Watch What Crappens - Top Chef: Successes and Gail-ures

Episode Date: March 9, 2018

Top Chef season finale! Who will win? Who will lose? What will Gail wear? Find out! We're in a Houston hotel room laughing our asses off. This week's bonus a catch up of Married To Medicine! To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to Chicago, San Francisco, Phoenix, Irvine, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find us on social media, on Twitter, we're at what-crapins, on Instagram

and Facebook at Watch What Crapins. We'll see you there. I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so that I've been so that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so much that I've been so that I've been so that I've been so and also our super premium sponsors are lucky little Grand Topper Kelly Grant and Lizzie Drucker. She's a fun mother. We love you guys. Hello and welcome to the Watch Up Crappens podcast. The podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on yo browse. I'm Roni Caron from Ben's bed. What? And this hotel room in Houston where I'm laying down. Scandalist. Roni Keram from Ben's bed. What? And this hotel room in Houston, where I'm laying down.

Scandalists. Roni and I are sharing a bed, but we're above the covers, and we're actually in a head-to-toe formation. That's Roni Keram from trashstarctv.com, and also there was Prick's Bachelor podcasts. And that's Ben Mantelker of the B-side blog in the Banta Blender, and now Texas. Yeah. Our normal podcast opening is a little different today because we're in a different

state, both in terms of geographically and mentally, I would say, because we are in Houston, Texas. We have a show tomorrow night at We're House Live. We're gonna talk about the real housewives of Beverly Hills, dinner party from Hell. It's gonna be a great, great show. We actually still have tickets available, so go to watch a crap and stuff. Stop saying that, just say it sold out. And then from now on, we'll just say,

it was sold out. It was sold out. Yeah, prove me wrong. But a few people didn't show up. Like a best list. We're actually like it. We're actually very close to selling out. So we could probably make that live.

Just make that fib. But I'm not here to chill our Houston show. I'm here to tell everyone. It's over by the time your ass is hearing this people. Yeah. It's over. You're like Houston. What?

Well, they made it so yesterday. They used to look up before it. So this is a rare Ben and Ronnie in person podcast. And we are right now reclined on my hotel bed. We're at the aloft hotel in downtown Houston. Yeah, they're like, look, it's a loft, but it smells like for breeze is for breeze spray, right? A loft can smell like for breeze. There's no reason to use the butt conjunction. No, because loft smell like, I don't know, old art. It smells like artists.

Like old art. It smells like earthy artists. Starving artists. This smells like people sprayed for breeze into the carpet. Now, it's not to dis the whole hotel. I love the space in here. It's very nice. It's like we're in a business person's, a traveling business person's hotel that makes them feel trendy. Yeah, it's a business person, a traveling business person's hotel that makes them feel trendy. Yeah, it's a business person who's like, but I also am artistic. Yeah, I'm like, no, you're not, you're just staying at this weird hotel. They don't have room service here, which is fine, but we did wind up nabbing to free ice

cream sandwiches from the lobby, which was really great. That's what it's like being hot, okay? Because you're supposed to pay for those. And he's like, hey guys, if you want anything, just get them and bring them up to the desk. So we did and then he was like, oh, you guys. Well, he was also, he was like on the phone and there was a guy who was waiting to be, like there was a guy waiting there to be helped. So it was like the last thing that this guy could deal with

was us saying, hey, we need to pay for our ice from sandwiches. Yeah. He's like, just take them, it's fine. As he knows, it will split that room charge, too. Like Ben spanked for his and I'm paying for mine. Split them on the room charge. Double the computer. You know, they charged like $7 for each of those ice

cream sandwiches, which were delicious, but they were also like the skinny kind that are like more of the shape of like a thick hot dog, as opposed to like a rectangular one. Yeah, they were like, what are you talking about? So they were like, these are my three points. You know, like, yeah, because it's like as big as my thumb, like who are you tricking?

Not me, ma'am. And then the guy who was trying to check in, Ronnie thought he was like a bell hop or something. He was like, what did you ask him? I said, do you work here? He goes, I don't know. I was gonna say thank you. And also, what's upstairs?

And why are there like, you wanted to talk about the escalator because when we were watching the hotel, you just gravitated towards the escalator, you were like, okay, and you started and it was the escalator for no reason. Because the escalators are four, you go up them. But the escalators are on the first floor.

It's like, look, it's just we just got this. It'll look more lofty, like who does an escalator? So then Ronnie turns to this guy and he goes, I'm sorry, where do the escalators lead to? And then the guys are looking at him and Ronnie goes, do you work here and goes, no and he goes, I'm sorry, where do the escalators lead to? And then the guys are looking at him and he goes, do you work here and he goes, no, he goes, okay, and then you thanked him. You know, I was like, okay, thank you.

And afterwards you were like, like I still thanked him as if you worked there. I know. I was like, thank you, could you please take this bag up to my house, to my loft? I'll do it. He's moved in. Yes. So since this top chef day, we were like,

hey, we just got to Houston. Let's go pick out at some amazing Mexican place. Oh, yeah. We got to do guys who eat so much food. That's why I sound like this. We went to a place called Irma, Southwestern Grill, which had Bible verses on the flashing LED sign out for on.

So first I was like, Isaiah, something you know there, but you know what the crackles outside were so loud and I was afraid I was gonna get a shout on. I was like, I'm just gonna go in the restaurant because this is such a Texasy trip, okay? Yeah. Okay. So we're at this lot place, which isn't very Texasy. First of all, Houston, wow, looks really nice.

Yeah. I don't remember Really nice. It's nice. It's really pretty, but we go out works down the block from a prison Okay, a federal prison. Yes, and outside there's like a thousand. I'm not even kidding grackles Thousand grackles. I took a photo of something grackles earlier tonight Yeah, and we talked about grackles a couple years ago because there were all these new stories in Texas about how the grackles are like about Grakow's a couple years ago because there were all these new stories in Texas about how the Grakows are like attacking people and attacking other birds and horrible things. So they're outside the prison. It's like a movie. And then what else was there? Oh, there's five. The Grakows only come at night. Grakow, Grakow, Doyle and Prakow. They're a little too unbroken if you ask me. I'll break

those birds, see if they'll come to mama but there's Bible verses everywhere you turn okay we pass like 10 churches which you know I'm used to it because I'm from Texas so I'm just used to that but that's like really another one and then there's a preacher across the street and now they've learned to cut yeah and then you're gonna say and then're going to go up to heaven and God's going to be like, fuck, I don't want to hang out with you. I'm like, well, now they can say that for it. And then we passed the church after the prison. And then we got to the restaurant. And it's like Isaiah once said, crack the corn of the unicorn and the

boy's head is a boy's head. So I was like, I'm not, you know, so there was like church versus, but it wasn't just like that there was like a You know, so there was like church versus but it wasn't just like that there was like a church verse There was so it was a Bible verse and it wasn't just like it was a Bible verse It was literally they had a display outside like like in the middle of baseball Say it lit up sign. It was like in Las Vegas. Yeah, it's like it's the girl for our tacos Yeah, yeah, whatever yeah But we just had to go in there anyway, And then Fox News was playing in all the TV. It's just hilarious.

Oh, they didn't even notice that. Yeah, I was like, oh, we're in Texas. So first order of business, we got KSO, which I really enjoyed. Other you were feeling like it was the white man's case. That's just some melted velvita. Yeah, that's great. You're the one who brought me back to velvita, by the way.

I know, because remember, never you were real cheese. You should be but Velvita is not macadamined as just Velvita. It's meant to be a melting agent. It was a melting agent. I felt like I felt like a lot of things were melting. But we had a delicious dinner. A delicious text message. To me melted Velvita. Did you mean to have Gail get your head out of the case so Gears velvet is like a humming beacon Okay, so we had a delicious dinner and we came back to tell but we only said the bad part the rest of it was amazing Ben eight wild game he ate board King Roo giraffe Elephant tuske I had a giraffe Somali. No, um, there was like a wild game, um, a wild game side of the menu and then like a Mexican side of the menu and I decided to get a wild game combo because

you know, I love my games. Get it. Get it. Um, but we sort of split it. We want to have these. By the way, as I'm speaking, my mouth is so dry from dinner right now. Like, isn't that weird? I was getting caught in mouth too. And I'm not even on the full cotton mouth. I have full cotton mouth in the aloft. I'm, I'm sitting on the water. We're playing in bed. I'm punched. I'm punched in the aloft.

I brought water. I brought water. I brought water. This is the most comfortable episode you've ever done. Yeah, your water's back there. OK. Can I say something, though? I'm in the middle of musical about my water band.

We also, by the way, we stopped to do an Instagram story to capture the grackles, I think. And we stopped right in front of the entrance to this prison. And we were there so long that all of a sudden the intercom starts being dressed. They're like, get the fuck out of here. Like, you're not there. They thought we were trying to break out a prisoner or something like

We're like the worst we're like the two gay guys from prison like how do we get back in here? No, I think I said I thought I heard voices Now what now who are we supposed to date? I thought I heard voices in the prison so like wait I hear voices from on the other side of the wall I think it's a real That was fucking creepy out there. Okay, it was the crackles like. The guys are like,

it's like two different kinds of species just barking at each other in the middle doing Instagram stories. So anyway, we made our way back to hotel and we just was at somebody in front of a prison. If you, if you're going to yell at me, come outside and yell at me. I'm not afraid of you. I'm in prison. So yelling at me. Why are you issuing? why are you issuing a challenge to prison guards? You know I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm a huge sign that said Federal of Corrections. It was like a standard size sign.

It wasn't it was you. Listen to Jules there. Don't put on such a sign. You don't know what a lovely prison. I mean, it was really nice looking. It looked like the one in downtown LA. It looks no really. Yeah.

Oh, both lovely, both very lovely cosmopolitan prisons. It's across from like a beautiful, like it's so pretty down here. And there's just a prison. And then above that, it was like no smoking organs. I'm it was not. It's across from like a beautiful, like it's so pretty down here and there's just a prison. And then above that it was like no smoking organs. I'm like, okay, now you're putting us both in the same place. Like, come on.

There was also, there's a store across the street called, let's see if I can remember what it was called. It was like, there's like shoots and boots or boots and shoots. Oh, we love our rhymes. Yeah. So anyway, before we jump into this top chef recap of the finale, because we are actually here to ostensibly do an episode.

I want to say that earlier this week, we launched a goofy little contest on Instagram to win this board game called Castell. Ronnie's doing this. No, no, this has a Ronnie you motherfucker. No, you cannot do that to me. No, here's why. No, here's actually, no, here's why, Ronnie,

because I don't think he even paying attention to this contest, have you? Yes. No, okay, he's lying. For those of you who don't remember, we're giving away a board game called Castell on a Castell as like a human tower from Spain. And we asked people to start making photo shops of human towers with Bravo stars if they want to If they want to win this contest and you have to include the hashtag hashtag

W crap ins hashtag crap ins game hashtag play run a gate because it's from running good games and you got it at us So we've actually we've already had some and you got to at us. So we've actually already had some hilarious entries. Like, I couldn't believe how good the entries were and I actually re-grammed them and it has like 500 likes on them. So people are like taking to it. They're liking it.

They're right on, they're looking good. They're hilarious. It's like looking at what that famous painting by Raphael, that's like the... Stempstie Pade. School of Philosophy or something like that. Also I'm staring at like stencils of New York City. Or is that Houston?

Look, those are Tawitao's, Ben. Those are building towers. The point is this, we already have some really hilarious submissions. And just if you want to do it, go do it because it's so funny. I can't wait to see what other people are doing as well. Yeah. It's going to be a Maz. It'll be a Maz.

It's fun game to win. Um, okay. So now, guess what we're going to do, guys. So we want to do. I don't know. Do you want me to give you the symbols? Say hurry it up, Ronnie. Hurry it up, Ronnie.

Get to it. Oh, it's during the rough it up because Ben was like, it's going to be cool because I like when we get to see each other. And I'm like, uh, oh, because I don't want to see what you're doing during the podcast. You're probably doing this, like the whole time making blowjob symbols, like, oh, no, no, absolutely not.

Like making a smelly thing, like, woo, that's a first, that's a first of a statement just made. A first of a, so I'm just doing things to annoy you because I can see you in real life. And you can see me. It's not fun Jury is out. This could be a final podcast. Don't say that we're too close to a prison Well anyway, I'm kidding. I love you and all your photos. It's it's fine. It's fine

I wanted to thank the people have already just baited in this contest. No one had any of this. You were just shaming it. No, you know what I'm being a bit just because. No reason. It's just really fun. I'm like half exhausted and half having the time of my life at the same time. Well, good. And also I'm sleeping at your feet like a fucking dog. This is really weird.

I'm like laying down at your feet. Well, that's right. Just staring up at you. Let's talk, let's talk top chef. No No, he's made this creepy No, because we also have we also have because we're we're recording this on Thursday night So we we almost forgot that we actually also have Crapons mail that you have your top chef. So we have a full show to do. Oh, yeah, then we have to go watch real house

So as the Beverly Hills didn't part of the day. Oh for tomorrow. I work never ends. I'll tell you one thing work never ends when it's play Yeah, it's not a joke. That's why it didn't laugh. Okay guys Padma right now on the finale It's that show and LeBernie Dan who worked at LeBernie Dan They both worked at esteemed kitchens of other people will never shut up about Eric repair Samuel Mitchell sin. What's his name? Michael sin? Samuel Markle sin. Michael sin.

What's his name? Marcus Samuel sin. Marcus Samuel sin. Who cheats on us on shopped all the time. But we don't care apparently because we keep having him back and all of his interns. What's with those guys? They're always on this show. Marcus is always on shopped. Does that guy even go to the kitchen anymore? Does he have a job? I didn't know you had so many passionate feelings about Marcus Sam Wilson. You know, it was a straw that broke the Campbell's back. I'm like him him again again. Why is it always him chefs Shaps we're here at the top chef finale so the episode opens up

With Adrian we're seeing like a little bit of both their journey is sort of in this flashback Previously on this season of top chef gal eight things what a surprise Previously on this season of Top Chef, Gal ate things what a surprise. Previously on Top Chef, Gal murdered an entire family of rabbits and wore it like it was prom. Previously on Top Chef, Gal lost her person to sub-zero refrigerator. She tried to climb in. I thought there was a door to another dimension back there. Previously on top chef, Gal got 18 weeks off because I had a Ben and Jerry's at the bottom of a well.

Previously on top chef, Gal made an impassioned speech on behalf of purple stuff. You know when the sunny D commercials, someone's got to stand up for the purple stuff, she said, sure, Gal. I needed this memory this memory spot to be narrated by LeBernard and her journals I wanted it to be like sex in the city where she's like well you know sometimes you don't

really know what you're gonna do and then sometimes you realize you're just just a southern chef and you have been this whole time waiting you're jumping in this pool a little too deep, please. You've been a Southern chef for like five minutes. I couldn't help but wonder, am I sous vide? Or is my V just suing me? Like, Adrian, I think you have to work on your section of the city work.

Your carry Bradshaw. Living with a V to sue, am I right? I'm such a carry. I'm carry. Oh. Anyone who says their carry is really a Samantha. I've never known someone who's been like, I'm a carry.

Who's really a carry? Has anyone ever said that they're a Miranda or a Charlotte? I'm probably a Charlotte. I mean, I'm not as cute, but I'm as dumb. And I cry a lot. I feel like I'm a screen saver. So it's like, what are you, that's like, I'm a screen saver. So it's like what are you on the sides of the, I'm a screen saver.

Just sort of there, maybe. You know, he's really a Miranda in real life. I think Sarah does the marker in real life. Mom, I'm the shes probably very much a Miranda. In the real life. Yeah, she's kind of an asshole, I think, in real life. Yeah, probably. So we're saying Adrian's journey and she's like,

I'd like to create elevated Southern cuisine. And when she said elevated, they cut to gale, eating food at the top of the mountain that one time. Just imagine giving elevated. My God. My God. I like that they said that right after they were like, both of these chefs are from Chicago.

Whoa, both of them. She's like, oh, yeah, Southern cuisine. That's in my soul. I don't know why I'm so ugly. I'm certainly mad because I really want her to win. We have to work on her geography. I must say geometry. She could probably work on her geography too.

Well, people from Chicago, she could work on her geography. Maybe she needs to work on her vertical angles. Yeah, maybe geometry would help more. Maybe a geometric cook. Shortest way between two lines. She needs to know that. She needs to know that. Do something with octagons and then get back to me about your subject. Chef, for your quick fire, we want you to cook at an octagon.

You're surely a good at geometry, right? Age, Vian. We want you to cook it in octagon. You're surely you're good at geometry right age VN You're special you're special ingredient is a protractor chef You're gonna use that to skate to scoop it all into gales mouth am I right bless her heart? Ronnie oh my god Just kidding protractors have holes in them. So I feel so much better, but I'm still like acting up lungs when I left.

That's because we're making pro-ractor jokes about Padman and Gail. I know. So you know who I feel really bad for? Gail. No one has mentioned that poor Alaska chick since she left. Remember how she's like, I can do something with the mese. One time we found him outside behind my car, and I just made breakfast out of him.

You know, it was, and it was like, that's just crazy. And she's like, I miss my son. She hadn't gotten to go back home. I don't think so. She had to die as that way, because I started becoming carry. Because carry sucked until the Alaskan lady went away. And then once the last lady was gone,

carry was like, I'm making another nut a snow. You know, she like took on, she did everything the Alaskan lady went away and then once the last lady was gone Kerry was like, I'm making another nut a snow. You know, she like took on she did everything the Alaskan lady was We were hoping she'd be like. Yeah, there can't be too many ladies with leg hair in one competition or it just Everything. So anyway, so the episode once the recaps are over we we find the chef standing still in front of Padm and Tom from last week and Padm, Padm, here goes, I want both of you to really save or enjoy this moment because you both deserve it. Sort of like watching Gail eating a truss and chew. Just take your time, enjoy it, don't break any teeth good guys. I want you to both save for this moment and really taste it deeply. The way that Gail is tasting that future whipped cream on a spoon, chocolate chips that she's eating in her mind right now. Right Gail? Right. She's still working on a lolly I gave her last week.

It sounds like here's what I want you to do. I want you to take all the viewer experiences here, roll them up and you know make something really out of them. Oh what a challenge. I want this to be an Alaska moose lady, tear taco. Let's make a big the last can. And then tell the last man, remember we had a lasting person on the season? Ronnie, Ronnie is gonna die.

Little by die. I'm seeing his face. It's like weird things happen. I shouldn't get up. I'm like, we have a lot of people. No, no, no, no, you look very relaxed. Ronnie is reclining on his face. It's like weird things are happening. I'm like, we have a lot of things to do. No, no, no, no, you look very relaxed. Ronnie is reclining on his side. I look like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. He's turned the bolster into a pillow.

So I want to be respectful of your clean pillows and your head space above your blankets. So anyway, so after this little pep talk from Padman Tom, Joe and Adrian returned to their device roy hotel, which is not nearly as good as the aloft, and no, we're not getting any sort of free room. Although aloft, call us. I'm feeling, what if they're downstairs right now? They're like, I just can't wait till top chef, top chef, watch what crap it's going to have. I'm going to be like, with those damn.

crap. We didn't make the time to watch our crap. It's called being delusional. And we'll explore more of that word at tomorrow's live show because Alice in Dubois is told that by Kyle. Oh, that tells Camille that never mind. That's tomorrow night. So Joe Flam calls, Joe is a chef at this place called Spiaga or Spiagia or Spiagia or Spiagia or Spuja. And Spuja. Spuja. Spuja. Spuja. So he calls Tony the other restaurants around and Tony's like, here's what I tell you. Never change a never change a meal once you start it. What never change a dish once you start it, you're gonna do a good job, kid. You have a terrible idea. And Joe's like, wow, that was great advice. No, it's not. That's a terrible, that's terrible advice.

What if you forget to put sugar in something you use, salt instead, because you got them confused, should you continue making that ice game? What if you want to make Trout Cruto and then you learn that like a bearer shot in your trout world? Should you change then? You eat the skin. Just like that fat bastard did when he ate it. He's like, does a bear shit in the woods?

Nice skin though, that was good. I'm like, what is the shit not getting to the skin though He cooked out he cooked out the bear shit. I'm sure he's just it's like arbitrary He's like this part doesn't have shit on it just because I say so shut up jerk So then how to beginning up we're like it's a finale. What are we gonna have to talk about? We're just loony tunes we took a flight today, you know? I love flights. I know. I don't hate them. But it was fun. So anyway, so Padma leaves a note and it's like, chefs,

meet me at the top of the mountain. Come get there quickly so you'll get to see Gale panting. She's like chefs, it's me, Padma. I want you to smile, rise, and exercise. I'm like, woo! Sorry, wrong show. Listen here, fat nerds. Cuckooke me dinner. Gale will be there sweating probably. See you at the top of the mountain, Padma. So then... America's next top podma. So then they're like, the chefs are like getting into their chefs clothes and the music's

like, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, It's like all like soldier music, you know? Yeah, like they're getting ready for the revolutionary. It's like a lot. Yeah. Ridley Manuel Miranda. Today's guest, today's challenge is to re-enact the Civil War. Enjoy yourself, Jennifer.

Oh, but this is a fact that I didn't know. L'Obrena Dan's father was in Black Panther. That was such a good movie. It's so good. It's so cool. Of course, Whitaker. I thought it was great that there was a good Marvel tie-in to this episode. It is kind of cool that her dad was a Black Panther. It's like, you would never think that she's the daughter of someone who's part of like a militant civil rights You know really she's like I'm writing in a journal immediately now every day about peanuts. I'm gonna write it I think her dad was like some bookish professor. I

Don't know what I thought I feel like she's one of those kids from Annie that you're just like Sure, they're in an orphanage and they have a tough, but God They've already learned to tap dance and they're seven years old. This kids are going to make it. Can you go go far? Yeah, she's like pepper. She's like pepper from Annie, I think. Oh, but nice.

Like she grew up to be nice. I haven't seen Annie in about 35 years. I have her as a one who does this with her fist. It's a hard knock life. Yeah. It's a hard knock cook, chefs. Welcome chefs to the Aspen Club. It's also known as Little Nail. Guess who else has known this little nail?

It's like you're right gal. Oh, Gail, someone get Gail a bucket. She's got another case, the gail. Bucket she's got another case the gals. I remember going to see Nell and saying, Kale nice to meet you and she told me back, which meant I really like Flautas. I remember when we found Gale on the woods. Herald Ratti wearing some form of a show, bless her heart. That was just this morning.

She said she was going out looking for S-car go, but we just saw her hands full of dirt. I didn't really know what was happening. We cleaned her up nice though. Nice view, isn't it? You got a love windpad, what, like, puts on her poor person dress. Because she's like, look, my dress doesn't fit, chefs. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I like when she dresses poor to remind them that the prize. She's like, only one of you will win a bus ticket and a free movie ticket. If you choose to see Red Sparrow for a limited time off. Look, what are you team mobile? You guys are still giving away $125,000. That's the saddest prize I've ever heard about on television. To paraphrase my favorite sports podcast, Saturdays are for the gals.

I don't even know what that means. Saturday nights are something fighting. Saturday nights. Why am I singing? Why am I singing Elton John's song, so I don't know? Or is that Billy Joel? Oh my god, Gail. That's me pretending I'm watching the NBA with Gail. I don't know. That's what it's like in Gale's head when she has an appetizer menu with too many options. That's the music gal here is when she wants to have chicken wings.

Oh, so Tom's like, I wish here's the rules. Cook the best meal of your life. Yeah, the rules are simple. We're going to give you some help though, cause there's teams. And I just immediately feel bad for Alaska. There for weeks. Don, yeah.

Don didn't want to go home. She's the girl from Orange is the new black with the red hair who kind of freaked out and cried. She's like, yeah, they're still there in Colorado. Yeah, so the whole gang comes walking out and it's the usual, the usual thing of you have to got to pull knives. Whoever like gets the right knife gets a pick. A chef first because he got to get to two to they get to do some ones. Yeah, although I have to say it was kind of

cool because well, first of all, the first one to come walking out was brother lock. So I was like, oh, and he was doing this thing where he's rubbing his hands together like, oh, yeah, it's me. I'm not going to business. No brother. Well, No luck. Luck. Yeah. So Adrian picks Chris, and then she picks Kerry,

which is a pretty strong thing. Although, I mean, I like Chris a lot, but I always got this feeling like he was a little overrated. And then Joe Fland picks. I feel like he just, who kicked the life out of Chris? Because remember how Amish Chris was like, well, I'm from a, you know, I'm from an Amish area, but you know, I mixed that with the black stuff like he was like happier.

Like he was more energetic. He was eliminated. He's sad. And now he's watching Adrian be the one to be like elevated soul food when he was that all season long. And then she's like, you know what, I decided, I want to be elevated soul food.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. I thought that's kind of a rip off. But he was like that before he was eliminated. He started just getting sadder and sadder. Yeah, memories like I haven't felt like this since I stopped drinking Well, that's that's the point of Rumspringer is that after it's fun at first That then you realize you want to go back to the old country. Yeah, Rumspringer is top chef. I guess that's true, right? There's no fucking Remember do you remember that reality show Amish in the city?

Yeah. I loved it. Oh, I'll tell you later. Remember Mose, Mose, whatever. So anyway. Roomspringer. Well, the point is this, here's why I liked about this, was I love that Joe Flam picked Joe Sasto,

aka Moustache and Fatima, because you know that Bruce just assumed using that picked, because Joe Flam is clearly going to be doing Italian food. That's his thing. He didn't reunite the bears. He didn't reunite like the Italian cook or cooking people. So I love that. I love that.

You're the one that everyone was scared of and then they realized they don't have to be. You're just that monster under the bed that people were like, oh, it's just a fat guy under my bed, you know? No one wants to get in the gun with you. It's so alarming though. Like, oh my god. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife.

And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows.

It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is team jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Out. Bruce Coleman's under my bed. He's like, you on some boogatini?

No! He's like, I'm not coming out from Monday here. My wife just had a baby. I'm staying here. So, it's now time to do menu planning. Run is coughing. You're not. How dare you? I'm a very healthy individual who does nothing but take my vitamins. Yeah. Shopping. I think Joe just picked for team up because he wanted something to be on his team name. Fatty. We'll get back to that. So, um, since it's menu planning and Adrian's like I want to do a chart octo

I don't know for some reason like I love abbreviating things in life But for some reason when chefs abbreviate things I found it to be so annoying. I don't know what is you know Let's go back to our geometry challenge Because now she's a geometric chef so she's like sure You know it cuz I think if she if she abbreviated in a fun way like she Guys, I'm gonna make some mocked up. Chard, Octo? You know what? Cause I think if she abbreviated it in a fun way, like she's like, I'm gonna do some chard, octi, or something like that.

Octopus is a weird one. Octopi? No, it's like. I think that's not really that short. It's just taking out straight in the middle. Opus, maybe. Chard, some chard, opus, no. Octopus.

Octopus is a hard one to make a fun, a fun abbreviation. Guys, we're gonna have some chard pussy today. But like, Octo is just like. It's like the mom. It's like, I think this is a hard one to make a fun a fun of brief guys. We're gonna have some charred pussy today Like octo is just like it's like the mom It's like I'm like no one wants to think of the octo mom when they're eating. You know what I mean It's like Rachel Ray says EVO, which is like harder just almost harder to say than extra virgin olive oil Yeah, why not just say evil yeah or extra virgin olive oil about say that Or extra virgin olive oil how about that? Evo Evo does not evo evo does not roll off the tongue. It's just the extra virgin olive oil

Yeah, but she's Rachel Ray. She's like look if you open a bottle of ragu Important to a pan and cook it with some Parmesan cheese. It's now your own dish I'm like no, it's not Rachel Ray. It's ragu with Parmesan cheese. You cooked in a pan. You lazy the yacht Okay, anyway guys, this is serious. So Dan goes to Whole Foods and she's like, you know, I've really been worried about my, my dish. So I'm going to get some bananas and make some banana pudding. What?

Girl, I am Southern and trust. We would rather have some meringue or something. I mean, banana pudding, that's it. You get it church for free. It's like, what are you going to give them, Kool-Aid to? I have to say, I like banana pudding. This may be controversial for what I'm about to say. I like banana pudding, but I don't see what the big deal is with banana pudding. It's good, but I don't think it's amazing, but people go not so over it. It's banana pudding with wafers. Yeah. I mean, it's good. It's delicious. That's why it's an American staple. The people go nuts over it. I think disproportionate

to how good it is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Guess what else are staples? Staples. And no one wants to eat staples. So while they're cooking at Whole Foods, Joe Flam, he's like choosing his ingredients. He goes, you know, the best part about a talent cuisine is that no matter what region you're in, they just cook with the best of what's around. I'm like, well, what, you think like other cuisines just like cook with garbage? Like, hmm, there's a really good piece of meat over there, but how about we just like use that shoe instead? Like, everyone cooks with the best of what's around. Dave Matthews.

Dave Matthews song. Best of what's around Dave Matthews Yeah, he's making it sound like they're dumpster diving over in Italy Like you know that just go through a dumpster No, they had with some paper and some rocks and some scissors and boom Yeah, some paper rock them scissors. You know, that's just a freshman Yeah, I just hate that and I feel like that happens a lot when people talk about time food No, that's what it's all about fresh ingredients It's like, well, what do you think everyone? I mean, I'm like, I'm

just, oh, guess what it's also about. Kifin. Raghu and Parmesan. It all comes back together. Yeah. No. Like in that way. That being said, that being said, I've been on a total Italian food kick the past few

months. And I just made Inaigarhon's weeknight bull. said I talk about this yeah on the podcast okay well just reaffirm it was a delicious recipe um the Italian food is amazing hello I'm wearing it right now like I've eaten my whole life I love it but I hate when they everybody is like I'm a Italian I go with love I go from the heart I go from the store what do you think the rest of us are doing? Going from hate. Who was like shitty ingredients on purpose? So So Adrian's gonna start light. The one thing I've learned from Ericka Perra is that if you're doing a chasing

Then you want to start light. I was like wow, that was a great Insight. I'm trying to see where I am. Well, yeah, well, that was a great insight. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, I'm trying to see where I am. Well, yeah. Well, you try to do that. So they're in the kitchen now, and they're prepping their food for the big cook tomorrow. And Adrian wants Kerry to cook the grits

for one of the courses. And Kerry is scared. She's like, I just have never cooked grits before. I don't know, I can't believe you're making me do this. I'm like, bitch, you made an oven out of snow and baked a cheesecake and a mound, okay? And you're afraid to cook grits Just follow the recipe in the box That's not local grits If she called it Palente it would be okay. Yeah, just say we don't want to pretend there's a huge difference between grits and Palente

It's really just a grainage, yeah Actually, I don't know I've actually never made grits myself The milling plentus corn grits are both corn. Yeah, they're the same. I think they're the same my mom says are not So I guess I should listen to her if she's the chef and I can Google it right now. I think it's the same thing except one is Mild finer, okay, I'm looking up resting the microphone on my chest everyone while I look this up I can Google it right now. I think it's the same thing, except when is milled finer. Okay, I'm looking up, resting the microphone on my chest, everyone, like this, uh, grits, verse, polenta. He he he he.

No, and even this, Google didn't even try it. I suggest, plenty of versus grits, why grits, wins. Okay, well, let's see, from food hacks. What's the difference? Oh, the kitchen, you know, I love that website, the kitchen, spelled K-I-T-C-H-N because they're a little too cool to have that E. Pellenta versus Gritz what's the difference? I'm playing it up. This is by Megan Gordon She wrote in April 17th, 2013 and so it's almost like five years old. They're both made

from stone ground corn mill dried corn that's ground down into smaller quenched bits so how are the two different? Thank you. Some people think the difference lies in geography. The talent version is known as Palenta, where the Southern version knows Grits. Others think that Palenta is made with yellow corn, while Grits are made with white corn. No.

Lucky for all of us, NPR ran a piece as part of the Archaicin Windows series that clears it all up. Is it the grain edge, the millage? What am I trying to say? The fine grain people are hitting their steering wheels. I feel it I'm trying to see salt and salt Okay, Anson Mills founder. Oh Anson Mills is a brand the founder Glenn Roberts is quoted. Oh someone texted me I'm sorry. I'm sorry

The difference as he sees it while both grits and polenta are made from stolen ground corn meal So I think grits and Italian polenta are traditionally made from two vastly different types of corn How many times it's milled and the fine and this the grind also different? Thank you. I think there's a taste that I cannot believe I was correct wait there's more No, I just heard you why is it made me right? Do you want to hear more about Gritzberg's story? Sure, I'm just going to. Yeah, just go ahead.

I just want to have a whole parade celebrating myself or being right about something. So go ahead. OK, and he discussed the, so this guy discusses it even further. Most grits in the South are traditionally made from a class of corn called Dent Corn in italics. Whereas in Italy, most polenta is made from a classic horn called flint corn, which holds its texture better.

Mother of those things sound delicious. Why do these different classes matter? Because the different type of corn grits can't even come across as almost mushy while polenta's often more coarse and toothsome. Yes, it's chewier. I love me some grits and I love me some polenta. So much like I'll, so much do like a polenta grits. It's really my new end. A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, it. I'm not, I'm close to the window. I'm actually glad to know. Thank you for Googling that.

Yeah, that was fun. It was nice to feel like that. I love NX used to go to that website, to be honest. Also, can I tell you that Gritz and Pellenta are the easiest fucking thing to make them a world? Yeah, Kerry, you're on top of that. Yeah, Kerry, come on. She's like, does it have toast to me?

Okay, so I shouldn't say that, because I love Kerry and wanted her to win. So Adrian's having a very dramatic issue. She's trying to make twills, tools, twills, yes. And she's like, you know, Joe Flam is my boy. He's my man. He's my straight brother. But, you know, if he has a weakness, he's not a gambler.

And I am. I'm like, yeah, you're really leaving Las Vegas over their Adriene. She's like, I'm a real gambler You know and looking gamblers They're fourth that Yellow teeth are usually falling out But the stories they have the stories they have of making twills and sauce pans And egg pans I should say so

Yes, her twill is not coming together. It's, well, it's sort of moist in the middle. It's not tweeling proper. If I don't get this tweele right, my entire dish could be ruined. So I was like, okay, we got a tweele drama happening here. Just, you know, that's one word you hear all the time in Southern cooking. Tweele.

Tweele. Hahaha. Only time you hear that is if you're saying, like, will the restaurant be open in the morning twill? Twill the not before Christmas Twill be He'll The wheel not a twill was cooking not even in the meal

Okay, so so now they get home after this after this day of prepping and guess not even in the meal. Okay, so now they get home after this day of prepping, and guess who's in the kitchen. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I just chopped it down the middle and put some sprigs of cilantro in there and we're gonna eat it. It's called rustic eating It's got a lot of not-propping prepping a fish properly Tom, but thanks for coming by Do you buy any chance know the number of dominoes? Yeah, it was Tom and Graham Elliott They were cooking dinner for the the finals they walk in and serve surprise it. It's like whoa Graham Elliott's like we had a long day at the mall shopping at Gads-Ukes It's like, whoa. Grandmalley, it's like, we had a long day at the mall shopping at Gedzukes. Wait until you see what he shows up to the finale dinner.

Yeah. It's like really? I literally had that in the 80s, but it was a one piece suit. And the paint splatters were blue. Well, I was personally just like very hopeful that Adrian was going to take this opportunity to just massively distract Tom. Like, he did last week when when she was like trying to make the most complicated cowboy cauldron dish of all time.

And he's like, well, the thing is that sometimes with restaurants, now you just go up to a counter, you don't have waiters, sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. I like a dessert. You like a dessert. And she's like, I tell my half to get back to my cowboy cauldron. You know, when they say open a can of worms,

I really, you know, worms, worms, I was like, do you know what you're asking? Like every single question about that fish. Just distract them. But, you know, he did really just top the fish. A few times down the middle and throw some salt on it. He's like, well, you might get some bones there. So send me home.

Well, get it, get it. Like, yeah. That's a fireable fish. That's like excuse me Tom. Don't be so cavalier about that, because you have sent people home for that. Yeah, no kidding. You destroyed their futures because of it.

Yeah, I've just thought out some scallops. So those are... I'm sorry, I'm making a cook of ham but I'm not using an old hen. I'm using just a chicken. So I'm doing these Brentchard rubbery eggs. Gales like hanging off the gondola outside. I've made some black. I made some.

Adrian, I've made some black eye piece for you. They're a little overcooked. Funga part. Fuggy. I was just kidding. I brought Fergie over. Fergie, come on in. It's making no effort.

G-L-A-M is like, so is Adrian's talking about how she wants to open up a restaurant I will know she hasn't found an investor yet. Well, that's always been a roadblock getting investors He goes, well, I'm sure I'll get some investors now Yeah, that's the first thing we're getting in a down time might need an investor there. Okay, Tom Well, it's probably a little easier for you to get a fucking investor. Okay, why don't you invest Tom? Yeah Go for it. He's like I'm gonna I want to I want a restaurant where Why don't you invest, Tom? Yeah, go for it. He's like, I want to, I want a restaurant where you don't do anything to a fish,

but a chop at five times down vertically. It's not good. I still think what he did look hard. I see like open up a fish. You're allowed, but I can't get over it. Because it wasn't even cut down here. It was cut here. You're allowed, but I can't get over it. Because it wasn't even cut down here, it was cut here.

People, Ronny is gesturing into from parts of his body. Every part except for the central like Meridian going down this chest vertically, people. So anyway, so now they're giving advice to the chest. Well, I just enjoy the moment. You enjoy it. Take it all in. Grants, grams, like that. And, oh, you know what I hated?

Did you notice this? Tom goes, like, Ram, good cook on that lamb, Ram. He goes, oh, is it? Is it? I'm like, you can see it yourself, Ram. We're eating your own lamb. You know, it's good. Just say thank you.

Oh, Ram. I'm not good. You know, I don't know why I don't like Ram. I think it's because he tries to ride with his fashions. If he didn't do that, we'd like him. I think it's because he tries to are with his fashions. If he didn't do that, we'd like him. I think it's because he's like, I'm going to match a jacket to white glasses. I hate when people are like, my glasses,

not trying to do too much. That's why I know he's a good chef. I just he's trying to do too much. I'm out that he lost weight. I mean, that's the honest truth. Oh, yeah, he's like really fat. Now he's just fat You know he used to be really big remember and then he lost like a million pounds. I used to love master chef

That's how I know oh I I Don't know you know I once here's a side note a master chef side note one time Master chef and I think his first season was very different if I remember correctly. And then in the second season, they filmed some sort of like rooftop competition at the London in West Hollywood. And Michelle, Michelle Collins, she was one of the judges and she brought me along as her like buddy, like she could bring her close one. So we went to test, it was sort of like, it was set up like a cocktail party and then we would try food

And we'd all weigh in and it was the two of us and Constantine Marulas from American Idol with some girl And then there was someone else. I don't remember who they were. They were like, but they were like famous But like not like famous famous, but they were and They cut the whole thing out. They totally revamped the show and never aired. Oh my God. That's sad. Well, wow, way to throw Michelle into the bus. No, it wasn't because of her fault.

It probably caused me my rule. This is fall to anything. Constantine. And it was Carson Cressley. I was the one who got the Broadway. They go to Carson Cressley. I go to Carson Cressley. I feel like Carson Cressley is so hilarious

and he's been cut out of so many shows. I feel like he's got like a reverse IMDB. You have to like hit control to like see the full menu. You have to go on to like the source code and be like, look at him. Why did they say display, colon, none? So we're in the Matrix girl. So now is the next morning and Adrian needs some zen. So she's gonna call, she calls up Eric Repair, which is appropriate because she needs him

to repair his food. She's having her twill issues. She's like, I just need some zen. Otherwise known as, I just need to steal someone else's recipe properly because I forgot how to fucking do it right. Listen, she just, you know, the technique and he's like, well, did you, are you whisking the mixed all in the pan for y'all to eat and she's like, oh, of course not. I forgot to mix the twill. She's like, yes, whisk the twill, whisk the twill.

You must whisk it. She's like, I am. I'm being whisky. He's like, no, whisk it. She put it on. No, I'm taking a whisk. I swear. Oh, whisk it. Oh, damn it. That's what I I love a good twill a comedy bit so Then they all hop onto their gauntlet prize America and they they go up to the top of the mountain to do some more cooking and We learned that flames his stock smells great and he's making a total low-key stock. Yeah It's because it's a pick head stock. There's like so much stock and things happen. It's like a pig head stock. I can keep track of what thing was what there's to be honest with.

I know me too, but when I hear pig head stock, I'm like, wait a minute. I heard that right, right? And then Adam just looks at me like you're supposed to pretend it's good, stupid. I'm like, oh my god, I heard it right. Did you mean to decapitate an entire pig's head and put it into your seat bowl? Has anybody seen Gail? It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your gal is? Oh, look, there she is.

She has a bag over her head. So the tortellini, she's making it by hand. And it's like dark green. It looked like you ever have those weird shits every once in a while. Once, you know, you're like, whoa, my shit's like dark green. You ever have to happen when I started juicing? Like I don't know.

And you're like, what? That's what the totally. Yeah, there's a lot of chlorophyll, I think in my poop like this. And I like that he called this dish, Broto. I thought, no, he called it tortellini, Broto, Fato, Amano. And I was like, that's so honest because that is how you get fat. Like, it's with food, but it's also with your hands. Yeah, that's true. You go, Joe.

I love your honesty. I like it. You're beautiful, man. So the agent is now giving twill classes, and she's like, she's like, this is how you do it. And I don't know if you were feeling this way, but I was. I was getting a lot of anxiety watching her whisk, whisk that twill, that twill mixture with a metal whisk and a nonstick pan.

I was like, oh, well, professional chefs can do that because they don't got to do their own goddamn dishes. So long. So long. So long. So pig headstock. So that smells good. So Luigi is really pissed and it's hilarious because he's better that he lost and I love it. And he's trying to be positive positive but it doesn't work. Even his mustache is all fucked up. It looks like. We're seeing him transform into Waluigi. So now Fatima, she's working on this brown sugar cake and it looks all sorts of wrong and

it's going to be an issue because that's gonna be Joe's big dessert, but she's trying it. But it's at a high altitude, so she's never done this before. So she's dealing with that. And meanwhile, Adrian, she decides that she wants a mimic overcooked black eyed peas.

Cause you never get black eyed according to her, whenever you get black eyed peas, they're always like really mushy and they're about to fall apart. They are. Cause black eyed piece take forever to cook and they're really tough and you just cook them forever And then you get them and you're like ew why am I even eating these and then like the next year? They have a song at the top of the charts. I don't get it. I know and you're like ew Why am I listening to this it's the same thing? That's what they were doing. I got a feeling that these black eyed piece are not gonna work that well for her

I got a feeling that these black eyed peas are not going to work out well for her. Um, yeah. So she decided to take a fork to the black eyed peas to make them look grosser. I think that was a strange choice. Like, it was, I just don't remember. I've had a lot of black eyed peas in my life. I just don't remember them ever looking good. They always look like mushy and... I've actually not had a lot.

I've not had a lot of Black Eyed Peas in my life. I think the time that I had the most, the Black Eyed Pea moment in terms of the beans that like start out to me the most was my friend made Texas caviar appropriate, we're in Texas. And that's the Black Eyed Peas, right? Or was it a different bean? Texas caviar?

Isn't that like beans? It's like, it was like, I think it was that she bean? Texas caviar? Isn't that like beans? It was like I think it was that you use black eyed peas, and by Utah I was like all sorts of like vinegar and things like a bright, it was delicious dish. I think it was I think it was black eyed peas her version. Maybe just maybe there used to be a restaurant called black eyed peas. Did you guys have that? It was like an Apple B's restaurant, but it was like southern cook him. It was like an Apple B's type chain It was called Black-eyed P. No, no. We barely even had an Apple B's. You know what I'm gonna order you guys? Black-eyed P's. They're like, whoa, that's so crazy. So now it's time to eat the food and

They're and all the judges are on his recituating god was he's off the bed now so uh... so they all come walk they all come walking into the dining room and grant grand walks in with his white glasses white frame to sort of they look like three glasses but they're real glasses white frames and the blazer how do you think a silk blazer will look a silk knockoff blazer, how do you use it? He's wearing a silk blazer. Well, look, a silk knockoff blazer with paint splatters all over, black paint splatters.

And I swear to you, I used to have that in fifth grade. It was all white. It was a one-piece suit that I wore. And I had claw bangs and really thick glass. I'm gonna find a picture of this. You're gonna die when you see it. Please. So Gail is like, well, you know,

they're gonna have very different styles and he goes well I'll bet one of them is Italian. That was Padma who said that I thought. Oh oh I thought it was Graham. Maybe it was Graham. I thought he was being shady. You know it's like you know. Padma said I bet one is like this is Ali Jesse Rafael with your stupid glasses personality. I like when they walked in and panagas, it's quiet. Is Gail not digesting anything yet? I'm used to the sound of Gail munching on cracker jacks in the background. Gail, did you finish your box already? Gail.

Oh God, she's got stuck on her elbow. Ronnie is now standing up. I'm gonna narrow it. Trying to decide how my back means to. He's always something, you know. It's always there. I have a cold, my back hurts. And we're weakling.

A weakling, I'm a weak, weak person, because this is what I do. I lay in bed and make fun of people. Okay, so let's see. Ryan has a second spin off. I can't believe that. So I'm bravo with that fucking real estate guy Ryan Who shouts on?

Surhunt. Surhunt. Surhunt. Surhunt. So, Pam is like I'm very excited to see what Adrian and Joe are going to give us. I bet one is Italian. Which is what you just said. Get in. pasta again. Welcome to the finale, which I've dubbed pasta again. So they're talking about the talking about the chefs and how far they've come in. Isn't this one girl is like, because girls, girls boys, by the way, is like messed up. She's had, she's been screaming too much on her condolence. She's like, Hey, Trent, how the real you're on your recalement? She had a year, a moment just like I had when I read that elevation sign. My God. I think Madness just been giving her the wrong address to everywhere and just making her climb up all these hills.

Gail knows a thing or two about eureka moments like when she found out that there was a tabits in town. Bless her heart. Gail has been doing this weird thing to fuck with my head this season, where she's like, war, she wore terrible patterns the whole first part of the season, and then she was like, look, a solid color. I was like, wait a minute. So tonight, she wore black and white, but she wore like one of those polka dot skin shirts,

where it's like, what do you call that? Polka dot. Polka. It's all cut out, so the bad pattern is her skin. I's like, what do you call that? Puked out. It's all cut out. So the bad pattern is her skin. I was like, hmm, I see how you're trying to fuck with me, Gail, but it's still bad. It's still wrong. I love you so much.

Never change. So then I just wrote down, Pab and going, wow, when the food came, she loves it. Wow. Wow. Gail, put down your Game Boy Advance and look at the food came. She loves it. Wow. Wow. Gail, put down your Game Boy Advance and look at the food. It's nice. Padmas like that when the extra cis gets the devil out of her and they comb her hair and then she looks like a nice girl again because she combed her hair. That's Padmas hair today. She's like, look at me. My hair is comed. I'm so innocent. Remember when times were innocent, chefs? So, Agent brings out her spoon bread with sea urchin and dashi and a twill.

And then Joe Flam, sort of something called, tono, vittilan, vettilan, it's a raw tuna, basically serves like raw tuna. That looked like a gelatin shaped into a salmon. If they both look good, they've been having the chefs, I mean all the judges like them, but they loved, they loved agents. Oh, before they even started tasting, after the two chefs finished describing their dish,

Tom goes, all right, chef, get back there and get back to cooking, huh? Well, comedy. We're friends now. I cooked for them the other day. One of them got boned in their teeth and I was like, welcome to camping with Uncle Tom. So they're eating and they're very happy and Pam is like, it's a fantastic star. And then I kind of feel like the quote of the episode. Tell me if I've gone too far. Is when Pam goes, what do you think about the fat powder? And then looks directly. Gail. Gail's like touching your face. Like, did I put on my bass wrong? Look at this bitch getting it. Gail, care to comment on the

fat powder. They're called protein shakes, Patma, and that was this morning. Wish you hadn't brought it up on TV. Gail, carry a elaborate as you are, so the expert on fat powder and on the table. Yeah, I like Gail's answer there, she goes. I just feel like we've seen it before. Oh my god, you just walked right into that one, Gail. So, she's like, who said this? I think Graham said this.

He goes, no, Graham is the one who said, we've seen it before the fat powder. Sorry, everybody. They both have G's in their name, so they're the same person in my mind tonight. Yeah. But he's like, we've seen that before, fat powder. Where have I seen that before?

I'm like, look down, look down, Graham. Okay. You know, Adrian's dish is really provocative. It's like looking down to a skirt just getting that little piece of ass on my calm down, Graham. It's like National Women's Day to be. Can you please keep your fupa in your pants? Can you please like not sexually harass your appetizer? Could you please just eat your tweele and just enjoy the craftsmanship because it took a lot of time. Not that we make that.

Sit up. Sit up. Sirens are outside. The cops are here. The sirens are like, we've heard a fat pattern before. This hotel is very loud. They go into Irma's. Cause hey, cops, could you bring up a glass of water, please? I've got such a calm mouth right now. I'm like Anyway, oh so to bring down women even more here's Nilo the proud dog Lady from food and wine magazine. She's like here's what I feel and they're like gels back Nilo shut up You're just a contributor now you've been downgraded since you didn't want to move to Birmingham

with us in your magazine, which is true. So now for the second course, Joe Flam is serving up a totally knee on Brodo and it's all made by hand. I'm so stupid. I'm gonna tell you a note after all made by hand Padma sort of like Gail's trapper keeper. Was that even mean? Was that even mean? Sort of like Gail cereal bowl made out of her hands to shovel it in their game. It's sort of like Gail eating spaghetti and meatballs by hand every time Bless her heart she's so sweet. Oh And then Adrian Adrian serves up black and octopus serve with chow chow I mean you just I mean the junks just write themselves. Oh no kidding. We've already got a me lose here It's like me lose chow chow. I like to call it a gal gal

I prepared a builer. Anybody have a builer with a little fat powder on top? So Luigi's in the kitchen literally going, mom, mommy, he does do that. Yeah, he does. He's like he keeps jumping up and hitting a square with a question mark on it and coins fall on his head. It's like age. So they say they feel like in the second, uh, second course, Adrian's is a little

on the dry side. I think that was the black guy. No, I don't know what the second course was, but it was a little on the dry side. It was the black eyed piece for her and the beef for him that didn't go well. No, that was the third. Third course. This was no, this was the he made the whatever he made the the tortelloni by hand and the short rib was good. So he has like a brace short rib and bone there yeah the next dish When it arrives everyone everyone starts whispering everyone's speaking so quietly during this meal They're like afraid to talk so when they bring out the third course everyone's like I was gonna get all over there. Did you guys remember the Twigot?

Gailas Gravy, I was like, I don't even know how I should've tested. We didn't even have Gravy. It sounds like, whoa. The hamhawk. She was so close. Yeah, so basically Joe Flam's ribeye is like overcooked. And then all of a sudden there's like a hot guy

at the table by the way, where'd he come from? I don't know, but whoever he's having sex with nice work and he could even speak very well. I mean, I feel like such a? I don't know, but whoever he's having sex with nice work and he could even speak very well I mean, I feel like such I'm such a A hottest like when people are hot. I'm like stupid. Yeah, like they're stupid. I just hey fucking They know like I get all like fat and bitter, but then when they talk and they proved me wrong I'm like my god. Yeah, now I can talk to him while I sexually, like, I hate a hot person. I hate a hot person.

I hate him so jealous. You hate a hot person? No, I hate a smart hot person. I know, and I'm always telling you, I appreciate your patience with me and really trying to work it through. Anyway, so there's a hot guy there. And so they all agree that Joe's meet-as-has-been-over-rested,

but Gail is in love with the Asparagus. She's like, this Asparagus is just magic and they just cut to pound and just sneering at Gail. Only Gail. That was gonna be my line, Gail. How about the Manny sauce that you just drank, Gail? That was why the Asparagus was so magic. Gail actually goes, Joe, before you go, tell me your asparagus story because you said that asparagus was cooked in its own juices and he's like, oh, yeah, let me do it. Did you mean to cook this power

gracing its own juices? They're much better. There's a yes or no, we're gonna be here all night, gal. Okay, so dessert is where I feel like they both fell down. Yeah. Well, I should also mention that the Adrian's blackout piece were met with some resistance from Tom who felt that the mashing drive the man. Why would you do that? I said, well, because I feel like they're usually a little bit more ripped apart than that, and I wanted to mimic them. And he goes, yeah, but they're ripped apart because they're not cooked right. And you're a better chef than that.

I think you told that at Judging, but either way, the test ends. So now it's dessert. And you said this is where things fell apart. So Joe serves up something called a Tortadella Nona, and Nancy Silverton, who is one of the most acclaimed pastry chefs in the country, is like, ah, and he's like, no, no, no, no, no, it's not like a traditional Tortotelina, this is like another one that I made that's different by just call it that because of my grandma.

Yeah, which why? I don't get that. I don't really take the names of things and I make it nothing like the thing and then just take the name so it sounds fancy so we can say Nana because it's his grandma and then people feel bad. Or like, you know, like, oh, it's grandma. He wins.

It reminded me of his tiny zucchini, because it was just like a little slim, just envelop the plate. Yeah, because fatty Fatima didn't get it all together. So it's just like one little slim little cracker, blueberries on top. But then everyone's like, I don't know how he's gonna even compete with her dessert. It's just so stunningly beautiful. It's little drops of banana pudding. It looks like little banana pudding poops with some cookie crumbles around there. I don't know.

I wasn't, and I love both of them, but their desserts, I was like, is there any chubby, hubby here? Yeah, and Padma's like, well, you've both now served your last dish on top, Chef. Could someone get a gondola for gal please? I don't even care if it's the boat kind. Just send her down the side of the mountain with the guy singing in next to her. I like the at the end of the dessert Nancy Gus. Both were very intellectual. Wow, just what one here at the dessert. Oh yeah, and

then when Gail is talking about agent's banana pudding, she was like, I really like it all, but you know, I just feel like I lost the banana pudding in it. And it's like, you ate it Gail, that's why you ate the banana pudding, that's why you can't find it. No one feels more lost than the banana pudding Gail. It feels like it's reenacting, panochio. Get what I'm saying. Hey banana Banana Pudding, if you can hear me, lie to match in there.

Everyone put on your poncho. The food's trying to escape again. She's gonna blow. Oh, my God. So then we go to the judges table and Tom's like, Whoa, you guys wow that food Whoa, remember when I made a fish so guys this you know you were served up some curveballs and It was delicious

What were their curve balls cook whatever you want with some really talented help with premium ingredients from Whole Foods like what with premium ingredients from Whole Foods. Like what? I know. Huh? Huh? So, some of them is like, how did you come up with your first dish, Joe? He's like, I just thought of things that sound like grandma. And made that.

Huh. He's like, you know, it really is hard to make salmon jellicin look sexy. But I do it. And he was like, I'm pretty sure that was better than the original. Oh, she goes, Oh my God, Adrian, that first course of yours was the best thing I had all season. That should go on the menu as is, please don't touch it. She's like, Oh, thank you. No, not you, Gail. Please don't touch it, Gail. Gail. Yes, it counts if your fingernail is touching it.

Please don't touch it, Gail. Please, please. Okay. All right. Are we good? Is that Gondola here already? Clang, clang, clang, go to the gondola by Gail Gail we put a we put a chocolate lava cake in there for you. There's no chocolate lava cake Did you know that chocolate lava cake was originally just a cake that Gail couldn't wait to finish cooking? Gail there's a Sunday at the bottom mountain for you just hurry up They used to call it a binging gail cake. They had to change something.

They said at the chef who first made it, looked at it and said, oh, well, I really gailed this up. So, where did something that Tom's been saying a lot? It's now a nervous tick of his and I really don't like it. He goes, you know, that really ate well. That really ate well. I'm like, what? No.

Yeah. Well, you're making that up. And I can see where it's coming from. I get the root. I get the Latin root. It's like when they say that was a good cook. Like, cook like a nut. Like, cook is only a now one to talk about a person.

But like, good cook today. Good cook today. Well that ate well Better well, I don't appreciate it Don't like it so um they feel like Adrian's oh, we know what's Adrian's second course was the grits The famous grits and they liked it. They liked those little dry. They just felt like it needed more grits Yeah, it didn't look like grits either it looked like risotto or something But you know, but then gale then Gail, also then Gail, so it's talking about Joe Flam second dish.

She just hears a second dish that I will never forget. She's like, as soon as you said it was like River Rocks. I'm like, that sounds like you should want it. But then I just wanted to eat it. I just like, you just cut the pound. I'm like, oh, who are you kidding, Gail? Of course, you want to eat River Rocks. We know Gail.

Colorado thinks it's an ecological disaster going on every time you walk outside. Please stop eating the scenery, Gail. Gail, you're wearing a t-shirt that says, I heart algae. Who are you kidding? Gail would have been here sooner, but she took forever to get up that hill. She was eating rocks. She kept on tasting all the moss. Hehehehe. Hehehehe.

Well, I guess now would be a good time to mention. We love gale simons. We don't think she's fat. We don't think she's any of these things. We love Padmati. We just pretend. We just pretend that this is what Padmati's relationship is. Hehehehe. That is gold right there. We just pretend that this is what Padman Giles relationship is

That is gold right there So yeah, I do that this dish was it was mind blowing. Oh it ate well It ate well. There he goes again with that and Joe's like well the first dish I ever took over was pig head risotto I don't know. Why do you find a fancy way to say everything else? You know, they find a fucking fancy way to say everything, but then they purposely say pig head on purpose. Yeah. Why don't they have like a French term for like a like a flammest term like a like a code to code to flew. Yeah. That's a good thing. That's a F a Fabriz flavor. Speak the word. A flower. Curse the flowers. Curse the flowers. Now it's the third, now the third dish. And now this is where Tom is mad about the broken beans, the faux broken beans. And he's like, that's what he says about your set before

where he was like, yeah, but you know, if you break the beans, that's the son of being a bad chef. So that's, but you don't not break the beans. You can do good beans. Yeah. But I think what she was going for the fact that, yeah, a good chef does not break the beans, but the beans get broken so often that it actually becomes the character of the dish, right? That's what she's trying to go for. I wouldn't know because I haven't had enough blackout peas.

She was just saying that when blackout peas are done, there's a bunch of broken. Like, who the fuck cares? Yeah, well, actually, they care. The reason why they care is because since hers did not break from being overcooked, they just, she, she mashed them so they were dry and they were dry as a result. It was just a dumb idea. I think it was a dumb idea. It was a dumb idea. I didn't know.

How did she not finish her beans anyway? I mean, banana pudding. So I just can't get over. Okay, yeah. She didn't finish them didn't she? Well, I think she over I think she oh well she didn't have time I guess to cook them so they take a long time to cook. I don't know Maybe it was reheating them that made them direct. I don't know because I mean it was we were watching it live So we couldn't press stop. Yeah, so it was one of those where you're just stuck with what you got

Yeah, there's no going back those where you're just stuck with what you got in the notes. Yeah, exactly. There's no going back to check. Not that I do, anyway, ever. What were you guys thinking when you came up with these awful desserts? Banana pudding, eh? So they move on to desserts and Gail's like, Gram, of course, left cake. I mean, this gram. Yeah.

And then Gail's like, yes, it was quite successful. I would just say that the ricotta weighed it down Really? Because that's what the trip advisor about review about you says gale Guess who else ricotta weighs down Gale, you're choosing the cables on the gondola line So God was like, you know, it's funny is that we have to dessert Good dessert with bad names. I mean, it's like a band with a bad name as you're not here around it. I mean, like, what if

arosmith was called the gale's right? Who would listen to that? What if Bono had come up with a band called you gale? Gale to the rolling gales. I don't think so gal gal each pounder Not an artist that anybody really wants to listen to Gail the wet sprocket missy galleot Nickel gal Very gal the low hoody in the blow gal The gal Matthews the journey

The gal Matthews band People've been to see them 21 times, but they couldn't remember because they kept eating the numbers off the top of the cake The gal Jonas brothers Gail Jonas Brothers. Galavis and Katie Gailery. Galilee Vanillee. Galilee Vanillee. Hey Galilee. You know, I don't know that many that that many bands.

It's hard to think of them on the spot. I'm like really blanking right now. You guys, that's why I quit in front. Bon gal V. Come up with 75 names for rain. I'm like, I'm tired. I'm gonna go home now. Okay, so then,

Graham's like, yeah, like, Hoba gal. How about Stank gal? Hoba gal, like Hoba Stank. Hoba Stank. He's like, yeah, a band with like a terrible name. Like, who bestank? And you know, gal was like, I love who bestank.

No. So then Tom takes over the crazy trick. Who bestank. We're not talking about gal right now. So then Tom jumps in on whatever the fuck they're doing in the drug session. Tom officially has altitude sickness at this point because I don't even, I know we're about to say go.

Because Tom goes, you know, like they say knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? There he goes. You go, you go, you go, knock knock.

Who's there? Banana. Well, knock knock knock who's there banana well knock knock who's there Luzu Everyone's like You see even said your way. I don't know what it means it's like well, it's supposed to be like Knock knock who's there banana banana who like it shouldn't been like Zoo like it doesn't make sense he you board. Yeah you he he boarded his banana joke and started in easy one

That it figures that there would be an abortion during a building segment I think it was like oh guess what there's too much banana. Oh, yeah, no, it was that he's used it about bananas about I don't know if you can buy the dessert in a cup in the Ralph's pudding aisle You shouldn't be able to win. And guess what? I don't know that she will, because the judges are alone and Tom's like, whoa, you know that the first thing, the first thing he made, it was like a new author created the first chapter in a new book, like wow. It's a great book. I love the book. Book on tape. Oh, but it'll tell you one thing. Those beans were broken beans. And did you know that they

were like, yeah, but even though the beans were broken The rest of the dish was delicious. It was really really delicious. I just like Broken means Broken means Yeah, there's something he can't there's some things he can't get past He gets he really does get stuck on things Yeah, and he also seems to kind of find one that he really likes and there's there's something Ecotistical about him just running top chef or last chance

kitchen just by himself because that's his that's his show yeah so he'd like takes ownership it's like the voice or whatever where he's like I was one who mentored him back and that's way easier and that's why christine one too you know it's like always his yeah so padma like the textures and adrens is there um but they all seem to really love Joe's cake, which Fautzema made, by the way. Like five times, but she didn't even say she got it right, too. So you go, bitch. Yeah, exactly. And Gell was like, the sheer beauty of Joe's hand-rolled pasta was perfect. And we know, Gell. Gell, get those pebbles out of your mouth. They weren't real river stones. That's the same thing you said about that Snickers bar named Rebel you ate this morning, Gail.

So the whole cast comes in because this shows too cheap to even fly in their families anymore. It's just like, well, that's true, but they brought everybody to Hawaii last time. They got godless. Well, they clearly like lost some budget because they didn't get to travel internationally and they didn't get to like change like they just didn't call it out of the whole season. Yeah. So Tom's like, well, you know, when these things happen, you know, better chefs like some chefs just cook, but better chefs go in a journey. And then you're on that journey and then all of a sudden you realize it's time to sort of new one. You're starting a new journey and they cut to the chefs and you just eat Tanya just rolling her eyes like Give me the fuck back to Oakland. I'm sick of being on the show

Okay, since when did I turn on the bachelor? You know just put your walls down go on a journey and then you go on another one when you get dumped after that journey Look at me 35 years still on a journey. I'm still reaching. Yeah. I remember like would I do this again? I remember Back in the day like 30 years ago, I was working at a restaurant called Mondrian and I got three stars and just my creature got off after that.

And I still do top chef. It's like great Tom, thanks for sharing. I wear flip flops in the morning. Like it went. I remember I read one article that was like Tom shows up in flip flops and Padma stoned all day. I was like, that's why these two will be hosting. I remember. So let's see, I've wrote, I'm still reaching after 35 years and Padma says,

you can say that again. So Padma's like, well, of course in our minds, you should all be winners, but there can only be one. Wow. You should sell cars, Padma. You're really, uh, you're really getting into this. And then she'd like make some way and way and way. And you hear Gail stomach growl. It's like, oh, is that the gondola here? Oh, no, it's just Gail. I don't know if it's rush hour or Gail's stomach trying to digest. So finally, she goes, Joe, slam. You are top chef.

Congratulations Joe. You've won some scratch and sniff from the power lottery. Good luck. Good luck here. Talk to Gale. And I love that it's not live, but Padma is still just Padma and they're like, fuck it. Let's not even record it because she's like,

it's furnished by San Pelotino. She's like San Pelatino. You've also won a hundred twenty five thousand dollars. Furnished by San Pelatino and the lab bag of trash cans. The lab family of trash cans. You're gonna be appearing in the boot and bind test. Finished by coyota. They're just sitting there waiting for their prizes to come when they never do. The Terlanti family of wines presents you with a 150 dollocks of money. A B M U. Congratulations, you won your A B M U. Congratulations. You won your own B M U. They're like, well, where's my car?

You couldn't Google and I'm the dumb one. Join us next season where we take Top Chef to beb Tucky. Patma. Patma's just not committing anything. And that brings us to the end of another season of top L chef an hour 17 were sick. Sick man. So let's let's let's do it. Okay, now it's time for crap.

It's mad bags. So pretend the music is going. Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding. Oh, Oh, Oh, I got a really good role in this one. Allison King says, speaking of red makers, any other miraculous appliances we should know about, I'm getting very into my air fryer.

I have an instant pot, but I'm still getting used to it. Do you think of any of the housewives have a bread maker? I'm sure they all have bread makers, even though they never use them. No. No, they think it doesn't. A real housewife on Bravo? They don't use it.

It's just, they have to show they have it. Oh, Lord. Appliances. It's a good time to be asking about appliances since I'm currently beginning my Tom Clikio journey with my kitchen-aid mixer. I have to say my favorite, well, first off, I need to know about this air fryer.

I bought my mom an air fryer for Christmas last year, and she acted like it was the first thing that I'd ever done for her in her life. She's like, what? An air fryer? I bet they're good. Yeah, she was just so impressed that I got it. I don't know why, but maybe it's because I usually

give her like a gift certificate to a movie or something. But she was like, wow, but she didn't really get into it. She fries a lot and she was just like, eh, it takes forever. It's not really the same. We have to work on it. We'll practice when you come home. And then I never really do. Yeah, I feel like an air fryer seems cool. you know like I talked to some people who have one who said

Yeah, it really works. You make some really good fries and everything But I also feel like it's one of those things that then just sort of gets put away I will you fry a lot and it's a huge thing to just make some fries and every once in a while Yeah, I never fry so I just don't want to go down that path Like it's like the one area of cooking where I'm just like, if I start teaching myself how to really like fry, and I really don't fry chicken or anything. No, because it's like, I don't know.

Because I mean, I know you can be unhealthy. Yeah, but I mean, I've fried before. Didn't you fry during the Southern season of Top Chef? Didn't we talk about that? No. When I became obsessed've fried before. Didn't you fry during the southern season of Top Chef? Didn't we talk about that? No. When I became obsessed with fried chicken. I've only deep fried, like maybe three times ever. Oh my gosh.

Yeah. Because first of all, I also don't know to do with all the oil. Once you're done with it. You have to save the big plastic thing. It comes in and throw it away. Unless you fry every day. Like you're supposed to filter it.

And then the next day, fry something else before it goes bad and just keep using it Yeah, I mean they're eating fried shit every day So for me it's it's like I just feel like knowing me if I start to become good at frying I'm gonna fry a lot and I don't want to go down that path. That's a good I mean, that's you know, I I can do it. I have purpose purposely Not really taught myself how to fry. So that way I just don't make too much work for me.

Like I was, I got really obsessed with fried chicken and the Southern, the Southern season of Top Chef. I got really obsessed with it. I would like to have fried chicken with fried chicken. I would finally perfect it like in my mind, perfect today. And it was delicious. And then I was done because I get so obsessed with things that I eat it so much that I'm like so done with it by the time I like I don't ever need to see a macaron again.

It took me forever to perfect that shit. Now I'm done with them. I'm like fuck you little fucking cookie. Oh fucking. I feel like the week after I perfected them, they started selling them a Costco for like so cheap and they're perfect to the great. When you fried chicken, do you deep fry your chicken or do you do like a pan fry? Like not a pan fry, because like I always assume that that fried chicken always had to be like a deep deep fry and then I was talking to some people who were the south. They turned it up, you know, turned it up. Right, there's some people I was talking from the south where they're like, no, you don't, you don't need like, like two inches. And then it's just like you rotate it in the, in the oil, but you do a deep fry.

I do. Yeah. That's like a lot of what do you do? What do you do? Do you have a deep fry or do you just put in like a stock pot? Like a, like a, well, like I use, like a Dutch oven. What's that black thing? Dutch oven? No. Skillet? Cast iron skillet. Yeah. I use my deep cast iron skillet, and then I use boneless chicken with this cheating, I guess, but that's how I like it. But a cast iron skillet's going to be a pain.

That's not deep fry, because deep fry you need to have like, no, but I use boneless chicken. So it's thin. So when you put, when you coat it and everything, you have to make sure the oil is a certain temperature. Right. But you put it in how much, like, like, this much oil? It covers it. Yeah. And then I still flip it. I still flip it in time. I feel like that's a pan fry. It is. I mean, technically, technically, it is. I have like a deep fry is. But a true pan fry is usually like half, like you do the bottom half and then you flip it over and right there. And there's like a certain thing, The other thing that gets me nervous about deep frying is, well, I mean, I know like, so I know you have to keep the temperature of certain

heat because it has to be at a certain heat. And on top of that, you can't put too much in at once because you'll lower the heat of that of that oil. Right. And the chicken has to cook at the exact right temperature. It won't come out right. Yeah, and I feel like that's tricky and then Is it that the chicken rise flows to the top? Is that what happens in a true deep fry? It's like it goes for like 13 minutes does it float to the top or is that a different thing? Is that like don't it? It's like pasta. I Thought there was a thing that like when chicken is ready it starts to float up. I don't think so, but maybe it's because I'm frying in a shot.

I haven't researched it a lot. I think all that stuff makes me nervous. Well, everything I think when it's ready starts floating on the top because I remember working at the bowling alley as the fry cook. I was like, the snack bar chef. So I was like the king of frying everything. And yeah, everything floats on the top when it's done. If that's true, that's a great, great thing.

I love that a nice visual indicator. Like, you know, after all these years of chicken, chicken is still a thing where I'm like, is it done, is it ready? I never really ever knew. Yeah, there's a lot of meat thermometering, which I didn't like. And also like, oil thermometering.

I don't, let's just too much. I also don't, I'm, I sometimes have issues with sausage in terms of not knowing when it's ready. Like if I'm grilling a sausage, I'll pretty much know because that's a certain point. Like it's just like dark and you just sort of like, it's firm. But I was actually roasting sausages two nights ago and I was like, they've been roasting at 400 for about 25 minutes and I was like, I don't think these sausages are done after

25 minutes. And so I let them go for like another 10 minutes and then they were so dry. So they probably were done at 25 minutes, but like... Don't you have a meat thermometer? I do, but I find that thermometers are also unreliable, because I've taken them in the wrong places and stuff. Oh, just put it down to the middle of the meat. I get one of the digital ones, so you can see right away.

No, I know, but it's just like, I don't know. I hate them. I mean, I hate having to do anything like that when I'm cooking. So I like it to be just like, free, artful, blah. That's why like frankly, it doesn't taste the most. When you always do it like, you know, or you'll kill yourself with meat poisoning.

Yeah, I really don't like meat that much. I don't like cooking them. I don't ever enjoy them. Well, when they're done right, it's nice. But it's just annoying with, well, the other issue that I'm really having is that I have not been able to figure out my oven, because I moved into my place in November. It's gas, right? Yeah, but like, there's something it develops. It's not just hot spots. It like, has these hot pockets, hot pockets.

And so like, I don't know where, I don't know where like things that seem to get either overcooked in there or they're not done. And I'm like, why is this not done yet? And like I cannot understand my old oven, I put it in, I see what makes you the texture right. And it would just like work perfectly. But this one I can't remember. I remember when you were telling me about wanting gas, like that was one of your things that was one of your must-haves in the department was having gas appliances and I totally get that because electric is a huge This I don't know. There's something like gross about not gross, but I got it

Okay, I got what you're saying, but I remember saying like gas smells like the gas burners will go out and I come home And it just stinks in there and there's like downs to it. And that's one of the things is uneven fucking it makes me crazy with my oven. But also I have like a 1927. So I wonder if that's why that's like my new that macaron thing. It took me forever to learn the proper temperature. And it's different. I also think I like a fucked up oven thermometer. Like I bought one off of Amazon and it'll say, oh's the temperature is like 400 and you're looking like how good?

I've said it now at 420 it's all saying 400 and then all of a sudden the the thing will like spring forward to like 415 out of nowhere Almost as if there was like it was caught on something and then it bounces forward So I'm like oh wait a second. So I don't even trust my oven thermometer. So I just, I wish there was like someone who would come in and diagnose the oven, be like, okay, this is how it is. Or maybe I just have to get like four different oven thermometers and like, I don't know what, I don't know what,

I don't know. Well, it's also you can't open your oven. You can't, but then there's also, I feel like once you put in a tray in there, or like a sheet, I think that also affects it because once you put a sheet, it affects how the heat circulates in there. You know, that's true.

And so I think my oven is really susceptible to all sorts of weirdness once you start putting. Well, this all leads us back to an actual answer to your question. My most miraculous kitchen appliance is that fucking toaster oven I bought on Amazon Prime like three years ago, remember? I bought it right on the show. It's the best thing I ever did I know I know the exact temperature I need to make things. I don't have to make it

It doesn't heat up my whole house in the summer I can actually still cook stuff in the summer and that's like the best most reliable thing ever like the kitchen Aid love it great, but it's heavy and I don't like getting it up and down. I'm very lazy. Mine just sits permanently on the counter. My favorite and then like a little Nutri-Bullet type blender where I can make easy, so you can add dressings and stuff. I used to have a, I used to have a magic bullet for years, years and years, I was a magic bullet loyalist. But then once I got the Vitamix, I was like, I spent that much money on Vitamix,

I want to convert all my blending to Vitamix. So now I've got into small things, so I can do small batches. There are definitely times where I miss my magic bullet, but it was also like dead. Why does that both? Because the little one, that's like you throw some PB2 and some cilantro and honey and a few little things. You get a nice, nice, good sauce and and some ginger and you've got a perfect thing. Yeah.

Yeah. And then the Anstepot, I really like it. I think there is a learning curve with it, but I like it. I think some things have made it that have been absolutely delicious and some stuff has only been okay, but I think it's all about. I think I would like that more if I actually wanted

to eat meat more at home. I really don't like it. It's really good for stews and braises. Actually, and if you like beans, that's great because you can put dried beans in there and they don't just soak overnight. You can go from dried beans anymore. I don't want that shit. I used to make all my own beans or, you know, grow them obviously, but I used to like make them go through all of that. Then someone was like, why don't you just buy the fucking beans you idiot? It's a dollar. And that's because the PPA and the thing was like, why don't you just buy the fucking beans you idiot to dollar? And I was I once made lentils and I found like a few little stones. Oh, I hate that

I'm like it makes me not want to ever have them again. Well, it's like olives I almost broke my fucking tooth off the other day from an olive seed and that was from Whole Foods I almost put marching down there I'm gonna switch Gary Kissing is broke his broke his tooth and like the capital like the dining hall and the capital or like any suit or he wanted to suit like the cafeteria and then everyone was like you pussy but the truth is like yeah that's true. Get that shit out of my food. I'm not I'm trusting you can't just give me a rock in my food. Yeah I think it just was a bad look for a like a senator or a congressman. It's about I'm assuming the

government over an okay. I'll tell you know it's not a you know it's not a bad look for a senator or a congressman. It's about pursuing the government over an oaker. But you know what's not a bad look? Houston. Dung, dung, dung, dung. Well, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung. Should we change the Strappin's Malback song? Should we have a more catchy song? We've had that weird ass song for years now.

But maybe we'll get on a creative role and just create a bunch of new songs. It's still like a new and smell back song because that song doesn't make it. It has like a dinosaur and a sheep. It makes no sense. We can just make it more like fun. That's there it is everyone. We got it. And seeing everybody. Thanks so much for being with us today What an odd hour and a half top chef episode so fun doing it so fun being in the same room as you I'm glad I've gotten I'm acting like you I'm sat in the same position for 90 minutes and you have moved all around you are like you look like What's her face at the end of poltergeist going up on the ceiling? I'm acting like you right now.

Like half my body is off the bed. This is what fuel world will be like. What was the name of that lady again? Poltergeist. I got lucky enough now. No one is like, man, we think poltergeist. I want to say Joe Beth Williams, I think the Joe Beth Williams.

Joe Beth Williams. You're like Joe Beth Williams, the poltergeist nailed it. She died. Um, guys, Joe Beth Williams didn I'm not going to do it. Joe Beth Williams. You're like Joe Beth Williams, the poltergeist. We nailed it. She died. Um, guys, Joe Beth Williams didn't die. I'm so sorry. She's alive. Uh, everybody, thanks so much for being here.

We'll see you tomorrow and I. And for the rest of you, we will see you next week. Oh, suckers. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.