Watch What Crappens - Vanderpump Rules: The Audacity of Hope

Episode Date: December 12, 2018

Kristen is back doing what she does best: solving mysteries no one cares about. She's gathering the troops for a coup. Can the White Kanye survive it? This week's bonus is dedicated to Top Chef, Real Housewives of New Jersey, and Ben's fortieth birthday celebration. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live has added a second show to Dallas on Feb 8, plus announced shows in Vancouver, Irvine, Boston and DC! Find ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com **All of this year's Limited Edition tees avail at www.CrappensMerch.com until Christmas! You can also find store links and ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

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life internet partner mr. ben mendelker of the real house wears of kitchen island on youtube hello mean hey how's it going r Ronnie? Good. How you doing, baby? I'm doing great. I'm like, Amt. I'm like very excited to talk about BannerPup rules today. But I'm actually even more excited to share with everyone. In case you missed it, we have shows in DC and Boston that are going on sale on Thursday. That's right. We are going back to both of those cities. It's going to be last Boston. It's going to be the 930 Club in DC to really awesome, awesome venues. When we went to both those cities earlier this year,

tickets sold out like in a heartbeat, especially in DC. I actually know both in Boston too, like it was like literally an issue of hours. So if you want to come see us in either or both of those cities, make sure you are sitting at your computer at 10 a.m. Eastern on Thursday because we don't want you to miss out on your chance to see us there. The crowds and those cities are amazing. We had wonderful, amazing, amazing times at both those cities. So we're excited to go back. Also, we put on a second Dallas show on sale. We put that on sale last week. The first show sold out really quickly. So we're

really excited. We think that the second show will also sell out. So those tickets are available now. You don't have to wait till Thursday. We're also going back to the Irvine improv in Orange County. And we are almost halfway sold out of that show. So those tickets have been selling really really well and that's not until May. So you better get your tickets now for that. And last but not least, we are going back to just for laughs Northwest this time. It's in Vancouver, it's in February. If anyone heard our tales of just for laughs in Montreal over the summer, then you know what you're in store for. It is a great amazing time. I

mean, come to see us, but also the festival is amazing and there's like famous people there. You want to be part of those adventures I guarantee it. So that's in Vancouver. If you're in Seattle, why not make the trek up? It'll be fun. And if you're in, if you're in on the island of Victoria, why don't you take a ferry ride over? So that's going to be fun. That's all the stuff that we have slated for now. There will be more shows, but for right now, that's what we have to show. And I hope everyone enjoyed that. Shilling experience. And thank you for your patience, everyone. I appreciate it.

I'll be on the TV party app. You can get that on Android or iOS. I will be doing an after party for Real Housewives of Jersey and Dallas. So come on after those shows are done on the East Coast and we'll be talking over there. And you can get all of our limited shirts from the year for two weeks. So go over to watch at crappens.com or crappens.com for that stuff. And now we are officially done with that. We can move on to pump rules. You know, I'm so happy, Ronnie, because you know, last week's episode, the premiere was nice. It was nice. We are usually, we usually expect this show to come roaring out of the gates with some sort of controversy with the, you know, I like it when the, when the girls are divided and they're being super caddy. And last week, they were all sort of like friends with each other and it's like, oh, nice jacked. I like, this is fun because that's like our

favorite characters, but this show, it's missing a little bit of its vitality and I started to get worried about the season. And then today's episode hit or last night's episode hit. And I was like, oh, yes, this show still has it. Oh my God, I love Vanderbump rules. Amazing. Well, it turns out what you really need to do is tell Kristen that she might get fired soon. And then she's just gonna start accusing everybody

on the planet of doing something, you know? Which is always pretty fun for me. As of yours, by the way. I have a cold, so if I'm coughing in your face, that's why I have my finger on the mute button But be warned. Oh everyone give Ronnie a big cyber hug because he's cold He has a cold and so's my boyfriend. They both have a cool my my work has been in my boyfriend the two closest people to me Both are sick. Hey, doesn't that sound suspicious?

I have illness FOMO right now No, but I'm getting that board. It's super fun. I have a feeling I will be on board soon enough. So loving it. But yeah, I totally agree with what you said. Like, Kristen, you know, threaten her with a, you know, put her on the brink and she's like,

fine, I'm going to come back and I'm also going to drive the season. How about that? Yeah, I mean, I think that it's going for easy targets. Now, the thing on this show, it is like a housewives show and that you really can't root for anybody because the second you do, you're proven wrong and have a gole over your face, you know, because through part of this, I'm like, oh, Jesus, just leave James alone already, you know, like, how much of this coming after you and then by the Andy's calling Katie fat. And I I'm like okay, you know, it's like you just cannot take for a long show. That's the real horse in a in a show full of horse face.

Yeah, you can't pick a horse in a horse race when every horse is going in a different direction. Okay, it's like it's like setting a horse race in a rodeo ring. It's like that's not going to work. You know, by the way, that's what I'll be doing when the bring is brought down the aisle. Here kitty kitty kitty. Brittany would be like, I want my mom's cat to bring the ring down the aisle. Come back. Kaya, yeah.

Kaya, yeah, yeah. That reminds me, I just downloaded an app called Neco-At-Sime, which is all you do in it is put out toys and wait for a cat to visit you. And I'm waiting for... Oh, I've got two cats in there right now. Wow. Wow. I've been waiting for like two days for cats to show up another or two.

I'm just gonna put out a blanket and one's hanging out in the blanket. Wow. I'm gonna put out a lot of awesome stuff. Cats are asses. Give them away for Christmas. No, I love cats Speckles came to visit me. Oh good So let's see here. I just want to mention that in the previously is they're showing this engagement again with Brittany and Jack's this ever-so-classy fried Kentucky fried engagement and

Jack's this ever so classy fried Kentucky fried engagement and While he's putting the ring on we see people in like Gotha jeans watching them and then behind him is traffic and I just want to point that out because later He's trying to make this beautiful scene. There was not a team of dolphins jumping behind them. Okay. Those were pick up trucks on the PCF Yeah, it was a seagull picking up a diet coke can and then strangling itself so that's because it got caught in the plastic rings. Yeah. I'm a guy I ate. So I've finally got to concentrate a little bit more on this opening. Please. It really does show us how practice doesn't make perfect because everyone's still spilling their drinks all over the place, but it's funnier and funnier as they get older and older.

I hope this show ends with them 80 years old, just pouring coffee on someone's head. It probably will be. They'll just transition into the Vanderbump Diner, and they'll be wearing yellow outfits with little aprons like hey, Tuts What do you want? God doing old lady old lady diner, Gina is really hard. I Know imagine how she's gonna have it in life. Geez. I just want to say I never imagine her. She's got to live it Ronnie, I just want this the last time I'll wanna say, I'm gonna mention her, she's gotta live it. Ronnie, I just want,

this is the last time I'll mention this, and I'm putting it away. Okay. No, this is it. This is the last time I'm gonna mention. I didn't realize that I could rename the cat, so I renamed Speckles Ronnie. I named the cat after you.

But after I named him Ronnie, I just saw that it said personality lonely. I'm sorry Ronnie. It's about cheese. I'm lonely cat after you. I personality lonely. I'm sorry, Ronnie. Well, geez. I'm lonely. I'm not lonely. You're a two-tea, but you really enjoy my catch tree and the cozy blanket I put out for you. No, actually, I don't. I hate trees. Do you want, I can name bandit, Ronnie, too.

And that one bandit has a personality of wild at heart. Okay, yeah, put, put, put, put, Randall is bandit number two. Randall, okay, there's Ronnie and Randall. So yeah, Ron is wild at heart. Yeah, Ronnie's just my way, my name that apologizes to the world for having a difficult name. Yeah. And then Randall is my real spirit. I'm changing, I'm changing Ronnie into Shina.

Yeah. Okay, Shina lonely. Shina's even having to tweet out at people like, hey, contrary to Bob, real spirit. I'm changing, I'm changing Ronnie and Tashina. Yeah, okay, Shina lonely. Shina's even having to treat out at people like, hey, contrary to Bob, you're a bully. I'm not going from relation to chapter relationship. I'm going to relate to sense that's rob. All right, you and Shina are hanging out in my yard. You're on like the cat tree thing where you scratch the post and Shina's in a blanket. I'll be with Sina, you know, unlike some of the people on this show, I actually like Sina, okay, I think she's funny. I like people who make toy car beeps with their voice.

I think it's cute. Yeah. Really, what's she ever do to anybody? I know that, I guess. Okay, I'm putting the cats away. I will not discuss it for the rest of the podcast. Yeah, put Sina cat away, okay. putting the cats away. I will not discuss it for the rest of the body. Yeah, put she in a cat away, okay She or just gonna hang out with on the in the yard. She doesn't her blanket. She's happy

I'm getting mad that people are bullying my cat friends Like this is where the world has brought me You're lonely cat friend. Yeah, I found a blanket and decided to rest on the road I feel like with friends And I'm like oh, I'm, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. And I'm like, oh, I'm a lot of would rest with you. But I'm wild and hot. You're wild and hard on top of the two to your catch tree.

Look at me, I'm on top of the catch tree. I scratched my way up here. And now I'm napping. OK. So Jackson, Brittany, come back from wherever, Neptune's Nest. Thanks for your tweet, Neptune's Nest. Neptune's Nest, whatever, NET.

NET makes more sense. Neptune's Nest. It doesn't. No. It doesn't. It makes more, you don't catch the NET. I'm actually a little emotional. Did you know that you could get high on cough medicine?

I guess that's why the only thing so you wanted a time. Yeah, I do know that, which is why I'm enjoying this already so much. I'm high as fat. I love it. Yeah, I was just saying you don't catch fish with a nest, which is why Neptune's nest does not make much sense. Yeah, but shit is delivered into a nest and they're not like they're out shopping.

They're not like they're out fishing for fish. They are fishing for fish. No, there's probably like someone delivers it. No, those places they go out on their boats and they get, they get some sort of summons delivered, but they know what fish it. Just kidding. Okay. So Britney's weave is huge. I wrote and then Lisa's new hair instead of that triangle thing.

She has on the back of her head. She's usually got like a traffic cone in the back of her head to make her look like she's got kind of a V-hive You know we've talked about that for years. Yeah, but now she's now to speed bump like now. It's like a dome Which is very confusing because I need her triangle head. I don't like this new domed Lisa. I don't like any of the attachments Okay, I you, in a weird way, some people have, some people will, some people say, I wish the Vanderpump rules Lisa would show up on the real house,

so I said Beverly Hills, you know, instead of the Beverly Hills Lisa that we get. Yeah, I say that. I'm some, I'm, I actually think an argument can be made that Vanderpump rules Lisa killed Beverly Hills Lisa. Because Vanderpump rules Lisa has to be like the quote unquote boss.

So she's like a little more buttoned up and she's a little more prim and proper and like the button has appeared. And I think it has like, she has moved her from like, she used to be wild at heart, much like you and was like fun, sort of sexy above it all Lisa. And now like I think like the buttoned up persona has bled into her and I think that actually triangle head,

Lisa is less interesting or I think it's, she's not as good as classic Lisa. So you're saying domed head Lisa is worse than triangle head Lisa. Well, I don't even know what domed head Lisa is like. That's a new Lisa. That's a new one. The old one is triangle head Lisa. Well, I like the no, the flat, like no nothing back their head Lisa. I don't think she's ever had that.

And event our pump rules opening at least. No, not in the picture. Here's her choices. Traffic home Lisa or domed Lisa, which is... which is the reason lonely or wild at heart rondle cat or cina cat or on the cat always for the win okay so she they get to their apartment in like this like some shots cast off

uh... lim And she's like forever stars now. She's just so cliche. It's just like disgusting. I can't wait to tell the dog wokes, gather. She was like opening up the mailbox, isn't mean like, I'm engaged male people. up the mailbox isn't mean like I mean guys, male people. So, um, so they are like, you know, they walk into the apartment and she's like, Oh, that's what you're the door, the doors unlocked and he's like, Yeah, I guess I must have left it unlocked. Like, she doesn't even look. I like that. It doesn't even face her. Like, I'd be like, really? You left the door unlocked in our apartment in the middle of the city? Pay poor people don't care. I don't give a shit. What are you gonna do? You walk in my door, you're gonna have to walk my dog.

I'll tell you that because I don't even care if you're a serial killer or a burglar or whatever. Bueller will hand you his leash and be like, you're taking me for a walk, okay? What are you gonna steal my mayonnaise? They got their apartment. They got a they got an apartment makeover. And once you got an apartment makeover, you locked that shit down, okay? Yeah, someone's gonna come in and steal the labyrinth wood wallpaper off your table. Yeah, so they like walking and the whole gang

is in the apartment and before they yell surprise, suddenly we get a bunch of freeze frames on everyone, like the post production department had a lot of fun with this episode. It froze on everyone, like the post production department had a lot of fun with this episodes every like it froze on everyone like whoa like this one you know she like stossies holding up her phone or something or someone's holding a glass and and then stossies like you don't even know what went into this surprise party okay I was in charge of decorations AF Tom and Tom were doing food and cocktails and we see them bringing like

food from hooters which is more appropriate and then Tom like trying it like giving other Tom and drinking like it's good. And then she's like and then I had to make sure like people were liking Britney's pick as soon as was up because they didn't, she'd be suspicious and they had to go to a bar and then come back and then we had had to be here on time and make our least was on time. I'm like, so you're basically describing how a fairly standard surprise party works. Got it. We had to do a paper list post.

And then we had to like wait and see if people are gonna say, I have to attend. And then we had to answer, we had to answer emails saying, are you really trying to get us to buy a Starbucks? And we had to say, no, that's just the free version of Paypal is best. And then I had to tell everyone to use the proper tab in Gmail because there's three different tabs. Don't use this social tab.

And then like, it's the primary. Sassy just describes very basic things. Very simple. When you get into your car, you put your key into the ignition unless you have a new fob. Can I say? Bob I'm referring to keys. And they see a flashback of Lisa Vanderpump showing up and she gets in the apartment she's like, oh this is where it all happens. I'm just like a mashing her just like putting on like a hazmat suit and like latex gloves Yeah, I'm ready. Oh

Even Rosio lives better than this My hazmat suit can't fit my new dome Okay, so did you catch the noise when she and a C's the ring because they come in and they're like Tha-prah when she and a sees the ring cuz they come in and they're like Tha-pra-ad and she and it goes WOOOOO I Rebound that like five different times WOOOOO

WOOOOO Like I literally was expecting five u-oxicum running in It's like that time I push the leaf flower into the water fountain. That was that was better than when you went. So Brittany hugs Lisa with her new accent. She's like I can't believe you're my new apartment.

He had only says like. She's like I can't believe you're my new apartment idiot Only so it's like Think it's all of these horrible horror chemicals coming after the wall seeping into your tiny litter broken bird brain I hope you appreciate I found a hazmat suit with the pussy bow Then we see Jack's telling Stasi at all Then we see Jack's telling Stasi at all. He's like, I did the ring and it's swear to God, dolphins in the background. I was like, thank you, Dad. Thank you, which is, you know, those were preesses behind you. You fucking compulsive liar. Can you come through one episode without lying about something? Dude, we saw the background and the foreground. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We weren't even facing the ocean.

And in fact, this doesn't matter. So, yeah, he is a composer of Lyre. So now Lisa starts doing her little confessional, where she's like, I think that Jack's Taylor has changed. He's a nice and man. But this is Jack's boy that we're talking talking about so I would go get that ring checked out in case it's cubic security him At a Merry Christmas to all and it all good night

And then Peter's like who grads wow this is so fucking exciting another friends wedding yay me Wow, this is so fucking exciting. Another friend's wedding, yay me. And Jackson's like, oh, well, it's off to get past the bachelor parties. And you know, the other bachelor party, like Jackson's really the bride right now. He's gonna have 18 events that people are gonna have to come by him gifts for.

And he'll probably fuck somebody and do it every event. And he will be a bride, Zilla, because he is a control freak. He controls everything. So he's gonna make all the demands And he will be a bridezilla because he is a control freak, you know, he controls everything. So he's going to make all the demands and he'll be very knowing. So Brittany goes out to the balcony and I'm already rolling my eyes because there's a pillow out there that says, be aware of dog kisses, he's his is. I was like, oh, put an annoying pillow. And then there's like a little birdhouse thing that's like not really a

birdhouse. I can't really tell. Anyway, she like gets to her to her balcony and she's like a little birdhouse thing that's like not really a birdhouse. I can't really tell. Anyway, she like gets to her to her balcony and she's like, I'm in the cage. I was like, I'm in the guys. And she's like screaming right in the face of a cactus. Yes. And I'm like, God, if only cactuses could move. You know, slap her. I know.

I know. I Cactus probably wanted to. I'm sure there's gonna be a Disney movie called Cactus' story where like when the lights go up, the cactus come alive and I cactus, like, I want to slap her in the face right there. Get my needles all up in her. Oh, so let's see. So back over it's,

James is doing, you know, like finger drumming on his, on his iTunes laptop or whatever on his Surface Pro or whatever. It's like when you get like, when you're in fifth grade and you get like a Casio computer or a drum machine and you just like press like all the different buttons all at once. That's what it was. Sample this. So it's just like, I heard you know sample the sample this so it's just like I

Mean yeah pretty much that but then it was offered them with his fingers So I wasn't sure if you know my theory is just that he just presses play and then you know taps his fingers on a bunch of buttons And so they kind of made me look like a winner. Yeah, well, it's like that SNL's because they did a few years ago. They had They they were like partying EDM DJs and how like the DJs are always up in their booth, like with their, like, arms being like, yeah, you know, dancing, actually so cool. And then they like, do this whole dramatic thing. And then just like press play. And then they like, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. So Billy Lee comes over to the pizza station and she's like And he's like what now

So like chocolate for poster Britney Yeah, they're totally engaged right now This is a matter so then james this is impression of jackson jacks his face over james is evil eyes it's pretty on it was pretty on it was pretty important yeah yeah because we all thought that was a pretty psychotic photo so uh... yeah so james like i'm happy for brit

i think that jox will make a great this husband get it So James is like, I'm happy for Britt. I think that Jackson make a great first husband. Get it. Get it. Get it. He's like, damn it, I wish Lisa was here. So Jack's back at the party. It's like, just you know, I want to do a big engagement party after this big, big, big huge one.

This is only the pre-engagement party. And I was like exactly what you said. Like, of course, he's going to draw this out into a million different parties for a million different gifts. Yes, and he's going to try and get sunglasses at the sponsor every single one of them. Yeah. And while he's talking about this, he's holding a teeny tiny mason jar or shot glass, which made me laugh because like, I'm actually not opposed to drinking from mason jars.

I think it's kind of fun, but like a mason jar or shot glass, that's annoying to me, because that's like not a natural mason jar. Well, this cast is like really fucking around a lot with each other on each other, and mason jars are very hard to get all the germs off of, you know? Yeah, it looked like a test tube to be honest, which is actually probably more appropriate. Well, then he tells us this odd story that doesn't really make a lot of sense to me. So he's saying that he's really hurt because his mom didn't even call him back, which makes me wonder how many cars he stole from there because he's like in a new car in every scene.

He's like, it was my dad's. I'm like, your mom probably has like stolen car reports on all of this. But apparently, him and his sister are mad system at his mom because or he and his sister because she didn't tell them that their dad was sick well she was sugarcoding everything and and like made it seem like he was uh... like doing okay and they didn't realize he was in the i-c-u or something so they didn't

they didn't know and they were able to say goodbye i mean i don't it's very sad, but I also like, did you guys try to reach out to your dad? Like I'm wondering what, like something seems fishy about this whole thing to me. To me too, just because the mom wouldn't not be calling him back if that were the case, she would be apologizing, right? Well, I think that he's probably iced her out.

I think that's what that's all about. Well, he said that she didn't call him back. She didn't even call him back. So anyway, I don't know. It's just what it's Jack. It's never the right story. It's a family. Yeah, but it's never the true story.

So I'm always wondering what the real story is. Yeah. But anyway, he cares. We'll find out later this season. Consider this a bread quen drop. It's yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, Kristen, she's still in her like rat attack

tat razzle dazzle cabaret sequined little jacket which is like cracking me up like that that she's like in this ridiculously silvered sequined jacket during this entire thing and she's just Continuing her anti James Rance to Lala and she's like he literally goes one by one by one Lala and she's like he literally goes one by one by one By one and fucks over everyone in his His ego's out of control seriously seriously, I'm just like James I feel like that attributes way too much power to James to say that he's fucking over everyone like to what end He's not advancing anywhere in life. Yeah, he's still performing in front of a pizza event So even if he is doing the and then she goes um, I was already over I was already so fucking over James Kennedy

And then he had he had the audacity to totally fuck over Britney Oh, so that kid is all my fucking shit list now like did you or did you not fucking on that hot tab? Because it's just point I believe it She's acting too weird. Yeah the pillows Shit loose now like did you or did you not fucking on that hot tab? She's acting too weird. Yeah the pillows the pillows the pillows never lie. Yes So then Jackson's like all right. We got a good consummate this enjoy everybody and Katie's like Yeah, I guess she's not so sweet because this is gonna get even grosser. This is weird, they're going up stairs to have sex, and this isn't just like a reality TV thing, like they're actually gonna have sex right now.

So we should probably leave, and go over to my apartment down the hallway. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life, but come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident

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Uh, so next up is Ariana Tom, she and everyone looks at this. What I wrote. Yeah, Trixie Monaco's like, so here we are. We got this for a, a spa on spot on my face on the queen of the hill It's like very tricky like right up her alley. Yes, and they are shopping for pride And Tom of course is in the back of the costume store like I need a bump it And I'm actually disappointed in Tom for not owning a bump it. How does Tom not have a bump it? It is a little surprising, but I'm surprised we also didn't see Lisa Vanderpump just like scurrying out of the store with like a bunch of like bumpets under a towel in her arms

like, I'm going, look at me. So I'm trying to square. And so yeah, the basically pride is 80s themed at Sir this year. And so Lala is looking at something. She's like, I want something metallic. And she just goes, Sparysca Dad. Which for sorry, is that thought was funny? This is a really dark thing to say, but I have to say it.

The 80s weren't really the most fun time for gay people. OK. No. Just as a gay person who lived through them, not really one of our best times, but thanks for your thoughtful, straight people pride day, taking place in the heyday of AIDS.

Thanks. That feels great. Thanks. So, Jack. Like, like nobody say anything, seriously. Yeah, that's a really good point, actually. Actually. Oh, the 80 a really good point actually. Oh, the 80s did bring us some great gay icons too.

Madonna. Well, everyone, every decade is from you. Stays Rob's wonderful gay icons darling. Samantha Fox. All right, you're losing me. Back to AIDS. Okay, so as you wish, Jack's face times in with Britney. I know I just was I know I know I was merely hard to get out of an AIDS conversation. Anybody notice that's like you just it's easy

They're hard to get in. They're hard to get out. All right, let's just Ain't that the truth, but Jack's is always the perfect segue so um Jack's in Britney FaceTime and they're a lot you know Britney's like I mean gay gay each deal and she knows life through she's glowing I got that like someone changed the batteries in China, please and Britney's like look at my Brian I just keep rubbing it on my face all day and going why is this real am I Really just a girl with a ring is my face turning green you see that right what it Would that be from Yeah, like festering stores breaking out all over her face Just got like festering sores breaking out all over her face. So yeah, so Lala thinks Jack's has really changed because his dad died and you know, since

her dad also recently died, you know, she says how like that changes you and there's like no coming back from that, which I fully, I actually do fully respect and believe that, but I just don't think that Jack's is changed. I'm sorry, I don't. Yeah. And Tom, Tom, like getting his best linted Dano goes to a Rubik's class look on, peeks out from the dressing room and he's like, yeah, I just don't want him to do it all of this because he's in a dead dead face, you know. And Ariana's like, yeah, I'll be honest. I'm like really cautious about it. Like, I'm really serious about marriage timing, proposal timing. And then she tells us, yeah, it remains to be seen whether Jack's is even capable of making a lifelong commitment, which, you know, okay, but to be fair, hasn't been

proven that any of us can make a lifelong commitment i don't think we really know that until the life is over right yeah that's that's actually true that's actually true why are you trying to figure it out i was for a moment there and i then i realized what you were saying i'm like damn right i just got real deep right there i welcome to rondel the cats deep thinking kona deep right there. Welcome to Rondle the Cats Deep Thinking Conor. You really are wild at heart with your philosophical statements. So, uh, on to the cat. So, so, so, Eric, yeah, Ariana is like, I just want to fast forward five years from now. I just like breathe the

cyber leaf so that she, like, so I don't have to feel so tepid about it right now, I just like breathe a sigh of relief so that she like so I don't have to feel so tempted about it right now. I'm like, well, the bad news is you if you did pass for five years from now, I guarantee you will not be sighing. I swear, leave. It will either be a sigh of, uh, yeah, that turned out exactly how I was expecting her. Oh, God, she's still with them even after all this. Yeah, poor Ariana. She's like, oh my God, what am I doing in a parole hearing? I also like the idea of Ariana trying to feel anything other than Teppet. Because that's like been like her primary feeling

for the past several years. Resting Teppet Soul. She has resting Teppet face. Hey, a lot of us go to therapy for a long time trying to get that Teppet feeling. Be grateful for what you have. You've lost the tepid feeling. Okay, so over. I have to say, and this is not with any bias, because obviously we know Arianna and everything. Arianna seems to be the only one on this entire cast who seems

to have any sort of like, like, she hasn't been like outwardly negative about it at all. I mean, the most was that she said she was tepid, but I think I feel like with it walked into the surprise party, everyone was like, yeah, yeah, in our random spaces, it's like, ooh, ow, shh, ow, shh, this is probably not gonna work out right. Yeah. Oh. So over at Kristen's house, Kristen's dog out. This is this is probably not going to work out right.

So over at Kristen's house, Kristen's dog gives in his fucking epilogue and it's not. He's like, your dog is horny a f. So just like his dad, you're not getting laid either. Oh, it sucks. Right. Yeah. So they're, um, yeah. So they're just like having a casual conversation while this dog totally jacks his a doll and they're talking about jacks and they're saying like, you know, I really think that jacks has changed a f. I mean like, I mean like he's still like a dick in everything and Chris he goes, yeah, but he's a dick to people that don't matter. Which I was like, this is why

this show is amazing. Yeah, that is why these people are so fucking terrible, because that really is like the motto of this group. It only counts if you're mean to someone like this in our friend circle. Anyone else is fine, you know. But what's even better is that it's not even like, he's only addicted to people he doesn't know, which is bad enough, but it's the people that don't matter, and that there's actually a value judgment layered into it.

Well, like Cass Stasi's like, yeah, we're hanging at home because we're adults now. We don't need to go to bars every day. We just get drunk at home. Which is a true sign of age. This is very, very true. Like welcome to a life of dinner parties and getting drunk at home and being annoyed. And she's like, how does Britt not even care? I mean, how does Lisa not even care? I mean, how does Lisa not even care?

How Britt was treated? Like, she literally left her crying, like literally, a-a-f-a-f-a. Like, that's like every day that Brittney's worked. I know, I know. And the other thing is that like, they are acting like James took her into the back alley and slapped her across the face. Okay, and like, I'm not saying excuses is his stupid ass rap, but like, they're all, but they are acting like it was like, just like a savage awful, whatever.

And like, I don't discredit her from like, feeling embarrassed or crying, and I think that's like totally perfect the course. But I also feel like Jackson's done things that are 10 times worse. Well, yeah, I mean, the rhyme was about things that Jackson actually done and he gets a free dinner at Neptune's and a wife.

You know, it's like, how does this work? So, but yeah, he's a prick. Again, it's like, here I go, wanting to stand up for James because it's anti-Christian, but like I can't, you know? Yeah. So I'll just be going with the flow of the show. Lala. Lala.

So Lala's like, but he's doing tonight. And Ariana is like, uh, I'm going to go over, me and Tom are going to go over to James's house and hang out with him in the recal. She's like, I would rather stab myself in the eyes. Woo. Yeah, she starts telling the story about her falling out with James at Cacela and she's like,

so James comes over chirping and taunting my dude and it's like, when James comes for my man, don't come for my man, okay, don't come for my man, I draw the line when you come for my man, my man. Oh my god, please start using Randall now, please, I can't deal with my man anymore. Yeah. Baba, man. Ooh, some girls like hot guys. I like my man. I'm just saying James was like, well come on, come on Randall, come on fat boy. We all know each other inside and out at this point. If you know what I mean.

What I was just talking about the treasured Pixar film, starring Amy Paula and Mindy K. Ling. I was just saying that Randall is the first one to make me feel again ever since I saw Inside Out. Do you remember when the imaginary friend was left in the dark place? That was so sad. Randall, thank you.

Thank you for remembering that moment with me. I, I'm adjusting in my chair, sorry. Please adjust. Sitting really weird. Sitting on my ankle and then my other ankle was on top of the foot. No. What are you doing to you? Get, come on, you're wild at heart. You can't be sitting like that.

Maybe that's Christian. So I'm like a cat. I'm like, look how far back I am. And I realize, no, you're not really a cat steep with a junkie guy who can barely sit down for 20 minutes with that gonna go back crap. People all, Ronnie is like pung out of ball of yarn at the moment.

I mean, you are knitting these days. So then Chris did, we go back to Chris and then she's like, there are so many, there are too many people that he's done terrible things too. I mean, they're really acting like he's just some up in Laudan at this point. And I'll say an argument could be made for that. I'm not gonna discredit it, but like, the fact that Kristen is like on this rampage is so ridiculous and yet so wonderful. Yeah, and LaLas is like, yeah, when people come after people I love, like my Mayan,

I'm like, is she sticking up for the Mayans? Because like, there's something. I just put it out, I don't even know what the fuck Lala is talking about. She looks like a completely different person. I'm not even convinced that this is the same person from last year. Okay. She's like- The world was supposed to end five years ago and James ruined that.

Okay. That's a real issue of the Mayans. Fuck me, what's? Fuck you. Fuck me twice. twice fuck you fuck me three times Okay, you'll get a discount on that one, but fuck you four times fuck you. It's like well said deep back Well, yeah, so now one of my favorite things that the show does is that it will casually introduce some new person into the mix who has had some sort of like desulterie moment with another cast member.

And in this case, it's hope. I don't think we've seen hope before, have we? Nope. Nope. I like that hope has most of nope in her name. I know. She's sort of like Vanderpump rules answer to Sarah Huckabee Sanders So Kristen basically is like so there's this woman in hope and Yeah, I've known hope for like four and a half years which I thought was kind of a profound thing to say like I've known hope

I've had hope and I lost it no There really there's something going on the fact that that we're dealing like last season was all about faith and this season might I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that.

I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not gonna be able to is this is like this is gonna be I may be thinking about this entire season so far has been about hope right that hope for jacks so anyway, so Christus so we have this girl hope and hope and Christin been friends and

the big thing with hope is that when James and Kristen was at that after James and Kristen hooked up for the first time or right after they broke up. She's saying right after they, she's like literally right after we broke up, I made out with her and he made out right in front of me or something. Yeah, they made out, yeah, so hope made out with James right in front of Kristen at the club right after their break up. So hope made out with James Renn in front of the person at the club right after their break up. So hope it's like a really nice girl.

Basically, yeah. First of all, let's get this out of the way. Help, you're totally, totally, totally innocent and all this, okay. So you made friends with this group. You were making out with the new fresh acts right in front of Kristen. Then you fucked him while his girlfriend,

Raquel was in the other room and you're still in their friend group and now you're going to be the victim. I am so sure lady. Yeah. No, she's like, she really follows in the footsteps of those like minor, vantir, pump rules characters. You that were even mentioned, GG, Ellie, you have Dan, Dan Yell. There is Lauren, the other hostess who fucked James while James was hanging out with Lala. You know, it goes on and on. So we have another addition to this group and it's hope at faith, of course. So so Chris was like, yeah, she told, told me that Akrachela, Rikael and James and hope they're all in the same house. And basically, like when Raquel went to sleep,

hope and James had sex together in front of her. Can you imagine someone doing that? Could you imagine someone ever having sex with their friends, boyfriend while they slept? I mean, seriously, seriously. That was just fucking priceless. And then when they finally did show the clip, the flashback of Kristen confessing that she did sleep with jackson they

they cut to the clip of her when she was still lying about it yeah okay well i admit we did so we did sleep together one time yeah i guess i said together more than one time so i love that these editors are coming for christian is hard as she's coming for james yeah and then and then uh And then basically Kristen says that hope has been like flying back and forth to LA and like banging James behind her, she tells back all these years. I'm like, now why is she flying back up for a to LA? That's what I want to know. I want to know what's going on in Hope's life.

Where is she flying from? What is she doing? Yeah, I don't know, but she's obviously flying to shoot these little scenes because then we get a clip of her Talking to Kristen in in a in a blue out scene and she's like his Dispense and his picture so entitled like no one has ever like Like every like crystal's like how to accountable Like every like crystal's like how to accountable I want to take care of this Head starts jerking around like she's about to transform into a semi, you know

I'm the original bumblebee so as Kristen's like yeah, she's now her plans that she wants to confront James with hope and she goes She goes I want to speak for everyone he has silence I'm just like Matt Lauer literally nobody by the way because no one has been silent about fucking James like everybody who's got James has come on to sing an audition song about it okay everyone's got their James 16 bars there is like skywriting here in LA every other week. That's like I fuck James too. Chris he goes I'm frothing at the mouth about this. You're just frothing at the mouth in general. Okay, you're Kristen. Yeah, you saw a carrot, okay. Oh my god. You know what would really help Kristen stop frothing at the mouth? Perhaps some new vitamins, you know what I'm saying Ronnie?

I sure do. Kristen, you really need to take care of, girl. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap-ins-commercial. Care of is a monthly subscription vitamin service that delivers completely personalized vitamin and supplement packs right to your door. Seriously, seriously, caravs fun online quiz asks you about your diet, health goals and lifestyle choices, and takes only like, seriously, five minutes to find out what vitamins and supplements you specifically need.

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Jayx! Okay, thank you TakeCareOf and now here we are back with... Fulite Rosa! Oh, I made that sound much more exotic. Maybe I'm doing this well at heart now. Someone's taking their vitamins. So we get the shot of Lisa's petting zoo, you know. And there's two big turtles in there, which I think is really cute. I've saved them from so many strollers.

So Vanderpump is like congrats again, Jacks. Oh, and that car looks amazing. He's like, yeah, I was my dad's. He was the best dad. We bonded over hockey and cars and she's like, all right then, that's enough of that. Come on in darling. I felt bad because as soon as I saw that Elf Romero,

I was like, oh God, what a douchebag. Look at him spending all his savings on another muscle car or sports car thing. And then he's like, it's my dad's, which then maybe start to think that maybe the other car from last equals his dad's and when I made fun of him forgetting we both did. So now I feel a little bit. Life is full of pain and death.

And I'm never going to try and make fun of somebody for their pain and death. But it's also not going to excuse you from class every single class. You still get to make fun of people. Okay. Okay. You know what? You can bince me. Unless he's like in pain and going through death, like ride it this way. You know, there's like certain allowances made, but you don't get a bathroom key for the whole season.

Ronnie, I have to confess something right now. In the spirit of talking about jacks, I lied about something. I said I wasn't going to look back at my cat app. And I looked and I wanna say that- I was having so many people. No, but I would only mention this if this were, I only mention it because it's important. You and Shina have left my yard,

but a new cat has come and there's a little red ball and it's like sitting on its back and it's cradling the ball back and forth left and right like, oh, and I looked and it said the cat's personality was spacey so I named it Raquel. So Raquel is currently in my cat yard hugging a ball and just like happily rolling left and right. She's like, why do I have to serve this ball?

I'm going to try to cry for the ball. Okay, that's it. So Lisa is looking at Jacks like, what do you want homeless person? Like she's just used to dirty people jumping out from under her bridge. You know, like, hey. So he comes in and she's like, he says, I can't believe I'm engaged. And she's like, no, can I? The one thing I can always believe in is T.

It just slips from it. So Jackson's not, so you know, like there's Lisa Jackson is a different Jackson regular Jackson because when Jackson around Lisa, he puts on his charm and he sort of acts sort of like a young boy a little bit and he's super sweet and polite. And now it's like new Jackson plus also jacks. So he's super like that. So he's like, Hey, thanks so much for, you know, coming to see me. I can't believe we're engaged and like, you know, like we consider you family. And like, there's, you know, there's not a lot of family out here. We all move out here. We don't have family here. And I have less family now. And, you know, like your family.

And I don't know. I'm just like, I'm just sort of like, I spent a lot of money in my ring and I'm running low on money. And, um, I don't know. You might have I call't know. I'm just like I'm just sort of like I spend a lot of money in my ring and I'm running low in money and I don't know mom. Yeah, she's just yeah, she's like of course. That's why I haven't been calling you back Jacks She's giving him a look like oh god, you know like when those guys come up to you know like hey bro You know my car broke down up to street my wife is pregnant in the back See we just need money for a little gas and you're just looking at them while you sip your tea that's what that's a look Lisa's giving him. Yeah and basically he wants his job back because he spent all his money on that ring and you know he needs his job back because it's like it's like family there and he's you know got a little bit less family now and like please Lisa please and Lisa's like I don't like

the confrontation at work. He's like, no, I'm not really, I just want that and once, just once, I'm like, have you seen the past, like 15 seasons of this show? Yeah, and it only happened once because that's the only time you stormed in and tried to kill somebody, you lunatic. He's like, ah, you know, I hate to use my father's death

as a wake up call, but I think my father's death was a wake up call. So yeah, I just wrote you just yelled at James two days ago, you idiot. If you could just find it in your heart, you're like, oh, my heart, ask her riches where that is. Because apparently I don't have one. How could you do this to me? We have Mr. Jacks. We have new processes for hiring at Fandipump at Sir now and as such you will have to go through the formal interview process. So let us begin question number one do you know who nanny k is so she's like I see a vulnerability in jacks that I haven't seen before it's almost like he's a what is it is it a plane is it a Superman it's a bird it's a broken. It's a broken bird. He's a broken bird. So she gives him it's only a trial

basis, Jacks. I'm giving you the back patio on your own. Well, you'll surely make $1900. That will show you little chap. Yeah. She literally says that he gets to take the little bar in the garden, which I was like, that is an adorable children's book. Like, there once was a little man slot named Jacks, and he had to work the little bar in the garden. The secret garden. Uh, so James and Raquel's place, James is like, speaking of change, man, look at Lee, chopping veg. Yeah, chopping veg.

And Raquel comes out wearing basically, like, wrapping paper. Hello, James. How do I look? She just bumps her head into the stove. And he's like, no, no, no, come back here, my little tooth. You know how, like, you know how, like, when little girls, or perhaps boys play with Barbie dolls, and then make them walk.

You know, they hold them by, like, usually, like, their legs a little bit, this would make them walk, and that, like, herky jerky style that's how it rick hell literally moves she literally moves like a doll being moved by a child's hand she does and you know who else was walking like that this episode Katie did you notice that Katie had like kind of a jenky walk I don't know what's going on with this cast but there's something with the legs I would check the I would check the tap water check that yeah let's just going on under the hood. Yeah, there's like some kind of

Holy O being spread around that restaurant. It's like it's like a polio light Band of pump polio So James tells us honestly James Kay couldn't live a better life Lisa. I have a supermodel girlfriend I'm like oh that hasn't been verified. Yeah, I mean, she's a girlfriend. Two bedrooms, studio. I'm teaching on rockstar Boulevard. Life is good. No, what he says, well, he also don't forget his new golden doodle. And I mean, I'm not going to, I'm not even going down that path because you know me, but he goes not to mention I'm DJing the biggest party on Robert's in Boulevard.

I'm like, you're literally next to the Abbey. It's the largest gay bar in the entire country. Yeah. By the department, I do have to say I will give credit where credit is due. And there's a very nice kitchen, you know, I thought that I was like, I had some kitchen envy. Honestly, I had faucet envy because I actually have a shit faucet in my kitchen. And I know that sounds silly. Like how could you ever had faucet envy because I actually have a shit faucet in my kitchen and I know that sounds silly like how could you have a shit faucet if you saw if you my faucet there's no thing where you can like like detach it and like like a bendy thing it's

just like a straight up faucet and it like has it's aggressive so like you turn on a little bit and the water just like shoots out and like if you have even like like a millimeter of spoon in there it's like the entire kitchen is soaked, you know? Oh, that sucks. Get your faucet. Your kitchen is so pretty. My kitchen is utter shit. My ceilings coming in. My tiles are out. Yeah, it's really bad. Okay, so yeah, I was jealous of his kitchen, but you know what? I saw all the work he put into getting that place and it involved that really hairy old guy. So, you know, waste not one matter. Be thankful for what you have is what I mean, you know. I saw all the work he put into getting that place and it involved that really hairy old guy. So, you know, waste not one matter,

be thankful for what you have is what I mean, you know? So, Ariana comes over and Tom and he's like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! I'm a woundie in. Oh, we in that are space, dude. So, like, how's it like living together? Rick, I was like, it's been good, right?

For the most part, huh? What? Where am I? It's like, okay. We've overtaxed Rick Hell. And it sounds like, yeah, I have a tendency to annoy the fuck out of Ariana. So, like, as long as I avoid getting smothered to death she's not laughing she's like yeah

which is like that true hashtag chat that so then um so they're talking about the whole situation and Tom's like dude you are literally being white Kanye like Kanye says some stupid shit and then he has to apologize like right afterwards dude what is wrong's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like

He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He's like He Please. He's like, I feel bad what I did to NA because I didn't as she was in the building and he's like, yeah, but you shouldn't have said that in our bro. And he shouldn't have fucked faith and it's a circle.

And because yeah, circles. That's awesome. James's way of looking at life is really sad and probably why he'll die alone. No offense. Yeah, he's like Tom is like big brother to me. Like I've done bad things to him. Not getting with Christen days before I moved him with him But he just keeps forgiving me. What a good friend. No, that's not a good friend. That means you're a shit fucking person sir Okay, get it together. You're dad being a piece of of shit and living on some rooftop in London and trying to live off everybody. Wouldn't make anybody feel good, but it's not an excuse for you to be a shithead all over town either.

Yeah, well, I don't think that he's saying that he's a good friend, saying that Tom's a good friend. Yeah, that's what I mean. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, but it also doesn't mean that you should then abuse that situation because Tom won't be there forever, okay? Yeah, that's what I... Yeah. Are you blowing your nose? No, I think I just said it wrong because I'm saying, yeah, it doesn't mean that Tom's a great friend. It means he's just putting up with a lot of abuse

from you, who's a shit friend. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Tom sees something in you, James. You should be so happy. So now, I mean, there's some talk about wedding rings and whatever I don't have a ring yet, but I'm gonna propose to Ariana when I do that rig is gonna be designed by scientists Geologists Zoologists and culture Calchanatrist Calchan was at the engagement party by the way I noticed missed. The college chat was up the engagement party, by the way, I noticed. Wait, wasn't Cal Chan at our table at TomTom this weekend?

Hell, yeah, I tried to get a diamond off his ass. Yeah. Did you? No. No, I'm like, hi, I'm nobody from nothing. Can I please have a free diamond? If he knew all was right, he would have given you one. Thank you, Pean.

You know, Ronnie, you know why you asked him that? Because you're wild at heart. That's why. Cat wings. Cat wings. We did sort of have a, we did sort of have a Ben's cat yard, you know, moment at Tom Tom when she and a showed up and you didn't even notice she and that's why she's so lonely. That's why she's a show up and you didn't even notice you know that's why she's so lonely that's why she's a lonely cat

So Now it's being a she know it's good Okay, so now we have this 80s sitcom gay pride thing. Yeah, I actually really enjoyed it a lot I didn't see mostly just because they used everybody's original name. Yeah, there was some shade. They're like Jason Kouchy as Jack Taylor. Like that was shady. That was hilarious. And she knew Jinkin. Yeah, as she knows she. Oh, it was so good. So, um, then, so they all, they all are arriving. Um, they're just like this random shot of Shino. Like, she has like, she found like a pizza fabric. And she's like, what am I supposed to do?

I already have a hair band. Like, what am I supposed to do? Should I put it here? Should I put it here? Should I put it here? Probably never. I should put it. She's like, baby, for the bass.

We really should have just stopped there, guys! Like, only Sina would root for the apocalypse. Like, it's a wonderful thing. Like, that's where the world should have ended, guys. I know. I have really seen the guy disagree with her, but. I also think it's sweet that she thinks that she has moved past the 80s all this time.

So, Katie's like, we see Katie, and she's just like having a body positive moment where she's like, you know, one bigger now and you know, it's okay. I know I'll never be la la. I'll never be, I'll never be a twig. I'll never have a PJ, but I'm happy. I'm happy with myself now. Yeah. Okay. That was nice. Yeah. She's like, but I'm also happier than I was when I was 24. So, okay, so Jackson's like nice to see something, never change. I'm still here opening beer and Tom's wearing something

very effeminate, so. Yeah. It's like thanks, Jackson. I was like, I feel like you, I just don't work without the 80s laugh tracks over it Because that's what was happening during all of this. They just okay putting on laugh tracks over everything that happened It would have been funny if they put the 80s laugh track off over Katie's body positive moment like Well, I'll never you know. I'll never have Lala's body

I just don't hear to love myself you know I'll never? Okay, good dog. So, Kristen is hopping the fence with, oh, good, because I hopped with hope. And she's like, we could go through the front door, but then fucking James was literally searing, not be completely blindsided. That wouldn't be fun! I also want to point out that before Kristen performed Mission very possible that we got a musical interlude of Good as Gold, a good as Gold reprise, which made me so happy. And because we play that song so much on our live shows. I mean I recognized it immediately which made me sad She's singing it and Natalie was recording it and then James then James got on to the bar

And he starts like doing his whatever rap and he's like peeling off his jacket with his like six-year-old little boy body And I was like oh I can't look at this. If you're gonna be white Kanye, can you at least like put on white Kanye pound a little bit? I can't. Yeah like you're like white John Denver, like you're super white. Keep your clothes, keep your turtle neck on. Okay? Yeah so yeah so oh also I wanted to say about the goodest gold thing. I love that people try and prove their true fans of Shina when they know where that rest is when at the third one where she's like yes Yes, oh Yeah, and people always like hit the air like rest

Like oh God you guys win congratulations, you know, it is legitimately a good song like I Like I love that song like it is a good good song Well, I'm glad this isn't a lease cuz I ain't co-signing that Okay, Kristen hopes Kristen hopes Kristen hops offense with hope which is just always funny when you see like a 40-year-old hopping offense and trust me. I've been that person Well, it's like yeah, yeah, you like she has, she's very gangly and awkward. So watching her like squeeze through a fat, a chain limb fence opening or whatever is just like, just like a lot of limbs flailing and pushing and squeezing. Yeah. So yeah. So let's see here.

So they break in basically to the smoking section and So Connor really want to like get literally like fucked up a off-bought. I want to be completely sober when I take him the fuck out So she walks right in and pulls her cal over meanwhile Rakella has got like a boomerang a glitter boomerang around her eye for the unicorn just on her face a boomerang, a glitter boomerang around her eye for the eight. Like a unicorn gizzo on her face. So Raquel barely even knows where she is. She's like waiting to order at Chipotle. She's like, I think I'll have a marina ball, please. Like, no, you're at Sir.

So they're like, excuse me, can I pull you aside? She's like, you can't pull off my side. No, just go in the bathroom. So they put her into the bathroom and they're like, she gets in the toilet and sits there. She's like, you're not a blade plug and right now. All right? Focus.

Sorry, I just wanted to freshen up the bathroom. So they are telling her, like, she's like, well, so basically, hope has been having sex with James all this time. And I just want to know if you're aware or you just don't care. And I was like, uh, where are we? Which is sort of like her life motto. Where are we? And hope is like, um, like, of his infidelity, like all the time.

Okay, hope you thirsty ass. Okay, learn a monologue. Okay, at least bring something to the table here. Now on negativity aside, I have to give Raquel credit because she's got so many lines this year. I don't know how she's staying together. Yeah, I've never heard to talk this much. And she's I would think that she's one of those people. It's like when you go from like a stand like a regular swiffer to a swiffer wet jet. You're like, whoa, someone upgraded Raquel. Yeah.

But she's one of those people that you play monopoly with every, you know, every couple of months at game night and she never remembers the rules. She's like, wait, what the community chest? But she's starting to remember how this game goes. So she also gets scared when you go to jail. Oh my God. I should be there for Brittany so she's like oh wait I remember this game so you're gonna say that he

had sex with you too yeah at Coachella you were in the kitchen and forgot his great great great great great that's not doing it it's grading something right yeah gritsons like I don't know if you know the person you're dating because like you were at school and he's like sticky is dick and anything he could and she is um coming from you she was y'all coming from me yeah my favorite part is that when Kristen said that, she, she like set it up by going, riddle me this. It just cracks me up. Riddle me this. I don't think you actually know the person you're dating. I was like, that was not a riddle, Kristen.

T-shirt. It's gonna be on the T-shirt. Can't have your cake you need it to What's not one not and then she goes he is the most manipulative person I've ever met I took him from being a little baby busser to whatever the fuck you think he is now. I'm like, yeah, you are not You were not some like Muse like plucked from like mounted like this. Yeah, you took him where he was a busser Who was like DJing in front of a pizza oven and he's still a busser who's DJing in front of a pizza oven like literally? Yeah, like you actually you actually downgraded him because he's not even a bus boy anymore Yeah, at least he got like real paychecks with that

So Raquel thanks Raquel is like's just hung up on our paths with James. No, Raquel doesn't take anything Kristen said seriously because she thinks that James, that Raquel, Kristen's still obsessed with James. Which is true. She's like, everyone knows. It's a known fact that Kristen's a little deranged. So, Chris. How is it only coming forward because she's with Kristen and hope it's like, now, this is

hard for me. Look, look how hard and Kristen's like, yeah, don't you realize how hard it is for her to come out for being a slut? Like that's hard to do that. Yeah, she goes, I had his back for years. What? Even this girl's friend for Well, you've been fucking his boyfriend. That's terrible Yeah, that is terrible. Okay Then we get the clip of Kristen admitting to boating once before we found out that she boned him where they went

And then Rick Helgos that is the horrible thing to do I thought we were friends and hopes like link like she has nothing to say. You think you think I don't know that. Look at me. I am crushed. I am devastated by my own trans grub mistakes. Look what I have done to my eyebrows over all of this. So, Lee Sin can come in and Lee Sin's version of the 80s is hilarious. It's just a pink dress with like a really long pink show. I know, and like a taco salad on top in their hat. Yeah, taco salad hat. Yeah, I think it's so hilarious that I can decide to dress up for the 80s because I mean,

Chinese shirt in that hairstyle. I mean, he never left. So Lisa's like, pride is such an exciting day. I don't know why I wrote that down. She's excited. So she, she sits down at her table and she now gets to meet Bo, Stasi's Bo, for the first time. Yes. She's like, now I need to interrogate you. I'm sorry, I keep handing it out to you while you're in the middle blowing your nose. No, no, I was there.

I just, I was listening to you. I was like, wow, this is a good show. Yeah. So she's like, I need to interrogate you. A bo bo. And she's like, I told him, meeting you is like meeting my dad, which is so rude. Considering the things that comes out of her dad's mouth at times.

Yeah, exactly. You know, like you remind me of my dad, you know, like you failed to get us farther in the amazing race. So there. So family dish. Yeah, I still remember. I still remember. So she's like, so how did you meet this little hell spawn?

And she's like oh, dude. She met me through Kristen and she Lisa looks genuinely horrified I've never seen Lisa's face move that much at one time. It's like Recoyled in fear. Yeah, she was like I mean I Haven't been so horrified since someone said they didn't like cabbage soup. You let Dodie set you up. She has Dodo in her name. Why would you do that? And Stasi's like, she said Katie and Tom up and looking damn and she's like, oh, God. Well, she does come in useful sometimes, I suppose. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Where is this bobo the clown clown?

I'm doing pretty well. I haven't talked about my ass yet to get that. And then we get a clip of that fucking crazy person Patrick like, Yeah, kill up girl. Yeah, show me that ass, boo. Yeah, what a high ass. Maybe yeah, work that ass, work that ass. Oh my God, I hope he gets shrunken by a witch and sent into a pinball machine and has

to spend the rest of his life dodging very fast metallic balls. So it's a very specific question. I just came up on it. So now we see Raquel, she's looking for James and she's in full room by mode in the corner again. She's like, where for James and she's in full room by mode in the corner again. She's like, where's James? Where's James? Where's James?

And James, James looks like an old-fashioned ironing machine. He's just standing there bobble-headed and cross-eyed with like vape coming up, like blowing out of his nose. He is. He is baseless. He's like a train going up to Hogwarts you know so so James James is standing by the little by in the garden and he's like he and Jackson like all front like oh hey how's it going old man he's like hey James I'm like wait a second aren't you supposed to hate each other yeah I think

you guys forgot the plot already So Brittany comes over into that oh James is like oh there y'all a bit now listen I'm sorry. I said that I didn't know why do these things to myself Why would I say these I'm just Disgusting with myself And she's like yeah, I was a so, Jayyems. I was like so embarrassed. It was almost as bad as the time that Jackson and sex was someone else behind my back And then there was a recording of it and he said he didn't love me and that he was lying and then like he tried to have sex with his raky master It was almost as bad as that It's like that time that I got chicken wings they've got to put ranch in the in the little cups on the side Jayyems and he's like that time that I got chicken wings they've cracked put ranch in the in the little cups on the side

Giants and he's like oh finally an example I can understand He's like that time when jacks ordered water and I said no it's not waters called hooters hooters wrong question jacks I was so embarrassed So he's like our em discuss that with mouth soap so he's like, I'm sorry, I will never do it again. She's like, Panky promise. He's like, yes, I know you like to kill us. So here's a giant gift basket of to kill us. He rips us of space.

He's van a bump. Yeah, he basically is like, he's like, look girl. I found this to kill a basket at the Little Bank airport at the duty free shop. And now you get to have it for you, cause you are duty unfree. Oh, whatever. So James is like, he's like,

I swear I won't do this to you ever again. I'm gonna be, I'm down on my knees. I'm down on one knee, please forgive me. Please forgive me girl. I'm just nice, sweet James. I'm a sweet lovely boy who was theme coming out to his nose, please, please forgive me. I will never say another disrespectful thing about a woman ever. So then

Rick Hel comes right up and she's like, have a never show up. Like Bunsen, this is your word. Use your words. I'm a thambus when I was trying to plug into the bathroom time. Her crazy told me that yeah, that's what what I'm like that's not that bitch at all It's not fucking true Christians are fucking slut. I'm like I love like this is on the heels of them saying I'm so disgusted with myself

I don't know why I say these things I say he's six. Oh my god. So Jack's is watching like he's loving this. Yeah, Jack's is he's just sitting there airing out his pit stand just smiling. Yeah, maybe look at his pits like, oh shit, I'm sweating. But he's watching all of this. And it's the scene we've all seen a zillion times. So he's like, well, I've never been with any of won ever since I'm back.

You. You. And yeah, but really, but it's an end of the person telling me where do I have to go to the tanks? Where do I always have to go through these chains? I'm like, because you say, well, James, you hear how many fucking times do you need to be told he's fucking somebody else? I know.

He's like, what is Kristen here? Why is Kristen here? She doesn't even work here She doesn't even work here and Jack's like I don't know don't look at me. I'm trying to be nice right now And Jim's like did long through there. They're fucking teeth. It's obvious. Everyone's obsessed with me Everyone they just want to be me. They're obsessed with me. Okay, okay? Yeah, they see my they all these bitches and stalkers, they come to see me, they like my music, they see my very nice house, my girlfriend, my dog, and yeah, I've got to do it. He goes, he's like, Britney, I want to ask you to marry,

oh, he goes, he goes, he goes, Rikko, I want to ask you to marry me someday, like Jack's just did for Britney. You don't think I want you, I want you forever, I never, I ever, and ever, without all those sluts interfering, obsessed with me. So then yeah, she's crying. And Jack's like, yeah, you know,

a lot of girls did accuse me of cheating. And it was all true. And now Raquel, now Raquel is like really trying to like squeeze out some tears. She's like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the board cry that's what you're doing right now. James why do I have to do with this shit? Like she's trying to argue like laughing like Rickl you're doing it all wrong. So so then she's like I try to defend you this guy who insults everyone through wraps. I try to test

everyone how good it the person was like he's like, fuck everyone! Who the fuck is? Let's go, fuck everyone! Let's go. I still haven't gotten paid. Like, is Rick hell working there? No, she said I haven't paid yet because she was trying to get, she was trying to pee in Kristen, but during now James is having a fit. She's like, do I ever even get to pee? and Kristen, but during now James is having a fit. She's like, do I ever even get to pee? That makes him much more sense. So funny. So then Katie has been waiting for Tom No. 2 to show up so he gets there and he's like, hey babe.

And then he takes a bottle off a table and just starts drinking it and she's like, is that even yours? He's like, no. First rule of West Hollywood, don't drink out of an anonymous vessel. Mm. You know, no. First rule of West Hollywood, don't drink out of an anonymous vessel. You know. So I'm glad we're still going with this. My husband has changed so much.

Sorry about that. Yeah. So out in the parking lot, where all great things happen on Sir Pride, Ricala's talking to Lala and Sheena, and she's like, and it's like people come up. It's a happy hat to And they're like okay Rekelle all right. I mean you just slow down. Okay. All right. Please use your vocabulary

Flarebids So James just walks up. He's like hot hot hot and Lala's like fall back Fall back. Yeah, can I just talk to her like for a second and he's like no, no you can't you're the biggest fucking bitch ever Lala And it's like come on Rick out. I see hope in there. Okay. I see hope in there while you're at school Don't be dumb and then she's like Don't say dumb I'm not dumb Lala. I'm like Raquel. You're actually talking to Say dumb And uh, we're gonna like yeah Because I'm not dumb Lala. I'm like Raquel. You're actually talking to a mop bucket right now. Please turn around. Oh

Sorry Lala So how else do I say this? Well, you are off getting your degree in Montecito Whoever he was getting his degree and sticking his neck and the other jar can't all okay How do I'm gonna sad step back? I? Want you to wake up I am awake like my eyes are open. It's a metaphor So then Raquel out of nowhere pulls a Ramona singer and she's like That's someone who's supposed to support other women. I feel like you're not you don't support other women, okay? Wow, wow, that's wow Wow, that's wow Wow, this reminds me of this one time was a little girl and I was like I was a little girl and I was like,

I got a pee. That's it. I think I'm pee. So Lala's like, I'm watching this see it. She's, yeah. And she's like, listen, I do support women, but I don't support you, honey, because I thought she's sent back while he assassinated me with his words. Was this the part or was it earlier? Where? Oh, no, number was was later I'll pause on that. So

anyway so James is not he's like drunk and he's like just like stomping around and he sits down next to Tom and he's like Tom you're the only one who knows the truth. You're the only one who knows the truth. People are throwing allegations at me. They're obsessed with me. They want to beat me. They want to have a golden doodle just like me, but they can't. They can't. He's like, wow, that's a lot of allegations, bro. There was Ellie. There was Ellie. There was Gigi. There was Fufi and Fifi. Frank George Michael so then Kristen and hope come up and Kristen like oh my time oh what is he here oh yeah that's like the raining question and we'll keep asking about everyone's here this is the most existential episode of Vanneparm Brawls why are you here why are you here? Why is she here? Why is she here? Why is she here? Why is she here?

I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here.

I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here.

I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you're here. I think you to use that word only Katie gets to use that word unnecessarily okay. Ronnie I'm surprised that oh never mind I obviously give out something else I had I just like confabulated two different things so I'm we're gonna take away this surprise surprise but James is like fuck you Lala fuck you Lala remember us Lala. I miss you Lala fuck you. I love you. Lala fuck you And James is like if anyone should be triggered it's Lala

These girls hate you all last year and arm your friend last year Stop bringing them in and she's like um you need help. Okay. You need serious help James and he's like you need help Okay, you need serious help James and he's like you need help Like she needs help what's going oh and then Katie goes the guy goes she needs help what's going on? What's your past? Sick burn Katie sick sick pants Around them out when she comes So James is like oh yeah girl those shirts aren't really those shorts aren't really working for you babe Well, I'm saying is your fat your fat fat and ugly and lazy that's what I'm saying

girl Fucking James. So he's like she shouldn't be wearing those shorts. They're not very flatt- Lose some fucking right and so then he like Flicks his cigarette and just like does this thing with his hand like And honestly now I'm gonna really say something here and it will it could sound really caddy and problematic. But I'm actually saying this from a truly sincere place. This is not I'm not I'm truly not trying to be funny here. Watching the way he reacted, I mean like the way the way his matters are remind me of like my gayest friends and I'm not being like he's gay. I actually sincerely wonder

do we think that on some level there really may be some sexual confusion going on that's fueling all this frustration and anger because like if that's true that would actually that would actually break my heart for him. Oh I don't care. I mean I don't care. I just learned long time ago not to care or not to even guess, especially with younger generations because it's different. It's not put into context and a way I understand it. When I was growing up, it was very easily labeled, like your gay or your straight and if you say you're just saying that until you become gay, that's how it was back then. It's changed so much and there's so many different labels

and people are expressing themselves in such different ways that I don't really even think of it in terms of gay or straight. I will tell you this, he's a little bitch face. I mean, you need to watch a fucking mouth because when you got me, I was ready to side with him because Katie started it with her. Oh, look at your outfit.

Ew. Which if you said your outfit stupid too, that really wouldn't be so bad, you know, and of course Katie would still twist that to use it in some victim-y ass way and trying to start a parade over it. But yes, such a prick. He's such a fucking prick. And that's the way he acts out. And you know, you don't get away for it. You don't get away with doing that just because you're young or because you've been through pain Okay, every we're Los Angeles. We're all fucked over constantly every day sir Okay, you're not the only fucking victim in the world and how dare you make me side with horse face number two How dare you I hate Katie and I'm totally

100% on her side so go fuck yourself. Yeah, yeah, go fuck yourself James like you're you're real You're real animal And you can only get away with this I don't know what I say these things see alcohol. I'm so sorry I'm really pretty I'm a nice little boy. Let's believe as a child I mean those the stories of him getting bullied as a child really do make those when he told about how the bullies broke his arm That makes me very sad and that's all I was thinking about was not trying to be like I'm gonna out James Because I don't know if there's any outing to be done etc. And I wouldn't do that anyway. I just was like if that is one of the things that's contributing to him being such an asshole

or acting in this way it would sort of a make sense and be is like very sad for the world at large. But really as you said at the same time who really cares? So Lisa is now walking back to search. And she's like, now let's see what's happening. It's sir, because pump was very civilized. But I'm sure that sir is even more civilized than that. I'm just going to take a walk down the street. I'm really surprised that they didn't make a spin-off of pump.

Because man, there are some bitchy-ass queens who ass queens who work in pump yeah I mean talk about bitchy oh my god like they'll be bitchy right to the customers there so James meanwhile is also walking through the streets so we're sort of anticipating some showdown between James and Lisa and he's like Martin he's like marching through all Huffy and he's like no one can replace James Kennedy baby on the star climb the star, on the star. And then the episode ends with him saying, I'm all for a quality, but that hog can go fuck us out.

Oh, classy is everybody. Classy is ever. Yeah. So that was a super fun episode. I just don't, you know, the witches of the Taco Bell Kevin is constantly picking one person going after them and from the stuff from the coming next week close to see the going for she know again and i'm really know it's a

tired of a good tired of these bitches going after everybody like that they're just a mean i'm very into it i'm like that's what gets me so excited you know it's like um... let's go around and around i do want k do want Katie to bear the front of it. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's working.

It is Katie's Fing turn. I'm ready. She had her wedding season. Then she got to sit out all season with her victim story of something that happened to her when she was a teenager. And this season, she's just going to get to, like, sit there and be bitchy to everybody else. I don't think so

So she could come take down Katie someone needs to resurrect to kill a Katie. I'm sorry Katie It has to happen to kill Katie has to come back. Sorry. Sorry Well, that brings us to the end of Yeah, we'll be back tomorrow with some below deck and then we're going to do two episodes more this week So don't bring us to six total plus a bonus you suckers. We're gonna be doing a full Jersey and a full Dallas send off Also go get your watch what crap and live tickets. We're coming to Irvine Vancouver Boston DC Dallas a second show. So please come to that one Dallas and second show, so please come to that one, Dallas. And go to watchwitcraftens.com for tickets for that.

You can also get all of our limited shirts from this year for the next two weeks. And you can find us over on the TV party app. You can just follow me at Ronnie Caram and Ben is at Ben Metalgar over at TV party. And we stream for an hour each week over there. Ben was last night for pump rules, and I'm gonna do an after show for the Real Housewives shows tomorrow night, which will be Wednesday night.

So we will see you over there. We love you guys. Yes, love you much. Bye. So long. you Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.