Watch What Crappens - Top Chef: Portland Gail Blazers

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

Top Chef returns, and this time we're in Portland! Gail still has a pattern addiction, Padma is as Padma ever, and Tom is still super disappointed in his mixologist son. We also did a cast breakdown on a premium bonus episode. Find it and all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens**We designed lots of face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, but people are running around. Kids, what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello, and welcome to WatcherCrapins. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker.

You can also catch me on the Game Brain podcast every now and then. And joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karim. Oh, it's up Ronnie. Hello, boom. How are you doing today, Ronny? Wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karim. What's up Ronnie? How are you doing today Ron? Because Top Chef is back in my life. Oh my god Did you mean to take so much time off in between season? Really and you know I watch a lot of food network and soft shop. Mm-hmm, really.

And you know, I watch a lot of food network. Just, I watch a lot even more than that. Cause now with YouTube TV, I can watch all, this is not a commercial, by the way. I watch all this, yeah, taste made. What channel is that? Is that its own channel? Yeah, taste made.

There's on YouTube TV, there's a channel for taste made, which I thought was just like a blog. But it has a, and they basically have just like, these very super chill quiet cooking shows all day long where they just bring in chefs. Like I saw Shirley from Top Chef and she came on and she was like, she used to sew Shirley. She was making, I forget what she was making.

I think maybe some sort of soup, but she went and like grabbed this hot pot with her fingers and she's like, oh, don't worry, like you can't do this at home But I'm a chef so I don't have any fingertips anymore And she's just like holding blazingly hot things and just like cheery like typical Shirley Oh Shirley so I watched that and yeah, that's a good way to describe it Just really chill people because sometimes I'm like, hey, you know what like this guy watched yesterday said hey

I just moved to LA so I'm just trying to, you know what? Like this guy watched yesterday said, hey, I just moved to LA, so I'm just trying to eat a little healthier. So I'm gonna make some crispy fish. And I was like, wow, this is an audition tape because you need to let it fire under your ass, sir. But I watched that and I watched all the food network shows. And you and some of the competitions I'll try to watch, you know, I watch chopped every once in a while still.

Just because I love watching Alex Gorneschelli be disgusted with people. I will never tire of that. But I watch a lot of those and Top Chef comes back on and it watching so much food network really makes me just remember how great Top Chef is because these are the top of the line. or how great Top Chef is, because these are the top of the line, best chefs in the country. They're making amazing, amazing food every time. They take themselves very seriously as they should, and it's just so much better than someone trying to serve mac and cheese with cod, like on the market for network shows sometimes. Yeah, I have to say, I recently did watch something on taste made where it was like

the chef that they brought on for this episode was I think like Irish or doing some sort of like take on Irish I don't know. He made Irish nachos which was basically like mashed potato. It was a weird potato. I don't know if I can't even remember what it was but it was so it didn't look like it didn't look like it worked. And it wasn't like, it wasn't like, oh, nachos have to be tortilla chips. It was me saying those ingredients do not play together.

What are you doing, sir? And so then to come on to Top Chef, it's like, oh, thank God, thank God, I needed this in my life. Because after Top Chef last season, which was fantastic, I was able to hold myself over with Padmas, feed the nation. But that was only six episodes, and then I was like, there was nothing left for me to watch,

and I tried watching Stanley Tucci's show. I really did, everyone loves it. I couldn't, it didn't totally click with me. I don't know why I wanted to support it. Stanley Tucci went to my high school, how about that? So I really felt like an extreme amount of local loyalty, but it didn't really work for me. Have you seen it? What is that? Stanley Tucci where he goes to Italy and he's like, I'm Stanley Tucci and I'm looking for the real Italy, so I'm going to walk around and try

pizza and stuff. It's one of those shows. No, I'm kind of sick of the guys walking around eating shit. I've kind of had it with that after I don't watch all those shows Yeah, it was to be really obsessed with Guy Fihiti Not obsessed with him like I love him But I love his show and then I would try to make all the diet the diner food because some of it is so good And of course most of it's crap because I mean how many restaurants are there, you know like he's been everywhere But yeah, I think I just had my fill and mate you know, I've learned Guy Fieri, honestly, I've learned Guy Fieri, honestly, for everything that goes wrong. But yeah, especially for getting sick of those watching people walk around and eat.

I hate watching people eat in general in real life. So like Stanley Chuchy, like you're a good actor, you know, possibly Lebanese, I don't know. But no, I think it was Italian. But Italian are Lebanese. I don't know. Listen, maybe he's my Lebanese I don't know but no I think it was Italian But Italian Lebanese I don't know listen maybe he's my Lebanese a little bit of both of us I'm anybody okay. We'll climb anybody to be Lebanese if we if they're good in any kind of movie and they're not completely white We're like they're Lebanese Yeah, yeah, I think that he's a little bit of both of us. Let's just say that, even though I'm not Italian, a lot of times people think I'm Italian, and again, he went to my high school.

So I feel like we can both lay claims to him, you know, urban legends about him being Lebanese, et cetera. So Guy Fieri also, by the way, one thing that he did do is he definitely brought down the quality of food network star to the point where we had that one season, which has become for us kind of iconic, which is where they introduced Kim, they had to cook with crazy gross ingredients and one of them was kimchi.

And there was a lady on there who was like, Kim, what is that? And they kept showing close ups of it, bubbling because it was fermenting. And they were acting as if it was the most obscure, disgusting thing when it was actually delicious and like, you know, like a national, extremely important vital recipe, cuisine, ingredient, whatever in Korea, right? So if I've always feel like at the beginning of our top chef season, we always have to give like a few disclaimers. So I feel like I wanna add one thing, which is that if you ever hear us go, Cam Chi, that's what we're talking about.

Cause it hurts me, we always go, Cam Chi, and people must be like, why do they do that? Why do they go, Cam Chi? Cause it's from Food Network. It was, and then of course, our favorite disclaimer of all. Do you wanna do this one, Ronnie?

We're not calling Gail Fatt. Okay, here's the thing, we love Gail. We just feel and Ben started this on his Top Chef blogs. We both used to be Top Chef TV bloggers, okay? I was, I started TV gasm, I at TV, I did not start TV gasm. I started at TV gasm as the top chef recapper. And Ben, when Ben left TV gasm,

was doing photo recaps on his side, beside blog. And Ben had the funniest running joke that Padma hates Gail. And so it was just hilarious. Every time I would read everyone just to see you bagged on Gail as Padma. So we're not really bagging on gal. We love gal. I think gal's amazing Okay, I think you're seeing everything like I'll watch friends and be like why isn't gal? Totally like like why wasn't she in no madland tell me that why wasn't she in like a little van

Like is one box supposed to solve things on his own because gal would be better Maybe she should have been on code Jackwood, telly Savalis. That was a redemption moment. Listen to the podcast. Yeah, so we do not hate Gail and we do not think Gail is fat. We're just making jokes as Padma. Okay, and that's the last time we're going to explain that. We're not saying it again. We're not saying it again. Okay. Okay. We're gonna explain that. We're not saying it again. We're not saying it again, okay? Okay.

So Top Chef is back. It's in Portland and the episode opens up with everyone like the various chefs. It's sort of like the way BulloDec opens up at season. A lot of people talking all at once. It's kind of like a trailer for the season, but not. And we see people talking about how pandemic has been difficult on restaurants, which it has kind of like a trailer for the season, but not, and we see people talking about how pandemic has been difficult on restaurants,

which it has been, of course, and having to fruelo staff and everything and how difficult it is. And then we see Padma, just was she in like a field or a farm? And she's like, top chef is back. Yeah. And what will surely be an epic culinary showdown?

And she's wearing like a jeans and like a belt with, what's that jewelry that's like, Awkwook, the teal colored from the turquoise. Turquoise, yeah, like a turquoise belt. And of course, we get our first. I was nominated for a James Beard Award in 2019 Because this is the show where everybody and their mother got a damn James Beard award. Yes Just handing out that shit like it's candy Christmas. One eater award

So For the first time a panel of all stars who are not quite celebrities, but are going to be joining the judges table every single week. Yeah, that's weird. I don't know that I need this whole like, hey, we're going to have a full on group of X-Top Chef people, especially if that group includes Richard Blaze. I have completely lost... I've never really...

I mean, he's a great cook, but I just mean respect as someone I want to ever watch. I lost respect for him, and especially on his food network appearances, like I can't with you, Richard Blaze, just stop. Getting like a huge, foppy, you know, wave that reaches a ceiling to not make you interesting Richard Blaze stop. So I'm trying to have personality with your hair, okay? It's not working. I agree.

I think the reason why they had to do it is because of the pandemic. I think it was probably easier for them to have like a pod of judges. And they knew the only pod of judges that they could get reliably would be, you know, former top chef contestants. So I think that's why they're doing it.

Even I'm just gonna assume. But yeah, so then we see just more flashes from the season and we see like a lady like squeezing a tomato and slow motion and the juices flying out and slow mo, which is like the most, was that Maria? Okay, that was the most like top chef slow mo. It was like like Maria, okay, what we're gonna need you to do, here's a tomato and we're gonna need you to just squeeze the hell

Oh, you already did it. Okay, you're getting mad at me aren't you Maria? Okay. Yeah, they show Maria crying She's like oh, I'm a scorer slow motion squishing of it to me. No, it's like okay some Maria's a mess I just love how but also like that's like so hard like that's I love the the hardcore Symbolism in in top chef like yeah, this is a hard this is a real deal cooking show look but also like that's like so hard. Like that's, I love the hardcore symbolism in Top Chef. Like yeah, this is a real deal cooking show. Look, she's squeezing it to me though. But just, but just her, the way they added it together her first whole thing,

because it's like she's crying, then she does a slow motion crushing tomato, and then it cuts her going, well, I do need a shot of tequila, and I'm like, oh my God, okay, fiery Latin lady, we get it, we get it, Chef, here's five seconds of Maria, here's what you're gonna get.

And then we see somebody saying, you know what, cooking, it's the fear of the unknown, anything can happen. It's like, what? You're not spolonging, okay. Stop using, stop picking your raw chicken up off the floor without, you know, watching your hands after. Okay, it's not that big.

It really is the fear of the unknown. Some people, when I saw the movie Gravity and I saw George Clooney float off into nowhere, I thought, man, it's like he's cooking. But... At stake for the winner, a feature in Food and Wine magazine, an appearance that's a food and wine classic in Aspen, a quarter of a million dollars furnished by San Pellegrino,

and the title of... Quarter of a million dollars, anybody hear that? It's the number of a quarter of a million dollars. These are very successful people. Give them a million dollars. Anybody hear that? It's the damn quarter of a million dollars. These are very successful people. Give them a million dollars. And I know you guys think that you're being fancy with the quarter of a million damn dollars from Sam Pelagrino.

They got up to, they got like a hundred thousand dollars up to what last year, two years ago. Give them a raise. Do you see what I mean? I know Pelagrino is like the fanciest and stop saying, for owners by our friends at some Pellegrino and then you're only gonna give $250,000 from those cheap bucks. Yeah, come on, they're fancy water. I mean if it would be one thing if it was like

Furnace by our good friends at Chris and guys are $250. I'd like that makes sense that tracks. Yeah, I feel a greeno. It's like a distilled Krugel water 250,000 Idea friends it up and up from Target give you $50 But we're taking her way more seriously now because right above her head is a neon fresh sign So now here we are. We're in Portland and we're in the new kitchen and we see Padma as well as Jeffrey. I don't remember Jeffrey.

What's his last name again? Gourday, Gourday. He, you know, we love him. He was on last season, et cetera. So the chefs walk in. Gregory. Oh, does he? Jeffrey.

I might agree. Yes. Thank you. Yeah, it's like Gregory Gorday. And you know, we're in Portland because the set, you know, they have that big table at the end of the kitchen in the center. It's just got like two chopped pieces of wood down to it. They're like, look, it's Portland wood. Hello, chefs. Welcome to Portland and season 18 of top chef. And then we see I so it was funny because in the beginning I couldn't catch everyone's names. So I just started to I wrote down who spoke based on how they looked.

So I wrote down rump old man. I wrote down confused kind of drunk guy gave a promise. Yeah, turned out it was gay. Gave looks slightly confused. He looks like he's probably got an alcohol problem. He's got like real watery eyes and he's always kind of unfocused and always with a faint smile on his face. Like he might be nice, but he might also be a serial killer. Yeah, he sort of has like a cron quality to him. So he, uh, he, he's like, we're at the ledge of a giant cliff. Once you take that leap, there's no common bag. I love the way chefs talk.

Like just so over dramatic about every single thing. Yeah. But most dangerous job on television. Cooking things. So he has a brown-bother knife bag. He's very fancy, you know, because the lady standing next to him has, you know, looks like she's going camping with her. Like, if she got in trouble on the side of the road, she could make that thing into a tent, basically. Yeah. And he's like, but mine is fancy leather. And he also has Erolis stitched on his shirt. Yes. And I thought, oh my God, this poor guy.

It's like he's trying to be fancy, but he also has deep insecurities about being forgettable. You know? It's like you stitched your name and like a pretty font in the brown. I don't know. I worry for it now. You stitch your name into it,

but then it's also rumpled, like iron it too. So then we see like sort of like quick flashes of various chefs talking about what they make. And the very first one, just makes me laugh. And by the way, we did do a cast breakdown on Patreon several weeks ago, but I forget everything that we said about it. About the cast members.

But it's a two-part cast breakdown, it's really fun. And these, just in case you're looking for this next week, these probably will move to Patreon because we've got so many recaps going on right now. So probably in Patreon, dammit, don't be lazy. And do what we do. Which is what we do at the conference level because that will have videos and stuff. Yeah. And we, this is actually what happens with Top Chef usually for the first few episodes of the season. We sort of put them on Patreon. And then, well, it'll come back onto the main feed when our schedule is right for it. Or we just get really obsessed. So, the first scroll goes, I make modern Alpine food, which then I just, like, I can't.

I can't. Well, it's so funny because this is the year that it is. I mean, this is 2020-2021. And so, you know, everything going on in the world, this is the year that it is. I mean, this is 2020, 2021. And so, you know, everything going on in the world, this is the most diverse, you know, season, I think ever, which is great, but they're showing like, they're showing off their diversity, right? It's like, gay, bad, ha, less.

And you've got Maria and you've got all the, everybody from like literally every culture, which is so great to see. And then it just cuts to literally the widest person who's ever whited. I mean, this girl, making the widest food, like literally food that is found on top of the mountains,

it like central Europe. Yeah, so this girl afraid to even go to Roomspringer, okay, this girl like gave up Roomspringer to be this white, this girl. And she's like, oh my God, I'm so insecure, which is my pet peeve on these girls. Well, that's a different girl. No, no, this girl and she's like oh my god. I'm so insecure which is my pet peeve Well, that's a different girl. No, no this girl. Yeah, but then it cuts to this girl. Oh, I see sorry Sorry, you're talking about the redhead girl, right? No, no the redhead girl was the sillian

I'm talking about the the girl who's had like little glasses and she makes Alpine food the insecure girl on Sarah The insecure girl. This is the one. I'm calling omnis. Oh It goes to all these people and it gets to her and she's like, I like, like, rustic, like, I like simple grandma style. Yeah, I was like, oh, Lord, here we go. And immediately I said, this is the cryer. This is like an insecure cryer. She was one of my favorites, favorites immediately when she said she like grandma food because

Because like mainly cuz I can't stand the you know like I do California cruise I do like a I do like a fusion. I just like to cook with with fresh ingredients like you know That's like we've talked about that a lot like that's our least favorite thing I just like to cook with fresh ingredients as if ever there's someone there saying my favorite thing. I just like to cook with fresh ingredients. As if everyone there's someone they're saying, my favorite thing is to find three cans of corn and mix it with a can of beans and call it a night. Yeah. So, it's like, I make Thai food with Indian flavors and, you know, pizza pie and also a little flair of, you know, French with everybody has these like really long lists and then it gets to

this girl. She's like, I like grandma food. So then Padma is like standing amongst you as an incredible selection of executive chefs, chef owners, and I think for the first time we don't have any sous chefs. Wow, none of the losers are here today. Give yourselves a round of applause. Okay, stop. Well, I guess you're all used to being the boss. That's how fashion feels around gale.

So congratulations. So who here has ever been a sous chef? Okay, guess what? You're a once a loser. Congrats. You're cool now. So I'm a good Gregory must feel much better on this side, doesn't it? He's like, yeah, everything's great. Hope every she loves saying that. Do you know, you know, you're like every time they have an alum come back, she'd love saying that must feel a lot better being on this side, huh? I hope you like that joke. My dear friend, Ali Wong, talk to me. One of my dear best friends. Lena Wayne gave me that one.

Lena Ali and I were thinking about doing a road trip movie. It would just be full of so many jokes. We're gonna write most of them and then I'd be like, Hey girls, how's it feel to be on this side of the highway now? Get it, it's sort of my thing. All right, well let's get to know you. So who here has been nominated for a James Beard Award?

To be honest, I'm not sure if you're not sure. That's not the problem. That's the super, right? Okay, who here has a James Baird-Wood nomination? Okay, cool kids. See, you thought you were all the cool kids because you're not sous chefs. Guess what? You're wrong.

Because some of you don't have awards. And there are four women here who have been nominated. Fuck yes, top chef. Yes. So we start with Maria Mazzone. And she's like, people might underestimate me because I'm a tacos But I have a James beard so I don't really care

Yeah, I love her All right, does anyone else have any other accolades? I don't know maybe like an ad that they got from the penny saver for free anyone Hi, let's get to know you who here has their own show on Hulu just me Okay, let's get back to the James beard award Who here has been Emmy nominated. I'll just raise my hand anyone else anyone else Someone here is an Olympic long jumper. I know it's not gal With right when she says Olympic long jumper they cut to the chubby guy these are the fuckers right when she says Olympic long jumper, they cut to the chubby guy. These are the fuckers.

And then, then so this guy Gabriel, not to be confused with Gabe, but Gabriel is like, well, um, he's like, I, I, I, I, I did win the eater Portland chef of the year. And then like Maria just shrugs like eater. You got a word from a blog. Maria is so bitchy. That was so funny. Oh, and he's also, this is Gabriel. Yeah, he's also the one who's like, yeah, you know, there are a lot of talented people here, but I've worked

with some of the best, including Tom Coleekio. It's like, oh, shit, I'm just guys. He's actually a professional. This guy is the biggest, I think this guy's going to be the big villain. I think so too. I named him in the beginning plane guy because he was just exceedingly planned. And by the way, I think this guy's going to be the big villain. I think so too. I named him in the beginning plane guy because he was just exceedingly planned. And by the way, I felt validated.

You know why? Because I do remember that during our breakdown, we talked at length about his sandwich menu in Portland. And I think I was a little critical. And now, and then I felt bad. I was like, I shouldn't make fun of like the one guy who's like the local pick that they, but now I feel great about it. I feel so good about it. Okay, so to the Olympic jumper, it's Dawn.

And she is an Olympian. She's like, guess what? Being an Olympian does not define me because it wasn't until I retired that I jumped feet first. I was like, okay, you can't say that being an Olympian doesn't define you and then like say jumped all cutesy style in your intro, ma'am. Oh, you should have seen it. That sounds like the time that Gail heard there was a sale of mashed potatoes.

Talk about jumping feet first, am I right? Am I right? Well, you might notice the kitchen is larger. I'll give you two guesses why. That's right, Gail and Simmons. The kitchen's a little bit larger. Okay, for your first challenge, you have to make a Gail joke. I'll give you two guesses why that's right gale and serens The catch is a little bit larger. Okay for your first challenge you have to make a gale joke. We'll start with you playing guy Either that I mentioned either I was not

Congratulations Is that an award sponsored by gale? Well guess what it's because we're in a pandemic, so we're getting tested regularly. If I got tested more often, I would have a swab up my nose right now. Did you like that one, Alie Wong? They'd call me swab nose. Good old Padman likes me swab nose. God, it's fun being a comedian. So then we meet Shoda who's like, listen, I had to wait, I had to let go. Oh, yeah, he had a restaurant. So he had to let go of 30 humans. And he's just happy to be back in the

kitchen, you know, and then bad, bad, Ibles like, here we go. And then she takes her fist and starts doing like a dance in place thing with her fist. She's like, here we go. Look at me dancing. It's new fun pod. My catch me Tuesdays on a new television. I miss that. I'm really sad that I miss Padma's wrist dance. So now the quick fire starts and all together, the 15 of you represents an incredible diversity of cooking stars and cuisines. Before you arrived, we asked you, what ingredient you couldn't live without in the kitchen.

And those ingredients are up here in these boxes behind me. Yeah, I was so worried for this because actually I really liked it because you know that they're just trying to fuck with them because everybody tries to pick the snottyest thing that they can't mess up, you know. Yes, I can't live without, you know, quail eggs or whatever. So we start with Brittany and she's kind of the dorky girl with a bunch of tattoos. Melissa McCarty. Yeah, she's like sort of Melissa McCarthy-esque.

And I just cannot live without queer. I can't live without it. Okay, this ingredients you cannot live without. In my mind, I'm thinking olive oil, I'm thinking lemons, things are like that. So, queer cheese, Salt, eggs, butter, and grier. She's grier, grier.

And why I introduce you to my good friend, Munster? Okay, because that's a lot easier to just have in the fridge and slices, you know? Like who has grier just sitting in their fridge to munch on? She's like, I cook alpine food. I have to have grier. I need my leader, Hozen.

I need my career. I need my often horn. So they draw knives and separate into four teams. And we learned that Sarah is the head chef of something. That's all I wrote. So I was like, I don't know about this one. She's scaring me already. Well, she certainly knows.

Sue, chef. Am I right? am I right? Am I right? So basically they have to, everyone has their must-have ingredient, and they get put into a team, into teams, and they have to, as a team, create dishes that are cohesive with all their must-have ingredients.

So basically, whoever gets stuck with Brittany and her career is already at a little bit of a raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident, not so expert experts.

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the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. Does advantage. Yeah, so we start finding out. Okay, now this is where Top Chef gets tricky because shit just starts hitting the fan and everything is happening at one time and I cannot vouch for anything I'm about to say. Okay, please, let's see if that's a mess. Just start saying ingredients. It's time for

commercial. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. So one team has butter which you know what good for you because that's that's something real right and I someone kept that real Yeah, someone kept it real someone got butter someone had rice vinegar also you know what that's pretty good That's pretty good as well pretty good real and what else did they have combo they also had combo I'm not really sure what combo is it something I feel like I've heard of. And let's say Kombu, is that like a seaweed thing? It is. Edible kelp. Edible kelp. I think that's okay. I mean, I think Edible kelp's a little bit...

I don't want to say it's more rarefied because I feel like, you know, maybe like in Japanese cuisine, it's not rarefied. It's probably common. So I think that like, I give like a, I give a check plus to this team. Yeah, they have the most normal things, I think. And Ross goes like the big guy and he's all sweating. So I felt for him because social distancing, which we've all learned in the past year, just means more walking for some of us. It's like, wow, everything's six feet apart, great.

So now I'm sitting like a block away from the restaurant. Thanks, this feels great, okay? I'll be hiking my way over to that goddamn table. You assholes. Yeah. So then we have team number two, and this is where we have the plane guy who won the Eater Portland award.

This team is chocolate, call fat, and grier. So it's, the call fat is our sandwich guy from Portland. And he's like, I just love call fat because you can put it on something that's lean and it'll be juicy. And I'm like, yeah, that's what fat does. That's what fat does. And people don't order lean meat from you so you can cover it in fats or okay, this is someone who's tricking people on a diet, you know, who says that? Oh, he's like, oh man, call fat and chocolate.

How about the proof to do that? He has kind of a weird nasal thing going on. And then we go to mushroom powder, apple chutney, because of each hour, I'll be sure, it's like, my mom's chutney is a must-have, which is so cute. It is cute. Oh my god. Mushroom powder, that's interesting. I'm sure it's like, because it adds. You can't live with that mushroom powder.

Give me a fucking break. Okay. There's probably some pretentious commentary about umami. That's like, you know, mushroom is just like, it's just like an umami bomb, and like, when you have mushroom is just like, it's just like an umami bomb. And like when you have the powder, it just like takes it up to the next level. He's unblossed.

So let's see, then we get to the green team and who's Ralef's, is that his name? Is that a guy's name? I think there's something in that, Aless. And he's a bossing all the roles. Oh, that's Gabe. That's rumpled, rumpled man. Oh, it's the slightly confused possibly alcoholic watery eyes man Okay with yeah, yeah with this rumbled shirt and they have fish sauce smoke trout row and masa

I think this is like pretty solid. I think the smoke trout row I love a smoke trout row, but like I think that's a little like is that really an essential like read is that the one thing that you cannot live without like fish sauce. I think for sure and Masa, I think for sure a smoke smoke trout row. Yeah, a little pretend trying to be somebody who picked the who picked that do you remember? I I don't know because at this point I didn't remember anyone's names and everything was going so quickly I just was like I'm not gonna bother, I can't, I can't remember. Yes, too much. So he's bossing around his team, which is all ladies. And Jamie is like a little short lady

who likes making sounds for everything, which I love that that's her character development. She's like, well, I really like making sounds, you know? So like when I'm in the kitchen, I ask my people for bbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb Then we go back to the plane guy, and he's talking about how they have the hardest ingredients, Grier and call fat and chocolate. And then the alpine girl, Brittany, goes, okay, so I'm gonna make some sort of sauce that has Grier in it, like a sauce severity kind of vibe.

What part of Grier is a sauce severity vibe? Just curious, asking for a friend. So then we go to Kiki Sarah and Sasha, Sasha or Sasha, I don't know, my typing is so fast. So they have peppers, lemons and anchovies and the girl from Sicily, which was that Sasha, that Sasha, right? Sasha, yeah. She's like, you know what? You know, what's really important in Italy? My or lemons? Oh my god, they are so Italian.

I grew up Italian and you know what Italians love? Myr lemons. Okay. That is what is important. This girl was obsessed with her damn lemons. She was. I mean, they had a good combo. And Chovies, lemons, and peppers, that was a really good combo. I would have thought that like, if I were like an Italian chef, I would think my like my non-negotiable must-have ingredient would be like semolina flour to make pasta.

I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud or tomatoes. But you know, but by a lemon, I support that too, actually, but she was very obsessed with my lemons. She just loves that she's very serious about her Myer lemons. And then Kiki who likes doing African food, I think she said West African food, right? I think she's the most African food. Yeah, she's doing, she's using scotch-bonnet peppers and she's like, these are hot as shit. And she's pretty cute and funny. So then we get to Nelson and he's using plantains, which I like as well. You know, I think that one's a pretty solid.

Yeah, I think that one's a pretty solid. I like him as long as they're not too snotty, you know? Yeah, and like, let's say I love us naughty ingredient. Yeah, I love us naughty ingredient. Like I do love like a salmon row or trout row or whatever. I just think that if the challenge is something you absolutely cannot live without, when they do something that's like very, very specific,

it's like such posturing, right? And as they enter this arena, you know, so shefy. It is, I mean, I prefer Maria's myself. She's just here, go, Mola's going poppy. Hahaha. So then Maria is like, she's basically having the plane guy taste her food to see if it's like, right and he goes hmm acid and she goes no Like never mind either eat her Portland. Yeah

She is not liking him, which I like because he's just so he's too he's aggressively He's a gradually bland and eric yes aggressively bland and arrogant terrible combo So then we go to the Amish in my mind, honest Amish girl. I don't know who she is, but she's like Sarah. You know what? My work, of course, Sarah. Okay, Sarah Plain and Sarah Plain and tall. Yes. So maybe, you know what? Maybe I don't belong here. That's my insecurity. I mean, I have a James Beard domination, but, you know, I'm just the kind of girl who likes to chill and maybe cook some food. Have you guys put up the picture with me and my cats yet? I mean, I don't want to boss you around, but if you could, would you? Okay, thank you. I'm sorry for asking you. That's me and my cats.

Yeah, I like how she's, I like her just like, I just, I don't know if I belong, I mean, I do have a James Beard Award nomination. I guess I'm one of those four people here on that casting was it. But, you know, I'm just not into Chef Things. I mean, I do have a giant tattoo on my arm, so I guess I'm into some Chef Things, but. Yeah. I'm sensing some faux humility from this one. I'm not really buying her whole thing. I do like her though. I'm a winner, why me?

I don't buy it. I like her. I like her, but I do think it's funny that she's like, I don't belong here even though she has James Beard nomination. So, there's, there's just like more cooking. And at one point, there's a, there's a, so Jamie who does the sound effects, she, her team is making some sort of fish. And she plates the fish and then she puts a sauce on the skin. And Dawn loses her mind.

She's just like, just like, why are you doing that? You never put sauce on the skin. And then she tells us, my assumption is that every chef would know that you don't put sauce on a crispy side of fish. And then she's like, and now it's soggy, and now it's soggy. And I'm like, that makes sense. But then later on, we see they totally put like a little salad

with dressing on top of the fish. So I'm like, you were gonna put wet stuff on it anyway, Dawn. Yeah, I'm wondering if they did that to hide it, you know? So then let's see, Chris is like, I don't feel my butter is pronounced as I needed it, which I just love to hear. And then the Portland Snot, that's Gabriel, or who are? Yeah, oh yeah, Gabriel.

He's like, oh, Gabriel, yeah. He reminds us again. He's like, I've worked for Tom Colliqueo, and you know, I think this is how we should arrange the plate because that's something he does. And Maria goes, well, he does, but that's not us. Yeah. Which I really like. He left the timeamps in the plate.

And so they were taking out the timestamps. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, I've worked with him. And this is what he likes to do. It was so obnoxious to take the timestamps off. Tom's not even judging this competition. Yeah. Hands up, utensils down. So we start with the brown team.

And they've made Herissa seared halibut with the roasted tomato lemon and salsa verde Yeah, and what was your ingredient Kiki? and Kiki says scotch bonnet so whatever it is So Padma likes it actually she goes that was a very nice blend. I mean imagine if you just had chocolate to Say no, we have chocolate. Wow, think about that chocolate team. And they had pretty much the easiest ingredients, right?

Cause they picked simply and they all went together naturally. So then we go to the blue team, which is Chris Roscoe and Shota. And they made scallops with the comba butter and Roscoe's thing, I think is pickled things. He's like, I love pickled things. Because he did the rice vinegar. Yeah, so he made pickles for the top.

And Padma's like, butter, rice vinegar. Have you guys even watched Top Chef? I mean, we have all those things in our pantry. Nice try, lemus. Oh, so then we got a Avishar, Byron, and Nelson. And they've done a surf and turf with Earth of Mushroom and Scalops. Earth of Mushroom sounds delicious.

Yeah, and then we got the green team which does a Hawken Halibut Mameda. I think it was called Mameda, I'm not sure, and smoked trout crema and Padma's like, which one of you dummies cook this fish and they're like well, we all did like I put it in and I flipped it And I took it out and Padma goes you all cook the same piece of fish Come on, you're talking like sous chefs loses. Yeah, soos. Oh I thought it was really funny because that was Don's answer. She's like yeah, we all did I put it down Gate flipped it and Jamie glazed it, fucking idiot.

She's making sure that in case they get in trouble for soggy skin, Jamie's gonna go for it. Go down for it. I was like, that was very, very tricky, Don. Yeah, Don. So then we get to Portland's not, and he's doing, they did Portland, call fat, queer, queer, queer, uncle loin, cauliflower, quia, quia, quia, quia, I'm cool fat.

And then Padma's like, quia, gramolata, are you sure about that? You idiots, who does that? And they're like, no, try it. So, gave it, so they eat it. And then as they're walking away, Gabe is like, we got this. I totally heard her say,

mm, I'm like, Padma always says, mm, about everything. It's usually a bad sign. And she goes, mm, mm. Yeah, that always says, hmm, about everything. It's usually a bad sign, if she goes, hmm, yeah, but you know what, Pat, I'll also say. What? Wow. This opened my eyes up more than the history of the hot dog. Do you guys know the story about the hot dog? I guess you haven't been watching my show. Tastes the nation. Where did burritos come from? We'll save that for commercial break. Hey, all you chefs with your high fluten rewards.

Can you answer me one question? What is Chop Ciri? Well, this was an impressive start, but there were a couple of dishes that galed. Blue team. And Gregory being the one to break the bad news is so funny, because he's so sweet. You know, he's like, well, blue team, I'm really sorry,

but yeah, I just didn't think it was very buttery. And it likes to pass it. Meater! Go on, Gregory, be mean. It's okay, you'll enjoy it. I'm passing. Me neither. I'm passing. Me neither. I'm passing. Me neither. Come on Gregory, be mean. It's okay. You'll enjoy it. I'm passing.

Come on Gregory, be mean. It's okay. You'll enjoy it. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid.

Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. Now, green team, you're also stupid. with stupid your dumb you son okay I got what bitch and garnishes you know what I'd appreciate

I'd appreciate a map to find the origination of burritos hey green team your dish is like one of gale's dresses just a full on mess okay Gregor you do it now just remember you're more famous they have no power over you ha ha ha ha oh guys in case you keep hearing loud crashing sounds, I've been trying to hang up pictures on my back office wall and one by one. They've come crashing to the ground.

Does another one fall out of eight? Only two are up there. Oh, no. Who's gonna be the last picture standing? Congratulations. You are top picture. God, right now standing. Congratulations. You are top picture. Oh God right now standing there's Blink, Blink, Blink, Blink, Blink, Blink, Blink, Blink, Blink, from Rehas, us named New Jersey and then there's Martini Medicine from Southern

Charms. So those and they're also they're both blue. So we'll see which picture wins. I can tell you one thing about the final two pictures. And not think about your final two pictures and not shoes. Which one of these two pictures has won a James Beard award? Neither one of you. Okay fine, you can both fall off. So now, now it's time to talk about our top dishes from the Quick Fire. Brown team, we love how you pet and show the element in pepper because it was the easiest thing you could do. You stupid idiots idiots try to push out next time. Oh, let's see where am I.

I love the my element and the South Severity. That was lovely especially because they came from a bunch of idiots. Oh, so who, I got, I looked back at pictures and I'm completely lost so the brown team actually won Which was anchovy lemon and Whatever the other group I can't even remember Pepper's hot peppers So happy oh my god, I'm gonna put gray hair and my grandma not a now

Did you already say that no, I didn't Okay, I'm caught up so the brassy wins hold on. Let me call my dear friend Ali Wong. Hey Ali Have you ever had grandma? Yeah, they've had it with gray hair in it. Okay. I'm gonna make it for you. Sorry famous people talking make it for you. Sorry, famous people talking. Now this was a little weird because they had the easiest things, but also they picked that, you know, so I guess that's a lesson for us all, you know, you don't have to be into like Sam and Ro or whatever. You can really just like mannies, you know, just pick mannies, you'll win every time. That's what I said. Yeah. Well, seriously, well, the playing guy, he was really pissed. He's like damn I thought we had that I think I think we should have won that because of our ingredients. I mean they had the easiest combo like well

It's not their fault that they were like logical about what's good in there in their pantry They like it's it's not like you're you guys are the ones that did grier and I'm you know what I'm not gonna get into this argument with myself I'm not doing this today me. I was the one who knew the time doesn't that doesn't like when you pull the time stamps. Sheth's in a year that's been anything but normal. We're changing things up a bit. This year, Gail will only eat rubber insoles. Okay, let's bring him in. Well, Gail is just nailing it. I mean, she's not in a terrible pattern because that's my thing with Gail She's always wearing terrible. I mean horrible patterns like that's her thing I don't get it if bugs me cuz Gail is so beautiful hate it, but not not now now she's in a white button down denim dress

She looks great and trams there, you know, just being talking He's like, wow, hey, chefs, welcome to the show. Wow, look at that, look at that guy over there. I know that guy. Hey, guess what? I'm not going to be any easier on you here than I was on my kitchen. Portland snappy guy.

Yeah, Tom loves doing that. When there's someone who has worked for him, he loves saying, well, I recognize that guy down there. Yeah, he worked at Collikyo and Sons. And of course, we all know that Collikyo and Sons is truly a metaphorical title, where it may be aspirational because my son is actually merely a mixologist. Not a chef, I mean, I basically referenced him in my restaurant name and he still decided to be a mixologist.

So we'll just think about that, shall we? Basically, the restaurant name was Tom Collikchio and sons who are gravely disappointing, but apparently that was too long to put on an awning, so we just stopped. Yeah, we did a focus group and apparently people were not interested at eating a place called Clikchio and Disappointments. So, click you when sons it is. Well, we're not the only people you have to impress this season. And then all the other chefs come in

and all I see is Blaze and his tsunami here. I can't with him. It's so it's so no I knew you're gonna be so mad but I was so happy because since we don't have Malarkey to hate on or Kevin. Oh we got a message I think from Kevin's sister or cousin and she was like by the way, Kevin's my cousin and You guys were hilarious She's like you guys were mean to Kevin You guys yeah, she was like you guys were so mean, but I we laughed the entire time. I don't know if Kevin left but she laughed Kevin just I was a little sad that we didn't see Kevin coming in with his hands out like a little airplane. Like, woo, woo.

Wow, but yeah, we have fucking Richard Blaze. So let's see, who do we have here? We've got Dale, we've got Melissa, we've got Mar, Richard Blaze and that hair. And I like that, I like that Portland snobby guys, like Jesus, that's some hair. And she she is this is our all-star judging panel and when all-star when I say all-star I mean chest kidding They've done they've done it every elimination and rotators guest judges and sooner or later other people will join

These the best that we could find on a limited budget. I like that with the exception of Kwame like all the All the panel kind of just look like everyone's lesbian ants. I really like that a lot Yeah, the men and the women all look like it was just like This season lesbian ants Speaking of lesbian ants. Can we take a break for me to read you this thing because I just died. Okay, so I talk on this show about my aunt, Josie, it's like a Trump, loving, you know, bowl, bowl lesbian. Um, and she's my, she's just so funny. I love this lady. And she's also not funny at all. She's like, get your ass in gear. It's like she's like that. And I always talk about her and her goat Habib because she runs a bird rescue in El Paso. And so she

rescues all these animals, but she'll rescue the animals that really shouldn't be like, like, grackles, you know, like, Madam, like, why are you saving the grackle? Okay, so my cousin sent me this text from her. And she said, how, how anti is this? Says, my most favorite thing I did on my birthday was to play two hours of softball. Lynn had pay way lunch waiting for me when I got home. Then we ate and I spent about two hours at lows. My favorite store.

I love tools. When I arrived at my new purchases, I fed my wildlife, played with Habib, and worked on a couple of projects and crashed at 830. Most of you have never met Habib. The deer I raised from a five pound fond. So I guess I had it wrong. He's a deer. I hold a special permit to keep him as non-releasable for several reasons. Drop by or bring you the grandchildren over.

Like that is so. You're low for being an auntie. It's like my birthday. I went to lows and And then pay away Pay away and then fed the fed the deer. I like that. Habib is almost an anagram for Bambi almost No, Habib well, she did use to have a good name to beat the detaxing all the fucking he just loved ramming into me There was a big too I Think she just loves when pets have sequels. You know, it's like on the Simpsons how they're snowballed too. So, okay, so this week's elimination judge is Melissa, who we love, a real life lesbian,

and she is just a bass and she won last season, spoiler. And so now, the hate judges, do you have any advice for these idiots about to enter the stupid competition and then Kwame is like just cook with passion, which I'm sure is a really helpful piece of advice like oh, thanks. Yeah, thanks. I was gonna I was gonna just like not care and just like throw shit in there. Um, and Melissa's like, it'll, though this competition will get in your head. And someone says, don't be too complicated. Keep it simple. And plays is like, um, what you need is to present a sense of authorship. Uh, sir, you have a little bit too much authorship and it's in your bangs right now. Yeah. I also present a sense of comership.

Okay. Come your hair right now. Yeah, I also present a sense of comership, okay? Come your hair, sir. I then I like Dale. Dale goes, really it just boils down to the plate of food being delicious. Oh, okay, I was gonna cook some shitty food, but now that you say it, I'm gonna cook delicious food instead. Well, now's the time for your elimination challenge.

From Oregon, ducks to bird watching, Portland is obsessed with ice cream. Sorry, that's a gale. Portland is obsessed with birds. First elimination is to impress us with the dish-free-tring. One of these five delicious birds found and murdered in Oregon. Gale, oh I'm sorry, quail duck, chuckucker, which is what we also call a gale. Look at that little chucker over there. No patterns today, huh? Turkey, also gale, and squab.

Blaze is like, it'll be interesting to see someone engineer Turkey to find dining. And Pam says, we want to get to know you through your food. So this will be a blind tasting. Can't wait to sense the disappointment. Have fun chefs. So they have to do online shopping, which is kind of cool. I like that. She's like, you're like 30 minutes to drive the whole food and your fantastic cars to pick up a bunch of bags. I could still get a good car sponsorship. I mean, it's a bummer to lose out on, you know, scenes of them running around terrorizing Whole Foods and someone like someone like someone took all the pork loin, you know, or did did someone take all the

the the razor clams? Oh, man, I was gonna do razor clams. Well, maybe we'll get like the 2021 version of that mess where it like your whole food shows up and have to shit is Substituted and then you have to deal with like the substitutions Or what was that season? I guess it was two years ago now or that guy just like ruined everyone's whole food cart Like he like left stuff behind or he bought too much stuff and no one had enough ingredients. And then like, and either they blamed him or we blamed him for the entire season or maybe he blamed himself.

He felt really guilty about it for a very long time. Yeah, they never let it go. So basically they start picking stuff and cracking eggs because there's like little, I mean, they're really getting on the on the birds in this one. They're really dedicated to their theme. So, um, yeah, so basically the, the winning quick fire team gets to choose their, their poultry meats. And then everyone else, it's just like luck of the egg crack.

And, um, so yeah, so Padma's like, is anyone nervous about cooking these birds? And then of course Richard rages his hand. He's not even cooking or a judge on this episode. But of course he can't help us. We raises his hand and he goes, I'm nervous for them. And then bad much is goes, I'm nervous about your hair. Hmm. Speaking of soaring to new heights says gal. She's like, I can't. It's your cat skills show a break till after the pandemic. Stupid. Hey, gal, that was kind of funny. How are you friends with Addy Wong?

Oh, I guess that's just me. Um, so let's see. Um, the Amish girls like, oh my god, technology. I have to order a mine. I don't do that well. Come on, holy schnikes. Yeah, I mean, because me do that well. Come on holy schnikes. Yeah, I know the mean because me and my sister voice have that holy schnikes. What is that? Well, it comes from time. I believe I think it comes from Tommy boy. Yeah, Chris Farley.

Oh, it's like a holy thing. So embarrassed. So embarrassed. No, it's okay. It's okay. So all the other people who are cooking Chukka are really confused because no one's made Chukka, which is also a partridge, but they've just never cooked it. So they're confused and a little nervous. And then they, then all the chefs are brought to the hotel because they're gonna be living in a hotel and Brittany is like, I love hotels.

I'm so excited to live in a hotel. Oh, my dream would be a hotel on the top of a mountain so I could cook my Alpive food and live in a hotel. Oh, my dream would be a hotel on the top of a mountain so I could cook my alpive food and live in a hotel. I am sad. Is there a smack machine? That's a half-gray area, man. I can't live without it. So is this after they go to Whole Foods? Well, they don't really, yeah, I think so. I think that they just ordered the whole thing. It looks like Swinger is when everybody in LA drives in a separate car at the same place. It's like 20 cars driving into whole foods.

So yeah, there's like dead animals. There's like stuffed dead animals all over this place. And some of the guys play, some of the cast plays pool. And they make a cheers. And Roscoe tells us he's from Chicago and now Alabama. And he became a chef because he went to grad school for art and design. He's like, and I was focused on art, but then I was cooking at shape and then I worked with the Mustang button, barbecue pit master in the world.

I love his low energy. I just love that he's like a meat cooker. And now he has to be in this smoothie to the world. I love his low energy. I just love that he's like a meat cooker and now he has to be in this moody to the show. He's gonna be here till the end. And he said that he works with Rodney Scott and I think that Rodney Scott is the guy who did the roast pig for Real Housewives of Atlanta when they went to South Carolina. See it all come out together. Remember. Um, so then he's like, yeah, cooking in art, I really adore. And I also really want to be a rapper. It's like, this guy's going to win the whole thing. I see you coming. Yeah. I was like, he's got wisdom on his side. He's chill. Everything's going great. I was like, I like him. I like him a lot. And surely the mantle, who are cursive when I decided

the mid episode that I like someone and they're gonna go far, surely that won't kick in again. And Brittany just realized that she'd have pumpkin seeds in the oven and I never took them out. And there's like swing commercial break. I was like, okay. So they start cooking and we start with Portland's not Gabriel. He's like, well, last year I opened Mama Bird and there are only three things on the plate

that better be perfect. Yeah, he goes, I cook chicken every day. I mean, Chuck or Squab is just a small chicken. I like how he announces, I cook chicken every day. As if every single one of these chefs don't cook chicken every single day, like, ooh, how do you have access to chicken? You're so lucky. I'm Maria's taking the whole stove, of course.

He's like, damn girl, you're taking everything. She's like, just move some stuff, okay? I'm doing extra lavas, putty-synas. I like Maria, she's my favorite. She's my favorite. I like her to. I don't have like an early favorite favorite, but she is definitely in the tier of my favorites. I think like her Sarah, who I know you don't like, but I like the two of them and I love Shota. I think I loved him on the, I think I already loved him

on our our breakdown. And I think my love continues for him. Yeah, I like him too. There are actually a lot of them to like this year. Yeah. That's why the ones you seem like assholes really stand out, like Portland. Exactly. So we meet a little bit of from Byron Byron. It's from Costa Rica.

We talk so it's about how we get like to cook Thai food. And then Roscoe, he tells us, this is where you have our first red flag. He's like, you know, normally I do barbecue, but my adobo is my secret weapon. And I think at that point, we're all like, uh, we're like, uh, dobo. A lot of good secret weapon. I mean granted adobo is my secret weapon. For guess what,

French fries. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was great and everything but yeah This is supposed to be the challenge where you're supposed to kind of like lead with your strong suit of like who you are and you do work with like The top pit master in the country, so yeah, well, I can see it is secret weapon being adobo for that, you know for like spicy meat and stuff So let's see teriyaki duck show He's using a technique he learned from chef So and so yes chef so and so and it's it involves taking the duck in now and I didn't write it down He just was taking the duck in a now and now and I was like and then they show a picture of him He's like here's one of my pictures when I'm young

No, I'm a lady young. Doesn't have cats. No, Amish lady. It does not have cats. But here's the picture of me. Can I murder it? And it looks, he's got his finger touching his note. It's a really weird picture. I'm like, is he picking his nose? Why are they choosing this picture?

Yeah. Also, you know what made me feel a little bit uncomfortable was that we'd already gotten this far into the first episode, and not a single person said, food saved me if I had to work for food I'd be in the gutter shooting a paro in. I was like, what was that? Yeah, give it time, give it time.

You know, there's gonna be somebody. They all love Show Do's little laugh, and so then they keep playing his laugh, the rest of the episode and all you can do is here And it's kind of like the the Madison laugh for a million dollar listing. It's kind of like an abbreviated version like a But yeah, he has a period if between each ah he goes It's like a more school laugh. Yeah So um, but yeah, he's always laughing, which of course I love because I'm like

So then we go to dawn who's doing a turkey peanut stew from West Africa and she's like you know what stews are like sauces and sauces are like soul Wow, that was I would say that was almost like a long jump of logic. So then, we see, then Sasha is making polenta and she's like, I'm making polenta because I'm an Italian girl and that's what I do. I just make polenta and this cannot go wrong even if if I tried, even if I tried. Nelson is doing grandma's mother chucker, which is funny. And let's see, Ovi Shar is going to do a fungali dish in honor of his mother. I love this guy, his mother, love it. So yeah, he's like, I'm doing this for my mom. Yeah, it's kind of goofy.

And he's like, honestly, I don't care so much about the judges. I care more about what my mom is going to think about how I do. And I could actually really see that. Because you know his mom is watching with her hands crossed. Like, do not make do not embarrass me. Do not. And then Roscoe is not happy with the way his adobo is going. And Brittany is doing her a chucker leg and a pressure cooker

and it's got everyone nervous because you just hear the hissing of the pressure cooker. I thought I was gonna explode. I was gonna get nervous. Take it off, take it off! So now all the judges come in to sit down and Padma's like, I just want to say how excited we are to have you guys here, we're excited to have all you guys here to hear your opinions and having you at the table all season long is gonna be really fun or at least as fun as it can be with a bunch of fake celebrities. Yeah, and then you know that every time these scenes happen Richard will say something every single time. It's like there's seven or eight of them there

but always Richard has to say something That's like this should be really funny. He's like, yeah, you say it's long as I'm not the first to go. I remember saying that Uplays oh my god, quite blaze is my turf And gal comes back in an terrible pattern. So gal is still gal. You know, we can still count on her And Gale comes back in an terrible pattern. So Gale is still Gale, you know, we can still come on her She's yeah, yeah, like you get put your patterns back on glad we're doing this blind Yeah, Gale, I know you love a blind taste test. I guess that goes for your fashions, too, huh? So first course it's the squad I'm just imagining Pammage is yelling that to the back So first course it's the squab. I'm just imagining Padma just yelling that to the back corner.

So I'm so happy. So first the squabs. So we have Gabriel who made roasted squab with grilled plums and Zhu. And Padma takes it by like, mmm, that's a positive, mmm, Gabriel. You know what, the sauce, the sauce is, it's good. It's got after notes of plum.

Because there's grilled plums on it, Tom. And Richard's like, this chef is letting us know they're a fine dining chef. I'm like, they're also on top chef. So that's usually thanks, Richard. Thanks. Yeah. So then we get Byron, sweet Thai style grilled scrub, and he serves it with the claws on it.

And Blaze, of course, you know, has something to say, respect for serving claws. Yeah. And Kwame's not getting the grilled Thai flavor and dailed and feel like the sweet potato and salad tied the dish together. So then your favorite, Maria, hers comes out if the enchilada and Tom's like, oh, it's a little spicy, it's got a little kick to it. Sort of reminds me of the opposite of the amount of initiative my son has. It's like this has got a lot of kick. It's sort of lively and seems to be going places, making me feel things.

Yeah, maybe it's spicy. And Greg can't find the squab. He's like, where is the squab? Melissa really appreciates the story of it. Yeah. Because it tells where she's from. Because it's actually a lot of us. It's an enchilada story. Coming soon to pick off Story of a lovely enchilada So next up is the cut chuck what am I?

Top chef goes the right way. God. Sorry, I'm just like... I didn't like your enchilada story. Look at all these snowflakes. You've had them. It's crazy, you're a pandemic. So Pam is like, what do we think about duck?

Do we think it's an easier bird than the squab or is it more like, gale? Tough and difficult but we have to have it anyway. It's the easiest. They should nail this one. So we start with Roscoe. We should call it mixology. It's just, it's, they should call it duck.

They should just call it mixology. It's sort of the easiest of the bunch. You know what I'm saying? Is this puppy? Is this resistance? Papilist resistance. So, Roscoe brings out his duck with adobo and dumplings, but it's just like a pile of fat because it all, it basically all went wrong. It's like you see the butter

swimming on top, but the dumpling is like drowning. It doesn't look good. It looks like like, and yeah, it's not good. Weird, mots of ball soup. I then, um, and, and so he served adobo and Dale is like, you know, this is the national dish of the Philippines. And the duck is even cooked well. And this is pretty sad. And I have forgotten about that. Like that's a bold move to cook a dobo for Dale. And Dale, like, Dale is like famous for his Filipino food. So yeah, he goes, this is sad. And Melissa says, this broth is too greasy and too cloudy. I mean, you know, just I thought thought it would be more confident in tongue goes, yeah, it's, uh, it's a bowl full of fear.

Oh, really? That's what I call Gale's blue apron box. That's ice cream, whatever Gale's coming. That's the employees of the dress bar right gal walks you the doors So then soda brings out his soy brazed chuck chuck Jack it's a common common bird duck chuck because there's a chuck I'm just fell it every single time I keep putting cute cuck

Duck you dummy So I duck no gal I'm not saying I'm a duck Put down your Dirty So okay sorry everybody so show This is completely deranged, okay? I think we have been done in hour ago. Yeah, so long time ago.

But we, you know, so they love the doc. Melissa finds it perfectly balanced and Kwame loves the soy flavor. And Gail says, you know what, it eats really well. It's easy, it's tender. It melts in your mouth. Oh, Gail, everything eats well to you. melts in your mouth. Oh, Gail, everything eats well to you.

So next up is the quail. The Pimenta is a little bit too tight on Sasha's taste guys, but it's a little tight guys. So Sarah does like a coconut yogurt thing. And they all love it. Yeah, it's quail, updates, and yoga, and Amar says it's a flavor explosion, and Gell's like, this is absolutely delicious, it's unexpected, and Tom is like, yeah, this chef is very confident. I can almost guarantee that this chef is not in the stew room right now,

crying and trying to crochet something. This is someone who's ceases the world and wants to do young chefy things. I Can tell you whatever chef this is did not skip from springa. That's for sure This is a chef who does not want to be a mixologist. This is someone with ambition So the Palenta on Sasha's dish is you know like said, too thick and it's too sauce heavy and Tom says the quail is lost, you know, which is really sad because not only is the quail dead, it's also lost. It's like this quail is out of rocker. What a way to go.

What a way to go. Just like lost in the polenta. It reminds me of like that scene and witness when someone drowns in a silo full of grain. It's like the quail in the polenta. That's how I want to go. Just face down in a bullet grits at Cracker Barrel. I know.

So then, uh, so turkey. Yes. Oh, well, I do want to say that, uh, Kiki, we didn't talk about Kiki, who served her Moamba quail with sweet corn grits also, very similar to the Palenta one and oh This is where the quail is lost. I thought we're talking about the Palenta never mind. I'll just move forward. That was my bad I'm sure. Sorry That's okay. It's like we're we talking about the quail that was in the Palenta or the quail that was in the grits

All I know is at one point padma y'all, more quail. So. Like she's upset with the challenge that she set out. Oh, another quail, how original. So it's like I said to the 1988 elections, more quail. I'm right wing now. So Jamie's telling us, she's like, well, you know,

I went a little, uh, I went, you know, like by sauce. Um, and then Don is plating hers and she's getting help spooning all the vegetables around her plate and she's, you know, going towards a finish line if she will. And then it's time up and she is not put her penis. Her penis. Her penis. Her penis. Oh my god.

Man. She's not put her penis sauce on the plate. The one thing that, you know what? What if I helped that dish? Some penis. I thought she didn't do it. She didn't do it. So.

She's furious and you can tell she's an athlete because she's so she's like, damn it! She's so hard on herself and she's like, the athlete in me doesn't forgive myself. But I don't want to be, I don't want to be defined by being an Olympian, but the athlete in me is mad and I just feel like I wish I could have been there on that podium. I mean, not that I want to define myself as an Olympian, but I'm more nervous than I was waiting for a p-test. So, um, so anyway, so Chris, I don't even know who's Chris. Oh, I don't know.

He does sous vide things, so I'm not sure that I even want to know him yet, because I don't trust your sous vide, you know, boiling shit in the bag, so it's a gelatinous, okay? I'm not sure that I even want to know him yet, because I don't trust your sous vide, you know, boiling shit in the bag. So it's gelatinous, okay? I'm not sure about this, people, sous vide people. Well, Melissa says he has too much going on. And then, they bring out one of the peanuts, dude. And Pam, I guess another a peanut stew. I mean, it's like every time Gail brings out another pattern. It's like we get a gal you like busyness

So places like my plate doesn't have peanuts or stew God it really must be difficult to cook in these hard times and girls like well, I'm really sad that the I'm really sad about the stew that isn't Good one, Gale. But the individual components have nice flavors. And then Jamie's lemon grass turkey with Israeli couscous comes out. And Padma's like, I like lemon grass. I like turkey and I like Israeli couscous.

But it's like one of Gale's outfits. Nothing really goes together. It's like, sure, I like an couscous, but it's like one of Gail's outfits. Nothing really goes together It's like sure I like an Argyle I like a chevron I like a polka dot But Gail when you wear them all together. It's just a disaster So Tom likes the turkey because it's delicate might but it's lost guys Turkey lost bird Everything's lost you know I mean are are we talking about my son's future? We're talking about Pulsar here.

What's going on? So the chicken, the chukkers. Yeah, the chukkers, the chicken fried chukker. Yeah. And the poor guy knows that it just looks like a big pile of poop. He's like, oh, Jesus, I can't believe I'm sending this out. Yeah, and basically, yeah, it doesn't really, well, so it comes out and Tom goes, no,

you'd expect a lot of flavor in this dish. It's just not there. I mean, for 18 seasons, we've been telling them to season. You think that season? You got to, because it's seasons and season sort of, sort of a little joke. Great one. Great one.

I'm going to go tell my dear friend, Lena Weith, and we got a new rider on the block. The chucker is fried beautifully, but the rice isn't cooked or seasoned enough. And then Brittany serves her chucker with sweet potato puree. And Melissa's like, oh, the puree was nice. The cook was pretty good.

Well, it should be acidic, but, you know what? It's plain sweet potato. Like anyone, anyone. Alright, I'll just let that one pass. Dale, you want this one? Come on. Yeah, you haven't said much. So then Nelson has a Caribbean braised chucker. And Byron's like, wow, this is amazing. I could even eat it without the chocker. Who even means chocker? I mean, this is great. So then, Padma, then Nathardon and Padma says, well, I do think that as a first outing,

we did get to see who many of our chefs are. And I'm surprised that any of them got a James Beard Ward nomination. Am I right? Am I right? All right, we'd like to see the Roaster Squad with honey, surprise at any of them got a James beard war nomination. Am I right? Am I right? All right, we'd like to see the Roaster Squad with honey, the Soye Bray's duck brass, the duck Adobo, the Netflix and chilled and the Chubby Hubby. All right, just sorry, just trying to keep Gail interested over here. All right, I'm going to go to the stew room. Yeah. So then Don just

starts to cry because she thinks that like all those eight dishes represent the top And so therefore everyone else on the bottom so she just starts to cry So she's kind of like a mess and then Sarah Sarah of course is like well, I'm pretty sure I put up the worst dish I mean, I just I don't even really know how to cook. I mean, I have a James Beard award and everything but like I mean What's a spoon? Have you ever used a spoon before? Am I right people? Didn't end in someone asked, did anyone feel good? And of course Portland Snotts, like, um, well,

I feel what I'd put that was. Representative of me, so, yeah. Shut up. So now we're in the judging, and Pat was like, so we actually still don't know exactly who made what could you guys could the roasted squab the soy duck breast and the Chinsili glade duck and the glazed quail all step forward. Gail, no, these are actually not my lap gal. Okay, the rest of you can step to the side So how are you feeling? Amish lady and sir is like oh my god terrible. I just felt terrible I mean I would do so much different. I'm just not good. I mean, oh my god

It was I was secure and somebody validated me Well the four of you standing here are because you had our favorite dishes of the day. Now how do you feel, stupid? Oh my God, how has that even possible? I suck and so my God. She acts like she won the Ford Fiesta at the end of America Idol, girl. So Pat and I was like, you had immunity anyway, stupid. So what dish was yours?

Let's just get through this. So it goes like every bite was bright and vibrant. Yeah, and it felt like a Confident played a food and yet you're falling apart apart up here I mean for a moment. I thought you had the the bowl of fear who had the bowl of fear by the way when I'm Gold here And she says well, I just came here you know the main reason I came here was just to find confidence in myself Well, that's what I really need Confident shut up stop with it. I see you trying to make your reality TV storyline lady, okay?

And I'm not buying it. Okay, it shows been on 18 years, which is terrifying by the way What my 18 years but I'm not falling for it Listen stupid we didn't ask for the ball of frumpy we asked for the ball of fear okay moving on Shota So he did the duck breast with a miso puree and she's like wow to pay a squash with puree that's genius And gale's like you know the cooking up your duck is what I was most intrigued by. Oh, really? I thought you were most intrigued by the idea of wearing paisley on your face, Gail.

Sorry, that one got away from me. Don't tell Ali. And he did cook it in a really cool way. He was braising it, and then he took it out and let it rest, and then he would braise it again, and then take it out and rest and put it in and take it out and put it in would brace it again, and then take it out and rest, and put it in, and take it out, and put it in, and take it out, which is cray cray, okay? Yeah.

You know what? That's nice. You know what, it's always good to know what's going on inside the head of a chef who's cooking. You know, like, if they have a technique, or is it just sort of like a, what's the right word for it? I wanna say bowl, and I wanna say fear,

maybe bowl of fear, anyone? Anyone, bowl of fear anyone. Anyone? When we go to Gabe's Gentessik lays dock. It ain't beautifully. You know, I just stood outside the restaurant and watched that Gentessik lays duck eat. When the police said, Hey, have you seen the missing duck? And I looked back, it was gone. It was like a beautiful fall meal. As in, I wish one of you guys would fall over and I could eat something hilarious.

Oh, Gail says the sauce was the star and Melissa loved the sweetness of the figs. And then we go to... Now what? It's a steady meal, the squab. Yeah, that was Gabriel's squab because we had Gabe and then we had Gabriel. Oh, okay. That's why I was confused.

Yeah, because Gabe was the rumpled. Gabe is the rumpled one, Gabe E. And that was when they said, eight beautifully. But then Gabriel is the, is the eater winner. Portland Smobby guy. Yeah, plain guy. And that's where he's like, yeah, I think it would turn out pretty good. Pretty well for like not having cooked squab since I worked for Tom. I don't just putting that out there. I did work for you, Tom. So that's what your fourth time this episode, sir. Geez. So, uh, Pat, she's like, this is study and simplicity. And

Tom's like, well, you know what? You don't have to hide. You don't, you don't have to hide there, buddy. Okay. And Melissa says, you know, my season, my goal was to keep it simple. So I really liked that about yours. Okay, I like that your season was keeping it simple too, because that was her big thing and her season, like really learning to edit and do all that. But when it's not you, it's not always good just because you didn't. You know what I mean? Sometimes like, I just want to be mad at this guy.

So I want them to be like, this is it. Why is this it? That I'm hoping, I'm really hoping he does not turn into a repeat of Nicholas from Top Chef. I think it was, I don't, it wasn't filled up. Top Chef New Orleans, I think, because that cannot happen again. We cannot have Nicholas win over like What the proper her name was who we loved? Too long too long too long ago, so the winner is I'm stupid for my incompetence on my way. They'll just take it idiot, take the win. And she's like, I will, I will.

I'm sure I'll have some bad moments. I'll have bad moments. I'm gonna be terrible, I'm gonna be terrible, but I'll take this win. You don't get a fucking parade lady. Move to the side, all right? It's one challenge. Okay, now step to the side and watch us

eviscerate the losers. Sasha, Avisa, Jamie, and Roscoe. You're the bottom four. Obviously, you know which side you're on. The losers start calling you sous-chats from now on. If not, I'm saying. So they start with Sasha's roasted quail implementa, and Sarah's like, wow, well, I feel like I'm taking

the beating that Sarah thought she would get. Yeah, this is funny how life works out, isn't it? So why did you decide to make Palenta's because your Italian? I bet it is exacto. Don't you forget I speak Italian too My or lemon knows mailed it all right. You have immunity all right step aside stupid So then it's Roscoe's dumplings time and Melissa's just grossed out. She's like greasy, dried out, gross. Yeah. And he goes, oh no, I'm sorry. And then she goes, is this something you're doing your restaurants? Because if so, I feel bad for all of your customers. Am I right, everyone? Am I right? Exactly. Time call back to five seconds ago.

Well, actually, what I do is I specialize in smoking meats, and they all go, oh! Which meat he's out. They have like zero respect. They're like a meat smoker. Oh! Yeah, and so, yeah, he bases like I work with this guy, this pit master guy, and they're like, oh, and he was like, oh, well, I've probably eaten your food, you know, like you do really good smoke meat, and you don't mess that up, so I don't know why you gave us a double. Yeah, so next up is Jamie, she did a curried couscous, and she messed up the turkey. She's like, I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, and I was like,

and I was like, and I was like, don, don, don, don. Don, don, don, don. What the? Don, don, don. It was this idiot. Why do we let her into the competition?

And Gail says that there were strong flavors, but they clashed. And Tom's like, yeah, you know, a piece of music is not all played at the same time The turkey was drowned. Okay. This was an opera where all the music played at one time and ran to turkey It was like a song full of fear, you know, so then an avashar and Padma's like well avashar your fried sugar was great But the biggest problem was your face but also the rise in the curry and he's like yeah you know I have one of those moments where I was thinking I'm so

fucking cool and then blame it wasn't it all yeah I was like get used to that feeling she's right so then so then the chefs I'll go to the steward room. And then so, uh, Snotty Portland guy, he walks in and goes, you guys are all in the middle. Which was, like, theoretically, like, stop worrying. You guys are fine. But it was also kind of like sort of insulting to, like, you're just a model. Yeah, I felt like that too. Like, he walked in and just called them all jans. It's like, you're all jans. So of course, Amish girls, like, oh, can you believe it? I can not believe I

want it just never ever thought I would ever want anything in my entire life. I mean, I'm sure I'm thinking a parking space, much less of James beer and award just for showing up here today. I love it. You just keep calling her I'll miss girl So now the judges are deliberating and Padma's like we asked them to show us who they are with one plate of food and unfortunately They didn't show us enough. They showed us too much at once too much is going on with Jamie's dish Am I right everyone am I right take it from here Tom? Well, I've got a monologue here because it's the end of the show. All right. Um, Roscoe's dish couldn't get. Oh no.

So basically they discuss who's going to go. So we go to Tom at the end. He's like, well, guys, it sounds like a simple challenge. Uh, be raised by great parents who love you. Uh, go to a school that, that, uh, you work hard to get through, uh, become a master chef. But unfortunately, uh, you just decided to get through, become a master chef, but unfortunately you just decided to throw some alcohol into a shaker and pour it over some ice and call yourself

a mixologist. So tell us who you are. There's no right answer. It needs to be backed up a solid technique, tasty food. So the person going home today is going home for the same reason everyone goes home. They made the worst dish. Oh, they made the worst dish of the challenge. Roscoe. Roscoe, please pack up your please wash the terrible doth off your knives and

pack them up and go. Well, it's not over for you yet. We'll see you in last chance, kitchen, where you'll have last chance in hell of getting through this competition, but it'll be fun to watch you, drown everything in butter, and lose birds. Okay, be a bird, please. I can't wait to taste your next bowl of fear. So looking forward to that. And Roska's like, wow, it's so lame being the first one to leave.

Womp, womp. So there it is, Roscoe. Roscoe first, so we were just, we were ready. We were ready for a Roscoe season. And it's well, you know, last time she kitchen, how do you think it happened? I think it happened. But mostly the last person kicked off was mostly the person who comes back. So yeah, look forward to kitchen. How do you think it happened? I think it happened. But mostly the last person kicked off was mostly the person who comes back. So yeah,

it looked good. Yeah. Oh, well, that was super fun. Everybody. Thanks so much for being here. We will be back whenever. I mean, you know, we're here every day. So just come back. Okay. Yeah. We'll see you next time. Bye, everyone. Bye. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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