Watch What Crappens - TopChef: This One Time At Bland Camp

Episode Date: May 19, 2020

This week on Top Chef, the cheftestants head to the mountains for an overnight stay at adult sleepaway camp. Their task: serve up a brunch buffet for 200 hungry, hungover moms. Basically, it's a nightmare. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What happens

What Guess what happens Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real House, where as a Kitchen Island and also the Game Brain Podcast, which if you like board games, just check that out. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real House, whereas at Kitchen Island and also the Game Brain podcast, which is if you like board games, just check that out. And joining me is a man who not only will listen to your heart,

but he'll tell it like it is. It's Ronnie Caram from the Rose Pricks Bachelor Rose podcast. What's up Ronnie? Oh, how'd they end? How are you doing? How's your weekend? Oh my God, it was so good. I'm really starting to dig this, like never having to see anybody everything, like, behind a like it sometimes. It's the best. I have to say, it's like my favorite thing in the world.

I've been truly enjoying it. And, you know, speaking of being locked up inside for quarantine, et cetera, one thing that Ronnie and I have been doing a lot of has been cooking. We've been cooking a lot of food. And so we decided for a bonus episode this week, we're gonna be doing kind of like a virtual recipe swap. We're gonna be talking about the stuff we've been cooking

and sharing recipes and inspiration ideas. So if you like cooking, and I know a lot of our listeners love cooking, I mean, hey, it's Top Chef Day here on Crappens. So how appropriate come and listen to our bonus episode. It's going to be on patreon.com slash watch or crappens. You sign up on the the bonus level, which is pretty much the entry level. You get access to all the bonus episodes. But actually what we really suggest you do is do the crap is on demand level, because then you get to participate in crap is on demand when we do our live stuff and you can watch our live streaming videos which is really cool but you know you do what works for you if

at all. But this week's bony will be all about cooking and recipe swapping and all that fun stuff. And this week's videos will be Vanderpromp Rules Season finale and either New York or Beverly Hills We haven't decided yet. Do you want to do Vanderpump rules live? I mean at the same time we normally record. I mean, that's fine. Fine with me. I'll just make sure my hair is ready Yeah, do it. So we'll do a live show this year now. I have full camera So we'll do Vanderpump rule, season finale live. So that will be at noon Pacific time, and that will be on our crap and it's on demand page.

We'll post it a little bit earlier in the day so you guys can get situated. Just click that YouTube link, and it'll take you to YouTube, and you can talk to everybody live and we can read your messages during the show and stuff. So that'll be a nice daytime live crap and live quarantine show. Hey Ronnie. What?

Ronnie can I tell you something? Tell me. You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. You're a real cool guy. You're a cool guy. So today before we jump into Top Chef, we're going to do what we love to do at the top of the show now, which is give some small business shout outs.

And I've got one. It's a very special one because it's one of our premium sponsors and she also show now, which is give some small business shout outs. And I've got one. It's a very special one because it's one of our premium sponsors and she also happens to be one of the moderators on our Facebook group. Watch her crap and it's live. I'd love to. Shannon Anthony. Shannon out of a cannon.

Anthony. So, what people may not know about our dear Shannon is that she manages a small salon in downtown Napa. Have fancy downtown Napa. But of course, you know, those salons are really having a hard time across the country because of coronavirus, et cetera. So they're doing a lot of online product sales.

So the name of Shannon Salon is called Bloom Salon. And their website is www.bloomonmain.com. All one word, bloom on main. They carry Orbe, Orbe, and Bumble and Bumble, hello, which are, you know, everyone loves those products. I mean, Bumble and Bumble, I should say. I honestly hadn't heard of Orbe, but that's also because I don't know self-care. So what am I doing? Why am I making Orbe? Go get your Orbe, everyone. But anyway, the point is this. Shannon has a 25% discount on all orders from the watch for crap, from the watch for crap it's community. And the discount code is WC 25. Just go to their website.

And if you need some pretty badass jewelry, I'm going through a site right now. Go over to Tanya's Etsy site. It's called Tanya G Jewelry. And that's T-A-N-Y-A-G, the letter, jewelry. .se.com. Or you can follow her at Tanya G Jewelry too on Twitter. I'm looking at it right now. She's a Michigan girl

And it's some pretty badass stuff a lot of really cool beating Druzies get over there y'all check out her stuff and You know our love goes out to all of you guys out there dealing with this and staying so positive through all of this Crazy town as the world freaking goes crazy around us. So thanks for that. How is it that I feel like sometimes Ronnie we're the only two sane people left in this world. That's not right. We've always been fucking crazy anyway. So we're like welcome to the club everybody. Welcome to drinking at night in the morning and to work at home

and you're underwear with Karen here in the back of your head I mean, I got a full-cake gausslyn back there. I think later this week I'm just going to just style my hair. I'm gonna lean into it and just I'll do the thing. We'll have my hair Pretty much parted to the right except for the back wheel go straight up like a chicken tail feather and do it in full Karen Bloom do it for the live show bloom on my your let your Karen flower bloom baby If I'm feeling really busy, I will wear Karen here to my to our live show I don't know if I can do that. I don't know that's that requires a certain amount of self confidence

I'm not sure I have the internet is forever Exactly Anyway, speaking of self confidence. Let's talk about Top Chef, shall we? You know what's not forever any of your jobs. Please pack your knives and go, loser. Here are two things that are forever. The internet and lasagna, but not your jobs. Pack your knives and go go end of episode So here we are this episode is called cabin fever and Happens to coincide almost with the premiere of camp getaway. I feel like Bravo scheduling Kind of did themselves a favor there, but also it seemed like kind of an accident

I don't know who's what I do know camp sucks. I never want to go back there again Okay, and nobody wants to go back there because guess who they got to come guess judge? Brooke and Kelsey. They're like, sorry. None of my celebrity friends will come to this. I told them, I told Lena Weith we're going to the mountains and she said, I'm going to premiere. I said, I've never been more jealous.

Anyway, what do you poor people talking about? Let's get some of our poor contestants. I mean, past contestants on the show, shall we? Now, by the way, I've always really liked Brooke and I know you've always really disliked Brooke, but I've always been very pro-brook. So I just want to give a voice for the Brooke fans out there. I don't think I dislike Brooke, do you? I don't remember. I'm very given pretty consistent about like hating on Brooke. Oh, which is fine.

It's your prerogative. That's what you do on this show. Maybe I had it, bro. You know what? I forgot. I think you haven't liked Brooke for a while, but we can, we can see. I don't know. I don't want to shame you into liking her.

I don't like her either. Well, I don't like her either, but well, here. Look, I'm going to use Alisa Rina defense and just say, I don't, I don't remember saying that. I just don't remember. Ronnie, I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I'm gonna go with- So I But what was I gonna say about Padma? The Brooke has terrible Botox. Okay, listen, if you're going, now I know I just said I'm not gonna hate on Brooke, but listen, don't get Botox the day before you go on TV. It makes your face look crazy.

Just don't do it. I'm not saying don't get Botox. Listen, medical advances are important. I believe in Botox. I believe in fillers. I believe in your right. Just don't do it right before you go on the show. You guys, Brooke, come on. I mean, not that Brooke was ever smiling a lot anyway.

Maybe she was just like, get the smiling part out of me, please. I know. This is, by the way, it says us who there was one live show where we were potentially going to get like a boat, a fake Botox, a Ziaman, injected into our faces like right before going on stage. Remember that? But it felt like- No, we were going to do it on stage. That was the point you know. Yeah, if you do it on TV That's different. I mean not that we're on TV, but like if you do it, you know, I'm just saying Yeah, I'm just saying come on don't be a fakey. I'll say just don't be so callous and with don't be feckless with your Botox

I don't think about when you're gonna do it. Yeah, don't be a Botox no your Botox. I have to think about when you're going to do it. Yeah, don't be a Botox noob. You've got a time that should have. Yeah, don't be a noob. Oh, what I was going to say before, just going back to how this seemed like it was timed with Camp Getaway. I feel like either Camp Getaway was pushed up a week.

No, I think Top Chef was pushed back a week and I'll tell you why, because had this been a week prior, it would have been in sync with Camp Getaway and Mother's Day which is what it seems like what was happening and instead it was like two weeks after Camp Getaway or you know it was just like it was after both of those things so the point is I don't have much to think about. So I think about these things. Anyway, the mystery of my right,

lasagna forever. Did you see that? Just hang in there. Did you see the magazine cover this week where it said lasagna forever? No. You're gonna see it next time. I swear to God,

because for some reason it makes me laugh every single time because I know In my mind Padmasys it and just thinks about gal. Oh look at the tribute to gal again Lasagna forever. I don't pay too much attention to that opening because I feel like Padma looks terrified this year She looks like she's being held ransom and they're making a video tape where she has to ask her family for money You know she looks like really scared during it and I'm not sure why but she's like at stake this year Well, she's standing in such a strange pose this year. She's almost like she's clasping her hands and her shoulders seem to be like away from the camera And she has almost this strange like late 60s, early 70s hairstyle that's going on,

like she's part of a commune. And like a blazer. Yeah, scary. So we opened up this week with the chefs having just lost Kevin after his debacle, sorry. His meanwhile debacle. He's just been kicked off after the restaurant wars episode. And so they're sitting around the stew room and they're all just feeling terrible because

you know half of them lost. And Votaggio is like, back, oh it was difficult. He's a friend of mine and it's tough to see him go. Like Michael Voltage, yeah, it's actually a little tougher for me to see him go. So I think intribute for him, I'm just going to skydive once again where you just go at skydive. He's always really disappointed because I was looking forward to working alongside him to the end.

So fully yourself. Yeah, I self full of himself. Whenever he does well, I'm like, dammit. I just want to see him get kicked off early to watch him cry, you know? Like try and hold back the tears. It's so pompous. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wow, it's life after Kevin, L.O.K. and, or L.A.K. and it's like, oh, there's such a different dynamic in the house.

The coffee's not as good, because I guess he made everyone's coffee. And I bet he was so annoying about it too. He's like, well, good morning, here's your coffee. That I know you love, two scoops of sugar, and a little bit of creamer, or here you go. Like, have an express. My meme all made this like this also.

You know, the trick to making coffee, then it's grinding it just right to just the right Just around my right amount of fine. It's in the coffee and here's how I do it. It's like oh god Could you just pour some fucking folders? I know I got a tattoo of half and half on my forearm I'm gonna teach y'all how to properly steam oatmeal today We're actually gonna put some cinnamon in this coffee. This is actually known as America's first coffee. I'm curious with Kevin over his imaginary coffee, but I can just close that

Because you know he just had he like or he like serve it with like like aggressive Friendlyness like how are you this morning? Do you have a good dream? I don't I'm not gonna share my dream with you Kevin actually So I'm not gonna share my dream with you, Kevin, actually. Because I'm not ready to. Uh, so yeah, and of course it's Malarkey who's like knocking the coffee. He's like, well, this is a different dynamic. The coffee, not good. And Voltage is like, oh, we tried.

Voltage, I'll probably put like individual sugar grains in with tweezers. It's like styled. Like a single bubble. He like made a foam. He made a latte foam and then took individual bubbles with tweezers and put them on the coffee. Yeah. And Stephanie's like, well, it's hard to celebrate

when the other team's so depressed, but fuck it. I'm 10,000 bucks richer. It's a fuck fam. Yeah. So then they get a letter and it's basically like, Shets, pack your bags, you're going to summer camp, meet me, Padma Lockshmi, one of the most famous people you may ever meet at Polly Mountain Retreat Center, drive safe in your... You go's, and I'll see you up there.

Good luck on your horses losers. I know you're driving BMWs, but I'm driving something a little nicer. So to me you're all pretty much just like who I was in Buggies. Bye. Oh, and this is not a bachelor's show. They don't even make it creative. It's not like, oh, that's pitch-a-tent. And how let the moon is like, you're going to summer camp. Okay.

So, Malarca is like, I want to cook in the city, please. Oh, shut up. Get off your fival hat. Get your ass to the mountains. I'm not gonna let you. I'm not gonna let you. Is that the second American tale reference we've had in like a, a week or two?

I feel like it is. I feel like Kevin, okay, let's go back to Kevin for a second. Kevin is, if you think about it, Kevin is like the cartoon psychic that the main guy finds. Like if Fivol's going on, it's five or three Lost in LA so five was in Los Angeles trying to find his family and and then he comes across like a big rolly-polly squirrel That's Kevin, right? And then Kevin's like his sidekick the rest of the movie right? Yeah, Kevin's like would you like to find your mother or would you like to have some perfect coffee first? It's your choice a little mouse. Yeah, it's like, Fibles really saddened in the gutter and then all of a sudden Kevin chose up,

hey there, Dingly-Doo, who are you down there? I'm Kevin, your local squirrel and I've got some coffee for you. What's going on? You seem sad, how can I help? Mr. Peant Family, I can lead the way. It's time I meme out, did it. So they have to go to summer camp

and Leon's like, last time I camped with top chef was in a fucking blizzard. Ah! So she seems super pause and basically Karen tells us she loves camp because she was the cheerleader. Was she cheerleader at camp? Very confused. She went to cheerleading camp perhaps. Maybe that's what she said. I don't know.

It was weird. went to Trillian Camp, perhaps. Maybe that's what she said. I don't know. It was weird. The whole thing seemed very not on brand for her. But yeah, and so then they piled into their cars and they were like going up to, basically it's like Lake Arrowhead or something, which is often the far away. And so they're driving and...

And it's somewhere in us. It's not in Hollywood so it might as well be Culver City in my rock Culver City with a mountain in it so anyway so they're driving off and then Brandon's like, oh, should I pass the other car? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no have a quick fire because summer camp. But they get there and guess what? Do you have a quick fire, okay? Because Padman's there and she's like, welcome to summer camp. It's my pleasure to intro you to some poor person who's on the show apparently before a blondie McBlond blonde. Hello, Southern lady. If you were famous, I would commit a full hug to you.

But since I don't really even know who you are, I'm just gonna give you one arm and a little shoulder. There we go, that counts as a hug. Since you're unfamous enough to agree to come to the middle of nowhere and cover whatever mountains, I'm not even gonna learn your name. So this is her everybody, throw something at her. I don't know about you guys, but being up here in nature gets me excited for greeting season, which I often spend with my good friend, David Chang. Who's not here, so we have this janitor. Kelsey, is your name?

Yes, here's a mop. I now Kelsey has changed a little bit. I'm not really sure what's going on, but she's talking like this now. She's like, hello, I'm Kelsey. Is it? Oh'm like who the fuck is this like shell of a human being? What happened to Kelsey? She's to be like oh my god I love baby. I have a baby and I'm gonna make this for my baby. Yes, I did a cake this for my baby. Who I love? Oh, I'm with my baby. And now she's like, hello, welcome to camp. I am Kelsey.

Would you like to hear a song? It is 85 degrees outside. Nice try. You don't have famous voice yet. Anyway, I have to go speak to the graduating class of 2020 on Barack Obama and Nina with very special special called Padma Salutes the Class. Well, I don't know about you guys, but being up here in Poor People land gets me excited

for grilling season, just kidding, grilling is disgusting. But you're quick fires and honor of summer, so we want a dish featuring bushes, beans. Well, look at that, isn't that something non-famous for solving it excited about poor people? We are offering you an exclusive look into my dear friend Gail Simmons' pantry. Look at all these canned beans. Enjoy! The only dish he can't make is Gail's breakfast. Bush's beans with Snickers bars melted on top.

Anything else is fair game. For those of you who wonder how Gail gets that wonderful shining gloss in her hair, here take a look at her shampoo. Bushes Bakes Beans. Bushes Beans? What the fuck is with this challenge? So Voltage is like, oh I love Bushes Beans! We keep them in our pantry.

No beans about it! Oh! Oh! As someone who is friends with Aziz on sorry, I find that joke not up to par. Come on shoes, here comes one right now. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasai. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the hosts of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud

from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood.

How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder-Yah. Watch what crap-ins would like to think it's premium sponsors. Just saying, okay? Christy, wow, we're theardy-Dawardy. Nobody sucks at us like Amy Sarkarellas.

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Let's get Racy with Miss Stacy. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Incredible edible Matthewsisters. And she ain't no Shrink and Violet Coochar. We love you guys. So Kelsey's like, um, please don't just put your beans as a side dish. Make it creative. The winner will get $10,000 courtesy of,

I'm gonna say it again ironically. Bush's beans. Hold on one second. Siri, get me David Chang. Hey David, guess what? The poor people are cooking with bushes beans. Is it hilarious? Okay.

Oh, you're all still here. Okay. Oh, so here all still here. Okay. Oh, so here we are at a beans challenge. A canned beans challenge. So everybody starts making their stuff. And Gregory is totally into it, because he's Gregory. He loves everything. He's like, I love baked beans.

I ate them as a kid. Bake beans are so delicious. Wow, beans are fun. I never thought I'd have so much fun making a big bean stitch. Wait, I did. But it's still just as fun. He does really love every challenge. It seems like.

Stephanie, on the other hand, is having a hard time. She's like, right now, on top of this clover city mountain. I don't know if it's the elevation, but nothing's coming to mind. It's crickets. Oh yeah, how about you try Indian food again? That worked out really well for you, Stephanie. Oh, and Karen's like, I was a cheerleader, so I'm gonna make white bean and kale soup.

Great. And Malarkey's like me too. Good luck. Yeah, he's gotta be a villain in every turn, Malarkey. Every turn. So then Karen, it's got to be a villain in every, at every turn, Marquis, every turn. So then Karen, there's no stock for her in the pantry. So she's like, I mean, I mean, here I am. And James Beard award winner, the only one actually here who's won that. Someone who keeps getting pushed off of her own station episode,

after episode, through someone who can't even rely on her friends to fly her off her meals while she's spilling wine on people in the front of the house And there's no chicken stock. I mean, it's one thing after there. I'm not I'm not I don't have bottled up range. I'm just Just saying there's no stock. That's it. So there's no stock in the pantry. So I'm gonna use ham-hawk fat Wow sounds delicious Yeah, a big fat soup. Yum.

I actually am not totally opposed to that. So Melissa is trying to make some sort of bean frido. And Stephanie is basically saying that when she's out of the top chef kitchen, she freezes a bit and she doesn't really, she can only come up with good ideas inside the top chef kitchen. So everyone, by all means, great advertisement for Stephanie, private chef. She will not make anything good for you unless you're in the top chef kitchen. So Leand is going to make some hot ham pies because those are my jam.

And she's never won a quick fire. So she's like super excited. And then Voltagio is talking about Cap and he's like I remember mom sending us care packages and Malarkey's like and what about your brother he's like yeah the care packages were for him basically not better about it at all I think it's great everyone there was one for my sister just basically some dough in the shape of a fish but that's it

Kassoffish so Malarkey like, this challenge needs to have the beans as the star of the dish. I'm like, you know what, you're not the host, Malarkey. We all understand what the challenge is. It's written on the bottom, Patma told us, just cook your fricking kale and white beans. And then he ripped some pine, some pine needles off a pine tree.

He's like, oh, yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm using what's around me. I was like, please burn your hat. Just throw your hat on there, please. I can't take your bad hat. Here's some bad hat beans. Yeah, please. So then Stephanie, she's making like a bean burger or whatever.

And it's like not, they're not holding together because it's just basley beans. It's just chopped up beans. So she's going in a bad place. Yeah, she's kind of spinning out. Five minute, chef. I'm gonna say, oh my God, I need time for my dough to rest. Who makes dough in a 30 minute challenge on the list, come on!

I know, I was very scared from Melissa, all episodes, I think she's my favorite now. So sorry, oh sorry Melissa, I think I just cursed you. But uh, which is my favorite now? So when she said she's making dough in a quick fire, I'm like, girl, girl. Yeah, she's like, you know what? I want to win. So I just picked the chubbyest ones and go for it. And I'm like, I think that's the first time anybody's ever said that. I wish people said that were often. I have a lot more dates. And meanwhile, while Stephanie is struggling to make some sort of bean burger that's crumbling apart,

Brian Voltage has whipped up like this gorgeous, you know, five star level steak. I don't know how he does that. He does, he can make fancy food out of anything. Yeah, he can, he's really talented. So let's see here, Karen, okay the judge is, times up, please. So Patma comes around and they start with Malarki. And he goes, she's like, hi, Malarki.

And he goes to Kelsey goes, congratulations on your victory. I'm like, you know what? Please don't kiss up so blatantly. He's so transparent in his motivations. Yeah, he's like, congratulations on that new voice you won his top chef. So he made Catalini beans with bacon and potatoes and jalapeno fine.

Cause I took it off the tree. I took it off the tree. Yeah. And then Karen, she made her soup. And Stephanie is like, she's like, well, I use beans in a lot of different ways. I mean a black bean veggie burger with super potatoes and being a salsa and corn and Padma just looks at and is like was I supposed to eat this like a burger? And Stephanie says well if it would eat like that she goes well it didn't Damn not even not even this blonde janitor liked it. So, Volta has made Pinto being marinated skirt steak. And she's like, have you ever marinated steak in beans before?

He's like, no, but I thought, why not? Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And Melissa made white bean bacon poblano fried dumplings like no but I thought why not go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go damn lies. So Melissa, yeah. Leon made an empanada with pickle slum. And then Kelsey tries to pat my her. She's like, do you do you do empanadas a lot? The problem is still here. Okay.

Like stop trying to step in. Pogna spot. Ma'am. Nice try. By the way, I think I will take the insurance policy. What are you talking about? You're the girl from Avis, right? No, I'm the guest judge. Oh, I didn't know they let the people who worked at Avis be guest judges on top chef. Wow, this network's really gone downhill.

Well, here's the dollar for you. Now just stay, stay dry. Keep it warm. Here's a dollar. So Gregus made a bean salad with crunchy beans that he fried and Kelsey's like wow y'all did such an amazing job. You made appropriate food for the weather and the location. It is 92 degrees now outside with winds coming in from the south. Neal diamond was born on this day And I just want to clarify that the location is actually hell. It is literally hell right now Trout on a mountain with a bunch of unfamous people I'm not even here. I'm being beamed here from a satellite It's like Coachella

except much worse Wow, this place sure puts It's like Coachella except much worse. Wow this place ship puts the coach in Coachella. Well I feel like I'm at Burning Man except I'm the man and I'm burning alive in the offeness of your food. So they announced the bottoms. Stephanie Sproger didn't hold up, so that's that volt, Voltagio. It's like marinate and beans, beef and beans sounded like a good idea, but it was. Turns out that beans on their own don't really have that much flavor. So that was, it's like basically marinated in water. Yeah. Mm. Stake marinated in beans sounds delicious. Have you ever thought of

steak marinated in paper? Just wrapping steak in paper and see if it takes on any flavor because that's a great idea too. And Melissa's dumpling dough was dry. So now who's in the top? Karen is in the top because her ham-hawk broth was so flavorful. So what do I know? Nothing. That's the truth. And Leanne and Gregory too and of course Mallorca they should have a shot of Mallorca looking so angry because he just assumed he would he's like he'd be like but he's like I toasted pine. I toasted pine. I know and Melissa too because uh she's like wow no Kelsey says it she's like, I mean, I'm always impressed when people make doves in 30 minutes and it goes, I just said you just see Melissa like, oh. By a race of hands, who here has ever seen a bean before? Melissa, I know not you, right? Not you.

And Greg, Frank Beans, that was genius. Well, one of you is gonna win 10 grand! Lady from Avis? Lear wins! Alright, everyone say goodbye to a helpful helper from Avis. Bye, we'll see you at the bottom of the hill. Okay, anyway, you may have noticed this, but you're not alone at this camp. There are other poor people too.

This weekend, a mom's group has gathered from all over the country, for we can get away from their kids and to act like kids themselves. Yeah. That was a joke. Ali, did you like that? I have a mom's group with Ali Wong. It's called Me and Ali and we're the only ones in it. This is going to be a group, this is going to be a group of sad mothers who just need

a break. Basically like 200 of those avis ladies. So you're going to get together to make brunch for them. The judges will be that one and another top chef, mother and winner. I've forgotten her name right now but she's just as important as the lady who is here, which is to say not really. Am I done yet? Why am I on a mount? Apparently there's a big rental car convention happening here because we have someone from

Hertz and Avis. Wow and they're both judging you. So Kelsey's like well a lot of us moms have lived off stale Cheerios for while, so we're real excited. Get out of here. What are you still doing here? Before these moms go back to their kids, you're going to send them off with a full belly, or as close as you can gas in gas case. So Padma's like, okay, you're going to have to make two dishes each, and it's going to be a hell of a night, and you're fucked, okay? There's not going to be any food to cook, but you can use bowl ingredients. Have fun! So I can make fun of you.

Try it out me a later. Have fun cooking your Sunday brunch buffet. And yes, I do say buffet like that. It's French. Gail. I mean, it's French. So they get some time off to go zip lining and stuff. And um, yeah, that's weird. Yeah, that's, yeah, basically. So they get some time off to go zip lining and stuff and

Yeah, that's weird It's basically just as awkward as podcasters trying to supply okay, it's like it basically looks like me and Ben getting out Directivity time no one needs to see it. It was not it was not fun But before they before they before they head off to all that activity Padmas like since you guys can't prep today We want you to take some time to relax. I've lined up some camp activities for you to enjoy butter churning some and rusty lectures and a video conference with David Chang But unfortunately only I can attend those you guys have to throw axes at things by Be careful zip lining don't break a thumb idiots

You'll need that to hitchhike home poor person So I like that she told them not to break a thumb. She just so she just hates them So they go do outdoor activities and stuff and I know. So they go do outdoor activities and stuff and Malarkey is throwing acts I think so and he's like this is right up my alley Yeah, he goes. I love some good zip lining and some bungee jumping. He makes zip lining He's he just ruins zip lining. There's a shot of him going down the zip line And he of course even in the midst of this like super fun experience where you're going fast and you're up high and you get to look at all this nature, he finds the camera down there and he looks at it and then he like he just like thumbs up or waves at it like even during

zip line and he's mugging to the camera. Yeah, that's Malarkey. And so later they gather around a fire and look at the moon and Malarkey tells a scary story. He's like, it was a night. Just like this one some years ago. A chef camped here and something went really wrong. A lot of Botox needles and fillers when she didn't request it. Then I married her and she stopped being a chef. But I still yelled at her every day, get me the goddamn spinach you idiot. No, I said more lemon more lemon you idiot like Brian

That's your marriage story. He's like oh Oh, no wait, wait, I think I know this story It was some years ago and it was a chef a very talented chef and then something went terribly wrong His son became a mixologist instead. Wow terrifying story steep well But at least I'm not poor. The end. So the next morning, Leann's like, Jesus, I was laying awake trying to sleep to the karaoke of moms.

God. Yeah. Because basically all those moms were up just, they were just partying hard. It was basically like a crap and show happened underneath. I was like, were we there, Ronnie? I feel like we were there. I just passed by with my butt cracking and you got in a little vomit, rolling down my chin.

You're drinking Tito's, I'm drinking Bud Light. So they get to the kitchen and they find out that they've basically got nothing. I mean, it's like Camp Hell. There's like some wrinkled up bell peppers. And I mean, what else did they even have? They'd look like they didn't have anything. They had like basics. They had like, they had carrots and celery and bell peppers and eggs.

And so of course, things are limited. So what does Malarca do? He says, I'm going to do Shaksuka. Like, okay, first of all, this is not really a Shakyukka kitchen right now with this, this, what you have here. Second of all, I just feel like Shakyukka for 200 people. I feel like they're, I'm sure there's a way to do that,

but I don't think Malarkey is the one to do it. Especially with limited supplies. Well time will tell. And Leanne's going to do Kaffudi. I don't know basically anything that anybody started talking about. He's like, I'm going to do six seconds. Like, I'm going to do Kaffudi. I'm like, okay, you guys are just making things up now.

What? Yeah. Yeah, Kaffudi or Kaffudi. Kaffudi. Yeah. So Karen, as so Karen's like, um, guys, I'm just going to need some tomato and feta. Thank you. And we'll walk you.

Um, there's limited product. And I'm going to be using all of it, okay? And she's like, uh, I know that's what I'm saying. I need tomato and feta. That's what happens. What there's limited, what is limited products? So you say what you need. That way people don't overuse.

You know, I'm saying, oh, and you've just used all the tomato and feta. Just on, you just made a hat out of it. Okay, great. And then Melissa is like, well, um, I'll just take whatever's left over, I guess. I mean, well, let us, okay, well, I guess I'll just do a leafy salad because I'm the youngest child in the family, so I'm used to getting leftovers. I was like, no, don't let this be the end of you. Please don't go for a fucking salad, please. I know there was something about being in summer camp That really caused molester regress. She's like, okay little kid on the block here. I'll just make my I'll make a big grownup salad It'll be romaine and romaine. Oh, no. I was so worried for her because I really like her I was terrified and nobody wants salad at camp. Nobody or for brunch. No one wants a romaine salad at brunch. Yeah.

So they get to work and Voltagio's students and potato salad cakes and then roasted carrot salad with diamonds on top and and um He's so handsome. The plan comes together. No, no, no, no, is this is turning into a food network star very quickly. Yeah. So Karen hasn't even started her second dish. She just keeps thinking of egg things to make, but Malarkey and Greg are both doing egg dishes So she's like, you know what? I'm just gonna make a batter with some corn and I'm just gonna wait to see what Kelly Clarkson thinks God, please set it happen. Please set it happen. some things. God, please set it happen. Please set it happen. Then Malarki is realizing that his entire plan is like too ridiculous.

So he's like, you know what I'm going to do? Something that will never backfire on top chef. I'm going to use a whole bunch of frozen shrimp. And then he goes, well, you know, Theresa loves shrimp. Shrimp loves Theresa. Mom loves Theresa shrimp. But just kind of makes sense. I'm like, uh, is that a thing? Mom's loves Teresa shrimp, but just kind of makes sense. I'm like, is that a thing? Mom's loves Teresa shrimp. So then Tom and Brooke come in and yeah, Brooke's got a fresh, fresh, yeah, she's fresh and beadled face, yeah.

But she looks pretty and so she comes in with Tom and Stephanie's like, oh, we call this breakfast salad and I'm also making biscuits and he's like, oh, is that enough? Huh? I'm just gonna trip you up there. Is that enough? Bigger biscuits, maybe?

Smaller biscuits? I don't know. I just wanna leave you feeling a little insecure right now. Have fun with that. Yeah, breakfast salad. That's a real ambitious, wow. So good to see you. We're getting some elements of the food network here

with your breakfast salad. Let me ask a question. Have you ever heard of kimchi? Is that something you know about? Cam Chi! So, breakfast, they go over to Leanne and breakfast. Like, is that a clofoody? And Anne, you're making cinnamon donuts? Wow! Yeah, and because Anne Leanne's like, yeah, it's kind of my thing because her restaurant's like a brunch restaurant in Hawaii. And then Gregory is making a fruit salad and some sort of mushroom ragu.

And in the midst of all this cooking and stuff, various people are going up to the buffet line. And they're sort of like with tape, they're marking the places where they want to have their station because that's what they're doing. So then Malarkey goes to do it and all the stations are taken. So he just starts having a hissy fit.

Yeah. He's like, God, this isn't gonna work. Everyone just took their own spot. There's no space for me. Nice, good meeting, guys. I'm like, you know, that's like, I understand your feeling sort of sore about it. You're like, oh, everyone's snuck up there

and took their station. But what the fuck were you doing, Malarkey? You weren't just like saying, hey everyone, I think it's time that we all choose our stations. You're sneaking up there too. And for the first time ever, people snuck up before you, before you can sneak them out. Yeah. And Gregor is like, it wasn't bad intentions, I promise. Everyone starts offering him stuff, you know. And the thought of just like, well, I can give up a hot grill. He's like, fuck this, I'm gonna build my own. It's called Pivoting, folks, Pivoting. And then he just starts moving large pieces

of kitchen furniture. And I don't really, I don't really know what he was doing. I mean, ultimately he just put like a sheet pan down on like a surface. But there was like a lot of scenes of him like moving things and moving them around. And like, it was like he was doing some sort of weird weird

performance like Dance for me dance back there. So For a minute chefs so Greg is Finally getting to his eggs with four minutes left and he can't get them done. So he's like screw it I'm just gonna serve I'm gonna serve this with spinach and just pours a big bag of spinach into a pan going to serve, I'm going to serve this with spinach and just pours a big bag of spinach into a pan. Yeah. And then Leanne, she finds out that her oven is on steam, which is not what she needs. And so her, her, her, her cloth, her tea comes out and it's all like, it's all heavy. And as she keeps

mentioning, and the bottom is lead in. So she's not the lead in bottom. And she was sharing an oven with Voltaggio and she made sure that it was at the right temperature, but I guess he didn't mention it was on steam, which seems a little weird. I don't even know. ovens could have a steam function, so I learned something. Yeah, I thought it was kind of odd that that was never brought up.

Like he never mentioned it was on steam, that that was never brought up. Like that he never mentioned that it was on steam, but like there you go. So the moms come and what does Malarkey say when they go to the man? Malarkey is like, this is going to get wild and Stephanie just goes, shut up Malarkey. He's definitely speaking for America. Seriously.

So the moms all come in and then the judges come in. So Basie Tom is like the only male diner there. And so Gail's like, Tom and the moms, oh that's a good one Gail, look you rhyme Tom with mom. Well I'll throw that one on to Ali Wong, hey Gail made a joke. Tom's like, whoa, moms, these are my fan base right here, huh?

Huh, whoa. And then people are behind them like, wooing somebody. I think they're wooing like one of the moms. Yeah, it's like her birthday or something and they're like, whoa! And Tom's like, thank you. Thank you. Yep. I- I could have sworn I saw Elizabeth from Southern Charm sitting behind Tom's shoulder, and I would like to know if anyone else saw that. Elizabeth, who of course, is Marita JD. Waaaaah! I could swear she was sitting behind him. Everyone go back and look. Oh, so the buffet starts and Malarkey. Hey ladies!

Start at the best side, first ladies. Padma, by the way, looks terrified. She looks like someone who has promised a seat on one of those ships that's going to take her to safety during the end of the world and then it turns out there's like 500,000 like regular people there and it's like because it's very evident that the like the normal people are going to take over the ship and she will have no spot. She is that person right now. She's like, oh god, but I paid money for this. I paid money for that spot. Do I have to sit with Kathy Bates on the boat?

Like, or you're gonna drown, man. Where's my daughter? Is she with a painter downstairs in Steer Ridge? Kathy Bates' character is richer, but Leonardo DiCaprio is inarguably more famous. What should I do? What do people think about Billy Zy's in where we land on him so um malarkey caron is jalk as malarkey's looks so good and malissa is serving her from a salad with grapefruit which looks worse than we could have imagined i thought i was almost anticipating like maybe she's gonna do one of these things where it's like, you know, listen, you know, you could do,

if you do something simple, you do it with good ingredients, you do it simply and you just let them shine. And that's what she did. I was hoping it was be one of those moments, but instead you saw when she was serving that, that was like, like that was like some shitty pizzeria salad, you know? Yeah, it was bad. I was surprised I didn't just tell her to go home right then and there because that was bad

That was bad news all the way around it was just like nothing but salad like you just knew how it was gonna taste It was like the last thing you want to see when you've been up all night doing karaoke and you just want Fucking breakfast. Yeah, so then Stephanie introduces her breakfast salad in Padmigas. Wow. Is this the sort of thing that they serve? And what are they called? Elk lodges? I don't understand.

So she also serves a milk biscuit with buttermilk ricotta and bacon jam buttermilk buttermilk buttermilk buttermilk And then Greg has a fruit salad which you know to be fair to molasses Like fruit salad, but at least he changed his up a little bit and made it spicy or something Yeah, I mean like a mushroom that mushroom marinated thing with the spinach instead of the eggs so Then they keep cutting to the moms, eating it. You know, this one mom was like, this is unbelievable.

Quiet poor person, a famous person who's trying to eat a sad, remain salad. Did you see the poor, excited, ever can't to loap? So then Brooke asks Greg, she's like, where the eggs given you trouble? So just thought was a funny sentence. So then Gail is like, oh, I love this. I've used to cafeteria stuff. We know, Louby.

Listen, you put Gail someplace where there's a tray and she's happy. Well, I have to say, you know, even though Gregory was planning on using an egg, the pivot was a successful one. Unlike Gail's pivot to shoulder pads. Hmm. And Gail's like, um, the spinach wilts to perfection in Gregory's dish. I love perfect wiltedness. Like your hair, right? They like the fruit salad because it's got some spice in there.

And Tom even likes what he calls Stephanie's weird hash. What do you guys think about Stephanie's hash thing? She made a thing. Yeah. Well, you know, like Gale's company, it looks very unappetizing the world, but I'm actually enjoying it. They love the biscuit. They get to Melissa salad and Tom's like, I know the pantry is limited, but how do you think grapefruit and greens is okay? Well, I'll tell you this Tom. I was actually talking about your dress. Can I? Oh, you did it wrong Tom.

You did it wrong Tom. Here, I'll show you how to do it. Gail, did you mean to put grapefruit and romaine on your dress or just spill it on your lap like usual? It's me, Brett Gail. Did the eggs give you any trouble? I will not have Bert Charred rubbery eggs well this really hurts i know no i'm talking about brook over here this is from her it's okay here take the keys so bad

bad because does anyone else have too much ham and they're congee how do you pronounce it congee congee i'm telling you i'm not having an easy episode this episode congee she's like does anyone else have too muchon, they're congee. How do you pronounce it, congee? Congee. I'm telling you, I'm not having an easy episode this episode. Congee, she's like, does anyone else have too much chameleon, they're congee? If you do, take whatever you don't want to eat and just pass it down to Gale. So Lee Ann is scraping all the stuff off the top of her steamed dessert, and Malarkey is serving his spicy chorizo soup with goat cheese citrus, cilantro, and fennel crese's steak with horseradish jjajon, all in days! Oh god.

So Padma, they're back in the line, and Padma sees the clavity, and she's like, oh wow, this looks beautiful. I mean, if you thought, barf with berries in it looks beautiful. It looks like all of these mothers ate some fruity pebbles, and threw them up all over a pair of gales jelly shoes When I was hanging out with my dear friend Gwyneth Pyle show I said you know what I'm gonna do this weekend. I'm gonna eat a piece of cardboard that had blueberry stuck inside it So thanks Leanne for making that come true

I love that Malaki's going off about his dish and then they cut to Kelsey just giving a gross face And I'm sure that was just like an edit, you know from somewhere else but they made it look like she's giving him total stink face. Yeah. Oh yeah so yeah I also another thing got everything Malarkey does this is me off like literally every single thing because when he describes his dish he goes okay what we have is a shrimp and gochisoup and fennelcrested New York.

I'm like, it's New York strips. Like, the fact that he like, like, doesn't say New York strip, there's like that casual, like, I'm a chef, you're a chef, we both get each other. I hate it. Yeah. Fucking malarkey.

So they don't like his dish, so that'll make you feel better. She's like, she's like, Malarkey stew has very little flavor and Brooks like, yeah, that shrimp. And but Padma does like the steak and potatoes and Tom isn't really into the overly fruity fried kloffuti. Yeah, I see. Lian's kloffuti. Uh, too much fruit. How about that? Too much fruit! And Galgos, it's just mush on mush. Okay, who wants to take this one? Okay, I can't take all the jokes.

It looks steamed instead of baked. And Brooks like, uh, is it claviri or clavuti? And Galgos, it's a claviti, it's French. Oh! Fittie it's French. Oh wow woman eats like Rassant once from Sarah Lee and Sunly she's French. Lee on Stoneut sucks nobody likes that and Padma's like oh this had the potential to be so yummy and then Karen served some corncakes with feta and girl loved it and then she gets some grits, she loves her grits as well.

And then Voltaggio, he makes coriander roasted carrots with salsa verde and a potato shallot cake with bacon gravy and just a little bit of fairy dust. And Tom's like, oh this is the first time I've seen tweezers. You sit up a fai. Just saying it. And Padma has a real being her bonnet about how long it's taking Voltage. You have to make it like to serve as carrots, because they're standing there. And I guess he's like taking a long time with the tweezers.

And so when he serves it to them, she goes, oh, wow. That didn't take as long as I thought it would take. Oh. And Gale's like, whoa, that was super homie and brunchy. Yeah. And Pammie goes, well, the Kerry carrots never have curry carrots taken so long. Am I right? He made a famous person stand there for five minutes.

I mean, I have never seen. Where's Nancy Sylvain when you need it, right? We cut to the customer. So one of the ladies goes to Voltaj and she goes, um, you and your brother are my favorites and goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh don't tell them that you also like their sibling, but can he live? Can he live his life? Can he just be himself? Yeah, just say you're my favorite. Why do you have to like diss him at the same time? Lady. So then, uh, Tom, he says something about he goes, do you say Karen's little stew? He said Karen's little stew here is actually kind of interesting. Is that Karen's stew? Did Karen have a stew? Is it someone else?

Yeah, he said Karen's stew here is interesting. Amber is and Brooks like well I like the olive oil but the parsley I mean it's just chopped up parsley and Padman goes I like it it's like oh parsley fight some of parsley fight oh I guess now we're taking suggestions from the lady who rented me a Kia hurts okay fine lady. So they asked the moms, they go talk to some of the moms and stuff to find out what they thought. And, don't go so lady, lady with a baby, who's hopefully gonna have a better educational life than my son. What did you like the best? And she goes, Brian's carrots, a period! Oh, were those the Carrots that took 45 minutes to serve? Yes, those were nice, I suppose.

And when Lady says her least favorite is the salad, and then one of the ladies is like, oh, these doughstones are dry. And she goes, yeah, well, I'd rather be looking at you non-fames, but I have to go to the judges table now. Sorry You know, I'm actually such a grounded grounded person the other day. I I actually went out to Whole Foods and bought some Magnolia pollen and you know dusted it on a Benye that was made from buckwheat flour just to regulate the person like you ladies So let's go to judges table So they go to judges table, but before they do that everyone gathers five ways

suddenly it's like 35 degrees out everyone shivering and so in the sort of the Steu- the stew room for the episode which is like a Cazibo whatever Malarkey's like, okay everyone, okay. What happened with the stations, okay? You know, I wish someone would have said something because I had to cook out of a hot box. I'm like, Malarkey. Again, you made no effort to gather people around and say, okay, let's have like, let's put these stations up there.

You were gonna claim one for yourself without telling anyone. So like, enough, enough with the casino meeting. Yeah, but nobody really gave it to him and fought with him. They're like, sorry, Malarkey. He's like, guys, I had to cook out of a hot box. You guys were big, nice to me. They all kind of laugh. I was melted.

Yeah. So, judges table. So the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- alpha males and just were like no we're gonna do eggs and I I once again didn't get to do it what did you do so okay talky well three chefs did a little better than the others Karen please don't speak Voltajio I'm Gregory you can stay here I also want to congratulate the spider that built a web on Tom's head. Does anyone see that spider web?

The other is a spider web. It's my famous friend Charlotte. I'd like to welcome you to our guest judge. Charlotte, she's a good dear friend of mine since we don't have a guest judge. Oh wait, the hurt's ladies are guest judge? Oh, okay. Um, Karen, are you tearful? Do I ask why?

It's because you've worked so hard and still no one seems to care about you. Oh, that felt so good to say. Well, I will say the corncakes were perfect. It was the only dish that felt, you know, like to go, like camp, where you like to eat while you're walking. Or zip lining or sleeping gale. Don't leave out all your other eating activities. And the shower, is that right Gale? Be careful. Gale wants to steal one of those corncakes as a cushion for her chair.

So they also, they all love that corncake. And,ma once again, dinges, brown voltage, yeah, she goes, but in spite of how much time you took to cook, you were cooking your food and it paid off for you very, very slowly, 45 minutes paid off for you. And Brick gives Greg a compliment. She's like, even though you ran into trouble with that egg, Greg, that egg. God, that gave you trouble, huh? Well, it was still good with that. Like it.

Yeah. And by the way, Tom also is like, you know, Brian Valtasio, you know, you took some carrots and slab bacon and you met a little flavor out of it. I'm like, their carrots and bacon, they have a lot of flavor. He's acting like they were literally given sawdust and that Brian made something. It's like bacon famously has tons of flavor. I just love when they're so snobby about like ingredients

that are found in a summer camp. Well, it's like you've picked that salt and you really found a way to use it so that things taste saltier. Well, yeah. He's also super impressed with basic vegetable preparation. He's like, you know, sometimes we rely too much on fish sauce for mommy, but you know, the tomatoes and the vegetables. I mean, they did it.

I mean, you took some celery and pepper and onion and tomato, and you guys made something that tasted like something out of it. I kind of can't believe it. And the winner is Vultosio. So congratulations. We'd do like 30 minutes to accept this win. Time taker. Hold on one second. Let me get myself comfortable. Time taker. Let me get myself comfortable while Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, I think this is, I wrote a commercial's web page down because I think it was like a laser cap that you put on your head to make you not bald anymore. And I was like, God, how many viewers does Top Chef have that this is a commercial on like primetime bravo? Like you wear a hat and it shoots lasers into your brain and supposedly you're supposed to grow hair again. So I wrote down the web address, I'm going to check it out. I'll let you guys know how that does.

Okay, back to judging. Tom take off that crazy hat. You suddenly started to wear. Oh, I just got hurt. Was that your spider? No, it's a laser. Tom's head. Tom will talk, but his brain's leaking out of his ears right now. So I'll take this. Anyway, hold on one second, Brown Valtazio is still walking back to the group. Oh, anyway, Leanne, what do you think the biggest challenge was besides everything? And she's like, well, I didn't know the other was on steam, and it steamed, you know, I mean, it was

steamed. And then, you know, dense bottoms, dense bottoms basically, basically my dessert turned into a malarkey, dense bottom. I'm sorry, I couldn't hear what you were saying. Brian Valtagia was still in the way. Come on, move to the side, slowpoke. Well, I'm embarrassed at this point, but I mean, hopefully you like the donut. You like the donut, right?

And she's like, the sugar was wet with oil. And not in a way that even gal likes. And then Tom starts doing his new thing which is you know These are mental mistakes. These aren't cooking mistakes. These are mental mistakes You know the sort of mental mistake you make when you put a half full of lasers on your head I Anybody know how this thing comes off my head. That would be great So Melissa's congee was a highlight, but the romaine not not so good and Melissa's like well

I did that because there was already a lot of meats and eggs and tongue-guss. Ah That's unfortunate. Oh Yeah, it's unfortunate that salad was as bad as it was because it was really really bad and girls like yeah It's felt like a throwaway. Yeah sort of like all of your fashion statement scale So they ask how Malarkey cooked his soup and he's like well it was frozen shrimp. She's like oh Shocking no depth of flavor there frozen shrimp Malarkey Really because it was bland it was bland Anyone want to take this one or want to relate this to gal anyway? Milwaukee Really? Because it was bland. It was bland.

Anyone want to take this one or anyone want to relate this to Gal? Anyway, anyone know? Okay. So in a learn time, Todd was like, this was hard. And Tom's like, you know, I agree, but I've got to say this. I haven't said it five times yet. So I'm just going to say it now for the first time. It's going to be totally original.

These mistakes are mental. They're mental mistakes. Those mistakes, you men, those mistakes. You know, by the way, before the deliberation, I just want to say that Brooke praised the cookery that Malarkey did on his steak and his response was, yeah, that was quite spectacular actually.

I'm already. So Gail's like, um, yeah, she's like, well, at least at least Leanne gave us cooking. She tried to do two dishes that were, do two dishes that were elevated, you know, and they just start talking about how much they hate the salad, and it was the least ambitious thing. So at this point, I was very, very scared. Yeah.

And Tom and Tom and Balarky, oh yeah, Tom's about about frozen shrimp, of course. And we get our line of Patma outrage because he goes Tom's mad about frozen shrimp, of course. Yeah. And like, and then we get our line of Padma outrage, because he goes, if you get frozen shrimp, everybody knows you have to cook separately in Padma goes, he should know that. It's pretty simple. It's like I always tell my good friend, former New York Times book editor,

Michiko Kakutani, you have to cook your first and shrimp separately. I mean, of course, I never used your first and ship. I didn't get them fresh from a supplier that Gwyneth uses too. I love when she just has that one line where she's just yelling and then she goes back to being like almost falling asleep. And Voltajio is out, you know, he's in the stew room with the other chefs, like acting

all bad-ass because he went, he's like, oh, this was the hardest challenge of all time. So I just want to, guys. Like, you could carets. So then Tom's like, all right, listen everyone, I got the round. Don't be afraid of the lasers coming out of my head. We all choose to be chefs, well, most of us, some of us, uh, choose to be mixologists, but we'll see where that goes. Anyway, we've all experienced long hours on our feet, and, uh, when that happens, when you're on your feet for a long time, and around this part of the season, you know what starts to happen?

Give you a clue. It reminds you of the candy called M&M's. Meta-mix, Meta-mix. Meta-mix, guys. Leanne, please pack your knives and go back to dry-down at village rather than dry things live. Leanne's like, oh darn, okay, well, I guess it's not over with Tom, because there's always another chance of last chance, kitchen!

Quiet, here's your clap-a-cheek. Now, hide, sit on and go down the mountain. Hahaha. Lord knows it will hold up, leaden bottoms. Oh, so that's it. So Leanne's out, she has another chance. Okay. And she takes her pretty well.

She does take her pretty well. You know, I mean, I was happy that she got her first quick fire in like literally 15 years. So you know, I think that she just, Leanne was just like not in sync this season. I felt like she had some high points, but she mainly struggled a lot. So I don't know if she was outclassed. It's weird because she used to be one of the challenge editors on the show. She would actually like, like she and her team would come up with the challenges and test them out and try them out. So you would think that she would have like some sort of advantage, but she really, she struggled. But I like Leanne and I don't know.

I think she'll do nicely in the last time's kitchen, but I don't think she's going to come back. Well, we'll see everybody. We certainly will. In the meantime, thanks so much for being here. We'll be back tomorrow with the Real Housewives of Atlanta. And then we're gonna do a daytime crap and slide quarantine for Vanderbump rules. So don't forget that Wednesday at noon Pacific.

And yeah, go sign up for all that good stuff. We'll also be back middle of the week with the bonus episode about cooking. Okay. Yeah, fun times. Talk to you tomorrow. Bye everybody. Bye. podcast before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at

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