Watch What Crappens - TopChef: Pitch Sesh

Episode Date: May 5, 2020

It's a very CUTTING episode of Top Chef this week. First, the cheftestants must make tacos with nothing more than a machete. Why? Because Danny Trejo is the guest quickfire judge! Then, for t...he main challenge, the chefs must pitch concepts for next week's sure-to-be disastrous Restaurant Wars. Can't wait! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all our crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real Housewares of Kitchen Island, which is a cartoon on YouTube to go check that out.
Starting point is 00:01:10 And joining me is the wonderful and hilarious and fabulous Ronnie Kerrome from the Rose Prick Special Rose podcast. What's up Ronnie? Well, how's your weekend? How was your weekend? So good. It was so nice to have a lovely time just sitting around watching TV and watch so much TV. Oh, fun, fun.
Starting point is 00:01:30 I did not watch a huge amount of TV. I played virtual board games and animal crossing and then I cooked a lot. I cooked a very flat loaf of bread, which was exciting. Yeah, but it's still tasty. But here we are, fresh and today speaking of cooking, we're gonna be recapping top chef today, which is very exciting. But before we do that, just a reminder that this Friday evening,
Starting point is 00:01:52 we will be recapping the real housewives of New York City, live on the internet, it'll be one of our streaming things because this coming weekend, we were supposed to be in San Francisco and San Diego and this past weekend, we're supposed to be in San Francisco and San Diego and this past weekend we're supposed to be in DC and Asbury Park and we had to of course post both all those shows. So we're going to do a live show theme of oboe for all those shows. It's going to be Friday night, 6 o'clock Pacific is when the pre-show starts on IG live and then at 630 we will bring it on to
Starting point is 00:02:26 Patreon and if you sign up on crap and on demand level Over at patreon.com slash watch or crap and so you can watch and comment along and all that fun stuff It's super super fun. It's really fun doing those things live with people are commenting. So come come join us Yeah, do it and if you want to watch all the videos that we've done we've done a ton of them we do a couple of week. Yeah, just go sign up a crap and it's on demand and now let's do some small business shout-out Yeah, I got one I got one from Laura Pate. We met her in New York Laura Pate she says hey guys was hoping you boys can give a shout out to one of our local restaurants here in New Hyde Park Long Island. Uncle Bacala's. It's an awesome little Italian restaurant where we went to eat often and I had many
Starting point is 00:03:17 of party there just yesterday. We ordered food for my birthday and I also ordered my favorite espresso. So much. You need to go. Okay, thank you so much for everything you both do. Love you guys, Laura Pete. Well, thanks Laura and everyone, yeah, or if you're in that area, go order from Uncle Bacala's because obviously you can order, you can know the fact that you can order
Starting point is 00:03:35 espresso martini to go is pretty cool. So check out Uncle Bacala's and new high park, Long Island, keep it alive. Yes, and next up is Sarah. Sarah is a one woman owned business. She creates invitations for weddings, including hand painted custom crests, various sony Morgan ever. You can put this custom art on airling items for the home, including China, find linen. And they just came out with custom wallpaper as well, which is pretty badass.
Starting point is 00:04:05 They created a limited additional skin care line for a small village in El Salvador and 25% of sales of 735 Flora Vista is given to bring clean water to this small village, which is pretty awesome. What is this? This is called Sarah Drake Design. On Instagram, you can find her, I'm opening this
Starting point is 00:04:26 Instagram, at Sarah Drake Design, that Sarah within H at the end, and then everything else is like it sounds. Sarah Drake Design. So go support Sarah. Gosh, she's got some beautiful stuff on her Instagram right now. Well done Sarah. And one last thank you to everyone. When Cameo did their fun raising drive, thanks to the people who booked Cameos. We were able to raise $348 for the restaurant employee, really fun. So thank you everyone who booked those cameos. Yeah. Yeah, Cameo. Good cameo. Okay, let's do some. What are we doing? Top chef. Top chef. Yeah, top chef. So last week, there was a double elimination.
Starting point is 00:05:07 We're Karen and Nini. We're both sent home. But then Padma was like, wait, don't go anywhere. I want you to stand there and feel sorry for yourselves. Because guess what, Tom, do you want to say what's happening now? Well, I just wanted to say it's a last chance kitchen right now. It's coming up right now.
Starting point is 00:05:27 Look, look, I changed jackets. I'm like Mr. Rogers except I'm in a chef's jacket now and everyone else disappeared around me. Well, and then we all ran to provotv.com to watch last chance kitchen except for us because I don't believe that. I also for some reason thought they were gonna show This last chance kitchen thing which I guess I don't know why I thought that it is last chance kitchen But I kind of thought we were gonna see it, but then when we started this episode We just like are in the we're just we start up in the house with all the chef standing around being like I'm is
Starting point is 00:05:59 Neenie I miss Karen. I was like do we get to see the fight? No. Oh, yeah. They looked it made it look like we were going to see it because it was they went they never do that. Like, and now it's top chef kitchen and stuff starts rolling around like he's bringing out the box to saw Padma in half. Yeah. So instead we were back at the house and Stephanie, surprise, surprise, Stephanie is bummed out because she Stephanie Karen and Neenie were they had called themselves Padmas Angels and she's like well Karen and Neenie are eliminated so feel terrible like feel terrible yeah Padmas Angels it's like now it's just Padmas Angels not fun and. And Melissa, meanwhile, is talking to Voltage,
Starting point is 00:06:47 and she's like, so was that your first time in the bottom? He's like, oh, in that type of situation? Yeah, and I am stressed. I mean, that was rough. I was a double, I've been a runner up twice now. So, yeah, I was stressful. Michael Voltage, you're just like wraps on the window and it's like, by the way, I won.
Starting point is 00:07:06 I actually won. Anyway, have a great day, you guys. Yeah. I'd also like that he's kind of a vault, you know, and his brother's a Tesla. So then we go over to, we get in the car, and go over to the kitchen, and Padmas and a mustard dress, which I don't know. I don't know that I need that from you.
Starting point is 00:07:26 Okay, you look like something Gail's gonna like throw on a potato and call him. That's. It's always scary when you dress like a condiment on this. So you never know what's gonna happen. So yeah, it's a very pedestrian common condiment for a pod meant to be dressed as like maybe a holy colored. I actually thought she looked great
Starting point is 00:07:45 but then she's padma she looks great in everything so she actually looks great everything she's so she's still cut like a padma for Christ's sake so she's standing in front of a bunch of boxes and she's like well you guys were sleeping your former competitors were battling out you know it was sort of like watching two homeless people scrap over a loaf of bread. It was hilarious. In this box is Gwyneth Paltrow's head, spoiler alert. You have 30 minutes to make something out of the goop queen. Seven sins, as I called them, seven gals.
Starting point is 00:08:25 So then we have like, so we see like a flashback to what happened in last chance kitchen. And really the only thing that's important is that Karen and Lisa and Nini are all cooking. And Luigi is like three minutes girls. And Karen's like, ah, chef would be better than girls because we're on from dich they call me a chef too, and I actually have a James Beard Award.
Starting point is 00:08:46 So handlebars, bye. And he tells us, I do not want to make that mistake again. Oh, ah. So gross. And part of him was like, are you ready to find out who won? Go in there, if you're ready to come out of the box. I was ready for somebody to come out of that box. You can't have a huge box sitting there right after you made it look
Starting point is 00:09:08 like a magic show and not have somebody come out of the box. Last night on last chance kitchen, we asked the chef to climb into a box and make pasta meals for us all. Let's see how they did. The winning box gets shipped to Gale. Welcome to a box of better brothers. Tesla. So anyway, we see like outside. Yeah, we just see we just see hands on the steering wheel and you can just sort of tell by the angle of the forearms and like a shadow of something that whoever's driving it is about a centimeter away from the wheel. And it turns out it's Karen, which makes sense because I can totally imagine Karen driving like that. Hands on the top of
Starting point is 00:09:49 the wheel, her chin like over the wheel. I mean like now let me just see can I get into this later. Oh, there was a car there. Sorry, sir. Um, so yeah, it's Karen and she's like I'm back So Madness like Contrates I don't know what that means but it's congratulations congratulations Contrate that's something that famous people say to congratulate each other when Oscars Contrate my good friend Ali Warn I was talking to my dear friend, Lena Weith, and she said, Contrate Padma on getting another season pickup. And I said, you too, fellow Emmy winner.
Starting point is 00:10:33 No, it's a pleasure for me to welcome your next judge who I have not been friends with for years because he's not enough of a celebrity. Please welcome critically acclaimed kind of bit actor who likes to open this jacket and show off fake diamond machete. Now after who's TV and film credits, right, as lengthy as he is, I'm just going to leave it there to make it seem like I'm suggesting his penis. How was that alley log? I could do comedy too. You might know me as the lady who sexually eats pizza on her Instagram, so I'll let that sit with you guys for a second. I thought I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:11:17 I'd like to introduce you to a man who somehow looks like everyone's aunt, Danny Trejo. Danny Trejo. Danny Trejo, wow. So he's like, hey, what's up, chefs? Danny Trejo, so he took over, I don't know if you guys watch that movie on Netflix called Tangerine about the hooker trade, Dana. Oh, I haven't seen it, but yes, I know. He's Hollywood.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Yeah. He's Hollywood. It's I'm, I'm rather East and that place is. I don't know why I got so excited. You're right. You're right. It's Hollywood. I'm farther east than that place is. I don't know why I got so excited. You're right. It's Santa Monica in the Highland. Yeah. Yeah, Santa Monica in the Highland.
Starting point is 00:11:52 It's Hollywood, Hollywood. And they used to have a place called Donut Time there, which is where all the hookers go and get there. Like, remember that story about Eddie Murphy picking up a hooker who was just trying to find her way home. Yeah. That was awesome. And that place ended up closing and Danny opened a new donut place there, which seems
Starting point is 00:12:15 even more hookery. This one's hot pink and it's got his face on it outside. Yeah, and I've actually been to it and I can report the first time I went, I thought the donut was really tasty and then since then the donuts are fine but they're not great and in fact I think I once there are coffee is okay and I think I got a breakfast sandwich there once and it was okay everything is like it's good it's good because donuts are inherently good but I want it to be better.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Yeah, I mean, it needs to be something that you're gonna deep-throat. Like if you're gonna go to that place It needs to be good enough to deep-throat, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, he on set plays now. Anyway, that's a useless fact No one really needs it But it gave me an opportunity to brag about like I've been to his donut shop I just like that he was like, you know, I'm gonna take that the the the hooker that hooker donut shop And I'm gonna make it more hookery and it's now it's called Danny tree host Remember when you walk by us at sir He was at sir once when we were there and someone like he was Carlos antenna I feel like when you live in Los Angeles. It's always like a movie where you're like oh, I'm Danny tree hose in this for like five minutes
Starting point is 00:13:23 Yeah, you know like a movie where you're like, oh, Danny Tree hose in this for like five minutes. You know? He's just in regular people's lives for five minutes. Yeah. So anyway, so he comes out with it. As you mentioned, a jacket and, uh, well, which has machetes on the inside, like color, which we find out because Padma goes, you guys are dying to know what's in the box, right? Right. Guess what?
Starting point is 00:13:44 It's Gas Laundry. Look laundry look granny panties everywhere. Ha ha It's machete and Leanne's like oh my god. I'm freaking out what an iconic face I know such an odd such an odd thing to say. Yeah, she's like a big tenny Treho fan Which I thought was like reserved for people who have just like graduated college, and I like being cool. Yeah, stoners. Nothing, nothing against Danny Trejo. I'm just saying that like, I feel like most people who are like, I love Danny Trejo, are people who like are like really just, yeah, are stoners out of college.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Yeah. Oh, I'm a fan of his because of Quentin Tarantino movie scene. Yeah, I mean, his vibe is good, but like, I feel like to be like, I don a fan of his because of Quentin Tarantino movie scene. Yeah, I mean, it's good. It's good, but I feel like to be like a, I don't know, to be like a hardcore Danny Trejo stan. I feel like there's also, there are a lot of people who are fans of his because it's cool to be fans of Danny Trejo, right? And I think that like what he actually does is immaterial.
Starting point is 00:14:41 They just like the idea of him, which is fine too, but I just didn't expect Leanne to be a Danny Trejo, like super fan, which apparently she is. Yeah, she sure is. So they have to make tacos with machetes, which is kind of an odd, you know, it's kind of an odd challenge. Little fluke, but you know, okay, sure, go go for it. Okay. She's like Treayhose tacos is booming He even has a donut shop right Danny. All right. We want you to make the perfect taco with the machete And he's like you can vegan it you can vegetarian it right into a cow. You can do it Yes, all right. All right
Starting point is 00:15:21 So chefs this will be the last quick fire for immunity after that you guys are all be pathetic on the same level And then they start running around the kitchen with huge machete switch. I know You're really dangerous really dude So Leana still freaking out. So I'm making a taco for fucking Danny trail, okay I'm making a taco for fucking Danny Trail, okay? Okay, okay, I'm relaxed. And Malarkey is just being annoying, because he's like, he's gonna make a Baja Asian mole and he's like, check that, huh?
Starting point is 00:15:54 But we can't use a blender, so I have to take it back thousands of years and use a mortar and pestle. He acts as if like, he has just on earth this ancient tool that has not been touched since like the dawn of like time, since like the stony, you know, like, you know, like mortar and pestle, it's like not that crazy of a thing to make a mole or anything in a mortar and pestle,
Starting point is 00:16:15 right? Like, you get credit for that. Yeah, what else do you chop your coke up in? I mean, Jesus, come on people, welcome to 22, I mean, do I have to teach you everything? No, I just thought it was so ridiculous. I had to go back a thousands of years in civilization and use a fork. It's like oh god. I have a lot. Well, thank god he didn't have to go back there because he would not have survived. He is definitely someone who would have been eaten by a lion.
Starting point is 00:16:41 It's a shame we don't have time machine sometimes. So Oh, it's a shame we don't have time machine sometimes. So Karen is going with Korean flavors and she's like, now that I'm back, I have renewed energy, but I'm also so tired, so tired. I almost got the three accidents in my BMW on the way over here. In fact, it was really terrifying. Stephanie, Stephanie is having the most positive day ever. She's like I think tortilla's at work so that's fine but what kind of mean to I use everyone's
Starting point is 00:17:11 making a fish taco I don't want to make a fish taco Kevin's making some pork I'll post pastor with banana and Padma's like, 5 minutes everybody. And Greg, Gregory is actually surprisingly in the weeds because he's trying to make a fresh tortilla, which he's never done before and he's really messing up and it's causing a chain reaction or domino effect with everything. So he is struggling and etc. And then it's like it's like classical
Starting point is 00:17:48 music. Of course I can't think of any right now. But then it cuts to Voltageo just with his machete doing like the most beautiful avocado knife or no. Just like Gordon, he like made a swan out of an avocado with a machete. So then time runs up and Padmas like hands up machete's down. Get it. Allie Wong, that was a joke. Machete's down because normally I say hands up utensils down, but they're only utensils of the machete. I guess you just have to be there, Allie. That's fine. That's fine. Don't laugh. So they start with the end. I'm like, oh, you're my huge fan. Danny trail. One of the things. Okay, I've made to kill a beer bad This tacos and podmas wearing her like badass stoner glasses from the 60s She's like my good friend Danny Trejo. They're like sunglasses, but you can see my eyes am I right Danny?
Starting point is 00:18:38 It's come to my attention that I'll be tasting with the hipster icons I put on some glasses to make it look like I'm from Silver Lake. Anyway, what do you make for us, stupid face? What was it like working with the machete lady? And she's like, oh, whoa, I live in Hawaii, so we all have a machete in the back of our car. Jocelyn Kasey! Great story, poor person.
Starting point is 00:19:05 Tell me about it. I was married to Salman All right Greg what'd you make and he's like oh, I made a tempera rockfish and you know I really hope that it makes you proud like did you salt your tortilla and the flour Gregory Wow, I thought you were bad before and then give you a machete and you're just totally useless. Am I right? Am I right? High five. High five, Aunt Josie. Oh, that's your aunt. Hey, I just realized you accepted me with Aunt Josie.
Starting point is 00:19:32 Oh, no, you don't want to high five for Aunt Josie. She high five is very hard. Just to see if you have the risk strength to take it. Well, that seems like Danny Trejo. Yeah, I'm sure Aunt Josie sees a big Danny Trejo fan Also, I have to just point out the Danny Trejo a Trejo just keeps opening his jacket going machetes They keep putting that sound effects It was like last week with a guy who is like hey just because I make a pizza doesn't mean it has to be around there Did you make this for me because it's around? You made a round thing for me, right?
Starting point is 00:20:06 So this week it's all about like, Meshaddi Blazer. I don't like this just because it's round, but it's round so you win. Yeah, wait a minute. So Karen made some fried rockfish with kimchi. Kim Chi! What's that?
Starting point is 00:20:21 From our old Food Network, Ricop Seris, one lady who had to cook with kimchi and it was the most confusing thing she'd ever done in her life. She's like, GAMCHEE! She's like, I opened it up, it was BUBBLOOD! I will never forget that. I'll Food Network star. Commissions, here comes one right now.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud from the buildup, why it happened and the repercussions. What deserves session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin
Starting point is 00:21:10 and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is team jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder App.
Starting point is 00:21:43 Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. on the Amazon music or Wonder app. Let's run some errands with Emily R. In. Whoops, it's Nancy Oaks. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney! You don't touch the Nicki Morgan letters! Aaron McNickolas, she don't miss no trickle-ists. Nelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Burke, he can't have a burger without the bird! He knows thing like Alson King. He makes us squeezy, R-C-D. Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good.
Starting point is 00:22:24 Hannah, Karla's the banana. Anderson! He makes us squeeery cheaty Sarah Greenwood she only uses her power for good Anna Cut it loves that banana Anderson higher than Iris. It's Lauren Perez of a Nagila Weber One day your Rachel's in the next day. You're out the Bay Area Betches Betches and our super premium Patreon subscribers. Let's take off with Tamala Plane Oops, she did it again. It's Brittany Montana. Give them hell, Miss Noel. I take the fifth with Dana Smith. Let's give them a kiss, huh?
Starting point is 00:22:49 It's Austin and Marissa. Let's rev our pistons for Amanda and Kristen. Always ready for Nicole Passa Ready. Better than T'Bulli, it's Annie and Julie. You're the Wyndham beneath our wings, Jo Wyndham. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. We will, we will, Joanna Rocklandew. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Danielle.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Itch-oom! Is a frog's ass watertight? It's Rosen-Sady. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. It's Lordus, the Lordus of the Rings. Yes, we should, with Carrie Bridgewood. Nancy C. Centicisto. Simple as rocket science, it's Dana Easey. Somebody get us 10 C.C.s. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. Um, yeah, so Eric makes a rockfish chorizo taco and Padma's like, so Eric, why did you go with the flower tortilla?
Starting point is 00:23:49 Were you just being totally uncreative? Is that why? I mean, why not just like stuff it with fufu like usual and send it to Nilo? And then Stephanie um, did cucumber cat, what did you do? Lamb. I put lamb and cucumber. I was like, you meet a lamb. cucumber cat what do you do lamb? I put lamb and cucumber. I was like, you meet a lamb. That's my house making lamb.
Starting point is 00:24:07 She did lamb with cucumber and lime cashews or something. And she's like, so did you make the tortilla or not? Well, I will say this, Kathy, it is nice to have a non-fish taco. Yeah, I'm surprised you made the tortilla. What did you use? Flower, corn, or general sadness? Wow, a wonderful tortilla from such a disappointed person. Who knew? Okay, J. Let's go talk to Brian. Okay, Brian, what did you make us? And Brian made, of course, like a gorgeous looking thing with Amiso Semintaka with a caviar. Wasn't it hard to do with a machete? Because it looked like it was almost as good as your brothers,
Starting point is 00:24:52 but not quite. And Danny's like, oh yeah, I've got a machete. What's he doing? He's going to track it. Yeah, he's like, I'm trying to do it with my machete in case you didn't see. I have machete's stitching to my blazer. So then Malarkey is next and he's he's into his whole wow. Baja agent. It's a thing guys. It's
Starting point is 00:25:13 a thing. So Danny's like, well, he tells us a big story. Malarkey tells a big story about Baja Street in Tijuana. Yeah. Malarkey are cultural ambassador. Yeah. Soarkey, our cultural ambassador. Yeah. And Danny goes, good street. And they're like, okay, Malarkey, what are you doing over in Tijuana, you little perv? Because if Danny Treeho knows your street and compliments it,
Starting point is 00:25:35 Malarkey, your fish face wife better figure something out. Fish face. Fish face. And then so finally, I have Kevin, who made a moho roasted pork taco with banana and scallion, etc. So now we have like the okay, all right Danny, why don't you tell everyone who's at the bottom of the taco food chain? All right, so the bottom are Gregory his his was too salty his and he's like I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. And then Eric who had too much tortilla and not enough stuffing,
Starting point is 00:26:09 which is just what a disgusting thing to say to somebody. Yeah. Too much flour tortilla here. So then the ratio. Yeah, no, not for me. So then Trejo is like, wow, Leon, it was a party of taste in my mouth. And she's like, oh my god, what a fan. Liam it was a party of taste in my mouth and she's like oh my god what a fan And Padden goes it was pop in It was pop in oh also Karen you're in the top Which is exciting because you were just eliminated remember that you're just you're a little bit not as good as the rest of the Shats because you were actually eliminated anyway, but the winner is the sad girl who's standing by the door trying to leave Yes, you you. Come back.
Starting point is 00:26:45 It's like me. I'm so happy. So, yeah, Stephanie wins, and she wins immunity, which she's going to need later. And she's like, God, I've just been waiting to win something, anything. Chefs, restaurant was. We'll be next week week and I'm inviting my dear friend Nina Weith to both restaurants but the battle begins now. You guys it's really tough chefs when you have someone like Brian Malarkey here you really need to use his ass holdery so let's do a pitch challenge.
Starting point is 00:27:23 Please welcome front-be-bie winner Stephanie Isard, Izard, and a guy with a strange haircut, Kevin Bohem. Hello, guess. Oh my god, that guy was so cute and then I was like, he's crazy, right? He has this like crazy ass hole smile, doesn't he? Oh yeah, he is like, he's like the sort of person in the restaurant industry that I feel like you just want to avoid because he's just, there's something about him that was like evil. Yeah, I kind of agree with everything he said. And he's so good looking, but then yeah, he does have like a two intense squint in his eye
Starting point is 00:27:57 that, and his smile's a little too tight. I just, yeah, there's something scary. Yeah, I just don't think you can look good and be a restaurant tour without there being something shady going on. Like I think if you're a good restaurant tour, you's something scary. Yeah, I just don't think you can look good and be a restaurant tour without there being something shady going on. Like, I think if you're a good restaurant tour, you should be fat. Only because you're eating so much food.
Starting point is 00:28:10 I know that just sounds awful. What I just said, I probably will take some heat for it. I didn't mean it like in that way. I'm just mean like, you should be eating all the food, right? When I'm afraid of the thin people brigade. No, I'm afraid of people thinking I'm fat-shaming. I'm not fat-shaming. I'm saying that like... You're fat-praising. I'm fat chamois I'm not fat chamois I'm saying that like you're fat praising I'm fat praising
Starting point is 00:28:27 I feel like you should be trying all the food. We all know, Ben. We all know You're trying all the food and if you're good looking and you have like a hip haircut I feel like you're just like somehow just in it for the cocaine Yeah, when you wear it shirts that are that tight to like a eating event, it's disgusting. It's like a slap in the face to everybody there. This is basically my way of saying I'm just really jealous of him. Me too, yeah. Let's bring him down.
Starting point is 00:28:55 That's what you should do to really hop. Bring them down to earth. He's a hot person who like works in the food industry and pretty much gets free meals and can go to like to all these fancy restaurants. All of Stephanie Izar's super famous restaurants in Chicago. So yeah, I'm jealous. I'm jealous. Well Stephanie's kind of bitchy too and I love it.
Starting point is 00:29:12 I love it. I love her. I've always loved her. I loved it what you want. I love how she has that. I love her bitchyness. It's so funny. So she's top chef Jeff started my career.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Bad news. And Kevin, you've opened a lot of legs. I mean, restaurants. I ride Danny to hear that one hooker king. Wow, you're almost as successful as my very dear good friend, David Chang. Anyway, tell us about your Netflix show. Oh, I guess you don't have one. Any who?
Starting point is 00:29:42 Well, thankfully you'll have enough time to judge with us today. Person with no career. Okay, Stephanie. So, yeah, so they have to come up with a restaurant. For ahead of restaurant wars, everyone has to pitch the restaurant concept and cook some dishes to, like, you know,, as part of the pitch. And the winning ones will be the captains of restaurant wars. Yes, and they're good.
Starting point is 00:30:11 Yeah. So Kevin's like, oh, oh, no, the main Kevin. He's like, well, if the idea's really good, who knows? Maybe we'll steal it. I'm, I'm gonna take a drink. Yeah. So, so, so, Liana's already, she's like very confused and torn. She tells us. And then we see the shots are all driving somewhere, maybe the whole foods are the house.
Starting point is 00:30:33 I think it's back to the house. And, um, Malarkey is in a car with Brian Voltage on Kevin. And Malarkey is like, I'm, I would say that three of us are the most established restaurant tours in the group, right? Right. I'm like, you know what? You may be stating facts, but the fact that you're so proud about this when you're also so proud that you just like introduce the mortar and pestle to all of America, it just seconds me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:57 He's like, I want the world to know, Baja Asian is gonna be insane. Now, I just have to sell everybody else on this That's so you so gross and then Kevin's like I'm thinking of a concept called Buster cux fluster cux. Yeah, fluster cux And Brian Voltage Brian Voltage was like oh Why cluster fucks oh wait a minute? Oh Where have he done that laugh?
Starting point is 00:31:25 So we go home and everybody is doing their mood boards. It's like arts and crafts night. And Eric is not in a good place in this whole episode. Yeah, he's like, oh God, you know, this mood board, it's really important to me, because it's going to really allow me to evoke feelings of middle passage, which is the name of the transatlantic slave trade. I was like, jeez, that's, that's the saddest mood board and you haven't even started it. I'm sad.
Starting point is 00:31:56 I, so I actually thought he was going to be winning the challenge, because that seemed like, oh, that's a great, like extension of what he already does. And it's a good name, an interesting name. You know, I was like, oh, so he's probably gonna be the one of this challenge. Oh no, I knew he was screwed. He totally got the top chef. I'm screwed at it, because he goes,
Starting point is 00:32:14 I made this dish in the finale and then I was eliminated. So this is really where I make it up and I show them how good it can be. And I was like, oh no, why do you do that? That never works, that never works. do you do that? That never works. That never works. Never, ever works.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Like literally never works. That happened. Jamie got eliminated. I think doing the same thing. I could be wrong. It doesn't matter. Anyway, so Karen, she wants to do something Asian inspired. She wants to do a modern dim sum concept, which I love.
Starting point is 00:32:38 I love the idea of that because I loved dim sum. And I love Karen. So I'm very pro that. And then Stephanie, of course, is struggling. So she's like, I mean, I'm a private chef. I don't know what to do. I mean, the only concept I've come up with so far is, yeah. Emily, I'm like, well, I put together a mood board with the feel of why, you know, that feeling you get when you're, you're going down the highway looking at the ocean thinking, God, a burger might be right behind me ready to kill me Mexican food because we've never seen that before ever ever ever ever ever So let's go bowling instead, right? Because the producer's told me to say that. Yeah, let's go bowling
Starting point is 00:33:33 We're Ronnie Ben just bowled a couple of months before And remember we had so much fun on those two bowling lanes at the Roosevelt Hotel I know you really we weren't competing but you definitely kicked my ass because I kept on rolling into the gutter And you were like bowling was you're like Guess it's like you're visible. Yeah, it's like invisible high five and Josie So can you please explain to me this game so you just take a ball and you roll it at some pins and knock them over and is that it? Is that all you do? Do you win any sort of Nobel Prize afterwards for literature? No? Okay. So it's basically Gail when she sees a snickers display.
Starting point is 00:34:22 Except Gail is both the ball and the pins. Except Gael is both the ball and the pins. So they bowl and Stephanie's all depressed while Malarkey is like, so how many rats man? You got a loop. And they all talk about how many rats don't say vote. And then she's like, I'm going to kill myself. Basically. So the next day Eric is out in the yard clipping things from trees to put on his mood board.
Starting point is 00:34:49 And he's like, you know, I think he's like feeling like very innovative and then someone's like, oh, well, that's funny because Valtazio actually glued an entire plate to his board. And then he just he'd Michael Valtazio walking with his vision board. He's like, I actually put a China set, an entire China set, entire table. You actually, you're walking with his vision board. He's like, I actually put a china set and entire china set entire entire table. You've actually eat your entire meal off my vision board. Anyway, have a great day, guys. Bye. So then we go to Whole Foods to do some shopping and Stephanie.
Starting point is 00:35:18 I'm Stephanie. She's like, okay, here's my concept. I'm going to do modern contemporary American. Whoa. Hello. Wait, what? That's a great idea. of my concept. I'm going to do modern contemporary American. Whoa. Whoa. Wait, what? That's a great idea. Are you saying an updated take on some American classics? No. Almost like a gasharpub, but like with different words, that's crazy.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Wow. She's like, so I'm going to do smoked fish dip with chips and a schnitzel. It's like, how is a schnitzel contemporary American? Yeah, it goes, I mean, there's schnitzel with something. And then Kevin, Kevin, he's gonna do America's first chicken curry. By the way, I had never even heard of Country Captain. Am I crazy? I mean, I believe it's a thing. Of course, I had never heard of it.
Starting point is 00:36:02 And he was talking as if it was like an American staple. Have you heard of country captain? Isn't country captain the name of his restaurant? Yeah, but he said it was also the name of his dish, the chicken curry thing. Oh, no, I just I heard country captain. I thought he was like, that's the name of my restaurant. And it's the first, it's basically the South was part of the the spice trade. So we actually came up with the first American version of chicken curry. Right. Which is actually, if you think about it, kind of a problematic thing. If you really, really want to think about it, it's like, oh, once white people found it, it became America's first. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:38 No, it was amazing. It's a boat's pulled up. We stole everything off the boat and then we invented curry. And it became America's first curry. Like, okay. Um, but since I don't know enough about the topic, I want to get to, I won't get to preach you about it, but I did think it was kind of funny. But he said that. So, um, cooking. Let's get cooking. Um, yeah. So they're cooking now and Greg's like, you know, back home, I'm working on a Haitian restaurant And he's making a whole fish and stuff and then Karen Karen's like I'm my restaurant is called three black crows because my grandparents last name was crow I was like I don't know if I want to go to restaurant named three black rows. Aren't they like famous reading, you know Yeah, you'll die here
Starting point is 00:37:23 aren't they like famous reading, you know, yeah, you'll die here. You're like, oh, man, oh, man, you're gonna kill. I guess that's the raven, but crows can't be good luck either, can they? They could be good luck to other crows. Other other things that like to eat people. They're like, wow, wow, this is the guy who holds the sickle when you die. What is that guy who's waiting for you to die? Grim Reaper?
Starting point is 00:37:46 Yeah, the Grim Reaper is like this in quotes. It's a good omen. Buh, wah, wah, wah, wah. Now, you know what's funny is that there is a very famous restaurant in San Francisco called State Bird Provisions. And I believe they do like a sort of like dim dim sum like a American food dim sum. So it's funny that Karen is doing modern American dim sum with something called three black rows or whatever it's called. Just saying bird names and dim sum and American sum. So yeah, there you go. I could also be talking out of my ass, but I'm just saying why not create some controversy huh? Yeah yeah get get all those
Starting point is 00:38:25 dumpling people row that big let's get the dumplings against each other so Leon is peeling eggs and she's her restaurant is gonna be called her Nai mama because that means like the family you choose like adopted family and she's like like a wine's adopted me because people want fresh seafood. I'm like, how did Hawaiians adopt you? You're terrified of being robbed. So I guess I'm just so surprised to hear that because I always think of Hawaii as being like the safest paradise ever because I've never been there. So to me, it's just like, there's
Starting point is 00:39:02 a thing when you're growing up, people are like, oh my God, they went to the neighbors to a Hawaii. And I would always look at them like, oh my God, you must be so wealthy. Yeah. And and robbed. They were robbed. And now they're new machetes. So they were wealthy.
Starting point is 00:39:19 So the judges walk in all serious. And now it's time for people to start making their pitches. So Kevin goes first and he puts up his vision board and he's like, I'm literally taking the color palette on my grandmother's home and putting it on this board, which I don't know if that's ever really a selling point for, like to grandma's homes always have great color palettes. I don't know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:43 Delicious. Me, ma's house. Mmm. Breathe it in. So yeah, he has like kind of a crock type of thing that he's serving out of and Tom goes, look at those num-nums. Yeah. Yeah. Quiet Tom. Stop staring at Gale. So then, uh... By the way, Gale is officially off of the bad pattern train and on to shoulder pad train. And I don't like it. I don't like it Gail. I don't approve but it's now official so thanks a lot. You're changing things up for you know all stars. So I guess Kevin's whole thing is he serves this thing called country captain.
Starting point is 00:40:15 What he says is one of the smallest most famous dishes and it's like I guess when you go to his restaurant it's you you only get, it's part of a multi-course meal, and it's always country-captain, but then there's other sides that change up depending on what it is, and it's $49 per person. I have to say, I actually did not, I thought that was like an odd pitch. I was surprised the judges liked it so much
Starting point is 00:40:44 because I'm like, it almost sounded like a fast casual thing, but $49 a person. It was a little odd to me, or maybe I just didn't get it. Well, I didn't, I don't think he was saying every dish has to be country-capped in. I think he was saying that's the name of his restaurant and then you choose a protein and then you choose the sides.
Starting point is 00:41:01 Well, either way, it's still like a little, I'm a, it sounded very fast casual to me, but maybe it was just sort of like a prefix menu of what he was saying. Yeah, I think so. I think he was saying you pick a protein and then you pick your sides and it's just all one. I mean, it is a fancy each opponent, but yeah, I just, I think I was just like upset at him.
Starting point is 00:41:18 I was, I think at this point, your, your hatred of Kevin has now ripped off on me. And so I was like, I, I disapprove of all of this. And Tom was like, yeah, I can, I really picture myself sitting up around on Georgia and eating this and thinking about how someday I'll be able to retire and my son will be able to take care of me. And then I remember he's just a mixologist
Starting point is 00:41:36 and he'll never be able to take care of me, ever, ever. So Eric's freaking out, well, in the Eric way, he's like totally calm, but he looks really mad. Yeah, and his dish is he's like, wow, this dish is very intricate. I have to be super careful. Boom. He drops Sources on the floor. Yeah, something. Yeah. He's like out of his rhythm and everything and everyone like Leon has to help him And Paddle was like, I think that Eric is next because he seems he seems to be in the weeds a little bit look at him Look isn't it funny how poor people get so and see when things go wrong So he comes over and brings it over and he tells him what it is. It's African food. He did a glazed duck with coriander and shrimp and Tom just looks at this shrimp like
Starting point is 00:42:23 Some floppy shrimp. Thanks and Tom just looks at this shrimp like huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh,. Gail, can you make sense of it? Oh wait, sorry. She's got a face full of food as usual. Sorry, let's let Gail swallow her three pounds of food first. Gail. Gail, do you want to grill him? She did not like that answer. She's not. It's a casual but formal, disgusting. Those are two contradictory concepts. I know this, because I used to be married to Salman Rushdie,
Starting point is 00:43:07 the claim to author. So Kevin, hot Kevin's like, guys, the duck is a mess. Let me come on, it's a mess. He's talking like, it's over cooked. Too much broth, bad technique. This is just bad technique. Let's just celebrate bad technique. And Kevin, hot Kevin's like, I mean, are you cooking for Michelin
Starting point is 00:43:26 or are you cooking for people and wanna develop an audience? Am I right? High five, high five, everyone. Why does Michelin like food with too much broth? It's over cooked. Are you saying Kevin, shut up over there hot Kevin. I mean, basically, I mean, Eric really what he should have said was,
Starting point is 00:43:43 it's going to be, it's casual but the food is elevated, you know, but like saying casual but formal is just like one of those like disorganized answers that just makes people have no faith in you or your concept. Yeah, and then Gregory comes up with his big ass fish and he's like, you have to be a great cook, but also a great salesman. So here I go. I was like, come on! Come on, you can do it! I'm like lighting a fire to put under his butt.
Starting point is 00:44:11 You could do this! His red snapper looked amazing. I was like, oh my god, give me that, I'm not even like a huge red snapper person, but I'm like, give me that red snapper. Robb, yeah, it's great. Not that I dislike it, I don't, I haven't had enough red snapper in my life
Starting point is 00:44:24 to have a distinct feeling of like, I give me that red snapper. Robb, yeah. Not that I dislike it. I don't even had enough red snapper in my life to have a distinct feeling of like, oh, I know exactly how that's gonna taste, you know? I just looked at myself. Yeah, it's good. And he's like deboning it right at the table. And he tells him his Haitian inspired, wood fired. And he's like, what are my fondest memories of Haiti
Starting point is 00:44:41 was the Kain man? And Pat and was like, oh. Mm-hmm. The K Kane man. Yeah, I know about that too. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, I can't man. Can man. The Kane man who famously had a sugar cane sugar cane. Yeah, I mean everyone knew that. Yeah, right. Right. Gail doesn't know that poor thing. She never had came and her neighborhood i think the best she had was maybe the twinkie man you know that poor guy who got hit by a car and then started cooking because he had
Starting point is 00:45:14 to walk everywhere with cano sugar cane oh that's right that's the very well try i must be thinking of a different we had two came and actually so we're just one more came and then used so i that's all poor gal she apparently only had a shoulder pad man, if you know what I'm saying. So, Gale's like, how do you want the Haitian community to embrace this? Is this authentication or is it just regular Haitian? Please stop talking about the king man. Got it. Got it. Oh, just give her some more red snapper and she'll shut up. Pin the ox tail on the gal. Am I right, Gregory? Oh, so then he's like, well, you know, I'm doing the fundamentals, but I think that there's
Starting point is 00:46:02 room for seasonality here. And hot Kevin's like, well, this certainly has a point of view. Well done, young man. Sort of reminds me of being a child and the K-Mad would come to town. I'd be like, what's your point of view, K-Mad, who I definitely had in my childhood? Ooh, Fadmas says. Oh, it would be so exciting to have a Haitian restaurant. I mean I never thought about it once in my life but I think it'd be fun right?
Starting point is 00:46:34 Because I had a cane man. The dealer is making a fort on the couch. He's pulling pillows over and rearranging them into a fort but you're ridiculous. Okay so then is Volt. And he's like, oh, I'm calling this stature and rye after my son because my son's name is stature. And Ryebred, just because my brother's never really been able to perfect that.
Starting point is 00:46:57 So I thought that was fine. So my concept is Mid-Atlantic cuisine, which is pretty revolutionary, except for the fact that Mid-Atlantic cuisine is pretty popular in the Mid-Atlantic Cuisine, which is pretty revolutionary except for the fact that Mid-Atlantic Cuisine is pretty popular in the Mid-Atlantic. So anyway, for this Mid-Atlantic Cuisine, I have made you some egg rolls and dumplings. Oh damn it! Did my sister describe this meal again to me? She was.
Starting point is 00:47:20 I just brought out a plate of gorgeous croissant fish. I hope you guys enjoyed that. I wasn't exactly sure what to put on the menu so I asked my sister and now we have Brazilian Charskuro. Yeah. So he really made... Whoa, what you really made, Joker? He really made crab rolled in hikama, which you know that I'm not a big fan of things rolled in hikama. I just cannot get on board. Really? And after we last argued about it, I got some hikama, which you know that I'm not a big fan of things rolled in Hikama. I just cannot get on board. And after we last argued about it, I got some Hikama slices because they were at the grocery store already sliced for little tacos.
Starting point is 00:47:52 And they're like, make your taco with these Hikama slices instead. And I was like, guess what? You're not a flower tortilla. So go fuck yourself Hikama. How about that? Why don't you just pretend it's not a taco and pretend it's just a different thing that is hikama specific So wet in my mouth. I can't It has nice sweetness. Why don't you how about this? Why don't you? Put it in a tortilla like a layer of tortilla with a layer of hikama and so that way Here's what I did. I opened up some blue cheese dressing and I dipped that shit in there and it turned out to be delicious. So there you go. No, I believe that. I just don't see why you're inflexible on the Hickama thing. I just I don't like when things pretend to be other things. You know what I mean? Like a talk like a pretend to be a supermodel. I mean really.
Starting point is 00:48:40 Yeah, so anyway, he made crab rolled in Hickama and then he did a game hand with Sunflower Seed Resoto. And he's like, I really want this idea to be more accessible to, you know, the regular people out there, which is where the Sunflower Seed Resoto I was like, what are you talking about? He's like, so we have a top with caviar and some sweetbreads and We're just gonna do a crudo on the side, you know for the layman. Yeah, I'm proud of him. I was like what's the prize point Bolt and he's like oh between uh, what I don't know how much is a heck of a slice is about $75 I don't know what normal people normally spend at McDonald's probably about $80 on a meal. Alright that.
Starting point is 00:49:26 Just a reminder that your brother Michael had a restaurant called IncSack that made sandwiches. So I guess he figured out accessible, huh? Until it closed. Until it closed because he wanted to do something exciting like open a restaurant in India. You ever thought about doing that? So he walks off and Tom's like, the food and the concept don't really match up there and goes like, you know what? He's a Voltajio. His food is not acceptable. Just own it. I mean, it's not accessible. Just own it. Okay, you cannot hear to be accessible.
Starting point is 00:50:04 Yeah, own it. Just the way Gail maybe you should own that your shoulders are shaped like hot dogs and not like giant squares. Oh, there she goes. I knew all I needed to say was hot dog. Somebody Gail's eating grown shoulders. Do you know that Gail once stated people on okay,
Starting point is 00:50:21 Cupid based solely on if they were named Nathan's because of the hot dogs So then oh forget about the Oscar And for a while she would only hate people who only spoke Hebrew Mm-hmm and Renash's Karen is next and badminton's hi Karen. How are you? So what Bob knows everything problem Bob says today I'm like, damn, Bob. What? Oh, I got scared for a moment because I thought I was seeing a ghost.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Weren't you eliminated already? What are you doing back here? Security. Hi, everybody. I'd like to introduce you to second chance, Karen. I'd like to introduce everyone to someone who was bad enough to get eliminated, but for some reason is back So what's your terrible concept?
Starting point is 00:51:07 Let me guess your concept is the salvation army. Hey Karen, guess what? Oh Anyway, I was just talking on the phone with Kelly Clarkson, Bet your little jealous aren't you Karen, huh? So Karen goes to her three-black-crows thing, modern dim sums. She's like, I made a facacadillo and some sweet potato dumplings. And Stephanie's like, how would the curry be served?
Starting point is 00:51:41 And Stephanie kind of is giving everybody a dirty look. And this is when Stephanie starts to get evil and I love it. Gels is like, I like the dishes, but it wasn't Chinese or Asian and then Stephanie squints and nods really hard. And this is where the squint and nod begins. Yeah. And Tom's like, you know, she made a pancake with Kachado. I mean, there's a concept there. I mean, Italian and Asian food. Explore that. Explore that. It's like what I tell my son.
Starting point is 00:52:04 You can get any other sort of job, it's not from. Explore that. Explore that. It's like what I tell my son. You can get any other sort of job, it's not from being a missile. Just explore that. Explore that. Anything. Move it theater. I don't care. Do it. I just want her to win because I want to see carts and restaurant wars. That would be heal their carts. Carts. Yeah. That would be great. That would be great. Yeah. So Leanne's next and she is presenting a Hanay Mama and she's got a salted egg curry, mahi mahi and then a coconut braised pork belly. Yeah. And Leanne's like, well, you know, it's hard because everyone here has restaurants. Well, I mean, with the exception of Stephanie over there, look, the girl over there who's
Starting point is 00:52:38 just sort of sad and staring at, I think it's supposed to be Schnitzel, but might just be a place map. Anyway, so I'm making modern Hawaiian food, something you've probably never heard of from any restaurant ever in Hawaii. You know, Tom's like, I'm not feeling it, it's all cold pork, and it's not even seasoned well, so... Phil. Yeah, it gals like, yeah, Leanne's concept doesn't feel very different from so many other Hawaiian restaurants. Sort of like you're addressing the address barn in my right, Gail. I mean, let's be honest.
Starting point is 00:53:07 I've seen that on five different women on the street when I actually was walking on the street because nobody just gets driven around. But anyway, enough about me. Let's talk about your shoulder pads. So Stephanie's next and she's freaking out. She's like, I've never had a restaurant like this. So she comes over and Padma's like, the biggest surprise here is your vision board. Wasn't done on a bunch of sticky notes,
Starting point is 00:53:31 office lady. What also surprised me is like, I don't know, was Tom drunk at this point or whatever, because Stephanie put her vision board up and her restaurant's called Lucy Seas. So she puts it up and Tom goes, Lucy Seas. He's like really delighted by the name. And then Stephanie goes, yeah, Lucy Seas was my dog for 15 years that died. It was like delicious Stephanie. Mm, wow, a Vokin' Good Dead Dog is where we're about to eat.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Thanks. So this first dish, Schnitzel, it's in honor of a hamster I had that also died But prematurely when a hawk broke into our house and got into his cage So anyway enjoy gross killed my fish. Thanks a lot Karen So Tom's like oh What did you choose these dishes? So this is a fish dip with chips and soggy chicken, so
Starting point is 00:54:28 What's up with that crazy lady? It's like well, you know, I just want people to feel like it's something that they couldn't do at home It's like you made chips and dip and snips. Oh, yeah What what part about rustic food says can't make it at home, you know, so Stephanie walks away and how much it just goes it wasn't good You know like gals watch rub and Evil Kevin's like um so it's basically a non-concept concept Great one and Padma goes snitches all sex I think we can all agree that this snitchel tastes like a big piece of rubber.
Starting point is 00:55:06 So if you all pass it down to gale, she'll finish it off for us. And gale goes, well, she does have immunity and evil Kevin says, well, she should name a restaurant immunity. And they're like, oh, a turtle, turtle, turtle. And me, I'm tell Stephanie, they're laughing really hard. So I don't know if that's a good thing or not Maybe I shouldn't have led that my restaurant concept is I should have left the dead dog thing out of it maybe
Starting point is 00:55:35 So then there's a commercial I don't know if you notice this that the next commercial break the end of it is like Gregory and Kevin if they show K. Padma going, Gregory and Kevin, your restaurant concepts are about to come to life. Like for the next week, I'm like, guys, spoiler alert. Oh, you know what? I wonder if maybe the recording that you watched was like the second airing of it, you know, because I didn't see that. Why did you watch it on the YouTube TV? No, I watched it on direct TV. Oh The first one YouTube TV might have taken because I've noticed that sometimes YouTube TV takes like the recording that airs later in the evening
Starting point is 00:56:15 But either way it's shaded that they were air that commercial in the middle of the second night the same night, you know So then Malarkey's like, all right, it's my turn. Where I look, all right guys? Look at my teeth. Oh, God. God, I want to start dropping dead. Yeah, he's like handing it up in front of the waitresses, but also like, the judges could hear it.
Starting point is 00:56:35 So it's like all part of the spiel. I'm like, oh, he's just like a funny show and he was on TV once, you know. Yeah. So Malarkey's whole thing, if he says, you know what I want to do? I want to entice the millennial. So already it's like, yeah, so Malarkey's whole thing if he he says you know what I want to do I want to entice the millennial so already it's like okay pass pass pass hard pass Yeah, just what a gross. So what a boomer thing to say exactly that's the thing
Starting point is 00:56:56 When you say you when you want to entice the millennial that's the first thing so That's exactly how you do not entice a millennial as be as say you want to entice the millennial. Yeah. So he's like, yeah, you know what millennial's like braze, ox tail with mole like what? And then he's like, I thought of a love story, guys. I love story.
Starting point is 00:57:16 All right, picture this. Two people from different worlds, they fall in love and they cannot deny their love and pop up a customer shaking her head like her hair back. Like she's in a... Like she's in a music video. And he's like, the Judy stand for Donkey and the Dragon because it's agent Baha, Baha, Baha agent, Baha, love story.
Starting point is 00:57:38 So now I'm like, part of this also again, like, okay, so I guess it's the Asian part supposed to be the dragon. And then does that mean that that Latino part is the donkey? Do we feel good about that? I don't know. But he's like, yeah, I came from Shrek, it's hilarious, right? Anyway, we're putting Latino food and we're putting Latino food and Asian food together.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Please tell me you've never been to the country of Peru. Thank you very much. Okay. And Gilles, like, brilliant. What a concept. That is brilliant. Okay. And date Molle, what a perfect expression of his concept. I mean, you say Shrek and Gail is already sold. If you know what I mean, am I right, everyone? Am I right? Kevin high five? High five. And Tom's like, oh, that right there's why that guy opened 15 restaurants and sold them That's it that's it right there and Brian's trying to make Malarkey happen you guys
Starting point is 00:58:31 It's never gonna happen and Brian's like well, we'll help. We'll all have you guys the opening next year right right right Right let me just call my wife. Okay, I need 15 napkins. I need three tables and you rest runs Get it now get it now put it out. I don't care if you're feeding our children. Get it. Matt, fuck this up and I'm withholding the rest of the lane. Melissa's like, welcome to Sabrina, modern Asian California. I'm like, mm, okay. But I like her. Of course. Pushy's like, no, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, I'm going to drink water now. You got, you got, you got, no, I'm just going
Starting point is 00:59:06 to say that of course, because it's Melissa, she just effortlessly makes something absolutely amazing. Just put it down because she can't do anything wrong. She's like my grandma, but a romantic. She took ballroom dancing when she was 87, became a master painter at 93, learned Spanish Spanish at 98 just so she could understand the people raving about her new art career. She learns and spells and actually became a senior citizen witch. So Stephanie's like, well, this was the most well-crafted dish we've had tonight. Yeah. It's much better than that shitty ass schnitzel that the frumpy girl over there said.
Starting point is 00:59:51 I think a lot of people frumpy tonight, but you know what though it works. On top chef it works. There's a lot of frump to go around. Yeah. So the chefs start talking it over and they seem to like Greg and Malarkey. The best, right? Yeah. And Padma's like, did youarkey the best right yeah, and Padmas like did you notice this of course she did but she goes well I think we had a lot of great food and then she looks right at gallon goes let's unbutton our pants
Starting point is 01:00:16 All right, for those of us who are not wearing stretch fabric Let's unbutton our pants and go the judges table Gales just like why are you only looking at me and laughing on a loop? Yeah. So then the judges table. The tops are Gregory, Kevin, Malarkey, and Melissa. And Padma's like, Gregory, we could see
Starting point is 01:00:37 what this restaurant looks like, tastes like, feels like, because of you. It's almost like when Gail tells us she found a can of anchovies, we're like, well, we know what that certainly smelled like and looked like. And Kevin's like, well, mine explains southern culture that is often overlooked. Have I said blonde wood today because I would love to say blonde wood just because it sounds great. Has Kevin seen the food network?
Starting point is 01:01:04 Does he know that Southern culture is pretty well represented on that over there? No. It's represented everywhere. There's so many Southern food restaurants. They're like, oh, it's an updated Southern. Here's a $20 Mac and cheese, but guess what? It's got gruel.
Starting point is 01:01:19 Guys, I got a great idea for a concept. Elevated chicken and waffles. Yeah, OK. I'll let that sink in for a second. So Stephanie goes, I was blown away by your presence. Like, okay, Stephanie, calm it. So, so then Kevin, Kevin, the evil Kevin's like, Malarkey, you said you want to cook for millennials, Kevin, Kevin, the evil Kevin's like, Malarkey, you said you want to cook for millennials, and as someone who is wearing a millennial haircut, I have to say, I think they would dig it.
Starting point is 01:01:52 Such a millennial thing to say. Yeah, hot Kevin. It's like, yeah, they'd really dig it. Yeah, and Tom's like, well, this too often, you see pretty plates, the technique doesn't match up, but that's not the case here. Pretty technique, pretty plates the technique doesn't match up, but that's not the case here pretty technique pretty plates Everything's pretty
Starting point is 01:02:09 So the first sees I don't think of the name of the dead dog restaurant. Oh The dead dog restaurant Yeah, it's like Molly sees or Called I kind of love that I love that name. Love that name, terrible food. Terrible food, I don't know why we let the clean lady enter the competition. Oh wait, you're an actual chef.
Starting point is 01:02:30 Oh, okay. You could put the rest of the staples on the desk and leave. Oh, sorry, Stephanie. Oh, for a moment, I thought that was our office manager. Turns out she's an actual chef, Tess, and who's been on this show before? How about that? How about that? Anyway, so the first winning concept is country captain,
Starting point is 01:02:54 because we love a iteration, and that's what we look for. And Gregory, and so, I can't even believe you didn't notice this. That when Kevin won, he removed his hat to say thank you. I thought that would bother you. Yeah, I'm surprised I didn't see it. I must have been looking down at the keys. Yeah, he was like, thank you so much.
Starting point is 01:03:18 He took off his hat as if he was like the nationally Anthem was playing. Thank you so much. Oh, thank you. This is the substitute to hands on my heart thing. Hashtag Blast set it with my hat. Yeah, so then the bottom. Sorry, it was killing the spider. Mm, that's okay.
Starting point is 01:03:37 Is it dead? That's bad luck right to kill a spider, but just come to you ask. Couldn't save it, Telling. I couldn't save you. All right, climbing someone else's office so the Sony Morgan yeah so they win and then partners like we'd like to see Eric Lee and Stephanie and the receipts for whatever Gale's wearing so we get rid of it immediately
Starting point is 01:04:03 Stephanie should be Stephanie, right? Like we all know at this point, the eight is Stephanie some most. Yeah, I'm surprised that Padma didn't do that thing where she called the people to the bottom and then said, Stephanie, you have immunity, but if you didn't have immunity, you'd be going home. Mostly on account of your hair,
Starting point is 01:04:21 it's terrible today, goodbye. Yeah, they were evil to Stephanie because they still made her go on the bottom so that people would blame her for them going home, you know? Yeah, like, wow, she doesn't have low enough self-confidence. Let's really make everyone hate her, even more. Hey, remember when you tried to make Indian food for me, an Indian woman who had a keen man growing up? Wow, what a mistake. And the answer, well now I have a one and two
Starting point is 01:04:45 chance of going home right now because it's definitely has immunity. Yeah. Which is funny because Stephanie went home because in the because of the same situation when when she went home on her season, it was because that asshole who won top chef. Was it Philadelphia or New Orleans? He was Nick. His name was Nick. He had immunity, but he was the one who should have gone home. And their team lost because of him, but Stephanie had to go home. Oh, man. So they start ripping into Eric and Eric's just like my bad, my bad, my bad. I know. I know it was bad. I know it was bad. Yeah. And they felt bad. And Kevin's like, well, the food fell sort and goes, yeah,
Starting point is 01:05:23 I basically fell on my face. And this Stephanie squints and nods at him. Like, yep, pretty much, pretty much. Yeah, exactly. And then with Stephanie, evil Kevin, like, reiterates, he goes, um, you know, the first thing we said is that it seemed like a no concept concept. Hey, guys, remember when I said that? Remember, Gale, do you remember? Cosh, doesn't remember, she was stepping a face full of ho-hoes and chocolate fun, do.
Starting point is 01:05:48 Wait, who are you on now, Stephanie? Stephanie, yeah. Oh, I didn't even write anything down for Stephanie. I'm so rude. That's okay. So then Leanne's like, I just wanted it to taste like on vacation. You know, vacation on the run. And Kevin's like, well, 90% of restaurants fail.
Starting point is 01:06:02 And the 10 that succeed have a point of view. And this, just, I mean, come on. Were you fucking kidding me with this? And then Liam's like, sorry, I failed. And the Stephanie's like, mm-hmm. Yep, yep, you did. Like damn, Stephanie's really evil with her nods today. She really was, it was great.
Starting point is 01:06:21 Yeah, and Patmins like, you know, it's funny that you should say that. The 10% of the restaurants that succeed have a point of view, because you know what Gales would be? Deep fried shoulder pads, am I right? Am I right, Tom? You had to like that one, right? Ali Wong, that was a joke, made a joke, Ali.
Starting point is 01:06:35 The issue today is execution and concept. And Tom's like, yeah, I like Liam's name, but, you know, bit, bit. And then Gales, like, God, you know, I like Leon's name, but, uh, you know, bit, bit. And then, uh, then, you know, and Kills, like, God, too bad about Eric. He's been working on this idea for years. And Stephanie goes, I still don't get it. I mean, is it fine dining?
Starting point is 01:06:55 Is it a family restaurant? What the hell? And Kevin goes, I mean, it's just hard to eat. And meanwhile, back in the stew room, as expected, Leon was immediately on the couch with the pillow in her lap. She's like, my food may be on vacation, but I'll tell you what's home of this pillow. I think we have our answer.
Starting point is 01:07:18 So then Tom some monologue. He's like, and he doesn't really do a fun one because he's playing last chance kitchen. This time he just goes, you guys, you're both good chefs. And, uh, it was just a bad day, but we still have last chance kitchen. Is any set piece going to roll in? That would be great. Uh, could we have some rolling boxes in here so people will think this is coming on right now on actual television instead of the internet, like some cheap, uh, PayPal hooker.
Starting point is 01:07:41 That would be great. Quiet time. I'm working on making myself look like I'm about to cry. I learned this trick from my good friend Lena with an actress. Okay. Eric, please pack your knives and go. Yeah, that was sad. I was surprised actually. I thought Leanne was definitely going to go.
Starting point is 01:08:00 Yeah. And Eric's like, well, this was humbling. Tom goes. Yeah. Tom goes Tom goes, one bad day brother. One bad day brother. Oh my god, okay, Tom. Yeah, it's been a problematic episode all the way around. Basically. No, but I thought it seemed like both of them fucked up their food.
Starting point is 01:08:19 So at least I felt like these Eric's concept was fresh and interesting. But I guess that food must have been really bad in his presentation even worse. Yeah, it's weird to see because it's always a question, right? Are they judging on just this challenge or the whole season so far? Because if they were judging on the whole season, obviously it would be Leanne because she's been in the bottom so many times now Yeah, I guess I think they do a challenge by challenge, which is why we have so many
Starting point is 01:08:49 People who've won the show that's kind of surprised and we're like wow. I'm surprised that that really that guy won really Yeah, oh god, Jose. I will never forget that Jose. All right. Well. Yeah Nina when Nina lost to Nicholas. I mean so many. Yeah Well, that brings us to the end of top server We'll be back tomorrow to recap the season finale of Shaz of sunset and in the meantime go check out those small businesses that we mentioned at the top of the show and Don't forget to sign up on patreon.com slash watch or crap ins to get bonus episodes and crap is on demand and all that fun stuff. We'll see you guys later. Bye everyone. Hey, prime members. You can listen to watch our crap ends add free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with Wondry plus in Apple podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by
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