Watch What Crappens - Top Chef: Houston, We Have a Padma — Live from Milwaukee

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* Top Chef returned this week, and we were extremely excited to recap it live from the Turner Ballroom in Milwaukee. The episode had everything we wanted: egos, Padma, and terrible culinary choices.Get tix to our live shows: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/10th-anniversary-hunky-dory-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you.

I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you.

I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you.

I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with you. I've been with Hello Milwaukee. Hello Milwaukee. Milwaukee. Milwaukee. Milwaukee. Hello, darling. It's Friday night in Milwaukee. I mean, could you be at a better place? I don't think so.

You guys party, your ass is off here. Yeah, the parties are to go in. Two of my best friends are from here and I cannot keep up with either of those bitches. You guys party your asses off here. Yeah, the parties are to go in. Two of my best friends are from here, and I cannot keep up with either of those bitches. We were on our way here, and the Uber driver, whatever, was like, yeah, you know, I've lived here for a few years.

They drink here. Yeah. He said I love it. I love it. I believe it. I believe it. I believe it. Yeah, we've been having a nice day so far. We landed midday and we walked down to the public market and went to the St. Paul's

Seafood. It was very fun. And as we're walking there, I had this very exciting thing. Tonight, of course, we're going to be recapping the season premiere of Top Chef. Did you mean to show up at our very first ever live Top Chef recap? But then when we're walking around, we realize that one of our favorite taste and nation episodes, which is hosted by Padm Latchme, took place right here in Milwaukee. It's sure to add. Did you guys watch that one? Because you know, taste the nation

for those of you who haven't watched. It's like Padma's own food show. Wish she travels all over the world to say, who did Americans steal this food from? Yeah. But the one in Milwaukee was great. Because first of all, it starts off. If memory serves me correctly

It's just her and the Oscar-Mayer winner, Moby-O, been like oh what sort of car is this? This is nice What is a hotdog and then she goes to how do you play it us singers? Usingers? Usingers Usingers so she right she goes there and she tells the guy. She's like, hey, what's the story behind hot dogs? And he goes, he's like, well, actually, it's a funny story. Wait, I know it.

It was a country fair and someone with the hot dogs worked you hot, so someone held out a button and put it in the bun. That's hot dog. He's like, thanks. OK. A bunch of Americans went to Germany and stole them. Where do burritos come from? The deep questions.

I know. You got to love Padma. And this week, she was on her Instagram just, look at me. I'm being pulled on a wagon. Look at me. I'm being pulled on a wagon. Ha ha ha ha. It's almost as good as an Oscar-Maya Reiner mobile. I just realized as I started to tell you about that, I didn't even put the sound up. Because that's all I do when I look at Padma Instas, I scroll through and stop and go,

oh my god. Look at me, I'm on a wagon. Just say it to myself. I'm just being pulled by some gay in a wagon. Like, great. That's good. I'm off the people. Oh, there was another one I saw of her because I was trying to explain to my niece who Padma was, because since Top Chef is coming back,

I'm walking around the house going, did you mean, I'm doing it all the time? And she's like, why do you keep doing that? And I said, OK, I'm going to show you this woman's Instagram. It's hilarious. The first thing I scrolled to is Pat been going, I love roller skates.

You know how roller skating makes me feel? Oh my god. I can't imagine Pat in the world. Closing. All right, well, welcome to Watch Rock Crappings. Never say that part. The bad guys for all that crap. We just love to talk about on you, bros.

Now, I'm videotaping this. This is why I have two screens up here. It's gonna be a fucking mess, okay? Yeah. You're supposed to look. You press one face. Look, it's me. But I'm like, look, this isn't gonna work. And like, I hit hate you kind of and then look it's you're all the way to the right you guys will see later

You'll see later. I just wanted to explain why I'm pressing teeth It's like the least difficult job in the world and I'm like Ronnie has a little circle around his face that's following him around He looks like he's underwater like the old-fashioned underwater things we walk around the bottom of the thing. Uh-huh. Also, so, because this is the first episode of Top Chef of the season, we have to do our traditional disclaimer.

Oh, yes. Because we know not everyone is current with crap ins Top Chef recaps. So this is an nubs no flakes. We love Gell Simmons. Love her. We think she is wonderful. We think she is smart.

We think she is beautiful. We have no issues with her whatsoever. The Padma bitch. OK, and we all know that Padma is seething under there when she's not talking. So, just know everything mean we say about gal is what we're imagining. Padma's probably saying, it's not what we're saying

and we do not condone anything that we say. It's all horrible. And if Padma ever really said any of this stuff, I would personally, actually I would praise her. I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say,

I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say,

I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, Like we're not even projecting our own feelings onto someone. We're projecting feelings onto someone, onto someone. Yeah. It's like projection by proxy. What would you call that? Who cares? OK.

So we were going through our notes backstage because we've never done this. And normally when we recap this on our own, it's like 10 hours because you're like, and then they had sirloin steak. I do not approve of how they meridated that. Do you like, do you, do you marinate in Ziploc bags or do you do it in like a temper where you can see it?

Absolutely not. I would never do that with a Ziploc bag. That's crazy, Ronnie. Yeah. That's how we normally talk. So we were going backstage trying to see like, how can we edit the stamp? We can't. Okay, it's going to be 10 hours.

So thank you to being here. thank thank you to be 12 hours two bar thing so one of the things that we love about top chef is how seriously the contestants take themselves all the time like remember the one guy who's like I've got a tattoo of mise en plaza my forearm it's got a preparation tattoo. Mm. I got a fork and a knife on my foot. It's always on the forearm. That they always want to put the stupidest tattoo. It's big.

Well, yeah, you want people to see it. It's like how bottoms always get the tramp stamp. Give them something to read. Keep them interested. These shots are like, look at the pan. Look at the pain. Look at the pain. Look at the pain. Look at the pain. Look at the pain. So we start with, we don't know anyone's name yet. We just see one lady and she's like the curly haired. We later find out it's Evelyn from Houston.

And she's like, she's doing slow motion things and she's like, people think it's glamorous being a chef chef but it's not all pretty all the time. Nobody thinks it's not a freshman. Literally nobody. We've seen down Abby. We've seen Mrs. Padmore. That's not glamour. We've seen Ina. Okay. Ina lives in a big mansion. She's richest. Fuck, it still looks hard. I mean, I saw her making cookies the other day and she was like, oh. That's like the heaviest fan of all time she asked to use. If you go to the food network,

there's nothing on that network that speaks of glamour. I'll tell you that much. No one thinks it's glamorous. So then the big guy who we later learn is Robert, but he's the gay. Oh, Robert. Robert stands over there. Robert's already got some stands. Oh, Robert fans.

And I can understand why because he starts the episode by pulling pasta sheets out of the kitchen aid. Always with you. So he's like, I think for a long time, we undervalued our cooks, and we still have a lot of work to do, but we'll get there. And then he gives us like tough, but sad look to the camera like, like, value me, value me. We get their arms. We're gonna get their arms, you know? And then I liked, I liked this one personally. So the next one is a woman that we find out later is Sarah.

And she sort of like, she sort of talks like this a little bit, but she goes, I like to see the tides are changing, and I think they are because of a younger generation of chefs putting their foot down. And then it cuts to like someone with a cleaver just slicing a watermelon. It was her like, ugh! She's cutting it out.

She's like chopping the watermelon. Really showed that watermelon. Take that! Take that, change your attitude, watermelon. So the theme of this year's top chef, and I don't know when any, but when we started peddling this ideas, the chefs are the real victims in the world.

I mean, that's the opening. They're like, oh my God, chefs are going to finally get respect. I just paid $35 for a piece of fucking salmon. You are not undervalued. OK. Fuckers. So then it like sort of segues into like not quite a trail or not quite open in Crayas, but kind of like a montage

of things and it starts where he's he's hum click is sitting there and his hat just blows away. Oh, it's like my hat just blew away. Just Tom has really leaned into hats lately. Oh yeah, that's true. He's in a fedora. The fast few years, yeah, he's been in his like Kyle Richards phase of hats. It's like he just realized he's bald, you know?

Yeah. Like he's gonna do any spells on us. Oh, you steamy nicks now. Like what's going on, Tom? Spells. So we get a pad, you know, I love the padma monologue every week. I've noticed something new. So this is this year's.

Top chef is back. That's so are my bangs. 15 talented chefs in the country have traveled to one of the most diverse cities in the nation. And then one of the chefs goes, the chef's cause, the dude helped me get my green card. He's like, ah. Each week will be joined by a top chef guest star, as well as a local or national culinary icon, and gal. That's what I'm saying. She says national or culinary icon. Like she doesn't want to commit to them actually being culinary, you know. Close pins, how iconic.

What do you think, close pin? So then while she's doing this, they show Padma enjoying her guest chefs and she's doing, except how it has a few moves. She does the, you're so famous. And then she does the, hmm, hmm, hmm. Like, she's really enjoying the very sexily of her TV. And so, she mixes both of them, so she's like,

hmm, hmm, hmm. It's like, adding her head and rubbing her stomach. Have you heard of hot dogs? So she's like, oh, so then we see some of the icons and one of the guys, because it's Texas, you know, so it's like, and now at the IBCU challenge, you know, so one of the guys is like, this barbecue could have been better, which, I mean, you say it every barbecue place, right? And then this older Texel-Sledigas, we love kigsaw!

Yeah. And then she shrugs. She's like, who's K-so? I saw a little... I saw a little video preview, you know, where the sh- not the chefs, the judges, who are chefs, I guess, are talking really deeply about the season, like, very actor studio, you know, so this season's going to be so different

because dot, dot, dot, and Pat and I was like, the thing that's so great is that this time I have company in the quick fires. She seems so pissed. You know what happened? It's like, excuse me, I guess every single week. Wow, thanks. At stake for the winner, a spatula, $5. A case of buble.

A spot to carry my bags at the Aspen Food and Wine Festival. And the honor of knowing me, Padma Lakshmi, good friend of Alley Wann. So then we wind up in the quick fire kitchen and Padma standing there with Don, who is one of the finalists from last season. I think everyone loved Don. I loved Don personally. And so the chefs come filing in and Padma standing there, just like so ready to torture them for many weeks, like mentally torture them, just everything,

throw bell peppers at them, whatever she can do, she's so ready. So she's like, hello, chefs. Welcome to Houston and season 19 of Top Chef. And then it just cuts to this woman Stephanie from North Dakota, who I think is like way out of Top Chef. And then it just cuts to this woman, Stephanie, from North Dakota, who I think is like way out of her league. Poor girl, I mean. Blaster heart.

She's like walking into the Top Chef kitchen. It's like a dream. I mean, I'm having an outer body experience. I mean, they have electricity here. Stephanie, while you're outside your body, tell your worldly body that her nude bra is showing from under your white strap shirt. I'm not a big bra shamer, but even I was like, No, that was good. Lean into it. Lean in. It's like, you know you're on TV, right?

So then Evelyn Garcia from the beginning, from Texas. She's like, I see Padma, but that knife challenge makes me think it's a team challenge. Like, yeah, well, you've seen the show before. And she's like, you know what, being from Houston, that's definitely an advantage. Yeah, because a second, you know, like something you can run and get your damn gun.

I wouldn't fuck with anybody in this season either. I'm from there. This is not a state you wanna fuck with your neighbors. No. The Amazon guy doesn't even come all the way to the door. He kinda like tosses it to the door and just like backs away from the ring. Like chefs, take a look around.

You're all not famous. Standing among you is an incredible collection of talented chefs all here to compete for the grand prize of 250,000 minutes of boost mobile wireless. Furnished by San Palagrino and our good friends at the Tulantii family of Tulantii products. All for that title of Top Unfamous Person. You all represent a range of cuisines from Asian to French to Apprelation. No. Apprelation.

Apprelation. Apprelation. Apprelation. Apprelation. Apprelation. Apprelation. Wow. Wow.

That was fun. I love inventing new things. I'm the editor. It's like the editor is new. We were going to fuck that out because she goes to affolation. And it goes. Pfft. Pfft.

Ooh. But it was with banjo instead. So then, now my favorite, my new favorite thing that they've started during the past few years is when Padma does. It's not like a popularity contest, but it's like shaming the people who are just from like normal restaurants, because she does the like,

huh, I think we have some James Beard nominees here, don't we? Oh yeah. Raise your hand if you have a James Beard nominee. Oh, she has one. Oh my God. Who else? Who else is, no? Oh, losers.

Except it's top chef, so like everybody has one, you know? Oh my god. Who else? Who else is, no? Oh, losers. Accept its top chef so everybody has one, you know? She's like, all right. No offense. So she's like, maybe who has one. OK, thank you. So you never know. You never know.

You never know. Here I am about to rag on James Beard for a solid five hours. She's like, all right, everyone with the James Beard award raise your hand. Not you, cameraman, all right? The best new snow cone gourmet chef and the southernmost part of the northern south, you can also hold a camera nomination, doesn't count here.

Right. Now, raise your hand if you've ever worked in a Michelin star kitchen. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! That's almost as many times a day I tried to tell Gail that there are more stores in the world

than a raw stress for less. Oh, she's coming. Gail's coming. So, tomorrow Brown is one of the chefs we meet, and he is the chef de cuisine at Virtue Restaurant in South Chicago. Yeah. Scattered applause for Virtue restaurants. And I'm sure it's delicious. Yes. But I'm not going to compliment a restaurant called Virtue.

I won't do it. Virtue does not make you hungry. Sin makes you ask hungry. OK. It's literally one of the sins, gluttony. So then, I'm favorite. Padma's feeling a little upset because she thought she was going to be able to shame some

people who didn't work in Michelin's star restaurants, but they all do. So she's like, huh, how can I make them all feel bad? Oh, I know. Hey, there's someone here who worked at the best restaurant in the whole entire world. Who is it? And then this douchebag from Sons of Anarchy or Vikings, he's like, oh yeah, that was me. We're to Noma for eight and a half years. Coachak, yeah, it's pretty cool.

That's not the best restaurant in the world. Didn't use to be like an Applebee's or something. No, I never heard of Noma. That's not in the world. There needs to be like an Applebee's or something. No, I've never heard of Noma. That's not in the mall. I can tell you that right now. Noma Express. Yeah. So looks like we have some competition in the kitchen.

Hope you're ready, because this challenge is a silent killer. It's a no fart challenge. Who says that? We're all going to be farting on gal. Come on, kids. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world,

listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So guess what? Evelyn was totally right. They have to draw knives, guys. It's like the check-ups gun of Top Chef. Yeah, shocking. So they pulled knives and they all have like one, two, three on them

and they have to all get into teams that say, there has to be a one and two and a three. Guys, in case anyone's really concerned about the procedure. So we meet this guy named Jackson and he's just kind of like this really tall, like kind of dopey white guy, you know, kind of looks around like this. And he tells us, you know what I was hoping that it wouldn't be a team challenge. I mean, this sucks. I had COVID a month ago. I mean, everything was fine with it, but then I lost my sense of smell and my sense of taste. And he goes, I don't want to chown, you buddy, though, does that make me dick? I mean, yeah, it also makes you someone who's gonna lose a fart challenge.

Today's challenge is just like a truss fall, which reminds me if you see Gales learn to fall over, run! You know, the game where someone falls on you and then you catch them with your hands and their armpits. Mmm, delicious! You'll have 30 minutes to incorporate all of your cooking styles into one dish. Each team member will have 10 minutes. You'll have to treat them like I treat non-famous guest judges when the camera's on top. Don't speak to them. And get out of my face after 10 minutes. Enjoy your challenge on your non-cushiony floor. Did you guys notice that Padma has one of those really amazing basics. Yeah.

The gel thing that you wash dishes on, so your feet don't hurt. I'm going to have my whole fucking house done in that. That stuff is the best stuff. Fabian's like, I can't just stand in the challenge. I need a gel mat. So then Don tells them that they all have to make a dish that says something like, they're a contribution to say something about who they are.

I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm like literally laughing at Ronnie's. This show is so funny to me. So Don goes, Don goes, each of you adds something unique to the world and that's what we want you to add to your dish. Wow, Don! Do we have this kind of guest nobody brilliance to look forward to every week during the Gus Challenge? Okay, everyone who has a one-knife stand over there, and everyone who has a two-knife stand over there, and everyone who has a three-knife stand over there, and everyone who's friends tune I've stand over there and everyone who has a three Knife stand over there and everyone whose friends with Lena Wath stand over there. Oh just me. Oh,

Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh, sorry. Thankfully because there's only one gel mat. Hold on, I'm getting a phone call. Let's see. Oh, it's my dear friend, Lena Weith. Hi, Lena. Yes, we can get you a gel match. Don't tell, don. Okay, see you soon. Bye.

It was no one. So Sarah, who's a lady who's like, Jeff's are going to get respect, and then she like chop the watermelon. Okay. That lady, she's like, you know, I'm on the fly. I'm just that kind of chef, okay? Like, I look at every challenge and I go,

that's a choose your own adventure challenge. And I'm the game master. You did not choose this adventure. This adventure was just handed to you. Game master, what? Watermelon. Watermelon spray. Also, I don't want to be told that like, you're cooking on the quickfire is a choose to own adventure.

My memory serves me correctly every time I did choose your own adventure. It's always like, and you die. Yes, yes. The end starts every time. It's literally like the Padma locked me a book. It's like, oh, this story is over. Bye. Do you want to make a left in this cave a right ghost stray?

You're dead. Oops, you got bit by a scorpion, stupid. Bye. So Leah Giacone is this lady, like she's the glasses lady. And I say that, I'm born glasses forever. Well, I don't know. I got lazy at cookers. So I'm not glasses shaming, but you know,

like when glasses is like your personality, it's like, I've got so many, like these glasses match my outfit. You know, she's like that lady. And so she's setting up a bunch of stuff because everyone's rushing around the kitchen. She's like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna set things up so that my team

can know what I'm thinking. I was like, so you're the lady from Hello Fresh, you just put shit on the counter. Because you know, I don't read those instructions either. I just unwrap the box and just throw it all in the pan and somehow don't die of food poisoning, you know? And I'd like to also point out that while they're also prepping everything, Sarah, who is like, oh, this is like a choose your own adventure for me.

She's like, I'm choosing two proteins, scallops and pork. What sort of choose your own adventure is that? You're dead. The great scallop in pork adventure. So then, um, and on the yellow team, this girl, Jo Chan was like, yes, I'm going to do salsa verde because one time I made it for Jonathan Waxman. And it worked. Yeah.

Did Balloon get anyone you know their green card? Because I think that's a bigger name drop so far, ma'am I don't need to slice a watermelon to get my respect around here So then yeah, so she's very much all about the salsa Verde She keeps talking she's making it and they're watching her mayor and they're like oh, I think she's making salsa Verde Or it should be sure you're something like that. So then I'm only saying that because later on it comes back. And so then Padma's like, time to switch. Choose, go in, warns, come out, and someone fish gal out of the trough of chocolate I found

her in. For girls not even on this show yet, we're just dragging her through the, so Robert who's the big gay who needed to be like at the beginning, is like the last time I worked in the kitchen was in 2019, and I might be a little rusty, but I always work really fast. I was like, this fucker's gonna drop something. I know. I know. I know. Always, when they're like, I'm so good at speed. It's like boom, I'm gonna drop the whole thing. And then Evelyn, Evelyn. She's, so the one who was up before her has started,

I think it was maybe Jamar had set up some corn to go in the skillet. And she sees the corn, she goes, I don't understand the corn. I'm like, it's corn. Skillet, cook. Put some butter on that, shit. Butter, it's a little. It'll always work out perfectly with corn.

So then Sam King. So he says, OK, so clown music. And we introduced to this guy, Sam, who just starts walking around the kitchen. Everyone's running, you know? I'm the fastest. And Sam's like, and his team's watching him kind of freaking out. And he goes, listen, I'm not gonna run around like everyone else.

You can taste crazy. You can also taste raw. Yeah, you can also taste uncooked, bam. So then Monique, this woman Monique, so Monique goes after Joe. And so this is Joe who is making the Sal Severity. All the Sal Severity talk. Monique gets there, she sees this chimichurri,

and she goes, I think what Joe is telling me is that she wants me to cook this steak with chimichurri. It's like, what gave you that idea? Was it the steak and the chimichurri right there? That wasn't my point, because the whole dish, the whole dish was just a steak and then the sauce. Oh. When do I should put the sauce on the steak?

I got a funny feeling that I should use the sauce with the steak. This is so shocking that this rubber just drops his shit. Just drops it. He drops the sucka-tash. He's like, my sucka-tash is on the floor. Very top-shuff quote. So I had to do something with the meat.

So I put the meat under the grill so that it kind of stays warm. He hit the meat. He hit it. Which is hard enough to even see, right? Yeah. But his partner, Robert, can't even smell, okay? Yeah.

I mean, they're fucked. They're fucked. He's really like, I knocked over the suck attached. So at least we have this protein. Let me put it in a strange desk drawer I found. That's not even supposed to be there So then he puts it there and then Luke Who's not Luke from summer house, but Luke the Viking the best restaurant?

Yeah, from the best restaurant from the best restaurant in the world Can you take over the station? So he's standing in front of the drawers? This guy can't even see the drawer if you want to do Well, didn't you put it, Jackson, okay, so big dumb Jackson, right? His partner is on. His grandma's on. Yeah. So he's like, hmm, and he goes to the wrong station,

first of all, okay. He's been watching all of the people before him, he goes to the wrong station, and he's like, is this your meat? He has somebody, is this yours? And they're like, yeah, this is my meat and my station. Like, why weren't you watching Robert? He was right before you. Keep your eyes on him.

I mean, Jackson. I don't know. My beauty couldn't turn away. So now, he starts making eggplant. I'm sorry, Robert. Okay, Robert, who put the meat there in the first place, he goes, the meat is under the grill. And so I'm trying to stare at him.

And I'm hoping he can read my eyes. And you see Robert and he's gone like this It's completely blank Someone just shops some watermelon so I want respect so then so Luke's whole thing So we worked atoma, and he's all high on his hog because of it. And he starts talking about like as the third chef, you know, like you want to have your touch on, but you can't do too little, because you'll just be serving and eating.

I'm from Noma. Noma, yeah, I gotta be heard. So then... I can't put what I know from Noma into the time challenge. What? Do you know what they're making? Stir fry. Yeah. That's what his team is making.

He's like, how do I put my wisdom into this stir fry? He's trying to turn his stir fry into a film or something. So then, then we meet Buddha. So now we meet Buddha, who has an Australian accent, which is fun, because we always love what's showing an Australian accent. Oh, yeah. And he's like, all I worked in France

when all I worked in France when I was 17 years old, and I couldn't speak any French at all. And sometimes the best communication is in communicating at all. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Yes. He agrees. Talking is a terrible form of communication. I've always agreed. I will stay single until I just meet somebody mute. Like, I don't wanna hear it, okay? I talk. You don't talk.

I don't even care if you don't listen. Just don't talk, okay. And so, yeah. He's like, when you see something dosed, you know what it has to be dosed. I'm like, okay. So then, then we meet, then we see Nick.

So Nick, he is at the station that's doing like, I think corn and something else, shallots or whatever. And he goes, you know what? I see shallots, I see brussel sprouts. Mississippi is bold. Mississippi is flavorful. I was like, yeah, I me a sippy right now.

What are you talking about? Yeah. So then Luke is the, the, the no my guy. He's running around the kitchen. Now Sam, Sam's the guy who was just walking around like, yeah, the slow walker. Sam's supposed to Jackson who is the goofy walker. Right. So Sam who is just just like literally sluck tiptoeing

around the kitchen goes, wow, he's really cutting it close. Uh, yeah. He's got a lot of ground to cover, Sam. But also, like, Luke is running around but doing nothing. He's just like running from the fridge to the table and like knocky things over,

but not actually cooking, it seems like. That's how you cook. Five, four, three, two, one. Times up, utensils down, hands up, Viking. So the brown team is up first. Now this is Jack Bigdum Jackson's team, okay? So Jackson presents and he's like, well, I made Cole Roasted Eggplant with,

I mean, I think I believe it's a macadamia ramesco and maybe like a serrano creme for, I don't know. I see colors and chunks, that's all I know. It has a really smoky, but perhaps sweet, but also maybe perhaps sour, but generally savory, but maybe bitter, finish. I think you'll really enjoy it. And Sarah, the watermelon chopper, right?

Yeah. So Sarah, the watermelon chopper is like, it was macadamia nut sauce to serve with the pork and the scallops that I pulled. And Pam goes, there are no scallops here or pork. Those words are ridiculous to be in the same sentence in the first place, but now I have to say them in another sentence, scallop and, absent. So, Robert is like, yeah, well, I noticed she had corn, so I started to suck a dash, and then I grilled pork, so I don't think anything I made it to the plate. And Don, Don's learning, she just does this.

Just cocks her head to the right. That was good, Don. That was good. So Jackson's like, sorry about that. I was looking for it. I mean, I was looking for the meat. And Sarah goes, it was under the grill, but it was at your station. He's like, oh!

And then he goes, I'm sure it was great. I then Padma does her first rhetorical question of the season. You didn't see the park. God damn it, I've got a bunch of idiots this year. So then the red team, I don't know, I don't know, red team, who knows? Invention that. There's a team that says, Leah Stephanie and Leah Stephanie and another person.

Oh, okay, another person. So, there's looks gross. It's like chickens, it looks like boiled chicken over some corn. It looks like bones, but it was meat. It was weird. Because it was sliced. You know, when you buy the pre-cooked grilled chicken in the plastic bag, and then it's like, because it was sliced. You know, like when you buy the pre-cooked grilled chicken in the plastic bag, and then it's like,

it's already grilled, you don't have to do shit. And you pull it out, and it's already cut into those weird fingers. They look like actual chicken fingers, you know, like those things. Ugh. So you know a lot of this. Like disgusting.

So you know it's a bad dish, because Padma turns into like the principal. Like she's got like the three people from recess and brought them into our office and she goes, who cooked the pork? And don't say, so this pork did you use oil in the pork? And Stephanie, who is the one with the bra straps. Okay, Stephanie. Just bra straps. Stephanie's like, I believe there was a little oil in the marinade and Don goes, was there

oil in the marinade? And then glasses is like, did not put oil in the marinade. I set things on the counter. Anyway, did you guys see the things I set on the counter? I win the counter challenge. Thank you. Don, I got this one. Did you mean to forget the oil in the marinade? So then, oh, this is democracy.

Green tea, mick-evolon in tomorrow. So I didn't even write anything down to them. You didn't have to, because it literally goes, and we have a New York strip state with cream corn and charred Brussels sprouts. It's great, yellow team. It just goes on. We just don't even hear.

Thank you. That was the one that looked the best to me, too. Oh, well, maybe you don't concentrate on the positive. This is television. So now it's the yellow team. Buddha's like shaking. You know? And he's like, we made some barbecue beef.

And a sauce of it. He's salad. But a sauce and I did it in the technical French technique. If you need to tell me that, sir, take your food away from me. Here's a delicious meal cooked in the traditional French. Get out, be back. And he goes, he's like pouring his like, I'm sorry, I got the shakes.

Oh, it's just like gal, when she has had had a milkshake in three days. Bless her heart. Don't worry, Buddha, I'm used to people being nervous. Go ahead. So then Joe comes and she goes, Don't worry, Buddha. I'm used to people being nervous. Go ahead. So then Joe comes and she goes, I'm a Texas chef, so it's a great time for produce. I think this was filmed in the spring. It's like literally a good time for produce everywhere, but thanks for the Texas show. But also like, if she weren't to Texas chef, would it no longer be a good time for produce?

Well, yes, I mean... Did you look out the windows of the plane? So now we go to the blue team. Not always a good time for produce, okay? So now we go to the blue team. And Luke is like, sorry guys, and he just brings empty plates. And he just know, we're just like all bracing like, oh here it comes, here it comes.

I know, and you know I was dying to see a stir fry. But he didn't, and he goes, guys, I'm really sorry. I just focused too much on trying to put my own spin onto this stir fry. I was trying to do a coriander paste. That's fucking coriander and some olive oil, sir. What the hell, right? There are chefs over there, right?

Are you guys chefs over there? Oh, we do have a chef. Oh, you see how I can hear you laughter. Your laughter is like about to throw a pan at my head. No, I'm just kidding. But I can hear you. I can hear your watermelons being chopped over there. Like they will...

I can tell you there's a chef over there. Call me. Call me, love you. So, um, yes. So they, so basically, yes, okay, thank you. Baby Gordes. So, um, let's see. So anyway, so the point is this, they serve empty plates to Padma and she's not happy at all.

So she just dismisses them. She goes, okay, that'll be all. And Don goes, you should all be proud of yourselves. And Padma just looks at her like, amateur. Well, so Don tries to do this thing. She goes, guys, please let that be a period in your paragraph moment and pick yourselves up in the next challenge. Pat, I was like, they're losers, stop it. Periods and paragraphs. I was one who's marriage with novelist for growing out loud.

Yeah. So, Pat, me go, so dawn, which team fell a little Tom Coleako, I'm sorry, short. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the fuck is losing time gonna help me. And so she says, and the red team, the pork was just really dry and at lack seasoning and the flavor and Pam goes, that pork was so overcooked. Time for the good news. You can follow me on Instagram. So they like the yellow team,

the steak was beautiful. Dawn loved the brown team, the steak was beautiful. Don loved the brown team, which was Jackson, big dumb jacks in, because he and Jackson, at the beginning I was like big dumb jacks in his gone soon, because he just seems like a dumbass. But he actually pulled through, he made the grilled, the charred eggplant, they ended up kind of winning this challenge, right?

Yeah, actually. And Padmink goes, I didn't even mind that it was a vegetarian dish. Stupid. I love when they just hate on vegetarianism. Anthony Bourdain bless you, RIP. I remember when he would be a guest on these shows, and he's like, that's vegan. Whoa, whoa, disgusting, get out, fuck you, by the way. Ah!

So now with the quick fire done, so yell team one and now Padmasegue is us in the next part, which goes, all right, who's ready to get to the meat of the challenge? Ha, ha, ha, that was a joke. I learned it from my dear friend, Ali Wong. We know comedy. Now please welcome all star guests, Kristen Kish. You might know her from Top Chef, Top Chef again, Top Chef Kids, Top Chef Amateurs, Top Chef

All-Scared, I love roller skating! Top Chef Candy Corn, Top Chef Tobler's coming soon. And also Tom's here, hi Tom. Oh Tom, for a moment I thought you were a Lllipop vendor. Didn't recognize who that hat on. Hey, chefs. Hey, chefs. Hey, chefs. It's great to see you. And Leah's like, I, just glasses, so get her personality ready.

I have watched these people on Top Chef for many years, and it's a moment, but like you know when you feel like you're about to get punched. Yeah, like when you try to take away a Charleston chew from gal. LAUGHTER Chefs, you know what we're gonna need for you today? Chefs, you're gonna need to test your limits and you know what?

You're gonna get through it and you're gonna be better off for it. Or you're gonna need to test your limits. And you know what? You're gonna get through it, and you're gonna be better off for it. Or, you're gonna drop out. Because, you know, you can't take it, then you're gonna embarrass your father by becoming something called a mixologist. I don't even know what that is. What is that?

What is that? You know? You're gonna rise the challenge, or you're gonna become a mixologist. You know, it's just what it is. And traumatized forever. Yep, yep, yep. I've got great news, especially for team blank plate.

You get to keep the same teams for the next challenge. You're like, oh. Congrats ahead of time for losing blue plates, blank plates, whatever. So, Tom, Tom's their next challenge is that they all have to create a dish, three cohesive dishes that highlight beef. There are 15 chefs.

These chefs at the end, I mean, this is as bad as watching trot when they're like cat poop, decoration, tuna fish, or whatever. They got to eat 15 versions of beef. And you know at least 14 of them are nasty. You just know that they are. Yeah. So tomorrow, you'll have two and a half hours to cook and prepare at the Annie Cafe before service begins.

And as we all know, the Annie Cafe was where at the seminal musical Annie was written. No? No? Oh, it's just called Annie. But we've still got a really tiny version of Daddy Warbucks here anyway, don't we, Tom? Ha, ha, ha, ha? No, you're actually a...

Tom, Doc, why are you following me? Where is Gail? Why isn't she on yet? So they all have to pick different cuts of beef. I will spare you the details. Well no, I like widow. I enjoy it how Padma explained it. She goes, okay, because I'm real in Tom and Kristen

and real in this giant platter of huge cuts of meat. And so Padma tells the rules. She goes, yeah, no team, you get to choose first. Because you won, losers. You get to choose, you choose to meet. And then you get to choose the team that picks after you. And then so on. Get it. get it.

So yeah, so there. I'm so excited. Yeah. It's very complicated. Get it. Get it. So all the three chefs on each team have to make their own dish, but they

have to go with the other dishes on their team. OK? So it's very loose in the first place. So I mean, what's the connecting factor here? They all try to come up with different answers. It's fucking beef, that's your connecting point. Okay. So Kristen, Kristen is like, well, I remember on my season where it was a group challenge,

but we all had to make the same dish. I mean, this is a luxury to be able to make all your own dishes and just tie them together. Oh, the old one. When I did it, it was hard. Kristen, you were on here like a few years ago. Okay. It's not like you didn't have an iPhone growing up. Also, me.

Now, that was rough. When I was your age, I didn't even have an iPhone. Do you know how hard it was to have sex with myself? In the 90s? I had to use my imagination. It's very hard. Very hard. Or hopefully hard.

So thanks, Kristen, for that bit of inspiration, like a guilt trip inspiration. Like, you better be appreciative of this challenge. Well, Kristen's for that bit of inspiration, like a guilt trip inspiration. Like, you better be appreciative of this challenge. Well, Kristen's had a lot of practice because she is on, I mean, every top chef's been off. There's been one, right, this year. Like top chef amateurs could watch it, terrible. But she was on there a lot

because they bring all the old chefs, the, not old, I shouldn't say. Previous chefs. Previous chefs. Previously on chefs. So, chefs. Previously on chefs. So Christians, right? Yeah. On top chef previously.

At stake, nothing, because no one cares about the other top chefs. But Christians like practice, and she's ready to rip a new asshole to everybody here. And I like it. So, okay, let's see. So they start breaking the teams. They're starting to like plan out menus and everything.

One team's gonna do like a peppercorn tasting and another like, Buddha wants to do a spotted dick dessert, you know, with a, oh my gosh. It might sound crazy. I mean, the kids are crazy. But we have this dish where I come from called spotted dick. And one of the ladies goes, how do you spell that?

T-O-M-C-O-L. What? Oh, sorry. It's delicious. It's got fruits and beef fat. It's like, mmm, good. So then we go over to the red team, and I knew they were in trouble when they had this discussion Okay, cuz Leah is like they're all trying to figure out what they're gonna do and Bless their hearts. So there's this lady Jay and she's she's very sweet She's she's Korean and she wants to a Korean dish and she says oh, I want to do a rice dish

That's kind of a soup and Leah goes okay, so it's a soup with, and she goes, rice. And then Stephanie, Stephanie goes, yeah, and I would like to do a pasta. And Leah goes, so more of like a wanton, she's like a pasta. She goes, no, like, graviole. Okay, so you wanna make a salad, a pasta. So Leah's like, oh, I think that that sounds a little separated from the other dishes that

we're doing, and Stephanie's like, oh, okay, well, I could definitely use bok choy in the pasta. So then Stephanie tells us, growing up in North Dakota, I was like incredibly rural. Everyone has a farm or like a ranch. We had steak and potatoes. I want to represent that. But like, now I have to like put a spin on it with this Asian flair.

I was like, this is top chef man, not top potato. I know. OK. It used to it. That's her every week. That's her the next two weeks she's still on this show. I know. She's gonna be like, what? What?

You know, it's about time that steak and potatoes was acknowledged as an important food movement. It doesn't get enough menus. It's not enough people's repertoire. I'm glad she's standing up for steak and potatoes. That's a cool trend. Hopefully someone's gonna change it for steak and potatoes this year.

Hopefully one of those young chefs willing to put their foot down. So I want someone to be really bold and get into water. Okay, okay, settle down, whoever's down there. Quiet, otherwise Pavons can have to shake it out of here. We're not dissing, we're not dissing staking potatoes. We're saying everyone has staking potatoes.

Every goddamn day, man. It's not only Milwaukee, it's America. We love our staking potatoes. Hello, look at me. I'm a walking potato. What is staking? So, let's see here. Oh, so, lady.

You've got me defensive about potatoes already. That's kidding. Okay, so, um, Whole Foods Shopping Time, so Robert, Robert, the big serious guy who dropped his suck attached, is like, my style is simple, it's rustic, so I'm making yokey, because I worked in a Michelin star, I worked in a Michelin star restaurant, but it wasn't mine. And I don't wanna be in any wooden shadow. Like whoa, you gotta own the restaurant

to have you take credit for the Michelin star. I'll eat at a Michelin star restaurant and take credit for that shit for a month. He's like, at my restaurant, we'll be throwing corn on the floor and hiding meat in desks. Right. So then, the plight of poor Stephanie. She's like, I really want to bring out my love for Italian food, but my team wants to go

through the Asian round. So I'm making seared-top round roast with sweet potato puree and braised bok choy. The bok choy will solve everything. But here's the other thing, the whole challenge is beef. Yeah, but also like- You got what you wanted. Yeah, and also she's like, I want you some steak and potatoes,

but I want to celebrate my Italian roots, but also my steak and potatoes, but I'm gonna put bok choy in it. Definitely. So let's see, blah, blah, blah. Top chef knows who are real bitch. Okay, every time I even look away, am I gonna wear them? Oh my God, where am I?

What's happening? Oh, I'll tell you where we're at. Leah's got a bladder infection. Or Leah, I mean, this is just not going well for Leah, okay? And she's like, I really don't want it to get in my way. Ring, ring, hold on. Hi, oh, hi, production. What?

Someone has a bladder infection? Are they famous? Do they write any books? Do they have any Netflix specials? Shoot them like a sick horse. Bye So then they all go to their apartment I'm like oh my god guys we're a team. We're all on top of shit Which is hilarious because unlike two weeks are gonna be like fuck that bitch, you know, yeah

But then the brown team who's like big dumb Jackson. So they all sit and they're like let's plan things with serious ones. I thought for sure they had Jackson. They didn't have to they have sucka-tash guy. No, that was a different team. But I thought for sure. it's Robert, Jackson, and Sarah, the watermelon. sucka-tash. Yeah, of course, sucka-tash and hidden meat. I was like, these guys are gonna be terrible.

And they're not socializing with the rest of the group. They're done. I was like, they're fucked. So then, Leah's like, oh, my bladder infection. So then, so then at the next morning, and she wakes up, and she had like 101 degree fever. And this is like, I love this, when the shops on the show get really serious about it. And she's like, out of 101 fever.

But you know what? I know how to be strong in moments when I need to be strong. So I'm gonna be strong and make a summer roll today. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, a fourth thing when you're blotter. But can I also say something about temperature in general? OK, so you know COVID, right?

So we all have this COVID shit at our house, like masks. Well, I mean, we have those everywhere. But temperature things, OK, so you know the little temperature thing that you put kind of by your forehead. And it's like, bloop. Thermal burn. Yeah. But.

Go on. I thought there was a special name for the new fangled ones. Hold on, let me call Alie Wann. You gotta listen to this. Okay, thermometer, a new fangled thermometer. We didn't have those when we were kids. Your dad stuck his finger up your button just prayed. We're, I don't know where that came from. That did not happen. Anybody taking this little literally did not. So I got one of those things, right? Because I was like, Oh my God, we're going to be traveling and Ben, you know, I've been

wears off on me because Ben's like, do I have COVID right now? So I literally think I've COVID five times a day. Yeah. I'm like, fuck it. I probably have it right now. It's like, you should go get tested. I'm like, I don't care. You know.

So we're different in that way. But I got one of those things. And so you know the first couple of days, I'm like, oh, bloop. My temperature is a 96. That's not normal, is it? No, mine, I'm not as... I'm always at 97.6.

I'm like a cool radio station. But aren't you supposed to be like a 98.2 or something? They flipped the format on that station. 97.6 is where all the current hits are. That's my attempt. My radio station is like, welcome to 96.0, where you're dead inside,

but you're still sweating all the time in public. Classic rock. So, so now we're finally at Annie's Cafe, and they're all cooking, and we know it's funny, there was like a lot of build build up about the butchering. I was so ready to see them all just fuck up all of them

because they were like, oh, I better not mess this up. I am a butcher shop. Well, meat's kind of my thing. I better not fuck them. They're all talking about butchering. And they're funny. You don't see me thing. They're funny.

They're like, you have to butcher your own meat. Basically, you're a girl soccer team that's just crashed somewhere on showtime. I learned to break down that dear yellow jacket's bitch, but it's not. They're just like, boah, kaka mama me. Yeah, it was very anti-climactic, very, very anti-climactic. So they're all butchering, they're trying to cook. Buddha's got his spotted dick meat. Go ahead, it's beef fat going.

And so then, tomorrow, he's the one with Virtue Restaurant. Woo! So, tomorrow is like, listen, we're supposed to use all of the product. So, I'm going to sear my beef, and then I'm going to render the fat of the beef to use on my mushrooms, which I was like, sounds delicious, you know? Like, put some fruit in it.

Sounds like a dessert at this point. Sounds great. And then Jay, this was notable for me, because Jay was saying how when she was in college, she would watch Top Chef in her dorm room, like every single day, and she would just like say, like, one day, one day I'm gonna be on the show, and then when she got on the show,

she said, my parents are like, very proud of me. And I was like, you're not a good chef, your parents are proud of you. Ah! You're not good. If you're gonna be on top chef, you have to spend senior year of high school in a gutter. Your parents can't approve of you

and you have to have a tattoo. And I see none of those things, Jay. Bye. You need a kid somewhere. This somewhere, you know? Oh yeah, a kid that you can call. That need a kid somewhere, this somewhere. Oh, yeah, I kid that you can call. That's a top chef. That's a top chef thing, too.

So, uh, Gail is, I'm not making fun of children. So, Gail is just, I'm so above that. So, Gail, Gail, oh, the line of judges. Okay, so now it's time for judging, which of course, it's almost like they knew we were going to attempt to recap this little live show. They're like, here's 37 guest judges. Thankfully for us, they were all real housewives.

Yeah. There were so many we could not remember any of their names. So we're like, fuck it. That's Lisa Barlow. That's Countess Luan. That's Lisa Barlow. That's Countess Luanne. That's Ramona Singer. So, girls like this is a very excited table of humans here. And Padma's like, welcome back to the show, girl.

Did you get my Valentine's Day card? It's not Valentine's Day. It says roses are red, violets are blue. You're wearing five different pinks on the same dress, and that's why you don't have a Valentine. Ha- the judges go walking into this Annie's restaurant in slow-mo, like they're in Armageddon. Like they're about to save the world, like always. So Padma's like, I want to welcome everyone to Top Chef Houston.

The chefs are very excited to cook for you all. And by the way, Mr. Persson in a Blazer, your restaurant's beautiful. And by beautiful, I never heard this shitbox before a wide-rear anise. Well, thank you so much for coming to Villa Anise darling. You may have heard that we had reports of someone eating a tartar here and then having worms come out of their vagina. But I'm not quite sure still have that even physically impartial soup or nappity.

I'll be in the back if you need me. And please remember that. After the meal, there'll be some lovely cabaret for everyone. CHEERING Money can't buy you appetizers. Money can't what? Money actually does buy appetizers as well. Fuck this. I certainly never pay for them. So the brown team is first. This is Jack Bigdum, Jacksid, Watermelon Chopper, Sarah, and Gay Question Talker, Robert, who dropped the Sucka task, okay, so they're first. Hidden pork.

So Padma's like, mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm Mmm, delicious. I'm not waiting to enjoy this. She just starts eating. And Jackson, they start going through all their dishes. Jackson did something with some kind of potato chips. I only notice the shit I like. I'm like potato chips and yokey. Mmm. You win, you win. And yeah, you made like a Vittello tonato

and Robert did a pot roast braised, whatever. And there was some Sarah Dittello seared beef. And Pam and I go, mmm, I'm really into this team, I gotta tell you, all their dishes are delicious, and they go really well together, sort of like gale with a dress barn coupon. Match made in heaven. And Thomas, like, well, you know what, I've got to say this, there was a tartar served, and the tartar is ice cold. It's ice cold. Well, congratulations, refrigerators.

You just won top chef. Thanks, Tom. It's so nice when you get something that's supposed to be cold and it is cold, when things meet your expectations. Unlike a son who you raised to be a world-class chef, like his father, and he decides to become a strategist. Son, next is the green team with Demar Parchewoo. Nick, who is Nick?

Nick is Mississippi. Oh, Nick is Mississippi. And then Evelyn, who's from Houston. So... Wait, but before they come out, Jamar says something you never want to hear before you present food on top chef. My mushrooms are starting to congeal a bit. Yum, congealed mushrooms... a musedish. Dimmar!

It was Padma. Dimmar! And he's like, oh, well, I made roasted rare sirloin in mushrooms with sun-choke chips. So they all, you know, present their stuff. And none of it makes sense together, right? Because it's like a chart. I don't know why it doesn't make sense together,

because I will eat anything with anything. So I don't even know what the fuck. I don't know what the judges are talking about. Like this isn't cohesive. Among its beef, beef, beef, and potato shit. Yeah. Sounds great. Like you all win.

And Jamar's poor mushrooms. You could see them on camera. Do you guys notice the mushrooms? They looked like, you know, when you make something, it's really nice and you put in the fridge and then the next day you open it up and it has weird like orange blobs on it of oil. I was like, oh, jamar.

It's a hard staff, it's a good staff. It's a hard, yeah. Yeah, I used to try and cook with cook. It was like some diet where I was like, oh my god, coconut oil. It's the new thing that's gonna make us all thin. You remember that? So, sure do.

I would make stuff and then I would take it out of the fridge and I, because you know, I'm like constantly single. Like I make one thing, I'm eating it for like 10 weeks or whatever, so I take it out and it's like, bggggggg Demard, that these dishes are at all cohesive? And he's like, well, mine is supposed to be lighter and brighter. You cut your mushrooms and be fat. I know. Light, bright, be fat.

And then my favorite is that when the chefs are done presenting, Padma and Gell together both do a judgy reach of shame. They both reach for their water glasses like, we let this one on to the show. I love when they can agree with like a shitty water sip. I got that too. A really passive-aggressive sip of water. So Jizelle is there and Jizelle is like, Nick's dish shot.

It's homie. But like Karen Huga, it's dry. Very, very dry. And then Ramona is like, whoa, you know what? It was a great dish, but the wrong cut, okay? You know what? Next grandmother, who wasn't dependent on a man, probably used ox tails, okay?

It reminds us one time and I was a little girl, and I went out to the farm, and I found an ox, and I grabbed the ox tail and it punched me and Geraldine par-smith was like that's what you get little girl you get punched by an ox because you tried to grab his tail. To this day I can't have ox tail okay I'm sorry I'm team. Now this is, um, no ma, loop, no ma, you know, we didn't have a dish the first time. So he's like, my dish is tasty. He keeps, what was it? Because every time they show him, he's like, you said like a son of anarchy accent. And then he switches, so would you say Vikings?

And then he does like that. He looks like everything on the history channel. Yes. And what's the one with? He's like Yellowstone Vikings, Son of Anarchy, and just of Informersho or something. What's the one with Utreed? Utreed!

Oh, Utreed. The last kingdom. Oh my god, that guy's so hot watch it. It's worth it. But anyway, Utreed has this axon, like, The last kingdom. Oh my god, that guy is so hot, watch it. It's worth it. But anyway, Utred has this accent, like sometimes he talks like this, and sometimes he's like this. You're like, where are you even from? That's the sky, Luke.

I just wanted to say Utred. Ooh! So he has this whole lab, yes. Oh, sorry. So he serves them all. They're meat, of course. Beef challenge. And Padma's like, well, Tom, this is like your son doing something correctly.

Very rare Tom. Very, very rare. Quickly. Very rare Tom. Very, very rare. So I'm like, oh, that didn't seem as mean when I say it. But, okay. I can see why my son has therapy. So I'm like, oh, that didn't seem as mean when I say it, but. Okay.

I can see why my son has therapy. So then Luke, so his whole thing is, it's like a New York steak that's been cured in seaweed and a puree of black garlic and mushrooms underneath, like this whole lab, and then we cut to it. It looks like a filet, and you're on felons and slush. It's just like dirty and like grimy. I wasn't impressed. Yeah. But if I have to say anything about this, dash.

It's like a diet coke without as per time. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work. Lisa, I love to remember anything twice. You know, now these... He used roasted mushrooms, pickled mushrooms, and he carried stuffing seaweed, but there was no mommy. There was no salinity, and there was never a conversation about what the sexual orientation is of that state.

But how are you gonna say, Marina? That's something that was pickled and cured in seaweed has no salinity. That was actually Kristen who gave that comment. Now I didn't taste the food, but I was like, Kristen, you're coming for the best chef in the world, Chili's. I know. Please be careful of where you tread.

Get away from my awesome, wait is that outback? What's the one at Chili's? Is it the awesome blossom? Moving on, yeah. No, that's outback. Oh, sorry, that's outback. I thought Chili's isback. Chili's awesome.

Awesome. Awesome. Yeah. Also, this woman Ashley, she's the one who does the Appalachian thing. And she makes, but she actually makes like an African dish that's like a tartar. And there's a lady in an orange blazer. And I love when chefs just get so over the top. She goes, wow, that could really go down in Tar Tar history.

OK, Rudolph the Reynolds. Let me tell you a little something about Tar Tar history. Ha ha ha ha ha! OK, this is like the fifth Tar Tar they've had, or a similar, like 30. OK, let me just, I don't want to exaggerate It's a tartar with an egg yolk on top the raw egg yolk these I'm not a psychic These chefs are gonna shit like crazy later the

The Gus judge there if they're all gonna be pooping See a lot of pooping in your future Someone got a lot of pooping in your future. Someone get a lot of very confusing poop. You know when you're put I'm sorry poop is summer. Someone get extra linen to room 305 girl has the meat sweats. Let's her heart. Oh God stop that one right in its tracks. Okay, so let's see. Red team, okay, so this is a big drama. Big drama on this one.

Big. So they're getting ready, okay? So, bra straps, or I should say, Ravio, the one he wanted to make possible. Bra straps is like, who means the bra straps, you know? Stephanie. Yes. Stephanie, she goes,

whoops, I didn't get the bok choy on the play. Hmm, hmm. Convenient. Hmm. Whoops. Whoops. Whoops. So this team is just destined for disaster

because you've got her who forgot her bok choy. And then you've got Leah Glasses who made round stake into a summer roll with peaches. That is some chewy ass. What can I get? It was like the size of a burrito. It was like not, it was like chewy ass, like, I don't know. Whatever.

It was just like a wrestle. And she just put it all in. It was this enormous thing with tahini sauce. It was just like a whistle and she just put it all in. It was this enormous thing with Tahini sauce, it was just a disaster. Like we see it coming and we know this is not going to work out well for her. So Stephanie for their Asian inspired, or Korean inspired male sweet potato puree and steak. Yes. And then Dawn, so they have a little menu that says what's supposed to be so Don is like Was there praise bok choy in your dish? No Don how many times up to tell you? Did you mean to leave out the bok choy?

You'll get there Don don't worry. You'll get there. And Stephanie goes, that's the one thing I forgot. Stephanie is one of three things. Three things. Three things. Stay, sweet potato. Mark John. OK, so Padma is like, I have a question. How did you come up with your menus?

Did I have enough derision there for everybody to be disgusted with themselves? And Lee is like, well, we got inspired by these flavors and then we did our own take on that. And then listen to me countercooker. I'm not having any of that. All right, lady who puts things on counters. And Gail says, well, I think there were some interesting ideas, but each of the dishes just really didn't come together for me. Okay, dress bar and joke, up for grabs, who wants it?

Commissions, here comes one right now. So, the yellow team serves, and they serve the spotted beef and everything. And then this woman, Monique, we haven't talked about Monique, but she gets up there to present her food, and she's like a second grader at doing like a book report. She's like, Beef tartar, marinated, and hot, and seaweed, paste and tomorrow.

Wow. Do I have to say it again? Wow. Someone get this girl a gel match, she looks stressed. So they all leave and Padma's like, congratulations, somehow famous people that I've never heard of, even though you're on the same channel as me, and I don't really understand why,

as none of you has been nominated for James Beard Award. Congratulations, you've made it through 15 courses of beef. No one's ever congratulated me on that shit. I've been doing that shit for years. Okay, so now it's time. I was going to say at the stew room. Now it's going to be judging. And they all go to the stew room. And they all gather to the stew, now it's gonna be judging, and they all go to the stew room, and they all gather in the stew room,

and Evelyn, you know, arms. She goes, so everyone got food on the plate, right? Right, of course, everyone got food. And Stephanie's sitting there like, bok choy, bok choy, bok choy. Whoa, where are team? This is that stew room, where are we? I'm like, we love each other. Let is that stew room where we're going.

Like, we love each other. Let's all huddle in together and go. Whoa! So, judges table. Tum, tum, tum, tum, tum, tum, tum, tum, like close-ups of everybody. It's a slow motion in judges table. So, they come in and Tom's like, well, some of you,

some of you realize tonight, for the first time, there's no sous chefs. Okay, there's no one here named Sue, right? Okay, keep that in, keep that in. It was good, it was good, keep it in. Now there were some big mess ups tonight, but there were also some big- Gales, so.

So tonight's favorite team was brown team. Again, congratulations. You look a bit surprised, but you really have for the past three days, watermelon chopper. And so watermelon girl Sarah is like, well, I mean, in a room of super accomplished chefs, lies none of them are accomplished. Well, the competition is really, really stiff and Tom goes, well, you know, collectively, you guys had three solid dishes.

I mean, that's great. I mean, I can't even imagine what it's like to really succeed. It's something I was hoping my son would show me, but unfortunately, everyone's like really upset for the song, the fictional song. I know. We also give Tom Son a lot of shit, but we don't know the politics. We don't know that.

There's no disclaimer about Tom Son. So, Gail, this brown team is Big Dum Jackson, who, you know, like put the meat under the grill, et cetera, and can't smell or taste, okay? So, this is the one that surprised me that he ended up coming through. And this was also the table that was like, we're not gonna hang out, we're gonna work instead instead because we're nerds. So you see that goes

to show you. Sometimes pre-judging is wrong. Even though I'll stick with that shit till the day I die and I don't care. He's a big idiot and he sucks. And you don't believe me right now. But wait, give it 12 weeks and call me. Oh, Jesus, you guys, my re-arranging in the chair is getting violent at this point. So, Tom Basley says, yeah, they have really good dishes, and Gail says, like, it was like clearly a one coherent menu and everything, and Padma is like, Sorry, Gail literally goes, You guys didn't even mess around with friendship last night. You worked. Oh, okay girl, okay.

So Pam was like, Robert, you are the only one of the whole group who really cooked that meat and brought out that inherent beef flavor. I feel like there's a gal joke in here. I'm really stretching for it. I want to say something about her couch. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I mean, gal brings it out every day. Every time I ask her for a piece of gum, it's beef flavored. But somehow, on a cooking show, we couldn't get 15 of you to make beef that actually tasted like beef. What a

canondrum. So Gail's like Jackson, your tartar and we've had a lot of those today. If I had a nickel, a gal. Jackson's like, how do it smell? How did it smell? Did you enjoy that spicy yet not spicy flavor it had and the scent of pine needles and fish and lion and Candles, yes I love it. He had COVID two months ago and we're acting like he's never smelled anything two months ago and we're acting like he's never smelled anything. I know. For being context. Did it. I was going for one of those Christmas tree shaped things that hang from car rearview mirrors.

But. So. So. Big dumb Robert wins. You know. I thought. A big redemption arc for him. Congratulations.

So the guy who hid the meat actually winds up winning because his nookies were so good. So, there you go. You see? So, then Bravo really fights against all of the massage and still the guy who hid the meat at the end of the show. Yeah, who? You just can't get ahead of it.

Congratulations, Brown team. You can all step to the side and avoid the pit of fire we throw the loser into. Red team, please come forward and try not to look me in the eye. Thank you. Red team, unfortunately, you're all gross. No one wants to sit with you. Sadly, all of you.

But also, one of you will be going home tonight, not sadly for us, but sadly for whoever is in your home that has to eat your trash-bought cooking when you get back there. Okay, let's get into the nitty-gritty of these dishes and figure out what went wrong. I'll start everything So then Stephanie they're like Stephanie what the fuck Box choice literally one of the biggest vegetables I've ever seen Who loses bok choy? Stephanie, were you comfortable doing something Asian inspired? Do you know what Asia is? And Stephanie's like, I don't know any Asian cuisine, and had me go, sir, the bok choy.

Was that into vinaigrette? She's like, there isn't a vinaigrette. Sweet potatoes with a steak. Oh. So, yes, I need this show. It gives you the best in the country, but at the same time, you're like, wait a minute. How much did I pay for that fucking piece of salmon?

Because that's never happening again. So Tom, basically Stephanie blames time, as we all do. So then Padma turns to Jay. Jay, walk us through while you're first elimination challenge. You went for something you admitted that you weren't even that familiar with because Jay had made a North Korean dish that she only heard about. So she says, she's like, well, I really wanted to take up

the raw beef and Padmaikos. Are you okay? Cry baby. Ooh, someone made a North Korean dish. Wow, wow. I think it's the first time I've seen tears. Come on, bits of. Poor Jay is like, well, I mean, I read about it. I read about the dish, so I wanted to try and make it. And Tom goes, you have to eat to understand,

which is why we call gale and cyclopetia frown. So, you're doing it right, Gale. She knows everything. Lea, Lea spelled like Princess Lea. How about you? Do you make a lot of summer rolls wherever your glasses are from? Well, you're from was just,

was summer just full of trash and disgusting things because that's what was in your summer roll. Leia, do you just like to roll up carpets until they become so big they can't fit through any doorways because that's what your summer roll was like Geo goes yeah, you know, I mean that summer roll it was just large and overstaffed What what I mean it can go in so many different directions what

So now it's judges alone time. And Padden was like, it's the first challenge. And it's always tough not kicking off 15 people when you're only supposed to kick off one. But here we are. That first challenge is so tough. So many unfamous people in one small place. We got to get rid of some of them, difficult.

And Gail's like, you know what the problem was? No, all three of those people in the bottom, no one trusted themselves today. Wow Gail, so insightful. And Tom goes, yeah, I mean, you know, I think the chefs are clearly nervous and you know, lots of little mistakes being made, like trying to think that your son could ever be a world-class chef, like you are. There's little mistakes and judge the expectations. That mucos, you know, that's summer roll.

The beef was the least, I like when Padma gets really emotional. She starts like putting her shoulders and her head movements into it. She goes, that beef was the least 10-2 and it was the thing that needed the most 10-ding. 10-2-3. You heard it here first. 10-2-3. Hold on. I'm calling my dear friend, Aliwak. 10-D-B, you heard it here first. 10-D-B. Hold on.

I'm calling my dear friend, Ali, walk. Ali, we gotta do something about this beef. It wasn't tended to. I think we have to have a fundraiser. You're great, too. Thanks. Bye. So back in the stew room, Leah and

the bra straps are both really disappointed because they, you know, sucked. And so they're both going, I own it. No, I'm gonna own it. No, I own it. No, I, I own it. Ha, ha, ha, I own it. How are you, Summer Roll?

How are you? Ha, ha, I own it. You're late for the judging, Lisa Rina. Get out. Get out. Yeah, Leah's doing a lot of like, I want it. You're late for the judging, Lisa Rina. Get out. Get out. Yeah, Leo's doing a lot of like, I own it. And so Pat McGoes, well, I think we have our answer. TJ Maxx, that's Gale's favorite.

So then they bring in the chefs to kick them off. And Tom gives us his speech. This was a pretty low one for Tom I have to say, because normally they're like normally he's like, in the life of a chef. Okay, but today he's like, you know, normally a chef I would say a long line about the life of the chef and how you went wrong today, but and you still have a future ahead of you, really bright one, but frankly I've eaten an entire family tree of cows today, and I want to poop until season 20 begins.

Padma. Padma. Padma. Normally, I say which unfamous person has to go home, but actually one of our guest judges wants to do the elimination. So come on up here. Thank you. Leah, if you ever make a summer rule again, this will cost you more than last chance kitchen. This will cost you a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. Get out of here, Leah. Stupid face. Leah, please pack your glasses and cut up a warby Parker. It's seen as possible. And Leah's like, really sucks, but I mean, you just don't put your entire life on hold to cook in the most prestigious cooking challenge to be eliminated in the first- get your staking, rubbery, summer roll bowl set out.

And she's like, I'm a fighter. Don't count me out yet. You were literally just counted out. I know. Oh! They always do that. They always do that. They always do the, I'm just happy, because I showed my kids that if you try hard enough,

you can do anything. You're eliminated. Can't get rid of me, ma'am, you're corresponding. Turning off the lights, turning off the cameras. Just look, we're about to do. That brings us to the end of the top. Thank you guys so much. Thank you.

Thank you guys so much. Thank you for coming. I love you. Thank you for coming. I love you. I love you. Thank you. Good night, everyone.

Thank you. Oh, we Thank you guys! Thank you! Wow, we love you guys! And bye everybody! Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors! Ain't no thing like Allison King! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney! Courtney's amazing, Shadell!

She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela! Itch-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- the Piston Anderson. Wee McLeven, Karen McLeven. She's always sublying, it's Kelly Ryan. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the burger. She's our queen, Marie Levine. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. There ain't no problem that Sarah Salvia can't solve you. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 Cs of Betsy MD.

Always the wiser is Allison Weisler. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. She's cheese on a bagel, it's Megan Ragle. Erica, 500 days of summers. The incredible edible Matthewsisters. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. My favorite murder,, Karen McMerto.

No one makes us feel well like Megan Capsiwell. Mina Kutty Kutty Kutty Kutty! Give him hell, Ms. Noelle. Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good. Kristen, the Ruby Rubano. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. We want to hang with Liz Lang. Shannon, out of a cannon Anthony!

Let's get Racy with Miss Daisy. Let's take off with Tamla Plane. She ain't no shrinking Violet Coo-Tar! We love you guys! BELL Hey Prime members, you can listen to WatcherCrapins' ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about

yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.