario did and he's like He spoke about the art of butchering to the point where it was almost spiritual. I was like, you know what? Shut up, Eddie I can't just like like His only saving grace as far as I can tell right now is that he does not have like a pig tattoo

Or a tattoo of like a filet mignon, you know, but like he's getting there. He's getting there I'd like to do spiritual. I liked it. It's kind of like avatar where they're like thank you turkey Thank you for this life you've given us Turkey and like throw some mustard on it and just swallow it whole So I'm trying to be a turkey and like throw some mustard on it and just swallow it whole. So Brandon, so at whole, yeah Brandon wants to do tuna tartar. I'm not tuna tartar. He wants to do like a steak tartar or beef tartar and then David wants to do that also. So it's like, ooh tartar off and Brandon's like, you know what?

Like, I've cooked steak in the past and it's put me in the middle and I just don't want to cook steak again. So I'm just going to serve it raw. I'm just going to say it in a more effort. Yeah, I'm like, okay. Yeah, this does not sound like a good idea. But he's one of those people with such self confidence that I believe that they're going to win I mean, I believe people like that when they're like, I'm gonna win American Idol. I have been training for this since I was a baby. I'm like, oh my god, they're gonna win. And then they get up there and they're like, ew!

It's like I can't wait to grow up! I got plans to grow up! Mama said it and easy! I got plans to glow up. Mama said it and easy. So, yeah, David, meanwhile, Jersey is like, I want to show Tom that someone else from his hometown has the it factor. I'm like, just how about you show Tom someone from his town has the quiet factor? Yeah, how about don't get in any more hot types and stop sweating on things, jerk?

Well, that wasn't Justin. It was, oh, he did get in any more hot types and stop sweating on things jerk? Well, that wasn't Justin. It was oh he did get in the hot tub He was with them and he's also sweating on things which also he did today Gross. He's never gonna live it down Come play and it's like fuck him So Brian then then there's like a moment where Brian talks bad how his love Food comes from his dad and his dad died and now he wants to carry on his dad's legacy Which usually means that you're gonna be in the bottom if not kicked off. So I was like, okay, this is bad news for him.

Well, also, he's not carrying on his dad's legacy, okay? I don't know where this guy has heard of legacies, but he's like, my love of meat came from my dad. He was a traveling salesman and was gone all the time, but on the holidays, he smoked stuff. So I want to carry on his legacy. Then be a traveling salesman and was gone all the time, but on the holidays he smoked stuff So I want to carry on his legacy then be a traveling salesman Yeah, it's like doing it wrong. Sorry. Who am I to judge that you're carrying the legacy wrong? I know it's like yeah, my mom made me fish chicks

You know a bunch of times when I was a kid and like if I have a fish if I make fish chicks now I don't consider that like I'm carrying on my mother's legacy the fish chicks i would like to present this award to my mother's legacy soggy tuna sandwiches on white bread thank you for all your bad mother thank you uh... so now they go to this restaurant teca uh... where uh... dario is there with Nancy and Dario is basically

like, come on, Mommy, I'm in for garlic, garlic, garlic. And he's like, butchering and stuff. And he's standing there like a video game character with like the knife and the sharpener is like, garlic! Like just screaming with a crazy person. He seems like a 99 cent app, you know, like you have to like drop things on him before he like, just calves up your like beautiful cow. Carney!

Carney! Freighten ninja or whatever. Yeah, he's like, Carney ninja. Carney, Carney, Carney, Carney, Carney. Carney Wilson. You Carney Wilson. Yeah, he's always like the lowest.

He's always the baseline. Come on baby, come on baby, you just got to raise me. Hold on, one more day. He's always like the lowest he's always the baseline So Nancy it was funny that Nancy standing next to him while he's looking like a fucking serial killer because she looks like Kathy Bates in American Horror Story this previous season who was like best friends with the serial killer or like the mom to the serial killer. And I was like, who crossover? Yeah. Yeah, Nancy's self-atint is just waiting for her checks. And she lost everything that Bernie made up. She's like, okay, I just got to stand here and wait for Bravada to give me a check so I can move on my life. Those 9 pounds of prosciutto don't wrap giant melons by themselves, guys. So now they all, so basically Dario breaks up the cow into large cuts and then they have to go,

the chefs have to take their cuts and cut them down further. So Brian, who is a butcher, he brings his beautiful prime rib and he basically cuts it into tiny little pieces and everyone's like, um, your butcher, what are you doing? Which makes sense at first, I was like, that's shocking but then I realized it makes sense because he's probably trying to show off his technique

and being able to cut the meat off and everything like that. So I was like, okay, you're done. Right. And it's one of those things you don't know when the judges are going to turn on you because I feel like in any other season or any other challenge they would have been like, wow, you butchered this yourself. How beautifully done. There's not an ounce of fat on it. You know, it's stunning.

And this one they're like, there's not an ounce of fat on it. It's stunning. What an omission of judgment you had. So Eric has to braise some beef cheeks. Now my question is, were there no pressure cookers? Because I feel like, you know, I feel like these chefs always set themselves up for failure when they have to do these long braises and they decide to do it in like 25 minutes. I'm like, I think it's time to get involved with pressure cookers on the show.

Maybe some Insta pots, you know? They used to do a lot of pressure cooking on the show because it seems for a while like it was turning into a pressure cook So because everything is like how who can pressure cook the best? I have like a distinct memory I think it was like in top chef Las Vegas. There was this one dude who I felt like tried to pressure cook something and then his pressure cooker was like he couldn't open it because it was like under massive pressure and he was like bang it and everything it was like a source of high drama and I feel like after that like no one touched pressure cookers anymore. Yeah, something much happened to sous vide machines too because you don't see those much anymore

either. Yeah, everyone realizes not worth the effort. I think ever since that sous vide machine that Casey insisted that Carla use in the finale and then Carla lost. And then Casey had to write, you know, it basically tanked Carla's fortunes and then like, Casey, there was so much backlash that Casey had to like release a statement being like, it's not my fault that Carla decided to like that Carla used the sous vide machine and G loss, Carla had to defend Casey. I think that was like sous vide machines like, darkest moments and never like the darkest moment of the sous vide machine.

Yeah, it like it like had to go away. God, he's even had to come back on the show to redeem herself for fucking off the sous vide machine, didn't she? Or was that the only thing he did? Yeah, I didn't see it, but she had like a crazy attitude and I think she was there and gone. I don't know.

Casey is, Casey's an interesting one on the top of the pantheon. Yeah. But she was in what the first season I ever recapped season two. So I'll always have a soft spot. Nostalgia. You're carrying on Casey's legacy. Casey TV. So Jersey is like, he's a my throwill like oh shut up kiss ass okay. Can't hear you Oh Falling all over my true. I know he really is a kiss ass out of control

Yeah, so then Michelle's like he has a few words of English, but I think his favorite word is grande. Kelsey goes, he clearly loves meat. I really want to end. Yeah, you think Kelsey? I wanted Michelle to introduce Daria to his grandmother. I think he really fit in well with, you know, Maxi goes most dangerous tribe, whatever it was, well, Ecuador.

Yeah. Oh yeah, she's from like a gang or something. Her, yeah, her grandmother is the shaman of a, like the most, I think it was, I don't know if it was Maxi, but maybe it was Ecuador. I don't know, I know I just sound like a problematic white person. I can't, can't remember countries.

Well, I'm with you, because you said tribe and I said gang. I'm like making her grandma like El Chappo. So we're on the same page. She might be. Who knows? That'd be amazing. I'd love that.

That's why she speaks her quietly. A.M. El Chappo sandwich, please. I have an El Chapp cheese. El Chappo cheese. Yes. So Daria holding his knives is like whips at his avatar thing. I'm having L-Chop cheese, L-Chop O-Cheese. Yeah, Sardaria holding his knives just like whips out his avatar thing. He's like, this is the life of cow. Every cut is good in life of cow. And basically, we see a whole fluttered cow, which is gross.

There, he said, okay. So Nancy's like, grab your cuts and get cooking. Are there pots here? Or am I just going to stand here? I'll fuck a bay. Because someone changed my batteries, please. Thank you. So butchering. Michelle is making a braze chuck with white grits and hominy. And Jersey has decided that for his tartar, he can't just do a tartar so he's gonna cold smoke the steak before chopping it.

I was like okay and then Sarah me was like well I don't know what a plate is I don't know what this is so I'm just gonna make sausage but these casings I don't know what's going on these casings oh my god maybe she just make the scotch egg again man but take long at this time yeah and Justin is just mortified by the tartar guys. He's like, what are they doing? He's like, anti-blast, anti-blast. He's like, removing his hands, standing up straight, doing in reverse. Backwards, blast, backwards, blast. Backwards, blast, blast, blast, blast, blast, blast.

So then poor Eric, you know, some of the people really do get screwed here. I don't know how bad to feel for Sarah, because hers at least look like meat. But Eric has to make cheek and tongue gross. Yeah. I mean, those are hard cuts. I mean, that's why I was like, you really look into pressure cooker.

I mean, cheek, yeah. Cheek is not the best. I mean, whatever. It's just tough, as he said. It's bad sucks. And then Eddie meanwhile has like, he has brisket. So he decides to chop it up and roll it up and to, and to remain, it's supposed to be cabbage.

It's making a Polish dish. But he's like, I want to make something lighter. So I'm going to use Romain. So I'm like, okay, a, like this, is, doesn't make things a lot lighter when you switch from cabbage to Romaine. I mean, I feel like it's kind of a lateral move, maybe. I feel like, well, cabbage is much thicker. So I get that, like it's much of a two-year bite. Just Romaine even cook. I was surprised when I saw them and they actually were still together because I thought Romaine would just disappear.

I know, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just thought it was funny. Like, I'm good. I'm gonna go lighter. It goes so, I'm gaffish of Romaine. But yeah, no, you're probably right because it is just thick enough that it probably have to braise longer, which means it gets greased you or whatever. Okay, I take it back, Eddie. I take it back. No, but calorie wise. I mean, lettuce is lettuce, you you know and Eddie's like I grew up in a Polish Irish neighborhood That's why I'm doing this and then they show a picture of him as a teenager with like a huge Shop, he's a raw shop that he's like putting in his mouth. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna frame this for Ben I was like judgment issues his judgment

Yeah, I think no so then now it's time for Tom to drop by so Tom shows up He chefs and Nancy's just next to him and he goes hello Well, Brandon and David you guys both standing next to each other and you guys both look like you're doing something terrible Tell me what you guys are gonna do like well, we're actually both standing next to each other. And you guys both look like you're doing something terrible. Tell me what you guys are going to do. Well, we're actually going to both do tartar rice. You guys, OK. Whoa. Why?

Sort of like what the question I asked my son when he said he was going to be a mixologist. I'm the douche. It's like, well, I used tips from Tenderloin and New York strip. And he's like, oh, you're making it worse. Every word you say. I'm going to waste your life and your mother and I will always love you. We'll never find a way to understand you.

Sounds like a misdemeanor to me, bringing the son of a world-class chef and deciding to become an exologist instead. Yeah. Shoot a rest of that baby hole, which is what I told my wife when we found out my son was kind of waste is. So, I guess I should have kissed the shit out of him when I had the chance. So then Napoleon's like, I'm doing a ribeye with a vinaigrette and Tom's like, uh, do you know, seem like a raspberry vinaigrette kind of a guy? Uh-huh, no offense. Where is that?

I don't even know anymore. Sounds sort of like a mixologist kind of vibe. You know what I'm saying? Uh-huh. Other words known as a martini. So great. Nancy just standing there like, I'm bored. She goes, he's like, I'm so excited.

I got a ribeye. She goes, seems like you really love butchering. They tell me to say something, okay? He goes, yeah, I actually go to the butcher shop and work on my days off. It's like, that's called the second job, Lily. Okay. So you, it's like anti-charity work, you know my days off I go to kill animals

Yeah, I mean hey, we all have our hobbies mind's board gaming and his is just you know putting a cleaver to an animal So let's see so So the judges gather. Padma is, it looks like she used like Ellie Clampett as a curling iron. And just went to town on herself. I'm not really sure what Padma's doing, but I love it. There's a former top chef contestant. She appeared in that commercial with Gail a few weeks ago.

I forget her name. I barely even remember her on the show. But clearly someone told Padma right before she sat down. Like, by the way, the woman sitting like across from you is a former contestant. Padma's like, don't worry, I got this. Hi, person from the past. I wish I could give you a kiss, but I can't reach you. So here's an air kiss. Mom, I'm congrats. I finished that contractual obligation. Let's move on. Unfortunately, I'm walking poodles with my neck. I'll stop next time to say hello.

Oh, they said a friend from my past was going to be here. I was expecting to be my good friend, Lena Wade, but it's just you. So Nancy's like, this is wonderful. And Daria, there's also a butcher at the table who butchered this cow. And Daria's like, Farmer, thank you. I can see this cow had happy life. Like, well, that's nice.

It does not make it even sadder when they get... And she's like, thank you, that means a lot to me. me I'm like, I'm sure probably would have meant more to the cow So meanwhile back in the kitchen There's a full-on disaster because Brandon is making his he's making a sauce for his tartar and his like He's got like a bottle of like grape seed oil and he's like it's like a squirt bottle And he's squirting it into a blender and then the top comes off So just like all the oil just like falls into his sauce, which is, I like laughed, I feel bad,

but I laughed because it's something that would totally happen to me, and I feel like it probably has happened to me. And you would think that he would just like, scrap the sauce and start over, but instead, he's like, well, I don't know how much grape seed oil went in there, so I'm just gonna use some santa-gum

to bring the sauce together. I kind of feel like just in general, this is where it goes along with the sous vide machine. Like if you're busing at the santa-mgum or a frozen scallop on top chef, just pack up your knives already. Just don't go. Do you remember, I think it was last season, wasn't that like another southern? Which was the last southern one they did? Anyway, the last one, some guy made mac and cheese and he had to do't that like another Southern, which was the last Southern one they did. Anyway, the last one, some guy made mac and cheese

and he had to do it for like a huge, it was one of the ones where they had to feed like a hundred or two hundred people and he made mac and cheese, but it wasn't coming out right and he used the Anthem gum and Tom was like, this is delicious, what is this? I don't know about that. I don't know.

And that's the only time I've ever seen it work and I was like, that can't happen twice. That someone like compliments the Anthem gum on accident, you know? Well, I also feel like you better tell me when there's a Zantam gum again because I look like a goddamn idiot. I'm not coming back to set. If I look the stupid again, got it?

Yeah. Well, the other thing is I feel like mac and cheese is like a big, hardy dish, comfort food. So I feel like at a weird way, it could probably handle a Zantam gum moment. But when you're serving like a delicate tartar, you know Texture is like so important because you're eating rami. You don't want anything off putting So like if you're introducing xantham gum to tartar. I don't even know what xantham gum really is

I just know that it just doesn't sound like it should ever be with tartar. Well, it's an every processed food It's just a thickener. It's using everything. It's a white powder. It's disgusting. So, um, and gooey, like they said. So, uh, yeah. Also, tartar is like the easiest thing to make and he didn't even have his own oil. Because did you notice he's like, Kelsey, can I take your oil? She's like, nah, and you took it and just, uh, I didn't know that himself, which, or all of his food, which was funny, because he wasn't even prepared with the proper oil, you know? Exactly. So now they serve I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that.

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I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know What's that thickness coming from? And Patma's like, oh, someone must be FaceTime in Gail. And he's like, Zam Tamgam. And then the look on Gail's face, I mean on Patma's face was hysterical. She literally dropped her head and went,

went collecting him. She got, Zam Tamgam. That's the most disgusting thing I've heard. Since the time I found out that Gail once ate a VHS tape as an appetizer. Be kind rewind. Am I right Gail? She wants to try to serve me cream of cassette tape soup. Oh, so let's see. So now we have the, yeah. Okay. So Asian style tartar and then Jersey did the round cut tartar Confie and DGNA's

Confie of local aliens. I'm like just say onions, please. Yeah, you already lost me with DGNA's, okay? Yeah, so they of course they hate Brandon's sauce, etc. And then Nancy doesn't like David's Jersey's Texture because their minds are ground hamburger meat. Yeah, yeah, and then the farmers like I can't taste my meat I can't taste it a cow died for this people But also I have to point out about Brandon's is it wasn't only the oil and the texture It was only it only tasted like onions And then just to bring it on home,

they showed a regular person. She's like, ah, there's so much garlic, I can't. Wait, that was David, that was David's, because Brandon, the other shoe is that there was also too many things like asparagus, things like that on the tartar. Oh, I put it for her. I put it for her.

That doesn't matter. It's a big tartar mess. Yeah, Brandon is the one with too much asparagus, right? Maybe. Yeah, Brandon had too much. I don't remember what the garlic was then. Either way, they both made two terrible tartars. Yeah. Doling tartars. You both lose. So Justin versus Adrian. Yeah. So Justin makes a flank steak with like Palenta and Carapurae and Adrian makes a black and blue sirloin. That's like a play on local, like things

because it means some local berries or something. Blackberries or something. Yeah, blue cheese. Yeah. Black and blue and black and blue. So they love, they really like Adrian's steak. And Graham thinks that Justin's dish is like nicely composed.

And then the cow lady is like, you know what? Like as an owner of a former cow that we're now eating, I just want to say I'm just like waiting for like a big Bone with beef on it. We can just dig our teeth into just see Padma being like well We did have a bunch of those but Gail was here before us apparently Thanks a lot for joining us my good friend Wilma Flintstone Thanks a lot for joining us my good friend Wilma Flintstone Also the farmer is like yeah, so the farmer says that and the series in the back It's like these sausage casings There

I noticed a texture of soft soy seared them and Napoleon Dynamite's across from her finishing and then here we go now Napoleon Dynamite versus Sarah Yeah, and you know I was bracing because before in polling dynamite went out He was he asked Eddie what he thought and then he's like mmm needs more salt and I was like watch the judges Say that this is too salty watch watch. I know and he he was even like are you sure? He's like yep yep. I'm sure it's like oh no, he's gonna fuck over But he actually did not happen. Did not come to her fruition. Brian's was shitty just on its own merits. What salt was the least of its issues? Yes. It turns out

that by you need more salt, Eddie means that is terrible. Start over. Yes. So Sarah and Brian served Sarah serves her like very sad sausage situation and at least she had the awareness to know that hers was bad because then Brian Serves his thing too and Graham is just like They're just getting smaller and smaller and smaller and now they're just like furious and Pam goes What happened to the rest of the cow don't answer that gal? Don't I'm gonna eat and she goes I'm underwhelmed That's my favorite. She was like, who's that?

I'm underwhelmed. I feel like I'm... I feel like I'm... Well, to be fair, the cut she used was the most difficult cut and sausage, good idea. Now, Brian's dish, I'm confused. Oh, me! Sometimes I'm like, well, you know, I don't even know how you cook meat this poorly. You put your whole animal.

And then now you're shaky, shaky, shaky, throw it up in the air, cast your poor martini and call it a pookie dookie. I just don't understand the world anymore. Okay, kids, what's the matter with kids today? All right. Just you wait and see. So you know, I mean, you put your whole animal. It should be a celebration instead, you know, we're just sort of sitting around wondering how many more times we've got to help pay your my son's electricity bill.

He uh makes a gin and taunting for people. So Michelle and Eddie are next and she made her, what did she make? Um, I, well, I actually, what I made was I made um, I made a beef chuck, um, a service traditional style and a style of beef chuck with vegetables. So yeah. I wrote beef cuck. Like that's the weirdest misspelling.

Because I was like, what is it? It's like she made an alt-right beef. Oh! Ha! Ha! Hi, this beef is alt-right. Yeah, she made... This beef is calling you a cuck.

So enjoy. And then any made this beef is calling you a cuck. So yeah, enjoy. And then then he made it serve his go lumpy, which feels like it'd be like what I would how I would describe him. He's just a big go lumpy, you know. So and they love it. Well, they they love Eddie's go lumpy. And they think it's such an interesting use of brisket and stuff like that. But Michelle's chuck is dry and the grits are co-aculated. Yeah. So then Eric, Eric's cheeks aren't braised all the way. And he's like, well, I hope they see the direction I was trying to go in, which it had me worried for him. Yes.

And then Kelsey did a shank with a carrot puree. So what? And what? With saffron, which is important because Top Chef girl was like, all I taste is a saffron which is important because all they take because top chef girl was like all I take is a saffron bomb Oh, yes, like saffron bomb So so Eric brings this thing out and he's like well what we have here is a we have a beef cheek and And then I made a moose out of the tongue and the yadda yad yadda. And they're like, a moose from the tongue, where is it? And he's like, well, you see those little microscopic dots,

the one that's under the leaf there? Yeah, that's it. She's like, the mustard looking dot, that tiny little speck. I'll tell you who wouldn't like this. My good friend, Lena Wade. And Thomas's like, you know, the cheek is okay but uh the spices whoa and uh lots of tongue I mean what is that and cram because I've never heard of

liquefied tongue you're starting out with gal more you you'd be amazed what you can put in her Vitamix you've obviously never been with gal when she dropped just a bite of ice cream down a garbage disposal. Oh god. So Darryl is like, today is another dad and he's like, listen, farmer lady, today we're celebrating the sacrifice you'll ever made. And happened to say, like yes congratulations Gail oh wait someone killed Gail that's not

nice okay so stairs like I'm got here I'm going home I'm in the bottom I am done stick it forking me I'm done right unlike my sausage god damn sausage I said it no no better, my ass, my soul is firmer. That was actually the original lyric to Richard Marx's song. Should've known better, my husband was a farmer. And it all because of you.

Anyway, so now it's judging. And Tom's like, oh, Chefs, you know, today was just like a lot of missed opportunities. It was like, you all decided to sign up for a mixology school. I think that's some big accomplishment when any podunk want to be actor can do it in, you know, three hours time. Okay. Biggest opportunity. So Jersey, when they're still talking, the Jersey guy tells, um, tells the douche guy.

He's like, yeah, Tom was not happy that we both did tartar. Like he's really, he had this like tone of voice like, oh, now we not happy that we both did Tar-Tar. Like, he's... Really? He had this like tone of voice like, oh, now we're in trouble because you did Tar-Tar when I was already doing Tar-Tar, you know? I'm like, you guys had so much advance notice that he would be unhappy and that there's any dish that you could change course on. I feel like it's a Tar-Tar because it's uncooked. Yeah, you could literally...

You could just cook it. You could literally just cook it into something else. Like, you guys literally had a get out of jail for your card. Yes. And you lost it. So then Pat Mike is robot eyes, which you know it's going to be a bad judge, judge a table. Because Pat and I was like,

Bzzzzz. She's just like sitting there with her poodle hair looking like she's going to kill somebody. You know what I miss? By the way, I miss the days when they would sit in this do room and Pamela would walk in and be like we'd like to see Fat person tall person other fat person now they just walk in X hero and addict. We'd like to see you now Person with a bacon tattoo you as well Person who spoke to their child today on the phone you. I'm thinking you for kissing the shit out of your baby a national television.

So to decadent in the love department. So Tom is upset. It's four to five. Yeah, Tom's like, oh, it's supposed to be a celebration of searing and smoking and roasting and cooking and laughing and going on to the next chapter of your life and following your father's legacy. And I don't mean your father's legacy, but I'm talking about a real legacy,

like the legacy of the craft family of restaurants. Not the cheese. Okay, Pothma and Pothma is like, okay, the tops are just an Adrian and Eddie, even though that was a stretch. The rest, please step to the side and think of the life you wasted. Yeah. So they, like, they he praise on these guys. I didn't write anything down about what they said with the praise. Did you? I did because some of it cracked me up.

I was like, Justin, you put together a decent dish. I like my flank steak medium. It's like they're struggling to come up with nice things to say. And Nancy goes, yeah, marinating your steak made it tender. Yeah, Nancy. Yeah, that's generally why he made things. Wow, congrats. Like, let's congratulate the chef the things. Wow, congrats. Like, let's congratulate the chefs on doing some very basic kitchen techniques. Who's getting a paycheck today, the butterfly clips? The fact that you put your steak on a plate to serve to us genius.

Pretty much. And then Pat and it was like, Eddie, I thought your dish was tasty. I'm just kidding. Just wanted to see those teeth again. I like guys. Where's I lying? Look at them. They look like beads from Michaels. You know, it's probably out of the setting. I'm kind of last.

He's like, no one does contemporary Polish these days. I mean, wow, I mean, it's a choice you know but you know at least you're doing something with the paycheck and he's like I really appreciate you know I was afraid I'd be so full after yours but that romaine lettuce leaf wow really kept me light I might be made it light wow so they liked Adrian spicy fruity dish and Nancy's like, it certainly didn't like flavor. I'll tell you that. I'm going to be thinking I'm having a heart attack for the rest of the day, but we had

to pick someone, so thanks for being here. Crazy or Lobs. So ultimately Eddie is the winner and he gets an autographed apron from Dario and an invitation to stash with him for a week in Tuscany and Top Chef is gonna send him over there. So he's like, oh my god. Oh my god. So he's all happy He's gonna kiss the fuck out of that apron. That's for sure And Napoleon Dynamite is so bad. You just see like he's like sucking his teeth. He's like I might is so bad. You just see like he's like sucking his teeth.

He's like, ah. So as I mentioned before, we were underwhelmed by the rest of you. You all miss the mark in some way. It's like Gale going into Phyleon's basement. I'm like, Gale, how do you find the worst patterns in every single store?

So Tom is like well, Napoleon done my love to film didn't grow up so great. How did you meet not have a bone? You know you're scared, okay? You're couldn't scared and it's gonna get your in trouble every time just be yourself. Just be yourself. You know That's my advice just be yourself. Okay, every time just be yourself just be yourself you know that's my advice just be yourself okay every time they're themselves you're like well clean that up be someone else stopping yourself you're disgusting stop it listen um you know what like you can't be scared cooking scared will get you right there in the bottom every single time I mean you're like thinking like a mixologist right now okay I need you to cook like a chef okay Sarah Daria said you would Eddie had

the hardest that said by someone else who's not me Why would you choose sausage? She's like I was happy with the case they were the cut so I seared them I was happy with that product I never said I was the best chef of the world, but get me credit for trying will you? Credit for trying trying to be the best sausage maker I cut for two challenges in a row Hey, Graham's like well when you saw the sausage wasn't good. Why not get rid of it and start new? I'm like Graham She just finished the sausage and she's got to play in like two minutes. She can't just you know

She's crowned the meat like what else do you want you wanted to make you a little burger? I mean come on and she's like I should have just made meatloaf and pan I guess should have what a cut up. You don't know how many times I have to tell that to gal every time we get out of weight watchers Oh, good should have what a cut up and she's like, uh Sarah Because Sarah's already like crying right? Yeah, that's that because I was disappointed especially when it came from you These are global Kentucky product

I mean, I'm disappointed in everyone, but definitely you Sarah You are the most disappointing person standing here I mean it's bad enough that your alleged husband is an alleged farmer But that you're also from Kentucky, which is where we are right now and you're not even gal and you still messed up I would like you to apologize to my good friend global Kentucky product And also my other good friend miss Lena. Wait, everyone. Come on. Oh, she left. Okay. So let's see so they get to the Dutian grams like grape seed oil It made it slimy and then he's like yeah, I think it was the most fire which was Anthem gum and pad

That's when Padden was like Still most disappointed in you Sarah You are literally worse than Zantham gum in a tar tar think about that Nancy's like well, I've never used Zantham whatever that is but I'll show you what olive oil does the trick every time These kids in a grape seed oil I'll show you what Olive Oil does to trick every time. These kids are a great seed oil. She drops the mic, walks off. Little Olive Oil shade.

I like Tom, his utter disgust. He's like, why is Anthem gum? Why the hell? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? And then Brandon's like, um, because what Santa Mgum does is you put it with liquid and then as you shake it or stir it, it makes things thicker. They're like, yeah, we know what it is. That's what Nancy Silverton does. Yeah, and you know what, all of the oil does the same thing and tastes better.

Yeah. She's like, um, hi, I have a question here. Who's gonna stand for all of oil? Anybody? Okay, great. Hi, I'm Nancy Silverchin, I've got a question. What planet do you think I was born on? Thanks.

So Tom's like, I'm gonna be scratching my head for a long time over that one. Oh, and Pat and I was like, they could all go home as far as I care. I like to think of them all as little boxes that need to be shipped out of here and off to Gales House. Get them out of here. And then they all commit to this. They're just scared. Like I guess so they can have an arc for the season because it's not true.

I don't think anybody on this cast is scared. Like no one's like, oh I just wish I could be myself. But they cast is scared like no one's like, oh, I just wish I could be myself But they all jump on this Nancy's like they think to impress us They have to have no bone or no fat. So looks prettier and Tom's like yeah, you know like like Napoleon dynamite he's afraid he's scared and I wish Brandy was afraid of Zantham come but you know He's so mad about that I like that Tom at one point, he actually, he's again casually shades Sarah. He's like, I mean, look at Sarah.

I mean, she doesn't do fine dining. I mean, she barely could do big thuddles, you know, and she's trying to prove herself, like, say in your lame girl, you know, your lame is basically like, you know, barely cook chicken. like you know barely cook chicken with please stop on the side of the road okay truck lane it's literally a truck lane she's literally serving spots that's what Sarah cuz he's like

Sarah doesn't even do find out dining meals and she's trying to do find dining she did sausage what are you talking about well but she served your sausage on like a little delicate, like pedestal of something another who's like trying to be fancy sausage. Oh my God. And then Tom. I'll find our own people.

So then they come back in and Tom does. I love Tom's little monologue. He's like, you know what, chefs, there are kids growing up this country who don't have resources, who are their parents work double two jobs, and they barely have an education, and they don't know how beef is raised. And this is the travesty. As chefs, we need to shrink that gap between what kids know and how cows are killed. And we have to honor those cows and the children who want me to honor those cows too. And one of you just didn't do that enough.

I'm like, okay, let's like relax. I'm like, the children, the whoa, the children you don't know about butchering. Yeah, that was definitely his like, well, we're gonna submit this to the Emmy nomination committee. And let's just hope that someone stands for cows. Okay, great. People think that cows were always laughing, but guess what? A lot of times they're sad misunderstood because no notes how they're wrist

No one knows life the cows go through it's like a cut-to-lady Gaga sing that song you don't know Okay, so the dishes like You know, oh, so Pat and I was like, Brandon, you were the least respectful of halfers. Bye. I then Tom calls him over and you think Tom's going to be like, no, great job. You know, it just didn't work out for you this week. You think that's what he's going to say.

He's like, yeah, it's just really hard to get past that. Zia and Thugum and that slime. So then they're loving torturing these people. So Brandon's still not crying. So Pat and it's like, oh, get him in the voice over, Tom. Tonight Brandon's slimy tartar put him in last chance, get you. Can he get rid of the powders and cook with actual food? Watch.

Or is he getting a one way to get back to the chocolate factory where Zyantogomam got my guess is acceptable. Oh my god. Fun me. Oh my goodness, I'm literally about to explore from all this laughing, but first, let's go over to our crap ins mail bag. Alright everyone we got a brand new mailbag it's very exciting so let's start off with one of our all-time favorite mailbag ask-or-questioner people's Michael Horn.

Hello, you little Michael Horn. Oh I love that Michael Horn. He goes, hi since we haven't seen Melbourne and Chesher in a while And I greatly missed the accents. What do you guys think both the cast are up to right now? Melbourne. Yeah, I think I'll be no Chesher. Oh my God. Chesher has had so many seasons that we haven't seen. Thankfully Melbourne only has one that we haven't seen And they're about to shoot season five Bravo. Where's Melbourne season four? Are you just gonna pretend that didn't exist?

What's happening? I need it. Yeah. Yeah. We know that Bravo's like, oh, down with still important shows, because they're now starting to show that show 100% hotter, which was on Netflix. We talked about, I talked about it briefly on a bonus episode

where there are basically these three awful British people being like, yo, ugly, We don't like the way you look We're gonna send you to a hardware store and you have to compare your skin to wood thinner wood paint I need to see what shade of wood paint your skin is and the people come back like I thought I was attractive, but I'm really not author of the attractive and I feel with a bad about my skin now Obviously very hard me. We take up the lashes It's like hilarious. They make them look like punkers,

but like clown punkers, something at the end. I saw the commercial. I was very confused. No, it's basically these like really trashy British people who have, they just look horrific. And then there's like, there's like a stylist to make a person and like a, like a hair person. And they like verbally berate this person,

then they make them do a humiliating task. You know the Brits love doing humiliating things. And then they like transform them. And it's, you know, but it's like, it has like a real nasty streak to it. So it's sort of like really hilarious, but it's also you feel a little uncomfortable. So anyway, Bravo showing that in the mornings now on Fridays.

So I mean, who knows, maybe on the slow week, we can we can throw a recap of that and because it's on Bravo. Oh Lord, also temptation island is going to be on Bravo Sunday. It is. Oh, it's on really because it was on USA. I recorded it. It was on USA. I guess it's in part of the calm casting. So Gina's probably like, all right, we need to change up. Hey, we doing these shows here because everyone's sick of me beating the hawives. I'm gonna be on temptation island

On one island is gonna be me on the other will be my ultimate temptation They're a string And on third island is gonna be some cancer and I'm gonna say listen cancer you get off this island right this Instinct and guess what the cancer is going to leave. So what are they up to? Okay. So Gina is on Temptation Island.

Temptation Island. Okay. We got her. Janet's somewhere. She's on a farm. She's like, Oh, chicken. Everybody wants them. Now where the chicken is?

Chicken. Yeah. Chicken. Everybody wants to know where the chicken is. Chicken. She said chicken so much that she got a chicken contract and now I'm just on a farm selling chickens. Gamble, this is a huge error on my part. I did not even mention this on the podcast and now it's late and I don't have it available to me right now But I'm gonna get it ready for next week. I

Can tell you what gamble is up to gamble is on cameo and I know this because Niko our friend Niko who we met in Chicago God meet a cameo of gamble wishing me a happy birthday and she basically like He's like, oh, that's the band. I have about that. That would happen. Oh, move, move, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. As she falls off like her, have her board. I got to find that. I don't know where it is.

It's hilarious. I think it's on my Facebook. That's hilarious that he did that. I love that. It was amazing. And I'm so sorry. And you go, it's such an amazing gift. And I like, I don't know why I did not like, blah.

I think I was just like, we were Nashville. Nashville and I was like birthday party and all this stuff I just sort of like I did not to give it the love that it deserved but it is so amazing and I will definitely get it up on our social media. That is funny. Okay so then the one hand kidnaps maids I think she hired Lindsay Lohan to like go kidnap trying kidnap children in Ibiza for her because her cleaning lady left. Yeah, and I think I also like to think that in a Cheshire that somewhere Darby is like whispering into a tree. She's like I'm going to go to my camera to see if I can go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera.

Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera. Go to the camera I Have a I will play it just for all times sick Can put a balaclava on but he's still got a penis you not put a balaclava on that and if he's gonna use it is gonna use it Literally makes no sense What was the MacGali's MacGali's MacGali is MacGali. She's like I need a Oh, God, I forgot her opening line. It was so funny. She's like you don't mess with the MacGali is MacGali. Oh God I forgot her opening line it was so funny she's like you don't mess with the MacGali. What was her thing? Leanne whoa. Okay what else is in that mail

bag? Wait here's the Dobby clip I have to play the Dobby clip because it's just so wonderful. I just I just love perfection. Like I just taught and I just like to tell me instructions a just i can't stop you and and and and and let's eat and

and and and and and and and and Yeah, we're making stuff up you know, and it's not like that's like literally how she So Lori asks hi Lori she goes if wonky eye and decone decides to bring back one bravo show in exchange for canceling one of the housewives Franchises which show would you revive like a broken bed and which one would you bid at you to? Well, I would have said if this question were a couple of weeks ago Jersey get rid of it But now I'm really enjoying Jersey

Like legit enjoying the shit out of Jersey. Yeah. So I could do that to Jersey. Yeah. So God, which housewives? Dallas has been good. God, OC has really been trying my patients, but I couldn't say get rid of it.

I couldn't say get rid of it, but honestly, I couldn't say, get rid of something else over OC. I think right now, like I couldn't say get rid of it, but honestly, I couldn't say get rid of something else over OC. I think right now, I couldn't say, right now, I think at the bottom are OC and Atlanta and Beverly Hills have not an amazing season, but I feel like the season's gonna be really good. So I couldn't justify saying OC, getting rid of OC over Atlanta, even though Atlanta is doing nothing. But I think that I'd have to get rid of OC over Atlanta, even though Atlanta is doing nothing, but I think that like, I think I'd have to get rid of OC right now. Atlanta has two new cast members and they're missing a big cast member. So I think it's still pretty hilarious considering their, you know, Atlanta has much more

side. OC's had two years to suck. And then Tamar is Sun Ryan. Yeah. That whole thing just happened where he was going against someone who reserved to who refused to serve a transgender couple of cake or something. And he's like, when are people going to start just killing offing these mother fuckers? Yeah.

Like, and then yeah, it's like just like a fake. You go beat your wife some more. You just like a turd donut. Like just fucking. Yeah, yeah exactly he's a piece of shit so yeah so canceled but then bring back I mean you know there's like I mean obviously gallery girls right I would say princesses over gallery girls actually princesses yeah no actually to make it fair I would say and of course we're giving all like the regular answers And I'm being tricky and not really picking one so I guess I would say princesses

but my second choice would be That long island when oh My god, blood's what heels. No the lady. Oh, let's win heels though. I would also like to have come back No, I'm not disagreeing you. No, I know secrets and wives secret wives. No, I mean, I'm not disagreeing with you. No, I know it. Secret and wives. Secret and wives, yeah. Secret. I love secrets and wives.

Secret and wives was so good. Yeah, I would say secrets and wives. I would say get rid of OC and do secrets and wives. What about, I might even controversially say, Kel on Earth. Oh, yeah. People have been posting about Kel a lot lately. I've seen her.

There's a lot of memes with her and I'm down for that But if we have to pick one I'm gonna say Secrets and wives If I'm gonna who I'm it's hard. I almost feel like I don't know a certain way I want to say gallery girls still but it's not gonna be the same and of course I love game of crowns I need age brackets to stay the same. So even if they take off a housewise, I want another housewise like show.

And I really think that secrets and wives. I think secrets and wives, yeah. Because I think that the princesses long Island, I do love that show, but I feel like they're getting to her an age where they're going to start wanting to have babies and stuff. And I'm not interested in going into that process. I want to see some post-menopausal crazy ladies dressing like they're at 32

Like dancing on tables Like the diner at great neck and like like listen to Michael Buble and thinking that they are like you know listening to like Tiger You know, yeah, that's where I'm chandelier soft balconies or going hunting for gay men fucking in the bushes at fire I mean, yeah, you just can't beat that paralyzed paralyzed Peraloists. Yeah bring back secrets and why secrets and why it's bring it back everyone That brings us to the end of another episode of what what happens Everyone this has been a super fun week. We are doing a couple of videos for the next few weeks

Just go and pay true on find those. I think next week We'll be a little different because we're leaving town Wednesday So we'll announce what we're doing then, but remember that we have a second-sense in Adi show that we added same day in Cincinnati So if you guys want to double up come on to do it. It's a daytime show We're gonna be in Dallas, February 8th. There's tickets available for that so so get those. And then we're going to be in Cincinnati, Portland and just for laughs in Vancouver. And that is going to be at the end of February. So that's soon to you. So get tickets for that. And I just want to say that because we are be traveling

next week and everything, our schedule gets a little wonky, like you said, make sure that you are subscribed to us on Apple podcast or whatever or whatever platform you want to use. Make sure you're subscribed and make sure you are following our social media, based on Instagram, at WatcherCrapids on Instagram. This way you can stay up to date on when new episodes are up. And if you're subscribed, the episodes are just going to come right into your podcast inbox, so you don't have to worry. So that's just makes your life easier.

Do it everybody. We will talk to you next time. Bye everyone. you. Hey, prime members, you can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. You can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.