Watch What Crappens - Top Chef: Does a Bear S**t in the Woods?

Episode Date: January 6, 2018

Top Chef sends the cast to a snowy mountain. Will they get eaten by bears? Will they freeze? Will Carrie ever stop smiling? Let's find out! This week's bonus is all about our Christmas vacays. To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Boston, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find us on social media, on Twitter, we're at what-crapins, on Instagram

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Our lucky little grand-pper, Kelly Grant. And Lizzie Drucker, she's a fun mother f***er. We love you guys! Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Inns, the podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on YoGravs. I'm Ronny Karam from the Rosepricks Bachelor podcast, and here I am with my Just and talented little friend Ben Mandelker of the B side blog and the band to blinda. Hello, Bean

Howdy Ronnie. How's it going? Well, if I was gal, I would say you're ingenious Did you mean to lob such a lofty compliment, Ronnie? Pat, this shows up like overly happy today. This top chef episode is beautiful. But before we get to that, chilling, live, once a month, all throughout the year, 2019, for tickets, go to watch at crappens.com. That's also where you can get some merch,

some wine glasses, some pint pine glasses some t-shirts You know guys lots of stuff over there and what else man? Did you mean to chill our podcast so hard? What else? I can leave chills in this soup They're very crunchy I have to say Real quickly that I have something, this is just pure straight

up. I guess it's, it's not really meant to be a brag, but it could be read as a brag, but I was very excited because last night when I was watching Top Chef, one of our listeners, Josh Jeb, who's our Jeb or Jeb, I assume it's Jeb since it's G-E-B and normal English pronunciation of an E, G before an E is Juh. Josh Jeb posted that we were mentioned in the Daily Mail. Watcher Krapins has arrived. We were mentioned in the Daily Mail.

There was an article, did you see this, Ronnie? Well, I saw that we were in there, but when I clicked on it, there was like a pop-up ad or something. I couldn't figure out how to read it because I'm a pop-up. I don't understand how to do that shit. You're like, I don't know what to do with all this. Okay. The, basically, there was an article in the Daily Mail talking about how Real Housewives of New Zealand is totally an utterly canceled, which is... Yes, and it was basically like, the real house was of New England, of New Zealand. It's cancelled, despite the fact that it has found high profile fans in the United States, including Nina Dunham, Heather McDonald, and the podcast watch for Crappens.

So, I know you have a relationship with Lena Dunham In that you you seem to have a love hate sort of hate I can't tell where you stand with Lena Dunham at any any moment, but we are now linked with her in mass media I was in planes for the moment. I take Lena Dunham day by day. You know, she's like alcoholism. You just make it day by day Well, but what was also really cool was they pulled so they pulled quotes from the interview that we did in the New Zealand, that publication which I'm blanking on the name of it right now at the top of my head. So it's been a hurry. It's called a spinoff. Yeah, thank you. So what was very cool for me was they they pulled my quote where I said something like they have to bring it back with

Angel Stone is reality TV gold and it says Ben said I was like, Oh, are we on a first-name basis? Daily mail. Oh, what was going to be on buses all over the city. And then they showed a giant picture of Angel Stone and they put my quote again in bold underneath it. I was like, oh my God, I've never had my quote pulled for a caption before in like an online publication. So I was just like, Well, you know Angela said in the pile of leaves in some park throwing them up in the air like, oh, I creatively visualize that.

Well, I was walking into every room in my apartment saying, ladies and gentlemen. We have arrived. She say loving say bon say bon I was really living my moment. Oh Well, congratulations. You are very good with quotes You can't quote me because it's like a paragraph long and there's too many ellipses I'm not good with quotes because I say like all the time and that's just a general apology to people who listen to this show. I'm sorry that I say like all the time. I can't help it. I don't care. Like what else you have to say. Not like your, well here's the thing. It's

technically it's okay to say like and I say this based on the linguistics class I took, freshman year of college, where my professor said, you know what? There's always gonna be a word like like that comes into language people need those those filler words and It's just the way linguistics works. So I know that the linguistics community is behind me But I think that the list it's still annoying to hear Like all the time I'm not a politician. I'm not like a politizing or right? I'm not like, all right. It's like, okay. Like, um, and guess what else I'm not apologizing for?

Shitting in the woods. Whoa. There. I said it. No, I'm just getting disobeying the woods. No, but that's all I could think of is disobeying shit in the woods because all the bears on the show go to the woods to cook in the snow.

And I don't know why, but that dad saying just kept coming in my brain, not coming into my brain. God, what's the hell? It's Friday. Just it's coming into your brain, the dad's age. You don't understand pop up ads and you're now saying the woods. You know, I actually have never heard that saying before. Maybe because I'm just too young. I haven't.

No, I like the closest thing is if the question was just Ben say like a lot, it's been sorry for saying Mike. Does a bear shit in the woods? See, I would normally go with a big business route of is a frog's ass watertight. Well, there is a little big business in here. I don't know if you got it, but there is some coming up soon. So hold tight, everybody. Oh, I'm excited.

Yeah, so top chef, top chef, top chef, top chef, top chef, top chef. Yeah, let's talk about this week's episode. Did you mean to make me so happy today? Padma comes in and she's just all smiles and love today. I don't know what drug she switched to, but I was expecting more of an angry Padma. Pad, we've missed a couple of top chef episodes on this show because of holiday break and all that stuff.

And you know, there have been a couple episodes where Padma's like, did you mean to make me disgusted and want to kill myself and you and everybody around me? It's like, whoa. It's past as the gal. The gal that's disposal. Yeah. Well, you know, they are in Colorado. And there are certain recreational drugs that are illegal in Colorado that only just

recently became legal here in California. Yes, but I think that's what usually makes her so tired. It's like, let's face it. That's my, you know, that's not an upper drug. You have that and it's like, where's, did you mean to give me a free Domino's pie? Because I felt that all of my little pizza square things. Maybe she just had her first big cat, you know, like the Kit Kat. That's like instead of like a four little Kit Kat.

It's one big Kit Kat. It's like a Kit Kat Voltron. They all came together to make one big one. She was like, oh, I didn't know they made these. I'm so happy now. Yeah, that much sugar in that tiny little body probably does feel like cracky crack. She probably loves a wafer. Did you mean to excite me within the low wafer?

So last week Tyler, one of the bears left and I was so sad because I felt like Bruce should have gotten set home and he didn't get set gotten. You see, that's where we're at today. I feel like Bruce is, he's like favored son status for some reason like he's I just said like see He is he's a known chef. I was actually looking at lists of top restaurants in the city over Over the break and and one of them was oh union in Pasadena and there was a big old picture of Bruce. I was like that's Bruce He's known. Yeah, let's get pictures and things He's Tyler over that guy, you know, even though he could have gone home easily

And also I just like Tyler because the last challenge was cook you know cook from your heritage or whatever and he's like I don't have any heritage, okay I'm like a white guy from where's he from from like California, oh, he's from Southern California with some big Swedish roots. So we attempted some sort of Scandinavian thing and just fell on the space. And the judges were all like, listen, you're from Southern Cal- you don't- you're- you're hard to just not have to go back a hundred years. You could just say you were raising Southern California, bringing Southern California flavors, but he even did. And it was probably like, yeah, punk rock.

Yeah. Wasn't that Bruce? Mm-mm-mm. That was Tyler. Tyler used to be in a punk rock band. Bruce was definitely not in a punk rock band. I thought he was probably like an oboist. And oboist.

He's like the the trombone guy. Played Viola. He was in a one man band that all of a sudden one man quartet of oboe Viola trombone and like tambourine. Oh, so speaking of breeze, he opens because he was on the bottom obviously last week.

So he's all sad and he's like, these kids and they're wacky new ingredients and techniques. Yeah, whatever happened to catch up Hey, whatever happens. It's a good old roast beef Whatever happened to the The milkman the Bruce Bruce is simple ingredients everywhere you go every food you cook Bruce is keeping it back to basics.

It's like the worst sitcom ever. It's like, here's a sick. Here's a sick home of a big greasy, haired guy just sitting down all the time and kind of wanting to bring it back to basics. Hey, dad, what's going on? Oh, nothing. I decided to make just a simple tomato sauce. Bring it back to basics. I really learned my lesson And then Bruce pulls out his trombone It's a terrible terrible sitcom. I'm sorry and then brother says for the first time out of 20 He's like this is emotional terrorism and he really likes that because he just repeats

it over and over again. Yeah. It's kind of annoying. I don't, for some reason, I really dislike brother luck. I just don't like when people make up their names and they're like that. You know? Like, why doesn't anybody name themselves like John? Yeah. I don't, I just, I don't like names that are titles, you know? Like brother luck is like brother is a title. In this case, I imagine if it's not a title, then it's like just, it's just like way too on the nose. Like, oh, you are going to be a brother to someone so you're there for your name as brother.

It's just, I don't like it. It's like naming your child Mr. Father Lucky. Yeah. Oh, yeah, brother luck. I'm a child mister. Father Lucky. Yeah. Oh, brother. Yeah, brother Lucky. It just seems like too much. It's like naming yourself Tinkerbell or like...

Hi, I'm Jeanie from Aladdin. It's like, yeah, yeah. Stop giving me positive vibes from your made up name, okay? Yeah, yeah. I don't like it. It's emotional terrorism for the luck. Yeah, Bruce has been emotionally terrorized. So he's like, I'm making a list and I'm gonna tell this stuff to myself every day.

Don't watch your hair. Don't come your hair. Don't chef it up. Stop chasing after that little plumber. Stop being so good and misunderstood. Stop being afraid of your roots. Stop holding yourself back from winning everything. I had brother looks like, oh yeah, well, I just look in the mirror and every day and said, you have pride, brother. That's that works too. So yeah, so then the John Hill guy, whose name is Joseph, I believe he is one of the the surviving bears he and Bruce are getting ready for the day.

And they're like, let's try not to be in the bottom. And then and then John Hill guy goes bears don't bottom. And then they crack up up and I was like, okay, that was well played. That was well played. But not true, but well played. But yeah, I like that they're, you know, it's like they're, what do you call that when you, oh, they're appropriating things in a cute way. Yeah, yeah, I like that. That's a great way of appropriating. I like that was like an example of Shrek eyes taking on gay culture in a way that's so adorable. Yeah, they're like having fun with it. You know, they're not like leather strapping each other to chairs and peeing on each other.

Like they're not taking it too far, you know. Yeah, because that that would that would be too far. Yeah, that would be too far. On top of the camera. Too much for top chef. Too many cameras. So they go to the kitchen for their quick fire challenge But wait there's a twist Kwame lian and Claudette with her Claire's glasses are there and Brothers like wait a minute. They're cooking already What could this mean? By the way speaking of Claire's glasses. I tried to make a pun to you about two or three times last night and you kept walking away and I finally gave up on making the pun to

you. You're saying. So Ronnie and I were at Lea Black's house last night. I had like a little party thing, which was really lovely and adorable. We got to see some of our podcast community like Heather McDonald and Ross Matthews and his co-host CJ and, um, Jumely and Brandy. Jumely and Brandy and Jeff and Gage, etc, etc. So there was this entire tray of E-Clairs and I, like,

you were standing right by me and I go, I'm like, Hey, Ronnie, where do you think they got these from? E-Clairs boutique? But then, like, when I landed the punchline, you would, like, walk away. So I was like, okay, so then I did it, like, another time. And the thing is that, like, I think CJ heard me all three times. So it just got sadder and sadder. I'm so sorry, but whenever I get around a Claire's, my brain just turns to mush.

I'm like, do I eat these all here? Do I try and fit some of these in my scooter when no one's looking? Like, how do I take this entire tray of E-Clairs? Like you can't just don't ever speak to me around the Claire. There are E-Clairs, not E-Clairs. E-Clairs makes it sound like it's like the electronic version of a Claire's boutique. E-Clairs. Did you get your E-Clairs certificate yet? No. You can make a claim. I can make a claim. They're E-Clairs.

E-Clairs. Okay, Claire's. Okay, water. Okay, water. Okay clairs. Okay. Clairs. Okay. Water. A clairs. A clairs. Water. Water. A clairs. I'm sorry. I was just a president of the French club.

It's just me with just with my experience speaking French. I just happened to know there's an accent. A.G. On the first E. But that's just fine. That's fine. You can just shame my pronunciation. No, I'm not.

Why not? I'm just a vane old French club legend. Does the bear shit in the woods? Does nay Claire shit in the woods? Leanne lock and arrives to settle this all day. He's like, all right. There's a farm watch of crap and there's going to be the referee. All right, you.

So what you got to say, the Claire's charity world is over. So anyway, so the chefs walk into what they think is a quick fire, but guess what? It's the chefs from last chance, Kitchen. Well, cooking. Welcome to last chance, Kitchen Competition. Wow. You guys will have known about this. Had you had internet access where you live, but we can't do that because people just

keep googling recipes. So, you know, here we are cooking. Yeah, yeah. You know, no offense to you guys, but some of the best food we've had so far so you know here we are cooking. Yeah, yeah, you know No offense to you guys, but some of the best food we've had so far has been right here in LCK I'm like this in Tom click you Don't make it a thing. Okay, like I I respect last chance kitchen Occasionally I will watch it. I think you guys do a great job with it Don't LCK this shit. Okay, you're not KFC and you're not guy theory. It is last chance kitchen This is top shelf. We've been for malady's. It is not don't give me't LCK this shit, okay, you're not KFC and you're not guy theory.

It is last chance to catch in. This is Top Chef. We've been speaking formalities. It is not. Don't give me some LCK. Welcome to KFC. Welcome to TLC. KFC?

AMC? I love their movies. And FEMA is like, I am pooping my pants. And guess what brother says? This is emotional terrorism brother How did you get on this loop? Please stop it? Okay? Well, that's hilarious. That's like Louis CK or cycle them LCK. Oh shit Oh shit, didn't talk about that guy right now

Give him some time to dry off over there Marcel is there and of course Marcel I love that Marcel's just always wanting to improve himself. You know, that says a lot about a person and that he's showing up with five man buns instead of one. I mean, you know, yeah. And they were all talking the back. It was like, yeah, like it's like, you know,

when you see like a mama monkey, and she has like a whole bunch of like little baby monkeys on her back, it was also that his name buns were doing on back of his head. Yes, he's named after Marcel the monkey and so he copies monkey hair. And I'm down, you know, you know, you know, you know, your brand Marcel.

We should go to his restaurant, by the way. Man buns. Unless there's so many man buns. I don't know. It's so close to you. It's like, it's practically around the corner from you. Well, so is everything. So is church.

You think I want, I'm gonna go walk in there every Sunday? No. Maybe. Maybe. Well, now that West. So is church. You think I'm gonna go walk in there every Sunday? No. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe things just cause our clothes. Well, now that West Hollywood Jesus is dead, someone needs to take his place. He died? Yeah, he died two days ago.

Did you hear? No. Oh, God, thanks a lot for just ruining my day. Yeah, yeah, the Jesus guy died. For those that have no job is open. There's this guy who would walk around West Hollywood every single day and like a long flowing robe and his hair was long He looked like Jesus people would call him Jesus like Hollywood Jesus and he was he had some notoriety here in the city and he would he made his way into some pop culture things

Anyway, this is my way of saying you have that monks robe. So I kind of think this is your moment. Yeah, I'll be like Hollywood monk. Yeah, what if he died? I've had a tea die. No idea. Did he die? It's whooping my pants. I'm putting it in my bed. It's brief, brief, brief, brief illness. Oh, poor guy. Bless you brother.

Bless you brother. He's like, that's emotional terrorism. Yeah. So anyway, they're all cooking. So essentially it's Claudette, as you mentioned, Claudette versus Kwame versus Leanne. Well, Leanne, well, Leanne Wong from season one, I feel like this is unfair and I'll tell you why. Leanne Wong for many years on the show. I don't know if she obviously not this season, but for many, many years, she was someone who was on the team that would design the challenges or test the challenges, make sure that they would work. So she has an extraordinary amount of experience. It seems almost unfair that she's in there.

Well, maybe they had to capture by making her get knocked up before she came. Yeah. I feel like you're too good. Be at least three months pregnant by the time you come Well, maybe they had to capture by making your getting knocked up before she came. They're like, you're too good. Be at least three months pregnant. By the time you come back or it won't be fair. Could be. It could be. Um, but by the way, I really liked Kwame's longer hair. And it's a small comment, but I really liked it. All Kwame so, so cute. So she and does our favorite thing where she's like, hi, I'm pregnant.

I'm making something a pregnant lady would make. Pregnancy food for pregnant people because I have a living thing inside of me. I'm like, okay. The Megan Kenyad means calm down. I know. Yeah, exactly. She mentioned that she's pregnant

about 25 different times in the first 15 minutes. Yeah. And FEMA, Fatima is like pregnant women are the worst. She has crazy, pregnant power. Pregals are no worst. She has crazy pregnant, pregnant power. Pregals are no joke. I love that girl. Yeah, I love her too. And I hope she's doing well

because I don't know if you heard, I believe she's actually in a cancer battle right now. So yeah, I'm sorry. I'm like just gonna just bring down every single time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Maybe I will go to that church of the street.

What the hell? Yeah. I'm sorry. I will go to that church of the street. What the hell? Yeah, I know But yeah, I actually really like her lot and her food looks delicious So I'm hoping I'm hoping that she's good. She's already undergone four rounds of chemotherapy She would get It's even sarcoma it's a type of bone and soft tissue cancer. Oh, my God. Our heart goes out to you. Okay, lady G. Yeah, stay strong. We'll, we'll rally. We're gonna rally the crap in the universe your way. We will. Um, so we'll still make fun of you by the way. Yeah, if necessary. Yeah, sorry. Sorry.

Sorry, the fans. The good news is that we really like you too. Yeah, we do. Yeah. I'm necessarily. Yeah, sorry. Sorry in advance. The good news is that we really like you too. Yeah, we dare yeah, I love that girl. I'm pooping my pants. I'm gonna say that a million times this season. So Luigi It's like well, you know Mario out of all these people to come back here. I hope it's Leanne because she's a girl I can take her We're gonna kidnap no, he's just like I can take Ouija. I call that much as guy. Yeah, Joe, the handlebarg dude, that's, you know, the reason why I was having trouble with that is because I earlier made a reference to Bruce speaking in the Super Mario universe being Wario. So that's why I was like, wait, is he referring to Bruce, but mistaking it? No, it was my fault.

Yeah, I mean, we have two members of the Super Mario universe here and Tom sort of looks like it could be in it. So We're building a building a team here. Yeah, Tom's like when the shells come off the turtles So accurate is ridiculous That is like a ridiculous and as much as I love Gail, she might be a Goomba. You know, Gail, did you mean to fall into a fire pit? Gail, did you mean to walk sideways and get stepped on? Be-be-be careful of that pipe. A lot of Gail's coming out of it.

Had most obviously the piranha plant. Did you mean to try to go down my pipe? Oh, look at me looking to the angle this way and then looking that way. I'm going to spin a fireball. If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to come down my pipe. So, Guadette is making, she's like, okay, hi Tom, do you like my glasses? Here's what I'm going to make. Pica di ottella! I don't want sunsets! What else do you ask on par comés? Yes, I worked very hard on it. Yeah. So Tom starts tasting everyone's, uh, and I-

By the way, I'm sorry we didn't say this is called cook your guts out because they're cooking like guts Yeah, Kwame's cooking like a heart and and Leanne will is doing liver and I actually don't even know what cloud That was making to be honest. I just I do I just out for you. I love how you gave her Diko voice. Yeah, because she's really leaning into the pronunciation. Which, you know, I love. And Tom's like, well, you know, I'm being very serious right now, which is why I pulled out these glasses.

So, that's like, where are my glasses? Oh, Tom took them When did Truman Capote start judging the scoppers? Sounds like well, you know, sorry to tattle tell on everybody my book, but You know you could eat this in cold blood. Um, so I need to read the fine text on this liver sauce here. Okay, that's good. Oh, that's good.

Oh, that's really good. That's good. Wow. Wow. That was really good. I think this is too good to taste. I think I have to call someone else and help me out with it. And so that's what Tom says.

And then in walks Padma, she she's holding a chef's uniform But she doesn't actually taste any of the food She comes in with this curly hair. I don't know what the fuck is up with her today, but she's like Who are you? Please get that fucking smile off your face her curls are bouncing up and down It took me 45 minutes, but I finally figured out how to fold this outfit I'm just so proud of myself right now. It's like a fitted sheet. Am I right guys? Like are you making jokes? I use bounds to make it extra soft.

Sort of reminds me of Gale. Poor Gale. So Tom's like guys, you uh, you all were awful for this. I'm just like, what's the point? I'm just like, what's the point? I'm just like, what's the point? I'm just like, what's the point? I'm just like, what's the point? I use bounds to make it extra soft. Sort of reminds me of Gale.

For Gale. So Tom's like, guys, you, uh, you all were awful forward, which is like, yeah, everything we're doing. This is like the worst thing to say. And then when he eats Claudette, he's like, Claudette, that might be a little anchovy forward. Do you just want to say forward? So, uh, Cami, uh, it's a good dish, but you know, use a lot of, use some small bowls, and I think you could have used like a larger plate.

Really need some, those hearts and dating, some speaks to breathe. I have a sort of very claustrophobic forward. It's very bow forward. So very bow forward. Looking for more of a plate forward. It's what we call plating, not bowling. Bowling's the whole different thing. Bowling for Columbine, that's awesome Colorado. Welcome together.

I'm gonna switch from my smart tom, take off these glasses, and I'm going into wacky tom. Everybody ready to change? Everybody ready? Okay, Kwame. But by the way, I have to say, when Padma walked out, I hope you all know how everyone gave first thing to God. It's like, oh, yes.

You know Padma's awful. Like, there's no way that I don't know that. I don't accept it. Don't accept that. I would go to every story I've heard. We've heard, Ron and I have heard some inside baseball stories about her. And they're hilarious.

And I also refuse to accept that she's a terrible person. I Accept it. I think that's why she works on the show, you know My mom was I love her when I was watching with my mom. She's like she's still on Like wow you really hate Padmash is like yeah I think I want to show it's like my mom had to from like food and wine magazine or something. I just, I will just forever love Padman, Gail. I just cannot help it. I could hear the worst things about them. And they're just two of my favorites of all time. I will never hear anything bad about Gail,

because if someone starts their threat will be punched and they will never get to finish it. Okay. I thought Gail Simmons. We've had, it's kind of funny that we love Gelsim and so much and yet the chances we've had to ever talk with her, we've not really taken it. Like we, uh, want to want to have more. We have more to it. Like when I'm got, you know, if I had like my three people

at dinner, my fantasy dinner, like Gell wouldn't be there necessarily, but I really like her. She's a nice girl. I think Gell might be there. She might be there. No, she won't, because she'll be like, well, you know There's something about this crunch

That I just can't get behind I'll be like shit up Gail just eat your food You don't have to talk about every goddamn tortilla strip that you put in your mouth gal So anyway, so it's time to judge and it comes down to Tom There's three people and so first he goes, Kwame, sorry, no, you won't be going forward. And then Pamma just turns, so Kwame's like, oh, because he always looks like, Kwame always looks like someone just stole his toy, you know. So he goes and sits down and Pamma just turns and goes, sorry Kwame, I was really looking forward to having more of your food.

I was really looking forward to watching Gail slap your food all over her dress again. Remember that time she tried to look her plate and spelled out, spelled out the best email on her chest. That was hilarious. Classic gal. But I just like, wait, what do you kick him when he's down? He's like, oh, I just got eliminated. Yeah, brothers, like this is emotional terrorism.

And then they kick him again while he's down because everybody else is in. Tom's like, you know what? You know what? My gut says, like, oh God, Tom's on tour. My gut, this gut's challenge. Wow, Bra Livers, that's what my gut's saying. I just ate raw hearts.

So I'm gonna go have the poops. So everybody else, you can stay. You're both back. Wow, look at that. Since I just had Kwame's raw heart, I'm gonna quote Bonnie Reid and have a heart. And you guys both in. Yeah. Me and I was like, well, technically three of us are still in because I'm pregnant. They're like, no. I then carry bear the smiley one from Colorado or lives in Colorado. It was like well surprise Surprise always surprises. Hmm. He's not a fucking the back of the gum. I was like, I only brought one jacket like who are you? Stop this stop this nonsense! I'm gonna cut in half like King David or as a King Solomon.

I don't know. Here, snip snip. Who's that angry skinny girl who bleached her hair? And she's like, you guys better be scared because someone's coming back. I mean, not me because I totally lost this thing, but I still get to talk from the sides. It's like a shot up. She's like a heckling people. That's Jennifer from Philadelphia. She used to work at libolade.

So she was really, really great. And then she made it really far of her first season. And then in her second season, she was like crazy and flamed out. And now she's just like the baddie old lady in the corner, even though she's probably younger than us. You guys, what's up? You're all gonna die. Um, so yeah, Kerry is like, wow, great. And Tom goes, well, you know, that was an on-the-fly decision. So, uh, Padma has to go find more cups, which is, well, we have some lary's. It's a good twist, right guys? Anyway, raise your hands.

On the fly decision, guess what? You're next challenging, go fly a fishing, guess it, get it? No, just kidding. Um, you know what? Top chef is just like camping. They're both intense, huh? Like, raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego

in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Um, so we can go camping. Actually, I think it was Padma who's like, chefs, there'll be no quick fire this week.

Instead, you're gonna be going camping, not glamping, camping. And she does it with this arm expression to do notice. Like she does, she crossed both of her hands like she's presenting something like, wow, you're going camping. It's time for a little coon by ya. Like I'll have what she's having, okay. And Tom is like, oh, I hate camping. You know, that carry was like,

I'll just keep smiling. I'll keep smiling even though they brought back to people and I got to go camping does mother fucking show. Well, Carrie's that girl is like, I'm from here. So I understand camping. I love camping. I'm outdoors. I'm from Idaho. And then she goes fishin campin the meatin like okay we get it here like normal meatin's like why you going to the meatin she takes she takes the geography off everything she's like look I'm country fishin campin woodson tentative chefs chefs I'm interrupting care because it's Padma talk Padma talking here quiet down, chefs. For this challenge, you'll just have fire, camping equipment, and limited supplies.

Don't worry, though. You'll have gale there in case you need someone to look stupider than you. If you happen to come across a bear, just do what Gale does. Stand up. Bears are afraid of things that are larger than them So Bruce is like wow camping my mind went right away to pasta Whatever Streganona so Padma's like keep warm because it looks like it's going to snow and by looks like I looked at the window There's already a lot of snow out there

That's my way of saying I'm about to do some cocaine Bye The snow is here no really hold on okay, you can just come inside. I've just dropped it off here I've I've just been informed that the snow is here. Get it, snow, informer, informer. A-duh, bada, bada, bada, bada. Are we gonna bumble? Anyone?

Snow reference? 20 years ago? No. I'm going to put my pants. Yeah. It's so, so, Kerry's like, well, it's a little light for snow. And FEMA's like, it is all snow. Fatima, stop calling her FEMA. Oh my God. So sorry. It's because of how I've

write my words. It's how I, you know, FEMA is a national disaster relief. Fatima is a lovely chef-testant. Fatima. Well, I wanted to stop writing down fat because I write down the first three letters of the name usually. And I was writing fat down. I, I wanted to stop writing down fat because I write down the first three letters of the name usually. And I was writing fat down. I don't want to just keep saying fat. That's not very nice. It's not. But also, FEMA is also not. It's either a famously a natural government organization. Hey, when does FEMA just get to be forgiven? Just getting guys. Thank you, Leanne. That was, I mean, Leanne lock-in, Leanne lock.

It's like, hey, I'm here to talk about Flemaux, but that we're discussing now. We're talking about Fatima. Your rescuing days are over. So they got to this camping store and Fatima's like, oh, camping is not the thing in Pakistan. I don't like snow. I don't like bugs. I don't like bugs. I've never slept in a sleeping bag. Can I back out? Yeah. And Leon is like, so I just got engaged last week and I just got pregnant a few weeks before that. And here I am that I mentioned

I'm pregnant and I'm engaged. Well, at least she's not, at least she's doing it the way MJ would always want her to do. I got first engaged three months later. That's like the Shazza sunset dream life. It is. It is. It's right there, ma'am. So, too, he wants to smoke his rabbit.

That's his plan. But then Chris is like, yeah, I think I'm going to smoke something and he was like, man, everyone's going to be smoking their stuff. I want to try something different. So, already, you know this is going downhill for him because the music's being ominous. And I feel like every time two comes up with an innovative idea, it's actually terrible.

So I'm like, ooh, this is not Bode Well for two. Yeah, and it didn't look like it was gonna Bode Well for Carrie either because I'm gonna make a cake in a Dutch oven, which is really a pot, not an oven. But, oh God, why would they have a Dutch oven? They don't have that. But I found little cakes.

So I'm gonna make little individual cakes in a fire. Maybe I'll make a hole. I don't care who cares. I know how to do it. I'm a local. It's snowing. I was like, okay, she is going down a very bad path right now. Which is all type of hapsle's wrong.

So yeah, they all get, after this like general store that they go to, they go to their campsite and snow as the typical Bravo camping sequence of how do you make, how do you pitch a tent? What do you do here? And Carrie's like, oh, I know what to do. She just sort of slide the pole right in here and just try to ignore the fact

that they brought back two chefs right now. Oh! So it's like, hey guys, I just whittled all of my kitchen utensils down from a tree because I'm a local. That's how we do it here. Work in Whitlin. My mom and Shublin and brothers like, this shit is mad deep. Okay, brother, back. Okay. So, too, it's like my, my idea of camping is going into the jungle killing a wild boar,

and then getting drunk all day with my friends. I think that's haunting more than it is camping, but that's fine. Yeah. I mean, it sounds fun, by the way, you know, shooting the wild boar thing. Yeah, that's okay. I support you, too, because I find two to be curiously hot.

Yeah, and I like that your name is you in Spanish. And you in French. All at two. A two, a two, a two, a two, a two, Tom, a two, Tom. So they're selling up a tent and carries like, I know how to do it. The stick goes in here and then it connects to that stick. We've got all these sticks connected. You put your thumb in the air to see where the wind is blowing and then you stick these sticks in the crack Anybody anybody am I gonna get any credit for being a local anybody? Claudette's like I will as she's like I'm going to put on my particularly pointed glasses to show my consternation

She's like without that girl we'd be screwed but I will still throw hounders and no plow out later. Because that's a girl, remember she threw that girl into the bus last time. Oh yeah, yeah. I like Claudette. You know I think we have an opportunity to talk to Claudette if we want to because my friend Repser and was like hey do you want to talk to Claudette? So if you want to talk to Claudette we can do that or if anyone wants to hear from Claudette, let us know. Do you want to talk to Claudette? So if you want to talk to Claudette, we can do that or if anyone wants to hear from Claudette, let us know So Bruce is scared. He's like God. This is the middle of nowhere. Okay. There are real bears here They're not just gonna fart on you like Taylor like these are real ones. They will eat you

Yeah, and he's like and I am a delicious treat for a bear. Yeah, look at me. I Look like a bear snack. I should not have put coconut oil on my hair today. So they're cooking and there's prepping and then Tom shows up with Naomi Pomeroy, who you may remember from Top Chef Masters. She's in a claimed chef and my favorite story about her is that when Michelle Collins and I went on top chef masters as extras, Naomi Pomoroi came over to our table and Michelle thought she was a waitress. And like, can I get a soda? And then she's like, oh, actually, I'm actually one of the top chef masters.

My question still stands, man. She brought us the so it is. Yeah. Well, good. That's a good one. I remember her from like yelling at her dad when they had to convey. They had to have their family members do the recipes from behind a wall. And she's like, you just see her like as a little teenager again. It was so funny. Yeah. Um, so yeah, they come in and Tom's like, whoa, I used to go camping and fishing, but you know in the sun. Get it. Get it. It was like sunny.

It's like a warmer climate. I probably got some s'mores. Uh, that's a grim cracker and marshmallow and chocolate. It's very marshmallow for. I'm sure you're enjoying it. That is so local of him. That is good. Choose like I'm gonna do smores three ways. I'm going to fry this more. I'm gonna smoke this more.

And then I am going to make a smore confi. Like two, you're doing too much. Oh two. So they basically get their bread done. Care is not really doing any. She's like, why is everybody working so hard? We have a whole day tomorrow. What are you doing?

What's your favorite campfire story? Hey, anybody know how to make fire from a stick? I do. Yeah, she has no prep to do because she's making cake. So it's just to make a batter tomorrow and then just, you know, put it in her cups. Yeah. Bruce, meanwhile, pulls out the guitar.

I'm like, oh, of course, Bruce would have a guitar. He's that guitar on the campfire guy. I don't know why I hate the guitar around the campfire. I hate the idea of a guitar around the campfire and I hate the person who brings it. I don't know why. I think it says more about me than them. Yeah, like, you know what, get an instrument with headphones.

Just don't do an instrument. Tell a story. No, I don't want to hear Bruce tell a story either. Hey, Bruce, just be quiet. And then they did that over there and cook me some delicious food. And then they did that most annoying thing, which is like the, the guitar blues freestyle. So Chris is like, I'm on top chef

and I'm drinking a half because it's a lovely beer and we are here. I'm like, I just, I don't, I can't. Please rhyme beer with here again. I'm just giving this a pat, she's off here. I just hate it. Did you mean to have such a hokey moment? Did you mean to rhyme omnis with glommish? Because I don't think glommesh is a word sir. I don't know we can

ask Gail she says such nonsense all the time. Hey Gail would you like a bite of glommesh told you she's got her fork out. Hey Gail could you arrange glommesh in your alphabet soup. Thanks. So, Kerry, of course, Fimo walks out like I'm going to kill myself and the world of Fatima. I'm sorry. I did it this whole recap, you guys, I'm so sorry. So, this whole recap, the whole page of Hey, ma. Good morning. Hello, Mr. Bird. Hello, Mr. Bear. Hello, Mr. Rob. Oh, shit, there's a bear here.

And she's digging a pit for her cakes and brothers. Like, she's legit McGiver. I mean, she even has a mustache, really, if you look close enough. Her mullet, really, is spectacular. The guy for doesn't have a mustache, by the way, that's Magnum PI. Oh, never mind.

I can't get me back. Oh, it's okay. Locals get that confused all the time. Brother Love would get Magnum PI mixed up, though. So it's okay. That is emotional terrorism. So let's see. The guy who's sitting at a table,

rolling the pasta with his bare hands, which I mean, how else you're gonna do it right? No pun intended their hands. Yeah got it He's making his he's making his pasta. I just don't see where these people have washed their hands That's what I'm saying. It's grossing me out. I was thinking that they probably put on some of that like That shit they put on the boats where everywhere you walk in they they squeeze some gel shit and they're like, yeah, it's rubbed it all over your hand. No, gross. That's how you create

the super bug. Um, yeah, I imagine they probably have Purell going on because they're touching raw meats, et cetera, but I was thinking the same thing. I was like, you know, they're holding Rod Duck, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod stuff. You know, you mean to lay for this with Purl? So he's rolling it with his hands and he's like, well, I found out that the mantle and has ridges. So I'm rolling it over that and it's making ridges. Oh my god.

Giant black monolith appeared in the middle of the campsite. And they all looked up to it and were in deference as Oslo's Brock Saurathue's triplet. It was like it was a big moment for mankind figuring out that you could make riches on that pasta with a mandolin. Moses is like does anybody have a hammer nails I'm putting this into stone okay. I'm gonna draw this into stone. This is an amazing moment. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr It makes sense actually going with the 2001 space Odyssey motif because Padma does sound like how Did you mean to close the airlock?

Dead I'm sorry I can't do that for you. Gail is already in the Catatonic state Gail Daisy, Daisy. Okay, so where do we go? So the judges show up and I don't even recognize Gail without a crazy pattern. I don't know how somebody couldn't find her a coat with flowers on it or at triangles

that are kind of facing off with each other. You know that Gail probably saw a big foot and they all were ignoring her. She's like, guys, guys, I just asked watch, walking around. Oh, Gail probably saw a big foot and they all were ignoring her. She's like, guys, guys, I just saw Satsquatch walking around. Oh, Gail, she's so inventive that one. Take a rabbit pattern and then you see the real crazy come out. So let's see, do you want to get to where they're eating? First, I want to point out that Padma, I don't know why I wrote this down.

They were saying, uh, they were saying how the, you have to look out because the snow is falling from branches. And Padma's like, I know. That's why I was wearing an umbrella before. I felt so silly. I mean, is this the way Gail feels every single day? I felt so silly. It's like wearing five different patterns at once. You know what I'm saying, Gail. Is that you Gail? I can't tell in that parka. Gail, I think the trees were aiming for you. You ever see lower to the rings the trees throw things at things. I think that's what trees were doing to you gal. Ha ha ha

Oh, Gail is the Lord of the Rings Can somebody please? The local girl please whittle her a comb Please someone help gal SOS Gail I'm alright. I think she just I think she got distracted doing snow angels. That's why her hair so messy bless her heart SOS, G-O-M-R-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I But I still there are so many ingredients on all of these things and I refused to press pause. I know I meet you I only put down the proteins. I was like it was like I got spice duck breast with a shading of Pine cone and and an anchovy Forward Habanero sauce. I don't know so Pam was like how is camping?

And for team is like it was rough. Oh, I know that's what I always say every time Gail drags me to dress barn Rough so you guys are sleeping in one of Gail's outfits. How's that going for you? Gail is time for you to get out of your sleeping bag. Oh, is that your job you're having for today? Never mind Someone take the sticks out of that tent so Gail can wear it home, please. Does anyone have any extra smores asking for a friend? More smores on my right, Gail. Oh, if only you were to run for mayor, you'd have a tagline. If only you were to run for mayor, you'd have a tagline. Small asses, I call them gals.

Hey, does anybody have a dessert called that's enough gale? Anyone? Anyone? Oh, look, Karen made a cake and a pit in the can. Oh, I'll just pass this right out to gale. I'm a circle. So Bruce is like, I'll just pass this right out to Gal. So Bruce is like, I prepared an egg yolk cavatelli. You know, I really want to get back how to how I cook. Possibly tastes like soap or dirt from under my fingernails. Hey, guess what I used? Oh, mandolin for ruches. And then, well, they're finally seasoning food. Wow.

Yeah, but I mean, that's crazy. Adrian made it quail stuffed with mustard greens and libernate and and then Leanne she made a goose confit with I think she made liver sauce again actually. Yes, yeah, there was like a lot of liver sauce going on. I just have to point out that at one point when they were eating the cake, Pat was like, this is the best way to serve this cake. And Tom goes an upside down upside down cake. Wow. Wow.

Yeah. I don't want to sit up. Tom. Did you hear that, Gail? Do you need me to explain it for you? See it's upside down. But we do get right side up. It's sort of a plan where it, Gail? Do you need me to explain it for you? See its upside down, but reading it right side up. It's sort of a plan where it's Gail. Oh, bless her heart. Gail

came in today just so gail. She's like, this pasta, the fact that he cooked it here. In the middle of the wilderness, and Pat was like, close your mouth and you eat Gail. Gail, I'm getting some liver sauce on my sleeves. Could you close your mouth, please, before you read New Yorker's cheek, thank you. Oh my God. Okay, so, Handlebar makes trout.

I've got so many, when it gets to this point in my notes, I'm like, where am I? What am I doing? Why am I here? It's all it's okay. I can all go jump back and forth. They thought Joe by the way, they thought Joseph's, um, they thought his whatever he made, Elk or whatever was a little overcooked.

And because Tom's like, I like it, but it's a little overcooked. And then all the women at the table go me too. Which I don't know why it crashed me out. all the women at the table go me too. Which I don't know why it crashed me out. Because it's from the same fire dumb, dumb. And then two, it's like, I made rabbit three ways, brah. And then Tom's like, whoa, two.

She's stuck to one. Wait for it. Wait for it. No, no one's there. No, no one's there. No, no, no. By the way, so. Right back later.

Chris, Chris, Chris was no, no. By the way, so Chris, Chris, the, who Chris was making Buffalo chili, and like when he was cooking at the night before, he was, he was concerned that it wasn't five star. He's like, I gotta make this five star somehow. So now we finally see what he did. He's like, well, guys, I made some Buffalo chili and to really celebrate the Buffalo,

whatever didn't go into the chili, I grilled and put on a platter with some root vegetables. And they're all like, um, okay. Yeah, that was kind of bizarre. They just added like a side dish of mormit. That was kind of a hot choice. And the guest judge is like, I'm so confused by the blackberry relish thing on

Tonya's dish and Gail's like, I mean, you're really not sure how to eat it all. Pat, I was like, I believe in you, Gail. Hey, Gail, just do what you always do. Just shove it in your mouth and discriminate. Lee. Eat first, think later, am I right, Gail? Oh, look at Gail pretending like she acts giant makes choices. Bless her heart.

So Chris is me to his dry. Let's see. And the last round of dishes, Tom's like, well, my my least favorite dishes are all right here on this table right here. And Pat, because I would like to see to concentrate on garnish is really on the garnish thing. Yeah, she was on the garnish train today. Big garnish train. So swing, judges table. Yeah. She Padma wants more, Padma wants more heat in Chris's chili. She says, I don't know if this is the judges table or not, but this is just new critiques. And she gale, gale starts saying that she really likes Chris's chili and Pam is like

hmm, yeah, but is it enough to save him from the bottom gale She little is as that Like thanks for piping in gale gale So the top three are Bruce Leanne and Carrie because I wrote Bruce Lee and Carrie I was like wow Bruce Lee Bruce Lee is not only back to life. He is winning top chef This is amazing. Well, it's ironic because Carrie at the end of Carrie comes back to life. See? Oh my god You see spoiler alert. Yeah, so Bruce is like I made stuff at the mandolin

It's like okay, please put your guitar away. Yeah, and Carey is like, well, you know, I mean I suffered the indignity of you bringing two more people back to the show and I Made an oven in the snow. I mean it's a snow. It's snow. Snow is not made into an oven But I made it into an oven. I actually baked all of you people cakes So that's what I did. But he is cool. He rolled his pasta on a ridge. That's nice. That's that's sort of cool, I guess. And like, yes, it is cool. Bruce wins. If I'm gonna say, well, your cake did keep my hands warm. So thanks.

Not all of us have a few extra layers of you know what? Like, Gail. Gail's like, that sauce really gotten those ridges that pasta. She's like everything gets in your ridges gal I do always do it to me So Tanya Chris and two were in the bottom and Tom's you know, you know what two do one do one. Still no, still no, no one's gonna laugh. Still no. And Pam goes, how did this challenge go for you? Chris.

He's like, well, you know, Chile, so I made a side dish of beef and you know, I'm like meat two ways. And so bad, bad, is that what you're saying? Cause it's a bad. So two does that thing. know like meet two ways. And so bad. Bad is that what you're saying? Cause it's a bad. So two does that thing. He's like, I know I'm here. I was swarving on the road. I was texting and driving. I'm really sorry. It's like, stop confessing. Stop. I just had three

beers. I didn't think that was drug. Whoa, stop confessing to okay. Well, and Padma asked another classic Padma question. She goes, two, were you happy with the dish? Or are you are you a total moron when you made it or do you have some common sense to know that it was a piece of shit three ways So Tanya did you mean to throw up on a dish and serve it to Gail? She aided anyway shockingly, but and Tanya's like well look I thought the blackberry would be a condiment and then then the mushroom sauce would go with the pharaoh and Padma goes,

you sounds like you really galed it. That's what you do when you come up with a bunch nonsense that makes no sense to anyone. Have you seen her patterns? Bless her heart. She says sweet. She tries. So they talk alone in alone time and she's like, Tanya's dish was so confusing. I need a map to eat that thing. Where was the Blackberry? Are there U-turns over a tuple lane? What did Tuse about texting and driving? And Tom's like, well, Chris's buffalo should have gone the way of the buffalo. See what it's there? Tom is like really gearing out for a tour.

I'm telling you. Yeah. That because to lost the plot, there was no garnish and Gail's like, yeah, you know what? We've always said since season one that one dish is better. Tom's like, yeah, if two was a drag queen, he'd be called misguided. Get it? Still no lots. Anybody? Anybody? I'm laughing, but I'm only laughing at the fact that Gail thought she had something important to say. Oh, bless her heart.

So Tom's like, well, you know, I'm only going to say this once. Two, you're gone. Okay. Three. You're never going to mess with me again. Okay. Thanks. And two before you leave, just remember garnish.

And that brings us to the end of Topshif. Topshif. What a show. What a show, what a show, people. So before we wrap up our full week here, why don't we open up our old Krapins Malabag, shall we? Well, let's do it. Oh Crappens mailbag is when you can ask us questions you just go to patreon.com slash watch for crappens and As long as you support the podcast at the mailbag level or higher

You can you can put you into the mailbag. You're in you did it. You did it Here's a question from Carrie Weatherlow not whether high weather low She says I'd like a retro watch her crap and Bravo flashback for being Bobby Brown RIP Queen Whitney have y'all ever recapped or watch her crap and dance around the wonderfulness of the beat trash reality show ever big love I love that so but I don't remember enough to redo any of it, do you? I have, I mean, that show was great. It was sort of uncomfortable to watch. It was great.

It was sort of before our, it was definitely before our time. It was also at a different kind of time for Bravo, but I do remember an episode where Bobby and Whitney went to, I believe Atlantis and the Bahamas and people kept saying, like saying how Whitney and she was going nuts and they went to a restaurant that was surrounded by fish. It was like a restaurant in Aquarium and she was just, I just remember her being crazy. The only scene I remember from that is the classic where she's constipated.

Yes. And then she's like, well, Bobby, Bobby just put his thumb up my butt and then it all came out. I mean, that's black love. Single-faire. Yeah, that was. That was my favorite from there. I have a funny story about her though because my friend Jessica, Jessica works in retail. And one day she was working and Bobby Christina came in

and she was trying to pay with her mom's credit card. And the manager was like, I'm sorry, Whitney Houston, we're gonna need to have your mom come because you know, it's her card. And so she's like, are you serious? Cause my mom's gonna get mad. And they're like, no, I'm so sorry. You know, you have to have your mom do this.

It's illegal for us to take it. And so she goes, five minutes later, Randall, Whitney Houston, oh, swings open, both of the doors. Ha, ha, ha. Like, you've got glasses on. Her long fur coat, like waving behind her. As she glutt, you know, like glided in. And she's like, what's this about you not taking my credit card? She's like, I almost fell down, Rondole.

Did the matter do that? Attachely to drag Whitney Houston into the store. It was a truly like, no, this is just the policy. I don't know. You never know because stores probably did that all the time. Like, oh, this food delivery is for Whitney Whitney Houston we're gonna need Whitney Houston to come into our car to pick this food up okay it's the only way this is gonna work oh my god Whitney it's you well my significant Whitney Houston story which I probably told before is back several years ago Prince was doing these concerts here in LA he did 21 concerts at the forum. And they became notorious for having many encore sets and also a lot of local celebrities

were show up and he'd bring them up on stage. So when I went, lo and behold, Prince brought up Whitney Houston. It wasn't so much that he brought her. She sort of just went up and climbed the stage as I recall. And it was amazing because the stage was shaped in the print symbol. So you have the curly stuff on one end and then you have the long, it was sort of like that long sort of shaft of his symbol, right? And that sort of created like a runway thing.

So that was sort of like the band was in the curly part and that's where Prince was singing but there was that long area. When he used to come on stage, grabs a mic and struts down that runway to the tip of the print symbol and she just starts singing like, this is my concert now. I'm Whitney Houston and it was just sort of amazing, obviously to see two icons on stage together, but the fact that when you Houston is probably one of the few people who could take the microphone and declare that the print's concert, she didn't declare it, but in so many ways. They had to get it off the stage. They had to kick her off the stage. She wouldn't leave.

No, she left because she had this really bad note and she was like, okay, I'm going to go. They didn't have to like yank her off. She did not stay longer than she was supposed to, but it was just amazing how she's like, I am a global superstar. I have not gone anywhere, people. I am here. And this is my concert now. You have all come here to see me. I was like, that is the way Adiva operates.

Yes, ma'am. And next day, she went into rehab. Yeah, it doesn't make you feel old that everyone we've talked about in this segment is dead. That's so sad. It seems like memories from like 20 years ago when we were youth. Youthful. I know.

At least the people from Hey Paula are still going strong. Why doesn't anyone treat me like the gift that I am? Yeah, Bravo. They had a very brief stint with the celebrity genre that mainly VH1's bread and butter. It was very brief, but very effective. Yes, it will remain in our memories forever, Ben. Let's do one more question. Hava Weber says,

Hava, Hava, Hava, Hava, Hava, Hava, Hava. Could you do a smells like for Shep's house? Also, a smells like for the house where all of his hopefuls will be staying later this season on relationship. Oh, Lord. What does Shep's house smell like? Pickles and feet.

I'm gonna say PBR and THC. I'm gonna say like five day ball sweat and like kind of pee but only in certain spots. I think it smells like wrapping paper and swanson chicken stock from a can. It smells like an expired club sandwich. It was left out for a week and old spice. I feel like chef wears old spice. I feel, yes, he probably does. I feel like it smells like a freshly open can of tennis balls.

It smells like a freshly open can of tennis balls. And also that salami that has like the little circle things in it. Okay, so the circle things, you know, it's like, it's got like, all of the things. Whatever those are, you know, are those like little green olives in there? What is that? I don't, I actually don't know. It just, it's like what it's like,

what it's like, you know, he's still got it on sale somewhere, you know So what is the house that they're staying in in the shop chiller smell like Um It probably smells like rosemary and Pink thinner I think it smells like depression and you know when you spill wine and it doesn't ever go away never really leaves like that like rotten wine. I think it smells like when you wake up from sleep. And wet paper towels.

I think it smells like... Car wash paper towels, not like my paper towels. I think it smells like the pork and apple pie I cooked last night, but only 10 minutes into the cooking and the game stop. I think it smells like the rest of it, Bucky's truck stop. I feel like it smells like the answer room at Bucky's mixed with a bathrobe. I think it smells like when boats have to stop and let their poop out someplace.

And it's like that kind of porta-potty smell on top of the poop. I feel like it smells like the showroom of a place where you'd buy stools and also some pennies. I think it smells like bad breath in orbits. So neutral? Yeah, I don't know. It's like, are you chewing bad breath orbits? Or is that a flavor now? Or is your breath so bad that it's actually taken over the orbits?

I think it smells like five minute milk breath as in. Like you had milk five minutes ago and that way that makes your breath smell like. It's all teens. When you're on a protein diet and then you've done it for a few days and all you have is rotting meat in your system and you have those meat burps like that. Yeah. Smells like carrion and carrion, like the meat and carrion, like what you put on an airplane with meat in the side of it. It's like if you put carrion in your carr on, carry in in your carry on, that's what

smells like. And that brings us to the end of a smells like Yes. That is secretly one of the most stressful segments that we ever do when we do smells like because you have to think of so many things so quickly It's like oh my god. What is it? What's next? What's next? Well that brings us to the end of a week Over here our first week back. What a fun time A. Bean. It was a great great time. It's great back to great great to be back Yes, guys go get your tickets for crap and live at watch what crap and calm pick your city pick your show and

Go get your merch etc etc at watch what crap and calm. We love you guys. Thanks for all the support you give us We will talk to you next week. Yeah, and good luck to everyone who's stuck in the bomb cyclone Bye good luck seriously. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.