Watch What Crappens - Welcome to Crappie Lake: Fireman Folly

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* Luann and Sonja get their sequins fired up for the second episode of Welcome to Crappie Lake. This time, they're getting hot and bothered by firemen, holding auditions for a good ole cabaret, and dipping their ...toes... into the locals. This week's bonus is a shopping field trip on Amazon Prime Day. Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one!

I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! I've been a rich one! Well, hello everybody!

Welcome to WatchWatCorpans! The podcast for all that crap. We love to talk about on your bruv. So I'm Ronnie. Hi. I'm with Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi. How's it going? How are you, sweet man, little munchkin man? Oh, you know, I'm just, I'm, I'm divine. I'm divine. Yeah. What's going on with you? Divine,

yeah. I'm excited because we're here today to recap the second episode of Welcome to Crappilylake, which you know we love. We take it very personally that the show is even called this. We love you show. We love everyone involved in this show. Thank you for being here. Thank you guys for being here. If you want to watch this video, it is on Crappins on demand on our Patreon. Just go to Patreon search watch what crap ends. It's available a week after we release it here over on YouTube. Okay, for free, for everybody. We also do bonuses every week. Last week we did a really fun one that was an Amazon shopping extravaganza. And this time we did video with it. So you

could see what we were shopping for and looking for, and we will update you guys on the stuff we got this week and how we like it and all of that good stuff. And I think that's it for openers for me. You have anything you wanna mention? Nothing except to say that that was like such a fun bonus episode and it was really cool to be able to like put the browsers up on screen for people to watch what we were browsing for while we did it.

So definitely keep me checked out. Technology guys. Gosh. Garsh. So the reaction to this show has been really good. People are loving the show, which I'm super happy about, because we love it as well. Also, I love that just the timing of the episodes,

I mentioned it on my threads, which is like Instagram's Twitter or whatever. I thought it was so cute that this, the next episode has like a lemonade stand. They show the clip for the next one is a lemonade stand. And this week was the premiere of Real Housewives of New York, the New Ones, which they're turning lemons and eliminates with this show.

Guys, I just loved that. Thought it was so cute. But you know what is the fun? You know what? Bravo is they are such fuckers. They are so mean. I think it is so funny that they have Luan and Sonia on like Roni premiere day. They are like doing interstitials where it's like, hey, it's lick Sonia and Luan. Tonight, be sure to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, followed by the new Real Housewives of New York. And then us, OGs, I'm like, you're going to have them promote the show they got fired from.

Like it's so cruel. You know, they hated that. They hated it. Bravo. They are, they are so, they are hilarious. They also gave them their own show. So what would you rather have? Would you rather have?

Because you know Suny Unlywanner, both delusional. So they think the show's gonna go on for 20 years, you know? And would you rather have a show that you have to share with Dorenda and Ramona and all these crazies? Or would you rather a duo show? You know? I think they want it all.

I think they want, but they want to have the spin up and they want to be on Roni still. Yeah, sure. I have to say, by the way, so full confession. Last week, we did crappy lake episode one. And then I was like, I'm gonna watch episode two and I just, I didn't get around to it until we decided to recap it for this week.

And I thought, I liked episode one. It was better than I thought it would be, but I think I said on the one. It was better than I thought it would be, but I think I said on the show. It's better than I thought it would be, but it wasn't as good as I thought as people were saying. But I thought episode two was hilarious. So I think that like, what was nice about episode two

was they could just sort of be more of the show. And episode one was still sort of pyloty. There's a lot of people in the town talking and like it didn't really have necessarily the same flow. But this episode, I was cracking up. So I am now 100% in on crappy lake. Because it really is so funny that they just show up and they're so themselves.

You know what they are? Like they can't help it, they can't be anybody else. And they're trying like they're wearing glitter everywhere and sequins everywhere. I mean, they're just ridiculous. Like someone told them you should do that, but it also seems like it would be a totally natural choice for them to be like,

let's go to the fire department in sequence. Like, I feel like you can see the areas that are contrived that the producers, I feel like the producers told them like where sequence to like the local thing. Like I feel like there are contrived moments. But there's also a lot of moments where despite the contrivances, their true nature comes out despite that. And that's that's where the show is really at. Especially

on me this one is just too horny ladies just going to town, you know. So this opens at the Benton Motel and a Cosh Patel comes into Sonya's room and he's great casting this guy. I think he just completely mocked him and thinks are hilarious. I think he's just drunk this guy. He just completely mocks him and thinks are hilarious. I think he's just drunk all day. Yeah. And this guy who runs this shitty ass motel, walked in and was like, what have you done to this room? What have you done to my place? You're making your room in this place as if it's the Plaza Hotel.

It's literally the most expensive things that have ever been in this room. It's the most expensive decorative items that have ever been here. Even though there's some new scrawny panties, you know. So she's crawling over junk, literally disgusting. This room is terrible. And she's like, I don't worry, everything's organized. Even though it doesn't necessarily look like it.

And he goes, yeah, it does look like it. She's like, well, I have a list for you, by the way. I need trash cans, organizing pants. He's like, uh, I have a list for you by the way. I need trash cans, organizing pants. I'm like, love the dildo over there on the bed. That's nice. She's, oh, Jesus, that's not for you. He goes, I love it though. She's, well, you know, within its charging station right now.

Yeah, there's a charging station. I kind of use it on my shoulders and you know, downtown, of course. And I do have something that's just for the shoulders, but it was too heavy, so, you know, I just have the dildos. This is multi-use now. And he's like, so you have a charging station for dildos.

Just, yeah. That's how you charge them. Okay, oh, don't forget, you came to get the garbage. Don't forget. The whole room just full of trash. And she doesn't even have a trash bag. She just hands him like a styrofoam container that she's done with.

She's like, take this and go. Now the room's clean. So, I like to roll her eyes. She rolls her eyes like he's the fucking disaster in that room. Exactly. So now she goes over to Luan's room and Luan's like, are you ready? And she's all in sequence.

Luan is just been dying to get in the sequin dress. And she's like, well, I'm very excited because we're going to go meet the director at the Civic Center. And it's our first mission for the mayor. So I want to do a good job whoever the hell he is. Now we have to look the part and I think that we look great. I'm just hoping he's gay. Well, of course, I'm guessing he's a theater director. I mean, what else would he be? Did they even make those in straight? He's like, good fabulous. You know, we live for our fabulous queens.

So there are so excited, like finally, after grabbing a catfish by the mouth and hauling it out of the water, we can finally be with some gays at last. So they climb into the car, they go to the car. And so he just starts walking across the parking lot. And Loon's like, uh, son, son, are you driving? I mean, the car's right here, son, you know, she's like,

oh, no, not that again. This is terrible. This is not, this is not aesthetically me at all. I mean, I don't mind the No A C. It's just not appealing. And we're not getting paid for this logo or anything. Sonya has like, I was surprised that Sonia was the one who didn't want to get in the car.

That Lueh Ann was totally game for it. Well, she's mad that she's not getting paid for the logo because of course it's total Sonya. She doesn't have AC. She's totally used to not having AC. She doesn't have, she barely has running water. Okay. So she's like, I just don't like we're not getting paid for the logo. So then welcome to crappy legs.

So they're driving around and Luanne's like, what are you doing, Sonia? And you're supposed to be co-pilot on Sonia Rizzo. And Sonia's got her big thick gray gardens glasses on and she's just going through something. And she's like, the way I'm like, all right, we're just like some in the weeds. We're gonna go down together. Just tell me if there's a cliff, okay?

Can you help me out here if there's a cliff? And or a terrible small town. We have to drive through. Oh shit, too late on that front. I've already used my Lucy and Athol in episode one. So here's Leverning Shirley. Just wait for Leverning Shirley in the neck. Wait, what did I say?

I used Lucy and Athol in one. This was my Thelmond Louise. Lemonade stand. Will do you Leverning Shirley? Okay, got it. Is there a talk of the factory in the dump of a town? Oh, yeah. Luminleis, lemonade stand, will do you liver and insure they have got it. Is there a talk of the factory in the dump of a town? All right.

Do a little lemon thing. So they arrive at the Benton Civic Center and the temperature is 93 degrees with 90% humidity and they walk into this center and they find, they're like trying to find this theater director and they're like, well, there's the office of administration. Why we go in there? And there's like a rascal scooter in there. So we're like, look at this.

It's a poor person's car. They parked it right here in the office. This Benton Civic Center, guys, just you need to branch yourself. You can't be, first of all, it looks like it's in an old dairy queen. And then they just had a sign made. And it says, Banquets, business meetings, concerts, weddings, receptions, theatrical, civic center. Got it, okay?

Let's put places with chairs, okay? You don't need to give us advice of things to do. You need to name it after, like if it were me, I would just be like, you know what, fuck it. I'm just gonna name it after a celebrity as if a celebrity donated. Yeah. That they didn't be like the and bank Roth Center for the performing arts. You know, Call it the George Harrison. That's your thing.

It's George Harrison. Oh, yeah. We learned why George Harrison's a big deal there because his sister lived there or something. So George Harrison would come visit. Yes. And that was like the big thing there. So a lot of people have been fucked by George Harrison in this down so back at the Gina Gershon theater of arts and potential When is like so poor piece and poor person vehicle? What is this and so I'm like oh, I love this You know, I'm gonna I might need one eventually so she hops on to it and I'm like, I might need one eventually, so she hops onto it.

And she's like, how does this thing go? And she hits the gas pedal. And there's like a flat screen TV on a stand. And she just crashed into it. And I did it. And I did it. And Lou Ann saves the TV. And Lou Ann is cracking up.

Lou Ann can't believe this. And then so he like backs up into a wall. Hey, I'm sorry about that. And she's just listening to Luanne crack up because she's so legitimately cracking up with that voice. It's like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH But remember in Twister when they're running from the twister, I remember everything I've heard of course. Of course, when Helen Hunt and Bill Paxon, by the way, great casting,

RIP Bill Paxon, but who thought like, let's do a movie. Okay, here's one we want. It's going to be a thriller about a tornado. And it's going to chase Helen Hunt. They'll be a flying cow and Philip Seymour Hoffman will be there. Double RIP. Mm-hmm. So they're running from the twister and they go into a barn and like everything in the barn is like a saw that's hanging. It's like everything sharp in the world is in this in this barn.

Yeah. I feel like that's what this scene was like for Sonya and a scooter. They're like, okay, let's put Sonya on a scooter and let's put everything that could break right near her. Like, there's a ladder. Like, let's put a case of like glass earns or something. Yeah. You know. So she-

Back of cards. Bill, the director comes in and he's like, hey, be careful on that thing. It goes pretty fast girls. And Sonia's just swings her badge out. You know, of course, because she's like in a mini-screwed swings or leg over and she's like, oh, sorry, but Luanne has a need for speed. You might have heard that. Do your line, Lou, do it. She's like, I'm gonna kill you all. Some of the classics. I want to clarify that they they rode the scooter throughout the Civic Center into the theater and down the aisle a month

The seats are built on stage After a while you're all so here I'm gonna kill me all oh my god. They know my arrest tape. They know my arrest tape Oh, so Bill. Hello your bill. Okay, and um Oh, so Bill, hello, your bill. Okay, and do you know where the gay theater director is? Because I see a man in a Hawaiian shirt and crocs, and I'm a little concerned. I'm only assuming that, and I'm sorry to assume, because I know that assuming makes an ass out of you,

and you don't like ass, do you? That's what I'm asking you. You're not a homosexual. So this theater can't run on straight people bill. Okay. Well, just have to be the gay representation here anyway. Well, you know, the mayor has asked us to help out in town theater and coming from a cabaret background. It's not that hard. And we see a flashback of Luanne and rehearsal going, oh pop pop pop pop pop, that's it. Okay, right.

The way that they just showed her it going, her hand is doing this, but her voice is going, pop pop pop pop pop pop, that's not a bit makes sense. You can't even stay in rhythm on your theoretical rehearsal. Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop, wrap, that's it done. I'm the David Foster of Cabaret. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, show. As in your show is the pits. So Lwango's so bill, the mayor said you might need some

help with an end of your performance. Are you interested in turning gay? I think I will help it about 70% to like to have sex with a man right now. And a son is like, what? This is Bill King. I thought he was going to be like, Jolly. But instead he's like, I'll son him a when you know, hi, I thought he was going to like Jolly, but instead he's like, oh, son, you know, hi, I thought he was gonna be like Sonia in the when I love you. I came to your Christmas show in LA, but instead no, it's just Bill. I'm married. I've been doing this forever. My pre-use on my shirt. Well, Bill, you know, you're in luck because we're here to save you, you know. I do capray. Sonyo Rita does stand up to much smaller audiences, doesn't really have the same tour,

prestige that I do. She's basically selling popcorn at the side of the stage there, but I have guests and friends and songs. So anyway, we're here to help you. Well, we're really, it's your vision. We're just a facility. However, I would say something that attracts people, bitten people. So hot dogs, I've seen a lot of people who

seem to like hot dogs here. Should we just throw some catfish on the stage and see who comes through the doors? Do you know any singing hot dogs or cartons of popcorn that could come in? Should we put some coupons for the local supermarket here? What's it called? The Pigley Wiggly? Bullballs. I met a celebrity with huge bullballs here. We could do something. Well, listen, I think for this kind of town, I think we need a variety show that includes everyone. All inclusive. We can include kids and children.

Are there any other groups we have to include? I don't know. We can do skits. We can include kids and children. Are there any other groups we have to include? I don't know. We can do skits. We can do ourselves. It could be basically us on stage and children in the orchestra pit and we can throw popcorn down on their heads. Children, parents, cousins, brothers, sisters, animals, pets, donkeys. You're not doing a donkey show, Sonia. All right. Well, you want me to put the word out, I can put it on Facebook. All right, well, what are you thinking for a name? We need a name.

Well, I'll tell you this, what doesn't work. Variety show. All right, well, how about... Oh, that's my favorite magazine. How about Cabaret? Cabaret works. I like follies. Something called...

Oh, follies. Fresh. Young and fresh fresh like follies And the benton follies. Oh, yes, follies sounds great. All right. It is the benton follies featuring the Countess Luhan experience Yeah, don't run away from the title Ben because you know, you don't run from Benton. This is Ben. Benton's great Thanks for selling you know, thanks for selling Ben on putting Ben or thanks for selling Bill. I'm putting Ben in the title. You know, the Ben and Follies are a way that Luanne and I can share light on the wonderful people of Ben and on the strange fish they like to capture with their hands. You know, it's great.

It's a great place to go. Even though there's no bars and no attractive men here and we know people will come. Bill's like, well, I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of guy, and I'll honestly, I don't watch or show, but we'll see what they do to me. I cut a s'more and I had my wallet in my pocket. I'm not accusing anyone of anything. Well, let's go shopping. So they, Lewand and Sonia are driving back home. They see like an antique small. It's like, ooh, makes me want's go shopping. So they, Lewand and Sonia are driving back home.

They see like an antique small. It's like, ooh, makes me wanna go shopping. Shopping or maybe fuck someone. Let's fuck someone. Let's go to the fire department. So they, they pass by the fire department and pull over. And Lewand's like, I have to tell you something. Sonia reached out and I'm getting hungry.

I mean, for me, the heat just makes me agitated already. And I'm already agitated on top of that. So that's my problem. I'm not having any sex and it's hot and I'm not having sex and I say the sex part already I'm angry and Sony is like well, we've got live victims right here. She's trying to get her eyelash Blue on under her big glasses. She's like oh I need boys right now. I'm so boy crazy. I can't even take it. Fuck the pirate. I want a fireman now. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So they see the fireplace and they decided that they're going to pull over to meet some firemen.

And somebody won't get out of the car because she's doing that. Like she's still trying to keep her eye lash on. But she's like, piercing her lips and like posing and making her hair crazy. It looked crazy for the man. I'm like, you too look so bizarre. I personally, it's crawling out of this car. And I personally a little surprised that Sonya didn't put the little the rascal scooter in their back seat. Like, I'm just gonna take this for later.

I don't know. I thought it might need it. Not just for you. think it's those big trucks. It just make people horny But I think you get one of those trucks and you're like yes, I'm fucking everybody But they're not in the big truck yet. They're just still in there. Oh, there's a little car Yeah, I'm sorry. It's probably the truck potential Maybe that maybe being around a lot of trucks is getting them going, you know, yeah So they get they get out in the way I'm like, oh hello. I'm the man. And what's your name? Hopefully it has no word in your last name that might make me horn

You're he's like, well, my name is Shane Cochrom. Oh, yeah Cochrom. I'm sorry. All I heard was Coch and he's like, yeah Shane Cochrom also known as chief Cochrom and Sony is like like, yeah, Shane Cockrum, also known as Chief Cockrum. And Sony is like, I was like, Sony, get off your phone. It's like, well, young ladies are dressed for a success today. I was like, that is the nicest way to put it. I mean, I know, just for success. We have a vibrant street walker community here in Benton.

And we give our ladies the night nothing but respect. You'll fit in great. We like to protect them. Well, thank thank you I am dressed for capray. You said capray yes or success. Same word for me. Anyway we just talked in and thought we'd say hello see if anyone wanted to I don't know. Go down on me while I'm here I don't know there's a fire that needs to be put up between my legs if not I'm saying. So you guys we want to see your poll. I know

you do. Called this one didn't I I? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, as part of the fire department, it's one of our jobs to put things out. So if you have a libido, let me tell you, there is no poll because we're a first floor of firehouse. So I will not be yes-ending your poll situation there. Yeah. So what was this?

He goes, first floors, don't get polls. And Sun, you guys guys like our motel, boom. I think she met like, their motel is all one floor. No. What? No. So, well, how long have you been at the fire department? Oh, God, we have to say person. She finds the youngest guy there. She goes right up to the youngest guy chin which is name he's got a big Alex Melmovie star chin. His name is Alex Melvin oh Alex Melvin so is Alex your first name or is Melvin your first name or you're just telling me your name in real call order I want to know everything about you Ryan Reynolds type how long have

you been here with this fire station and he he's like, uh, uh, uh, he keeps looking to the side. He's so uncomfortable. He's like, uh, well, next month, I reached my 11 years. Oh, you don't look old enough to be here 11 years. Yeah, I'm flicking the hair. I said, well, I try to stay long. Oh, well, you're doing a good job. How do you stay in shame? I'm not sure. Missing tips. He's like, well, there's a workout room out back. Okay, well, I was asking you to fuck me, but we could do the workout room first. Okay.

She's trying to do this. I love this flirty face, but she looks like, oh, hello. Like, she looks, it's the most horrifying flirty face I've ever seen, and she's wearing these gigantic earrings that look like the gongs that should have played her off years ago And she's a disaster. They're sweating. She's in sequence. This guy is looking like he's in a hostage video He's like are you trying to seduce me Miss Delos apps? Oh, yeah

Oh, I love it show me the work. You want to show me the work at room? I want to see what's going on back there So she tells us flirting is all about eye contact and conversation and letting a man know you're available. And there's a way to do that with just enough body language and just a few little hints like, fuck me right now. Just some subtle hints. Settle hints to let him know you're available. You crawled out of a free unconditioned car in sequence sweating one of you had your eyelash hanging off couple

He knows he knows you're available He figured it out, okay, so she goes in and she picks up weights and she's got massive muscles She's like, oh, I like to do these ones right And he's like, uh, yeah, uh, keeps you strong. Do you like the party? What? Did she ask? Yeah.

Did she just ask him to do drugs? Yes. And she's right after she's saying, oh, you need a little eye contact. This guy will not look around the eyes like looking away. Yeah. And then she asked me to do some. And then she asked for some math. Oh my God.

Oh my God, she is so shameless. So, yeah, and she's like lifting these weights. Like, yeah, this is how I like to lift my weights. No, I match her instead of weights. My hands were wrapped around your penis. So I'm saying, let's do it. Let's do it hard right now. I'm horny. Mama's horny. S's do it. Let's do it hard right now morning.

Mama's horny. Settle T, it's all about subtlety. So are you on 24 hour call, Chin? And he's like, uh, well, yeah, we're on 24 hour. And then 48 off, I know the drill. You can get a lot done in 48 hours, Alex. He's like, uh, oh, we do, ma'am. Lots of kittens uptrees.

Uh, I'm not sure. I know what you're talking about, man. A lot of pussy's that need your help there. Come on, Chin. Help me out here. I can't walk this old mile alone. I'm trying to be subtle as best I can, but mama's horny. Come on now. So Ryan gives a signal to his friend.

He's like, can you please just like pull a fire alarm somewhere? Someone save me. So meanwhile, Sony is talking to the fire chief. And so he's like, well, she goes, well, do we have to just so whirny, sorry, she really needs some dick. You know, look at her. She's just hot, she's so whirny. And he goes, well, Alex is definitely the most GQ fireman we've got.

But I suppose it's what we do that makes us hot, right? She goes, have a lot of you been burned? He's like, ah, that wasn't actually, wasn't intending a pun with that one. Oh. No, not really. None of you were hot, actually. If any of you had like misspelled tattoos on your back, maybe, possibly.

Yeah. So now there's putting a hat onto Sonia's head. And she's like, Lou, not a hat, but a fireman's helmet. And Lou's just like, Lou, come on, get a helmet. You'll believe how heavy these things are. Oh, it's heavy as this one's cock, I'm opening. I'm sure they don't call you a cock room for nothing. All right, we're just trying to show off the helmet as you're a man.

All right, well, boys, we're just trying to show off the hell means you're a man. All right, well boys, we're doing a variety show and you guys have talents, don't you boys? So wow, one of our talents comes out when the bell rings. Just, oh, okay, you don't have an hidden talent. Oh, I think. Maybe in the bedroom. Oh, well, my wife says that I organize my toiletries very well. All right, I'm not really gonna do these.

You're killing me, your buddy. You know, hidden talents at all? I guess, wow, I think firemen have lots of hidden talents. She's, oh, really? Why don't you show me one? It's like cheese. So then Shane tells us, you know, Sonia, Sonia and I believe Leigh Ann is it? Leigh Ann, yes.

They, you know, they're really coming like a whirlwind. Like, you know, like, dress for success as they say. And these ladies are full of spice and life. And you can tell, you can tell anywhere they go, it's going to be exciting. And a little desperate. I have to say, a little, it wreaks a desperation. It's going to be a whirlwind, a twister of dollar bills. Just in a funnel.

Around wherever those two are. Oh yeah, yeah. You know, the fire alarm is, we'll be going off because it's a dumpster fire and sequence that just arrived here anyway. So they're like, oh, we gotta go, gotta get in the fire trucks. We've gotten the emergency boys. So the man's like, wow, we gotta go, we gotta get in the fire charts. We've gotten emergency boys.

So the man's like, wow, how hot was that? You just see them stop down the block and the fire chief whips out the hose and starts giving everybody a silkworm shower, silkwitch hour, silkwitch hour. Oh my God, they're like, thank you for pulling that emergency, that emergency fire alarm at the Benzific Center. He's like, what? What? What you for pulling that emergency. That emergency fire alarm at the Ben Cifix Center. He's like, what?

What? What? We've gotten emerges. That was coming from your mouth. Lohanna's like, oh wow, that was hot. How hot was that? Oh my God. They got into a truck.

They put on their jackets. I never thought roving would be more exciting than just rubbing. Oh Sonya Riza! So it's now night three and they already look wasted, right? Sonya, especially Sonya, Sonya looks like coaked out of her mind, right? So Luanne comes over to her room.

Luanne is dressed like what people think gay men dressed like in 1972. It's a little Heather DeBro in Montana, you know? Little is wearing like the green. Montana DeBro. It's like a duck or hat, but instead of leather, it's like sequined and then she's wearing a skin type, skin type black sequined outfit. I think that was her Viva LaDiva hat.

I think she wears that in the music video. She likes that kind of, yeah, it's like not quite a conductor's cap, it's not quite a police cap, it's just sort of like a goofy hat. That's a museum hat, but it's there. It's not quite a, not quite a for-non-blond hat from the 90s, but sort of. Yeah. So, um, Sunni is wasted.

So Sunni is like, oh my god, the mayor, mayor Fred, got us to track. and he was like, oh my God, the mayor, mayor Fred, it got us a truck. She could say, the mayor, that's right. We have caught in this town, mayor Fred, got us a truck. And she's like, yeah, we went from the Fred Flintstone vehicle that we had to operate with our own legs to this. Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

So we got, they have like now a pickup truck. Someone had to donate a pickup truck to the show, clearly. Yeah, it's a huge, nice big dick pickup truck or a little dick pickup truck someone had to donate a pickup truck to the show clearly yeah it's a huge nice big dick pickup truck or a little dick truck I guess you see those you're like sorry about your tiny pain and so so they're driving and the way I'm like wow well I hope we get some talent for this show whoever will we ask she's like well we can find a way to use everyone everyone has some kind of talent don't they yeah well well I mean we can't we way to use everyone. Everyone has some kind of a challenge, don't they? Yeah, it's as well. Well, I mean, we can't, we can't include everyone.

So, and the other wise, our play will be nine hours long. I mean, part of being as liberty is having a belt that wrote, you know what I'm saying? Only a few acts in and then the rest will just be me singing. And so, and suddenly, it's like, well, I think we, we're going to get a lot, well, I think we're going to get a lot of people to audition because they want to meet us, frankly. And I know that to be true wherever I go, whether it's We're gonna get a lot of, well, I think we're gonna get a lot of people to audition because they wanted me thus frankly And I know that to be true wherever I go whether it's Korea

France New York How did Korea get to the beginning of this example list? I don't know but I swear to God I thought she said Crimea at first. I was like of course, Sonia would be like, let me go to war torrent Kramia peninsula But Korea science autographs Korea. I don't know. Has she been to Korea? She's like, I went to Korea. I'm gonna go to Korea. They just chase me down the street. It's crazy You know the S and BTS stands for Sonia. I don't know if you realize that You know the S and BTS stands for Sony. I don't know if you realize that

Yeah, so Luans they pull up to the auditions and we're like, oh, I don't see a lot of cars But it's possible I may have driven over them. I mean such a big truck right now Mm-hmm. It's like well, you know, don't forget that like one family is three people so it could really be a lot of people that are there but No, it's so we're a Benton Follies auditions round one. Well, don't you look spiffy. Yes, it's just audition. Yeah, you can make an effort, Bill. All right, Jesus Christ, non-gay, Bill, you don't have to suck a dick, but at least dress like you do. So dress for success is what I heard they say. Oh, yeah, that's what we tell our hookers. You know, they get tax breaks. What I heard they say oh yeah, that's what we tell our hookers. You know they get tax breaks We say dress for success the hookers and we say just look like a piece of shit for the guys in the bar. Don't what don't you worry?

So like well, how many people are here Bill? He's like four or five That's it. Do they know that this is the auditions for the Benton Follies? The interesting Benton Follies and all the youth of Benton come running forward. Everyone hears the word Follies and knows this is something hip and cool and young. So then we see these auditions. Oh my God. So Carly Hutchinson, she's got music on her phone. It's like, it doesn't go stated,

but she's basically doing interpretive dance for Saw. She's doing like a, she's dressed like Jigsaw. Yeah. It's super weird. So she's dressed like Jigsaw, and then she does back bend, like that creepy, like insidious back bend. Like the arch, like the wheel.

Right, that yoga belt wheel. Ugh, it's so creepy and weird, and she's like giving satanic looks. She's looking at them like, I'm gonna fuck you and then I'm gonna eat you. And Bill goes, I, you know, around here, they're all into this, you know, the dark side or what? The fuck is this town? What's going on in this town?

I've never seen an interpretive dance of a horror film. I mean, I'm into violence, I'm into sex, but not at the follies. What's going on in this town? I've never seen an interpretive dance of a horror film. I mean, I'm into violence, I'm into sex, but not at the follies. Follies means fun and light and singing and rejoicing. But it does remind me, I did. I do remember fucking Jigsaw in the 90s. It was when limelight was still big in New York City. I had a great time.

He'd booby trap me. I loved it. I thought when he said I'm going to booby trap you, and then he's going to motorboat my boobs. He actually booby trap me, but I got out of it. I fucks jigsaw in Japan too. They call him Sudoku. It was pretty good. Ha ha ha.

Kya. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, you don't even wanna know what they call him in Korea. Ha ha ha ha ha. So this girl who does this crazy dance finishes and then she gives like a dirty look like that kill you fuck you look to the audience and then she goes Thank you start smiling Great job Carly great job. You're almost as talented as my own daughter Victoria I'm sorry Carly you can't be a serial killer. You have not been picked up for a season two

That was just to sell low killing that you're getting away with. Please clear the stage, gross. Pied stage press. So then there's like a girl on violin who's like, she's like doing a whole thing. And she's like, wow, that was great. How long have you been studying? It's my daughter studied for seven years

and she still can't play. Wow, talk about money down the drain, but it's Morgan Monty, so who really cares? Anyway, what's your name again? She's like, well, I've been doing it for 11 years and bills like. And tell them with who you've been studying. You talk Pearlman, right? No, my wife. That's my wife.

She thought you have a wife? Wow. It was really a town for single people to move to, a good for you Bill didn't see that one coming So then we get a heart player, but you got a love you got to love this town We're back. They've got a lot in this town their dance classes are bomb. I mean that girl can seriously Backband she was moving. Yeah, and they have heart lessons. I mean what the fuck? I don't have heart lessons where I live I'd have have to drive three hours to get a heart lesson where I live.

The person playing the harp and the line goes, Hmm, makes me want to get into a Roman bath and eat grapes. And they get railed by a fireman. Where's Melvin, Alex or Alex Melvin get over here? I guess they didn't have many firemen in Rome come to think of it Sing is how it burnt to the ground. Oh, well, that was a bad example Bill get someone All right someone put that harp down the ground I'm gonna line it and then someone can fuck me. Okay, fuck that music hat. I'm fucking the heart

You know what fuck it doing the harp and step Give me that harp. So then a guy on the guitar who I think does meth comes out and they're like putting their hands on the earth with song and his song is like, it's never too late to change the world. And you're thinking, okay, I mean, that's positive, that's sweet.

And he goes, watch them bury you. Whoa, okay. Whoa. There is a darkness in this town. The hell. positive that sweet and he goes watch them bury you whoa okay Whoa there is a darkness in this town the hell there's a little bit of darkness and Then we see this little boy on a unicycle playing a keyboard that he is controlling with his mouth And so he goes oh well this has to begin I mean this is talent right here. Oh, so the land's like, well, we need more people.

I mean, I appreciate everyone's talent. But there's just so few people. We need more casting bill before we can figure out the shape of this show. Okay, well, let's just do a video. We can promote it. Good, because what's the point of casting something if you can't cut people? It's just not fair. You need to have both sides of the equation.

It's like, okay, all right, everyone come on stage. All right, gather around the star, which is me and my sidekick, which is Sonia. All right, okay, I'm going to do all of this and Sonia will say a day, and then Bill will just say something straight and disgusting, and then we'll all cheer at the end. Okay, is everyone ready? So they try doing this. So Sonia is like, you say the things, and then I'll at the end. Okay, is everyone ready? So they try doing this. So something's like, you say the things and then I'll say the date. So they try doing it. God bless them. You know, they've got like a whole line of people, pale people standing up there like, and then you've just got Lou and like, oh,

welcome to the gay train of Benton. Welcome to the Benton Follies held at the Elizabeth Berkeley Center of the Fine Arts. Please come to our show. Welcome to the Natalie Portman of the only theatre held by a straight person. Doesn't that sound fun? Here at the Ray Fines Theater of large theaters, we'll be having a Folly as for Benton. At the Meredith Baxter Bernie Center Valley, the mayor winning him,

forming our center of Benton Illinois, welcomes you to the Benton Follies. So then they get their video done. So next, they're all dressed up to go out. Right. So now Lee is in like some pink hat. They're all dry. Now, now's where we see Sony who looks all coped out.

I said that before because I thought it was the going out scene. We really have turned this into a five hour show for no reason. But now's the time where they're going out. So now Sun is like, yeah. Oh, Sonia Rita, before we go out, you want to have a glass of foeze by Lewando LaSeps? Come on, wow. Wow, Sun, your room is just getting worse every time I step into it. It's terrible.

And she goes, oh, but look at these baskets he gave me. They're so amazing. And she's got a basket with so much fruit in it. And the bananas are already brown and like, that flies. You never's already flies on like in that room. Watch the dildo. All right.

Keep the dildo safe. Get some baggies. Seriously. Well, let's go check out downtown Benton. Is there even such a down, is there really even a downtown in this place? Well, let's go see if it exists. Is there an up down? I mean, it's kind of an oxymoron, am I right? So they pile into the truck. I said, oh, I love this thing. Now is the, as my fellow contemporary singer, Pink says, let's get this party started

All right, let's go to the barn bar six minutes away. I'm freezing, so you read her so Sunya's not paying attention She's just like okay. There's a street called oak street Like up to her face her phone and you hear a ride and the navigation goes turn left on main street Okay, you're gonna go up up to Oak Street, Lou. Go up to Oak Street. She's like, what? Oak, what? Oak Street. You want to make that?

Try that. What does that say? What does that sign say? Well, I didn't look at it. You didn't tell me to look at it and tell me. What are you so fast? So they get there and Luanne's like, where are the keys? And so he goes, where do we pay for Valle?

Suck it in. Well, I'm pretty sure they don't have Valle here, Sonia. So they walk in, like, hello small people at this town. We're here, we've arrived. Hello boys. Sonia actually spins into the bar. She walks and she's just, whoa, which she does like a twirl.

Here, celebrities. Yeah, she throws open the door and spins in and like stumbling already into the door. And so she's like, so, boys, is this the local watering hole? A watering hole? How many watering holes are there? How many holes need watering besides mine?

Am I right, boys? Put something in me. So the man's like, wow, look at the ceiling. There's a lot of underwear up there. It's like, it's just staring at Sonya's floor, but it's a ceiling instead. Yeah, there's just boxer staple gun to the ceiling. And then there's a weird old dude with a really hairy chest and a really long braided beard comes out and he's like, hey, see the latest. His shirt is fully open, by the way. He's just bare-chested with a shirt open. And suddenly goes,

oh, coming in hot, coming in hot, watch out, coming in hot. I'm Kevin. She says, wow, you have a very firm end, say, Kevin. Here he goes. Yeah, Yeah well I'm a farm boy and he like pats the wands on the shoulder like this and the way I go. She's horrified. And she like grabs her shoulder and then she like wipes it like oh my god. Farmer touched shoulder.

Farmer touched shoulder. Pull the alarm. So she grabs his goatee braid and starts leading him around by the beard. And Sonya's like, wow, I guess I can just go longer without sex than the wind. I mean, now having said that, it has been a long time already. So we'll see. When the wind grabs the guys goatee, she goes, wow, this is like a real goat tea. I'm putting that in the show. Put that next capillar, show not in the follies. We're not burning this and no mother fucking follies.

This is going in capillar and friends. So he goes, ah, ah, ah. Oh, that was a beautiful note that you just hit there. Let me do it too. Boah. Those would be, am I right? So a lady comes up and she's like, Oh, the underwear on the ceiling are bartender souvenirs. And she's

holding a black baby doll that's in a baby be born. What the hell was that about? I did not notice that. So maybe is this what is this show? That's a lot of souvenirs. So Kevin goes, well guess what? They'll never got mine because I don't wear any and I never will. We're like, oh, so you don't wear underwear? Is that what you're saying?

He goes, oh, what? I'm with you on that one, goat man. So they're hugging fans and stuff and then they sit with a couple of people. It's like a lady in the guy, right? And there's this guy named Billy He's like, hello ladies, I'm Bella and she's like, oh Billy, where are you from Billy? And he's like Napoleon Villouisiana from the swap people Yeah, and she's like, oh wow, what's your last name is Richard? Oh, that's French Le Wann Le Wann this poor person here

He's like, I'm in from the town with a weekend house and we're gonna do some mountain tomorrow. Tarops, I'm feeling so sick. He's got that really, really thick accent. Obviously I can't deal. I know, I wasn't gonna say anything. I was terrible. Yeah, I'm not even trying. I just wanted to do something because Billy, wow, it a character. His, yeah, like Louisiana accent is really hard.

It's so hard. It's so hard of Laxile, but it's so hard of like, yeah, it's like a lot of wall, wall sound. We stand up with family, friendage walked, like she moved to after Katrina she would talk to me like, what? I just think of running for big brother. Yeah, and I never could do any either back in the back.

Yeah, Louisiana X. It's what you sort of want to go like that, but it's not like Louisiana X. Well, I don't know. So he's like, he's like, yeah, we're going to go mud in tomorrow. And Louis, I are like, what is mudding? Can that be put in the follies? Can you fuck it? There's something in the bud that you can fuck potentially a harp or a fireman. So, Tony Rita, what about mudding? Oh, sorry, so he's too busy adjusting your dress because

so he is. She's like, I'm just gonna forget of business and she has, oh actually, I was just adjusting his view. It's my boobs, baby. Because this guy, Billy, seems pretty solid. I mean, he seems confident. He's not going to get my space. He's acting kind of standoff. She actually seems semi-repost to see us. But, you know, he's sort of, he's like, hey, you see me?

Because I'm trying to hide from you. And I'm like, I see you. I love it. He's silent but deadly sure sounds like a fart and Billy's like well Maybe I'll leave something here then for the for the bar and Sony is like oh If you take that shirt up, I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna say yeah, I'll mudge you right here. So he takes off his shirt like, yeah, I'll mudge you right here. So he takes off his shirt and so on you. Like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, is this a gay? I'm fighting gay people. Gay people with a straight supposed to be in straight people with a gauge. Supposed to be. I'm out of this town. Thank God Durinda's not here. Am I right?

Who's Richard? He goes, oh, it's Rechart. He goes, oh, French. I know French. Hmm. I'm like, dude, why is that your name? You've got so many names in Richard tattooed on your back. She was so disgusted, Richard. Well, if this is what Benton Life is like, and this is where we're gonna meet the boys,

then oh my God, what have I gotten myself into? This is not happening in New York, that's for sure. Oh, please, like, buty was any better than this with Harry Dubin rolling around and is very Tom, like seriously. This place look great. I wanna go this bar. It's like making out with a year-end old Tom It's like making out the petry dish give me a fucking break You but your standards are already rock bottom, okay?

And so like if that guy if this go-t guy had money you'd be all over that in two seconds And he's like pulling down his shorts showing off his butt tattoos to because he's a camera horror no matter where you are There will be camera horrors. And that's the guy, the go-toe guy. So then, um, Lou Ann's like, well, Ben's charming. The people are cool and authentic and different than what I'm used to. And I'm going to get lucky here, but I've got to be more selective. Wow.

Wait, more selective than the guy who doesn't wear underwear and is bare-chested and has like a long, crazy go-toe. more selective than the guy doesn't wear underwear and is bear-chested and has like a long crazy go to more sludge or than that? More selective than Sonia because Sonia leaves with Rishard, right? And she's like, Billy, let's go. I'm riding back with you. Who I love your truck. That's bigger than Luz. Hmm, don't tell her that. So she likes to swing the biggest dick in town. What about you, Billy? And he's like, oh yeah. She runs off the bone belly at the biggest thick and down. What about you, Billy? And he's like, oh yeah. I know. And she runs off the bone belly at the end of the show. She goes, hello, what it say is,

the horse is out of the barn. He's like, I don't know what that is, but I know I'm gonna get some pussy tonight. So let's go. Oh my God. Oh my God, I was cracking up. I was like, okay, I get it. I'm so glad. Well, obviously I was going to stick around

for the second episode, but I'm so glad I didn't just judge it by the first episode, which again was fine, but the second episode, I was like, oh, this is a funny show. Yeah, that's a good one. All right, everybody. Well, thank you so much for being with us. We will be back, I don't know, whenever.

We're here all the time, like literally come back in five minutes. We'll be back with some more. We're gonna, we're here all the time, like literally all the time in five minutes, we'll be back with some more. We're gonna recap of the third episode of this show coming up. Yeah, if you want videos, crap and so on to Mantle and Patreon, also our bonus episodes, go check out our Amazon Prime

bonus that was so much fun. Thank you for being here, we will talk to you, guess what, my hands might even on the button to end this shit. So here I go, we're gonna talk to you next time. Do it. Bye. Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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