Watch What Crappens - Vanderpump Rules: Grumpy Old(er) Men

Episode Date: February 5, 2020

This episode also available as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo The crew celebrates Brittany and Jax for the 97th time in a week by putting on age makeup and Dayna refuses to believe she's dating a douchebag. Also, LVP is a HOLLYWOOD LEGEND DAHLING! For this week's bonus episode recorded on our road trip through Texas, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. *** Limited Edition Shirts! "Shannon Bowldor", "Twerp", "Dork", "When Life Gives You Tacos Make Taco Salads" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Birmingham, NOLA, Lawrence KS, Omaha, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, Oklahoma, Asbury Park NJ, Washington DC, San Francisco and Boston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Somebody get us 10 CCs of Betsy and Dean. Nancy, Cease and Desisto. We love you guys. I'm Ronny Caram, hi. I'm on Roseprix, the bachelor rest, and I'm also on watch at crap ins with my little co-host and bestie, Mr. Ben Mandelker of the Real House where as a kitchen island. Hi, Biann. Hi, how are you? Good. How's everything going this evening? This lighting on crap ins on demand is making me feel like puffy and I know I'm not puffy but I feel puffy and that's what's happening. That's where my mind is right now. Well, I feel fluffy because I've been eating tutsapita and it's been amazing.

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end of the month. So check out those tickets. Thanks for supporting. We love you. And now it's time for Vanderpump. Roo. That's the red party continues in Miami. Yeah, sure does. Let's celebrate Brittany and Jack some more. I don't think we've really spent enough time saying, wow, you're getting married. Congratulations. Yeah, not enough time. It was only a full season before this. So not quite enough time. Yes. So, Kate, did we open where we left off last week? Big fight in a restaurant because Stassian,

Kristen, Matt, the Katie is still dating Carter, but lying about it so that they won't be Matt, but then Chris and just keeps coming in like, yeah, I'm not dating Carter at all. Fuked in this morning. Have a box of his stuff in my place, etc. So she comes in right after being on the phone with Carter and giving him her code to her house so he can come over this morning or in the morning. Yeah, to pick up his boxes, aka move in. So that now the girls Katie and Stasi so that now the girls, Katie and Stasi

are just at their wits and, and Stasi's like, you know what, don't ever say, I don't check in on you because there's nothing to check in on, okay? And, you know, I'm trying, I try to be there for you, I try to be there for you, and then the next time Carter's there and Chris is like, well, I'm sorry that our breakup doesn't work for you, which is clearly a line that Carter gave her because it's all she says all episode.

I'm sorry that it doesn't work for you. Mariposa. Yeah, that doesn't work for you. And she's like, you know, I've been doing this for years with them. I mean, saucy with her city relationships, you know, this one Katie being cheated on all these years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Thomas fucking around. Yeah, she's yeah I wouldn't jump down your throat like if the rolls were reversed I mean like when Tom was fucking around on Katie for years. Excuse me. Excuse me. Can be narrative when Tom was fucking around with me go fuck yourself. You're miserable. You're a miserable

Person and I said as someone who will follow a trail of skittles wherever it leads to your fucking miserable fucking miserable. Katie just says with the most miserable mug on her that I've ever seen. So then, uh, so then we get a clip of someone giving shit. Who is it Kristen giving Tom sort shit on one of the trips with like who would even cheat on Katie and he goes So Britney's like why do you have to base them mind to each other and go for each other all the time. And he's like, Oh, really? Really, Brittany? So it would be okay with you if like, we brought up, you know, your, your jack's cheating on you.

And it's like, Oh, okay, that's worse. Okay, at least you're already married. People can degrade your marriage after you've already been married. Okay, let Brittany fake it for a while. Okay, you're actually on her bachelor at party. That's lower. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Brittany's like, well, I would be pissed too. I'll be pissed too. And Kristen now is like trying to be the peacemaker. She's like, you know what? It is not the appropriate time or place. And things are getting heated. I'm sorry, Brittany, let's celebrate your upcoming marriage to a terrible person.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. And Katie's like, I'm sorry to like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Like it's only I'd been a better friend like Chris. Damn. As fast as like, yeah, like where good friends? And like you're like you're a good friend

and we're not good friends. Like you're a really good friend Brittany. And like we're not good friends. So seriously, seriously, why do you feel they need to drag Brittany into it? Chris is like trying that she's not now playing the role of like Brittany's good friend, which is really hilarious. Yeah. And then make us about her tonight. Well, Chris has been pretty good to Brittany, right? She's always been like, Britney, Britney for you. Yeah, but it's just funny because like Kristen, it just, I mean, the girls started this with Kristen,

but it's just, I think it's funny that like, Kristen will drop a truth bomb like, whoa, well, Tom, while Tom was fucking around with you, and then they get mad. She's like, you guys, it's nice about Chris, it's nice about Britney. Yeah, you go crazy. Because her about to hurt tonight. Good for you, it's not about Chris, it's not about Brittany. Yeah, you go about her tonight.

Good for you, Kristen, because fuck Katie judging anybody's marriage ever, um, or relationship ever. So Katie and Stasi, uh, oh no, first Brittany's like, you know, winning the English awards. She's like, this got very negative, very fastly. Yeah, very fastly. Things got very negative, very fastly. I said, why don't you follow him? Let's go to that street glue. And Katie and Stasi get up and everyone starts walking out that Katie and Stasi are starving and they have to pass Kristen. And Kristen's like, oh, sorry, I didn't know you wanted to talk to me.

And Katie goes, shut up, Kristen. And then Stas is like, shut up. Just shut up. Don't talk to me. Shut up. Just met the, I didn't know you wanted. You didn't want to talk about this tonight. Kristen's basically doing that. Kristen's basically doing that face that we described last week with a cat like water and a cat's face. But water and cat's face. Okay, look what I got me in. You see it's a hug. Yeah, I got this. Well, you got your blur filter on.

So it's coming in now. Oh, sorry. It's a, it's like a home sweet home stitched thing. You know those home sweet home things you see in the South, but it just a hug. I'd like to thank five and below that wonderful store. It's like the dollar store, the rich people. I'm like, I will spend up to five dollars.

Thank you. Five and below also the number of years Brittany and Jacks will be married. Okay. And I think that's very generous. I think you're very generous. Unfortunately, I think it's gonna be, I don't think it's very generous. I think you're very, very generous. Unfortunately, I think it's going to be, I don't think it's going to be that low because Briny is the type who would rather stay married and say that she's the wife than like

Lieberman. That's what I said. That's what I said. Well, we've been over five years. I think it's being generous, but we'll see. You know what time is going to tell? It's gonna tell us lots of things. Yeah, five and tortoise ears, which are long. In what ears? Tortise ears. Tortise ears.

So Sina gets, wait, okay. Now here's a problem I noticed halfway through the episode, and I think just because it's late, I was writing, I write Sina's name down as S-C-H, because that's how you start Sina. But then for some reason, I was alsoenah's name down as SCH because that's how you start sheena But then for some reason I was also writing shorts as named down today as C H because that's also where you get shorts now. We've been covering this show for eight seasons I'm still confused about how to write down their name so that's just for all of those out there wondering why I'm calling Brittany dumb

Hip-a-crack Yeah, I caught I write down shorts as schwa-crack. Yeah, I caught, I write down Schwartz as schwa. And Sheena is, I think, just, I think I write down her full name. I think she deserves that. She's owed her full name. Okay, she's just, she's just a lonely girl in Marina Del Rey. Hey, who wants to play some scatigories, okay? Good, makes us let the woman live.

Can't let Shina live. Okay, leave Shina alone. Okay, so Schwartz is the point. Schwartz is getting old makeup done by some ladies. They're gonna go an old face tonight. Yeah, SantaVol explains to us. He's like, well, face bachelor mind, Schwartz dressed in drag, which was great, right?

So I thought like, let's take it to the next level because I'm constantly competing with Jacks constantly and I'm gonna fucking win, goddamn it. So he's gonna present Jacks with his greatest fear. A world without me as to cut your co-com. Don't think. Well, I've got to do this on the kitchen countertop. to cut your cocoa on. Yeah, the they want there they Tom sand of all has hired some Hollywood level makeup people to turn them into old men. Although it's sort of like white chicks,

it's like the white chicks is the old man version of white chicks where it's like very blatantly, it's like a blatant disguise, right? Like, with the exception of jacks, jacks is the only one who does not look like he's in costume, which I think says a lot about jacks, by the way. He looked like Rick Flair on an oxygen tank. He looks more, he looks more in costume when he's ripping off the mask and his hair is like all like that hard gel and there's like one little bald spot, but the rest of it is like that plastic veneer on his face and his air. It's like he's ripping it off to be like the plastic person underneath. It's crazy.

Yeah. I mean, Jack's legitimately looked like what he will look like. If I'd seen that person on the street, I might not have thought there was makeup. Tom Schwartz and Tom Tandeval, however, they look like the guy co-cave men, and I don't know what was going on with that makeup selection. I mean, they looked,

it was like, are these the same people who did it in a man's world, where they put women in the worst prosthetics in the world? Yeah, it's a man's world, yes. Yeah, that's what they looked like. And they looked like they were exhibits from like the natural history museum God, it's a man's world for that lady was like I'm a ping pong. What was she? Oh no, she was a pool pool shot

She's a pool shot. She's like I'm getting sick of being treated like this by man. So I dressed like a man The treated me weird. I'm like they were terrified of you looked horrifying Okay, when we did our when we did the crappies and that treated me weird. I'm like, they were terrified of you. You looked horrifying. Okay. When we did our, when we did the crappies and I'm put together the, like the in-memoronium montage and we put all the things that like left Bravo. So we put in a man's world in the middle of it. And first of all, the audience barely, half the audience was like, wait, what?

And it was just, just seeing that show in the context of all the other things on bravo. It was like, glamour glitz glamour Lisa van der Pum wealthy people and then all of a sudden a lady dressed like a caveman. It's like, yes, this was a bravo show. How did this happen? Yeah. And another thing about their prosthetics on this, you know, their face doesn't really move that much. But then when they took it off or when they were doing their diary room sessions, I thought, God, that bowtox really does just, I mean, it's supposed to dead in your muscles, right? That's the point of it.

But like Tom Schwartz in particular, like you're used to it with sandable space. He just like, it's crazy or face every year. But like Schwartz, wow, he looks kind of, I think he looks similar. Once he took the old man head off, I was like, wow, he like he has that same brow that doesn't move and it's too low because it's just been too deadened, you know? Yeah. I have to go back and look to see how I feel about that. But uh, and then actually, you don't have to have a huge opinion on it. It's fun. And actually, though, no, it's okay. I need and then actually, you don't have to have a huge opinion on it. It's fun. No, it's okay.

I need to, I actually, it's very important for me to have huge opinions on everything, like literally everything. But I'll back to you on that. Yeah, I will get back to you. But, but Bo, though, Bo also, he, so he actually did not look like a caveman, but he looked like a school play old man, you know, where basically the art teacher comes in and draws lines on your face and puts baking powder in your hair, you know, or baby powder. And like you're an old man now. Yeah.

And they all they all have he's like the best actor though, right? Because I guess he works at the commercial place or whatever, but he's like definitely old man in a commercial, you know, where he has to read the lines for the other people in the commercial. He's like, hey, you son of a... He's pretty good with it. And he does like improvise pulling in and out his dentures and wipe it on his tie and stuff. Yeah, he's pretty good, although I think that like, I felt like his old man was like old man in a commercial for a theme park, right? Like those old, like, match-ups.

Yeah, those old dancing man, yeah. Bang a bus, you know? that's what his old man was. But Jack's was like, when you put Jack's in that old man makeup, not only does it look like Jack's in five years, but it also sounds like old man. Like Jack's has such a labor, has such labor breathing as it is. So when you put him an old man makeup, it really matches in a very strange way. Yeah. And you know, Jack's, I don't know, it's just like Jack's

is an old man. You know, it's like crazy, old circle, all this stuff in Miami. It's like last time Jack saw somebody that old in Miami, he was fucking him for rent. Yeah, now this is the one for rent. Yeah, no, no. Oh yeah, yeah, I mean, I guess that could have gone either way, right? So they all make up stories for their old man, like who they are. And everyone's this kind of lane, but Jackson's, Jackson's like, truth and comedy, right? He's like, my name is Hal, I own a couple strip clubs.

I have borderline personality disorder, but I love pussy. It's like, well, two out of those, two out of three of those things are actually true. Yeah, exactly. And the third one could happen, maybe, or at least be like a social media manager. Hey, if you can't be for a hockey team, try strip club. How about a hockey strip club? Yeah. I just wrote down in my note, Schwartz looks terrible. So anyway, back in Los Angeles. Schwartz is even just uncomfortable and unruly as an old band, you know. No.

Remember that time when Tom Schwartz disappeared in Mexico and like wound up at a different resort? That was so weird. And we're still supposed to believe that he was just what did he say he was doing? He's like, oh, he got drunk. Yeah, I don't remember anything. Yeah, blah blah. So back over in LA, we get a shot of Brett standing by the famed Sir Fridge and Chef Joe starts walking by and break it so squarely. He's like, oh, he starts like squirming all around. Because it's such a strange response. It is, but Brett's like, oh, he starts like squirming all around. Cause such a strange response.

It is, but Brett's like doing his hair, but he's standing in front of the fridge, but I guess there's a mirror across from the fridge because he's like doing, like, slick in his hair when Chef Joe walks in. Yeah. I mean, everyone's afraid of Chef Joe ever since that famous soup scene. Oh, yeah, the beat soups you mean, beat soup. No, the bean soup. Wasn't it that bean soup when he made like a soup

And it was sloped all over the plate and Lisa's like, well chef Drew, I think we should make this cleaner looking No, that was a cabbage soup, I think What's it? Okay, whatever it was it was it definitely looked like it came from you know the kitchen of a lady named Olga but Have you noticed that Brett and Brett and Max have not had any, any confessionals or interviews since their big scandal broke? Oh, I guess that's how they're getting them back. You will not have your side of the story said.

Yeah, because Danny Pellick-, like Reno noticed mentioned it on Twitter. And I was like, really? And then I noticed last week and this week, neither them. It's now like they, they were not, they did not get any interviews. And I was like, the show is also perfectly fine like that. Well, Danny is so sharp, like obvious. Of course, Danny noticed that. He's such a smart person.

But obviously, how dumb are we? Like we watch this, like we literally talked about this last week in a live show for an hour and a half of 40-minute show, okay, and we didn't even notice that they didn't get their time. Well, we just look, that's why it's always good to listen to all the podcasts, because different podcasts notice different things. So, for instance, Danny noticed that two new cast members have been essentially cut out of the show in a certain way. And we notice that Lisa Pomp is dressed like she is going to the magic castle. Yes.

Lisa Vanderpump is wearing like a flattened hat tonight. I just keep waiting for her to like pop that hat out. It's the same one she wore on. I think she's worn that on watch what happens. Kind of so gay. I need to be less gay. Yeah. Never mind.

I have a picture of Lisa. I'm a door behind me with a bow on her head. I'm pretty gay. So speaking of Lisa, so she actually does enter, and she's not like a magician for the first time all season. She's wearing just like a normal white top with like a black not blazer, but a thing. At the point is there's like not a single rhinestone in sight. And not a necktie and no weird pussy bow.

Just no strange accoutrements. I was like, is it like the stage dark in Vegas on tonight is like is there something no need to see illusions and I'm a hollywood legend tonight not a Hollywood much in legend like she's sticking with her theme because it's Hollywood legend night and also you know she's a Hollywood legend because she comes in and every scene she's walking into a different restaurant saying to one table. How are things good?

Okay, that's not just one table and then she's done with it, you know I would be so pissed if a manager did that to me just watching how are things good great and just like kept on walking like um actually Actually, I was served a Shirley Lee temple and I asked for a diet coke so no things were not okay I'm not a big fan of managers just randomly coming up either like hey fucks how we do it You know how we're doing we're having dinner, okay? Fuck off you you don't have anything on your hands bring some bread if you're gonna come over bring have some bread in your hands And don't give us the we okay, you're not part of our diving to just say how are you doing? Don't say how are we doing because you're not part of us right now.

Yeah fucker you're charging me for this stop acting like we're best friends okay. Yeah get out of here get out of here. Mace. Name is Mace. Oh, what happened on Vanderpump rules everybody right now in Vanderpump rules has a crazy game. There's like, there's another girl that they mentioned tonight. At least it's like, I heard it from Danukhala Gabala. Oh, well, this is the season of like Dana. You should up now.

There's Dana, Dana Kalaka. Oh, there's like crazy games. Dana, Dana Mietri, Dana, Dana, I am the Danita, Danielle, I think it's Diana. I think it's Daniel. Dana Meatry. Is that right? You know what? No, I made that up because I mentioned that. Now that look girl earlier today, I mentioned Bella Meatry during beltrey during Bell during I said below Dex Ellinga and now I've like put it in our heads. Yeah, Bellamy Delemy Trey

sounds correct. Delery's. Delery's bringing the stuff. Your waitress is Delery's and she is here. If Delery is Delery's. The girl's a Delery's. Delery's. And said, how are we doing tonight? I'd be like, yes. I know. Finally, a manager that I can span, Delaries. Delaries, Reston P's Delaries. Oh, she is. You know that Delaries is like having a great time. Oh, yeah. She's like ruling over the starting over court in the sky. Yeah, she's like, I was on touch by an angel. So.

So I should sort of have VIP access up here. I kind of like did a show about you guys. Yeah. Okay. The point is Lisa is not just like a magician tonight. Lisa's not dressed like a magician. Okay, that's the point. Yeah. So she checks on one table and then Danica,

who is really like, Danica's teeth are working the hardest on this whole cast, I have to say. And she's also doing the classic marching. Danica's one are working the hardest on this whole cast, I have to say. Yeah. And she's also doing the classic march thing. Danica's one of those people who tries to pretend she's very fancy by whole clout putting her fingers all together and then holding them really high and kind of like riding with an invisible pencil. Like she's going to like, like she's going to flick some salt into your face. Like, here you go. Oh, salt, salt in your face right now.

I don't know. They face it. If you get in my face, you're going to throw it over your soul. Oh, salt salt and your face right now Good old to ring the storyline some salt in the face So Lisa's like oh Danne cadena, I'm gonna need a table here tomorrow night. I'm getting in award This CVS on fountain and vine wants to award me as best customer of June. Pride is next week as well. You're the only manager. Unfortunately, that's just a bit played out.

Tanaka, you're our only hope. We have Pride every year, but this year I don't just have one restaurant in pride. I have 19,000 restaurants in pride only woodland. Oh, yeah, Nick, I wish I could find some support for you, but we have 35 restaurants and I'm receiving an award for magician's whole thing Is that your card behind your ear? No, it's a part of a crazy salad. What is this? What is this? Pop quiz and Danny cuz like um, okay everyone go have fun I just graduated college a second ago and you want me to manage your restaurant like your top-tier Hollywood legend restaurant. Okay. Like she's got this. She's got this kind of counter-sluan mixed with Sheena thing going on for that really sure.

She's, yeah. So it's like, I feel like, Danica is the woman I would have expected Lynn Curtin's daughters to turn into. Like she looks like she's the daughter of Lynn Curtin, but you know, that's not true. But I feel like, in my mind, that's the Lynn Curtin,

that's Lynn Curtin's daughter. Well, my mind, some lady needs to put her fucking fingers out of my face, which is why I put the fingers down, to Monica, manage that restaurant, it's pride, okay? It's time for commercial. It's time for a grab. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

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Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Let's go to a bar called 11 where there's no pride at all. 11 even because the elves are two ones because that's what it's 11.

It's a from what we get on the outside. It's a strip club. That's like inside a former Macy's and it's just enormous space and and it's like wait for you guys are there's no we're gonna have fun in that place it's awful. Yeah sorry there was just a little glitch on crap and it's on demand probably the audio to you. Oh, blame the internet. Was there was there a glitch in the matrix? Yeah, there was a you see a cat walk by a second time Oh my god, there was a cat a second time imagine if she knew we're in the matrix

And I just you know we're neo. Oh my god. I just like I want my twice and I was like why is it gonna go my twice like wow Did I show up? Oh, but like I also know kung fu like that's so crazy that I know kung fu Hey, can you teach me how to have a number one hit because I really want to be a performer? French coast and combat baritur is one of my thing I performer. Crunch, Coats and Combat Boards, it's a sort of my thing. I take the Red Bull and I take the Blue Bull. Is that wrong, Marf? Yes. Oh God. So Lala checks in at 11 and she's like, hi, Lev Lev. I'm Vava and I just call to set up a table for Britney's Bachelor at. And then everybody's like dancing around, you know, just being like, it's wild, it's a strip club,

it's a strip club, we are crazy. Which is like kind of fun and crazy when you're in your 20s. And when you're in your 30s getting buried, it's like, eh, just, yeah. I mean, I don't know. I would rather like an olive garden, you know. That's how to turn me on.

I think that's a great idea. I need it for me. Yeah, just like have like throw, just throw some alfredo at Britney's face, you know, I'm calling it a night. Yeah. And also, why did they need to go to more places lit with pink lights? Like, that's the only thing they do. They have to work in that.

Well, I mean, none of them work there anymore. But it's like you escape wouldn't play. I think that's just like casting on the show or location scouting for the show. Vanderpump's just like, being clanked, never let them pull catch Hollywood action. Lala goes, what better way to celebrate Brittany and this marriage them to be showered than with titties and ass. Like so basically reminding, Brittany, all the things Jacks will be diving into after six months of this marriage. Yeah.

Smart idea. So the old guys are coming to the strip club and they approach the girl, they approach the girls. And of course Katie immediately sees them and is totally different. They also have a camera crew. Yeah. So that's pretty obvious. Also, again, they look like the guy co-cave men were going out to Kanasa. Also, I mean, it reminded me of like a John Cihone is like, what would you do if your wife were at a strip club? Also, we went undercover.

Yeah. It's like, it just looks so bad. Yeah, they all have kind of a confused look on their face. Like, wait a minute, suddenly they've got a camera crew on older people. Like the season's really trying to fuck with this cork gas, you know? Seriously. So Katie immediately picks up on it. And then she starts telling people, and the best is when she tells Shina, she's like, she just tried to smile, that she's also totally confused, you know, that's my like she's like in the middle of ordering them all Apple watches. Wait, what? We know those guys. I know. Lala's like, wait, do I recognize those guys. There are friends. Yeah, I know. So, um, yes, okay, it is like that's them. That's them. And so then they all go over and Brittany. They're all, Brittany sees Jackson. She goes, is this our future? Yes,

but actually, yes, Brittany, it is. It is. You are staring future in the face. And you were still willing to go down that path. I will we can only do so much more. Yeah. Um, and then Ariana is like doing the most of this strip club. That's for sure. She's like, like, booty bouncing on that. She loves to do her twerr. She loves to do her Ariana twerr.

She's just, she's just like strip dancing at the whole time. Like she's, she never gives up. And then she gets on Tom and like starts upside down, lap dancing him. I mean, that's just a lot of, it's just a lot of past classes that I see. I see a lot of past classes paying off. And in case we forgot what was happening, Brittany goes to Jacks,

Jacks, we're getting married in 24 days it's like the the time you have to stay in if you think you have like a virus that's spreading around what are the incubation period incubation period they are an incubator they are a living incubation period yeah also Yeah, also, we know we're grown up. I started not pass past class class pass. Class pass. What about class pass? Class pass. I was saying class, but I was saying Ariana looks all I see are a lot of class passes. Paying off his class past. Still, is that still exist?

I don't know. How the fuck would I know? You think I definitely know the class pass. I thought. Well, because I figured you would just see it in like a circular. I don't think I'd have no class pass. I thought, well, could I have figured you would just see it in like a circular? Like literally right now, because that's all I can,

I'll I could talk about our things I've done in the past five minutes. Well, no, that's right. I'm saying that. I'm not saying you're saying that. So I was gonna say like what normally, no, we had another glitch in the matrix on this side. So like it just like froze on you just like laughing.

Like, ha, ha, ha. But the thing is that, you know, I'm like that too. I mean, basically whatever I was just looking at before we start recording, you know, that's what gets put in this podcast. That's how to intercept the podcast, you know. Yeah. We're like, so anyway, they could go off the island of Katan. Yeah. So let's see. Sheenah and Katie talking. Yes. No, it's not Sheenah, but Katie's talking to Tom Schwartz.

Of course, of course. So I'm like, that's the yep. Look at that. I'm going to have the wrong people. Sheenah and Tom are going to be any other scenes all night long. That's okay. I'm sort of into it. So Katie's talking to Tom Schwartz and she's, and she, she's standing right next to

Kristen and she's talking to Tom Schwartz and she's standing right next to Kristen and she's talking to Tom Schwartz. She doesn't like us anymore. And Schwartz is like, who? And she just points to Kristen, literally like an inch away and goes, this one, she's cut. She's cut. Well, she keeps like turning around like putting her back to Kristen.

So Kristen can't get in like a wall of Katie. Oh my God. It's so. If every, if every you want someone to vote a wall down, just call like a wall of Katie. Oh my God. It's so if every if ever you want someone to vote a wall down, just call it the wall of Katie. Okay. Problem solved. So and then there's just like more like strip club, strip club, strip club, although not a lot of strippers, but strip club, strip club, strip club. And then at one point, you see Katie with like a lot of cash. And she's like trying to seduce Schwartz and she's just like listlessly flapping it like

Well Katie also this is where she tells Schwartz Ariana like I'm so sorry to tell you something you're not gonna like bubba but like your friend Tom your friend is Not being a good friend to you again. You know what Katie Fuff says? That's good enough for you. This is all your husband has. Is this 5% of a restaurant? Could you stop trying to wrecking ball every single thing that he does?

Stop. Just stop. Yeah, it's like bad enough that we had to watch him drop trow a second before and look at us like Teddy Whites. Now you're going to do this. So she's like, yeah, Ariana said that Tom's the issue with the whole thing that happens on his event. It's not her. So you are now the issue, Tom. He literally, oh my god, look, this is the

dumbest fight to take sides in ever, but to pretend she's saying like, oh, well, for him to pretend, like you don't know what you're doing and He's the only one who knows what he's doing. Okay, make a mixed drink then I'm like, you know, I'd like to see it come on. Give me a fucking break lady. So shorts is like hey, I know my strength I'm prompt is fuck And I'm charming Prompt in charming is that like uh, is that like Javrull always on time? No, so she's like just go to the side car. Doesn't mean I'm a sidekick.

We're equal. And he has to respect that. Don't you agree, Tom? And Katie's for sending. I'm sorry, finish it. I literally just said not the side cake in his voice quietly. Okay, she's pretending she's a like wife of 50's TV show, you know, she's like, honey, normally, you know, I don't get involved in your affairs, but this is really frustrating.

See, I told you he was fucking around, and I don't mean that kind of affairs, Chris, in your cut. If you got involved in his affairs, he wouldn't be fucking around and I don't mean that kind of affairs, Chris, in your cut. If you got involved in his affairs, he wouldn't be fucking around. You just be having three sums. Stupid! You don't have to let him get away with this, Tom. Okay, you know what? Shut up. Lay me, Macbeth. Okay, you just get out of our faces. Wait, who's here? Is it Professor Vantapop? The legend of Hollywood, Hollywood legend.

So she comes into TomTom now and she stops at the first table. She's like, you guys okay? Alright then. Alright, I'm gonna keep on walking by and like, as Lisa walks through the bar, everyone at the bar starts swiveling around and smiling at her. Like, they're in some sort of choreograph musical moment. Like there she is. It's Lisa Lisa Lisa. It's like some sort of Greece 45.

I can't agree. Greece number two. Yeah. So so Max sees her and goes, hello, I've just been, I've been sorry, I've been really busy running around, having had time to send out any racist tweets today. Anything can help you with?

She's like, why are you? Oh, I just wanted to say you're doing such a good job. And now listen, practice a week away. And I think Dana's going to be at so what's they all are Danica right because Danica sorry all these deem so Danica is managing and he's like um okay yes why are you pulling that face he's just like shifting around like hey Lisa hey hey hey how's it going how's it going I haven't really had time to do anything but he, it's like there's a mosquito flying around that he's just trying to keep track of. He's just hypnotized by all those pantal and swinging courtesy of Nicky Lane. Nice job.

That's my strong Nicky Lane. So, yeah, so, yeah, she is like, she's like, Max, I don't know if you said that, because I had like a matrix like, like, glitch, she is like, she's like max, I don't know if you said that's because I had like a matrix like glitch, but she goes, max is doing a very good job. But so is Danica. Don't worry about Danica. Just keep your own house in order. I'm like, was he worried about Danica? Did he say that?

No, you're just coming in trying to stir some shit. Go back to that first table. I think that they still don't even have water. Okay, go back up. Yeah. Also, max before you tend to that table, you might want to still don't even have water. Okay, go back up. Yeah. Also, Max, before you turn to that table, you might want to tell Jojo to stop twirking on top of the beer taps. So Max is like, well, you know, like we've got everything covered here.

We've got like waiters and booze behind the bar. Oh, yeah. And James really wants to record James I'm really wants to detail here during project of course he does of course he's asking everyone She does her big like over dramatic face. She's like well, that's Hollywood legend I guess I'm entitled to show everyone my craft which is acting He's like well, I'm confident in the fact that he wants this. Like, yeah, of course he wants it.

He's like, well, he cannot have one drink, not even one. It's kind of a... I mean, we have not seen James at all this season, like just here or there. I mean, they really have iced him out. I wonder what's going on. I mean, is it... I don't know.

Do you have any conspiracy theories? Are you usually good for some? No, I don't. I think that's what probably bring him in later in the season because he's still on the opening. So obviously, yeah, that's a thing. Doing a bunch of stuff. I think they're keeping him out in the beginning

to see if they can hack it without him and trying to do this young cast thing. I mean, look, they're going to have to bring him in now. Like you put James on the bench and then these two guys in their racist tweets. It's a comeback in. Suddenly, we love alcoholics again. Yeah. See, at least James hasn't done anything racist. He just says things that are like, they're not there. You just go, huh? Like when he says he's the white Kanye, you know, yeah, this show needs this show needs to do it. He's the one that James, okay.

And I said the reference he's an alcoholic, an alcoholic, you know, just other people saying you're an alcoholic, doesn't mean you're an alcoholic, okay? He's an alcoholic. Anyway, so then we have like a random shot of Charlie just delivering a glass of wine. She just, they just showed this random shot of her, which is more than James gets to be honest. You know, Charlie, I don't know why we have a shot of Charlie delivering wine. Maybe we should just be lucky. Like, I guess we're happy for her because she made

her way through the restaurant. And then we wind up with Danika and Dana, Danika's like, Dana, hi. Hey, can I play to the side for a moment? I want to ask you, I want to have a conversation with you and have a tone that sounds like I'm going to ask about how your job is going, but instead I'm just going to be messy. How about that? Yeah, I've heard through the great mind that you're dating, so isn't it serious that you're

like a thing? Because woman to woman, I don't think you deserve what could possibly come your way. Something happened with a mark that you should be aware of woman to woman. There's a girl named Dajriya Lakanda. And she started like hooking up with him, but then he was saying things to her that made her believe that he wanted a relationship. And then on her birthday, he hooked up with somebody else and never called her again. So yeah. So I just, you know, I just want you to know that that might be coming to you. And Dan was like, um, yeah, you know, like last week, she doesn't even acknowledge my presence. And then now this week she wants to

look out for me. I mean, pick a fucking lane, girl. Yeah. And so she's like, yeah, well, thanks. I get that, but I kind of have to see like, uh, where it's going. I can't just write them off completely. So yeah, well, I'm only telling you this is like an example of something he's capable of. Yeah. As someone who's formally dated Brett Willis, I think it's important that you know these things. And Dan is like, I'll let you, you know, I'll let you listen. It's fine. I'm like, I'm not going to judge any of this off of stuff that I like. He hasn't done that to me.

And he could have changed and you know, listen, if it goes wrong, I'll let you tell me that you told me so. Like, maybe I'm an idiot, but like, maybe we're also good fit, but maybe I'm an idiot too. So I don't know. I'm still dating. Danica's an asshole, but you are an idiot. I mean, give me a break. It's a match. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. It's not even two seconds on this show. And we know, you know, you can just tell he's a fucking liar. And then in the scene with her, she probably does know and she's just, you know, it's the show. She's got to do something. It's like, is either that or like just polished glasses and continue to be asked out, you know. Yeah. It's like, is she either, if she, either dates Max or she wants to be in the Charlie edit, which is Yeah, it's like, if she either dates Max or she winds

up being the Charlie edit, which is that once in a episode, you see her deliver a glass of wine to someone. So then we go over Miami, 4 a.m. And we see Lala washing her face and Peter is looking like, you know, like a late, like a late, parsticrybian, sort of like at the two hour mark, sort of where Johnny Depp is, you know, maybe he stranded on an island,

perhaps maybe tormented by a skeleton. That's where Peter's at. And then Brittany and Arianna and Christian are wasted on the floor talking to the guys. And Jack's is like, this is Nico, my friend. Nico's bisexual, by the way, he's bisexual. Jack's the, is Jack's the

only confirmed bisexual guy on the cat. Jack's is like obsessed with everyone's amount of gainus. Okay. Yeah. The amount of, um, like he's like really into this real life cat fishing that he's doing. He's like, you know, a different role. And like I started watching this ridiculous show, the circle on Netflix and, um, I started watching that. Oh God. I can't even believe you said that now we're gonna just sit here yapping about the circle I see it's coming so bad. It's so bad. I can't even believe I've watched six episodes of it. It's so bad What is the what is the meathead on that show keeps saying? Oh God My God throw him off of bridge. He is the worst He is I'm six episodes in and he's still in it

I don't care that I'm spoiling it for any one because it's such a bad show It's so bad. It goes on for so long and then just when you're about to be like fuck this I'm turning it off and they would have like really not even an interesting twist But just enough to like I'll watch it for five more minutes. It is such a miserable show Then your whole life is gone. You just keep watching and watching. It's so bad. I've only seen the first one, but I plan on returning. Yeah, well, that's a show for Jacks.

Jacks would basically, I mean, never mind. Jacks doesn't need that show. Jacks, catfishes in real life. He will catfish to your face. Yeah. So they're joking around and dropping their underwear to show that they're all wearing the same underwear and stuff. And Kristen's like, oh, sand am all is like showing me the future. I don't

have to live with anymore. Yes. Broken. Well, she's a bar successful Bar owner who pays his own bills. She's like me while rolling around on the floor with her party titty out. That's hilarious. Party titty. Um, and Jack's is like, I can't even take my makeup off because we need to have a professional do it. This is like movie quality.

So Chris starts telling Jack that Katie was telling her like was basically like fuck you to her and Kristen is like like seriously like shoulder shoulder wag, shoulder wag, like what are you stressed about Katie? You'll you have a perfect life you know you have a perfect life. Perfect house, perfect house man like what else are you doing with your fucking life? Like what you even stressed out about like so at my fucking day Katie yeah, so then so shorts is like yeah, Santa Valleba, um, Baba was telling me that you're your pissed off. Uh, oh, I mean, I'm sorry.

Uh, Katie was pissed off. Mike, my wife, Katie, Baba was pissed off Mike by way my wife Katie Bubba was pissed off for you. Yeah, so now it's just short sound of all an area on everyone's wasted and area. I was like yeah, she was like pissed at dinner, but you know, I was trying to explain it wasn't about her. It was like you guys, you know, all I was trying to say to her is that you're and he's like incompetent. She's like, yeah. and he's like incompetent. She's like, yeah. That hurts my feelings. So Tom, then Tom Sandeball, like, dude, okay, let me explain something.

We cannot serve alcohol without serving food. And shorts is like, oh, but technically the catch was open. You know, chef was upstairs prepping. No, he wasn't. Yes, he was. No, he wasn't. Yes, he was. No, he wasn't dude. He's just trying to justify this text, but he's wrong. Okay, he's just wrong.

Just because someone was watching Ratatouille upstairs does not mean there was a chef preparing for the Tom Tom. So, yeah, we start this whole Tom, Tom Santa balls the king of the butts and he does do that They show a montage of Santa ball just I'm sorry, but like You were in front of my car when it was when it was in drive Must supposed to say person flat on the street. Sorry, bro Sorry, dude right, bro. Sorry, dude. So he's just like King of the Betts. And then shorts is like, you know what? It's like his apologies are like a formality, just to say that he's right. Uh, yeah, most apologies are. Yeah. It's usually something to say, okay, I'm acknowledging your feelings and your feelings are hurt, so I'm acknowledging that.

But let me continue because I'm right. Yes, and you're wrong, yeah. Sorry, your feelings are hurt, but you're wrong. So. So Ariana is saying, okay, so how do I say this to two idiots? All right, so when he says, when he apologizes and then says, but the but does not take away the apology, he's just trying to paint a larger picture in Santa

Vos. Can I speak for myself, dude? Oh, second yes, you can, but when you do that, you're making ass out of yourself. When you do that, but makes you make an ass out of B you and T got it. So then we get a commercial while Tom's like, listen to me. And I don't listen to me. And then we go, you know, we got a commercial. We come back and he's still screaming. I'm about to listen.

Chorces like, don't you know what me? Oh, he's like, listen, our lit tur, our mesonize, our lit tur, our mesonize's not a line here. Wow I love that he did that he gave us like the British and also the English I literal our literal in case you can't understand Either one I've given you two options shorts. All right. It's on the fucking line now, dude Short's like let me admit something Okay, I'm too passive sometimes Sometimes to the point of like, Katie's sticking traffic comes up my cornhole and hitting me in the

face with hidden valley bottles. Okay, but sometimes you're like too minutely focused on things like the details. And that can get in the way. Okay. Yeah, we're different people and we handle our fuck ups in different. Oh, wait, hold on, I wrote this down, hold on. Okay, 570 calories, oh sorry, that's a Snickers bar, hold on. For different people in the hang, what was I saying? We're literally different people, literally different people, and we deal with things

in literally, literally different ways, different ways. Okay. He's like, thank you. That's only one idea here. Okay. Yeah. So then they hug and it's actually sweet.

And then Arianna's like, can I get a hug too? And then you know, like when Katie watches this, when she watched it last night, she's probably like, um, that's weird because I didn't get a hug when you guys made up. Yeah, like, let's go wake up, Katie. Let's go roll Katie over to apologize to her. The real victim in all of this. So Kristen wakes up and, uh, is just like so Kristen waking up just like, like she's like getting a invisible like What do you call those paddles, you know like clear Attack battles I don't know what they're called on six like to geez, but they're not decadies. They're like the things Yeah, and

Everybody's basically waking up and Britain he's like oh my god And everybody's basically waking up and Britain is like, Oh my god, dad, your boys. He's like, I cannot take this off. Look, I've got to get it off. I mean, good. So I'll call somebody. Yeah, good luck. Good luck with that, guys.

Yeah, he's like seeing himself in the mirror on the ceiling and realizing that this is his future and he's just trying to pull his face off. It's, you know, with different music in a different context, this would be a horror movie. Like, this is like a cerebral horror movie in that a playboy, like one day wakes up and he looks old and he's like, no, I can't be old.

And he pulls his face until it's just like all bloody and there's nothing left. But it's Vanderpump rule, so it's just sort of funny. And or it's just Jack watching season one and then watching season eight. Like, that is the same thing. By the way, to fibro, to fibulate, to fibrelators,

those, those the paddles, the fibrel, I like hard attack paddles. Plenty of wagers, sir. To fibrelator. Defibrillator. Have you learned to table's defibrillator? Hmm. So, um,

they're like coming up on Vanderpump rules and Bo has a handlebarmer at stash and stasi's like, oh my god, that has got to go. And then that's literally the whole scene coming up. I was like, wow, you guys are desperate. How much of this has been cut out? I just don't understand how stasi could date Patrick with his man bone for five years. And Bo has a hand barma. He's dash for left and third and she's like, sex.

Like let him have his handle barma's dash for at least 45 minutes. And so in Chris in shorts and Katie's bad guess what Katie's doing, making sweet, sweet love and cuddling with her man. No, she's talking shit about Chris today because you know, it's like Katie has to bed and then she wakes up the same way. Like some of them are way worse when they're drunk. And Katie's just always literally just terrible, like 24 hours a day all the time.

She really is. So yeah, Schwartz is like, Baba, I had so much fun last night, but you were so cranky. Baba. And she's like, um, well, yeah, were so cranky. Buh-bye. And she's like, um, well, yeah, she was talking about how you cheated on me the whole time. And like, she was such a good friend to me. Oh my god.

It was like, uh, actually, yeah, she has been a really good friend to you while your husband was probably running around and Stasi wouldn't speak to you. And all you had is little Christian. Do you remember any of these? Yeah let's not forget that when they went to New Orleans oh and we're going to New Orleans this week, Tion but when you guys went to New Orleans it was Chris and who brought up who was like defending you unnecessarily and causing massive drama but she was still defending you. Yeah, Chris and is just like this at matchlor at parties. She is. I mean talk about the matchler at parties. She is. I mean, talk about the February, the

rep. Reprelators. She, she is basically the defibrillator of this group. She's like, go. Go. Did it nailed it. So yeah, Katie's still mad about. She's like like you know, I'm not she's so with Carter She complains and then she's so with Carter and she works like well, it's hard to break up. You know, Bob

Oh, well, I'll show her how to take a break from someone. I'm gonna take a break from her What a loss so Kristen's packing all dramatically Katie is basically just on me I'm gonna say, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh twist twist twist hold on yes Carter. Yes, you can have the peanut butter. Okay. Thanks twist twist Unfortunately my knife can't be stabbed anymore because Carter needs to take the knife. So here go Alright Carter. Can I have a band-aid? No, okay. That's fine Then they also made it seem she was like packing up a bag and the music was sad That I thought that Kristian was gonna leave the trip i thought she was gonna go home early so i think all no mariposes going home

belayton we find that she just packing to go down to the pool which is so this show so they're all going down to the to the pool but first jackson swartz come over still in their old man make up to tom and area on this apartment yeah and jackson's freaking out. He's like, my eyes won't open by themselves.

My eyes won't open. I can't see, that's my eyes. I'm like, isn't it supposed to be that when you're like, coked up, you're like, oh my god, I'm seeing the inside. I can only see the inside of my eyes. Can you see the inside of your eyes?

Is it? I don't know. I thought that's what I heard. I've never seen the inside of my eyes before. I've done, I've done plenty of coke in my past. I don't see the inside of my eyes. Why didn't you do it right now. I'm looking at the inside of my eyes. Not that great content for crap is on demand both of us like closing your eyelids be like you should be inside of your eyes. I'm trying to figure out what that's like

isn't that just like closing your eyes. I see a lot of floaters. Yeah I have I don't have any but I have a floater. I've tried this one. Anyways. So, so, Jack's is like having sudden old man skin, claustrophobia, he's just trying to tear, he's still tearing his skin off. He finds a butter knife and wedges it in and is like, or just like peeling this shit off, you know, and he's like, I'm 100% not gonna have any eyebrows left.

I'm like, well then why don't you fucking wait 20 minutes for the lady to get there and use whatever solution they're gonna use to save your eyebrows, you idiot. So let's go swim with the girls. Oh, good girl. So actually, Kristen and Gina don't go to the beach with the girls because I don't know if it has anything to do with the drama or what's going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because most of the girls were at the beach, but Chris and in China went to the pool and the pool is where the guys are and they're recovering because the makeup ladies did arrive and when they saw Jack's like clawing at his face again, they're like, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. You idiot. You're a human idiot right now. So now their faces are all red and shaped. Yeah. Well, his ripping it off. It's like a really old, creepy plastic surgery baby chick coming out of an egg. It's like he's cracking it off, but I don't know if she actually cannonballed, it's just Kristen's grace, you know. Kakarball.

So yeah, yeah, she, yeah, she, you're right, I think she just fell in and then just naturally balled herself up. Well, time to ball so Kristen ball so then meanwhile over at the beach bring you like I don't know if Chris and didn't want to come down here because of all the drama last Not but I don't know if it was that's why I'm crazy in the if they like went to the pool That's why it's like that because the drama and Christians like that was like someone please like hit her like like Her record is skipping because I don't know about Kristen maybe cuz Kristen with the drama But like if she did cuz it's like Kristen and the drama and the drama from the pool last night She's the pool not the beach like

Psh Yeah, press the snooze button on that one so then cut over to Kristen and she's like oh I'm getting was like I don't want to be friends with you like I would lay down on train tracks I would literally take a bullet I'm like I just so feel like it would lay down on train tracks I would literally take a bullet I'm like I just so feel like it would be worth superkider and this is true I mean Kristen has flung herself out of a moving Uber before so we know that she's she would she would yeah I feel like Kristen has literally laid on a train track before Not necessarily for anybody just just guys like. Yeah. I'm tired. Yeah. Seriously, you're gonna run me over right now.

Seriously. Yeah. Seriously. And live to tell about it. Like in Kristen probably just rolled right over by that train. Yeah. So bring his bring his still ranting over at the beach. She's like, I mean, I'm tired of getting dragged into this. I mean, I told Kristen to stop as like stop as well. And I was, I said from the get go, I'm not going to give up on you, Chris, and you okay? But then I told her, she has to get rid of Carter and I told her to that face. And then I was still going to be there for Chris and I told her to replace. I mean, I'm still going to be,

it's like, oh my God, seriously? Someone just like, close her lips, just close them. Yeah. And she's, she's going on about how she's sick of being put in the middle. Then why did you bring it up? Like you were just you could have just started this as a lovely beach day, but so Lala's like, yeah, Katie, you know, like, you say it like it is, which is what I love about you. Remember that time you called me stupid whore because I fought for a range rover? That was fun. But you know what, if you feel like talking to somebody, like the way you talk to her, you shouldn't even be friends with her. Yeah. And then, uh, Stas is telling us, she's reflecting on this moment. She's like,

you know, it used to be witches of WeHo AF. And it's like me, Katie and Kristen sitting on a beach talking to about other people. And we see like a quick shot of them doing that from a few years ago. And she goes, but now it's me and Katie on the beach talking to about other people and we see like a quick shot of them doing that from a few years ago and she goes, but now it's me and Katie on the beach talking to about Kristen. It's kind of sad. And by sad, I mean, it's actually so fun. Why do we not do this sooner? And Kristen still like, and she knows advice. She knows she knows she knows. Spot penguin. So then we go over to Max and Dana. Max comes over to Dana's place and I'm in a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha pokes his head into Dana's fridge, which is not some sort of innuendo. He actually does that. And he's like, why do you have a glass of wine and an empty breeder? She's like, well, I needed to drink something.

He's like, I don't trust people with empty breaches. That's a very, you know what? I am actually speechless. I'm actually speechless right now. I teed myself up and I had nothing to say because I'm like, I don't necessarily disagree, but although as someone who often has an empty Brit, but I feel like Max, really, you're not one to judge, okay?

Because we know that you have one of those annoying filter systems where your friends come over and they say, hey, is it tap water or Brit, and he goes, neither, I have pure on my faucet. So if you want to sit there for 90 seconds while you fill up your shot glass of water, have at it. Hi, that's me, it's your friend Ronnie. Because you know how that shit.

So I like when he's like, why, I have a bread, and she's like, fill it. And he's like, no, that's okay. And then you just sit on the couch with nothing. Okay, fuck you. How about that? So I know, way to go, manager of a restaurant in Phillip Riddah. She's like, Oh my God, I'm setting all these note cards first, sir, which is so cute that she wrote down all the

many items on note cards. It's like very old school. But yeah, I'm also not buying it. Yeah. So Max starts to do a pop quiz, truly the easiest pop quiz because wasn't a crazy, quiz. Truly the easiest pop quiz because what's in a Caprese? Like one of the easiest salads of all time. She goes, um, three heirloom tomatoes with a blob of baratatuse. And basil, are we not having basil? Although it's, sir, I would not be surprised

if there was no basil in their Caprese. He's like, oh, can I have an extra, can I have an extra barata? Can I have an extra piece? And how much does that cost? She's like $6. can I have an extra, can I have an extra broad, I can I have an extra piece? And how much does that cost? She's like $6. Oh my God, I can't even believe I know that. So then they start talking about what's the garlic bread? What's the garlic bread? Bread.

Yeah. Can't even believe I know that. Yeah. So they start talking about Danica. And she's like, yeah, well, Danica pulled me aside and she said like, um, like this girl, like you fuck this girl when I have to work or something and then you like never called her again. So what the hell. And he's like, total, I totally, totally never happened, never happened. Like, it's like totally like like there was nothing to even cap, like the ghost are about because like, I wasn't even, it was like one of those minds like late at work and like it was like late night after work and like we like, you know, like whatever.

If like, why would I, what, you know? Yeah. No, not really. Terrible defense. Like a total failure, like a swing and a miss on the defense. And so she's, and he's like, I mean, you know what? She's making up shit. They don't seem to understand. They're just servers at Sir. I'm the general manager at Tom Tom. I was like, well, what does that have to do with anything? It's like, well, you know, I hate to like be like this. Like, I really

don't want to be petty, but I could block them from coming in. And I might have to do that. Oh, still factor and a friend. That's what that means. So he's like, but what if they don't even have us to talk about? Like, what are they going to talk about if they didn't even have us to talk about? I don't know. Maybe I'll go through your Twitter timeline. Yeah.

And he pulls a full Jack's Taylor defense where he says, Oh, Danica is so mean to you, but then choose your friend much to tell you something negative. You know, starting to like paint like the, trying to like make Dana not trust the people around her that she can only trust Max classic jacks. I mean, he's right about Dana that. That's the thing that I'm team Danica. Team Danica. I mean, you've seen Danica.

Well, I am too over Max, but I mean he does have kind of a point True, so then everyone's getting ready and Swartz and Katie God who cares like seriously where jacks is like jacks goes oh man I did my toothbrush and hand cream because I thought it was toothpaste Does I mean where do we begin with that? And Peter's in a, Peter's in Sheenish, they're sharing a room still. And she's like, I'm gonna start my hair. I'm like, farm on that. She's like, really?

Because I'm gonna start streaking my hair in like two minutes. Oh. Oh. Ah. Ah. Ah. So then, a ray of light, we go back to Sir and there's our sweet Raquel bringing to quote unquote, expresso martini's to a table, which is really just right on brand for Raquel.

It really is. So Danica is like, hello, you know, Danica is like, wow, ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- to talk with you the other night and at first I was nervous, but I talked with Max and he basically had no way to defend himself and I decided no defense is a defense unto itself. So we're all good and settled and I'm into it. Yeah, it's like, um, well, I felt like a woman to woman, you sit down. So then Danikash goes, Dan, I just stare. Are you so seriously? It's like woman to woman. That's a lot of stare. And I just like, makes you believe what she's saying.

And for a moment, I believe Max was a good person. And then I was like, woman to woman, what am I thinking? Think of tosses. Yeah. And she's like, I'm, appreciate you. This is so funny. I hate that. Yeah. I appreciate you. This is so funny. I hate that.

Appreciate you. So Lisa's coming in. Oh, no, she's going to be in your section. Table 16, but Dana's like, I've been studying my cards. It'll be okay. And Danica's like, well, let me show you how to make Lisa's tea, although Max should be showing you. He's a pro.

So now back at the party, they're all getting Let me show you how to make Lisa's tea, although Max should be showing you. He's a pro. Uh-oh. Um, so now back at the party, they're all getting their wacky sashes from Brittany, which I don't, do we know what's on those sashes? Like, if I totally block that out, cause I didn't really show them. I didn't write, they reheard some of them that was like, go digger or something like, there was, the, the only one I wrote down was the one

that Brittany had for herself, which said, I'm the Brad bitches, I'm the Brad. I've seen this. Let me free you a half, guys, Jacks. I've seen a lap. The Tom's are dancing and they're getting along. And then Brittany starts talking to Bo about all the drama going down between Kristen and the girls. And she's like, I mean, it's just like some, my drama tries to

out of it, but like, you know, and like I can't make fun of Kristen because like Jackson, I had a lot of hope in dance to you. But you know what? I think that Christian looks up to Jackson. I as an example of how relationship can work after going through a lot of crap. Like, no, but I don't think anyone's looking up to you and Jackson. Yeah. I just think she wants the same. I just think she wants that for her. And call. Like, Freddie, I appreciate that you need to lift yourself up and make yourself believe that you're a role model for someone. Anyone, maybe just even if it's only Kristen, but no, no.

So then Lisa goes into sir, or whichever restaurant we're in today. And she's in sir flattened hat. She's in her flattened like Jackie O'K kind of like it looks like halfway between a turban and a yamika but like with some structure in it. It looks like a diamond biscuit like a biscuit a diamond biscuit. Okay, that works. Good. It did look like a diamond. You know what?

It is a diamond biscuit. Yeah, so she's like, it was an honor to be Susaildi, I'm a legacy! Dean and Deluca. So, Dan and Echo shows up and I just think, Hi, I'm here to take your order. I'm a stand-up comedian and this is like, Oh, shall we order some appetizers. Alright, new girl. Here we go. Are you ready to play? Name that ingredients. Alright, first question. Tuna. What comes with it? I'll give you a hint. It's called the Tuna and Cuscus. It's like, um, it comes with volleyball diet coke. Cuscus. You're a big turn out.

The garbage law that's going to be right. Although now, Ronnie, not that I think about it. So she said it comes with tamari sauce, a seared ahi tuna and cabbage slaw, but it's also involved with couscous. How about work? I've, yeah, I'm not really sure. It's basically tuna tartar, but on couscous. Yeah, it's like an Asian inspired tuna tartar on couscous. It's like a misguided Asian fusion,

like left half of Asia and right half of Asia. Yeah. It does some bizarre crumbly thing. Yes, and she's doing the least of antiprompting where she's sitting with all her friends who all have a tiny dog in their lap. You know, it's like this 10 dogs at the table. And then it's like really cute animals this evening. She's like, don't talk about my friends like that.

Oh, Koskos! Koskos! Don't! I'm not a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name.

I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name.

I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a big name. I'm a see you. I don't remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I could be wrong. No, you're right.

I'd bring a publisher over right there. I just don't remember things. So Vanderpump, oh, so Brett comes over with drinks and he does the half squat, which have a gear. You get away from my table with your squat. Well, he's trying to like give the guys, because as soon as he comes over, the gay is like the Taylor Armstrong gay and his friend are both like

Which by the way, I'm not blaming them necessarily because you know he is hot Hot Promp is he's like you know Vanderpromp says oh I haven't seen you because I haven't been working I have and he's like yeah, I was gonna ask you if you want to work out tomorrow, because you know, you've been drinking a lot. She's like, ah! She makes some noise. I'm not used to hearing from Vanderpump. And she tells us, I think one of the things that's just so energizing is having someone who's so absolutely fucking gorgeous paying attention to me telling me.

And all it takes is a hundred bucks in hour. Listen, there are websites for that. Yeah, no kidding. If I could just work it so that I could be able to do more, not have to actually sit up. I'd be on the right track, no, not bring me some more of that delicious cuss cuss. So, uh, there was a bunch of dishes going by, I was he breached with this and, um, and then like max and Bratt and Rakell are standing around and Rakell's like, Hey, Max, I heard

that James is going to be doing pride at Tom Tom, that's so exciting for him and all the parties involved. Thank you. Hi, Paz. Um, and then, uh, Vander front back at the table. It's like, I'll tell you that girl. Donna Lala Ding Dong will be a great manager in no time. Look at her. She's thin, she's blonde, she's intelligent, she's hilarious. She's charming. She's with you. She's smart She knows two out of three ingredients in the Caprice salad So I got the other party at the other party Kristen is doing our standard

Stocking around with a straw like that Like doing the straw chomping as she walks around. Yeah. And then she finally, after she's had enough straw, she literally, you know, it's sort of, you know, we don't really call Kristen and Katie, who are space one and who are space two anymore because we decided in our old age that's like really mean to make fun of girls physical appearances

like that. Even though we always said it was more of a rebuttal against them being like, sir only hires models. But then when she's sitting there literally chewing on a straw, sometimes it's like a funny ironing in life. Yeah. Well, we only, I've just got, I just stop saying it because we always have to explain it. It's like it goes well when they said you have to be truly hot to work at Sarah We're all models nice at what are you modeling for sugar cubes? It's just I mean God bless it. It will still make us laugh all these years later. Yeah, but yeah, that the chewing on the straws sort of funny. So yeah, so And so she sits down with saucy and I think saucy was one of those like,

shit got intense last night. And Kristen just starts doing like massive shrugs like seriously, but yeah, it got really intense. And like the worst part is that we weren't even drunk. It was like legit like real hatred. And I'm just gonna wag my shoulder at you and just so you can feel how hard broke in I am right now. Yeah, her shoulder bag.

And when Sassy's like, are you okay? Like, how are you tonight? And Kristen does like a full on jump. Like, semi twits roll. It's like, it's like her, it's like her shoulders join Cirque du Soleil, but the rest of her body didn't. You'd shoulders like in a back bend, like holding a crystal ball on its toe. So then, so Sassy's Christians like we broke up in like I know it doesn't work for you,

but like we broke up in Johnnie where and Sassy's like you're still you're you didn't break up with him. Kristen just stop you didn't. We did. We did. So if you look, if you want to be with Carter, just be with Carter. Listen, Kristen, just want you to be happy. I'm always going to be your friend, Kristen. Like literally forever, we're going to be friends forever. There's no way I'm not going to be your friend, Kristen. Yeah, I need you to understand that like, I'm going to be there for you.

No matter what happens, no matter what terrible decisions You make no matter how awful the boyfriend is that you're dating no matter what sort of dead end you're going down in life I will be there for you no matter what sort of terrible friend you are to me in return I will be as good of a friend to you as terrible of a friend you are to me I will be that person for you Kristen you. You kept to Katie sitting in another brief pretending she doesn't care. Like, yeah. She's doing her own, her own like straw chew.

It's like a different style of straw chew. Yeah, they've all got the different one. Stasis got a classy one. Christians like poking yourself in the eyes with her straw. Katie's just like miserable with her straw. Yeah, exactly. So then, yeah, basically, it's not so. I was like, I want to be one of your best friends. I never want that to change.

I love you and we'll never block you on Instagram until right after the scene, okay? And Chris was like, thank you. Thank you. Seriously? Thank you. Seriously? What's up, Brayla? I love you, Jayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay Thank you. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. Seriously.

I said, I'm very fond of you. I love you, Jay. And she's like, this match of rent party has been amazing. And then we just got to all the clips of everybody fighting and being horrible on the trip. Yeah. And then in the end, the girls all jump in the pool. And that's that. And next week, gay pride on Vanderpump rules. Oh, it's a special episode. And it looks like

it's going to be James' big return because he calls up Raquel and is like, you miss my set at TomTom, you fucking cop fitness. Well, yeah, it's James back in his... Perfect form, darling, in his element. And everyone, thanks so much for being here. We sure love you. We'll see you this week in Birmingham, then in Nola, go get tickets watchraprapids.com. Our new bonus is up, which is our road trip

through Texas, just yapping in the car. Yep. And I guess that's it. We'll talk to you in a couple of days. Bye! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to WatcherCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.