Watch What Crappens - TopChef: Does a Bear Schnitzel in the Woods?

Episode Date: January 13, 2018

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Hey everyone, welcome to watch what crap ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from Bsablog.com and Bant Blender, podcast. Joining me on this fine day, this fine Friday, is Ronnie Carram from TrashTalkTV.com and the Rosebricks Bachelor podcast. What's up Ronnie? Well, hello, happy Friday, Mother Truck. Happy Friday, we're almost at the weekend. I am partially dead because I just came here directly pretty much from the gym, where I just almost laid out on the floor and just evaporated into dust. I was that close to that happening.

How are you doing? Well, congratulations on giving your shit, because I am sore from crawling from my bed to the TV to hear. It was like a relay race. Oh man. It's torture. It's torture is that we have to talk about Top Chef today because I haven't even had breakfast yet and I'm starving.

I'm starving and I haven't even had coffee so it's going to be just like a bonkers episode. I can feel it. Did you mean to starve yourself before the show? Did you mean to not have breakfast and on top of everything else, my dishwasher's on the fritz, and so a dishwasher repairman, they gave me a window of all day.

So who knows what? No. So who knows? I just show them what is time Warner fixing your dishwasher? It was seriously. So hopefully they won't come in the middle of this podcast, but they might. So everyone just brace yourselves for that. Oh, holurious.

Well, it's also difficult because it was German day and I love meats in German food because it's like the simplest shit you can have. It's basically flour, flour, flour and boiled chicken. Like that's how I think of it. Or like it's like the simplest shit you can have. It's basically flour, flour, flour, and boiled chicken. Like that's how I think of it. Or like it's really plain fried chicken. And you know, I love to make some spetzel. I know. I have, I was like, oh girl, I got some flour up in here. I was going to make some spetzel during the show, but I thought it might be a little bit, I don't know, rough. A little bit, a little, very heavy mic. Well, I, I did not make any spetzol during the show because as I mentioned before my dishwashers on the fritz

So it's caused My car's like a backlog in my kitchen. I know I could feel free. I really do I don't want to use my hands today. I'm done. It's Friday. I'm sorry I'm not doing it. I'm not using my hands What I would use my hands for is to type watch a crap and calm into my browser to go there to buy tickets to our Boston show Which is less than a week away? We'll be talking about Vanderpump rules on the on the show that's gonna be January 18th at the Sinclair in Boston or Cambridge actually technically We also have a show on the 20th, but those tickets are sold out. We'll be talking real housewives of New Jersey at that show the reunion

tickets are sold out. We'll be talking real housewives of New Jersey at that show, the reunion, which should be an actually very excellent episode if, oh my god, yeah, so watch crappens.com for that and merchandise. Merch. Okay, everybody, let's get into some top chef. Now, just like the bear in my house, me, the bear slept hard, dude. That quote, bro, like the bear in my house, me, the bear slept hard, dude. That quote, bro, bears sleep hard. And then Bruce is like, you want some protein shake, fat Joe, and he's like, yeah, what is it? Like, you guys need to shut up. Why am I watching this? But also, I love it.

I love watching huge guys on little bunk beds. Bears in nature. That's basically what it was. Is that a fetish? Because I'll take it. I've never had a fetish before. That guy's on, on bunk beds. I's basically what it was. Is that a fetish? Because I'll take it. I've never had a fetish before. That guy's on monk pet. I think it could be one.

There's a fetish for everything. It's like you could fuck or you could die. Like no one really knows. Like that's the worst way to be. I'm not mean isn't that being in the bottom? Just in general. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, so bear.

So Joseph, Joseph the big bear is tired and Brother luck he's freaked out by He's used freaked out by I wrote he's freaked out by last chance kitchen Was he freaked out by last chance kitchen? What am I what am I writing was I'm I'm I live just one? Brothers one of those guys is practice for reality TV like he's practiced the interviews to where he just always has something to say So he'll be on a lot. Yeah. I never quite believe it, but they're like, okay, brother, what did you think about it? He's like, whoa, when it comes to top chef, the surprise is just keep coming.

You just never know. It's crazy. Sometimes it's top chef. Sometimes it's, oh my God, it's crazy chef. I don't even know what's coming. I made up my own name. Yeah. You never know what you'll find on top chef.

You'll find people who have their own name. And the name doesn't seem the name is two words and they really don't make sense as a name. Sibling Cook. Yeah. Um, so Amish guy is that dude who is that one, to me, he's just Amish guy because he's always like in my culture. I'm like, your culture does not have spicy strength. Okay. Amish people are like, he cooked by the way, he cooked one Amish dish. Yeah. I think he is in a restaurant in Pennsylvania or something. So we cooked one dish that was Amish style and you've been calling him Amish ever since,

which I don't mind, but I just want it. I don't think he's that style. Yeah, he's part Amish and part, not Amish. So he mixes the styles. I forgot what the other part was. But I think you could just say he's part Amish. I think that that implies that the other part is not Not specifically not Amish. How's that he's part Amish part shaker He's part shaker part quaker part

What are those people the shakers make to make the rocking chairs, right? But there's another one. There's not the people in the cracker barrel the cracker is the crackerakers make the rocking chairs, right? But there's another one. There's not the people in the game. No, Cracker Barrel. The Cracker is. The Cracker Barrels make the rocking chairs. Not the shakers. There's like a dwindling population of some group that's, I think, in Maine. And I don't think it's the shakers, but I could be incorrect.

It's like the shakers, the Quakers, and it's like the Wayne Scotters or something. The Wayne Scotters. Well, they have a there have a dwindling population because they don't fucking less there like married or whatever the rest of us are doing just fine because we have accidental pregnancy can on board quaker shaker omnis makers but they make great furniture yeah great rocking chairs for when you do get pregnant uh... but omnis is that guy who like just sits around and talks about game all day, you know?

He's like, well, man, you know, like I was really feeling that pia. And brother stuck at the table with him. He's like, yeah, bro, it's crazy. Did I mention how crazy top chef can be? It's a barrel of monkeys in here. I'm sorry, Ronnie. I totally got distracted because it was killing me. The other group I think I was thinking it was the men and nights Oh the men and nights because I wait while you were talking I did us I did a Google search of

Quaker shaker on and a Wikipedia entry showed up called plain people See that's what I'm saying. I said plain people are Christian groups characterized by separation from the world and by simple living. And so some examples are obviously the Amish, Menonites, Hutterites or Hutterites, I don't know, Old Order River Brethren. I mean, I could just go on. I won't always close this, but I just, Menonites was what I was looking for. I'm sorry, were you saying something about Brother Luck?

Oh, he is the worst, anyway. No, I'm done. But actually that was a good education because I like that all those religions are called the plain religions. Because it, you know, stop asking everybody for more salt. It's the Amish edition, okay? Eris. Top chef Lancaster. Pennsylvania. Oh, God. So Leana's sick in the bathrooms. Yeah. And Claudius, like, oh, my God, I can't wait to tell the judges. Claudius is just going to throw everybody at Claudette. She's going to throw everybody under the bus at all times. And I'm here for it. No, I'm very, I'm very into Claudette. I'm liking her more and more and more. And I'm glad that she's back. She's like the tortoise shell glasses walk a little bit slower, but they always win.

And I'm like like that's the wrong Parable or the wrong fable, but I'm still with you players. Yeah I am just processing what you just said and I'm really enjoying it the tortoise Shell glasses go a little slower, but They don't fall asleep at the end of the race like Bruce as well. Yes, exactly So Tanya meanwhile she calls her dad and I, I'm really, really liking Tanya a lot. I think she might be my favorite also because she calls her dad and the reason why she calls is because she said she's sick of all the egos that are around and she hates hanging

out with chefs. I'm like, thank you. Thank you. That's my girl. And of course, I got totally worried because you know a big Tradition on top chef in the first few seasons was the phone call of death. Yeah whoever you saw caught calling home Would get sent home. Yeah, and so they've tried tricking us over the past few years But then they brought it back so now you never know now. It's like oh, it could be Tony. Yeah, yeah

I was scared I was scared too, but at the same time, I was thinking to myself, even if she goes home, the fact that she just is like, I hate hanging out with other chefs, I can't deal with the egos. My tolerance for bullshit is really low. Even by doing that, she's really kind of won the season just by announcing that. I know cut to all my sky. Like, wow, you know, the way the wind blows is the way my heart goes and my heart's what cooks my food really

Have you ever taught your heart to hold a spatula? It's like oh shut up She really needs to zip it up although I don't believe in that technically, but Well, we were texting back and forth as we watched Laughing because Padma is just on a roll today. I mean, every time Padma comes on the screen, it's just like extra Padma, you know. And so she comes on with Richard Blades. Well, wait, you're skipping over a key thing, though, which is that Leanne went to the hospital. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I did skip it because I didn't know what word I wrote down because I said, as

much as I want to compete I'm worried about my health status I was like what an interesting way to say status and then I forgot that I was thinking I was like what does that? No mean what does Ermin ER? Yeah, I Can't even read myself. I take these notes like literally right before we came on to record Well, so either way so Leanne, she's not feeling well, because obviously they just, first of all,

she is pregnant, even though we made fun of the fact that she mentioned a million times last episode, she is pregnant and she had to spend the night on a freezing mountain with sleep deprivation and high stress, high altitude, whatever. So she feels like shit, and I felt like shit for her, because she had to take, you know, take an ambulance and go to the hospital and in my mind

I'm thinking They made this lady wait. Oh, what is it 12 13 years? What years now? 2018 and the show started around 2000 13 years. She was on season one. She finally gets to come back and Well, guess what they they put her on a mountain and now she's got to go to the hospital I was like this is just not right. Just as for the I know they're like, okay, the first challenge for the pregnant lady is to go through a drive-through car wash and then walk into a Walk-in fridge until they're almost dead. It's like what the hell? First the second challenge is taste rachis and sashimi. Did you mean to plan this parenthood?

It's like what are you trying to do to this poor woman? Seriously, and also, by the way, poor two, poor two, you know why? Because everyone this season has gotten a little, oh yeah, man, remember when Jordan left, he was a good guy, good guy that Jordan, remember when Gladys left, oh, she was great. If she could go, we can all go. Remember when Paulette left, oh, she was great. If she could go, we can all go. Remember when Paulette left, oh, Paulette. And then this would be like, wow, they didn't even, didn't even mention two. It's like, yeah, because he's too agreeable. His name is two. It's like, he's always adding something to the sentence just by being himself. I mean,

at least Bruce could have said something like, hey, that's the guy who did all of my side work or my prep work. Yeah, I could walk from one end of the kids to the other. Yeah, come on, Bruce. At least to you. Remember Bruce, when you were working through your sciatica and he basically shocked all your clams, don't quote me on that. Yeah, Bruce is like, whatever, my hair is greasy, I don't care.

Yeah. So they go into the quick fire challenge kitchen. Yes. Furnished by the belief fly wall and San Pelagrino and Gales bad patterns. And she's there with Richard Blaze. The only man who can open his mouth wider than Ryan C. Crest. That mouth. It's so big. And Padma goes, hi chefs, did you finally thought out? It's like, they're like, actually no, we still have cartoons, some of them are turned black,

but thanks for asking Padma. No kidding in your sleeveless address, asshole. Like did you guys mean to almost freeze to death? I know that you're worried, because Leanne had to go to the hospital. She wasn't feeling well. But don't worry. Leanne is okay. I mean, I love having her try to pretend she has emotions. She's like, I'm burrowing my brow shaps. Listen, Leanne's a trooper. It's like Gail at a liverware shop. Oh, spoiler alert. We'll

be doing that later. She's in the ER. Like the rest of us will be after we look at Gail at a liverware shop. Oh spoil of a lyr will be doing that later She's in the ER like the rest of us will be after we look at gail's next terrible pattern So they see Richard Blaze and Chris oh Amish Chris is automatically like oh fuck it's Richard Blaze and all he is He's only about sous vide this air foam that blah He's like guess what? Amish people don't have air fries. Yeah, guess I'm able to have sous vide Okay, if we want to sous vide something we got to attach it to a barn thing and raise it up We don't even have ziplocks. Okay, we're not about a few pieces shit. We used to We are morally opposed to the advancements in ziploc bags little thing on it because technically that's a zipper So then had so then

So then I'm so sorry it took me a minute to hear that properly Because you know must have been so ex I kind of feel bad. I do I imagine that Amish people must use a ziplock bag here and there Right, is that do you think that's allowed? I don't know. I mean I only know from what I've learned from movies and like television Specials and from what I understand know I mean you get cotton a rake and like a donkey and that's it Yeah, I feel like probably Amish people keep all their stuff in jars, but on the off chance that they do use Ziploc bags You know when Ziploc bags revolutionize about what 10 or 15 years ago when they start putting the little zipper attachment onto it You know that there were probably there was a big like great moral gray area be like

Those are so much better than the normal ones, but can we do it? Yeah, but they it's not like they went online to complain about it. You know what I mean? That's the thing. You can always fuck over the omnis. What are they going to do? Like call somebody? My rum springo was amazing. I used Ziploc bags with a zipper attachment. But now I've learned, I've gotten out of my system, get good.

The fucking excessively was fun. But the real treat was Ziploc bags. I'd give up having for that. So anyway, so Richard Blase, there's a giant chalkboard and says top chef on it and Richard Blase turns it over and Batman's basically like, do you recognize these recipes? Okay, one thing all of these recipes have in common, chefs. Gale would finish an entire plate of all of them at the same time. This is actually Gail's feeding schedule. Bless her heart.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Shaps. You can't scroll through Facebook these days without seeing one of BuzzFeed's tasty videos. Unless you're Gail, she's still on Friendster, bless her heart. Or Amish. Chris, how do you feel about that? He's like, what's a hashtag?

Chris, are you allowed to use a zip drive? Yeah, you can. Let's see if I put the big star in. Noxious to Amish people right now. I know, we totally are. This is where being fully like Amish racist right now. It's just good old fashion. It's good old fashion zipper. Ignorant fun.

Guys, come on. Let us revel in our ignorance for a while. Also, I started coughing so unexpectedly I couldn't even reach for the mute button. So sorry about the coughing your face. Did you do it all so often? It's a good job doing it all so often everyone's face. So yeah, so it's all their recipe. Every one of them is a dish from one of their restaurants, right? And she's like, wow, octopus, that must take a long time.

And they're like, yeah, that takes me two days to make. Hey, that takes me three days to raise it. And she's like, wow, well, guess what we love? Home cooks. So we need you to make this in 30 minutes because home cooks are lazy and stupid and don't understand three days of cooking things. And Pam a little bit goes, we thought it would be fun to look at each of your most complicated dishes. And you can see all the chefs are like, yeah, real fun. We know where this is going. Shut the fuck up bad. We get out of our menus.

Simplify them for idiot home cooks like Gail. And then Blaze is like, yeah, I want to see how to make it in a home cook style. But also maintain your authorship. I'm like, what are you getting the copyright law shut up, Richard Blaze? I get when they bring him on. I know. So they decide, so they start cooking. They, they, they 30 minutes to make their seniors your dish, then a lot of them, it's

dishes that take a really long time and they've got to condense it down to 30 minutes. So Bruce's dish normally takes three days, so he's all in a Twitter about that. Claudette is making an octopus thing that normally cooks for hours and hours, so instead of just like this takes forever. I wasn't going to use octopus, but fuck it. I'm calling it octopus, fuck it. It's like damn, Claudette, she's so mean. And then she just gets out of big rolling pin and starts beating shit out of octopus. I'm like, you just wanted to hit the octopus. She's like, I pretend it's Joe's mustache. Fatima has this sort of sad story.

I forgot that she's a Padma super fan, like I am. And she starts saying how she used to watch Padma's TV show all the time, which we had learned early in the season. And I got the sense that her biryani that she makes, her famous biryani that she makes, is based off of Padma's biryani and apparently that takes a few hours or whatever. So she's feeling the pressure to make the famous biryani for Padma. Yeah, and she's so in love with her. It's so cute. And she's also in love with Instagram. She's like, oh my God, if I win this, my Instagram will quite droople.

I want to be an internet star, not gonna lie. Yeah, just love it. Fatima, the internet star. I'll follow her. Yeah, I would too. I mean, I could do it right now, but I'm not going to. Adrian is like, so I'm making these Hush puppies. And they're like, normally they're like,

they're like a lot of fun to make, but you know, LeBernadand LeBernadand and LeBernadand so in inclusion LeBernadand yes I'm gonna try to stepping LeBernadand into LeBernadand puppies I might cry but it's difficult because I'm having a hard time with the proportion of the LeBernadand to fit into LeBernadand and then Luigi is making Nyoki but he usually makes like the scallop Nyoki dish. And he's like, well, I don't have time to really make Nyoki, which I was like, finally, my mother was validated because I know that Rhonda is sitting at home. Like, I told you you couldn't make Nyoki in 30 goddamn minutes.

So she was validated and he admitted it. But I couldn't totally get behind it because he put the ingredients, like the same basic ingredients for Niyoki, but he decided to just throw the scallops in the food processor as well. So it would be like some weird potato pasta that smells like scallops, which I mean, I can't with that. I'm not opposed to it. It depends on how it's executed. You know, it depends. Yeah, I just, it sounded gross, but he ended up doing really well in it. It depends on how it's executed, you know, it depends. Yeah, I just it sounded gross But he ended up doing really well in it. Yeah, so we can just so basically The time starts winding down and Claudette finds herself in a some sort of weird situation where she's in the weeds as they say and

lo and behold she doesn't plate her food all she yeses her she gets a pineapple sauce and after all that octopus drama doesn't plate her food. All she gets is her, she gets a pineapple sauce and after all that octopus drama, it never makes it onto the plate. So Padma and Richard Blaze, she's like at least I got to beat the shit out of something dead. I could make Claudette, she's hugs. So Padma and Richard Blaze walk up to her empty plates and I'm so shady, she goes, hi Claudette, what did you make for us? It's like nothing on the plate. And she's like, oh, I didn't get it played in. She goes, oh, well, as you probably guessed, you can't win this one. Of course, that's what I always say to Gale too.

She still shows up every day. What a trooper. You should have seen her try out to be a Jersey net girl. When we'd be like, Niyoki scallops, hey Mario! And Blaze is like, I'm having trouble concentrating because of your epic mustache. Like, how do you think he feels staring at the back of your throat?

Close your goddamn mouth, Richard Blaze. And it was like, as you were a pioneer of the Philhawk, so, you know, just know that you've been like, like, listen, you've had many hair distractions too. So, they are, so what brother Luck makes at Paella and Padma's tasting it and she's like, do you think a home cook could do this in 30 minutes or less? What about Gale?

You know, she has limitations. Bless her heart. It's like yes two pots. There's two pots and she just looks at him like ew. And then Liberna Dan's like okay I made Liberna Dan stuff Liberna Dan puppies and Padma's like is this supposed to be savory? It could use a couple of grains of more of salts. Like her and her two goddamn grains of salts. Well remember, I think it was last year, right? That Casey was having perpetual salt issues, right? And but Casey was getting so mad because she was under-salting and under-salting

and then she was over-salting and she was like, I can't get the salt right. And I don't know, I don't know if it's me. I think it's him. I think they're out to get me. She was like, do you fully want crazy over the salts? Yes. And Padma's always like, still never just say it needs more salt. She's always like, that needed four grains more salt. That would need a 2.5 grains of salt more.

And then it would have, it's like, stop, stop with the grains. I have to be there. It's specific because I'm used to dealing with gale. She just stick that big old mid and assaulting and throw it all in there. Bless her heart. She's not one for subtlety. One time I asked Gale to pass the salt and she pooped out an entire shaker.

That's not what I meant, Gale. Shakers are also playing people. Anyway, hear me? Almost was like, I know some of those. They never come over for dinner party they would never bring wine. Did you mean to sit in the shakers rocking chair? So a smiles smiles carry us up next and she's like, I made Prince Edward Island muscles. Isn't Prince Edward like kind of a purve? I'm not sure. I haven't watched the crown, but I feel like there's some bad rep there

with Prince Edward. Someone tell me. Or maybe it's Prince Philip I'm thinking of. Well, Philip is the one who's married to the queen. Edward, I don't know which Edward it is, but I think that Prince Edward Island predates whatever Edward might be in front of him. Whatever Edward does currently in the royal family, but yeah.

That'd be Prince Edward Island's probably. I don't know the history of the naming, and I'm not gonna look it up. I've already done my googling of the day about, you know, how many people. So that's gonna be on you. I'm putting, you have to do the Prince Edward Island video. You don't want me googling shit. I don't want ever come back to the show. I'll just be like, oh my god, have you seen the shape of water?

I'll just start thinking about whatever. I'll start ordering hot pots. Hot pots. Hot pots. That'd be hot pots. It's a good marketing of a disease. Hot pots. Did you mean to get everybody hot pots?

So anyway, Kerry makes muscles and finds. Bruce makes, he serves his duck which normally takes three days and Padmas is like, is this how you like your duck cooked normally, Bruce? He's like, oh, it's over, I admit it, okay. No, what's over all the patterns that Gail wears, bless her heart, she doesn't seem to know. So almost guy made pepper pot shrimp, which is kind of spicy and blaze, who loves saying it's the edge of spicy. It's like right on the edge, like it's spicy on the edge.

Yeah. He's on the edge of spicy. The edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge of spicy. His jaw just done hinges. Yeah. So Chris is, he goes, is this two, is this two spicy for the home cook? Like what do you think? Home cooks are fucking idiots, okay? They can, they can, they can, they can unspice it if they want. Yeah, they, like they can't take it.

He's like, oh, can home cooks deal with this, this spice in this? I'm like, yes, have you ever heard of topatillo or like well topateetos or you know hot sauce? Well, I like Chris Chris has a good response He's like well, you know for the Caribbean folks I think it's right up there alley and then it cuts back to Richard and Padma's just staring at Richard like You stupid idiot. We got rid of gal for you So big Joe made halibut zmoregio and I like that he kind of can't really pronounce his own thing. It's like it's Halibut Salomon Rugu.

Salmonella. Salmonella. It's Halibut Salmonella. The one dish that could make Gale throw up and she's not here to enjoy it. Thanks a lot, big Joe. And then place it's like it's very green and she's not here to enjoy it. Thanks a lot, Big Joe. And then Blades is like, it's very green. And like, almost bitter and Padma's like, like Claudette. That's just still hammering on the octopus.

What was that? She's like, oh, I'm bitter, thank you. I take that compliment. She's like, look, I kicked this octopus assassin out, swearing my glasses. Is that like the award, the crown, it gets like it's submitted to Claudette so therefore it gets to wear the glasses. She put the glasses on the octopus. So then Fatima serves up her biryani and Pamma just takes it by and does one of my favorite

Padma things where she doesn't even ask a question, she just stares and goes, thank you. Because she goes, Blaze is like, can homecooked understand the connection here? I'm like, shut up, Blaze. And then she's like, yes, because the fried chicken is where people can connect to it. And then I added Pakistan Padma, Pakistan. And Padma's like, I'm not falling for it this time, Fatima. Did you think you could manipulate me with Pakistan over and over again?

I don't stand for Pakistan. I did move Fatima. So the bottoms are Claudette. And when it's Claudette when it's when Claudette is announced Pammagos there's not enough on the plate. I think you know that. I mean it's almost as if Gail Simmons herself came over and licked it clean and only she would have. It's like a total there was an egg on that plate. It's gone, but gone in 60 seconds, original version of that movie. Did you mean to make this a Nicholas Cage movie? Wait, was he in that?

Gone in 60 seconds. I think so with Angela and Shirley. Maybe not. No, I don't think he wasn't that. She's like snake eyes. Just kidding. I'm like picking his worst. Did you mean to take your face off? I don't think he wasn't that. She's like snake eyes. She's getting, I'm like picking his wrist. Did you mean to take your face off? Oh, I'm actually gale in Padma's face. Yeah. Yeah. I'm never going to die.

Very funny eggs. What did she say, gales? Egg, tangent for me as I go. So LeBerna Dan's food, she's like, this is too gummy. Tantin for me as I go. So LeBernadans food. She's like, this is too gummy. And she's like Fatima, I want to call out the Patima. Okay, Fatima Patima. When you cooked Western food last week, it was so flavorful. Why don't you cook all food like that? Okay, let's try this insane thing. That's insane. Crawling into like the cabinet underneath the chef's counter.

She was like, I am furious right now. Look at my brow furrow. I have my hands clenched in fist. Did you mean to betray our culture on such a deep dark level? And for demons like, oh my god, I will never master my thinking. No more social media star. I guess I will have to settle for the 50 likes I now get. Yeah. So the tops are the Amish Pepper Pot. Yep. And plays of course is like, whoa, that spice was on the edge.

The edge, the edge. And then brother was on the top, brother luck for his paella and mustache is no key. And the winner was the Amish Pepper Pot. Also known as the pepper pot shrimp But we'll call on the tag you when get it. He's like nope I don't know what I don't know what hashtag is just getting I do my great joke Did you mean to take a commercial break right now? Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

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So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So this is then PAMGOS. I think you guys have been working really hard. So, who's ready to party? None of them are falling for it, because in past seasons, people are like, yay! Oh wait, we have to work the party.

Who wants to party with Frosty, the snowman, in his house, on top of the highest mountain in the world? Anybody? This week's challenge is stomach punching. I'm afraid Leanne will be able to join. Oh, Leanne, poorly, I know. So today's challenge, baby popsicles. So the Amish guy's like, well, I'm not going to be too happy because every day is a new day, you know.

And that's why I don't carry the baggage into tomorrow Also because I'm not really allowed to have baggage Yeah, we'll get back to that baggage My baggage is more of just like a sack tied to a stick. We take a lot from Hopo culture. I'm going to be honest a lot from Hopo culture. I'm going to be honest. So Chef Keegan Gerhard comes out. I recognize him. Is he John, like, some food network cupcakes show or something like that? He looks like someone I've seen before. I think have you ever been to Disneyland or a cruise or a mall? Oh, that's pretty much 80% Oh, that's pretty much 80% of very white guys in the world, okay? Yeah. Oh, I thought you were going to say he looks like a big Disney character, because it's true.

No. I just thought he looks like a big giant American, you know. He's like, hey, it's me. Summer time in Colorado is all about being outside. And she's like, we're going to throw a German festival. And then they put a close-up on Tonya's unambused face. She's like, we're going to throw a German festival. And then they put a close up on Tanya's unemused face. She's like, hmm, it sounds great. She's like, wait, there are gonna be 200 people.

They're actually 200 people that are not chefs. I'm down. Never mind. Can I talk to them instead, please? So they have to make German food. But on top of that, they also create a radler, which is basically beer and some food soda. So, um, it's a joke. I'm sorry, I just have to say Keegan goes, all of my memories

are about German food. No shit, you paste the ass. Okay, carry on. He's like, I was born in Germany, a razor till 13, so all my fondest childhood memories are from Germany. I'm like, yeah, that's because you were born there and raised to your 13th. So, Joe, after they describe what a Radler is, beer and fruit soda. Joe Sasto goes, where I come from, if you are to one of those, you get kicked in the nuts. I'm like, if you see in your face, have you seen your handlebar mustache, Luigi? Come on, now don't talk about you get kicked in the nuts. And then the camera lingered on his face, which I think was their way of saying, we see you. You're the one who's kicked in the nuts and then the camera lingered on his face which i think was there way of saying we see you you're the one who's a kick to the nuts best stupid mustache i know because silver like is so manly

uh... uh... uh... badminton's like hop into your bmw x-fives portoyote what a toyota ever do you know i mean this is really up great. Well, I mean, you can't have a German challenge and have a Japanese car.

That's the... Sims when. Did you... I'd like that you went to... You were so upset you went into a padmeline. I'm finding myself doing that in real life, too. She goes, so she goes, like you said, hop in your BMW X-Fives and enjoy your ride. Take care of them.

I have to go and make sure Gales and chewing on a shoe somewhere. So they're in their cars and Big Joe is like, hey guys, Pumper means this and Nickel means that. It basically put together. It means devil's fart So it made me laugh later when Tom's like, I love Pumpernickle That's also the name of his new album coming out. I love Pumpernickle. It's like him with a banjo I love Pumpernickle uh, semicolon devil's fart

So um, so they all go to a German restaurant to try some German food and beer and all this stuff and try some radolars. And we learn that Chris is not, Chris Amish-Chris does not drink. He is an recovering alcoholic and so the flavors have to all be described to him and this starts to send him down a dark path. So so much for not bringing the baggage to the new day. Yeah, he's like, I brought so much baggage. I'm even buying bags of pretzel bread.

Yeah, exactly. So we see German food and there's some curry verse. Curry verse is like my favorite German food of all time. And I was a little sad that no one made curry verse on this episode. Is it worst or worst or is you pronouncing worst verse? I'm just asking. And I was a little sad that no one made curry verse on this episode. It's like it's worse diverse Or is you're pronouncing worst verse? I'm just asking it's really no, you're not it's well It's spelled curry worst, but it's but when you go to Germany, they all call it curry verse Oh smell that fat. Oh when you get a Germany. I'm sorry gal

Maybe next time when you fly to Germany you'll learn these things, but when you've been there You'll know they call it curry verse I'm sorry, Gail. Maybe next time when you fly to Germany, you'll learn these things, but when you've been there, you'll know they're called Korya Verst. Yes, and years ago. And when I lived in New York, I worked for this traveling fine dining tent called Pumpduck and Circumstance. And it came from Europe, and it was all these

Cirque du Soleil type acts, and I was a waiter there. And so everybody there was on a visa, you know, they were like mostly German. And they would come, we used to have to do this dinner run where we'd all run out. It was like this big, whatever fancy thing. And then I was going, Nella Fatso. Nella. So there you go. That's how I remember the Germans. Nella. So brother look announces that he wants to do a German spring roll, which my first instinct is to be like Hmm, I mean if you could do it right it could be delicious, but I it's brother Luck

And then we learned that his parents were exotic dancers in Asia and his dad's stage name was Mandingo So interesting plot twists. I feel like at least say let him get that in, you know They're like, okay, you know, you may not win this whole thing, but at least you're going to get Pussy for the rest of your life. You're welcome. Yeah, exactly. And so they're all running around the Whole Foods as per usual. And by the way, I would hate to be in the Whole Foods when these top chefs are released in there, because the last thing I need in that awful store are like frantic people running around with camera crews all around them, yelling about things like, you got repeaters, you know?

No kidding, it's hard enough being in there with the crunchy, dazed, you know, vegans where I'm like, dry it out and confused because they have no brain cells left. And it's impossible to find anything in whole foods because nothing is where it really should be. So you go up and down these aisles a million times and then all of a sudden you got Bruce barreling down,

looking for squid and next thing you know, he got Bruce barreling down looking for squid. And next thing you know, you're like commissioned to like carry his squid around the store. And you're like, I just wanted to find my peanut butter. That is so true about that store. They're like international foods pasta. And it's like, okay, then why is the Mexican stuff like two blocks over?

It's like jelly, it's like, I also have apricot jelly, because they got ivory jelly for every fruit. It's like persimmon jelly, apple jelly, salsa. Wait, what's this salsa doing here? Yes, or they'll have like, okay, here's the cheese aisle chefs, and then it's like this cheese case, and then you're like, well, where's the cream cheese? Okay, maybe it's just by the milk and the dairy stuff like that.

Nope, there's sour cream and butter, but where's the fucking cream cheese? It's on the next aisle in the fancy cheese section. Are you trying to tell me that 365 cream cheese deserves to be in the fancy section? Come on, now hold the foods. I'm surprised it wasn't over by the tarama roe to make tarama salata like that random. Here's the fish eggs and the cream cheese.

Yes. Did you mean to stop at the fish eggs bar I'm like we do not need a bar sitting out all day of fish eggs and the cereal aisle it whole flus is the saddest thing because I feel like cereal is are one of the most cheerful isles you know because you see all our favorite cartoon characters from childhood you know you see Sam the two can and the tricks bunny and Mary Lee red and on a witty, you know all these happy faces and hate you also see Fred Don't forget Fred You see the cat in chocolate and then you go into the whole food cereal aisle and you see they're off brand Cheerios And it's like a it's like a very

Sadly drawn monkey or something. Yes, or it's like a gravestone. They're like you're killing your children slowly or something, that's like a gravestone. They're like, you're killing your children slowly. It has the grim reaper puffs. Yeah, all the illustrations just seem antiseptic and sad. They just have no soul to them. And it's like, here, have our, it's like life cereal, but we call it midlife. Oh.

Oh. Midlife. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Midlife. So speaking of super sensitive people, they're back at home and they're talking about Leanne. Oh, were you going to say something? I was just going to say that the only thing that was notable out of this was that Chris, he's not feeling inspired because being around the booze has taken him to a deep dark, funky

spot. And I'm like isn't that the most German thing you could do you should be super inspired. I know you don't hear Germans say I made this with love it's like I pounded this shit out with my bare hands okay I beat the shit out of this spetzel and that's why it tastes good I made this with fucking anger now enjoy it. Yeah you know Shad shanfreude is a German word so so anyway he's basically uninspired so we get some pre-made sausage and we know that's gonna lead to bad things and so does he you know but he just can't stop himself he's like a smotted good look so Bruce is like super sensitive about

Leanne because everybody said you know because it really does suck you finally get to come back to top chef you work your ass off to get there, and then you're a lot of them. You're a lot of them. After years, and years, and years, and years. And he's like, well, we're adopting a baby, and he's doing it any day. So, you know, it's important that Leanne is healthy.

I'm like, nice way to make it about you. Cheers. Cheers. So then we go to the ur, and Leanne is hooked up to machines, and she's like, it's dehydration and all, and altitude sickness, but the baby's okay. Er and Leanne is hooked up to machines and she's like it's dehydration and all and Altitude sickness, but the baby's okay Call me later baby and the way she smiles that her husband in the in the face time. I don't think it was

Oh spouse Spouse girlfriend some boyfriend. I don't know. Okay. There are a lot of love was just so sweet. I was like, aww. I want that. I was literally, I mean, I want it only on FaceTime. I don't want it around me, but I want like that look from somebody once a week or something. It was cute. I was, um, I was really bummed about this Leanne situation. I kind of was, it sucks. It sucks because it's been years. I mean Kwame, I love Kwame, but he's only been on for two years and he got a shot. And here's Leigh-Anne, anyway. So, back in the kitchen, everyone has gotten their food and now they're cooking.

So Bruce is making some sort of pork belly thing with Spetzel and a Tart cherry mastarda, which is Italian inspired, which is his thing. which is Italian and inspired, which is his thing. Tanya, I was concerned about Tanya because not only did she call home, but she was making ground pork crickets with a blackened spice and a Creole spice. I was like, is this supposed to be German? So I was going to do this. Yeah, I don't. Can German home cooks understand to this? Can they connect, Tanya?

Do they know what Creole is? And then for team, I was kind of worried for too, because she was making a forest cake, a black forest cake, which I thought was kind of too easy. And she said that black forest cake is actually like omnipresent in Pakistan, which I did not know. That was a surprise revelation. I mean, really, you could tell me anything about Pakistan

and how it would be shot. Like, what do I know about Pakistan? And she was like, hamburgers do really well in Pakistan. If you believe it, I'd be like, I, that's shopping. Like, I really have no idea. You know what does well in Pakistan? Gummy bears. I'd be like, really?

Wow. Okay, cool. That is a surprise. Yeah. So, Tom and Keegan Gerhard come poking around and you know you know it is it's funny that we'll all just talk about bears on this season they are kind of like two bears just sort of rooting around like hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey Oh, hey, Amoskaya. Hey, what do you remember about Germany, Keegan? All my memories are a bread. Okay, well, great.

Good to ask. So, Amoskaya, what are you making for your beer? And he's like, well, I'm an alcoholic, so I don't drink. And Tom's like, well, see, we're relying on the other chefs. I hope that I'll screw you on that one, Alki. Huh? Yeah, yeah. What's up, Kerry?

Smiley, what are you making? Well, I'm making my own take on the Haselback Potato. It's called the David Haselhoff Potato. I made it up because you know, David Haselhoff is an officer in Germany. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I wouldn't know anything about that. I don't know. Okay.

She's like a lizard with Haselback, stuffed with sausage. He's like, whoa, whoa. Okay, whoa. You know, our politics might be different, but I think that's a sexual harassment right there that you just, so what? I'm just gonna walk away, okay? Yeah, I can't tell if I'm aroused or concerned. And Carrie, the last thing people remember from David Hasselhoff is that being drunk on the ground,

eating a bird bird video, his daughter took to make him go to the reward. Like, why would you do that? And he's like, okay, well, here's my advice, Curie. Please stop smiling. Okay, that would be great. Well, this potato actually is going to arrive at the festival on its own. It has its own car that talks to it. So he's like, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it. He's like, no, not really. We're just going to move on, smiley lady. Okay? Now you want to make sure this potato doesn't dry out. I'm already on top of it. It's like, nope, not really. We're just gonna move on, smiley lady, okay? Now you wanna make sure this potato doesn't dry out.

I'm already on top of it. It just came running out of the ocean. Meanwhile, Luigi is just like in the middle of Babas Castle when the time starts running out. It's like, tada tada tada tada tada tada. He's like, whoa! Tada tada tada tada. Actually, technically the music in the music about that was just Castle is. Bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bl, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bl, bl, bluh, bl, bluh, bluh, bl, bl, bluh, bluh, bluh He's like must get to the hammer. It's like it does not get out of my hands.

Hmm. Claudette. So, I just laugh every time I think of Claudette because I want to like her, but she's so evil, but I still do like her. I just want, right? And I just know, and she's going to start with Tanya soon, which bitch, you better back down. So, yeah, this could be a problem.

Yeah. But I do like her so far. So, they cut back to, they all go home after the day and Leigh Ann's like, oh my God, even eating this cereal is hard, so I'm gonna leave. And I'm like, oh, which is so sad. And cloud, that's like feed life. Yeah.

It's just right. This whole food cereal is literally killing me and my child. So I'm gonna go back to you for any pedals Okay, I'm eating something called corn floats It's all I dreamed of as a child shut up Okay, shut up So Claudette's upset because

She was called Leon was like thanks Chica and she's like oh my god She was one of the few chefs I could have bonded with she called me Chica and then for Leon was like, thanks, Chica. And she's like, oh my God, she was one of the few chefs I could have bonded with. She called me Chica. And then for team, it's like, dude, she would have destroyed us though. And they're like, yeah, probably. She would have, she would have totally destroyed them.

So next day is time for the big German festival. It's storming, woo. And the festival opens up and Padma walks in wearing, I think they're like circus pants or something. They looked like the big top. It was just tall, the stripes. It was very huge, Jackman, greatest showman. Yeah, greatest show on earth! Yeah, everybody was dressed in their finest leaderhose and etc. Yeah, and then let's see.

Then of course the storm comes, it starts raining and the Amish guy is like, oh my God, another thing reminding me that I'm supposed to be dry right now. Today's a new day. No backers, no backers, no backers. One day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time. So, they are cooking their food, and it just sort of gets right into tasting. So Padma goes up, she likes Bruce's pork belly, of course, because Bruce seems to be really good every time he does a challenge. So she likes Padma's Bruce's pork belly. Then they go over to brother Luxe Tent and they keegan is

not getting German from brother Luxe Eggroll. I'm like, yeah, that's because it's an egg roll. He's so, you know, he's so not happy. He's like, this loses me for German. Like that sentence doesn't make a ton of sense, but I get you, buddy. He's like, I don't remember this. This isn't one of my memories. It's like, okay, Keegan's mad.

Okay, watch out. So Tom's like, hey, hey ladies, hey ladies and leader, Hoson and funny outfits listening to the horns. Where did German Garden talking egg rolls? Huh, something's wrong here. Whoa. Yeah, exactly.

But to me, I mean, I'd say, why would you make egg rolls German? If you're gonna do an egg roll, it has to be super German on the inside. Like sour, crout, and pork, and liver liver worst and mustard. I don't know, I feel like it has to be super, super German. And I didn't even realize to later,

because I wasn't totally paying attention, that brother luck used what Asian cabbage or use something where he could have put in, yeah, but bok choy. Oh my dude, like I'm not even so mad at the egg roll idea, but you're now putting Asian ingredients into it and you gotta get over it. Yeah, you're not even so mad at the egg roll idea, but you're now putting Asian ingredients into it and you've got to get over it. Yeah, you're not even trying at this point.

At least, first, I'm glad they called it an egg roll because he keeps calling it a spring roll and notes not. There's a difference. If you're going to do that, at least put it in some pretzel dough wrapping or something. There are so many ways that he could have made this actually work But he chose none of them And then when he oh, I'll get to that later. So the omniscience like sausage sliders Yeah, and Pat was like did you make your own sausage? He's like nope and he gets like wow this bread is dry

He's like yep. Yeah, yeah He's like I'm in a dark and stormy place today. Yes, dark and stormy, just leave my table, thanks. So then they go over to LeBernardan and I'm like, oh, so Adrian, what'd you make here? Thank you. Well, I actually made an Arctic char and I made a smoke beer that has like

some fruit juice in it to cut out, smoking it, like, well, normally don't like a smoke beer, but this is pretty nice and this cook perfectly, but it needs a little salt. You know, Padma is going to be by soon to tell you how many grains this needs, but as far as I'm concerned, it just needs some salt. She'll be specific on the grainage in a minute. Yeah, she'll give you a specific amount, but I just know I need some salt. And Graham goes, well, this is definitely the most ambitious.

I'm just like, the most ambitious, it's a grilled piece of damn Arctic Charity. He's talking about. So then Padma, Padma and Keegan go to Fatima's tent. And so this is the big showdown. Can Fatima redeem herself from her substandard culture, defying Biryani from earlier? And so Padma is like, it's a little bitter, but it has depth and darkness to it. And Fatima is like, like, Gail, and she's like,

oh my God, now you're getting it Fatima. Now you're getting it. Here, let me have this piece of cake. So Padma gives us face like, this is disgusting, send these all to get us Simmons, but then she goes Good job. Good job And then 15 was like oh, thank you because after yesterday. I don't want to let you guys No, Padma don't go up at my and Padma is doing that like awkward smile and backing up like okay

Okay Fatima did you mean to make me feel uncomfortable as I back away Fatima tomorrow is a new day I learned that from Chris so over at Carey station she's like yeah who doesn't want to fuck David Atholhoff my right yeah so she serves her she has her potato but the main issue that she serves her, she has her potato, but the main issue is that she serves an IPA that has jalapeno and lemonade or something. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh, it's a bit spicy, no, it's a little spicy. Oh, you got a spicy one, did you? Yeah, it's a little spicy, my mouth's on fire. And Grant, what's his name, Grant Meliott? He's like, it's a little too vegetal for me. I'm like, that sounds great. I like a vegetal beverage. Vegetal, I look for me, he said that. He's like, it's a little too vegetal for me. I'm like, that sounds great. I like a vegetal beverage. Vegetal.

I look for me, he said that. He's like, it's too vegetal. I'm like, of course it is Graham. Okay, come on. Drink your salad with your beer, buddy. They go over to Joe Sastos, okay, Luigi's. And his Radler is made with beet juice and something else, like candy something.

And so it comes out this hot pink color, which already looks a little, it looks like borched essentially. And it's already alarming. And apparently it's just way, way, way too sweet. Yeah, and Keegan's like, you described beer sauce, but I got apple sauce. I'm confused.

I love bitter Keegan. I like when he gets all mad. Yeah. So then clown music starts playing and they're like look Here's real people now like whoa that was fancy. I'm like, okay. Well, thanks for that clip Then Claudette Tom was like, well, you're different worst. Oh, that's It's pretty flavorful. She's like yeah She fell in love with grandma immediately because they both have the same glasses. Yeah, she's like, Claire's, lens crafters.

Oh my God, that's my goal. They're like, hugs. So then there's like, then we see like a big, sort of like montage of all the judges trying, other things that we haven't seen, try before. And we see Tom trying Chris's, slider, his sausage slider, which by the way is a pretty basic kind of thing to serve.

And he's like, I don't know if I like this place out. It's salty and one-dimensional, sort of like a gale's fashion choices. Huh? See, I could do it too bad. It's not as funny when you do it, Tom. Like, oh, sorry. They show the other judges going over and being like, I don't know about this egg roll and brothers like, well, look, everything I do is me.

And I got to maintain my integrity. I'm like, I don't know if you're rhyming because you have a made up name and you feel like it's your responsibility. But you didn't follow the challenge, sir. Yeah, exactly. It stopped being so shephy like that. You know, I gotta be me.

I gotta be me. I'm like, well, you're, be you in German food, please. Yeah, you're not a drag queen. You're a chef. You gotta make things that I like German food, please. Yeah, you're not a drag queen. You're a chef. You've got to make things that I like. Yeah, exactly. Like, this is like, I just have to do what I do. I mean, it's important to like BU, but don't be

you to the extent that you're just ignoring every entire challenge. So we wind up in the stew room. And Chris is saying he was reminded of all the demons, you know, because of the drinking and all that. And I'm like, you know, the usual stuff. Sad, yeah, sad. Um, and then the brother, but the brother goes to cheer him up, brother goes, Hey, Chris, you, you earned immunity. You earned that immunity. You beat me for it. So, you know, you know, you really earned my shut up, brother. You

are not the benchmark of someone's quality. Yeah, shut up. You're the bench warmer jerk. Yeah. So, he's actually not a jerk. You know, I really planned at the very beginning since we did our contested judging before even seeing any of them. I really thought I was going to hate brother because he has a made up restaurant name and he's like trying to be street and stuff, but I actually kind of liked him. I thought he was, I mean I think he's nice. I'm sure he's nice. I just the chef he thinks, you know he's like an immature chef and I don't mean that like he's like a little baby. It's just I get the sense that he is young and he's still in those phases of I'm, I'm, you know, I gotta be me. I gotta be

chefy whatever. He doesn't have the confidence of an older, wiser chef and it's annoying. It's, he sort of does a lot of the Chef-Clee-Shay things. I mean, don't forget, he has a tattoo of Mieson Plus on his arm. Okay, I mean, let's not ever forget that. You're right, you're right. I think we forgot that.

He's just like a Chef-Clee-Shay. He's probably perfectly nice, but he's a Chef-Clee-Shay. And he needs to sort of grow out of that. That way he can have that, he can look back back and be like I remember when I was a chef And I thought I was like all about me being an independent artist in a voice It's like very it's like what you are in high school, you know, yeah, I gotta be me. I gotta be my artist. I'm ladybird Ladybird Johnson and Allmatch is like I want to drink so kegans like you guys took food and

Rattlers to places they've never gone like well thanks for speaking out They prefer into my stomach because Gallowas takes my portions So she's like the tops the most impressive dishes were Bruce Claudette the top the most impressive dishes were bruce cladette tanya con grads uh... and uh...

uh... tanya madma i mean she's like tanya you were so surprised when i called your name and tanya's like i can't but i had. You're right, you're right about that. They love Tonya's. And you know, Tonya had also a very nice story throughout this episode where she talked about how she really liked going to Europe because, you know, she wasn't judged for being black.

She wasn't judged for being a woman. She felt like she could really just be herself. And so this has all been very important for her because she has to inspire people that look like her. And I was like, yay, Tonyanya, a little clap for her. I like that. So she won and I was happy because I love Tanya. And they're like, guess what, Tanya?

You win a pass to a BMW driving club thing where you're gonna drive on a track or something in Palm Springs. Enjoy, and she's like, great, thanks. Yeah, she's like, wow, I get to go on a venture circles. It's like being on this show. Have you seen that? It is really cool.

I'm sure it is really cool. I just thought it was funny that that's what her award was. I mean, she actually was excited. But I just was like, how about a beamer? That would be great. Can I even just get me like a new Vitamix maybe. Could I get some copper pants and pots? Yeah, that would be great. So let's see, Claudette is in the bottle.

Wait, no, no, no. She did well, yeah, she's on the top. But in the bottom is Brother Luck, Joe Sasto and Adrian, aka LeBrona Dan. And I was surprised, they must have had a very full episode of content because they didn't even give us the classic moment of Padma Looking at Chris and saying Chris you're lucky you have immunity otherwise you'd be the one going home Well, he wasn't even in the bottom was he well, he was it but he was had immunity. So that's why I'm saying normally normally They always let Padma do that. Yeah, no, if someone fucks up with immunity, she's like, you're lucky of immunity. Otherwise, you'd be going home to hang out

with Gail Simmons and watch her scrub dishes watching chopped. But maybe they told her they were short on time because instead she did that she started speaking with the baby voice and she's like, because instead she did that she started speaking with the baby voice and she's like, no, we'd like to see brother, Joel, and Bernadette. I was like, what are you? What is this like the rainbow of your emotions today? Shut up, Padma. I know what's falling for it, okay. How do you feel the day I went for you guys?

It was terrible for me, at least when I ate your food. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Uh, Tom's like, well, that was dried up. And, uh, Keegan's like, you got a bag of... It was terrible for me, at least when I ate your food. Tom's like, well, that was dried out. And Keegan's like, you got a bag of tech, oh, they're talking to Luigi. And he's like, hey, listen here, Luigi. You know, your brother may be smaller and faster than you, but you've got a huge bag of tech. And you know, it's bigger than you can live sometimes.

You know, oh, tech me. Yeah, I was like tech. I'm like a match. He's got like, he's like, went to fast. He's got like, the apple watch in there. He's got a couple of surfaces. Listen, Luigi, we know you have it in you. We all know you can jump higher than your brother by far, but you also are slippery. And you have a hard time coming to a stop. You gotta control yourself. And Luigi's like, well, thanks for saying I have a big bag of technique because that's

validating the struggle I felt. It's just shut up over there, handlebars. And then brother Luck looks shocked. He looks positively shocked he's on the bottom because you know, in his mind, he's like, I made an egg roll with bok choy and picking duck. I don't see what's not German about that. Yeah. Oh, is bok choy not wide enough for you?

Patents like, were you happy with the way it tasted brother? Adrian, were you happy with how your dish was flavored? And she's like, yeah, well, I thought it was, I thought it was very good. I had a chef who told me if it tastes good to me, it's probably too salty to everyone else. So never salt anything. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, raise that. He raised that. That's terrible advice. That shit.

Yeah. She's like, um, never in a den, ever here at that. Also, I have a feeling whoever told her that was a smoker because smokers have different taste buds because we kill our taste buds. So smoking chefs, you tend to, if it tastes normal to me, it's gonna, you know, be right on the edge as Richard Blase would say for other people. That's not really interesting. I'm in sight, actually.

Yeah, there you go. Don't say I never told you nothing. Yeah, yeah. So, I'm like, yeah, your dish was just very, very bland. You have a saltage, you have a saltage. It needed 3.2 pieces of salt,her or seven table. If it's being Kimmelayin, I would have gone with two point six, but the point is you failed. She's like, do you ever use sea salt as in do you even see salt or do not see it at all? Get it. So Tom in private time, Tom's like, well, we've got three choices choices we've got a giant man with a made up name who uh...

called uh... a sprit an egg roll a spring roll uh... then we've got a brinning dam with no salt you know then Luigi you know who's never gonna be as good as his brother so there we go and i like that michael well another reason jokit go home we hated that drink

i mean i was like, where's Gail to drink this up? And she wasn't even there. Where's the gail bitch disposal when you need her? And Graham's like, well, I also hated brother's drink. So there the chai, and she's like, really? Well, thank you for speaking up, Graham, we were all just baited, waiting with baited breaths to see what you were thinking. So in the end, brother Locke went home. Yes. Just he, and the best part was, what did Tom say right before that?

He said something. It doesn't even matter. Brother Locke went home and, and this is, like, he was going to cry. Yeah home and this is going to cry. Yeah, this is basically what sums up why he deserved it even if I started liking him. Yes. Because he says things like, look, it's not about the challenge. I cook brother love food, okay? And I'm enjoying and that's what I do, you know? And I'm enjoying where it's going right now because it's Blake pages ahead of me and I'm getting to write those words. I was like, please don't write me words down, please.

Please do not bring Natasha Beddingfield into this for the last, okay? This is not your show. Okay, leave that to LC, all right, and Heidi, and Adriana, all right, you do not get to write on the blank pages, okay? The rest is written and it says, mirror mise en place and it's on your arm. Those pages all say, Spring Roll. The end. Epilogue.

Spring Roll. The rest is still unrolled. The rest is still unbacked. Butchle. So that was it for that show. But since it's Friday, why don't we just mosey on over to the Krap in Smelbag? Has that sound to you?

Well, sure, let's do her! I love me some crap in Smelbag. Um, how about this? Oliver Haskin says, guys, Megan Markle needs help and she knows that you are the experts on Ladies of London. First, which Caroline Sanbury are Fleming should she invite to the wedding? Second, which expat would give the best advice? Mercer and Angelia, or Juliet? And finally, should Megan play the L.O.L.

I mean, Ladies of London version of God saved the Queen, guess what? The Queen is me at her wedding. Very strong questions, overall, Oliver Haskins. So first question, which Caroline should she invite to the wedding, Sanbury or Fleming? Well, Fleming, of course, because Sanbury will just snark on you the whole time. You invite her, Ash, you make a nice dress. That's a little tight, don't you think?

What a loser. Oh am I supposed to stand for the bride? I'm sick of these rules, I went to boarding school, I've been traumatized, I can't do rules, I'm sitting down. Yeah, she's that girl who's like, I'd like to give a speech. Your shit, your husband's fat and your both be poor forever. Thank you for inviting me, I'm buying you nothing. Congratulations to Prince Harry for marrying a commoner. Great work. Great work

I'm Flemingwood would be how lucky are you to get married near me and to be close to my station in life Did they bring any compter to this wedding? What a wonderful treat. You know, there was one time I went to a royal wedding and there was no compter and so the catering staff went all around the town until they found a wheel of compter and they brought it to me. How kind of them? I don't suppose we'll be doing that for me, will you Megan Markle? I am so sorry that you are forced to endure this paparazzi surrounding me

as I give a speech at your wedding. It's like one little kid running around with a. I think that's my wedding photographer. I hired Which expat would give the best advice Marissa or Juliet obviously Juliet I mean you could theoretically throw Julian there, too She's also next pat but I would say Juliet she's like yeah, so basically for your wedding You just have to have like a bunch of couches around because it needs to become yes or mind you from home in Chicago Yeah, like if you're gonna have a good wedding You're gonna need people don't want to like on button their pants on a couch afterwards

Okay, that's how you know when it's good oh And should Megan play the ladies London version of God say if the queen obviously I think she should walk down the aisle to it because it actually would sort of make sense except not really God save the queen God save the queen, God save the queen, and guess what? The queen is me, the queen is me, the king is me, the king is me, the king is me. Anything about lineage? And what was the third one? Oh that was it, that was it. The queen is me. Here's one, oh you know I love these people the Quinn guitars. Other actually pronounced Quintanars by like calling them the Quinn guitars and they said I can do it. They ask if you had to do a zombie escape room, which Bravo personalities would you want to do it with and who would be the zombie you're escaping?

Who would wait? Who would we want to do it with? Like who would be in your escape room group? And like what zombie that's in there? Well, we caught. I'm trying to think of the smart people that, I mean, I would pick Gail to be on my team because she just eat who she just eat whatever zombie was chasing me. So mean.

We don't think the gale actually do that. We just say that's a padma. No, I'm not saying that. Yeah, someone said, you guys sure give gale a lot of shit after you say you love her. Yes, we give her shit because it's just hilarious watching Padma are made up for your actions to Padma's terror. We've made up a relationship between Padma and gale. That's based on nothing.

They could totally be good friends, but we just think it's funny imagining Padma as like the mean girl who's just constantly nagging gal. Yes What was the question you get oh zombie escape room? I Think I would probably have be there with Lisa Vanderpump because she'd be like all right Yeah, go clean up this part of the room and clean up that okay very good and then she would just she would just somehow leave and just she would just be she would be like there it's all done because her escape room there would probably be something like clean the Grozae glasses yeah the pussy would be she would be the good best one because she'd be like I don't like this room Col Katie in here

and have a painted friend's purple. And then let's take some of these petals of these mummies and just make them look a little more attractive, shall we? It's like she'll never even leave. She'll just be sitting there like trying to make the room look cuter with flowers. I can tell you people I would not want to do this zombie room with, probably Kelly Dodd.

Like, Kelly, push that lever. You pushed the lever. No, push the lever. I did. No, you didn't, Kelly, push that lever. You pushed the lever. No, push the lever. I did. No, you didn't, you pulled it. I pushed it. You're pulling, Kelly. No, you didn't.

Hey, zombie. Hey, zombie, maybe you should be at home with your baby. She just, that's, yeah, she'd be perfect. She just shames the zombie. Hey, zombie, your zombie husband's cheating on you. And everybody knows that you're dumb. Boop, boop, boop, boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop Peggy. All right, wrap up that bag, would you be in? Okay, okay, we are gonna wrap it up. We have still many, many more,

but one follow-up question with the coinitar. She says, one of the 12 days of crap ends. I think that was a Christmas themed one. The 12 days of crap ends are Peggy, Kelly, Shannon, Lisa, Shiree, Nini. I don't remember anyone else. Shannon Lisa, Shiree, Nini. I don't remember anyone else. My mind is blanking. What am I supposed to be picking a menator?

No, I was just trying to come up with the 12 days of crap ends. Anyway, let's go. The 12 days of crap ends. The 12 days of crap ends. Can we just back that one? Okay, yeah, because when I said wrap that up and then best but called and i was like oh my god what is he want so i answered on me now it's like hey can you

wait i'm thinking about the twelve days of crap is and he's like um okay gay person call me later i've got your gay bike almost ready no okay so uh everyone we'll circle back to that Everyone here's close that up. Well, by the way, we have, we actually have a ton of questions and some of them have been sitting there for a few weeks. We apologize. The Christmas break screwed us up. We will get you, we promise, we'll do some mipple, read some of the live shows next week. But until then, that's a good idea. We should do that. Yeah, we'll read some of these.

So everyone, have a wonderful weekend. We're going to be back on Monday to talk some real housewives of Atlanta. Have a great one. Go to WatchYourCrapins.com to get your tickets before it's too late. And we'll talk to you all later. Bye, everybody. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens. Talk to you all later. Bye, everybody. Bye.

Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. from Slash Survey.