Watch What Crappens - Top Chef: Welcome... to Jurassic Gail

Episode Date: April 19, 2022

The latest episode of Top Chef: Houston has the chefs battling to make dinosaur-inspired cuisine in honor of the upcoming film, Jurassic World Dominion. It barely makes sense, but that's the fun of it!Watch our recap with an epic Crappens on Demand here: https://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens?filters[tag]=Crappens%20On%20DemandSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What happens What What Kids one happens when this one happens We're not sure what you're gonna cry It's for what you don't want to cry Kids one happens when this one happens So much that happens Well hello and welcome to Watchroker Apprentice

The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Guess who I'm with? Besides Builer's ass behind me eating a toy It's Ben! Oh! Oh! I just made an entrance. Yes, a real life Ben in my house to can't believe it.

Real life of this is very important. This is an episode that's on crap and on demand. And if you are not watching crap and on demand, you missed my very dramatic entrance onto the screen because I hit off camera for it. Yeah, it was very surprising. No one's out cutting with a big empty chair next to me. And another microphone.

Oh, everybody, welcome to the show. We are in Texas this week to finish up our hunky, dory tour. I love here, but Ben is visiting because we're in Austin tomorrow with the Moon Tower Comedy Festival and then we're in Houston and then we're in Dallas, okay? Tuesday, Thursday, go get your tickets for the live show. Kat. Watch at Crappens.com. So also we get tour merch, but today we could talk about top chef.

Whoa. Yeah, it's gonna be, I cannot believe we're at the end of our tour. This is our final three-stop. We look at me through here. I just look so strange. I look so much thin. Look at how I look like this and then look how I look like this. I was trying to have an in-person moment. I was having to have like a genuine camera. Okay, I'm gonna look at you through the webcam. I am really, I'm really excited for our grand finale all this week. As you mentioned, we are doing our big shows here in Texas. And Top Chef, I'm also excited because this episode was hilarious.

Yes, this was definitely a classic Top Chef. Top Chef has really been killing it this season. Yeah. I guess it kind of kills it every season. And then we say that and then it becomes that part of the season where everybody's gone except like broke, you know, like, on Brooke season where they're like, so Brooke, how are you feeling? And she's like, I like double buns in

my hair. Oh, the fuck my supposed to say. Try to work on my Brooke voice because it's sort of bubbly, right? She's like, hi, chefs, today you'll be picking young ingredients from Whole Foods. I'm Brooke. Yeah. Give me my coffee. That's what everyone says about Brooke. She's just bubbly. You're not Brooke.

No, her voice has a bubble. I'm not saying she's bubbly. Oh, I see. Because her voice has a bubble like that a little bit. I'm Brooke. Well, this is gonna be a crazy recap because we're basically like two little kids. We're not together looking ourselves on TV.

We're like, whoa. It is weird having you next to me. It is so weird. So here we are, it's Jurassic Park. Previously, the Crocs industry wins another prize because Ashley got kicked off and I swear to God. I've never seen them show so many shots of one person's Crocs before. Can we leave Ashley alone?

I know she hasn't changed her blast the whole season. But she deserves more than just the Croc shots over and over again. Leave the woman alone, alright? Previously, please welcome back Ashley. She just left, honestly. Don't even clap. It's like she wasn't even gone. Remember that last week? She just left. It's like she wasn't even gone. Remember that last week? She just left. Hi Ashley, we leave the light on for you. We're like Motel 6. Unfortunately the lights on in the Motel 6. Get out again Ashley. Bye. Stupid. Uh, and then we see Gail saying, it needed salt, in you the city, it needed brightness.

Okay Gail, calm down. Enough about, and stop telling us about your yelp review for dress barn Nine shots remain at stake a feature in food and wine and appearance at the food and wine classic I like that they make food and wine classic not like even a really a prize They're willing to commit to did like we're giving you five extra dollars this season So you're just gonna be able to walk into the food and wine classic. And then leave, you embarrass me. Leave. I'm still like, I still,

I still like reminisce for the days when, you know, whenever they say food, you know, future and food and wine magazine, they always show the current cover. And there was that one season where like for like six weeks, the cover was something like, lasagna every day. Every day. I something like, Luzania every day.

Ever is like a big thing of Luzania. Or it's just like a hamburger. Fuck you, food and wine. Okay, you're the snottiest ass magazine in the do not try and make a hamburger. So, fam, look what happened to the hamburger industry. Okay, you go to places now they charge you $20 for a fucking hamburger. Okay, you did this food and wine. I blame people like food and wine for that.

You know? It's like hamburger, it's less accessible. I learned it by watching you. So, okay, so now we're back to the main episode. Okay, and now we're in the stew room and Luke, aka Noma is very sad. He's like, I have a lot of confidence issues. Like, I was a sous chef at Noma before I left,

and I haven't had a job since. I'm like, well, no, no, shitting. Because you probably were hired to work at Yogurland and tried to force a seaweed flavor on the poor people who are Illinois. Why does this say brownie topping? It's seaweed. That's just how we do it.

It's a big deal. Yeah, we're chatting. So welcome to Ugurland, we've changed things up. We don't have kickats anymore, but we do have seaweed and miso and mushrooms. Yeah, he's like, I was a seasheaf and I haven't had a job because like, I just wanted to take a few months off and then COVID hit. Okay, you know what I'm sick of?

Fucking COVID, okay? And I'm not gonna say I'm sick of COVID excuses because I think we're still in the time that people are allowed, right? Of course COVID excuses. Absolutely. I don't think they're excuses at this point, so I don't wanna say, like, so shut up COVID excuse.

But in general, I'm just sick of COVID. How many COVIDs are we gonna have now? There's COVID, there's a new COVID, it's like beta three, COVID, what is it? COVID dominion, COVID, COVID, COVID, B3. I'm like, what are we playing bingo? Like we're out of COVID things and now we've got a COVID, fucking B3.

You should just be happy that Luke wasn't like, well, I haven't had a job since, but then I was about to get a job, but you know, supply chain issues. Supply chain, that's the other one. So, but also, it's not like I'm sick of people complaining. I'm literally sick of the issues, okay? I saw the new COVID on the news.

I just got so infuriated. I was like, enough COVID, you're over. Like how many times do we have to tell you, we're fucking over, go away COVID, okay? Like we did with the Spanish flu as humanity People said Spanish flu We're over it. Yeah, I don't know my boy boy So so Luke I'm just gonna pivot away from the COVID rant so Luke no

Is there anyone for COVID like is anyone sitting at home like I totally disagree? I'm not sick of COVID at all fuck disagree. I'm not taking COVID at all. Fuck Ronnie, I'm bringing Ronnie down. I'll tell you what, I'm over. QR codes, that's why Ronnie and I have dressed like a barcode tonight. We are ridiculous. We are both dressed.

We showed out wearing both horizontal straights. So Luke goes, you know, when you work at a restaurant, like, Nelma, everyone expects you to know how to do everything. Like, I don't know, salt things properly. everyone expects you to know how to do everything. Like, I don't know. Salt things properly, like, how am I supposed to do that? Luke, we don't expect you to know how to do everything. But we do expect you to know how to do something.

I mean, can you do something? What have you done? How are you here? How are you even here still? I'm so mad at the Craype Yamaka. He put on to one of those quick fire things. What was the, what was it? Was that the case so. He put on to one of those quick fire things What was the what was it was that the case so he put like a little crape you put like a little Yamaka on it Like a food Yamaka and I'm still mad at it on the case so you know what so weird

He put a Yamaka on it and he feels like a Passover I mean it's just weird wow just the season so Padma is really in her mood to show that she's like fun Padma at this season She's like, remember when a headbangs just in the opening though? Well... But today I'm gonna say hello twice again because that really shows my fun. Hello, hello! I say one hello for each bang that's missing. Hello, hello. Where are my bangs? Well, I hit them with the offie comb and happy Passover. Hmm. Houston's own, I'll play a mousseau in Kwame.

He used to take someone no one remembers on Bravo. Probably haven't gotten cookies from her yet, but whatever, who cares? Her sister's better. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. Yes, it's Ope Amousseau and James Beard award winner and top chef all star loser Kwame. He didn't win. He didn't even make the finals. Isn't that hilarious?

But we love his outfits. His outfits are bold. So she's like Houston is, I wrote Houston is one of Houston's largest Nigerian populations in Houston. So let's celebrate that Houston. So yeah, so the guest chef is named Ope and I think it was Ope. I think it's not so. Ope way. So and then of course he does the thing which every chef apparently is doing this season.

Is that Evelyn over there? Hi Evelyn. Hi. I just know everyone. This is mostly the... God Evelyn is really very social. Like how many chefs really know each other in real life? Anybody who knows a chef in real life knows those fuckers don't do anything but work, smoke, curse, drink, and go to sleep. They don't like... I don't see chefs like, want to hang? Want to hang out, buddy? They don't do that, they don't have time. I think that Evelyn gets coffee for people. I think she goes on Starbucks Ron

She's like hey, so anyone I'm gonna be getting some coffee. I don't want some coffee So that's way everyone knows her because she's always the one that's getting everyone coffee Which is funny because they're in the restaurant. They really she really knows everybody. It's crazy So Upway is like well listen couldn't let you come to Houston with that trying out some swallows. And poor Luke is like, if it means I'll work again, I'll do it. It's unzip it. I'm zipping, I'll be there.

So swallow is a starch that is cooked until very, very tender, and then you break off a piece and dip it into whatever soup or stew you have. And Pam goes, but chefs, before you try anything, let's draw knives and throw them all at Gail. Luke is like literally drawing a knife. He's like, if I can work again. Oh, Luke, your knife looks like a piece of seaweed. You can't even do that, right? Take one of these three swallows to compliment with a dish. It's how we compliment Gail

after all. She first started putting in the elevator the other day and I gave her spaghetti with sitsy rules on top, just as she likes it. in the elevator the other day and I gave her spaghetti with sitzies rolls on top just how she likes it. You know the other day, Gail said that she had a delicious swallow, but turns out she meant the bird. She caught it with her mouth. More like a bite or if you ask me.

Swallows bite to my right. I like to compliment my swallows dish with only a few rich and you're willing to marry me dish. So the group, everyone gets split into, into three teams. Any team is like based off of a different swallows. There's Iyan, Amala, and Iba. Yes, and, um, there's like a seafood okra is one of their example dishes. Why would you do this to Tom? Now, you know when Tom says, I hate okra.

Okra was disgusting. It's so slimy and gross. Got to hate okra. Okra's disgusting. Okra's almost just disappointing as my son. But then you see this stew. Man, Oak or really does get slimy. I know that was like that was like that was like the kid stuff.

Yes, that was or the the yes. What is that? Well, my needs. Yes, slime. Yeah, or like the gel that used to get from the dollar store back when I had hair like a big tub of gel I bet it was really fun to eat So so then they're looking at all these also lots of different like African spices and Nigerian spices I should say and

There's like alligator peppers and Kwame goes. Oh, yeah, these alligator peppers Which are actually grains of paradise and panic goes grains of paradise are so hard to find actually grains of paradise and pala goes grains of paradise are so hard to find. So you want to come over I've got tons of them. Oh you couldn't find any yourself. Sorry. Every time I got a girl I say hey girls

grains of paradise. No didn't think so. I had to tell Gail that she had actually just purchased marshmallows of paradise which is merely something you get the dollar store. Oh wait hold on. Hello good friend Ali Wong. Oh Yes, I would love to come over for some grains of paradise. Sounds great. See you soon dear friend Ali Wong. Oh my god

Hold on. I'm getting a call hold on. Oh, it's my dear friend Lena with high Lena. Oh my god. Yes, I do remember your wedding Oh, the best part was when you drove away and we just threw tons of grains of paradise at your car Because I had so many I could do out. I could throw them at pigeons for crying out loud. Anyway, good to hear from you. Bye Watching that car drive away when it's what's after I spray painted on the back just swallowed What a wedding. Talk about a grain of paradise, am I right? So she goes so hard to find. Like little peppercorns. Get a little fucking peppercorn. Those are easy to find. Why is everything all this show so difficult? But then things like Okra that's okay, I can't. I'm getting mad

about Okra now. Well then there's something, there's a spice or something in green called, Obenew. And Kwame is like, oh, so with this thing, once water's added to this, it'll start to slime. Oh yeah, like Gal and the steam room. So Ashley's making something called. Wait, wait, wait, no, I have to say one of the things that was funny is that they're all trying these things and the pat just goes, okay, well, I think you've had enough time

to sample your songs are now. I've had enough. So this is the part where they just start, I just start writing about your food things. Yeah. Super New Weeky, Stuart Greens. Ashley's spending a year in East Africa. And she remembers a dish that reminded her of home. And I was like, wonder bread was it? Was it a little little Debbie brownie in a package? Please say it was that. So we could bond over that.

And then Evelyn's like, you know, it's funny, this food because there's a lot of similarities with Southeast Asian food. I mean, there's ginger, there's garlic. I'm like, wow, Evelyn, you're really? Why do similarities are going to just'm like, wow, Evelyn, you're really good. Why do those similarities are gonna just gonna blow me away? Evelyn is my favorite. Like I want Evelyn to, and I've wanted her to win from the beginning,

but Evelyn is pulling kind of a look in this episode. She's like, wow, this is so similar to the food that I already cooked. I'm like, mm-hmm. Ginger, garlic, salt, pepper, it's amazing. Okay. The so Jackson is like, wow, big dumb Jackson. He's like, it was crazy being able to experience

a different cuisine, never had that. But gosh, it's frustrating to have these opportunities when I can't taste anything, liar. You fucking liar about your not tasting. I'm, you're officially lying, I don't believe you. You have five minutes during which time I'm gonna So are several more grains of paradise by looks like this is all new to me. Yeah, what else was fucking me Luke? You're also salt salt is new to him and pepper and seasoning

You have five minutes and I'm stealing co-go boots I'm gonna walk very slowly over to this gel pad. And if neither of you have given me one grain of paradise, you're automatically fired from the competition. Times up, hands up, I'm at every chef that drew. The eye, please come up, please come up now. So Jackson's like, I did some snapper over to tomato sauce and herbs.

That's, how is, what? You did some snapper over to tomato sauce and herbs? Mm-hmm. That's, how is, what? You did some snapper over tomato sauce. How are you guys letting them get away with this shit? And then Luke does, he did chicken thighs with a fungal leaf with dry crayfish, crayfish. It's worth for me to say cray instead of craw, fish broth. And I was like, wait a second, but where's the seaweed? This is a little off-fran for him.

Well, he did find a way to use something fungal in it. Yeah. It's a fungal. A fungal leaf or fungal leaf? I think it's called a fungal leaf. Oh, a fungal leaf. Yeah, I'm literally ignorant. I don't know any of this food.

So it's a literal ignorant, so I apologize. So Luke's, yeah, Luke does that stuff. OK, so then Buddha's like, on me, shrimp and guinea fowl. No, it does that stuff. Okay, so then Buddha's like on me tripping gunny found Was the one phone on made it into a bread pudding with chicken snott and All bowls from a duck like delicious Buddha be the likes of make weird shit and then Kwame's like This peanut he's like this peanut. It's really speaking to us Everyone who drew Iba and is not famous, please walk forward.

I hope you guys get to meet Gail in this round because Gail is literally the only person that Pee and that's won't speak to. They did speak to me one time when I was around Gail though. They said, help. Send help. You've never, you know, it's so funny. I never thought when you read Sunday funnies that they could actually see us, but you really should have seen the fear it's newpes eyes when gal looked at him. Oh, you were talking about that kind of peanuts, right?

So let's see. So the next round is Nick Ashley and Tamara, yeah. Yeah, so Nick Ashley and Dimar, yeah. Yeah, so Nick does an okra stew with chicken thighs and crab, and then Ashley does Sakuma wiki with grilled shrimp, and then Dimar does a scotch bonnet and shrimp stew with diced pineapple. Scotch bonnet are just so snottily named, aren't they? It's like an old drunk, but like I'm wearing a bonnet,'s like an old drunk, but like, I'm wearing a bonnet. So you have to be nice to me. I'm in a bonnet.

Well, it's better than Gail, who has a cheese whiz bonnet. Poor thing. Has to wash out every night. Sometimes she just forgets. So let's see, they judge and Kwame is definitely inspired. You guys, Kwame is inspired. And Padma's like, well, a couple of them were successful as the next, which were all less successful than Ali Wong.

You can watch on Netflix, and they're special. I mean, I've already seen it, you know, the screener and everything. I would say that if you had to rank these on a scale of dry pebbles on a gravel, gravel driveway, up to grain of paradise, these would all be solidly asphalt. Wow, I'm hoping for at least a mediocre small peppercorn. Nick, your stew was too sweet.

Wait, which one's Nicky Dunham? I'm blanking on which one's Nick? Nick's the guy from the state that he likes to make the shape. Oh, Nick, Nick, your stew is too sweet. And I didn't understand why it was the shape of Mississippi. I've never seen a stew do that. Then I realized you just served me a piece of meat. You know, I once mentioned Nick came on this show that I really realized how many things

are shaped like Mississippi. You know, I mean, just in the hotel room, the bar of soap that Gild took a bite of, when I told her it was a Snickers bar, I mean, looks just like Mississippi. It's crazy, Nick. Also, the addition of Tavern was fantastic, but you really need to cook it out. Also, be more famous and have access to more grains of paradise. Thank you. Mmm.

Mesh. Here comes one right now. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What

does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowball She loved triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is

a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder yeah. And the main guy is like and the winner is Chuku you understood what does Chuku mean I made it both so let's get out. I made it both so I was like yeah nickname I think it's I think it's like a nickname like brother or something like that like Spongebob say why don't you say Chuku like what does Chuku mean Nigerian say Nigerian Chuku We interrupt this podcast at Google

Um It means just. I apologize to all the Nigerians who are listening. Who are like, please let these people stop trying to explain. Oh, I'm not trying to explain. I just want to know what it means. Is it like cutie? You know, like, I've been assuming you understood me cutie, right?

Or is it like, not assuming it's something like, not cutie. I don't think it means cutie. I'm assuming it means like, like brother, pal. It's like in Spanish, it's too low as cute. You know, I just want don't think it means cutie I'm assuming it means like like brother because I can Spanish could you lose cute you know I just want to know what it means so I can start walking around saying oh my god Chouku and not make a total ass of myself you know so anyway she's like congratulations you have immunity Buddha by and famous chef okay Kwame and other unfamous person go you've had your time on my gel mask.

It's my way now. It's just my favorite when we watch or every week shoe people off the show. Okay. It was wonderful seeing you, Neenie and Neenie. I'll call you Neenie, blonde girl. Neenie and Neenie, it's great seeing you and I get out of here. Bytubeknot. Listen, we rent that gel pad by the hour, okay?

So get walking. Okay, Chefs, we're almost halfway through. If you want to win, you're gonna have to, looks like swallow. No, Luke, get over it, all right? Move on. You're gonna have to dominate, like, Gale, at a jegging sale.

And then it gets dark and rory and scary. Except on Padma, the lights stays on Padma. Yeah. So excuse me, I don't care what they had in the Jurassic times. I'm keeping my Judgment with Spotlight and my Go Go Blue Stay. Nature finds a way and so do I. So I get to the heart and you're like, ah, ah, ah.

Do someone have a Sniggers for Gale? Oh, this is part of the Jurassic Park segment. I apologize. It gets dark and you dress like that? Wow, Joe. That's one of your creepiest assets. Thank you for wearing a curtiff. Wow, Joe got off the bus to come in here. There's already protests outside. So she's like who remembers the first Jurassic Park movie and I was like oh god here's the part where I just start feeling how low my boobs have gotten because everybody's like well I remember being born when Jurassic Park 3 came out. Who here remembers what they were to their very first Jurassic Park world premiere? Anyone?

Who else? No, none of you guys went to the red carpet for Jurassic Park? No. But in the new upcoming film, Dominion, Will's Will could hide. The dinosaurs are now everywhere amongst the humans. Okay, is one person in Jurassic Park capable of doing anything? I feel like Jurassic Park, it's like what the 10th movie or something a Jurassic Park is always just run by Luke It's like what's what's your reason sir? What's your reason that no one can figure out how to stop the dinosaurs?

How many movies do you need do we need to have a dinosaur version of COVID-19? I don't think so Guess what first the dinosaur has gotten to Italy Then they came to the US first in New York. The B3 is Saurus. We put on masks. So they're ruling the earth by air sea and land. And that's how you're going to rule the kitchen. Now here's a special message from Chris Pratt and Bryce Howard who are too famous to actually be here with you.

They also both have red hair today. Hi Bryce and Chris, I have Goga boots on, I don't know if you can see them. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to talk to this pre-recorded video as if they're my live and person friends because it's pretty much the way the conversation would go. Okay. And Evelyn's like, top chef, just keep stretching your imagination. And your jeans and my right gal.

Dude, would you get out of my diary room, Padma? Sorry. This, by the way, this tie-in is so loony too. This is like the air too. So Chris Pratt goes, hello, chef. Hi. Nice to see you. Sorry, I'm still talking like we're friends.

We are. Sorry, I haven't called you back, Chris. Congratulations on surviving the competition so far. I'm only the host, Chris. Don't worry. We're thrilled you'll be using our new movie, Jurassic World Dominion as your inspiration for the next elimination challenge.

It's like no Jurassic film you've seen before. Oh, just get hellgot eaten in the first 5 minutes. Please just tell me they eat Katelyy Joe, please. It's like you know you win, but you still want to see somebody ripped limb from them. Thanks Katelyy. Okay, now let's listen to Lucille Ball over there. So then Bryce Althower is like, Hi, shit, pie.

Anything to say. Okay, now everyone be quiet. Tori Amos has something to say. Bryce Althower is such a good actor, but God, after the help, I'm like, what a fucking monster does anybody even like her? Like, I don't think anybody would even admit to liking her because she was so good in that movie as an evil, evil, horrible human being.

Alright, chefs, for today's quick fire challenge, we're giving you the three words, Bryce Dallas Howard and you have to figure out which is the first name. It's not Howard. One of them is a city in Colorado. I can tell you that much. One of them is a city in Texas. I can tell you that much also. I'm at Dallas. But one of them is a canyon, how about that? Bryce. So one of them is a hotel, the first half of a hotel name that Gail's not led into anymore, because she demanded more Snickers bars and the ice machine. Talk about Howard's hand. No, no, no, no, no. So they pick different dinosaurs that they have to base

a meal off of. Now this really is Joe Flynn-Flammy, OK? This is the most ridiculous challenge. One of the most ridiculous challenges they've ever had on this show and I loved every second of it. So, Britz goes, you'll be given a dinosaur whose lifestyle should be showcased in your their lifestyle. The dinosaur's lifestyle. Let's get to you like, hey AD, welcome. I just want to show you my new house so over here I really wanted to kitchen island because I just love to cook and over here. This is where I eat

Brontosaurus's Wow a whole dish made out of macrame well, you know, Toronto Sores racks are really this one had a really odd lifestyle choice. We support it. So Bryce, Bryce Ellis Howard says, the judges will be joined at the dinner table by our brilliant co-star, what was her name, Chris? DeWanda something. And so Chris, and then- DeWanda's last famous in the red heads over there, so she'll actually be here today. And Chris Pratt goes oh man I'm so jealous Dewan does more than happy all your fancy food while we're eating stale chips in the grain room Wish I could be there like Chris Pratt you could be there if you want to do it Don't like your stuck there. Yeah Chris Pratt really comes off as a smiley dirt bag

Does he do? Well just so instant here all Shucks wish I could be there instead of in this green room. Yeah, so they it's a team challenge Enjoy this last house of the dinosaurs and dinosaurs this So let's see so that we and then I know where so this actually this is where Evelyn said like you know If there's if there's one thing that Top Chef does, it keeps stretching your imagination. And then we just see the kitchen and out of nowhere, a dinosaur appears and just like rips the screen apart,

but it doesn't go to commercial, it just cuts to the next shot. I was like, did a dinosaur just attack the screen and then go away? The dinosaur was like, oh, I just wanna take a few months off. And then it turned into years and I haven't done any. Okay, not you, Lucasaurus. All right.

So they have to do a three course meal. So each team has to do a three course meal. One person does each course. And courses go up against each other. And then I played Patipat football. We've got ten yards back to up two centimeters, throw ball in the air, kick it with your foot, then I skid around in the circle Hold on a second. I'm getting a phone call from my dear friend

Tom Brady hi Tom. It's Padma. Oh my god. I play football too. See you out there I mean, speak that loudly. Speaking of, Dominion, I hate this move. It's called Dominion. The field is giving dinosaur sound effects back there. Get it, you little kid. Don't you feel like it should be called

Jurassic Park Domination, not Jurassic Park Dominion? I don't know. I mean, it Dominions like the King's dominion But a domination it feels like that's what the dinosaurs are doing to us if they're taken over See and all the layers of a talenty gelato. It's all their dominion We can't just call it Jurassic Park even dumb it in the last two to barely dollar but let's face it I go to every one of those movies and every time I'm like, really?

Hey, wait, what time does take us eat start for us? This time zone. Mine, 19 minutes. Oh, geez. Okay. And then Padma wins everything. Bye, everybody. Oh, because we didn't think that through. It's a lot of this stuff.

I was thinking we had another hour because I was thinking east coast, but we're not in east coast time. No, we're central. Well, it's fine. We're gonna make it work, no matter what. And then everybody loses. Bye, dummies. You're all awesome.

I'm playing this league now. So let's see. So now we learn about the dinosaurs. Okay, so we have Nick, Demar, and Buddha, and they are the most the source. And the most the source is lifestyle. Joe tells them, oh, the most the source, it can swallow a great white shark hole. Oh big deal. How about five of them hold right, Gail?

You know what, take as many sharks as you want. Have you seen Gail pan down a foot long from subway? It's something else. It's like a reverse-desk dispenser. So then we have Eve Ashley and Joe who got the Quetzacodalist. I don't even believe the dinosaur. Like at this point, I feel like everyone on top chef is just bullshitting me. Like, who, why are you coming up with this? You give somebody the, what's the one they give? Not the T-Rex.

Would they give them the little... What does the Vlasra be? Yeah, they give them one famous one and then a Mosesaurus, like... I mean, Quetzalacada Quetzacodalus, Quetzacodalus, quesnos. So then, oh yeah, and this, by the way, was first discovered right here in Texas.

That's why all its fossils have cowboy hats. You know, what is the hat? We just, this, this, this died a swim from Texas. There wasn't a Texas one that were dying to soars. Ugh. I'm not discovered in Texas. Texas just, like, tries to claim the biggest everything. Okay.

Look, I've even got the biggest, look at Ben, some sad little water. Look at my, this is the biggest Texas water. This is Texas water too, by the way, because we're both the Texas. And this was Kim from your place. Well, it came out of the biggest water filter that's ever been put in a tail and then Jackson Luke and Jay They have a velociraptor. It's bite is as ferocious as a spotted hyena

He remembers the first just kidding. I'm just gonna make it five hours long on purpose I mean, I think we're just gonna have to split and we'll just have to record this hat We'll just have to split pause it and'll just have to split, pause it, and we'll put them all together. Okay. So Jackson, okay, so Jackson with his light strings, the way he strings everything into an excuse to do a dish. He's like, well, Nick does Southern style,

and Evelyn lives here in Texas, so the velociraptor, and Evelyn goes, I'm gonna do pork loin. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm talking about with the actual challenges. Each team is responsible for making a three-course progressive meal featuring dishes inspired by these jaw-dropping dinosaurs. And like I always tell the makeup artists, whenever Gal and Nilo are sitting in their chairs, I can't wait to see how you bring these dinosaurs to life.

Ha ha ha. So they start all trying to decide on their dishes and Demar is like, well, the most is Montessaurus, whatever his is. He's like, this is Mongolian, I think. And looks like, I'm going to do broccoli and beef. What? They need somebody from the show. They need Tom or somebody standing there going, Mongolian beef. He's going to boom, Mongolian beef, the Mongolian, he's gonna do the Mongolian, like Mongolian barbecue or Mongolian beef. Either way, he never says that.

He just says it's gonna be broccoli and beef. Demar says he wants to do the Mongolian beef. Also, who calls it broccoli and beef? It's beef and broccoli, okay? Also, by the way, now as much as we love Evelyn, this struck me as odd, because she got the flying dinosaur, the quetzle quetzle,

and she's like, for my flying dinosaur, I'm gonna do pork loin. Yeah, that's weird, pork loin. I'm not really sure where that came from. I mean, if she did a joke about like, cause this is something when pigs fly, that would be funny, but I was just like, did you already say that

that I repeat what you said? Sorry. Yeah, I'm not the biggest fly part, but yeah the pork line is weird. Sorry We ate this dinner with the Caesar salad with so it was like a whole sea of anchovies And I just Smelt it again on myself is terrible. So yeah broccoli and beef. Okay, so then Jackson's like well, you know that pork line. It should be from you know it should be something that flies it You look like my chocolate cake Flying cake me actually a lot of the margis going so hey wire. So then Joe

Joe has like she's got the land. She's got the she got the flying one too this flying this dinosaur is the largest Like flying animal of all time animal reps. Oh whatever like the largest like flying animal of all time animal reps. I would have been like the largest flying thing. So what does Joe do to personify it? She's like, I'm going to do a quail. I mean, Joe, how do you do like the most petite little bird? She's like, I'm doing a baby chick straight out of the shell. I mean, she's like, I'm doing a hummingbird.

I said she goes, well, I want to take the quail and stuff it with a conglomeration of a lot of different ingredients because it eats everything. It's like, yeah, it eats everything. Why don't you take a big bird and stuff it with lots of things in there rather than a little bird with little nuts and seeds? Oh, you know, she learns. So, Jay's like, what the fuck? I don't fucking know. Fuck this

challenge. I love Jay. There's like, I don't fucking know what to do. A dinosaur challenge. The fuck am I supposed to do with that? Yeah. Yeah. She's not, she's not into it. So then to go. And Joe, Joe, the one who just decided to stuff a bird with everything she sees, because that's what the bird eats. Goes, it's an inspiration challenge. You don't have to be literal. I literally wrote down a, I wrote down my notes, like quail for the largest flying animal.

Yeah, so you've proven that you're not literal by choosing the teeny tiny bird to represent the largest animal flying thing of all time. You literally just proved how not literal you are. So they got a whole foods, of course. And, yeah, sorry. No, no, go ahead. I just like they walked into Whole Foods,

and then Ashley goes, hey, chicken wings. As if like, has she never seen chicken wings in a supermarket before? And how do you walk into Whole Foods? And that's the first thing you see. It's not the first thing. I mean, even in Texas, you don't see chicken wings first. They make you walk through all the green shit.

Yeah, I just like how surprised she was. And they're $12 walkimolli. Oh my god, I bought it. I was like, this is gonna be like Coke. This is walkimolli, okay, dolphins. Who are you trying to kid? And it browns faster. Give me my preservatives, please.

I want to walk. You need the preservatives. So Ashley's like, yeah, I'm inspired because of ingredients I'm seeing, like these chicken wings. Yeah, I'm so because of ingredients I'm seeing like these chicken wings. Yeah, I'm so creative. So at least she knows, you know? Yeah, I appreciate it that.

And let's see Nick's gonna do a crab croquet and Jay wants to do lamb two ways. And she's like, this is a very aggressive dinosaur, so I'm really nervous because Buda has immunity. So for at the bottom, it's either me or Joe going home. What am I gonna do? I know. 37 things.

I'm gonna do 37 things. Well, I also, by the way, I still don't understand Nick's crap croquet. So he has the most of the source, and by the way, they keep showing the same footage over and over again. This dinosaur comes out of the ocean and the movie has like, oh, and like, eats this giant cage. And he's like, you know what, to capture the spirit of this behemoth monster that can eat a great white shark hole. I'm gonna make a crab croquet. He's like, I'm gonna do something that's like bite sized.

I guess you could put the whole thing in your mouth like the cage, I don't know. But listen, on Jurassic Park, 18, we saw that thing come out of the water thing in your mouth like the cage. I don't know. But listen on Jurassic Park 18 we saw that thing come out of the water and eat the nanny member. Yes, that was like our favorite scene of that one So I say cook and Annie cook and have nanny bird. Yeah, nanny named Annie. I don't care cook one So a museum of natural science and dinosaurs So Jackson's like look at that dinosaur That looks like me when I wake up, but it's no, it doesn't work. I mean, I'm like, I'm not, I'm not.

So, yeah, they're basically cooking at Cynthia and Peter's wedding destination under lots of phones. Probably just like whipped out the old set. So, Buddha is gonna be cooking with alligator, which I appreciate that because Lacy's cooking with something that looks like a dinosaur, you know?

So his team is gonna do like a smoked alligator followed by that fucking quail, mile of pie jays, lamb duo. Also, again, if you have a velociraptor, why are you going to cook something that is the literal symbol of peacefulness? A lamb. Why are you doing lamb for a velociraptor? I guess the velociraptor would eat them up because they're saying it's the velociraptor's lifestyle.

So it's like manicures and lamb, you know my favorite things. The velociraptor's like it's not a lifestyle. I was born this way. The philosopher is like it's not a wise style. I was born this way So Let's see Nick yeah, Cripe co-cat jacks is doing a cacao cake Fudgey cacao cake, but he's gonna make hand prints Did her like blood so it looks like dinosaur prints like wow this is Literally something we see in 20 times on time every time they have a horror challenge one person's like I'm gonna make raspberry sauce and make a hand print. Oh my god, that is the most brilliant thing I've ever seen. I love when they do that. I think I remember they had like a snow white challenge a few

years ago. Yes. Paul did it. Paul did it. And I was so good. Also, I just want to say before we move on from her too much, so Joe, who got the call from home last week, we should also mention. So she is actually a Jurassic Park fan, and so she's added carrots to her dish. And the reason why is because there's a scene where they like, in the original one,

where they go back to eat a meal at Jurassic Park, and there's, it's like a very sad 80s style meal with carrots on it, so that's why she's putting carrots on there as a, why, okay okay is that the right is that the Dinosaur's lifestyle someone who would like Jurassic Park so much that they want to be carrot salad Why do you want it like why do you want to like make the strange obscure reference to the dated Carrots in the original movie don't put dated carrots and yours. I'm gonna put corn on my dish Because in the movie,

Lourdern has blonde hair and it's reminiscent of that. I hope there's nothing in the trunk of the BMW Series 5 because you're gonna need to wave your ankle under it in about five minutes and get to fucking there. I'm just glad she to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that.

I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that.

I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that. Luke, that's not a pressure cooker. You're just wrapping everything in seaweed. Luke, it's a can.

You're putting foil on a can, Luke. Stop it. Luke, it's a door. It's not a pressure cooker. You're just opening a door. You know, and on this show, especially, I think more than any other show, this show usually has so much false provato.

You know, the chefs are like, I'm gonna win, I'm taking it down. Baby, I'm the best chef ever. I'm going to court on blue and I've eaten a gale simons house. I'm winning. But this season, it's just like so. Everyone's like, I'm so sad. And Joe Luke, sorry, Luke just being like, I'm never going to work again. And I don't know how to use a pressure cooker anymore. Yeah, this is not really making great resume for himself on this show. So now the judges walk in to the Jurassic Park music.

It's like, it's like the music I always envisioned in my head when they walk in, but now it's actually playing on the show. So let's go over to the Darnesaur set. So Padma is like looking at all the Dynasaur, and she's like, wow, go away, Marageo. I'm very excited to have you, Dewanda, with us. Welcome, whoever you are. I'm sure you're famous, so I'm just going to be nice to you now. Who's your character Dewanda, this way? Whoever you are, I'm sure you're famous, so I'm just gonna be nice to you now

Who's your character to wander this route the way she answers is like Can we just make sure you're really supposed to be here at this ever are you playing somebody famous? Is that what's happening in the movie? Oh? Are you an understudy for someone like David Chang or? Oh, are you an understudy for someone like David Chang or Verilich dream? Is your character ever worked for Jonathan Waxman? So then D'Awanda goes, oh well, my character, she's like a black market dinosaur dealer and Pamela goes, oh, okay. Pamela disapproves. She's like, oh, great.

Wow, wow, okay. Now have you seen Nomadland? Is it like that? I wouldn't hang out with you character, that's good. Now, how long do you spend in the van driving around Jurassic Park to Jurassic Park? She just thinks it's all Nomadland. Okay, so the dinosaurs, now they work

at the Amazon fulfillment facility facility is that what it is And then Joe is so nice how was Joe even on this show long enough to win he is the nicest person He's like, you know what I like it. I like your job in the movie Well, I mean sounds like a great job for a movie character. Tell me about it, Noanda. And Batman's like, gross. Guy dressed like a boy's guy. Joe is like, I don't know if you saw, he is like obsessed with Noanda.

Every time they cut to her, he's staring at her like this. He loves her. And she is, she really is like a stunning beauty. And she's like charming and stuff. And he's sitting right across from her. Yeah, and you're right. Every time they cut to her. She's like charming and stuff. And he's sitting right across from her. Yeah, and you're right. Every time they cut the hurry, he's like, oh, so then Pam goes, okay, well, cheers everybody.

And Gail goes to Jurassic World. Shut up Gail. And he said, cheers. We know it's Jurassic World. Why the fuck do you think we're standing underneath some fossils not even working at the National Parks like they should be. So, it's time to pause. Paws!

Commissions! Here comes one right now. Hello and welcome to Part 2 of Throbschaff. That was back! We are back! Jack O'Reilly. We took a break to record, take a seat, because we realized we were running out of time. So we took a break, we did that, and now we're even more to range the more. Yeah.

Oh, so yeah, nice relaxing tolling, doing that, right? Basically, ranting about Coachella and Mount Rushmore. Really, I wanna skip some self-confidence. Okay, back to top chef, and here we are. So, this wasn't a break for you. Well, I guess it was a commercial break, but now that we're back, what just happened is the chef's all just finished cooking,

and now the tables, the judges are at the table and the table shakes everybody's water shakes and Fatma's like, Gell just closed the toilet seat. Come on Gell, it's almost time for the first course. Look how scared I am. Just kidding, that was acting. You may remember some of my acting jobs, like when I was in the background of glitter or when I was in the background of glitter, or when I was in four fake movies for a challenge last year to drive through.

Oh my god, I forgot about the drive-through challenge. Fatma. I'm really gonna stretch it on this. I'm like meh-o-street on a Jumat, basically. Oh god, my water's still vibrating. Wow, Gale. Just put the seat down slowly next time. Gail's like, I'm right here. I'm not even in the bathroom. She's like, oh, it was just

stomach-grabbing. What about that? Geez. So, the first round of food is served. And, it chromigas. This is beautiful food. And Padma says, looks lovely, actually. I was like, wait, I could do it better. Oh my God. Did you have a problem with the way he said it was beautiful? And it's the Mosesaurus section. It's the Mosesaurus serving. And so Padma's like, I forget who it is.

It's for Buddha. Buddha has comes like a broth. And she goes, oh, so do I just power this right in the middle? I don't understand. We should just put it on Gail's hair. How does cereal burn, Captain Manch? Wow, I'm amazed that this little vessel holding this broth is still alive after all of Gail's stomping.

Just see how water glass is. So Buddha's I thought was beautiful. It was like this, these little beat dumpling things. Like he used the beat as a really thin wrapper. I thought it was really cool. And it was smoked alligator, but you know, like we can't taste anything on the show. So I'm like, that's pretty.

That should win. And it was with alligator cream too. It's smoked alligator with alligator cream. Yeah, it's just, it's just, and caviar, you know, it was disturbing, but it was, it was cool. So Padden was like, so have you ever cooked Aligator? And he goes crocodile and she goes, mmm, wow.

Have you ever wrestled an alligator? Okay, well hop on gallon, see how that works out. Sit next to gallon coach one time Sit next to gallon coach when they're heading out the biscoph cookies talk about saving off a reptile So tomorrow did to go fried oysters on oyster cream and chow chow patented because I love the powder. We put the cream. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Chow-chow.

Chow-chow, that reminds me of hello, hello. That reminds me of the two things that Gail does when she wakes up. Chow-chow. Bless her heart. A dog so nice, they named it twice. Am I right, Gail? Am I right, Gail, Gail? Hello, hello. Gail, Gail. Wow, it's fun to say these things twice. Mosesaurus. Mosesaurus. So Nick is like, I did the Crab Code Cat because the mouth is just so red.

Is that what he said? He says, the flesh of the mosa source is mouth is so bright red that I have a surprise of pepper puree in the inside of the fondant potato and the pecans are in the flow of our menu. Well, it was a surprise until you announced it. So you're saying that the dinosaur's lifestyle is pecon flows? I'm really not understanding this challenge. Can someone explain the dinosaur lifestyle to me?

Can someone please explain what part of a Pcan represents a giant sea monster jumping out needing a crate of something or another? And the wand is like, this is stunning. And Patma is like, I'm sorry, who are you? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, who are you? That's the... The... I'm sorry. I was told that Bryce Canyon Howard would be here. Hi!

Excuse me, hold on one second. Hi, is this Chris Pratt? Hi, this is Pat Melux, me of the Emmy Award winning top chef. Yes. So, I was told that we would be instead of having you a CGI version of your Veloss Raptor friend blue But instead we have DeWanda. Are we sure this is the correct booking? Hi Chris Pratt I ordered Bryce Dallas something and I got some lady who says dinosaurs Can I have a return please? Thank you.

Chris Pratt. Hi. Sorry. This is Padma Lakshmi. This is Padma Lakshmi too. Emu Ward winning. Anyway, me too. I have a holly show.

You may have seen it. Oh yes. Tastes the nation. Seen it. I started on the monitors because I was in it as well. Hi. Hi, super famous person. Gail, Tastes Nation is not a command. Stop eating that map. Well, this is fun. When I told Gail the name of my new show, she literally poured her cheese syrup all over and atlistened it. my muse-so she literally poured her she's syrup all over an atlas and ate it. Listen, I was trying to rip Howard the Duck but instead I got some sort of brised doll or something and other. Can you fix some fix this for me please?

Ow my feet! You're sitting down Padma. This still hurt. Get me a feet mat for sitting. Well, I have to say Shafes, this is a beautiful start to the dinner as long as you don't look at gal, am I right? I'm just glad Bryce isn't here after all. God knows what they would have served us. Oh, oh, Chris, tell Bryce, congratulations on winning the Oscar for playing Tami Febucker.

Thank you. So then, having us like, wow, let's start with Buddha. I mean, what a peaceful person am I right? I mean, who can sit that long? Just chubby and friend of a tree. I mean, Gethers need to go outside. I love the acid and the earthiness. What did you think, Joe? Joe? Joe? I love you the lot. I love you, the line down. Don't want to, please sign my muffin top. Can you tell me about the dinosaur black market again? Time.

And Kwame goes, wow, smoked alligator. No one else would even think of that. Really, you wouldn't think of the most dinosaur-y looking things in the whole foods for the dinosaur channel I lost really that since he was the only one who even attempted it That's true. Tom. We are competing against quail in this episode So Tom is like, I'm here to actually guess I don't want a man's plane in this one you can man's plane again guys not the women's dinosaur

challenge oh I don't want a human's plane it's okay the dinosaurs don't care huh well got it done to explain this well you know next issue is a nice little hors d'oeuvres but it wasn't like a nose like a real dish it's sort of like you know going into the mixology one might say it's nice it's best not real, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you know, GED is my suit, but having a cap and gown, that's something your father can put on the wall. So, you know, that's all I'm saying about that dish. And girls like, you know, you just want more pepper.

Shut up, Gail, seriously. I mean, you regularlyorn small peppercorn gal Wheeler beeler is like bye. I'll tell you what it need It starts with a gray and ends with the arid eyes. Know what I'm saying Those aren't available where I live I know go I know oh really they just pretty much just like give them away for free where I'm from strange Anyway, okay, not grains are paradise pretend to roll No one's even served in a rolls gal. Let's like come from your purse

So gal yeah, I was like I mean, I know that he wants it a surprise you with the mouth that it's red Okay, gal that doesn't mean you have to have twizzers in your mouth for crying out, spit a mouth. Try to have a competition here. Twizzlers, what do you wanna die at? So Madden was like, I love to mow, Stish, too. And Joe's like, the texture of the chow-chow. Right, DeWanda? Did DeWanda like it?

Then I like it, too. DeWanda's like, there's something about fried oysters. I mean, it feels like home. I'm a Maryland girl. Joe's like, I'm a Maryland girl too. D'Awanda, take me to Maryland. And Tom's like, you know, I just, eh, eh. It's a dinosaur challenge.

So, you know, I wanted something more graphic, you know? I want to know how ripped off on. Okay, I want an ankle. This is just on a plate like I want I want violence Okay, I want a car crash he goes I wanted you know, I want to evidence of a kill Oh, well then you should follow gale to golden corral I've never felt bad for mac and cheese before. I didn't know mac and cheese could even bleed. Let me guess you learned something new every day. So guess what guys?

Joe's carrots were about to be a masterpiece. That someone was about to say, wait a minute, didn't they eat carrots one time and dress it black? Hey, remember when they had that comically dated carrot and Jurassic Park Did you think anyone's gonna serve us a comically dated carrot also So Joe okay one of the easiest things you could ever make glazed carrots. Yeah, it's not true But glazed carrots not easy for me. I've failed it so many glazed carrots I can't like how long do you have to cook a fucking carrot for your carrot?

You shouldn't be harder to cook than a potato carrot. But also, I mean, glazed carrots are nice, but I do feel like they're, I always think of them as being sort of clawing. They can be really delicious, but I just feel like if you're gonna do a glazed carrot on top chef, it's gotta be a killer carrot. And I wonder if like once she declared

that she was gonna be making carrots on her dish, that she couldn't like leave them off, because she Joe's carrots didn't take the glaze the way she wanted them to, which I thought was a funny way of saying the glaze fucked up. She's like, didn't take to the glaze the way I wanted them to. Oh yeah, right, like the carrot fucked up, right? Like, oh, the carrot just didn't take too.

Yeah. Well, we had a, we had a plate-ate with the carrot and the glaze, and unfortunately they just really didn't get it. They didn't get along so And then she ran out of glaze to how do you want out of glaze? You don't make enough glaze also did you notice that Joe Joe's Plating was exactly the same as Evelyn. They both had a little pool of mush like a little time You circle pedal of mush really weird. So she ran out of glaze. I mean Joe like I was reading

All season long yeah a little petal of mush, really weird. So she ran out of glaze. I mean, Joe, like I was reading for you. But I can't. I've been reading for you all season long. Yeah. Jonathan Waxman, I know right now just blocked you, honest. You're gonna be like, Jonathan, I got out of top chef. And that's it.

It's last time you're ever gonna text him again. He's like, well, hopefully you certainly didn't try to do something stupid, like reinvent the glazed carat. God, you know, the one scene in Jurassic Park I would never touch. The dated carat salad. I just don't even touch. Also, by the way, as long as we're gonna get into this, if you're gonna do an homage to a culinary moment on top chef, to me, there's like

really only one moment. It's the same scene, but it's like either the kids going into the ice cream or the frickin' jello on the spoon, but she goes for a carrot that's- All I remember is a nanny getting eaten by the thing that comes out of the water because that shit was hilarious. And I remember a lot of Lord Durn looking like really worried about things. And I remember when the little one, I forgot his name again. Aaaaah! That was after.

Yeah, when that one scared you on top of the car coming after him chasing me around the car or whatever. It was like, Kujo, that was. I mean, what original great films? Thanks for rooting everything modern times. Yeah, I also feel like one of the biggest jokes in the original one was when they're they're racing away from the dinosaur and then like the dinosaurs is chasing them and they look in the in the side of your mirror and it says objects in the mirror are closer than

they appear and the dinosaurs mouth is like that. As like no, no one actually decided to make something that seemed like big. There's no big food. Well, he was holding that big carrot in his mouth. Let me give him a huge moment. I remember it. Carrots. Just put everybody remembers when they picked up your classic park. So, so then, so now it's like, what's the look?

Oh, I'm so sorry. I have to say Joe, Joe's like, you know, they didn't take to the glaze. So with this junction, the carrots just have to go on. Joe, Joe's like, you know, they didn't take to the glaze. So with this junction, the carrots just have to go on because when you cook simply, if you miss, you miss big. I was like, Oh, so now you're better because you cooked simply. You're putting carrots on a fucking piece of fucking chicken quail or whatever. Or just put it in the quail at this point. You put everything else in the quail. Just hide it in the quail. Girl.

So, ques talacora. Quetzalacora. Quetzalacora. This is a licaria rodet. Quetzalacora. That's how you spell it though, right? I think I tried to do that right. Quetzalacora.

That's too much dinosaurs. That's too much. Well, either way, Evelyn, I think it was Evelyn says, she goes, she's like, well, this dinosaur, it's the time to that flies. It's also an omnivore. It also knows like every chef in Houston. So it's sort of like me. Also, it's lifestyle was very similar to Southeast Asian food. So I've made pork bad times like way Evelyn,

what? Pork pad Thai. And I used this balsamic to make a portrait of my favorite local chef. This is Selena's favorite pork. They're like, wait a minute, Evelyn. Selena's favorite dinosaur. Well, the thing is that, so the airport comes because she basically took a sweet potato puree

and she aerated it, so that would be the airport, which I felt like that was a stretch. Arrating sweet potatoes is a stretch in general. You don't need to aerate a sweet potato is already a sad, woosey, regular potato, okay? It's already a sad, it's already an apology for not being a russet potato. You don't need to aerate it on top of that. So she's like, well, you know, it flew, it's an omnivore, it ate everything.

Oh, really? It's your shaped it like gal,, it flew. It's an omnivore. It ate everything. Oh, really? It's you shaped it like gal just roundish. This is actually very creative. I'm sorry. You said that this is supposed to eat everything and I'm just looking at don't seem to see any grains of paradise. Wow, they really are rare, aren't they? So then Ashley, she serves up a Chido Wingo with a watermelon or she don't wing maybe not a wing Go chido wing go a chido wing with watermelon radish or relish and she's like Oh, and I've also included a finger bowl because it's meant to be eaten with hands and pat me because yes, they are

You're correct. Finally girl got one right broken clocks and all that Gale The finger balls for your fingers, take your face out of that thing. So Joe's like, wow, that animal eat everything. Oh, no, sorry, I was being Joe Flam. She's like, yeah, the animal, like, the M8, everything, so I decided to quail,

stuff a quail with everything, barbecue stuffed quail, and pattenos, they got to to pat nos taste and she's like Hmm It's like I'm saying, but with yes with less And just to sell it In an ancient front you did the math beautiful mind So they start eating and Kwame let really likes Evelyn's and Dewanda goes, yeah, there's ginger and garlic. Wow That's almost just like Nigerian and Southeast Asian food

And girls like black garlic sauce is fantastic and happens like whether what a melon salad Ashley gave us is amazing The Dewanda's like well, I live in LA and it reminds me of being able to buy some fruit on the side of the road And Pam is like, oh, go on. I love the geographical name-dropping, but also making yourself sound like you're still one of the people keep going It's so Dawanda is like, you know, I love buying some mango, some watermelon, some cayenne and lime. It's one of my favorite tastes And it cuts a gal just squinting at Dewanda, like, liar. You don't buy those things. I know you don't buy those things. I was too.

I was kind of, I was like, OK, Dewanda. I don't think any, I have not met many people in LA. We're like, you know what I want today? Some street fruit. I'm sure it was very Caroline Fleming. She's like, you know, I want today? Some street fruit. Actually, it was very caroline Fleming. She's like, you know, one of my favorite things is to walk along the meadows and lie with the strawberries and fruit barris.

She was. You're like, you're trying to romanticize this, but we've all been to the same fruit vendor in Hollywood. Okay, I live down the street from the guy. And actually, it is good. It's like the salted fruit or the sugary fruit or whatever. But we've all been there. And yes, there is a guy selling fruit in a bag but there's someone shitting on the sidewalk next to him to wander. Okay, let's stop trying to make this. Like I was

running through with the fiends of Los Angeles. What do you guys all think about Ashley's chicken wing? Tom, do you have anything to say that could perhaps be turned very easily into a gale joke? I... Well, it's not crispy enough. Hmm, say that in different ways. It's not, you know, it's like the degree my son never got. Not crispy enough, you know. Tom.

Tom, I'm trying to set you up here for a joke. Okay. It's say the word Tom say what the wing is like I Need a more graphic. I need a violent. I need more violent. I need a more violent wing rhymes with Shmappy This wing is Gabby I knew I went to school with a girl named Gabby. Now that's a girl who became a chef. Wow. Whoa. Oh, just say it's hop. Okay, well uh... this is, you know what? It's a little flabby. It's a little flabby.

Oh, thank God. Took you long enough. Do I, do you want to take this one? You've been here long enough. You know what I see? Flby Wings reminds me of walking down Echo Park Boulevard, the in's and the out, little alley cats coming here and here and fro, to and fro, and every now and then I see a piece of garbage just blowing across street and I say wow what a Flabby piece of garbage okay Joana you did it wrong well what about the quail the Joe gave us well you know I needed it to be more graphic you know I wanted to see it I wasn't you know what crash test dummy you see on the commercials where they just slammed the car into the wall the

chicken wing just smashes the brains all over it you thinking oh my god how did I have that dummy ever ever make it out of there that's what I wanted to see these wings are still on the bone. What, what, what, whoop. You know, the best part about going to crash tests is you watch those dummies say crash and legs are all mangled up. And then afterwards, as you pick them up, you say, well, crash test dummy, the good news is you still can

compete in last chance kitchen. 18 times. Uh, you know, I just need more violence. I need more gore in badminton. You obviously haven't been to gals on Netflix and chill night. Don't ever bring her a bucket of fried chicken. Good God, it was like watching platoon. She literally took the bucket and held it over her head. While a dog over strings played, it was ridiculous. I saw that bucket on the floor later, and the captain fried chicken was actually covering his face on the logo.

What's his name? Colonel Sanders. Sorry. Captain, I'm chicken. I quit. I'm like, have you ever seen Armageddon? I got chicken I quit Have you ever seen I'm a get in? So Kwame is like

You know the carrots the carrots. I don't like what happened with the carrots and we had him is like they don't look or taste glist Who made these? Bryce Howard Dallas. I'm gonna say the same Who made these? Bryce Howard Dallas? I'm gonna say the same thing Gail said last time she ate it Beggar. These don't look or taste glazed.

Hey, can we get Frances Fisher back here to tell us more about her movie? So Gail's like, the curts were just like, him afterthought. Story of life. the curts were just like, and after thought. Still every live. So then we go to Jay. And Jay is just made. I mean, there's like piles of lamb and bread. She's just made everything. She's like, I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do. So I'm gonna have some noodles here,

some different meats over here. It's like a weird charcoot retrain. Yeah. So, so the food comes out and bad because, ooh, yay! Because Jackson has put his bloody, velociraptor, raspberry, prancer, whatever, on his chocolate cake plate. And they're like, oh my god, that is the most creative thing of ever seen. It's like any other, I feel like any other season. He would have been ripped apart for serving them a little fucking brown piece of chocolate cake with a raspberry. I mean, Jackson, we love your tribute to Wilson the volleyball. Now tell us how this relates to Jurassic Park.

So Tom is really excited about that. So Jay is serving first and she's made a lamb duo and she's like, it's a rack of lamb that is spiced and also there's a spicy lamb meatball with a pickled napa cabbage and there's also the top tier of a wedding cake on there and a bouillon base and a crawfish boil. And then Luke serves his and he's like, well, these dinosaurs are from Mongolia. So I did Mongolian beef with broccoli and big Jackson's like, well, firstly, I'd like to apologize because the velociraptor came and he called a razz. So lame. Gale, are you scared?

Tawanda, stop acting it out. We know you're an actress, we get it. He killed a chef that could actually taste, I'm a man! I feel like by the way, Ronny, you overlooked the most important part of Luke's dish, which is it was beef and broccoli, braised short rib with onions, and a seaweed broth. Of course. onions and a seaweed broth.

Of course. It was a seaweed broth. I was like, wow, he's once again, I was like, when he said he's doing beef and broccoli, Mongolian style, I was like, okay, well, if the seaweed thing ends here, nope, seaweed broth. A seaweed just keeps on coming. So, Fudge Kickout cake with, I can't.

So, Pat and Gus, thank you. Oh! And they leave. So, Gengus, thank you. Oh! And they leave. So Gail's like, well, you could really tell that Jay was trying to push herself, but the lamb is soft and soggy. Okay, you know what, tell your Apple Watch to stop giving me your fitness updates.

Gail, I went, we're trying to touch the show here. Gail, enough about your underwear. Ben, so Kwame is like, well, I found things that I like, but the dish didn't really come together. And so then they, they got the beef and broccoli and Gail goes, you know, I think it worked. I mean, he's in the swamp. Gail, I mean, now you're just cracking on yourself at this point. But my short rib was really tough. And just like, you can tell he really struggled

with that pressure cooker. That's so sad. I mean, I don't mind. How do you go on top, chef, a show where you have to make five course meals in five seconds and not know how to use a pressure cooker? I just don't get it. It's like going out survivor and not knowing

how to make a fire. You know, tie a couple of sticks together. I don't know. Yeah, so Joe's definitely like, yeah, he definitely struggled with the pressure cooker, but to manga, I know how to use the pressure cooker. Can I use the pressure cooker for you to want? So then they start talking about Jackson's cake.

And Tom's like, well, you know, someone decided to go for it. I mean, that's violent. That looks like, you know, that could be a human. Dead. Dead human. What? Delicious. Hmm. You know what?

This is a fun movie. I mean, you go with your whole family, you get scared. It's an adventure gal made pooper pants. And that's just when she sees the advertisements for popcorn. What is Padwe even doing here? She's trying to... This dish is a fun movie. Now this is a movie.

Chocolate cake. You take the whole family to it. The fuck, when are you guys falling all over your souls for a fucking chocolate cake? I can't with you. I mean, look at this. I practically see Kathy and Turner's face, and is this romance in the stone or what? I'd love the crumbly corner of the brown, uh, the brownie that everyone fights for. It's her version of Street Fighter. There's a battle you in every single time. We have to start calling Gail Jean-Charlie. Okay. Here's some glasses. No one's going to that movie, Gale. Brownie fights. What's the opposite of a blockbuster? Mmm, so judging time.

Um, so patterns like, we asked you to create a Jurassic progressive dinner for... That red-headed lady, who I forgot the name of, but isn't famous enough to be standing next to Chris Pratt one of my dear friends of all time. Hello? Hi Chris. No I'm sorry but I still haven't watched your sit-comp hearts and recreation. I'm too busy. I just really like you for you. Bye now. Hold on I'm getting a phone call from my dear friend. Patricia Wedding. Hi. So good to hear from you. No, we don't have any leftover cake.

It was too good. It was the feast for the senses. It had it all. I laughed. I cried. It's better than cats. By the way, I galleyed a cat tonight. Isn't that crazy?

Okay, bye, Patricia. So Tom's like, he was a mixed bag. You know, there were some good things. But, you you know what I didn't see a lot of murder or death You know, so that was fun, but you know what look where we are, you know, we're in a place of you know It's a fucking time storm museum. What are we doing here? I think we deserve some more respect, you know The team that ruled the rule today. I'm sorry. Let me say that again the team that ruled the world today It's the brown team Nick Jackson and Evelyn

Oh and Jackson just put a bloody handprint right on Nick's face. That was nice. Oh Look Evelyn stop waving at the fossils. They know who you are. We get it Jackson Out of all of the dishes yours was the most graphic of all of the dishes yours was the most graphic. He was beautiful. And Joe loved it. He's like, I mean, just over the top playful. I mean, I'm a chewy, fuzzy cake. Who doesn't like that? Right, Dewan. Can I call you Dewan? She's gone, Joe. We sent her home. So listen, I ran to with the gel. Now it was up. She had to go. When do want to realize the commercial break that Bryce Dallas Howard was never coming out. She said, fuck this noise. I'm out as well. Bye. As the winning team, the three of you get to attend the premiere of Jurassic Park World Domination

and have fun at the premiere because I'll be attending a book reading by Noam Chomsky instead. So, Jackson is like, oh my god, I can't wait to go to the movie and taste that popcorn. Oh, I'm him. Try not to embarrass yourself any further. So the red team is on the bottom and it was Jay, Buddha and Joe and Buddha has immunity and having them is like, but Buddha, even if you didn't have immunity, you wouldn't go anywhere. Your dish was fabulous. It was a movie. The whole family could go to. I mean, Mero Street, which child will she have murdered? Who can say, fun for all of us, Mariah? I mean, when I took a bite of that I was like wow did chrison Scott Thomas just die in a cave somewhere?

This is a movie I just knew that emit Thompson was crying about something somewhere when I tasted that little beat alligator thing God I've been into that I sent so much sexual and repressedressed energy between Emma Thompson and Anthony Hopkins that they never acted upon. So, um, and Gale's like, that was truly a beautiful plate of food. And Gale's like, Jay, were you happy with the way your lamp came out? If you would like to cry, now is your chance. Go ahead, Jay. Let's pause.

Let's do like they did movies in the old day. Just pause it for 15 minutes. Everyone you can go pee. This man famous person is gonna cry. Jay. So Kwame says that her lamb was, was it mushy? A little mushy. I'm mushy mushy mushy mushy I wrote a muzie also and

gal is weird do you think that's a weird auto correct to music yeah we both did it we both did it and then gal is like well there was a lot in your plate you know is it really pot have fun on that conversation with the cattle you know I sort felt like a collection of ingredients as opposed to a dish, sort of like when you have all the components of something and instead of applying it to a career that your father could guide you along, you just let those components sit there and become exologist. Joe, you were one of the few chefs, you tried to give us something anatomical, but wow, it really did suck.

Well, at least as anatomical as a quail stuff with nuts candy, but those carrots seem so gale-like, I'm sorry, I meant sad. So you tried to give us something anatomical? It is anatomical, it's a quail! What? Fuck you talking about that's my drag name Anna Tomacle So they're just out of drag memes. So Joe was like well, you know what a bottle Jack maim De Wanda so then Joe is like um, she's like well

My main thing was that I just was very worried about the quail. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't, you know, I just want to make sure the quail was cooked. She's fine. Look, she's right here. Don't worry about her. The quail, not the quail. Oh, well listen, you can't say stuffed quail right when you're sitting next to a stuffed gale. You just confuse the audience and my right movie goers? At someone who has written some thoughts about movie writing, I have to say it was very confusing what you just said there, Joe. And Tom was like, well, it was cut. It was over cut.

So, you know, I mean, that was violent in the wrong way. Okay, let's just when someone falls down the stairstone dies. That's not violent. It's just stupid You don't want to see people die like that. I want to see bloody handprints. That's it I want to see same little Jackson's head come off of this plate by accident That's this right name. You know what I want makes on a plane. That's it. I said it. I like son of a plane I want this quail to climb up some Airlines

That's the power happens to come back so be it I want this quail to come out in a gimp costume and I want someone getting stabbed in the heart with some adrenaline Tom stick with the one movie Tom. All right stick with the one movie Tom alright How did we begin to Samuel Jackson films Tom I want this quail to have an identical twin quail but it gets mixed up with a chicken There is a chicken of racing sisters

There's not even a scary movie Tom. There was no violence in big business Wow So Joe Joe did you find the gale-gale refreshing? He's like I really did I really did So Joe Joe like So Joe Joe liked demars Clown Joe the best chow chow you'd ever had and Joe he likes Luke's presentation, but the beef could have been more tender Basically Taste like another shoe, right? And girls like I left your broth, but I didn't see the connection to Mongolia

So not really sure what that was. Did you just melt it beef was eating Mongolia? That was a great film Mongolia. What a film. I mean what a slice of life Agni Agio, these work in Mongolia took my breath away. I sounded like this Because all my breath was calm Am I thinking of the right film oh? Obviously get hackers Who's in Magnolia? I'm trying to think about that was Tom Cruise Tom Cruise and

My dear friend Ali wall I believe she was in that I just remember frogs falling from the sky and hitting someone's windshield And I thought wow Gail's doing another car wash. I believe Philip see more Dallas habit was in that that the car wash. I believe Philip Seymour Dallas Habit was in that. So then Ashley is also on the bottom. And Kwame, it's like, there was a bitter note was that sauce over reduced. And she's like, well, I mean, I didn't think it was over reduced, but I mean, I could be wrong. And Patent was like, wow, you know what, I really wanted some punch. And I don't really think you achieved that today. So, Gail, come here. Bye, punchless wonders. You're out terrible. Bye, stupid. Well, first, now it's so now, there's time for them to

deliberate. And Pat was like, first, we need to establish who the worst team is. Then from there, we should see who is the least famous. And then from there, we should see who's going to cry the fastest. And then from there, we should remind them that they didn't win a James Beard Award. Well, you know, the most negative comments went to Joe and Jay tonight. But there were more mistakes with them than the other team combined. I mean those two talk about Moses' source, am I right? Luzer's source is both of them.

Padma? Padma doesn't even mince words. They're like, okay, so they're the Luzer team. Okay, I think Joe should go. Yeah, she has Joe should go. And Kwame is like me too. I mean, I didn't enjoy anything on that dish And um see they show it and she has that little twin puddle of sweet potato like apple and or whatever it was very anatomical

Elite very wow anatomical that little puddle of whatever it is whoa really reminded me of a Quell that I eat too much had to leave itself on a plate So it's times like Kwame you mentioned you didn't like, Kwame, you mentioned you didn't like anything about Jo's? I didn't like anything about Chase. I mean, the meatballs were rubber. I didn't like it. At all!

I was like, whoa. These judges are pissed off, Derek. I think being under like a skeleton for an entire day somehow does something to you. Jo Flam is like, I mean, for me there's a lot of issues with Jay's dish, but there was a base of flavor at the very least. And also, can we talk about Dewanda? I mean, I'm sorry, who? At times, like, I just didn't like Jay's dish. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh all depressed. He's like, man, I'm never gonna work it now. And

Jay's like, listen guys, not every day is a great day, but every day we're just, we still wake up. So that's how I look at life. I'm like, wow Jay, that's really, oh, really profound. You know, it's like every time I ask my meanwhile, how's it going? I'm still here. Okay. Hey, well good to see you Red team you had our least favorite dishes of the day and one of you will be going home green team Please step to the side and that pit of fire Enjoy your mediocrity Matt God the regular floor you're feeling under your feet. We just put down some tea towels. You can stand on those. They don't have much support. Those are tea towels from a Wednesday wedding. Enjoy the middle of the weekers.

They belong to the museum, but they said we could use them. Well, chefs, you know, this is one of those challenges that makes you think. You can be playful. You can have fun, but at the end of the day you could nothing for nothing. And that's all you can say for the love of the poor. There were struggles, there were wars, there was something another one can hear you, but you still have a chance on top kitchen, the top laugh toss, last kitchen, 18 times.

Until you're not living, that means you're literally dead. And if it's violent, I hope somebody makes a plate after you. Pop-mo. Jo. Your stupid carrots are the worst thing I ever ate in my life. You're going home. Batman, Batman was like, Joe, you're not only going home. You're going home to one of Tom's worst and monologues of all times.

What a family film that people wouldn't go to. And then so Joe does the thing where she tries to turn this into something very positive. She's like, you know, over the past few challenges. it felt like I just couldn't swim out of the middle, but I'm like really proud of myself for being not exemplary. But I'm still here and there are amazing chefs the beat me. So that's something. Wow. All right. All right. Well, I guess I guess I couldn't swim out of the middle, but the most assurants didn't get me. I love the confidence of Top Chef because they started showing last chance. Kitchen after. Did you watch it? No, I didn't watch it. I didn't either because honestly, I'm like, I don't want to. I just don't want like I saw you get kicked off once and that was satisfying enough.

But they started with the first one with the caterer lady who got kicked off of the glasses, what was her name? And she's like, now listen, I may have gotten eliminated, but it's because I wasn't feeling good. And today I'm here to prove that this is bullshit and I'm gonna take everything. You're gone. Okay, well, they were so scraping. They just set the door.

No, talk about yourself with more confidence and you're kicked off now. Bye, stupid. That brings us to the end of talk, chef. Thank you all for listening. There's still time to get tickets for our awesome show. There's actually only like two rows left. So go get tickets if you're on the fence. And then we got Houston and Dallas.

Two rows of 500 people each. I'm just kidding. And then we got Houston and Dallas, Dallas, our grand finale. And you never know who might show up. So anyway, we will see you there. Bye. Bye.

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