Watch What Crappens - TopChef: The Wind Beneath Padma's Wings
Episode Date: June 2, 2020So much happens on Top Chef this week. First, the winner of Last Chance Kitchen is revealed. Then the chefs must design a meal that could be served on American Airlines. And finally, they all... convene at Michael's in Santa Monica for one last lavish California meal. Check out our recap! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy
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Hello and welcome to Watch For Crappins, a podcast about all that crap we just love to watch on Bravo.
I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real Houseware's kitchen island, cartoon on YouTube, and also
of the Game Brain podcast. I'm on this week's episode. Go take a listen if you like board games.
And joining me is the wonderful and hilarious and lovely Ronnie Karam from the Rose
Bachelors podcast. What's up Ronnie? Hey, how you doing over there?
Bachelors podcast. What's up, Ronnie? Hey, how you doing over there?
Well, you know, I mean, it's been a crazy time, a crazy, crazy weekend for like literally the whole world and
Man, I mean, it's like it's it feels a little weird to sign on here to do our podcast where we just like talk shit about
Bravo, you know, while you know people are out there protesting for their rights and like, and you know, demanding to be seen and it almost
feels trivial what we're doing. So it feels like, it feels a little weird. I'm not going
to lie, but I have to say I am just like, you know, I'm not trying to be politically
or, but I do have to say I really, really support, you know, the protesters that are out there who are fighting for their rights and, you know, it's, it is,
it was, it was tough to watch and, you know, where I live, there was looting and writing,
right around the corner, like, you hear it from my window and it was really, really scary.
And, but at the end of the day, you know, like, you know, people's voices need to be heard.
So yeah, I, it's pretty weird being here in Texas
when all this is happening because stuff is happening here,
but I'm living outside of Austin,
so I'm not really down there for that.
And you know, my neighborhood in LA is,
where a lot of this stuff is happening.
So it's crazy seeing it on the news.
It's like, oh, there's your street and it's on fire.
It's pretty crazy seeing it. You know, obviously we both stand with Black Lives Matter people. 100% of course 100%. Just stay safe out there. You know, we're not here to lecture you
or you know, get on a soapbox, but of course that is where our hearts are, that is where we stand.
And, you know, our love is with you, take care of each other, support each other, and talk to each other for fuck's sake.
Because I think that a lot of people have not been talking to each other, and that's a problem.
So, talk to each other, educate each other, and let's get this shit together, and make no mistake, Ben.
This is fucking trivial.
Thank God! Thank God.
Thank God.
I know.
I mean, I, like, 10 minutes ago, I'm watching George Floyd's
brother walk to where he was killed.
And the whole community was kneeling down.
I was just, it was so powerful and so gripping.
And then to have to, like, pivot to hear
to talk about top chef, it just seems crazy.
But at the same time, I mean, you know, one of the things that we've come to appreciate,
hopefully, is that like there's a lot of privilege in being able to say, you know what, this is a crazy
thing, but now I'm going to focus on something else. And there are people who just don't have that
a, not ability, they don't have the opportunity to, gonna focus on something else. And there are people who just don't have that, not ability, they don't have the opportunity to focus
on something else because the color of their skin.
And, you know, even though what we're doing is trivial,
hopefully it does provide like a relief for people
who are just stressed out about all of this shit.
And beyond.
It's for me. that's for me.
It's for me and for me.
It's for me, okay?
Yeah.
I mean, thank God we have this, you know,
so thank you guys for letting us do this
because if we didn't have this to do,
I'd be still in the fetal position,
like I was right before we came on to Jesus.
Seriously.
Yeah.
Take care of each other out there.
And also support each other.
Let's do some small business shout outs.
Yeah, you start because I don't have money ready.
This one comes from Nicole who is doing, it looks like some badass face masks. Wow Nicole,
these are gorgeous. I'm looking at the pictures she sent and at first they look like crazy
ones because they're like, what is it called when there's just string singing down not ruffles, but like ladies and the flappers used to wear them, you know
Jimmy fringe like fringe
They look like they're I mean they are friends. So it's like how is that protective dumbass?
But it's like fringe over a face mask. They're really gorgeous Nicole
They're really gorgeous Nicole. You can...
I'm more than you.
You really tried to jump it.
Fringe over face masks.
Sorry, she sent me so many pictures of my eyes are busy.
But yeah, she makes really beautiful, really creative
and original face masks, which we also still need.
Don't forget about that.
Don't forget about that.
Other cluster fuck happening in the world right now.
She sells jewelry under the name Odyssey and Audities
and she's out of Cleveland.
And go check out her masks.
They're really great.
Go to Etsy and her shop is called Odyssey and Audities.
Odyssey and Audities.
Cool.
This is from Terry O'Connor who wants to give a shout out
to her daughter's small business.
Basically, her daughter, like they were clearing out
like the daughter's grandmother, her mom, Terri's mom's house.
They found all this amazing vintage clothing
in Art and House, where it's in jewelry
and all this super, super cool stuff.
Her name is Callie, by the way, the daughter.
So she set up an Etsy store and if you're interested
in all these cool paintings and,
ooh, there's a really cool glass neck tray on there
and I mean, there's actually like a lot
of really interesting stuff.
Go check out on Etsy Shayloon.
It's CHEZ, L-U-N-E, all one word, Shayloon, and go get some cool stuff for your house and support Callie and her mom Terry.
Okay, and here we are with some top chef!
Top chef! Well, you know, what's the lower giveth and it take it the way sort of the other way around. I feel like
I feel like we finally achieved something in this episode that we've been waiting all season long
but then at the same time something came back to us that we thought we were long done with.
Yeah, but I was glad to see him because I one of the things that's troubling with all these shows
is towards the end of the season when the people that you love to make fun of are gone.
And the people that fill you with rage are suddenly gone.
And there's just like three nice people at the end enjoying, you know, Europe or Italy or wherever,
or, you know, what I mean, like the final destination place that they go to.
And they're like, let's go sit by the pool before the challenge.
And it's like, guess what?
Guess what? I don't need to see.
Brooke sitting around talking about her dreams, you know
Yeah, so thank you for bringing in
Kevin
Yeah, Kevin it's so funny how much I have now grown to hate Kevin because of you like I literally had no problem with him
And now like I cannot stand him like every little thing he does drives me nuts
It's so weird. It's like this infectious little Kevin seed you plan to
I'm evil like that. So we open with Tom showing us part of last chance kitchen.
He's like, well, you got past part one and now it's part two. So choose some
chefs to cook again. You got a three win three rounds to get back in the
competition. And so it's a fight. So he does the smartest thing, which he goes
up against Malarkey first, and of course beats Malarchi in the first round
You know and so in Kevin's like well one down. I just need one more to win so he goes up against Valtagio
And of course Brian Valtagio wins which made me happy
So he had to win best two out of three
He had to win two out of three, but so he he wanted he beat
Malarkey and he lost the Voltaggio.
Oh, okay.
And so then he goes up against Gregory Gregory volunteers.
And so he goes up against Gregory and he wins.
He ultimately wins.
And he tells us, I just I feel incredibly fortunate to be back
here. I'm going to fight to win this whole thing.
And I was just like, shut the fuck up.
I don't know what it was.
Like he said nothing wrong.
He literally said nothing wrong.
He was like, I'm back.
I want to win.
I was like, no, you be quiet now.
Yeah.
He's like, I love blonde wood.
So then he's like, I'm going to fight.
I am going to fight.
And then they cut to Malarkey's face.
And he's doing that thing where he's like
Making a gross like like with his lips back over his teeth above his teeth Yeah, I'm in like touching the top of his like big huge inflated lip with his tongue like and giving him a dirty look
Sebastian. Yeah, and he goes good God and then it just goes to the opening credits
so when the credits are done though the chefs enter the quick fire kitchen and Padma
is sitting with Jonathan Waxman in like just the like the perfect Padma kind of seating
and just first class seating in the middle of a kitchen, first class, first class plane
seating. Yeah. And you got to love airplanes that they make first class. It's like the
most first class you can get. You know, it's the fanciest travel you can get.
And it just looks like a booth at a Chipotle, you know, one of those carbos.
And so you pay $10,000 to sit in that.
Yeah.
So she's there with Jonathan Waxman and she's like, do you like what I've done with the
play and she's just drinking that champagne.
They've got champagne in first class and Padma is just going to town on it and it's hilarious. Yeah. Welcome back Kevin.
Has it been like a roller coaster being kicked off and then fighting your way back
and probably getting kicked off again? That must hurt, doesn't it? It's like when I
put fruity pebbles on a red wagon and rolled it down a hill and then pulled it
back up and just watch Gail chase it over and over.
I'll tell you what's a real roller coaster going out for a 12-course meal with my good friend
David Chang.
Wow, you never know which ones you like and which ones you hate.
Wow, that's just the part of your peel of having very famous friends.
Please welcome James Beard Award winner probably because there's like 9,000 of them now
big person with glasses and most importantly a friend of mine Jonathan Waxman
yes she literally says and he's also my friend
well there's one last quickfire here in Los Angeles.
Airline food used to have a gal, a stigma.
But now, okay, airline food used to have a stig gal.
But now they've recruited chef consultants to take it to new heights.
Get it? I'm talking about planes. Let's go high, champs.
So then Jonathan is like, well, when I started in 1988 with American Airlines
in the Chef Conclave, it was,
that I was doing a Chef Conclave
and I was Alice Waters and Wolfgang Puck and me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You can hold your applause.
Thank you, yes, we did a Chef Conclave in 1988, thank you.
Conclave.
So they are going to make airline food and it's gonna be for first class only because that's the only place you get airline food anymore
Chefs for this challenge you must make food that gal will never have because she only flies coach
Make something make something. Make something. Chefs, I want you to make something. That smells
so wonderful. It'll have gal at the front of those curtains. Ticking your head in, that way
I can punch or it's a go back to the image. Don't worry, gal won't feel bad. She only flies
southwest to my right Jonathan. Listen, just give us some of those purple potatoes chips from
JetBlue and should be fine.
And waxman was like, Hey, and I want you to know that height
is important because you can only use ingredients a certain
height. Okay. Uh, that's very important. I was like, God,
height is important on this show too. I'm already watching the
bachelor. Like can we stop making Hyde so important?
Poor short food.
Poor short food, because it has to fit
and like can't be higher than the plate,
because all has to stack and things like that.
Hey, the chef that soars to the occasion
will win a big advantage in the elimination challenge
and now it won't be Gale's shoulder pads.
Did you hear what I said?
The chef that soars, because we're talking about flying, get it, alley, why don't we get that? I don't mean lips, so as you can stop licking
your lips, Malaki. Malaki, every time they cut to Malaki, he's just making a stupid face
touching his lips with his tongue. I was cracking me up. He does it like 10 times.
Also, you met using Grydience that are there, but all year round. And no gal, Oreos don't count as an ingredient.
So they only have 30 minutes to make two dishes, which is pushing it even for top chef.
You know, I was watching Chopped because I had my nieces over the weekend.
I was showing them like watching Chopped and it's so disgusting that show.
Like watching the poor judges, you know, they're like talk about not being in first class.
Those are the coach judges of television.
Seriously.
My god.
Chopped is like a, Chopped is a depressing experience.
When it first came out, I mean, I still watch it, but like, when it first came out, it was kind of like,
Oh, cool. What are they going to do?
What are they going to do?
But now it's just like like everything is just like a disgusting
like
putrid
Like here's Fwagra with
Caramel sauce and you know, you know, it's not really bad the stuff
It's also awful the whole goal is to not make the judges barf
You know because that's all they can want to do, you know. But it's also such a poorly made show.
Like it's actually, I feel like I see the Scotch tape
that's holding the whole thing together.
The way that they do such clumsy musical cues,
I think we've talked about this before,
about if someone will sit, if someone says the sentence,
things were going really well,
but then I had a mishap.
And over the course of that sentence,
the musical will be like, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint dint I want to see good fit being made. I get that it's a quick fire, but do you think some 30 minutes?
What can they possibly fucking do?
Yeah.
Well, Brian Voltaggio, he is, he's never won a quick fire.
I guess technically he won one earlier this season, but it's part of a group, but he's
never won a solo one.
And he's like, this is my last chance to win a quick fire.
And he's like, this is, this is my last chance last chance and he just he really wants to win it so badly
So I thought for sure they were setting it up for him to win a quick fire because they've been planting that seed all season long
But no
Yeah, and Kevin of course is so Kevin about it. He's like I spent the best majority of my life
I'm first class. I'm an airline TV you could say
Yeah, because his graph, how there was an airline
executive, I was like, of course, see, he's all nice. And so you're like, I'm just
Kevin, you're down home country man, who also is the sign on to an airline CEO. I demand
my pen. I demand my wing. You know, you was, you know, he was like that terror who's
like, I want my lolly, I want my lolly comes on that plane running around up and down the aisles
kicking
Taking flight attendants and their shins. Is that his last name Malale?
No, no, no, no, I want my lolly. Oh, I want my lolly. I was like oh my god. I love caring, Malale
Okay, we're never gonna end this break
Like oh my god, I love Karen Malali. Okay, we're never gonna end this
I can imagine him honestly dressed with like a little bow tie and like shorts, but like a blazer and running around asking for a Lollie. Yeah, I'm just like kicking someone's seat while he plays a stupid game boy
My grandpa's your boss, you know my daddy owns his planet. You're gonna. Pie
Yes, oh god, he was probably a tar. Hmm, so that's definitely is like
Hey, Marquis. What are you making a mess?
Shut up Marquis
Then it cuts to Padma while everybody's running around like crazy trying to figure out what to do
It cuts to Padma just leaning back with her champagne. She tells Jonathan, want some nuts?
So funny. So Stephanie tells us her backstory because everyone has a backstory for every
challenge you know. She's like, my mom's a retired flight attendant. You know, foods
can dry out in 30 minutes isn't really enough time,
but I'm not in charge.
Champagne Padmas.
Yeah.
At Acosta Padma, just adding ice into her champagne.
Loppy scene as we've learned from sudden
on the Real House House of Beverly Hills.
Yeah.
Getting the pool, everybody in the pool.
So Melissa decides she's gonna make some curry,
so she's making curry.
And then Padma's like, hey, Jonathan,
my dear friend Jonathan Waxman, come with me,
let's go walk around and make fun of the poolers,
so they stand up and they just start like,
getting into everyone's business.
Yeah, so hello coach Dweller, hello lesser twin,
or shall I call you coach twin?
Coach brother, sorry, keep making their their twins coach brother Voltajio
So you're making chicken thigh with green lentils dates and then a salad with green goddess dressing very nice
70s dish
Voltajio
Well, I hope I don't get into your head
But I remind you that what you're making is extremely dated, just like Gail's patterns.
Hi five, Jonathan Waxman.
Hi five.
Hi five.
Hi.
Hi.
And then he's trying to run around and get ingredients, and she's just standing there
drinking.
He has to go around her.
Yeah.
He's like, excuse me.
Oh, yeah, walk around the famed Miss Person.
So she goes to check on Greg next. And my niece got very upset.
She's like, I really don't like it when people talk to me
while I'm trying to cook.
Uncle, it's very rude.
Um, she's going to forget his measurements.
Yes, she's right.
She's right, Pat, must be distracting.
Distracted.
Yeah.
She also checks it on Kevin, who is basically making deep fried meatballs.
Now here's the thing, like, you know, John and Vinnie, you know John and Vinnie's on
Fairfax and you know, like animal, you know, like the shook brothers, you know, they
have a whole bunch of restaurants out here.
And they actually partnered up with Delta Airlines.
They have like a really famous meatball at their restaurant, John and Vinnie's,
and they partnered with Delta Airlines
and they served that meatball in business class.
And I think it's like a pretty well-known thing.
So when Kevin's like, well, I'm gonna make a big meatball,
I was like, you are such a cheater.
Like a meatball, like that's like already established,
like as a thing that is done on airlines.
Yeah, way to steal the iconic meatball loser.
Yeah, and on top of that, he's also like,
well, it may be high, but you know, you can,
some meatball, you can squish it down.
I'm like, well, then you make,
then you, then you made a meat patty, which is different.
Yeah, I was really hoping they were gonna call him out on that
because that's bullshit. For him to just be like like rules, screw rules, my daddy, I'm from airline
I'm a lolly
Celebrity beef you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or
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So Malarkey is like, whoops, cut the pork and now the
moisteness is flowing all over the table.
Yeah, that was sort of a, I feel like if I were him,
instead of cutting the bottom of the pork,
wouldn't you just like slice it and like, and then fan it out?
Yeah, or just, you know, let it rest. I mean, I guess it
Or that I guess he tried that but there was enough time in in fairness. So Padma's like five minutes until touchdown
It's touchdown for spuds. I don't know. It's one of those things that poor people say touchdown
touchdown hands up touchdown down. Mm hmm.
Uh, so who's first?
Um, so I got so confused.
I'm sorry.
I said who's first because I'm looking at my notes and it says, Andy,
thanks for letting us appear on your show.
And Jack saying, no, you're all sweetie.
And that is the preview for the Vanderpump rules zoom region that they had a
commercial for. And I guess I thought it was important enough to write notes for
Carrie Hanbin
So now it's time for tasting and
Gregory's up first so what are we eating on this flight spoiler alert it already looks terrible
It's Gregory and he's made grilled broccoli and garal masala chicken and Kevin has made some Moroccan spice lamb meatballs as we know and a roast carrot salad and she's like, Kevin, these meatballs are taller than your plate. like gliding her knife off the top over like the top of her plate to be like whatever this knife touches is too tall to tall up looks like looks like we got a little bit
of a gal of a meatball which is funny because gal isn't tall but she doesn't really fit
in like this meatball.
Voltausia has braised chicken thighs and green goddess dressing on the salad and waxman
is like did you think the lentils are cooked all the way through?
Sorry, pod. Yeah, wait a still my line, formerly good friend. I thought you did a great job. Normally,
I wouldn't let someone else use my lines, but since you're a very influential in the food world,
how bad it, I'm so honored to have you use one of my lines. So then Stephanie serves her rockfish
to have you use one of my lines. So then Stephanie serves her rockfish and potato salad.
And she has one of those, I'm dumb,
but it's cooked in paper.
And so Pod was trying to rip the paper.
She's like, ow, this is hard.
Oh, I can't get this out.
How does paper work?
This is so difficult.
Jonathan, did you mean to have trouble opening your paper?
Stephanie, I just can't Stephanie, who gave use a stapler. Stephanie's is hot glue.
Stephanie, as we all know, paper is one of the toughest materials on the planet.
One does not simply rip it open, especially not when it's moist. I don't know why you would serve this to us.
She goes, if I'm having trouble opening this paper,
how would a flight attendant do it?
I mean, a flight attendant should
who can't be as educated as I am,
being the ex of Sam and Rasty.
So then Malarkey, of course, just keeps talking and talking
and talking.
He's like, he's like, welcome to Air Malarky. This is our fall and winter menu.
What we have here is a panchetta and sharing mushrooms topped with breachies. And also, you'll
notice there is a leaf of cilantro in one corner and the tears of my wife and the other.
So that is the appetizer.
Forrest Restalyn in the third little compartment there
So like melaki is this supposed to be cut because I can't cut it. It's harder than paper
Wow did you just serve me a roasted piece of paper because I can't cut this
He's like well this is he said you need a steak knife. She's like they don't give you steak knives on commercial
Malarkey, he's like well, this isn't commercial. It's jet Malarkey
Malarkey, I don't think they're such steak knives on commercial airlines. I mean, I wouldn't know I fly air alley one
So then Melissa has made a tofu salad and badminton was like, hmm, why did you choose tofu
salad?
She's like, uh, cause it lies flat.
Good answer, you can stay.
Alright, Max, man, let's do this.
So uh, the other judging and Jonathan is like, you know, uh, I had high hopes for Stephanie's
dish, but uh, unfortunately she used the most resilient material
on planet Earth and neither of us were actually able
to get past the paper and see what was on the inside.
So unfortunately that was too bad.
It was hot, it was really hot.
Ah, my hands.
This has like got her hands in the eyes
of Bucket and First Class. got her hands on the ice bucket in first class. Well, never know what was in that papiote.
And Malarkey, you do tell a great story.
However, I can't eat a story, idiot.
Yeah, I really struggle.
I really struggle to even cut it.
I would show you how much I struggle, but my hand is being eyes-scaredly.
Unfortunately, Malarkey, while you are a great storyteller, you're not quite as good I would show you how much I struggled but my hand is being iced currently
Unfortunately, Malaki while you are a great storyteller. You're not quite as good of a storyteller as my good friend
Lena, wait she won an Emmy
So Mr. Meatball is in the jobs and Malaki rolls his eyes
Yeah, he hates him and also probably because he knows that that is a iconic. It's an already iconic first class.
Yeah, because he's a first class meatballs dealer.
Yeah.
So, but luckily Melissa winds up winning of course because she pretty much wins everything.
And I love how she's she's keep talking about like yeah, I was in the bottom.
I'm really in a rut.
Melissa, you are like the best chef here.
So she wins.
And only five would continue on to the finale.
And for the first time ever,
Top Chef is heading to Europe for the finale.
And Tuscany to be specific,
even though no one asked, but Tuscany.
Anyone, Tuscany, anyone impressed?
No, okay.
Anyone been to Italy,
and everybody raises their hands about Stephanie and she's like oh Stephanie
Well anyway, you'll be flying courtesy of American Airlines
She starts cracking up. I love fucking drunk ass Padmott
at work. I know. I love that
Oh Stephanie so sad that you haven't been to Italy. I guess you'll be a little bit out of your depths.
Well, this is good.
Maybe you can find a new outfit or a makeover or something
to sort of defreumpify yourself.
It'll be great.
So the challenge is like you'll be creating a dish
inspired by food and philosophy of Michael Santa Monica.
Which is a feature.
And before you get leave, before you get any ideas,
we're talking about a restaurant, not a craft store.
So Stephanie, just slow your roll.
Stephanie, put the glue gun down, Stephanie.
Wow, I can't even imagine what should be like
once you find out about construction paper, it's so thick.
And Kevin's like, I can honestly not even tell you
how many amazing chefs have come out of Michael Santa Monica. Here's a list.
Daddy, I want my lolly. That's my list. So Michael Wax or Waxman, Jonathan Waxman tells them
about Michael's historic restaurant in Santa Monica and they wanted to make a French restaurant
But with California fresh items and now they have to recreate those classic dishes in their own way
Yeah, so they're gonna cook and Michael's tomorrow in front of a lot of maca's alumni
Like man who's still there to and Brooke
And that camel lady who wound up talking to us a lot in the mountains the other episode. I guess she apparently worked at the Michaels at some point.
I don't know, a staff photographer.
So they have to go eat at Michaels and then serve, use one of those dishes as their inspiration for their
own dish this evening which would be judged by a long line of people who weren't at Michaels.
And Brooke, so um, add my friendly helper from Avis Rentacar. We want to give back as best we can.
The one stupid is who would know where to find a steak knife, Brooke.
We wanted a treat to dinner because her fingers had been burned so many times trying to open
up a fish on Papio.
So they get it in their cars, they get into their BMWs and they have to do the stupid thing
where Brian Voltage was like, hey, hey BMW, what's the weather like in Voltage?
Oh, Italy.
Oh, Italy.
I've been in a little, the little Siri thing in the car is like, second fast.
Are you asking about Brian Voltage, Italy your michael vultaggio because it's
sunny and michael vultaggio italy and it's a little cover cast and brine
it's extremely insecure degrees
uh...
there's a fifty percent chance of still having to one top chef.
So they get to the restaurant and someone's like, wow, it still looks like, you know, 1979,
but it tastes like 2017.
Yeah.
Oh, that was Jonathan Gold who said that because they had like a revamp back in 2017.
So they get there and they meet, so the guy Michael of Michaels, this guy's like a revamp back in 2017. So they get there and they meet,
so the guy Michael of Michaels, this guy's like a ham.
Like I feel like he came to LA to be an actor
and then run this restaurant
because he's very much like,
hey, welcome to Michaels.
We've been here 40 years and the stories,
we'd have to tell you, we could tell you baby.
We don't have all right, you know what I'm saying?
God, 40 years, you haven't even been born yet, yet. And the food is very like dated food.
Yeah, it's like spaghetti with some shrimp on there and cream.
Shard made cream.
Yeah, exactly.
And he keeps saying things like yeah, we were beginning to pioneer baby
asparagus.
Baby asparagus.
We started baby asparagus.
That's my question.
Did they invent baby a sparr-
Yes, I guess people do do that right?
Move that thing. What do you have to say about paper?
Did you invent paper because it is difficult?
Can you point me to any of it who made the cock-a-poo because I really can't stand that tiny?
Well Michael you really are an innovator with the baby a sparr, I guess. I'm just so glad you didn't cover it in paper
So they show some of these dishes there's grilled quail with roasted jalapeno lime and
Brooks monkfish wrapped in boar boar and boar snore
You'll notice that Brooks monkfish comes with insurance policy that you might want to take out
You never know what's gonna happen when you're on the road
Please return Brooks Monkfish with a full tank of gas. Thank you so much
So Brooks Monkfish was wrapped in prosciutto and served over an heirloom beat
risotto, I think and
Introduced heirloom beets in the 80s?
We did, I tell ya.
We pioneered it.
They used to just be poor beets now they're heirloom beets.
That's right, right from your Mimaw's house.
Yeah, and so, and so,
Malarkey for some reason is weighing in on Brooks' dish.
He's like, he's like, that's the funniest looking risotto
of all time. I mean, you know what, fish, that's the funniest looking risotto of all time.
I mean, you know what, fish, that's my wheelhouse.
I think I could have fun with that dish.
Well, too bad, you don't get it.
Fuck fish.
And there's some sweet breads with a reduction in vial sauce and a grilled lamb saddle with
a potato galette by Roy Yamaguchi and the duck two ways with blood orange sauce by Mark Peele and
then they have to choose knives knives to see who gets to choose in order but Melissa gets
to go first because she won and she chooses well.
Yeah, because she lives in Prieth, California, cuisine.
Kevin takes the duck and Stephanie goes for the scalp and the pasta. And I love
she's totally nags it in the process. She's like, yeah, I'm going to go for the scalp
and pasta. I mean, even though it was really heavy and dated, I like the flavors. He's
like, you know, he's standing right there, right? And then Greg takes, Greg's getting annoyed because he's like one by one.
They're taking my dishes and Voltajio takes the lamb saddle and Greg ends up with a muckfish.
Yeah.
And he's just like, I'm so angry right now.
I'm so sad and angry.
Can't you tell by, oh, I'm smiling again.
Aren't I?
Oh, she.
I just congratulated everyone darn I did this wrong again. So Malarkey gets stuck with like
Veal and Sweepreds which I wouldn't even say get stuck with I think it's
perfectly fine and he's like you know what I got Veal I got Sweepreds I got a
plate I got a fork and a knife I think I just did pretty well for being six
can't wait to ruin this. Yeah
Wow your psychic
Yeah, seriously did pretty well for being six
So Whole Foods
Gregory's like, you know, I'm thinking of keeping it simple, you know
Beat Pizzoto with monkfish
I love you so much. I'm gonna keep you
I love you so much, I'm gonna keep you. It's like, Gregory, why are you hugging that can of Garbanzo Beans?
Just because it looked like it needed love.
I love monkfish, I'm not saying a good thing.
And Kevin, I don't know why this annoyed me, but with their talk about Brooks Dish,
he goes, wow, she was probably pretty young when she made that.
And for some reason, it felt like an aggression,
but then when I thought about it, it wasn't.
But I'm just gonna say it was, because I felt like it.
It was micro enough to go either way.
So it was, like there was no evidence that it was aggressive.
Like if anything, it might have even been a compliment,
because he's saying that she's already young, so she must have been
really young. But I was just kind of like, are you just missing this dish? I don't know,
if I was angry. Yeah, you never know with that one. So then Brian Malarkey is like, well,
you know, they like the farmer's market. So that's what I'm gonna do I look around the whole foods and I think what is fresh here? You know what's fresh Asian pear
So long dro a celery. It's like okay calm down
We go like you're literally stabbing in the
He's yeah, he literally is like apple Asian pear and you know what truffles don't like big sweet flavors
Well then don't buy the fucking big sweet flavors. Well then don't
buy the fucking big sweet flavors, get the, get it, just get ahead of lettuce. Get some spinach,
I don't know, get an onion. Yeah, dumb dumb. And then Votagia is like, well the lime dish
I can execute on a very high level. I love the sauce work of that dish. In New York, I was the
Sausier. I would make 37 sauces a day. So I think that I'm gonna delve it.
Okay, cut, get them out of here. Okay, make a fucking sauce.
My first job I was actually working at McDonald's and I was actually a
Sausier from McDonald's and you should have seen what I could do with the
honey mustard sauce. I got fired. I'mier from McDonald's and you should have seen what I could do with the honey mustard sauce
I got fired. I remember editors are like you know what guys?
Stephanie is really lighting up. She started to smile a little bit more. She's gaining a little confidence
I know what to do get a camera put it inside a cart and have it shoot up at Stephanie to make her as
Uncomfortable as possible. How about that? We like to call that Padma cam
Show these women in their true light
No, so then back at home
Kevin and Voltage you were talking you know about it working out Kevin getting to stay
He's like I need to make the cut for testing me. This is good. I'm
Yeah, he's like even even if I have to dress up like he
annu wreaths and walk through fields flapping stuff, I'm going to
Tuscany. If I'm going to do one thing in this competition, it is
going to be to get upgraded in my seat while the rest of you
still have to stay in control of the way to test. I hear they
have amazing lilies in Tuscany.
So meanwhile, Malarkey calls his kids because they're having a, they're twins, they're having
a birthday.
So like, okay, Malarkey is going home.
He's getting the call from home.
It's bad.
Malarkey calls a stem cell farm.
So, what is Sailor and, I don't know.
So now it's the next morning and they're over at Michaels,
which by the way, it would have been really fun
if they were at a Michaels.
Not Michael Santa Monica but an actual Michaels.
Like they had to like, there's a challenge.
Craft, craft something, that is a challenge.
Make a meal out of like the little snack
they have by the cash register.
Did you mean to make the sunflower out of silk?
Kevin, I can't seem to differentiate you between you and all the Christmas decorations.
Which one is the elf?
So, let's see, what are they doing now?
They're just, they're walking, they basically walk into Michaels and Kevin's like, well, it looks exactly like a kitchen from the 1980s would if we ask me
yours
This is an institution of
Apparently very dated food, but still an institution nonetheless show some respect and
Malarkey's like well, I've been thinking how am I gonna use all of this stuff?
I got and the truffles because truffles hate big flavors.
And then it strikes me.
Maybe I'll do a dreaded duo.
That's it!
I'm doing the dreaded duo.
Why not?
You go big or you go home.
That's what I tell the doctor every time
he's holding a needle.
Bigger, bigger, bigger!
That's why I've got four lips now.
That's right, we're doing the dreaded duo of Botox and Restylent.
So Melissa is doing making her quail with a hot plum glaze, which looks amazing, of course.
And then Tom comes in with Jonathan Waxman to walk around.
Like, all right, Chefs, what are you going to go on? Is this probably tiny dated kitchen from the 80s
that has not been updated in 40 years?
What's going on over here with you, Malarkey?
And Malarkey's like, well, I got feel,
I got truffles and shamter rel mushrooms.
So, and Tom's just like, yeah, I'm like,
yeah, what's going on with all the fruit?
Right?
You're gonna mix all of your something,
what's going on here?
Yeah, I love what he says.
What's going on with the fruit?
And Malarkey's like, they don't like truffles.
I'll tell you that.
They do not like truffles.
So this is why I'm making them into the meal.
And Tom just kind of rolls his eyes like, OK, buddy.
He's like, all right, here's what I got.
All right, I got truffles.
And they're going to go on one side of the plate.
And I got some feces that I was able to source from a cow.
And I put on the other side of the plate
and we're gonna serve them together,
and you'll know what to do from there, right?
Okay, great.
She loves big flavors.
So Stephanie is working on her scallops big anything.
And she's like, oh my god, these to just I've never been Italy. Oh god.
Oh god. Okay.
And then Waxman is her little part of the kitchen and he's like, wow, this is where Nancy
Silverton used to be a cashier, not even kidding.
Man, I thought he was kidding for a second.
That's too bad.
Hey, tell us the Nancy Silverton being a cashier too.
Hey, I give us some of that.
A good old Nancy Silverton at the till bit.
Do that one.
So Gregory is really worried about his risotto because he's not used to these ingredients
and risotto on top shop is always like super dangerous.
And then we see Kevin is working with his duck and he's like, so Mark Peele had a leg of
duck, he had a breasted duck with also a duck comfy and also some wild rice.
So I'm going to take the braised duck and I'm going to blend it with wild rice and make
a duck rice croquette.
This feels very Kevin Gillespie.
I'm like, okay, you know what, don't branch yourself, sir.
Also, congratulations, you've made yet another ball
on top chef.
Yeah, no one's gonna make you.
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made?
How many balls has he made? How many balls has he made? How many balls has he made? How many balls has he made? How many balls has he just made the meatballs. Now he's making a duck ball. He had the thing that Ruth
Rysher was like, when I first ate that ball, look at that
ball. I was like, what's that stupid ass ball doing?
That's the clunky ball. What was it?
What's that the clunky ball that she ate?
The clunky ball. So what's this clunky ball? I was trying to
remember what it was. I forget if I talked enough, you
would chime in with it.
I'm going to make this my own while still being respectful.
That is the key. So the judges all come in for dinner and Kiel's like, enough you would you chime in with it. I'm gonna make this my own while still being respectful.
So the judges all come in for dinner and Gail's like wow I haven't been here for dinner in 15 years.
They just all hate this restaurant.
Gail have you not been in here or have you not been invited? Big difference you know.
Well you got to wonder is it rent control?, how are they still so popular when they're serving like cream spaghetti and shrimp?
I think it really is.
Like, it's just like a famous restaurant.
I think they're locals that just love it
and they get their same thing over and over again.
Sometimes at a certain point, like the food just,
I don't know, like your reputation is a thing.
I actually, I think a year ago,
I went out to fancy dinner at Spago and with my parents.
And I'll say the food was not that good.
It was like, shit was overcooked,
things were over salted, things were under salted.
It was like, the menu was like not very interesting.
And you know, sometimes some of these restaurants. I think just have a name and they just just and you could tell that there are all these
You could tell there are all these people like these Faye Resnex that just come in week after week like oh
Spago I love getting have you had the have you had the risotto with Spago or whatever it is
You know and they just like talk himself into this this one dish you have to have and it's just sort of stuck
in time. Yeah. So Gail has also showed up in a new style, which I'm not comfortable with
Gail just changing it up on me. We want patterns to shoulder pad, weird clothes, to now beautiful
just, you know, simple black dress. Yeah, simple black dress yeah simple black dress gal what are
you doing to me okay stop looking so gorgeous thanks yeah well please welcome
our guest Mark Peele Roya Magucci Sangyun also known as soon to be John
Fevary what's happening with you Sangyun what's going on over there Jonathan
Waxman who's my friend and and our representative of Avis, Brooke.
The lady who said, just leave the keys in the car and then tried to charge me $30 extra
for not topping off the tank.
The lady who handed me a very, very helpful brochure of the sights and attractions all around
Big Bear.
Brooke.
By the way, congrats, Michael. Congrats on your bank control. So in the kitchen,
everybody's trying to play, but Greg can't find any room. And, you know, I also have to point out
one other thing, which I didn't really know until later on in the episode, but I feel like it's
important to mention now. Nulu was also there and they didn't put her at the main table, they put her at a side table,
and they put her so that way she was directly
behind Padma's back.
So like, because Nulu kept on looking over the big table
to be like, I'm friends with them guys.
I'm friends with the big table.
I'm not at the big table, but I'm friends with them.
But like every time she looked over,
it would be, she'd be just facing Padma's back.
I know, which was a poor girl. Such an amazing pass of aggressive seating arrangement. It was so uncool. and then the camera just came up and it was like, if you had to, if you had to, if you had to, if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to,
if you had to, if you had to, if you had to, if you had to, if you go to a wedding and you got the seat that's facing away from the dance floor, anytime there's some stupid announcement, you have to crane yourself around.
Yes, they added a seat for her.
Oh, bless her heart.
So yeah, back in the kitchen, Greg is plating, but he can't find his prosciutto and then ends
up forgetting it because it's left on a pan and that tiny little kitchen, but everybody's
just swamped, you know.
Yeah, because there's craziness and probably Kevin did something wrong.
So Stephanie and Gregory bring their dishes out to the table and they present them.
So Stephanie has her seared scallop with caviar and asparagus, caramello, and Gregory has
his beet juice risotto with roasted monkfish.
So Jonathan thinks, Jonathan Weissman thinks Steph's dishes, which was his originally,
he thought it was like delicious and like a perfect way to, to update his dish.
Yeah, so then Gregory presents his monkfish in prosciutto, but without the prosciutto,
over the beats and bricks like, so sorry for the dish, sorry, sorry for my amazing dish, so sorry for the dish sorry sorry for my amazing dish so sorry yeah sorry I
had to deal with my amazing memorable iconic dish that you clearly are not able to recreate
so sorry I can I speak to the girl who made the pink food when she was a little girl good job
little girl here's a lot like just kidding it's's mine. So, Laksimin's like, well, Gregory, when we did a walkthrough, you said Krispy Pachuto.
Oh, it's sound effect. And he's like, yes, unfortunately the Pachuto didn't make it to the
plate. And I mean, as you can see, I'm furious about it.
Gregory, you're actually smiling and drawing a caricature of Gail right now.
What's up with that?
She's on a skateboard.
Um, so they all loved it.
They liked both of their things.
Well, no, they loved Stephanie's, but they felt like Gregory's was a little one-dimensional
and that the Pajudo would have added like the richness and texture and salt that the dish needed.
Wow.
And so Tom's like, well, you know, they would have been a better dish with Pajudo.
That's why Pajudo was on there.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, I mean, that's like I tell my son.
A lot of your cocktails would probably be a lot better with Pajudo, but what do I know?
I'm just a chef and a world-class level with lots of restaurants who, it's been hosting a TV show for 15 years, but what do I know? I'm just a chef on a world-class level with lots of restaurants who
it's been hosting a TV show for 15 years, but what do I know? You know, it would make your new drink taste better, college degree. So that's what I say. You know, it'd be great. If you
put like maybe a simple syrup, shot a gin, and just finished it with some ambition, how about that?
and I just finished it with some ambition. How about that?
So Kevin and Voltajio are the next pair.
And Voltajio has made Roy's dash,
roasted lamb with a crab cut.
Please.
Yeah, and then Kevin is like,
well, this dish is inspired by Chef Peele.
They said you like to cut up ducks and other animals
and Mark Peele goes, well, if ducks have a post office,
my picture would be on the wall.
And they're like Oh
Classic peel
Classic peel
All right, who's gonna bring out the Nancy Silverton jokes?
Have I told you guys about Nancy Silverton hand laying the money in the kitchen?
Hold on let me call my good friend Ali, and put her on speaker so she can hear
she's a comedian.
So roasted duck rest and a crook head down from Kevin.
So let's see, Brian's dish follows to the principles, where he says, and Adam's like,
yeah, even though he had different sauces, they all worked very, very well together.
Unlike most of Gail's patterns, no, I'm saying everyone, high five newly, where is Nile? We should have invited her.
Also lack the wow factor. Sorry, I'm still talking to Gail.
Anybody else? God, it's times like these when we're just eating all this rich, wonderful, but sort of
dated food, I wish.
God, why couldn't Nilo have been here to join us?
It's a shame.
Such a shame.
And bricks like God.
The only time I ever cried in the kitchen was when I had to make this lamb because they'd
all ordered at the same time at different temperatures.
Can someone punch that radio so it starts working again?
They. That's a great story, Brooke. different temperature. Can someone punch that radio so it starts working again? Thanks.
That's a great story, Brooke. By the way, the GPS doesn't seem to be working on this meal. Could you fix that? Thanks. Otherwise, I'd like that redacted.
How will anyone know what weather it is in Votarsio? Hey, brook, so you told that story about how you cried because everyone would have landed on Valentine's Day.
Maybe you might call that a Valentine's Day massacre.
Hey, oh, no, not really.
He only called me.
He was at the table.
Waxman says the wow factor was the croquet.
It's just so annoying.
Yeah.
He goes, well, it's, it's talking about Kevin Sish.
He goes, he's like, you know what?
The orange note on the top was special.
They're talking about Kevin's issue. He's like, you know what? The orange note on the top was special
Gels like phenomenal and then Nealu behind her. It's like definitely definitely so good. I'm one of more rice ball right guys
Does anyone have a feel like the coat rack is talking isn't so strange?
Whether we in beauty of the, don't ask a gal.
So Malarkey and Melissa are a next stop and Malarkey is missing some plates. Don't don't don't. Well yeah, well because he played it his, but then the servers,
the revenge of Nailu, because the servers basically took his dishes to Nailu's table first. And so he
comes out, he comes out the table
And he sees that's not everyone has the dishes and he has this like
Furious rage in his eyes because also trying to stay professional and his face just it turns into an evil skull
Like it's one of those things were like
somehow it just gets like gaunt and angry and all the vans pop out and it's like
It's just it's scary.
Yeah, suddenly it's like dirty Harry over there.
So, Gels like, well they're missing a plate.
I don't know what to do and you just hear me Lou going,
I love a quadro, right guys?
Quadro?
They must have heard me saying how much I want
in another one of those balls because they gave me
five plates all for myself
So he's furious and he was like don't worry. It's gonna be okay, and he's so pissed
So waxes like let's share this already tiny bit of food, okay?
Yeah, so Malarkey's like all right. Let me get back to my spiel put on a happy face happy face
like, alright let me get back to my spiel, put on a happy face, happy face, ha, ha, so well you know there are so many stories at this old and dated restaurant and I wanted
to reflect all those stories and how can you just have one story, so why I thought I
reflect it with a duo, a duo of stories, so here's the duo, it's a duo of sweetbreads
with holidays and a champagne gastrique and also a deal with a truffle butternut squash mushrooms and leak potato salad
And if I'm not mistaken, Nilo is wearing it on her head right now. Don't even know why that's happening
And then it comes to one of the chefs starting to eat it and they just take their their fork and they go
Fluke with the mushroom. They flew it off like they were disgusted with the mushroom on top
I'm sorry. I thought I saw Gail on top of my risotto ball. And then Malarkey sees them how they're eating the dish and he's set them aside by side,
but you know, it's like, how are they supposed to know?
And he's like, oh my god, it's destroying it together. It's a duo! It's a duo!
It was not how duos's supposed to be best when they
endure twine. And also he made like a potato salad. He made a
warm leek potato salad, but the post department
misspelled leek instead of leek. They spelled leak, which
is like whatever. But the idea if you really think of it, the idea of a
warm leek, like a warm leak potato.
I was like, that is so malarkey.
You, a warm leak.
That's funny, a warm leak.
Also warm potato salad,
way to rip off sir while you're cooking at this high level sir.
Way to rip off Germany.
Yeah, we're gonna rip off Lisa van der Pumps.
Warm potato salad.
Woo.
Repov Lisa van der Pumps warm potato solid
So then Melissa did I hear this correctly that she served grilled quail with ninja radishes?
Did she just wrote lime and hot plum glaze?
Let me see if ninja radishes are real cuz that seems like it's
Seems you good to be true. It's like tritian. Oh, they're real ninja radishes. Wow.
Never had one, but I'm gonna now.
I'm gonna go to my local grocery store and be like,
I'm not gonna be in to radish, please.
Teenage mu in ninja radishes.
So yeah, Melissa serves her quail in ninja radishes
and then they go back to the kitchen and Malarkey is still bitching
He's like they sent all my food to the wrong table all all my food. It's just you know what's there
It's they were so nice to you about it. You have to relax. He says I'm fucking pain mad right now
I was like why can you say fucking but not pissing love you
Why can you say fucking but not pissing? Love you.
Sorry.
As the former host of an ABC food show called The Taste
with Anthony Bourdain and Nigella Lawson
and someone else, I have to say I know when I concur
and when I can't.
So not Alie Wahn, what did you think of Melissa's quail?
And they all loved it.
They love that she really highlighted the quail.
And Tom's like, you know, some things need a lot of work
and some things need the confidence
to just be left alone.
And that's what I'd like Melissa to impart to my son
who can't stop requesting Venmos.
So.
Thank you.
So then Michael of Michaels, he does not like Malarca's dish.
He's like, you know, the whole thing with Michaels where where we pie in he had certain things like chairs. He has a
he chair on a restaurant before Michael's. I don't think so. Anyway, our whole
thing is we want four to five ingredients and he went to 45 ingredients. I mean
what the hell? This is what you serve the pioneer of the baby chair. This is this is what you serve the guy who invented
baby iceberg
Gosh so then back in the kitchen they just keep cutting back to the kitchen where Malarkey still pissed in Kevin's like
Well, I would ask how it went, but I can see that it didn't go very well shut up Kevin
Don't make me stand up from a larkey
Yeah, a ball server. Yeah, so Gail's like, well, my loin is perfectly cooked and the sweet bread is perfectly
cooked, but the two just don't have a purpose next to each other.
Oh, God, you make it so easy for me, Gail.
Bless your heart.
Bless your heart.
Who wants to take this one?
Jonathan, you've been doing well with that Nancy Silverton material.
So, chefs, I would just like to give one final cheers and by doing that I'm gonna throw
my fork at someone's head behind me.
Okay, we can leave now.
Mission accomplished.
Well, I'd like them to, like Pat, they're all sitting there in Pat Migos.
You want to get the chefs, Michael?
Pat, but you're the host.
You go get the chefs.
Why are you telling the owner of the restaurant to go get the chef?
She's like, all right, Michael, thank you so much for coming to my restaurant.
Please could you get the chefs on your show?
I'd love one of those little chocolate mint from Andes on my check when you bring
your things. You can serve the check to gal.
Well, Michael, I love what you've done.
This is the space.
I mean, look how huge it is.
Like I can just raise my arms and flap around and wow, all this space.
Ow!
What was that?
What was that?
So he does go get the shafts and basically gives them a great job and they come out and
get applause and stuff.
So then we go over to the judges table and Tom's like, there's so much history in that
kitchen.
Wow, you basically cooked paisley today.
Everybody, congratulations, you did a great job.
And seeing the reactions from the chefs like...
The Hearts Girl.
The Hearts Girl.
I really love those beats.
Well, we had an unanimous winner today tonight.
It was the chef who did not serve us meals cooked in paper
And that person is
Melissa. Thank you Melissa
So Melissa you know big shock that Melissa wins, but so my favorite my front runner. She better win this thing and then
Gale is like
Well, you know Michael himself was completely
Belon away Gale is like, um, well, you know, Michael himself was completely blown away. Could someone remind me who Michael was?
Was he the man who had a shirt open to his navel?
Was that him?
Okay, good.
Or the one that forgot to bring me that chocolate covered mint.
Never forgiving that place.
Was he that weird, disembodied voice, that kept hearing behind me, asking for more and more balls. Yeah.
And waxing is like, well, I will tell you this, Stephanie, you were right
there. The rates was close. You channeled me in a spectacular fashion.
I would like to offer you the job as the cashier at the Saw Station.
If only you had made one, just one anti-Sovietan joke.
Probably, that might have just pushed the needle enough.
Congratulations, front people, and you're also going to Italy.
Um, so, girlpower, yay, so then Padma, Brian, and Kevin, you're also going to the finals.
Congrats on not being Neelu. Well, we'll only be taking five shots with us to Italy in Coach class.
And so one of you will be going home.
Who will it be?
Hmm, Gregory?
When you were thinking about interpreting the dish,
what part of yourself did you want to put in it?
Did you want to put the awful part that you apparently have?
Because that was there in spades. He's like, well, um, I really love fresh vegetables.
Does that count? And running. I love to run. Also hugging people and helping old people across the street.
I was gonna try and convey that. Oh, sorry. You know what? Part of your personality I would have really liked in that.
How about the part of your personality that's more about
dumping a whole dish on Neil who's head.
God, that would have been great.
So Tom's like, what?
Your fresh vegetables were great and the pickled onions were
great, but you know what, the fish got lost.
That's it.
It was lost.
It was lost fish.
Wanted.
You know what, if I had a carton of milk right now,
there would be a picture of monkfish on the back
because it was lost. Yeah because it was lost, okay?
Yeah, it was lost, sort of like my son's future
because he's sad to be a methalogist.
He's like a forgotten monkfish.
And what happened with the prosciutto stew, babe?
Oh, he's like, well, the clock had taken
I had overlooked the prosciutto.
Oh, sort of like Galat, every party we've ever been to.
Who blesses it hot?
She's just not very good socially.
And Gal's like, well, in the original dish, that prosciutto served a real purpose.
It gave moisture.
It gave seasoning.
Both things would have stopped talking about your beauty regimen, Gal, okay?
Client down Abraham Lincoln.
So they had patterns like, so malachy, have us today for you.
He goes, oh, I just had the best time.
It was, this is, you know what guys, this is exhausting.
I had forgotten how exhausting it is.
What do you mean listening to you talk every week?
Yes, we agree.
It's like, well, I had a couple of problems today,
and then it shows Greg giving him like a roly eye face,
which is crazy coming from Greg, and I loved it.
Like, when you can even make Greg crazy, you're a monster.
Mm-hmm.
So, okay, I was like, well, you did some good cookie, Malarkey.
And he's like, well, I have a lot of great stuff going on in my life at this point.
And you know what? I had a great time, my friends.
I cooked, ah, saw my friends cooked really, really well.
And Padme goes, so are you quitting right now?
Dun dun dun.
Let me know because I have to call American Airlines,
let them know a middle seat opened up for them.
So Greg kind of whisper us to him.
He's like, listen, you know what, if this is how I go home,
I accept it, but you know, please don't quit. Yeah. And I'm like, no, you're here because
your cooking has been very good this season. Not great, not great. You know, it's just very
good. And you're sort of annoying. And I don't know. And it seems to really like you. I think
we're just want to, we're just fascinated by your face, honestly. And we just, you know,
that's why you're here. So don't forget that.
And Gels, like what happened to you at the table didn't affect our decision, Belarki.
I love that they're going to just try and talk him into staying so they can kick him off
it so funny. And he's like, well, I got very annoyed today with the process. And you know what?
I meant for it to be eaten lightest to heaviest you guys weren't doing that
and kill because once you send out the food you have no control over how people eat it like hello
Yes, he is well
I mean but the truth is if you put those things together, it's a disaster and girls like
But you put them together Brian good one gal get him gal get him
I love it when she gets hungry. Wow. You go, Geral. And Gels.
So he's just an idiot, right? And Tom goes, you know, that
duo didn't talk to each other.
And Pat was like, well, obviously we need to make a
discussion. Make a discussion. We need to have a
discussion. That will be all.
That will be all. So they all go into the studio room and
Gregory is talking about how he wants to go to Italy because he deserves to go, not because Malarkey quit. So they all go into the steward room and Gregory is talking about how
we want to go to Italy because he deserves to go, not because Malarkey quit. So that's
the whole thing. And then Patma is like, it's going to be hard to say goodbye to either
one of these chefs. I mean, they've really cooked their hearts out just kidding. Malarkey
sucks. I hate him.
And Malarkey is like, well, I mean, back in the steering wheel. He's like, when they judge that, you know, judge my dish
because they put the food together, I mean,
he's such a little butt.
And so, how do you get like mad?
It's like, guess what?
You know what, chocolate and lobster are two delicious things.
And if you serve me them both on a plate,
and I'm gonna think, oh, am I supposed to eat them together?
You know, and like, if I do eat them together, you can't be mad at me.
And then it tastes shitty.
So it's like, yeah, I don't know if my point stands, but the point is this.
He's stupid.
Yeah.
So waxman's like, well, at this point, Gregory's dish needed to be at a higher level.
And Padden's like, something's not he something's not he entered something's not he here.
That's what's a minus.
So then the judges bring them back in.
And Tom's like, well, you know what, look,
at this point in the competition,
it's basically physically and emotionally draining.
And you want to put out everything you can,
but the only thing that matters is what's on the plate.
And if it's two things that fight with each other,
well, God, I'm getting close to just saying it, aren't I?
OK, Padma.
Padma.
Malaki, please pack your knives and go home to your angry wife.
Thank you.
He's like, well I am still proud of everything, dammit.
I mean he ends with, cheers and love my friends.
I'm bozicase.
He goes, my one regret, there was enough laughter today.
I'm like, has there ever been enough laughter? Are mean, are you, are you insinuating that anyone
was laughing at your jokes, sir, because they were not?
Yeah.
Well, see you at Malarkey.
I'm really glad he didn't make it to the finals.
What about me too, but now we're stuck with Kevin again.
He's probably gonna go all the way,
which is very frustrating.
Yeah, but now we get to see Kevin have a breakdown.
Except I think they have a little break right between this part when
they go to the finale because usually they show up at that finale vacation. They're like well I
had time to rest and I've written a whole cookbook. Yeah they usually do although I'm I wonder how they
do it because with coronavirus I guess we'll find out. I mean when they they you know what though I
think yeah they usually have a break. I usually I feel like when they come back they've already seen some of the season but
part of me feels like they filmed this. Oh this this season aired a little later and so I don't know
I don't know. I know. Why am I even pontificating about this? It doesn't matter. The point is this.
He's gonna I don't know but he's gonna come back and he's gonna make us like a series
of balls and make ends.
He's gonna go to the finals.
Oh, fun times, everybody. All right, well, thank you so much for being here, guys. We love
you. Stay safe out there. Take care of each other. And we'll be back tomorrow.
Yeah. We'll back with the premiere of Below Deck Med.
It's back.
Yay.
OK, we'll see you later.
Hone eyes.
Bye, honours.
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