Watch What Crappens - Top Chef: Restaurant Wars!

Episode Date: January 5, 2019

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Kelly Grant the grant master give them hell miss Noel. Let's get racy with Miss Stacy Shannon out of a cannon Anthony the incredible edible Matthew sisters and Lizzie Drucker a fine mother. We love you guys. Hello and welcome to Watch What Happens! The podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on yello braves. I'm Ronnie Carram. I'm also on the Respiris Bachelor Rest, which just started back up this week. So if you want a little preview of the Bachelor, get over there. Everyone's five years old and very horish.

So go over there and look. I'm with my partner Ben Madelker of the Beat Side Blog, and the real housewives of Kitchen Island, which is on YouTube. Hello, Ben. Hey, what's going on, Ronnie? We can see each other today because we are streaming this episode live over on the TV Party app.

So high TV party app. We love you. Hi, hi, hi, Ronnie. It's so nice to look to gaze right into your eyes. I know what's staring right into the camera so we can. Wow. And I put a little light so I have like a little twinkle in my eyes. Do you like it? I have, I didn't do any lighting but luckily I'm seated right by a window. So I'm just letting God do the lighting for me. Girl, that's how Jesus did it and he's still

hot as hell. So everybody, welcome to the show. Today is Friday. So happy Friday. It's also the second episode of restaurant wars We were off last week so we didn't get the first episode, but we're gonna catch up a little on both But before we do that let's all apologize to everybody being mean to me on this season of real housewives of Beverly Hills No, Lisa Vanderpump. This isn't about you We are going on to it. Well, we're not really going on tour. We just quiet out town every month to do a live show. We just sold out DC.

So thanks DC. We're also going to be coming to Boston for a second show. We added a Friday show in Dallas, February 8th. So get your tickets for that. Please, it's going to be very special. Guess it's going to be amazing. You can't say who it is. Yeah, but you can probably figure it out because it's where it gonna be in Dallas.

So it's the founder of Waterburger. It's George Bush. The first, we're gonna have ghost George Bush there. Don't know George Bush. Don't just kidding, sorry George Bush, that was rude. I'm gonna have a George Bush ghost in my house now. Okay. So we're going there Boston, Dallas, Irvine. Just for laughs. By the way, once someone on some one on our TV party app just now, it's like, you guys can't get a

comeback to Seattle. Well, for right now, the closest that will be is we're gonna be at just for laughs and Vancouver. So if you're willing to make a little drive up to our Canadian neighbors, you can see us there in February and on top of that, because it's just for laughs, you don't just get to see us. You can see like a million amazing comedians when we did just for laughs and Montreal. There were so many like famous comedians

and podcasters there. So like, it's don't come just for us. Come for the world of comedy. No, come just for us. And then look, there's other't come just for us. Come for the world of comedy. No, come just for us. And then, look, there's other comedians like their crap. Just be like, yeah, no one even likes you. Yeah, so yeah, we got just, we got that. And we also have Irvine Phoenix is also coming up.

We got a very busy February, March, and April coming up. And there's gonna be more, more to be announced, maybe we'll be announcing some stuff next week We don't know we got to check with our peeps, but yeah, very exciting go to watch a crap and calm For all those things plus Ronnie's made all this amazing merchandise. Yeah, good get your bend into street Throney and the sheets t-shirts those are over at crap and some worship calm and there's free shipping on orders over $45 still January 22nd. Yeah, so there's all of that. Now that we are done with that. Done. What is your main general thought of restaurant

woes being? Well, um, meaning like where we were from like last week. Like, let's talk about a little bit what happened the first episode of restaurant wars because it was a very special double episode of Restaurant Wars for the first time in history. You better stop putting that Z-cat up there. Stop staring at us so much, Ronnie. Focus. I am focused, but it's a big giant cat going zzzzzzzzzzz just is like a cute animation. I think you're being too literal with the TV party animation. I am. Okay. I'm not going to let. Okay. So let's talk about that first episode. Okay. Um, very, very stressful. I spent the entire episode, actually, as anyone on TV party

who watched, I did my, I streamed that one on TV party and everyone who watched with me could see that I was like, Oh oh no, that person's going home. Oh no, that person's going home. Oh wait, she's going home. He's going home. I was very, very stressed out the entire time. Nothing really happened obviously because it was a cliffhanger,

but I spent the entire episode just getting stressed out watching these like disasters, build up and up and up. It was, it was very surprised like who was nice and who was not nice because I thought that that girl that Serly girl from Kentucky talked to fish. She's like I'm a local. I'm not gonna take any shit. I have a spoon bread recipe. Yeah, she looks like she's in prison and will shank you if you fuck with like that's the girl you have to go through to get the soap in prison that girl. Serial, right? Yeah. So I'm just waiting for her to go nuts on people

because I feel like she's crazy, right? She's like, I feel like she'll hit you over the head with a beer bottle or something if you don't do things. Like she like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, but she was actually nice and she was like, nice to the, the waiters because they tricked them in this one

and they didn't say they were gonna do this But I feel like they made an effort to get the dumbest waiters. They possibly could it's like they they passed out flyers in front of universal studios And just dragged people in no that's what they do I'm pretty sure that they do like a casting notice on Craigslist and they just get people who are not necessarily waiters You don't really know what they're doing and Sarah yeah, yeah, you're right. She's been surly all season, and then she's like super nice with the wait staff, because I think that she's one of those people who's like in sort of like a fine dining environment,

sort of like a more elitist environment. She's like, I'm like a regular person, but then when she's like with the regular people, she's like, hey, Han, yeah, no, don't worry about that, Han, I got that, Han, yeah, you're doing great, Han, you know, because she's like with her people, so she feels more comfortable, you know? Yeah, and also I feel like she's, Han, yeah, no, don't worry about that, Han, I got that. Han, yeah, you're doing great, Han, you know, because she's like with her people. So she feels more comfortable, you know? Yeah.

And also, I feel like she's nice to the weak ones, because those are who you trained to be your army and jail. OK, I've seen Orange is a new black and women's. OK, I've seen them. Yeah. So she actually turned out to be nice. She was getting on my nerves in the first episode, because in that one, at this time, they split everybody

up into three teams. So it wasn't just two teams like normal, so many people. So they split them up into three teams and she was getting on my nerves because she's so bossy. She's got a boss to everything. And she's like, well, I wouldn't say we're going to do a vegetarian because no one wants that. But we are going to do vegetarian.

And I think it should be vegetable forward. And you know what, here's our thing. Fresh, organic, organic, fresh, fresh. I'm like, whose idea, who's going to come up with their idea and say, let's do a bunch of processed crap? Yeah, exactly. Let's have fresh food for top shop. That seems like a good idea.

So the three restaurants were, there's a third coast, which is sort of like Gulf Coast centric. There is one called North East, because I guess they're off from the Northeast, and then there's one called Tissle, which I don't actually really like that as the name of a restaurant.

I don't know either, it's like just name something sticker. Like you know, like when you get a sticker in your foot, when you're walking around in the desert This all I mean it's it's like As well as you know not to jump ahead but like this all is the thing that you spit out You know yeah, it's not like I don't think that's really an attractive name for a restaurant But I always have to say anything is always better than top chef Vegas when the Voltaggio brothers were on the show and they named their restaurant.

They named their restaurant. Those guys are like so broke. They're like, come. They named it revolt revolt. Oh, because it was Voltaggio and then there was someone with like an RE in their name and whatever. So like, when they combined all their names as revolts. Oh, geez.

What revolts? I think they were thinking, they were thinking like, yeah, let's revolts against this. But then everyone else was thinking like, this is revolting. It's revolting, yeah. What's they turned out to be? Bus their hearts.

I know. So yeah, I actually don't really remember too much from last week's episode. I have to say, I just remember that I really liked it and I was stressed Also, I came to the realization last week that Brian who's like the tall guy is basically Hannah Gatsby and I was like that's who it is Wait, who's Hannah Gatsby? Hannah Gatsby is the Australian comedian. Oh

My god, that's the guy I call Napoleon Dynamite. Yeah. Okay, so he's like Napoleon Dynamite if he identified his Hanna Gatsby. He's Napoleon Dynamite if he identified as a lesbian stand-up comedian. He wants to make a commentary about tension. Yeah, he's very like, I'm gonna do the front of the house, but like, I'm gonna read a book to learn. And I just thought this is gonna be the biggest fail.

This guy's getting a front of house book and he's like, look at the notes I took. And then it's like Jim Carrey in that movie 23 where he sees 23 everywhere. And he's like scribbling notes down like a crazy conspiracy theorist or whatever. I was like, this is gonna backfire in this poor guy's face. And I love Napoleon dynamite the movie. And I love seeing him all. I hate it actually. So, um, I was Napoleon dynamite, you say?

Um, yeah, when he wrote like an entire ledger about like how to do service. I was like, that's cool in theory. But I don't know how like this is going to translate to anything. And in fact, last week, he was, so he's been working on a chicken balance team, which is where you take like the chicken skin and wrap around the chicken or whatever. And so that took up a lot of time. And so Adrian had to go out front and start training the servers, even though it wasn't her job. And so she just like had this manual and she said, okay, so what you is, um, each one of you guys just read a paragraph aloud and then pass it along. And then we'll come back in five minutes and see where you guys are at. I'm like, this is going to be a full on disaster, but it wasn't.

Yeah. Well, Adrian really kept it together. I feel for the most part. And I love when a tiny person is screaming and yelling at everybody, it's like mighty mouse, you know, when mighty mouse is just like ruling the world and no one's going to everybody. It's like mighty mouse, you know? When mighty mouse is just like ruling the world and no one's gonna mess, she's like mighty mouse in this episode. She's like, I'm not, I don't wanna hear from you. I don't wanna hear from you. Hi.

I was like, you go giant earlobes. I thought that she was gonna, based off last week, I thought that she was gonna go home because she was very much like, okay, all I'm gonna do is I'm gonna do two desserts and like, no, I'm not cooking. I'm just going to put some cheese on a plate and I'm going to put a peach on another plate. I was like, okay, this bitch is going home, okay, especially because she was bragging about expediting.

I was like, she is done. Yeah. When somebody makes a cheese plate, I'm always like, really a cheese plate. I never know how it's going to turn out. And of course, this episode Karen, who I don't remember liking Karen, she seems like evil to me. She seems like she would run me down in a car like if she saw me in the crosswalk.

Is she not like Karen? I think I liked her. I think I always really, of course I love Nina and she deserved to win her season. I love the one. Yeah, I love Nina over that ass hole. Nick Karen, I remember when I saw her, I recognized her, but I didn't really remember her. You know, sometimes with the top chef contestants, it's hard to keep track.

Karen gives like kind of a squint when she looks at people like, like, she squints her eyes and like kind of looks them up and down. And I'm like, don't you squint at me, young lady? Okay. I feel like what I like about Karen is I can totally see her coming over to my apartment and like, just sitting down on my couch and then talking and then I'd like offer her like some of the drink and then she's like oh no no no no no don't worry I don't need anything and then like I have to insist and then get and then give her like a like a like or like a seltzer or something like that but she's

like really warm about it but she like never she just never got so she yeah she's that neighbor that you're like hey you know it's graphing neighbors glad we're friends please don't knock because I work at home and she'd be like oh my god I'm so sorry did I bug you okay I won't do that anymore knock knock knock oh I forgot something was I bothering you right now like she'll still keep knocking and then she'll go oh oh, I forgot, I'm not, is it okay that I knocked right now? No, it's still not okay that you knocked. It doesn't make it okay that you said that you know you're not supposed to, you know?

I feel like I quietly disappoint Karen every single time we hang out because she always forget that I don't really watch RuPaul's Drag Race and she's like always so excited to talk about their latest episode. And I'm like, oh, you know what's so funny? I actually don't really watch that show really. It's so good, Ben.

You should watch it. I'm like, I know. I'm in obscene episodes here and there. It's like, no, okay. That's fine. I get it. But she's like, it's quite at least sad she can't talk about it with me. But that is such a neighbor template.

You know, that is such like an actual neighbor template. People who are just like, oh, you saw drag race, right? I'm like, no, I didn't fucking see drag race. what the hell okay? I missed that drag boat. I missed it Yeah, I didn't see it. There's always a neighbor who's like, oh my god drag race right and I'm like What isn't about me that just screams drag race? Okay, if you're gay, everyone assumes you watch it And I'm like I don't I watch the real drag queens which is real ass was in New York, okay? I don't I watched the real drag queens which is real ass was in New York, okay The sync my wife okay

Draculations, I'm wearing a winter cap and it's like 65 degrees outside and my head's itching Okay, another thing that I don't like about this is I don't like the names of these restaurants This what we already talked about. Yes. I don't like the names I don't like when people are like let's's make it like a coast. Northeast, east east, west east, southeast. I'm like, that's a map. That's not the name of a restaurant. Okay. I don't like that. Whatever happened to good old fashioned chilies. Yeah. I actually like third coast because it's like, it's a little imagined imaginative and you have to think about it. There's like something going on there. Because the judges were asking like, what is that? What's the third coast? Third coast would be the southern coast along the Gulf.

Well, I think that's where Shep has a restaurant. Oh, but um, northeast is a little unimaginative. I would have to say. Yeah, it's just like a direction you walk in the airport. Yeah. Okay. So shall we move on to this week's episode? Yeah, did we talk about it? Cause now looking at my notes like now what? Hold on, mean girl is the hostess though. This one, why would they put Sarah as the hostess?

I just, this has disaster written all over. Well, because she was like, oh, I'm really going with front of the house. I know how to be a front of the house. So she just like insisted and that's that's basically what happened Yeah, well she got it and so everybody is being sat now so the restaurants are about to go live That's where we open this episode Yeah, exactly and we're seeing shots of Brian at the front of the house for North East

We see Adrian expediting for all the Northeast people like There's some table number confusion with them, but things are moving along. And then we see over at Thistle, their big issue is that Michelle, who has immunity, she is, she's like the executive chef, but they're like, Michelle is hard to hear sometimes. And she's like not hard to hear at all.

She's like, hey, I need another, like, I need another salmon or whatever. And Pablo's like, what was that? What was that? You have to speak up. I'm like, no, this is a Pablo issue, not a Michelle issue. I'm sorry. Yeah.

I was a little bit of a bitch. Pablo is a little bit of a bitch, but he kind of gets away with it because he's talking really fast. And you're like, he's not a bitch. He just talks fast, you know? Like, don't speed hate. But I think he did end up being kind of a bitch. But who else is on her team?

Is that douchebag from the Phantasmagoric mommy, mommy chocolate factory or whatever that is? Brand is always like, can you talk louder? That was my favorite line from the first restaurant worst episode, because he's like, okay, so you're going to run the kitchen. Could you talk a little louder? You can be louder, right? So he was giving her shit. He's like, we can't hear anything. And,

you know, now we've got her like working, but we can't hear. And I'd really like to see more of a push from her to make sure everyone's on task. I'm like, why don't you just take the fucking job? Okay? Yeah. Why don't you just have that one? I'm waiting for him to be a douche and he comes out and little tiny douche spurs. Little, yeah. Yeah. He's like, I'm happy to take the role of Sue Chef. Like, he's like the martyr of the team. I don't know, I found like, maybe this is me being PC or without PC, but like being like just my suits lips itself.

But like when he's like, I just want to steal the more like initiative from her, make sure everything's on task. I just kind of got a vibe. Like, there was something coded about that, about the fact that she was sort of like, just more of a sub-dude woman than like a big brash personality and like why is that wrong you know so I don't know if I'm just bringing my shit to it but I kind of got that vibe a little bit

and bringing your shit to it as a woman with a soft voice as a woman with a soft voice I was like you know what I've been in that position before and I don't respect it. Well, she does that kind of quiet and she kind of strings all her words together, kind of like that. But I mean, who cares? Also her grandma is a shaman for the most violent tribe. It's like, I figured it was Ecuador or something like that. So like I wouldn't like push her to hard, Brandon. Yeah, Phantasmagora, unless you want to shrunk ahead, better watch your,

you better watch your tones, sir. So then we go out to the, in the dining room. There's some diner who's there, some lady. She's like, third coast. What's the third coast? I mean, I know there's an east and a west, but third coast. And then enter the dumb, dumb waitress. Okay, did you notice the older blonde waitress?

Yes, the one that did. She messes up everything through the whole show. And in my head, she's Kim Richards from Don't waitress, okay, did you notice the older blonde waitress? Yes, the one that is yes. She messes left everything through the whole show. And in my head, she's Kim Richards from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And they're like, okay, here's what you need to do. Take a plate. Check what? Take up here. Take this plate.

Who goes on a plate? Why would I do that? What's a plate? You put the food on the plate. Oh, what? I don't know. Remember, I told you the story on the bonus You put the food on the plate. Oh, man, I didn't know. Oh, God. Remember, I told you the story on the bonus episode of the lady on the Amtrak train who taught the garbage can with the bathroom?

She looked exactly like that waitress. It could have been the same person, which helps inform the Amtrak story. Well, as I got older as a waiter, you know, people get agist and they're like, fuck, I don't want an old waiter And I was like, that's ageist and rude, but after watching this, I kind of see it and not just because of age But there's something that happens when you hit like 40 where you're just like, I don't give a fuck, okay? You don't have the terror that you need to work in a restaurant where people are like, shit hitting the wall, nothing's being delivered No one's orders were taken. You have to be like, oh my god, And after 40, you're just like, I don't give a fuck, okay? This was going to happen. Everyone's

going to yell on the screen and I'm going to still go home and have a little snack and watch medium re-brens is still good. The world keeps turning. You know? You know what I would actually really like for Top Chef to do would be just like a digital extra with the explain, like best practices or how expediting works because I've never worked in a restaurant. So I don't actually know every single year. It's like, oh, the tickets are coming in and no one knows their numbers. I would like to know, like, how it's really supposed to go. So that way I could like judge better in these situations when restaurant wars comes up, you know. Well, there's a, you, there's a waiter name at the top.

And then there's a number of guests, right? So, you know, who you're supposed to feed. And then the appetizer's on tray, everything's coarsed out on the check. And by person number, whatever. And so if you have three stakes, two fish and salad, it's all, you know, it's all written out and coarsed out and where they're sat and everything. Under the weight, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. same time and all of that blah, blah, blah. Okay. So knowing that, I may have to rely on your expediting knowledge to pass really good judgment later on in the episode

when things should really fall apart because I was like, what is happening here? It was like a full on disaster. Okay. So really the most important thing that does happen in this episode is that some red BMWs pull up to the fake restaurants in slow motion And then Padma just sort of steps out. They do that thing where she like Comes out of the car really fast like hmm, and then they put her in like massive slow-mo like look at me

Padma knocks me walking out of a car can get out of that. I don't think so bless her heart Salman's angels So bless her heart. Salman's angels. That's very the Charles Charlie's angel, Louvie. And I'm like, what are you guys doing? Is Adma with her glasses that crazy gal want to be with her terrible gale patterns? Who I love that.

I'm secretly loving. So I'm trying to love me, though. I think she's a really good alternative. I don't like that she looks like Gail and also wears Gail patterns. I feel like she's totally single white galing Gail. She's single white gail. She's all about Gail. I don't like it. I want her to be born. So yeah.

I'm on the outside. Whatever that song is. Yeah, so they do that Charlie's angel thing where they get out of the car like, and then slowly walk in like wow. It's like in Charlie's Angels full throttle when Demi Moore has a big reveal like Park Observatory. She's like in some rotating thing and the thing like rotates around and Demi Moore is like in this structure and it's like I could just imagine badmah doing that just like every day just for the fun of it. So the judges go into the first restaurant, and it's Napoleon Dynamite's restaurant, right? Napoleon Dynamite Gatsby's restaurant.

And she's, if Adelaide was like, well, they did a good job of spacing everything out in here. I was like, are you running out of things to say? Look at that. It's very paradigm in here, much like Gale's refrigerator after midnight snack. Wow, it's paired down in here, unlike anything in Gale's closet. I love also that when the group, the judges walk in, there's like,

like a Craigslist server at the host stand. And they like do this like ridiculous charade as if it was like a real restaurant and Padma's like, hi, yes, reservation under locks me, please, I'm like, come on. There's no reservation under your name. Padma does not know how to make a reservation. You know that Padma has never made a reservation like as an adult. Of course, I know how to make a reservation. I pushed my finger into an apple.

Isn't that how it works? If I don't have a table, I pinch Gale under her arm, really hard until I get one. What I do is I unfold a bridge table. Isn't that way you're supposed to do open table? So they're doing their little pre-talk thing. And Tom's like, So, you know, Napoleon Dynamite's been talking about

how Dynamite of the Sheffields, so're gonna find out what I'm gonna say about it we're gonna find out and Padden is like whoa the spacing he's like so Neena and a squinting lady who won't leave my house when she knocks on the door and I ask her not to knock on my door you guys were in a restaurant wars who won who lost and Karen's like I won and Padden was like yeah and they were the underdogs too No one ever thought they were gonna win sort of like gal at life. No, I'm saying bless her heart She knows I'm just joking. I mean, I think she does. Hopefully she's not listening perhaps too busy rearranging her crop collection Hopefully she's not listening. Perhaps too busy rearranging her crock collection.

Gail would be listening to this, but she's too busy trying to hold her baby. And as it tries to run away from her, unfortunately, my our dear friend, Gail Simmons couldn't be here for restaurant, war, tonight. Apparently there was a sale on baby roofs at the 7 11. I have a goonies t-shirt. So I'm loving baby Ruth raths. Okay, so Adrian is like all little and said, I'm exploding, I'm going crazy. She's losing her mind and I'm cracking up.

And let's see. Top chef notes are literally insane. I don't know what these notes even say. I'm trying to skip skip around here. I notes even say. I'm trying to skip around here. I know, I can see. I'm trying to control myself. So, yeah, so at the table, Brian greets the judges. And he's like, hello, Shafz.

I'm Brian Napoleon Dynamite-Gazzby. And there's a lot of tension in here. So then they're like, time's like, oh, well, Brian, I don't see a lot of tension in here. So then they're like, times like, well, I don't see a lot of a whole lot of food coming out of the kitchen. No food really coming out at all. What's going on with that? And Pamela goes, I don't see anybody eating actually. It's just one table out of everybody in the restaurant. It's like, Gail came through here with a garbage bag. What is Gail your expo because no one else is eating? Someone tell gal to get out of the to go out of the kitchen and let everyone eat for once. And they have this her heart. They

have this guest judge this time Caroline Caroline, right? I think that's her name. I don't remember what her name was. And she always looks at everybody like this. Like really? Whoa. and in the quick fire challenge which was in the last episode she's like I Love Sunchokes I love how they taste. I love the texture I love the color of that so now in this episode everyone's putting sunshokes and everything I noticed that I was like why is everyone putting sunshokes in and you're right? That's because you totally said that. Yeah, because you like sun jokes. Then Pamma just turns to Brian. She's like, well, like, Gayle at the sizzler, I'll have one of everything. Red wine, white wine, a jug of hidden valley.

Oh, by the way, I hate that we have to announce this because, you know, kind of kills it. But our first few recaps the season were on our Patreon. They were bonuses. And so people miss the announcement where we say, we are not making gal fat jokes. Okay, Gels not fat. She's tiny little things. She's big as my pinky. We've seen her. We love her. Yes. We's big as my cakey. We've seen her. We love her.

Yes. We just have a long running joke that Padma hates her. And that's it. Everybody just calm down. Yeah. Yeah. And we love Padma too. This is just an ongoing joke that we've had for several years.

So just please know that every time we are fat shaming gale, we're not really doing it. We're just pretending Padma's doing it. Right. We're gale shaming gale. Okay. So anyway, so Adrian, like you said, Adrian's in the weeds, she's expediting and she's like, you don't talk to them and you don't talk to them and you talk to me only and I got that and she's like, like you said, she's in her mighty mouse moment right now in the kitchen.

And so Napoleon Dona mate comes out and he's like, oh, I've got your food. Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, I feel like he's a realistic person. Like he knows the world is shit. And I always am with people like that. You know, he's like, I could lose everything in one second. And I'm like, you're right. Negativity is called preparation. But he's back there like, oh my God, I'm a church of the chicken balance. Oh my God, what have you been losing? Hey, get out.

So I thought it was gonna be a mess, but no, it wasn't. I thought he was gonna pull. Who's delicious? This is what I thought was gonna happen. I thought Eddie was gonna ruin the chicken balance and then his food would be amazing and like because I think that he is still and will for very long time Be trying to dig himself out of the hole that he made when he used up half the budget at Whole Foods And everyone's like oh fucking Eddie, you know, so I think that's why he's so stressed because he's like everyone hates me I know everyone on a home will hate me and all my fellow cooks hate me

I cannot mess anything up. So he's just like a head case as it is right now Yeah, if he dies before all the other chefs are gonna buy him like 20 gravestones like still to give him shit Even after he dies like he's never gonna get over that But the Valentin as you said turned out perfectly and times like well, this is like a perfect Valentin like this is It's perfect. I love it. It's great. I'm pan this like is like a perfect balancing. Like this is a, it's perfect. I love it. It's great. And Padma is like, I like Brian's balancing more than Eddie's crude,

which I just loved like to me. It's like, I just love the idea of like padlock picking favorites between appetizers, which is truly her job. But I also felt like there was so much judgment behind that. Like crude, you can't hang out with me in Balotine. Go hang out with Gale. She'll enjoy you. That put the Crudo in Crudo.

And then they were like, they cost you like these two gays and this one gale goes, none of us remember the Crudo when he goes, that forgotten Crudo. Yeah, here's what I have to say about the Crudo. It was fine. It was fine. I was like, okay regular person I'm glad you got your your five seconds of fame there. You

Hey Crudeau Valentin Sache you stay Crudeau Hey, you said you don't watch drag race I've seen some episodes recently actually and by the way, I'm still not sold on it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've seen some episodes recently actually and by the way, I'm still not sold on it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. Okay, sorry, but I'm really is a drag queen named Crudeau. We're out. There should be if there is a drag queen named Crudeau Balantine. I think maybe I would watch for sure and the rip off girl Will still be sitting there going. I just wish that was more elevated. I wish Crudeau was on some stairs. I guess what Caroline says about the Valentines, she's like,

the sunshokes. Those sunshokes were amazing. Whoa! God, I've to taste that sunshoke. Sunshokes are a deal with the devil because they really are delicious and they add like a warmth that is just so amazing, but then you wind up farting for the next each hour. Oh It's true. We have to talk about

Air I don't like air coming out of pleases and people. Okay listen. I'm talking listen I keep it real Ronnie. Okay. I talk about what really happens to our bodies when you have sun chokes Okay, I'm drinking a teamy right now. So I'm like, please don't talk about poop, please. GQD1189 says, okay, what's a sun choke? A sun choke is a Jerusalem, aren't a joke. It's just like a little root, it's like a tuber sort of thing. It looks like a little knob, they're delicious.

Little knobs make you, little knob, but they make you gassy, okay? We our bodies can't process them the way they can process other vegetables. Sorry. Sorry. Just can't process Show okay. Sun choke. Okay. So nearly Ramona Sagar Ramona singer talks about sun jokes. Yeah, well I like sun Ramona singer talks about sun jokes. Yeah. Well, I like sun. Case and I like choke.

Okay. Sun jokes. And okay. Very sexual. Okay. Okay. Sorry. You're about to say something about Nilo.

Nilo, every time I write Nilo, I don't even know what I'm talking about. I just love her name. Yeah. She's very proud, judge. She's like Eddie. It's killed. Aracks. It was so beautiful. So silky. But I don't know what she was talking about.

Oh, so Eddie made a New York strip and then Erich this cracked me up. This is so shaffee. So Erich made like a pork and scallop duo with variations of carrot. I'm like, come on. Chefs are so ridiculous with the way they present things. I got like, this is a study in beetroot. Or it's a variations of characters. Say it's like two different types of carrot.

Okay. And they're not even. They're like those bags that you buy at the store where they're like little thumbs. They're like little carrot thumbs, but they're all multi-colored. And it's 50 cents extra. Variations of carrot just sounds like a horrific like romcom movie about Caroline from below deck. Variations of carrot. How lucky am I? I haven't cried so hard so I went and saw variations of carrot. Such a moving film. I

told Salmon you have to adapt this into a book usually goes the other way around but this movie was too too emotional to not be adapted into a wonderful Tome and then we get a then we get a shot of like another regular person old lady and she's like the steak dish was the best combination of Flavours I've ever ever had. You're lying. Also, I mean, ever, like, come on.

But also, why do they let Blueprint? Because no one had to design their restaurant this time. We forgot to mention Blueprint or whatever they're called now. There's like, they've got lots of names. Yeah, Blueprint. Yeah, Blueprint. This one guy came in with like a little bow tie and they made all the restaurants, but the thing is also, by the way, Nini's restaurant, they got fuck because blueprint, I got the sense that blueprint just like dumped all their things

in a room. Like, okay, you do it. They did. They just threw plates all over the wall. Because Nini had to spend all her training time moving tables around. And that's why she didn't get to. Oh, it's trained them. Remember, I'm like, a blueprint, can you just like do your job, blueprint? But they can't even blame blueprint because they're a sponsor. This is unfair. You see, there are a couple little extra things thrown in this year that made it harder. Well, yeah, well, the other thing is too, by the way,

one thing we did not talk about was that last week, the blue team was like, oh my god, we're like, the powerhouse. It's like, because they had David, Nene, Kelsey, someone else. Yeah, I know. Like we've never lost, but we've never been to the bottom. I'm just going to say, and I was like, Oh, you were just in the bottom right now. I mean, it was a great fire, but still, but it's also like, okay, this team is fuck, because they're really cocky. And I think that the producers told blueprint, you know what? Just drop all their decor in the middle of the floor and make it harder for them, you know?

Yeah. So anyway, hashtag variations of carrot. So Nilo is like, Nilo is like, Eric's puree eats like magic, which I don't know, I just, I don't know why I wrote that down. I just think it's funny again, when Nilo just gets like really excited about things.

He says a lot of ridiculous things. And I think she's just not in that place yet where she's like just pulling pulling stuff out of a hat. She's not good at just like going on the fly yet so she's saying stuff like that. Tastes like magic. Specifically the scarves that pull out of each other and turn into different colors. Everyone's like, what are you talking about, Nilo? Okay. Hey, have you ever seen Gail do a magic trick? She has this really great one, which is watch all the food disappear.

Am I right, everyone? Have you ever seen a spoon get stuck in the Gale? Don't put your finger down it. Your finger will be turned will be chopped off like magic. One time Gale said she's going to saw someone in half. So I was like, okay, I'll watch this girl. Turns out she's talking about a pinata and next thing I know, she had her face stuck up to half of the pack, her eating baby roots. Right into her mouth. So now we get a guest spot from my favorite guest, the blonde, dangerous lady. This is so good. So Mimi comes up to her and she's like, hi, um, okay, so I'm gonna need you to go to that lady

and take away her fork and her knife, okay? And she goes, why? She goes, because she's getting soup, she goes, sell, and she's like, so she's not gonna need her fork and her knife, because she's only gonna need a spoon for soup. And the lady's like, just stands there like, ah!

She goes, you only need a spoon. You only need to spoon for soup. You only need to use a spoon. It was actually like a curb your enthusiasm moment. It actually, it had like the rhythm of like something that was like semi improvised for comedy, you know? I was just, I was just, I was like, I can't believe that this lady with her big poofy blonde mullet needs to be, it needs to be explained how to eat soup and what's the proper like so good. She's like,

am I off yet? I got some medium-safe dip on the Dever. She's like serving chopsticks with some chicken broth. Uh, like serving chopsticks with some chicken broth. It's like, God, it's not gonna work that way. So over at Fissel, Sarah's walking, I said, how you doing? And I saw him over here, over here, and that's okay, huh? Come on, that's okay, huh? And some ladies, like, I don't have a water glass, and she's like, no water glass, I'll get him. Look at me, I'm helpful. I'm full of ideas like how to make spoon bread,

how to make tacos, how to make halal. How do you got a water glass? She also said in the first episode, she's like, you know, it's all women. I'm like, she says something about being on a team of all women. Oh no, she's, when the quick fire judges were there, it was all women judges. And she's like, look at us, all women a team of all women. Oh no, when the quick fire judges were there, it was all women judges.

And she was like, look at us, all women. We're all women here. You know, maybe one day, you know, they used to say a woman's place is in the kitchen. Well, maybe one day, the woman's place will not be in the kitchen. I was like, where do you live? She's in front of the house.

So, yeah, it's funny. I am starting to really like Sarah. I think it worked on me. Where do you live? She's front of the house. So Yeah, it's funny. I am starting to really like Sarah. I think it's I think it worked on me I was like look how nice she is. I like Sarah now So me while Sarah cuz you know she's always got whiskey in her pocket like she's that kind of girl or bourbon You go to a party with her and it's like everyone here sucks. I got some boots in the pocket though It's like now she's the one who when when she up, like Karen's on the couch, and then Sarah, she just walks in the door. She's like, I just love myself in, and she laughs. Like, haha, and you're like, next time could you knock,

just out of courtesy. But she is, and then she starts going into your fridge because I'm sorry, I'm just so hungry, I'm just gonna make myself something. You're like, okay, I guess. And then Karen's like, hi Sarah, and then Tara's like, Tara's like, oh hi, what's going on? And there's like some weird, like, there's like some weird tension between them.

And then, but you don't really know what it is, you know, yeah. And then you're like on Westside rentals trying to find a new apartment because he's women are never going to leave. Because then Karen's like, oh, I was trying to ask Ben if he watched drag race from last night, but he doesn't watch it. And Sarah's like, and then Sarah's like, oh, I don't watch that either. And then Karen feels slightly ganged up on. So she gets quiet. Yeah. So they were ganging up on me and Karen will be like, you know, there really should be

a drag person named Cruto. And then Sarah, then after Karen leaves, Sarah privately is like, you know, I really like Karen, but she's so sensitive. It's like, okay, I'm sorry. I don't watch drag race, right? Anyway, and then she like opens up a beer and you're like, okay, Sarah, you can go to, but now you're just like sitting your drink in my beer. Sorry, I got like so into that. I forgot what I got. I was like, I was reading that scene in my head and I was like, yeah, uh-huh. That is funny. It's time for commercial. It's time. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

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feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. I'm for a crap and it's commercial. So in the back of this, all Kelsey's like, well, we realized, take it dark, coming in, things aren't going right. People putting their wrong numbers down,

something's not clicking in these server's heads. I was like, well, you all know what it's like working with servers, okay? Chefs notoriously hate servers. I've had so many pamps and knives thrown at my head, okay, and I can't really say that they're wrong. But let's not all pretend that one person is gonna be able to train 10 servers in a day.

Yeah, and like, okay. So I have a question, Ron, is so based on what you were saying before about how expediting works. When they say that they have like wrong numbers going on, how does that translate into the chaos? Because they're putting the wrong things on, they're putting the wrong table numbers on. So if Kelsey's back there, she's like, okay,

I've got table 13 ready and you've got a waiter there that has no idea that that number is wrong. They're taking it to the real table 13. And they're dropping the food. Oh, I think it's not the same way. Or right. So there's only one course. Anybody can expo, you know, I mean, anybody can run the food. So that's right. So crazy. So like crazy blonde lady, she takes the order for table 16 and then write it down as 13. They go, they prepare it for table 16, but it says 13. So a different way that comes by and brings it over to 13. That's what's happening. And so they know it all makes sense. Yeah. Once it's delivered wrong, there's different amounts of people at each table. So they'll

take like two fish for five people. Then nothing else will come out. You know what I mean? And then they're saying, okay, well, they're finishing up at 13 so fire. So then the second course comes out of the wrong time too. And then you're really fat. That's so stressed. That's even more stressful now knowing and understanding the logic. And I've always, you know, used to recap this show. That's when I started working with you at TV. I used to recap this show and freak just freak out because I was a waiter and I would take the whole restaurant by myself and I still have nightmares of being a waiter and I used

to joke like fuck the chefs, they just have to do the same thing every day. Like well they literally have to just go do the same thing every day and they yell at us and we have all these things to deal with and it's very hard and that's a show. And then that came out with Vanderpump rules and rules now is like okay maybe we did this. I guess the hard part is just really remembering what table is what number you know that's if I if I were on restaurant wars I would incorporate table numbers into the day core so that with the waiters would always be a good idea like that's to pool like that's our theme pool just you green green walls and then every table is like a ball.

It's like the number painted onto the thing. Yeah, or like somehow, like what looks like a normal centerpiece is actually like code for a number. You know, there's like a candlestick and then something that looks like a three. So it looks to the, you're not paying attention.

It just looks like a centerpiece, but to the waiter, that might be too high level for the blonde lady with the six. Yeah, I was going to say no matter what you do, you're always going to have that blonde lady. Like she's always going to be a wrench in the in the wheel or whatever. Okay.

So anyway, so the red. What? Yes, the red team, which is I think the red team because the dessert arrives. And Pam goes, well, here's dessert. Everyone look out for gale. She probably comes to storm you through that wall, put your hard hats on. All right, batten at the hatches, dessert's coming, which means gale's coming. So Adrian, okay, the judges are really confusing me because things that they

would normally just completely diss. They're loving like peaches and cream. Really? Peaches and cream. You loving like peaches and cream really peaches and cream you're making peaches and cream well neither did neither was like I kind of feel like peaches safe yeah but then she got voted down and then suddenly it's like her best her favorite thing ever because Pat and it's like here's dessert and Adrian says peaches and cream and Jasper Hill farm triple cream with black or whatever her cheese thing is so both of these things I'm thinking she's gonna get totally dragged for these dishes and then Neelu goes I love the presentation of the cheese because cheese right and then

Tom's like I mean yeah I'm I like the cheese my cheese is fine and Karen goes when my partner and I get in a fight this is the cheese she brings me this is my cheese and I was like only with this specific group of people, what a fucking cheese plate. When the, you know that Karen brings the cheese over to your apartment. And then when she sits, she puts it on the counter, and then she sits on the couch, and then she directs you from the couch on how to open up and how to slice it.

She doesn't get, she never gets up from the couch. She always says, oh yeah, she does that thing where she's like, yeah, just undo the, undo the foot. Yeah, undo that part. And then you knife get a different knife. She's like just ordering you and you're like, Karen just stand up and do it for me. Yeah, Karen's that friend that you could just never have that kind of cheese around. No, she brings that kind of cheese. Yeah.

She bring it by herself. No, Karen's the type of person to eat that cheese and then come over to your house for the crackers. They not offer you that cheese like There's something fucked up with Karen. I'm telling you She's the one who says she can she can only have a bite because she's on a diet and then she's the whole thing So she goes now You're getting personal now. No, just hey, I do that to them all the time You should have seen me with the pasta last night. So

So then they finish up so Padma's like Well, we got to go to the next restaurant We got a lot of eating to do. We're just like a regular pair of gales. I'm a rick girls In other words, we're writing a gale to-do list Really got to gale it up tonight So over at Kelsey's okay, so now we're getting into some ice cream drama Which I love because all you have to do is watch tap top chef like literally one time to say you know What's not a wise idea ice cream ice cream on restaurant worse in Kentucky in like a semi outdoor kitchen

Cuz that was just like a warehouse, you know, yeah, I think that maybe Neenie was feeling confident because she was able to do like a cold dessert in that kitchen challenge like like in that tiny kitchen But it's like Neenie you're gonna be front of house make like a cake that can just be cut up and sauce and put it on plates You know that works. Yeah, but yeah, we know and also Look Yeah, cocoa nabs Also put cocoa nabs in ice cream. That sounds so disgusting. Okay, not chips. Okay, but cocoa nips are not the same and I don't like that. And I don't

like that they're so trendy now. Everyone's using cocoa nips. They're disgusting. They're what fat kids have to eat on a diet. You get them in the bulk shop at Sun Harvest or wherever. They're disgusting. Okay, get your diet food out of my face. I'm not opposed to cocoa nips. Here's what I am opposed to liquid nitrogen ice cream. It's not it's like names. Here's what I am opposed to liquid nitrogen ice cream. It's, it's like, it's, it's stupid. Okay, because first of all, it, it never, it, it melts really quickly. It's like, it's like a shortcut. And anytime you get liquid nitrogen ice cream ice cream at first, like, oh, that's cool. They made instant ice cream. But then you'll

notice it melts really, really quickly, which is what probably her problem was with that. And second of all, it's just never the same great texture as like properly froze niacrime. And she was even saying, I don't have a lot of liquid nitrogen. So it's like, this is it. I'm like, why are you going down this path? Why are you giving yourself this tiny, narrow bullseye? And then on top of that, she's like, she was supposed to spin it right before service.

And she spun it like an hour before. So I was just like, Well, she knew and she had enough for them to spin it, but the thing is they've all got dishes too. And so if you're not there to protect your dish, I mean, that's the person that should be doing the cheese plate. Yeah. And traditionally, that is the person

that would be doing the cheese plate. Or she could have just made a cake. I mean, she could have, like, they were doing, they had prepped time, like, that, earlier that day. That's enough time to make like this a delicious, like large cake that could be cut into, like they were doing, they had prepped time, like that, early that day. That's enough time to make like this, a delicious, like large cake that could be cut into like, beautiful squares with a lovely sauce. Like there's enough time for that, you know? Well, the team is starting to go against her now,

because she's, her staff is like completely useless. So there everything's going haywire and they're really starting to blame Neenie now, which I mean, I guess she should take some of the heat but not all of it. I mean that was the shit show Yeah, so then also Neenie is my favorite and I think I announced that she's my favorite last last time We podcast about it and I have a really good track record of cursing contestants I got to say they're my favorite and they get voted off so Neenie I'm waiting so Kelsey's also losing her mind.

Kelsey is like, servers, no talking in the kitchen. The servers cannot talk. Yeah, because she's like, okay, I just need you to tell me what you need. No talking. It's like, oh, oh. So they decide that instead of worrying about the ice cream,

they're going to forget the ice cream altogether and because the menu just says chocolate, that's all it says. So they're gonna just put all of her chocolate components on and totally fuck her over. So this is not cool. Yeah. So meanwhile, the judges go over to Thistle and Sarah comes and greets them and she starts talking to them at the table and she's like, well, on our menu, we've got this and this. She's like talking so long she starts getting

the dreaded dissolve transitions, you know, the shows that someone on reality TV is talking too long. And like Padma is just like giving these eyes. She's her eyes are like rolling and she's just giving eyes that are like, ugh, I feel like I'm stuck looking at vacation photos with Gale. I don't really care.

She, her eyes literally did this. She, they closed like, this is how quickly her eyes closed. She went, close. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, parkers because he's spoken for so long I got my vision back. All right, let me just let's just end this right now. Okay, Sarah, have you given this detail to have a description to every table? And she's like, yeah, yeah, mushroom hand. She's like, well, I think you should put in our orders because we have more restaurants to go to besides yours. You've been speaking so long that Gail's gotten pregnant again. Let's talk more walkie, Chibaki.

Or as we say with Gail, let's talk more rolling. Am I right, everyone? That's so hard. So we get the scene of Sarah, she's like, waiters, these are my people. I mean waiters, right? You talk nicely to them and they're gonna do what you want them to do. She's talking to this little girl who looks like she's just terrified to be in the world at all really. She's like, oh, and she goes, all right, now here's what she say fire table 31 the girls like fire table 31

Where I'm gonna turn anyone say a water for table 31 check that sick it that sick girl I was like this is like the blind side. I would like to say I felt like a deleted scene from a league of their own so Anyway, I also have to say by the way that when Sarah left the table, Pat my turns to like newlywir something and just goes, I was falling asleep. Just like, just so snobby, I love it. So now Neenie, this is where Neenie starts to, she starts to realize that her ice cream is not coming out on the plate.

So she's feeling super betrayed and I'm like so mad on her behalf I'm so frustrated because I actually refuse to blame blame Neenie for anything because she's my favorite So I'm getting my car and she took the hard job Which everyone acts as like the easy job, but they all know it's the hard job and they know that that's like the kickoff spot Yeah, where you get kicked off is what I mean exactly So then meanwhile Sarah is also talking to another server. She's like, okay, bring this dish to Padma. You know who Padma is?

And he's like, no. He's like, he's like, the smoking hot. He's like, no, I'm like, how have you been like sitting here in this restaurant and like their celebrities at that table and you still don't know who Padma? Also, just like make an effort. Like, can you, the name Padma, like which, who at that table looks the most like

they'd be named Padma? I know because you saw her stop, right? Because she was like, it's the smoke and hot. It. Oh, well, I guess they're off smoking hot. I like to stop herself. And yeah, he's like, no, and I was like, these people are fucked. Okay, but at least they're all kind of equally fucked. Yeah. So the first things that come out Sarah's Sarah brings out her her green tomato

gazpacho and Michelle has a sweet pea annual tea. So they are really enjoying. They really love the annual tea. And they like Sarah's soup too. Pamela goes, I'm enjoying Sarah's soup, but she'd be doing her with big, she'd be doing herself a big favor. She left the candy ginger out. It's not like we have gale simons here that we can all throw our candy ginger at. Get rid of the ginger and it'll just be like a gale. No one would miss it. You know what gale's favorite thing to eat is a candied spoon.

I'm like gale, that candied spoon. I'm like, gale, that's not edible. She's like, don't care. Yolo, I'm like, I actually saw gale try and eat a waiter named candy once. I have never I've never seen gale more sad than when she found out that candy crush was actually just a video game. Candy crush, or as we like to call it, Gail trying to go to sleep. Candy Crush or as we like to call it, Gail sitting down on any chair in her apartment. Am I right everyone? I thought you maybe crossing the line.

This is horrible. So Mimi sees that her, she's like, Paul, I see my plate going out, but I noticed there's no sore bay on it, and I feel very, very betrayed. Which I just thought that was such a funny way to work. Word in. Well, it's heard on the outside and soft on the inside.

What am I supposed to do? And I'm like, oh, see, there's the real Kelsey, okay? Yeah. You have to be very careful with Southern people. It's hard like, I have a daughter. I'm the only one who's ever been pregnant. I get it. I'm a woman. It's like, she'll rip your fucking guts out in the next. I know. You know, and by the way, the way they described it sounded nice. And also, did you notice that at least as far as while we saw on TV, there was not a single critique about the texture of that sorbet. They criticized that dessert for other things, but not for being like, they didn't say something like, oh, this is not really sorbet. It's more like a sauce, you know, like they didn't say

anything about that. Yeah. So that shows that they were wrong. And back there. Yeah, everybody here being mean to the Neenie for no reason. And so that is, because Patrick goes, well, and then we're going to get to taste Neenie's quote unquote chocolate. Right. But that's later. Those O S. Yeah.

So now, yeah, because we're still on the black team. So now they serve up like this, this braze shore rid and Pam starts eating it and then she starts, she starts playing like, she starts pulling something out. She goes, uh oh, a bit too much this one, my artichoke. Yeah, there's a fissile in my artichoke. This isn't edible. What do they think that? Yeah.

Who do they think I am? Gail. And Sarah's like, uh, pop-loaded scallops with sunshokes, keyword and Caroline's like, heard it. Sunshokes. Sunshokes. You had a kneeling like,

I have no good words to say about the short ribs. If I were to drop this off the top of a building, it would land in one piece. And Pamela goes, and bounce. Queen of snark. I was waiting for you to go like, Gail. I was, I was going to, but I I was like I've said for you overloaded on the Gales. I've done so many gal jokes in the past like 30 seconds. I was watching you on TV waiting for it. I was like here. I mean, I would say that it would if you dropped off the building, it would it would hit the ground and bounce like gal. But the truth is, if you can push gal off a building, then you must be on a Schwarzenegger.

Who can do that? And then they eat Brandon's soy milk custard and he was like, good jiggle. And Padmas like, I mean nobody tell a time he should leave the day he should leave the day he should leave the day with the woman he came with. I have to point out this custard, fuck this custard, soy milk custard, are you fucking kidding me? And of course, as good jiggle, as swimilt. And then one of the, I think Caroline was like,

ah, oh no. Had more, I was like, love the consistency of the custard. I just wish it had more sugar. Like, so you served an undershagged swimilt custard? Why is that person going now? Let's discuss it. Yeah, that sounds disgusting. I like the jiggle.

Well, use some gelatin, that sounds disgusting. I like the jiggle. Well, you some gelatin. Yeah. So now finally they arrive at third coast, the blue team, which is a full disaster. They're not, Neenie's not turning the tables over. There's a line. We've seen this before in restaurant wars and it never ends well. Yeah, never. And they always blame her. It's like, why is it hurt? Well, it kind of is because I guess she gets in trouble for all of the timing and everything. Because people are sitting there because they've been waiting for their food

and haven't been served and stuff. And even though I know it's her fault, I don't want it to be her fault. So I refused to blame her. Yeah, me too. So they sit down and Padma asks, what's in it Caroline? She's like, Caroline.

Well, since we have to wait 10 hours for our food Let me ask you a question. What's the biggest mistake a new restaurant tour of makes? I'm gonna guess not having enough food for gale Am I right? Am I right? Not wide enough chairs. Am I right? No Not sure if I told you guys about when karma said a trap for Santa Claus. What's your kids name? That was my favorite thing for like Krishna That was my favorite thing for the Christmas Christmas episode. I kept telling my nieces all through Christmas Santa might be here soon. I set a trap for him. And they're like, Uncle. So Padma's like in full.

Like she just loves fucking with these contestants because like there's full on chaos. Nini is running back and forth. And Padma's like, Nini, Nini, please come back here. I'm just curious. What's going on with the people who are waiting for a table? I'm like, I think they're waiting for a table. I think that's pretty much the story of their badmout.

And we need to dealt with it well. She didn't go crazy. She was just like, well, people were trying to get to tables, but it's taking long. So I'm just helping them get tables. And Pavan is like, and their prescriptions. have it's like and their prescriptions. Hadness like she's unflappable. This won't do. So Justin, Justin, they serve up Justin's crawfish, bisque first, because they're also on top of everything else.

They're like, sucking oysters back there to make life even more miserable for themselves. Yeah. So they're also on top of everything else. They're like shucking oysters back there to make life even more miserable for themselves. So they're like, so they can only serve the Bisk and Tom's like, not getting a deep Bisk flavor. That's a little thick. You're as vegetable. So it's more like a vegetable, a thick vegetable puree. So I would say, you know, you get a soup in the bowl and you got to make sure soup and not just, you know, vegetables, you know, especially vegetables. You know, yeah, that's what it is. Has chef sometimes we got to make a bit and you know, sometimes we go wrong, but if you go wrong, you know, what do you

know, you don't serve it. That's what you do. And meanwhile Nina totally adds the shafts as being like all fucked up back there. She's like, it's so weird that they have only serving one one course right now. That means they must be really doing terrible things back there. I'm sure the next course we get is going to be awful, right, everyone? And sure enough, it's the oysters. Yeah. What do they call these kind of oysters? I mean, Chesapeake Bay, but what they were like, but they were cooked. And they arrived. And Pam goes, wow, these are pretty massive oysters. I didn't know they came gale size. And I mean, it's like, they're very acidic.

And she's like, it's a shame because they're cooked beautifully. I don't know if you can see the shame in my eyes to my red framed Warby Parkers, but it's there. I promise it's there. Then we cut to a regular woman who's like, God, those oysters! Those oysters lacked cash, a little something. I was like, well, thanks. I'm glad you gave her some screen time.

She had nothing informative. These oysters are like the crudo of shellfish. I hate extras on top chef. I hate them. I hate when people come in and act all snotty, because we've been to top chef. And we didn't have it. It is bloody hell.

You should see what these people go through. We always say so bad. I will also say that the editors will, I think, pick really stupid things because I, in one of my most glorious moments Michelle Collins and I went to a taping of Top Chef Masters and So every time they show that episode people tweet us But we went and then like we ate food and Someone made like a case of DIA and so during judging. They're like I really like that case of D.A. and they cut to me going, mm, tasty scrumptious.

Like thanks. And my mouth is like full. Like I'm stuck in my mouth. I've got like food in my mouth. I go tasty scrumptious. So they will, they'll put in like bad shots. But I like that because you were being nice. You know, I just don't like it when they cut the people being total bitches about thing, especially if they have nothing to say. It's missing something, just something. It's like kind of way from her. Is everyone else a goddamn fool? Do you remember that idiot girl that we went to Top Chef when we went to that thing in at the dog park with Top Chef, Top Chef of California? Top Chef. Who does that? Do you remember that girl? Because she that? So do you remember that girl?

Cause she got like a sound bite on that episode. And then she like apparently had something in her teeth or whatever and she got mad at us. She was like, she was like, um, I had something I teased that all the time and you guys didn't tell me. I'm like, bitch. That girl was terrible. Isn't that the girl who got kicked out of the van

at the very end? She was like trying to cut in line. No, no. She was terrible, but then she used her terribleness to our advantage because we were waiting forever for the production van to take us back down to civilization and some people cut in front of us and she's like, um, sorry, we've been waiting in line here a long time. So no, you can't get in the van right now. She like used her like little Tracy Flick attitude and it like, it worked in our favor. So I was like, you know, she's not so bad. Yeah, that day we were like,

we're never coming to Top Chef again. Which is a lie, because I will totally go back to Top Chef again. Oh my God, I would too. Girl, you can be free food. I'll go to hell. I don't care. No, it's so great to be able to really judge these people.

Like, well, we had their bland poached chicken. Yeah. Which is true story. Yeah. Can we, wasn't Karen, Karen is the one, I just remember who Karen was. I'm pretty sure Karen is the one on top chef California, who made that amazing, Apple Gazpacho that I went back to like three or four times. Right?

Really? There was like a Spacho, I went to like a kept on going back to it. I don't know. I feel like we would remember about it. That's why I knew I liked it. Like a spot. Oh my god. Love to get a spot. I have to double check that.

OK. Pick flake. Well, while you do, I'm going to go on with what they're having. It's the longest top chef episode ever. That's where I was. OK. Snapper arrives. Also, I'm sitting on a stool instead of my office chair

so my butt hurts. So it's more uncomfortable. I get it. So Snapper arrives. Also, I'm sitting on a stool instead of my office chair so my butt hurts. So it's more uncomfortable. I get it. So Snapper arrives at Padma's like, this is really pretty. Tupetta doesn't have cool sunglasses too. Our glasses. Tupetta's eye glasses don't match.

It's complimentary BMW vehicle. She's like, who's responsible for the snapper? And he's like, who's a group effort? She's like,'s responsible for the snapper and he's like group effort. She's like oh wrong answer So Nina's like um that was a nice bite was acidic and bright and he's like oh Well, I'll a minute always they got the next thing. I just like this. She's like oh, I'll a minute She really tells I'll a minute like it's cold here warm here. It's like a big DLT It's got the right hot got the right cold like magic

It's like eating magic like if I threw this off the top of a building it would full on splatter on the cement I love it Exactly what I want for my food when David made a Creole spice duck with cabbage, wait, who's David? Uh-uh. He's one from Elizabeth. Uh, I'm not sure where the Creole spice is hiding. Uh, Zinger. But it's good.

Click your Zinger. We just tell him. It's good. So then there's like some crazy drama with Table 33 where it's like, all right, the desserts, it was like, on trays are ready for Table 33. They're like Table 33, so on their appetizers. And Kelsey's like, wait, I just played it there desserts. It was like on Tracer ready for table 33 they're like table 33 so on their appetizers and Calis is like wait

I just played it Like all the food all at once and all going to run place So then we have did you sell 33 and then Justin goes um you touched him sweetheart and I was like oh Justin You better back the fuck down sir. Yeah, yeah, just I like you are so fucking. I don't like you anymore Justin you were a real prick in this episode Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,. So then we go, let's grow up that with him in the hot tub, too, that whole group in the hot tub. I was like, you people are gross. Okay.

I'm sorry, but this is television. Hot tub to reserve for MTV. That's true. Yeah, it was weird to see a hot tub on top, Chef. So then we used to get a commercial and it was like a Brian Malarkey commercial who drives me nuts and he goes, Hey, here's a dish that's sure to impress. I'm like, shut up Brian Malarkey. He has me nuts and he goes, hey, here's a dish that's sure to impress.

I'm like, shut up, Brian Malarkey. He has the Andy Cohen of food. I love that Brian Malarkey has gone through his full on TV training, where they sent you to the valley and they're like, here's had to be personable on camera. Because every time I paused during his thing, I was trying to get a gift, but I couldn't get it. Every time I paused, his mouth was in a position like Ryan C. Cress like this. Yeah, exactly.

His mouth was like, why? I was like, you are such a cheeseball. He is so, so cheesy and annoying. So now we come back and Padma sitting there just trying to, like, brew up trouble. And she goes, Neenie, Neenie, what time is your last reservation? Neenie, she's like, um, 10, 15. Oh, and it's 11, 12. So that 10, 15 reservation. How to wait an hour. She's like, yeah, okay. Thank

you. It's like congratulations. You can tell time, Pat. Yeah. Pat was like, why do these walls have clocks in it? Am I right, Jack Black? And then she turns. And then after she turned after Nini leaves, Pamma just like turns the other judges and just goes like this. Oh no, because she also topped it off by dropping a fork and she's like, I'm sorry guys, I'm a real butterfinger isn't found to go. I think the only butterfinger is around belong to Gail. Am I right, everyone? Am I right? Poor Gail. What if today is like the first time someone was like, Hey, maybe you should

listen to these guys. I know. We are so this is this is what it's like being gay because we actually love her the most. What it's like being gay. We're like, what are you talking about? Okay, so now comes Kelsey's butto-milk-bana-cada and Neenie's chocolate. And that's when Padma does that thing. Like, I guess we'll have Neenie's quote-unquote chocolate, whatever that is. Chocolate, quote-unquote, and she goes, unquote and she goes uh

It's not even a dessert. It's a collection of things Sort of like gals played at Las Vegas buffet. Am I right everyone? So then Neenie Neenie's in the back and it's like oh my god Kelsey They're starving out there. No one's getting their food. This guy's eating a banana out there because he's so hungry and Kelsey goes, well, where do you get a banana?

Like, she's all bitter back there. He thought I was smart because someone probably told him, if you're going to eat food on a reality show, no, you're going to be waiting a few hours before you get anything because that's the truth. That's a little pro tip. If any of these cooking shows, whether it's Top Chef or Hell's Kitchen or some Food Network show comes, and like, hey, be a next year. You get to eat food.

Rod and I have gone to several of them. You have to wait several hours for your dinner. That's why I keep saying I'll never go back. Every time we go, I'm like, I'm never doing this again. Why are we doing this? Yeah. And then, but you know, time time passes and it's like oh my god Let's go stand outside and rain for three hours. Remember we did that. You have to wait usually like four to six hours before you get your food

Not even a joke. Oh my god Remember the first one we went to that was the top chef desserts and they had we were the most unlucky people We had to eat the savory desserts where they're like take a can of baked beans and make a pudding out of it. And we're like, oh. I will always remember that falafel panicata. I will always remember that. God, gross. I wish they brought that show back, though.

I love Top Chef Just desserts, and that's stupid child molester. I'd just ruin it all. I know, but what is one shot? It's like, why does that have to ruin the whole show? I don't care. Yeah. Why can't we have that back? Bravo, can we please bring back Top Chef Just desserts? I know but what is one shot? It's like what is that have to ruin the whole show? I don't get it Why can't we have that back Bravo? Can you please bring back top shot just as Earth's cuz it was awesome And it was like gale's vehicle. I was like very upset that they they took that away from her

Yeah, I know I love and that the the pastry chefs are all crazy, which I've loved Yeah, that's what I loved it. You know what it was the problem with that guy obsessed with his mom. Oh my god It's at the fires He said you started to hang out. He had a breakdown about like he's like he was like the red hot's for my mother Like the red hot's and then that woman like this like a accomplished chef Elizabeth something another Had to like console him his name was Seth and he like had a breakdown about red hot. Oh That's crazy. OK.

That was such a crazy. That was so amazing. That's, that scene. So everybody has been served all the restaurants are done now. And they're like, Tom, what do you think was the best? What do you think was the worst? So what do you think really galed it?

And he's like, well, I'd say the best was the ballantine, the worst was the oysters, and the gale is that Hoover vacuum they're using to clean up right now. Can we just start renaming gal, because now the bisc was the most galeish. Never mind. Simmons is doing never mind. Never mind. Bisc is generally known as quick, so that wouldn't work.

I think gale may be more of a chowder than a biscuit. If you know what I'm saying, bless her heart. So sad that our dear friend Gale Simmons can be here to have this chunky Bisc. Gale's more of a popover kind of a girl. Looks delicious, nice and fluffy, but it's hollow on the inside. Am I right, Gels?

God, a popover sounds good right now. I made some over the break. Oh, shut up. Shut up. Okay, so now it's time for the judges table. So there's no real surprise here. North East wins. They loved Brian's balancing.

They loved how he did front of the house and they were impressed with his manual. They loved Eddie's quote unquote, his steak, which he's like, yeah, I want to do something blue collar. So I did like steak and cabbage or whatever. I was like, shut up, Eddie. Yeah, I like it. You don't like it. I love a negative person.

And I like that he they announced that they win and Eddie's like Shit in Padm against Eddie you look upset It's hilarious she calls him out every single time she's like you can be happy now Eddie I'm excited for us to get started approaching the part of the season where Padma does fake crying when she kicks someone off Because right now she doesn't because she doesn't know the more enough the later on she will that's so fun yeah and she's like please pack your knives and go there's like literally no difference except one of your eyelashes fluttered come on Padma so they and they also love Adrienne's cheese plate and her furious furious is somebody unpacked some fucking cheese and put it on a plate That was delicious Adrian

That's exactly the sort of plate I put out to Luracant into a trap But ultimately Brian wins so then yeah, so now now the other now it's time to grill the other two teams. So Padma gives like a classic Padma question. She goes, Michelle, you were the executive chef. Did you taste all the dishes before they went out? And Michelle's like, no, I just like tasted the components. And Tom's like, you see, this is what we do with chefs. We taste components, but not the dish.

Like chefs, we gotta learn. It's chefs, not to do that. It's not how you do it. I'm sorry, Tom. Are you actually able to hear her over there? She's like mimeing. She's like, I think Michelle is stuck in the glass box. So let's see here.

I'm just scrolling through a million things that did not need to write down. Okay, so then we get to Eric. Wait, what team is this? Neelu. Eric is. I don't even know where Eric is. Oh, there he goes. Adrian, the cheese plate was a revelation. Shut up me. That doesn't even make sense. Cheese was a revelation. Neelu goes's, hey Sarah, what was the reason why you decided to recite every detail of the entire menu to us? Oh, I see where you are. I'm sorry I was a little behind there. That's okay.

And Sarah's like, well, come on guys, I mean, I've got respect for you Tom No, fans, but these are some power ladies here. All right. And so I just wanted to press the ladies you nailed it nailed it and Tom's like uh Sarah um a light jerk aspacho that was really good but uh the canty ginger had no business being there none that's whatever no you see Sarah's face go from like I am a power woman too I will fucking grab you by the toes of split you open bitch to Tommy. She was. She did. Pablo, there were inconsistencies in your short rib. And he

looks like, yeah, it was tough. Sort of like Gail's wardrobe. Blessed her heart. She tries. I mean, Gail'smore consistent than you even at least her wardrobe is consistently terrible. Look at me, Loo. She's wearing it right now. Me, Loo. And Gels, you're wondering that's actually not a magic eye pattern. It's just the just the way the dress came. If you stare at that dress long enough, you won't see pictures of Jesus If you stare at new his dress long enough, you'll actually just see a peace sign And then Neelie's like Brant and soy panacotta was perfection and Carol lines like um I mean The Rulon I was a bit thrown off by the corn, but God have I mentioned artichokes?

Or sun jokes. Sun jokes! Who puts corn with a roulette anyway? I'm sorry, I love corn, but they're right. Why would he put a soy milk, a soy milk panicada, and then corn with a roulette? I'm sorry, I feel like there needs to be more hate for Brandon. Yeah, not enough people got in trouble this episode. Yeah.

So then she moves on to, she's like, so let's move on to the third coast. Why did you get so behind in seating? And Mimi's like, I think it was our ticket system. And she's like, Justin, you look upset. What did you think? And he's like, it was the mess, OK. It was just a mess. There was no training. Nobody got trained and That's when I turned on Justin. I will never be by the life that you're a jerk

Although I don't understand how the ticketing system would have caused the problem Why do you think she was saying the ticketing system was the problem? Because they weren't understanding what the tables were and so so everybody was putting in the wrong tickets, like the wrong table. No, I was that like, was that a Justin thing? That, that's a her thing. That's an ever, that's a waiter's fucking up everything thing. But she can't be back there at the same time. So the other person that that would fall on would be the expo, which I think is just

right. So he's getting. I see you were not to blame her. Okay, although how can he pay attention? It's not like they have a video camera of the restaurant to see these tables. Yeah, I mean, so it's not like it was necessarily his fault. It's just ultimately if you have it, if you have like a dumb lady who doesn't know how to use a spoon with soup, like there's just only so much you can do. They should have dragged that bitch in, okay? They should have. They should have been like, Bonnie, get in here.

Bonnie. Bonnie. Okay. Jenny, do you want me to listen? They have one with me. Bonnie, tell me on this tray, which is the fork and which is the spoon? She'd be like, I don't know.

Am I out the clock? Or what? Are we going for drinks? Does anybody come in? They'd be like, that's it. All right. You people are all absolved. Bonnie, pack your knives up and leave.

So then I'll be taking these, not the spoons, Bonnie. So then, yeah, Justin's like, yeah, food was constantly going to the wrong table. And Pam, it just goes, wow. I can never tell if she's just like bored or just like stone or easily amused. Yeah, Justin's like this is the worst thing that's ever happened in my life. So yeah, so then Kelsey felt really bad because Justin's really coming for Nini and Nini's too nice to be like listen.

Everyone's moving around my tables. I get the biggest idiot waiters. Then on my dessert, they totally fuck me up or try not to even serve my dessert. And whose idea was that? Justins. Like she could have totally gone crazy on Justin. She didn't. And she was thinking about that. So she's like in her defense, it was a tough room. Yeah. And then on top of that, you know, because there was like, did you, it's like Pat, well, Pat, I was like, did you want it? Played it that, because there was like did you it's like Pat well Pam was like Did you want it played it that way?

Nani did you mean for it to look like a bunch of garbage on a plate? And that's when that's when Kelsey was like well actually I played it It's Kelsey tried to take the bullet but Nini was like no, but she did it the way I want Yeah, Nini's like yeah, that is how because that's what I'm saying like you can't tell on top chef Because one minute they're mad at you for not taking responsibility. You know, we're trying to make excuses. But then when you do, they're like, just as we thought, you're dumb.

Yeah, I also like when they talked about Justin's bisque and Tom's like, you know, the thing with the bisque is the texture was a little pulpy and pomegranate just goes swampy. But like you know who's you know what if you know what I'm saying like that That week Gail tried to be a walkimale am I right Gail? Swampie just like the vegetable bin and gals refrigerator So in the back, Neenie is getting is hugging Kelsey. Kelsey's like, I'm so sorry.

And she's like, well, it wasn't your fault. Thank you for sticking up for me. And then douchebag, Fantasmigora chocolate factory, or whatever, it's like, it wasn't the content. It was the assembly, guys. Okay. I was like, you're not the team captain. Just be quiet over there.

Fantasmigora. I don't want to hear from you. Yeah, go away. Go away. So ultimately, it's time for judging and, you know, it's like, oh, well, basically the chocolate dish, any, just wasn't that good. And Justin, her bisque was the weakest thing of the night. And you should have taken control of the wine.

And, you know, on black tea, the entrees weren't very good, Pablo. You made some terrible, terrible steak that newly wants to throw off buildings. So, sorry. I'll just... I'll just... Pablo you made some terrible terrible steak that newly wants to throw up buildings so Sorry Don't forget that part Tom and bounce And you know the lack of training for nini had a snowball effect and so that's nini

Pablo, please pack your knives and go. I was pissed. Not a Pablo, even though I think Pablo is pretty, he's proven himself to be pretty talented and stuff. I didn't like that he got kicked off. He's a massive every week. I thought Justin should have gone. Whoever is responsible for the fucking bisque and the oysters should have gone.

Yeah, I actually agree. I thought it was gonna be Justin and Nini. Um, I was so mad. I was so mad that Nini lost. I was so mad that I actually went and watched last chance kitchen. Cause I was like, this can not be the end for me with Nini. I didn't finish it. I, it was a two part last chance kitchen. And I finished part one, but I am not finished part two. Um, I, I'm going to tell you anything about what happened or do you want me to hold it? I'll hold it. I won't say anything. Yeah, I don't know if people will get mad that that's a spoiler or not.

Yeah, I won't say it. Um, but I needed to watch it. I actually watched million dollar listing LA. Believe it or not, because I was really how was that? I had such a to-do list for the crappies. And whenever I have a to-do list, I won't move. Like it, yeah, I'm like a deer in the head by so I'm like oh I don't want to do anything so I just sat there and let it play.

Wow, what a show. I mean it's not great but a couple of the new casting choices they made. They have a chick now and she's really good. Oh yeah. Josh Flagg is like crazier than ever. He's just turning into this like completely wonky old man. Yeah, and he started wearing leather jackets now set of suits I don't know. It was pretty fun, but that Josh Altman still He's still the worst and those English guys are still the worst. They're still there. Oh They're terrible. So those guys. So it's like half good. I liked it. I mean, I watch the whole thing I like it more than million dollars to me. You know, I can't watch million. I can't watch me work I can watch all the other so bad. It's like it's it's too fake like Frederick is so annoying and he is so

Blamey scripted. Yeah, that is just ruins the entire show. I can't do it Agreed. I don't know why I brought it up because I have nothing to say about it except that I was very proud and want extra credit points for watching it Okay, well, let's go over to the crap and some ale bag, Ben? For those of you who don't know the crap and some ale bag is where you send us some ale when we read it. It's a Patreon level thing. Someone just put Josh Altman is an ass in his wife is so fake. Yeah, Heather's the worst. And I could have sworn I saw Ashley from Southern charm walk into an open house. Really? Heather here, no, they're okay. It's getting to that trash. But I mean, that mailbag. I don't mean. Okay. So, April, but the law,

it's has asked this question. She's very patient because she actually asked it two months ago. So thank you for waiting. She says, I was listening to the Morocco episode and Kelly Dodd, making an appearance with Kelly Benzmone's lines, had me thinking about what other same name housewives crossovers would sound like. I guess you're talking about when we did Morocco in New York. So what would it sound like if we, if we did cross over things. So what would it sound like for instance Kim Zolciac saying some famous Kim Richard lines or vice-versa or Gina from O.C. as Gina from Melbourne or Lisa Vanderpump as Lisa Rina, Heather Thompson

versus Heather DeBro. Well today we had Ramona and Top Chef. She could have been like, okay, listen here, nine, nine And Brazilian person, put your knives in the bag, go someplace else, okay? Sorry, okay? Sit. I don't want to see you here anymore, okay? Who's gonna make me eat something in the bowel, start on the ground?

It's not what I want, okay? And who's chocken, who's chocken, artist chokes? Okay, it's not very nice, okay? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but this, this is swampy, okay? It reminds me of the swamps in my childhood. Whoa, whoa, it'm sorry. I'm sorry, but this this is swamping okay, it reminds me the swamps my child. Whoa, whoa It's crazy. It's one time a little girl And I was like I think they're supposed to be some treasure in the swamp and I went to go find the swamp and Jeldin past Smith was like no Don't go to the swamp. It's dangerous there. You have to have biscuits dead So I stayed home and had biscuits and this day I've never been to a swamp. Okay, sorry, I'm sorry.

I don't even know what a swamp is. What else is in there? We have Oliver Haskins, we love that Oliver. He says, at 35, Teddy was last season's youngest housewife. When Lisa Vanderbump was 35 in 1995, she had two young kids, Patenty and Max and only two dogs, and she was hustling to open Villa Blanca. When Ramona was 35 in 1991,

she was talking to Oliver, look at National Geographic over there. Yeah, this is like a very like involved question. So when Ramona was 35 in 1991, she was single, because she didn't marry Mario until she was 36. She was very religious and she was reselling wholesale schmatas. How do you think Erica Jane and Bethany of today would respond differently if little Lisa

Vanderpump and little Ramona joined their respective cast as their new younger as the new younger housewives. So in other words, how would the broth overs be different if Lisa Vanderpump and Ramona were actually the youngest and least established of their castmates? Oh my god I'm like brain melting. So if Lisa Vanderpump were like the youngest. If she were the teddy bear, for instance, she'd be like, oh, I love pink. It's all I love. People call me pinkie. I walk around from stores with pink. Let's get to a diamond store.

Do you have a pink diamond? Like she'd be kind of like herself, but just like a more excited about her thing. And not Erica James, like, yeah, that's the buzz. She just says that shit over and over. I think Vanderpump would be even more careful to be on brand. Yeah, I think that Erica Jane would be like, I don't know the fuck, who's this person thinks she has a car on self pinky. I'd be with authentic girls. I'm not gonna talk to her. And then she'd be

like, I find that this lady, Erica Jane, is very hard to get to know. I'm trying to get to know. I'm trying to get to know her about bringing her to Diamond Sores and talking about Pink, but she won't have it. It's a shame. God, Lisa Vanderpump is a young person. She'd probably be like, escape room.

That's what I call my bedroom. I'm Ken's birthday, get it? I don't think Lisa Vanderpump has ever been a young person unfortunately. I don't think so either. And I think it's like, and I feel bad for Pandy also because like clearly Pandy, let's Lisa, like Lisa, like Lisa clearly styles Pandy and is like, this is what you, this is what I was wearing when I was your age.

Because if you look at Pandora in all her photos, she's wearing like, like, sort of matronly jackets and lacy things and I'm like Pandy, Pandy, like be youthful, be young, don't let your mom style you. You have to step out from under Lisa We love Lisa, but you're a pandora. You have to be your own lady. Yeah. I just like to think of Lisa Vanderpump being young and finding Rosio down that hill being like, Hopin! It's a convertible, jump in the roof, get it? Come on, rock, take you home, Oliver. I think you actually just addressed the last question, which was a crossover,

because I think you just turned Lisa Vanderpump into Lydia from Melbourne. I sold them off like, it's my daughter. She's gonna be my daughter now. What's that question? That was the one about like crossovers. Oh, yeah, thank you. That was a nice wrap up. Turners Lydia. She's like, I'm here in Thailand, visiting the parents of my daughter. All right. Well, that was fun. Tomorrow we got the crappies. So we have a lot of work that we got to do off podcast get ready for the big show.

There's still a few more hours left to vote for them, so if you haven't done it, you should do it because it's fun. And, you know, if you're not able to come to the show, don't worry, we'll be releasing it, so keep an eye and you're out of the award show coming up. Make sure you go to watchcraftens.com to buy tickets for all our live shows coming up. Because so many fun live shows. Hi, and we'll be sure to serve this swampy, this get all of them. Love you guys, we'll talk to you next week. Bye.

Bye. Thank you. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.