Watch What Crappens - TopChef: It Takes Brew To Make a Thing Go Right
Episode Date: April 12, 2021This week on Top Chef, Richard Blais tortures the contestants — and the audience — with an annoying diner order. Then the chefs must concoct dishes that use some of Portland's most famous... brews. Will there be yogurt? Will there be dry pasta? Will there be cold compressed watermelon? You bet!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy
singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride.
Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes,
Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch For Crappins, a podcast about all that crap we just love to
talk about on ye old bravo, I'm Ben Mand mandalker you can also find me on the game brain podcast and joining me is one of my
favorite people of all time mr. ronnie caram what's up ronnie hello chef hello did you mean
to be on a podcast ronnie hi band how are you i'm good thanks how are you? I'm good. Thanks. How are you?
Good today's challenge is to get through a recap of top chef for that laughing our faces off. Okay. Oh
Top chef got I love you. I know I love top chef. I'm so glad that it's back before we dive in
Just a reminder. We're doing a live show. We are recapping the real housewives of New York virtually, and that's gonna be on May 6th,
and tickets for that go on sale Tuesday, April.
What is Tuesday, April?
13th.
April 13th.
I don't remember what day it is, you know what I'm saying?
I'm like, Is it even April?
Are we in June?
Are we in January?
I was just like Tuesday, just say Tuesday.
Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday.
So you can buy those tickets.
We're gonna have a super fun time recapping that show.
If you've never been to one of our live virtual shows,
you're really missing out, we have a great time.
You never know what's gonna happen.
And it's just a fun way to recap
while the audience can also just like
have so much fun chatting along, chatting with each other. It's great time. So keep an
eye out for that for when tickets go on sale. That's going to be that live show will be in
just in a few weeks. It's going to come up faster than you may realize. So don't miss out.
And what else is there to say, Ronnie? That's it, baby.
All right.
Let's get going with this recap.
So here we are, episode two of Top Chef Portland.
Roscoe has just been sent home.
And they're gonna get some barbecue after this guys.
And Sarah, who is the almost looking girl
who won and is falling over herself
because she just can't believe it.
It's like, I mean, everyone here is like a really good
shelf.
I mean, it doesn't matter when you go home
because it's just a game.
A really fun scary one that I'm totally winning,
but it's our guys.
I can't believe I won.
And then all the like the chefs,
they've all just come back from judging
and they're like, oh my god, it's so scary because like when you're in the bottom, you're like, you just come back from judging and they're like oh my god
It's so scary because like when you're in the bottom you like you just like when you're in the chubby block
You just think it's gonna be you you just think it's gonna be you and then don is like or when you're waiting in this room
You think it's gonna be you too. It's like don they called like 16 people in there
And like I don't know how many they called like it was obvious. you were not on the bottom. Like stop trying to make this,
like you cried about it last week, that's fine.
And I know it's a continuation of last week,
but you were fine, Dawn, you're fine.
Yeah, and she's like, I'm heartbroken
because the soul was missing from my dish.
The sauce didn't make it.
And I felt like I failed.
And at first I was like, okay,
that's a little bit dramatic.
But then I thought, you know what,
my soul probably is sauce.
Like, no one has proof of what a soul looks like.
And if I had to guess mine is like it's a cheese sauce.
You know, it's like a mac and cheese sauce,
a cheesy flowery buttery sauce.
Yeah, that sounds delicious.
You have a delicious soul, Ronnie.
Of course.
So, it's now it's the next morning,
and they arrive in the Top Chef kitchen,
and there's like, it's like set up to look like a diner,
and the whole panel of the Top Chef All-Star people,
they're all sitting at this big, like, diner counter,
and Padma's standing in the middle.
And she's like, hello chefs, welcome to the Top Chef diner.
As we know, a diner is a place where a poor is
go to eat and don't read Salmon Rushdie.
Oh speaking of poor's, hi stupid hair.
He's like, why are you calling, I've got cold my hair today.
It's still a problem Richard Blaze.
Alright.
So Sasha's like, oh my god, Patma's just sitting there with her pretty hair.
Oh god, I guess we're doing diner food.
And guess what, chefs, we're doing diner food and guess what chefs
We've added to the panel. Welcome Carrie Baird whose name is similar to James Beard
God Carrie tell us about the James Beard award that fell off the back of a truck that you happen to catch
Everyone here has one
Carrie, I just want to check you're not a sous chef are you? No, okay, good.
Portland is an amazing breakfast town. Right, Gregory, you eat it out of breakfast, don't you?
I can already tell, stupid person. He's like, yeah, well, you know, there's like, you know,
here in Portland, we got a lot of breakfast places like the spotted owl and the
like the spotted owl and the hen and the cigar and the wheel and the wagon. All is required. We don't care. This isn't theaters, okay?
Today we're celebrating the unsung heroes of the culinary world.
Any guesses? Not to's idiot.
The short order cook. So you're going to be making breakfast and each all-star will
call out an order. Spoiler alert, Blaze is probably going to call out come bangs.
So if you don't buzz in in time, you're just going to have to keep on waiting for another
dish. And at the end of, there'll be two people for every dish and after the judging, there's for each two for every two people
Someone's gonna be on the top and someone's gonna be the gal
Basically, there's gonna be a top and a bottom in each pair
One of them is gonna be horrible. Basically. You'll all be a gal gal in a pat suit. All right
Richard plays tell them what they win. He's like immunity. No,
tell them with your bangs. Quiet. You're not as famous as you think. So so basically yeah, they all
have to like they have 30 minutes to like yeah, that's good. Eat dishes for whatever someone orders.
So we start off in a mar.
He wants steak and eggs.
So Byron and Gabe get to work with that and Gabe is like,
I really want Mexican soul in my dish.
So I'm gonna make a dough though and Byron's gonna work
on a chimichurri and his whole thing is that he used
to work at Burger King and that's where he got to start
as you know with the cooking.
I smell a winner.
I'm calling it now.
I'm calling it now. You can look down
on Burger King all you want people, but they figured out how to inject a smoky flavor
into something that's probably not even meat. I'm voting Burger King. Well, here's the
thing though, is that as far as we can tell, he does not have a tattoo of Mieson Plus,
and he doesn't have a story about how he was living
in a gutter and that food saved him.
So we still need a moment.
Yet.
We might be spreading them out
because today we got like three alcoholics.
So you never know.
We're just like pacing it, you know?
Yeah.
Melissa, what do you want?
And so Melissa asks, she wants dim sum.
And so everyone's like, uh.
No one deans.
And she's like, hey, I would have been all over that.
Yeah, you would have, because you're good at that one thing, okay?
I mean, not that that's the only thing, but like, you happen to be good at that thing.
Not everybody's good, okay?
It takes a special kind of talent, Melissa.
Yeah.
Summer heat is like, well, I'm not gonna cook Dim Sum for Melissa.
Tiny case of deals? No, thank you. So Avashar takes it and Shota takes it. Um, and so
Avashar, it's a, they're not saying that right. Avashar. I think it's Avashar. I'm just still in
beginning of my note, so I don't know how my half ass spelling is gonna translate. So he's like, yeah,
I probably should have come up with what I was gonna make before I
Prost for button. Yeah, so then Kwame, he says he wants a deeply flavored bowl of shrimp and grits as opposed to a
lightly flavored bowl of shrimp and grits and Jamie and Sarah ding in and Kwame starts talking about how like what really matters the most
He really wants that sauce. He wants sauce.
So Jamie starts running around frantically.
So she sort of sounds like R2G2.
She's like, I love Mexico.
And Greg is like, and guys health is wealth.
So I'd like a fried egg and veggie hash.
Okay.
Great.
You feel okay with that?
I feel good about it.
Anybody want a hug from a distance though?
Quiet.
You already placed your order.
So the Don and Sasha decided to take that one.
And then of course, then Carrie,
she does the most caring thing of all time.
She's like, I just want fancy toast.
Can I just get some fancy toast?
I would love some fancy toast.
Remember what I made cheesecake and snow?
God, those were the days.
I feel like she didn't have a cotto toast at one point too.
Probably.
Maybe that's my brain playing tricks on me.
So Brittany is just like, y'all, see y'all.
And Kiki's like, okay, I'm gonna do a fancy avocado toast
with green herrisa because I do it in my restaurant all day long.
And Shota is gonna do a mocha sesame ball.
This fried.
And Sarah's like, oh my god, the fry basket. It's someone using that can I use it?
I don't want to use it if someone else is oh my god, I'm just so humble
Showed us like I really like Sarah, but her nervous energy kind of rubs up on me. Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
So then Richard, now it's time for Richard Blaze order.
And we all know he's gonna try to just do the most because it's Richard Blaze.
And so even if it's about the shots, he's gonna make it about him.
And sure enough, he's like, guys, I'm a little hungry this morning. Okay, I learned this one from Brian Malarkey, okay? Ham it up for the shots. He's gonna make it about him and sure enough, he's like, guys, I'm a little hungry this morning. Okay, I learned this one from Brian Malarkey, okay? I ham it up for
the cameras. I'd like, I want some corn beef hash, eggs, over medium hash browns, holland
day sauce, a mimosa, a shrimp cocktail, a banana loaf made from scratch, a pineapple loaf,
don't even know what that is, but make it.
And also a cheesecake, that's for you, Kerry.
Pat and I just roll the rice at him, but I love.
Yeah.
Byron and Gabe, you have two minutes, good luck.
So Byron is like shaking because he's about to have to go up there.
And so now it's time for judging.
And Gabe and Byron have done
their thick and eggs for a mara and Byron is done seared tea bone with pickled shallots
and potatoes and gave is done chipotle a double baby plantains with the solar maco.
What is this dog brown sauce? It sort of looks like the thing that gal puts on her face
to clear up the wrinkles.
Anyone, what is this?
Black garlic molasses, of course.
She's like, mmmm, it's delicious.
Do you know how they say molasses in Italian?
molasses also.
Have you ever heard the term slow as galasses. So it's galasses.
It's the gal of sweetness.
Slow and non-essential.
So Melissa's like, have her mind dimmed some people doing?
And if our star is like, oh god, at this point I have no choice but to fry.
Bro, your balls look way better than mine. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I'm missing a component here. Oh good one,
man. I see she gets it. She gets it. Do it again. Do it again. But me neither this time. Show
them your real celebrity. Which sucks because this is her dish. So she's the one,
they should have given her the blend with the actual dish on it, port they. Yeah. So, um, when I was showed, uh, and that really puts the duh in show, uh, doesn't it?
Because that was obvious. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So someone's yelling cooters.
Jamie, Jamie's one cooters cooters cooters as she's trying to play.
She's like my my frantic meter.
It just went dude.
It just went off the top.
So Jamie and Sarah serve their shrimp grits.
And Sarah did a fritter garlic onion bell pepper and cheddar thing.
And Jamie did creamy polenta with sharp-cage and
Shrimp and I'm gonna have a heart attack
How do you say shut up and beep
So when it was Jamie even though it pains my ears to say it
So when it was Jamie even though it pains my ears to say it
Yeah, but Cesar didn't put a sauce on and that was what Kwame requested so now
Don don's doing her thing, but she hasn't made her eggs yet. She she bit up too much She bit up too much and then Gabe he's running around because he forgot his his kimchi. There's all sorts of madness
is Kim cheese, there's all sorts of madness. Kim! Kim! Kim! Kim! Kim! What is that?
What is that? How do you leave off something you never even heard of?
So Maria and Gabriel are next with their fried rice and spam thing.
And so Maria did fried rice with spam and Chipotle and chorizo.
And Gabriel did his with some pineapple.
The winner is Gabriel. Dale goes, I just with some pineapple. The winner is Gabriel.
Dale goes, I just love the pineapple.
Well, you know, it's nice know that Gail has some friends.
Oh, you mean the actual pineapple?
Yes, it's lovely too.
Five minutes, chefs.
So now it's sush as up.
I'm just like, oh my god, I looked down at the ticket
and it says, fried egg.
I mean, that is just not gonna happen. How could I forget that?
Like, what did she just was going to just make? What was she, it was like egg and
half, but she wanted to put a minor lemon on top of it. I'm Italian.
You know, she kind of does fuck up a lot. Like, she messed up last week too when she just made that
like really like thick polenta that they all hated.
So both of them, it turns out don't serve eggs on their plate.
And so Sasha serves a sweet potato hash and cream, I crème fraiche and Pam goes, why did
you choose to emit one of the two things you idiot?
And she's, she's like, I didn't hear it.
All I heard was my real lemons and blazes like, well, you should say
because your version of the egg is this yogurt
that you served us.
He's trying to coach you, but you're too dumb
to pick up on it, Sasha.
See you never.
They're both delicious, but the winner is the egg
they saw, she's stupid face.
So next up are Brittany and Kiki.
And they've done an avocado, Kiki did her avocado toast with green herissa and Brittany did a mushroom something
rather.
Mushroom opoved toast on a baguette.
And so Brittany wins for her alpine toast.
And now it's time for Richard's order, the hardest one.
And so Padma's like, this is the hardest one.
Jesus, look at them.
I mean, I've never felt bad for non-famous people before, but this is getting really close. I mean, look at Nelson Sweat. It's like Gail
trying to open a pickle jar, am I right? So Chris serves up over medium eggs with
tillumluc cheddar and a hash and Nelson serves a potato hash with cheddar, ground beef,
and ground pork. And then Richard Blays then is trying to now be like, aw, fun guy, he's like, gosh, there's
a big part of me that wants to apologize to you both.
Well you should say sorry, mainly for your hair from last week, still traumatized.
The winner of this round is Chris, congratulations.
Last time I let Richard order for us.
So their favorite dish of the morning is and then Portland Snoddy Guy is a Gabriel.
He's like, oh, and he smiles and turns to them.
Like he's about to win.
She's just like,
Jamie, haha, stupid.
And Kwame's like, I would actually order that at a restaurant.
And Jamie's like, oh my god, I need cardio.
And I was like out of shape like, boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop bo And Alva Shard just says, uh, that means she's very happy to win. Oh, okay.
Thank you.
So, um, Jamie's like, I feel like Rocky when he runs up the stairs, except, running
hard, I seriously need to sit down.
Well, after all that food, I feel like, Gail, I think it's time for a little pick me up.
Portland is known for its iconic coffee shops, but also breweries.
So we're going to celebrate one of those two iconic ported in brews today.
Coffee or beer, which are both brewed.
Someone stop me, I can't stop talking in a circle about brews.
It feels like I really love subtle bitterness.
Thank you, finally.
Someone recognized his my gold.
Jamie, you can relax.
OK, you don't have to swear around like an idiot over there.
She's acting like she just met my good friend, Lina Ways,
for the first time.
So they have to pick knives, beer or coffee, and tomorrow.
Coffee, coffee, coffee, beer, beer, coffee, coffee, beer.
I can pat my stop.
Beer, coffee, coffee.
She starts thumping her head into a wall.
Padma, saver.
Tomorrow you'll have two and a half hours to prep and cook.
Don't forget to make your brew the star of the dish.
So then we get to see this incredible new thing they have, which is their advertising in place, right?
So they still got to do the whole food scene.
Now every week they're just gonna watch it. We have to watch that whole line of cars drive into the whole food and get their pickup and then drive away.
Yeah, exactly. Here comes one right now.
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So now that they're done with that,
they have to go back to their hotel and then there's
some stuffed fish that Sarah likes.
And so she has to kiss it because it's good luck.
And then Sasha does this whole spiel about how there's all these funky personalities in
the room and it's like blah, blah, blah personalities.
And then it ultimately settles on her with Brittany talking. She's like, and if I really want a serious conversation, I can talk with Brittany
and there's talk about how it's like really hard to get to know people, especially during COVID and
then Sasha starts talking about how she got sober during COVID and self-medicated a lot and she
had no control and she wants to share her story and make a difference. It's like, oh that's
too bad you're going home. You want to share your story?
Okay, pack your knives and go.
Yeah, and Sasha goes, I mean, we can't be best friends forever.
And Brittany goes, oh, shut the front door.
Yes, we can.
No, you can't.
Bye.
And then we get a shot of mourning, and everyone's just putting
on Diodorant.
That was so funny. You know what? You know what the audience everyone's just putting on deodorant. That was so funny.
They're like, you know what?
You know what the audience really needs to see deodorant.
Okay, I want all the chefs putting on deodorant.
Well, good morning chefs.
Came here for a second, so listen,
beer, beer's on this side, coffee's on that side.
Mixologist, her outside,
because I can't deal with them in my life anymore.
That's it. I've made a stance. Okay. Take that sun.
Yeah. You are no longer working individually. This is a team challenge and in teams of two,
you'll create a new dish featuring beer and coffee using the ingredients you've already purchased.
And the dishes you've planned, you've got to throw them at the window, sort of like my son with his future.
All right, great. Great.
So they have to pair up, but they get to pick each other. And so they do, they all start pairing up.
And Avastar and Shoda, he goes,
I mean, like no one wants me, no one wants me
because I've been losing.
And then I look down and I see Shoda.
I'm just like, wow, bro.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Shoda meme was like, all right, who wants to join forces?
And he has like his hand up and like everyone's just like
walking by Shoda.
I was like, how dare you do that to my pressure Shoda?
How dare you?
Mm-hmm.
And Don ends up with Gabriel.
And they have to sit together in their interview.
And Gabriel's like, well, everyone picked everyone else.
And I'm like, well, I guess we're together.
And Dodd's like, yep.
Yeah, great.
Jesus is already going to go well.
Yeah, she just already knows this can be disaster.
Yeah, so this guy's just such an asshole.
Like he can't even, when the last person went
in the quick fire, he gave a dirty look.
Like he's just an ass.
And you just know he's going to like mansplain everything.
I'm like bosser around.
Yeah, but she does.
Exactly, but she actually holds it around later, which is good.
So now everyone starts cooking and firing.
He starts talking about how he gave up 90% of his ingredients and, you know, he's letting
Chris take the lead.
So we already know that they're in trouble because that is only included in an information
if a team is gonna suck.
And then Gabriel and Don are planning and she's talking about doing ribs,
which is like her specialty. And he's like, no, I don't think that's how we should
cook them. And she's like, ribs are something I could do all the time. I could do them in my eyes
clothes, sandwich men. I'm like, I hate you so much. And he's like, fire suck.
Okay, we want to get some color around on this way.
She's like, I'm gonna fucking kill him.
I'm like that.
So then we got a Brittany and Sasha
and they're like super positive.
And this, you know, I really love
when real life lessons come through on these shows
and that's this one.
Positive energy doesn't work.
Stop bullshitting me.
Okay.
That's the lesson here.
Cause Brittany's like,
oh, we combined dishes, I'm so happy.
We're gonna be great.
She's like, yeah, I'm so excited we combined.
This is gonna work perfectly.
And they just talk each other up so much
that when it sucks in the end, they're so shocked, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Sometimes positive thinking is just lying to yourself.
I mean, I was fooled.
I was like, wow, they're doing so well.
They're going to really kill it.
Even though everything Sasha has been doing,
seems to indicate that she'll be going home.
Like, she's clearly going to stay.
It was a, it was a fake out, but I was faked out.
So, yeah.
So then Jamie and Kiki come up with a plan.
Jamie's basically going to, like if they wind up
in the bottom, Jamie's going to basically just,
anything that goes wrong, Jamie will say it was her fault.
And then, and then we see Nelson and Maria and they're working really well together like if they wind up in the bottom, Jamie's gonna basically just, anything that goes wrong, Jamie will say it was her fault.
And then, and then we see Nelson and Maria,
and they're working really well together
because she wants to do a chili reayno
and he wants to do a lobster,
Thermador, whatever it's called.
And so they're gonna mesh those ideas together.
And Maria goes, they're speaking to each other in Spanish.
And she goes, to be able to speak in Spanish,
I mean, it's like you've been withholding your pee
for an hour and then you pee.
And then it's nice.
It's like wow, you're really blowing it.
Well, it's like really old about that last phrase there.
And it's nice.
So, Aveshar and Shodar are gonna do some sort of lobster thing
and Shodar tells us that he's not really drinking right now
and that he had to close his restaurants
because everything went downhill during the pandemic.
And so he started to drink a lot.
And I was like, damn, like now I'm a little confused
because now we have two people who got sober during the pandemic.
This is like, I don't know how to read this.
No, they got sober after, which is better because it's like,
you know, now they're coming.
It's like, you have, now they're coming out.
It's like you have, you give into it and then you have to go
onto a reality show and then that's when, you know,
you go crazy, it's like you're drawing out or whatever.
So, you know, I have my fingers crossed for Shota.
Yes.
So now there's just more cooking and then Don is doing,
she's like, she's preparing her ribs and then Gabriel,
this idiot, he's like, she's talking about how she can put pepper, she's gonna be spicing preparing her ribs and then Gabriel, this idiot, he's like, she's talking
about how she can put pepper, she's gonna be spicing up her ribs and he goes, no pepper,
please, peppers really powerful. She goes, pepper. No, she has pepper. Like, she's like,
we are doing pepper, you fucker. Yeah. Like, what chef says, no pepper, no pepper. Yeah,
like where it's gonna be a fight, you know, so crazy.
So she tells us this guy's crazy, you know, and he's like, she's just theme rolling me,
you know, and she says he's trying to shift, explain me, and I'm going to stand my ground
because I know what I'm doing and he needs to know that.
And I was like, yes, thank you.
Yes, thank you.
And thank you for saying chefs planning because there's a lot of that on this show.
And it's about time that someone stood up against it.
So he goes, so what am I doing now?
She has bossing me around.
That's what you're doing.
He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on now.
All right.
So he's doing some kind of watermelon,
compressed watermelon thing with the sweet and sour glaze
in the beer.
And he's like, I need to have something on the dish.
All right. I like the sourness of this. Do you? She goes, yeah, it just needs salt.
Yeah, because she doesn't do it. They're super bitchy together. Yeah, they clearly are like just
barely tolerating each other. And she's just like, I hate this guy. And then there's just, and then we
go over to Avashar. And he's talking about how he had actually a bachelor's in science and biology before he turned to cooking and he was thinking to himself, what would it be like to eat a beer instead of just drink it, which is, you know, I think I thought about it and I was like, I've thought about it and now I think I want to move on with my life.
I don't know what you thought about it because my Weight Watchers
lady, Janelle, back in the day when I was a teenager and had
to go to Weight Watchers meeting, Janelle said,
don't ever drink beer.
Beer's or sandwiches in a glass.
So I actually thought of eating a beer.
So he's going to use science to make a carbonated compressed grape with beer.
Yeah. So then Brittany is, she's doing her beer, she's using a milk stout to make a vinaigrette
and it sounds like it's going to be good, right? Because she's really good at explaining it. She's
like a sweeter and then when you cook down beer it becomes super bitter. So you've got to be careful about that,
because there's a coffee crumple,
and you just don't want it to be bitter.
So we're going to have more beer taste.
And it's just not going to be bitter.
It's going to be sweet and delicious.
Like wow, this is not going to be bitter at all.
Yeah, what's going to go wrong?
And then we see Chris is making some sort of coffee pasta
with like stripes, and it's not quite going to plan,
but he's just plowing forward anyway. So then the judges start to arrive and they get to this
restaurant and Pat and it's like mmm it's cozy in here it sort of feels like
being inside Gail's potato closet. So how do you feel Daisy Duke? Gail's like
geez sorry for him. So Tom's like, well, you know,
I told him they have to work in teams
and they didn't seem to have said,
so I guess we're not at that point yet.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
And Gels like, yeah, beer and coffee are great ingredients,
but you have to tamper down the bitterness.
Yeah, the two ingredients, it just,
it gets intense if you don't choose wisely,
says the woman who wears paisley and stripes on a daily basis.
So Jamie and Kiki are first and they've done a beer braised fried chicken, coffee,
stout glaze, butternut squash and roasted coffee. And Kiki's like, and my partner has immunity.
So hopefully you'll like it.
Yeah. And then Avashar and showed up do a lobster
cinnamon Ono with a double cream coffee and sat
reduction with carbonated grapes. And first they start
going on, they start, the judges start eating
Jamie and Kiki's dish and Padma's like, it's good,
but I just wish they hadn't put the chicken
on top of the puree.
It just becomes unnecessarily messy.
If I wanted to be called Gale, I'd just be Gale.
Ha-ha.
Um, Melissa loved Avastar and Shota's.
She loved the richness and the sauce,
and she's like, it really sung.
And Tom's like, well, you know, it's gonna be better,
but then there was sweetness,
and then there was a modern technique
of carbonating the sauce, which I'm sure is gonna work great
when you're homeless on the street
for even mentioning drinks around me
when my son is such a loser.
Okay.
So, Brittany, Brittany is vinaigrette.
Now, here we come, Sasha.
Brittany's like, we don't have enough of the vinaigrette. I just know we don't, and Brittany's like, we don't have enough of the vinaigrette.
I just know we doubt, and Sasha's like, yes, we do.
It's fine, just send it out.
So they send theirs out, and it's beer-marinated pork loin
with a coffee or a mezko and a coffee hazelnut crunch.
And then Nelson Maria present their chile riano lobster
with a, like a pizilla and negro sauce
and a sweet potato puree. I was like, thank you, like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a I didn't hear it. I'd say that. This is like taking place in London in the 1800s.
So they feel like Sasha and Brittany's
lack a point of view.
And I'm like, you know, the components,
they all make sense.
I mean, but it's all kind of bland.
It's like, you know, like, it's like when you say,
like, oh, I've got a son, and he works in exology.
That makes sense.
That's not make sense.
When you put it together, it's kind of like,
just disappointment. And Gale's like, you put it together. It's kind of like just disappointment
And gale's like you know what going down the cock and made me path I'd like to say that I am be fuddled by the coffee ramesco. It's chalky. It's thick. Oh, yeah takes one to no one
I just want it fresher and livelier. I should have just waited just throw that one out after you finished your sentence really
Yeah, I keep talking like this. Nilo,
Matam is going to be running through that door and eat the rest of your bowl.
Miley said pops up behind gal.
I've been here the whole time.
But he mocked guys has everything going.
Oh, I thought you were a vase.
So.
So byron, uh, Byron is not feeling confident about their dish because the pasta is very, very
very thick, but he also didn't want to step on Chris's toes.
No, he didn't want to step over his toes.
Oh, that's how polite Byron is.
Even being rude in his example would still be being polite.
So now the next dish has arrived.
Padmas already scowling.
She just has this look on her face like oh more amateur food
Why is Byron wearing some sort of paper crown on his head anyway?
Oh and Gabe and Sarah serve their pork tenderloin espresso yogurt smoked yogurt
Sorry, there's so much shit going on. And a Masha tortilla made with the beer. And so
Gail just like puts the tortilla up to her face and she's like smells beautiful.
Don't worry guys, she does this with tires too.
You know this isn't the first time I've had to tell Gail that carbs aren't a proper mask.
I've had to tell kill that carbs aren't a proper mask
Will we got here she came off the plane wearing a biscuit on her face. I mean bless her heart
You should see her when she gets around some pita bread
So so fire and serves his mushroom coffee toward a lini, um, and duck, and Padma's like, well, I've really like seren games and Del goes, a tortilla made with beer is just so exciting.
Yeah, really exciting. What do you do with Euro off time stupid face? So then Tom's like, well,
no, you get beer, you get coffee, but it's not like bitter and over the shop.
Like Gail, right?
Anyone?
Just they write themselves, honestly.
So Chris and Byron, Melissa said that she tasted the beer, but the pasta wasn't cooked
enough.
Yeah, you know, it's too much dry flour.
And Greg's like, yeah, I don't think that the duck is necessary and Matters the formula, but it is tasty. I
Just don't understand all this dry flour that I use in the pasta
You think someone would learn something from watching gal a roll around and grains all day long
I mean this is a must dry flour here. It's like gal in the 80s. Am I right?
No gal no gal. This isn't makeup, it's flowers.
No, put it down, Gail. Stop snorting the flower, Gail.
Okay. Yes, Gail, you have flower in your hair.
Yes, you look like a little lady now, very clever.
Say hello to my little flower. Am I right, Gail?
I'm so happy.
Say hello to the only person who on Mother's Day
actually just gets a sack of flower instead of flowers.
So Gabriel and Don are next and Kwame is like,
this is so exciting. I love ribs.
So they have a coffee-brased pork rib and compressed sour beer,
watermelon, and Padma's like,
you pivoted well.
I'm trying to think of a good gal, Joe, just the idea of her swiveling is hilarious enough.
It's just how she says everything. It's always so bitchy. I love it.
So Amar is like, wow, look, this is phenomenal. Look at my bone.
Oh, put it away, Amar.
No, literally the bone.
I've licked it clean.
Still put it away, Amar.
You're making gal drool.
So well, it looked like watermelon and ribs,
which we've all eaten a thousand times today.
Go on, gal. Say whatever stupid thought you had in your head. I'm not
now. So what is it like when you're competing and then you get a twist like this, judges
who are sitting at this table with me inexplicably and deals like, well, I had a couple of
deer in the head like moments and Kwame is like, you just roll with it. So they talk
about their overall meal.
That's what we say when we have to get gale home.
Just roll with it.
You know, it's funny to be talking about deer and headlives.
That's how gale often hunts for her food.
So they basically all love it.
So then we go to judges table and Dale and Amara are joining for this one.
And back in the stew room,
someone's like,
so who thinks that they did really good today
and everyone raises their hands?
And which is kind of funny,
because it's like, oh, so Pat and I was like,
all right, we'd like to see the rude one,
the lady who always forgets sauces,
the redhead who likes lemons,
the girl with double bones,
the guy who wants to make chemistry out of soda,
the guy who laughs like a lawn mower,
the guy with his name stitched on his shirt,
the omnis lady,
Chris and Byron Allen, that would be great.
Come on in.
Chris and Byron Allen, that would be great. Come on in.
And the guy who has a handful of onion rings in his hand, I guess that's redundant.
Never mind, come on in.
So Maria is very upset because she feels like she's just skating by, she's in the middle
of the pack.
So, now we're at judges table.
And Tom's like, you know, from a pedigree standpoint, this could be our best collection
of chess you ever had in the show in 18 seasons. It's good to see you're cooking up to
those resumes. Please keep doing it. Yeah, great work. Non-Sew chefs, dumb faces.
So the top teams, they call the top, they have the top team stay in the other teams.
Move aside, stupid.
Britney's in the bottom and she goes, are we in the bottom?
And so she goes, yeah, yeah, we're in the bottom.
So they start with Don and Gabriel.
So refreshing.
And I mean, so delicate for poor cribs.
Am I right?
I'm so glad there was pepper in there.
Could you imagine anyone being so dumb to not put pepper on a rib?
Am I right, everyone? Am I right? And look at my bone. It's clean. I said put it away, Omar. Gail's
like, you know, there was a rich faddeness from the rib padma. I see what you're trying.
Don't even try it, Padma. There's a return. There's so much rich faddeness in this padma
would marry it. Did I do that right? Shut up!
Gail, alright.
You just don't have it in you.
Hold on, let me call my dear friend, Alie Wong.
Hey Alie, guess what?
Gail tried to make a joke.
Yeah, it was terrible.
Okay, bye.
Say how to David Chang from there.
So, so, so, so to an avisory next.
And Tom was like, wow, this was a totally original
and it worked because guess what?
It had balance.
I'm not gay.
All right, all right.
You know what, we've got to get through this show, Padma.
You know, so that an avisory,
you're just really brought out to be here
in the coffee bit of notes in a way that really embraced it.
Sort of like, gal when there's a dress bond sale.
And I'm Mars, I love Mars critiques.
He goes, I tried the sauce and it was like,
Whoa.
And then Gabe and Sarah, Gabe is like,
I executed the pork and the glaze and the tortillas
and Sarah did some sauce for instance,
and sauce work in pickles and Amar goes,
it made sense.
It really made sense.
And it's like, wow, you need to sell that tortilla
because putting beer in a tortilla, brilliant.
Putting beer in pasta, completely stupid.
But putting beer in the tortilla, amazing.
Loved it.
Great job.
Kudos.
Yeah, that tortilla has already become an essential part
of Gail's self-care.
So Sarah's like, I was just more stoked about our collaborative
dish than it would have been about my solo dish. And Gail says, well, I mean, Sarah, you
just have a thing with yogurt. I mean, this is your second yogurt that you put on the
top. I mean, clearly you work well with Gabe and yogurt. I mean, who wants to take this
one, guys? You just set them up for us. So Mar says that the winning team highlight the beer and the coffee and it was just the
best and it was have a charge soda.
And so they kind of do like that dorky high five where they miss both of each other's
hands because they do like a double hot five and miss both of them.
Which is cute.
Yeah.
And so it's like wow, we are the Asian sensation.
Watch out, ladies.
Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
So now, I'm avasars.
I'm avasars, like, thank you so much for encouraging me, ma'am,
because I didn't really know I could do it,
but you like encouraged me and you think, man,
I just want to like thank you for believing in me so much.
And then they start cracking up.
Yeah, avasars, like, I'm just glad glad because otherwise my mom would have been so bad at me.
So now it's time for the bottoms, now we're up with Chris and Byron and Amara's like,
so I've got a question about the foam. I mean, it was delicious, but you said it was a foam as more like a puree.
So then I started to have to judge it as a puree and as a foam, but not as a puree.
And I just wish it was, you know, it's like,
if you ever like picked up a rib and then someone says
it's a drumstick and you're like, but it's a rib.
And then you read it and it's delicious.
It's like, quiet a-mar, we get the point already.
Put your bone away, a-mar.
So, Dale's like, oh, and how did you feel
about the texture of that pasta?
And Chris stamps my, because it was all done. Did it all wrong, Dale? Did it all wrong, Dale? You say this, did you mean about the texture of that pasta? And Chris stamps my it because it was all wrong, Dale.
Did it all wrong, Dale?
You say this.
Did you mean to have that texture with the pasta?
Well, the interplay was there, but the pasta was dry.
And I think that you had too much flour
as you were rolling it out.
And then what that did was it really dried out the pasta.
Well, I thought the pasta could have had more filling.
I mean, that really highlighted the bitterness.
Now, if you all will step aside for a moment,
Gail is going to show you how to make a flower angel.
Okay, guys, clear a space.
So Brittany and Sasha are next and Sasha's like, well,
I feel like today went really well.
I mean, I stand behind my dish.
I did the romesco and hazelnut crumb.
I was like, don't ever say that when you're on the bottom.
I stand behind it.
I was like, well, huh?
Well, that's not a dude problem.
She's out.
Well, especially because Padma asked
like the usual trick question.
Brittany and Sasha, how did you feel today?
It went.
It's like they're on the bottom, Padma.
So stupid people.
Now that you guys both officially losers, how do you feel today
went? That's only one right answer. Bad.
So Brittany talked about her pork with pickled fennel stems, which is hilarious to me. I'm
sorry I can't. And Dale's like, well, it looked beautiful, but you know, it didn't
follow through with the looks. All right, anyone, anyone here.
So how did you conceive of that together?
And Brittany's like, we decided that both of our dishes
were so good that we would just combine them together.
So we took our dishes, we did both of our dishes,
but then we did them together.
Well, that's exactly how it felt,
like a collection of ingredients
that had no holistic identity.
All right. I mean, listen, it wasn't even holistic enough to be a tortilla on
kill space. You know, it's like when Gail and Nilo get together and try to
make their hello fresh boxes together. Just doesn't work. And where was the
vinaigrette? Gail, I'll let you take that. Ask it angrily. Where was the vinaigrette gala that you take that ask it angrily where was the vinaigrette
angry or gal where was the vinaigrette better I want to feel it gal I want to feel it okay
she's eating a potato now okay moving on so they're big
kritt gals big critique is that they're the vinaigrette was good but there had to be much
more of it all over the plate and it would have actually been a decent dish which
Sasha's the one he said no more vinaigrette right and it would have actually been a decent dish, which Sasha's the one who said, no more of an aggrette.
Right.
And so that's why Brittany says, well, we talked about it and didn't put it on the
plate, which in top chef ease means I tried and this bitch turned me down.
Yes.
Well, now I have to say something that no one has ever said touching dales by SEP.
This is a hard one.
Sorry, Dales.
But you do run with Gales.
So.
We have a lot to discuss, and none of it's very interesting.
OK, go back to the other room with the poor people.
Thank you so much.
So who do we send home?
And Gales, like, I'm oscillating.
What are you, a fan now, Gale? Come on. So who do we send home? And Gail's like, I'm oscillating.
What are you a fan now, Gail?
Come on.
Gail's like, well, my hardest bite was Chris's pasta.
And Tom's like, well, you know, at least the coffee in the beer flavor was there.
And that was the challenge.
Yeah, you stupid face.
Is the challenge, Gail.
What else do you want, huh?
And Sasha and Brittany's like some personality and a POV and the crumble was too bitter.
The remesco was too chalky and, um, here's my next note.
It was a dish, a concilty, and the rama sco wasn't osco, rom.
Yeah, so I don't know.
I was least able to dish was the remesco sauce, because it was too tacky.
And uh, Gale is like, um, Dale says it was, it was Britney's fault for not putting more beer on the dish.
And then Gail says, like, I can remember that dish because of how bad those hazelnuts
were.
Yeah, and that's, that's how I feel about a lot of Gail's wardrobe.
I just can remember it because of how bad it is on such a consistent basis.
Bless her heart.
Well chefs, this part of the challenge forced you to think even deeper than you've ever
thought before, and you know what, you're gonna be a much better cook now.
Trust me, this is gonna challenge you in ways that you've never been challenged before,
that was my speech, those be nice to the earth, and please do not tip
mixologists, only bartenders, because mixologists are lying to you.
Pellenta face please pack your knives and go.
Sasha. This hand Sasha going and Tom's like, oh see you in the last chance kitchen. And she's like, yeah, great. I feel like every chef hates it when Tom says that.
Like they're just like devastated. And she's like, well, but I'll see you in the last few and it's good. She's like, yeah, I can't wait to see be on your on-demand
episode.
Tom, thanks a lot.
Yeah, it's like your consolation, GF, you know?
I was like, wow, you know, I know,
hurting, losing really hurt on national TV.
It's gonna hurt way worse on the internet, okay?
See you there.
And Sasha tells us, she's like, she's you know her parting words are you know one
failure does not make me a failure. Yes it does. And one mistake does not make
everything else invalid. Totally invalid.
Boom, boom mistakes. Just gonna put up a sign that says mistake right here. I'm having Arab hunting at you
Again, and that brings us to the end of a troubleshare
Thank you everyone so much for listening
definitely be sure to go
Like bookmark the time and the date of those tickets going on sale for our New York live virtual show and we are going to catch you on the next episode
Bye Bye
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