Watch What Crappens - Top Chef: Ruth-less

Episode Date: March 31, 2020

We will be recapping all seven parts of Netflix' Tiger King on our Patreon feed, and will have video recaps available for six of those episodes on Crappens On Demand! This week on Top Chef, Ruth Reichl guest judges a Jonathan Gold memorial challenge and roasts the contestants like the queen she is. For the new premium bonus on Netflix' Tiger King, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **New merch! Isolate and BenRon 2020 Vote Hypocrat designs available at crappensmerch.com **Crappens Live has been postponed until our country is healthy again. Keep up with our live show calendar at at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! The Bay Area Betches!

Betches! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela! Itch-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Miss No Trickleys. Hava Niggila Weber. Sarah Greenwood only uses her power for good. He makes a squee, it's Richie D. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. You don't touch the Niggie Morgan letters. One day you're Rachel Zinn, and the next day you're out. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. Higher than Iris, it's Lauren Perez.

Ain't no thing like Allison King. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird. Just saying okay, Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow we go high low. And our super premium Patreon subscribers, she ain't no shrinking violet kuchar. Oop, she did it again, it's Brittany Montana. Better than tabooly, it's Annie and Julie. Let's take off with Tamala Plane. Let's get Racy with Miss Stacy. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Incredible edible Matthew sisters. Give them hell Miss Noel. Always ready for Nicole pass already. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Simple as rocket science, it's

Dana Easy. It's a frog's ass watertight, it's Rosen's 80 no one can do it like Andrea do it somebody get us 10 CCs of Betsy M.D. Nancy C. Cintacisto. We will we will Jason Rockland you I take the fifth with Janus Smith. We love you guys Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Yield Bros It's me Ronnie, and that's been over there. Hi, Bane. Hi, how's it going? Good, baby You guys you can find me over on Rosepricks the bachelor Podcast and you can find Ben over at Game Brain, which is a fantastic gaming podcast and the Real House Rose of Kitchen Island Which is a cartoon on YouTube that Ben draws, Accent does everything for, okay? Hi everybody, welcome, happy Monday.

Happy Monday, this is Roni Premier Week, so this is a very special time on the podcast. Yep, the world is still going crazy around us, but it's a big week for us here at Work at Home Week, which I guess is like every week for us, but we're going to have a really big week. Okay, so we were going to do a live show this week, some place, somewhere. And we're not able to. Yes, thank you. And we're not able to, but all no one can go outside. So we're going to still do it. This time we are going to do a pre-show. So this is going to be right after Real Housewives of New York premiere on Thursday night.

We're going to go on Instagram for a pre-show for about half an hour at 7.30 Pacific time, which is 10.30 Eastern time, OK? And then at 8 o'clock Pacific and 10 o'clock, no, 11 o'clock Eastern, we're going to do a live show streaming on our Patreon channel at the crappin's on demand level, which is where all our videos are. So if you want to come to that show, go sign up, okay? Some Patreon. Also, another big thing we're doing is we love Tiger King, just like the rest of you do. We did an episode last week as a bonus, so we're going to re-release

that on our main feed so that people can hear it. And then we're going to do a marathon next week of all of the Tiger King episodes. We're going to do each episode. One of them is going to be this week on bonus, but the next week, we're just going to put the rest of them out on every day, basically next week for our bonus content next week. And those will also be available as videos, episode one we didn't do a video of, but the rest of them will all be videos on crap and on demand as well so go sign up for crap and on demand okay yeah it's gonna be a big big week and a half for us starting on Thursday we have a lot of fun I'm excited for it yeah me too and Roseprix is back up we did a preview a two-part

or a preview episode for this new season of that music show coming up. So check that out. And today, darling, we're going to recap Top of Shuffle! Top of Shuffle! Wait, before we get into Top Shuffle, though, can I say something that really annoyed me on Instagram about five minutes ago. I love an insta, an insta pissed off. No, someone tagged us in this post. And then I think it was supposed to make, we were supposed to get outraged. But my outrage went the other way. So basically there's this guy.

He posted a video of himself. He was working backstage with Countess Luan on her Giovanni photo shoot and like he He's sitting there. He's like reading he has the lyrics to fill in Giovanni and he's reading the lyrics out loud so that way Luan knows what the lyrics are when she's lip-syncing and His caption is Fun fact. I was the only reason why Countess Luan knew her lyrics while filming her music video got dressed in time had jewelry on

Had multiple shoe options wrangled her housewife friends. Oh, yeah, that's right But I didn't get credit for helping for 18 hours straight fill me the fill in Giovanni music video Remember that while remember that while you tune into this season of Roni so I mean Yes, I credit is important but also like I mean, yes, credit is important, but also like your PA. I mean, right? Like, I mean, he maybe he's more than a PA. Do they roll credits on music videos? I just feel like-

Is that a new thing that we roll credits and credits now on the end of music videos, sir? I mean, do you know, like when I was an intern in a PA, the amount of bullshit I did, I once had to stick my hand down a toilet to Oncloga because there was no plunger in the bungalow for the production offices of three sisters and off-forgotten NBC sitcom starring Diane Cannon. They made me stick my hand down a toilet, okay? Hey, I want a net in a sink for Robert Goulet because he didn't want salt on his nets, okay? And I got those nets on a bicycle in the summer in Jupiter, Florida. Actually, it wasn't the summer. It was the winter, but still it felt like summer.

How dare you, sir. Yes, this guy's like, oh, I had to read the, I had to read the lyrics because Catastom Ann couldn't remember her lyrics. I'm like, she's trying to remember her, whatever limited choreo she's doing. And she's got a wind machine going. And now you want to remember her lyrics too. and we all know she's not a real singer. Come on now relax, you knew what you signed up for sir. And who is a turncoat like that?

Like you basically just betrayed the person who hired you to do your fucking job. You want a fucking medal for doing your job sir. Wow. Wow. Yeah, it's like you literally are working for Adiva and are surprised that you have to like get her her jewelry and then didn't get credit for it. I mean, how about this, there's a long line of victims

in the wake of fate done away. And are they, are they on Instagram asking for credit for anything? No. No, and that means countless liuan is too nice. This person should be missing his ring finger, okay? This is bullshit. You're in turn coat. How dare you shut the fuck up and go back to work, okay?

You were paid to do that job and you did it. You know what? Everyone doesn't get a fucking gold medal, okay? Seriously, I just got so mad reading that I was like I might just both feel bad for you. I mean we I'm sorry sir, you know you do not get credit and I'm not even gonna say what his IG account is because I'm not gonna give him that credit Well, why would you get your credit stories already? She didn't even give Giovanni credit. I know Didn't even give Durinda credit You're talking about Katz's Luanne her storyline with not giving Giovanni credit, okay, so giving Giovanni credit. Okay. So. Oh, thank you for indulging me in that moment. No, thank you for lighting some anger in me because you know, it's Monday. It's Monday. I'm like, hey, it's a part I'm in such a positive place today. So thank you for taking me out of it because I don't need

positivity in this line of work. Well, I can also give you some sadness, which is, so this episode of Top Chef opened up with a memorial screen for Floyd. I don't know how to say his last name is a Cardo's. Cardo's, I think it's Cardo's, who won Top Chef Master season three and sadly succumbed to the coronavirus. COVID-19 last week, which was shock really? Wow.

Yeah, that's why. I was gonna mention on the show last week, but I was like, I don't wanna be a downer. We're trying to sort of escape these things, but unfortunately, it does not, you can't really escape it. So that was, and that was especially, I was really surprised by that because I've been watching ugly, delicious on Netflix,

and I just watched the episode that he was on with David Chang and they were talking and then like the next day it was announced. So super sad. So it was really nice that Top Chef put that, normally they put those things at the end of an episode and I thought it was actually really lovely that they put that at the top of the episode to really make sure people saw that. Yeah, and it was a memorial episode anyway, so it fit, fit the thing. Yeah, it did fit.

And by the way, Andy Cohen did post today that he's feeling better and he's going to be back to work. Yeah, so see, it's okay that we made fun of him everybody. Yeah. That's a real back to making fun of Andy. Yeah, he's feeling so good that he's back in gay pride horizontal stripe sweaters. I saw that as well. I was like, well, someone's bragging about their corona diet. Yeah, there was like a nurse on the marathon, like the concert thing last night, those on Fox. That was like, this is, we're on the front lines and this is really difficult. And on top of that, we have a patient who keeps asking me if I've had my boobs done. He went to, they're like, go towards the light, Andy. Yeah, you're boobstein. He went to they're like go towards the light Andy

Anyway So this this week's episode of top chef Remember last week it ended where Padma said well now that so and so has been kicked off the show I'm sure y'all are ready for some rest, but guess what? The next challenge starts right now. So after this commercial, now drive home in your BMW X7. I was like, whoa, you guys upgraded, damn. Yeah, she's, so basically the challenge is that they're gonna, they, she had my picks up Jonathan Gold's 101 best restaurants. And as you probably get learned from the episode,

Jonathan Gold was a super, super, super influential food writer here in Los Angeles. And he would come out with this 101 best restaurants every single year. Yeah. He reviewed them. Samo back in the day when I worked at Samo, the Moroccan restaurant. Yeah. And he changed our lives. That's for sure. Oh, we're a bad way. Oh, he's rich. He's rich, darling, rich after that review came out. Yeah, I learned about tons of restaurants through him.

I mean, he was really, really, like you sort of would, you know, you'd wait to hear what he was writing about and then like, it would go on your list of a place to check out. Yeah, it also did bring in a lot of douchebags, I have to say, because, you know, he's very popular. He's like the biggest of what he does or did. And he brought in all sorts of LA crazies that we were not used to seeing at that restaurant.

And I learned how to deal with a lot of people in LA. So you know what, Jonathan? Thank you so much. You really helped me navigate Los Angeles, which is why I've started loving in Texas. Thanks. Point is, we make you back. You'll be back. So, yeah, so basically the challenge is that they're going to, the, the, everyone's going to split up into different teams and they're going to go to all these different restaurants around town and then ultimately serve 200 people at Union Station, all of Jonathan's friends,

et cetera, and Ruth Reichel is gonna be the guest judge. So that's what Pat must like. This list covers a lot of ground and so will you. So use your BMW X7 with complimentary cup holders and anti-lock breaks and navigate Los Angeles and cover as much ground as you can. Yeah. You'll create a dish inspired by your experiences.

That can mean a story you might hear, a dish you might taste. I was like, okay, you also can explain inspiration. Gal once, Gal created a dish that was based on her experiences. Here it is, a pile of mud. And then Kevin turns into the cheesiest fucking person on this episode. Now we found out bad news about Kevin. He almost died of something or other. Which you know, glad you didn't die, you know?

So I'm not saying like, die, Kevin. But God, what a cheeseball this guy. So he's talking the whole episode. He's like, well, this season, here's what inspiration is. Like every time they show Kevin, he's like waxing poetic about something like he's in his own novel.

And that'll repeat itself throughout the show. But basically my main takeaway from this was, shut up, Kevin. Just be quiet. Okay. Glad you're alive. You know, glad you healed up. And it'd be quiet. I'm still in like a really strong shut up Kevin. Just be quiet. Okay. Glad you're alive. You know, glad you healed up. And be quiet.

I'm still in like a really strong shut up malarkey phase right now. Like just everything. You know, they just, he just, every time they have a cutaway shot to him, he has this like evil grin, this obnoxious bullshitting grin the entire time. And by the way, but we're gonna get into it. But can we please have Ruth Ryshilan all the time? She was just so savage this episode. Yeah, she was.

She really was. I'm sorry, but that tuna died in vain. Yeah. Yeah. That's something I'm just gonna walk around saying the rest of my life, just about everything. Like it doesn't even matter where I am. Like a bus could be late, and I'm gonna be like,

well, I'm sorry, that tune of Titan fame. But Malarkey is the worst, but I really am enjoying watching him because it reminds me that I'm right about so many things. You know, I'm a very negative person. And so when my negativity is proven to be correct, I just feel so powerful, you know.

And what if I old things is people don't change? When people are like that, they just get worse with age, okay? And Malarkey is proof. Like he is the worst and he just becomes more and more of the worst. Exactly. But what makes me happy is it feels like this time around, people are like aware that he's the worst. I feel like last time he he like Bamboozled everyone, but now like Ruth was Ruth is on to on to Malarkey, which was great. I was so happy about that

So anyway, so they the groups are gonna are gonna be splitting into four groups one group is gonna go to East LA One thing about West LA one to downtown and then Malarkey's like I got Hollywood I got Hollywood. Yes, I'm like, you know what be quiet's like, I got Hollywood, I got Hollywood, yes. I'm like, you know what, be quiet. Does not mean you were going onto American Idol, okay? Just stop it. Only Brian Malarkey would be excited about Hollywood. Like, those other neighborhoods

had way better restaurants than Hollywood. Sorry Hollywood, but we all know it's true. And then this is where Kevin's like, you know, I think this challenge is about invoking inspiration from where we're going. Yes, Kevin. We heard the challenge from Pradman, Kacer. Yes, exactly.

He's like, you know, it just reminds me that life is like a BMW X7, right? Kevin, stop it. So if it's like a really expensive Toyota, basically, guys. And so Nini's with tattoo neck guy, Jamie Jamie. I'm like, Dad, you've got precious cargo back here because they're always making fun of her for being young. So she gets them back by just making kind of, you know, reminding them that they're old every two seconds. I felt so bad for her that she stuck with Jamie and Malarkey and Brian Voltaggio just because it was just, not so much from Brian, but between Jamie and Malarkey,

there was so much, you know, man's planning on pontification happening in that car and you need just sitting back there and I'm like, someone saved this poor woman. She does not deserve to be in this BMW X7 right now. And now we go to Alhambra with Melissa. Now, Melissa is from Alhambra. Yeah, Melissa, Lisa and Karen,

so I love this, it was like a trio of lesbians, my favorite kind, of trio I should say. And they go to Chengdu taste, which is delicious. I once went to Chengdu taste and they serve this like fish, the super spicy, is this fish that comes in this super super super spicy broth. And I was there and it was just like a bunch of like white people basically.

And I started like, I poured the broth into my cup. And I was like, I kept on like, it was so spicy. I was like, how do people eat this? But I was determined to be like, no, I'm going to get the full authentic experience. And I just sat there just like drinking this broth. And later I found out that you're not supposed to drink that broth ever. It's like, it's served in the broth for the flavor. And you take the meat out of the fish out of the broth and eat the fish. So I was being like, thank God for that special broth we invented that

removes the fish poopoo before people eating. So then we go over the Gregory. Now this is this episode is watching people eat a lot. Yeah. Basically. Why am I writing this down? Because it's like people just sit together and they go, oh my god, this is amazing. Inspiration, am I right? They're like, yeah, inspiration. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was getting so hungry. It actually made me sad because you know, these restaurants are all here in LA.

I've actually been lucky enough to go to, I think about half of them and the other half are ones I want to go to. And who knows if they're going to survive this pandemic. So it definitely like, it was definitely a bit of sweet thing Sorry, I keep bringing it down. Let me talk about something happy Swiss cheese. What a cheese. Yeah, you know what people are here for it to hear about the virus Virus and that great So Kevin I love you baby talk about whatever you want. Oh, thank you. Um, so So anyway, one time I had to stick my hand down a toilet and it was bungalow

I forget the bungalow number but it was right there in the universal studio. I support that support. That was a terrible job Diane Cannon. Wow, that's now talk about a lady who should be, talk about a lady, talk about a lady. Diane Cannon, wow. I really do consider myself lucky that I got to cross pass with Diane Cannon in my life. Love her cameras. She's crazy.

She's a crazy lady. She is a crazy, crazy lady. Well, she makes great printer ink. I'm gonna give her that. So, two times, but I got the second time. So then we go see some boys eating and Angelo is obsessed with this fish. Okay, it's a whole fish.

Yeah. Just deep fried. Is this the one you were talking about? No, you were talking about the best one. I was talking about the other one. Is this one there in like, Jalada, I think they are a Jalada for this one. This is Sarni Tip a sarny tip.

Sarny tip. Sarny tip? I don't know. I don't even know what I was writing of this recal. There was so much information. And I was like, I'm not pressing pause. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that was jidlata, which is a tie restaurant,

which was also very spicy. And I went in there and I literally was sweating so badly that I looked like I had just been jogging. Well listen to this note, you'll like this. I wrote whole fish deep fried, also Sarnatip Jack Singason. What? No, the owner, her name is, she goes by jazz, but her name is like Sarnatip or something like that. Oh thank you. I I was trying to let him by talking about. And then the jack start singing a song. What the hell?

Okay, so Antelope eats this big whole fish and it's coated into American fried. And he's like, fish, turmeric, so inspiring, so inspiring. This is so inspiring. Archer dot stop. And then Antelope becomes obsessed. Yeah, I remember a fried fish I had 20 years ago and Vietnam. And it's really making me think of that.

I'm like, that's great. Like, wait, like, I'm sure that'll work out really well. Just pulling out a recipe from 20 years ago that you sort of remember. In Vietnam, I mean, how traumatizing was that? He's like, yeah, just keeps giving me flashbacks. I'm like, please don't start having flashbacks, Antelope. Okay. Uh, the heat is on inside gone the chicks are hotter hell I ate this and I was like why God why he's like I know I

can make this I still believe oh my, don't start me on that. I'm very happy that I watched that last week because I'm like full of psych-on references. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't start me. Do not start me, sir. Wait, what was the song about the act you starter where it's like, they have a name or something like that

like oh I don't let children that one yeah I know it's like their name is kaulun or something like that yeah I fast forward through that I just want to hear women belting okay that's why I listen to that show it's her on me and it's me you must choose and not some girl from long ago

It is on inside on I mean if you agree if that's how they started the episode all the chefs had to do a choreograph dance to that Largy is cheesy and I have to pull that shit off. That's like the cheesiest thing I've ever seen in a musical that song. The heat is on its icon. The chicks are hotter. Hell. It's just like, truly the worst way to start a musical. It's a bunch of like, burly, jaded, you know, American soldiers who just got been through like, just the worst experience of their life go into a brothling like the heat is on

its icon. I just never forget the chicks are hotter than hell. I just have always thought that is so funny. Okay so back to going to restaurants so Leanne, Jen and the other sour blind. Stephanie. Stephanie. She's always looks like she's fucking miserable. Wow. Hey, Stephanie, we're out of copy paper in the copy room and it's your fault. She's like, that's her face at all times. You always see her sitting at a table alone at lunch,

like at lunch with the lunch hour. And you're like, Stephanie, you want to join us? No, I'm actually just going to catch up on my book right here.'re like okay you're like gosh it was seem sad it's like oh yeah we'll peg bleemed her for running out of the copy paper roll me out oh there's Stephanie the girl who always forgets to buy the creamer and then also there's Stephanie the girl who actually spilled the creamer which is why she had to buy it in the first place. Yeah, but then she's like, guys, did you see my note in the kitchen? I spilled the creamer. Hey guys, I just want to say,

I know we're all hungry, but if you could like maybe stop eating my lunch out of the fridge, I would really appreciate that, thanks. I know we're all upset about the creamer. Well, you guys just said the creamer gal. You're like, Stephanie, please stop apologizing for the creamer, okay? Every day is not about you.

She's also Stephanie, the girl who gets an assignment, five minutes before she's ready to leave work. Well, I was gonna leave, but this just came across my desk, so. So they go eat some Indian food and she's like, how inspiring, I'm going to cook Indian. I was like, oh, have you seen this show, man? Do you really want to get in on Padma's bad side for no reason? Because every time anybody cooks Indian, Padma's like, well, I'm Indian. We know.

As an Indian from India, India. I have to say, I feel like the only time someone has been able to successfully cook something from India was there was one chef, I forgot his name, but he wanted to make a satsiki. And he made this satsiki and he did something wrong at Pamela goes, you may not realize it, but you just made the perfect writer. it, but you just made the perfect writer. That always stuck with me, like how she just was like, like, the perfect writer accidentally perfect writer for I'm Indian. Don't know if anybody's heard we've heard prod. Okay, monsoon wedding. I love this film. It's just like my

fans, like we know, Pogba. Please be quiet during the movie. Anyway, you may have heard of it. There's a building called the Taj Mahal. It's sort of a little hidden gem for us, Indians. Yeah, so it's not looking good for Stephanie. So then they go to a taco truck. And Lisa's like, I had a food truck in Brooklyn. So I respect, I respect food trucks. They're hard. Yeah. Yeah, she's definitely like bonding with the owner of that one.

And then the Hollywood gang, they go over to this wonderful Ethiopian restaurant called Meals by Jeanette. And everything looks amazing. And the lady who, Jeanette who runs the the restaurant comes over, starts talking about Jonathan Gold and starts to cry. It was like so sweet and Eric Giverhug. It was lovely. Yeah it was.

And it was. Yeah, and then. So lovely. But let's be an up. That was a love that journey for her. So then the downtown group goes to a restaurant called Rosa Blue and the guy there serves them like soup in a bag and Nene goes she's like really excited. She's like you know it's so funny I've been saying I want for all day and this just like really hits the

spot and Malarkey is just like yeah yeah he just totally brushes her off. Like, everything he does makes me mad. Even him just saying, yeah, I was like, fuck you, say, that's, you know, I tell me more about how you're feeling right now. Be more invested in Malariki, don't just like ignore her because she's a woman. No, he's the kind of person who's only invested if there is someone to kiss ass around, you know?

Like if there's someone famous or if there's someone, you know, a judge or something like that, but then otherwise, he's just like, ugh, I'm more famous than if there's someone, you know, a judge or something like that. But then otherwise he's just like, I'm more famous than Chris Beds. Yeah. Yeah, he was just like eating. He literally just goes, yeah, yeah, and then looks away. So obnoxious. So then the twin, Brian, is like, a few years ago I worked on cruises and the guys were

all Filipino back there. So I was intrigued by the eggplant puree. It's like, wow, I know my note taking is shitty, but none of that made sense to me. And then Michael Valtasio popped up on screen and said, actually a few years ago, I actually sailed. I was the captain of a cruise line. And then I actually just, I just built a house and fill up the Philippines. So I guess I just a little more trusted in that pure. Yeah, sorry, beachy again, a little brother. Sorry, I guess I just, I guess I'm just even more into it. But hey, you know what might make you feel better?

If you jumped out of the sky at the same exact spot I've already done it in. Okay. Okay, talk to you later, bro. So now they all go to Whole Foods and terrorize everyone. Basically, they just are like, I always, my dream is to be among those Whole Foods when Top Chef is filming, just to see them be crazy. Because I just can't imagine people being monsters like that.

Well people are such dickwads in Whole Foods. I mean, I went to Whole Foods a few weeks ago. Before the world changed. And I was walking around and there was this lady on my ass. Like when you're in traffic and someone's just like going way too fast right behind you and I felt her, I mean I heard her car, you know, so I moved over like all the way to the side and she stopped. And I looked back and I said, oh I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get out of your way and she was SHAYER! And I was like, this is Texas. People are supposed to be nicer here.

And I thought, Ronnie, you're being paranoid. You know, of course calling her a cut fitness in my mind. I'm like, how dare she. And then across the store in the produce section, Guess who's on my ass again? And I was like, this lady is just coming for me now. Fuck this store. People are nicer at like normal stores. Okay? So anyway, and get those acting like this. Yeah. Oh, no, don't you start you're trying to trigger me with your hatred of 365

I love 365 back off. I can't stand 365. I really cannot Except for the you know what I love them Well, we know we had to do like a little grocery order, you know pandemics style So you know, so with Amazon Prime, I did the thing where you order and, um, first of all, everything's much more expensive at Whole Foods than it is than ordering groceries from target. And, uh, second of all, yeah, but like a lot more expensive. And then it's like half that shit is like 365 brand. It's so annoying. I just was getting really triggered during the entire experience.

But I had to do it because of that. Actually, through Amazon. Yeah, you ordered through Amazon Prime, you could order Whole Foods delivery. I don't know how well it works in less sort of city, like areas, but I was actually really lucky because what happens is you fill up your car and you get all excited and they're like, well, is you fill up your car and you got all excited

and they're like well we hope you enjoy your car there are no delivery windows for the next five days so oh yeah I was I got all excited because I was trying to do the online grocery thing with Instacart and they were like okay your delivery will be there on April 19th yeah but in this case something magical happened and we got a wind our groceries came within an hour. I was like, what? Oh, wow. Yeah.

Okay. I'm on now. So have fun finishing this top chef recap because I'm on Amazon Prime pantry right now. You know what I want some flower? Like there are certain things that are happening right now in our time that I just never thought would see. Like people, you know hoarding the toilet paper is an obvious one. Things like flour.

I don't use flour that much anymore because I'm trying not to be 900 pounds, but I have some flour and so I made tortillas last week and I've just, you know, a top chef is on which means I'm going to be making so much food because that's always what I do. And so I've been making all this bread stuff and I'm out of flour and I saw on like way swap Which is you know like the local Facebook thing Everybody's like flower. Where do I find flower god? It's like goddamn gold trying to find flower I was like flowers gone come on. This is this has been the moment. I've been waiting for three years. I have like three giant bins of I think I got I've got all-purpose flour, whole wheat flour,

and bread flour. And they've been taking up space in my kitchen. I'm like, I know, I'll need them. I'll need them. I'm like, the time has gone. That is lucky. I made cookies last night with oats, bananas, chocolate chips, and maple syrup.

I made vegan cookies basically, but I did not want to make vegan cookies. I wanted to make bad chocolate chip cookies, but I was like, oh, they're not gonna have any flour. All right, oats. Let's make this work, oats. Well, I'm really bummed because the thing that's annoying with ordering your groceries,

because I'm like, I don't wanna go to grocery store if I don't have to, you know? I'm not gonna be like, I don't want to go to grocery store if I don't have to, you know. I'm not going to be like, I don't know if you saw that the pictures of the Brentwood farmers market from yesterday where there was like hundreds of people all getting their fresh kale. I'm like, I'm not doing that. Okay, I don't want coronavirus if I don't have to get it. So, so I'm trying to get everything delivered

and what's annoying when you get things delivered is it's really easy to forget things. Like, even though I'm really good about writing lists and stuff I forgot to get garlic so now I have no garlic and I'm like I don't know what like it's just to get the groceries is such an ordeal And now it's like damn it. I'm gonna have a garlicless week basically. Oh that sucks It's really annoying. I buy big tubs of garlic like the fresh peeled it's already peeled because I think that's what I'm gonna do I do things like that to feel privileged. Because it's like little things.

Like I don't have to peel my car like, ha ha. But I put them in the freezer. It's because it comes with so many. I just put them in little baggies in the freezer and I want to go to the car then. There's a tip. That's so smart, you know, like,

I'm gonna look into that. I'm gonna look into that. Anyway, the point is this, everyone's eating food and trying food and now they're in whole foods and they are, they're getting their ingredients. And Eric has this plan to do like a classic African dish and he wants to use duck, but guess who took all the duck? Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, who claimed to be all changed and nice and she's kinder and gentler, of course, then she goes in and takes all the duck.

Good for her. But she has a right to take. Yeah, she has a right to take it. And you know, Eric has, he's got something about him this year. And I guess maybe he's famous now and stuff, but just the way he talks about him, he's got like a certain arrogance or something this year. Oh I'm not I'm not getting that I still love I love sweet Eric. Oh I do I get defensive for some like with the duck thing he's like oh well I don't

mind that she takes shot she better do okay with that duck and then later when he's question he's like well the duck was gone. I'm like yeah it's you know, a game where you go shopping for debt. Okay. Also, I knew he was screwed when he said, well, I guess I'll just have to, I'll get scallops instead. I'm like scallops or the death knell on top chef. I mean, how many contestants do we have to see succumb to scallops? Yeah, and it's not something that you generally say, wow, there's no deck. You know what I'm gonna get scallops? Yeah, I love them though. It's not a natural progression from ducting scallops, really.

Yeah, I feel like that's dangerous, especially when you're trying to feed 200 people to have that many scallops and make sure they all taste good. Yeah, it's hard. So yeah, he gets scallop and then scallop Padma. And then Angela's like, I am so inspired by Tumeric! I love Tumeric! Angela's spitting out now.

My god, the guy thought of Vietnam and now he's going cuckoo. I know, he really is. So, um, so now they are all back in the kitchen and they're cooking and Karen has decided to make a whole bunch of dumplings But she's oh well, I forgot the dumplings take a long time to make. I'm not sure how many I can get done But we'll see we'll see I've got a James Beard award everyone. So we'll see And then Lisa's like well what I was really inspired by was fucking truck So I'm gonna make some some duck wheels For some gas in the duck.

You know what they have so many chilies? They love chilies. I'm gonna highlight chilies. Yeah, and she's right next to Eric, and so she's prepping all her mountain of duck right in front of Eric, and she's like, what I wanna do is I really wanna honor the chilies more than the duck.

I mean, the duck is just, it's more of a garnish at this point. It's not really a central part this point. It's not really a central part of it. You guys can see Eric me like, oh, yeah. So I can't wait to treat this duck with very low level of importance. Eric's like, it's time for commercial. It's time for raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so- so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night,

you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So Kevin's decided to make a fried terrain, so he's going to cut up a whole bunch of meat and fry it, and he's just cut up a whole bunch of meat and fry it. And he's just worried it's not gonna set. So I thought that was gonna be a big sticking point,

and then we never come back to that issue ever again. And then Stephanie's like, oh, I'm really concerned I bid off more than I can do, especially flatbread. It's like why? Okay. So you're gonna do flatbread the week after Luigi gets kicked off for flatbread,

and you're making Indian food for Padma. Yeah, I know seriously. She's like, well, I mean, I was doing well, but then I spilled all the cream around the flatbread, so I just started over. Everyone I just like to announce I'm having trouble with the flatbread and also it would be really nice if you're out of sticky notes. You need to let me know a week in advance that you're running low. That would be great, thanks. Hey guys, just want everyone to know that the copier is jammed at the moment.

So I'm just gonna be a few minutes late. We're just gonna have to figure out what's wrong. Oh, there's a flatbread in the copier. So someone put a flatbread in the paper tray. I'm sorry, that might have been me. Oh, it's funny, because a flatbread in the paper tray. I'm sorry that that might have been me. Oh God, it's funny because a flatbread is now printed. Please let me know about sticky notes going low a week before you need them. Thanks. That's weird, isn't it? God. All right guys. Just a just a reminder to the office. My flatbreads are not dry erase boards. So could you please stop writing presentations on them because I actually have a limited amount and I have to serve them.

So hey, I wonder what Angela is thinking. Oh my god. I hope the turmeric broth is okay. Oh turmeric The turmeric's on inside gone The freshness the other way that's how So That's the other way around how? So, um, then Malarkey is like, well, you know what? The good thing is that tomorrow if anything goes wrong, I'm already at the train station, yeah. Train, you guys, good one day be famous enough that you take a train.

Hey, did you guys catch that? Want me to do again? I'll be rolling? Okay, all right, let me do that again. Okay, take two. All right, the good thing is that tomorrow if anything goes wrong I'm already like you move the camera away. I was in the head and hit the punch line Yeah, I can do it third time. I'll do it

We have a hot mic. Okay. Oh good. Put in on a sticky-milk brand So they're in the cars again because they're on the way to Union Station the glorious Union Station Yeah, they're gonna that's for the this I guess is the next day. So the way to Union Station, the glorious Union Station. Yeah, they're gonna, that's for the, I guess it's the next day. So, remember when we were there together, just a few short months ago, Ben, when you say, we said, we got a train, and we're like, wow, isn't this place pretty?

What did you do that? We took the Malarkey train down to San Diego, because actually we took it to Irvine, but it was headed to San Diego, because that's where he's based But we went our Irvine show that was so fun Train we had a good time. I love that God that was so Malarkey's like well Okay, so a bunch of people are making tuna tartar, right was it three of them?

Well, no just Melissa is making a beef tartar which I was really supportive because I love Melissa then she's like, I'm just worried because Malarkey's making beef tartar also. And then they cut to Malarkey doing it. And he's like, 200 people is nothing. I mean, this is what I do. I'm right, everyone. Come on. Shut up. He's making tuna tartar though, right? No beef tartar. Oh, it was beef. So he's like, fermented egg yolks all in their own zip lock. This is what I do. I was like fermented egg yolks. Oh geez.

I know. He's like, you don't want the struggle food. Okay, you want the happy food. So come to my station and then he gives us like monkey chimes smile. You know those like monkeys with the symbols that are like, tch, tch.

Be like, how's that smile? It's like that. That one emoji, I think that's supposed to be like the embarrass emoji Where it's just the mouth is open and not going up or down. It's just this big horizontal the teeth Rick to see the teeth. Yeah, yeah, it's like the awkward That's that emotion. Yeah, that's how we smiles. Yeah, that's his face for sure Um, and nothing so struggle more than fermented egg yolks. Okay. I'm sorry for sure. And nothing so struggle more than fermented egg yolks. Okay. I'm sorry. So then, uh, answer those like, Oh my God. Vietnam. The tumor agenda. And Jen's like, God, I need some sour. Jesus Christ. What are you trying to fucking kill me? God. I'm

loving. You're trying to give me Vietnam, but what I'm getting is Santa Monica, okay? Put it back Okay, so get the guests and judges everybody start showing up to Union Station and wow, Gail You really win all out with your fucking little tiny floral dress Wow, Gail is you can always count on Gail. That pattern is terrible, Gail. Seriously.

And we see, well, we see Jonathan Gold's widow, Lori Ochoa, Ochoa, I don't know how to say it. Ochoa, Ruth Ryshol. And we see, basically, a who's who of super famous LA chefs, and then the people who want to be their friends like John Favreau. So we see them all around. And why wouldn't I be here? I'm in a film called Chef. So.

Yeah. And of course Roy Choi is there because there's a camera. And uh... I'm so obnoxious if I would not. By the way, I say this as someone who has been in the background of three different top chefs once with you. Yeah, you did. No, twice, twice with you. Yeah, I say this has a thing we were going to. Top chef and one top chef deserves. And then you went with Michelle Collins once. Haven't you been more than that? Yeah, top chef masters. No, just three. I've been to each

iteration. We did top chef together. We did top chef deserves. And as you said, with Michelle Collins, we did top chef masters, which was the most my most prominent experience because we had a camera on us and you got to see us order and then when one of the chefs, one of the chefs made a case of D.A. when they were deliberating on the case of D.A. it cut to me a close-up of me shoving it in my face saying, tender or delicious. Wow, what a how would it tender quesadilla? The point is, I'm up front and I melt this cheese. Nice work. Wow.

So, what is this sort of unique, very flat bread? Do they call this a tortilla? This, uh, this broth goes with the quesadilla, right? Like, how did you even find that such a one broth? I know, I was very jealous actually when I saw that. I was like, kind of never been jealous of Michelle Collins Moore. I think I think I need to go with Ben to this.

I love it. Every time they show that episode, everyone's like, I think I saw you on TV, which is like my dream, like that's all I want. See, that's why I'm, see, that's the up front about being a fame whore, okay? Like if there's a camera, I will be there too, Roy Choi. But I don't act like I'm cooler.

Like yeah, I'm just some like cool, hard and dude. I'm never gonna get to eat in this restaurant except for again, I'm really. Are you willing to listen to this? I'm not gonna worry. So then, the judges split up. It's Ruth and Tom and then Padma and Gail walk around together, which is hilarious.

Yeah, I was yes, I agree. I was like this is Something because they never have Padma and Gail walk around. It's always Padma with Tom I feel like it's always Padma and dude, but it's never Padma and Gail. So this was a little I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, and I liked that they have learned to work with each other so well Because they walk around and Padma is always like Like she's always got that attitude towards Gail and Gail's like not even thinking of Padma Just hope that I get to say something intelligent about food because that's what's important in life And then it's like popular. I'm going to make you popular Gail

I'm paid Gail's like I'm flying high to find gravity Because I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I'm paying, I like that they've worked they've learned to work really well together and they just let it They're like, oh, okay, I guess it's gale's turn to be upset about something you go girl And then whenever a proudness mad gale's like well, you know, patmas upset. So I'm just gonna let patma go off you go girl I was like wow you go girl. It's both of you Yeah, so they go and they So we see Neenie serving Galen Padma. Her Neenie has made this thing. We haven't even talked about it.

It's a Masha Ball Soup. So, it's a play on Masha Ball Soup. So, the soup part is a reference to one restaurant. And then the Masha is a reference to, I think with the Winter Gorilla Takas. And then the, then, but she's making an Asian spin on it, which was an ode to the Filipino restaurant. I think it was. So this is her mosa ball suit, which there's a big question mark over it. So she serves it and Padmins like, I really like the flavor that the mosa brings to the

broth. What do you think, Gail? Gail's just like, I think it's very thoughtful. Great insight, Gail. Thank you. Thanks for coming back to this season. And so like, come on, Gail. Thanks for coming back to the season. And so like, come on, Gail. Don't feel like you can't say anything and Gail's like, all right, I feel that every little bit felt different, lifted and balanced.

Well done, stupid. All right, let's go to the next. You're boring me. Hey, Nini, do you have any rubber ball suit? I think Gail would like that more. And then Brian, Tom and Ruth go to Gregory, I'm sorry. They go to Brian too, but I don't remember what they said to him. But they were talking to Gregory and he's made halibut with turmeric. Uh oh, don't, don't, don't, don't. And tomato broth with chilies. And Tom eats it and he's like Pineapple and he's like is to balance the sourness. He's like

Bucket That's shows a lot more insight than my son who's a mixellogist who his version of balancing the sour the sourness is adding more soda water I Just every though if Tom is dissing you or not, you know, I know it's like pineapple pineapple really pineapple. Okay, book it great So then Melissa she serves some mala beef tartar with anchovy a. O. Lee to Tom and Ruth and Tom's like, oh, whoa Wow, I bit into a piece of chili. I guess because I'm burning up my mouth is on fire. I'm Wow, I'm seeing the gates of hell and it's my mouth is on fire. I'm wow I'm seeing the gates of hell and it's my mouth. I don't know. Mine was pleasantly spicy. He's like nope nope nope hurts hurts. Really hurts. I got some chili in there. So I guess it would hurt if you're a pussy. He just keeps

going on and on. It's so funny because I cut back to him and he's still pissed and someone's like Tommy Okay, and Ruth is like he got too much chili on the spoon I mean you think you would know how to eat right he's a chef You see chili in your spoon. You don't fucking eat what's in your spoon am I right? But you know sounds like that chili died in vain So Padman Gailer over at least says, oh place, at least says, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it along quite well. I always say Gail is sort of like the trucker of our gang, right Gail? Right, give it a little hat. So then they go to Eric and he's serving them Ethiopian, Ethiopian brazed red cabbage

with scallop. And he's like, you know, I'm doing this because not a lot of people can do what I can do, Tom. And Tom's like, huh, whoa, huh. Think a lot of women in Africa would not be happy with you saying that. Yeah. Oh, a lot of people can't do what you do is what you do make undercooked cabbage. You're right, because everyone knows how to cook cabbage. So you're right, maybe just it's you and my son. I feel the ones who don't know how to cook cabbage.

You're right, you're right. You're right, right? That's kind of why I'm annoyed with Eric. At least to this episode. I'm like, get over yourself, Eric. You braise on fucking cabbage, really? I did like how over yourself, Eric. You braise from fucking Cabbage, really? I did like how Tom Correction to me. It's like there's like an entire, you know,

massive region of Africa that of women who are like, I do this every day while I'm like doing five other things. And then, he's like, yeah, the Cabbage, everyth goes, I grow up with my dad cooking Cabbage. Come on, I'm a rush. What do you say she was? I'm not a question.

German. Okay, I love rules, I love Cabbage, and I love specific types of electronic music. And this has none of that. Cabaret. You know, you don't want it to crunch. You want all those flavors, you want those flavors to come together and be one. Unfortunately. It's like chili in the mouth.

It's like you trying to eat chili, yes. It's fucking you it's like you trying to eat chili. Yes It's fucking just that's a problem. All right. This is like the exact opposite of Tom eating chili, okay? It's boring You don't care what happens And I'm not sweating. No, so then they get to Angela and he's like get to Angela and he's like, to Mary. And he's like, guys, I was so inspired by humility and grace. OK.

Who's that a show on NBC? So yeah, he's like, so he serves a crudal of tuna with chilled to Rick and coconut broth. And Ruth is like, she basically takes a bite and she's, thank you, and just hands the seat back immediately. And I would have done a quick So I would have done it more gracefully, but I grew up German, so we only know how to operate in one way. So I was like, well, it was a savory, but it looked like dessert. That just didn't work for me, Ruth.

And she's like, it's like Padmengale in the dressing room. The Greens never said hello to each other. Don't just try and talk now when you're in my mouth. All right. You know, it's just sort of, it's like you and Chili's Tom, okay? The two things that don't work well together. So then Padmengale go go to Karen and she's like, I wanted to take all of the experiences that I had today and wrap them up

a little inspirational wrapper thing. I'm bored, I'm bored. Give me food, Pat Lady. So then Jamie Neck tattoo made some duck. Molle. Oh yeah. Duck Molle Taco. Yeah.

And he's asking Tom, he's like, he's like, how was it? It sounds like, I'll tell you later. I just have to go the bathroom at a chilly situation over there, so I'll get back to you. So then Malarkey, this is a he wrote. This is what he made.

He's like, oh, what we have here today is a fried rice beef tartar with kimchi vinaigrette and peanut crack and fermented yolk, egg yolk. Okay, you know what, peanut crack, you know, I just go, just throw yourself off a pier. I don't want to what, peanut crack? You know, it just throw yourself off a pier. I don't wanna hear about peanut crack. I actually hate when chefs have quote unquote crack. And I'm very triggered by this because there was this restaurant that by a former top chef contestant, Betty Grubb,

that just closed about a month ago. Oh, it did. Just closed. And she served bacon crack. And it's this like very clever cute thing. Like, oh, it's crack, because you can't get enough of it, but it's actually annoying, because just give me bacon, right?

So here, just give me peanut. Don't give me peanut crack, Malarkey. Yeah, God, if you're gonna say crack, give me back Whitney, okay? Okay. So Gail's like, crack with... Oh, this is a really... What is peanut crack?

Just like peanut on top? But he's like, it's peanut crack. I think it's somehow, I think, did he make like a brittle or something that was just so delicious and it was like crack? I don't know, it was like very, it's like a very basic thing to me. Oh, peanut crack, it's a clever.

You just made me sad talking about Betty's restaurant because I used to go to grub and she would come sit down with the table and be like, how are you sweetie? Like she'd knew you. Oh, I love Betty. And she's like, I'd care it's in pretzels. Like she would always have down with the table and be like how are you sweetie like she knew you oh I love that and it's like I care it's in pretzels like she would always have care it's some pretzels to start yeah yeah listen I would always go in there and I want to love that restaurant and I never could I think the first few times I went there they're always out of something like forks like literally one

time I went there they were out of forks or like pancakes like sorry I ran out of pancakes and it's like this cute, fun restaurant and the menu has all this kitschy stuff, and it just seems like so fun and loving and warm, but secretly there's like a million rules that you have to follow, and if you don't follow the rule. They're like, sorry, we can't do that for you. No, we don't do that.

No, I'm sorry, that's not available. Drove me nuts every time. Yeah. But they made some good eggs. Well, Malarkey speaking of good eggs fermented egg yolks delicious. So he serves us to them and gals like wow, this is a real mashup and he's like, oh, prepare to get blown away ladies. And like well, he goes, wait, he goes, he goes, you ready for the show and Padma goes, been ready hungry. Feed me. I'm just speaking on behalf of gal

But you really says no way ladies and they're like okay, he goes it's good. It is good Whatever you do you back Padmas like for once I'm actually enjoying the company of gal more than someone else. Hmm. Thank you for healing our relationship teeth of Gale more than someone else. Thank you for healing our relationship teeth. So then, Jen serves up chickpea and navy beans stew with hominy and Ruth is like, I really feel like this honored the challenge. This was really wonderful. I like that.

Tom, are you still in the bathroom shitting out that chili? Okay, he's back. Then Brian Voltaggio has made short rib with chart eggplant puree and then Leanne has gets Ruth and Tom and she's made a god she's made a crazy thing. And if somebody I am someone with black plums, tomato seaweed, galae and king crab vinaigrette. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And Tom just goes, Huh, okay. And she's like,

Cheese and Fish, my kids called it. Did the two to mount your losers? I know. I'm like, have you ever had crab, like a, like a crab dip? You know, like, I don't think it's as crazy as people say. I remember actually, what was the name of that chain restaurant, McCormick and Schmix? I remember going there once years ago and their specialty dish was like some bonkers thing that was like a salmon that was stuffed with like breachies and shrimp or something weird like that. Oh my god Tom, but if she said it chilly right on the table. It was really good. It was crazy, but it was good. I mean hasn't everyone ever had like, you

know, like a pasta dish that has like a cream sauce and like shrimp in it? Yeah, I mean I have, but yeah, on food shows they go crazy. So then we go over to Stephanie and she's like, um, guess what? I ended up buying these sticky notes if anybody needs them. And also here's some grilled non with curried peas. And Fatten was like, so an Indian nacho, if you will.

And she's like, yeah, an Indian nacho. She's like, got you, got you to say Indian. Well, as an Indian. Like, oh. Hey, G. Hey Gail Gail do you want to take this one just to welcome you back to the show so Gail's like have you ever cooked Indian food like this before you know with the spices ever that was good Gail that was really good here let me show you how you really are supposed to say it did you mean to cook food that had no spices or any semblance of Indian food ever in it? And it's definitely like, oh, I didn't take into

consideration. I was cooking Indian for Padma, not my best move. Padma is like, um, is this supposed to be non? Well, it was supposed to be flat bread, but there was an incident with a copier. So that's actually technically the loose beef paper Why does this non have sticky notes written on it? Why does it say 3M on this non? So Gale's like, okay Padma your turn to feel something and Padma's like, well Indian food has so many tart flavors I would have loved a dot of something. Anything, Gail. He was like, you're sure, sure. Thanks for the support, loser.

Now you can go tell your friend Nilew that you had some terrible Indian food. So then Kevin gets Tom and Ruth and he's like, well, the prevailing quality of the restaurant was that they were very, very real. Shut up, Kevin. Okay, it's talk like a normal fucking person. The prevailing quality was that they were real. Get over your stuff. Ruth is like, you have five more seconds before I reveal a knife out of my bangs.

Okay. Served me food. So he's like, have it. Oh, sorry. No, no. No, no. I'm just going to say, he served a roasted pork mushroom and black current, terine with granny's apple butter.

Yeah, and Mrs. Gold goes. John was a big fan of head cheese. I was like, cool, yikes. And Ruth had head cheese. Move, it's just the thought of it, you know? And I make Grant, all the you people out there who are like, whoa, God, Ronnie sure is ignorant. Yes, I am. I do not want head cheese, okay?

Keep it to yourself. Keep your fucking head cheese to yourself. And Ruth, yeah, Ruth is like, bottle this apple butter. It is delicious, Tom. You want to yourself and Ruth. Yeah Ruth is like bottle this apple butter. It is delicious Tom You want it you want to try and choke on this? Tom will probably try and drink this out as nose Tom hey Tom is this apple butter gonna be too spicy for you

Someone get a fire high drinks that Tom can try something All right, hey can we get a glass of milk over here? Tom's about to try some apple butter. No, he has a real sensitive palate. So then, mean he's like, I mean, Matsubasa, but it's Masa. It's Masa instead of Mata. Get it?

So basically, big dry corn bowl. Sounds great, thanks. So then Lisa's serving Tom and she's like, yeah, I wanted a pickled salad to cut through the richness and he goes, so you think you actually did that? He's like, yup. So he's like, okay, can I agree with that? I mean, I honestly can't taste anything right now

because my mouth has been blown out by that apple butter. So Ruth is like, uh, pink hair lady, did you make your own dumpling wrappers? So Ruth is like, ah, pink hair lady. Did you make your own dumpling wrappers? I certainly did. I just, when I did was to practice, I took my James Beard Award certificate and folded it up. And once I had that mass,

when I started applying it to wonton wrappers. And then Melissa serves Padma and she's like, delicious. D-delicious. Oh my god, I'm totally galing this moment. I can't believe I'm choking. Melissa serves Padma and she's like delicious. Delicious. Oh my god, I'm totally galing this moment. I can't believe I'm choking. Then Tom goes to Stephanie and tastes her Indian food and he's like, Do you cook a lot of Indian at home? There Stephanie.

And she's like, nope. And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just trying gonna just walk off. They're cold, my God. Yeah. So then Malarkey serves Tom and Ruth, and this is just so divine. So he serves them, and he's like,

so here I am, I'm just gonna, I'm bringing the whole city together in one glorious bite, much like Jonathan Gold. Did you guys get that? You guys want to use that in your trailer? I can do it again. You mean to do it again? All right, let me try to go.

Bringing the whole city to, oh, hold on. Bringing the whole city together in one glorious bite, much like Jonathan Gold, monkey chimes smile. So then Ruth is like, ah, Melissa's beef tartar was good, but Malarke's is just to show off a dish. Malarke's is basically what everyone hates about restaurants. Yeah, she goes, it's the kind of thing that a lot of people who hate restaurants hate about restaurants.

Like, one of the most withering critiques we've ever heard on the show. And it's so fucking true. I love that somebody finally said it. Here's the things that people hate about restaurants. Okay, number one, rats. If you see a rat in a restaurant, finally said it. Here's the things that people hate about restaurants. Okay number one Rats if you see a rat in a restaurant you hate it number two this food Fermented egg yolks, right master bait at home. That would be great. I then it cost I then it cost a malarkey telling everyone. They loved it They love this one

Thank God you guys are in a dream station Get that guys So happens like all right good afternoon everybody Thank you to all the chefs who've been here the odd Alfred Hitchcock shadow with Jonathan gold on the wall trains Everybody was clearly inspired I Want to thank Naomi over at Starbucks who whipped up a quick latte to cool down Tom's mouth that was nice thank you anyway I'm pretty who want to speak next I'm in Ruth is like Jonathan made everyone understand what what food good does and how powerful it can be never once did he crave a fucking

Fermented egg yolk on to you that But got he was a good guy and a good friend and Erica's like I'm touching my heart right now because I'm feeling things with my heart Let me tell you something Jonathan he didn't write negative things about food. He just wrote about food. Okay, so even if he had Stephanie's shitty-ass quote-unquote man, he'd say that was something that he would never be negative about that. No.

And then for a judge's table, and Kevin's like, I'm tough. He's like crossing his arms and being surly. Did you notice that the judge judges table was inside their kitchen, which I did not like, that's very food network, and I think it's off-brand for Bravo. Their judges table have to have a separate dark for boating room.

Yeah, was it last time? I don't think so. I mean, they, a few seasons ago, they started doing judges tables, sometimes on-site of the competition. But generally speaking, the judges table is, maybe it always has been in the kitchen and they just lit it darkly, I mean, just never noticed.

But I thought that, like, it was just weird. I just didn't, I did not appreciate it. Well, especially because the kitchen looks like it was designed by fucking blondie on diners and drive-ins and dives. What's his name? Guy Fieri. Yeah, it's really like, it's designed by Gadsooks.

Like a great, blacking kitchen. But at least there's like a nice wall of greenery or like succulents, I like that. Yeah. So now we hear that who are at the top, who are the top three. So they say,

Nini's is in the top and a custom hierarchy just scowling like really, that little girl who's in my car, my BMW X7, really? I'm like, yeah, that's right, Malarkey. That's right. Yes. Sucker.

Everyone else step to the side. So they really loved Nini's food. And Tom was like, well, you know, I was under the weather. Guess I shouldn't be sharing that right now when this is actually airing because now everybody at home was terrified. But basically I was under the weather. Guess I shouldn't be sharing that right now when this is actually airing because now everybody at home was terrified. But basically I was under the weather and I wish I had your soup bottled up

because it was basically penicillin in a jar. So yeah, so I'm sure all you chefs are appreciating the fact that while I'm under the weather and my palate is compromised, that I'm judging you all and determining your future with my messed up palette at the moment. Okay, whoever wins gets a sneeze right there are eyeballs, okay?

So then Ruth is like, Kevin, I walk up to your station and I see this clunky ball and I think this is gonna be a disaster. Okay, I'm German, I grew up German, we don't have clunky balls, we have perfectlyunky balls. We have perfectly round balls that look delicious. Okay, it's just like Adelvice on a plate every time. And I see this thing, it looks like someone deep fried a bag and put it on a plate. And I hate it, it was delicious.

It was delicious. This is what Jonathan lived for, this kind of thing. And bottle up that goddamn butter, dammit. And Kevin's like, well, I'd have to ask permission from Granny. She's like, all right, shut up. So anyway, hey, Brian, I had loved that you were making your dish in front of us. There was some showmanship. Unlike that fuckface Malarkey behind you, sitting there grinning at the reflection

of himself in this table leg. Hey, Malarkey, would you close your mouth? I'm seeing stars over here, all right? And then Tom's like, well, the short ribs, they were perfectly cooked, but you know the real star. And Marquis's like me? He's like, not Marquis, he was a broth. Marquis's just like, I'm nodding really hard because I'm a professional, and I totally agree with whatever the famous professional say.

Yeah, he is so fully aware of the camera and mugging for it at all times. And it's annoying because they keep using his footage as a result, but I don't know if they're using it because he's being very camera friendly or just to say, look at this douche bag right now. I think it's a ladder. Yeah, exactly.

Fucking douche. Douche. So he's nodding too hard. And then Ruth is like, the chef made the most beautiful dish and one that Jonathan Woodal loved was clunky ball cabin, Kellan Ginger. Get your breasts.

Oh, my God. Kevin, Calon Ginger, get your breath out. And have I told you yet that you really should be bottling up that apple butter because it is something else. And then Kevin, of course, he's like, Jonathan Gold was so miraculously important. It's especially great to be victorious and a challenge I connect to as much as I do John I'm Kevin you're not on Game of Thrones. I don't know why you're fucking talking about he's like He literally is like a wildling Because and by the way Pam is trying to make him cry because she's like how are you feeling right now?

I see something misty in your eyes. I don't know what that's all about Yeah, he's like illness that almost killed me, but journey journey and journey journey. And I need to improve to myself that I am still amazing and can make clunky balls that taste amazing. She's like, wow, glad you live. Step to the side. Well, we're really glad you're here. Now make Gail a case of Dia. She's starving. Bless her heart. Look, she's frothing at the mouth. Gal, get your fist out of your mouth. Who left mustard on the table?

Gal, stop eating that marble. Not all clunky balls are made the same. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Geba's gal. So Angela's definitely an Erica on the bottom and Angela is so shocked, it's hilarious. He's like, but I said, Vietnam, it's a miracle, a lot. How could this happen? I thought the heat was on and psych on. And then we go to commercial. And by the way, I noticed that there was an ad

for something on USA called Dirty John Betty. So it's interesting. We had said before what happened to all the scripted stuff on Bravo, they clearly are done with that mandate and they've clearly moved it over to USA because now Dury John, I guess they're franchising it because it's about Betty Brodrick. So I thought that was interesting.

I guess Bravo was done with scripted officially. Oh, yeah, I heard that there was another season. I didn't know that it moved. Wow. Yeah, they moved it over to USA because you know all the cable come, all these conglomerates are basically just, they're shuffling all their programming around. Like you see it on Viacom all now, like for like drag races went from logo to BH1 and then they're putting it also on showtime.

Anyway, they're showing a lot of e-stuff on Bravo. Yeah, yeah, so that's how it's working now. So then back to the show. Well, did you notice that when they announced the bottom page, Padna goes, step to the side, and then it just cuts to Gail cracking her knuckles. I was like, what are you going to do, Gail? No, I did not notice that. Like, what the fuck is Gail in prison right now? What is Gail going to do?

Says none of you guys fed Gail in egg. She's going to punch one of you in the face. Go get him gal So they start with Stephanie as Stephanie's like um, I bit him won't bit him a bit more often I can chew bad and was like you know what it tasted like nothing I thought it lacked salt. I thought it lacked acid and I thought it lacked a point of view Jesus would you like a fucking Indian one? Well, I also like before she even gets into Stephanie. She just I love when Padma sets them up, right?

She hates she just hates what's definitely me. She just hates it She sees that Stephanie hates her own food. She sees that Stephanie is miserable. She's got creamer stains on her pants and Padma just goes How did today go for you Stephanie? Like I'm about to tell you a new one I thought I thought I thought She's Shakespeare calm down over there. I root this like I kept praying I kept praying isn't there any chutney on here where God could we get some of that bottled apple butter Oh, it's not bottled yet. Okay, that was a really spicy it actually hurt me. Shut up Tom. We're talking about the goddamn apple butter What?

Hey, Eric. How is your day today? Probably not good because you're the bottom right? He's like well, I wanted to do a duck, but the duck was gone. And she's like, um, did you want the cabbage to be cooked, how it was? Did you want to serve us something terrible that even a peasant could make? So I'm like, you know, I think it was an issue of how quickly you cook cabbage, because when you have liquid in the cabbage, it's not done right, which any cabbage or fishianado like a Ruth over here knows so Ruth you want to take it away

I'm German! Alright nice job Ruth alright back to go Hey Angelo how did you decide what dish you what dish you were gonna serve us and please don't talk about the helicopter Miss Saigon again. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ooh, and to lose like, I was inspired by Jonathan and Miss Saigon, ma'am. So please get to it. He's like, whoa, I really like fried fish with turmeric.

And so I was inspired by that. And Tom goes, oh, was there a pastry chef in that restaurant? Your Tom is trying to be like Padma, trying to queue up his shade. So when you went to that restaurant, was there a pastry chef working there that showed you something? Here we come everyone, here we come. You know that? I'm saying this because the sauce was so sweet, it was like dessert. Your mama, your tuna was lost, it was lost.

And Padma was like, I liked it tuna, but none of it made sense and Ruth's like gale's outfit It tasted like they get the dress barn gale And Ruth is like I'm sorry with this tuna died in vain I'm sorry, but this tuna died in vain. It was just a piece of flesh and a sweet broth. Am I right? And then I custom a larky. He's trying to pretend that he's shocked,

but he's actually smiling. He's like smiling and trying to turn his mouth to like, oh wow, this is terrible to hear about, but he's actually like loving it. Yeah. Um, so then the judges in alone time, you know, talk about who they like and who they didn't like as they do and Gail's like I think that the chefs on the bottom just overthought their dishes and Tom's like, yeah, you know, Angela's dish It just suffered from a bad palate basically. We call that gal. We call that galing it

Well, I don't know if you heard this before but I like the tuna Yes, the soup was damn sweet, but I really liked his tuna because I'm a complex person But you know if you've ever been to that restaurant It's just so rustic and so from them from that to then make this Tweet dish I Want to demolish this dish in middle school. If I met this dish in middle school, I'd say you want to bob for apples,

and then I'd drown the little fucker in a bucket of water. I felt like I was eating a soup made of the movie Juno. It was so Tweet. God, is Michael Sarian the soup? No. When she called that dish Tweet, I lost it. So that is such an insult. Like she called it Tweet.

It was so, so perfect. And then it cuts to the chefs talking amongst themselves in the stew room. And Angela's like, I knew it was sweet, but I didn't know it was that sweet. And then cuts back. And Tom's like, and Eric's cabbage. Huh, liquid.

It was gray. Gray, liquid. And how spicy was that? I mean, wow, I'm not as on fire from all that cabbage water. Um, and then, uh, yeah, no one really liked Eric's. And then it cuts to Eric in the kitchen going, I mean, the cuisine itself is communal. Okay, it's everyone grabbing and digging, and it's just lost in this format. I was like, okay, Eric. Don't make it. Yeah, then don't don't blame the format for your undercooked cabbage. What does that have to do with anything?

And if it's everyone grabbing and digging in, why would you make why would you make my king? Stood cabbage in the first place. You do what I mean. Yeah, and gale's like, you know, it was really an issue of being timid and not following through. Sort of like your patterns, Gail, right? Am I right? High five, Ruth? High five, Ruth? Okay, those are your bangs.

Okay, works, it works. To me, the person who suffers the most from planeness is obvious and she's sitting to my left. But disregarding Gail's general being on this planet, the dish I didn't like the most was Stephanie's. I mean, that non was... should I do it again in one judgment? That non was basically every outfit from this season that Gale is currently wore. Tasteless. Gale? Yeah, I mean, uh, that non was dry and lacked personality.

Can I do it again? Right, Padma, you do this one. Dry and lack personality, sort of like Gail's passion sense. How is that Ruth? Ruth is like, well, you sure got a lot of those, but I love every one of them. All right. And then Gail goes, you know, it's funny that you mentioned the lamb because I completely forgot about it. Wow, and that's from you, Gale. Moment Gale forgets about a lamb is the moment

that pigs fly. Am I right? Am I right? No, there's no actual pigs flying Gale. Sit down. Put down your fort Gale. Gale, stop throwing your fork at the sky, you're not gonna catch the bigs, you're not there. Make them... Ruth comes in for the kill, she goes, You know what I feel like? She is. She goes, I feel like the three bottom chefs forgot that for food is supposed to be delicious. And if you don't want to eat a dish, the chef has a problem. It's almost like the three, you know what it is, it's like the three bottom chefs. I almost think

you guys just brought them in from Valvelin and said, hey, put on this shit, this coat and make some clunky balls. You know what I'm saying? Oh, so, so, yeah, then Tom's like, you know, one thing about Jonathan is he didn't write critical reviews, so everybody gets a prize. All right, just kidding, just kidding, just kidding, you guys sucked, okay? But Papa, take it away. He's like, Antelope, you suck, Please back your knives and go back to the reeds and the tour of Miss Saigon, please loser. Bye, Angela.

But we'll be seeing you at last chance, kitchen. Oh, yeah, that's right. You get to do this Tom side show, who'd know and watch is. Enjoy that. So Angela's big speech at the end is he's like, well, my son has special needs and and uh, and suffers, but uh, his circumstances don't define them. And this doesn't define me. I was like, uh, I had a special need to have good food.

And that brings us to the end of top shifta. Oh my god, I can't believe we did an hour and 14 minutes out of that. That's crazy. I know. Well, we will be back tomorrow with Top Chef. Also, episode two, which is on our bonus feed, crap and on demand video. Shaws of sunset tomorrow.

What did I say? You said Top Chef. Oh god damn it. Shaws of sunset. It was right in my head. So Shaws of tomorrow. And then, yeah, we're're gonna be releasing part two of our Seven-part bonus series

Tiger King you can find that over on our patreon bane bonus episodes and on our crap and slant to man videos and Don't forget our live show coming up this Thursday night Pre-show is at 7 30 on Instagram live Pacific time and then the main real housewives of New York live show will be streaming on Patreon crap and song demand at 8 o'clock Pacific 11 o'clock Eastern hey yeah see you guys soon bye everyone Thank you. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about

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